Tipping delivery drivers seems to be a hot topic, so let me explain further... The app I use to order food includes a 'Processing Fee', and a 'Delivery Fee'. Both are mandatory, you cannot opt out of paying them. The 'Delivery Fee' increases the further the delivery driver has to travel...rightly so, to cover their fuel costs, and is also high enough to include a tip e.g., 2 miles = £5. Now if the restaurant doesn't pass on the 'Delivery Fee' to the driver, shame on them. But I have already paid the tip in the 'Delivery Fee'. Most of the time, the 'Processing and Delivery Fee' is an extra 25% of my order. So I've already paid a tip in the delivery fee. If the restaurant doesn't pass it on, I cannot then also pay another tip. Shame in the restaurants. Hope that clears up what I didn't explain 👍
@@AdultwithAutism totally understandable and I'm not flaming or anything. It's not the restaurants that are the greedy ones, it's the delivery partners that take the service charge delivery charge and 30% of all sales from the restaurant. In a ideal world this would be passed on to us but it's not 😂 But yeah I'm in no way trying to give grief over tipping, as I previously said in my other message thread you replied to, but let me clarify, I know who the evil one is, and it ain't the customers not explicitly tipping, it's the providers and their greedy full pockets.
Just a note: my son delivered food for a living for some time. He is also on the spectrum. He wouldn't have survived without the tips. The pay is not good enough to earn a living. He got no part of the fees. But that was in the US. May be different in the UK.
Sounds indeed awfully familiar. I think that one of the strongest clue of undiagnosed ASD is the feeling of being outsider and not belonging to the world. I feel that most people with autism share the same experience of feeling like being in a wrong world and the feeling starts in childhood and continues through the whole life. Great video!
I've had wrong planet syndrome all my life. The first time I recall having the feeling of hearing someone I recognized as being from my home planet, so to speak, was when I heard Temple Grandin on the radio. She articulated things about the way she navigated and experienced the world that I had just taken for granted, that I didn't even know it was particularly different. I hadn't even known why I felt like such an alien, but here was this other person who was telling me why I felt that way. That was 20 years ago, and that was the first time I realized after all the therapy, all the difficulties I had in relationships, in school, accomplishing certain tasks, that there was a very high likelihood that the issue all along had been that I'm autistic. Everything I've learned since has done nothing but confirm that.
This video really speaks to me. I'm 35, female, and finally after 2 years of regular therapy and an ADHD diagnosis, I'm finally coming to terms with my Autism. Last week I told my doctor that I have a strong gut feeling that it is. My life has been difficult, difficult, lemon difficult. Thanks to my superhuman making, nobody noticed that I was isolated, depressed, not functioning. I grew up in a sheltered, religious family that didn't know about mental health disorders. I'm just lazy, shy, a daydreamer. Gullible. Stupid. Now, I think back to every time someone said, "you're so artistic!" as them having really meant, "you're so autistic!" Now I realize I've had many abusive relationships & friendships, and those are few and far between in my life already. My mental health became a topic of interest after the most recent abusive relationship ended, and all my new friends are fellow neurodivergents. I made a particular friend that was already diagnosed Autistic and she said that I was 100% on the spectrum. So here we go. I said to my doctor that I don't know if pursuing a diagnosis would be beneficial. She said "but you're so high functioning". Yeah, I was. Until I wasn't. But there's very little actual support for midlife diagnosis Autists like us. You get a diagnosis and probably a prescription....now what....
I can't remember how I ended up here or how the algorythms were «thinking» your channel could interest me, but HERE I AM! And VERY happy for finding you! I'm 72 and for quite a number of years, I have occasionally suspected I am autistic, at least to some degree. I have not been diagnozed, for a number of reasons, but I will include it on my ToDo List! And your honesty, your smile, your sincerity and candor and your voice AND accent: I'm charmed! Thank you for sharing your realities with us. (My first language is French, hence the possibly awkward way I have written this...)
100%. Things like brushing teeth, showering etc are annoying to have to do. This guy nails it in terms of daily experiences. I include things like not having many friends, not yearning to mix and mingle with others, not being a sport fanatic. Formerly had anxiety issues prior to meditation. List seems endless.
I have Asperger’s, which is now on the autism spectrum. We certainly have behavior in common but we are different in some major ways. Paul, you are very intelligent and very well spoken so I would say you also have Asperger’s. No one would think you had a disability. You are more articulate than average. It may be more difficult for people to believe your struggles with minor everyday things. I can relate to what you say. I have that stuff also. I was always a nerd, often called weird and that was true but I never felt I could do anything about it because that is the way I am. I didn’t find the diagnosis until very late in life. Computers saved my life because they were meant for me! I am a computer genius and had a wonderful career in software development. I worked with other nerds. We all spoke nerd. That made me feel better. Of course management is another kind of animal as you said. You may face more disbelief that you have a disability because you are more intelligent and well spoken than average, as I said before. I think that can annoy some people. I was self employed for many years until I became a corporate girl. Of all things! I can’t believe it myself. I went underground. Learned to dress normally, not to say what I am thinking. We cannot be neurotypical. Do you wish to be accepted for who you really are? I find that is only with other Aspies. I am finding some older people who have it but don’t know they have it. I can spot anyone like me now that I know about it. It is a comfort for both of us to be ourselves. Might be good if you can meet up with Aspies. Of course you have the internet community, which is wonderful. Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are but that is hard for us because we make people uncomfortable. Consider dating an Aspie woman. I don’t know if you have. I also have the discomfort you describe so well with the physical aspects. I cannot live with another human and I gave up on that idea a long time ago. You are right about marriage and children and all that but regular people have plenty of difficulties with that. I don’t know what your work situation is now but there are many things you could do and be successful such as tax preparer, financial consultant, life advisor. I think you are terrific! I would also suggest that you find a physical activity that you like- maybe bicycle for pleasure. Nothing too strenuous, to relieve stress that builds up every day. I found that helpful. Wishing you all the best. You are a valuable person with much to give and you are helping people with your web videos.
Very true. I get judged harshly, and solely on 30 minute videos. No one sees my life away from here and how I am in my day to day life. But that demonstrates ignorance on the side of others. Thank you for your kind words 👍🏻
As an autistic parent married to a probably autistic parent of children. Being autistic doesn’t mean your experience of ASD will mesh well. I hate touch. My daughter likes very firm pressure. I like one audio stimuli at a time I literally have to turn off everything even white noise like fans to have a conversation: daughter likes earbuds or beats on 24/7 with music blaring.
Thankyou Paul, great video, self diagnosed 25 yo female... As time has gone by all these feelings and things you explain have gotten stronger as I've gotten older, It's exhausting but so liberating to see that there's a reason why we feel why we do & that we can recognise n make adjustments to aid our daily life
Thanks Eloise. Very true, we have ti make adjustments, as they won't be made for us. It's our responsibility to ourselves to make sure we consider what we can for the best possible outcome
It looks like I am not the only one who hates shopping - particularly when it is busy. That is why I do it at 7am (opening time roughly) when very few people are there. I get in and out as quick as I can and only get what I need. I do not allow myself to be distracted. I have never been diagnosed as autistic (too expensive) so whether this is a part of autism I wouldn't know.
Hey Paul another amazing topic, well spoken and i throughly enjoy what you say, it is so relevant and i agree with about teeth brushing, and showering. I also agree about food and routines
Just wondering about tips in the UK. Here in the US, servers are only paid $2.21/hour and it’s expected that the customer will tip 10-20% of the cost of the meal to make up the server’s salary. In some restaurants, the servers have to “pool” their tips and divide them equally with the rest of the wait staff at end of shift. Those who hustle, or flirt or just got good tipping customers, have to share with servers who are slackers or those who got cheapskate customers who didn’t tip. In some cases, the restaurant manager has to report the meal costs and the servers have to pay income tax on a percentage of that cost even if the customers did NOT tip them! I know someone who is Autistic and worked these kinds of jobs and its horrible. If the cook doesn’t get the order right or is slow, the customers take out their frustration on the server by not tipping. The humiliation of working these jobs is terrible. I don’t know what Uber or other delivery people are paid and whether tips are essential or just a nice gesture. With gasoline prices now, I would think a person who delivers really needs a tip. They are working because they need the money, not just for the joy of knowing you can stay in your nice house in your jammies and slippers.
Hi Nancy, it is VERY VERY different in England. It isn't customary to tip, or share them with others you work with. Some companies won't allow it either. In fact, our Government is so controlling, they expect you to declare it and have it affect your bottom line, so what people give you extra, you lose in your support. The minimum wage between 16 - 23 goes up in increments, but I think it is £9.50 an hour from 1st April for 23+, that isn't a bad wage! Plus, people on minimum wage get topped up with Government aid, discounted bills such as Council Tax etc. As silly as it sounds, people like me are the hardest hit. You work your backside off to make yourself average and get no help or assistance. Instead, my law-abiding existence in a full-time working role sees me heavily taxed, no reprieves, only for my cost of living to also rise, taxes rise to help support immigration, none working households, low-income families, etc., and I still have to pay full contributions, and my pension age keeps rising and rising. The line actually stops people progressing up salary chains, stops people wanting promotions, and the main one is stopping people from working from part-time to full-time as they come out with less money overall once they hit thresholds. Plus as minimum wage rises, the gap between minimum and my wage gets ever shortened, yet they can apply for assistance and I can't. I can't even get financial assistance to go alongside my extra cost of living of what I consider 'Autism costs', such as my issue with food, clothing, cleaning items etc that are barriers within themselves. It isn't that I am just being tight, it's that every penny counts for people like me, who are hit by the same things everyone else is, but there is zero financial support. Absolutely dreading my mortgage renewal as it could put up to £500 a month on top due to the Russian War for some unknown reason. People who rent if they lose work have their rent paid for by the government, I'll be homeless. Hopefully, that paints a bit of a better picture over here. And people wonder why I hate living in the UK.
@@catherinelevison3310 people who work for tips are legally allowed to be paid under the minimum wage due to the expectation of tips. For example, the current minimum for tipped labor federally (according to the US Department of labor website) is $2.13 as of 1/1/22. For general info.
@@mandyhackman9740 … not where I live, where I live minimum wage is $15.00 per hour. That’s what I wrote before. And, again, where I live the minimum wage hasn’t been as low as $2.21/hr for decades.
Uber eats drivers make shit for money per order. Like 2-3 dollars. So i'm really counting on an extra couple bucks here or there or it's not even worth me delivering food
That description of you getting dressed is so spot on! I do exactly the same, and never thought of it as autistic before now. Just what I felt was common sense and decency 😆. God forbid anyone, or even myself ever catch sight of me in a shirt and no bottoms. And the feeling of my feet with pants on but no socks... can't live like that for more than 60 seconds.
