Omfgggggg. The part around 32:40 about the cutlery. Wow dude. WOW. I will clean my own table at restaurants...basically completely bus it. I’m obsessive about it and people who eat with me are often like dude. Tf are you doing. I’m usually like it’s the nice thing to do - we aren’t better than the servers, etc. but hearing you talk about the cutlery thing made me go whoa. The codependency really does creep in everywhere!! 💡 🤯 👌🏼
The best way to get away from a narcissist is to disengage.... the more you fight them the more enmrshed and stay enmeshed with them and life is short to not live your own life.
*was/were* at this point for me (hopefully that's true for many or most others here). I do come back to some channels and still watch current uploads here and there. I enjoy watching and listening to good presentations. This channel has always been quality-even and sometimes especially the vids from over a decade ago. It's been quite interesting and educational (and fun!) having seen and been watching from the start. I've always appreciated the humor (and seeing the real frustration you didn't hide-it takes guts to let others see authentic and unedited emotion for others to judge, but more importantly, it encourages others that it is ok to do so, because they will most certainly do the same, should they begin making YT vids by themselves). I am still taking class, so to speak, as I may attempt to create some online content vs consuming more of it. Richard, you've been, and still are, an excellent teacher in many ways. Many thanks to you and to all who have been a part of your team. 🎉
At 55 this is a complete game changer for me sir, you are enabling me to stop hating myself. I grew up absolutely terrified of my father due to witnessing his drunken anger, emotional and physical abuse to my mother. I had to think about every word before i opened my mouth. When he came back from the pub we hid upstairs with our hands over our ears until he fell asleep then crept downstairs again. Its no surprise to me now that I have been singled out for bullying in my entire childhood and adult life and completely unable to find the strength to defend myself in any way. Just took it. I have been hard on myself my whole life as i am one of those children raised to 'not be silly' and 'Just get on with it'...I have never allowed myself to even consider that this has traumatised me until now but yes, thats what it was.
This was a great insight, so glad I drove 5 hours round trip. So great to be able to attend and meet everyone who shares motivation to be healthy and evolve. Thank you Richard 👊
Starting kit to understanding love for codependents (if you don't have kids): dog. Try dog. I understood fast (emotionally). 3 months later the narc (boyfriend at the time) made me choose between him and the dog. I chose dog. 2 years later: one of the greatest lessons I ever learnt. I write this with one dog to my left, another to my right. Still learning how love is done right. We never knew how. But we can learn.
"Let the other person grow." Huge point Richard made here. If your actions keep someone else from learning something that you already know how to do, then your stealing experiences from them for your own selfish needs. Let them do it and support them with encouragement and direction, but don't do it for them! This has been the hardest conditioning to break so far, but the most worthwhile in my opinion. Another great talk Richard!
Strange it doesn't hit me.. I was in a very abusive relationship and I think i was the real me.. Very real.. The only thing waa that i was trying to talk in a higher more childish voice than my real voice is.. Don't know why. Maybe because i don't like my voice
I actually did that yesterday. I came back from the gym, I came to the realization that my connection wasn't real, I felt a rush of adrenaline & vomited as he walked in the door 😔✨
Ignorance is bliss and I don't have it anymore. I'm on high alert around narcissists and feel deep dread when a new 'friend' showers me with praise, affection and the subtle demand that I'm perfect. I always have my running shoes on. Tired of knowing narcissists so well.
I don't want to be antagonistic Colleen, but always having running shoes ready demands that anyone new is perfect for you. You can not treat new people according to the fear that others created. While it is good and healthy to watch for possible mishaps, we must also maintain enough mercy for healthy imperfections.
I watch the behavior panel to learn techniques to spot a liar. It has helped me navigate who is presenting a false narrative and to stay away from them.
I absolutely agree. If we have a codependent relationship with our own father, or none at all, how can we expect to ever have a loving and fulfilling relationship with our real father, God
If you want to think of baseline energy in positive and negative simplicity. A narc is like a negative charge, force or potential if you will.. searching for a positively charged polarity to complete a circit.
Your channel is a never ending rabbit hole into my own codependent psyche. I found your channel after the breakup/discard - I was obsessed with condemning her- but now I’m only focused on why the hell I engaged in that dynamic with her. So much weird shit was going on emotionally and mentally inside me and with her Thank you!
Yeah, hits hard. I guess for healthy people love is deciding to live side by side with someone you value, are attracted to, admire. Retaining your own personality while benefiting from and uplifting the other. Partnership. I think we codependents overly identify with the other to the sacrifice of ourselves which feels like merging, but its just consumption of the other.
Wow 😳 “psychologists don’t know how to break conditioned responses” really helped me to understand how hard codependency conditioned responses are to overwrite! Giving myself incredible compassion for all of my efforts to date to overcome... feels like an anchor at times. I’m gaining on it tho! The recent 30 day challenge helped with my emotional literacy, discipline moving forward with values, goals and associated positive emotions. THANK YOU. I look forward “summoning the self”!
