Yeah...or they'll insist you have the one you've made very clear is not the problem and stop listening. I've given up on diagnosis it's a waste of my time at this point. There's cultural differences going into play as well and there's no providers locally who can do what I need them to. It's exhausting so I just gave up entirely.
@@lowwastehighmelanin i see you. I'm 45yo woman and have felt like my diagnosis of BPD was wrong ever since I was diagnosed it and the more I've gotten to know the nuances between BPD and ASD. Like yourself it's a struggle to find the right provider locally and my age being a factor I've also given up entirely.
I just want to mention that I think many with Autism can struggle with RSD (Rejection sensitivity Dysphoria) or and Attachment Disorder due to constant rejection/critism/bullying/trauma ❤️ Also that when a relationship ends its not just loosing a relationship, it can also be a feeling of loosing a "caregiver" when you have Autism and dont function well on your own in daily life and maybe needs help in some areas like pay bills, call somewhere etc..
I agree with this whole heartedly. I think that both can exist simultaneously. You can definitely be autistic with an anxious attachment style due to trauma ❤ and experience rejection sensitivity for the same reasons. Society produces traumatized autistic people, so it can be so difficult to distinguish which is which.
after i was diagnosed with bpd and then my therapist suggested I could be autistic we went through the criteria and some medical tests and questionnaires (which we filled out together and discussed) and it surprised me how much she had to explain to me (nuances and details) because of the vagueness of the language. I think if I had taken these tests and questionnaires on my own I might have gotten very non-autistic (and therefore not have gotten the diagnostic and support I needed) without her guidance because "you don't keep eye-contact" is NOT the same as "you feel uncomfortable keeping eye contact but you've been told it's important so you work hard to keep eye-contact which then makes you feel exhausted" for example. I would respond no to the first option but YES! DEFINITELY YES! to the second...
Oh man, I feel ya on the vagueness! I’m not diagnosed but I find myself relating a lot to many of the female TH-camrs with autism, even with some of the nuanced details. I’m currently diagnosed with bpd traits but I really don’t resonate with the defining characteristics. I feel my diagnosis would be different if the questions weren’t so vague. And only now am I recognizing things I do that I had no idea where part of being autistic. Even my bf has been watching Irene’s videos with me and he’s like “you do this” or “this sounds like you.” I’m now trying to figure out how I can get testing done but I live in a pretty rural state.
yay thanks you ! i was diagnosed bpd after suicide attempt. i was a mute the first 10 years of my life (until i got home from school i would scream and run around the house) and diagnosed with adhd. it wasn’t until coworker told me they thought i was autistic which i tossed off at first but a few years later i had my state psych evaluation and was approved for social security disability the first try due to cognitive impairments. so my medicaid sent me to a special needs center and the medical team diagnosed me asd, adhd .
I have both and personally it is horrible. I have the quiet bpd and i also have c-ptsd on top of it all. it is a huge struggle on a daily basis. constantly having to manage my thought patterns and behaviours so i am not doing anything toxic. I cannot answer the question "Who am i?". it is just blank and its scary because i have a sense of who i am but i dont know who i am. I also love being alone because i get to do what i want to do. however, i always feel this deep void of loneliness and get anxious about not having my favourite people/person around. i am constantly scared i will always get hurt by those closest to me. so i am always on edge around them. its so confusing and hard but with long-term trauma informed therapy i am slowly getting better and learning to be my autistic self without feeling shame and fear.
I'm Autistic in a relationship with someone with BPD, and actually this clarifies so many fundamental understanding differences between me and him! We get along so well, but our attempts to support the other is usually unintentionally based on our personal experiences not realizing how little that actually helps the other despite our outward expressions being very similar at times. I think I'll make a chart highlighting your points to keep with me to re-reflect on after I listen to this a bazillon more times. Thank you for your content!!
The fear of abandonment is SOOOO difficult to ascertain, because I’ve had so many friendships where they did not want to be friends with me anymore, but never stated it or said it so I never picked up on it & I get anxious with that kind of stuff! And now in therapy, it’s more of a like ‘this person is acting funny, I’m going to be hurt if I’m being conversational and trying to communicate and they are not and I don’t know we aren’t on the same page of our friendship anymore’. Like, I know life goes on and I’ve lost enough friendships and relationships to know it happens, and I know it hurts, but I’m not afraid of it (even though I know it’ll be painful). The worst part for me, is having so many times where I was myself and communicating and not picking up on their clues and just being confused and hurt, which makes parsing the two apart so hard for me 😫😫
i relate to this *so fucking much*. like, i'm not fearful of them leaving me. i'm fearful there's something innately "wrong" with me because i seem to miss these social cues/norms when they're finished with the relationship for whatever reason (usually because i'm "weird") and don't want to communicate it with me. this, this, THIS. everything about your comment resonates so hard with me! (i am also a suspecting autistic woman).
@@courtkendell same. If someone decides to leave, fine. Of course, it hurts but it's their decision. What hurts me us thinking there is something wrong with me because a lot of people find me strange
i was misdiagnosed with bpd, after years of pills that never worked, shame because im sensitive and angry and anxious around people, and so many diagnoses, my friend suggested autism specialist. it is apparently autism plus c ptsd which i think led them to believe i had bpd. plus me always being fully prepared to answer everything and fit it. its terribly uncomfortable telling doctor that you get angry because human looked or talked to you, or that you start to stumble if someone talks. i had situation where i walked with my friend that was very talkative, and it was so tireing i didnt have will to go away. we walked and i started to feel light headed and as if i will faint, i think it was dissociation, like my brain was being bolied so it evaporated. i never talked about these crappy things in my life, i though it will go away with time. apparently being very obeying kid is sign of autism too. i ended up as stereotype and i cant process it. i beleived i can be different but turns out my brain cant be changed, only i can apply changes. i will never be free form sensory overload. i never knew that was a thing. i thought i lived in some fucked up upside down where i would have million of daily struggles but NOONE saw it, excpet for a new friend i made 2 years ago, she is autistic and started to notice things with time. im still not believing my diagnosis.
I was never diagnosed with bpd but I'm awaiting an autism diagnosis and have ptsd from childhood trauma so this is very validating to hear, I never identified with the criteria for bpd especially the risk-taking behaviour, I'm the biggest homebody and rarely venture out of my comfort zone unless it's for someone I care for deeply
I was 16 when I got my Asperger's diagnosis. I've said it often, that was because it was 2003, I was 16 and a suicidal teenage boy with no friends and unusual hobbies. Had I been a girl, I'd have borderline now. The more I read and watch about it, the more I think... that would've been the right diagnosis. Been told a couple of times by caretakers and such that I have astonishing knowledge of humans for an autist, and that strict adherence to rutines like a machine... almost completely foreign to me.
You might be AuDHD (autism and adhd) ASD means you function better with routine but ADHD can make you unable to maintain routines, and routines may also bore you or make you agitated and restless. Also not all autistic people are completely “inept” with social situations, not everybody is as heavily effected in the social part of Autism as you can have better social skills than usual but still struggle in other aspects that are affected by Autism.
Also, to add to the nuance of the abandonment conversation: it's not that you fear they are abandoning you, but rather you are so confused on how you were unable to interpret nor communicate effectively enough in the relationship to such an extent (questioning your judgement and ability to perceive interactions in general) that it makes you practically instant meltdown, especially for example you could become homeless, etc, which that huge of a change plus having to deal with C-PTSD on top of having to interact with people if you are financially dependent on the person. The autistic person, if legitimately feels that overwhelmed to say that to someone, would immediately seek a therapist/case worker to help them transition. We tend to also forget that whether BPD or ASD, there are situations that even a mentally "healthy" neurotypical person could react in a similar fashion when you mix in C-PTSD. Life is hard enough as it is before adversity and intersectionality are brought into the equation, which will exponentially increase the difficulty to the breaking point. I can't speak on terms of race, but from experiences of non-binary and LGBTQ+, we get grouped as well under BPD when medical professionals aren't trained to treat marginalized groups as they do not understand how much neurodivergent minorities have to mask, especially when camouflaging and masking are absolutely necessary for survival.
I completely agree with what you said about professionals being unable to overlook trauma as the source of all of someone’s issues. I once had a psychologist keep insisting all of my issues were caused by a traumatic event that didn’t take place until I was seven when the issues I was discussing had been present since infancy.
I was diagnosed w ADHD as a child. Idk if you know about rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) but once I discovered that symptom is experienced in ADHD ppl, so much made sense. I was told by my PsyD that I have BPD… but like so many things didn’t describe me. The “emptiness.” I dont feel empty ever. I know my beliefs and identity… so why I am afraid of abandonment a lot I think it stems from RSD and having experienced rejection from peers, negative feedback my whole life. I miss social queues! I am impulsive! Emotional dysregulatuion is also found in ADHD ppl. So I feel its ADHD and ASD and my nonbinary clinician overlooked my prev Dx because I am a sex worker and have experienced trauma (before and during sex work) as well as because I am assigned female at birth. :(
I am autistic and was misdiagnosed with BPD at first, and I've had the "threatening self harm" issue before, but for slightly different reasons. I've had this friend, and he said I should tell him when I feel like doing *that*. So after a fight we've had I told him I was feeling like it. My thoughts back then were just "oh! this is the situation! I should tell him, he said I should!", but to him it felt manipulative and like I was threatening him with that. Which seems obvious to me now aswell, that he would read it this way, but in the situation I was just trying to follow an established protocoll and did not mean it as a threat at all!
Same, I struggle with this because people always want you to tell them but i feel like expressing what i feel is manipulative? Many times I’ll say what I feel ir want and people get offended so I keep it to myself but then I’m not communicating so it’s difficult to navigate
here's something I've personally noticed that overlaps when it comes to break ups: A person with BPD in a toxic relationship might find it so hard to go through a break up because he/she feels like the partner is a part of them (object relations). A reason that makes it almost impossible to let go and move on with your life. (that's what I've heard and at that time made me wonder if I'm BPD, but now I'm sure I'm not) It resonated a lot with me since my ex boyfriend was the only one I could go out with and ever feel like "being as close to truly myself as I could be in public". That's essentially what I fell in love with: myself when I was around him & not masking so hard when I'm in public because he created this sort of safe space for me while I was in his presence. Learning more about autism this makes so much more sense now. Thank you for the amazing content.
TW: Self-harm I think an important distinction for BPD vs Autistic self-injurious behaviors is also importantly intent - not perceived intent but actual intent - and you have to both be honest with yourself and trust yourself when assessing these motivations. As a late-diagnosed autistic woman with a history of self-harm, my past engagement in that behavior was because of tremendous difficulties with emotional regulation. While a dangerous and highly detrimental coping strategy, I found it grounding during meltdowns and as I was undiagnosed, I had no other tools. While these behaviors were never ever aimed at controlling others, the people around me (including doctors) always saw my self-harm as a tactic of control of others when in reality it was exclusively a means of self-regulation when I was in my darkest moments. This perception of self-harm as intrinsically manipulative led to a misdiagnosis of borderline when I was a teenager, which was very quickly proven inaccurate after a formal neuro-psych evaluation.
Heyy I have bpd and I used to self harm to self regulate as well, it sort of irritates me that ppl have the misconception that self harm in bpd is always manipulative, it is for some, but not all. From what I’ve learnt the suicidal ideation and self harm urges come mainly from poor impulse control and wanting to regulate and make the emotional outburst more manageable most of the time :))
This video was very helpful so thank you. I've been diagnosed with BPD since I was 18, and while I do exhibit a lot of the symptoms (fear of abandonment, emotional dysregulation, $uicide and self harm attempts, risk taking behaviors and painful relationships, strong recognition of other people's body language and facial expressions) I also exhibit a lot of the symptoms of ADHD/autism (inability to complete tasks unless I'm specifically interested in the subject matter, highly specified interests, difficulty making friends or understanding social cues, being overly blunt or literal sometimes disorganization, hyperactivity, sensory overload, can only pay attention to people talking to me and retain that information if im doing something that interests me, like doodling, cant make eye contact with peiple without feeling a deep sense of discomfort unless they are someone i know well...). So I'm not sure if I may be have both, or if I'm just ADHD/autistic and have some borderline tendencies. I do have a fear of abandonment, but that's always been because it's hard for me to make friends/relationships, so when someone I really like comes into my life, they become my Favorite Person. I don't want them to leave, because the thought of finding someone new and having to go through the exhausting and quite frankly awkward social processes of finding someone who can vibe with my weirdness terrifies me. And also like you mentioned in the video. All the plans I made with that person, all the shows podcasts and comics I shared with them, All the fun times we had... They become a routine in your life and once that routine is broken it's chaos. So when people leave I'm devastated. If I try to harm myself, it's not because I'm trying to get back at them or manipulate them into staying, it's because I genuinely feel like I don't want to continue living without that person in my life. It's less about how they feel and more about how I feel. Unlike most borderlines I have a very strong sense of self, that I do not mask around other people either. I may not be AS weird when I'm at work as I am around friends, but I know my interests, my beliefs and my convictions and morals, and they have remained mostly the same since becoming an adult. And I don't hide them either. When people ask I'm very forthcoming. People coming into my life may influence certain things, spark new interests or beliefs, no one is immune from that, but my core beliefs have never changed. I'm constantly torn between feeling lonely and like I want people around, to being independent and craving my alone time. I only have a limited battery for social interaction before I want to be left alone, but I do crave interaction with people all the same, especially if I currently have a Favorite Person. So idk. I check the boxes of both disorders pretty heavily and at this point I have no idea what to think.
All of them could co-occur! The main thing is to adapt the therapy to your specific needs. A diagnosis is only good for getting the proper treatment. If you struggle with bpd-like symptoms dbt and CBT will do wonders!!! And all you have to do is adapt your life to the idiosincrasies of your neurodivergence. I struggle with light sensitivity sometimes so sunglasses are a must for me! You do you and make your life as comfortable as you deserve it to be ❤
I have the exact same struggles so reading your comment was extremely validating. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing, it's like we are the same person! I hope this comment also validates your experiences and feelings-- you're not alone. I just hope we are both able to get the help we need
this video definitely helped me rule out BPD as a possibility for me. I’ve considered it before, as a point of caution since i felt like i was too zoned in on the possibility of autism regarding my social difficulties, but hearing all the symptoms explained really cements the fact that BPD is not the case for me. I’m still unsure about whether or not I have autism, I’ve been researching for years and I’m at the point where I really need to see a medical professional because I’ve pretty much gathered all the information I can. At this point i’m just slipping into insanity wondering if i’m behaving autistically or not all the time, and that old feeling of hearing autism symptoms described for the first time and having everything suddenly click is so distant, I feel like I’ve exhausted by ability to discern by disabled status, and now I really need outside perspectives. Only issue is, I know my parents will not take so kindly to the idea and i’m likely going to have to convince them to give up any preconceived notions before i can rely on them to give an accurate witness testimony to possible childhood symptoms i don’t remember.
I considered BPD after sequences of intense falling outs with some friends since I would callously avoid, detach, obsess, and idealize them, and immediately self-sabatoge whenever I needed to take accountability . Two platonic relationships were unstable, and I'd go from rigid romanticism to homicidal urges within the hour, triggered or not. Here's the thing Emotional numbness and suicidal ideations began when I was either 15 or 16, becoming progressively worse despite treatment. 19 was the explosion my mother had been anxiously anticipating. My mother and father, despite their intelligence and robustness, failed to properly assess the fullness of my ailments; I do not blame them, as information about my condition (AuDHD) wasn't public conscious. My moods fluctuated excessively from sensory overload and social difficulties, not realized or perceived relationship drama. I considered many things. Bipolar disorders, personality disorders, etc. I was already diagnosed with Autism at four, yet I knew something was missing. My ADHD diagnosis after a traumatic event was the "AHA!" moment I needed. This conversation is too intricate and complex for a TH-cam comment. I'm not an expert, and not every psychological deficiency is a mental, personality, or mood disorder. Before you seek medical assistance, please be honest with yourself. Evaluate your life holistically, and support yourself. Diet and circadian rhythms are severely impactful for brain development; your "symptoms" could be vitamin deficiencies or even sleep disturbances. What may look like "Bipolar" or "borderline" could be a nutrient issue or even a PTSD/CPTSD situation. Again, this is also complex as people aren't stereotypes and everyone's lifestyle is different. Don't trap yourself into thinking that medical advice always has your best interest. Always seek support from multiple sources that aren't just therapeutic or psychiatric. Coaching could be a solid investment for you.
