Completely agree with the work scenario and not wanting to feel like a "burden" or a "squeaky wheel". We deserve certain accommodations, but having to ask for them specifically, makes it feel like I'm requesting special treatment? I suppose I am... but I imagine it feels like a person who uses a wheelchair having to request a ramp for the entrance at work? It's something that should have already been in place? Enjoyed the video, as always... and look forward to checking out the channel you recommended. Thanks again!
Wow! You get it for sure! And I can't wait to listen to some of your music! This was so relatable. Thank you! I feel this guilt about my adult sons, especially with only just being diagnosed (at 60) and their recently sharing how I hurt them in some ways growing up. And now, grandchildren, and how I am disappointing or hurting them about being a grandmom. OUCH. I feel like I am giving everything I have, but it isn't enough for them. They don't understand. I ask for forgiveness, but I feel I am being seen differently. And, just today, I made a mistake, and now I am being cut off by someone. I can't not be autistic! And, as you said, I really like who I am, communication, social, and sensory differences and all. But I am bound to have social, communication, and sensory issues! So that cut-off really hurts... but what can I do. I must admit, I said something fiesty back, and that only fueled the fire... Yes, above and beyond because of the guilt... The guilt gift. I laughed out loud at that. I totally do that... I can't do the friend thing easily, either. I like to walk with a friend, but just hanging out and small talking? What is the point of that? I am facing the "we are all family" comments too. Another Ouch. YES, IT MADE SENSE! Thank you! I know it has been a while since you made this video, but it is still giving support, and I wanted you to know!
I am 72 year old female Aspie......most days I make no excuses for who I am. It took me soooooooo long to get here. It feels so good! To just say, "No, I have other plans"...."No, I would not be comfortable with doing that"....No to many things. But, yes to many more. Yes, to being a creative, compassionate, loving child of God! He made me the way I am. I try to embrace my unique, God given talents and strengths.
It is a good feeling when you take control for yourself. I think the key is in knowing you aren't being purposefully detrimental or hurtful by making sure you're alright first.
I had a job where I would come in at 7:30 am every morning & make sure I never left till 5:30-6pm Every Evening. (At the time I had No Idea I was Autistic - I just wanted to 'Prove My Worth' to the Company. Then things went a bit South for the Co & they had to 'let someone go'. One of my Co-workers 'Gary' who had less Experience than me, and would routinely come in late every day, and 'Go outside for a Smoke every 20 min' Etc Etc was the obvious Choice. But instead it was ME that the Boss decided to Let Go. When I questioned his judgment & mentioned about Gary - this was his Response "Oh Umm Yeah, No We COULDNT POSSIBLY let go Gary... He's the one that fixes the Printer every time its sh*ts itself. Oh, Yes and was the one that put up the Poster in the lunchroom or that little kitten clinging to the tree branch that says 'Hang in There Team!". "You see Erik, Gary's a 'Team Player'. You're NOT. 😮💨
So many times I have swept similar wrongs and feelings of hurt under the carpet, saying to myself that everyone has the same experience and does not collapse from it. But the truth is that as time went on and I got older, I found out that people who 'can socialize better' probably don't experience the same things. So I feel you, mate!
Thank you Paul for your videos. I’m 39 and I was diagnosed in March this year and I’ve been struggling to find info on autism that helps me make sense of who I am and why I am the way I am with everyone. I was a best man 12 years ago and I what a shit show that was and now I don’t speak to this mate anymore because I struggled to do a speech, even thinking about it now still makes me feel sick and guilty that I fucked it up.
No problem Mark. I know what you mean, we never want to let people down, even if we know it may have detremental effect. One of the joys of age is that I won't do a lot of things that I would have done 12 years ago for example. I'm sure looking back, you can see you could have addressed it differently...at the same time, a good friend would listen too. Unfortunately we can't change what we've been through, we can only look forward to not repeat it. Don't feel guilty, you tried!
Clickin through the channel, got diagnosed a week ago. I really like the description of the struggles, it makes me feel like im not totally disconnected or dishonest all these times i've been told i was hurting people on pirpose
Haha, I've done the disappearing toilet trick far too often. Nipping to the loo and then just leaving...the await the message wondering where I got to!
I have taken a lot of stick from extended family for not attending funerals and weddings. They just don't understand. I simply cannot do it. Its too overwhelming and exhausting. Yes, i can relate to the guilt but you have to take care of yourself.
I let my manager know I have autism and she does not take it into consideration.. she implied I am not a "mature adult" and said I don't seem to be able to get "simple concepts". I am getting so fed up. Most of the time my guilt stems from having to ask my coworkers to go into the kitchen area for me to get me things because it is far too loud in there for me. Or it may stem from not being able to pick up a shift off the cuff because the sudden change in schedule is very overwhelming for me. Things like that. Otherwise I honestly feel more abused than anything else.
You are being abused. That manager needs to go back to manager school. Human resources is there to help you. That is what they are for - not just making sure people fill out paperwork. If you are still at that job - if not you may run into this in any work but the lesson is to speak up for what you need. If it is having a small fridge or kettle in a closet or near your desk instead of the kitchen - ask. If it is common courtesy around planning - this is reasonable. Please know you are worthy - they should treat everyone with the care that is needed. We aren't robots. Please don't fall into the idea that your needs are unreasonable or too much effort. Often a small adjustment solves the issue and also makes it easier on other employees.
The soccer story reminds me of how I justify getting massages when I travel. What would be weirder as a single 53 year old man, going to Disney World by myself, or getting massages when I travel. Never mind being autistic, being single is hard enough and adds a creepy factor all on its own. There aren't a lot of activities single men can by ourselves and not look suspicious.
Very true. And massages are fantastic, especially when your body is as broken as mine!! You'll have to forgive me with Disney World, I've never seen the appeal as I'm not a Disney fan, so unknown to me why adults want to go.
Truly horrifying and bizarre that parents would not accept a child's autism. For one they should love you for what you are, and secondly they literally created you and should take responsibility for your whole makeup.
True. The biggest problem is that it is viewed negatively, which is created by all the nonsense out there. So the child's upbringing is already disadvantaged by believing Autism is 'less than'.
