This is such a difficult concept to get through to people who don't live with this. Like others said you often feel like others see you as lazy, but honestly, I'm just trying to preserve energy so I don't completely burn out and spend days in recovery, and/or live in perpetual battery-saving mode. It's frustrating as I've tried to speak up in certain situations to have accommodations be made, but was told they couldn't provide it as it wasn't fair to 'everyone else'. This is prior to diagnosis, but even with official dx I worry that people won't believe that I am autistic or that I'm just milking it. Not that simple...nope...
Finally, at the age of 72 it's wonderful to have an explanation of my chaotic life experiences. It's a great relief to discover that I have Aspergers and my parents were also ASD This explains so much about what happened to me, especially in my younger years. Thank you Dr David Whitaker
It's so hard to actually be here in the right place at the right time to watch these videos in real time but I'm always impressed by the relevancy of the topics covered. I set the reminder just in case I'm around for the conversations that follows but If I'm away, I will certainly come back. Paul, your work is greatly appreciated.
Pearson...I know you probably do. But I was only explaining to Darvid he misunderstood Jon & I was only specifying wasn't I!?🤣Wondering why you called me Smith tho? Do you do that to everyone?
Smith... yeah I get u now. And I only called u smith bc it was easier to spell withing having to swipe our of my comment and see how ur first name was spelled. And u know we are sticklers for correctness and truthfulness so I would need to do that in order to spell it right.
The only time I really relax is when I am alone for a long time. And also extreme physical exercise is exhilarating for me. Then I do rest and sleep wonderfully. Thanks Paul, I appreciate you making these videos.
Every dang video i go ‘oh no... OH NO’ because its always *too* relatable in like, i have has this problem for years and i thought it was just me. How does this keep happening...
Yes, it makes perfect sense, and is something I need to do daily. For a couple of years now I've been having an afternoon siesta, going to bed with a cuppa and reading for about an hour then sleeping for one or two hours so that I can cook a meal at teatime and enjoy doing stuff in the evening. I used to have horrible bouts of chronic fatigue before I started doing that. I had a sharp reminder of it recently, as I had two weeks with only one or two siestas due to circumstances, and I've been really burnt out since with very little energy. It made me realise how essential my siestas are and how they keep the fatigue at bay! :)
I was thinking about making that same comment about Max Headroom. It was a bit difficult for me to watch because Paul is a real person and not some computer animation, but I was doing my nightly oral hygiene routine while running this video anyway, so I ended up mainly listening. Excellent information as usual! Thank you!
I feel like I've been at less than 30% battery for months now, if not years, but I am unable to rest, I just don't know how to rest. I'd need at least a year of vacations free of the guilt of taking it and out of my home
It took me 2 years of testing out hobbies and giving myself the space to think about what I want to do to find the hobbies that give me energy. It's hard but worth it!
Same here :( I feel drained and with "low battery" for years now, I would say I'm unable to take a rest or recover properly for at least 6 years, just experiencing burnout after burnout and questioning what's wrong with me. I hope someday I can rest and recharge, my dream is to take a looong break without guilt as you said.
I save every video because I've never had anyone teach me how to live successfully with my mind and body. And anything I can learn I'm hoping to turn over to my 27 yr old son. He's on his own (with great roomates) but on disability. I keep hoping I can figure out how to help him live more independently because he is so brilliant and is so good and kind. (I adore him).
Thanks for your awesome work! The moment when I realized that your battery metaphor distracted me and I thought that nowadays lithium batteries should run between 40 and 80% charge showed clearly that I’m on the spectrum! ;)
I am well aware of this state. My mind thankfully doesn't just shut everything down all at once - when I am at about 50% or so I will not be able to concentrate sufficiently to be able to accomplish seriously productive workloads but will still be able to socialize normally - this is generally my first cue that I should take a load off for a bit. Following this, at about 20-25% or so my mask will completely fail. I will be unable to speak, and yet I will STILL socialize via the use of AAC. So too, I will not act like I am semi-normal as usual and will be quite visibly autistic. This is termed a preventative shutdown. Should something happen which depletes me down to 5-10% though I enter what I call a "deep shutdown" which is what you term "zombie mode", and here I will be completely unable to socialize and will probably withdrawal completely until my energy levels have recovered sufficiently so that I can resume.
Thank you for sharing this. This is the order of shutdown for me too but after 50 years of 'plowing through' and repeatedly crashing and burning I am incapable of recognizing the early signs and don't catch on until I am mid-preventative shutdown. I'm going to write these down and see if it helps me catch it sooner.
Yep👍👍 I think I’ve identified an issue with NOT having words or a framework for recognising emotions or exhaustion. Approaching it intellectually has been more effective - noticing the increasing deficit of effectiveness and linking that to exhaustion or emotional overload. Big Break Through: anxiety is my friend 😊 a symptom and flag that something in my life needs to change - then it’s a detective story working out what that is🤔
Exactly and called lazy. I've been criticised for " not pulling my weight" and told I'm "not doing enough" I'm burnt out, worn out and can't see a way out.
