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I believe ANY human will see value in this. We are so conditioned since day 1 (birth) to allow what you have or what you do define themselves. Authenticity is KING. I see myself and others reviewing this message again and again.... and again and again...LOVE it.
What i love about this guy, other than his maxed out wisdom and charisma, is that he's a living embodiment of how much a person can change just from working on themselves - from the obvious self consciousness of the old days, and challenges and humiliation most of us will never have to face.
nice dude!🔥 almost everything he talks about is legit, i would advice you to also rewatch videos after a certain time, because your ras focus on different things and you resonate with other stuff he talks about stick to julien and owen they are great mentors!❤🎉
So powerful! Great! When I am in the nightclub talking to people I sometimes recognise that I put on a fake persona just to make people believe that I am super cool and fitting the cool niche. I just have to drop that front and just be me and say what I feel/think, do what I feel/think and be as I am
Literally i face massive issues of comparison and i have inconsistent confidence levels.. where somone better than me makes me feel terrible and unworthy and vice versa.. this is really helpful and your content never disappoints.. but one issue is that being lonely also perpetuates this issue for approval and validation and winner effect
Whatever you are chasing identify it and meditate to ask yourself how to fill that within. Each time you do this you improve a little bit... I walked from hell into this confidence. It's amazing to be unshakable, give it a try.
this blew my mind, cause i finally talk freely with women in public and feel more confident everyday of my journey buuut all my life i was told i kinda walk like a duck when im too relaxed and people stare at me most of the time ( cause im 6,3 and pretty :') ) and sometimes when im walking i try to control the duckiness and gets even worse so i start thinking yea, guess im not that confident yet..but the secret was always to embrace the duck walk and not literally respect the confident body language..feel it I love you Julien
I'm far less shy than I used to be. But definitely situationally. At work around everyone, I feel pretty safe to be pretty authentic to who I am. But who I am is useful there. I definitely take almost all my self-confidence from doing for other people. I feel like nothing most of the time. I hate that that feels like me. I want to be better, but my negative thoughts, I guess, just feel better. I'm not sure why. Maybe it seems easier? But being miserable isn't easy?! It's horrible. I really am trying every day, but I can't help but think I'd rather die than continue.
I'm an introvert and for me being a confident person means not being driven by unconscious dynamics,as long as we are not aware we are not free. In order to truly trust yourself and be confident, you must heal all the dynamics of your subconscious. Many teachers teach their followers to let go, but you cannot ask that of someone who has not healed all the subconscious dynamics because they will not be able to let go, that is why it is necessary for each individual to be aware of his own unconscious dynamics in order to transcribe them and let go of the old one. There is a saying: if in a maximum of a year and a half you have not evolved, then the problem is with your mentor.
I love how you explain it so well in an understandable way for everyone. I've been trying to find who i am these past few months but i kept on feeling like i was chasing something i could never reach. The having - Doing - Being model really helped putting into perspective why i felt that way. Alot of the things i tried involved Doing and Having. Interpreting who i am as something i would have to get a hold of. With this i'm going to focus more on shadowquestioning and unraveling the parts inside me holding me back. I'm truly thankful for your videos and i hope you will keep inspiring others to become whole again! :)
Julien your handwriting is awesome LOL On another note... another eye opener really teaching us something so real and simple so easily overlooked! I thank you big time!
I been following you for about a month and I really love your approach on how you dissect things!! You're Awesome My Brother and I Love You! Thank you for All That You Do For Humanity! 💖💎🙌∞
Thank you so much Julien, thanks to you I am increasingly closer to my best version, my authentic self, and this is thanks to you helping, me ask myself the necessary questions to find myself
i think i needed to hear this 🔥🔥🔥 also the part where he mentioned confidence and was like “what happens if i took my clothes off half run away half runs towards me” 😂😂😂😂 so funny
I love the way this video is presented. It's so positive and encouraging. I feel like I can really do anything after watching this video. Thank you for creating such a helpful and inspiring resource!
I have a question about this. You say, we should be confident "just because". How is this achievable? I think every human being defines himself over something, which gives him value and comfidence. Often by the things you own or do as you said, maybe by your family, friends, your religion, or your experiences in life. The things that influenced you the most when you grew up. Is it really possible to go back to that child-like state, where you can say "I am confident" at any time without any reason behind it? How do you get there? PS: That talk was amazing by the way. Spoke right to my heart.
It is like your dream is to be a millionaire, does it mean that you need to be rich (achieve your dream) to be happy? No. So you don't need to achieve anything or have anything to be confident, just like you don't need to be rich and you can still feel happy now. He said the method, just let go.
it’s almost like, I’ve been conditioned this way for so long, I don’t even have energy to speak loud or yell anymore. I’ve been walking on eggshells my entire life. I feel stifled and my growth came to a halt faster than ever. Now I’m stuck not able to grow. I’m 26. If I can’t grow now I’ll never grow. And being aware of time running out sucks.
Ah, okay, wow... I get it, it's all clear now. I just have to stick a thumb in my mouth when speaking to people and I'll be confident! Thanks Julien! That was so simple...