I'm a femaile on the autism spectrum and I identify with everything you are saying in your videos. I can't do them either, and I suffer with the guilt also and the need to compensate others because I can't do these things. I have ended up with no friends, not because I do not like people, but because the commitment would be much too difficult and anxiety provoking to navigate. Also, I'm not sure many people have really wanted to be my friend either 😁
Once again, can relate to each category! Though I'm only just realizing what an issue big gatherings (like a meal with lots of people) are for me. I've always forced myself through it in the past and though it hasn't always been too terrible, it's been so much anxiety leading up to it and then lots of exhaustion and sensory hell to recover from afterwards. I just don't enjoy big gatherings and I guess that's okay 🤷🏻♀️ Listening to you gets rid of all my imposter syndrome, you're basically the male version of me in so many ways!!! I'll definitely check out this other channel you've linked too 😊 100% YES to the kids thing 😂 Everyone around my age either has them or is popping them out, it's a spoke in the wheel of any friendship for me too 🙈 I know I've agreed with you on weddings and kids in the past and it's so true, they make me so uncomfortable! The best I can cope with is my 10 year old sister, but she is genuinely sweet and conscientious and she's just old enough to not be too insufferable 🤣 and she washes her hands 😂 I have the guilt of having to flat out refuse to babysit my littlest sister, 5 years old. That's a no from me 🤓 But yeah the guilt is pretty constant. I'm amazed my mom still asks me to. I don't think she understands that it's a permanent no until she's at least 9 🤷🏻♀️ My friend who's got a 6 month old recently asked me to be a bridesmaid. I, riddled with guilt, had to decline. She asked me just to be a guest, I also had to decline. I can't do weddings either! Funnily enough, I said to this friend earlier today "I'm the living embodiment of guilt" because she made the effort to get me an Easter present and drop it outside mine. She didn't expect me to go to the door, she's put loads of thought into it as always and here I am being avoidant of ALL my friends because of my autism (and other issues too). I told her I seriously don't deserve it and I hate when I can't/haven't reciprocated, it's a difficult one. I'm extremely grateful and I made that clear, but it's a few difficult emotions, most of all being guilt. YEY thankyou for the adorable video of George!!! 😍💖 I'm having a pretty awful time atm and it made me smile 🥰 especially as he's such a beautiful smiley boyo 😁 what a sweetheart 💓 It made me laugh when you said "He's becoming a man. I mean, he's still a dog" 🤣 Also, a wise pause between "master" and "baker" 🤣 The social pressure is the biggest cause of guilt imo, people not understanding why it's just not doable or just not worth your spoons. Your gift for your aunt sounds brilliant! Your workplace definitely failed you and it's completely their loss. I'm sure this might make me sound a bit full of it, but you seem a lot happier in this video 🙂 Just a little bit more well rested and motivated. I hope that's the case and that you're feeling better 😊 Anyway, I agree with the lot as always and it's so good to see you and hear you've made a new song too 🙂 It was wonderful to see George 😍 give him lots of kisses and cuddles for me 😁 (sorry, doggos are my weakness 🤣💙) Look after yourself Paul, keep smiling 😊
Yep, we definitely sound like we were made by the same mad scientist. Although well done for entertaining small humans from the age of 9, very brave of you!! I've no idea why I chose a Baker...or why he had to be a master in his craft, by my mind doesn't have the filter until the words are flying out my face...I'm glad I paused too 😂 I am happier as with each passing day, the more I know I made the correct decision to leave. Might sound weird but I feel proud of myself for putting my wellbeing first. Something others can do so easily, but for me it's near impossible, so I'm happy with my decision. Your friend sounds like a top banana. I'll let my friends know they are falling behind 😂 And if George could read, he'd be loving the compliments...even if he is a poo eating, pee licking scruff. I'd better go down and see him, the lazy bones will be stirring now 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism The same mad scientist 🤣 Agreed! I've also been someone who doesn't filter the words that come flying out my face haha, thinking everyone's gonna get my sense of humour or not think I'm being sarcastic/rude 🤦🏻♀️ Nowadays human interactions are so difficult because I scrutinise absolutely everything I say and do. It takes allll my spoons 🤯 They say hindsight is 20/20! (If that's how that's written 🤣), you can look back and see all the truly toxic and flawed work practices and maybe even see more than what you saw when you were in it. So you absolutely should feel so proud for putting your wellbeing first! I know how incredibly difficult that can be, I feel like I've spent my life being gaslit to death (something else I think a lot of autistic people have experience of, might be a good video topic 🤓🤷🏻♀️). It can be impossible to meet your own needs when you can see that your needs may be more/more specific to seemingly everyone else's. Good on you for seeing it for what it was and putting you first! Lmao oh George 🤣 It is unfortunate when your dog feels the need to eat poop 😭🤣 it means you can't accept their kisses! I wonder if Dexter sees George's 'cleaning' as room service 🤔😄 I had a gander at Alexander Blake's channel, he has a new subscriber in me 😁 I wish I had the confidence to make content on TH-cam, I've clearly got lots to say 🤣 Looking forward to any/all your future content though Paul, have yourself an amazing day 😊
My lack of filter is the reason it takes me 30 attempts to do a video. The amount if retakes I have ti do because I say something to me is normal, and just saying it as it is, I know will trigger people, and I can't be bothered defending myself over someone else's thought process. Not having a go, but people like to tell you what they don't like about you these days rather than walking away. Funnily enough, I was looking at Gaslighting as a topic...but ironically the gaslighting Autistic people do to other Autistic people. But maybe I'll split the topics and give personal examples from my life. I'm glad you've given Alexander a sub, he's a good egg 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism That's totally valid, my friend! I know full well I'd do the same, if only because of my anxiety and constant worry of 'getting it wrong', a lot of my energy would go into making videos that I'm not terrified to put out 🙈 There is usually someone just waiting to try and undermine you, you're right. It's a shame. I know I for one would love that! I don't think there's such thing as too many videos on gaslighting, it's such an insidious and covert form of abuse, whether the person doing the gaslighting is doing so intentionally or not, it's so damaging. Death by a thousand paper cuts!
I am seen as a cold person. But just remember, people can talk to you to try to understand what they don't understand about you. It shouldn't always be on us to carry all the guilt.
@@AdultwithAutism agreed! I remember this one girl in high school started chatting to me, like me and finally told me that I used to scare her (I guess because of my ''resting bitch face,'' ha), but yah, we'd been in school together for like 12 years up until then. Shame how some people stop at face value.
My usual note is people say 'I thought you were really weird when I first met you', like because times passed for them, that it isn't a hurtful comment.
These videos are such a fluid way of addressing the basic needs of those on the spectrum. You're explaining real life events and asking for minimal adaptations. However, also explaining the consequences. Such great autism awareness here. I really think you should be creating videos for autism employment programs/businesses across the country to showcase the realities of autism in the workplace! But yet again going above and beyond...................
Hi Alexander. Much appreciate the positive feedback. I'd be more than happy to do that line of work, but unfortunately for us, the appetite from Employers just isn't there.
Another great one Paul. Yes I carry the guilt around for those very reasons. I was in a wedding once as a friend asked me. It was tough and I left just as the reception started. Still feel bad about that one! George looks amazing, though maybe a little TMI regarding the chocolate treats in the litter box🤣. Just saying. I try hard to pass through the guilt as it is not healthy but alas it still comes. Hopefully your friend will understand.