Yes. And … we must care for ourselves. I can’t wait for “them” to understand. Starting with self compassion, wisdom about how to manage / care for myself. And look for one or two allies who do understand and can affirm me in these little steps of self care.
Another really interesting & important thing to note is that intentionally breaking a habit, like going to your weekly dance class, can make reengaging with that habit much harder, but forcing yourself to do it when you're physically or mentally unable can have the same effect. This means that (like many things) finding a balance is super important, and it can be much harder for/have a much greater impact on autistic people because of how important these habits are to maintaining energy levels. To translate it into your metaphor; if you look at the charge on your phone or laptop and decide not to charge it at 40%, you're more likely to let it drop below that amount in the future, and maybe next time 30% isn't too low because it's close enough to 40% (This kinda loops back around to the behavior I just described, but it's more relatable for neurotypical folks) Also I really like this metaphor so here's a fun lil observation: Remembering to charge your phone also entails making a habit of being around and noticing places where you can find electricity and plug sockets, which works as an analogy for sculpting a lifestyle that includes the things that help you get your energy back XD
I learned much healthier energy management when I had ME/CFS - because I was forced to. Before that I would always just push myself until I crashed. The concepts of pacing and working within the energy envelope helped me so much and I fully recovered. It also came with the bonus of all judgement from family and friends evaporating and any that remained I completely ignore. It was while rebuilding health after that illness, and realising how much I benefited from those techniques, that it was one of the things that made me wake up to the fact I am autistic. Energy management is fundamental to my wellbeing now, I feel like I'm always tinkering and trying to get the balance right. Still learning.
@@cristinagonzalez6591 Some people do recover. About 5% have full recovery, 15-20% partial. Mine is partial, it's a different lifestyle than before, more limited and cautious and careful management of energy or I think I probably would be sick again quite quickly. But given I'm happy to work within those limitations then effectively I am recovered as I can engage in so many activities that were impossible before. Please don't suggest misdiagnosis, that's inappropriate. I know what I went through, the crushing fatigue and pain for years and I went through so much diagnostic work - blood tests, MRI, x-rays, etc, etc.
@@linden5165 maybe adrenal fatigue? Doctors almost do not know its existence, even less diagnose apropiately. The recovery rate is much higher, almost everybody. Sometimes, both can coexist.
Thank you for discussing this! I have to go home twice daily from my regular 8 to 5 job, at lunch and at the end of the day, and rest for at least 20 minutes. Ideally I take a short power nap, but even if I just rest in a dark, quiet room, it helps clear my head and recharge me enough to get thru the rest of the day. I have a hard time taking even one full day off of any kind of work - I feel like I'm being lazy and not doing what needs to be done. I've always been fast-paced and enjoy getting things done. Acts of service is my "love language". I'm working on two different side projects at home - writing books and helping a friend get a non-profit started for personality and career counseling. So there's always something to do. But being in my mid-50s now has taken an edge off. It is important to get enough total down time to R & R properly. It's tough to do in the moment, but the results afterwards are worth it.
Hi. Good video 📹 I have aspergers but I have physical health issues such as fibromyalgia. I definitely struggle with burnout on a daily basis. Even doing my specialist interests is difficult.
im the same, Aspie/Fibro & M E. its impossible to function normally & the lack of routine stresses me so much. i wont give up, but i need to extra plan things, even simple things. try & keep some routine, even walking, reading or online videos. my mind goes at a pace my body cant lol! after years of extreme discipline doing sports & martial arts, its hard not being physically active & fit! just little things can help - diet & sleep are key. im a chronic insomniac lol!!! losing our interests is so hard, but im trying to do that without that infamous obsession we can have!!! i hope u get better or can manage things. it can be done! 🙏
Currently living in a homeless shelter and I can't get to 100%. I'm always functioning at maybe 10%. Being constantly surrounded by people and having constant expectations daily doesn't give me the necessary time to recharge. It's pointless to try to explain to the NT people around me. I don't know how I'm gonna do what I need to do to get out of here at this point.
Very nice explanation. Personally I’ve had to force myself to schedule weekly and participate in those recharging activities because I feel some guilt about doing fun things when I know I’m not as productive in general as I’d like to be.
I've only just realised that this is what's happening to me. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why my ADHD symptoms would just absolutely spiral out of control every couple of weeks. I recently talked to an expert for autism and suddenly it clicked that it always happened when I have to face "too much" social contact or my routine got disrupted by something. I hope that realisation will now help me find a way to avoid those moments or to deal with them better :/
My dad and I are both autistic, both in zombie mode for different reasons. We managed to walk into town yesterday but then neither of us had the energy to decide what to do next 😂 so we were standing in the market square like 'what next? Don't ask me!'
This is probably the most useful and important thing I've listened to for years. My life has been a mess for years because I've been making this "power saver mode" mistake all my life. You've done a really important thing helping me to understand this. Thank you.