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00 💡 The foundation of confidence is activating your "winner effect," where you feel confident when you perceive yourself as winning in a situation. 02:29 🔄 People often chase the winner effect through external validation, such as putting others down, seeking money or approval, but this approach is temporary and does not address the root cause of a lack of confidence. 03:30 🌱 True confidence comes from internal approval and self-love, not from external validation or achievements. 07:05 🧘♂️ Achieving core confidence involves moving from focusing on what you have (material possessions) or what you do (actions) to simply being confident in who you are. 14:44 🎭 True confidence is about letting go of societal pressures and being authentic, rather than adding or compensating with external attributes or behaviors. Made with HARPA AI
Gooood stuff!!! Even though it makes sense, I still don't truly believe I can have confidence outside of my looks or accomplishments. But, I'm taking small steps.
Amazing, you are pure truth, pure emotion, pure inner child, im looking for you a lot of time, in certain moment when i learn english better, i would like to get your knowladge and wisdom
question : when you meditate and get your awarness to the base of your spine how does it feel like in your experience ?? ( take your time and try to be precise ) tnx
I am getting over the whole confidence thing I am exhausted trying to be someone I am not. It is a shame this society is so geared around social confidence and not whether or not someone is caring. Trying to be confident has basically destroyed my life I am done with the whole trying to be someone I am not. I think I will just hang out with my dog 😂. I have done 1000s of challenges for myself and I have only made myself worse. I think maybe I could have Aspergers or something
I can really relate to what you said. Most of the time I would rather be with my dogs than most people. To me it sounds like you might be really hard on yourself. Give yourself a break. We live in a sick and selfish society. Maybe you aren't meant to fit in.
I feel the same as both of you. Its hard to fit in this society, theres to much egoccentrism, sometimes feels like if you wanna make friends with someone you gotta deny yourself. Better be authentic and not expecting anything from anyone. But im not saying thats not frustrating
Being confident doesn’t mean u need to be loud and expressive, u just gotta do what u feel like and not care what others think. It’s that simple, but it’s not easy
Any other tips on authenticity? I constantly feel like I’m not good enough and then I start putting a facade on to what I believe others will like. It creates awkward interactions
Here's a nuance though: Let's say you only somewhat let go and you unleash the authentic winner effect a little bit. You then question it's validity and might think that my winner effect is a fake one or say it's not coming from a good place. What's the definitive way to make sure it's coming from the right place so that I don't beat myself up even if I'm totally on right path?
@@rishabhprajapati8423Yes. Just say what you think and then judge whether it was valuable after. Was it more valuable than silence? Do you know something that others don't? or see things in at least a slightly different way? Is what you say a little funny to you? Are you raising the mood or putting them in their place? Are you setting a good example? There are many ways to add value with speech. What you have to say should be valuable to you. If it's not valuable to you then it's probably not going to be valuable to them. Not everything you say has to be valuable, just don't make things/the situation worse. *What you're referring to in the initial comment is called imposter syndrome. The part of you that is doubting it doesn't want you to be a winner. Beating yourself up is for losers. He says towards the end of the video to not draw confidence from anything even the content of your speech!! A truly confident person wouldn't care about such things. I've fallen into that trap of value myself. Being quick witted is a skill to develop and so is decisiveness. Asking a question is adding value. If you personally know these people then automatically what you say holds more value than a random. Your intention can be to say things that provide value but that CANNOT be where you draw your confidence from.
What you are referring to is relying on doing something as a source of confidence. You need to provide value in order to be confident. Probably because of the red pill shit you see online.
Thanks man, thx to your videos I accepted my weirdness and wrote my first song and even showed it to my family P.s. AlterRizz- Broken Wing is the name if you wanna check but be aware im just a beginner!
Julien would you do an event in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania or Cleveland,Ohio? I've seen you twice in L.A. and would to see you again live in either 1 of those two cities. Thank you 👌
I have a difficult time accepting this premise. Or maybe it's simply I don't give much weight to the concept of "self-worth" itself. The condition of "confidence" I struggle with is that in social settings, thus is subjectively evaluated by others, not myself. I can ACT, but how such is perceived is up to others. The alternative of declaring one's "worth" is narcissism ("worth" is inherently a comparative concept). What I need to overcome isn't the idea if "I'm worthy", it's that I don't need validation to "be". But that's precisely what I seek for venturing into social situations (things like forming relationships). It's inherently about validation, as such is requesting something from others. So my apprehension in action (my lack of confidence) is fueled by desiring not to burden others (which is likely fueled by my own anxiety felt when I'm the recipient of such behavior). The most difficult hurdles of confidence are specifically tied to situations which place pressure on others. It's a case of me not desiring to be at the receiving end of my own type of behavior or empathizing with how such may be perceived by others. I find it difficult (edging on immoral) to ask for validation. I could certainly just "live my life" and rather than seek validation, allow myself to happen upon it. By my preference of "living", doesn't consist of social events. Being introverted and soft-spoken, my entire preference of access to social situations is about achieving something I can't on my own. And from my perspective that requires forcing myself on others. My lack of confidence comes when I'm seeking validation (as to not ask rather than be denied). I gain confidence when I have a rapport with someone, because validation has already been achieved. It's not that I need to be seen as "attractive" or "wealthy" or any specific attribute to chase, but rather that they show genuine interest, rather than being a burden. I need assurance I'm not oppressive. And that's likely my issue. In perceiving such asks of validation as oppression. But I don't really wish to overcome that. I think that's a logical and moral position to hold. So what I think I need to navigate is simply the magnitude of such, accepting that minor and temporary discomforts are a part of an interesting and full life. I think I just have a hard time holding such a wider perspective on any potential singular action in the present.
