Coping with your feelings when the narcissist jumps into a new relationship
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ต.ค. 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
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“If you lose someone, but find yourself, you won.”
Yes this. How does the narcissist loose? By being a narcissist?
Big hug to everyone who has been burned 🔥 The pain is unimaginable.
Currently especially. Same to you.
That's what they do to people. I'm happy I'm out. Healthy is much, much better than toxic.
@@DaveJohnson-Php perversely im not totally happy im out even though I should be. Still miss that messed up abusive creature. I realise im fkd.
Thank you 🌺
Thank you.
I identify as an INFJ (empath) and I just got out of an online relationship with a girl that identifies as an INTP. I'm not sure if she qualifies as a narcissist, but she/INTPs have that cold calculating quality and self depreciating yet condescending attitude that makes her seem like a narcissist. I feel like we had something incredibly unique and she threw it all away over the smallest misunderstanding between us and I can now tell she is now giving me the cold shoulder and seeing other guys. It hurts because I made an emotional investment and thought she was the love of my life.
She's so intelligent yet at the same time so stupid.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to feel the pain. I hope she changes her mind and learns how to forgive herself and others but being the type of person she is she probably won't.
They usually start grooming the knew one before they discard you.
Yes 💯
Yeah.. they were leading me on while two-timing. Seven years of confusion and pain, until the final discard.
They never leave without new supply at the ready
They usually start grooming a few new ones before they discard you. They allways have an entire list of possible victims.
YES! My ex broke up with me in september last year to just come back to me 3 days later because he realised that he will be alone. But in June we broke up indefitely because his new supply was there. I want to vomit when i think about it, mostly she's his coworker from the same team. So unprofessional
I was the new person and I believed everything they told me. I feel terrible for the old person now that I know better
No way?!!!! I'm sorry
Honestly I have a deep sense of sadness for what the women who dated before me. Knowing what I now know it really makes you cautious
They do and say the same things to past, present and future supply.
@@cherankimiorak1739
Yes they do. I heard it word to word when he left.
Once i admitted out loud “I feel jealous “ “I feel humiliated “ - it cut the pain in half and then I hardly thought about it again. Facing the pain is the only way out. My narc replaced me quickly but that relationship ended. So did the one after that. I waited a year before dating and now I’m madly in love with a person who is healthy. Ramani is right about all of it.
Maybe I am going to have to take your advice and just admit to myself like you did because I have to get over this situation! I'm definitely trying to heal my heart and mind!
I'm only a month and a half out of my relationship. It's very strange how I feel disgusted and depressed at the same time. When I think about her all I see is calculated evil. I was with her 4 years and looking back, it's painfully obvious she doesn't care about anybody but herself.
The best way to overcome this pain is just keep remembering the evil things that narcs were doing to you and never let your mind to navigate through the good time you were having during live bomb stage. Wish you a quick healing❤
@@kylesander9874 what I learned was that I saw all the signs and didn’t act on them or stand up for myself… the person I was really mad at was me for abandoning myself… if you can forgive you, the need to forgive them sort of drifts away… it was never about them anyways: but your relationship with yourself. That’s the way you heal ❤️💕
This is how I feel. I saw it and stayed now I understand though. I was groomed for it from birth (narcissistic & emotionally neglectful parents) and it's not all my fault.@@jainorr4915
“The love of my life” statement made me laugh to be honest. How many loves of their lives do they manage to have? And how easily they monkey branch from relationship to relationship.
They manage to have a lot of loves, as I came to realize I was one of many! Another notch in his belt as Taylor Swift's song goes. But your description of a monkey swinging from branch to branch? That is brilliant, I love it!
Just wait until they start using the phrase "twin flame"... I guess after the 4th marriage and 50+ love of their lives, they need to up their game.
Let me add to that statement, "you're my everything, i cannot give your place to anyone else, you're my first true love, i feel as if our relationship is written in the stars...and much more.🤣 Experienced all these first hand.
"New day who that?") - that's how they roll.. They think they have as many lives as they have loves. the narc I knew called it "new theme" & "new era".
Monkey branch 😂😂😂
You don't think they ever listened to you until you see them posting photos with the new partner doing everything you wanted to do with them.
Sick people
So right!
Mic drop
It's all an act
That's what I had with a specifik game, she didn't want to do it, untill she had a new relationship.. now they play it both most of the time.. how sick
“Look! I got new supply!” That is a great way to think of it because it truly is the truth.
My ex was jumping into new relationships even before officially ending the marriage. He eventually settled on a woman he met in a single parents group and love bombed her out of her mind while refusing to pay child support and stonewalling the divorce proceedings to try to wear me down into giving him everything he wanted. One thing helped me tremendously in the midst of this mess: a mutual contact called to say she had heard X saying the new flame was "easy" because she had no self confidence and wasn't very smart. She said he was constantly ranting about how difficult I had become and was relieved he'd found someone he could handle. Although I felt kind of sorry for the new gal, this news strengthened my resolve and made me more "difficult" than ever.
I'm glad I had people warn me up front as well, it helped me to take her off the pedestal.