Thank you for this video. I’m a self suspecting autistic girl I’m so happy you made this video. Many afab people get misdiagnosed with bpd. I struggle with not trusting my own perception of the world and myself, so I am glad I can critically draw out the differences between ASD and BPD. Thank you for such a thorough and well made video. Also the sensory differences of AsD is nowhere in BPD which makes me believe even more that I’m probably autistic.
I’m so confused. My mom decided I was borderline in my teens and I just grabbed on to it so it’s hard to pull apart what I put on myself and what’s always been there. My daughter is almost three and nonspeaking, insanely sensory seeking and most likely level three ASD and it’s making me question things constantly. I *think* that I’ve always known who I am but it was best into me so hard (mentally/emotionally but not physically) that I was “wrong” or “broken” so I think that made me not know who I was purely because I didn’t WANT to be me. I was wrong. So I needed a new me but didn’t know how, which manifested as a sense of emptiness and not knowing myself looking like a borderline and I was told I was so wrong no one would ever want me around which in my mind became a fear of abandonment. My sensory issues have always been obvious but I was told they were willful and me choosing to be difficult. Then I have sensory meltdowns that I was told were borderline explosions. Wow. Thank you. Seriously ❤
I was bullied for the silliest things. One girl turned the cafeteria against me because my toenails were too long. I had a chocolate covered ice cream bar thrown at my head by an underclassman. I had no data to justify this mistreatment. I just thought I was hated. Also, I was the first to stand up for others being bullied. With my heart racing, my voice cracking and hands shaking. Few words came out of my mouth (although I had a very clever and well versed response). My stance was understood, but only diminished the positive perspective of me by my peers. The emotion is real.
Mmmm I was diagnosed with BPD and just now with ADHD, but I’ve been more suspicious of ASD because every video I watch of ADHD and ASD are so relatable. This comment reminded me that many times I was bullied and I didn’t understand why. For example, in middle school these group of older kids started harassing me in school and on facebook because of how I walked, but I had never talked to them before nor even knew their names until they started following me everywhere and yelling at me in school. My mom asked what happened and all I could say was that I walked in front of them for a spelling bee competition…
Thank you for this. I'm not diagnosed, but others struggling to understand my behavior have accused me of being borderline, autistic and bipolar at various times, and there are definitely value judgements associated with each of those armchair diagnoses that makes relating to any of them a bit scary. This destigmatizes it to an extent, and just lays out the differences which is so helpful
I'm glad you mentioned that It's a good idea to have an idea of what you might have before you go into seeing a professional so that you can tell them if it doesn't resonate. Misdiagnosis is so freaking common and it's important to take your mental health advocacy into your own hands by learning on your own I think.
I'm getting my diagnosis right now (for ASD) and they sent me the BPD tests (TO TAKE AT HOME, ALONE) this video was SO HELPFUL, my alexithymia made me think maybe I could actually have BPD symptoms... now I'm sure I'm on the right track, it's really ASD. Thank you SO MUCH, this video is super detailed, it's exactly what I needed!!! ♥♥♥♥♥
This is EXACTLY what i experienced! I had epilepsy all my life, i was abused and had cptsd and at 12 was diagnosed with bpd my mother tried to tell the Dr's they were wrong all my life i have lived mis-diagnosed, I am now 49 and my neurology team has only recently disagnosed me correctly now instead of seeing a counselor through a mental health provider I see one through my level 4 neurology center.
This has been super helpful. But remember than people may have both and bpd. I am diagnosed bpd and waiting and assessment. I know lots of people from personality disorder centre who have then got diagnosed as and too. But it's really helpful to see similarities and differences. I am well from my bpd now too.
I was diagnosed with BPD, but i feel like I have many ASD characteristics. A lot of them overlap. But you made wonder about being alone at home, yes, I did struggle with my breakups, but I'm extremely happy being at home by myself. Great video!! ❤️
Just providing potentially some perspective on the BPD side of things. I self harmed when younger not as a manipulation tactic (I went to great lengths to keep it hidden) but as an outlet for my intense emotions. BPD is incredibly painful and exhausting and so I've found that i do a lot of self soothing behaviours to maintain it. I think for some that could be hard to differentiate from stimming or other ASD reactions. Similarly, BPD is a constant battle with your thoughts. I regularly "question" the meaning behind others reactions, words, and emotions because I am trying to figure out if they are upset with me (will they abandon me or treat me in a way that makes me feel abandoned). Again this can be something that can be confused with how ASD folks struggle to understand emotions. For me, I'm able to know for sure that I have BPD because of my motivations. My intense emotions and anxieties are always related to relationships. If I do this will I lose a friend? If I act that way, will I lose my respect at work? If I can't predict what my partner needs, will they leave me? I think if these aren't things you're regularly thinking or feeling, or thoughts that you regularly redirect, then that could be an indication that these overlapping experiences are something other than BPD because that fear of abandonment piece is really what I believe is the core of the BPD experience. It's the central motivation for these symptoms.
Another confusing similarity is the special interests. I can't speak to the ASD experience but BPD individuals will often have intense fixations on new hobbies, media, interests, etc. This usually is short lived and is a way to find a sense of identity. For me personally, I have attached myself to different varieties of "artsy-ness". I play music, I craft, I write, I sew. And while those interests have been mostly consistent, I have at different periods been more or less attached to them based on the "persona" or "group" I was attaching myself too. (rn I have gotten positive attention for my crafts and so lean more into that. Whereas I struggle with music a bit because I have some memories associated with Times I felt abandoned attached to my musicianship) So having that context may help in differentiating that similarity too
Oh my goodness… I literally think I have both 😮 I got diagnosed with ADHD late last year. Once I started learning about what that meant, I came to learn and know about BPD and ASD, and I’m convinced I have all three. It was something you said in the video about ASD and ADHD, about how once you medicated your ADHD, you got to know your autistic side better, and another lightbulb went off! I think Ive been ASD/ADHD but high functioning (only on the outside.. inside I was a mess) and then from my trauma I developed BPD and things just got worse from there. So like the BPD developed as a trauma response. Thank you for these videos, these help so much on my quest to finally understand myself.💚💚💚💚💚
I am in the exact same process as you right now! I've only ever gotten a BPD diagnosis but I am most certainly ADHD and the deeper I research the more ASD is resonating also. It's difficult to know because I've always been so high masking even to myself. I would love to chat to you about our experiences to gather more insight if you would also like? Please feel free to inbox me. Much love to you on this journey sister💓 Also... It's been 6 months since your comment so I believe you will have found much more insight into yourself!🙌
I’m super super late to this, but if either of you want to reach out to me and talk about this then let me know. I was diagnosed autistic last year, ADHD earlier this year, and now have just recently been diagnosed with BPD and cPTSD. What a journey. Haven’t started meds yet, so not sure what will work for me.
All the major changes resulting from severing a relationship, yes! Also, autistic people sometimes don't have other relationships "of their own;" so losing a partner can also mean losing other relationships, sometimes all of them.
thank you for such an informative video! i'm an autistic woman who was (almost) misdiagnosed with bpd but i was too young at the time to be diagnosed with a personality disorder. couple of years later i found out about asd and brought it up to my psychotherapist. i probably wouldn't be diagnosed to this day if it wasn't for my own suspicion for autism🙄
I fear this too. I have BP1, borderline and CPTSD. But now I have very strong evidence of ADHD and autism too over the last 35 years. I am bringing this up to my psychiatrist this month.
I have abandonment anger. My father killed himself on the porch. My mother died while I was in prison. I've been divorced 3 times. And cheated on by another that I didn't marry. I've never gotten to see any of my children grow up. I'm genuinely angry about it. And I live alone. I've been left so many times I just don't care anymore. Or maybe I do because I'm so angry about it. Maybe I care about so much I can't get past it. I don't get those years back. I totally understand what you are saying about some of these things. Others, I get on the information level. Sometimes I connect deeply and other times I just hear what you are saying about your experience with this type of thing. I'm not sure what I feel. Kinda blank. Like when relatives die and I don't feel anything. I feel bad for not feeling like everyone else. I'm just there to see the body before they bury it or burn it and go home. I know I am capable of feeling deeply about things, but death is not one of those things. Losing my father made me mad that he would leave this as an example for my children. Shooting himself on the front porch like that. Mom died of cancer some years later. I don't feel anything about it for either of them. I loved my parents and yet it's like they joined the life cycle ending, and begin the next phase of existence. This body is just dust that God lifted into the human form and put the breath of life into. Take away the spirit, and it's just a flesh puppet, and falls back to the earth where it came from. This is how I see death. This is just a shell around the spirit that gives us human form and limits.
From an autistic perspective, I feel like autistic people are less likely to threaten to hurt ourselves to keep someone around. I feel like we would simply hurt ourselves as a direct response to an oncoming change in our environment because, a lot of the time, we'd rather die than have to endure certain external changes. Because change can be that painful for us.
from a bpd perspective, it’s not just a “threat” when someone says they’re going to hurt themselves. to “threaten” someone is not the intent. If someone said they were going to hurt themselves in response to someone leaving, it’d be because they actually felt that way…. they are trying to get their feelings across and don’t know how to express the hurt/fear/anxiety/whatever. this whole narrative that people with bpd are manipulative and attention seeking is wrong and has to stop.
@@drugstore999cowgrl I think the demonization of an entire group of people who are more than likely hella diverse is absurd to begin with, so I agree. Like autism, we simply don't understand the spectrum of BPD in it's entirety yet, so doctors are probably just throwing spaghetti at the wall to see if it sticks at this point, lol.
Very good breakdown . The only thing is I'd add is that undiagnosed autistic people who mask and have done so for a long time may in fact struggle knowing who they are without the mask because we may suppress thoughts and preferences that don't fit the mask.
I wasn't confused about ASD and never thought I had BPD but this was informative and your voice is very calming. Thanks for the upload even if I only saw it a couple year after being uploaded.
The internet at large has led me to start considering an asd diagnosis over a bpd diagnosis that I received when I was 25. The last point you made about the emotionality of empathizing. I've been told I am a robot with no feelings, but then in the same breath I'm overly sensitive and what I am understanding could be autistic meltdown. It has been really interesting to listen to different perspectives on how the symptoms overlap, because truly I knew that I experienced the traits of bpd. I just never resonated with the thought process that felt like was projected onto me as if they knew my intentions. Especially when I didn't consider them to be my intentions. It felt like I didn't know my own brain and was told that someone needed to tell me what I was actually thinking. It was a strange experience, but because it felt like medical gaslighting I didn't really accept the diagnosis and focused on improving symptoms of anxiety and depression that I experienced. That's a lot, but your video was very interesting.
such a great video! I actually self diagnosed myself as quiet borderline before being diagnosed autistic and I also self diagnosed myself as autistic before getting formal official diagnosis from a professional.... I was in such a mess inside and was scared to be judged by a professional who would judge my symptoms without going down to the reasons why! and I was afraid to become mutic and camouflage in front of the professional... and symptoms seem to be similar in surface but the reasons underneath are so different. And it's especially diffisult when a female autistic person has been abused cos everything overlaps I feel. Thank you!
i was diagnosed with BPD a while ago after struggling with it for years, and then just recently diagnosed also with ASD at age 20. i’m now starting to see how much of a bad combo it’s been for me, and i’m so glad i’ve been working on myself far before i got these diagnoses. thank you for this video!
Alright, firstly the work you are doing to bring awareness to the complexity of diagnosis is amazing. It’s seems that many of us agree there are gray areas with overlapping symptoms and not enough research. With that said, your description of the behavior experiences for ASD, were honestly very similar to my experience as a high functioning BP. For example being alone is a great relief regardless of how easily I will want to forget that and become close with someone that feels safe, and re creating an unstable attachment. We know who we are and also feel afraid to be ourselves, cause we are eff’d up and no one gets us. I also think as a middle aged BP the TH-camr whose recovery story you shared was sweet but wishful thinking. Our emotional regulation can be well maintained, and stabilized for extended periods, but 2 years is too soon to call it. Depending on the circumstances and stability of one’s life BPD is not curable only treatable. She even said “sometimes i forget I’m a BPD” that Can actually be how we fall back into disorder. Because something changes we think we are cured but the emotional regulation issues can only be managed with routine and stability. I tell myself when I think I’m better, like an addict, I am not cured, I will live with this the rest of my life, there is no prescription medication for this, I have to work on my behavior and reactions for the rest of my life. What I realized from your video is that BPD could easily be on the spectrum. We definately use reasoning to understand what people are feeling, obsess until we understand, cause we don’t understand others in relation to ourselves. We only see black or white. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been explained what the in between means but still don’t get it. At least in a Quiet or high functioning BP there are a lot of similarities. They don’t seperate someone verbal and non verbal with ASD so why would the only relevant difference I see between ASD and BPD be different? ASD struggle to identify with the emotions of others and BPD are hyper focused on identifying with them. (We also are not significantly successful at it tbh) Keep up the great work!! Thanks for the meaningful content.
Very interesting comment. There is a study (inconclusive due to such a small group of people), that compared the sistematization processes in ASD and BPD people. Result!! BPD sistemize just as well as autistics do. Something you alluded to in your thesis. And from personal experience I can CLEARLY see how I do this with people, the black and white thinking, for example. "Oh! They were nice to me, they are so nice! Oh no! They were mean to me!! They suck!!" we tend to draw overall conclusions about someone from one specific interaction. Just like with my emotions. Just because I feel like it, doesn't mean I AM it, you know? Anyway, the way I counteract this is basic CBT. Rationalizing these thoughts and conclusions. As if I were talking to a child "now, now, they're not ALL bad! Remember how they...". Basically, knowing this is how my brain operates I just remind myself not to jump to conclusions too quickly. Tbh, I think we are just hypersensitive and tend to sistemize everything. That's why most of us have been told" how sensitive we are" as children. Or that we must control our temper, buy never explain how. Our emotions are so much more intense and nobody tells us how to manage that frustration. Furthermore, the only reason, like you said, that we must stay on top of these things is because it is what we have learned. It is our automatic response, a go-to. Thereby making it really hard at times to make the right decisions for ourselves. I wish the best of luck to you ❤ Edit: I wanted to add one more thing (sorry this is getting SO long). I think in all these videos and journeys there is a point where the diagnosis becomes a harmful label. We must only obsess with the diagnosis until we get the proper treatment. And focus on treating the symptoms from here on out. If we tend to sistemize, it is especially harmful to us to identify too much with the bpd label. Let's just be kind to ourselves and do right by us. Focus on the treatment on a very specific case basis. I have this pattern of behavior, I get stressed when facing deadlines, therefore I must beware not to lash out at those I love, etc. We can do this!!!
objectively, this was a great video. without using any emotion, i found it incredibly informative, descriptive, and easy to understand. i want to stress how good i think this video was, because subjectively, it made me feel even more estranged from both groups. and this is where i get really vulnerable. my traits seem to be indicative of both disorders. my therapist didn't think i was autistic at first, but she does now (i think? i can't really tell). none of my teachers or doctors thought i was autistic as a child (for context, i'm a BIPOC and AFAB). but my mom has stories of me throwing tantrums because i was overwhelmed by the texture of clothes. i have a distinct memory of reciting an ENTIRE chapter of Junie B. Jones in first grade (on the toilet, no less). from a young age, grammar and literature were some of my favorite things. i corrected my mom with her spelling and grammar all the time as a kid because i couldn't stand the incorrect usage of words. but i also had an abusive childhood, and always struggled with emotional dysregulation (including SI/SH), separation anxiety, and identity issues. and after i started homeschool because i kept having panic attacks in the bathroom, things changed. i feel like i became a little closer to myself. for the first time, at 14 years old, i realized i wasn't the people i hung around with. and i realized who i was is extremely introverted and only wanted to talk and learn about the things i was especially interested in (i'm still like this). to this day, i still don't know exactly who i am. i've had ECT (electroconvulsive therapy), rTMS (repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation), spravato (literally ketamine), and those kinds of treatments change a kid. when i got a neuropsych eval this year, i got diagnosed with a memory disorder that i think is correlated to the extensive treatments i had before i was 18. i've also been to so many inpatient facilities and even residential treatment, and none of them have helped because i was too frightened and overwhelmed by the loud noises and all the people i had to be around (as well as being away from home, the temperature, and the other sensory experiences that entailed). i've been on a cocktail of medications for depression, anxiety, and OCD since i was 13. i was diagnosed with BPD and ADHD at 17, along with a slew of other mental illnesses. but this last january, at 20 years old, i got diagnosed with ASD. did i get misdiagnosed? or am i an autistic person that's incredibly out of touch with themselves and also has BPD? (these are rhetorical questions. you don't have to answer them). since then, i've been trying (and struggling) to unmask and really dig into the "who am i?" question. idk this video made me have a lot of thoughts so it counts as a piece of art to me. incredible video!
