My ex did the same and even took the same pictures at the same places... I tried warning her because I wish someone did warn me as well... it has been really painful to watch, lately it is less painful because I don't watch that sh*t show anymore. Dr. Ramani is so right...
I bought him “the best husband mug” even though he wasn’t my husband. I wouldn’t be surprised that he pretended that he bought it for himself to show “his love” for the new supply 😅
I actually found a bag of pearl necklaces and bracelets - just like what he gave me 🫣🤦♀️ I left everything he ever gave me at the house when I moved out.
@duygumarlacat Wow. That's crazy making. When I date someone new, I love making new memories in new places. Listening to different music to make a theme song to a new relationship. My ex would regurgitate the same music from her exes, and take me to the same places and relive the same experiences. Hmmm...that's weird and disrespectful toward past lovers. It's like they want to relive the same experience but with a new partner.
When the narcissist has moved on, you need to grieve them and recognise that it was a false character that they used to manipulate you. Then you can use this opportunity to put the focus back on yourself and your own life. Use this time to heal and become stronger. So that you will be ready, just incase they come back. Narcissists hoover their victims 7 times on average, before it’s finally over.
🌺 Hello fellow Narc Survivor! Doesn't the "Target" attempt to Leave the abusive situation 7 times also? There's so much to wrap my understanding around! 🩷🙏🤚 Much Gratitude for your contribution to the Distribution of Knowledge!! Blessings!💞💞💞
I'm almost sick of "oh good let them go,you are some much better off with out them" yes thats right. But really makes me sick they get away with being a evil person. Its not fine its sick.Don't let me even get started on there flying monkeys. We all know we are better off with our them,and they will get it in karma just sad how long we have to wait for it.
@@emmajohnson6955 💞💞💞 I totally agree with you🩷... I had to give up most everything & everyone in order to save myself. The losses were immense however I had to save my life... 💞💞💞 Love for yourself! 🩷 Peace for you! 🩷 An Abundance of Blessings! 💞💞💞
Some of the sadness comes from knowing and seeing that you cared about a mask and if they had been what the mask was then what happened would never have transpired.
my ex hid me on social media, ruined my birthday, cheated on me, gaslighted me and blamed it all on me, (even though i would bend over backwards cleaning up after his shitty housemates, supported him when he found out his mum was homeless, constantly tried to support his dreams and tried my best to be a good partner in his life)… the new supply is getting taken on holiday after 2 months of being with him (we were together for 1 year), shes getting flowers, fancy dates, posted all over his platforms but he kept me like i was a dirty little secret. and its so infuriating watching him pretend to be a good person, he was so different with me but said we were soulmates/i was his person blah blah blah… looks like it.
@hellothereinte… this sounds exactly like me. I had been talking to ex for nearly 7 months, but was told I can’t say this on his friends TH-cam station or tell anyone. He was lovely for 4 days that we met but by 6 day was rude, obnoxious, told me he would’ve have had sex with me if he was 17, but no other reason. Found out by accident he had already started another relationship with another woman, which I believe he had chased me, when I was my most vulnerable. Was organising a unit for me to visit him in blah blah blah, lived in another state, and told me he would never lie to me.
Holy hell....I'm sorry you went through that and be replaced that way. My ex covert broke up with me, and went back with her ex boyfriend doing the same things we did, eating at the same restaurants, listening to her favorite bands. She had the audasity to tell me it didn't mean anything because he was just a " friend " but they were sleeping together soon after break up. She told me I have no right to be angry because we weren't married and she has the right to have sex with anyone she chooses, and won't be told what to do.
I am in the midst of the same exact thing, he was single on social media even though we were together for 9 years! Now all of a sudden he is flaunting his new younger pretty one and showing in a relationship in 3 months! I don't get it. S😢
My heart shattered into a million pieces 2.5 years ago - the pain was incredible- I was so enmeshed …. The steps you described really helped 1. Exercise - a new routine 2. Traveling, a new hobby … anything that gives distraction 3. Definitely no social media - no lurking, etc and no contact 4. Staying home / soothing environment 5. Time, Time, Time For everyone, who is just at the beginning of this journey, please know that every day that goes by will bring you closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. Freedom is priceless
Them moving on might be the best thing that can happen..its a miracle. We should learn how to cope if they don't move on. their getting away after being horrible and they might come back
My ex was on his third relationship in less than a year, by the time we got to divorce court. The judge admonished him for posting his escapades online where everyone could see them. It was devastating that a 35 year marriage meant nothing to him. I wanted to warn the next wife, but love bombing makes one think the rescue attempt is just bitterness or jealously. Grateful to be taught this is a pattern and it was not just my lousy experience.
Don’t worry about warning the next, the next is the distraction that saved you from a lifetime of abuse. Other people will come to their own conclusions otherwise it’s the nexts job to look after themselves.
I just ended a 28 year marriage with a narcissist and our judge awarded me 100% & he had to pay my attorney fees after he spent every penny and was literally in contempt. He spent $2k in 13 days on restaurants and alcohol & no bills! 🙄 Glad to be free! Congratulations to you. Here’s to our next chapter 😊
@@regulus7181 Yes and like in my case hes been having an affair and she knows how he treats me and still is thinking he is a great guy.? She has heard me many times tell him go stay with her and she hears him say never. So she is just a very vulnerable dense person thinking how wonderful a guy he is. I keep telling him I am so happy she came along to take me out of my misery. And ask him to leave. But not a chance he will and lose. And she knows thats why he wont. Unreal terrible after all these years. And I am more grossed out how horrible he is treating her but she has to obey. Until his removal of me. But I am going to make sure I am not screwed over this. And it is making him more evil. He really has serious mental issues I think. Just need to get through the net while. hugs
My breakup happened very quickly, but at the time, I didn’t even realize I was being discarded (hadn’t figured out the whole Narcissism-thing yet). There was so much “on again, off again” behavior going on that I didn’t know what was happening. I was very confused & crying a lot. Finally, a mutual friend told me that he was going to a bar and seeing other women. I was shocked at this behavior because I never thought he would try & pick up girls from a bar! But that NEED for SUPPLY is so great, & I guess he hadn’t yet groomed anyone new. Once I heard that, I lost a lot of respect for him due to the ease at which he seemed to be able to just “move on”. In hindsight, I don’t think we really had a real relationship. I was just a “fix” for his addiction to Supply. It hurt a lot at the time, but now I thank God he broke up with me!
So sorry for you . Seems very much like mine situation , he just picked up someone from the bar and 1 month later they are living together together, he takes her on holidays to the places we used to go , the same restaurants and cafes. I was terrified and horrified to see that and realize it any new reality and that person I was having relationship was just a sick con artist. Horrible nightmare and I hope someday soon the pain will go away and I will be able to trust men again
I was married 23 years to a narc. He was previously married 18 years. I noticed that he repeated the places he took his first wife with me. Same trips, same restaurants, same activities. In the devalue stage, he repeated the same disgusting behaviours (previously I did not know these things. At the time of devaluation he bragged about what he did to his first wife. Up until then, I thought that he had been the victim.) Then, after I divorced him, he sent pics of his new pursuit in the same park where he had taken me, despite living in a large city with about 100 parks. He had this script he kept repeating with endless number of women.
It's kind of funny how these clowns really do allot of the same behaviors! My ex did too, he even went out of his way, from where he moved to. And posted pictures of them on social media, at this park we always went to together! 😅
Yep, but more sinister, to discard he put AVOs on his ex, did everything to discredit them, even destroy them, usually still in the relationship as far as the 'ex' knew, and the narc quickly moved on to another victim.
Narcissist people win. It's that simple. Their source means nothing. I'm being discarded, I'm nothing, silence, lack of attention...usual forms of punishment. Please remember not all narcissits gaslight, devalue you, etc. The nice guy is your saviour, lifts you up, treats you like a queen, and when you no longer give them their particular supply in whatever form they slowly twisted you into doing. Mine is super intelligent and has always three steps ahead. You can't win. That’s what kills... I'm helpless, and we both know it.
It's hard to call my ex narcissistic because I still have deep feelings for him and I feel the need to defend and talk him up, even though there is no reason to. He moved on so quickly to a new supply and I found it heart-shattering, comparing myself to her in every way, wondering if she would go through the same cycle I went through, or if I was the only person he'd ever abused. It has helped to hear that this cycle will occur and yes, while she might be in that love bombing initial cycle, I went through it as well and know very well how real and alluring it feels. I've had a habit of looking at social media but I think I'm going to use all my skills to cancel on that because I know it's harming my healing. I need to work on my life and healing now.
