I liked when the guy in the white shirt and the tie talked about the positives of being with one person and sharing his life with one person...I wish someone would tell men that more women doesn't mean more love...most people are not going to love you...you will be Lucky to find one woman that Truly loves you!
@@myisglim7801 I mean it's not sad. It is what it is. We are living in a postmodern feminist Nation where we are past the point of acceptance when women holler that we men are useless, ain't shit and aren't needed. No one wants to talk about the men who are investing in their youth that gets rejected for thugs and the millions of men that got divorced right after the welfare and no fault divorce became Nationwide. Didn't have anything to do with whether the man was a good person or not
All men aren't built the same, I refuse to have society dictate for me when to get married or do anything else for that matter. We're all individuals and should chose to get married when we feel the time is right, not in accordance to any ones expectations.
@Tory Shaye Society does not just dictate that based off of nurture, biology also dictates attractiveness. Less men are likely to gravitate to older women or other pre-existing physical conditions because youth Beauty and fertility are signs of Health. The healthier you are at the more likely you are to bear healthy children. Those healthy children where the lifeline and are still that way from millions of people when they get old.
@@colbalt95 That's sounds all good but, but alot of blk men knock up and leave younger blkw with kids out of wedlock at a higher rate than older blkw! Also alot of those same young women grow up to become the older women that Have children out of wedlock, that those same men claim to no longer want! The way i see it...even when alot of these men get exactly the women they're asking for, 8 times out of 10 she will still end up a single babymama!
+MadameNoire No! Some of the panelists have sounded very immature. It felt like I was listening to college kids talk as opposed to grown men in their late 30's. Very distasteful. The content of what they say is their opinion, but I get turned off by the vulgarity in their language. I find it degrading to women. Pls find more mature and articulate men!
i love the way he defined the difference between a boyfriend & a husband. Taking responsibility for the good & the bad of your marriage. we all know that a successful marriage takes both people to put in equal work; however, there is a reason god made adam first. by myself I am an independent black woman but I tell my husband all the time the that i am his co-pilot as long as he is willing to truly take on the responsibility of being the pilot. thats natural for any good woman to do. thats how a marriage survives.
The statement the brother made about taken responsibility. That is what leading a household is....and I totally feel like some woman are too independent(for varies reason, prior men have made them a promise and broken it) But when you get that right man and he leads your family it is an amazing thing. It's downright magical.
There weren't as many divorces back then because women felt like they had to stay in bad marriages. Women aren't putting up with as much as they did back then because we are more educated now. More options and we aren't conditioned to be so submissive.
CHC4669 exactly and their disagreeable attitude problems and baggage offsets their beauty and which is why they're the least desired outside of sex by every community.. They just try to shame black men into accepting and loving it.. No
To answer the posted question: Are women too independent today? Yes, they are. Why? Because in a lot of cases they have to be. Who will take care of your needs, if no one else does? If there is no husband/partner holding down the household, what is a woman supposed to do to fend for herself? She must be independent to survive. Men may feel some kinda way about this, but what can they do to change the scene so that the woman is more dependent on them?
DaMayorOfNewYork if that's your definition of independence then no one can be fully independent. Using the services available to you such as AAA or asking people who know better doesn't mean you can't do things for yourself. Does that mean i shouldn't go to my doctor when Im sick so I can diagnose/treat myself or should I try to fix my own car when I have no idea what I'm doing causing more damage just so I can "I'm totally independent"? No one knows everything and we all need help at some point. So I think it's important to acknowledge what you know, what you don't and what you want then work from that to achieve the goals that you have for yourself. You WILL need help along the way no matter how independent you see yourself.
BITTERSWEET TV : You are so right! I don’t want to be Superwoman. I HAVE to be Superwoman. I have no safety net underneath me to catch me if i fall. However; I’d give that Superwoman role up in a heartbeat if I found my King who wanted to lead us safely and successfully. I want to be the neck to hold the head of the household up, not be the head myself.
The question is when you find a partner and don't HAVE do be a superwoman, would you stop or say " I've been Superwoman for so long, i can't stop now" THAT'S the issue men have with the super independent woman. It's not you are independent because you have to, the problem comes when you still want to be too independent though you are in the relationship
I was married for 26 years until my wife died recently. The guy in the white shirt has the best perspective. News flash to the gent talking about 2nd marriages is incorrect. 2nd marriages have 63% divorce rate. Besides we no longer live in a marriage culture. We are currently in a hookup culture. Marriage is give and take in many aspects. Most black couples today that get married will be divorcing in about 12 years. Social Media has changed the landscape forever. Many people today don't have the maturity for a long term marriage. They will just be playing house and once you add children to the mix it changes the dynamics of the marriage. For many couples children are the beginning of the end.
I know what the statistics say but like him, those I know that are happy in their marriage are on their 2nd marriage. Usually they are a little older like late 30s. I just think the second time around, you’re mature and you’ve learned some things. So I can relate to him.
I like this episode. young educated MATURE men being able to articulate and have a good discussion and opinions. Other episodes have boys talking about nonsense.
My biggest issue with finding a life-long partner is finding a man that is truly after God's heart. A man that is truly allowing his life to be guided by God's will for him. Just a man that has a real, genuine relationship with Christ. To me that is #1. If you do not have that or a true desire for that, then you are not for me. This is the one thing I can't compromise on. I have to be equally yolked spiritually.
+Cherise Ishman 1st off how can you as a mere mortal with limited intelligence and senses know if anyone has a genuine relationship with Christ? Do you claim to know and understand the will of God?
@Cal Grier 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣I guess those same females could say that about males whose gender does Not have menstrual cycles/hormonal things to go through on that scale but ok.
Thanks for caring enough to share your hearts. There are still beautiful independent (non-emasculating) black women out there that still imbody those traditional values that have sustained our cultural for generations. Don't give up. I salute you all!! Good job gentlemen!
Absolutely!! Far too long as black women have taken on a leadership role in our cultural (family structure) that was not designed for us to do, thus preventing our men from taking their rightful place in the family (village) structure.
