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Narcissist's Favorite Argument Techniques
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ต.ค. 2020
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NARCISSIST'S FAVORITE ARGUMENT TECHNIQUES// Are you dealing with a narcissist and sick of the way the narcissist in your life argues with you? The narcissist’s favorite argument techniques are really just control and manipulation tactics in disguise. Watch this video to learn about narcissists argument techniques- like word salad and deflection- and how to respond, deal with, and stop the narcissist in their tracks.
#narcissism #argument #rebeccazung
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Want to learn more about how the narcissist's favorite argument techniques? Come join me on my free webinar, the 3 MUST HAVE Secrets to Communicating with Narcissists right here www.rebeccazung.com/live
I will be there live to answer all your questions. Can’t wait to see you there!
ACTUAL CONVERSATION WITH MY NOW EX NARC:
Me: You were trying to meet with “Liam” while you were telling me I was the only one!
NARCISSIST: That’s before I knew that all “Liam” wanted was money.
Me: WTF?!?!?
No Insight, no guilt, no responsibility, no apology and...WTF?!?!?
Rebecca you are a Genius and have given me a deep understanding of how these people navigate their lives to destroy others. I have learned so much from you I feel as though I've earned my PhD in Narcissism. Had I known what I know now I probably would still have my job, unfortunately I fell victim to a Covert Narcissists at work( my boss ). The flip side of getting fired, is my overall well being and mental health are back on point. It is amazing how much these people actually take from you and the damage they inflict. Thank you Thank you for giving me mental peace !!
SMH.... dealing with realising i was in a domestic abuse relationship, finally get way but now spent 3 years of experiencing everything you said. trying to get access to my son, as as time moved so did the goal posts to a point now cant even have him over during holidays let alone any other time. I can't afford court so Any help would be great. In Uk, for law remedy.
I went to walmart today.he was asleep on couch
So I quietly.closed the door and left
When I came back..with lunch.
He was setting.waiting I suppose...and I felt guilty.
They always start an argument, and then say you're trying to argue with them. Zero accountability for their bad behavior. They'll always say you're judging them, disrespecting them, or you're living in the past. It's a headache trying to have a conversation, because they'll constantly interrupt, or start baiting you.
Just been through this
Spot on!
My SO takes accountability but then takes it back a week later.... and then eventually turns into me being the problem and I'm the nagging bitch, and I dont have friends because I'm this way, and it must be me since I dont have a lot of friends...
Alot of it is denial. He denies a lot. Hes audibly and visibly yelling and he'll say something like "im not yelling at you" "my mom was not yelling at you" "you just take everything so negatively like everyone is out to get you"
I see things and hear things for what they are. And I believe he changes the narrative of a situation to sound less hurtful or less serious than it was when in fact what was said or done WAS VERY hurtful, its a form of manipulation... a lot of back tracking alot of downplaying to avoid admitting that in fact they were at fault once again. He has an alcohol problem... he is not an alcoholic but he does have alcoholism.... he basically does what he wants when he wants, but not always. Like, he didn't come home for 1.5 days bc he decided to get drunk and stay out with his sister and her husband on a boat... we have 3 kids mind you and he's 32 years old. And he's not remorseful about this whatsoever, he just said "he lost about our relationship and everything lately" but this isn't the first time he's done it... he's done this for the 8 years I am with him. He turns into a FULL BLOWN NARC when he's drunk.... he doesnt care about anyone or anything, no self control, says and does what he wants, lies, doesn't come home. Never cheated though. I am 99% certain he never cheated.
So I do not know what I am dealing with here guys. Narc? Not a narc? Just a borderline alchy?? His cousins had BPD but my husband doesn't seem anything like him until he gets drunk, the rage that can happen if triggered, the pride, the I'm better than u attitude etc.
Yoooooooo it's like we are married to the same person!!!
Agreed
Darn sounds a lot like mine whatever I say turns into I'm starting and argument I mention a mutual friends name its fighting that I'm comparing. Funny how he talks about the same people bringing them up when I don't do what he wants its so and so would or doesn't have a problem with it at the same time if I act the opposite at a different time, it's so and so would have walked away. But yeah, me mentioning when he is disrespecting me if I point out well of course so and so wouldn't get angry cause they aren't being disrespected it's don't compare yourself at the same time not saying anything I'm getting yelled at for not standing my ground. If I patent let him over talk about himself and whole life story, he will go on for hours yet soon as I say anything it, I need to go so if I have something that needs to be said its avoided and he too busy to talk at all unless the conversation is focused on him how nice he is to his friends.
TH-cam has blown my mind.
I never knew how many people have to deal with narcissists. I no longer feel alone.