I'm also comparing with that new bitch he got..while handsome hunks are flowing msgs in my inbox..🤣😊..but I think we should accept the fact whatever happened ..& move on..u should proud of urself that u dodged a bullet .do u really think that they deserve to be in ur head & heart..
I know there are people suffering with this struggle right now. Having been through it and maybe going through it again I know that there will come a day where I realize how lucky I am that that relationship ended. Sometimes rejection really is protection.
You have no idea how you helped me…. Sitting at the airport with my bags after being kick out, listening to your videos on loop. I am forever grateful for your work!
DO NOT tell the new supply…. I tried to tell my ex best friend/roommate that her new bf is a narc… he was fresh out of a divorce playing the victim and she gave him a key to our place not even 6 months of them knowing each other. I found out he started bringing women home during the day and sleeping with them in her bed because I literally caught him in the act. When I tried to tell her she got mad at me and let him get in face and scream at me….THEN since I was single at the time she ignored me and pulled the “you’re just jealous” card…. I was heartbroken….10+ years of friendship with this girl in the trash over a guy she knew for a short time…. He also wound up dumping her later on. She had to learn and I wasn’t going to be around for her. I actually saw her not that long ago and I could tell she wanted to talk to me but I have nothing to say to her.
Honestly, her moving on is more concrete than anything else, I hope she's happy. I hope the next one doesn't get hurt. I hope she can stop being so cruel.
With his charisma & sex appeal, the narcissist who bro bombed me has a continuous availability of new suppy. The thing I know now is that his treatment towards me wasn't personal. He's doing this to everyone. That's a huge relief & allows me to let myself off the hook & be more self accepting.
I found out about my replacement the last time the narc tried to Hoover me, last summer. He was drunk and I think for a minute he forgot he was talking to me and thought he was talking to her (we were on the phone). It was yet another peak behind the curtain-their supply is definitely interchangeable. He began the Hoover process by telling me everything I wanted to hear-that he was so wrong and that he wanted to buy me a home so we could live together…he meant none of it. After all we’d been through for years…it was nothing to him.
The harshest and most unfair thing that we survivors have to learn to cope with is not the narcissist moving on, but that we have been misled, lied to and outright scammed and manipulated to believe that a person existed when in fact it was just a masquerade, a charade, a character, a play. And we were played for fools. Specially as we're going through Scorpio ♏ season, the harshest lesson indeed is letting go and moving on in order to heal.
Hi Dr Ramani. From what I've personally seen and heard, the narcissist only moves on to other people. Even the ones who marry, end up cheating. Yes, they move on, but not the way an empath does.
I love this as I have lived this hell. Now I sit back and live my life as he jumps from one to next onto 8th wife. They seem to get younger too. It's great to be aware now. They have made this a pattern of behavior
thank you for this.Wow, mine will most likely do this to. He does not want to get old. Wants to stay forever young. And he is a very miserable man. Had everything going for him family wise. Just always strayed now found the one. I am trying to get him out to go to that one. She has heard him say he will not while I caught them. He would always answer the phone so I would not be suspicious. But he would mess up with 'we' while talking to me when he was supposed to be going somewhere by himself..I am sort of sorry he has her that sucked in, however I have told him she has saved my life. Now he is mad because he thinks everything we own is his and I should just deal with that....his way. But I will not let that happen. hugs for this it is very positive information.
The past 15 years I was in a relationship with a narcissist that was diagnosed with NPD in our 14th year. I've told everyone I know, after that marriage, I'm good for another 15 years on my own, healing from past traumas instead of falling for another narcissist, but Dr. Ramani, you're correct, there comes a day in the distance, you don't think of them that day and it's a great thing a win finally
Thanks!!!!!!!…. This video came at the perfect time! I just saw a vacation photo of my ex with “the love of his life “ & I started to ruminate about the good times smh. This snapped me back into reality 😅
This video has been so helpful to me on my healing journey. My ex narc moved on 3 weeks after she left me, and got instantly pregnant with this new guy. I didn't know untill the end, but for years she cheated on me whenenever we fought with anyone she could, especially those close to me. She blamed me for it all, saying we werent together, but never stopped coming back, and always promised me/made me promise that we'd only been with eachother for all 7 years. She even came back to emotionally string me along when she was with this guy. At a time she was upset with him during their move in together (4 months into dating), only to dismiss me again completely days after when he found out we'd been talking and she told me where they lived. She denied any of what she said, claimed I put words in her mouth and reassured me she's happier than ever with him and twisted our entire past to make me a villian. Anytime I start feeling pain or doubt when she enters my mind, I just take the 15 minutes to breathe and watch this video, and I feel immensely better. Thank you so much Dr. Ramani for this.
@irelandhurry6279 Wow....reading your post, I'm reminded of my situation. She would contradict things she said and when I called her out on it, she would make excuses or have short term memory loss.
Narcissists always come back to ruin our achievements in coping, but the analogies and metaphors in this one are absolute next level. Smart, wise... so awesome. Love this channel!
Narcisists and cults are alluring in the beginning but turn into a nightmare horror show later on. And evil does not spare anyone - enablers and flying monkey included. It is just a matter of time. Thank you dr Ramani❤
Worst part of them moving on is knowing they will continue with their current and new supplies who are not aware. It's very sad but I understand we all need to figure it out on our own. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your words of wisdom and validation.
A close relative to my partner recognized he was a narcissist , her mother was a narcissist. She sent me a few of your videos, since I left I have been watching a lot of them. Dr Ramani makes me feel validated in my feeling, which is important in my healing journey. Very few people understand narcissism. Thank you for putting words on those feeling and emotions
My husband who is, well his mother is to. I did not realize this until my drama now with him. My husband hated her for the longest time. Wanted nothing to do with her. Now he likes her again. And he turned into her. I am so glad I am realizing why my life went the way it has with him and he could just break my heart for that new one that already knows he is a creep and had no problem just letting me be hurt. And she is waiting for this wonderful man who loves her to basically screw me so he does not have to give me half. What a horrible person he evolved into. But Dr Ramanit really helps me cope. And be STRONG. I am going to get through this because of her. hugs
This is a very weird thing to say, but I don't think that narcissistic people move on from the people they victimize. What I think they do is they recycle the people they've tormented. When I left my chaotic relationship, I decided to move on and go on a healing journey. My narcissistic ex still keeps messaging me, emailing me. Like he was seeking for attention from me. I starved him of it and block him.
I find this to be true, too. When we we last together, my ex treated me with contempt, disgust, and complete disdain. It was so sick and cruel and abusive. Yet for months after I left him, he would call and text as though nothing happened. I finally, finally blocked him for good last summer when he let it slip that he actually had a new girlfriend. I used to think he kept in touch because he loved me, but it wasn’t about love. The concept of “supply” just confounds me, but it provides the best explanation for what must be going on in his head.
You described an addictive need, an uncontrollable craving. That's all we are to them. Much like a person with a food addiction hides 'forbidden things' like sweets. Or an alcoholic who hides small bottles in the back of closets or behind storage bins in the garage. Those hidden and forbidden symbols of addiction aren't self-renewable; when they're gone, they're gone and must be replaced. Victims of narcissists are similar in some respects to the hidden and forbidden symbols of addiction and shame narcissists hide; we aren't inanimate objects however. We can choose not to be hidden and used when reached for to feed an addictive craving, only to be re-hidden after they get their fix. You're doing the right thing by taking yourself off their menu and denying them a quick addiction fix. 👍
You're very brave. I still hope to hear from my ex; I don't think he was a narcissist, but he definitely had some covert narcissistic tendencies. I worry if I gave him enough chances or what I'd do if he ever came back, which is looking very unlikely at this point, but still, that thought is always there.
Good morning from Jamaica 🙏🇯🇲 You have come into my life October 2023. I have known my evil story but never knew of anyone who has been in my narcissistic life. My body, nervous system since 1993 is distressing. I pray The Psalms daily. You are a God sent. Very powerful encouragement.
Oh don't worry they will just put the new one through everything they put you through and once the new supply is done with the narcissist. Well now it's a perfect time to hit you up and see if you wanted to be a supply again since the position is open now! Will he treat you better if you give him a chance? HA no!
A broken heart from a cluster b relationship is not even a broken heart, it is trauma as bad as it gets. PTSD as if you just came out of a combat zone.