I'm 38 and un diagnosed, I need no diagnosis, I don't need others to believe I'm autistic, but since I quit drinking I'm exhausted all the time, I work as a meat manager in a grocery store, I have felt like survival is all about manipulating how I act, and I'm just tired of not sleeping and reviewing my day every night, and trying to understand everyone, my wife does not know I'm like this I feel like I'm trying to be the person she wants me to be all the time, and now after all my striving to make it now my poor son is just like me and she thinks he has adhd just like her.... I'm worried he is both... ty for this least self victomizing video I have found
Thank you for this video! I figured out I’m autistic myself but if I wasn’t sure this video would nail it down. I just thought everyone did these things and it was just what I did, not knowing others didn’t do it! Annoyances of life is the kicker for me, I’ve been to so many different hair stylists because being expected to be there every five weeks is unreasonable, what if I don’t need to go in five weeks, what if I don’t feel good that day, too many things to consider and stick to so I’ll go only when my hair is too long it won’t do what I want it to do which is maybe 3 times a year, and always with a new stylist because they move around and I didn’t know! My friend adamantly thinks I’m not autistic but then she can talk to anyone at anytime, and she’s a germaphobe, I’m not. That’s one of those things that comes easy for me understanding how to stay healthy. So thanks again, now I need to go to sleep and work up the gumption to take a shower tomorrow because my hair feels dirty (was drilling holes in the ground and kicking up dirt today!) but don’t really want to go through all the aspects of dealing with my hair! 🤷♀️🫠
I am significantly different to how you describe yourself, in that the brief social interactions like accepting deliveries at one's front door, or getting food from supermarket deli counters etc. is something I think I do quite well and am quite happy doing even though I am otherwise an asocial introvert. The crucial point that these interactions happen within very narrow and controlled confines, and brief time windows. I feel strongly empathic towards low-paid service staff and it makes me feel good to try my best to be a good customer and make their working day pleasant. It is longer term, unstructured social relationships that I don't do well and don't like, and where other people are likely not to find my presence or company desirable. Early in life I realised intuitively that I would fit better into a professional scientific working environment than any other, and so I was motivated to push on with higher education and to get into a scientific career trajectory - and that proved to be the right thing to do for me. In such employment environments, the social fitting-in stuff is much less of an issue. People give you more leeway and are less gossipy, cliquey and judgemental than in non-professional, non-technical/scientific workplaces. A more defensible general standard of conduct is expected of everyone than in a trades-level working environment. I would say common traits of autism to look out for, to be aware of, whether it is you or someone else, are; - unusually rigid thinking and rigid patterns of response, and rigid preferences. - strong preference for logic, rules and routines, strong dislike of sudden change and unplanned chaos. - floundering in fluid and unpredictable situations; needing a lot of time out to think your way through. - mood volativity (including being prone to meltdowns) and impulsiveness, - narrow interests and hyper focus, particularly in factual, non-social areas. - monotropism, i.e. an innate and uncontrollable tendency to only be able to focus on one thing at a time. This results in personal disorganisation and absent-mindedness among other effects. - being self centred and slow to develop 'theory of mind' i.e. that you are not the centre of the world and other people's lines of thought, preferences, needs and feelings are of comparable validity and importance as your own. - impaired social theory of mind combined with devotion to rules, logic and facts leading to being seen as tactless, blunt, rude, selfish, arrogant. - having a lifelong sense of being out of the ordinary, profoundly different in a way that evades simple conceptualisation. It is common for autistic children to imagine they are alien beings in human form, who look like and are pretending to be, human.
Thankfully, I can focus on more than one thing at once, and glad I can as my job can require that. But I do try to be very conscious of that as I believe focusing solely on one thing will be much more beneficial than spreading the care across multiple things at one time.
My life has been very compartmentalized. I generally don't keep friends. There are 2 friends that I've kept in contact with over the past 25 years. The rest were merely acquaintances, and when I moved, or changed jobs, I simply stopped communicating with them. To me it was no loss, as I wasn't really connected with them and never showed them who I really was. To me, a friend is someone I trust enough to let them see my true thoughts and feelings. Such people are very rare. Most of the time I have to mask, and it's exhausting.
Omg I do that thing with the food, evem portions of everything as i finish the meal; my Dad pointed it out to me!!! 😮 He said ive always done it.... And I'm now I'm over fifty and still undiagnosed (AUDHD I think) Just found you and love your delivery 😊🙏
You are incredibly handsome and your accent is absolutely wonderful for this Texas woman to listen to. Thank you for sharing this important information. I'm 52 years old and learning that I'm possibly Autistic, as in probably 98% sure of it. Thinking of talking with my doctor about obtaining the testing. Please keep sharing and know that you are appreciated!
Blimey.... I relate so much to all of this. My self talk tells me to stop/shut up, because other people don't like it and I'd never get out of bed. But then, there'd be something else, because there are certain things i have to do. Especially for my dog.
God bless bro. You seem chill as heck. Pretty sure im on the spectrum somewhere. Been alone my whole life, and deeply analyze all my thoughts. Blessing and a curse. Its good to be a bit different and over time I know learned skill in natural weaknesses will make up for it. You brought up alot of relatable stuff
Greetings from East Texas Piney Woods.. thank you for sharing your autism experience because I just watched your video and sat here nodding, saying yes, absolutely, 100... I got clarification last year finally that I am on the spectrum and I am 67.. I agree it has been a very long, difficult, challenging, and painful life road that I have been down... The autism explains ALL of it.. I am now in the process of trying to reframe my life and being my "authentic self" and it is not easy or simple. Absolutely there is not much "acceptance", so I continue to be very careful and cautious and most people I knew have gone by the wayside (even after 40 years). But I am okay with that, as I have also made the choice to walk away from certain people, places, etc. It is a fine line to walk, but I think it is better for me to know, as opposed to not knowing, about myself. I found out more about myself because I have a 14 year old grandson who is autistic and we have always had a good relationship and understand and accept each other. I only have a couple of people who "accept" me and the older I get the more I kind of withdraw from society, it is too complicated, difficult, draining, and I am burnt out pushing 70. I really appreciate your video. Thank you ❤
Thank you for your kind words. And I am glad you and your grandson have a good connection. It is good when we find someone who 'gets' us, and we feel the same. It is a freeing feeling.
I relate to a lot of what you’re saying, but the person who delivers your food deserves a tip. They provide a service and spend their time, energy and gas/petro to make your life easier by bringing it to your home. A lot of the people who deliver are working class and rely on tips.
That's fine. All allowed a difference of opinion, can't agree on everything...and I'm working class too. Not only do I pay for the food, every order also places a delivery fee and a service charge on the bill before I order if aroubd £2.50. So by rights, the employer should be passing both the service charge and deliver fee to the driver. That is their shortcoming, not mine if they don't pass it on.
I'd struggle if I tried! I just open my mouth and let it fall out. It's always the first time I give thoughts a voice. So I'm glad it comes across okay sometimes 👍🏻
My wife has PTSD, asthma & hypersensitivity; I’m autistic and we’re perfectly compatible because we have the exact same needs. I’m so thankful every day I found my person!
I'm a 58 y.o. female and that *_exact_* methodical way of eating - ever item balanced is me 24/7/365. Also, the showering and body temperature change; the not wanting to go shopping; the avoiding of people because you can't handle the fake conversation; the cooking - or lack thereof; the lost friends; the isolation from colleagues; can't do/won't do cliques; the nomadic-style living in adulthood. If I have a pizza delivered, that door gets opened and closed so fast you wouldn't believe it. Too many traits resonate.😣🤦🏾♀️
The way I understand it - undiagnosed autism = no autism. Autism becomes fully acknowledged once the diagnosis is complete. It is now up to the autist or some professionals to determine if the symptoms are going away after diagnosis. The diagnosis is there to help the person diagnosed. Thanks for the video.
An undiagnosed bone fracture is still a bone fracture, but assuming it is fractured without proof will either mean it is or it isn't. So I was always Autistic, it was just not diagnosed...until it was.
I eat my food like you do because I like the mix of flavours as I eat but , I also recall being taught to eat like that , my entire family ate like that . Food for thought ……..thank you !
Hi, my name is Finn and I identify as male (ftm) I'm 28 yrs old ....and I have Asd, ocd , adhd, depression and gender dysphoria its a nightmare to feel motivated to do anything bc every little thing triggers everything depending on the day the hour or seconds of every day or my mood in general so to whomever reads this I just want you to know that if you don't have the support you need to exist the way you need to in order to not spontaneously combust or spiraling into oblivion or the void you have my support and a brother that loves and will care for you in spirit =) 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈🏴☠️
These are fantastic examples. I’m awaiting my adhd diagnosis, but have been looking into the possibility of Asd. I have done the numerous tests and have scored indicative of them. I find I’m very similar to some of these. Have lost a lot if not all of my friends , had numerous jobs, hate small talk or even having to deal with phonecalls… I think I need to speak to my GP for this reason. Thanks Paul. Really appreciate this.
I am glad I clicked on yr clip this morning as I was preparing to leave the house for work. I lived yr "real" life explanations and you described my husband of over 30 yrs. He's eventually been diagnosed with aspergers only 10 days ago. I would like your suggestion about how you keep looking after yourself and how I could manage looking after me?!! Life isn't just hard work for those who are aspergers, it seems to me it's hard for those who live with them too.
I watch a lot of “Adult signs of autism” videos because I always, always, always feel disconnected from my coworkers. But this is the first one I’ve watched that resonated with me. I’m 45 in a white-collar, skilled technical career, and am losing my job after 2.5 years. I was told last week, literally, “Sometimes people can do great work, people love working with them, but they’re just not a culture fit. I see you do good work, and everyone says they like working with you. But yo’ure just not a culture fit.” Literal quote, I have it on “tape.” The pain and confusion is so tiring. This isn’t the first time it’s happened. Probably won’t be the last time. I’m so tired. Exhausted.
@@ViVeriVniversvmVivusVici Hahaha this is just a painfully naive thing to say. Go live more life, then come back to me at 45 and see if your wisdom seems so wise. (Hint: I *do* realize it but life is more complicated than that, which you can't/don't understand at 17 or 28 or 35 or whatever age you are. If "realizing" things was the only thing you had to do to do things successfully, everyone with a minimal baseline level of perception & intellect would be a success and there would be no such thing as bad luck. Grow up.)
I really appreciate this video and how you go in depth and explain and give examples. It feels a bit more like "Here's some of my experience with Autism. Maybe you relate." It's a different take (as you say) from a lot of the other Signs of Autism videos and it's given me some more to think about. Yes! The "Why don't you just make toast?" Do they not realize how complicated toast or a peanut butter sammich can be? The amount of times I have cheese and crackers for lunch, or just don't bother at all... I should make a Sammich Flow Chart to follow when I'm having lunch problems. Maybe that will help me.
I am 42 years old, and I have no credit score. I have never had a credit card, house note, or car note, or loan of any kind. I recently purchased my first item on credit, and that is a workshop for my special interest/side business. It will pay for itself soon. I got it to make money. If I don't have money for something, then I don't buy it.
Another thing about getting dressed; I always lay out my outfit on the bed in the order I'm going to put it on. I lay my socks on my pants, and beside that I lay my shirt, undershirt, and bra. Then I put on everything in order from last laid garment to first laid garment.
40 addresses and I don't know how many jobs. Can't really even count because for years I was a temp and went all over the place. I don't even know how many jobs I quit. I've rarely been part of a clique. When I have been accepted into one, at first I'm surprised and happy, but I always end up on the outs eventually. I know people love to gossip about me. I also have three degrees, and really wanted to earn a couple more but had no time. Had to work.
I was in college when the internet started popping off, when you mostly met people through Usenet or BBSes, and it became a standard experience for me to get really close to specific people online, feel like we were true friends, but then we'd meet in person and I'd never hear from them again after that. No big blow up or conflict, they'd just have no more interest in talking to me.
Hi this is a great video. However I feel that many of these points or issues could be found in neuro typical people as well. There is also a big crossover with subjective idiosyncrasies and OCD. I have OCD diagnosed I do not have an autism or adhd diagnoses although pr baby believe I am on the spectrum. Keep up the good work.
Adhd,butvtraits of asd. I hate showering but obsessed with cleaning teeth. I am great cook but hate doing it, sometimes I just can't but have a hubbie who thinks eating 3 times daily is essential, so many rows over it. I hate food shopping,. Since stopping work havecrealised i lovecbeing alonecand not having to hold draining conversations daily. I have to get dressed,, and matching undies is essential.
Paul Im not diagnosed as autistic 70 and was always different. Hate small talk love derp talk. I am sensitive to many of these things you mentioned. Brushing teeth. Its uncomfortable awkward sometimes hurts. I use sensidine for that reason. Its just very unpleasant and a chore.
I haven’t been to a dentist for 10 years because I don’t want to pick up the phone and call! Before that - it was 25 years! But my teeth are good and I like brushing them/.
I find looking back I’ve always associated with narcissistic people because I’m very good at pandering to people who need to be praised and adored because they are amazing, but eventually become bored of your company and move on because they cannot feed on my emotions because l don’t show them lm cool calm and collected nothing seems to affect me even though I’m dying inside, so eventually everyone leaves me. At school l never had friends,l looked at school photos and l don’t recognise anyone and that never occurred to me until now and understanding Aspergers.
Haha, I'm usually barefoot in the house. Socks come off the second they're allowed to. Plus, I can't float about with my giblets exposed. Got to cover them bad boys up asap!
@@AdultwithAutism Oh, this is fantastic! It's very interesting to see how different people are. I cannot fathom being barefoot. It makes my skin crawl all over!