Haha, George wants me to share...he's proud 😂 I just have to remind myself that I'm not a bad person for looking after my wellbeing first. I cannot pour from an empty cup, and should never be expected to 👍🏻
Thank you Paul for again being so open and honest with your experiences , thank you for including video of little George , i love your channel, krrp up the fantastic work
Sometimes having a pet is an excellent excuse for not going to events. Downside, as I've unfortunately found out, is that I have unconditional love for animals and have gone increasingly insane with the death of each one. I'll never have another pet again. Meanwhile my mother dies and I'm like 🤷♀
Your statement about stressing over the dinner for months is how I experience scheduled events and it reminded me of a random guilt based thought that I sometimes ruminate on. I have a very large Italian family on both sides of my parents with a lot of aunts, uncles and cousins. They're all super close and are always doing things together. I rarely see them and they make zero effort to connect, which is fine and honestly makes my life easier. At this point though they're basically strangers that I have a connection to through early life experiences that were forced upon me. Anyway, sometimes in the shower my mind wanders and I stress out thinking about the inevitable future dates that people die and I have to call their large families to give condolences. I wish I could just send a message or wait to see them in person since I find face-to-face to be easier than a phone call, but the idea of not immediately calling or to just send a message feels shameful and cold. I went through this a couple years ago when an aunt died and it was very uncomfortable and draining making the calls to people I don't talk to. Felt very performative and I only did it out of guilt. Conversely I don't want people to call me when my parents die lol. But if course I'll most likely be answering and pretending to be a normal adult for their comfort. Ok that is all. Thank you for recording this and sharing.
I understand the funeral issue. My mind has that too. As much as I can avoid the life events, something in me needs to pay respects...but that's all I want to do. No event afterwards etc. I'm doing a video on it in the future.
@@dessaarnold7540 right? I was going to say - send a card. Write a short note about the person or just a "I know you will miss them, I'm sorry for your loss". GAH - don't call, they are inundated, tired, and due to grief may not even remember who called. Send a card.
Funerals is the only one I can do. I think the only reason they're different, is people tend to be more true to themselves and humble over the shared reason we are there. The less fake people present, the easier it is. Thankfully they don't come around often when you don't know many people!
Agreed about not having many funeral obligations when you have a small circle; but, if someone is genuinely in my circle, I will make the effort to support them when they lose a key person in their life. Also, naturally, I will want to pay my respects and “send them off” if they are one of my few key people...but it is a supreme effort for many reasons, and I pay an unseen price leading up to the service, and afterwards. That said, just yesterday my sister was telling me (she is one of very few that I talk to on the phone, both because she regularly checks on my reclusive self and because she needs a “sounding board” and trusts me) about a wake and funeral that she had attended yesterday and the day before. I spent the majority of our time on the phone suppressing the urge to question why she had even gone, and holding my tongue to avoid offending her with my opinion about what she was relating. I know for a fact that she has had no friendship, or even maintained an acquaintanceship since high school (sister is in her mid-50’s) with the guy whose mother had passed. From the way she related the experience over the two days, it sounded to me as if many of the people who attended knew about it from FB and saw it as an opportunity for an impromptu high school reunion??? Everything that she related made me feel baffled as to why she and the former classmates who interacted with her had even gone, and sick at the disrespect towards those experiencing genuine grief. I truly don’t understand
Always hated weddings myself as someone on the spectrum. Like a few times I’ve been hypothetically dragged by my hair to family weddings, but when I’m being friendly and respectful to everyone around me, my mom always got mad at me, dragged me outside, and chastised me for not behaving like she was expecting me to. It’s not like I was doing or saying anything to upset anyone, she mostly acts like she’s embarrassed around me which sounds narcissistic and hurtful to me.
Oh look at George!!! Nice. Yes the guilt is such a weight carried with each unmet expectation or invitation and have dropped a ridiculous amount of dough and just extra extra steps trying to make up for not being able to just be in relationship. Anything on the calendar creates so much anxiety on the lead up it just robs the joy. I’m so thankful you have a couple of good friends who will break away for you ❤️❤️❤️. Great vid
Thanks Karen. You're right, anything on the calendar...no matter how simple for others, and no matter if the event is good or bad, the process is still the same. Anxiety, overthinking, worst case scenarios etc. By the time it gets here, I've been a thousand times already mentally so I'm already exhausted!
When it comes to volunteering i have a 5 second rule. Though I'm thinking of making it longer. Wait 5 and then answer. The guilt really resonates in me.
When you were talking about your job and how your boss started going to other people instead of you, who has so much experience - my husband has an ongoing problem with this. His big bureaucratic company moves people around so he has been through - so many - "team leaders" . Sometimes they are great - they recognize people's strengths and listen to ideas - and others are not so great - they pick favorites or don't pay attention to the details of the team and let themselves be influenced by loud people (who often know very little about the work). His current "leader" is of the second variety and it is so frustrating that sometimes he just wants to retire or get a different job. He has held several positions and he studies this from all aspects. This is his special interest - how this process is best planned and implemented - but he has no interest in being a manager. Each new manager has to learn each team member. It can be very frustrating. If he retires next year I am going to New Zealand ASAP. (travel is hard and tiring, but also very interesting and exciting - a conundrum)
Hi Paul, You took me back to a time when I was a child and my parents were members of the local village twinning and we would have a French family stay with us for a week, of course I did not know that I was on the spectrum at this time and I would dread this week of hosting as they could not speak English and my French speaking is limited to Bonjour and Merci, and as yourself and others on the spectrum well understand is that our communication skills can be diabolical at the best of time’s. That week would feel like a year to me, and I won’t even talk about the time’s we would visit the family in France as that was a whole new ball game of unfamiliar food and having to sit at the table from 6 in the evening until gone midnight having to eat many courses of food that just made me want to gag while trying to figure out what was being said,being an adult has it’s downfalls but at least we can choose where we go and who we go with 😂
Sounds...fun? So that's what it means when you twin with another place! Although there is no chance I'm hosting anyone, I don't even host myself! It does sound like a chore though, at least you can avoid it now...if only we could erase the memories too 😂
I finally went to listen to your song bones. Oh my God. Paul. Instant sadness. Really touched me to the core. I LOVE it. Is there any way these songs can be added to Spotify? I want them on my favorite playlist!
I am so happy to hear that there will be a new song! Not trying to be sassy, just curious, at what age do you reckon kids stop being annoying kids? Overcompensating by giving gifts is so normal for me, but at least I am generous and the gifts are always sincere.