This is probably the most heartfelt, sincere prose I've seen on the internet today. I want to personally thank you for your words of encouragement as a BW to myself (a BM) because honestly, with the media and the streets talking, it really feels like you all don't like us (just like the rest of the world) and I'm so tired of hearing how I'm not shit before I even open my mouth it's ridiculous. And she needn't be traditional, just someone who doesn't hate my guts or is trying to compete with me for no reason. So again, thank you for caring about how we feel and what we think. Most folks would rather us just not say anything and be "good little drones" in relationships.
Excellent Job, my brothers!! My husband knew I was the one at the age of 18. I didn’t believe him and was scared of what I was feeling. Long story short, 27 years later we got married😇 This is both our second marriage. It is like Heaven on Earth! We get along and love each other so well🙌🏾❤️
Not marriage minded. That's an accurate way to put things. I think most women, no matter their culture and race are brought up through their parents or general society thinking they'll be a wife. Not saying that's true but that's what it seems. At least in comparison to men, but from what I've seen doesn't seem like a lot of young guys are ready for a commitment like marriage. I won't lie at all and say that I am. I like the way the man with the light dreads phrased a relationship should have a heart and a mind. The mind will know where you're going and the heart will have the ideas for the mind to plan on. Nobody's perfect. I definitely am not. I just want somebody willing to help us both figure it out together. I really hope that I get a good man.
mizzymolly hmmm, I get what you're saying. Although marriage will have it's place at some point. I mean, that's what I would hope! Most preferrably after school. But I think it's important. Of course if a couple is willing to sacrifice. I wasnt speaking against marriage at all. I was just saying how I know it's something that can be a task, at some points. Not like these perfect fairy tales we were read as kids. :)
mizzymolly I think I might be called picky because I just won't go for any man too! I'm a virgin. I want a man who shares my values. I was sad about not meeting a man with my values so far but I realized I'm breathing everyday and even though I might be single, every day that I'm single again makes me more aware of myself and strengthens me. It's so sad because some women stay with other people just to say they're in relationships but these people are ABUSIVE and extremely insecure. They only want to be loved but don't want to feel lonely but they obviously don't believe in their own selves too! I'd like a relationship and I know this is cliché but I know everything isn't how it looks on the outside! So I have to love myself. It's an everyday battle.
+mizzymolly I get what your saying and it makes good sense as a older black woman with no children why settle for what is not going to make you happy I always say i derserve the best.
Mercy Lago no most men have seen the bad things about marriage for men first hand and they aren't doing it as a result yall are acting like previous bad experiences aren't affecting this generation
DaMayorOfNewYork I wasn't going to comment and I won't comment again after this. I am NOT addressing responsibilities to one's self, I am addressing responsibilities of a man TO a woman!
DaMayorOfNewYork I just looked at all of posts. It seems that you have a deep hatred towards black women. I didn't see any positive comments towards black women on your posts. ALL NEGATIVE! Is this the reason you continue to stalk me and challange every comment I make? What's the deal? The subject matter did NOT go over my head! How does my initial comment "point the finger" or "neglect self reflection?" I just stated what the role of a man in a woman's life is, just as a woman's role is to nurture the home and the family. How did you perceive negativity from my initial statement? Why the attacks, combative behavior, and insults?
DaMayorOfNewYork You want the same thing as well! You want me to "package my words" so that they appeal to you! Otherwise, you wouldn't have commented on MY posts!
Great discussion. Quite positive and very honest. I think it's hard to say when anyone is "ready" to marry because our society doesn't place a lot of value on true, healthy marriages. I think people marry when they are done playing the field and that's just real talk.
First of all this was an exceptional show to watch I really admire the way they prove their points on certain topics that women discuss among themselves vs asking a man. They're actually allowing women to see things from their perspective. As a married woman I can agree with some points they suggested and some were disagreeable. However the overall discussion was quite informative. I hope a lot of women actually take the time out to watch this.
does anyone think that when men go through " oh im just trying to have sex with as many people as possible" phase, that this effects how women view men later on in life? I am aware that not everyone goes through this phase.
I absolutely love hearing Black men share their life experiences. For so long they've been silenced or they felt silenced. This is a breath of fresh air and no clap back is necessary.....more of this please! This is mental health counseling for Black men and the epitome of true brotherhood. Black men being authentic, vulnerable and honest.. Keep it coming! TV show or and series on Aspire tv or and tv one needed!
Firstly, I know one of the men on this panel and this dialogue between men is a necessary one. I think that their honesty regarding their individual expectations prior to their marriages, inadequate preparation(possibly a lack of premarital counseling and deep dialogue), the issues they encountered during the marriage and the reasons that contributed to the divorce will help a lot of men Thank you so much for posting this
As a white woman married to a Latin man for a lot of years, marriage has its up and downs. BUT: marriage is team work. Praise eachother, say Thank you and sorry when needed. When one falls, pick up your husband/wife. Don't put kids in the middle of negatively. Romance/flirting/humor is definitively important.💙
BY FAR the absolute BEST group of this series...part of me wishes that they would have been the panel for all the discussions but I guess it was better to see a variety of personalities and opinions
I know this video is old but this topic is NEVER old, bruhman in the white shirt is definately speaking knowledge and wisdom. I ❤ his contribution to the conversation
Kudos MadameNoire!!! Finally, an useful and realistic dialogue with a true diverse group of men (finally discussions that include happily married men). Every married man on this panel hit the nail on the head (on each topic). Not at all saying that the singles didn’t contribute, because they did. I feel the married men are experiencing the real world of marriage (the commitment to do the work and the assuming of responsibility). Marriage is going to be WORK regardless of someone checking things off your list or not. For instance, the dude stating… “you don’t know how to cook outside of using pork, there’s a problem.” It’s not really a problem. You just didn’t discuss a solution. I mean, one can change their eating lifestyle after that marriage. It’s not means for divorce. It’s just the rule of evolving individuals. You find solutions. In the end, it’s not about lists, but about each person wanting to and willing to (even if you don’t want to or feel like it at the time) meet the needs of the other. Single ladies, I’d stop watching all those other videos and pay attention to this one. This is coming from a married woman whose husband share very similar views, if not the same and more, of those men on the panel that’s happily married.