I clashed with management and lost jobs repeatedly. Could never pander to their insecurities or tolerate bullying or bullshit. Ended up being self-employed
Sounds similar to me. I know the rules in the workplace but not everybody sticks to the rules. They take advantage of you and bend what you say. People can be mean but things are definitely changing for the better with ASD and acceptance in the workplace.
I'm still employed by ASDA though. The managers who was bullies either left because of the bad reputation among colleagues or was sacked. You can bully people, but then you have to live with the consequences of you actions.
I’ve got a little group of bully’s in my block, it’s been nipped in the bud but it slayed me for 2 months just gone. I couldn’t vibe with them once I’d seen all of them. No Thankyou.
I have had trouble in employment also. I now do volunteer work because of my age but the manager hasn't guaranteed she will keep me on. I have been sacked from previous volunteer positions also.
I reckon my late husband had autism, it runs in his family. He ticks so many boxes. He had such a unique way of thinking and was an incredible problem solver. He was always making me laugh. Miss him so much.
OMG can so relate! For one thing I've been cutting my own hair for years! I can't bring !myself to go to hairdressers! Can't stand making small talk, find it exhausting. So many things!
It's something I tolerate, I don't enjoy it. My hair is waist length so I can't trim it myself. I prefer the mobile ones who come to my house I've had her years. The thought of going to a salon ughh! The crap conversation, are you going out tonight, what's your job? Boring! I teach but for a few reasons I trained as a nail tech, it would note me silly doing it as a job.
I cut my own hair, too I can't stand to be pawed about. One hairdresser gave me an unwanted head massage and said "did you enjoy that?" "NO!" My head felt like a bowling ball for the rest of the day. I appreciate her skill in remembering each customer's personal career or family circumstances and constructing a conversation around it all...but just be quiet, get it over with quickly, keep the smelly products away from my hair and don't touch me more than you need to! I'm not there to be pampered, it all makes my skin crawl.
My Aspie daughter can manage her office to the last detail! But in her personal life, my Aspie daughter struggles with getting the cleaning and laundry done. Does Instacart for groceries pick up because she doesn't have to go in the store. Would never neglect her cat's health. She usually spends thousands of $$$$ a year on her cat's welfare ....but, ....will let her own health go for years until it is a crisis.
@@maryrabago9546 As a child she started to read at age 3. She frequently had meltdowns. She did well in school. Had her Aspie click of friends. She went to college. She loves to travel. She does well at her techy job.
!!!! Different specific details but this is me too!!! ❤❤❤❤ Love to you and your Daughter - I am 45 and am so scared of what will be the course of events over the next few months and years that I have to now head-on address & overcome this “autistic” wall that has me dead in my tracks. ❤❤❤❤ Again, though, Love to you and your daughter.
You need to clean your mouth even if you have no teeth. inflammation in the mouth is very dangerous. My sister in law nearly died because of it, had to stay in hospital for two months. Because the bacteria in the mouth goes through the wound into the blood and to the heart and damages your heart. So please everybody, do clean your teeth and mouth.
But if you only understood the difficulty of getting the task done, you would get that he has to forcefully make himself get this simple task done. We aren't stupid, but we struggle with simpler tasks for our reasons, based on the individual who is also autistic. For me, i got fired for being too ambitious and yet not consistently doing "simpler" tasks like emailing. Uhggggg email 😢
@@wwJd703love I know a lot about struggling to do very simple tasks, I have to fight it every day. But some tasks are more important, and usually when I know that something is very important, I’m able to do it. And often I’m exhausted afterwards. I’m not able to work anymore, too tired all the time.
PLEASE CONSIDER GETTING A WATERPIK MACHINE FOR YET AND MOUTH CLEANING!! you’ll start to love it-you said if you could get a little machine-get a WATERPIK!!
You are absolutely right. Unfortunately society is very judgmental, so if a person dont fit in the small box you are quickly labelled. But as i ask myself, what is normal.
Actually I teach my daughter that we are weird because normal is boring 😃. We embrace beating to our own drum. It's all about perspective. People will treat you the way you allow them to. I've learned that the hard way, as a 44 year old undiagnosed possible autistic. I've only recently realized the name for "Why I've felt this way my whole life", when my daughter received her diagnosis... She is literally my carbon copy all the way down to tip toe walking as a toddler and young child to rocking internally. I'm grateful I can advocate for her and give her the support I never received... To this day my mother is like, "Well, maybe if you didn't talk about it so much in front of her she'll just forget about it" 🙄🤨🧐🤔😂😂😂. That's not how this works 🙆🏻♀️... Says me, an 80's baby...smh Never accept weird as a bad thing 💜
I'm undiagnosed, and the number of times I thought "Me too!" while listening to your video convinces me even further that I should get diagnosed at SOME point. Having jeans on and no socks happened to me for some reason and I couldn't even begin to describe, why it is SO uncomfortable. When I'm about to finish a meal, I always have a little bit of everything on my plate so I can decide which aftertaste I want to end it with. I absolutely hate phone calls, and appointments (got an anxiety attack making one recently), as well as I, hate to cook and take a shower. I still do these things because I know I have to but I never got to like doing them. Thank you for this video!
I joined the same club as a woman at 51 yrs old and I can't believe the epiphanies I have now . Everything makes sense now . I still can't get over it, I check every single box on the classic autism and then some
It is a strange feeling! I remember when I was first diagnosed, other people actually resonated with Autism in me more than I did. When I learned more about it, everything I did was around the management of myself to reduce Autism burnouts.
@@AdultwithAutism I hear you, for me it was too late, I've passed it and climbed out of it but 27 years of agoraphobia was the result. I now finally figured out why I get the panic attacks. It's sensory overload, since I did not know where to look before the diagnosis I now do and am able to control it better
That's definitely the good point of the diagnosis. Giving the answer so you can manage the rough times better, and try to avoid. Like my shopping routine for example, only shop late and only shop midweek. Otherwise a simple task of getting bread and milk wipes me put, and every burnout takes longer to recover from.
@@AdultwithAutism I live in The Netherlands which is a lot less car dependent , but America would be a nightmare for me. There are so many obstacles that I've overcome but now understanding them makes it a lot easier , and in fact , now I think I'm not crazy anymore or this unique weirdo , so that is a win
I am 69 and after spending my life not fitting in and feeling, don't belong, I was so glad to see your video. After suspecting for a while I was autistic I ticked most of your boxes. It's helped me understand and accept myself more.
Great content and it’s admirable how you give a nice delivery without all those edits that others do. The results, on other channels, are jumpy and jagged with edits and I don’t like loads of sound effects or stock photography. Nicely done.
Hi Catherine, I struggle with the chopping edits too. Like Hunter Hansens channel, I really like what he talks about and his approach, but the edits, change in sound quality or levels, lighting, etc makes them hard to watch for me. Plus, I always said to myself to keep them as they come out so people could watch my mannerisms as another way of seeing my version of Autism...whatever that is 😂
Teeth are the SEAT of health in the body. Please keep your teeth !!!!🙏🏻 The wrong kind of bacteria in our mouths can lead to stroke, heart attack, and infections throughout the body including cancer. Having fake teeth screwed into our jawbone INCREASES the likelihood of infection, and removal of 8 or more teeth correlates to an uptick in dementia. Health is one of my special interests :) If brushing feels bothersome, oil pulling is an excellent, and perhaps more comfortable way of removing debris, plaque, and bacteria. Many blessings to you for this channel. Your authenticity feels relaxing to listen to.😊
Oh, that's quite shocking information though I'm grateful for it. I didn't have a brace as I should have as my mum asked me if I wanted one and as I've never liked standing out, I said no. That's then caused me to brush them too hard as I wanted them to look as white as possible due to them not being straight so now I have receding gums and I worry about that. 😢
@@phoenixxavier9615You put a spoon of the coconut in your mouth & hold it there, when it melts, you pull it back & forth through your teeth for a few minutes, then gargle & spit ✨ it clears debris & moisturises gums 💫✌️😉
I am 64, and was diagnosed 4 years ago. I cried with the relief. It is so hard to meet people, and friends do just vanish. My difficulty is being too loyal and not recognising when it is not reciprocal. I just cannot read people. When I did my degree it was so hard being 'social', that I became non verbal. Also, I found out all my 'friends', would meet up, for dinners at peoples houses and events, and exclude me from them? Never found out why. I am very honest and speak my mind, maybe that doesn't work in the UK with such rigid social rules.
When I lived in Las Vegas I used to go to the grocery store at around 3 a.m., because I felt better when there were less people around and the store was open 24 hours anyway.
I’m 50, and waking up to being neurodivergent has helped me understand struggles I’ve had since childhood. Knowledge is power. I’ve gone from hating being in the world to learning how I show up in the world and finding my tribe.
I'm 52 and this is "the when" I named this thing...this explanation. I have no tribe and I have no skills in locating one. I've been lost more years than I was ever " found". I fear being lost making the 52 years a huge waste. Brushing teeth- yes. Unenjoyable....I don't do well in small areas-caravans you would call them. Calling a doctor or anywhere for an appointment- ptsd reactions. GOING- slim to no chance of attending. This video is amazing. Thank you
I was so glad when lockdown and shielding came along. I started learning Blender 3D for 14 hours a day and building myself a home sound production studio. I live by myself. I was cool!
NTs seem to have a social velcro in their skin that keeps them bonded even outside of special interests. We don't. We can participate in a group, yet not be part of it in the same way as NTs are. There's an unconscious or unspoken "currency" that they trade to mark reciprocity in the relationship, but we don't have it, so when there's no shared event or common purpose we fall by the wayside for them. We also seem to give off an air of social independence or self-reliance that somehow insulates us from them, as though we have a layer of teflon on us. But we don't know any other way...
I have a very strict grocery routine. I leave very early to encounter as few people as possible. If I accidentally sleep too late past the time I wanted to leave, no groceries that day. Try again tomorrow, lol! I go to the same store and I know where everything is, so I order the items on my list the way I go through the store. Get in, get in done, and get out. It's all about efficiency and avoiding people. ^_^ About making appointments, I've had things sit on my to-do lists for months (and longer...) because I couldn't deal with the interaction required to get them done. Eventually I do get them done, because I get tired of seeing them on my to-do list, but it can take an embarrassingly long time.
Haha, I'm the same with shopping. Same shops for familiarity...and it really annoys me when they change the layout! If they run out of something, then I don't go back the next day...it has to wait until my usual return trip!
This is so relatable . I liked it when I could shop at 3 am but now the store closes at midnight , 10 Pm to 12 am there are still too many people and not enough time to read all the labels. .. I'm no stunner
Thank you for sharing. I’ve been so ashamed of myself for not being able to handle all of the little hassles of life. I had no idea that these were traits of autism.
sounds familiar. many more addresses than average here. haven’t counted all addresses but for addresses it is more than 25 by near to the half century mark. mother responsible for much of the moving in the early years, after that it has been me. as for jobs, held onto core ones forever, very steady and consistently, whatever it took for stability though had side jobs changing frequently. it has been very hard to get new work; not great with interviews. your list made was impressive.
It's not so much about the number of jobs. It's about the ADHD tolerance span. First three months: I'm a manic cult member. Second quarter: real life and other interests catch up. Third quarter: I've lost concentration and I'm not showing up mentally, because my role seems pointless. Fourth Quarter: other people are noticing my behavior. And frankly, everyone else is irritating because I can hear their mouth-noises. So it's 18 month maximum employment, and then about 9 months before I can capture another gig.
Wow I relate to so much you said. I really don’t enjoy being around people much either. I haven’t been diagnosed as I just can’t deal with trying to make an appointment with a doctor and talking to them about it. Thank you for sharing your insight. It really helps.
Spot on Paul. I desperately want my teeth and toenails gone. The cooking thing and routine and relationships. When people say “Can’t you just” you know THEY are NOT autistic 🤣
The worse part about toenails is that its impossible for me to get my face close enough to fully see what i'm doing. So I always feel like i'm going in partially blind and just pray I don't nip off the corner of my toe. Or if you don't get it right and start snagging the sheets...