In other words, you couldn’t be controlled. Take that as a compliment 💗
Awesome.. 😬
Being called "difficult" by a narc is quite the compliment. You can savor that one for a while.😂
My ex husband was also into a new relationship while we were still married. We were married for 20 years, together for 6, and three kids. He’s marrying his mistress he left me for who’s 20 years younger from another country. And she’s the “love of his life”. I almost feel sorry for her too. She seems naïve and like she’ll be someone he can control. He deserves whatever he gets. No longer my problem.
So true its painful to watch them look like they are happy with new supply while u go through depression.
"These are photoshopped relationships " , excellent said 👌🏻
I deleted my social media accounts including Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter completely. I realized I don't need to follow social media feeds from toxic people. They only post bragging on how great they are.
I'm glad social media was not really around yet in the early to mid 2000s when I was going through my ex finding new loves
He moved on to a new supply while we were still together, at the same time he had the nerve to tell me “there is nobody I just don’t want you” when clearly there was always somebody on the side. He was just really good at hiding it for 2 1/1 years. It cuts like a knife I am so heartbroken 💔 Having a really hard time moving on with my life I keep feeling his energy it’s so intense it’s crazy. Can’t stop thinking about how he’s holding her every night instead of me and I am here in my bed all by my self crying over him 😭😭😭 God just make this pain stop pleaseeee 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Ese hombre no merece tu dolor ni tu corazón.
Cuando termine el LOVE bombing con la nueva víctima empezará la devaluación y con ella la infidelidad,igual que te hizo a ti.
Espero que no te vuelva a buscar jamás y que te deje sanar y encontrar tu paz.
How are you doing now?
How are you 11 months later??❤
You validate my past and the pain everyday. You are one of the people/reasons why I survived and am healing.. thank you Dr Ramani ❤️
I second that. It’s like Dr Ramini is actually talking to me it’s scary how common this is!!!!!!
"You lost your reality in that relationship..."
wow, that hit hard and at the same time it fills the gap.
It's like being in a play that you get destroyed for real in the end 😢
Very good descriptions
Love to all those that have been harmed with this abuse. Thank you everyday for all those you help including myself. One learns it is okay to be alone. Learn to love yourself. ❤️
Love back to you Anna. Thank you.
Thank you ❤️
Amen to that
So much enduring pain . My husband left and each affair he had he flaunted them in my face and told my kids I was doing so bad that I was gonna need there help. King manipulator!!! It was devastating that you don’t realize the real thing when you see it. So glad I’ve moved on . He passed in 2004. I seem to somehow draw the same type of people .
Love back to all of you too🌹❤
How fast they introduce children to new supply hurts so much & is so triggering. 😢
There’s something better than time, therapy! I was obsessed with a horrible guy for 10 years and after 6 months of therapy I was completely over him and thriving!
I need that number!
A nada sirvio. Another crime on me, another harashment from Jhon. Another ancla, another Tryon!
Who is your therapist?
That’s what I am doing now for the first time in my life and I’m 49 years young. Want and need to heal childhood wounds, divorced parents, an avoidant father who I haven’t spoken to in over 15 years. No wonder I accepted the vicious and crazy mind abuse from the narc that was in and out of my life for the past 16 years, only to be brutally discarded and thrown away. I have to look inwards at myself and ask why I chose to stay in it for that long. But then again, I didn’t know about narcissism then, and got addicted to his charms and the sex. That’s ALL it was about, nonstop crazy insane sex. Ugh
"For narcissistic folks 'My great new love' is just code for 'Look I got new supply" AMEN Dr. Ramani ☺❤❤
🎯 🎯🎯🎯
Little did I know that I was one of at least three people she was dating simultaneously, waiting to pick the one that best suited her supply needs out of the bunch, after a trial period. She held her own version of the bachelorette after getting divorced. The marriage lasted less than a year and so did the next relationship with the chosen one. I’m incredibly thankful to have dodged that bullet.
My ex flaunted his promiscuity and new supply within a week of dumping me! Makes me wonder how much he was getting up to before. He was a little TOO insistent that he abhors cheating.
All I see is Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch proclaiming his new relationship with Katie Holmes😅😅😅😅
I’m happy for her now
Sometimes we give these monsters wayyyy too much credit
My ex was a narcissist who love bombed me into the relationship. I always knew something was not right and things didn't add up. I was miserable for the most part of the 7 years I was with him. When I eft him he immediately replaced me with someone else. When he was finished with her he immediately replaced her with someone else. I feel sorry for these women who I know got the same treatment I got which was confusing and inconsistent.
I have been with a wonderful man now for 34 years. When he tells me he loves me I know that he means it and they aren't just empty words he uses to manipulate my feelings. I've been very happy.
My ex narcissist doesn't believe I'm happy and still tries to reach me even though I have not spoken to him in 34 years!!;, he is truly mentally unstable.
"IT's real, it hurts, and nothing I or anyone else say can change that ! " thank you dr. Ramani!
I could tell my narc boyfriend was recruiting his new supply source…new underwear, more exercise, ‘working late’, changed settings for texts showing up on his phone…and of course, no action in the bedroom. He only wanted me there to be the cook and cleaner. Awful man. I felt bad for his new, ‘younger model’.
(She was actually manipulated him for money and a promotion, then left him. Then he tried to get me back. Poetic justice with a dash of karma.)