35 years married. I was just used. I was to Young to understand this. I am 72. Now I am happy for 20 years. Recorded. And today I got it. I was codependent. In conditioned. Life but I did have my 3 daughters. Recently I stopped depending on them to show me love all the time. I am free but I do find myself. Alone.
It just clicked with me, my father was an alki and abandoned mum, me and my two sisters, I was 7. My mother was an alki and I had to up to a point realise I had to take care of myself. I couldn't make friends because I was ashamed of what was going on in the house. Our house was a complete dump and I was too ashamed to bring anyone round. Living like this till I was 16 I was then so grateful for anyone showing any interest in me. I had no boundaries because any relationship was better than what I'd come from. I was an open book for anyone to graffiti on. The shame of being brought up in a dump by an alcoholic neglectful parent is where my trauma is rooted. I got outta there when I was 16 but I'm now just getting out of the trauma. Thanks for all the really informative videos you post. I'm getting out of it gradually.
Omfg!!! The explanation of fawning that you are giving and the dynamic that creates with false selves between a prey and predator is f**** superb. It makes perfect sense.
I am feeling less people pleasing and finding a deeper voice within... it does stop me from ~helping, ~melding, YUK and although alone, I feel more at ease, no lonely not lonesome, but a bit stronger, saying NO helps so much thank you for your efforts to be really clear and upfront with the truth without clinical jargon to confuse... much work daily within, but love my choice to say NO .
This is fantastic. You’re a rare gem. Your raison d’être was to be there for the thousands that need your teachings. Thank you for your study and your ability to eloquently share your knowledge, nay gift. What I’d give to be in your live class. You’re wise and hilarious too.
"We've never known love". "We are fusing and merging". This struck a chord. Born into it and 13 relationships (and half a century later), is it even still possible to finally come alive? I desire love. I am moving in a good direction, towards a goal state of love. Thank you for all you do and give. I am trying to balance getting ofF the computer more, like you advised but still learn to encourage my very slow, incremental progress...I AM THANKFUL FOR PROGRESS. It is written, love never fails. We shall see! Fusing and merging truth makes me sick to realize.
I find this so interesting, makes me very reflective on why I let my ex narcissist play the games. from my truma and detachment growing up made me give so much to try and avoid abandonment. This is perfect for the narcissist, she saw vulnerability. Thankfully self focus with counselling has made me realised you don't need to be a pleaser to me loved.
I'm a child that grew with child parents. They had 6 of us at 26. They fought like cat and dog. Us kids were just tossed to one side when they were knocking hell out of each other just left too are own devices. I stepped in at a young age as a sibling parent to 5 younger children. My 3 relationships at the age 50 were with narc's. 👀
Yes, Richard helped me heal from a Narcissistic abusive relationship and helped me find my value, he is brilliant, credible,personable, hilarious and real. I am forever grateful and I wish I had known him 20 years ago.
My family was so messed up. My Mom married a former military man fresh out of Vietnam. He was abusive and I was his target at the age of 6. My mother did nothing to protect me. He began by abusing my cat, making it known that he hated her( probably because I loved her). He would throw her against the walls. He would kick our dogs with his heavy boots and sped the car up if he saw a stray dog in the neighborhood. He would try to hit them .. all the while, I’m screaming in the backseat of the car. Great guy huh? To top it all off, I was told to call him Dad because he would like that. So, as I get older and become a teenager I have had enough physical and verbal abuse. So, I don’t keep quiet... I say what I think to him to the horror of my Mom. No one has ever stood up to this bully before. I do, and he beats me black and blue one night . He is punching me and looks at me and says,” I’m going to put you in the hospital”. A short time later he had a massive heart attack and guess who ended up in hospital? That was 40 years ago. I didn’t care then. Still don’t. This is why I watch these videos. This type of trauma lasts a lifetime. I can remember it like it was yesterday. He ruined my childhood with his rage.
They’re free Alaina however my partner said it was an expensive evening by the time we’d had a meal and mocktails in Kimos and I’d navigated wrongly up the Mersey tunnel four times 😂
I have heard that a child decides at a young age if they like the results of being evil( power) or being nice (powerless) from their parents, and then that becomes their personality. Has anyone heard this?
If they are brought up in a shame based atmosphere a narcissistic personality will form..children are who they are by the age of 7 i believe..you need a fishing license to fish thou anyone can have a child..teach them well and always be kind they are little sponges and absorb there surrounding..God protect them all today and always...
OMG ping, ping, ping! Lights on! Just realised that so few people are their real authentic selves including me. I can’t be Cheryl it’s not safe, even with close friends if I speak from my heart, how I really feel, they recoil, now I understand why. The only person who I’ve been able to talk to from my heart was a dear friend with terminal cancer and the process had brought him to his self. His heart was open and it was safe for me to open mine to him, it was a truly wonderful experience. ❤️🤗✨
Appreciate all the info you share.ty... Plant based diet/supplements, dancing, singing out loud to myself.. and always remembering to laugh has been very helpful.. You have such a knowledgeable ,fun & authentic energy. Helps intake the info.😊
This is such a great talk with amazing insights into codependency and insights into why some are people pleasers. Also, loved the points of narcissism in various cultures and professions which many don't speak about. Richard should be invited by schools, universities and TED to speak on human psychology.