I have always felt like somehow i am a stranger to this place. I love being alone. Have anxiety in groups where im expected to interact. I do my best to act normal. Ive been a registered nurse for 35years and retired. Absolutely loved my job which allowed me to support my family of 4 kids. Did not socialize with work mates.Have one good friend from work for many years. I do certain things in ,what i believe is an efficient order, although do not get anxious if done a bit differently. I need a couple days of notice before appointments to mentally manage anxiety that i may miss the day. All schooling has been anxiety issue, acting normal. Wow! P. S. i'm 73 now.
I m a retired nurse. I memorized the whole PDR when I was an LVN. I couldn’t stay one one type of nurse so I did almost type of nursing areas except anesthesia or nurse practitioner or air transport type bc I have communication problem - hearing disorder that goes off and on without warning hearing it pauses.
My very first memory of displaying autism, when I would feel overwhelmed, I would freeze and flap my hands like a humming bird to release the stress. I got so many hidings for doing it. My farther told me he will beat it out of me not to embarrasse him like that. That's when I learned fast that pretense(masked) is to protect myself from punishment. Well, not always. I got beaten for not understanding math. I got beaten for not being fast enough. Long long list why I received abuse .. I now live a complete isolated life for 14years now. At least I have only my loneliness to deal with. 🙂
Remember you're not alone!Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be anxious, for I am your God. I will fortify you, yes, I will help you, I will really hold on to you with my right hand of righteousness.’ Look! All those getting enraged against you will be put to shame and humiliated. Those who fight with you will be brought to nothing and perish. You will search for men who struggle with you, but you will not find them; The men at war with you will become as something nonexistent, as nothing at all.For I, Jehovah your God, am grasping your right hand, The One saying to you, ‘Do not be afraid. I will help you.’🙏🏽 🌹Isaiah 41:10-13 🌹 God is with you Always 🙏🏽
Paul. I just sat here nodding, and grinning all through this video. Please continue to do this. So many people now realise they are not odd/ weird, just differently wired up. Thankyou very much.
I've never thought of how I'm dressing, and I had to put the video on pause to think about it. I just realised I'm dressing exactly the same way every day since I was a teenager, and it's the same pattern than you : underpants, socks, pants, top. That's awesome.
Yes, Paul. It's so hurtful as a woman to feel constantly betrayed by friends. It makes me think, am I boring or unworthy? On top of that, others assume you blew it or there is a deficiency in my character. My esteem as a result is rock bottom. Relationships aaaagh. I've given 100%, just to be taken advantage of and always feel I don't make the grade, no matter how hard I try. I'm not great at housekeeping and was a tomboy as a child. I've been criticised for having a messy flat, even though I hate it as well. I used to cry a lot when I worked because I felt excluded and hurt when my peers would go out together and forget me. Management. Aaaagh! They never admit they are wrong, even when I've come up with a great idea. You must be a better pretender than I. As I was not able to keep it up, I was the excluded one. For a woman who is supposed to be the sociable one, all these relationship difficulties are INCREDABLY painful. I get you Paul. I have a cat who shows more empathy than most humans. I admire you Paul because you stuck it and I haven't. I still want to g
That first part of your message is very relatable. Always wanting to please or even just hit average with others, but for it to be twisted and used against you. Not good at all. I've just become good at making sure I can blend in, but just because I'm better at it, doesn't mean the toll reduces unfortunately 👍🏻
I love your videos. And I do SO many of the same things, or similar, as you! I don’t think I realized some of it was autism because I have always done the things the same. I was just recently diagnosed so this helps so much! I’m 44 and just got my diagnosis last week. Your videos are very helpful! Thank you!
My husband is 66 and my son told me that my husband was autistic. After listening to several speakers and listening to all the traits. I am 100% sure he is, although not diagnosed. It helps me understand him so much better. Still difficult at times, but I love him so. He’s been through 2 failed marriages, but I plan to stay until the end! I’m neurotypical, but I have lots of issues myself and glad he still loves me.
‘Rather be fake than be bullied ‘. So sad , but I totally relate - if you’re lucky like I was in this , you are near retirement anyway , and can tell them to stick it and start to enjoy being your true self :D
I need to thank you AGAIN!!!! For your absolute transparency and honesty about everything. Every point made I have life’s and felt and literally never understood why but rather get upset and annoyed bc I felt broken. Showering feels like an attack. I am someone who is overly sensitive and aware to my own cleanliness, people never assume or say “oh yeah it’s obvious you don’t shower” rather it surprises them if I disclose it being tough for me. Being fake rather than bullied, yes, same, I have become very isolated due to struggling with masking burn out. I wish I knew these things when I was younger. My burn out meltdown after high school was so bad. At 36 years ago I have learned so much about me these last 5 weeks than I have since I was diagnosed 30 years ago with adhd, and maybe I do have it but it never solely fit. For me that is. I will try to stop typing here but I am so incredibly thankful for your insight. You are affecting 4 lives here. I am mom of three, and in the process of the diagnosing process for my two kids and myself. 🙏
It's nice to hear some of my stuff is helpful, really is. I made the channel to speak openly, as all I want to do is help others. So it's nice to know that it does 👍🏻
every time I watch one of your videos I am amazed at how relatable everything you say is. when it comes to work, ive just passed my theory tests for my hgv licence so I can sit alone in a cab all day and see a few people at the end of the journey, im knackered from being asked by customers about some shitty football match I couldnt give a monkey about or how good/bad the weather is. The phoning and appoitment stuff is bang on the money and when I try to explain it to someone else they look at me like im crazy. Shopping is a big one for me, I used to regularly leave the shop when I was with someone else as when they went it was always busy and I couldnt handle it. Everything in my pockets are in the same place always, and on the rare occasion I buy new clothes I make sure the pockets can accomodate my stuff. plus getting into debt has always baffled me, maybe some reasons are justified but most are just bullshit excuses for poor money management. thanks again for the chilled half hour.
Hi Dan, Funnily enough, I thought of getting my HGV for the same reason. Get paid to be on my own, listen to audio books etc! Good to know someone relates 👍🏻
Cheers from a diagnosed AuADHD’er in NYC! We share some very similar characteristics. It’s a relief to have some validation. Finding a “partner who is imperfect but balances me out” nails it. Good luck to us brother🌈🤙🏽
I'm 33 and I got diagnosed about 2 months ago. I have found myself dropping the mask and allowing myself to be me. But then I get imposter syndrome and I think to myself, 'Am I just pretending?' It's been quite stressful ...
well, I wanted to comment actually on every part of this video. I try to hold it to the end because otherwise, I just keep coming back in and editing it out. Yes to all the things, and I really like the way you explain it. also, there is a lot to be said for a big strong man to be saying he experiences the same struggles as this small female has always had. thank you 🌸
I feel I have to respond to the first one about friends or the loss of friends. My first question is what is your definition of a friend? Most people call a friend some one that actually meets the definition of an acquaintance rather than a true friend. A friend is someone you can depend on as is there for you any time of the day or night. I am 70% autistic and have one friend. I know a lot of people, but only one friend.
A selfless person who has my best interests are heart. There for me when I need them, and wants me to be okay. The things I give back in equal measure. Doesn't listen to the nonsense about me, feel comfortable in their presence. Actually want to see them and spend time with them without it being a drain on my resource because I can take the mask off slightly...I could go on and on. Like you, I know many people, but today I could could friends on one hand, and still have many digits left 👍🏻
There are several variations of friends, the work friends, casual friends, and real or close friends. All of these types are useful at times. It's worth having a casual friend that lives in your apt. building and can sign for a package if you were out, or let you know someone was asking about you. The work friend could tell you that someone likes you, or someone said something negative about you, or gave you an invite to a film screening. And the close friends are obviously important. It's not so black and white is what I am suggesting. And folks on the AS should try and realize that in order to take stock and advantage of the ok, good, and great people out there. So it's fine to make surface friends as long as we know that is all that there is to them.
@@rockrecordreport7136 I know where you are coming from when you are working for a company and that kind of friendship is important. I work on call, since I am basically retired. They are not friends, but good customers who do classify as an acquaintance. I do not live in an apartment so I do not have that connection either. Being accepted is a very strange term for me in a world of rejection so the word friend would be even stranger, and I have one.
Tipping delivery drivers seems to be a hot topic, so let me explain further...
The app I use to order food includes a 'Processing Fee', and a 'Delivery Fee'. Both are mandatory, you cannot opt out of paying them. The 'Delivery Fee' increases the further the delivery driver has to travel...rightly so, to cover their fuel costs, and is also high enough to include a tip e.g., 2 miles = £5.
Now if the restaurant doesn't pass on the 'Delivery Fee' to the driver, shame on them. But I have already paid the tip in the 'Delivery Fee'. Most of the time, the 'Processing and Delivery Fee' is an extra 25% of my order.
So I've already paid a tip in the delivery fee. If the restaurant doesn't pass it on, I cannot then also pay another tip. Shame in the restaurants.
Hope that clears up what I didn't explain 👍
@@AdultwithAutism totally understandable and I'm not flaming or anything.
It's not the restaurants that are the greedy ones, it's the delivery partners that take the service charge delivery charge and 30% of all sales from the restaurant. In a ideal world this would be passed on to us but it's not 😂
But yeah I'm in no way trying to give grief over tipping, as I previously said in my other message thread you replied to, but let me clarify, I know who the evil one is, and it ain't the customers not explicitly tipping, it's the providers and their greedy full pockets.
Just a note: my son delivered food for a living for some time. He is also on the spectrum. He wouldn't have survived without the tips. The pay is not good enough to earn a living. He got no part of the fees. But that was in the US. May be different in the UK.
Sounds indeed awfully familiar. I think that one of the strongest clue of undiagnosed ASD is the feeling of being outsider and not belonging to the world. I feel that most people with autism share the same experience of feeling like being in a wrong world and the feeling starts in childhood and continues through the whole life.
Great video!
Many thanks 👍🏻
I've had wrong planet syndrome all my life. The first time I recall having the feeling of hearing someone I recognized as being from my home planet, so to speak, was when I heard Temple Grandin on the radio. She articulated things about the way she navigated and experienced the world that I had just taken for granted, that I didn't even know it was particularly different. I hadn't even known why I felt like such an alien, but here was this other person who was telling me why I felt that way. That was 20 years ago, and that was the first time I realized after all the therapy, all the difficulties I had in relationships, in school, accomplishing certain tasks, that there was a very high likelihood that the issue all along had been that I'm autistic. Everything I've learned since has done nothing but confirm that.
@kimberleyedwards833 it feels so good when you have that relatable feeling 👍🏻
All of it most of the time ❤
Some of us can’t afford the over annoyance of tasks.
This video really speaks to me. I'm 35, female, and finally after 2 years of regular therapy and an ADHD diagnosis, I'm finally coming to terms with my Autism. Last week I told my doctor that I have a strong gut feeling that it is.
My life has been difficult, difficult, lemon difficult. Thanks to my superhuman making, nobody noticed that I was isolated, depressed, not functioning. I grew up in a sheltered, religious family that didn't know about mental health disorders. I'm just lazy, shy, a daydreamer. Gullible. Stupid. Now, I think back to every time someone said, "you're so artistic!" as them having really meant, "you're so autistic!"
Now I realize I've had many abusive relationships & friendships, and those are few and far between in my life already. My mental health became a topic of interest after the most recent abusive relationship ended, and all my new friends are fellow neurodivergents. I made a particular friend that was already diagnosed Autistic and she said that I was 100% on the spectrum.
So here we go. I said to my doctor that I don't know if pursuing a diagnosis would be beneficial. She said "but you're so high functioning". Yeah, I was. Until I wasn't. But there's very little actual support for midlife diagnosis Autists like us. You get a diagnosis and probably a prescription....now what....
Your post hit me. I can relate to so much of that. I wish I could find that friend group like you did. Lemon difficult, I like that.
Thank you for sharing, and your story is a familiar one. Just a shame that it is familiar 👍🏻
I hear you, thank you for sharing. 🩵
There’s no drugs to treat autism.
You can treat anxiety and ocd but those are comorbidities.
I can't remember how I ended up here or how the algorythms were «thinking» your channel could interest me, but HERE I AM! And VERY happy for finding you! I'm 72 and for quite a number of years, I have occasionally suspected I am autistic, at least to some degree. I have not been diagnozed, for a number of reasons, but I will include it on my ToDo List! And your honesty, your smile, your sincerity and candor and your voice AND accent: I'm charmed! Thank you for sharing your realities with us.