A lot of times they have romantic relationships waiting in the wings. That’s how I escaped. There was someone else brewing and he initiated a big fight to create space between us. I took the bait and used it to really, really leave. All I can say is I feel sorry for whoever he dates. Yes, it hurts and I’m jealous, but it’s not worth going back because it was so, so bad. I know I’m better off and I appreciate the peace in my life.
Your situation was exactly like mine, I’m not even jealous, I’m relieved 👍
No jealousy-Twinge of sadness until I learned from this channel! So spot on I kno now I don’t need to worry about! It’s the same Sh*t Show…
@@alimccreery755god its so crazy how they CREATE situations for you to get mad. Its insane
How are you now?
@@alimccreery755same here! DITTO
Currently going through this. He tells our kids way more about it than is appropriate and introduced them after being with her for a week and a half.
Despicable he’s only doing it to hurt you…just wait for it all to drop and he will treat her the same
Congratulations on being free from that POS!
Same here but what made it even more painful is that she was an acquaintance too who sometimes hung out with us as a family (our son was 15). I promise, You will eventually get through the pain, anger, questioning yourself etc. Give yourself time to grieve. He made you “a favor” not to be in your life anymore. I am in a much happier place now (it’s been 6 years) and so will you
Hey Betsy, I had to check your name because I thought I had written it...haha! Nothin but pieces of Sh***
I'm sorry you're dealing with that. My wife of two years is a covert narcissist, alcoholic & the greatest manipulator alive. I feel your pain. She wants the marriage to work because I'm the man she left her first husband for because I'm her soul mate, perfect everything, King of the castle, best at everything, greatest man ever created, etc. (She has that love bombing thing down pat.)
We fell for great cons, so in their eyes, we're dumb.
We're dumb until we figure them out, which we've done. We've won because they're gone & screwing up someone else's life now.
Kids know more than you realize. They will know the truth, and probably soon.
Good luck, and I'll pray for you.
Hahaha! This just recently happened in my situation.
I was taken aback and a little hurt, but then I felt sorry for her. She has no idea unless she's a narcissist too.
And now I laugh because it's going to go down in a flaming ball of fire.... eventually.
The exehole learned a LOT of perfect things to maintain a great relationship from what I wanted so time will tell.
I'll sit back and continue to advocate for our little girls. I'll heal fully in due time.
How do you protect the girls? How do you protect them when you are not there 50% of the time? No judgment...literally in the thick of it...
exehole!! love it 🤣
ExHole…spot on!
Yes!! This has happened to me. He literally said to her I front of me “your the only woman I ever loved” it was soul crushing but very freeing and closure for me.
💔❤️
Wow he's a cold one!
"It's not grief over them " OK, that part I saw before, but the next part answered so much for me! "It's grief that a process you cherish..."
Yes! Thank you! That little insight is a treasure! It helps me process this experience.
Me too. . .finally the key that unlocks the hurt
All they found was an easier victim, not a better person. My ex is 50 and picked a chubby, unattractive and boring 25 year old. Her low self esteem is palpable. I feel sorry for her and worried for her and of course my children will get dragged through his mess. He moved on with her, bought a house and got her pregnant in two months. She has no idea she’s being dragged to hell …
Yep
Mine wanted a working girl and yused me my whole 16 year marriage
How did you know? 🥺 This hurts so much, the way cleaning out a wound with antiseptic hurts. You touched on so much... My wife was already in a new relationship before leaving ours and was engaged not a month after leaving me and our boys.
This has validated so much of what I've been going through in the last two months and I just can not thank you enough. The counselor I've been seeing just has not been equipped to understand the depth of narcissism and it's effects. These videos have helped me understand my situation and my marriage so much more than I ever did for the 17 years I was married to her.
Thank you
So sorry Nathan. It really helps to find a therapist who specializes in this. I’ve survived the past year by watching TH-cam daily with Dr. Ramini, NarcDaily and Stephanie Lynn. Suddenly there are many new experts on NPD! Having the knowledge helps so much. Time is helping with the soul crushing pain.
@@angelicamaster7764 thank you for the suggestions. I'll check them out. I am so sorry that you have had to go through this too, and I'm so glad that you're healing!!!
This hurts the way that cleaning out a wound with antiseptic hurts. What a wonderful way to describe the effect of rejection and loss on the human psyche. The tip is to unearth the similar moment with an earlier, no doubt critical relationship that triggered immense pain. Our brains are wired to fire when we encounter similar relationships to our primary bonds. The rejection and betrayal of trust triggers primal memories of a similar sense of abandonment and loss. Sorry to sound clinical and dismissive of your pain. Your wife represented someone from your past and stirred the fear of abandonment, helplessness, loneliness and loss that lies in primal regions of the psyche waiting to be acknowledged, embraced and accepted as a painful part of being human. No wonder people lose the plot and can become erratic, self-destructive and disturbed when they lose someone they loved, trusted and relied on for security, comfort, support and companionship. Love knows not its own depth until the time of separation. We suddenly shifts to I and leaves a person floundering, alone, depressed and hurting at the hole left by the loved one's absence. Good luck with recovering your equilibrium and finding a way to navigate the loss of an important anchor in your life. Divorce sucks. Rejection and betrayal hurt. Being stuck in a toxic or abusive relationship hurts more.