I lived through what she’s experiencing now or will experience in the near future. They’ve been together for two years. She’s wealthy so I’m thinking he will suck her bank account and do every single method narcissists use. I pray she finally opens her eyes to see what and who he is.
I was my mothers supply until i was in my early 30's. Now she is really going through a tough time and i heard she has lost weight and is anxious now i'm gone, her partner left too so she has lost all that held her together. My young son goes down to say hello twice a month. I don't want to go back, but i feel sorry for her. My logic and compassion is in conflict. I have other siblings that now have to step up and they despise me for it. I am a human being with my own issues and family, i cannot save her. I'm lonely and sad but i cannot burden others, so i stay away and seem cold but i need to survive for my son Edit: My mum beat me and exploited me up until my early 20"s and hated me with men, She beat me before dates, so i had to cancel. She destroyed me so i could not turn up, she beat me verbally, mentally, physically and emotionally. DON"T EVER LET ANYONE TREAT YOU LIKE THAT!
Thank you! I can't even try to be "indifferent to my main source of suffering because the narcissist is my beloved son. It has been a long road, I am "no contact" bc I need to be, but it sucks. I do love and miss him. Could you maybe do a video on parental alienation? Thank you!!!👍❤❤❤
Yes! This is me too & there seems to be so little about this twist of NPD. I miss him so much and my heart is 💔and the enablers are other family members which is tricky too. Do you have support? Where did you find it? Ty for posting
This was such a tender kind caring message. Informative too. I just began this scary painful horrible discard recovery. I will be referring back to this frequently. We were together 13 years. And he ends it by disappearing with a younger girl. My heart is in a million pieces.
It's true with the bag of tricks, actually I found him really ridiculous watching him use the same tricks on the next woman when it didn't work on me. "Thankfully" I met this disturbing kind of personality before, so I'm immune and can sense love bombing right away, so this time it didn't effect me as much as the first time. Thank you so much Dr. Ramami for all the videos. I learn something every time ❤😊
Thank you for this video. Very reassuring. The divorce from my wife of 20 years was final a year ago. I don't know if she really is a narcissist, but she sure has the majority of the characteristics you have described in this and other videos. I have been in fairly frequent contact with the ex because she has insinuated herself into the lives of and co-opted my 2 adult children and 3 young grandchildren. Last week she contacted me saying "I just wanted you to hear it from me, but the guy I have been dating for 2 months and I are now in a serious relationship." This is the first guy she went out with since our divorce. When I meet the ex 24 years ago, I was a widower. The new guy is a widower. I would bet that you are 100% correct that she is love bombing him, as she did me, she will discard him as she did me. Looking back, I am so grateful to her for ending it with me because I was miserable with her for many years of shaming, criticism, judgemental, witholding affection etc. Your videos are so helpful in letting me know that rumination is not unusual and for acknowledging to myself what I had been living with for way too long.
The narcs in my life have moved on, but I know that they’ve left a landscape full of wreckage along their path. I’m not feeling anyway, b/c they’re no spring chickens and they have problems with everyone. It’s going to get to the point that their reputation precedes them and their old age is going to be their punishment.
Some people are just too stupid to realize that in this world we all get back what we give out. Long ago, I went into therapy for awhile and complained to my counselor about how my ex callously disregarded me....then discarded me...which left me broken, reeling, moody and semi -functioning for what seemed like forever. After I told her of all that had happened, and all I was senselessly put through, she responded with words that resonated for years to come. She said: "Eventually, everyone's luck runs out" . And for my ex---it most certainly did....taking a full seven years for karma to do its thing. I like to think my mom in heaven maybe had a little something to do with the payback he got---if she in the afterlife was somehow aware of how badly he treated me at times for no discernible reason.
This is so right on Doctor Ramani. Thank you for addressing the pain and suffering. Intellectual understanding of this can only carry someone so far. It's the terrible pain I can't deal with.
Thank you DR Ramani. You are amazing. I hope you don't mind if I share this on my channel. This is me. In my 20's, I left a relationship, and it was so much easier to heal. This was back in the late 80's early 90's. This one, ended last year, after 12 years. I am still struggling and Social Media does not help. It is taking me so much longer to heal. Seeing him having moved on with the lovey dovey profile pic, was devastating. For all of the reasons you mention in this video. I am in therapy and now studying Psychology, to hopefully work with traumatised women. Blessed Be to you ❤🙏
Dear Dr. Ramani 🙏😊 Growing up in a narcissistic system (family) was very difficult for me. Even today I still don't understand certain human basics. When I talk to other people about this topic, it doesn't bring any further insights. For example, I don't understand what needs or boundaries are. How are these made up? What can influence them? What are personal, what are social or cultural needs? Certain basics were never explained to me. And when I ask someone to explain this the only answer I get is: "If you don't know, who will know?" Could you perhaps imagine making a video about it? ❤
It feels so good to hear someone say that it's actually ok to mourn a relationship with someone who used and mentally abused you. I know the new relationship will end, but that doesn't bring me calm at all since I want stability for our child.
Omg this put me in tears but made me strong. I was the last one to find out we was broke up. When i caught her with the other guy... She was taking meds but one day she ran out and turned into someone else.
Went two weeks no contact. He reached out asking for his stuff back, I agreed that’s fine. Then he kept pressing me for conversation, closure, I’m the love of his life, the perfect person, he’s sorry he treated me shit. He thinks of himself as an empathetic person! After 10s of missed calls, emails, blocking his number and still calling (still me not replying) he was straight on all the hookup and dating apps. Must really love me! I always suspected his cheating and this confirmed it for me
Never had euphoric recall or rumination. Just so glad he was gone. I did not want to be the unmarried parent at a child's weddung, but i was, and didn't cower in a corner and had a blast. I've noticed you are right at all the weddings I've been to where one of the parents was a narc, the narcs are all remarried and the abused spouses are NOT.
I left the passive aggressive covert narcissist ex husband after 14 years of insane marriage. He moved someone else in after 3 weeks. I had no clue there was someone waiting in the wings. Honestly I didn't mind at all. The relationship didn't last a year. No clue if there was anyone else. Don't care at all. Recovery healing and growth means that he does not affect me at all
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I ended my engagement almost 2 years ago with my ex and have been in therapy and a support group trying to move on. I recently felt like I took 1,000 steps back because he created a new social media account and it popped up in my “people you may know” feed. Turns out he was engaged to a new woman that I had never seen 5 months after we broke up, and they recently got married. It has really been messing with my emotions, and what’s worse is that some of my support people in my life didn’t believe me when I said that I didn’t go looking for him and that I had him blocked. They think that I was doing searches and keeping tabs on him. It’s just hard because I am not fully over the hurt that he caused me, and then I think about how he is married to someone else so I feel like a fool for not being past it yet.
You're not a fool. You're normal human with normal emotions. Narcissists can't feel connection. They never really move on cause they never were in it in first place. Same way he isn't in it with her now. Just going through motions. They like to build the illusion of normalcy around them. But it's just an empty shell. There's no substance
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I spent 20 years with the Narc. 8 and a half years. The last 3 years is when I really saw the “total” abuse. Why, I guess it was because she was retired and bored. Nothing else to do but bring her other self out. Well, I got out and believe I won. I want to see the outcome of their future. Thanks again
grief and healing. 😢 i have shut out everyone and am embarrassed ashamed to admit i have been trying to fix myself / the relationship. going to therapy… all feels like such a waste of time ! ive been lost. immersed in your videos even see the signs you pointed out. ~ it will get better. sighs
I honestly will never know who the new narcissistic supply for the family of origin is, because after I pointed out simple truths THEY ALL TURNED on me and ice me out completely. I actually find losing that one side of the family NOW, is a blessing in disguise, I don't have them playing mind games with me, I don't have them gaslighting me. I actually haven't been able to figure out who the heck I am since they all told me to F off.
Same. I really don't know who my family is any more. My mother had a big 'secret'....that part was no secret. But when I asked a cousin about it, I was immediately struck by the fact he knew what my mother's secret was and I did not. I was cut out of the family after that. I have since wondered if my cousin WAS the secret and that he was my mother's son. So I really don't know who my family is any more and it really doesn't matter because I have been ostracized for asking questions.