Paul, I watch your videos everyday. I resonate with you perfectly. Instead of power saving mode, i look at it like a unbalanced scale when I burn out… when I’m expending energy, on a good day, I’m trying to keep that scale balanced. But by releasing the weight of worries at night, I tip that scale on a very unbalanced scale. One side is always weighed more than the other and I can’t seem to rescale it. You have given me advice and inspiration to get me outside of the unbalanced scale
Thank you so much for talking about this. I had this video on my "Watch Later" for SO long! and I finally watched it. The phone battery analogy made me have that revelation, like, ".../ohhh/."
I find that prioritising is not just convenient, it's essential to preserve energy. That's also why I have it that I have my infusions every third Thursday, not every three weeks on a random day. And other activities have to be planned accordingly, like, I do this, of a Saturday, this of a Sunday and so on.
Thank you for the reminder that recovery isn't just a day, or a weekend with "pleasant things happening". 3 days does feel right, also allowing for how long the big push to achieve something was. I spent a very intense 3 months getting a large project done, and then was disappointed that I just wasn't doing anything beyond the dire basics for a couple of months past the completion date. Ah-HA! It was recovery time, I just didn't realize it. I have a couple of shorter projects on the front burner right now, and will keep your thoughts in this video in mind as I schedule work going forward.. Thank you!
I find that I spend a lot of mental energy trying to avoid burning out that avoiding burning out causes me to burn out. Something that is helping more, especially at work, is trying to find something amusing about every interaction, something to take my mind off the fact that I am even expending energy. The need for power save mode really hits me when I havent been finding something to enjoy in the process.
I think what is helpful is maybe booking things every other day. I have often made the mistake of booking things too close together- ie gym Tuesday, seeing friends Wednesday, etc. I’m only just learning this after A LOT of mistakes where I’ve had to cancel all upcoming plans.
I do this for my daughter. She's happiest if we go out every third day, but that's not possible sometimes. Certainly my son and I would prefer to go out every day! I do make every effort to make sure that there's one "down day" between events.
Many here seem at different points with their energy.. let me give you a warning - If you're at 30-50% for months, years already, please act sooner than later. I was at 30-50% for years, before the diagnosis, then burnout. After work, just mental work, I don't even have the energy for a simple computer game, permanently. After a 2 weeks vacation, I'm at about 30%, enough for hobbies.. I can't afford more than 2 weeks a year, so now I'm stuck at 5-10%, and whenever I drop below, I go into zombie mode, don't function any more, make mistakes at work and home, no concentration left.. and usually I get so bad then, that I get sort of a fever, feeling ice cold and it's like an anxiety attack. So, please take your "essential needs" seriously, don't make the same mistake I did and wait too long. I have a wife and kids, I have to work, and I don't know how to get out of this. I'll give the solution from the video a try -> maybe scheduling small refuelling events, if that works. S... I waited way too long !
Seen friends and family alike hit the wall. Many never recover, if you do it 's bound to take a while. I always tell people who are "making do" or pushing through, to think deeply about it.
I’m not diagnosed yet, but during school I would after school every day, go straight into my room and play games for a few hours just to unwind, relax, and have my own alone time. Sometimes I would read online about my favourite topics, or, very seldom, do my homework. Only now do i realise that I was recharging before I had to mask at school the next day. I would have to do the me time after socialising with family friends too. I still do this today. I have to mask even with my closest friends so I don’t relate to ‘recharging’ in social situations. I get so fatigued from being in social situations that my brain goes to fog and my physical body is a meat sack of no energy and I just shuffle along. Recharging for me is critical. Definitely agree with burning out of energy that I can’t do the things I’m passionate about. Edit: I’m going to pursue a diagnosis for ADHD and ASD this year.
About a year ago or little more I have been asked if there are some early signs of me getting into state where I can't cope any longer so colleagues could recognise and help me out. At first this question confused me so much that I completely messed up the rest of the conversation. But thinking more and more of it I realised that there are early signs - I'd call it an energy saving mode, when I'd have pokerface and stop respond to any non-essential stuff. I just need survive till my break and then I'd be in complete solitude and silence to recover. It works for shorter periods as well :)
Not only is that not healthy for your mind and body, but it can affect your body so badly that it shortens your life and working years. I became disabled after a 3rd complete burnout/breakdown at 46 and had always had the "I can sleep when I am dead" kinda thinking. I didn't even know about Asperger's back then...
Thank you so much for making these videos!! It is truly changing my life to finally be able to gain better understanding of how my mind works and why. I’ve spent my 28 years of life trying to figure out why I have a hard time with certain things and it’s wonderful to hear your perspective and move on from seeing things like burnout as a personal failure. Thank you!
I'm burnt out literally right now (Saturday evening) and tried to go out with the 1% battery left but couldn't make it. Thank you for the practical advice. I usually do stuff like content creation on Saturday and go out on Sunday to switch focus fully, but your idea sounds much better for physical recovery. If I've watched this on Friday... 😂
Lately I’ve even forgotten to breathe because I’m diverting all my energy to containing my pain levels. It’s like when the Enterprise diverts power from life support to deal with an even bigger problem. I have a finite level of energy too, and it’s on the very low side. Unfortunately, my communication skills go first, so I have a very very hard time letting anyone know what’s happening, never mind what they can do to help.