About threats of unaliving yourself: (as someone w/BPD, ADHD and possible ASD) I never did that directly. I never said „if you leave me‘ i am going to kill myself“. What happen was, after a fight I was scared of abondamment, of change, of explaining why the remationship ended to everyone and so many factors that i just couldn‘t handle it and wanted to die. But alot of the time i didn’t really wanted to die, i just wanted this pain to be over and my head to stop thinking. So it was never an actual attempt, but para$uiçidal behavior, telling someone „goodbye i love u“ or sth like that bc i wanted them to stop me. And more often than not, the only availabe person (that wasnt my mom bc she would just send the police and they would just arrest me for trying to overdose, it happenend before) was my boyfriend. So i made him come bacl but i feel like it wasnt meant as a manipulation. Even tho it ended up being exactly that and than i would feel like shit apologize and cry till falling asleep.
The fact that I could end it all if everything fails in my life kinda brings me hope. Of course, I can't talk about these thoughts because people don't deal with thoughts of death very well, they get either pissed at you (the selfish ones) or worried and scared. But yeah, I don't have to suffer in pain if I don't want to. So the fact that I can unalive myself at any time is like my game over
You’re my new favorite channel!! So grateful to have found you, and so happy to hear ASD voices that aren’t white centered, there needs to be more, it’s so important in helping break down the biases of others, especially therapists as you’ve mentioned before, and just for your affirmation, yes! You always explain everything so well, always covering every detail which is really appreciated, love you and your energy so much 💖
This video was amazing to watch and completely articulated to me the journey I've been on trying to figure out what's been going on for me my whole life. The only thing I wanna say is that at the end you say Autistic people likely go home at the end of the day and are happy to be alone with themselves. I've finally gotten back to that place but for a while that was not the case because I was masking and bending over backwards so heavily that when I was alone all I had was a kind of cognitive dissonance, exhaustion, and shame. After working to remove myself from people who would shame or project on me for my Autistic tendencies I find that I can go home and be in peace with myself again
my problem is that you can list 12 symptoms and really go into the nuance of bpd vs asd, and in half I'm 100% on the bpd side, but in the other half I'm 100% in the asd. Additionally, there are a lot of bdp things that are so quintessential that I just don't have (like fear of rejection and intense relationships are not me at all), but there are also things with asd that are almost the cliche in all areas (like the more rational, mathematical thinking) that I just don't have. So on the surface, I can check off a lot of boxes on both, but actually figuring out WHICH is the reason is different. Also, some symptoms like suicide ideation I may have due to a co-morbidity because neither explanation felt right. So, I think the problem with diagnosing people is not just the overlap, but that it assumes that a person only has one issue. If I have say ADHD, depression, anxiety, codependency issues, and maladaptations from a traumatic upbringing and in addition POTENTIALLY either ASD or BPD, all the other issues prior can make discerning between ASD/BPD even harder. Not to mention people who have both. So for me, I'm just going to learn about both and be okay with the idea of not having a specific label.
Awh, I love your channel and am so glad I found it!💖 I was diagnosed with major depression, general anxiety, and social anxiety at a young age but about a year and a half ago I came across a list of female ASD traits. Ever since, I have not been able to get it off my mind and am in the process of creating a binder with documentation of all the reasons I think I might be in preparation for an assessment. My biggest fear though is dropping hundreds of dollars to only be misdiagnosed with something like BPD. I went to therapy for years, tried hypnotherapy, and have been on several different antidepressants/antianxiety meds but have always felt like something else was going on, I couldn't put my finger on it. Your videos have helped me so much and I would love to hear about the similarities about ASD and ADHD. I suspect I may also have the inattentive form of ADHD however, I presented many signs of the hyperactive type in my younger years. Thank you for all that you do Irene!💕
Wow this is quite relatable to my existence. I don’t know how much research you’ve done, plus I’m an overachiever when it comes to helping people out so I’ll throw my 5c in and it’ll either be new info for you or already researched. You said you fear a bpd misdiagnosis. I’ve found through what others have stated as well as my own experience/understanding, bpd seems to come from trauma for myself my mother has it (she won’t acknowledge it though) and it’s been indoctrinated in my upbringing. Added with the fact my mother favoured my brother (we both agree on that), she shitcanned my father when they split (I was 6-7) who I completely idolised. My teens I was always used by ‘friends’ coz I was to nice and gullible (I legit just treat people how I want to be treated and still do but I got stiffed enough to have learnt the warning signs) (Sorry went into ramble) Basically bpd is external and asd in biological. For myself it’s what I’ve always known so I doubt I’ll ever be free of bpd I do manage it significantly better than how I used to be. (Which honestly is just being able to control the outward display of emotion, bottle that witch up.. 🤷♀️) One of my maternal cousins has asd my paternal cousin had a very intense case of adhd so much so that every other kid in the family seemed ok. He passed away from a heart attack at 36 (was one of the healthiest people I knew) but had been on adhd meds since he was about 4-5yr… Wow this is a ramble (sorry) Any time you think something and say that’s not normal, write it down. Like a diary (which sounds like you’re kinda doing anyway) watch heaps of different youtube vids and see what fits/doesn’t. The world is so much more advanced these days then 20 years ago you will get to an answer don’t give up. Hope you find your peace ✌️
Thank you SO much for this video ! 🙏🏽❤I self diagnosed BPD a couple of years ago, then got an actual diagnosis that led to my ADHD diagnosis (self diagnosed, then official diagnosis). For the past few months, I've been researching a lot on ASD (somethings still didn't feel right), and AUDHD has been resonating very strongly with me. Those researches made me realize all the overlaps between ASD, ADHD & BPD, so I've started to doubt my BPD diagnosis, and your video was VERY helpful to help me sort out the different traits, and confirm what I've been feeling, so thank you !! ❤ Things can be very confusing for people who are struggling with overlapping traits (ASD/ADHD/depression/severe anxiety and so on ...) because RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria) can be confused with fear of abandonment, depression with feelings of emptiness, and even mood swings (I thought that it applied to me, because as soon as I expressed those intense feelings of anger/anxiety/frustration that I was going through during a meltdown, they just vanished). So taking the time to really explain the differences with those overlaps makes the whole difference ! Especially for people who are doing all the work/research by themselves ... So thank you ! 🙏🏽
Thank you so much for this. I kept trying to research BPD because of ppl in my relationships telling me how unpredictable I was. Even while I only saw my reactions as the logical result of the patterns shown by the other party. I stayed in an abusive relationship for two years just trying to map out what my life would work without the other person. To be fair I kept telling them why it won't work throughout the entire process. But I could always rule out BPD because of the sense of self. I love my own company!! So until I had my last son and his diagnosis, I didn't know to be looking into ASD
i think another big difference between the two is that with bpd, one will lean on self-destructive and impulsive behaviors like bingeing and sh in attempts to fill the void and emptiness they feel, this could also be why they are more likely to be extroverted, have favorite persons, have a fear of abandonment, etc. its all because they don't want to be alone with the emptiness. whereas an autistic person likes to be alone because they feel the emptiness when masking or being around other people. this could also result in some of the same self destructive behaviors, depression, etc. basically its could all stem from the feeling of emptiness. obviously im not a professional, just speculating!
really looking forward to this video... i'm 24, was diagnosed with major anxiety and depression, panic attacks, and ED at ~14 years old. after multiple hospital stays and medicine changes throughout the years, in 2021 i was diagnosed with BPD and PTSD after an unaliving attempt- the thing is, though, that had been the worst year of my life. lost and betrayed by the love of my life, confused and desperate and lonely, my mother passed away and then a close friend later in the year... i've always severely struggled with emotional regulation, interpersonal skills, and certain seemingly basic functions/ human necessities. my depression was/ still is treatment resistant, (despite being on a max dose of weekly prozac and daily rexulti & adderall, combined w/ weekly therapy and regular psychiatry visits...), and my unresolved traumas were severely effecting my everyday life and thoughts and feelings. that is to say, there's a lot that led up to that diagnosis for me, and i still have a lot of trouble fully identifying with it. i know BPD is different for all, and no shade to somewhere who struggles differently from me, but i really don't have a lot of / any of the manipulative/ explosive/ etc. traits normally associated with bpd. i do suffer from intense fear of abandonment, which stems from severe childhood and adult trauma, i suffer with self harm- but so do many autistic kids, i just never grew out of the habit. i struggle with relationships, not because I push people away or get aggressive or whatever, but because i fail to understand people sometimes, all the time. they say one thing but mean another thing, someone can lie to you with a straight face, i don't get sarcasm or a lot of jokes and it upsets me. i've spent ten years now in therapy learning dbt and social skills, literally i had to train myself how to be normal like eye contact, proper conversation, etc... i've always had intense extreme special interests, to the point where i can't do anything but that thing. i have stomach issues and fibromyalgia & other pain disorders. life is hard and i just want to figure out what's wrong with my brain finally so i can really fix it this time 🥹 sorrry for the tmi
Just getting some thoughts out... 3:45 - "With borderline personality disorder, you have an intense fear of abandonment or instability, and you may have difficulty tolerating being alone” For ASD, does it instead sound more like “With ASD, you have an expectation of abandonment or instability, and you feel relief being alone” ? I’d love to hear anyone’s thoughts on that! I think I’m slowly starting to understand why after 3.5 years of expensive DBT therapy, I’ve barely made any progress getting better. In a lot of ways I’m struggling even more 😔
*No matter what you have. The most important thing is to be aware of those symptoms. Once you are aware, you can always improve your life where possible.* As for me, I was evaluated to be on the autism spectrum and OCD. I tend to be focused on my interests even things like autism tend to part of my research getting to know more about myself. Basically, I'm curious on what life has to offer. I also go bowling and eat pizza a lot and avoid most meats due to negativity of that food (weird, or lack of good flavor including steak, ribs, or even pepperoni is too strong for my mouth to handle). But I enjoy eating Mcdonalds (the food has positive taste). Positivity and fun I guess is what I seek in life. I also enjoy playing video games or board games like Uno or Monopoly. I also like to travel and don't like being home all the time and I don't like being alone in public. And I sleep with the lights on due to night sensitivity, I don't really call it fear of the dark but I find more comfort with the lights on. And I do a lot of self talk in my head and asking questions basically having a conversation to myself, this may keep me up at night. 😎 Lastly, when someone passes away, I am somehow free of tears but I do behave appropriately. 👀
This is a HIGHLY informative video, definitely watch it. pro tip though- set the speed of play between 1.5x and 2x, depending on which you like more. She talks pretty slowly, but more pronounced is the amount of "extra" information thats essentially what she already told us just said a slightly different way. gr8 vid tho!!
Dear Irene, this is probably the greatest video I’ve watched on TH-cam about this topic! It is so clear and detailed! After I watched it I was able to finally realise the differences and think that I probably do not have a BPD that my psychiatrist attributes to me and to start researching autism in more depth. And what a relief it was to discover that it was autism that answered all my questions about myself! I will be looking for a formal diagnosis, but at the moment I am absolutely certain that I am autistic and it gives me so much hope and faith in the future! All thanks to your videos and especially this one, which is where it all started for me! Thank you for what you do! Your work is priceless! Warm hugs from Berlin ❤️
Your videos are really informative and helpful but one of my favorite parts is the birdsong in the background. It is really soothing to hear while learning about a complex and interesting topics. 🙂 Thanks for all your work!
I have a complicated relationship with this whole field of study/experience on the part of the people living it. I find it admirable that those who suffer so greatly inwardly from these conditions have built a community around understanding each other and working hard to understand themselves and how to both develop self-compassion and improve their communication and expressions of their emotions with others. At the same time, as someone who has lived for many years on the receiving end of someone who exhibits some of these traits, I harbor some deep resentments and frustrations. I want to be understanding and compassionate towards all of you humans, but I also feel as though there is a lot of coddling and excuse-making for the toxic and sometimes abusive behaviors and communication that come along with these amorphous personality traits, and I can't help but feel as though we are using certain labels to justify or excuse patterns of behavior that may have caused significant harm to the loved ones in these peoples' lives. At the end of the day, sometimes I feel it would be more honest and earnest to instead of pathologize and medicalize these behaviors to give some leeway (oh poor you, the abuse was simply a result of your autism or trauma-induced BPD), it is sometimes important just to call it what it is to acknowledge the reality of the victims of some of these behaviors. Yes, certainly the autistic or BPD-person is suffering greatly throughout these periods of interaction and has little to no control over their words and actions, and of course I wonder how useful it could be to guilt-trip them (it's not useful), but like I said, it's kind of triggering for me to hear it all just be hand-waved away. You're suffering is real but so is mine at the hand's of you. There is also something about the ASD label that gives people more leeway. Like, "I don't have a personality disorder [like BPD--something that can be treated and therefore you have to have some accountability for], I simply have autism, a developmental disability that is not treatable," and my kneejerk reaction is that it's a cop-out to explain away behavior towards others that has had some element of harm to it that the perpetrator now has a justification for. I recognize that perhaps that is an unfair judgement on my part. I suppose in either case (BPD or autism), the harm is not intentional, but at what point do victims get to say like, I don't really care what the cause was because it really was so difficult for the person on the receiving end? It's great that you have more self-knowledge but at what point are we going to be telling people like "wellll, we're not going to call how you were "abusive" because that was all just a result of a disorder you have and not a choice to behave that way." At a certain point it's all just window-dressing and it cheapens the consequences of people with ASD/BPD's actions. Long story short, all I wanted is like just a little bit of acknowledgement that whether it's autism or BPD or both, that the emotional volatility and tantrums and lashing out and controlling behavior, whatever the cause, that these can put our loved ones in precarious emotional positions.
This video actually cleared a lot up for me. I just found out about this channel but I'm really appreciating it and wanted to say thank-you for making your content. It's helping me find ways to talk to others about how I feel and what I'm experiencing.
thank you, this is so true... it looks like paranoia but it is not and the confusion of not understanding the change in the other person behaviour. I feel like autistic people talk about suicide because they need help and don't know how to express it... the pain has become so unbearable that it is the only option they think about but it is not purely for attention seeking.
Thank you for this video. This helps me find the distinction between BPD and ASD within myself. I’ve accepted for a while that a lot of disorders just have overlap, and that I may never know 100% what is wrong with me, and I’m okay with that. But this video I think helps me narrow it down to autism rather than BPD, especially with your descriptions of rejection and the distinction of not knowing who you are versus having to hide who you are. I’ve known I’ve had asd for a while, but hearing you describe the distinction weirdly brings me to a sense of clarity.
Thank you. I’m diagnosed EUPD and now questioning that I have been misdiagnosed, because while I accept the eupd having lots going on in life, there are also things I cannot ignore and have always been there. It’s been a year since I had a complete breakdown, and I’m not getting better, if anything I’m recognising more traits that have always been there, but managed to handle it until now. I’m really scared. NHS is broken and I cannot get into see a doctor to talk about anything. I’m isolated and I struggle with interpersonal relationships. Everything you scratched on matches…
BPD can actually go away after time and treatment. I've been told this multiple times from multiple different mental health professionals. It's one of the few disorders that can go away where others are usually considered in remission. I was diagnosed with BPD several years ago and recently diagnosed with Autism and ADHD. I think it's possible as a teen that I did have BPD as a result of really bad trauma and really toxic relationships. It was basically a bad feed back loop that made me a pretty toxic person in order to survive those bad relationships. BUT i think a big contributer was Autism, especially since it was undiagnosed and I didn't know how to cope. I'm doing far better now with knowing and recognizing and treating my mental health with Autism and ADHD in mind. Everything else really felt more like trying to swim against the current the whole time. Recognizing I struggle and adjusting instead of gaslighting and pretending I'm just over dramatic and emotionally unstable has helped me cope with life faaaar better with quality of life.