@@l.5832 My sympathy is on the cousin, I honestly know what you mean to grow up in a family that you thought cared about you loved you had your back. Then when you turn around and show them the evidence that they're acting like immature people that's when they get all insecure and end up icing you out. I saw through my family's BS when I was about five years old period plus I'm not the only one in the family (extended) system that had called my family out on their crap as well. I'm not as crazy as everyone makes me out to be. I mean yeah I lost the family that I grew up in, but on the other hand, I gained the other side of the family which is the SANE side of the family at least with thoughts of the family I can be my authentic self. I was always curious growing up as to why I could not find somebody in my extended family or my family of origin anyone who was like me, I was the only one who was trying to be authentic but because of circumstances, it wouldn't allow.
After more than 14 years of that first "love" with a narcissist the suffering is still on. CPTSD, and inmune disease and so many other things are gifts from that first relationship. I'm 34 and I think I'm not going to have a human relationship ever again. It doesn't get better but worse.
This video couldn't come at a better time. I grey rocked my best friend of over 20 years about a year ago after we had a little disagreement where I didn't side with her view and she called me a traitor but refused to discuss it further. No apology, no accountability then comes back to me like nothing happened that caused me to go back and reflect on our relationship history and true enough there were many instances of abuse that I brushed aside because I thought that was friendship, you give and turn a blind eye. Recently, I saw her at the wake of a common friend's mom. My feeling upon seeing her was "flight", I was not ready to speak to her face to face, or even know how to be civil and pretend like nothing has come between us. I went home and for the next few days I fell into a tailspin of rumination and self blaming, just like what you said in this video. I had to go talk to my friends who were my support when the relationship broke down to ask if I was the "bad" person or I was not a friend enough to ruin this 20 yr friendship. My husband sat by my side and help me re-count all the nasty things she did that merited this breakup. You are right this is a heartbreak that demands self care, self love and time. Thank you, Dr Ramani, for reminding us to be kind to ourselves. Thank you for standing alongside us as we slowly get up and stand tall with our chins held high.
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
I'm not getting hoovered as he did move on to a better superficial life than the one he had with me. I do hope I can learn when the cheating narcissist and his accomplice break up. No, I do not want to warn her that he's a narcissist. She's a grown up who should have known better than to be an accomplice in cheating. That's on her.
Together off and on for 25 years. I left the country for three months. He met someone else, and a year later he'd married her - his mother's buttoned-up choice - and had a child, then another. Another twenty years later, he still calls and wants to talk. Right. I thought it was Love. The 'cracks' were wide enough to fall through. I'm still sickened by my naivete.
Thank you for caring for our "broken hearts" Dr. Ramani! 🙏🏻⚘ I needed your video today although a year has passed after moving on. Sometimes I catch myself ruminating and the pain is not totally healed😢. My only luck is that I don't share social media, but my ❤feels that my Ex has found a new supply.
Happy to find you on TH-cam. Watching your videos has always been refreshing for me and has helped me understand relationships better. Greetings from Germany!
Dr Ramani I have been watching your channel from the start. Before the catch fire of narcissism. But this one caught my attention and for that I feel the need to make a comment here! You have recently made me aware of my open personality type ‘open’ I am 67 and techie and that runs my ‘motor’ so to speak. So I see in this episode your true drive for helping up! Your empathy for this coherent’ I’m crying now because I see how MUCH you work in order to see our pain and our need to heal and avoid future trauma! You are now my 2nd therapist!! THANK YOU FOR THIS GIFT YOU ARE BRINGING TO US! I keep spreading your message to my younger friends!!! May you continue to heal more of us!!!!!
Of the many, many things I have learned from you, Dr. Ramani, a big one is that you cannot prevent a new person from being used and abused by a narcissist. I have since stopped trying to do that. I’ve also received the feedback that I am too dark or negative about narcissistic tendencies. Thank you for all you have taught me through your videos. Your dedication to education about all things narcissism has pulled me from some dark and ugly places. God bless you!! ❤
I wish I could believe all you are saying but the narcissistic relationship I’ve just been through 5 months ago has totally destroyed me both mentally as well as physically I’ve lost 65 pounds in that time went from a size 44 pant size to a 36 from a 3 xl to a large it sucks every single penny of my check from my check went to bills this was working 6 and 7 days a week plus helping her with her house cleaning business after I got off from work I feel drained and lost I appreciate your videos but she’s left me to messed up thank you and God bless everyone
Dr. Ramani I think it’s fabulous that you are launching a program for therapists so they can more clearly understand how to help victims. Thank you for that.
Everyone jumps to conclusions. It's intense. Imagine having a girlfriend you've never met. It's insane. It's not a healthy situation at all, and I don't owe anything to someone who's gaslighting me on a daily basis. This person has never even once shown their existence to me.
Unrelated to narcissistic abuse, I always wanted to be a hero in the past and it has almost always backfired in a negative way on me… my narcissist actually helped me in a way because I now know that people have to learn their own lessons like I’ve learned mine… and that in itself was my hardest lesson because I’m an empath. 🤦🏻♀️
Thank you for this video! It hit home really hard! Been in no contact, with a text convo for 3 wks and it's been 5 wks since I spoke to him. I do love him and he knows it.
Thank you, I cried and listened to what I didn’t know I needed to know. I don’t know how every video Dr. rameni has been posting has been answering a question I have. I keep wondering how come this new person closes their eyes to how my ex treats me.
I’m envious of my parents generation because after a breakup they simply didn’t know what their ex did after anymore (unless they had friends or lived in a small town). So I believe blocking is the way to give ourselves that gift and forget these people again 😂 your mind does eventually forget them this way.
TY for this content. I do not check any sites he may be on or not. I am out of this debacle of a life I worked at . I’m very proud of my commitment to a husband with an addiction problem. Relapse/recovery rinse repeat. I wish him all the best, I’m doing a deep dive into my being involved with a wounded bird. Best to the new supply, pick him up put him back in the nest,until next fall.👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 He was removed from my life for oh so many reasons. I’m better than what was offered.
He took her on the same trips and even gave her the same gifts that he gave to me. At first, I was stunned. Then, I felt sorry for her.
My ex did the same and even took the same pictures at the same places... I tried warning her because I wish someone did warn me as well... it has been really painful to watch, lately it is less painful because I don't watch that sh*t show anymore.
Dr. Ramani is so right...
I bought him “the best husband mug” even though he wasn’t my husband. I wouldn’t be surprised that he pretended that he bought it for himself to show “his love” for the new supply 😅
I actually found a bag of pearl necklaces and bracelets - just like what he gave me 🫣🤦♀️ I left everything he ever gave me at the house when I moved out.
@@mollykayramstack6193 I would have kept it and sold it so he couldn't use it again.
@duygumarlacat Wow. That's crazy making. When I date someone new, I love making new memories in new places. Listening to different music to make a theme song to a new relationship. My ex would regurgitate the same music from her exes, and take me to the same places and relive the same experiences. Hmmm...that's weird and disrespectful toward past lovers. It's like they want to relive the same experience but with a new partner.
When the narcissist has moved on, you need to grieve them and recognise that it was a false character that they used to manipulate you. Then you can use this opportunity to put the focus back on yourself and your own life. Use this time to heal and become stronger. So that you will be ready, just incase they come back. Narcissists hoover their victims 7 times on average, before it’s finally over.
🌺 Hello fellow Narc Survivor! Doesn't the "Target" attempt to Leave the abusive situation 7 times also? There's so much to wrap my understanding around! 🩷🙏🤚 Much Gratitude for your contribution to the Distribution of Knowledge!! Blessings!💞💞💞
I really needed this today I was feeling extremely depressed and low thank you Dr Ramani ❤🙏🏽
I'm almost sick of "oh good let them go,you are some much better off with out them" yes thats right. But really makes me sick they get away with being a evil person. Its not fine its sick.Don't let me even get started on there flying monkeys. We all know we are better off with our them,and they will get it in karma just sad how long we have to wait for it.
@@emmajohnson6955 💞💞💞 I totally agree with you🩷... I had to give up most everything & everyone in order to save myself. The losses were immense however I had to save my life... 💞💞💞 Love for yourself! 🩷 Peace for you! 🩷 An Abundance of Blessings! 💞💞💞
Some of the sadness comes from knowing and seeing that you cared about a mask and if they had been what the mask was then what happened would never have transpired.
my ex hid me on social media, ruined my birthday, cheated on me, gaslighted me and blamed it all on me, (even though i would bend over backwards cleaning up after his shitty housemates, supported him when he found out his mum was homeless, constantly tried to support his dreams and tried my best to be a good partner in his life)… the new supply is getting taken on holiday after 2 months of being with him (we were together for 1 year), shes getting flowers, fancy dates, posted all over his platforms but he kept me like i was a dirty little secret. and its so infuriating watching him pretend to be a good person, he was so different with me but said we were soulmates/i was his person blah blah blah… looks like it.