Thankyou Paul!!! I needed to hear this today. I had melt downs in front of my bosses as I have been working for 6 months straight without a break and a few weeks ago I had 3 days off. I felt like a different person afterwards. If there was some way to achieve this regularly I think the melt downs would significantly reduce. Thank you for reminding me that it's ok to need not 1, not 2, but 3 days to recharge. I think I will get this very soon and am looking forward to having much more energy rather than "power saving mode" which I'm currently doing and hardly makes a difference!
This is my third attempt at a reply for this video. If I can finish it, I just want to say thank you. I have learned more about myself in a day, than in fifty five years.
I figured out this through trial and error in my last burnout; I need to have the routines and activities planned out in advance, so I don't have to exert unnecessary energy when I can't afford to do so. So I have a strict gym routine, I meal prep so I don't have to worry about making dinner from scratch every day, I know that Sunday is the day I clean my dorm (in such and such order). I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, but simply having that gym routine of zero unpredictability and of knowing that "A, B, C, this is what I am going to do, and how I am going to do it" helps an insane amount in staying on top of things. If my gym routine crumbles, so does everything else in my life.
As always, great video my friend! A lithium-ion battery with its best charging patterns for the longest lifespan hits the nail on the head for me personally but your power saving mode analogy is pretty good too. Either way, it's important to be aware how to reach and control our most optimal mode is and when we're about to go off the rails.
The people who matter most to me are the people who understand (or at least TRY to understand) my need to pull back once in a while. But sometimes even those people don't quite get it. Like a few days ago, I got back from an exhausting 4 day trip, constantly having to be "on" with almost no down time. I had planned to use the day to recharge, but this person wanted to "just take 10 minutes of my time" (turned into about 2 exhausting hour argument and 2 days of not speaking to one another!) to talk about (or rather, try to talk me into) an additional social get-together coming up in 5 days. Just having to explain myself, just having to try to picture myself at that event sent my battery plummeting from about 10% down to a 1% and total shutdown. I kept warning him what was happening to me, but he persisted. Well, I know this person loves me and is truly TRYING to understand Hopefully he has learned his lesson. At least he's stopped saying, "but you don't LOOK autistic". 😝
I like your background :-) glitches were fine, I listened whilst working anyway :-) is it possibly caused by a frame rate difference in the video you filmed and the video file you edited? Video was VERY useful. I’m just at the beginning of the autism diagnoses journey and understanding myself and my whole life with this new autism frame, and finding the words and phrases that actually express how I feel is super super useful. Before I couldn’t describe the shit down mode that my brain does, now I can 😁
They're neurodivergent : ) Neurodiverse refers to diversity of neurology where as neurodivergent refers to a neurology that differs from the expected/norm. Three autistic people for instance do not make a neurodiverse group. Your family does : )
It makes me wonder - if you had a majority autistic population with a few non-autistic people mixed in, if there would be similar symptomology among the non-autistic members of the group. My guess is it would be different but similar and you would see parallels. It sounds like in your family group, you may actually experience a bit of what their lives are like every day yourself. I’m not diagnosed so far, but am very certain I’m autistic, and having lived all my life in my shoes and seeing how other people interact with me and the difficulties and challenges they face from their points of view, I could certainly understand how it would be exhausting to deal with me all the time. My brain doesn’t work like other people’s, and so it requires a bit of paying attention and translating between the rest of the world and me. I know it’s exhausting when I have to do it, so it stands to reason it is also exhausting from the other side, too. I feel for you, and I appreciate that you’re aware of it and can communicate about it. I think that’s valuable.
@@babybirdhome I'm still in the process of learning everything I can but it can be overwhelming trying to learn. Because as you know no two autistic people are exactly alike. So trying to learn how to prevent meltdowns, trying to help, ect can be emotionally exhausting for me but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have learned so much so I'm grateful for this experience so I can be a better mom, fiancee and daughter. It's just sad that not a lot of people are willing to learn about it.
This describes my entire adult life Hardest part is that I need more than one weekend to recover. But with NT work schedules and expectations, that never happens. Just constant burnout with no full recovery
I know exactly what you mean. Literally anything I do which isn't "perfect" is destroyed and redone. I find it impossible to accept my own imperfections and even harder to show them.
Sleep when they sleep. If not a good sleeper and able to arrange for nights off to sleep with someone that can help. Good luck...Littles don't last forever.
I don't have autism, but I have ADHD and I always enforced an hour of nap/quiet time for my children right up to school age. It was good for all of us. ❤️ The kids got rest, quiet time, and a break from each other, and because I could count on that time, it was easier to be patient and "on" for the rest of the day. With >6 months, they're really unpredictable though, and it is just a matter of endurance.