Its an epedemic, I was 50 when I found out my mum was one, what a relief to finally know
You’re not alone at all!! 💜💜
I’m already a loner and already self-loathing (long story). But in the past few years I have met at least two full-blown, textbook-examples of narcissists-people I tried to be best friends with until it became way too maddening.
I’ve moved on (you can only embarrass yourself for so long), but I know if they came back into my life I would still want to be friends with them. 🤷🏼♀️
But my point is: is narcissism THAT ubiquitous, or is there something about me?
I mean, can it really be true that I am unable to meet “normal,” fun, intelligent people to bond with? 😬
me too, so surprising me!! it turns, i am not alone
Exactly! I just thought the same thing…. It’s sad but comforting…. 😭
Communicating and resolving conflict with a narc is like nailing jelly to a wall
Yes! So pointless
Stuff you should know?
Or herding gerbils ✔
Narc! haha omg
😅 basically. that's what I'm learning
Trying to explain anything to a narc is like trying to explain what a rainbow looks like to someone who has been blind from birth
So true
Great analogy👍
This!
LOL yep!
Actually it's easier to explain rainbows to the blind.
EXACT WORDS. You could film them doing a crime and they would come up with a plausible story as to why they were there robbing a bank and some judge would believe it! That is what makes me sick.
If you confront one with the truth when you see them doing something wrong. They call you crazy. Gaslighting their victims is one of their favorite techniques.
psychological examination court order?
can it help?
Having a conversation w/ a Narc is like trying to teach Portuguese to a chimp. The Narc dictates the rules of engagement by reaching in to their bag of tricks....constantly moving the goal post avoiding any an all accountability & responsibility.
You can't 'win' an argument with a narc, let alone change their opinions or get them to admit fault or responsibility for their actions. It's always someone else's fault. Logic, temperament, civility.... not present or relevant to the conversation. Misdirection, attacks, insults, anything to avoid compromise or responsibility.
It's like trying to smell the number purple!!
@@robynd8361 colours couldn't be smelt,fool☮️
@@Jackgritty28 exactly my point ;)
Well said
This is so accurate. Anyone with a lot of empathy needs to know this to prevent a lot of suffering.
My husband talks about my "tone" all the time and I don't even know what he is talking about. 🤔 Then he will say I am disrespectful toward him. 🤷♀️ I was confused for years in dealing with him until I discovered your TH-cam channel. A million thank you's for educating those of us who are in the process of dealing with this.
OMGOSH!! No way, lol. That's what I hear all the damn time!! The way I'm talking to him and I'm disrespecting him!! And I like you don't know what he's talking about. It's the same "tone" I always use!! Can't believe it's just another narc thing, lol. Glad to see I'm not the only one!!!
My sister would always say that my 'tone' was angry or something in an email or letter. What??? Just have to laugh at this stuff now that I'm no contact.
You (not necessarily) may be a narc pretending to (not) know what you are upto. On the contrary, I may be a narc who is trying to watch tones. Who knows?
They don't argue like humans!
But what do they argue about,fool💥
@@Jackgritty28 they argue for the sake of arguing, FOOL.
@@aquarius9055 Does anyone get enjoyment from it,fool💥
They always want to be right and have people supporting their toxic behaviour so they don’t look bad
Omg so many times I thought and said to him, “You’re either lying or you’re really stupid.”
SMH , had a conversation like this this morning. He just twist everything to make him the victim. Can't wait to get him out of the house...crazy times!
A victim attracts sympathy💥
A narcissist is a demonic possessed person. If you try to talk to or or even argue with them. You are arguing and being accused by Satan himself People that are narcissists have a dead soul. They don't know the truth and will Never admit that they are wrong. They are always the victim.
Me too. O can't wait to be free soon.
My experience is that he uses so many side tangents that I feel exhausted. It always leads to my composure breaking because I have health issues. I don't have the stamina for these very long arguments that never stick to the core point.
Yet when I have something complex to say that needs listening and more than a few minutes to explain he screams I am "repeating myself" and "do more talking than listening" sometimes the latter DOES happen out of frustration of being cut off over and over again. When he finally "listens" I tend to talk overboard out of desperation. He then uses that against me or tries to humiliate me by saying "I was tuning you out" everything is a power struggle, but they accuse me of all the things they do.
Always felt like arguing with a narcissist is like a dog chasing it’s tail. Goes round and round zero productivity resolution and only a dizziness. So many different directions from the interaction with the narcissist
My daughter learnt so much from her Narc step dad! God give me strength 🤕🤕🙏🙏🙏
🙏
God bless & heal you.