@hellothereinte… this sounds exactly like me. I had been talking to ex for nearly 7 months, but was told I can’t say this on his friends TH-cam station or tell anyone. He was lovely for 4 days that we met but by 6 day was rude, obnoxious, told me he would’ve have had sex with me if he was 17, but no other reason. Found out by accident he had already started another relationship with another woman, which I believe he had chased me, when I was my most vulnerable. Was organising a unit for me to visit him in blah blah blah, lived in another state, and told me he would never lie to me.
Holy hell....I'm sorry you went through that and be replaced that way. My ex covert broke up with me, and went back with her ex boyfriend doing the same things we did, eating at the same restaurants, listening to her favorite bands. She had the audasity to tell me it didn't mean anything because he was just a " friend " but they were sleeping together soon after break up. She told me I have no right to be angry because we weren't married and she has the right to have sex with anyone she chooses, and won't be told what to do.
I'm sorry you went through that. What is it with these people and ruining birthdays?? Seriously! So awful.
you should never put someone else above you and become like that its impossible I dont care if its GOD.
I am in the midst of the same exact thing, he was single on social media even though we were together for 9 years! Now all of a sudden he is flaunting his new younger pretty one and showing in a relationship in 3 months! I don't get it. S😢
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
Proverbs 4:23 NIV
My heart shattered into a million pieces 2.5 years ago - the pain was incredible- I was so enmeshed …. The steps you described really helped
1. Exercise - a new routine
2. Traveling, a new hobby … anything that gives distraction
3. Definitely no social media - no lurking, etc and no contact
4. Staying home / soothing environment
5. Time, Time, Time
For everyone, who is just at the beginning of this journey, please know that every day that goes by will bring you closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. Freedom is priceless
Thank you Petralee. Me too. I hope your life and future are beautiful. 🥰🙏🏼🍀
Currently doing this, after ending my engagement with a narcissist
This was so helpful
I have never felt at such a loss, he’s moved on and gone on holiday with someone less than half my age.
Thank you so much for this❤
Rejoice in knowing that you no longer deal with toxic waste
Them moving on might be the best thing that can happen..its a miracle. We should learn how to cope if they don't move on. their getting away after being horrible and they might come back
I agree most will rebound into another and other than expect you to listen to all their wounds again when it didn't work out.
I can't wait for my ex to move one, I'm sick of it. I'm ready to move on too.
I don't want to have another relationship. I just want to heal. Eventually I get to die and be free
Yes but we have to live first; it's a hard lesson to learn.
You are already free, that makes all the pain worth something
I have been hurt a lot most of my life. It's a lot of psychological pain accumulated. Trying to learn to work through it like y'all are saying
I get you
I’m so sorry for all that you’ve been through. I get it. Have faith. You’re going to be okay and your life will get better. 🙏🏼❤️🩹🙏🏼
My ex was on his third relationship in less than a year, by the time we got to divorce court. The judge admonished him for posting his escapades online where everyone could see them. It was devastating that a 35 year marriage meant nothing to him. I wanted to warn the next wife, but love bombing makes one think the rescue attempt is just bitterness or jealously. Grateful to be taught this is a pattern and it was not just my lousy experience.
Don’t worry about warning the next, the next is the distraction that saved you from a lifetime of abuse. Other people will come to their own conclusions otherwise it’s the nexts job to look after themselves.
I just ended a 28 year marriage with a narcissist and our judge awarded me 100% & he had to pay my attorney fees after he spent every penny and was literally in contempt. He spent $2k in 13 days on restaurants and alcohol & no bills! 🙄 Glad to be free! Congratulations to you. Here’s to our next chapter 😊
@@regulus7181 Yes and like in my case hes been having an affair and she knows how he treats me and still is thinking he is a great guy.? She has heard me many times tell him go stay with her and she hears him say never. So she is just a very vulnerable dense person thinking how wonderful a guy he is. I keep telling him I am so happy she came along to take me out of my misery. And ask him to leave. But not a chance he will and lose. And she knows thats why he wont. Unreal terrible after all these years. And I am more grossed out how horrible he is treating her but she has to obey. Until his removal of me. But I am going to make sure I am not screwed over this. And it is making him more evil. He really has serious mental issues I think. Just need to get through the net while. hugs
Their entire life strategy revolves around adding insult to injury.
My breakup happened very quickly, but at the time, I didn’t even realize I was being discarded (hadn’t figured out the whole Narcissism-thing yet). There was so much “on again, off again” behavior going on that I didn’t know what was happening. I was very confused & crying a lot. Finally, a mutual friend told me that he was going to a bar and seeing other women. I was shocked at this behavior because I never thought he would try & pick up girls from a bar! But that NEED for SUPPLY is so great, & I guess he hadn’t yet groomed anyone new. Once I heard that, I lost a lot of respect for him due to the ease at which he seemed to be able to just “move on”. In hindsight, I don’t think we really had a real relationship. I was just a “fix” for his addiction to Supply. It hurt a lot at the time, but now I thank God he broke up with me!
So sorry for you . Seems very much like mine situation , he just picked up someone from the bar and 1 month later they are living together together, he takes her on holidays to the places we used to go , the same restaurants and cafes. I was terrified and horrified to see that and realize it any new reality and that person I was having relationship was just a sick con artist. Horrible nightmare and I hope someday soon the pain will go away and I will be able to trust men again
@@olyap1468 how are you doing now
"You don't see checkmate yet but it's coming... " I needed to hear that. Thank you for all you do.
I was married 23 years to a narc. He was previously married 18 years. I noticed that he repeated the places he took his first wife with me. Same trips, same restaurants, same activities. In the devalue stage, he repeated the same disgusting behaviours (previously I did not know these things. At the time of devaluation he bragged about what he did to his first wife. Up until then, I thought that he had been the victim.) Then, after I divorced him, he sent pics of his new pursuit in the same park where he had taken me, despite living in a large city with about 100 parks. He had this script he kept repeating with endless number of women.
So familiar your story!!!
I had a similar experience, although not as long a duration.
It's kind of funny how these clowns really do allot of the same behaviors! My ex did too, he even went out of his way, from where he moved to. And posted pictures of them on social media, at this park we always went to together! 😅
Yep, but more sinister, to discard he put AVOs on his ex, did everything to discredit them, even destroy them, usually still in the relationship as far as the 'ex' knew, and the narc quickly moved on to another victim.
Same but I’m free , never again
Narcissist people win. It's that simple. Their source means nothing. I'm being discarded, I'm nothing, silence, lack of attention...usual forms of punishment.
Please remember not all narcissits gaslight, devalue you, etc.
The nice guy is your saviour, lifts you up, treats you like a queen, and when you no longer give them their particular supply in whatever form they slowly twisted you into doing. Mine is super intelligent and has always three steps ahead. You can't win. That’s what kills... I'm helpless, and we both know it.
Not just broken heart, but broken spirit as well.
God I feel you
Lost my soul. 2 months and can barely function or get out of bed.
@@lilcanarygirl5600keep fighting. That magnet is strong
8:57 *A broken heart is the worst pain and suffering ever.*
It's hard to call my ex narcissistic because I still have deep feelings for him and I feel the need to defend and talk him up, even though there is no reason to. He moved on so quickly to a new supply and I found it heart-shattering, comparing myself to her in every way, wondering if she would go through the same cycle I went through, or if I was the only person he'd ever abused. It has helped to hear that this cycle will occur and yes, while she might be in that love bombing initial cycle, I went through it as well and know very well how real and alluring it feels. I've had a habit of looking at social media but I think I'm going to use all my skills to cancel on that because I know it's harming my healing. I need to work on my life and healing now.
Updates? That’s happing to me rn..
I'm also comparing with that new bitch he got..while handsome hunks are flowing msgs in my inbox..🤣😊..but I think we should accept the fact whatever happened ..& move on..u should proud of urself that u dodged a bullet .do u really think that they deserve to be in ur head & heart..
No longer suffering I feel sorry for my narc He’ll be in a perpetual cycle of dysfunction and has lost the best thing he’s ever had…me!! 😉✌️❤️
I know there are people suffering with this struggle right now. Having been through it and maybe going through it again I know that there will come a day where I realize how lucky I am that that relationship ended. Sometimes rejection really is protection.
You have no idea how you helped me…. Sitting at the airport with my bags after being kick out, listening to your videos on loop.