When I suggested ASD to my psychiatrist (after significant psyching myself out to even bring it up, as I'm a nurse, and i know how many doctors truly don't take the words of their patients seriously), he said to me, "yeah, a lot of girls are coming in now thinking they have ADHD. its a big tiktok trend".... This guy is also prescribing me ADHD meds... for the ADHD i was diagnosed for 25 years prior... Psychiatrist before that, who was also prescribing those meds (the one before THAT died unexpectedly and didn't believe in neurodivergence... just trauma responses) informed me that He is a psychiatrist and doesn't deal with "personality stuff"... ... I don't even know where to go with that comment without writing a full essay :P
You definitely communicated effectively. I really appreciated this differentiation. One thing that I would caution against in the future is referring to people as their diagnosis. e.g. "As a borderline" vs "a person with bpd"
It's important to point out that whether or not treatment is effective for an individual with bpd isn't contingent on their efforts and work alone. The treatments simply don't work on everyone. It's also not universally true that it gets better with time, some times it can get worse. I just want to avoid the impression that if you're not getting better with treatment it must have something to do with your efforts.
Wonderful video and it made total sense to me! Your examples were great. I suspected my ex BF had autism but the experts were saying borderline…that didn’t feel right to me. We were quarantined together so I was with him literally 24/7 for 18 months. His train of thought was just different. Like an Android vs iPhone.
This video resonated with me so much. While I do believe my BPD diagnosis might not be wrong, I still question it a lot. At the time I got my diagnosis, I had been insisting for years to get evaluated, not because I wanted a label, I just have always felt very alien in respect to others and have had problems navigating life since I could remember, and for my own sanity and to not feel "crazy" I needed to know if something was actually off and to give it a name and that way making me feel less scared. When eventually my doctor agreed, he said "I always knew that you were borderline, it's a difficult diagnosis to get and just having it on record can make things it the future difficult, and didn't want you to think that's all you are and can't get better" Thing is, I feel like because of my childhood trauma, he got very hung up on that (idk how else to put it). I've been in therapy since I was 8 and I'm now 26, it's been 6 years since the diagnosis and I think I have a pretty good grasp on it and looking back, I don't see real signs of BPD in childhood or as a teen. My knowledge of the symptoms of autism was very slim and male oriented, so when I later switched doctors and they suggested I might be autistic I brushed it off. Learning more about it now, looking back I do see signs of it since childhood. This video was really informative and put into words feelings and things I couldn't, thank you so much. I haven't been in therapy anymore for 4 months as I felt it wasn't working anymore, but I called to get an appointment!
As a person who suffers with BPD I really think you covered this quite well. I will say the SH/S**cide attempts we won't always threaten, but some of us will automatically as soon as someone we are deeply attached to our "favorite person" if you will (I believe there is a similar if not same thing for Autistic people, just different meanings, correct me if I'm wrong I just believe I've heard it before being a similarity.) I and other BPD people might instead of threatening the person to them will start to cut or attempt because we think they might leave us, it's really hard because of all the previous abandonment we faced for us to deal with and sometimes it just hurts I mean to the amount where we physically feel pain already for them to leave us that attempting feels like a way out, and SH feels like your letting out that pain. Just saying this to clairify. I don't condone SH or attempting in this manner it's just sometimes its all we can think because we are so overwhelmed at the abandonment that it feels like the only option. (Also I've been clean of SH for 2 years an haven't attempted since leaving my family, which was attempted not because of abandonment but because of not seeing a way out of the abuse.)
I was diagnosed BPD mostly because of self harm. I was told, "Self Harm is the hallmark of Borderline Personality Disorder". However, I was hurting myself to avoid extreme mental pain. It usually had nothing to do with abandonment. I have a hard time making friends but once I have one I often keep them. So I have not been abandoned much as an adult. Also my emotional regulation was and is bad. But I was misdiagnosed. I do not have BPD. I have PTSD. I think I have autism.
Thank you so much for explaining the differences in detail, and how it feels like from the inside perspective of each. This has helped me better understand myself and know my own brain.
Omigish so helpful.❤ your channel helping me so much. I'm female aged 50. Am 3 years into major burnout have last year received formal diagnosis for autism level 1, two years before that adhd. I'm at 4 or 5 on the ACE'S depending on who's story you believe. I am in nz and as of last week I've got 3 case managers but still no doctor or therapist. Funny not funny. Love the wee birdies cheeping, I have my own here and your video intro outro makes me beautifully aware of them. Blessings. So many things you do right, so much insight gifted. Keys turn in mental locks and I realise why I'm seen the way I am.. I listen to you rather than watching and it works in that format too.
This video was super helpful! I think you did a great job of execution and explanation! I loved hearing the examples. A harder thing for me is to relate or understand without examples of something. Like my brain just can’t get to it without hearing an example - do having these really helped me interpret between the two! The only thing I personally would say is that I really enjoyed when you put up the list of symptoms for BPD, but then didn’t do the same for ASD - so then listening them out, I couldn’t grasp that information as well without a visual to go along with it. That maybe totally just me of course but, the only thing I could otherwise note. Again I really loved this, your tone, your way of breaking it down, and I would really love to see more examples of symptoms or examples of comorbidity like OCD etc. 🖤
When I was editing I couldn’t for the life of me find the website where I got my ASD info so I couldn’t screenshot and insert 😩 it bothered me too, I was looking for so long. But thanks for your feedback on what works for you!
I feel like Borderline overlaps more with ADHD than with Autism. The emotional dysregulation really crosses over. I'm trying to figure out if I've got like, mild BPD or if it's just the ADHD.
Edited for clarification: I didn't choose to see the doctor that wrongly diagnosed me. It was down to an abusive now ex husband... 20 years before I got the right diagnosis, I was diagnosed with BPD. I cried. I knew that wasn't what it. I didn't know that I was autistic though. I thought the psychiatrist just wanted to be mean to me. I still haven't ruled out that possibility. It was very traumatic to me. It still hurts so much when I remember it, there's no room to think it might have been an "honest mistake." I doubt it. 7 years of being forced to take SSRA's prevented me from having a decent quality of life, ruined my metabolism, and gave me a permanent weight problem. Not to mention the attempted S, and then I refused to take anymore of those. Also, I wanted to add, not all autistics have a hard time "putting themselves in other people's shoes." It's one of my worst weaknesses. When I was 6 I cried all night about a character in a book mom read at bedtime that had got bullied. I hadn't been bullied in school yet, but I couldn't get past feeling how much it must have hurt him. Finally mom yelled, "For heaven's sake, it's just a story! Shut up and go to sleep!" I still couldn't sleep.
@@luckyduckydaisyflower2344 Oh, yeah! Dumbo getting teased was so sad! I also saw Bambi. Once. That was enough. I still can't watch it. I felt so bad about him losing his mother. Road kill makes me sad too, especially if it's a domestic pet animal. Not only is the critter dead, but I think of how sad its owner must be. Those poor single shoes beside the road...I had to laugh at that part because I still feel sorry for them too, or gloves, mittens, socks... but I remind myself they don't have feelings. That gets me through. Lol
This video was fantastic! You are very smart and articulate and made clear what I found very confusing before. I was misdiagnosed BPD when I was a young adult but just learned recently I am actually autistic. Everything makes sense now and I wish I had known before I had so many mental health problems. Your videos are very thoughtful and helpful!
Thank you so much for this video! I have two children who have autism I had one child who had borderline personality but she passed away. And my granddaughter I believe has borderline personality disorder. I saw many of the same traits in myself and could not figure out why. Next total sense after listening to your video.
omg what you said about trauma I find to be SO SO true in regards to autism and also adhd in my case... so frustrating and difficult to navigate :/ and sadly a lot of woc could probably find themselves in this
My sister got diagnosed with mild BPD, but she’s definitely NOT autistic. She has very unstable, rapidly changing moods, but antidepressants do help her. I have diagnosed autism and can also have mood shifts, but they’re usually as a result of hormonal phases and/or sensory overwhelm. I feel like I did show some borderline traits while I was in college. In terms of risky relationships and behaviors. I kind out outgrew them once in my later twenties, though.
Dear Irene, i so admire the courage and intellect you were able to summon in making this video. As you suggest BPD and ASD can be confused by well trained professionals when people come to them without knowing how they're expected to discuss their history or may have difficulty recounting facts. I always think of how young children I've known have started to manifest ASD, whereas any personality disorder requires a much more complex perception of relationships than a preschool would have developed. You have so much wisdom and deep thoughts to share. Please share kindness with yourself and others.
😮 I am autistic, and looking back, I can definitely say an experience I had as a preschool age child caused trauma that led me to develope a personality disorder pretty quickly. I wasn't treated for it until my early forties. Partly due to living in an area where mental health services are few and far between, partly due to financial struggles of my family, partly due to my family members being too caught up in their own struggles to really notice mine. I was glad to finally emerge from that disorder. But I was still autistic and still didn't fit in with my community well. Even after my autism was finally recognized, too. I was surrounded by family who felt it was their job to teach me to "not be autistic". As if that was possible!!!!
I think you are doing so well. As a neurotypical, I appreciate getting to understand how other people's minds work and what life is like for them. I have a very good friend who just finally got her ASD diagnosis in the past year. She's also been diagnosed with BPD and PTSD. I am sending her a link to your videos so that she can possibly share them with her mom to help them communicate better. Thank you for the work you do and the topics you cover. Great job!
I am a little over half way through this video, and I just want to thank you so much for researching, sharing, and posting all of this information because as an autistic person, I feel so validated, almost to the point where I am a bit confused for some reason. Thank you, and as a person going into psychology and research about ASD I will spread this information. 💛
this video is very helpful!! i highly suspect i have asd and ive heard a lot about how bpd overlaps with it, and this is the most comprehensive source ive found on it ^_^ i have a hard time figuring this stuff out on my own and putting it into words and you did so very well. something that especially resonated with me was the part about fearing the change that comes with losing someone, rather than losing the person themselves. as painful as it is to lose someone close to me i am much more worried about dealing with the changes id have to make with their absence. ive never been able to put this feeling into words and this is the first time ive heard anyone else describe it!!
I agree with her that the list she read sucks. It has so many things that don't apply to many people with this disorder. It also left out SO many things
The question about how you feel when you get to be home alone is, like, definitional. It's SUCH a relief to be alone. Being alone is the best thing, especially after a long day of interacting with people. Like finally getting to take off the hard-soled shoes and curl your toes (sometimes literally!)
28:33 holy shit I saw so many videos about BPD and read so many topics and discussions, and finally somebody (you) brought up the fact the very almost core, is that we are stealing personalities from others and that we are basically this sewed creature from people that we like certain moves and behaviors, also first time hearing in long video where is person talking about some topic (bird) nature ambiance, love that
Thank you for this vid! For the longest time I thought I had bpd but recently I was told I may be autistic. I relate to both of the traits of the disorders (struggling to tell what others feel + fear of abandonment for example)
Thank you so much for this video. I identify with Aspergers, but havevn't been diagnosed. My BF is seeing me over-whelmed (and freaking out) for the first time and he thought I might be BPD or bi-polar. I needed to be reminded about how I deal with change and that is what is happening. I'm getting back to taking better care of my mind and emotions as a neuro-diverse person who's needs are unique.
I was misdiagnosed with BPD because I fit nearly all the criteria. The key difference was that I didn’t fear the abandonment. Sort of. At the time, I had a lot of friends cut ties with me for reasons I didn’t understand I had difficulty accepting that and moving on to find new, better friends. After some brainwork, I came to accept that friendships aren’t forever, but are for the here and now. Even my suicidality and self-harm was just to find a way to make the big emotions stop or to cope with them. I didn’t ever want anyone to know about those bad coping skills.
G-D I feel you saying women get misdiagnosed as having BPD instead of ASD so badly. I went to try and get help for mine and what I believe is ADHD, and instead they put me on bipolar meds which did nothing and said they wanted to explore a BPD diagnosis despite my BPD wife saying I most definitely don’t have it. Ugh.
in the beginning of this video I identified so strongly with the autism experience. But I felt so hurt when it came to the "if you are extroverted, that is bpd, not autism" or how being home alone is supposed to be awesome and I am not supposed to miss the company of people around me, if I was autistic. I feel so strongly that I am most likely on the spectrum. So now I am really confused again because I really feel like I need other people because I do not feel that life without others is very fulfilling to me. e.g. I recently went through a breakup and my former partner moved out. I felt relieved not to have to shape my life around my ex partner anymore, even though I do still love them and also the breakup came as a surprise to me and I was hurt by it. However, no matter how much lighter I feel without the perceived obligation to support and help them to an extend of draining my resources, leaving me unable to care for/about anything else.. Now that I have nothing in my life that gives me an "automatic" regular social interaction, I find that I have a great need of organizing other opportunities for socializing. Maybe it is because I do have no other stabilizing factors in my life, currently, but I also remember not enjoying being without social contact as a kid, when there was the summer break at school, and therefore I was left without my social routines. I guess I found it hurtful to hear it from you, because I had related so strongly to the autistic experience you were describing in other videos, for one; but also because I was trying to get help at a clinic recently, because I am struggling with what I thought might be autistic burn-out; only to (in my perception) be bullied out of the clinic by the doctor who seemed to be convinced, for some reason, that I have "some personality disorder" (without even being explicit or specific about why he believes that to be the case, or which one he thought of). He didn't seem to listen to me at all and just cherry-picked any sign of me being "unstable" and I felt very misunderstood. The same doctor (I read then in his letter) excludes autism as a dx for me; saying that he could do that from "clinical observation" and that I had been social with other patients and showed empathy towards them. That statement is just infuriating to me, because obviously autism doesn't mean that a person isn't able to socialize or show empathy. Especially when seeing how others are mistreated by a careless doctor. I realize I am much more open to listen to your opinion than that doctor's, because he didn't seem to know a lot about autism at all, and also seemed to be very derogatory towards me and anybody who is currently without work. Sorry for venting over here, I notice that this is probably not relevant to you, actually. I want to conclude that I take away as the most helpful point (for me), that I can get other professional's opinions and that one or two doctor's opinion being (potentially) wrong doesn't need to discourage me from trying to get help with my struggles. But also that, if a person reads this, who also is extroverted and thinks that they might be on the spectrum, maybe that part of this video wasn't necessarily true for our experience, but we can still try to figure it out. Don't be discouraged either, since also all experiences are unique! 💛🤍❤🩹💜🖤
Thank you so much for sharing!! This video helped me understand more about myself and helped me get through washing the dishes honestly! 😂 I completely resonated when you were explaining the “taking a friend to their favorite restaurant” analogy. It made perfect sense!
Thanks for your video it just makes so much sense ❤. I am diagnosed w/ BPD and i feel it is accurate, but when i look at „the main thing is fear of abandoment“ i feel like sth is off, because its not the only thing that triggers me.
I think as an overview her assessment was quite good. But she won't be able to talk about all the intricacies and nuances within the borderline world. I am triggered by deadlines and other things too. It's normal to be triggered by many things in bpd. That's why it's a complex disorder with many layers to unwrap in therapy. Good luck to you! ❤
Thank you for this. It was extremely clear and you covered so many things that i wondered about in other videos but either weren’t or couldn’t be covered because one would need to be autistic to fully know in a real, experienced way.
![เปิดบ้าน นาราเครปกระเทย 1 ไร่ ขายขาดทุนหลัก10ล้าน เอามาใช้หนี้!!! l [Nickynachat]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/0jz84VFWVP4/mqdefault.jpg)
I think the saddest part of all of this is that no matter which one you end up getting diagnosed with you’ll still get no support as an adult.
‘YoU sHoUlD gRoW oUt Of It, EvErYoNe StRugGlEs’, i thnk everyone with one or both wishes they just could.
Yeah...or they'll insist you have the one you've made very clear is not the problem and stop listening. I've given up on diagnosis it's a waste of my time at this point. There's cultural differences going into play as well and there's no providers locally who can do what I need them to. It's exhausting so I just gave up entirely.
worst if you have both. having a job is the worst struggle you can have but you have to. we deserve pension.
U've never heard of DBT?
@@lowwastehighmelanin i see you. I'm 45yo woman and have felt like my diagnosis of BPD was wrong ever since I was diagnosed it and the more I've gotten to know the nuances between BPD and ASD. Like yourself it's a struggle to find the right provider locally and my age being a factor I've also given up entirely.
I just want to mention that I think many with Autism can struggle with RSD (Rejection sensitivity Dysphoria) or and Attachment Disorder due to constant rejection/critism/bullying/trauma ❤️
Also that when a relationship ends its not just loosing a relationship, it can also be a feeling of loosing a "caregiver" when you have Autism and dont function well on your own in daily life and maybe needs help in some areas like pay bills, call somewhere etc..
You are so right on with this insight.