Its sad 😞 i think my son has some of these tendencies from his father as well. Just keep gently un brainwashing but, only as an opportunity presents itself
Awwww 🙁😕
Try the "Love and Logic" parenting videos on TH-cam. Awesome!
1. 3:48
2. 5:16
3. 7:32
4. 9:32
5. 10:54
So I did ask my narc friend, "do you not take any responsibility for the downfall of our friendship" he blatantly ignored it and deflected it on to me!!!! Lmaoooo. They don't wanna be held accountable / responsible for anything, no matter how vulnerable and honest you get with them. In their minds, they are being "honest and don't sugarcoat anything"
It's all insincere communication. Do not be sincere, with the insincere, ever.
They hate it when you're sincere and they hate it when you're not. Best to not communicate with them at all. Return to sanity!
My favorite is when they say if you would just see it my way or if you would just get on the same page with me then our relationship would be better.
Yes, totally agree.
Or the other catchphrase, " you just don't understand"
Perhaps saying "I could agree with you but then we’d both be wrong" would help?
SMH
I guess taking the narcissist seriously was my downfall.
@@thejessman1460 brilliant 👏
“Invalidation is about dismissing your experiences, thoughts and above all your emotions. Indeed the intention is to not even allow you to have those thoughts, experiences and emotions. It’s a way of invading your head and reprogramming it. It’s psychological abuse (messing with your thoughts) and emotional abuse (messing with your feelings).” - Danu Morrigan
Narcissists don't get to know you by seeing you as an individual. You are just a puppet: they try to construct you just the way they want you to be by ignoring all the bits about your personality and character that they find distasteful and then they set about filling in those newly created but imaginery voids with lies and fakery to the point that you no longer have a true self that is visible, knowable and loveable - to them, to others, even to you eventually. The fake you is also who they describe to others too, to control how they see you to shore up the lie. You - the real you - in the meantime, have become an empty shell - invisible. To the narcissist you are like a piece of plasticine, to be moulded and shaped in their preferred image.
One of the first things a narc will do is take what is good about you, what they hate, and persuade you that you are different from what you are - a less wonderful, less talented person perhaps modelled on a person they favour so they can justify abusing you instead of them.
It's murder without a weapon. Soul murder.
Wow....Rebecca said exactly what my narc friend is doing. Problem is, I didn't know he was doing it on purpose. I thought he was just irrational. I just ended my friendship with him last week which is why I decided to listen to this video. Now I know that I did the right thing. Thanks Rebecca!!!!
Had that same experience when I was shooting sketches. When I ended my friendship with him, he destroyed everything I owned then blamed it on me
Yeah and they lie about their lie!!
A family member had to take a lie detector for a investigation.
They admitted that they lied about lying...and passed.
They do not!🤣
I tell my narcissist to go and argue with a wall, then walk away
Very effective!
Argument techniques
1 bad faith ..talk something else
2 word salad.. no sense in their speaking
3 bullying and intimidation
4 lying and denying
5 flying monkeys
The malignant narcissist ex I recently divorced has mastered the abuse tactics of intentionally escalating and provoking word salad circular arguments luring then kicking his prey/ victims(usually me or one of my children)down his inescapable dark rabbit hole where everything is insane,nothing makes sense, there is no understanding, cooperation,reasoning ,logic , or method behind his sadistic madness
You manage to barely claw your way back out of his hell hole for the umteenth
Time and each time becoming more of a shell of your former true authentic self that he has robbed from you
And he has now doubled up on the abuse using you as his primary scapegoat target
Denying ,pathological lying , gaslighting, deflecting, projecting and blame shifting
Everything he is guilty of , verbal and physical abuse, cheating.....
Back onto you.
He then runs away playing his imposter role as “the victim” and
Smear campaigns your reputation spreading his lies about you and triangulates your family and friends against you
This sounds like my last wife who I have been separated from for a year.
SMH
SMH
This just happened to me with my son and his newish wife. She completely twisted what I said and has caused horrible conflict within our family. They are now withholding my grandchildren from me.
The narcissist in our family constantly brings up that we are “family”. This is after I told him not to circumvent me and my hubby; he mowed our yard while we were on vacation without our permission and mowed down some bushes I had just planted. While on vacation, he called my husband demanding to know when we would be back home. He also demanded to know what furniture we bought for our vacation home. We constantly live under the spirit of jealousy, competition, gossip, and control. Our vacation home gives us some relief from the fishbowl. This year, my hubby and I have decided to put up a fence and privacy trees, come hell or high water.