I have Aspergers and I have some NPD traits. I think Aspergers and NPD can be inter-related. After a huge period of time living co-dependently finally I feel “defrosted”, thanks to my little son. I woke up. How emotionally stupid I’ve been.🙈 Now I’m 33 and I’m learning emotional literacy and boundaries from the very beginning like I’m 2 or 3 years old. Also I do some practice in anthroposophy (by Rudolf Steiner), which says autism is caused by a weak “SELF”. I strengthen it with a Steiner’s course of the Art of speech and course of kindergarten teachers and I find it very good. Your channel is so helpful, Richard, like a breath of fresh air.👍
Where can I learn more about a codependent trying to get their personality and individuality back? It was described so perfectly in this video; I could really use more on that topic!
Hmmm. I find myself saying no to people all the time, however I do find myself physically becoming meek, at times and I cannot speak unless asked, it’s freeze/not fawn I suppose. However I can say “I’d like to leave now” or “no thanks that is boring to me right now” quite easily to most and all people. This is quite a drastic change from where I was even two years ago. I find I do not feel guilty about disliking people anymore and I almost feel quite safe to take breaks from conversations/ the best thing to do if one notices a strange abuse in another is to get away, take a walk, stretch, eat, sleep and ask dreams to assist in safety of the relationship.
Wow, feeling guilty about disliking people; i had that really bad like something bad was going to happen to me for thinking that way. Its virtually gone now at 55 but i had it really bad for so many years, even when someone was really awful to me i would just blame myself! Where does that come from?
Where were you 10 years ago when I needed this the most? I have to say I'm super proud I've researched all of this info myself and hopefully done the healing!! It's great to clarify though by watching your vids! Brilliant and funny!
@@AmandaMG6 I'm sure that was a rhetorical question. No matter how long he's been around, some of us weren't ready back then. I did some self help stuff way back in the 90s and while I thought I'd figured a lot out, it doesn't come close to what I've learned from Richie just since I found him a couple years ago. We can have the info at our fingertips, but unless we're ready for it, it means little. I AM glad I found him, though!
I overeat when feel oppressed, hurt.. I comfort myself with food & overspending & quantity of doing so depends from my stress levels... I feel immature...
I used to be like that. To the point I was bulimic. Even at that time, I realized it was trauma. Whenever I felt down, food was my only friend. It has been years now I'm able to set my life more disciplined.
Oh goodness, not to toot my own horn. Found someone who shares some of the ideas I have about the mental illnesses and labels I have been seeing. I feel relieved to know he is here. Thanks Mr. Grannon. Shared you with my a few of my fellow workers. Keep up the work I love listening.
PERFECT conversations today! It was like everything said was the first time I internalized my codependent child and felt I could control my conditioning. Thank. You
This was excellent, thank you so much Richard! Rich in valuable information, I feel as though I paused the video every 30 seconds to take notes. So good!
Wow!! Thank you. This has put so much in perspective. I am in the midst of rearranging my self views and behaviour. Aware of my every move, word and thought as much as I can be. My stories are less important as I grow. I am trying to keep my neuroplasticity active. Having a combination of FASD and PTSD resulting in a functional neurological disorders and non epileptic seizures disorder that ran my life, I have had to regain my neuroplasticity to be able to reduce my seizures from 3-5/day 20 years ago to 1/week. 13 years with a narcissistic spouse and being quite a codependent I had to research me to work out the issues (still working) to get to the point where I can love myself. Road to recovery! Hopefully I can make the seizures stop. Maslow's 101. Missing most of the base of the hierarchy and still going a head. Looking forward to watching more from you.
So honest in your teaching Richard- you are the opposite of most “thought leaders” I have experienced who’s motto is- if you can’t do it Coach it!” Your integrity and honesty about how difficult this level of healing truly is and the required activities to continue to make progress is scary but true and I appreciate someone who walks his talk!
“Change the code”. Yep. I’m two weeks into the ‘Summoning the self’ course, and the audio msg that has decided to stick for today is, ‘What I am is ok; what I want is ok’. Yep yep yep yep yep. Thanks so much Richard, your work and commitment is appreciated.
When you got to minute 43.00 and talked about how you can gauge someone's level of trauma by how far they've travelled I burst in laughter because I have traversed 2 continents from where my trauma began 😂. I'm like this guy, is so spot on ❤
Richard is a fucking legend! He talks about co-dependency in a really accessible way and he makes sure you realise you're not off the hook. As in recovery is up to you and it is possible!. His dark humour is refreshing and is a recovery tool in itself because when you laugh it releases some of the self resentment and resentment of others. Thank you Richard in case you didn't know you're a fucking legend!