As a mother of a very awesome young man, he is 24 now, I have always felt my son had something different about him, not wrong just different. I love him with all I have, but I’m trying to understand if he has Aspergers or something related. I’ve noticed things from 2 or 3 on. I don’t know how to approach the subject and he’s about to make a major job change (our only family cat died they were best friends!) and be in a more alone position because of location. Can you please tell me if some of these things could be Aspergers or related…Socialization, he tends to either one on one or very few, very smart with many things, slight OCD started fairly early 3-4 and still has it in ways. Very almost over the top when he’s frustrated or things don’t go 100%,, not dangerous, just like it’s driving him over the edge. I won’t go into his new gf, I just really want someone’s opinion, I cry almost nightly worrying about him. Oh, the bus ride home he absolutely hated the noise, gets car sick a lot and saw ghosts when age 4-5, wrote small books about my dads war experience, he knew nothing about it, he wrote many little books and had a fascination with scotch tape. He would tape off sections and oh idk we went through a lot of it lol! Nothing major, just like I said some odd things. Please help if you can!
I'm a 26 year old male diagnosed with mild autism and I relate to some of the symptoms you listed here. Socially I can only handle 1-3 people but any more and I struggle integrate myself into conversations and fit into the group. Other people describe me as kind and intelligent but a bit of a loner since I'm always by myself. While I do feel lonely all the time there is a sense of peace I feel in being alone in that people aren't evaluating how "non-human" I am anymore. I very often enjoy fantasizing about being a superhero and escape into my world of imagination. I have a obsessive interests in religion and engage in repetitive behavior like hair twirling. If your son is autistic I would suggest the first thing is to accept him for who he is and not try to force him to be someone else.
I've been in situations where people literally wouldn't even give me ten seconds to rest, let alone enough time to fully recharge. I get called lazy, sometimes even catatonic. My sister is fond of saying that I just don't have the willpower to push through this.
I still dont get this concept after watching nearly all of your videos Like sometimes o just get tired out of nothing, make dumb things and forget stuff, but is that already such a burn out? I can still play online games for example and have fun and be there again So i dont think that has anything to do with battery being low or?
Visual glitches: I chuckled. I’m old enough to see these glitches as a recreation of Max Headroom from the 1980’s… Feel free to look it up to see what I mean! 😂😎🇦🇺👊🏼
An Extroverted ASPY(enjoys & energizes oneself from being round others) Introverted ASPYs are just the opposite, as being in groups or speaking to others is Energy Draining Your 'Zombie Mode' 4 me, is termed: "R&R" ... I *DID INDEED consider using the word, "ZOMBIE" but it seemed too "horrorshow"...and honestly "LOOKS ZOMBIE" which is a weird thing in of itself.. "A Rose by Any Other Name Doth Smell So Sweet" (My Shakespeare version)
I was being facetious. There is no reason or authority for any government to lock down its people. This is fascism and it is not right. But back to talking about autism yes
Sadly stupidity kinda blows my fuse, so it doesn't matter how much energy there was, it ain't going any where ... so lockdown is like having spanners being thrown at the circuits 24/7
Hi Paul, I emailed you back on the 21st September to the email address you list in the details section of your videos but I didn't get a reply Will you be able to help me please by covering that topic? Could you reply to let me know that you have read the email? Kind regards, Richard
*The reality of the rich and the poor is this: the rich invest their money and spend what is left. The poor spend their money and invest what is left"*
This is such a difficult concept to get through to people who don't live with this. Like others said you often feel like others see you as lazy, but honestly, I'm just trying to preserve energy so I don't completely burn out and spend days in recovery, and/or live in perpetual battery-saving mode. It's frustrating as I've tried to speak up in certain situations to have accommodations be made, but was told they couldn't provide it as it wasn't fair to 'everyone else'. This is prior to diagnosis, but even with official dx I worry that people won't believe that I am autistic or that I'm just milking it. Not that simple...nope...
Finally, at the age of 72 it's wonderful to have an explanation of my chaotic life experiences.
It's a great relief to discover that I have Aspergers and my parents were also ASD
This explains so much about what happened to me, especially in my younger years.
Thank you
Dr David Whitaker
It's so hard to actually be here in the right place at the right time to watch these videos in real time but I'm always impressed by the relevancy of the topics covered. I set the reminder just in case I'm around for the conversations that follows but If I'm away, I will certainly come back. Paul, your work is greatly appreciated.
You're not watching it in real time since it was previously recorded. It's not live.
Darvid - I think Jon Mars meant when the livestream begins, he might not be around...
Smith... we have aspergers... so we have to specify even if its not necessary 😂
Pearson...I know you probably do. But I was only explaining to Darvid he misunderstood Jon & I was only specifying wasn't I!?🤣Wondering why you called me Smith tho? Do you do that to everyone?
Smith... yeah I get u now. And I only called u smith bc it was easier to spell withing having to swipe our of my comment and see how ur first name was spelled. And u know we are sticklers for correctness and truthfulness so I would need to do that in order to spell it right.
Nice to see you smiling again.
Paul, I didn't find the video distracting. It was ok.
The only time I really relax is when I am alone for a long time. And also extreme physical exercise is exhilarating for me. Then I do rest and sleep wonderfully. Thanks Paul, I appreciate you making these videos.