I really wish I had you as my attorney when I divorced my narcissistic, psychopath ex husband. I lost everything and I'm still paying my attorney for doing nothing 😒
I know that feeling. Still trying to Finalize divorce as I’m losing everything. In the end I know I will be better off. Let’s keep pushing forward and show them that they can not stop us!!!
A narcissist " spiritual teacher" is the worst. You can never win, they have to many people supporting everything they do and say. The only thing to do is absorb your losses and get away. Karma will handle it eventually, but you are not likely to see that.
I nearly lost my life with a sick narc woman yrs ago,. Haven't ever dating again,. I realized it all went back to my sick crazy Mom,. Glad to find Rebecca,. I'll be watching all her videos
I tend to disagree. I have found the best way to deal with a narcissist, is to give the most basic, dry, one word responses. While at the same time seeming so unbothethered, bored and unphased. Sometimes throwing in a yawn and looking at your watch, or checking your texts while they speak. And when they are all done, just have the most blank uncaring expression and say something like, "do you feel better now", or "you done" or, "Alrighty". I'm telling you, they just want a response to go back and forth. Don't give them one. Nothing at all.
Mine would get angry and aggressive if I did that
SMH..In past tense. The narc (I no longer deal with) used all of the above argumentation Tactics mentioned in this video. However, when the time came when she was up on the witness box in a court of law, being cross examined by solicitors (I live in Australia. We call lawyers solicitors here) she was totally unable to use those tactics. She tried to but she couldn't. It usually worked in her arguments with me. But not in court. She became extremely frustrated and even started crying at one stage. That didn't matter, she still had to answer the questions. Sorry but I smile every time I think about it.
They are so much more see through than they think. Their logic is just bullying.
Information starts at 3:51
I just want to know when does it ever end. I feel like I’m hitting my head into a brick wall every time I try to be civil and reasonable.
It doesn't. That's why you need to get out of it. Zero or low contact. ASAP.
It ends when you go no contact. I'm just starting the process for the second time with the same man after 4 months of no contact before giving him another chance which he asked for. The love bombing started immediately, but it didn't have the same effect on me as it had before. I did really good self-care & started counseling.
BUT
I didn't know then what I've learned in the last few months! I know that I'll not repeat the mistake.
I learned, I listened to my intuition, & this time I'm NOT devastated. I actually feel relieved.
✌💕🙏⚘
You need to split
It never ends. You have to get away and stay away.
They don't listen to reason. Just grey rock or avoid them like the plague
I am finally breaking free from a narcissist. I was with him almost 3 years. Aside from being a narcissist he had issues with drugs which caused psychosis, hallucinations, and delusions. I spent so much time defending him to others over and over... It never really made sense to me how he couldn't see how much I loved him and everything I did for him... After watching the videos that I have I am starting to understand that I could have been Jesus and walking on the water in front of him and I still wouldn't have measured up. It's a painful thing to go through, especially after realizing that all of the beautiful things that he said and the grand gestures made in the beginning were just bait...
SMH !!!! Spot on .
All your videos and advice have helped me to understand and deal with my situation. I’ve been married for 10 years and started my Divorce for freedom . My head was in a spin it affects my sanity and caused so much pain the mental abuse !
Thank you 🙏🏼 🇬🇧
I constantly heard “it’s not a competition” and “I don’t want to fight” which were more like a warning that it was coming. Seemed like there was nothing I could do to avoid it. Final straw, I was told I should fear him. You described my ex pretty clearly.
I always hear, "I'm not going to argue". Meaning I need to agree with whatever he's saying or he's going to argue!! As long as I agree with everything he thinks it's all just great!!
,
Dealing with someone with 'bipolar disorder' but I truly believe he was either misdiagnosed or that he has BOTH bipolar and narcissism. I believe that with every fiber of my being.
Omg I really wish I would of watched your videos months before! I held my grounds, tolerated so much till I had enough of dealing with an adultkid, I put my foot down and cross my boundaries and disrespected me the last time. You hit everything right on the nose. His seeds are weeds. I am so thankful I went to my doctors and told him I need a Psychiatry list and a therapist cause I need some help getting through what's on my mind. I am not crazy, the nonsense is. I'm no longer is run and hide. Im not terrified like I was. I'm now in... he is nothing more then wasted time!
Rational sense,word salad,she is a lawyer,step by step is the way to treat the narcissist,your response should be coherent or they use gaslighting,a veiled threat is an example,it intimidates,trying to dominate the conversation is the goal✔️💥
I swear, you hit on everything. Every last thing you mentioned has taken place. Wow. Good stuff.
SMH!!! I feel like your talking specifically to me about the Narc in my life! Seriously, every single thing you’re saying! And it’s such a relief to know that I’m not the problem and the horrible communicator like he says.