Narcissists dont have wants, they dont have a self to "want" from...yesssss. i spent a year with a narcissistic guy and he could NEVER tell me what he wanted! So maddening! Thank you for this video!
I so needed this! I have been watching some videos about codependency lately but I was disturbed to hear everyone bashing narcissists like they have more say in their role that the submissive does. THIS is a much more compassionate and honest view. THANK YOU for putting this out!
love you Richard.. you are helping me live everything i go throug..it’s really emotional support for me. Thank you Richard so so much i m from Bangladesh
![CAMPปลิ้น | EP.76[2/2] เดินมาสิบกว่าป่า วันนี้รู้แล้วว่าโจโฉกลัวอะไร!](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/R7Yor-t2Au0/mqdefault.jpg)
The new course , haven’t done the in video links yet, please check it out here spartanlifecoach.com/summoning-the-self/
Omfgggggg. The part around 32:40 about the cutlery. Wow dude. WOW. I will clean my own table at restaurants...basically completely bus it. I’m obsessive about it and people who eat with me are often like dude. Tf are you doing. I’m usually like it’s the nice thing to do - we aren’t better than the servers, etc. but hearing you talk about the cutlery thing made me go whoa. The codependency really does creep in everywhere!! 💡 🤯 👌🏼
When was this seminar held?
did you take down the post of resisting threat (a car pulls up and they pull out a gun and say "get in.")
Tal Brott it’s called “how to deal with bullies “
Tal th-cam.com/video/pcMAHDOLfng/w-d-xo.html
This guy is amazing. I feel like he's my best friend I never had.
Same 😅
He is like my older brother I never had.
I love him also💜🤍
Nobody is coming to save you
Sorry that was my inner narcissism showing up
"The only difference between the people in this room and people outside is the people in here *Know they are abused (traumatized)"
I know!
The best way to get away from a narcissist is to disengage.... the more you fight them the more enmrshed and stay enmeshed with them and life is short to not live your own life.
@@sueb6662 Yes!
*was/were* at this point for me (hopefully that's true for many or most others here). I do come back to some channels and still watch current uploads here and there. I enjoy watching and listening to good presentations. This channel has always been quality-even and sometimes especially the vids from over a decade ago. It's been quite interesting and educational (and fun!) having seen and been watching from the start. I've always appreciated the humor (and seeing the real frustration you didn't hide-it takes guts to let others see authentic and unedited emotion for others to judge, but more importantly, it encourages others that it is ok to do so, because they will most certainly do the same, should they begin making YT vids by themselves). I am still taking class, so to speak, as I may attempt to create some online content vs consuming more of it. Richard, you've been, and still are, an excellent teacher in many ways. Many thanks to you and to all who have been a part of your team. 🎉
It wouldn't let ME put a * ? THAT is too fking funny! 👀🌝✅️😂
❤, EmberEmojiaMaxima
Yes, when you’ve the fear of abandonment, you vibrate it and people use it.
Sanna Johanna, you look gorgeous 🌹🌹🥀🌹🌹
great share
That's a great way of describing it.
At 55 this is a complete game changer for me sir, you are enabling me to stop hating myself. I grew up absolutely terrified of my father due to witnessing his drunken anger, emotional and physical abuse to my mother. I had to think about every word before i opened my mouth. When he came back from the pub we hid upstairs with our hands over our ears until he fell asleep then crept downstairs again. Its no surprise to me now that I have been singled out for bullying in my entire childhood and adult life and completely unable to find the strength to defend myself in any way. Just took it. I have been hard on myself my whole life as i am one of those children raised to 'not be silly' and 'Just get on with it'...I have never allowed myself to even consider that this has traumatised me until now but yes, thats what it was.
This was a great insight, so glad I drove 5 hours round trip. So great to be able to attend and meet everyone who shares motivation to be healthy and evolve. Thank you Richard 👊
Simon Thompson lucky you!
Nice to meet you sir
Where was this?
Lucky guy!
"Compassion, GOOD.
"Neuroses, NOT GOOD"
Perfect!
Starting kit to understanding love for codependents (if you don't have kids): dog. Try dog. I understood fast (emotionally). 3 months later the narc (boyfriend at the time) made me choose between him and the dog. I chose dog. 2 years later: one of the greatest lessons I ever learnt. I write this with one dog to my left, another to my right. Still learning how love is done right. We never knew how. But we can learn.
I’m so desperate for a pet, for mental health reasons and just because I love cats and dogs. But not allowed them in my flat :(
wow who the hell makes someone choose between them and a damn dog?
@@ricoco7891 Narcs.
Happy you chose the dog 😊😁🎉
Chris me too. Try helping in the shelter ❤️
"Let the other person grow." Huge point Richard made here. If your actions keep someone else from learning something that you already know how to do, then your stealing experiences from them for your own selfish needs. Let them do it and support them with encouragement and direction, but don't do it for them! This has been the hardest conditioning to break so far, but the most worthwhile in my opinion. Another great talk Richard!