@@chriscunningham8807 you are right.
As much as I tried not to, my wife was very much like my mom. I knew at the time that I did not want to marry a woman like her, but I did not know at the time what about my mother I did not like outside of her abundant selfishness.
I had zero dating experience before my wife. And boy did she push hard. I wanted to take it slow, and when I tried pushing on the breaks, she manipulated me into feeling bad for her. Two weeks after asking to show things down she had convinced me to propose to her!
We had only known each other 11 months before we were married! I *thought* that she was the opposite of my mother because of the extravagant amounts of loving acts she showered me with, unlike the breadcrumbs my mom gave me. I thought I had finally found someone to dedicate my life to.
But over time I started seeing inconsistencies and asking questions that made her mad. She'd tell me I was the bad guy for asking. And because I didn't want her to stop loving me, I just accepted it and went along to get along... That's what my dad would tell me to do. "Don't fight it. Don't question it. Just go along with it. It's not worth the fight."
For 17 years of marriage. Until I found out that she was using our son's name for the utilities because she had ruined both our names due to non payment. She made more money than me and used that as the excuse as to why she should handle the bills. And the bills were always the reason why we had no money. But she wasn't paying the bills, so why didn't we ever have any money?
All of a sudden, I wasn't showing her affection any more.
And then she needed space.
And then she was going out with "friends" for "trivia nights."
Then it was multiple nights out at a time.
Then it was missed dates
Then it was guys only she knew showing up on dates I insisted she not miss... Guys who I later found out have a long history of sleeping with married women.
Then it was spending 3 to 5 nights of the week out with "friends" until finally she came clean and admitted to only one affair.
Honestly at this point, I think my boys and I are mourning the idea of who she was supposed to be more than who she actually was.
I'm glad I turned out to be more like my dad who is more empathetic and caring of others. It's helped me be there for my boys, and in getting them the help they need in all of this too.
That must hurt. It still amazes me that people can do that after all that time together and even a shared family. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread and all that. X
Not every video you upload every night resonates with me but as soon as I saw the title of this video, I immediately click and hit that like. Title alone is enough reason for me to watch this video. Thank you Dr. Ramani!
Edit: Finish watching the video, you really hit the spot, not just for me but for everyone else who is watching this video right now. It's almost a year since that horrible thing happened to me and I am thankful to you and to others who share there experience with this kind of relationships.
Time really does help you in healing, especially when you do something with it. Rediscovering yourself again, learning new hobbies/things in life or even helping other people who also have difficulties navigating their lives because of narcissistic relationships. Thank you, Dr. Ramani!
Help yourself about narcissistic relationships. You can't help someone unless you help yourself. What are you help someone with besides vent?
Being replaced like blown tyre is gross. Thank u for this video and for making me smile through the pain 🙏🏾
Very painful yes. Some people are vile
I always make a reference it’s like being left for dead on the side of the road, while they speed off😵💫
You have healed me during these past 8 months. Every day I have been watching your videos and every time I have found comfort and strength because everything perfectly corresponded to my life.
Thank you, you saved my life ❤
How are you now?
@@samia6888 I have healed. It is like accepting the death of a dear one. Parts of me have been lost forever in this thing, but I can now look back and see it as a step of personal growth. Thank you.
@@Lisa-bk5fz I am proud of you to have the courage to leave and move forward and break the cycle of narcissistic abuse once and for all.
I do not know where I’d be had I not found your extensive series of videos. I am still healing but I know I’d be 1000 steps back if I was going through it alone and uneducated.
Thank you Doctor Ramani.
❤️
10:15 "Grab some popcorn with a bit of schadenfreude sprinkled ontop..."
😂 Dr Ramani is the best!!!!
😁
This happened to me. My Ex (covert narcissist) starting dating someone at the end of December/January…I had left mid November. Our son was 3.5, and our daughter was just 4 months when I left.
They’re married now, and she’s “the best thing to ever happen to him”, and has “shown him what love truly is”.
Damn....that was quick!
Narcs go into business transactions.
Girl he will never know what love is…he is incapable of it all he knows is servitude from the other person and exploitation of that…he wants to get under your skin but no amount of supply is ever enough for the abyss of the bottomless pit where his heart should be. I hope you can find comfort in the fact that you’re not the new lap dog he’s found.
F# ck this Sh& thead... and be lucky, that he is not your problem anymore. And never forget: they do not change, thy do not love, they do not care. And there is no version 2.0 of them. means, that the best thing that has happende to him will soon discover what the jackpot really is... you cannot polish a turd...
Be brave! Been there.❤️
OUCH😂😂🤣😅😆
I'm so grateful for your videos. I was married to a narcissist for 16 yrs. I finally got the courage to leave....the divorce is final this week and he has already found his "true love". This particular video really resonates.
We have to tell ourselves, the new person will go thru exactly the same or worse.
Congratulations on the divorce! Time for YOU, YOURSELF AND YOU!
@@NiijiAl-Haqq thank you!