hey, I’m a new subscriber. just found your channel last night when I his supposed to be winding down for the night lol. can totally relate to all the guilt felt in this video. in terms of the workplace thing, I am very familiar with asking for accommodations because I am blind, although asking for accommodations is never easy and I really don’t like how it’s always put on us, and makes us feel like the burden. I haven’t been diagnosed as autistic yet, still struggling with whether or not I want to try and pursue an adult diagnosis, but I am 99% sure that if I were to be diagnosed, it would come back that I am autistic. I work in a busy retail store, and actually told my manager the other day just offhandedly that I thought I might be autistic, because I was sharing with her about how I struggle with the sensory overload of the loud store, as well as having to smile and make small talk and be customer service all day. And her response was “ i’m not doubting you if you think you might be on the spectrum, but I bet if you could see and look around you you wouldn’t be so sensory overloaded because you would know where the noise is coming from. “Or something to that effect. People always just assume that because I am blind, that is the cause of everything. If I could see, I would see a bunch of people doing loud people things, and it wouldn’t make a lick of difference how I feel. I would still feel just as overloaded as I do now. She said she didn’t doubt me, but then she kind of did. I felt miss heard. In terms of the friends and family things, yes and yes! I don’t do kids either. Although, the funny thing is, when I was a kid myself, one of my special interests was definitely babies. I used to want nothing more than to be able to babysit! But no one ever let me. But when I did get to be around younger kids, I felt awkward and didn’t know how to relate, even though at the time I desperately wanted to. Now, I just have no patience for their loud screaming unpredictable nature. I will stick to collecting baby dolls! I like friends events that don’t involve kids, going out for a meal with just the adults, or going over to someone’s house who doesn’t have kids, but I don’t have a lot of friends. Thankfully the one I hang out with most often doesn’t have kids. Just wish I got to see her more. And as for family events, definitely awkward. I don’t know how to do the small talk thing. I feel like people just talk to me for five minutes and then move on, and I’m left sitting there. And none of the conversations are ever meaningful or interesting to me. It’s always how’s work? How’s your apartment? It’s like wow. Boring! Plus you have to deal with the extreme loudness of the restaurant, and the annoying bill splitting at the end, and just now. Or, worse, if it’s at someone’s house, or catered, you are not even in a neutral setting. So everyone just eats and then it’s like what now? Most people mingle and small talk, and I just feel so awkward and out of place. Weddings are very much like that too. My brothers wedding and one of my friends weddings come to mind. At my brothers wedding I drink way more than I ever have just to get through it. And it was a decent time after I had enough alcohol in me and didn’t care, but it should not have to come to that. My friends wedding was just awkward because I did it sober, and couldn’t wait for it to be over. So yes, all this to say that I completely feel you! And thanks for your very relatable videos!
Hi, glad you found the channel if it is relatable! It is an odd landscape for Autism when explaining points to others who don't have Autism, like your boss, as it is one of the only differences where they feel they can talk about it as if they understand it better or their opinion trumps facts...it's a weird thing. You were definitely misheard in that situation, not good at all. Maybe I will do a video on why I decided to not get married, but it'll pretty much sum this up! And no doubt I will offend many people who have, but putting myself through an uncomfortable day for others just makes no sense at all. Hope the videos carry on making sense if you decide to go through them.
My 48 year old daughter is on the autism spectrum. She frequently goes no contact with me....her mother. I know that I have not done anything offensive. I know it is just how her brain works. She needs lots of alone time. Just working and the tasks of daily living are exhausting for her. I get it! She has neglected her health so her no contact really scares me. It is so hard to have no contact. It makes my heart hurt so much.
I'm sure my mum feels similar as I go a long time without any contact too, and I know she would like a lot more...I just can't! I need a LOT of recharge time, and it's hard for some people to understand how that may manifest. It doesn't matter how placid, calm or safe an environment or interaction may be, during recharge time...everything is a no go. I need it, and because I do, others suffer for it. Its also really difficult to put that feeling into words for others to help too.
New subscriber? Why the hell...!?! I subscribed cause I find you autistic, ähm authentic. Fancied giving your songs a listen yesterday. And even those confirm my impression. I guess, I like "hold fire" the most, whereas I like each feeling they strongly resonate with me. Glad, you make music, too!
not into UK law but if yr mngr did only the formalities, you can go higher up, and if the boss don't adjust to your needs, than it is grey zone bordersome workplace pesting or neglecting disabilities / ergonomics in the work place; note the grey zone bordersome
I am better off away from there for now. It wasn't a healthy atmosphere regardless for me. They need to figure out what they want to do and treat their staff as people and not commodities.
✝️📖🛐🕊❣️ Psalm 139:14 says "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." Also read in the Bible 2 Timothy 3:16 and 2 Peter 1:20-21. Our life hear on the earth is temporary, we need to learn all about our existence and what we are supposed to be doing nomatter wherever you are at. Learn about The Lord Jesus Christ (John 14:6) that he is the way the truth and the life no man cometh onto the Father but by me. Also read. Hebrews 9:8-12. ❤️
I hate mail. I have no idea why somebody can pay someone else to walk onto my property and shove dead trees into a box that society thinks I have to maintain, and all of a sudden I have to read the mail, answer the mail, dispose of the mail. It's like the person next to you at the table putting the burden on your wallet when they have no right to.
I hate birthday cards for the same reason. Don't chop a tree down and send a bit of it to me wishing me a happy birthday when I'm trying to avoid the day all together. But I'm not allowed because others say I should celebrate!
I experience lots of difficulty as I'm late diagnosed on ASD in last year on 55yo and never got treated for social disorder, overthinking always, anxiety always, Im very loyal and honestly to all and people cant handle this truth and honesty and judge me as crazy woman, I say sorry because I feel they throw guilts on me.
"That autism might make him miss something" 🤣🤣 obviously they don't understand autism. Very common quality with autistic people is the inhuman attention to details in task that interest them.
I'd like to think it's that what makes me not too shabby at my work as I find things others haven't in the past 20 years. But instead of 'good catch', I get 'Why is it now a problem if its never been highlighted before?'
Im totally messed as when yu cant be bothered lifting yur fists as normal. P eople think were all artistic, i just cant be bothered with people who undermind me, itry and keep out of their way its a funny old life,😉😏😂🥹🥹🥹
Completely agree with the work scenario and not wanting to feel like a "burden" or a "squeaky wheel". We deserve certain accommodations, but having to ask for them specifically, makes it feel like I'm requesting special treatment? I suppose I am... but I imagine it feels like a person who uses a wheelchair having to request a ramp for the entrance at work? It's something that should have already been in place? Enjoyed the video, as always... and look forward to checking out the channel you recommended. Thanks again!
Thanks Nathan. I know the feeling. Shame we're made to feel like we're asking for the world, when really it's just an ounce of consideration.
Wow! You get it for sure! And I can't wait to listen to some of your music!
This was so relatable. Thank you! I feel this guilt about my adult sons, especially with only just being diagnosed (at 60) and their recently sharing how I hurt them in some ways growing up. And now, grandchildren, and how I am disappointing or hurting them about being a grandmom. OUCH. I feel like I am giving everything I have, but it isn't enough for them. They don't understand. I ask for forgiveness, but I feel I am being seen differently. And, just today, I made a mistake, and now I am being cut off by someone. I can't not be autistic! And, as you said, I really like who I am, communication, social, and sensory differences and all. But I am bound to have social, communication, and sensory issues! So that cut-off really hurts... but what can I do. I must admit, I said something fiesty back, and that only fueled the fire...
Yes, above and beyond because of the guilt... The guilt gift. I laughed out loud at that. I totally do that...
I can't do the friend thing easily, either. I like to walk with a friend, but just hanging out and small talking? What is the point of that?
I am facing the "we are all family" comments too. Another Ouch.