This point stood out to me too.
My parenting book calls it overindulgence and classifies it as abuse. I am inclined to agree. A very devastating form of abuse in fact.
Great share
"Social Media has trained us to be avatars of ourselves"
The self is an idol.
Social media has allowed millions of random people to become our introjects, if we let them.
"Don't eat me, eat this false self" hit so hard.
Scary when i realized i never was real...abuse mustve started in infancy...damn...
Strange it doesn't hit me.. I was in a very abusive relationship and I think i was the real me.. Very real.. The only thing waa that i was trying to talk in a higher more childish voice than my real voice is.. Don't know why. Maybe because i don't like my voice
I actually did that yesterday. I came back from the gym, I came to the realization that my connection wasn't real, I felt a rush of adrenaline & vomited as he walked in the door 😔✨
Ignorance is bliss and I don't have it anymore. I'm on high alert around narcissists and feel deep dread when a new 'friend' showers me with praise, affection and the subtle demand that I'm perfect. I always have my running shoes on. Tired of knowing narcissists so well.
I don't want to be antagonistic Colleen, but always having running shoes ready demands that anyone new is perfect for you. You can not treat new people according to the fear that others created. While it is good and healthy to watch for possible mishaps, we must also maintain enough mercy for healthy imperfections.
Me too.. I feel you!
I watch the behavior panel to learn techniques to spot a liar. It has helped me navigate who is presenting a false narrative and to stay away from them.
@@traceycurtis1005 where do I find this?
@@theelizardqueen here on TH-cam
I still am not convinced there’s not a spiritual force at work in this disorder
there is your soul is in grief howling for connection like a lost baby wolf
I absolutely agree. If we have a codependent relationship with our own father, or none at all, how can we expect to ever have a loving and fulfilling relationship with our real father, God
If you want to think of baseline energy in positive and negative simplicity. A narc is like a negative charge, force or potential if you will.. searching for a positively charged polarity to complete a circit.
Does it matter in terms of recovery?
I am totally enthrolled by the way you manage to be real and therefore, open. This is such a rare experience.
I read this and found it interestingly true.
Forgiveness is the absence of bitterness not necessarily reconciliation
Your channel is a never ending rabbit hole into my own codependent psyche. I found your channel after the breakup/discard - I was obsessed with condemning her- but now I’m only focused on why the hell I engaged in that dynamic with her. So much weird shit was going on emotionally and mentally inside me and with her
Thank you!
I remember when I had my son feeling and saying now I know what love is!!
I said "No" to a tiny ask from a friend, and started shaking all over for several minutes
Oof. I totally know the feeling.
The idea that in boundary-less giving, both parties are poisoned… mind blown.
"I'm lonely, let me merge with you." this made me cry. Its what i think romantic love is. What is romantic love if it isn't merging with someone?
Yeah, hits hard. I guess for healthy people love is deciding to live side by side with someone you value, are attracted to, admire. Retaining your own personality while benefiting from and uplifting the other. Partnership. I think we codependents overly identify with the other to the sacrifice of ourselves which feels like merging, but its just consumption of the other.
💖💖💖💖
Wow 😳 “psychologists don’t know how to break conditioned responses” really helped me to understand how hard codependency conditioned responses are to overwrite! Giving myself incredible compassion for all of my efforts to date to overcome... feels like an anchor at times. I’m gaining on it tho! The recent 30 day challenge helped with my emotional literacy, discipline moving forward with values, goals and associated positive emotions. THANK YOU. I look forward “summoning the self”!
35 years married. I was just used. I was to Young to understand this. I am 72. Now I am happy for 20 years. Recorded. And today I got it. I was codependent. In conditioned. Life but I did have my 3 daughters. Recently I stopped depending on them to show me love all the time. I am free but I do find myself. Alone.
OMG. I am so old but still a child in my life looking for freedom. I declare it. To myself. Haaa crazy
I truly love myself now and my freedom.
Margarita Galarza I’m happy you know freedom! 💕💕💕 Time to do some living. Never too old!
It just clicked with me, my father was an alki and abandoned mum, me and my two sisters, I was 7. My mother was an alki and I had to up to a point realise I had to take care of myself. I couldn't make friends because I was ashamed of what was going on in the house. Our house was a complete dump and I was too ashamed to bring anyone round. Living like this till I was 16 I was then so grateful for anyone showing any interest in me. I had no boundaries because any relationship was better than what I'd come from. I was an open book for anyone to graffiti on. The shame of being brought up in a dump by an alcoholic neglectful parent is where my trauma is rooted. I got outta there when I was 16 but I'm now just getting out of the trauma.
Thanks for all the really informative videos you post. I'm getting out of it gradually.
Love and peace
To you Wendy
Omfg!!! The explanation of fawning that you are giving and the dynamic that creates with false selves between a prey and predator is f**** superb. It makes perfect sense.