Congratulation to your freedom! Time for healing and Happiness, it will be better in Baby Steps! just move on
Congratulations on leaving and avoiding more years of pain. Wishing you much happiness x
This video really hit home. When the ex divorced me for a younger supply even though I knew it was for the better given how badly he treated me, it still hurt like hell and it felt horrible. Fortunately I was able to go through the pain with my therapist and friends. However for a while I did feel like I hadn't been a good enough wife. With time and most of all your videos, I now know it's just that she's better supply. I'm so glad I am not with him anymore. Thank you very much Dr Ramani.
I blamed myself for a breakup too, and his deep insecurity, even though it had never been my fault. Hug
I can totally resonate with this. Going through a divorce rn. I'm sure he already has someone else. And I understand our marriage didn't mean much to him and it was all a facade. Sending you hugs ❤️
@@berlizgonzalez6736 it gets better day by day and you will see it's the beginning of a better life. He doesn't deserve you. Hugs.
@@stephanie3848 hug
I understand. He purposely picked someone two decades younger. Told me, I'm 55 and old no one wants me. Posted on profile so family friends could see as his wife. He isn't divorced.
So glad to hear I'm not crazy or alone in these feelings. Great video! Married over a decade, I was so relieved when he left. But when i found out about the gf he was seeing for a year before we broke up, man the emotional roller-coaster I'm on now is real! Now I know why, whew validation and healing right on time! Ty Dr. Ramani
How are you now?
I laugh at the “love of my life” statement or “found my soulmate”. I ended my relationship with my narc ex last year and he tried to get me back a couple months ago, but was dating someone else he didn’t tell me about. I called him out on it and he jumps to this new person, blames he for leaving him, and calls me jealous and insecure lol and that he was happy with the person. Before I was pretty hurt to be treated in such a way and just dumbfounded at how completely unhinged he was to not acknowledge that he tried to cheat WITH ME on this person. But now I’ve reached apathy because I know what’s happening and that it’s not real. It wasn’t real with me and this person is just going to go through the same and, whatever is on social media is just for clout and for show.
So because it's not real. You still went along with him and cheated. Cause at the end of the day it's none of it is real right ?
@@chayo4537 I think you misread my post. He tried to cheat with me on this person by trying to hoover me back when he was dating this person whom he did not mention to me.
This Chayo person has a loose screw. Please ignore
My exact words to my narc ex: “ you are cheating on your girlfriend, with your wife, and you want me to lie to her about it?” That’s messed up!
He moved back to an old supply.
Not uncommon. Less work for them.
He WILL hoover you. They never really let go. Beware. And I am so sorry. Been there. F*cking HURTS 🖤
Hi Jennifer, how's your day going with you?
Jennifer Mollett,You deserves better
It happened to me, and it was heartbreaking! Now I just want to offer my condolences to his 'new love of his life'
😂😂😂😂🎉🎉🎉
How are you now?
I filed for divorce from my narcissist husband today.... Thanks To Dr Ramani I am already indifferent... Can't wait to finish packing and get completely away from this hell
How are you now?
Thank you so much 💕
Im listening and crying 😥
After 13 years of marriage 💔
He left me for his lover
They are together
And im devastated
Its so hard for me and our child.
I feel like i wasted all this years for nothing
He doesn't even care...
Im trying to heal💔
and he is having the best time of his life😔
His apparent happiness is a show, underneath hes just as frustrated irritable and angry as his new partner is finding out. Your future will be more happier than your ex.
Hang in there, it’s hard but with time it does get better.
💔🌸💙
Hi. Maybe you can’t see it now. But you will survive this period as a completely different (better) person. I grew up in different ways. Growth and refinement comes with a cost. Thanks God for that.
Everything that glitters isn't gold. His shining happiness could be nothing but a mirage. He cannot be happy and be his fake self 365 days a year..
Right now, if my ex was dating someone new, the only thing I'd feel is sorrow for that person and the pain they're about to go through. I know it'd be all fake, just like it was with me, and pretty soon the devaluing would start and they wouldn't know which way is up or down, just like me.
This happened to me twice with the same narcissist. If this is your first time going through this, let them GO. Don’t let them hoover you back in. Years wasted.
It's all a flash in the pan anyway. Not being on social media means you're not on their roller-coaster anymore. Thank you for addressing children in this. For me, I'd go no contact but co-parenting means that's not an option so having these tools makes all the difference. 💛
Agreed I’m glad children was mentioned and although i have a small toddler so she doesn’t know what’s going on, at some point she will and I don’t want to pass that on to my child
The narcissist in my life was my mother. She found a younger woman who she proclaimed was her “other daughter”. Ouch! It even came up at her funeral when her “other daughter” sent a memory to be read telling of all the things my mom did for her. Things I would never have dreamed of asking her to do for me.😢
I can imagine the pain… I’m so sorry..
That's crazy of her!
yes and it is weird
Its so fascinating that every time there s a situation, a video of yours comes up that exactly explains the current situation. I cant explain how much Im grateful dear Dr Ramani....
That is it: that I wasted 22 years of my life in a relationship that wasn't what I thought it was.
22 years is better than 23 years, and even way better than your whole life! (Sorry I know how bad that feels so not trying to minimize it, just trying to make it better the best way I can cause I also wasted years on this a hole.)