If someone comes up and talks to you do you view it as oppression? Does anyone you know view a social interaction as oppression? If they do they probably have a mental disorder and that’s an exception and not the rule. Also people make it clear whether they’re open to talking to you very quickly normally. It’s their job to make it known they wish to not be in the social interaction. It’s your job to take the hint and walk away. They’re the ones in public where social interactions should be expected. If they really wanted to avoid social interactions so much someone casually talking to them is oppression then they’d likely be holed up in their house. Even if they really don’t want to talk guess what? It’ll be obvious in the first 5 seconds and then you just casually tell them have a good day and walk away. Wow, what oppression of that other individual. How dare you not have the moral decency to assume no one wants to talk to you. Convincing yourself the way you are is being morally decent is the height of delusion. You’re staying in a shell because there might be some outlier human that is “oppressed” by you talking to them. If they are oppressed by you talking to them it’s probably a good thing as they probably have crippling social anxiety from never talking to anyone, you’re probably helping them. That or they’re a mean ass person in which case move on with your life and feel sorry for them. Like I really don’t understand building your whole approach to life based on how some terrible people/mentally ill people might respond. They’ll respond bad to almost anything, don’t worry about their responses. You need to realize 99.9% of the time people complain about being approached/talking to someone it’s because they made it obvious they didn’t want to be in the interaction and the other person ignored it repeatedly. It’s not because someone casually tried to have an interaction with them. If you happen to be complained about it’s probably because you need to work on your social skills and you missed their hints they wanted to leave the interaction, they’re terrible at voicing/showing their discomfort or the above they’re a bad person/mentally ill.
Sometimes I view conversation with a stranger or someone in a social setting as meaningless. If I stand no reason to gain anything or if the interaction holds no purpose like an exchange of useful information, services, or goods what is the point. I’m really digging deep here. As much as I enjoy conversation there’s something to be said that any type of social interaction that doesn’t involve an exchange of information, goods, or services is just a form of validation for 2 people talking to one another thus making this entire premise meaningless. The thing is communication between humans has evolved into something meaningless aside from building a social structure. There’s also the important idea of building bonds with your “tribe” like your wife/husband/significant other, your children, and possibly larger tribe circle like your parents, brothers, sisters etc. but unless they serve a purpose to your wellbeing or your immediate families well being conversation is essentially futile. You should feel inherently less confidant if you’re less atteactive, smaller, make less money than an individual or group of individuals you interact with. This is nature and those are skills are things you learn to survive as you grow. A more successful, more charismatic, better looking tribe is dangerous to your family or your wife or is a possible chance for you to recognize their success and barter or take from them if you deem yourself as superior. 😂 just some random thoughts that came to mind late at night reading this. I was at a destination wedding this weekend for friends of my girlfriends that we’ve known for a long time but haven’t seen in years. I don’t personally have any history of friendship with any of the people at the wedding aside from an association with my girlfriend. In the past weve hung out with her friends sporadically throughout the years but we live in TN and they live in NY so it’s not very often. We had a good time at the wedding and my girlfriend enjoyed seeing old friends but for me I couldn’t care a less for my own personal interactions. It’s just small talk. I didn’t feel “confident” all weekend interjecting myself into her and her friends conversations or starting up conversations with her friends. We don’t see them often, don’t plan to see them often, nor do I really care to get to know them. I definitely felt a level of confidence because I carry a lot of my confidence in my business and the work I do it gives me an identity and role in society just like we’ve always had since we were living in caves in the woods. We identify by our contributions to society and our tribe. I also felt confident in my health, my body, my looks, my clothes. I like to dress nice it brings me joy. So the night of the wedding there’s the whole initial walk out, speeches, etc. everyone’s sitting at tables making small talk and I just couldn’t care less to. What purpose does it have other than to passs the time. Is it a confidence problem that I don’t want to talk to people or a I don’t care to bother someone with questions. Do I fake interest? I was at wedding a month before this and made 45 mins of small talk with cousin of my girlfriends who I’ve never talked to. I barely remember anything we talked about… I find this whole idea of confidence interesting. Confidence should be baked into your brain based upon what you own and what you do because that’s your identity. Who are you if you don’t do anything, own anything, or have no physical self. It’s truly silly to think about. I also think a lot of the modern day social situations we put ourselves in are total bullshit, unnatural, and meaningless and make everyone feel very unconfident. There’s a reason you feel confident at work or on a sports team it’s because you’re in a tribe with common goal and you have a purpose and a role. It’s as simple as that