I like how he said "... Getting into the marriage not knowing what its for" .. Whats the vision should definitely be understood before marriage and a continuous conversation there after.. the 8:07 mark I was digging wit that brother had to say. I totally agree.. These brothers made me proud and gave me hope. There are sensible black men left in the world
This was awesome! I thoroughly enjoyed this. Why aren't black men showcased in this light more often?! This deserves more views. If they were fighting it would have way more.
I've always wanted to get married. Ever since I could remember but I've changed so much just in the past 3 years. I'm not as selfish as I was and still am learning! I'm glad I didn't go along with anything not prepared because I can't imagine jumping into marriage with a selfish mind. Avoiding talking to my guy because I'm upset instead of thinking of a way to tell him how I feel. I can imagine I could've done that. I probably would've done a lot of other destructive things!
I love how he desribed the head and hte heart.. perfect one figures out what to do and the other figures out how to make it happen. I have always felt that way. Men are BUILT to make it happen. Awwee
Good to see a group of younger guys giving pretty mature advice on marriage and family matters. I liked what the one guys said about if you have an issue with a woman doing something better than you, you aren't ready for marriage, you haven't fully matured. That was good. The same is true for us as ladies, you have to learn to take a back seat if you're not good at something. It truly is compromise, and for me, letting the Lord Jesus LEAD you and your husband. Without Him at the helm, in my opinion, it's destined to have problems. ~Jesus is Lord - get to know Him as Savior (if you don't)~
Myself and women around me do cook, clean, take care of home, children, self, work, honest, respectful, thoughtful, loving, fun, ambitious, Spiritual, conscious, highly educated, make money, open minded, beautiful inside and out and have given the best to our husbands, and he sabotaged and dishonored us bc he could not step and accept it. Broken leads to broken if you won’t step up. So we do exist brothas
Nice Kings! Great conversation. Relationships are indeed a technology. Well versed. Thank you for the honest candid perspectives. May all of you and your families be blessed.
I am around different cultures and all of them are so grounded with balanced lives in marriages. And it's just so sad to see the black man so confused about it. We are a cursed group of people. 😭
Same here. I grew up amongst alot of indians, chinese, hispanics and some whites. They are MARRIAGE MINDED and value FAMILY above everything. Then education and keeping the community intact. Then they are always looking out for each other in every sector- jobs, family etc. The black community LACKS these BASIC foundations and hence the reason we are where we are. BM really need to step UP and stop being comfortable in another man's patriachy.
Not all women are like this. I am 43 years old who has love for my Higher Power, with a 15 year old daughter, great home, great profession, and a love my family. As far as the brothas on the panel, I agree with them, but I myself was taught by my mother to cook and to clean and to hold down the household just as she did and my father was the head of the household when I little and for that I respect him and any other Black man who is down for that. These brothas are beautiful.
great discussion! and to the one on the end in the white shirt *call me lol! anyhoo, i would love to see a discussion with black men and women together in addition to these type of sessions. its always nice to get a black man's perspective bc i am a black woman and already know my perspective...
Black men are complex beings, healing is necessary kings. Make sure that you are not wasting people’s time. Break curses before taking somebody’s daughter. Ps. Those men are mature
Not all of them are ready for marriage. Being the head of the home isn't about power and dominance. It's being ready to defend and protect your home. It's not about thumping your chest and making people feeling your power.
I'm very impressed with the man named Michael. I thought he was well spoken and engaging. Very interesting to hear his perspectives on marriage. He's very good looking too! Lol
This was some great dialogue. The question of are black women marriage minded the answer the brother made that was excellent was when are you asking or catching the black man. At 18 - 22, 23 - 27, 28 - 33 all different mindstates for black men. Me being the head of household is not being a tyrant and I empower my wife. I am the better saver but she is the better budgetary. I describe it as I wear the pants, she picks them. Husband = Priest of the household, provider, protector, validator, servant. I wholeheartedly believe in the holy constitution of marriage and the power it has. Almost all my friends are married and are successful. A+ Grade for this video
I agree this was an impactful video. I also have to agree with kiddRogers, comments below. Women want to be married. This is a different day and time and people need to see couples like your wife and yourself also the married friends that support your relationship MODEL this lifestyle. So they can see a positive picture of what marriage can look like.
I'm looking at this in 2022 after reading the Psychology today article where the polls are saying: The number of lonely, single men is on the rise and the women are happy single while some of these Men are talking.
The answer to the question of when a man decides to get married is when the laws change. Marriage is a business and the only time the elements of a contract are revealed is when the marriage goes south.
one gentleman said he's looking for a woman like his grandmother and his mother who's going to want to cook for him hold on the house and hold down a job and being equal Breadwinner. that desire/expectation is probably why women are not getting married or marriages are not lasting. Which man is going to hold down a job and cook for his woman and hold on the house like that?? The burden that a woman has to carry being married is so much more than a man, and what is he doing in return for that good woman who is holding down so much?
I love the steering wheel analogy, and the man who said women are doing lots of wonderful things out there, and the one who said that he personally just loves to have one woman to share his stuff and time with. 😍
Loved it! Loved the definition of a husband, loved the driving the car analogy. Just because you lead doesn't mean that you don't delegate according to strength. That doesn't take you out of the driver's seat. I wish you guys would do a world tour. Every time I try to tell men to stop blaming "Eve" you have to take the responsibility its a foreign concept. Thanks for giving some sound advice here.
***** Great Job! I love what you guys are doing from week to week with Ask A Black Man! I wish the discussions were a bit longer but I understand if these brothers have to get back to work lol. Btw, enjoyed the perspective of brother Jashua Sa-Ra on what "head of household' means and how he tied in the difference between but the equality of head and heart. Replacing the antiquated notion of female subservience to male "authority" with a deeper understanding of male and female energies and how to best channel and use those energies is much needed. Enjoyed Mike Allen's take on responsibility as well. I think the far-reaching effects of slavery and oppression are seriously underrated in examining the dynamic between Black American women and men and I would love to see that topic integrated into future conversations. Love and Freedom!
Telling the Truth on expectations in any relationship is powerful. So if a man and woman meet they should be completely transparent on expectations in their relationship.