(My first language is French, hence the possibly awkward way I have written this...)
You have not written your comment awkwardly at all!
I was 65 and due to my children and grandkids being diagnosed I realised that all my life I’ve been autistic. At last I understand
Votre Anglais est tres tres bien! Embrace your gift of Autism,you probably have many talents, autistic people usually do. Enjoy your journey of life.🙏
Beautifully said. ❤
This hit me so hard...im just recently at 46 realizing that my struggles could be Autism.
If you're coming to that realisation, I hope this is the beginning of a fruitful journey 👍🏻
100%.
Things like brushing teeth, showering etc are annoying to have to do.
This guy nails it in terms of daily experiences.
I include things like not having many friends, not yearning to mix and mingle with others, not being a sport fanatic. Formerly had anxiety issues prior to meditation. List seems endless.
I have Asperger’s, which is now on the autism spectrum. We certainly have behavior in common but we are different in some major ways. Paul, you are very intelligent and very well spoken so I would say you also have Asperger’s. No one would think you had a disability. You are more articulate than average. It may be more difficult for people to believe your struggles with minor everyday things. I can relate to what you say. I have that stuff also. I was always a nerd, often called weird and that was true but I never felt I could do anything about it because that is the way I am. I didn’t find the diagnosis until very late in life. Computers saved my life because they were meant for me! I am a computer genius and had a wonderful career in software development. I worked with other nerds. We all spoke nerd. That made me feel better. Of course management is another kind of animal as you said. You may face more disbelief that you have a disability because you are more intelligent and well spoken than average, as I said before. I think that can annoy some people. I was self employed for many years until I became a corporate girl. Of all things! I can’t believe it myself. I went underground. Learned to dress normally, not to say what I am thinking. We cannot be neurotypical. Do you wish to be accepted for who you really are? I find that is only with other Aspies. I am finding some older people who have it but don’t know they have it. I can spot anyone like me now that I know about it. It is a comfort for both of us to be ourselves. Might be good if you can meet up with Aspies. Of course you have the internet community, which is wonderful. Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are but that is hard for us because we make people uncomfortable. Consider dating an Aspie woman. I don’t know if you have. I also have the discomfort you describe so well with the physical aspects. I cannot live with another human and I gave up on that idea a long time ago. You are right about marriage and children and all that but regular people have plenty of difficulties with that. I don’t know what your work situation is now but there are many things you could do and be successful such as tax preparer, financial consultant, life advisor. I think you are terrific! I would also suggest that you find a physical activity that you like- maybe bicycle for pleasure. Nothing too strenuous, to relieve stress that builds up every day. I found that helpful. Wishing you all the best. You are a valuable person with much to give and you are helping people with your web videos.
Very true. I get judged harshly, and solely on 30 minute videos. No one sees my life away from here and how I am in my day to day life. But that demonstrates ignorance on the side of others. Thank you for your kind words 👍🏻
As an autistic parent married to a probably autistic parent of children. Being autistic doesn’t mean your experience of ASD will mesh well. I hate touch. My daughter likes very firm pressure. I like one audio stimuli at a time I literally have to turn off everything even white noise like fans to have a conversation: daughter likes earbuds or beats on 24/7 with music blaring.
Hello marian do you got instagram or any social media to tell you of my suspicion of asd symptoms.
Thankyou Paul, great video, self diagnosed 25 yo female... As time has gone by all these feelings and things you explain have gotten stronger as I've gotten older, It's exhausting but so liberating to see that there's a reason why we feel why we do & that we can recognise n make adjustments to aid our daily life
Thanks Eloise.
Very true, we have ti make adjustments, as they won't be made for us. It's our responsibility to ourselves to make sure we consider what we can for the best possible outcome
It looks like I am not the only one who hates shopping - particularly when it is busy. That is why I do it at 7am (opening time roughly) when very few people are there. I get in and out as quick as I can and only get what I need. I do not allow myself to be distracted. I have never been diagnosed as autistic (too expensive) so whether this is a part of autism I wouldn't know.
Hey Paul another amazing topic, well spoken and i throughly enjoy what you say, it is so relevant and i agree with about teeth brushing, and showering. I also agree about food and routines
Hi Gemma, thank you. And glad you enjoyed 😁
Just wondering about tips in the UK. Here in the US, servers are only paid $2.21/hour and it’s expected that the customer will tip 10-20% of the cost of the meal to make up the server’s salary. In some restaurants, the servers have to “pool” their tips and divide them equally with the rest of the wait staff at end of shift. Those who hustle, or flirt or just got good tipping customers, have to share with servers who are slackers or those who got cheapskate customers who didn’t tip.
In some cases, the restaurant manager has to report the meal costs and the servers have to pay income tax on a percentage of that cost even if the customers did NOT tip them! I know someone who is Autistic and worked these kinds of jobs and its horrible. If the cook doesn’t get the order right or is slow, the customers take out their frustration on the server by not tipping. The humiliation of working these jobs is terrible.
I don’t know what Uber or other delivery people are paid and whether tips are essential or just a nice gesture. With gasoline prices now, I would think a person who delivers really needs a tip. They are working because they need the money, not just for the joy of knowing you can stay in your nice house in your jammies and slippers.
Hi Nancy, it is VERY VERY different in England. It isn't customary to tip, or share them with others you work with. Some companies won't allow it either. In fact, our Government is so controlling, they expect you to declare it and have it affect your bottom line, so what people give you extra, you lose in your support. The minimum wage between 16 - 23 goes up in increments, but I think it is £9.50 an hour from 1st April for 23+, that isn't a bad wage! Plus, people on minimum wage get topped up with Government aid, discounted bills such as Council Tax etc.
As silly as it sounds, people like me are the hardest hit. You work your backside off to make yourself average and get no help or assistance. Instead, my law-abiding existence in a full-time working role sees me heavily taxed, no reprieves, only for my cost of living to also rise, taxes rise to help support immigration, none working households, low-income families, etc., and I still have to pay full contributions, and my pension age keeps rising and rising.
The line actually stops people progressing up salary chains, stops people wanting promotions, and the main one is stopping people from working from part-time to full-time as they come out with less money overall once they hit thresholds. Plus as minimum wage rises, the gap between minimum and my wage gets ever shortened, yet they can apply for assistance and I can't. I can't even get financial assistance to go alongside my extra cost of living of what I consider 'Autism costs', such as my issue with food, clothing, cleaning items etc that are barriers within themselves.
It isn't that I am just being tight, it's that every penny counts for people like me, who are hit by the same things everyone else is, but there is zero financial support. Absolutely dreading my mortgage renewal as it could put up to £500 a month on top due to the Russian War for some unknown reason. People who rent if they lose work have their rent paid for by the government, I'll be homeless.
Hopefully, that paints a bit of a better picture over here. And people wonder why I hate living in the UK.
Just for general info…minimum wage is $15.00 USD per hour where I live in the USA. I haven’t heard of $2.21 per hour in decades.
@@catherinelevison3310 people who work for tips are legally allowed to be paid under the minimum wage due to the expectation of tips. For example, the current minimum for tipped labor federally (according to the US Department of labor website) is $2.13 as of 1/1/22. For general info.
@@mandyhackman9740 … not where I live, where I live minimum wage is $15.00 per hour. That’s what I wrote before. And, again, where I live the minimum wage hasn’t been as low as $2.21/hr for decades.
Uber eats drivers make shit for money per order. Like 2-3 dollars. So i'm really counting on an extra couple bucks here or there or it's not even worth me delivering food
That description of you getting dressed is so spot on! I do exactly the same, and never thought of it as autistic before now. Just what I felt was common sense and decency 😆. God forbid anyone, or even myself ever catch sight of me in a shirt and no bottoms. And the feeling of my feet with pants on but no socks... can't live like that for more than 60 seconds.
It is the unwritten law of getting dressed. It should be universal, and what brings the human race together!
I'm 38 and un diagnosed, I need no diagnosis, I don't need others to believe I'm autistic, but since I quit drinking I'm exhausted all the time, I work as a meat manager in a grocery store, I have felt like survival is all about manipulating how I act, and I'm just tired of not sleeping and reviewing my day every night, and trying to understand everyone, my wife does not know I'm like this I feel like I'm trying to be the person she wants me to be all the time, and now after all my striving to make it now my poor son is just like me and she thinks he has adhd just like her.... I'm worried he is both... ty for this least self victomizing video I have found
Hope it helped. If your son goes through the process, maybe it could be a gateway to allow you to unmask a little. Slowly but surely 👍🏻
Thank you for this video! I figured out I’m autistic myself but if I wasn’t sure this video would nail it down. I just thought everyone did these things and it was just what I did, not knowing others didn’t do it! Annoyances of life is the kicker for me, I’ve been to so many different hair stylists because being expected to be there every five weeks is unreasonable, what if I don’t need to go in five weeks, what if I don’t feel good that day, too many things to consider and stick to so I’ll go only when my hair is too long it won’t do what I want it to do which is maybe 3 times a year, and always with a new stylist because they move around and I didn’t know! My friend adamantly thinks I’m not autistic but then she can talk to anyone at anytime, and she’s a germaphobe, I’m not. That’s one of those things that comes easy for me understanding how to stay healthy. So thanks again, now I need to go to sleep and work up the gumption to take a shower tomorrow because my hair feels dirty (was drilling holes in the ground and kicking up dirt today!) but don’t really want to go through all the aspects of dealing with my hair! 🤷♀️🫠
Every 5 weeks is a lot.
I am significantly different to how you describe yourself, in that the brief social interactions like accepting deliveries at one's front door, or getting food from supermarket deli counters etc. is something I think I do quite well and am quite happy doing even though I am otherwise an asocial introvert. The crucial point that these interactions happen within very narrow and controlled confines, and brief time windows. I feel strongly empathic towards low-paid service staff and it makes me feel good to try my best to be a good customer and make their working day pleasant. It is longer term, unstructured social relationships that I don't do well and don't like, and where other people are likely not to find my presence or company desirable.
Early in life I realised intuitively that I would fit better into a professional scientific working environment than any other, and so I was motivated to push on with higher education and to get into a scientific career trajectory - and that proved to be the right thing to do for me. In such employment environments, the social fitting-in stuff is much less of an issue. People give you more leeway and are less gossipy, cliquey and judgemental than in non-professional, non-technical/scientific workplaces. A more defensible general standard of conduct is expected of everyone than in a trades-level working environment.
I would say common traits of autism to look out for, to be aware of, whether it is you or someone else, are;
- unusually rigid thinking and rigid patterns of response, and rigid preferences.
- strong preference for logic, rules and routines, strong dislike of sudden change and unplanned chaos.
- floundering in fluid and unpredictable situations; needing a lot of time out to think your way through.
- mood volativity (including being prone to meltdowns) and impulsiveness,
- narrow interests and hyper focus, particularly in factual, non-social areas.
- monotropism, i.e. an innate and uncontrollable tendency to only be able to focus on one thing at a time. This results in personal disorganisation and absent-mindedness among other effects.
- being self centred and slow to develop 'theory of mind' i.e. that you are not the centre of the world and other people's lines of thought, preferences, needs and feelings are of comparable validity and importance as your own.
- impaired social theory of mind combined with devotion to rules, logic and facts leading to being seen as tactless, blunt, rude, selfish, arrogant.
- having a lifelong sense of being out of the ordinary, profoundly different in a way that evades simple conceptualisation. It is common for autistic children to imagine they are alien beings in human form, who look like and are pretending to be, human.
Thankfully, I can focus on more than one thing at once, and glad I can as my job can require that.
But I do try to be very conscious of that as I believe focusing solely on one thing will be much more beneficial than spreading the care across multiple things at one time.
My life has been very compartmentalized. I generally don't keep friends. There are 2 friends that I've kept in contact with over the past 25 years. The rest were merely acquaintances, and when I moved, or changed jobs, I simply stopped communicating with them. To me it was no loss, as I wasn't really connected with them and never showed them who I really was. To me, a friend is someone I trust enough to let them see my true thoughts and feelings. Such people are very rare. Most of the time I have to mask, and it's exhausting.