So true! I always got accused of not being able to properly communicate even though Ive worked in retail many years and even have a teachers degree.. those people are just crazy
I've experienced ,still experiencing all these ,but you defined , and exposed their tactics so clearly that gwe get a clue and knowledge to understand at least what it is that we are dealing with,thanks. But l've realized they use anorher method besides of these in arguements and that is constantly interrupting us while we are talking ,preventing the natural course of conversation ,our reseaning and direct the conversstion themselves.
Yes, I'm constantly saying, can I finish my sentence!
I got rid of my last one and don’t miss the “whatever” when he was caught lying or “what about it!”
Like a cat chasing a light on the wall trying to figure out that wee brain of his.
Now there is peace. Sweet, priceless peace.
SMH!!! Greetings from sunny South Africa!!! 🌻Rebecca, you are a platinum mine of knowledge!! Your content has given me so much strength during this drama, trauma & chaos exit period of mine!! So grateful for you, you are a blessing!! I CAN DO THIS!! Thanks a million!!
I just sit back and watch the circus 🎪
Mine would get me in the car on the way somewhere and start an argument and every time I would try to rebut he would say ‘I’m not finished’ then repeat himself in a different way. I finally just started looking out the window and not answering anything. One time my teen kids were in the car and one says ‘mom just give in’.
He would walk in the house and go ‘you want to argue, I can see it in your eyes’ or ‘why are you mad?’ And argue that til I actually did get mad. So much more than that of course that I put up with.
It took me 30 years but I finally left him.
Unfortunately I met someone even worse! Finally got rid of him a month ago but it took me 5 years to do it.
I’m not in the mood at all to meet anyone else, I’m happy at home with my dog.
Omg why do we jump out the frying pan in to the fire I'm there at this moment left my crazy narc ex after 17 years lying and cheating was a fluffing night mare than after 6 months of doing fine and glad that the cruel drama was over did I meet another one ffs and iv been knocked back down again new year new start just got to believe in ours selfs xxxx
Mine mostly tries to say I’m keeping arguments going when I’m just trying to communicate boundaries. So he does silent treatment.
If you've ever had an argument with a 3 year old, then that's basically what it's like to argue with a narcissist.
He’s got me feeling like I’m the bad guy because I’m so fed up and scared and angry
SMH!! My narcissist was arguing with me just last night. She was complaining about the route I was driving home. I told her to let it go and quit complaining. I kid you not she said “your driving my car so i can complain about it all I want.” In my mind I said WTF? What does your car have to do with anything? NUTS!! Makes no SENSE!
Thank you so much for all of your videos about narcissism, I finally have unlocked my life-long questions :(
I knew something was very wrong in my relationship but didn’t totally see that I was married to a narc til after I asked for a divorce and saw the discard and all the other things so much more clearly. Took too long unfortunately and the family court system helped him further abuse me thru the court system. Was super stressful and had a tremendous negative impact on our kids. So glad Im out!
Thank you Rebecca! I've had a situation in this house for a year that's absolutely everything you're talking about. It helps to listen. The details of everything going on here is for a private conversation. I'm scared and need the courage to just walk away quickly.
Me too, here I am at 62 and wasted almost 30 years with my husband. But the last few years he's gotten worse and worse. He has never "raged" like he's doing now. He's threatened to kill me several of those times until I said I was calling the police! Funny that then he tries to say he was talking about hisself!! No I heard correctly. So yes I'm scared of leaving but at my age death is better than living like this every single day. Good luck!!
#SMH Beginning to understand why I just shut up when my wife starts expressing opinions, or criticizing me.
Salute to you for making me aware that I am dealing with a narcissist. Thank you.
The narcissist that I am referring to is none other than one of my old teacher (75).He is so stubborn, arrogant and highly egoistic encased in a cucoon of selfishness.
As you have said he lies a lot assuming that I believe but I am not
When I stop him immediately asking for a clarification he just slips away and try to drive away from the facts.At this juncture I openly say that you are wandering.Now he gets offended and abruptly ends the conversation shouting and yelling.All the while I remain unmoved and tell him that we can continue tomorrow.But he says no.Now I say that you are far from reality.He gets dumbfounded and stops irritated.
Could you do a video on what to do if your parent is a narcissist and you rely on them financially (I have medical issues leaving me unable to work much)?
Omg my jerk husband is all of those that you are talking about ! I have learned what not to say or act ! I’m so tired of this SMH
Maureen use a technic call gray rock...but be gradual with it especially if you been married for many years...I've been using it and getting myself back to myself.....best wishes. ..