I am forever grateful for your work!
DO NOT tell the new supply…. I tried to tell my ex best friend/roommate that her new bf is a narc… he was fresh out of a divorce playing the victim and she gave him a key to our place not even 6 months of them knowing each other. I found out he started bringing women home during the day and sleeping with them in her bed because I literally caught him in the act. When I tried to tell her she got mad at me and let him get in face and scream at me….THEN since I was single at the time she ignored me and pulled the “you’re just jealous” card…. I was heartbroken….10+ years of friendship with this girl in the trash over a guy she knew for a short time…. He also wound up dumping her later on. She had to learn and I wasn’t going to be around for her. I actually saw her not that long ago and I could tell she wanted to talk to me but I have nothing to say to her.
Honestly, her moving on is more concrete than anything else, I hope she's happy. I hope the next one doesn't get hurt. I hope she can stop being so cruel.
God is a healer, I gave my heart to God and He brought so much peace after my narcissist relationship....I've never felt so much pure joy in my heart
It's the only way. He has the whole world in his hands. Also we must have empathy for our ex's as well because we are all God's children. 👍
So happy for you 😊
With his charisma & sex appeal, the narcissist who bro bombed me has a continuous availability of new suppy. The thing I know now is that his treatment towards me wasn't personal. He's doing this to everyone. That's a huge relief & allows me to let myself off the hook & be more self accepting.
I found out about my replacement the last time the narc tried to Hoover me, last summer. He was drunk and I think for a minute he forgot he was talking to me and thought he was talking to her (we were on the phone).
It was yet another peak behind the curtain-their supply is definitely interchangeable.
He began the Hoover process by telling me everything I wanted to hear-that he was so wrong and that he wanted to buy me a home so we could live together…he meant none of it. After all we’d been through for years…it was nothing to him.
The harshest and most unfair thing that we survivors have to learn to cope with is not the narcissist moving on, but that we have been misled, lied to and outright scammed and manipulated to believe that a person existed when in fact it was just a masquerade, a charade, a character, a play. And we were played for fools.
Specially as we're going through Scorpio ♏ season, the harshest lesson indeed is letting go and moving on in order to heal.
Hi Dr Ramani. From what I've personally seen and heard, the narcissist only moves on to other people. Even the ones who marry, end up cheating. Yes, they move on, but not the way an empath does.
I love this as I have lived this hell. Now I sit back and live my life as he jumps from one to next onto 8th wife. They seem to get younger too. It's great to be aware now. They have made this a pattern of behavior
thank you for this.Wow, mine will most likely do this to. He does not want to get old. Wants to stay forever young. And he is a very miserable man. Had everything going for him family wise. Just always strayed now found the one. I am trying to get him out to go to that one. She has heard him say he will not while I caught them. He would always answer the phone so I would not be suspicious. But he would mess up with 'we' while talking to me when he was supposed to be going somewhere by himself..I am sort of sorry he has her that sucked in, however I have told him she has saved my life. Now he is mad because he thinks everything we own is his and I should just deal with that....his way. But I will not let that happen. hugs for this it is very positive information.
The past 15 years I was in a relationship with a narcissist that was diagnosed with NPD in our 14th year. I've told everyone I know, after that marriage, I'm good for another 15 years on my own, healing from past traumas instead of falling for another narcissist, but Dr. Ramani, you're correct, there comes a day in the distance, you don't think of them that day and it's a great thing a win finally
It’s been a year and a half I pray to never go through again 🙏🏻. 20+ years with the person you thought was forever is so hard to unlearn.
Thanks!!!!!!!…. This video came at the perfect time! I just saw a vacation photo of my ex with “the love of his life “ & I started to ruminate about the good times smh. This snapped me back into reality 😅
Ya love of his life. I think not. Just another sucker
Yes, they move on fast. My ex-friend easily had a new girlfriend after his second divorce. His second marriage was also quickly after the first one. 😮
This video has been so helpful to me on my healing journey. My ex narc moved on 3 weeks after she left me, and got instantly pregnant with this new guy. I didn't know untill the end, but for years she cheated on me whenenever we fought with anyone she could, especially those close to me. She blamed me for it all, saying we werent together, but never stopped coming back, and always promised me/made me promise that we'd only been with eachother for all 7 years.
She even came back to emotionally string me along when she was with this guy. At a time she was upset with him during their move in together (4 months into dating), only to dismiss me again completely days after when he found out we'd been talking and she told me where they lived. She denied any of what she said, claimed I put words in her mouth and reassured me she's happier than ever with him and twisted our entire past to make me a villian.
Anytime I start feeling pain or doubt when she enters my mind, I just take the 15 minutes to breathe and watch this video, and I feel immensely better. Thank you so much Dr. Ramani for this.
@irelandhurry6279 Wow....reading your post, I'm reminded of my situation. She would contradict things she said and when I called her out on it, she would make excuses or have short term memory loss.
"It's like someone is now living in your love bombed life from the past. It literally feels like Black Mirror." Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Narcissists always come back to ruin our achievements in coping, but the analogies and metaphors in this one are absolute next level. Smart, wise... so awesome. Love this channel!
Narcisists and cults are alluring in the beginning but turn into a nightmare horror show later on. And evil does not spare anyone - enablers and flying monkey included. It is just a matter of time. Thank you dr Ramani❤
Worst part of them moving on is knowing they will continue with their current and new supplies who are not aware. It's very sad but I understand we all need to figure it out on our own. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your words of wisdom and validation.
A close relative to my partner recognized he was a narcissist , her mother was a narcissist. She sent me a few of your videos, since I left I have been watching a lot of them.
Dr Ramani makes me feel validated in my feeling, which is important in my healing journey. Very few people understand narcissism.
Thank you for putting words on those feeling and emotions
My husband who is, well his mother is to. I did not realize this until my drama now with him. My husband hated her for the longest time. Wanted nothing to do with her. Now he likes her again. And he turned into her. I am so glad I am realizing why my life went the way it has with him and he could just break my heart for that new one that already knows he is a creep and had no problem just letting me be hurt. And she is waiting for this wonderful man who loves her to basically screw me so he does not have to give me half. What a horrible person he evolved into. But Dr Ramanit really helps me cope. And be STRONG. I am going to get through this because of her. hugs
This is a very weird thing to say, but I don't think that narcissistic people move on from the people they victimize. What I think they do is they recycle the people they've tormented. When I left my chaotic relationship, I decided to move on and go on a healing journey. My narcissistic ex still keeps messaging me, emailing me. Like he was seeking for attention from me. I starved him of it and block him.
They do let go when they die!😂. But you still feel nothing after don't you.😢
I find this to be true, too. When we we last together, my ex treated me with contempt, disgust, and complete disdain. It was so sick and cruel and abusive.
Yet for months after I left him, he would call and text as though nothing happened. I finally, finally blocked him for good last summer when he let it slip that he actually had a new girlfriend. I used to think he kept in touch because he loved me, but it wasn’t about love. The concept of “supply” just confounds me, but it provides the best explanation for what must be going on in his head.
You described an addictive need, an uncontrollable craving. That's all we are to them.
Much like a person with a food addiction hides 'forbidden things' like sweets. Or an alcoholic who hides small bottles in the back of closets or behind storage bins in the garage. Those hidden and forbidden symbols of addiction aren't self-renewable; when they're gone, they're gone and must be replaced.
Victims of narcissists are similar in some respects to the hidden and forbidden symbols of addiction and shame narcissists hide; we aren't inanimate objects however. We can choose not to be hidden and used when reached for to feed an addictive craving, only to be re-hidden after they get their fix.
You're doing the right thing by taking yourself off their menu and denying them a quick addiction fix. 👍
Agree.
You're very brave. I still hope to hear from my ex; I don't think he was a narcissist, but he definitely had some covert narcissistic tendencies. I worry if I gave him enough chances or what I'd do if he ever came back, which is looking very unlikely at this point, but still, that thought is always there.
We tend to not tend to "broken hearts," I never thought about this concept before. You are so spot on, Dr. Ramani. Very good advice, thank you 😊
This is one of your BEST communications. A broken heart under these Cluster B conditions is excruciatingly painful. The ghost in a shell of a shadow.
Good morning from Jamaica 🙏🇯🇲 You have come into my life October 2023. I have known my evil story but never knew of anyone who has been in my narcissistic life. My body, nervous system since 1993 is distressing. I pray The Psalms daily. You are a God sent. Very powerful encouragement.