@@prestonjones8672 With my anxiety in social situations, yes I often become uncomfortable if others come up to talk to me. It places me in a defensive position, requires effort from me to think about what to say in return, causing me stress. Now, do I label them as oppressors? No, because I view it as my issue. But knowing how I feel in such situations, I don't desire to cause the same in others. And I don't expect others to view their discomfort as their own issue, and thus feel like I'm in the wrong in both situations. What I've outlined prior that I need to improve on, is understanding that others may not have the same magnitude of aversion I have. Being able to simply brush aside a "bad interaction" as if it was nothing, rather than running it back through their head multiple times. That I'm not oppressing them as much as I perceive. You say it's clear when others want to talk or not. That's not been my experience when I am approached. I think my nervousness is often evident, but people continue. (Sometimes using the exact accuse you laid out, that they are "helping" me). Which is often compounded because I seek to appease others by not simply declining to converse. I often endure it much longer than I'm comfortable with. (But yes, it can sometimes create beneficial outcomes where I am happy I dealt with the temporary discomfort, where "help" was actually given.) I'm not "terrible at voicing/showing discomfort", I specifically put on a facade to not appear that way as to appease the others' inquiry. And apparently I'm too good at that or I run into a lot of people with poor reading skills. I'm not basing my behavior based on how some "mentally ill" people will respond, I'm basing my behavior on myself not wanting to be uncomfortable. And often times making other uncomfortable is more uncomfortable for me that dealing with my own internal stressors. I hate public speaking, because I grow anxious listening to someone who is nervous speak. Thus when I likely speak in similar fashion, I envision making everyone uncomfortable. And you can quickly read such in the faces of people as they listen to you. If I could approach a conversation fluidity, I would become more confident as I would believe I wouldn't be making the other person uncomfortable. Which is why I'm often a social drinker, lowing my inhibitions to simply be more direct. I've been told numerous times before that I'm a lot more "fun" when I drink. It's simply difficult to get myself to that level of free expression with my standard mind. Because I also recognize such free expression often seems tied to less empathy and/or ability to read others. A lot of "confident" people I view as abrasive. I think there is a very fine line of confidence that I am comfortable with, and it's just very difficult navigating myself to such. "Working on my social skills" has been the difficult hurdle. Because it's often expressed through exposure therapy, often proposing awkward proposals of conversation that then seem "fake" to me and not fluid. SEEKING conversation is something foreign and bizarre to me. How organic a situation seems the more I feel comfortable, on both ends. "Convincing yourself the way you are is being morally decent is the height of delusion". I don't view myself as morally superior, quite the opposite. I view myself as lesser (not as a person or individual, but as a force in society), which is my issue. I'm not propping others up to be more "moral", it's simply how I perceive myself within the world. Not as righteous, but as distinct. While others may look to the world burdening them, I view myself as burdening the world. That's not "morally decent", it's simply a distinct perspective on subjective evaluation. Morals are subjective. Society rests upon shared morals. So with distinct morals from society often comes disconnects in social interactions. That's all I'm highlighting.
Here is a link to a great video of Julien explaining this precisely for the people that want to learn how to start actually letting go! th-cam.com/video/k4Ya1BsygXQ/w-d-xo.htmlfeature=shared
👉 APPLY FOR ONLINE COACHING: application.julienhimself.com/?l=pybfa15jla
Comment your biggest takeaway below! (I personally read through EVERY single comment)
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- Stop chasing a specific person and instead do this: th-cam.com/video/DDmqrbSdzPo/w-d-xo.html
- What I did to improve my social skills: th-cam.com/video/pCZdJiGSk8g/w-d-xo.html
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Why do you wear sunglasses when you’re inside?
If you can wear pants like that in public, you're confident.
It looks like he just got done playing a baseball game
Especially if you wear it in Russia 😉
In that case you better know how to fight or run fast@@oleksandrhrebeniuk2676
😂😂😂😂
I actually came back to look at the pants.
It is easy
I believe ANY human will see value in this. We are so conditioned since day 1 (birth) to allow what you have or what you do define themselves. Authenticity is KING. I see myself and others reviewing this message again and again.... and again and again...LOVE it.
What i love about this guy, other than his maxed out wisdom and charisma, is that he's a living embodiment of how much a person can change just from working on themselves - from the obvious self consciousness of the old days, and challenges and humiliation most of us will never have to face.
OMG, the winner effect is so real, I just got flashbacks when he was explaining it.
Yes! Glad this resonated with you! 🔥👊
nice dude!🔥
almost everything he talks about is legit, i would advice you to also rewatch videos after a certain time, because your ras focus on different things and you resonate with other stuff he talks about
stick to julien and owen they are great mentors!❤🎉
@@JulienHimselfI also have flashbqcka I am 16 kinda confident but not enough, thanks Julien for what u doing.
Facts me too
So powerful! Great! When I am in the nightclub talking to people I sometimes recognise that I put on a fake persona just to make people believe that I am super cool and fitting the cool niche.
I just have to drop that front and just be me and say what I feel/think, do what I feel/think and be as I am
Yes, authenticity is ALL! 🙏
Literally i face massive issues of comparison and i have inconsistent confidence levels.. where somone better than me makes me feel terrible and unworthy and vice versa.. this is really helpful and your content never disappoints.. but one issue is that being lonely also perpetuates this issue for approval and validation and winner effect
Whatever you are chasing identify it and meditate to ask yourself how to fill that within. Each time you do this you improve a little bit...
I walked from hell into this confidence. It's amazing to be unshakable, give it a try.
this blew my mind, cause i finally talk freely with women in public and feel more confident everyday of my journey buuut all my life i was told i kinda walk like a duck when im too relaxed and people stare at me most of the time ( cause im 6,3 and pretty :') ) and sometimes when im walking i try to control the duckiness and gets even worse so i start thinking yea, guess im not that confident yet..but the secret was always to embrace the duck walk and not literally respect the confident body language..feel it
I love you Julien
I'm far less shy than I used to be. But definitely situationally. At work around everyone, I feel pretty safe to be pretty authentic to who I am. But who I am is useful there. I definitely take almost all my self-confidence from doing for other people. I feel like nothing most of the time. I hate that that feels like me. I want to be better, but my negative thoughts, I guess, just feel better. I'm not sure why. Maybe it seems easier? But being miserable isn't easy?! It's horrible. I really am trying every day, but I can't help but think I'd rather die than continue.