I am feeling less people pleasing and finding a deeper voice within... it does stop me from ~helping, ~melding, YUK
and although alone, I feel more at ease, no lonely not lonesome, but a bit stronger, saying NO helps so much
thank you for your efforts to be really clear and upfront with the truth without clinical jargon to confuse...
much work daily within, but love my choice to say NO .
"No you don't understand Richie, he had a difficult childhood. This tiiime is the reeeal time." XD Richard! That's hilarious.
My bookmarks:
32:44 Safety as the main root of neurosis
33:40 Q&A starts: "Addiction related to trauma?" and pathology as entrained behaviour
YOU ARE SOOO RIGHT!! I was not discarded till I stopped feeding him.
😅
Please come to the states!
Yes, I agree!
So many notable quotables. Making us laugh so much is one of the therapeutic ingredients :D Thank you!
There is NO counsellor with Richard's wisdom on youtube.
Richard is unique
This is fantastic. You’re a rare gem. Your raison d’être was to be there for the thousands that need your teachings. Thank you for your study and your ability to eloquently share your knowledge, nay gift. What I’d give to be in your live class. You’re wise and hilarious too.
@@Sh0n0 ok you twisted my arm. He’s very handsome too. LOL. I’m a sapiophile.
"We've never known love". "We are fusing and merging". This struck a chord. Born into it and 13 relationships (and half a century later), is it even still possible to finally come alive? I desire love. I am moving in a good direction, towards a goal state of love. Thank you for all you do and give. I am trying to balance getting ofF the computer more, like you advised but still learn to encourage my very slow, incremental progress...I AM THANKFUL FOR PROGRESS. It is written, love never fails. We shall see! Fusing and merging truth makes me sick to realize.
Muscles are a distraction lol
I find this so interesting, makes me very reflective on why I let my ex narcissist play the games. from my truma and detachment growing up made me give so much to try and avoid abandonment. This is perfect for the narcissist, she saw vulnerability. Thankfully self focus with counselling has made me realised you don't need to be a pleaser to me loved.
Thank you Richard. I could watch and listen to you ALL day! You are brilliantly blunt and real!
I'm a child that grew with child parents. They had 6 of us at 26. They fought like cat and dog. Us kids were just tossed to one side when they were knocking hell out of each other just left too are own devices. I stepped in at a young age as a sibling parent to 5 younger children. My 3 relationships at the age 50 were with narc's. 👀
Yes, Richard helped me heal from a Narcissistic abusive relationship and helped me find my value, he is brilliant, credible,personable, hilarious and real. I am forever grateful and I wish I had known him 20 years ago.
This subconscious that that drives codependent behavior is very difficult to overcome. Even when i realize I’m doing it, it seems scarier to stop...
me too. sadness
Richard got me out of my depression, I am so grateful.🙂
My family was so messed up. My Mom married a former military man fresh out of Vietnam. He was abusive and I was his target at the age of 6. My mother did nothing to protect me.
He began by abusing my cat, making it known that he hated her( probably because I loved her). He would throw her against the walls. He would kick our dogs with his heavy boots and sped the car up if he saw a stray dog in the neighborhood. He would try to hit them .. all the while, I’m screaming in the backseat of the car. Great guy huh?
To top it all off, I was told to call him Dad because he would like that.
So, as I get older and become a teenager I have had enough physical and verbal abuse. So, I don’t keep quiet... I say what I think to him to the horror of my Mom. No one has ever stood up to this bully before. I do, and he beats me black and blue one night . He is punching me and looks at me and says,” I’m going to put you in the hospital”.
A short time later he had a massive heart attack and guess who ended up in hospital? That was 40 years ago. I didn’t care then. Still don’t.
This is why I watch these videos. This type of trauma lasts a lifetime. I can remember it like it was yesterday.
He ruined my childhood with his rage.
I'm deeply sorry for this. I hope you have a great life now and healing. ❤🙏
I'm so sorry you went through that. I have memories of things my father did that come up even after all these years.
I truly understand.
I came to this. Was brilliant. Thank you Richard 😊
Thanks for coming
L DIGBY do you have to pay for these lectures?
Ric is at a TKO thought level to me; I always have to pause his classes and savour the point. Wd struggle live- wd keep hvg to leave for an OMG break!
They’re free Alaina however my partner said it was an expensive evening by the time we’d had a meal and mocktails in Kimos and I’d navigated wrongly up the Mersey tunnel four times 😂
Haha sound like a great evening.
I have heard that a child decides at a young age if they like the results of being evil( power) or being nice (powerless) from their parents, and then that becomes their personality. Has anyone heard this?
Yup
That would explain a lot for me if it is true
If they are brought up in a shame based atmosphere a narcissistic personality will form..children are who they are by the age of 7 i believe..you need a fishing license to fish thou anyone can have a child..teach them well and always be kind they are little sponges and absorb there surrounding..God protect them all today and always...