Oh don't worry they will just put the new one through everything they put you through and once the new supply is done with the narcissist. Well now it's a perfect time to hit you up and see if you wanted to be a supply again since the position is open now! Will he treat you better if you give him a chance? HA no!
Does anyone low key laugh with her she cracks me up n so beautiful! I wish I could tell you my narc story dr Ramani😅 ty 4 all u do
Agreed.. Dr. Ramani is beautiful, humorous and helpful. I am not going to quit watching and following her.
A broken heart from a cluster b relationship is not even a broken heart, it is trauma as bad as it gets. PTSD as if you just came out of a combat zone.
I lived through what she’s experiencing now or will experience in the near future. They’ve been together for two years. She’s wealthy so I’m thinking he will suck her bank account and do every single method narcissists use. I pray she finally opens her eyes to see what and who he is.
Today is day 1. I am literally in shock and frozen on my couch. I seriously want to die. Help.
Yup.
I was my mothers supply until i was in my early 30's. Now she is really going through a tough time and i heard she has lost weight and is anxious now i'm gone, her partner left too so she has lost all that held her together. My young son goes down to say hello twice a month. I don't want to go back, but i feel sorry for her. My logic and compassion is in conflict.
I have other siblings that now have to step up and they despise me for it. I am a human being with my own issues and family, i cannot save her. I'm lonely and sad but i cannot burden others, so i stay away and seem cold but i need to survive for my son
Edit: My mum beat me and exploited me up until my early 20"s and hated me with men, She beat me before dates, so i had to cancel. She destroyed me so i could not turn up, she beat me verbally, mentally, physically and emotionally. DON"T EVER LET ANYONE TREAT YOU LIKE THAT!
They never really move on unless they think the target is completely destroyed.
Thank you! I can't even try to be "indifferent to my main source of suffering because the narcissist is my beloved son. It has been a long road, I am "no contact" bc I need to be, but it sucks. I do love and miss him. Could you maybe do a video on parental alienation? Thank you!!!👍❤❤❤
Yes! This is me too & there seems to be so little about this twist of NPD. I miss him so much and my heart is 💔and the enablers are other family members which is tricky too.
Do you have support? Where did you find it? Ty for posting
sadly no support or understanding from anyone especially my fam, just gaslighting. Thank god for Dr. Ram, she keeps me sane!👍@@ReikiandResonance
Coped very well. Happy that l could play my heavy metal music in peace and just relax. 19 years single and staying that way.
This was such a tender kind caring message. Informative too. I just began this scary painful horrible discard recovery. I will be referring back to this frequently. We were together 13 years. And he ends it by disappearing with a younger girl. My heart is in a million pieces.
It's true with the bag of tricks, actually I found him really ridiculous watching him use the same tricks on the next woman when it didn't work on me. "Thankfully" I met this disturbing kind of personality before, so I'm immune and can sense love bombing right away, so this time it didn't effect me as much as the first time. Thank you so much Dr. Ramami for all the videos. I learn something every time ❤😊
Thank you for this video. Very reassuring. The divorce from my wife of 20 years was final a year ago. I don't know if she really is a narcissist, but she sure has the majority of the characteristics you have described in this and other videos. I have been in fairly frequent contact with the ex because she has insinuated herself into the lives of and co-opted my 2 adult children and 3 young grandchildren. Last week she contacted me saying "I just wanted you to hear it from me, but the guy I have been dating for 2 months and I are now in a serious relationship." This is the first guy she went out with since our divorce. When I meet the ex 24 years ago, I was a widower. The new guy is a widower. I would bet that you are 100% correct that she is love bombing him, as she did me, she will discard him as she did me. Looking back, I am so grateful to her for ending it with me because I was miserable with her for many years of shaming, criticism, judgemental, witholding affection etc. Your videos are so helpful in letting me know that rumination is not unusual and for acknowledging to myself what I had been living with for way too long.
When the narc has moved on, see the truth of what they are or anything that makes it easier to process…thanks again dr Ramani. ❤️
The narcs in my life have moved on, but I know that they’ve left a landscape full of wreckage along their path. I’m not feeling anyway, b/c they’re no spring chickens and they have problems with everyone. It’s going to get to the point that their reputation precedes them and their old age is going to be their punishment.
Some people are just too stupid to realize that in this world we all get back what we give out. Long ago, I went into therapy for awhile and complained to my counselor about how my ex callously disregarded me....then discarded me...which left me broken, reeling, moody and semi -functioning for what seemed like forever. After I told her of all that had happened, and all I was senselessly put through, she responded with words that resonated for years to come. She said: "Eventually, everyone's luck runs out" . And for my ex---it most certainly did....taking a full seven years for karma to do its thing. I like to think my mom in heaven maybe had a little something to do with the payback he got---if she in the afterlife was somehow aware of how badly he treated me at times for no discernible reason.
This is so right on Doctor Ramani. Thank you for addressing the pain and suffering. Intellectual understanding of this can only carry someone so far. It's the terrible pain I can't deal with.
Thank you DR Ramani. You are amazing. I hope you don't mind if I share this on my channel.
This is me.
In my 20's, I left a relationship, and it was so much easier to heal. This was back in the late 80's early 90's. This one, ended last year, after 12 years. I am still struggling and Social Media does not help.
It is taking me so much longer to heal. Seeing him having moved on with the lovey dovey profile pic, was devastating. For all of the reasons you mention in this video.
I am in therapy and now studying Psychology, to hopefully work with traumatised women.
Blessed Be to you ❤🙏
Dear Dr. Ramani 🙏😊
Growing up in a narcissistic system (family) was very difficult for me. Even today I still don't understand certain human basics. When I talk to other people about this topic, it doesn't bring any further insights. For example, I don't understand what needs or boundaries are. How are these made up? What can influence them? What are personal, what are social or cultural needs? Certain basics were never explained to me. And when I ask someone to explain this the only answer I get is: "If you don't know, who will know?" Could you perhaps imagine making a video about it?
❤
So very true. Heartbreak does not get the recognition it deserves. 😢it is REAL.
It feels so good to hear someone say that it's actually ok to mourn a relationship with someone who used and mentally abused you. I know the new relationship will end, but that doesn't bring me calm at all since I want stability for our child.
Same. It’s tricky with a child. Best of luck to you.
Omg this put me in tears but made me strong. I was the last one to find out we was broke up. When i caught her with the other guy... She was taking meds but one day she ran out and turned into someone else.
I really need to hear this.. Thank you so much for this videos. I am crying tbh.
Thank you ,Dr.Ramani,timely words for my healing heart,appericate you
Went two weeks no contact. He reached out asking for his stuff back, I agreed that’s fine. Then he kept pressing me for conversation, closure, I’m the love of his life, the perfect person, he’s sorry he treated me shit. He thinks of himself as an empathetic person! After 10s of missed calls, emails, blocking his number and still calling (still me not replying) he was straight on all the hookup and dating apps. Must really love me! I always suspected his cheating and this confirmed it for me
I am suffering now. This video helped a lot. Thank you so much
Never had euphoric recall or rumination. Just so glad he was gone. I did not want to be the unmarried parent at a child's weddung, but i was, and didn't cower in a corner and had a blast. I've noticed you are right at all the weddings I've been to where one of the parents was a narc, the narcs are all remarried and the abused spouses are NOT.
I left the passive aggressive covert narcissist ex husband after 14 years of insane marriage. He moved someone else in after 3 weeks. I had no clue there was someone waiting in the wings. Honestly I didn't mind at all. The relationship didn't last a year. No clue if there was anyone else. Don't care at all. Recovery healing and growth means that he does not affect me at all
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I ended my engagement almost 2 years ago with my ex and have been in therapy and a support group trying to move on. I recently felt like I took 1,000 steps back because he created a new social media account and it popped up in my “people you may know” feed. Turns out he was engaged to a new woman that I had never seen 5 months after we broke up, and they recently got married. It has really been messing with my emotions, and what’s worse is that some of my support people in my life didn’t believe me when I said that I didn’t go looking for him and that I had him blocked. They think that I was doing searches and keeping tabs on him. It’s just hard because I am not fully over the hurt that he caused me, and then I think about how he is married to someone else so I feel like a fool for not being past it yet.