You don’t wanna die until it’s time. You are here on purpose. Don’t take it for granted!
I'm an introvert and for me being a confident person means not being driven by unconscious dynamics,as long as we are not aware we are not free. In order to truly trust yourself and be confident, you must heal all the dynamics of your subconscious. Many teachers teach their followers to let go, but you cannot ask that of someone who has not healed all the subconscious dynamics because they will not be able to let go, that is why it is necessary for each individual to be aware of his own unconscious dynamics in order to transcribe them and let go of the old one. There is a saying: if in a maximum of a year and a half you have not evolved, then the problem is with your mentor.
This one hit different. Thanks Julien, you make assumed complicated things so simple 🙏🏾
Breathe, stand outside the circle, and just be. We're all channelers of the infinite. 💫
Inner approval = winner effect. SO TRUE. 🏆
I love how you explain it so well in an understandable way for everyone. I've been trying to find who i am these past few months but i kept on feeling like i was chasing something i could never reach. The having - Doing - Being model really helped putting into perspective why i felt that way. Alot of the things i tried involved Doing and Having. Interpreting who i am as something i would have to get a hold of. With this i'm going to focus more on shadowquestioning and unraveling the parts inside me holding me back.
I'm truly thankful for your videos and i hope you will keep inspiring others to become whole again! :)
Julien your handwriting is awesome LOL
On another note... another eye opener really teaching us something so real and simple so easily overlooked! I thank you big time!
I been following you for about a month and I really love your approach on how you dissect things!!
You're Awesome My Brother and I Love You! Thank you for All That You Do For Humanity!
💖💎🙌∞
Thank you so much! 🙏
Thank you so much Julien, thanks to you I am increasingly closer to my best version, my authentic self, and this is thanks to you helping, me ask myself the necessary questions to find myself
"Non-attachment does not mean owning nothing but being owned by nothing"
This man is pure love ❤
Really liked the part on us being pre verbal beings. Vibe over content. Really enlightening
aslong you keep giving your power away to other, change will never be possible ever and u'll stay in downward spiral forever
Pure gold
I am in middle of video I couldn't stop me to write this comment
I love how you wait until a few seconds in for your pants to show on screen. The pop of color adds an unexpected surprise.
🕺🕺
you have to be pretty confident to rock that outfit I’d say. Solid advice though 🤝
You've changed my life, thank you thank you THANK YOU!!
Julian is awesome, thx man for all the advice❤
You're so welcome! 🙌
Never was it so clear than that. Good job on this one, Jules.
I don’t think the guy stuttered one time. This was great, thank you!!
What if he did stutter, would you dismiss his message? Just in case you would, please don’t ever let ‘a stutter’ distract you from a truthful message.
i think i needed to hear this 🔥🔥🔥 also the part where he mentioned confidence and was like “what happens if i took my clothes off half run away half runs towards me” 😂😂😂😂 so funny
What comes from outside is also destroyed from outside.
I love the way this video is presented. It's so positive and encouraging. I feel like I can really do anything after watching this video. Thank you for creating such a helpful and inspiring resource!
You know he's the most confident in the room when he wore those pants XD. Great seminar btw
I couldnt imagine someone if true emotions would be a person that would be you. I would like to learn from you
I get the winnner effect of using the bathroom
I have a question about this. You say, we should be confident "just because". How is this achievable? I think every human being defines himself over something, which gives him value and comfidence. Often by the things you own or do as you said, maybe by your family, friends, your religion, or your experiences in life. The things that influenced you the most when you grew up. Is it really possible to go back to that child-like state, where you can say "I am confident" at any time without any reason behind it? How do you get there?
PS: That talk was amazing by the way. Spoke right to my heart.
It is like your dream is to be a millionaire, does it mean that you need to be rich (achieve your dream) to be happy? No.
So you don't need to achieve anything or have anything to be confident, just like you don't need to be rich and you can still feel happy now.
He said the method, just let go.
it’s almost like, I’ve been conditioned this way for so long, I don’t even have energy to speak loud or yell anymore. I’ve been walking on eggshells my entire life. I feel stifled and my growth came to a halt faster than ever. Now I’m stuck not able to grow. I’m 26. If I can’t grow now I’ll never grow. And being aware of time running out sucks.
I must say it's a genius revelation! It fits what I've observed along my life.
Ah, okay, wow... I get it, it's all clear now. I just have to stick a thumb in my mouth when speaking to people and I'll be confident! Thanks Julien!
That was so simple...
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:00 💡 The foundation of confidence is activating your "winner effect," where you feel confident when you perceive yourself as winning in a situation.
02:29 🔄 People often chase the winner effect through external validation, such as putting others down, seeking money or approval, but this approach is temporary and does not address the root cause of a lack of confidence.
03:30 🌱 True confidence comes from internal approval and self-love, not from external validation or achievements.
07:05 🧘♂️ Achieving core confidence involves moving from focusing on what you have (material possessions) or what you do (actions) to simply being confident in who you are.
14:44 🎭 True confidence is about letting go of societal pressures and being authentic, rather than adding or compensating with external attributes or behaviors.