Divorce him and leave call the cops if u feel threatened and call them the cops will be on ur side call the cops in case of emergency people like that will drain u mentally and not gaf and blame u for being depressed!!! Leave cut contact don’t take the bs wake up
Lol woman blaming man, such techniques are bread and butter for you lot. The arrogance you lot have!
Great points not often covered on narcissism channels. 'deliberately misunderstanding you' ... hit a cord with me regarding a family member. Example: I said "you never say anything supportive to me" and then a couple of hours later he said that he liked the colours in my top. This one falls into the range of plauseable deniability. As a female, I'd wonder if he is just a very stupid man child person. But there have been too many 'off' things for it to be a fluke.
I caught on my narc very early in our relationship. But i didn't know anything about narcissism. I started trying to break it off with her for more than a year. She would always convince me to come back. She would cry didnt want to lose me. On and on and on. 18 months total. But finally got out. I won't go back and believe me she still reaches out. But i recognize her tricks and just laugh at her.
Smh lol when you said about how they say everyone at work thinks you're the crazy one!! Soooo what my ex does!! He also says my parents are on his side when they actually can't stand him
Crazy ex doesn't like your parent✔️
Yes, my husband constantly is calling my only daughter. But she knows him as well as I do after 30 years and knows it's all lies and bs that he tries to say about me.
I wish I had these words to use when I was in the thick of it.
it is true...he was anger when i got sick, breast cancer - and he was not supportive at all
Rebecca Zung, you are a godsend. Also, my ex-spouse did every example you mentioned here (the accusing me of "tone", the deliberately mis-understanding, the point diversion, the threatening, all of these). My challenge now is that he found an attorney who is many times the narcissist that he is.
Point out their weaknesses to disarm them,don't negotiate a truce,fool✔️💥
@@Jackgritty28 word salad
@@fyliao If you listen to the segment from start to finish,you would here her mention word salad,I know it sounds peculiar,but don't blame me for using it,I was reinterating what she already mentioned,fool✔️
@@Jackgritty28 learn to spell fool. you can have the salad. bye
@@fyliao I corrected the word weaknesses,it wasn't my fault ,blame auto correct,at some point in the segment she mentioned word salad,so don't blame me for reinterating what she said ,blame her for saying that ,fool❌🆘📖
i was talking about a soap opera star cheating on her husband in the show and he got stern and said YOU better NEVER do that to me. i was like wow
This was a good one! I have listened to many others and nobody described this as well as you did in a comprehensive way about how they debate.
The narcissist debate described by Paul Johnson ✔️
I'm just honestly starting to believe I was loving a demon in a human suit hence why we had a really strong attraction for each other in the beginning. When you get this strong off the bat feeling, RUN. Our emotions are inner dialogue.
Stonewalling, defensiveness, criticism and contempt, the four dark horsemen of ANY relationship, especially personal but also work. If any of them are there, you don’t have a good dynamic.
My thankfully ex wife once told our two daughters “don’t argue with me,I’m never wrong” I was in the room too and knew it was also aimed at me. She was the type of person who would while watching a quiz program say the answer was A or B, and if it was C, would loudly state “ I said C” just could never accept that she was incorrect at anything
Lots of intimidation and veiled threats in the early years. He threw the Christmas tree one year because he felt I’d spent too much money.
He installed fear into me very early on.
I only found out about narcissism 2 years ago. We’ve been together 30 years and it’s the fear that still holds me in the relationship. It’s all about control.
Hi Joanie, I have also been married 30 years and just now found out about the details of narcissism. I always had heard of narcissism but I thought it was somebody who just like to look at themselves in the mirror and had to have their way all the time. I didn't know there was any more to it. I'm 65 now. Now what do I do? Who's going to hire me? Who wants to love an old woman?
@@gloriadonahue7241
Hi Gloria, I’m sorry to hear that you are in a similar situation.
Life can begin at any age. I know it’s hard. We have to give ourselves the love we need and not look to others.
Sending you a big hug 🤗💜
No, Ms. Jung, I am not smh. I have been crying out for help a bit more than a year now. I am in years listening to all of what you say thinking finally someone understands. I have been so alone! Considering personal therapy not knowing what to do! And here you are a guiding light in my personal hell! I am so thankful a good friend gave me my first link to you. I can't express how grateful I am to find you. I listened to your webinar last night. I returned home to my narcissist abuser. Using your methods has produced instant results and I now feel armored and ready to negotiate for a better life for me and my children. Thank you so much!
SMH for sure. I couldn't believe how you knew exactly what has been happening to me!