I agree. I know I have RSD, myself.
I agree with this whole heartedly. I think that both can exist simultaneously. You can definitely be autistic with an anxious attachment style due to trauma ❤ and experience rejection sensitivity for the same reasons. Society produces traumatized autistic people, so it can be so difficult to distinguish which is which.
All of this. Exactly. It's very different.
BPD is just the best to punch someone in the face
after i was diagnosed with bpd and then my therapist suggested I could be autistic we went through the criteria and some medical tests and questionnaires (which we filled out together and discussed) and it surprised me how much she had to explain to me (nuances and details) because of the vagueness of the language.
I think if I had taken these tests and questionnaires on my own I might have gotten very non-autistic (and therefore not have gotten the diagnostic and support I needed) without her guidance because "you don't keep eye-contact" is NOT the same as "you feel uncomfortable keeping eye contact but you've been told it's important so you work hard to keep eye-contact which then makes you feel exhausted" for example. I would respond no to the first option but YES! DEFINITELY YES! to the second...
I feel the same way about the questionnaires!
This is the problem I keep running into with those assessments.
So true!
BPD is just the best to punch someone in the face
Oh man, I feel ya on the vagueness! I’m not diagnosed but I find myself relating a lot to many of the female TH-camrs with autism, even with some of the nuanced details. I’m currently diagnosed with bpd traits but I really don’t resonate with the defining characteristics. I feel my diagnosis would be different if the questions weren’t so vague. And only now am I recognizing things I do that I had no idea where part of being autistic. Even my bf has been watching Irene’s videos with me and he’s like “you do this” or “this sounds like you.” I’m now trying to figure out how I can get testing done but I live in a pretty rural state.
yay thanks you ! i was diagnosed bpd after suicide attempt. i was a mute the first 10 years of my life (until i got home from school i would scream and run around the house) and diagnosed with adhd. it wasn’t until coworker told me they thought i was autistic which i tossed off at first but a few years later i had my state psych evaluation and was approved for social security disability the first try due to cognitive impairments. so my medicaid sent me to a special needs center and the medical team diagnosed me asd, adhd .
I have both and personally it is horrible. I have the quiet bpd and i also have c-ptsd on top of it all. it is a huge struggle on a daily basis. constantly having to manage my thought patterns and behaviours so i am not doing anything toxic. I cannot answer the question "Who am i?". it is just blank and its scary because i have a sense of who i am but i dont know who i am. I also love being alone because i get to do what i want to do. however, i always feel this deep void of loneliness and get anxious about not having my favourite people/person around. i am constantly scared i will always get hurt by those closest to me. so i am always on edge around them. its so confusing and hard but with long-term trauma informed therapy i am slowly getting better and learning to be my autistic self without feeling shame and fear.
I'm Autistic in a relationship with someone with BPD, and actually this clarifies so many fundamental understanding differences between me and him! We get along so well, but our attempts to support the other is usually unintentionally based on our personal experiences not realizing how little that actually helps the other despite our outward expressions being very similar at times. I think I'll make a chart highlighting your points to keep with me to re-reflect on after I listen to this a bazillon more times. Thank you for your content!!
The fear of abandonment is SOOOO difficult to ascertain, because I’ve had so many friendships where they did not want to be friends with me anymore, but never stated it or said it so I never picked up on it & I get anxious with that kind of stuff! And now in therapy, it’s more of a like ‘this person is acting funny, I’m going to be hurt if I’m being conversational and trying to communicate and they are not and I don’t know we aren’t on the same page of our friendship anymore’. Like, I know life goes on and I’ve lost enough friendships and relationships to know it happens, and I know it hurts, but I’m not afraid of it (even though I know it’ll be painful). The worst part for me, is having so many times where I was myself and communicating and not picking up on their clues and just being confused and hurt, which makes parsing the two apart so hard for me 😫😫
Also I am a suspecting autistic woman and your channel is amazing I’m so excited to watch your videos I just discovered them all
i relate to this *so fucking much*. like, i'm not fearful of them leaving me. i'm fearful there's something innately "wrong" with me because i seem to miss these social cues/norms when they're finished with the relationship for whatever reason (usually because i'm "weird") and don't want to communicate it with me. this, this, THIS. everything about your comment resonates so hard with me! (i am also a suspecting autistic woman).
@@courtkendell same. If someone decides to leave, fine. Of course, it hurts but it's their decision. What hurts me us thinking there is something wrong with me because a lot of people find me strange
Feel bad for them. That they don't get the grace from YOUR presence anymore.
Edit: a few words
BPD is just the best to punch someone in the face
You are one of the most effective communicators on the topic of ASD. Very clear and concise messaging that can be applied. Thank you.
Wholeheartedly second this! Collab with Autism from the Inside
Paul Micallef
i was misdiagnosed with bpd, after years of pills that never worked, shame because im sensitive and angry and anxious around people, and so many diagnoses, my friend suggested autism specialist. it is apparently autism plus c ptsd which i think led them to believe i had bpd. plus me always being fully prepared to answer everything and fit it. its terribly uncomfortable telling doctor that you get angry because human looked or talked to you, or that you start to stumble if someone talks. i had situation where i walked with my friend that was very talkative, and it was so tireing i didnt have will to go away. we walked and i started to feel light headed and as if i will faint, i think it was dissociation, like my brain was being bolied so it evaporated. i never talked about these crappy things in my life, i though it will go away with time. apparently being very obeying kid is sign of autism too. i ended up as stereotype and i cant process it. i beleived i can be different but turns out my brain cant be changed, only i can apply changes. i will never be free form sensory overload. i never knew that was a thing. i thought i lived in some fucked up upside down where i would have million of daily struggles but NOONE saw it, excpet for a new friend i made 2 years ago, she is autistic and started to notice things with time. im still not believing my diagnosis.
I was never diagnosed with bpd but I'm awaiting an autism diagnosis and have ptsd from childhood trauma so this is very validating to hear, I never identified with the criteria for bpd especially the risk-taking behaviour, I'm the biggest homebody and rarely venture out of my comfort zone unless it's for someone I care for deeply
@@inactive120 Did you get your diagnosis in the end?
I was 16 when I got my Asperger's diagnosis. I've said it often, that was because it was 2003, I was 16 and a suicidal teenage boy with no friends and unusual hobbies. Had I been a girl, I'd have borderline now. The more I read and watch about it, the more I think... that would've been the right diagnosis. Been told a couple of times by caretakers and such that I have astonishing knowledge of humans for an autist, and that strict adherence to rutines like a machine... almost completely foreign to me.
You might be AuDHD (autism and adhd) ASD means you function better with routine but ADHD can make you unable to maintain routines, and routines may also bore you or make you agitated and restless. Also not all autistic people are completely “inept” with social situations, not everybody is as heavily effected in the social part of Autism as you can have better social skills than usual but still struggle in other aspects that are affected by Autism.
@Alexander Mike please don't treat autism with herbs 😅 the heck is wrong with some of you people?
Also, to add to the nuance of the abandonment conversation: it's not that you fear they are abandoning you, but rather you are so confused on how you were unable to interpret nor communicate effectively enough in the relationship to such an extent (questioning your judgement and ability to perceive interactions in general) that it makes you practically instant meltdown, especially for example you could become homeless, etc, which that huge of a change plus having to deal with C-PTSD on top of having to interact with people if you are financially dependent on the person. The autistic person, if legitimately feels that overwhelmed to say that to someone, would immediately seek a therapist/case worker to help them transition. We tend to also forget that whether BPD or ASD, there are situations that even a mentally "healthy" neurotypical person could react in a similar fashion when you mix in C-PTSD. Life is hard enough as it is before adversity and intersectionality are brought into the equation, which will exponentially increase the difficulty to the breaking point. I can't speak on terms of race, but from experiences of non-binary and LGBTQ+, we get grouped as well under BPD when medical professionals aren't trained to treat marginalized groups as they do not understand how much neurodivergent minorities have to mask, especially when camouflaging and masking are absolutely necessary for survival.
I completely agree with what you said about professionals being unable to overlook trauma as the source of all of someone’s issues. I once had a psychologist keep insisting all of my issues were caused by a traumatic event that didn’t take place until I was seven when the issues I was discussing had been present since infancy.
I was diagnosed w ADHD as a child. Idk if you know about rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) but once I discovered that symptom is experienced in ADHD ppl, so much made sense. I was told by my PsyD that I have BPD… but like so many things didn’t describe me. The “emptiness.” I dont feel empty ever. I know my beliefs and identity… so why I am afraid of abandonment a lot I think it stems from RSD and having experienced rejection from peers, negative feedback my whole life. I miss social queues! I am impulsive! Emotional dysregulatuion is also found in ADHD ppl. So I feel its ADHD and ASD and my nonbinary clinician overlooked my prev Dx because I am a sex worker and have experienced trauma (before and during sex work) as well as because I am assigned female at birth. :(
Ooh is your clinician nonbinary or are you?
I'm sorry that you've had traumas before and with work :/
I am autistic and was misdiagnosed with BPD at first, and I've had the "threatening self harm" issue before, but for slightly different reasons. I've had this friend, and he said I should tell him when I feel like doing *that*. So after a fight we've had I told him I was feeling like it. My thoughts back then were just "oh! this is the situation! I should tell him, he said I should!", but to him it felt manipulative and like I was threatening him with that. Which seems obvious to me now aswell, that he would read it this way, but in the situation I was just trying to follow an established protocoll and did not mean it as a threat at all!
i totally understand you
Same, I struggle with this because people always want you to tell them but i feel like expressing what i feel is manipulative? Many times I’ll say what I feel ir want and people get offended so I keep it to myself but then I’m not communicating so it’s difficult to navigate
here's something I've personally noticed that overlaps when it comes to break ups: A person with BPD in a toxic relationship might find it so hard to go through a break up because he/she feels like the partner is a part of them (object relations). A reason that makes it almost impossible to let go and move on with your life. (that's what I've heard and at that time made me wonder if I'm BPD, but now I'm sure I'm not)
It resonated a lot with me since my ex boyfriend was the only one I could go out with and ever feel like "being as close to truly myself as I could be in public". That's essentially what I fell in love with: myself when I was around him & not masking so hard when I'm in public because he created this sort of safe space for me while I was in his presence. Learning more about autism this makes so much more sense now.
Thank you for the amazing content.
TW: Self-harm
I think an important distinction for BPD vs Autistic self-injurious behaviors is also importantly intent - not perceived intent but actual intent - and you have to both be honest with yourself and trust yourself when assessing these motivations. As a late-diagnosed autistic woman with a history of self-harm, my past engagement in that behavior was because of tremendous difficulties with emotional regulation. While a dangerous and highly detrimental coping strategy, I found it grounding during meltdowns and as I was undiagnosed, I had no other tools. While these behaviors were never ever aimed at controlling others, the people around me (including doctors) always saw my self-harm as a tactic of control of others when in reality it was exclusively a means of self-regulation when I was in my darkest moments. This perception of self-harm as intrinsically manipulative led to a misdiagnosis of borderline when I was a teenager, which was very quickly proven inaccurate after a formal neuro-psych evaluation.
Heyy I have bpd and I used to self harm to self regulate as well, it sort of irritates me that ppl have the misconception that self harm in bpd is always manipulative, it is for some, but not all. From what I’ve learnt the suicidal ideation and self harm urges come mainly from poor impulse control and wanting to regulate and make the emotional outburst more manageable most of the time :))
This video was very helpful so thank you. I've been diagnosed with BPD since I was 18, and while I do exhibit a lot of the symptoms (fear of abandonment, emotional dysregulation, $uicide and self harm attempts, risk taking behaviors and painful relationships, strong recognition of other people's body language and facial expressions) I also exhibit a lot of the symptoms of ADHD/autism (inability to complete tasks unless I'm specifically interested in the subject matter, highly specified interests, difficulty making friends or understanding social cues, being overly blunt or literal sometimes disorganization, hyperactivity, sensory overload, can only pay attention to people talking to me and retain that information if im doing something that interests me, like doodling, cant make eye contact with peiple without feeling a deep sense of discomfort unless they are someone i know well...). So I'm not sure if I may be have both, or if I'm just ADHD/autistic and have some borderline tendencies. I do have a fear of abandonment, but that's always been because it's hard for me to make friends/relationships, so when someone I really like comes into my life, they become my Favorite Person. I don't want them to leave, because the thought of finding someone new and having to go through the exhausting and quite frankly awkward social processes of finding someone who can vibe with my weirdness terrifies me. And also like you mentioned in the video. All the plans I made with that person, all the shows podcasts and comics I shared with them, All the fun times we had... They become a routine in your life and once that routine is broken it's chaos.
So when people leave I'm devastated. If I try to harm myself, it's not because I'm trying to get back at them or manipulate them into staying, it's because I genuinely feel like I don't want to continue living without that person in my life. It's less about how they feel and more about how I feel.
Unlike most borderlines I have a very strong sense of self, that I do not mask around other people either. I may not be AS weird when I'm at work as I am around friends, but I know my interests, my beliefs and my convictions and morals, and they have remained mostly the same since becoming an adult. And I don't hide them either. When people ask I'm very forthcoming. People coming into my life may influence certain things, spark new interests or beliefs, no one is immune from that, but my core beliefs have never changed.
I'm constantly torn between feeling lonely and like I want people around, to being independent and craving my alone time. I only have a limited battery for social interaction before I want to be left alone, but I do crave interaction with people all the same, especially if I currently have a Favorite Person. So idk. I check the boxes of both disorders pretty heavily and at this point I have no idea what to think.
All of them could co-occur! The main thing is to adapt the therapy to your specific needs. A diagnosis is only good for getting the proper treatment. If you struggle with bpd-like symptoms dbt and CBT will do wonders!!! And all you have to do is adapt your life to the idiosincrasies of your neurodivergence. I struggle with light sensitivity sometimes so sunglasses are a must for me! You do you and make your life as comfortable as you deserve it to be ❤
I have the exact same struggles so reading your comment was extremely validating. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing, it's like we are the same person! I hope this comment also validates your experiences and feelings-- you're not alone. I just hope we are both able to get the help we need
this video definitely helped me rule out BPD as a possibility for me. I’ve considered it before, as a point of caution since i felt like i was too zoned in on the possibility of autism regarding my social difficulties, but hearing all the symptoms explained really cements the fact that BPD is not the case for me. I’m still unsure about whether or not I have autism, I’ve been researching for years and I’m at the point where I really need to see a medical professional because I’ve pretty much gathered all the information I can. At this point i’m just slipping into insanity wondering if i’m behaving autistically or not all the time, and that old feeling of hearing autism symptoms described for the first time and having everything suddenly click is so distant, I feel like I’ve exhausted by ability to discern by disabled status, and now I really need outside perspectives. Only issue is, I know my parents will not take so kindly to the idea and i’m likely going to have to convince them to give up any preconceived notions before i can rely on them to give an accurate witness testimony to possible childhood symptoms i don’t remember.
I considered BPD after sequences of intense falling outs with some friends since I would callously avoid, detach, obsess, and idealize them, and immediately self-sabatoge whenever I needed to take accountability . Two platonic relationships were unstable, and I'd go from rigid romanticism to homicidal urges within the hour, triggered or not.
Here's the thing
Emotional numbness and suicidal ideations began when I was either 15 or 16, becoming progressively worse despite treatment. 19 was the explosion my mother had been anxiously anticipating. My mother and father, despite their intelligence and robustness, failed to properly assess the fullness of my ailments; I do not blame them, as information about my condition (AuDHD) wasn't public conscious. My moods fluctuated excessively from sensory overload and social difficulties, not realized or perceived relationship drama.
I considered many things. Bipolar disorders, personality disorders, etc.
I was already diagnosed with Autism at four, yet I knew something was missing. My ADHD diagnosis after a traumatic event was the "AHA!" moment I needed.
This conversation is too intricate and complex for a TH-cam comment. I'm not an expert, and not every psychological deficiency is a mental, personality, or mood disorder.
Before you seek medical assistance, please be honest with yourself. Evaluate your life holistically, and support yourself. Diet and circadian rhythms are severely impactful for brain development; your "symptoms" could be vitamin deficiencies or even sleep disturbances. What may look like "Bipolar" or "borderline" could be a nutrient issue or even a PTSD/CPTSD situation. Again, this is also complex as people aren't stereotypes and everyone's lifestyle is different.
Don't trap yourself into thinking that medical advice always has your best interest. Always seek support from multiple sources that aren't just therapeutic or psychiatric. Coaching could be a solid investment for you.