Thank you for another ‘on point’ message Dr. Ramani. I’m almost a year and a half out from being ‘discarded’ and one month out from learning he had obtained new supply from the start. Aside from the myriad of emotions I’ve been living in, the newest one is grief, denial, and anger over realizing none of it was real! I was basically used for ten years of my life. Logically I know things weren’t great but convincing my heart is a whole different matter. I know time heals, but damn, this is a multi-faceted grieving process. ❤😢 Thanks again for your care and compassion. You are truly a Godsend.
Hi Deanna same for me, this last weekend especially hard. Head tells me one thing heart another. Its really torturous at the mo.
We need to take these people off the pedestal, at least to ourselves.
@@DaveJohnson-Php very true. She was beautiful but messed up, I put her way higher than she deserved. Especially after the way she treated me. Unfortunately I've still got her up there, I need to break the hold she has.
You will get through this! You are strong, just give it time. I was in the same situation. Be glad he is out of your life
@@DaveJohnson-Php I agree. I had an epiphany recently. We’ve gone through the idealization and discard phase, but we didn’t go through the devalue phase like our ex-narcs did. Now we need to catch up.
Thank you Dr Ramani for all that you do! My ex fiancé married someone else less than a year after he ended an almost 4 year relationship with me. He sent me an email comparing me to her, telling me that when you know it’s right, it’s right-blah. Anyway, their marriage lasted for less than 1.5 years. It turns out that she also had a cluster B personality disorder and their relationship was extremely toxic. Boy did I get lucky when I heard the aftermath from his friends what their relationship/marriage was because it could have been me….
Heard the aftermath from his friends???? You mean he didn’t send another email? Lol ( not laughing at you but these people are seriously ridiculous)
My ex went back to the woman he left for me more than ten years ago, having dumped her quite callously. She took him back having presumably been groomed with lies about how much of a victim he was throughout his marriage to me. Am so angry at how easily he’s been able to walk away from the devastation of our relationship and wipe me out.
Dr Ramani. You nailed it. Having your history invalidated is a difficult pill to swallow. Intellectually, it is not difficult to process, but emotionally, its not so easy to process. There is some embarrassment, and then you have that "yikes" moment when you realise the other person was in play when you were still together. I have little or no sympathy with her new supply.. He was fully aware of my presence and existence. Good luck to him!
'It's not grief over them' and the bit that followed about the hurt we feel when the love we gave them, they didn't deserve. I so resonate with that. I've wanted to act like I don't care, and truly I cannot stand the attention seeking, future faking man-child that I gave way too much credit to for 8 years, but I am ANGRY! Angry that I didn't see what I see now, so much earlier and angry that I was just replaced within 2 months, and she was flaunted all over his social media. I know I'm better off out of it but I feel sick that I now wonder what was real. Your right though, it's a process... and you have to feel the feelings. Thank you 🙏
How are you now? 8 years also wasted for me
I’m not angry anymore. Stopped thinking about anything to do with him quite a while ago. Decided to reframe the anger over the wasted years into realising I learned a lot from that relationship (if only to avoid someone like him again)
Met a guy I went to school with a little while ago and he is a million miles away from being a narcissist but I don’t want a relationship yet.
My ex had a new guy that she met online about two weeks after she ended it with us. They were engaged two months after that (while she was still married to me). The mask was completely off when she showed up at divorce court with him several months later. There isn't a guy I know that would ever impose himself like that into something that was none of his business. It had to be her idea. He was nothing special to look at; older, slightly overweight, wearing spectacles, scruffy grey beard, and a decidedly oversized rosacea-looking nose, and struck me very much as the rescuer type. I got the distinct impression that she had deliberately decided to "date down" as a strategy to keep a man her ever-loving white knight. As I was driving down the courthouse driveway, I could see the two of them walking from the courthouse, holding hands and swinging arms, with a smile on her face like he had just told the funniest joke. Of course, that performance was for my benefit. How foolish was I, all down, and thinking this was the legal death of our relationship, the good and the bad, something to be sad about, and there she was with her new man, all animated and laughing like a fucking clown.
That fucking clown part made me laugh
I too dealt with this. My ex definitely dated down, and had the new dude around my child within weeks of knowing him. Long story short she moved out to live with him and within 6months they ended. Now she kicked the new dude out their place, is living there with my child until the lease is up, and talking to someone new. They never change Bro, they just find a new supply they can benefit from and use for their own use. Now I’m decentized to her doings. And just laugh lol
Great message! I'm not on social media and it does make a difference but unfortunately he know this and after going no contact, (2 months and counting) and blocking him on everything he managed to slip through by bringing the new supply in front of my house. Thank God I didn't look out when he blew his horn, but sadly one of the neighbors informed me about it. That was 2 weeks ago and I was over it the next day because of great, informative messages like this. Thanks for being a great messager!!
Thank you, I have needed to hear these exact words for a couple of months. We were together for 16 years (no kids, no social media) and after three months of separation, he found her! He said she was the first person to swipe on his picture on a dating app. They had a “meet and greet”, and the rest was “seamless.” She “slid right in” to my place.