OMG!! HEAD of household is just a title for tax purposes only!!! If couples especially men let this tax title devalue the dynamics of their union, they're a fool!!!!
twerkingwithdastarz Head of household is just for tax purposes only! And, here's why, When a man and woman has made a decision on who will provide and who will bring home the "bacon", "cheddar" , "bread" or "cheese" , the dynamics of a real union will NOT change. Because what if the man is disabled and can't freaking work? Does it make him less of a man? HELL NO! Most of the time it would be the man but it does NOT or should not let it devalue the dynamics of a marriage if the woman works and the man stays home. Only a fool would allow a title to destroy and devalue their union. A man has not committed a sin against humanity because he stays home while his wife works. Each family is unique. REMEMBER THAT! So, the government came up with the head of household to determine who will be responsible for paying taxes under that roof. PEOPLE NEED TO SERIOUSLY STOP ALLOWING A MAN MADE TITLE TO DESTROY AND DEVALUE THEIR UNION...
twerkingwithdastarz The HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD IS NOT JUST FOR MEN. It's for whoever is bringing in the most money.. That's all that means. It has nothing to do with being a man! Based on this video, if this was true then what happens when men become disabled, a woman married a disabled man, or a couple made the decision to have the woman work and the man stays home with the children? Does it make him less than a man? ONLY A FOOL WOULD THINK it would.
+Ms. J H J first i c feminism done screwed u up. im for equality but God made women for men not the other way around. men are the head and women are the neck in a relationship. head of household comes from head of house. for a man it's not just about 💰. its abt respect. men need respect more than love. if he is not the head he wont be happy. he will take ur money n spend on side 🐤 and strip clubs. im saying a woman cant make more money but she will need his appoval on how she spend it. the strong independent women will not last to long if they want life long marriages
This is an interesting conversation. I like what the Brother said that marriage is the beginning of the destination. As the one person in a family that I get to choose, I pray that the choice is made with wisdom.
One of the unfortunate cycles that continue is men express honest concerns and are condemned for it. Black men aren't attacking a woman's essence, he recognizes how replaceable the world has made him. First, the oppressor took him out of the home eliminating an authentic example of masculinity in the black family. Secondly, the opprosser has convinced Black women and men that they hate each other. Thirdly, this has created a cycle of individualistic minded people ( both men and women) who lack identity. While we date we are still becoming ( learning who we are and how to love) which becomes a crash course of love. This crash course method of finding love has played a huge role in ruining the black family dynamic. Hurt people continue to hurt each other bottom line. Often times what lacks in our relationships is both being accountable and lacking a desire to work through difficulty. Love is flawed because our ideas of love are toxic and fictional. Lastly, how many of us can count at least 2 examples of healthy loving black relationships? The examples must be of people you have a close relationship with. We lack healthy loving templates and so we suggest flawed oppinions and miseducated perspectives instead.
I liked when the guy in the white shirt and the tie talked about the positives of being with one person and sharing his life with one person...I wish someone would tell men that more women doesn't mean more love...most people are not going to love you...you will be Lucky to find one woman that Truly loves you!
most men are aware of that.
These comments are sad
It’s a revolving door u going from woman to woman trying to fill an empty lustful space
@@myisglim7801 I mean it's not sad. It is what it is. We are living in a postmodern feminist Nation where we are past the point of acceptance when women holler that we men are useless, ain't shit and aren't needed.
No one wants to talk about the men who are investing in their youth that gets rejected for thugs and the millions of men that got divorced right after the welfare and no fault divorce became Nationwide. Didn't have anything to do with whether the man was a good person or not
Definitely can tell the emotionally maturity in the room. Good perspectives - and very good analogies.
Good job!
thats cuz older men finally settle down after being around the block a few times...gets boring so they finally settle.
All men aren't built the same, I refuse to have society dictate for me when to get married or do anything else for that matter. We're all individuals and should chose to get married when we feel the time is right, not in accordance to any ones expectations.
TranscendentalMental exactly
TranscendentalMental nothing wrong with it! Just don’t lead anyone on
@Tory Shaye Society does not just dictate that based off of nurture, biology also dictates attractiveness.
Less men are likely to gravitate to older women or other pre-existing physical conditions because youth Beauty and fertility are signs of Health. The healthier you are at the more likely you are to bear healthy children. Those healthy children where the lifeline and are still that way from millions of people when they get old.
@@Xwaterwicca Lots of men seem to have no problem leading women on, which would also explains why so many "bitter babymama's" exist.
@@colbalt95 That's sounds all good but, but alot of blk men knock up and leave younger blkw with kids out of wedlock at a higher rate than older blkw! Also alot of those same young women grow up to become the older women that Have children out of wedlock, that those same men claim to no longer want! The way i see it...even when alot of these men get exactly the women they're asking for, 8 times out of 10 she will still end up a single babymama!
Best group by far. They expressed their opinions in a very mature manner.
They've all been great. I think I enjoyed them more because I'm divorced and could relate to this topic more.
+MadameNoire No! Some of the panelists have sounded very immature. It felt like I was listening to college kids talk as opposed to grown men in their late 30's. Very distasteful. The content of what they say is their opinion, but I get turned off by the vulgarity in their language. I find it degrading to women. Pls find more mature and articulate men!
+lemmieatit Constant Spring
Yes mum. Monica they did their best.I like when men do their best. The rest will come from God.
+A J it a True story! Google it!
i love the way he defined the difference between a boyfriend & a husband. Taking responsibility for the good & the bad of your marriage. we all know that a successful marriage takes both people to put in equal work; however, there is a reason god made adam first. by myself I am an independent black woman but I tell my husband all the time the that i am his co-pilot as long as he is willing to truly take on the responsibility of being the pilot. thats natural for any good woman to do. thats how a marriage survives.
The statement the brother made about taken responsibility. That is what leading a household is....and I totally feel like some woman are too independent(for varies reason, prior men have made them a promise and broken it) But when you get that right man and he leads your family it is an amazing thing. It's downright magical.
There weren't as many divorces back then because women felt like they had to stay in bad marriages. Women aren't putting up with as much as they did back then because we are more educated now. More options and we aren't conditioned to be so submissive.