Thank you for this video. I’m a self suspecting autistic girl I’m so happy you made this video. Many afab people get misdiagnosed with bpd. I struggle with not trusting my own perception of the world and myself, so I am glad I can critically draw out the differences between ASD and BPD. Thank you for such a thorough and well made video. Also the sensory differences
of AsD is nowhere in BPD which makes me believe even more that I’m probably autistic.
I’m so confused. My mom decided I was borderline in my teens and I just grabbed on to it so it’s hard to pull apart what I put on myself and what’s always been there. My daughter is almost three and nonspeaking, insanely sensory seeking and most likely level three ASD and it’s making me question things constantly. I *think* that I’ve always known who I am but it was best into me so hard (mentally/emotionally but not physically) that I was “wrong” or “broken” so I think that made me not know who I was purely because I didn’t WANT to be me. I was wrong. So I needed a new me but didn’t know how, which manifested as a sense of emptiness and not knowing myself looking like a borderline and I was told I was so wrong no one would ever want me around which in my mind became a fear of abandonment. My sensory issues have always been obvious but I was told they were willful and me choosing to be difficult. Then I have sensory meltdowns that I was told were borderline explosions.
Wow.
Thank you.
Seriously ❤
I was bullied for the silliest things. One girl turned the cafeteria against me because my toenails were too long. I had a chocolate covered ice cream bar thrown at my head by an underclassman. I had no data to justify this mistreatment. I just thought I was hated.
Also, I was the first to stand up for others being bullied. With my heart racing, my voice cracking and hands shaking. Few words came out of my mouth (although I had a very clever and well versed response). My stance was understood, but only diminished the positive perspective of me by my peers. The emotion is real.
Mmmm I was diagnosed with BPD and just now with ADHD, but I’ve been more suspicious of ASD because every video I watch of ADHD and ASD are so relatable. This comment reminded me that many times I was bullied and I didn’t understand why. For example, in middle school these group of older kids started harassing me in school and on facebook because of how I walked, but I had never talked to them before nor even knew their names until they started following me everywhere and yelling at me in school. My mom asked what happened and all I could say was that I walked in front of them for a spelling bee competition…
Thank you for this. I'm not diagnosed, but others struggling to understand my behavior have accused me of being borderline, autistic and bipolar at various times, and there are definitely value judgements associated with each of those armchair diagnoses that makes relating to any of them a bit scary. This destigmatizes it to an extent, and just lays out the differences which is so helpful
I'm glad you mentioned that
It's a good idea to have an idea of what you might have before you go into seeing a professional so that you can tell them if it doesn't resonate. Misdiagnosis is so freaking common and it's important to take your mental health advocacy into your own hands by learning on your own I think.
I'm getting my diagnosis right now (for ASD) and they sent me the BPD tests (TO TAKE AT HOME, ALONE) this video was SO HELPFUL, my alexithymia made me think maybe I could actually have BPD symptoms... now I'm sure I'm on the right track, it's really ASD. Thank you SO MUCH, this video is super detailed, it's exactly what I needed!!! ♥♥♥♥♥
This is EXACTLY what i experienced! I had epilepsy all my life, i was abused and had cptsd and at 12 was diagnosed with bpd my mother tried to tell the Dr's they were wrong all my life i have lived mis-diagnosed, I am now 49 and my neurology team has only recently disagnosed me correctly now instead of seeing a counselor through a mental health provider I see one through my level 4 neurology center.
This has been super helpful. But remember than people may have both and bpd. I am diagnosed bpd and waiting and assessment. I know lots of people from personality disorder centre who have then got diagnosed as and too. But it's really helpful to see similarities and differences. I am well from my bpd now too.
I was diagnosed with BPD, but i feel like I have many ASD characteristics. A lot of them overlap. But you made wonder about being alone at home, yes, I did struggle with my breakups, but I'm extremely happy being at home by myself. Great video!! ❤️
Just providing potentially some perspective on the BPD side of things.
I self harmed when younger not as a manipulation tactic (I went to great lengths to keep it hidden) but as an outlet for my intense emotions. BPD is incredibly painful and exhausting and so I've found that i do a lot of self soothing behaviours to maintain it. I think for some that could be hard to differentiate from stimming or other ASD reactions.
Similarly, BPD is a constant battle with your thoughts. I regularly "question" the meaning behind others reactions, words, and emotions because I am trying to figure out if they are upset with me (will they abandon me or treat me in a way that makes me feel abandoned). Again this can be something that can be confused with how ASD folks struggle to understand emotions.
For me, I'm able to know for sure that I have BPD because of my motivations. My intense emotions and anxieties are always related to relationships. If I do this will I lose a friend? If I act that way, will I lose my respect at work? If I can't predict what my partner needs, will they leave me?
I think if these aren't things you're regularly thinking or feeling, or thoughts that you regularly redirect, then that could be an indication that these overlapping experiences are something other than BPD because that fear of abandonment piece is really what I believe is the core of the BPD experience. It's the central motivation for these symptoms.
Another confusing similarity is the special interests. I can't speak to the ASD experience but BPD individuals will often have intense fixations on new hobbies, media, interests, etc.
This usually is short lived and is a way to find a sense of identity. For me personally, I have attached myself to different varieties of "artsy-ness". I play music, I craft, I write, I sew. And while those interests have been mostly consistent, I have at different periods been more or less attached to them based on the "persona" or "group" I was attaching myself too. (rn I have gotten positive attention for my crafts and so lean more into that. Whereas I struggle with music a bit because I have some memories associated with Times I felt abandoned attached to my musicianship)
So having that context may help in differentiating that similarity too
Oh my goodness… I literally think I have both 😮 I got diagnosed with ADHD late last year. Once I started learning about what that meant, I came to learn and know about BPD and ASD, and I’m convinced I have all three. It was something you said in the video about ASD and ADHD, about how once you medicated your ADHD, you got to know your autistic side better, and another lightbulb went off! I think Ive been ASD/ADHD but high functioning (only on the outside.. inside I was a mess) and then from my trauma I developed BPD and things just got worse from there. So like the BPD developed as a trauma response. Thank you for these videos, these help so much on my quest to finally understand myself.💚💚💚💚💚
I am in the exact same process as you right now! I've only ever gotten a BPD diagnosis but I am most certainly ADHD and the deeper I research the more ASD is resonating also. It's difficult to know because I've always been so high masking even to myself. I would love to chat to you about our experiences to gather more insight if you would also like? Please feel free to inbox me. Much love to you on this journey sister💓 Also... It's been 6 months since your comment so I believe you will have found much more insight into yourself!🙌
I’m super super late to this, but if either of you want to reach out to me and talk about this then let me know. I was diagnosed autistic last year, ADHD earlier this year, and now have just recently been diagnosed with BPD and cPTSD. What a journey. Haven’t started meds yet, so not sure what will work for me.
All the major changes resulting from severing a relationship, yes! Also, autistic people sometimes don't have other relationships "of their own;" so losing a partner can also mean losing other relationships, sometimes all of them.
thank you for such an informative video! i'm an autistic woman who was (almost) misdiagnosed with bpd but i was too young at the time to be diagnosed with a personality disorder. couple of years later i found out about asd and brought it up to my psychotherapist. i probably wouldn't be diagnosed to this day if it wasn't for my own suspicion for autism🙄
@Alexander Mike Stop spamming bullshit in people's threads.
I fear this too. I have BP1, borderline and CPTSD. But now I have very strong evidence of ADHD and autism too over the last 35 years. I am bringing this up to my psychiatrist this month.
I have abandonment anger.
My father killed himself on the porch.
My mother died while I was in prison.
I've been divorced 3 times.
And cheated on by another that I didn't marry.
I've never gotten to see any of my children grow up.
I'm genuinely angry about it.
And I live alone.
I've been left so many times I just don't care anymore.
Or maybe I do because I'm so angry about it.
Maybe I care about so much I can't get past it.
I don't get those years back.
I totally understand what you are saying about some of these things.
Others, I get on the information level.
Sometimes I connect deeply and other times I just hear what you are saying about your experience with this type of thing.
I'm not sure what I feel.
Kinda blank.
Like when relatives die and I don't feel anything.
I feel bad for not feeling like everyone else.
I'm just there to see the body before they bury it or burn it and go home.
I know I am capable of feeling deeply about things, but death is not one of those things.
Losing my father made me mad that he would leave this as an example for my children.
Shooting himself on the front porch like that.
Mom died of cancer some years later.
I don't feel anything about it for either of them.
I loved my parents and yet it's like they joined the life cycle ending, and begin the next phase of existence.
This body is just dust that God lifted into the human form and put the breath of life into.
Take away the spirit, and it's just a flesh puppet, and falls back to the earth where it came from.
This is how I see death.
This is just a shell around the spirit that gives us human form and limits.
From an autistic perspective, I feel like autistic people are less likely to threaten to hurt ourselves to keep someone around. I feel like we would simply hurt ourselves as a direct response to an oncoming change in our environment because, a lot of the time, we'd rather die than have to endure certain external changes. Because change can be that painful for us.
from a bpd perspective, it’s not just a “threat” when someone says they’re going to hurt themselves. to “threaten” someone is not the intent. If someone said they were going to hurt themselves in response to someone leaving, it’d be because they actually felt that way…. they are trying to get their feelings across and don’t know how to express the hurt/fear/anxiety/whatever. this whole narrative that people with bpd are manipulative and attention seeking is wrong and has to stop.
@@drugstore999cowgrl I think the demonization of an entire group of people who are more than likely hella diverse is absurd to begin with, so I agree. Like autism, we simply don't understand the spectrum of BPD in it's entirety yet, so doctors are probably just throwing spaghetti at the wall to see if it sticks at this point, lol.
Very good breakdown . The only thing is I'd add is that undiagnosed autistic people who mask and have done so for a long time may in fact struggle knowing who they are without the mask because we may suppress thoughts and preferences that don't fit the mask.
I wasn't confused about ASD and never thought I had BPD but this was informative and your voice is very calming. Thanks for the upload even if I only saw it a couple year after being uploaded.
The internet at large has led me to start considering an asd diagnosis over a bpd diagnosis that I received when I was 25. The last point you made about the emotionality of empathizing. I've been told I am a robot with no feelings, but then in the same breath I'm overly sensitive and what I am understanding could be autistic meltdown. It has been really interesting to listen to different perspectives on how the symptoms overlap, because truly I knew that I experienced the traits of bpd. I just never resonated with the thought process that felt like was projected onto me as if they knew my intentions. Especially when I didn't consider them to be my intentions. It felt like I didn't know my own brain and was told that someone needed to tell me what I was actually thinking. It was a strange experience, but because it felt like medical gaslighting I didn't really accept the diagnosis and focused on improving symptoms of anxiety and depression that I experienced. That's a lot, but your video was very interesting.
such a great video! I actually self diagnosed myself as quiet borderline before being diagnosed autistic and I also self diagnosed myself as autistic before getting formal official diagnosis from a professional.... I was in such a mess inside and was scared to be judged by a professional who would judge my symptoms without going down to the reasons why! and I was afraid to become mutic and camouflage in front of the professional... and symptoms seem to be similar in surface but the reasons underneath are so different. And it's especially diffisult when a female autistic person has been abused cos everything overlaps I feel. Thank you!
I relate to each word you have written! Thanks
i was diagnosed with BPD a while ago after struggling with it for years, and then just recently diagnosed also with ASD at age 20. i’m now starting to see how much of a bad combo it’s been for me, and i’m so glad i’ve been working on myself far before i got these diagnoses. thank you for this video!
Alright, firstly the work you are doing to bring awareness to the complexity of diagnosis is amazing. It’s seems that many of us agree there are gray areas with overlapping symptoms and not enough research.
With that said, your description of the behavior experiences for ASD, were honestly very similar to my experience as a high functioning BP. For example being alone is a great relief regardless of how easily I will want to forget that and become close with someone that feels safe, and re creating an unstable attachment. We know who we are and also feel afraid to be ourselves, cause we are eff’d up and no one gets us.
I also think as a middle aged BP the TH-camr whose recovery story you shared was sweet but wishful thinking. Our emotional regulation can be well maintained, and stabilized for extended periods, but 2 years is too soon to call it. Depending on the circumstances and stability of one’s life BPD is not curable only treatable. She even said “sometimes i forget I’m a BPD” that Can actually be how we fall back into disorder. Because something changes we think we are cured but the emotional regulation issues can only be managed with routine and stability. I tell myself when I think I’m better, like an addict, I am not cured, I will live with this the rest of my life, there is no prescription medication for this, I have to work on my behavior and reactions for the rest of my life.
What I realized from your video is that BPD could easily be on the spectrum. We definately use reasoning to understand what people are feeling, obsess until we understand, cause we don’t understand others in relation to ourselves. We only see black or white. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been explained what the in between means but still don’t get it. At least in a Quiet or high functioning BP there are a lot of similarities. They don’t seperate someone verbal and non verbal with ASD so why would the only relevant difference I see between ASD and BPD be different? ASD struggle to identify with the emotions of others and BPD are hyper focused on identifying with them. (We also are not significantly successful at it tbh)
Keep up the great work!! Thanks for the meaningful content.
Very interesting comment. There is a study (inconclusive due to such a small group of people), that compared the sistematization processes in ASD and BPD people. Result!! BPD sistemize just as well as autistics do. Something you alluded to in your thesis.
And from personal experience I can CLEARLY see how I do this with people, the black and white thinking, for example. "Oh! They were nice to me, they are so nice! Oh no! They were mean to me!! They suck!!" we tend to draw overall conclusions about someone from one specific interaction. Just like with my emotions. Just because I feel like it, doesn't mean I AM it, you know?
Anyway, the way I counteract this is basic CBT. Rationalizing these thoughts and conclusions. As if I were talking to a child "now, now, they're not ALL bad! Remember how they...".
Basically, knowing this is how my brain operates I just remind myself not to jump to conclusions too quickly.
Tbh, I think we are just hypersensitive and tend to sistemize everything. That's why most of us have been told" how sensitive we are" as children. Or that we must control our temper, buy never explain how. Our emotions are so much more intense and nobody tells us how to manage that frustration.
Furthermore, the only reason, like you said, that we must stay on top of these things is because it is what we have learned. It is our automatic response, a go-to. Thereby making it really hard at times to make the right decisions for ourselves.
I wish the best of luck to you ❤
Edit: I wanted to add one more thing (sorry this is getting SO long). I think in all these videos and journeys there is a point where the diagnosis becomes a harmful label. We must only obsess with the diagnosis until we get the proper treatment. And focus on treating the symptoms from here on out.
If we tend to sistemize, it is especially harmful to us to identify too much with the bpd label. Let's just be kind to ourselves and do right by us. Focus on the treatment on a very specific case basis. I have this pattern of behavior, I get stressed when facing deadlines, therefore I must beware not to lash out at those I love, etc. We can do this!!!
objectively, this was a great video. without using any emotion, i found it incredibly informative, descriptive, and easy to understand. i want to stress how good i think this video was, because subjectively, it made me feel even more estranged from both groups.
and this is where i get really vulnerable.
my traits seem to be indicative of both disorders. my therapist didn't think i was autistic at first, but she does now (i think? i can't really tell). none of my teachers or doctors thought i was autistic as a child (for context, i'm a BIPOC and AFAB). but my mom has stories of me throwing tantrums because i was overwhelmed by the texture of clothes. i have a distinct memory of reciting an ENTIRE chapter of Junie B. Jones in first grade (on the toilet, no less). from a young age, grammar and literature were some of my favorite things. i corrected my mom with her spelling and grammar all the time as a kid because i couldn't stand the incorrect usage of words.
but i also had an abusive childhood, and always struggled with emotional dysregulation (including SI/SH), separation anxiety, and identity issues. and after i started homeschool because i kept having panic attacks in the bathroom, things changed. i feel like i became a little closer to myself. for the first time, at 14 years old, i realized i wasn't the people i hung around with. and i realized who i was is extremely introverted and only wanted to talk and learn about the things i was especially interested in (i'm still like this). to this day, i still don't know exactly who i am.
i've had ECT (electroconvulsive therapy), rTMS (repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation), spravato (literally ketamine), and those kinds of treatments change a kid. when i got a neuropsych eval this year, i got diagnosed with a memory disorder that i think is correlated to the extensive treatments i had before i was 18. i've also been to so many inpatient facilities and even residential treatment, and none of them have helped because i was too frightened and overwhelmed by the loud noises and all the people i had to be around (as well as being away from home, the temperature, and the other sensory experiences that entailed).
i've been on a cocktail of medications for depression, anxiety, and OCD since i was 13. i was diagnosed with BPD and ADHD at 17, along with a slew of other mental illnesses. but this last january, at 20 years old, i got diagnosed with ASD. did i get misdiagnosed? or am i an autistic person that's incredibly out of touch with themselves and also has BPD? (these are rhetorical questions. you don't have to answer them). since then, i've been trying (and struggling) to unmask and really dig into the "who am i?" question. idk this video made me have a lot of thoughts so it counts as a piece of art to me. incredible video!