You're not a fool. You're normal human with normal emotions. Narcissists can't feel connection. They never really move on cause they never were in it in first place. Same way he isn't in it with her now. Just going through motions. They like to build the illusion of normalcy around them. But it's just an empty shell. There's no substance
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I spent 20 years with the Narc. 8 and a half years. The last 3 years is when I really saw the “total” abuse. Why, I guess it was because she was retired and bored. Nothing else to do but bring her other self out. Well, I got out and believe I won. I want to see the outcome of their future. Thanks again
grief and healing. 😢 i have shut out everyone and am embarrassed ashamed to admit i have been trying to fix myself / the relationship. going to therapy… all feels like such a waste of time ! ive been lost. immersed in your videos even see the signs you pointed out.
~ it will get better. sighs
I honestly will never know who the new narcissistic supply for the family of origin is, because after I pointed out simple truths THEY ALL TURNED on me and ice me out completely. I actually find losing that one side of the family NOW, is a blessing in disguise, I don't have them playing mind games with me, I don't have them gaslighting me. I actually haven't been able to figure out who the heck I am since they all told me to F off.
Same. I really don't know who my family is any more. My mother had a big 'secret'....that part was no secret. But when I asked a cousin about it, I was immediately struck by the fact he knew what my mother's secret was and I did not. I was cut out of the family after that. I have since wondered if my cousin WAS the secret and that he was my mother's son. So I really don't know who my family is any more and it really doesn't matter because I have been ostracized for asking questions.
@@l.5832 My sympathy is on the cousin,
I honestly know what you mean to grow up in a family that you thought cared about you loved you had your back. Then when you turn around and show them the evidence that they're acting like immature people that's when they get all insecure and end up icing you out. I saw through my family's BS when I was about five years old period plus I'm not the only one in the family (extended) system that had called my family out on their crap as well. I'm not as crazy as everyone makes me out to be. I mean yeah I lost the family that I grew up in, but on the other hand, I gained the other side of the family which is the SANE side of the family at least with thoughts of the family I can be my authentic self. I was always curious growing up as to why I could not find somebody in my extended family or my family of origin anyone who was like me, I was the only one who was trying to be authentic but because of circumstances, it wouldn't allow.
Your podcast is one of my greatest treasures. Thank you .
After more than 14 years of that first "love" with a narcissist the suffering is still on. CPTSD, and inmune disease and so many other things are gifts from that first relationship. I'm 34 and I think I'm not going to have a human relationship ever again. It doesn't get better but worse.
They never go away. And keep vorming back.
Love your insights. Beautiful inside and out! Thank you for your ongoing commitment to educating us on these demonic people. You are appreciated! ❤️❤️
This video couldn't come at a better time. I grey rocked my best friend of over 20 years about a year ago after we had a little disagreement where I didn't side with her view and she called me a traitor but refused to discuss it further. No apology, no accountability then comes back to me like nothing happened that caused me to go back and reflect on our relationship history and true enough there were many instances of abuse that I brushed aside because I thought that was friendship, you give and turn a blind eye. Recently, I saw her at the wake of a common friend's mom. My feeling upon seeing her was "flight", I was not ready to speak to her face to face, or even know how to be civil and pretend like nothing has come between us. I went home and for the next few days I fell into a tailspin of rumination and self blaming, just like what you said in this video. I had to go talk to my friends who were my support when the relationship broke down to ask if I was the "bad" person or I was not a friend enough to ruin this 20 yr friendship. My husband sat by my side and help me re-count all the nasty things she did that merited this breakup. You are right this is a heartbreak that demands self care, self love and time. Thank you, Dr Ramani, for reminding us to be kind to ourselves. Thank you for standing alongside us as we slowly get up and stand tall with our chins held high.
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
❤️🙏🌺 Forever Grateful for the Gift of Dr. Ramani & the Team!! 🌺🙏❤️
I love it! Dr. Ramani thank you for being so awesome!❤
I'm not getting hoovered as he did move on to a better superficial life than the one he had with me. I do hope I can learn when the cheating narcissist and his accomplice break up.
No, I do not want to warn her that he's a narcissist. She's a grown up who should have known better than to be an accomplice in cheating. That's on her.
Together off and on for 25 years. I left the country for three months. He met someone else, and a year later he'd married her - his mother's buttoned-up choice - and had a child, then another. Another twenty years later, he still calls and wants to talk. Right. I thought it was Love. The 'cracks' were wide enough to fall through. I'm still sickened by my naivete.
Thank you for caring for our "broken hearts" Dr. Ramani! 🙏🏻⚘ I needed your video today although a year has passed after moving on. Sometimes I catch myself ruminating and the pain is not totally healed😢. My only luck is that I don't share social media, but my ❤feels that my Ex has found a new supply.
Happy to find you on TH-cam. Watching your videos has always been refreshing for me and has helped me understand relationships better. Greetings from Germany!
Dr Ramani
I have been watching your channel from the start. Before the catch fire of narcissism. But this one caught my attention and for that I feel the need to make a comment here! You have recently made me aware of my open personality type ‘open’ I am 67 and techie and that runs my ‘motor’ so to speak. So I see in this episode your true drive for helping up! Your empathy for this coherent’ I’m crying now because I see how MUCH you work in order to see our pain and our need to heal and avoid future trauma!
You are now my 2nd therapist!!
THANK YOU FOR THIS GIFT YOU ARE BRINGING TO US!
I keep spreading your message to my younger friends!!!
May you continue to heal more of us!!!!!
Of the many, many things I have learned from you, Dr. Ramani, a big one is that you cannot prevent a new person from being used and abused by a narcissist. I have since stopped trying to do that. I’ve also received the feedback that I am too dark or negative about narcissistic tendencies. Thank you for all you have taught me through your videos. Your dedication to education about all things narcissism has pulled me from some dark and ugly places. God bless you!! ❤
How do you get over the discard phase . Never felt so rejected 😢but I can never go back .
I wish I could believe all you are saying but the narcissistic relationship I’ve just been through 5 months ago has totally destroyed me both mentally as well as physically I’ve lost 65 pounds in that time went from a size 44 pant size to a 36 from a 3 xl to a large it sucks every single penny of my check from my check went to bills this was working 6 and 7 days a week plus helping her with her house cleaning business after I got off from work I feel drained and lost I appreciate your videos but she’s left me to messed up thank you and God bless everyone
Dr. Ramani I think it’s fabulous that you are launching a program for therapists so they can more clearly understand how to help victims. Thank you for that.
Thank you for your constant reminders! We all need this! We appreciate you! ❤
For me Personally, Checkmate WAS called a long time ago. Officially it has been called & accepted as well. One day it WILL be called by True Justice itself. I wish the abusive, toxic, unhealthy Narcs & those associated with them, the best. They're going to need it. ⚖️🙏🏼⚖️🙏🏼⚖️🙏🏼⚖️🙏🏼⚖️🙏🏼⚖️©️
Everyone jumps to conclusions. It's intense. Imagine having a girlfriend you've never met. It's insane. It's not a healthy situation at all, and I don't owe anything to someone who's gaslighting me on a daily basis. This person has never even once shown their existence to me.
Unrelated to narcissistic abuse, I always wanted to be a hero in the past and it has almost always backfired in a negative way on me… my narcissist actually helped me in a way because I now know that people have to learn their own lessons like I’ve learned mine… and that in itself was my hardest lesson because I’m an empath. 🤦🏻♀️
This was absolutely the BEST video yet. It’s been 4 years and you have helped me so much. Thank you-from my soul!! Doing your book on audio as well. ❤
Thank you for this video! It hit home really hard! Been in no contact, with a text convo for 3 wks and it's been 5 wks since I spoke to him. I do love him and he knows it.
So I’m gonna tell you that this is 100% spot on true. He’s doing with his new object exactly what he once did with me. He’s a sick and twisted F….
Please take all the focus on yourself!!!!
Thank you, I cried and listened to what I didn’t know I needed to know. I don’t know how every video Dr. rameni has been posting has been answering a question I have. I keep wondering how come this new person closes their eyes to how my ex treats me.
Thank you for helping me reaching and maintaining closure.
I’m envious of my parents generation because after a breakup they simply didn’t know what their ex did after anymore (unless they had friends or lived in a small town). So I believe blocking is the way to give ourselves that gift and forget these people again 😂 your mind does eventually forget them this way.
TY for this content. I do not check any sites he may be on or not. I am out of this debacle of a life I worked at . I’m very proud of my commitment to
a husband with an addiction problem. Relapse/recovery rinse repeat. I wish him all the best, I’m doing a deep dive into my being involved with a wounded bird. Best to the new supply, pick him up put him back in the nest,until next fall.👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 He was removed from my life for oh so many reasons.
I’m better than what was offered.