Omg I do that thing with the food, evem portions of everything as i finish the meal; my Dad pointed it out to me!!! 😮 He said ive always done it.... And I'm now I'm over fifty and still undiagnosed (AUDHD I think)
Just found you and love your delivery 😊🙏
You are incredibly handsome and your accent is absolutely wonderful for this Texas woman to listen to. Thank you for sharing this important information. I'm 52 years old and learning that I'm possibly Autistic, as in probably 98% sure of it. Thinking of talking with my doctor about obtaining the testing. Please keep sharing and know that you are appreciated!
Thank you for the compliments...I am rubbish at taking them, but they are appreciated 👍🏻
Blimey.... I relate so much to all of this. My self talk tells me to stop/shut up, because other people don't like it and I'd never get out of bed. But then, there'd be something else, because there are certain things i have to do. Especially for my dog.
God bless bro. You seem chill as heck. Pretty sure im on the spectrum somewhere. Been alone my whole life, and deeply analyze all my thoughts. Blessing and a curse. Its good to be a bit different and over time I know learned skill in natural weaknesses will make up for it. You brought up alot of relatable stuff
Thank you...definitely not chill on the inside!
Greetings from East Texas Piney Woods.. thank you for sharing your autism experience because I just watched your video and sat here nodding, saying yes, absolutely, 100... I got clarification last year finally that I am on the spectrum and I am 67.. I agree it has been a very long, difficult, challenging, and painful life road that I have been down... The autism explains ALL of it.. I am now in the process of trying to reframe my life and being my "authentic self" and it is not easy or simple. Absolutely there is not much "acceptance", so I continue to be very careful and cautious and most people I knew have gone by the wayside (even after 40 years). But I am okay with that, as I have also made the choice to walk away from certain people, places, etc. It is a fine line to walk, but I think it is better for me to know, as opposed to not knowing, about myself. I found out more about myself because I have a 14 year old grandson who is autistic and we have always had a good relationship and understand and accept each other. I only have a couple of people who "accept" me and the older I get the more I kind of withdraw from society, it is too complicated, difficult, draining, and I am burnt out pushing 70. I really appreciate your video. Thank you ❤
Thank you for your kind words. And I am glad you and your grandson have a good connection. It is good when we find someone who 'gets' us, and we feel the same. It is a freeing feeling.
I sit here focused utterly on my electro magnetic ears,
Always getting disturbed by people and thier sound ears
Mr PAUL, you are a top fella my mate 👍.
Watching your video has questioned me about myself.
Very eye-opening. 😊
Hope it helped
@AdultwithAutism
Yes, it did, and I'm still questioning myself, Mr Paul.
Take care, my mate.
I relate to a lot of what you’re saying, but the person who delivers your food deserves a tip. They provide a service and spend their time, energy and gas/petro to make your life easier by bringing it to your home. A lot of the people who deliver are working class and rely on tips.
That's fine. All allowed a difference of opinion, can't agree on everything...and I'm working class too.
Not only do I pay for the food, every order also places a delivery fee and a service charge on the bill before I order if aroubd £2.50. So by rights, the employer should be passing both the service charge and deliver fee to the driver. That is their shortcoming, not mine if they don't pass it on.
@@AdultwithAutism I can see where you're coming from on that
im so grateful for your ability to express so coherently.. i struggle so much getting information out
I'd struggle if I tried! I just open my mouth and let it fall out. It's always the first time I give thoughts a voice. So I'm glad it comes across okay sometimes 👍🏻
Haha, "Personal phone in my right front pocket"... Yupp, exactly! Strictly on it's own and always there.
Absolutely
My wife has PTSD, asthma & hypersensitivity; I’m autistic and we’re perfectly compatible because we have the exact same needs. I’m so thankful every day I found my person!
Glad you have your person 👍🏻
I'm a 58 y.o. female and that *_exact_* methodical way of eating - ever item balanced is me 24/7/365. Also, the showering and body temperature change; the not wanting to go shopping; the avoiding of people because you can't handle the fake conversation; the cooking - or lack thereof; the lost friends; the isolation from colleagues; can't do/won't do cliques; the nomadic-style living in adulthood. If I have a pizza delivered, that door gets opened and closed so fast you wouldn't believe it. Too many traits resonate.😣🤦🏾♀️
Great video! Just a reminder that we can’t get it together in the US, and we’re saddled with medical debt, that wasn’t a choice. ❤
Thank you. Unfortunately, the process of the NHS is now beyond broken. It is such a shame 👍🏻
The way I understand it - undiagnosed autism = no autism. Autism becomes fully acknowledged once the diagnosis is complete. It is now up to the autist or some professionals to determine if the symptoms are going away after diagnosis. The diagnosis is there to help the person diagnosed. Thanks for the video.
An undiagnosed bone fracture is still a bone fracture, but assuming it is fractured without proof will either mean it is or it isn't.
So I was always Autistic, it was just not diagnosed...until it was.
@@AdultwithAutism How do I write a believable Manga about an autistic child?
No idea? I don't know what it is.
I eat my food like you do because I like the mix of flavours as I eat but , I also recall being taught to eat like that , my entire family ate like that . Food for thought ……..thank you !
Hi, my name is Finn and I identify as male (ftm) I'm 28 yrs old ....and I have Asd, ocd , adhd, depression and gender dysphoria its a nightmare to feel motivated to do anything bc every little thing triggers everything depending on the day the hour or seconds of every day or my mood in general so to whomever reads this I just want you to know that if you don't have the support you need to exist the way you need to in order to not spontaneously combust or spiraling into oblivion or the void you have my support and a brother that loves and will care for you in spirit =) 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈🏴☠️
These are fantastic examples. I’m awaiting my adhd diagnosis, but have been looking into the possibility of Asd. I have done the numerous tests and have scored indicative of them. I find I’m very similar to some of these. Have lost a lot if not all of my friends , had numerous jobs, hate small talk or even having to deal with phonecalls… I think I need to speak to my GP for this reason. Thanks Paul. Really appreciate this.
Thank you
I hate making phone calls. I will procrastinate that forever. I lose patience over the waiting and picking numbers for this and that.
I am glad I clicked on yr clip this morning as I was preparing to leave the house for work.
I lived yr "real" life explanations and you described my husband of over 30 yrs.
He's eventually been diagnosed with aspergers only 10 days ago.
I would like your suggestion about how you keep looking after yourself and how I could manage looking after me?!!
Life isn't just hard work for those who are aspergers, it seems to me it's hard for those who live with them too.
I watch a lot of “Adult signs of autism” videos because I always, always, always feel disconnected from my coworkers. But this is the first one I’ve watched that resonated with me.
I’m 45 in a white-collar, skilled technical career, and am losing my job after 2.5 years. I was told last week, literally, “Sometimes people can do great work, people love working with them, but they’re just not a culture fit. I see you do good work, and everyone says they like working with you. But yo’ure just not a culture fit.” Literal quote, I have it on “tape.”
The pain and confusion is so tiring. This isn’t the first time it’s happened. Probably won’t be the last time. I’m so tired. Exhausted.
Interviews are personality tests, not competency based on the job you apply for. So from the get go, it is flawed.
Half the job is playing the office game. How can you be 45 and not realize this yet?
@@ViVeriVniversvmVivusVici Hahaha this is just a painfully naive thing to say.
Go live more life, then come back to me at 45 and see if your wisdom seems so wise.
(Hint: I *do* realize it but life is more complicated than that, which you can't/don't understand at 17 or 28 or 35 or whatever age you are. If "realizing" things was the only thing you had to do to do things successfully, everyone with a minimal baseline level of perception & intellect would be a success and there would be no such thing as bad luck. Grow up.)
I really appreciate this video and how you go in depth and explain and give examples. It feels a bit more like "Here's some of my experience with Autism. Maybe you relate." It's a different take (as you say) from a lot of the other Signs of Autism videos and it's given me some more to think about.
Yes! The "Why don't you just make toast?" Do they not realize how complicated toast or a peanut butter sammich can be? The amount of times I have cheese and crackers for lunch, or just don't bother at all... I should make a Sammich Flow Chart to follow when I'm having lunch problems. Maybe that will help me.
We just need to do what we can to help us, as we're the only ones who know what's best 👍🏻
I am 42 years old, and I have no credit score. I have never had a credit card, house note, or car note, or loan of any kind. I recently purchased my first item on credit, and that is a workshop for my special interest/side business. It will pay for itself soon. I got it to make money. If I don't have money for something, then I don't buy it.
Another thing about getting dressed; I always lay out my outfit on the bed in the order I'm going to put it on. I lay my socks on my pants, and beside that I lay my shirt, undershirt, and bra. Then I put on everything in order from last laid garment to first laid garment.
about relationships, I'm pretty sure I need either someone's who's really patient or someone's who's also just autistic
I need someone who can see more than the convention of what is 'expected' and is okay at making something that works for both.
Thank you, thank you for being vulnerable and open. I’m right with you!! That’s me too!!
No problem at all.
40 addresses and I don't know how many jobs. Can't really even count because for years I was a temp and went all over the place. I don't even know how many jobs I quit. I've rarely been part of a clique. When I have been accepted into one, at first I'm surprised and happy, but I always end up on the outs eventually. I know people love to gossip about me. I also have three degrees, and really wanted to earn a couple more but had no time. Had to work.
😂😂😂😂 “ I come out of there (shower) with a mini trauma… I don’t feel settled… I don’t feel clean “ 😂😂😂 YES!
😁
I was in college when the internet started popping off, when you mostly met people through Usenet or BBSes, and it became a standard experience for me to get really close to specific people online, feel like we were true friends, but then we'd meet in person and I'd never hear from them again after that. No big blow up or conflict, they'd just have no more interest in talking to me.
Hi this is a great video. However I feel that many of these points or issues could be found in neuro typical people as well. There is also a big crossover with subjective idiosyncrasies and OCD. I have OCD diagnosed I do not have an autism or adhd diagnoses although pr baby believe I am on the spectrum. Keep up the good work.
They could. Certainly not exclusive 👍🏻
I love your video thank you most of them the same with my son but well done 👌🏼
Thank you 👍🏻
Adhd,butvtraits of asd. I hate showering but obsessed with cleaning teeth. I am great cook but hate doing it, sometimes I just can't but have a hubbie who thinks eating 3 times daily is essential, so many rows over it. I hate food shopping,. Since stopping work havecrealised i lovecbeing alonecand not having to hold draining conversations daily. I have to get dressed,, and matching undies is essential.
Thank you very much for sharing your experience with us. It has helped
Paul Im not diagnosed as autistic 70 and was always different. Hate small talk love derp talk. I am sensitive to many of these things you mentioned. Brushing teeth. Its uncomfortable awkward sometimes hurts. I use sensidine for that reason. Its just very unpleasant and a chore.
I haven’t been to a dentist for 10 years because I don’t want to pick up the phone and call! Before that - it was 25 years! But my teeth are good and I like brushing them/.
I hate making phone calls, and I don't make appointments unless I absolutely have to, lol.
I can't work anymore.
I have CPTSD and have been horrendously bullied in 99% of jobs.
@0:47 and we appreciate this. ❤️
I find looking back I’ve always associated with narcissistic people because I’m very good at pandering to people who need to be praised and adored because they are amazing, but eventually become bored of your company and move on because they cannot feed on my emotions because l don’t show them lm cool calm and collected nothing seems to affect me even though I’m dying inside, so eventually everyone leaves me.
At school l never had friends,l looked at school photos and l don’t recognise anyone and that never occurred to me until now and understanding Aspergers.
No dude. Socks, boxers, trousers, top. I can't believe you said that. How can you put your feet on the ground without socks????!!! Killin me
Haha, I'm usually barefoot in the house. Socks come off the second they're allowed to. Plus, I can't float about with my giblets exposed. Got to cover them bad boys up asap!
@@AdultwithAutism Oh, this is fantastic! It's very interesting to see how different people are. I cannot fathom being barefoot. It makes my skin crawl all over!
Btw your hair and beard looks cool on you👌🏻
Thanks
12:13 that sounds like masking 101
1:50 Spoiler: Most psychiatrists are also not experts in autism. ("this is only a child diagnosis")
i HÂTE making phone calls and appointments!!