Rebecca is so spot on , I wish I could have found her years ago ,. These type people are insane , run far and fast if you are involved with a person like this , no matter who you think they are , what they really are is a MONSTER and Black hole . Call it Evil ! The only Win you will have is your freedom !
SMH (I am so glad I have found you, I thought I was going crazy and was beginning to think it was just me but this ALL makes sense. Love the support from your FB page).
Yeah with the bullying and the intimidation I remember my sister doing this in the middle of the living room, I posted some pictures on Facebook because we'd been to the set of Coronation Street and we'd had a lovey time everyone was happy with the photos I'd taken and they knew I was going to upload them and once I did it they changed their minds and tried to say they didn't concent to this and really I should take them down and I wouldn't. I didn't see the problem and my sister, she worked herself up in the middle of te livingroom carpet and tried bullying me saying she can report me to Facebook, hit me wherevit hurts, get my account removed, intimidating me swearing and I just remember looking at my parents and not one of them trued stopping her tried to get her to back down, tried telling her she was crazy or anything like that that they would have done to me if that was the other way around so we all know who's the favourite. She was vile and I remember thinking at the time don't react to it, why should I be scared, she's my sister, my younger sister and mom and dad were allowing her to talk to me like that, they never stepped in, they just sat back and did nothing. As much as I hated my sister for it I hated my parents for it even more because they did nothing and then after calmy asked me to remove them but they allowed her to do that to me, Mom and Dad are supposed to be your protectors so no wonder I feel like I'm alone.
Your not alone.It happens a lot.Be your own defender,don't expect it from mom/dad. Don't blame yourself.Dont try to gain their support,nothing you do will work.Most importantly ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. Find a group,and friends who love and celebrate you for you. You are worth it
SMH
IVE HEARD SO MANY TIMES: “you haven’t seen me mad yet!”
SMFH!!!! Everything is ON. POINT. They did most of these if not all.
I have seen all of this. A day will be going very well and all of a sudden I am being accused of something that never happened. We can see when they are baiting us to start a fight.
You are amazing ... you are describing what I've been living for years. I'm addicted to your videos. You have these people pegged. Just wish I had known about you years ago. I thought I was losing my mind. You know, when I got the best of the narcissists I was dealing with then they would go and say all kinds of crap about me so that when I walked in a room being my usual jovial self then the room would clam up and you could cut the tension with a knife because they couldn't wait to tell other family members a false narrative so they could play the victim and then I'd feel like the bad guy and be in the right. It was a mind game that I played for years and thanks to your videos I am starting to feel normal again but ticked off at myself for not realizing it years ago. It's downright mental cruelty especially when you're trying to get along with the person since your marriage is on rocky ground but because I'm a Christian I wanted to work things out and try to get along but when the other person is playing these games I think now it was 100% intentional so they could act like they had an excuse to go out and do anything they wanted to and then claim remorse afterwards and still blame me because they created this narrative of being married to a bad person which gave them permission to get along when they wanted to or if an opportunity arose that they wanted to explore then they had a safety net. As I'm typing this more and more pieces of the puzzle are falling into place. Thank you very much for creating these videos. It really takes an evil person to throw this at other people. Why not just ask for a divorce and move on. Why play these games? You have one life and this is the way you want to live it? Thanks again ... I'm going to watch every one of your videos in the next couple of weeks and make multiple notes. One of the most painful things is that to understand what's going on in their head you have to look at things from their perspective and you find yourself in a very "dark" place that I have to do to understand them but I can't stay there for long because it is so dark and depressing. I'd love to be able to know the exact things to say at the exact time or have my lawyer be able to say the exact things to make them explode while on the stand. Do you have any of these tidbits available. When on the stand I'd like to be able to have a few things in my back pocket to say to make the narcissist squirm as well just so they can be exposed as a fraud and totally ingenuine so the judge will see it. Do they know to look for that sort of thing? Sorry to continue to ramble. The last 12 years have been extremely frustrating and I just want peace but I'm not going to give in to this evil.
Today it all started because I asked for more consistency in getting her to help with house chores like dishes and the obvious. She simply argued with me that she DOES clean them and that if I don’t see it, it’s my problem. And then it turned into “I’m packing my stuff and leaving” all while crying and saying I don’t consider her emotions and she’s sensitive. All this and this person has never pitched in to help around the house ever since I can remember. She’ll deny deny deny. My partner and I have not seen this person show any actual heart felt effort in our home. It’s be a once in a while action that justifies that they DO indeed help in the home. This person is my sibling and I’m torn on what to do.
That's a perfect descrption...they just want to redeem themselves...they want to feel good by make you feel miserable and confuse in a argument situation. That happened to me with my Narscisist and is devastating. I don't let this happen anymore. I always knew he did it on purpose. And it was like the devil was helping him to talk a malign spell in jebrish just to drive me mad.