How is this paradigm shift affecting black children? Would you say in a good way or bad way?
Exactly
Star The Sun bad
This is also true with men.
CHC4669 exactly and their disagreeable attitude problems and baggage offsets their beauty and which is why they're the least desired outside of sex by every community.. They just try to shame black men into accepting and loving it.. No
I wish I could find a cool group of friends to chop it up with like this.
They not friends. But I hope you find your group.
If you're on Facebook, go to the private group called Protect the King
I think you have.
This was the best episode by far. Great group of mature, honest and intelligent brothas.
I was thinking the same thing, Jerome.
To answer the posted question: Are women too independent today? Yes, they are. Why? Because in a lot of cases they have to be. Who will take care of your needs, if no one else does? If there is no husband/partner holding down the household, what is a woman supposed to do to fend for herself? She must be independent to survive. Men may feel some kinda way about this, but what can they do to change the scene so that the woman is more dependent on them?
DaMayorOfNewYork if that's your definition of independence then no one can be fully independent. Using the services available to you such as AAA or asking people who know better doesn't mean you can't do things for yourself. Does that mean i shouldn't go to my doctor when Im sick so I can diagnose/treat myself or should I try to fix my own car when I have no idea what I'm doing causing more damage just so I can "I'm totally independent"?
No one knows everything and we all need help at some point. So I think it's important to acknowledge what you know, what you don't and what you want then work from that to achieve the goals that you have for yourself. You WILL need help along the way no matter how independent you see yourself.
Eden Grey idiot bc pills aren't dependency, they are science. I guess a black male taking medication is dependent on the pharmaceutical companies
JStalinOfficial eden just sound like he hate women in general.
BITTERSWEET TV : You are so right!
I don’t want to be Superwoman. I HAVE to be Superwoman.
I have no safety net underneath me to catch me if i fall. However; I’d give that Superwoman role up in a heartbeat if I found my King who wanted to lead us safely and successfully.
I want to be the neck to hold the head of the household up, not be the head myself.
The question is when you find a partner and don't HAVE do be a superwoman, would you stop or say " I've been Superwoman for so long, i can't stop now" THAT'S the issue men have with the super independent woman. It's not you are independent because you have to, the problem comes when you still want to be too independent though you are in the relationship
I was married for 26 years until my wife died recently.
The guy in the white shirt has the best perspective.
News flash to the gent talking about 2nd marriages is incorrect.
2nd marriages have 63% divorce rate.
Besides we no longer live in a marriage culture.
We are currently in a hookup culture.
Marriage is give and take in many aspects.
Most black couples today that get married will be divorcing in about 12 years.
Social Media has changed the landscape forever.
Many people today don't have the maturity for a long term marriage.
They will just be playing house and once you add children to the mix it changes the dynamics of the marriage.
For many couples children are the beginning of the end.
Well said sir!
I know what the statistics say but like him, those I know that are happy in their marriage are on their 2nd marriage. Usually they are a little older like late 30s. I just think the second time around, you’re mature and you’ve learned some things. So I can relate to him.
I like this episode. young educated MATURE men being able to articulate and have a good discussion and opinions. Other episodes have boys talking about nonsense.
This was actually a group of very intelligent, mature men. 👏🏾
Yes I have
Yes I have
I love the head and the heart analogy. One person has to do the driving but that doesn't mean he decides where you are going or how to get there.
Lori Humphrey The head decides where the body goes. The heart does not.
My biggest issue with finding a life-long partner is finding a man that is truly after God's heart. A man that is truly allowing his life to be guided by God's will for him.
Just a man that has a real, genuine relationship with Christ.
To me that is #1. If you do not have that or a true desire for that, then you are not for me. This is the one thing I can't compromise on. I have to be equally yolked spiritually.
***** I suppose we just have to stay patient! When it's time, he will come! (:
Amen!!!
@Cheruse Ishman That's my exact position, I'm waiting on God for my God ordained husband...
Yes, amen!
+Cherise Ishman 1st off how can you as a mere mortal with limited intelligence and senses know if anyone has a genuine relationship with Christ?
Do you claim to know and understand the will of God?
Definitely need more men like the guy in white shirt/black tie 😍
Giggles Yes
Giggle digger I didn't even pay attention to his clothes. LOL
Did you mean it in the terms of look or intellect and perspective?
@Cal Grier but you males love more make up and less clothes on females out and about! 😲🤤
@Cal Grier 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣I guess those same females could say that about males whose gender does Not have menstrual cycles/hormonal things to go through on that scale but ok.
Thanks for caring enough to share your hearts. There are still beautiful independent (non-emasculating) black women out there that still imbody those traditional values that have sustained our cultural for generations. Don't give up. I salute you all!! Good job gentlemen!
Absolutely!! Far too long as black women have taken on a leadership role in our cultural (family structure) that was not designed for us to do, thus preventing our men from taking their rightful place in the family (village) structure.
This is probably the most heartfelt, sincere prose I've seen on the internet today. I want to personally thank you for your words of encouragement as a BW to myself (a BM) because honestly, with the media and the streets talking, it really feels like you all don't like us (just like the rest of the world) and I'm so tired of hearing how I'm not shit before I even open my mouth it's ridiculous.
And she needn't be traditional, just someone who doesn't hate my guts or is trying to compete with me for no reason. So again, thank you for caring about how we feel and what we think. Most folks would rather us just not say anything and be "good little drones" in relationships.
Marlo Stroud Absolutely
Excellent Job, my brothers!!
My husband knew I was the one at the age of 18. I didn’t believe him and was scared of what I was feeling.
Long story short, 27 years later we got married😇
This is both our second marriage.