@@tarabland3506 can you explain why a shame based atmosphere would lead to a narcissistic personality?
Good, wise, material Richard, the codependency in psychiatric nursing is mind bending
Philip John I'm an adult nurse...wow. its so true isn't it? Bitter...ouch.
OMG ping, ping, ping! Lights on! Just realised that so few people are their real authentic selves including me. I can’t be Cheryl it’s not safe, even with close friends if I speak from my heart, how I really feel, they recoil, now I understand why. The only person who I’ve been able to talk to from my heart was a dear friend with terminal cancer and the process had brought him to his self. His heart was open and it was safe for me to open mine to him, it was a truly wonderful experience. ❤️🤗✨
Great stuff Richard. P.S.: My husband's from the Wirral! love from Anna Runkle in the US!
ANNA! So good to see you here, you gift to the globe, you 💖
Appreciate all the info you share.ty...
Plant based diet/supplements, dancing, singing out loud to myself.. and always remembering to laugh has been very helpful..
You have such a knowledgeable ,fun & authentic energy. Helps intake the info.😊
His mama must be SO PROUD of her boy ;) thanks for being in this world 🌍 U have helped in more ways than you could imagine 💕
The new level of awareness I have: I don’t attract narcissists. I say yes to them. You are so dead on about this stuff
This is such a great talk with amazing insights into codependency and insights into why some are people pleasers. Also, loved the points of narcissism in various cultures and professions which many don't speak about. Richard should be invited by schools, universities and TED to speak on human psychology.
Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks! :)
I have Aspergers and I have some NPD traits. I think Aspergers and NPD can be inter-related.
After a huge period of time living co-dependently finally I feel “defrosted”, thanks to my little son. I woke up. How emotionally stupid I’ve been.🙈 Now I’m 33 and I’m learning emotional literacy and boundaries from the very beginning like I’m 2 or 3 years old.
Also I do some practice in anthroposophy (by Rudolf Steiner), which says autism is caused by a weak “SELF”. I strengthen it with a Steiner’s course of the Art of speech and course of kindergarten teachers and I find it very good. Your channel is so helpful, Richard, like a breath of fresh air.👍
Do you have a link to the course you describe please?
This is so eye-opening! You are insanely intelligent re. all this. Wow.
Where can I learn more about a codependent trying to get their personality and individuality back? It was described so perfectly in this video; I could really use more on that topic!
Hmmm. I find myself saying no to people all the time, however I do find myself physically becoming meek, at times and I cannot speak unless asked, it’s freeze/not fawn I suppose. However I can say “I’d like to leave now” or “no thanks that is boring to me right now” quite easily to most and all people. This is quite a drastic change from where I was even two years ago. I find I do not feel guilty about disliking people anymore and I almost feel quite safe to take breaks from conversations/ the best thing to do if one notices a strange abuse in another is to get away, take a walk, stretch, eat, sleep and ask dreams to assist in safety of the relationship.
Wow, feeling guilty about disliking people; i had that really bad like something bad was going to happen to me for thinking that way. Its virtually gone now at 55 but i had it really bad for so many years, even when someone was really awful to me i would just blame myself! Where does that come from?
Listening to this in 2023 and from the internet and video comments from Sam V you now don't have that friendship.....
Richard is a badass. I could listen to him talk all day... I have before. Lol
Thank you Richard. You are fantastic. Love your way of describing the things with your great sense of humour.
Where were you 10 years ago when I needed this the most? I have to say I'm super proud I've researched all of this info myself and hopefully done the healing!! It's great to clarify though by watching your vids! Brilliant and funny!
I've asked myself the same question, but I know I wasn't ready back then.
Agree. 10 years ago would have been awesome. But , I don’t think I would have been able to grasp it. 💖
He’s been here for many years now. I’d guess 7/8
@@AmandaMG6 I'm sure that was a rhetorical question. No matter how long he's been around, some of us weren't ready back then. I did some self help stuff way back in the 90s and while I thought I'd figured a lot out, it doesn't come close to what I've learned from Richie just since I found him a couple years ago. We can have the info at our fingertips, but unless we're ready for it, it means little. I AM glad I found him, though!
This one of the best videos rich has done, covers so much, learnt loads, cheers rich.
This was great from the first second to the last. You have a way with words! My past makes so much sense when I listen to you
2nd break through of the day; feeling grateful and hopeful. Thank you. 🐛🦋
I overeat when feel oppressed, hurt.. I comfort myself with food & overspending & quantity of doing so depends from my stress levels... I feel immature...
I used to be like that. To the point I was bulimic.
Even at that time, I realized it was trauma. Whenever I felt down, food was my only friend. It has been years now I'm able to set my life more disciplined.
I wish I could have gone to this.
Oh goodness, not to toot my own horn. Found someone who shares some of the ideas I have about the mental illnesses and labels I have been seeing. I feel relieved to know he is here. Thanks Mr. Grannon. Shared you with my a few of my fellow workers. Keep up the work I love listening.