Thx mom,my nose and eybrows nerves are not around my feet.So,
Every dang video i go ‘oh no... OH NO’ because its always *too* relatable in like, i have has this problem for years and i thought it was just me. How does this keep happening...
Yes, it makes perfect sense, and is something I need to do daily. For a couple of years now I've been having an afternoon siesta, going to bed with a cuppa and reading for about an hour then sleeping for one or two hours so that I can cook a meal at teatime and enjoy doing stuff in the evening. I used to have horrible bouts of chronic fatigue before I started doing that. I had a sharp reminder of it recently, as I had two weeks with only one or two siestas due to circumstances, and I've been really burnt out since with very little energy. It made me realise how essential my siestas are and how they keep the fatigue at bay! :)
Don't worry about the glitches. It kind of looks like an 80s Max Headroom effect. 😎
yea XD but might be the memory card dying......
😆
I was thinking about making that same comment about Max Headroom.
It was a bit difficult for me to watch because Paul is a real person and not some computer animation, but I was doing my nightly oral hygiene routine while running this video anyway, so I ended up mainly listening. Excellent information as usual! Thank you!
Ma Ma Maaa maxxxxx
And then I saw this - beaten to the punch! 👌🏼
Glitches as a visual metaphor for low battery mode!
I feel like I've been at less than 30% battery for months now, if not years, but I am unable to rest, I just don't know how to rest. I'd need at least a year of vacations free of the guilt of taking it and out of my home
It took me 2 years of testing out hobbies and giving myself the space to think about what I want to do to find the hobbies that give me energy. It's hard but worth it!
this is exactly the thing no NT can imagine... these Guilt-feelings bc we need to rest so often makes the rest not working!
Same. I’m looking to take an entire year to recover. I seem to only rest deeply when I’m sick or at the beach.
Same here :( I feel drained and with "low battery" for years now, I would say I'm unable to take a rest or recover properly for at least 6 years, just experiencing burnout after burnout and questioning what's wrong with me. I hope someday I can rest and recharge, my dream is to take a looong break without guilt as you said.
Years ago I burnt out so bad, it messed up my physical as well mental health up. I quit my job and took a part time job for a year to recharge.
I save every video because I've never had anyone teach me how to live successfully with my mind and body. And anything I can learn I'm hoping to turn over to my 27 yr old son. He's on his own (with great roomates) but on disability. I keep hoping I can figure out how to help him live more independently because he is so brilliant and is so good and kind. (I adore him).
Thanks for your awesome work!
The moment when I realized that your battery metaphor distracted me and I thought that nowadays lithium batteries should run between 40 and 80% charge showed clearly that I’m on the spectrum! ;)
I am well aware of this state. My mind thankfully doesn't just shut everything down all at once - when I am at about 50% or so I will not be able to concentrate sufficiently to be able to accomplish seriously productive workloads but will still be able to socialize normally - this is generally my first cue that I should take a load off for a bit. Following this, at about 20-25% or so my mask will completely fail. I will be unable to speak, and yet I will STILL socialize via the use of AAC. So too, I will not act like I am semi-normal as usual and will be quite visibly autistic. This is termed a preventative shutdown. Should something happen which depletes me down to 5-10% though I enter what I call a "deep shutdown" which is what you term "zombie mode", and here I will be completely unable to socialize and will probably withdrawal completely until my energy levels have recovered sufficiently so that I can resume.
Thank you for sharing this. This is the order of shutdown for me too but after 50 years of 'plowing through' and repeatedly crashing and burning I am incapable of recognizing the early signs and don't catch on until I am mid-preventative shutdown. I'm going to write these down and see if it helps me catch it sooner.
Yep👍👍 I think I’ve identified an issue with NOT having words or a framework for recognising emotions or exhaustion. Approaching it intellectually has been more effective - noticing the increasing deficit of effectiveness and linking that to exhaustion or emotional overload. Big Break Through: anxiety is my friend 😊 a symptom and flag that something in my life needs to change - then it’s a detective story working out what that is🤔
Sounds like really healthy reframing :)
The problem is when neurotypicals are critical of us when we do that, unfortunately.
Exactly and called lazy. I've been criticised for " not pulling my weight" and told I'm "not doing enough" I'm burnt out, worn out and can't see a way out.
@@annehislop2449 exactly. then they think we're slow, lazy or stupid. if only they knew!
@@Camille_Anderson I think they know. . Worst of all. We are an easy target.
@@bugvin70 oh definitely!! but they couldn't be more wrong!!! 🙏💪💪
Yes. And … we must care for ourselves. I can’t wait for “them” to understand. Starting with self compassion, wisdom about how to manage / care for myself. And look for one or two allies who do understand and can affirm me in these little steps of self care.
Another really interesting & important thing to note is that intentionally breaking a habit, like going to your weekly dance class, can make reengaging with that habit much harder, but forcing yourself to do it when you're physically or mentally unable can have the same effect. This means that (like many things) finding a balance is super important, and it can be much harder for/have a much greater impact on autistic people because of how important these habits are to maintaining energy levels.