It is like Heaven on Earth! We get along and love each other so well🙌🏾❤️
All 10 of them
I appreciate your intelligence. Wow. More people need to watch. These are our black men. Thanks
i loved this, no one was bashing just honest dialogue. keep up the great work
Not marriage minded. That's an accurate way to put things. I think most women, no matter their culture and race are brought up through their parents or general society thinking they'll be a wife. Not saying that's true but that's what it seems. At least in comparison to men, but from what I've seen doesn't seem like a lot of young guys are ready for a commitment like marriage. I won't lie at all and say that I am. I like the way the man with the light dreads phrased a relationship should have a heart and a mind. The mind will know where you're going and the heart will have the ideas for the mind to plan on. Nobody's perfect. I definitely am not. I just want somebody willing to help us both figure it out together. I really hope that I get a good man.
mizzymolly hmmm, I get what you're saying. Although marriage will have it's place at some point. I mean, that's what I would hope! Most preferrably after school. But I think it's important. Of course if a couple is willing to sacrifice. I wasnt speaking against marriage at all. I was just saying how I know it's something that can be a task, at some points. Not like these perfect fairy tales we were read as kids. :)
mizzymolly I dont think Im ready for marriage but then again Im introverted.
mizzymolly I think I might be called picky because I just won't go for any man too! I'm a virgin. I want a man who shares my values. I was sad about not meeting a man with my values so far but I realized I'm breathing everyday and even though I might be single, every day that I'm single again makes me more aware of myself and strengthens me. It's so sad because some women stay with other people just to say they're in relationships but these people are ABUSIVE and extremely insecure. They only want to be loved but don't want to feel lonely but they obviously don't believe in their own selves too! I'd like a relationship and I know this is cliché but I know everything isn't how it looks on the outside! So I have to love myself. It's an everyday battle.
+mizzymolly I get what your saying and it makes good sense as a older black woman with no children why settle for what is not going to make you happy I always say i derserve the best.
Mercy Lago no most men have seen the bad things about marriage for men first hand and they aren't doing it as a result yall are acting like previous bad experiences aren't affecting this generation
A man's FIRST responsibility to woman is to PROVIDE and PROTECT!
DaMayorOfNewYork I wasn't going to comment and I won't comment again after this. I am NOT addressing responsibilities to one's self, I am addressing responsibilities of a man TO a woman!
DaMayorOfNewYork I just looked at all of posts. It seems that you have a deep hatred towards black women. I didn't see any positive comments towards black women on your posts. ALL NEGATIVE! Is this the reason you continue to stalk me and challange every comment I make? What's the deal?
The subject matter did NOT go over my head! How does my initial comment "point the finger" or "neglect self reflection?" I just stated what the role of a man in a woman's life is, just as a woman's role is to nurture the home and the family. How did you perceive negativity from my initial statement? Why the attacks, combative behavior, and insults?
DaMayorOfNewYork I can't even express MY truth without you jumping out of the shadows, ready to go to war! WTH?
DaMayorOfNewYork Lol! Cute
DaMayorOfNewYork You want the same thing as well! You want me to "package my words" so that they appeal to you! Otherwise, you wouldn't have commented on MY posts!
Love this show. It shows how versatile our black men are.
Great discussion. Quite positive and very honest. I think it's hard to say when anyone is "ready" to marry because our society doesn't place a lot of value on true, healthy marriages. I think people marry when they are done playing the field and that's just real talk.
This is my favorite episode by far. A lot of sound minded guys that were not afraid to be honest and open about their answers.
First of all this was an exceptional show to watch I really admire the way they prove their points on certain topics that women discuss among themselves vs asking a man. They're actually allowing women to see things from their perspective. As a married woman I can agree with some points they suggested and some were disagreeable. However the overall discussion was quite informative. I hope a lot of women actually take the time out to watch this.
does anyone think that when men go through " oh im just trying to have sex with as many people as possible" phase, that this effects how women view men later on in life? I am aware that not everyone goes through this phase.
The V-Files yes it does!
YouGo_GlenCoCo YouGo thanks
I absolutely love hearing Black men share their life experiences. For so long they've been silenced or they felt silenced. This is a breath of fresh air and no clap back is necessary.....more of this please! This is mental health counseling for Black men and the epitome of true brotherhood. Black men being authentic, vulnerable and honest.. Keep it coming! TV show or and series on Aspire tv or and tv one needed!
The brotha with the locks is beautiful.
The dude who said marriage is not a destination, but the beginning of a destination is cute.
Firstly, I know one of the men on this panel and this dialogue between men is a necessary one.
I think that their honesty regarding their individual expectations prior to their marriages, inadequate preparation(possibly a lack of premarital counseling and deep dialogue), the issues they encountered during the marriage and the reasons that contributed to the divorce will help a lot of men
Thank you so much for posting this
As a white woman married to a Latin man for a lot of years, marriage has its up and downs. BUT: marriage is team work. Praise eachother, say Thank you and sorry when needed. When one falls, pick up your husband/wife. Don't put kids in the middle of negatively. Romance/flirting/humor is definitively important.💙
BY FAR the absolute BEST group of this series...part of me wishes that they would have been the panel for all the discussions but I guess it was better to see a variety of personalities and opinions
I know this video is old but this topic is NEVER old, bruhman in the white shirt is definately speaking knowledge and wisdom. I ❤ his contribution to the conversation
The guuy with the dreads is ABOUT that car analogy. lol! Love it, though.
Kudos MadameNoire!!! Finally, an useful and realistic dialogue with a true diverse group of men (finally discussions that include happily married men). Every married man on this panel hit the nail on the head (on each topic). Not at all saying that the singles didn’t contribute, because they did. I feel the married men are experiencing the real world of marriage (the commitment to do the work and the assuming of responsibility). Marriage is going to be WORK regardless of someone checking things off your list or not. For instance, the dude stating… “you don’t know how to cook outside of using pork, there’s a problem.” It’s not really a problem. You just didn’t discuss a solution. I mean, one can change their eating lifestyle after that marriage. It’s not means for divorce. It’s just the rule of evolving individuals. You find solutions. In the end, it’s not about lists, but about each person wanting to and willing to (even if you don’t want to or feel like it at the time) meet the needs of the other. Single ladies, I’d stop watching all those other videos and pay attention to this one. This is coming from a married woman whose husband share very similar views, if not the same and more, of those men on the panel that’s happily married.
I like how he said "... Getting into the marriage not knowing what its for" .. Whats the vision should definitely be understood before marriage and a continuous conversation there after.. the 8:07 mark I was digging wit that brother had to say. I totally agree.. These brothers made me proud and gave me hope. There are sensible black men left in the world
This was awesome! I thoroughly enjoyed this. Why aren't black men showcased in this light more often?! This deserves more views. If they were fighting it would have way more.