Just circles on an argument or a conversation. But I am here, I'd survive and I love myself more than ever.
Thank you Rebecca for those excellent videos.
4 real
SMH! So good! The bad faith accusations, the word salad, the lies...yep!
My mother is one and I talk to her twice a year and that is good enough for me.
so im in a relationship with a narcissist for 21 years and i looked it up and i was amazed at the content. I am dealing with cheating, lying about cheating, blaming me for some odd reason, and e have two children. Shes 37 year old female covert passive aggressive narcissist, she works alot and i am unemployed but looking for work. i am glad i am not crazy. She destroyed two cellphones, one car, but im tired of the intimacy we once had. whew thank you so very much now i can combat at will, i love the girl...i think its time to drop thr bomb..good night
When they say they will do something, but procrastinate until you do it. Then, they act like you are controlling because you didn’t let them do the task. My ex would say she was going to cook dinner when my kids were little, and still in school. She would procrastinate to the point that the kids would be going to bed late, so I would cook. She would act like I was trying to “take over” and make the kids see me as “better”.
Yeah the if you don't like the way I purposely do it wrong then you can do it ...it IS intentional. Like damaging dishes so you never ask them to help with dishes again or shrinking other people's clothes in the laundry. And yes it becomes about you being unreasonable and controlling that you want it done in a not damaging way but they act like you want it done a perfect and crazy specific way so they can just throw up their hands and say the tried but can never please you when they have no desire to please you or help you or listen to you. It is a giant game of how to get you to do everything just to avoid their drama and it works because you get tired of it and wasting your time with basic expectations. What's worse is your kids can see this and start doing it too if you are not careful.
Your videos are excellent, thank you for bringing attention to this issue. So many people live under the rule of a Narc, at least now we have a way to combat the attacks.
SMH !!!
I just recommended you to the Court's up here , my attorney the judge and guardian at litem 😁
( I.e. family courts could learn a lot from this lady )
I've been in a domestic abusive situation for a while now with an extremely toxic person. During an argument one time, I said "it's funny you keep saying you love me but all you do is hurt me" and he started telling me how he's glad I find this amusing and funny. I asked what he meant by that and he accused me of laughing and having fun, because I said "it's funny that he keeps hurting me". Never mind the fact that I was crying my eyes out. He just would not stop accusing me of laughter. I'm at a point now where I'm desperately trying to get away. He's stalking me, put his hands on me, keeps accusing me of BS because "he doesn't need proof, he just needs his gut feelings" and I believe he is BAT SHlT CRAZY. He is draining me of all my worth and I really want him out of my life. The love is gone. He's too abusive and toxic. Always have been, always will be. Don't waste your love on someone that doesn't have a heart, who lacks empathy and only cares for themselves. A walking paradox, a pathalotical liar and a two faced hypocrite to the core.
This is some of the most insight helpful excellent information you have shared!! Thank you Rebecca Zung!!!
they get off on the thought of making someone upset.They are sick.Ignore and don't engage.
wow! this whole time i thought he was hard of hearing...5 years omg...he possesses every sign of a narc!
This is helpful because my dad is a narcissist and he takes my things if he says I'm backtalking him when he starts an argument
Damn! I lived this to a T. I can tell you this, it won't happen ever again because I won't let it. It's called RUN. DON'T WALK. RUN!
What happens if you play their games to play them? Mayhem!!!!! 😂😂
Smh, I had a relative drain my energy making him look good for my work. I went down the road and my energy came back. And sent him a message telling him I knew what he was doing. Well 1 ,and no contact yet. Blocked him and ignoring everyone in his circle.
SMH! Lying and denying, denying and deflecting. 🤦♀️😡
SMH 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ he just gaslighted me this morning in an argument too. I can’t believe this..🤯
Wow. Word salad. Ok now I understand what that’s all about and I have a name for it. Next time it happens I’m going to chant word sald
SMH I am laughing because the narcissist that I had kids with uses every last one of these techniques all the time!! His favorite bullying/ intimidation technique when he doesn’t get what he wants is to take me to court. We actually have a hearing scheduled tomorrow 🤦🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️
I also notice they don't see the bigger picture. If I'm angry at them AFTER things they have done to me, they are very good at calling me a bully and playing victim. That's the most infuriating thing - to victimize and frustrate, interrupt, bellow, and quash the other person until they are so angry they fight back - boom! Now you're the bully. They then recount the fight from that moment in time and withdraw affection wanting recompense for what you've done in RESPONSE to their awful baiting behaviour.