About threats of unaliving yourself: (as someone w/BPD, ADHD and possible ASD)
I never did that directly. I never said „if you leave me‘ i am going to kill myself“.
What happen was, after a fight I was scared of abondamment, of change, of explaining why the remationship ended to everyone and so many factors that i just couldn‘t handle it and wanted to die. But alot of the time i didn’t really wanted to die, i just wanted this pain to be over and my head to stop thinking. So it was never an actual attempt, but para$uiçidal behavior, telling someone „goodbye i love u“ or sth like that bc i wanted them to stop me. And more often than not, the only availabe person (that wasnt my mom bc she would just send the police and they would just arrest me for trying to overdose, it happenend before) was my boyfriend. So i made him come bacl but i feel like it wasnt meant as a manipulation. Even tho it ended up being exactly that and than i would feel like shit apologize and cry till falling asleep.
The fact that I could end it all if everything fails in my life kinda brings me hope. Of course, I can't talk about these thoughts because people don't deal with thoughts of death very well, they get either pissed at you (the selfish ones) or worried and scared. But yeah, I don't have to suffer in pain if I don't want to. So the fact that I can unalive myself at any time is like my game over
You’re my new favorite channel!! So grateful to have found you, and so happy to hear ASD voices that aren’t white centered, there needs to be more, it’s so important in helping break down the biases of others, especially therapists as you’ve mentioned before, and just for your affirmation, yes! You always explain everything so well, always covering every detail which is really appreciated, love you and your energy so much 💖
This video was amazing to watch and completely articulated to me the journey I've been on trying to figure out what's been going on for me my whole life. The only thing I wanna say is that at the end you say Autistic people likely go home at the end of the day and are happy to be alone with themselves. I've finally gotten back to that place but for a while that was not the case because I was masking and bending over backwards so heavily that when I was alone all I had was a kind of cognitive dissonance, exhaustion, and shame. After working to remove myself from people who would shame or project on me for my Autistic tendencies I find that I can go home and be in peace with myself again
my problem is that you can list 12 symptoms and really go into the nuance of bpd vs asd, and in half I'm 100% on the bpd side, but in the other half I'm 100% in the asd. Additionally, there are a lot of bdp things that are so quintessential that I just don't have (like fear of rejection and intense relationships are not me at all), but there are also things with asd that are almost the cliche in all areas (like the more rational, mathematical thinking) that I just don't have. So on the surface, I can check off a lot of boxes on both, but actually figuring out WHICH is the reason is different. Also, some symptoms like suicide ideation I may have due to a co-morbidity because neither explanation felt right. So, I think the problem with diagnosing people is not just the overlap, but that it assumes that a person only has one issue. If I have say ADHD, depression, anxiety, codependency issues, and maladaptations from a traumatic upbringing and in addition POTENTIALLY either ASD or BPD, all the other issues prior can make discerning between ASD/BPD even harder. Not to mention people who have both. So for me, I'm just going to learn about both and be okay with the idea of not having a specific label.
Awh, I love your channel and am so glad I found it!💖
I was diagnosed with major depression, general anxiety, and social anxiety at a young age but about a year and a half ago I came across a list of female ASD traits. Ever since, I have not been able to get it off my mind and am in the process of creating a binder with documentation of all the reasons I think I might be in preparation for an assessment. My biggest fear though is dropping hundreds of dollars to only be misdiagnosed with something like BPD. I went to therapy for years, tried hypnotherapy, and have been on several different antidepressants/antianxiety meds but have always felt like something else was going on, I couldn't put my finger on it.
Your videos have helped me so much and I would love to hear about the similarities about ASD and ADHD. I suspect I may also have the inattentive form of ADHD however, I presented many signs of the hyperactive type in my younger years. Thank you for all that you do Irene!💕
Wow this is quite relatable to my existence.
I don’t know how much research you’ve done, plus I’m an overachiever when it comes to helping people out so I’ll throw my 5c in and it’ll either be new info for you or already researched.
You said you fear a bpd misdiagnosis. I’ve found through what others have stated as well as my own experience/understanding, bpd seems to come from trauma for myself my mother has it (she won’t acknowledge it though) and it’s been indoctrinated in my upbringing. Added with the fact my mother favoured my brother (we both agree on that), she shitcanned my father when they split (I was 6-7) who I completely idolised. My teens I was always used by ‘friends’ coz I was to nice and gullible (I legit just treat people how I want to be treated and still do but I got stiffed enough to have learnt the warning signs)
(Sorry went into ramble)
Basically bpd is external and asd in biological.
For myself it’s what I’ve always known so I doubt I’ll ever be free of bpd I do manage it significantly better than how I used to be.
(Which honestly is just being able to control the outward display of emotion, bottle that witch up.. 🤷♀️)
One of my maternal cousins has asd my paternal cousin had a very intense case of adhd so much so that every other kid in the family seemed ok. He passed away from a heart attack at 36 (was one of the healthiest people I knew) but had been on adhd meds since he was about 4-5yr…
Wow this is a ramble (sorry)
Any time you think something and say that’s not normal, write it down. Like a diary (which sounds like you’re kinda doing anyway) watch heaps of different youtube vids and see what fits/doesn’t.
The world is so much more advanced these days then 20 years ago you will get to an answer don’t give up.
Hope you find your peace ✌️
Thank you SO much for this video ! 🙏🏽❤I self diagnosed BPD a couple of years ago, then got an actual diagnosis that led to my ADHD diagnosis (self diagnosed, then official diagnosis). For the past few months, I've been researching a lot on ASD (somethings still didn't feel right), and AUDHD has been resonating very strongly with me. Those researches made me realize all the overlaps between ASD, ADHD & BPD, so I've started to doubt my BPD diagnosis, and your video was VERY helpful to help me sort out the different traits, and confirm what I've been feeling, so thank you !! ❤
Things can be very confusing for people who are struggling with overlapping traits (ASD/ADHD/depression/severe anxiety and so on ...) because RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria) can be confused with fear of abandonment, depression with feelings of emptiness, and even mood swings (I thought that it applied to me, because as soon as I expressed those intense feelings of anger/anxiety/frustration that I was going through during a meltdown, they just vanished). So taking the time to really explain the differences with those overlaps makes the whole difference ! Especially for people who are doing all the work/research by themselves ... So thank you ! 🙏🏽
Thank you so much for this. I kept trying to research BPD because of ppl in my relationships telling me how unpredictable I was. Even while I only saw my reactions as the logical result of the patterns shown by the other party. I stayed in an abusive relationship for two years just trying to map out what my life would work without the other person. To be fair I kept telling them why it won't work throughout the entire process. But I could always rule out BPD because of the sense of self. I love my own company!! So until I had my last son and his diagnosis, I didn't know to be looking into ASD
i think another big difference between the two is that with bpd, one will lean on self-destructive and impulsive behaviors like bingeing and sh in attempts to fill the void and emptiness they feel, this could also be why they are more likely to be extroverted, have favorite persons, have a fear of abandonment, etc. its all because they don't want to be alone with the emptiness. whereas an autistic person likes to be alone because they feel the emptiness when masking or being around other people. this could also result in some of the same self destructive behaviors, depression, etc. basically its could all stem from the feeling of emptiness. obviously im not a professional, just speculating!
really looking forward to this video...
i'm 24, was diagnosed with major anxiety and depression, panic attacks, and ED at ~14 years old. after multiple hospital stays and medicine changes throughout the years, in 2021 i was diagnosed with BPD and PTSD after an unaliving attempt- the thing is, though, that had been the worst year of my life. lost and betrayed by the love of my life, confused and desperate and lonely, my mother passed away and then a close friend later in the year...
i've always severely struggled with emotional regulation, interpersonal skills, and certain seemingly basic functions/ human necessities. my depression was/ still is treatment resistant, (despite being on a max dose of weekly prozac and daily rexulti & adderall, combined w/ weekly therapy and regular psychiatry visits...), and my unresolved traumas were severely effecting my everyday life and thoughts and feelings.
that is to say, there's a lot that led up to that diagnosis for me, and i still have a lot of trouble fully identifying with it. i know BPD is different for all, and no shade to somewhere who struggles differently from me, but i really don't have a lot of / any of the manipulative/ explosive/ etc. traits normally associated with bpd. i do suffer from intense fear of abandonment, which stems from severe childhood and adult trauma, i suffer with self harm- but so do many autistic kids, i just never grew out of the habit. i struggle with relationships, not because I push people away or get aggressive or whatever, but because i fail to understand people sometimes, all the time. they say one thing but mean another thing, someone can lie to you with a straight face, i don't get sarcasm or a lot of jokes and it upsets me. i've spent ten years now in therapy learning dbt and social skills, literally i had to train myself how to be normal like eye contact, proper conversation, etc...
i've always had intense extreme special interests, to the point where i can't do anything but that thing. i have stomach issues and fibromyalgia & other pain disorders.
life is hard and i just want to figure out what's wrong with my brain finally so i can really fix it this time 🥹
sorrry for the tmi
Just getting some thoughts out...
3:45 - "With borderline personality disorder, you have an intense fear of abandonment or instability, and you may have difficulty tolerating being alone”
For ASD, does it instead sound more like “With ASD, you have an expectation of abandonment or instability, and you feel relief being alone” ?
I’d love to hear anyone’s thoughts on that!
I think I’m slowly starting to understand why after 3.5 years of expensive DBT therapy, I’ve barely made any progress getting better. In a lot of ways I’m struggling even more 😔
*No matter what you have. The most important thing is to be aware of those symptoms. Once you are aware, you can always improve your life where possible.*
As for me, I was evaluated to be on the autism spectrum and OCD. I tend to be focused on my interests even things like autism tend to part of my research getting to know more about myself. Basically, I'm curious on what life has to offer. I also go bowling and eat pizza a lot and avoid most meats due to negativity of that food (weird, or lack of good flavor including steak, ribs, or even pepperoni is too strong for my mouth to handle). But I enjoy eating Mcdonalds (the food has positive taste). Positivity and fun I guess is what I seek in life. I also enjoy playing video games or board games like Uno or Monopoly. I also like to travel and don't like being home all the time and I don't like being alone in public. And I sleep with the lights on due to night sensitivity, I don't really call it fear of the dark but I find more comfort with the lights on. And I do a lot of self talk in my head and asking questions basically having a conversation to myself, this may keep me up at night. 😎
Lastly, when someone passes away, I am somehow free of tears but I do behave appropriately. 👀
This is a HIGHLY informative video, definitely watch it. pro tip though- set the speed of play between 1.5x and 2x, depending on which you like more. She talks pretty slowly, but more pronounced is the amount of "extra" information thats essentially what she already told us just said a slightly different way. gr8 vid tho!!
Dear Irene, this is probably the greatest video I’ve watched on TH-cam about this topic! It is so clear and detailed! After I watched it I was able to finally realise the differences and think that I probably do not have a BPD that my psychiatrist attributes to me and to start researching autism in more depth. And what a relief it was to discover that it was autism that answered all my questions about myself! I will be looking for a formal diagnosis, but at the moment I am absolutely certain that I am autistic and it gives me so much hope and faith in the future! All thanks to your videos and especially this one, which is where it all started for me! Thank you for what you do! Your work is priceless! Warm hugs from Berlin ❤️
Your videos are really informative and helpful but one of my favorite parts is the birdsong in the background. It is really soothing to hear while learning about a complex and interesting topics. 🙂 Thanks for all your work!
I have a complicated relationship with this whole field of study/experience on the part of the people living it. I find it admirable that those who suffer so greatly inwardly from these conditions have built a community around understanding each other and working hard to understand themselves and how to both develop self-compassion and improve their communication and expressions of their emotions with others.
At the same time, as someone who has lived for many years on the receiving end of someone who exhibits some of these traits, I harbor some deep resentments and frustrations. I want to be understanding and compassionate towards all of you humans, but I also feel as though there is a lot of coddling and excuse-making for the toxic and sometimes abusive behaviors and communication that come along with these amorphous personality traits, and I can't help but feel as though we are using certain labels to justify or excuse patterns of behavior that may have caused significant harm to the loved ones in these peoples' lives.
At the end of the day, sometimes I feel it would be more honest and earnest to instead of pathologize and medicalize these behaviors to give some leeway (oh poor you, the abuse was simply a result of your autism or trauma-induced BPD), it is sometimes important just to call it what it is to acknowledge the reality of the victims of some of these behaviors. Yes, certainly the autistic or BPD-person is suffering greatly throughout these periods of interaction and has little to no control over their words and actions, and of course I wonder how useful it could be to guilt-trip them (it's not useful), but like I said, it's kind of triggering for me to hear it all just be hand-waved away. You're suffering is real but so is mine at the hand's of you.
There is also something about the ASD label that gives people more leeway. Like, "I don't have a personality disorder [like BPD--something that can be treated and therefore you have to have some accountability for], I simply have autism, a developmental disability that is not treatable," and my kneejerk reaction is that it's a cop-out to explain away behavior towards others that has had some element of harm to it that the perpetrator now has a justification for. I recognize that perhaps that is an unfair judgement on my part. I suppose in either case (BPD or autism), the harm is not intentional, but at what point do victims get to say like, I don't really care what the cause was because it really was so difficult for the person on the receiving end? It's great that you have more self-knowledge but at what point are we going to be telling people like "wellll, we're not going to call how you were "abusive" because that was all just a result of a disorder you have and not a choice to behave that way." At a certain point it's all just window-dressing and it cheapens the consequences of people with ASD/BPD's actions.
Long story short, all I wanted is like just a little bit of acknowledgement that whether it's autism or BPD or both, that the emotional volatility and tantrums and lashing out and controlling behavior, whatever the cause, that these can put our loved ones in precarious emotional positions.
This video actually cleared a lot up for me. I just found out about this channel but I'm really appreciating it and wanted to say thank-you for making your content. It's helping me find ways to talk to others about how I feel and what I'm experiencing.
thank you, this is so true... it looks like paranoia but it is not and the confusion of not understanding the change in the other person behaviour. I feel like autistic people talk about suicide because they need help and don't know how to express it... the pain has become so unbearable that it is the only option they think about but it is not purely for attention seeking.
Thank you for this video. This helps me find the distinction between BPD and ASD within myself. I’ve accepted for a while that a lot of disorders just have overlap, and that I may never know 100% what is wrong with me, and I’m okay with that. But this video I think helps me narrow it down to autism rather than BPD, especially with your descriptions of rejection and the distinction of not knowing who you are versus having to hide who you are. I’ve known I’ve had asd for a while, but hearing you describe the distinction weirdly brings me to a sense of clarity.
Love this. Critical thinking and discernment is a real challenge in today's world. You're golden! ❣️
Thank you. I’m diagnosed EUPD and now questioning that I have been misdiagnosed, because while I accept the eupd having lots going on in life, there are also things I cannot ignore and have always been there. It’s been a year since I had a complete breakdown, and I’m not getting better, if anything I’m recognising more traits that have always been there, but managed to handle it until now.
I’m really scared. NHS is broken and I cannot get into see a doctor to talk about anything. I’m isolated and I struggle with interpersonal relationships. Everything you scratched on matches…
BPD can actually go away after time and treatment. I've been told this multiple times from multiple different mental health professionals. It's one of the few disorders that can go away where others are usually considered in remission.
I was diagnosed with BPD several years ago and recently diagnosed with Autism and ADHD. I think it's possible as a teen that I did have BPD as a result of really bad trauma and really toxic relationships. It was basically a bad feed back loop that made me a pretty toxic person in order to survive those bad relationships.
BUT i think a big contributer was Autism, especially since it was undiagnosed and I didn't know how to cope. I'm doing far better now with knowing and recognizing and treating my mental health with Autism and ADHD in mind. Everything else really felt more like trying to swim against the current the whole time. Recognizing I struggle and adjusting instead of gaslighting and pretending I'm just over dramatic and emotionally unstable has helped me cope with life faaaar better with quality of life.