I've always wanted to get married. Ever since I could remember but I've changed so much just in the past 3 years. I'm not as selfish as I was and still am learning! I'm glad I didn't go along with anything not prepared because I can't imagine jumping into marriage with a selfish mind. Avoiding talking to my guy because I'm upset instead of thinking of a way to tell him how I feel. I can imagine I could've done that. I probably would've done a lot of other destructive things!
The head and the heart I like that
I love how he desribed the head and hte heart.. perfect one figures out what to do and the other figures out how to make it happen. I have always felt that way. Men are BUILT to make it happen. Awwee
Good to see a group of younger guys giving pretty mature advice on marriage and family matters. I liked what the one guys said about if you have an issue with a woman doing something better than you, you aren't ready for marriage, you haven't fully matured. That was good. The same is true for us as ladies, you have to learn to take a back seat if you're not good at something. It truly is compromise, and for me, letting the Lord Jesus LEAD you and your husband. Without Him at the helm, in my opinion, it's destined to have problems. ~Jesus is Lord - get to know Him as Savior (if you don't)~
***** Yes, especially men.
***** i think so. Some women are so independent they do not know how to take a backseat and be lead.
DaMayorOfNewYork ok! But i'll keep my opinion. Thanks
DaMayorOfNewYork Ok thanks for your thoughts lol. Good night
Amen
The guys were spot on! Excellent discussion!
I agree. This particular group I found enlightening to listen to
buutifuleyes agreed. Very well spoken
Myself and women around me do cook, clean, take care of home, children, self, work, honest, respectful, thoughtful, loving, fun, ambitious, Spiritual, conscious, highly educated, make money, open minded, beautiful inside and out and have given the best to our husbands, and he sabotaged and dishonored us bc he could not step and accept it. Broken leads to broken if you won’t step up. So we do exist brothas
Nice Kings! Great conversation. Relationships are indeed a technology. Well versed. Thank you for the honest candid perspectives. May all of you and your families be blessed.
Marriage is beautiful
I am around different cultures and all of them are so grounded with balanced lives in marriages. And it's just so sad to see the black man so confused about it. We are a cursed group of people. 😭
Not cursed, but but far from God.
@@ericacaines2529 Right. far from God meaning far from our true selves
Same here. I grew up amongst alot of indians, chinese, hispanics and some whites. They are MARRIAGE MINDED and value FAMILY above everything. Then education and keeping the community intact. Then they are always looking out for each other in every sector- jobs, family etc. The black community LACKS these BASIC foundations and hence the reason we are where we are. BM really need to step UP and stop being comfortable in another man's patriachy.
Salaam, it's good to see different Brothas perspective on this topic.. ~Unity
Not all women are like this. I am 43 years old who has love for my Higher Power, with a 15 year old daughter, great home, great profession, and a love my family. As far as the brothas on the panel, I agree with them, but I myself was taught by my mother to cook and to clean and to hold down the household just as she did and my father was the head of the household when I little and for that I respect him and any other Black man who is down for that. These brothas are beautiful.
wamp wamp
Pick me ✋🏽
great discussion! and to the one on the end in the white shirt *call me lol! anyhoo, i would love to see a discussion with black men and women together in addition to these type of sessions. its always nice to get a black man's perspective bc i am a black woman and already know my perspective...
IndigobluBeauty he was cute, wasn't he girl? LOL
mmmhmmm! with a good head on his shoulders lmao!!
Blessings!!!
I know! He's so handsome!
IndigobluBeauty He's married... and from the way he sounds also happy.
love it. no egos just intelligeant fair answers . applause ! these men r awsome.
Black men are complex beings, healing is necessary kings. Make sure that you are not wasting people’s time. Break curses before taking somebody’s daughter. Ps. Those men are mature
Not all of them are ready for marriage. Being the head of the home isn't about power and dominance. It's being ready to defend and protect your home. It's not about thumping your chest and making people feeling your power.
True its a big step marriage. And a lot of men are scared of the commitment.
I'm very impressed with the man named Michael. I thought he was well spoken and engaging. Very interesting to hear his perspectives on marriage. He's very good looking too! Lol
deena jones Agreed!
That was really good I'm about to binge watch these
Wow, that is scary, in an eye-opening way, what he said about second marriages.
jillhbaudhaan I know right, I'm like ummm 😂😂😂
Agree! Happily 2nd married! 😆
Loved this episode. A lot of great insight and wisdom
*"The game changer in life is as soon as you care more for someone other than yourself."* 💖
Yes kings! This was a wonderful dialogue and I can't wait for this to be the norm.
It's refreshing and enlightening to hear a man's point of view.
This was some great dialogue. The question of are black women marriage minded the answer the brother made that was excellent was when are you asking or catching the black man. At 18 - 22, 23 - 27, 28 - 33 all different mindstates for black men. Me being the head of household is not being a tyrant and I empower my wife. I am the better saver but she is the better budgetary. I describe it as I wear the pants, she picks them. Husband = Priest of the household, provider, protector, validator, servant. I wholeheartedly believe in the holy constitution of marriage and the power it has. Almost all my friends are married and are successful. A+ Grade for this video
I agree this was an impactful video. I also have to agree with kiddRogers, comments below. Women want to be married. This is a different day and time and people need to see couples like your wife and yourself also the married friends that support your relationship MODEL this lifestyle. So they can see a positive picture of what marriage can look like.
Mike Allen, appreciate what you were saying about being marriage minded. Great podcast, fellas. Thanks MadameNoire
I'm looking at this in 2022 after reading the Psychology today article where the polls are saying: The number of lonely, single men is on the rise and the women are happy single while some of these Men are talking.
The answer to the question of when a man decides to get married is when the laws change. Marriage is a business and the only time the elements of a contract are revealed is when the marriage goes south.
one gentleman said he's looking for a woman like his grandmother and his mother who's going to want to cook for him hold on the house and hold down a job and being equal Breadwinner. that desire/expectation is probably why women are not getting married or marriages are not lasting. Which man is going to hold down a job and cook for his woman and hold on the house like that?? The burden that a woman has to carry being married is so much more than a man, and what is he doing in return for that good woman who is holding down so much?