YES, IT MADE SENSE! Thank you! I know it has been a while since you made this video, but it is still giving support, and I wanted you to know!
I love you just after listening to you for 5 mins - you are so honest and raw - I love you for this
Appreciated 👍🏻
I am 72 year old female Aspie......most days I make no excuses for who I am. It took me soooooooo long to get here. It feels so good! To just say, "No, I have other plans"...."No, I would not be comfortable with doing that"....No to many things. But, yes to many more. Yes, to being a creative, compassionate, loving child of God! He made me the way I am. I try to embrace my unique, God given talents and strengths.
It is a good feeling when you take control for yourself. I think the key is in knowing you aren't being purposefully detrimental or hurtful by making sure you're alright first.
I had a job where I would come in at 7:30 am every morning & make sure I never left till 5:30-6pm Every Evening. (At the time I had No Idea I was Autistic - I just wanted to 'Prove My Worth' to the Company.
Then things went a bit South for the Co & they had to 'let someone go'. One of my Co-workers 'Gary' who had less Experience than me, and would routinely come in late every day, and 'Go outside for a Smoke every 20 min' Etc Etc was the obvious Choice.
But instead it was ME that the Boss decided to Let Go. When I questioned his judgment & mentioned about Gary - this was his Response "Oh Umm Yeah, No We COULDNT POSSIBLY let go Gary... He's the one that fixes the Printer every time its sh*ts itself. Oh, Yes and was the one that put up the Poster in the lunchroom or that little kitten clinging to the tree branch that says 'Hang in There Team!". "You see Erik, Gary's a 'Team Player'. You're NOT. 😮💨
So many times I have swept similar wrongs and feelings of hurt under the carpet, saying to myself that everyone has the same experience and does not collapse from it. But the truth is that as time went on and I got older, I found out that people who 'can socialize better' probably don't experience the same things. So I feel you, mate!
Thank you Paul for your videos. I’m 39 and I was diagnosed in March this year and I’ve been struggling to find info on autism that helps me make sense of who I am and why I am the way I am with everyone. I was a best man 12 years ago and I what a shit show that was and now I don’t speak to this mate anymore because I struggled to do a speech, even thinking about it now still makes me feel sick and guilty that I fucked it up.
No problem Mark.
I know what you mean, we never want to let people down, even if we know it may have detremental effect. One of the joys of age is that I won't do a lot of things that I would have done 12 years ago for example.
I'm sure looking back, you can see you could have addressed it differently...at the same time, a good friend would listen too. Unfortunately we can't change what we've been through, we can only look forward to not repeat it.
Don't feel guilty, you tried!
Clickin through the channel, got diagnosed a week ago. I really like the description of the struggles, it makes me feel like im not totally disconnected or dishonest all these times i've been told i was hurting people on pirpose
100% agree on the sneaking out. I get so anxious about greetings/farewells, I just wish we could wave and walk away lol
Haha, I've done the disappearing toilet trick far too often. Nipping to the loo and then just leaving...the await the message wondering where I got to!
I have taken a lot of stick from extended family for not attending funerals and weddings. They just don't understand. I simply cannot do it. Its too overwhelming and exhausting. Yes, i can relate to the guilt but you have to take care of yourself.
It's interesting how people want to have a go at you for what you and do not do...yet never take the time to ask 'why' you do and don't do things.
I let my manager know I have autism and she does not take it into consideration.. she implied I am not a "mature adult" and said I don't seem to be able to get "simple concepts".
I am getting so fed up. Most of the time my guilt stems from having to ask my coworkers to go into the kitchen area for me to get me things because it is far too loud in there for me. Or it may stem from not being able to pick up a shift off the cuff because the sudden change in schedule is very overwhelming for me. Things like that.
Otherwise I honestly feel more abused than anything else.
That's what it is. If people judge instead of learn, it is them who are the issue. Its an ignorant life to live. Don't beat yourself up over them 👍🏻
You are being abused. That manager needs to go back to manager school. Human resources is there to help you. That is what they are for - not just making sure people fill out paperwork.
If you are still at that job - if not you may run into this in any work but the lesson is to speak up for what you need. If it is having a small fridge or kettle in a closet or near your desk instead of the kitchen - ask. If it is common courtesy around planning - this is reasonable. Please know you are worthy - they should treat everyone with the care that is needed. We aren't robots. Please don't fall into the idea that your needs are unreasonable or too much effort. Often a small adjustment solves the issue and also makes it easier on other employees.
Just wearing my "mother is a cheerleader" hat, sorry if you don't want an old lady poking at you.
The soccer story reminds me of how I justify getting massages when I travel. What would be weirder as a single 53 year old man, going to Disney World by myself, or getting massages when I travel. Never mind being autistic, being single is hard enough and adds a creepy factor all on its own. There aren't a lot of activities single men can by ourselves and not look suspicious.
Very true. And massages are fantastic, especially when your body is as broken as mine!! You'll have to forgive me with Disney World, I've never seen the appeal as I'm not a Disney fan, so unknown to me why adults want to go.
Truly horrifying and bizarre that parents would not accept a child's autism. For one they should love you for what you are, and secondly they literally created you and should take responsibility for your whole makeup.
True. The biggest problem is that it is viewed negatively, which is created by all the nonsense out there. So the child's upbringing is already disadvantaged by believing Autism is 'less than'.
I'm a femaile on the autism spectrum and I identify with everything you are saying in your videos. I can't do them either, and I suffer with the guilt also and the need to compensate others because I can't do these things. I have ended up with no friends, not because I do not like people, but because the commitment would be much too difficult and anxiety provoking to navigate. Also, I'm not sure many people have really wanted to be my friend either 😁
I relate to that. I also always thought that I kept friends at arms length, not seeing them often. But I think that works for them too!
Once again, can relate to each category! Though I'm only just realizing what an issue big gatherings (like a meal with lots of people) are for me. I've always forced myself through it in the past and though it hasn't always been too terrible, it's been so much anxiety leading up to it and then lots of exhaustion and sensory hell to recover from afterwards. I just don't enjoy big gatherings and I guess that's okay 🤷🏻♀️
Listening to you gets rid of all my imposter syndrome, you're basically the male version of me in so many ways!!! I'll definitely check out this other channel you've linked too 😊
100% YES to the kids thing 😂 Everyone around my age either has them or is popping them out, it's a spoke in the wheel of any friendship for me too 🙈 I know I've agreed with you on weddings and kids in the past and it's so true, they make me so uncomfortable! The best I can cope with is my 10 year old sister, but she is genuinely sweet and conscientious and she's just old enough to not be too insufferable 🤣 and she washes her hands 😂
I have the guilt of having to flat out refuse to babysit my littlest sister, 5 years old. That's a no from me 🤓 But yeah the guilt is pretty constant. I'm amazed my mom still asks me to. I don't think she understands that it's a permanent no until she's at least 9 🤷🏻♀️
My friend who's got a 6 month old recently asked me to be a bridesmaid. I, riddled with guilt, had to decline. She asked me just to be a guest, I also had to decline. I can't do weddings either!