This🎉😅
Yup!
I clashed with
management and lost jobs repeatedly. Could never pander to their insecurities or tolerate bullying or bullshit. Ended up being self-employed
Sounds similar to me. I know the rules in the workplace but not everybody sticks to the rules. They take advantage of you and bend what you say. People can be mean but things are definitely changing for the better with ASD and acceptance in the workplace.
I'm still employed by ASDA though. The managers who was bullies either left because of the bad reputation among colleagues or was sacked. You can bully people, but then you have to live with the consequences of you actions.
I’ve got a little group of bully’s in my block, it’s been nipped in the bud but it slayed me for 2 months just gone. I couldn’t vibe with them once I’d seen all of them. No Thankyou.
@@micheals1992Never saw anyone facing consequences for bullying
I have had trouble in employment also. I now do volunteer work because of my age but the manager hasn't guaranteed she will keep me on. I have been sacked from previous volunteer positions also.
I reckon my late husband had autism, it runs in his family. He ticks so many boxes. He had such a unique way of thinking and was an incredible problem solver. He was always making me laugh. Miss him so much.
❤ So Lovely to have had such a wonderful person in your life!
OMG can so relate! For one thing I've been cutting my own hair for years! I can't bring !myself to go to hairdressers! Can't stand making small talk, find it exhausting. So many things!
I love cutting my own hair! It's tough at first, but eventually you get really good at it!
Same reason I can’t stand the nail salon. Don’t want them touching me.
It's something I tolerate, I don't enjoy it. My hair is waist length so I can't trim it myself. I prefer the mobile ones who come to my house I've had her years. The thought of going to a salon ughh! The crap conversation, are you going out tonight, what's your job? Boring!
I teach but for a few reasons I trained as a nail tech, it would note me silly doing it as a job.
I cut my own hair, too I can't stand to be pawed about. One hairdresser gave me an unwanted head massage and said "did you enjoy that?" "NO!" My head felt like a bowling ball for the rest of the day. I appreciate her skill in remembering each customer's personal career or family circumstances and constructing a conversation around it all...but just be quiet, get it over with quickly, keep the smelly products away from my hair and don't touch me more than you need to! I'm not there to be pampered, it all makes my skin crawl.
I’ve had my wife cut my hair for the last 15 years. No hairdresser/barber.
Hated going to the barber and hairdresser growing up.
My Aspie daughter can manage her office to the last detail!
But in her personal life, my Aspie daughter struggles with getting the cleaning and laundry done.
Does Instacart for groceries pick up because she doesn't have to go in the store.
Would never neglect her cat's health. She usually spends thousands of $$$$ a year on her cat's welfare ....but, ....will let her own health go for years until it is a crisis.
My animals have insurance, I don't, so I know the feeling.
What was her behavior like as a child? Easy going or difficult or very up and down, any examples.
@@maryrabago9546
As a child she started to read at age 3.
She frequently had meltdowns.
She did well in school. Had her Aspie click of friends.
She went to college. She loves to travel.
She does well at her techy job.
!!!! Different specific details but this is me too!!! ❤❤❤❤ Love to you and your Daughter - I am 45 and am so scared of what will be the course of events over the next few months and years that I have to now head-on address & overcome this “autistic” wall that has me dead in my tracks. ❤❤❤❤ Again, though, Love to you and your daughter.
You need to clean your mouth even if you have no teeth. inflammation in the mouth is very dangerous. My sister in law nearly died because of it, had to stay in hospital for two months. Because the bacteria in the mouth goes through the wound into the blood and to the heart and damages your heart.
So please everybody, do clean your teeth and mouth.
But if you only understood the difficulty of getting the task done, you would get that he has to forcefully make himself get this simple task done. We aren't stupid, but we struggle with simpler tasks for our reasons, based on the individual who is also autistic.
For me, i got fired for being too ambitious and yet not consistently doing "simpler" tasks like emailing. Uhggggg email 😢
@@wwJd703love I know a lot about struggling to do very simple tasks, I have to fight it every day. But some tasks are more important, and usually when I know that something is very important, I’m able to do it. And often I’m exhausted afterwards. I’m not able to work anymore, too tired all the time.
Yes-it’s thought that one of the factors in pancreatic cancer is from germs which enter the body by sinking into the gingivae.
PLEASE CONSIDER GETTING A WATERPIK MACHINE FOR YET AND MOUTH CLEANING!! you’ll start to love it-you said if you could get a little machine-get a WATERPIK!!
if you STOP EATING MEAT-the cooking won’t be so disgusting!! worked for me 😎
I think people need to realize different doesn't mean weird.
You are absolutely right. Unfortunately society is very judgmental, so if a person dont fit in the small box you are quickly labelled. But as i ask myself, what is normal.
It does in this world. Fit in or suffer alone, that's what I've learnt. Mask it till you make it.
Or wrong
Actually I teach my daughter that we are weird because normal is boring 😃. We embrace beating to our own drum.
It's all about perspective. People will treat you the way you allow them to. I've learned that the hard way, as a 44 year old undiagnosed possible autistic. I've only recently realized the name for "Why I've felt this way my whole life", when my daughter received her diagnosis... She is literally my carbon copy all the way down to tip toe walking as a toddler and young child to rocking internally. I'm grateful I can advocate for her and give her the support I never received... To this day my mother is like, "Well, maybe if you didn't talk about it so much in front of her she'll just forget about it" 🙄🤨🧐🤔😂😂😂. That's not how this works 🙆🏻♀️... Says me, an 80's baby...smh
Never accept weird as a bad thing 💜
I'm undiagnosed, and the number of times I thought "Me too!" while listening to your video convinces me even further that I should get diagnosed at SOME point.
Having jeans on and no socks happened to me for some reason and I couldn't even begin to describe, why it is SO uncomfortable.
When I'm about to finish a meal, I always have a little bit of everything on my plate so I can decide which aftertaste I want to end it with.
I absolutely hate phone calls, and appointments (got an anxiety attack making one recently), as well as I, hate to cook and take a shower. I still do these things because I know I have to but I never got to like doing them.
Thank you for this video!
No worries at all! It's good it's helpful, really is. If it helps tick a few more boxes to assist then I'm glad it's there.
I have noticed that most of your videos include right and wrong good and bad moral and immoral❤
Thank you so much for your effort to help people like me
As much as I only share my opinion on most things, justifying with right and wrong helps me keep it on track...I hope! 👍🏻
No problem 👍🏻
I joined the same club as a woman at 51 yrs old and I can't believe the epiphanies I have now . Everything makes sense now . I still can't get over it, I check every single box on the classic autism and then some
It is a strange feeling! I remember when I was first diagnosed, other people actually resonated with Autism in me more than I did. When I learned more about it, everything I did was around the management of myself to reduce Autism burnouts.
@@AdultwithAutism I hear you, for me it was too late, I've passed it and climbed out of it but 27 years of agoraphobia was the result. I now finally figured out why I get the panic attacks. It's sensory overload, since I did not know where to look before the diagnosis I now do and am able to control it better
That's definitely the good point of the diagnosis. Giving the answer so you can manage the rough times better, and try to avoid. Like my shopping routine for example, only shop late and only shop midweek. Otherwise a simple task of getting bread and milk wipes me put, and every burnout takes longer to recover from.
@@AdultwithAutism I live in The Netherlands which is a lot less car dependent , but America would be a nightmare for me. There are so many obstacles that I've overcome but now understanding them makes it a lot easier , and in fact , now I think I'm not crazy anymore or this unique weirdo , so that is a win
I understand. My diagnosis helped me feel less confused about myself and lack of fitting in. Love the Netherlands.
I am 69 and after spending my life not fitting in and feeling, don't belong, I was so glad to see your video. After suspecting for a while I was autistic I ticked most of your boxes. It's helped me understand and accept myself more.
Great content and it’s admirable how you give a nice delivery without all those edits that others do. The results, on other channels, are jumpy and jagged with edits and I don’t like loads of sound effects or stock photography. Nicely done.
Hi Catherine, I struggle with the chopping edits too. Like Hunter Hansens channel, I really like what he talks about and his approach, but the edits, change in sound quality or levels, lighting, etc makes them hard to watch for me. Plus, I always said to myself to keep them as they come out so people could watch my mannerisms as another way of seeing my version of Autism...whatever that is 😂
Thank you 💥🦡🐢
yes.. so steady sensory thankyou 🙏
Teeth are the SEAT of health in the body. Please keep your teeth !!!!🙏🏻
The wrong kind of bacteria in our mouths can lead to stroke, heart attack, and infections throughout the body including cancer. Having fake teeth screwed into our jawbone INCREASES the likelihood of infection, and removal of 8 or more teeth correlates to an uptick in dementia.
Health is one of my special interests :)
If brushing feels bothersome, oil pulling is an excellent, and perhaps more comfortable way of removing debris, plaque, and bacteria.
Many blessings to you for this channel. Your authenticity feels relaxing to listen to.😊
Thank you, and don't worry...I still have teeth! I just hate cleaning them, and have real trouble with the dentist!
I do the oil pulling thing with pure coconut oil; my gums feel so much healthier ✨
Oh, that's quite shocking information though I'm grateful for it. I didn't have a brace as I should have as my mum asked me if I wanted one and as I've never liked standing out, I said no. That's then caused me to brush them too hard as I wanted them to look as white as possible due to them not being straight so now I have receding gums and I worry about that. 😢
@@beesknees5441This may be a silly question, but what exactly is oil pulling?
@@phoenixxavier9615You put a spoon of the coconut in your mouth & hold it there, when it melts, you pull it back & forth through your teeth for a few minutes, then gargle & spit ✨ it clears debris & moisturises gums 💫✌️😉
I am 64, and was diagnosed 4 years ago. I cried with the relief. It is so hard to meet people, and friends do just vanish. My difficulty is being too loyal and not recognising when it is not reciprocal. I just cannot read people. When I did my degree it was so hard being 'social', that I became non verbal. Also, I found out all my 'friends', would meet up, for dinners at peoples houses and events, and exclude me from them? Never found out why. I am very honest and speak my mind, maybe that doesn't work in the UK with such rigid social rules.
When I lived in Las Vegas I used to go to the grocery store at around 3 a.m., because I felt better when there were less people around and the store was open 24 hours anyway.
I miss when Walmart used to be 24 hours. Going between 12 and 6am was the best
I’m 50, and waking up to being neurodivergent has helped me understand struggles I’ve had since childhood. Knowledge is power. I’ve gone from hating being in the world to learning how I show up in the world and finding my tribe.
I'm 52 and this is "the when" I named this thing...this explanation. I have no tribe and I have no skills in locating one. I've been lost more years than I was ever " found". I fear being lost making the 52 years a huge waste. Brushing teeth- yes. Unenjoyable....I don't do well in small areas-caravans you would call them. Calling a doctor or anywhere for an appointment- ptsd reactions. GOING- slim to no chance of attending. This video is amazing. Thank you
I was so glad when lockdown and shielding came along. I started learning Blender 3D for 14 hours a day and building myself a home sound production studio. I live by myself. I was cool!
Sounds good! And the perfect time to immerse yourself in a hobby 👍🏼
NTs seem to have a social velcro in their skin that keeps them bonded even outside of special interests. We don't. We can participate in a group, yet not be part of it in the same way as NTs are. There's an unconscious or unspoken "currency" that they trade to mark reciprocity in the relationship, but we don't have it, so when there's no shared event or common purpose we fall by the wayside for them. We also seem to give off an air of social independence or self-reliance that somehow insulates us from them, as though we have a layer of teflon on us. But we don't know any other way...
Yep. The social side of things certainly doesn't fall into the 'mandatory' category for me.
I have a very strict grocery routine. I leave very early to encounter as few people as possible. If I accidentally sleep too late past the time I wanted to leave, no groceries that day. Try again tomorrow, lol! I go to the same store and I know where everything is, so I order the items on my list the way I go through the store. Get in, get in done, and get out. It's all about efficiency and avoiding people. ^_^
About making appointments, I've had things sit on my to-do lists for months (and longer...) because I couldn't deal with the interaction required to get them done. Eventually I do get them done, because I get tired of seeing them on my to-do list, but it can take an embarrassingly long time.