I loved this man with all my heart, gave him everything I could, yet he always needed more. He craved more intimacy, more closeness, more sex…we are both 60! He texted me a picture of their weekend away-“accidentally, while I was driving.” The things he has shared with me about her, are so personal. He “cries during sex” because he misses me us so much! “It’s tragic!” Meanwhile he takes her to all our favorite places. It’s so cruel to tell me these details! I have never wanted revenge so badly in my life!
This is a pain I have never felt. I cannot believe he could turn on me with so much venom! They will be together for six months when we (fast-track) our irreconcilable differences divorce. He has told everyone that I have been having an affair for one year! Which is such a lie! His last text to me was so cruel and vile that I deleted it immediately! I don’t want to remember him like that! I don’t want to remember us like that!
I will sit and suffer thru this. I know it is the only way! Revenge and hate will only drag this out for me. I’m practicing being good to myself, calling friends for reassurance, meditation and therapy. Thank you for everything you do for this community! I have learned so much. This video felt like it was coming from a trusted friend.
I am sorry that you are going through such pain. May you find peace and healing as time goes by. Take care of yourself!
Watching the 55 year old ex tell the 'exact same stories' to his 25 year old replacement for me (50) that he told me 9 Yr ago was both entertaining and uncomfortable (oh h*ll I got sold). He's now bounced off into a new life full of adoring 20 Yr olds and poly amory for maximum adoration and I'm healing and enjoying the peace and quiet, thanks to Dr R for all her videos and helping make better choices. This is the 2nd and 'the last' Narc relationship of my life, turns out the first one made an even bigger mess of my replacements life than he made of mine. So I'm sure that the current ex will do same with my replacements.
Similar,my kids say don't worry he won't change.
A narcissistic person insecurity is so high! So much so that jumping is literally what they do
Thank you for this video. It just resonates so well with me. It was painful to watch some parts because you’d be spot on with what’s happened in my situation. But “the love of my life” part made me laugh, after 6 years of being separated I’ve seen him go thru 5 “ loves of my life, twin flame, my queens, etc” . We are on number 6 now… it’s pathetic
Dr. Ramani, you are saving lives, and I am so grateful to you. Thank you for your dedication to teaching us and guiding us through this perplexing, confusing type person,
Really needed this today.
The pain is freaking unreal... wishing you peace and healing 💜
You'll heal. You will find your way. Don't give up on yourself. You're not alone.
@@noracharles9366 thank you all.
Sad when she jumps into a new relationship before ours ends...
I was with him for four years and we've been apart for two months and he's already with someone new. The whole two months he was continuing to tell me how amazing I am and that he misses me and I believed him. There's no "The love of my life" posted yet... but I'm terrified it's coming.
My narcissist ex got into a long distance relationship 1mo after I ended things with her. (She’s in NJ and he’s in CA). Within 2mo she was posting him all over social media saying they’re “soulmates” and “when you know, you know” even though they’ve only physically hung out for a total of 3 weeks. He’s just as cringe-worthy with his posts and they’re both 30yrs old. She rarely posted us on social media, so it’s especially hard to see that stuff, but I’ve been doing my best to stay away from her social media. Still hurts though, unfortunately. I think my ego just wants to see their relationship fail.
Your honest will help so many of us heal...100% true. The new supply is just that ...new supply..
yes , they always find others so fast. and not even one person many...
My narcissistic ex was actually seeing multiple people during our relationship. She lied to me for months telling me how much she loved me and that she would never cheat, she wanted to marry me, etc. Constantly gaslighting and manipulating me to the point I lost who I was. I became so paranoid searching for answers. As soon as I found evidence she went cold and told me she wanted to end this for awhile and that I wasn’t attentive enough, felt trapped and she “reacted poorly” because I made it all about me all the time which couldn’t be further from the truth. She put the blame on me in some sick twisted way. It was all a mask. I gave her so much of my heart, time and admiration and she was living multiple lives. Then she confessed that the two guys she mentioned would also say they think they’re her boyfriend. And she told one she loved them but “she didn’t mean it”. I wish I could reach out and say something with all the proof I have but I realize it’s so much hurt and I just wish there was any justice in this. She discarded me so easily. I just never knew anyone was capable of being so cruel but I consistently blame myself and wonder if I had just been better somehow
It will take time for you to feel better and as you heal you shall remember and keep connecting events from past.. now seeing them in the right light. This will shock and surprise you. Please do not blame yourself because this is how the abuse works, like a spell. Take care of yourself, good luck!
You could not have been better to her, but be better to yourself. You deserve so much better.
Right on! I came to the same realization after many years going through the process. It was extremely heartbreaking. Time revealed the truths of the narcx and the birth parents
I really appreciate your videos, I learn so much from them
It sucks but that's what they do
Thank you so much, needed this advice. Needed to know that it’s normal to feel the pain, it hurt. But it’s part of the healing
Very well said
You are an angel. You help so many people. ❤
Wow..thank you! You always light up my day and I feel more sane then ever . Things just make sense now after a year of us breaking up Incan really see all things so clear now…they never change for real😢
Thank YOU 🙏 utter devastation and unjust. But the universe eventually balances it all ❤. Thank you for your reassurances, insight and hope. God bless you always ❤️🙏
This must be so hard for you guys. My heart truly out to those who never received, the love you wanted, from the other. Now, that is sad. Hope you recover soon.