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Gooood stuff!!! Even though it makes sense, I still don't truly believe I can have confidence outside of my looks or accomplishments. But, I'm taking small steps.
Real confidence is those pants he's wearing 😂😂😂
Omg 😂😂 that body language thing was so funny. That just made my day! ❤
This has inspired me to share my knowledge and wisdom on this subject. Batel Skater is very wise
this is a deep deep stuf, thanks for putting it there for free!
Im from bit conservative country, and for the first time i hear forthoseamazing beliefs
You are so confident with your yellow pants.
Duck you for getting me over thinking while I’m high 😂❤
Amazing, you are pure truth, pure emotion, pure inner child, im looking for you a lot of time, in certain moment when i learn english better, i would like to get your knowladge and wisdom
question : when you meditate and get your awarness to the base of your spine how does it feel like in your experience ?? ( take your time and try to be precise ) tnx
This video alone solved many of my problems thank you
Summary at 20:23
Iam glad I came across this channel. Following from Kenya
Man this dude gets it.
I am getting over the whole confidence thing I am exhausted trying to be someone I am not. It is a shame this society is so geared around social confidence and not whether or not someone is caring. Trying to be confident has basically destroyed my life I am done with the whole trying to be someone I am not. I think I will just hang out with my dog 😂. I have done 1000s of challenges for myself and I have only made myself worse. I think maybe I could have Aspergers or something
I can really relate to what you said. Most of the time I would rather be with my dogs than most people. To me it sounds like you might be really hard on yourself. Give yourself a break. We live in a sick and selfish society. Maybe you aren't meant to fit in.
I feel the same as both of you. Its hard to fit in this society, theres to much egoccentrism, sometimes feels like if you wanna make friends with someone you gotta deny yourself. Better be authentic and not expecting anything from anyone. But im not saying thats not frustrating
Being confident doesn’t mean u need to be loud and expressive, u just gotta do what u feel like and not care what others think. It’s that simple, but it’s not easy
@@kevinmd1974 thanks 🙏
Any other tips on authenticity? I constantly feel like I’m not good enough and then I start putting a facade on to what I believe others will like. It creates awkward interactions
As a suggested idea it would be great if you could upload some solo videos where you talk directly to youtube audience.
Here's a nuance though:
Let's say you only somewhat let go and you unleash the authentic winner effect a little bit. You then question it's validity and might think that my winner effect is a fake one or say it's not coming from a good place. What's the definitive way to make sure it's coming from the right place so that I don't beat myself up even if I'm totally on right path?
I would actually focus on letting go of the self-doubt and self-attack around it... 👌
@@JulienHimself is it self doubt if I second guess on whether it is "giving value" for others on what I'm going to say ?
@@rishabhprajapati8423Yes. Just say what you think and then judge whether it was valuable after. Was it more valuable than silence? Do you know something that others don't? or see things in at least a slightly different way? Is what you say a little funny to you? Are you raising the mood or putting them in their place? Are you setting a good example? There are many ways to add value with speech. What you have to say should be valuable to you. If it's not valuable to you then it's probably not going to be valuable to them. Not everything you say has to be valuable, just don't make things/the situation worse. *What you're referring to in the initial comment is called imposter syndrome. The part of you that is doubting it doesn't want you to be a winner. Beating yourself up is for losers. He says towards the end of the video to not draw confidence from anything even the content of your speech!! A truly confident person wouldn't care about such things. I've fallen into that trap of value myself. Being quick witted is a skill to develop and so is decisiveness. Asking a question is adding value. If you personally know these people then automatically what you say holds more value than a random. Your intention can be to say things that provide value but that CANNOT be where you draw your confidence from.
What you are referring to is relying on doing something as a source of confidence. You need to provide value in order to be confident. Probably because of the red pill shit you see online.
Thanks man, thx to your videos I accepted my weirdness and wrote my first song and even showed it to my family
P.s. AlterRizz- Broken Wing is the name if you wanna check but be aware im just a beginner!
So what are yall hiding from everyone by being perfect?(put a 15minute timer on and wait until the answer comes and start writing down)
I dress exactly like Julian here at my warehouse job
i think this is exactly what she was doing to me
I really needed this video today, thank you Julien
You're so welcome! Glad it was helpful!
This is what "be yourself" means, but in 4D
Awesome presentation. Thwnk you 👍
Its so true about feeling inferior when you're outside of your league 😂
Great content man ❤🎉 thank you for sharing 🙏
Good stuff, Julien. Thanks!
If you fade is easy but if you take your stupid games with you it’s harder
Tbf it would take a lot of confidence to get up on stage with that fit
Fun fact
Chasing something implies that something is constantly running away
This is amazing :) so simple - yet effective!
Yes! Glad this was helpful! 🔥
One way they try to be confident is by wearing sunglasses indoors and pretend to be cool 😎
Julien would you do an event in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania or Cleveland,Ohio? I've seen you twice in L.A. and would to see you again live in either 1 of those two cities. Thank you 👌
I have a difficult time accepting this premise. Or maybe it's simply I don't give much weight to the concept of "self-worth" itself. The condition of "confidence" I struggle with is that in social settings, thus is subjectively evaluated by others, not myself. I can ACT, but how such is perceived is up to others. The alternative of declaring one's "worth" is narcissism ("worth" is inherently a comparative concept). What I need to overcome isn't the idea if "I'm worthy", it's that I don't need validation to "be".