Haha, I'm the same with shopping. Same shops for familiarity...and it really annoys me when they change the layout! If they run out of something, then I don't go back the next day...it has to wait until my usual return trip!
This is so relatable . I liked it when I could shop at 3 am but now the store closes at midnight , 10 Pm to 12 am there are still too many people and not enough time to read all the labels. ..
I'm no stunner
sounds like my fella!
I do that too!!!😮
Thank you for sharing. I’ve been so ashamed of myself for not being able to handle all of the little hassles of life. I had no idea that these were traits of autism.
Age 72 female Aspie.
29 jobs.
25 addresses.
In my lifetime.
I've not counted up my jobs or addresses, but there is certainly a lot more than the average.
you actually able to keep count of all the jobs, amazing. many residences, many jobs....know it well.
sounds familiar. many more addresses than average here.
haven’t counted all addresses but for addresses it is more than 25 by near to the half century mark.
mother responsible for much of the moving in the early years, after that it has been me.
as for jobs, held onto core ones forever, very steady and consistently, whatever it took for stability though had side jobs changing frequently. it has been very hard to get new work; not great with interviews.
your list made was impressive.
It's not so much about the number of jobs. It's about the ADHD tolerance span.
First three months: I'm a manic cult member.
Second quarter: real life and other interests catch up.
Third quarter: I've lost concentration and I'm not showing up mentally, because my role seems pointless.
Fourth Quarter: other people are noticing my behavior. And frankly, everyone else is irritating because I can hear their mouth-noises.
So it's 18 month maximum employment, and then about 9 months before I can capture another gig.
Is that all? 😉
One unusual thing I noticed here. Most commentors here write well i.e., spelling etc. AND are very articulate.
Good point 👍🏻
Wow I relate to so much you said. I really don’t enjoy being around people much either. I haven’t been diagnosed as I just can’t deal with trying to make an appointment with a doctor and talking to them about it. Thank you for sharing your insight. It really helps.
No problem, glad it helped. I hate the appointment process and the docs too so know the feeling.
Spot on Paul. I desperately want my teeth and toenails gone. The cooking thing and routine and relationships. When people say “Can’t you just” you know THEY are NOT autistic 🤣
Haha, forgot about cutting nails! How I hate that task. Especially my toes, but think that's because I'm overweight so it's tougher to get there 😂
The worse part about toenails is that its impossible for me to get my face close enough to fully see what i'm doing. So I always feel like i'm going in partially blind and just pray I don't nip off the corner of my toe. Or if you don't get it right and start snagging the sheets...
Haha, I get that. I just have to hope for the best half the time 😂
Yeeeeeees😊😊😊😊😊
@turtleanton6539 😁
Friends are people who except you for who you are, the good and the bad.
Accept. Except means excuse or leave out.
I would rather not be bullied either, haven’t learned how to fit anywhere really. Amazing content. Thank you
Thank you 👍🏻
Much respect for you
My 5-Terrible-Ts: teeth (cleaning), tags (clothing), toe(nails), temperature (change), time (mixups).
😄 I’ll cheers you on your list!! Same 5 Terrible T’s here 👋
4 for me. (small)Talk, tags, time, temperature.
I have always felt like somehow i am a stranger to this place. I love being alone. Have anxiety in groups where im expected to interact. I do my best to act normal. Ive been a registered nurse for 35years and retired. Absolutely loved my job which allowed me to support my family of 4 kids. Did not socialize with work mates.Have one good friend from work for many years. I do certain things in ,what i believe is an efficient order, although do not get anxious if done a bit differently. I need a couple days of notice before appointments to mentally manage anxiety that i may miss the day. All schooling has been anxiety issue, acting normal. Wow! P. S. i'm 73 now.
I m a retired nurse. I memorized the whole PDR when I was an LVN. I couldn’t stay one one type of nurse so I did almost type of nursing areas except anesthesia or nurse practitioner or air transport type bc I have communication problem - hearing disorder that goes off and on without warning hearing it pauses.
My very first memory of displaying autism, when I would feel overwhelmed, I would freeze and flap my hands like a humming bird to release the stress. I got so many hidings for doing it. My farther told me he will beat it out of me not to embarrasse him like that. That's when I learned fast that pretense(masked) is to protect myself from punishment. Well, not always. I got beaten for not understanding math. I got beaten for not being fast enough. Long long list why I received abuse ..
I now live a complete isolated life for 14years now. At least I have only my loneliness to deal with. 🙂
I'm sorry 😞
I send you caring from my heart and mind. I hope one day we will find our true home.
I grind my teeth and I also got beat for bein too fidgety and not knowing math…
Sorry to hear that, terrible.
Remember you're not alone!Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be anxious, for I am your God. I will fortify you, yes, I will help you, I will really hold on to you with my right hand of righteousness.’ Look! All those getting enraged against you will be put to shame and humiliated. Those who fight with you will be brought to nothing and perish. You will search for men who struggle with you, but you will not find them; The men at war with you will become as something nonexistent, as nothing at all.For I, Jehovah your God, am grasping your right hand, The One saying to you, ‘Do not be afraid. I will help you.’🙏🏽 🌹Isaiah 41:10-13 🌹
God is with you Always 🙏🏽
Paul. I just sat here nodding, and grinning all through this video. Please continue to do this. So many people now realise they are not odd/ weird, just differently wired up. Thankyou very much.
No worries Graham, glad it got you grinning 👍🏻
Me tooooooo
I've never thought of how I'm dressing, and I had to put the video on pause to think about it. I just realised I'm dressing exactly the same way every day since I was a teenager, and it's the same pattern than you : underpants, socks, pants, top. That's awesome.
Yes, Paul. It's so hurtful as a woman to feel constantly betrayed by friends. It makes me think, am I boring or unworthy? On top of that, others assume you blew it or there is a deficiency in my character. My esteem as a result is rock bottom. Relationships aaaagh. I've given 100%, just to be taken advantage of and always feel I don't make the grade, no matter how hard I try. I'm not great at housekeeping and was a tomboy as a child. I've been criticised for having a messy flat, even though I hate it as well. I used to cry a lot when I worked because I felt excluded and hurt when my peers would go out together and forget me. Management. Aaaagh! They never admit they are wrong, even when I've come up with a great idea. You must be a better pretender than I. As I was not able to keep it up, I was the excluded one. For a woman who is supposed to be the sociable one, all these relationship difficulties are INCREDABLY painful. I get you Paul. I have a cat who shows more empathy than most humans. I admire you Paul because you stuck it and I haven't. I still want to g
That first part of your message is very relatable. Always wanting to please or even just hit average with others, but for it to be twisted and used against you. Not good at all.
I've just become good at making sure I can blend in, but just because I'm better at it, doesn't mean the toll reduces unfortunately 👍🏻
It's unfair. So do you attract mostly bpd types because of your autism? How did your efforts backfire as you say?
I love your videos. And I do SO many of the same things, or similar, as you! I don’t think I realized some of it was autism because I have always done the things the same. I was just recently diagnosed so this helps so much! I’m 44 and just got my diagnosis last week. Your videos are very helpful! Thank you!
Hi Heather, really glad to hear they help...and that I am not on my own! 😂
Autistic or not, you are a fine , well spoken and seemingly balanced human
Thank you
My husband is 66 and my son told me that my husband was autistic. After listening to several speakers and listening to all the traits. I am 100% sure he is, although not diagnosed. It helps me understand him so much better. Still difficult at times, but I love him so. He’s been through 2 failed marriages, but I plan to stay until the end! I’m neurotypical, but I have lots of issues myself and glad he still loves me.
I love what you said about work and the chit chat. I wondered if I was being awkward by not joining in but I can see its probably an autistic thing.
Definitely not awkward...chit chat is just not relevant most of the time 👍🏻
‘Rather be fake than be bullied ‘. So sad , but I totally relate - if you’re lucky like I was in this , you are near retirement anyway , and can tell them to stick it and start to enjoy being your true self :D
I agree with everything u say at the moment in hiding under my blanket cuz life just too much
If that's what's needed at times, then make sure you do it 👍🏻
I need to thank you AGAIN!!!! For your absolute transparency and honesty about everything.
Every point made I have life’s and felt and literally never understood why but rather get upset and annoyed bc I felt broken. Showering feels like an attack. I am someone who is overly sensitive and aware to my own cleanliness, people never assume or say “oh yeah it’s obvious you don’t shower” rather it surprises them if I disclose it being tough for me.
Being fake rather than bullied, yes, same, I have become very isolated due to struggling with masking burn out.
I wish I knew these things when I was younger.
My burn out meltdown after high school was so bad.
At 36 years ago I have learned so much about me these last 5 weeks than I have since I was diagnosed 30 years ago with adhd, and maybe I do have it but it never solely fit. For me that is.
I will try to stop typing here but I am so incredibly thankful for your insight.
You are affecting 4 lives here.
I am mom of three, and in the process of the diagnosing process for my two kids and myself. 🙏
It's nice to hear some of my stuff is helpful, really is. I made the channel to speak openly, as all I want to do is help others. So it's nice to know that it does 👍🏻
every time I watch one of your videos I am amazed at how relatable everything you say is. when it comes to work, ive just passed my theory tests for my hgv licence so I can sit alone in a cab all day and see a few people at the end of the journey, im knackered from being asked by customers about some shitty football match I couldnt give a monkey about or how good/bad the weather is. The phoning and appoitment stuff is bang on the money and when I try to explain it to someone else they look at me like im crazy. Shopping is a big one for me, I used to regularly leave the shop when I was with someone else as when they went it was always busy and I couldnt handle it. Everything in my pockets are in the same place always, and on the rare occasion I buy new clothes I make sure the pockets can accomodate my stuff. plus getting into debt has always baffled me, maybe some reasons are justified but most are just bullshit excuses for poor money management. thanks again for the chilled half hour.
Hi Dan, Funnily enough, I thought of getting my HGV for the same reason. Get paid to be on my own, listen to audio books etc!
Good to know someone relates 👍🏻
Cheers from a diagnosed AuADHD’er in NYC! We share some very similar characteristics. It’s a relief to have some validation. Finding a “partner who is imperfect but balances me out” nails it.
Good luck to us brother🌈🤙🏽
🤙🏻
I'm 33 and I got diagnosed about 2 months ago. I have found myself dropping the mask and allowing myself to be me. But then I get imposter syndrome and I think to myself, 'Am I just pretending?' It's been quite stressful ...
Sounds extremely familiar!
well, I wanted to comment actually on every part of this video. I try to hold it to the end because otherwise, I just keep coming back in and editing it out. Yes to all the things, and I really like the way you explain it. also, there is a lot to be said for a big strong man to be saying he experiences the same struggles as this small female has always had. thank you 🌸
Thank you 👍🏻
I feel I have to respond to the first one about friends or the loss of friends. My first question is what is your definition of a friend? Most people call a friend some one that actually meets the definition of an acquaintance rather than a true friend. A friend is someone you can depend on as is there for you any time of the day or night. I am 70% autistic and have one friend. I know a lot of people, but only one friend.
A selfless person who has my best interests are heart. There for me when I need them, and wants me to be okay. The things I give back in equal measure. Doesn't listen to the nonsense about me, feel comfortable in their presence. Actually want to see them and spend time with them without it being a drain on my resource because I can take the mask off slightly...I could go on and on.
Like you, I know many people, but today I could could friends on one hand, and still have many digits left 👍🏻
There are several variations of friends, the work friends, casual friends, and real or close friends. All of these types are useful at times. It's worth having a casual friend that lives in your apt. building and can sign for a package if you were out, or let you know someone was asking about you. The work friend could tell you that someone likes you, or someone said something negative about you, or gave you an invite to a film screening. And the close friends are obviously important. It's not so black and white is what I am suggesting. And folks on the AS should try and realize that in order to take stock and advantage of the ok, good, and great people out there. So it's fine to make surface friends as long as we know that is all that there is to them.
@@rockrecordreport7136 I know where you are coming from when you are working for a company and that kind of friendship is important. I work on call, since I am basically retired. They are not friends, but good customers who do classify as an acquaintance. I do not live in an apartment so I do not have that connection either. Being accepted is a very strange term for me in a world of rejection so the word friend would be even stranger, and I have one.