Excellent talk and right on the mark! You described codependency so accurately!
I felt like you were talking directly to me.
You are speaking everything I have emphatically known in my soul and have been discovering for years on my own now!!!
Wow, wow, wow! So precise and on top. Thank you so so much for your work Richard!
PERFECT conversations today! It was like everything said was the first time I internalized my codependent child and felt I could control my conditioning. Thank. You
Spot on so many levels when we ignore the self dynamic in order to survive. Exceptional content!
Thanks 😊 I appreciate your work to help us unravel the webs that bind our minds . Big blessings and good vibes to you sir 🌈💜
I have heard no one explain these concepts better than you. Always helpful.
I first thought there will be a seminar in Liverpool. It seems to be the one I missed. So happy you shared it with us!
This was excellent, thank you so much Richard! Rich in valuable information, I feel as though I paused the video every 30 seconds to take notes. So good!
Not only is this going to help me, but also help me raising my children. Thank you so much for your work.
I very much appreciate your work. Thank you
Perfect timing. Fell asleep listening to your videos last night... Best dreams, thank you Beloved ☯️💚
Wow!! Thank you. This has put so much in perspective. I am in the midst of rearranging my self views and behaviour. Aware of my every move, word and thought as much as I can be. My stories are less important as I grow. I am trying to keep my neuroplasticity active. Having a combination of FASD and PTSD resulting in a functional neurological disorders and non epileptic seizures disorder that ran my life, I have had to regain my neuroplasticity to be able to reduce my seizures from 3-5/day 20 years ago to 1/week. 13 years with a narcissistic spouse and being quite a codependent I had to research me to work out the issues (still working) to get to the point where I can love myself. Road to recovery! Hopefully I can make the seizures stop. Maslow's 101. Missing most of the base of the hierarchy and still going a head. Looking forward to watching more from you.
So honest in your teaching Richard- you are the opposite of most “thought leaders” I have experienced who’s motto is- if you can’t do it Coach it!”
Your integrity and honesty about how difficult this level of healing truly is and the required activities to continue to make progress is scary but true and I appreciate someone who walks his talk!
Whenever I listen to your teachings I feel like I am given a key and can finally unlock and make sense of things. Thank you so much.
it was not about narcs looks - I was deliussional about his "golden heart" 💛. which is worse...
It is always great to listen to you. Thank you Richard. Namaste.
Always Love and Appreciate you and your work. Thank you Richard.🌹
This video really hit me to the core! Wow! This is brilliant and very helpful! thank you!
Thank you for your interesting talks. Keep laughing, smiling, and teaching. Best wishes.
“Change the code”. Yep. I’m two weeks into the ‘Summoning the self’ course, and the audio msg that has decided to stick for today is, ‘What I am is ok; what I want is ok’. Yep yep yep yep yep. Thanks so much Richard, your work and commitment is appreciated.
incredible. well done presentation on all fronts. thank you for sharing your wisdom insight patience support and grace
Love what you do. I feel like I could listen and learn much. Thank you
When you got to minute 43.00 and talked about how you can gauge someone's level of trauma by how far they've travelled I burst in laughter because I have traversed 2 continents from where my trauma began 😂. I'm like this guy, is so spot on ❤
This is so spot on. This explains why my brother in law has never divorced my sister. Even after over 30 years marriage. Always saw him as a door mat
Richard you are phenomenal. I can’t thank you enough.
Morgan Pan,hope you are not with a narc 😈!
Richard is a fucking legend! He talks about co-dependency in a really accessible way and he makes sure you realise you're not off the hook. As in recovery is up to you and it is possible!.
His dark humour is refreshing and is a recovery tool in itself because when you laugh it releases some of the self resentment and resentment of others.
Thank you Richard in case you didn't know you're a fucking legend!
Language???? Not necessary.... Use a better form of vocabulary...
He makes me feel so much better when he talks it makes me understand so much things to learn
Narcissists dont have wants, they dont have a self to "want" from...yesssss. i spent a year with a narcissistic guy and he could NEVER tell me what he wanted! So maddening! Thank you for this video!
I think Richard is the best speaker and philosopher of our time. There are layers of insight and reasoning there that impress every time.
I so needed this! I have been watching some videos about codependency lately but I was disturbed to hear everyone bashing narcissists like they have more say in their role that the submissive does. THIS is a much more compassionate and honest view. THANK YOU for putting this out!
You've found your calling.
One of the only people in this world who's hand I'd like to shake. Thank you for being a genuinely great human being.
All of this s opened my eyes Probably saved my sanity Sometimes painful. I didn’t think I could watch but I did
Thanks Richard was looking for some guidence today and this poped up....have been focusing on the emotional literacy work lately and its helping 🙂
Never saw u smile or laugh. You do have a sense of humor. Helped to watch
love you Richard.. you are helping me live everything i go throug..it’s really emotional support for me. Thank you Richard so so much i m from Bangladesh