When I suggested ASD to my psychiatrist (after significant psyching myself out to even bring it up, as I'm a nurse, and i know how many doctors truly don't take the words of their patients seriously), he said to me, "yeah, a lot of girls are coming in now thinking they have ADHD. its a big tiktok trend".... This guy is also prescribing me ADHD meds... for the ADHD i was diagnosed for 25 years prior...
Psychiatrist before that, who was also prescribing those meds (the one before THAT died unexpectedly and didn't believe in neurodivergence... just trauma responses) informed me that He is a psychiatrist and doesn't deal with "personality stuff"...
... I don't even know where to go with that comment without writing a full essay :P
You definitely communicated effectively. I really appreciated this differentiation. One thing that I would caution against in the future is referring to people as their diagnosis. e.g. "As a borderline" vs "a person with bpd"
It's important to point out that whether or not treatment is effective for an individual with bpd isn't contingent on their efforts and work alone. The treatments simply don't work on everyone. It's also not universally true that it gets better with time, some times it can get worse. I just want to avoid the impression that if you're not getting better with treatment it must have something to do with your efforts.
Wonderful video and it made total sense to me! Your examples were great. I suspected my ex BF had autism but the experts were saying borderline…that didn’t feel right to me. We were quarantined together so I was with him literally 24/7 for 18 months. His train of thought was just different. Like an Android vs iPhone.
This video resonated with me so much. While I do believe my BPD diagnosis might not be wrong, I still question it a lot.
At the time I got my diagnosis, I had been insisting for years to get evaluated, not because I wanted a label, I just have always felt very alien in respect to others and have had problems navigating life since I could remember, and for my own sanity and to not feel "crazy" I needed to know if something was actually off and to give it a name and that way making me feel less scared. When eventually my doctor agreed, he said "I always knew that you were borderline, it's a difficult diagnosis to get and just having it on record can make things it the future difficult, and didn't want you to think that's all you are and can't get better"
Thing is, I feel like because of my childhood trauma, he got very hung up on that (idk how else to put it).
I've been in therapy since I was 8 and I'm now 26, it's been 6 years since the diagnosis and I think I have a pretty good grasp on it and looking back, I don't see real signs of BPD in childhood or as a teen.
My knowledge of the symptoms of autism was very slim and male oriented, so when I later switched doctors and they suggested I might be autistic I brushed it off.
Learning more about it now, looking back I do see signs of it since childhood.
This video was really informative and put into words feelings and things I couldn't, thank you so much. I haven't been in therapy anymore for 4 months as I felt it wasn't working anymore, but I called to get an appointment!
As a person who suffers with BPD I really think you covered this quite well. I will say the SH/S**cide attempts we won't always threaten, but some of us will automatically as soon as someone we are deeply attached to our "favorite person" if you will (I believe there is a similar if not same thing for Autistic people, just different meanings, correct me if I'm wrong I just believe I've heard it before being a similarity.) I and other BPD people might instead of threatening the person to them will start to cut or attempt because we think they might leave us, it's really hard because of all the previous abandonment we faced for us to deal with and sometimes it just hurts I mean to the amount where we physically feel pain already for them to leave us that attempting feels like a way out, and SH feels like your letting out that pain.
Just saying this to clairify. I don't condone SH or attempting in this manner it's just sometimes its all we can think because we are so overwhelmed at the abandonment that it feels like the only option.
(Also I've been clean of SH for 2 years an haven't attempted since leaving my family, which was attempted not because of abandonment but because of not seeing a way out of the abuse.)
I was diagnosed BPD mostly because of self harm. I was told, "Self Harm is the hallmark of Borderline Personality Disorder". However, I was hurting myself to avoid extreme mental pain. It usually had nothing to do with abandonment. I have a hard time making friends but once I have one I often keep them. So I have not been abandoned much as an adult.
Also my emotional regulation was and is bad.
But I was misdiagnosed. I do not have BPD. I have PTSD. I think I have autism.
Same.
I am now diagnosed with Autism.
Thank you so much for explaining the differences in detail, and how it feels like from the inside perspective of each. This has helped me better understand myself and know my own brain.
Omigish so helpful.❤ your channel helping me so much. I'm female aged 50. Am 3 years into major burnout have last year received formal diagnosis for autism level 1, two years before that adhd. I'm at 4 or 5 on the ACE'S depending on who's story you believe. I am in nz and as of last week I've got 3 case managers but still no doctor or therapist. Funny not funny.
Love the wee birdies cheeping, I have my own here and your video intro outro makes me beautifully aware of them. Blessings.
So many things you do right, so much insight gifted. Keys turn in mental locks and I realise why I'm seen the way I am.. I listen to you rather than watching and it works in that format too.
This video was super helpful! I think you did a great job of execution and explanation! I loved hearing the examples. A harder thing for me is to relate or understand without examples of something. Like my brain just can’t get to it without hearing an example - do having these really helped me interpret between the two! The only thing I personally would say is that I really enjoyed when you put up the list of symptoms for BPD, but then didn’t do the same for ASD - so then listening them out, I couldn’t grasp that information as well without a visual to go along with it. That maybe totally just me of course but, the only thing I could otherwise note. Again I really loved this, your tone, your way of breaking it down, and I would really love to see more examples of symptoms or examples of comorbidity like OCD etc. 🖤
When I was editing I couldn’t for the life of me find the website where I got my ASD info so I couldn’t screenshot and insert 😩 it bothered me too, I was looking for so long. But thanks for your feedback on what works for you!
I feel like Borderline overlaps more with ADHD than with Autism. The emotional dysregulation really crosses over. I'm trying to figure out if I've got like, mild BPD or if it's just the ADHD.
Edited for clarification: I didn't choose to see the doctor that wrongly diagnosed me. It was down to an abusive now ex husband... 20 years before I got the right diagnosis, I was diagnosed with BPD. I cried. I knew that wasn't what it. I didn't know that I was autistic though. I thought the psychiatrist just wanted to be mean to me.
I still haven't ruled out that possibility. It was very traumatic to me. It still hurts so much when I remember it, there's no room to think it might have been an "honest mistake." I doubt it.
7 years of being forced to take SSRA's prevented me from having a decent quality of life, ruined my metabolism, and gave me a permanent weight problem. Not to mention the attempted S, and then I refused to take anymore of those.
Also, I wanted to add, not all autistics have a hard time "putting themselves in other people's shoes." It's one of my worst weaknesses. When I was 6 I cried all night about a character in a book mom read at bedtime that had got bullied. I hadn't been bullied in school yet, but I couldn't get past feeling how much it must have hurt him. Finally mom yelled, "For heaven's sake, it's just a story! Shut up and go to sleep!" I still couldn't sleep.
Yes Dumbo getting teased..omgosh that was very painful..I would feel bad for a shoe on the side of the road..and all road kills into my teens..
@@luckyduckydaisyflower2344 Oh, yeah! Dumbo getting teased was so sad! I also saw Bambi. Once. That was enough. I still can't watch it. I felt so bad about him losing his mother.
Road kill makes me sad too, especially if it's a domestic pet animal. Not only is the critter dead, but I think of how sad its owner must be.
Those poor single shoes beside the road...I had to laugh at that part because I still feel sorry for them too, or gloves, mittens, socks... but I remind myself they don't have feelings. That gets me through. Lol
This video and some of your other videos just helped me discern that I am autistic and not BPD :) (I received dual diagnosis)
This video was fantastic! You are very smart and articulate and made clear what I found very confusing before. I was misdiagnosed BPD when I was a young adult but just learned recently I am actually autistic. Everything makes sense now and I wish I had known before I had so many mental health problems. Your videos are very thoughtful and helpful!
Thank you so much for this video! I have two children who have autism I had one child who had borderline personality but she passed away. And my granddaughter I believe has borderline personality disorder. I saw many of the same traits in myself and could not figure out why. Next total sense after listening to your video.
omg what you said about trauma I find to be SO SO true in regards to autism and also adhd in my case... so frustrating and difficult to navigate :/ and sadly a lot of woc could probably find themselves in this
My sister got diagnosed with mild BPD, but she’s definitely NOT autistic. She has very unstable, rapidly changing moods, but antidepressants do help her. I have diagnosed autism and can also have mood shifts, but they’re usually as a result of hormonal phases and/or sensory overwhelm.
I feel like I did show some borderline traits while I was in college. In terms of risky relationships and behaviors. I kind out outgrew them once in my later twenties, though.
This was very helpful. You answered the questions that I would hope psychotherapists would ask to make informed diagnoses.
This is so right on! I just got diagnosed autistic at age 42 but got a BPD diagnosis when I was twenty and I always thought it was wrong.
This is the best most well explained video on TH-cam about this topic
Dear Irene, i so admire the courage and intellect you were able to summon in making this video. As you suggest BPD and ASD can be confused by well trained professionals when people come to them without knowing how they're expected to discuss their history or may have difficulty recounting facts. I always think of how young children I've known have started to manifest ASD, whereas any personality disorder requires a much more complex perception of relationships than a preschool would have developed. You have so much wisdom and deep thoughts to share. Please share kindness with yourself and others.
😮 I am autistic, and looking back, I can definitely say an experience I had as a preschool age child caused trauma that led me to develope a personality disorder pretty quickly. I wasn't treated for it until my early forties. Partly due to living in an area where mental health services are few and far between, partly due to financial struggles of my family, partly due to my family members being too caught up in their own struggles to really notice mine. I was glad to finally emerge from that disorder. But I was still autistic and still didn't fit in with my community well. Even after my autism was finally recognized, too. I was surrounded by family who felt it was their job to teach me to "not be autistic". As if that was possible!!!!
autism is not a disorder, its neurodivergency, i hope that world will stop being so weird and accept that not everyone is same.
I think you are doing so well. As a neurotypical, I appreciate getting to understand how other people's minds work and what life is like for them. I have a very good friend who just finally got her ASD diagnosis in the past year. She's also been diagnosed with BPD and PTSD. I am sending her a link to your videos so that she can possibly share them with her mom to help them communicate better.
Thank you for the work you do and the topics you cover. Great job!
You are a very thoughtful and caring friend ☺️
Epic. Very well thought out. I see myself in the complexities you helped to draw out. Thank you 🙏 (and you're beautiful)
I am a little over half way through this video, and I just want to thank you so much for researching, sharing, and posting all of this information because as an autistic person, I feel so validated, almost to the point where I am a bit confused for some reason. Thank you, and as a person going into psychology and research about ASD I will spread this information. 💛
So are you ‘Me, Myself & Irene’ 38:21
One nuance that seems complicated is if an autistic person feels a void when alone due to attachment issues
this video is very helpful!! i highly suspect i have asd and ive heard a lot about how bpd overlaps with it, and this is the most comprehensive source ive found on it ^_^ i have a hard time figuring this stuff out on my own and putting it into words and you did so very well.
something that especially resonated with me was the part about fearing the change that comes with losing someone, rather than losing the person themselves. as painful as it is to lose someone close to me i am much more worried about dealing with the changes id have to make with their absence. ive never been able to put this feeling into words and this is the first time ive heard anyone else describe it!!
I agree with her that the list she read sucks. It has so many things that don't apply to many people with this disorder. It also left out SO many things
The question about how you feel when you get to be home alone is, like, definitional. It's SUCH a relief to be alone. Being alone is the best thing, especially after a long day of interacting with people. Like finally getting to take off the hard-soled shoes and curl your toes (sometimes literally!)
28:33 holy shit I saw so many videos about BPD and read so many topics and discussions, and finally somebody (you) brought up the fact the very almost core, is that we are stealing personalities from others and that we are basically this sewed creature from people that we like certain moves and behaviors, also first time hearing in long video where is person talking about some topic (bird) nature ambiance, love that
Thank you for this vid! For the longest time I thought I had bpd but recently I was told I may be autistic. I relate to both of the traits of the disorders (struggling to tell what others feel + fear of abandonment for example)
I really loved when you looked at the situation through the BPD lens then the ASD lens. It really clarified some things for me
Thank you so much for this video. I identify with Aspergers, but havevn't been diagnosed. My BF is seeing me over-whelmed (and freaking out) for the first time and he thought I might be BPD or bi-polar. I needed to be reminded about how I deal with change and that is what is happening. I'm getting back to taking better care of my mind and emotions as a neuro-diverse person who's needs are unique.
I was misdiagnosed with BPD because I fit nearly all the criteria. The key difference was that I didn’t fear the abandonment. Sort of. At the time, I had a lot of friends cut ties with me for reasons I didn’t understand I had difficulty accepting that and moving on to find new, better friends. After some brainwork, I came to accept that friendships aren’t forever, but are for the here and now. Even my suicidality and self-harm was just to find a way to make the big emotions stop or to cope with them. I didn’t ever want anyone to know about those bad coping skills.
G-D I feel you saying women get misdiagnosed as having BPD instead of ASD so badly. I went to try and get help for mine and what I believe is ADHD, and instead they put me on bipolar meds which did nothing and said they wanted to explore a BPD diagnosis despite my BPD wife saying I most definitely don’t have it. Ugh.
in the beginning of this video I identified so strongly with the autism experience. But I felt so hurt when it came to the "if you are extroverted, that is bpd, not autism" or how being home alone is supposed to be awesome and I am not supposed to miss the company of people around me, if I was autistic.
I feel so strongly that I am most likely on the spectrum. So now I am really confused again because I really feel like I need other people because I do not feel that life without others is very fulfilling to me.
e.g. I recently went through a breakup and my former partner moved out. I felt relieved not to have to shape my life around my ex partner anymore, even though I do still love them and also the breakup came as a surprise to me and I was hurt by it. However, no matter how much lighter I feel without the perceived obligation to support and help them to an extend of draining my resources, leaving me unable to care for/about anything else..
Now that I have nothing in my life that gives me an "automatic" regular social interaction, I find that I have a great need of organizing other opportunities for socializing.
Maybe it is because I do have no other stabilizing factors in my life, currently, but I also remember not enjoying being without social contact as a kid, when there was the summer break at school, and therefore I was left without my social routines.
I guess I found it hurtful to hear it from you, because I had related so strongly to the autistic experience you were describing in other videos, for one;
but also because I was trying to get help at a clinic recently, because I am struggling with what I thought might be autistic burn-out; only to (in my perception) be bullied out of the clinic by the doctor who seemed to be convinced, for some reason, that I have "some personality disorder" (without even being explicit or specific about why he believes that to be the case, or which one he thought of). He didn't seem to listen to me at all and just cherry-picked any sign of me being "unstable" and I felt very misunderstood.
The same doctor (I read then in his letter) excludes autism as a dx for me; saying that he could do that from "clinical observation" and that I had been social with other patients and showed empathy towards them.
That statement is just infuriating to me, because obviously autism doesn't mean that a person isn't able to socialize or show empathy. Especially when seeing how others are mistreated by a careless doctor.
I realize I am much more open to listen to your opinion than that doctor's, because he didn't seem to know a lot about autism at all, and also seemed to be very derogatory towards me and anybody who is currently without work.
Sorry for venting over here, I notice that this is probably not relevant to you, actually.
I want to conclude that I take away as the most helpful point (for me), that I can get other professional's opinions and that one or two doctor's opinion being (potentially) wrong doesn't need to discourage me from trying to get help with my struggles.
But also that, if a person reads this, who also is extroverted and thinks that they might be on the spectrum, maybe that part of this video wasn't necessarily true for our experience, but we can still try to figure it out. Don't be discouraged either, since also all experiences are unique!
💛🤍❤🩹💜🖤
Thank you so much for sharing!! This video helped me understand more about myself and helped me get through washing the dishes honestly! 😂
I completely resonated when you were explaining the “taking a friend to their favorite restaurant” analogy. It made perfect sense!
Thanks for your video it just makes so much sense ❤. I am diagnosed w/ BPD and i feel it is accurate, but when i look at „the main thing is fear of abandoment“ i feel like sth is off, because its not the only thing that triggers me.
I think as an overview her assessment was quite good. But she won't be able to talk about all the intricacies and nuances within the borderline world. I am triggered by deadlines and other things too. It's normal to be triggered by many things in bpd. That's why it's a complex disorder with many layers to unwrap in therapy. Good luck to you! ❤
Thank you for this. It was extremely clear and you covered so many things that i wondered about in other videos but either weren’t or couldn’t be covered because one would need to be autistic to fully know in a real, experienced way.