To translate it into your metaphor; if you look at the charge on your phone or laptop and decide not to charge it at 40%, you're more likely to let it drop below that amount in the future, and maybe next time 30% isn't too low because it's close enough to 40% (This kinda loops back around to the behavior I just described, but it's more relatable for neurotypical folks)
Also I really like this metaphor so here's a fun lil observation: Remembering to charge your phone also entails making a habit of being around and noticing places where you can find electricity and plug sockets, which works as an analogy for sculpting a lifestyle that includes the things that help you get your energy back XD
I learned much healthier energy management when I had ME/CFS - because I was forced to. Before that I would always just push myself until I crashed. The concepts of pacing and working within the energy envelope helped me so much and I fully recovered. It also came with the bonus of all judgement from family and friends evaporating and any that remained I completely ignore.
It was while rebuilding health after that illness, and realising how much I benefited from those techniques, that it was one of the things that made me wake up to the fact I am autistic. Energy management is fundamental to my wellbeing now, I feel like I'm always tinkering and trying to get the balance right. Still learning.
i have ME & Asperger's. im getting worse than ever. hopefully i make some recovery, but i doubt it after decades of it. glad you recovered!
I have ME/CFS too. But there's not recovery for the illness. You might have been misdiagnosed.
@@cristinagonzalez6591 Some people do recover. About 5% have full recovery, 15-20% partial. Mine is partial, it's a different lifestyle than before, more limited and cautious and careful management of energy or I think I probably would be sick again quite quickly. But given I'm happy to work within those limitations then effectively I am recovered as I can engage in so many activities that were impossible before.
Please don't suggest misdiagnosis, that's inappropriate. I know what I went through, the crushing fatigue and pain for years and I went through so much diagnostic work - blood tests, MRI, x-rays, etc, etc.
@@linden5165 maybe adrenal fatigue? Doctors almost do not know its existence, even less diagnose apropiately. The recovery rate is much higher, almost everybody. Sometimes, both can coexist.
Thanks Paul. It seems as though most of my life these days is either spent in Power Save Mode or Burnout, unfortunately.
Thank you for discussing this! I have to go home twice daily from my regular 8 to 5 job, at lunch and at the end of the day, and rest for at least 20 minutes. Ideally I take a short power nap, but even if I just rest in a dark, quiet room, it helps clear my head and recharge me enough to get thru the rest of the day.
I have a hard time taking even one full day off of any kind of work - I feel like I'm being lazy and not doing what needs to be done. I've always been fast-paced and enjoy getting things done. Acts of service is my "love language". I'm working on two different side projects at home - writing books and helping a friend get a non-profit started for personality and career counseling. So there's always something to do. But being in my mid-50s now has taken an edge off. It is important to get enough total down time to R & R properly. It's tough to do in the moment, but the results afterwards are worth it.
Hi. Good video 📹 I have aspergers but I have physical health issues such as fibromyalgia. I definitely struggle with burnout on a daily basis. Even doing my specialist interests is difficult.
im the same, Aspie/Fibro & M E. its impossible to function normally & the lack of routine stresses me so much. i wont give up, but i need to extra plan things, even simple things. try & keep some routine, even walking, reading or online videos. my mind goes at a pace my body cant lol! after years of extreme discipline doing sports & martial arts, its hard not being physically active & fit! just little things can help - diet & sleep are key. im a chronic insomniac lol!!! losing our interests is so hard, but im trying to do that without that infamous obsession we can have!!! i hope u get better or can manage things. it can be done! 🙏
Can you simplify your life? I find that’s the only thing that works for me. Taking away some responsibilities frees up energy I find
Currently living in a homeless shelter and I can't get to 100%. I'm always functioning at maybe 10%. Being constantly surrounded by people and having constant expectations daily doesn't give me the necessary time to recharge. It's pointless to try to explain to the NT people around me. I don't know how I'm gonna do what I need to do to get out of here at this point.
Im in the same situation as well, it's hell
Very nice explanation. Personally I’ve had to force myself to schedule weekly and participate in those recharging activities because I feel some guilt about doing fun things when I know I’m not as productive in general as I’d like to be.
I've only just realised that this is what's happening to me. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why my ADHD symptoms would just absolutely spiral out of control every couple of weeks. I recently talked to an expert for autism and suddenly it clicked that it always happened when I have to face "too much" social contact or my routine got disrupted by something. I hope that realisation will now help me find a way to avoid those moments or to deal with them better :/
My dad and I are both autistic, both in zombie mode for different reasons. We managed to walk into town yesterday but then neither of us had the energy to decide what to do next 😂 so we were standing in the market square like 'what next? Don't ask me!'
Glitches or no, I love your videos! Looking forward to the next all the time!
This is probably the most useful and important thing I've listened to for years. My life has been a mess for years because I've been making this "power saver mode" mistake all my life. You've done a really important thing helping me to understand this. Thank you.