Funnily enough, I said to this friend earlier today "I'm the living embodiment of guilt" because she made the effort to get me an Easter present and drop it outside mine. She didn't expect me to go to the door, she's put loads of thought into it as always and here I am being avoidant of ALL my friends because of my autism (and other issues too). I told her I seriously don't deserve it and I hate when I can't/haven't reciprocated, it's a difficult one. I'm extremely grateful and I made that clear, but it's a few difficult emotions, most of all being guilt.
YEY thankyou for the adorable video of George!!! 😍💖 I'm having a pretty awful time atm and it made me smile 🥰 especially as he's such a beautiful smiley boyo 😁 what a sweetheart 💓 It made me laugh when you said "He's becoming a man. I mean, he's still a dog" 🤣 Also, a wise pause between "master" and "baker" 🤣
The social pressure is the biggest cause of guilt imo, people not understanding why it's just not doable or just not worth your spoons. Your gift for your aunt sounds brilliant!
Your workplace definitely failed you and it's completely their loss. I'm sure this might make me sound a bit full of it, but you seem a lot happier in this video 🙂 Just a little bit more well rested and motivated. I hope that's the case and that you're feeling better 😊
Anyway, I agree with the lot as always and it's so good to see you and hear you've made a new song too 🙂 It was wonderful to see George 😍 give him lots of kisses and cuddles for me 😁 (sorry, doggos are my weakness 🤣💙) Look after yourself Paul, keep smiling 😊
Yep, we definitely sound like we were made by the same mad scientist. Although well done for entertaining small humans from the age of 9, very brave of you!!
I've no idea why I chose a Baker...or why he had to be a master in his craft, by my mind doesn't have the filter until the words are flying out my face...I'm glad I paused too 😂
I am happier as with each passing day, the more I know I made the correct decision to leave. Might sound weird but I feel proud of myself for putting my wellbeing first. Something others can do so easily, but for me it's near impossible, so I'm happy with my decision.
Your friend sounds like a top banana. I'll let my friends know they are falling behind 😂
And if George could read, he'd be loving the compliments...even if he is a poo eating, pee licking scruff. I'd better go down and see him, the lazy bones will be stirring now 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism The same mad scientist 🤣 Agreed! I've also been someone who doesn't filter the words that come flying out my face haha, thinking everyone's gonna get my sense of humour or not think I'm being sarcastic/rude 🤦🏻♀️ Nowadays human interactions are so difficult because I scrutinise absolutely everything I say and do. It takes allll my spoons 🤯
They say hindsight is 20/20! (If that's how that's written 🤣), you can look back and see all the truly toxic and flawed work practices and maybe even see more than what you saw when you were in it. So you absolutely should feel so proud for putting your wellbeing first! I know how incredibly difficult that can be, I feel like I've spent my life being gaslit to death (something else I think a lot of autistic people have experience of, might be a good video topic 🤓🤷🏻♀️). It can be impossible to meet your own needs when you can see that your needs may be more/more specific to seemingly everyone else's. Good on you for seeing it for what it was and putting you first!
Lmao oh George 🤣 It is unfortunate when your dog feels the need to eat poop 😭🤣 it means you can't accept their kisses! I wonder if Dexter sees George's 'cleaning' as room service 🤔😄
I had a gander at Alexander Blake's channel, he has a new subscriber in me 😁 I wish I had the confidence to make content on TH-cam, I've clearly got lots to say 🤣 Looking forward to any/all your future content though Paul, have yourself an amazing day 😊
My lack of filter is the reason it takes me 30 attempts to do a video. The amount if retakes I have ti do because I say something to me is normal, and just saying it as it is, I know will trigger people, and I can't be bothered defending myself over someone else's thought process. Not having a go, but people like to tell you what they don't like about you these days rather than walking away.
Funnily enough, I was looking at Gaslighting as a topic...but ironically the gaslighting Autistic people do to other Autistic people. But maybe I'll split the topics and give personal examples from my life.
I'm glad you've given Alexander a sub, he's a good egg 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism That's totally valid, my friend! I know full well I'd do the same, if only because of my anxiety and constant worry of 'getting it wrong', a lot of my energy would go into making videos that I'm not terrified to put out 🙈 There is usually someone just waiting to try and undermine you, you're right. It's a shame.
I know I for one would love that! I don't think there's such thing as too many videos on gaslighting, it's such an insidious and covert form of abuse, whether the person doing the gaslighting is doing so intentionally or not, it's so damaging. Death by a thousand paper cuts!
Funnily enough I got a papercut today...even the one is a pain!
I feel guilt over not seeing my grandparents more before they died. Like my family sees me as a cold person.
Relate 100%
I am seen as a cold person. But just remember, people can talk to you to try to understand what they don't understand about you. It shouldn't always be on us to carry all the guilt.
@@AdultwithAutism agreed! I remember this one girl in high school started chatting to me, like me and finally told me that I used to scare her (I guess because of my ''resting bitch face,'' ha), but yah, we'd been in school together for like 12 years up until then. Shame how some people stop at face value.
My usual note is people say 'I thought you were really weird when I first met you', like because times passed for them, that it isn't a hurtful comment.
@@AdultwithAutism I totally agree! Great to keep in mind!! I often forget that. 🖤
These videos are such a fluid way of addressing the basic needs of those on the spectrum. You're explaining real life events and asking for minimal adaptations. However, also explaining the consequences. Such great autism awareness here. I really think you should be creating videos for autism employment programs/businesses across the country to showcase the realities of autism in the workplace! But yet again going above and beyond...................
Hi Alexander. Much appreciate the positive feedback. I'd be more than happy to do that line of work, but unfortunately for us, the appetite from Employers just isn't there.
Another great one Paul. Yes I carry the guilt around for those very reasons. I was in a wedding once as a friend asked me. It was tough and I left just as the reception started. Still feel bad about that one! George looks amazing, though maybe a little TMI regarding the chocolate treats in the litter box🤣. Just saying. I try hard to pass through the guilt as it is not healthy but alas it still comes. Hopefully your friend will understand.
Haha, George wants me to share...he's proud 😂
I just have to remind myself that I'm not a bad person for looking after my wellbeing first. I cannot pour from an empty cup, and should never be expected to 👍🏻
Thank you Paul for again being so open and honest with your experiences , thank you for including video of little George , i love your channel, krrp up the fantastic work
Thanks Gemma, always appreciate your positive feedback 👍🏻
Sometimes having a pet is an excellent excuse for not going to events. Downside, as I've unfortunately found out, is that I have unconditional love for animals and have gone increasingly insane with the death of each one. I'll never have another pet again.
Meanwhile my mother dies and I'm like 🤷♀
Ah, I know the pain of an animal loss all too well, and you're right, it does batter you more each time!