When I finally let her go after 22yrs of deception and yes I was a codependent and finally woke up to all the deceptions. I was a good sugar daddy and when she finally found her new sugar daddy I was so relieved $$$. Now after 15yrs free from the toxic love of going down the rabbit hole of self deception and thanks to all the online therapists I am back to learning about emotional life and self love .Thank you Dr. Ramani for all your wisdom and being here with us :)!
It's that notable narci trait, Ex-To-The-Next/Repeat that messes up everything for their selves & others they're poaching on with that gross limerence that isn't gonna evolve. She claimed the biggest & warmest feelings for me so often (which felt gradually dubious), then lost her feelings for me like a power outage when our 1st tension occurred. Overreacted, threw a tantrum, held a grudge for weeks after. So much lost between us afterwards, so easily. It's her insecurity & impetuosity that brought the chaos, but I let her suffer the endless denial she can't refute. She's still clueless to who/what she is with age & will never find out since she's never alone for any valid amount of time. So the more she endlessly gives her time to her unhealthy family & others who create her identity for her, she'll remain lost & weak. All encouraged by her narci sister & narci mom who coddled & sheltered & induced fear & control since her birth. Unfortunate & sad...
I just found out yesterday that my ex husband remarried his ex literally one month after our divorce finalized. I was shocked. I've been grieving our relationship and taking the time to heal because I actually cared about him deeply. The fact that he moved on so quickly that way really hurts, I've been messed up ever since I found out.
Thank you Dr. Ramani ❤ Great advice regarding the social media - I don't have my ex on any of the platforms as a friend/ follower and never check his profiles. I do get rumours still which hurt but I know that I just need to go through this pain to get to the other side.
My narc gets out of prison next week. I already shut down all my social medias weeks ago not because of him or his family but because I’ve already healed and am ready to fully focus on what’s important without distractions 😊 he’s not my problem or concern anymore. Do this for yourself ❤
This made me sick to my stomach, more so because I had been that "new love of their life" and I can hear and relate to everything you are saying. Now I know better and I'm seeing it on the other side. I can't help but pray for this next girl.
Hardest thing can be length of time before the truth of the disaster with the next love of life comes out. Start believing now that they are going to screw it up and lighten your load and stop holding on to your sense of insecurity. Don't stand in doubt for 10 years to hear he was the shit you thought he was.. Honestly you were right and he actually is a shit. Don't be broken and half lived for more than a short period of time. You saw true. Go have good life, Narc free thanks to the amazing work of Dr Ramini.
Yep! Just had a kid with a much younger GIRL! Jumping from one bed to another…
I’ve been so depressed. The pain is unbearable. My son had an appointment with make a wish for their cancer. He is still being considerate to his father who walked out. They don’t want to tell them that they don’t want them to be part of it. I’m struggling with being consistent and on top of their school. This brought me the validation and grounding I so desperately needed. No one understands what this feels like but I see by the comments that their are many of us. I do not feel alone.
You are not alone.❤
I'm crying.
And it's good.
Thank you so much for saying things I felt but wasn't sure were really right.
This happened to me. I thought we would get back together. He came to my place 3 weeks after we broke up and we talked and the following weekend he was posting pictures with another woman in Las Vegas. He’s in a relationship with her now. He rubbed it in my face on social media. It was soul crushing! After many months of this I removed him from my social media and he showed up with her at my church the following Sunday. He came over and said hello to me at church and his smugness made me sick! I’m in therapy and it has helped me tremendously.
Going through this for the second time in my life. I feel like having a nervous break down
I caught my narcissist with a new supply the next day he was living with her it ripped my stomach out thank you for all your good videos ❤
I was the shiny new plaything years ago and didn't realise it. Current state: indifferent.
Thank you Dr. Ramani
Thank you Dr. Ramani I needed to hear this today!
I know you’re right about all of it.
I know that I don’t miss them, I miss the feeling of what I thought the relationship was.
I hated the way I felt about myself when I was with him, so it’s not like I’m missing kind, loving moments with a person who cherished me. He is a bully, a triangulation expert, user, and backstabber. I have to remind myself of how vile he was to me when I was very ill, or how cruel and smug he was when my mom was dying. It honestly made me passively suicidal.
I so appreciate being able to refer to these videos when the rogue waves of hurt hit me. They may knock me down for a bit, but I keep getting back up because of the tools you’ve given me.
Thank you for that. ✨💖✨
I feel bad for people who this happens to and they don’t realize they were involved with a narcissist and was narcissism is. It’s enough to send you to the brink
Been slowly healing for a year and a half. I found this video supremely helpful. Thank you Dr for sharing your wisdom and compassion.
Yep, this is what I went thru with my ex, shocked to see how fast he was literally going to Hawaii after we broke up with someone he ‘just met’. The relationship with the girl he left me for ended of course, and he was onto the next. No idea if they’re still together. I totally blocked and deleted him from social media for my well being.
No hurt anymore after knowing this-for these relationships are Photoshopped. I am grateful I got out.🌹🌹🌹
Thank You .🙏🙏🙏💕💕💕