Exactly why I never want to get married.
@MikeAllen, articulate, focused, driven... so excited that great guys exist!
Good and different answers at the same time ! thanks madame noire
I love the steering wheel analogy, and the man who said women are doing lots of wonderful things out there, and the one who said that he personally just loves to have one woman to share his stuff and time with. 😍
This was my favorite episode! love it
He's absolutely right we are not producing the same people
the guy who said that women can lead the household too gets 👏🏾👏🏾 from me
enjoyed the conversation. Is there an extended version?
I am thankful for your guys time and valuable points.
I really loved their views!
I really really like this great men's view point. They have a all lot to give. May God bless them all with wonderful, Godfearing marriages.
i'll pass on marriage
Great radio analogy!
Loved it! Loved the definition of a husband, loved the driving the car analogy. Just because you lead doesn't mean that you don't delegate according to strength. That doesn't take you out of the driver's seat. I wish you guys would do a world tour. Every time I try to tell men to stop blaming "Eve" you have to take the responsibility its a foreign concept. Thanks for giving some sound advice here.
Excited to see these smart and insightful men!
Marriage is the Strongest thing a man could do. Let that sink in
I love this honest and true form, these gentleman discussing real life great job 👏 💖
Being in charge is accepting and being responsible for everything...BARS!
I love this episode. I would like to see an episode with women and I want to be apart of it.
Very good video they brought ups some good points.
Excellent where can I get more of these guys
This was a very intelligent dialogue between mature black men, salute!
***** Great Job! I love what you guys are doing from week to week with Ask A Black Man! I wish the discussions were a bit longer but I understand if these brothers have to get back to work lol. Btw, enjoyed the perspective of brother Jashua Sa-Ra on what "head of household' means and how he tied in the difference between but the equality of head and heart. Replacing the antiquated notion of female subservience to male "authority" with a deeper understanding of male and female energies and how to best channel and use those energies is much needed. Enjoyed Mike Allen's take on responsibility as well. I think the far-reaching effects of slavery and oppression are seriously underrated in examining the dynamic between Black American women and men and I would love to see that topic integrated into future conversations. Love and Freedom!
I def agree with the analogy about the car and one is the driver; the other is the navigator
So as a man you take responsibility for your relationship so my question is : if you date a woman who cheats on you, is that your fault?
Dark skinned brother with the dreads is on point!!! I came to my husband with what he said and he instantly asked me to marry him!!!
Wow! Amazing conversation between grown and mature beautiful black men. ❤️❤️❤️
In a marriage both of you should know what you both want out of life. Talk to each other.
Do they have a podcast? I’ll love to listen to stuff like this on the go.
Telling the Truth on expectations in any relationship is powerful. So if a man and woman meet they should be completely transparent on expectations in their relationship.
I like this group they know what they are talking about i agree with them 100 Real talk
Loved their conversation! And the Ethiopian (white shirt) is cute
I love this
OMG!! HEAD of household is just a title for tax purposes only!!! If couples especially men let this tax title devalue the dynamics of their union, they're a fool!!!!
head of household is not just for tax purposes
twerkingwithdastarz Head of household is just for tax purposes only!
And, here's why, When a man and woman has made a decision on who will provide and who will bring home the "bacon", "cheddar" , "bread" or "cheese" , the dynamics of a real union will NOT change. Because what if the man is disabled and can't freaking work? Does it make him less of a man? HELL NO!
Most of the time it would be the man but it does NOT or should not let it devalue the dynamics of a marriage if the woman works and the man stays home. Only a fool would allow a title to destroy and devalue their union. A man has not committed a sin against humanity because he stays home while his wife works. Each family is unique. REMEMBER THAT!
So, the government came up with the head of household to determine who will be responsible for paying taxes under that roof.
PEOPLE NEED TO SERIOUSLY STOP ALLOWING A MAN MADE TITLE TO DESTROY AND DEVALUE THEIR UNION...
+Ms. J H J b4 there was irs there was head of household/family. who in ur house speaks on final financial decisions in ur married house
twerkingwithdastarz
The HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD IS NOT JUST FOR MEN. It's for whoever is bringing in the most money.. That's all that means. It has nothing to do with being a man!
Based on this video, if this was true then what happens when men become disabled, a woman married a disabled man, or a couple made the decision to have the woman work and the man stays home with the children? Does it make him less than a man? ONLY A FOOL WOULD THINK it would.
+Ms. J H J first i c feminism done screwed u up. im for equality but God made women for men not the other way around. men are the head and women are the neck in a relationship. head of household comes from head of house. for a man it's not just about 💰. its abt respect. men need respect more than love. if he is not the head he wont be happy. he will take ur money n spend on side 🐤 and strip clubs. im saying a woman cant make more money but she will need his appoval on how she spend it. the strong independent women will not last to long if they want life long marriages
This is an interesting conversation. I like what the Brother said that marriage is the beginning of the destination. As the one person in a family that I get to choose, I pray that the choice is made with wisdom.
I love his example of driving during a trip with delegating roles in a relationship 👏🏾
One of the unfortunate cycles that continue is men express honest concerns and are condemned for it. Black men aren't attacking a woman's essence, he recognizes how replaceable the world has made him. First, the oppressor took him out of the home eliminating an authentic example of masculinity in the black family. Secondly, the opprosser has convinced Black women and men that they hate each other. Thirdly, this has created a cycle of individualistic minded people ( both men and women) who lack identity. While we date we are still becoming ( learning who we are and how to love) which becomes a crash course of love. This crash course method of finding love has played a huge role in ruining the black family dynamic. Hurt people continue to hurt each other bottom line. Often times what lacks in our relationships is both being accountable and lacking a desire to work through difficulty. Love is flawed because our ideas of love are toxic and fictional. Lastly, how many of us can count at least 2 examples of healthy loving black relationships? The examples must be of people you have a close relationship with. We lack healthy loving templates and so we suggest flawed oppinions and miseducated perspectives instead.