It’s the same for me❤😢
Your statement about stressing over the dinner for months is how I experience scheduled events and it reminded me of a random guilt based thought that I sometimes ruminate on. I have a very large Italian family on both sides of my parents with a lot of aunts, uncles and cousins. They're all super close and are always doing things together. I rarely see them and they make zero effort to connect, which is fine and honestly makes my life easier. At this point though they're basically strangers that I have a connection to through early life experiences that were forced upon me.
Anyway, sometimes in the shower my mind wanders and I stress out thinking about the inevitable future dates that people die and I have to call their large families to give condolences. I wish I could just send a message or wait to see them in person since I find face-to-face to be easier than a phone call, but the idea of not immediately calling or to just send a message feels shameful and cold. I went through this a couple years ago when an aunt died and it was very uncomfortable and draining making the calls to people I don't talk to. Felt very performative and I only did it out of guilt. Conversely I don't want people to call me when my parents die lol. But if course I'll most likely be answering and pretending to be a normal adult for their comfort.
Ok that is all. Thank you for recording this and sharing.
I understand the funeral issue. My mind has that too. As much as I can avoid the life events, something in me needs to pay respects...but that's all I want to do. No event afterwards etc. I'm doing a video on it in the future.
Is it possible to send flowers and condolences?
@@dessaarnold7540 right? I was going to say - send a card. Write a short note about the person or just a "I know you will miss them, I'm sorry for your loss". GAH - don't call, they are inundated, tired, and due to grief may not even remember who called. Send a card.
I am 72 year old female on the autism spectrum.
I can't do weddings.
I can't do funerals.
I can't.
Funerals is the only one I can do. I think the only reason they're different, is people tend to be more true to themselves and humble over the shared reason we are there. The less fake people present, the easier it is. Thankfully they don't come around often when you don't know many people!
@@AdultwithAutism It is the intense emotion that overwhelms me....and all the physical contact....hugs and kisses.
I understand that part definitely. I guess that would be more of an issue the closer someone is to you who passes.
Agreed about not having many funeral obligations when you have a small circle; but, if someone is genuinely in my circle, I will make the effort to support them when they lose a key person in their life. Also, naturally, I will want to pay my respects and “send them off” if they are one of my few key people...but it is a supreme effort for many reasons, and I pay an unseen price leading up to the service, and afterwards.
That said, just yesterday my sister was telling me (she is one of very few that I talk to on the phone, both because she regularly checks on my reclusive self and because she needs a “sounding board” and trusts me) about a wake and funeral that she had attended yesterday and the day before.
I spent the majority of our time on the phone suppressing the urge to question why she had even gone, and holding my tongue to avoid offending her with my opinion about what she was relating. I know for a fact that she has had no friendship, or even maintained an acquaintanceship since high school (sister is in her mid-50’s) with the guy whose mother had passed. From the way she related the experience over the two days, it sounded to me as if many of the people who attended knew about it from FB and saw it as an opportunity for an impromptu high school reunion???
Everything that she related made me feel baffled as to why she and the former classmates who interacted with her had even gone, and sick at the disrespect towards those experiencing genuine grief. I truly don’t understand
Always hated weddings myself as someone on the spectrum. Like a few times I’ve been hypothetically dragged by my hair to family weddings, but when I’m being friendly and respectful to everyone around me, my mom always got mad at me, dragged me outside, and chastised me for not behaving like she was expecting me to. It’s not like I was doing or saying anything to upset anyone, she mostly acts like she’s embarrassed around me which sounds narcissistic and hurtful to me.
Oh look at George!!! Nice. Yes the guilt is such a weight carried with each unmet expectation or invitation and have dropped a ridiculous amount of dough and just extra extra steps trying to make up for not being able to just be in relationship. Anything on the calendar creates so much anxiety on the lead up it just robs the joy. I’m so thankful you have a couple of good friends who will break away for you ❤️❤️❤️. Great vid
Thanks Karen. You're right, anything on the calendar...no matter how simple for others, and no matter if the event is good or bad, the process is still the same. Anxiety, overthinking, worst case scenarios etc. By the time it gets here, I've been a thousand times already mentally so I'm already exhausted!
Thanks!
When it comes to volunteering i have a 5 second rule. Though I'm thinking of making it longer. Wait 5 and then answer.
The guilt really resonates in me.
I am getting better, but it still sits there I have to admit 👍🏼
When you were talking about your job and how your boss started going to other people instead of you, who has so much experience - my husband has an ongoing problem with this. His big bureaucratic company moves people around so he has been through - so many - "team leaders" . Sometimes they are great - they recognize people's strengths and listen to ideas - and others are not so great - they pick favorites or don't pay attention to the details of the team and let themselves be influenced by loud people (who often know very little about the work). His current "leader" is of the second variety and it is so frustrating that sometimes he just wants to retire or get a different job. He has held several positions and he studies this from all aspects. This is his special interest - how this process is best planned and implemented - but he has no interest in being a manager. Each new manager has to learn each team member. It can be very frustrating.
If he retires next year I am going to New Zealand ASAP. (travel is hard and tiring, but also very interesting and exciting - a conundrum)
Hi Paul,
You took me back to a time when I was a child and my parents were members of the local village twinning and we would have a French family stay with us for a week, of course I did not know that I was on the spectrum at this time and I would dread this week of hosting as they could not speak English and my French speaking is limited to Bonjour and Merci, and as yourself and others on the spectrum well understand is that our communication skills can be diabolical at the best of time’s. That week would feel like a year to me, and I won’t even talk about the time’s we would visit the family in France as that was a whole new ball game of unfamiliar food and having to sit at the table from 6 in the evening until gone midnight having to eat many courses of food that just made me want to gag while trying to figure out what was being said,being an adult has it’s downfalls but at least we can choose where we go and who we go with 😂
Sounds...fun? So that's what it means when you twin with another place! Although there is no chance I'm hosting anyone, I don't even host myself!
It does sound like a chore though, at least you can avoid it now...if only we could erase the memories too 😂
I feel the same way about kids. 😅 Luckily my one best friend and even my sister all don't have or want kids.
The best type of people for me 😂
My employer laughed at me when I asked for accommodations, then I was sacked. (After 20 years)
Can’t wait to hear your new song !!
Haha, it'll be a let down 😂
Probably not 😉
Your music is beautiful. "The Letter" had me in tears.
Thank you, I really do appreciate that
I finally went to listen to your song bones.
Oh my God. Paul.
Instant sadness. Really touched me to the core. I LOVE it. Is there any way these songs can be added to Spotify? I want them on my favorite playlist!
Ah many thanks! Glad you like it! Maybe if I add them to my audio podcast via Podbean then they'll show up there?
Oh wow I have a very similar relationship with my family. Even my own mom and dad too. I barely see them.
Me neither. I maybe see my mum about 4 times a year at most. I never met my dad at all which never bothered me at all.
I am so happy to hear that there will be a new song!
Not trying to be sassy, just curious, at what age do you reckon kids stop being annoying kids?
Overcompensating by giving gifts is so normal for me, but at least I am generous and the gifts are always sincere.