But that's precisely what I seek for venturing into social situations (things like forming relationships). It's inherently about validation, as such is requesting something from others. So my apprehension in action (my lack of confidence) is fueled by desiring not to burden others (which is likely fueled by my own anxiety felt when I'm the recipient of such behavior). The most difficult hurdles of confidence are specifically tied to situations which place pressure on others. It's a case of me not desiring to be at the receiving end of my own type of behavior or empathizing with how such may be perceived by others. I find it difficult (edging on immoral) to ask for validation.
I could certainly just "live my life" and rather than seek validation, allow myself to happen upon it. By my preference of "living", doesn't consist of social events. Being introverted and soft-spoken, my entire preference of access to social situations is about achieving something I can't on my own. And from my perspective that requires forcing myself on others. My lack of confidence comes when I'm seeking validation (as to not ask rather than be denied). I gain confidence when I have a rapport with someone, because validation has already been achieved. It's not that I need to be seen as "attractive" or "wealthy" or any specific attribute to chase, but rather that they show genuine interest, rather than being a burden.
I need assurance I'm not oppressive. And that's likely my issue. In perceiving such asks of validation as oppression. But I don't really wish to overcome that. I think that's a logical and moral position to hold. So what I think I need to navigate is simply the magnitude of such, accepting that minor and temporary discomforts are a part of an interesting and full life. I think I just have a hard time holding such a wider perspective on any potential singular action in the present.
I relate with a lot of what you've written here but I've never been able to articulate my thoughts like you have just done.
If someone comes up and talks to you do you view it as oppression? Does anyone you know view a social interaction as oppression? If they do they probably have a mental disorder and that’s an exception and not the rule.
Also people make it clear whether they’re open to talking to you very quickly normally. It’s their job to make it known they wish to not be in the social interaction. It’s your job to take the hint and walk away. They’re the ones in public where social interactions should be expected.
If they really wanted to avoid social interactions so much someone casually talking to them is oppression then they’d likely be holed up in their house. Even if they really don’t want to talk guess what? It’ll be obvious in the first 5 seconds and then you just casually tell them have a good day and walk away.
Wow, what oppression of that other individual. How dare you not have the moral decency to assume no one wants to talk to you. Convincing yourself the way you are is being morally decent is the height of delusion. You’re staying in a shell because there might be some outlier human that is “oppressed” by you talking to them.
If they are oppressed by you talking to them it’s probably a good thing as they probably have crippling social anxiety from never talking to anyone, you’re probably helping them. That or they’re a mean ass person in which case move on with your life and feel sorry for them. Like I really don’t understand building your whole approach to life based on how some terrible people/mentally ill people might respond. They’ll respond bad to almost anything, don’t worry about their responses.
You need to realize 99.9% of the time people complain about being approached/talking to someone it’s because they made it obvious they didn’t want to be in the interaction and the other person ignored it repeatedly. It’s not because someone casually tried to have an interaction with them. If you happen to be complained about it’s probably because you need to work on your social skills and you missed their hints they wanted to leave the interaction, they’re terrible at voicing/showing their discomfort or the above they’re a bad person/mentally ill.
Sometimes I view conversation with a stranger or someone in a social setting as meaningless. If I stand no reason to gain anything or if the interaction holds no purpose like an exchange of useful information, services, or goods what is the point. I’m really digging deep here. As much as I enjoy conversation there’s something to be said that any type of social interaction that doesn’t involve an exchange of information, goods, or services is just a form of validation for 2 people talking to one another thus making this entire premise meaningless. The thing is communication between humans has evolved into something meaningless aside from building a social structure. There’s also the important idea of building bonds with your “tribe” like your wife/husband/significant other, your children, and possibly larger tribe circle like your parents, brothers, sisters etc. but unless they serve a purpose to your wellbeing or your immediate families well being conversation is essentially futile. You should feel inherently less confidant if you’re less atteactive, smaller, make less money than an individual or group of individuals you interact with. This is nature and those are skills are things you learn to survive as you grow. A more successful, more charismatic, better looking tribe is dangerous to your family or your wife or is a possible chance for you to recognize their success and barter or take from them if you deem yourself as superior. 😂 just some random thoughts that came to mind late at night reading this.