I'm not sure what age kids stop being annoying...I know adults who still haven't passed the annoyance stage 😂
hey, I’m a new subscriber. just found your channel last night when I his supposed to be winding down for the night lol. can totally relate to all the guilt felt in this video. in terms of the workplace thing, I am very familiar with asking for accommodations because I am blind, although asking for accommodations is never easy and I really don’t like how it’s always put on us, and makes us feel like the burden. I haven’t been diagnosed as autistic yet, still struggling with whether or not I want to try and pursue an adult diagnosis, but I am 99% sure that if I were to be diagnosed, it would come back that I am autistic. I work in a busy retail store, and actually told my manager the other day just offhandedly that I thought I might be autistic, because I was sharing with her about how I struggle with the sensory overload of the loud store, as well as having to smile and make small talk and be customer service all day. And her response was “ i’m not doubting you if you think you might be on the spectrum, but I bet if you could see and look around you you wouldn’t be so sensory overloaded because you would know where the noise is coming from. “Or something to that effect. People always just assume that because I am blind, that is the cause of everything. If I could see, I would see a bunch of people doing loud people things, and it wouldn’t make a lick of difference how I feel. I would still feel just as overloaded as I do now. She said she didn’t doubt me, but then she kind of did. I felt miss heard. In terms of the friends and family things, yes and yes! I don’t do kids either. Although, the funny thing is, when I was a kid myself, one of my special interests was definitely babies. I used to want nothing more than to be able to babysit! But no one ever let me. But when I did get to be around younger kids, I felt awkward and didn’t know how to relate, even though at the time I desperately wanted to. Now, I just have no patience for their loud screaming unpredictable nature. I will stick to collecting baby dolls! I like friends events that don’t involve kids, going out for a meal with just the adults, or going over to someone’s house who doesn’t have kids, but I don’t have a lot of friends. Thankfully the one I hang out with most often doesn’t have kids. Just wish I got to see her more. And as for family events, definitely awkward. I don’t know how to do the small talk thing. I feel like people just talk to me for five minutes and then move on, and I’m left sitting there. And none of the conversations are ever meaningful or interesting to me. It’s always how’s work? How’s your apartment? It’s like wow. Boring! Plus you have to deal with the extreme loudness of the restaurant, and the annoying bill splitting at the end, and just now. Or, worse, if it’s at someone’s house, or catered, you are not even in a neutral setting. So everyone just eats and then it’s like what now? Most people mingle and small talk, and I just feel so awkward and out of place. Weddings are very much like that too. My brothers wedding and one of my friends weddings come to mind. At my brothers wedding I drink way more than I ever have just to get through it. And it was a decent time after I had enough alcohol in me and didn’t care, but it should not have to come to that. My friends wedding was just awkward because I did it sober, and couldn’t wait for it to be over. So yes, all this to say that I completely feel you! And thanks for your very relatable videos!
Hi, glad you found the channel if it is relatable! It is an odd landscape for Autism when explaining points to others who don't have Autism, like your boss, as it is one of the only differences where they feel they can talk about it as if they understand it better or their opinion trumps facts...it's a weird thing. You were definitely misheard in that situation, not good at all. Maybe I will do a video on why I decided to not get married, but it'll pretty much sum this up! And no doubt I will offend many people who have, but putting myself through an uncomfortable day for others just makes no sense at all.
Hope the videos carry on making sense if you decide to go through them.
My 48 year old daughter is on the autism spectrum.
She frequently goes no contact with me....her mother. I know that I have not done anything offensive.
I know it is just how her brain works. She needs lots of alone time. Just working and the tasks of daily living are exhausting for her.
I get it!
She has neglected her health so her no contact really scares me.
It is so hard to have no contact. It makes my heart hurt so much.
I'm sure my mum feels similar as I go a long time without any contact too, and I know she would like a lot more...I just can't! I need a LOT of recharge time, and it's hard for some people to understand how that may manifest. It doesn't matter how placid, calm or safe an environment or interaction may be, during recharge time...everything is a no go.
I need it, and because I do, others suffer for it. Its also really difficult to put that feeling into words for others to help too.
New subscriber? Why the hell...!?! I subscribed cause I find you autistic, ähm authentic.
Fancied giving your songs a listen yesterday. And even those confirm my impression. I guess, I like "hold fire" the most, whereas I like each feeling they strongly resonate with me. Glad, you make music, too!
not into UK law but if yr mngr did only the formalities, you can go higher up, and if the boss don't adjust to your needs, than it is grey zone bordersome workplace pesting or neglecting disabilities / ergonomics in the work place; note the grey zone bordersome
I am better off away from there for now. It wasn't a healthy atmosphere regardless for me. They need to figure out what they want to do and treat their staff as people and not commodities.
Iol - George found the all-day buffet😅 !!
Hi to George!! 💙
Haha, he's under my desk at the minute, very upset about the 31 degree heat.
My neighbor has cats and also we joke that she is my dog's godmother. Whenever my dog (Hazel) goes to visit she heads for the "treat box" 😱🤮😂
Thanks for the video of George even if I am here two years later.
✝️📖🛐🕊❣️ Psalm 139:14 says "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." Also read in the Bible 2 Timothy 3:16 and 2 Peter 1:20-21. Our life hear on the earth is temporary, we need to learn all about our existence and what we are supposed to be doing nomatter wherever you are at. Learn about The Lord Jesus Christ (John 14:6) that he is the way the truth and the life no man cometh onto the Father but by me. Also read. Hebrews 9:8-12. ❤️
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I hate mail. I have no idea why somebody can pay someone else to walk onto my property and shove dead trees into a box that society thinks I have to maintain, and all of a sudden I have to read the mail, answer the mail, dispose of the mail. It's like the person next to you at the table putting the burden on your wallet when they have no right to.
I hate birthday cards for the same reason. Don't chop a tree down and send a bit of it to me wishing me a happy birthday when I'm trying to avoid the day all together.
But I'm not allowed because others say I should celebrate!
I experience lots of difficulty as I'm late diagnosed on ASD in last year on 55yo and never got treated for social disorder, overthinking always, anxiety always, Im very loyal and honestly to all and people cant handle this truth and honesty and judge me as crazy woman, I say sorry because I feel they throw guilts on me.
Stop stressing with all your thoughts,lifes a shit history, just enjoy,make the best of it😏😁😉😜
I do. I use the videos to point things out that most don't talk about. It's not representative of my everyday life.
"That autism might make him miss something" 🤣🤣 obviously they don't understand autism. Very common quality with autistic people is the inhuman attention to details in task that interest them.
I'd like to think it's that what makes me not too shabby at my work as I find things others haven't in the past 20 years. But instead of 'good catch', I get 'Why is it now a problem if its never been highlighted before?'
Yeh we are misunderstood I think we should educate people 😊
So ironic😊😊
Im totally messed as when yu cant be bothered lifting yur fists as normal. P eople think were all artistic, i just cant be bothered with people who undermind me, itry and keep out of their way its a funny old life,😉😏😂🥹🥹🥹