I was at a destination wedding this weekend for friends of my girlfriends that we’ve known for a long time but haven’t seen in years. I don’t personally have any history of friendship with any of the people at the wedding aside from an association with my girlfriend. In the past weve hung out with her friends sporadically throughout the years but we live in TN and they live in NY so it’s not very often. We had a good time at the wedding and my girlfriend enjoyed seeing old friends but for me I couldn’t care a less for my own personal interactions. It’s just small talk. I didn’t feel “confident” all weekend interjecting myself into her and her friends conversations or starting up conversations with her friends. We don’t see them often, don’t plan to see them often, nor do I really care to get to know them. I definitely felt a level of confidence because I carry a lot of my confidence in my business and the work I do it gives me an identity and role in society just like we’ve always had since we were living in caves in the woods. We identify by our contributions to society and our tribe. I also felt confident in my health, my body, my looks, my clothes. I like to dress nice it brings me joy. So the night of the wedding there’s the whole initial walk out, speeches, etc. everyone’s sitting at tables making small talk and I just couldn’t care less to. What purpose does it have other than to passs the time. Is it a confidence problem that I don’t want to talk to people or a I don’t care to bother someone with questions. Do I fake interest? I was at wedding a month before this and made 45 mins of small talk with cousin of my girlfriends who I’ve never talked to. I barely remember anything we talked about…
I find this whole idea of confidence interesting. Confidence should be baked into your brain based upon what you own and what you do because that’s your identity. Who are you if you don’t do anything, own anything, or have no physical self. It’s truly silly to think about. I also think a lot of the modern day social situations we put ourselves in are total bullshit, unnatural, and meaningless and make everyone feel very unconfident. There’s a reason you feel confident at work or on a sports team it’s because you’re in a tribe with common goal and you have a purpose and a role. It’s as simple as that
@@prestonjones8672 With my anxiety in social situations, yes I often become uncomfortable if others come up to talk to me. It places me in a defensive position, requires effort from me to think about what to say in return, causing me stress. Now, do I label them as oppressors? No, because I view it as my issue. But knowing how I feel in such situations, I don't desire to cause the same in others. And I don't expect others to view their discomfort as their own issue, and thus feel like I'm in the wrong in both situations.
What I've outlined prior that I need to improve on, is understanding that others may not have the same magnitude of aversion I have. Being able to simply brush aside a "bad interaction" as if it was nothing, rather than running it back through their head multiple times. That I'm not oppressing them as much as I perceive.
You say it's clear when others want to talk or not. That's not been my experience when I am approached. I think my nervousness is often evident, but people continue. (Sometimes using the exact accuse you laid out, that they are "helping" me). Which is often compounded because I seek to appease others by not simply declining to converse. I often endure it much longer than I'm comfortable with.
(But yes, it can sometimes create beneficial outcomes where I am happy I dealt with the temporary discomfort, where "help" was actually given.)
I'm not "terrible at voicing/showing discomfort", I specifically put on a facade to not appear that way as to appease the others' inquiry. And apparently I'm too good at that or I run into a lot of people with poor reading skills.
I'm not basing my behavior based on how some "mentally ill" people will respond, I'm basing my behavior on myself not wanting to be uncomfortable. And often times making other uncomfortable is more uncomfortable for me that dealing with my own internal stressors. I hate public speaking, because I grow anxious listening to someone who is nervous speak. Thus when I likely speak in similar fashion, I envision making everyone uncomfortable. And you can quickly read such in the faces of people as they listen to you.
If I could approach a conversation fluidity, I would become more confident as I would believe I wouldn't be making the other person uncomfortable. Which is why I'm often a social drinker, lowing my inhibitions to simply be more direct. I've been told numerous times before that I'm a lot more "fun" when I drink. It's simply difficult to get myself to that level of free expression with my standard mind.
Because I also recognize such free expression often seems tied to less empathy and/or ability to read others. A lot of "confident" people I view as abrasive. I think there is a very fine line of confidence that I am comfortable with, and it's just very difficult navigating myself to such.
"Working on my social skills" has been the difficult hurdle. Because it's often expressed through exposure therapy, often proposing awkward proposals of conversation that then seem "fake" to me and not fluid. SEEKING conversation is something foreign and bizarre to me. How organic a situation seems the more I feel comfortable, on both ends.
"Convincing yourself the way you are is being morally decent is the height of delusion". I don't view myself as morally superior, quite the opposite. I view myself as lesser (not as a person or individual, but as a force in society), which is my issue. I'm not propping others up to be more "moral", it's simply how I perceive myself within the world. Not as righteous, but as distinct.
While others may look to the world burdening them, I view myself as burdening the world. That's not "morally decent", it's simply a distinct perspective on subjective evaluation. Morals are subjective. Society rests upon shared morals. So with distinct morals from society often comes disconnects in social interactions. That's all I'm highlighting.
You are brilliant!!!
Best video so far
Progress = Happyness
happi
You are wonderful sir
What are you to willing to say or do? What are willing to lose? What are you willing to gain? Peace in the Lord my friends!
This is Gold
Excellent style choice! Lol
Thankyou so much Julien😊
You're welcome!
Notification SQUAD!!🔥🔥🔥
Boom! 🔥
isn't winner effect Pride?
Nice to see that you are a cult member, welcome to the log cabin and sharing ideas in the tall grass. I'll see you in Milan next year
See you in Milan! 😂
Damn, this is solid advice
Thanks! Glad this resonates!
awesooome, I'm early to the party 🎉🥳
Enjoy! 🔥👊
Okay that’s nice and I get it, but how do I do that?
thanks❤
Negative mindset=Negative Vibes
How do you let go? How does that work?
Here is a link to a great video of Julien explaining this precisely for the people that want to learn how to start actually letting go!
th-cam.com/video/k4Ya1BsygXQ/w-d-xo.htmlfeature=shared
th-cam.com/video/COz4cYvCh7k/w-d-xo.htmlsi=7l5Dkn4VgSlvTAi7
I'm sorry but those pants!!🤣
AMAZING!!!!
Thank you! 🙌
Hiding? That'd imply I have any confidence at all.
Very good and fits with buddhism etc.
When you realised how to let go, instead of compensating?
yes, but HOW to let go?
Here's my full letting go method: www.julienhimself.com/8p 👌
love u Julien
🙏
Your content is always incredible 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
More vibe focused content