Paul, I watch your videos everyday. I resonate with you perfectly. Instead of power saving mode, i look at it like a unbalanced scale when I burn out… when I’m expending energy, on a good day, I’m trying to keep that scale balanced. But by releasing the weight of worries at night, I tip that scale on a very unbalanced scale. One side is always weighed more than the other and I can’t seem to rescale it. You have given me advice and inspiration to get me outside of the unbalanced scale
Thank you so much for talking about this. I had this video on my "Watch Later" for SO long! and I finally watched it. The phone battery analogy made me have that revelation, like, ".../ohhh/."
I really resonate with only being able to rest when I’m exhausted physically! Thank you for sharing your experiences, makes me feel more understood.
I find that prioritising is not just convenient, it's essential to preserve energy. That's also why I have it that I have my infusions every third Thursday, not every three weeks on a random day. And other activities have to be planned accordingly, like, I do this, of a Saturday, this of a Sunday and so on.
Recognising burnout earlier is the hard part
Absolutely. Its remembering to check in with yourself before you’re too tired
Thank you for the reminder that recovery isn't just a day, or a weekend with "pleasant things happening". 3 days does feel right, also allowing for how long the big push to achieve something was. I spent a very intense 3 months getting a large project done, and then was disappointed that I just wasn't doing anything beyond the dire basics for a couple of months past the completion date. Ah-HA! It was recovery time, I just didn't realize it. I have a couple of shorter projects on the front burner right now, and will keep your thoughts in this video in mind as I schedule work going forward.. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing, Paul! This came for me at just the right time.
I got a lot out of this, will watch it again. Thank you Paul 👌
I find that I spend a lot of mental energy trying to avoid burning out that avoiding burning out causes me to burn out. Something that is helping more, especially at work, is trying to find something amusing about every interaction, something to take my mind off the fact that I am even expending energy. The need for power save mode really hits me when I havent been finding something to enjoy in the process.
I think what is helpful is maybe booking things every other day. I have often made the mistake of booking things too close together- ie gym Tuesday, seeing friends Wednesday, etc. I’m only just learning this after A LOT of mistakes where I’ve had to cancel all upcoming plans.
I do this for my daughter. She's happiest if we go out every third day, but that's not possible sometimes. Certainly my son and I would prefer to go out every day! I do make every effort to make sure that there's one "down day" between events.
Many here seem at different points with their energy.. let me give you a warning - If you're at 30-50% for months, years already, please act sooner than later. I was at 30-50% for years, before the diagnosis, then burnout. After work, just mental work, I don't even have the energy for a simple computer game, permanently. After a 2 weeks vacation, I'm at about 30%, enough for hobbies.. I can't afford more than 2 weeks a year, so now I'm stuck at 5-10%, and whenever I drop below, I go into zombie mode, don't function any more, make mistakes at work and home, no concentration left.. and usually I get so bad then, that I get sort of a fever, feeling ice cold and it's like an anxiety attack. So, please take your "essential needs" seriously, don't make the same mistake I did and wait too long. I have a wife and kids, I have to work, and I don't know how to get out of this. I'll give the solution from the video a try -> maybe scheduling small refuelling events, if that works. S... I waited way too long !
Thanks Jim
Seen friends and family alike hit the wall. Many never recover, if you do it 's bound to take a while. I always tell people who are "making do" or pushing through, to think deeply about it.
I’m not diagnosed yet, but during school I would after school every day, go straight into my room and play games for a few hours just to unwind, relax, and have my own alone time. Sometimes I would read online about my favourite topics, or, very seldom, do my homework.
Only now do i realise that I was recharging before I had to mask at school the next day.
I would have to do the me time after socialising with family friends too. I still do this today. I have to mask even with my closest friends so I don’t relate to ‘recharging’ in social situations.
I get so fatigued from being in social situations that my brain goes to fog and my physical body is a meat sack of no energy and I just shuffle along. Recharging for me is critical.
Definitely agree with burning out of energy that I can’t do the things I’m passionate about.
Edit: I’m going to pursue a diagnosis for ADHD and ASD this year.
About a year ago or little more I have been asked if there are some early signs of me getting into state where I can't cope any longer so colleagues could recognise and help me out. At first this question confused me so much that I completely messed up the rest of the conversation. But thinking more and more of it I realised that there are early signs - I'd call it an energy saving mode, when I'd have pokerface and stop respond to any non-essential stuff. I just need survive till my break and then I'd be in complete solitude and silence to recover. It works for shorter periods as well :)
Yes, but what if you can't rest for a few days? I basically live in power saving mode
you have to arrange your life acordingly...if not it will mark you for you little older days : /
Not only is that not healthy for your mind and body, but it can affect your body so badly that it shortens your life and working years. I became disabled after a 3rd complete burnout/breakdown at 46 and had always had the "I can sleep when I am dead" kinda thinking. I didn't even know about Asperger's back then...
Thank you. I ll give it a try!
Hope you are staying well, thank you for this video.
I am also trying to do this too, after experiencing burnout this year which left me unable to do anything.
Thank you so much for making these videos!! It is truly changing my life to finally be able to gain better understanding of how my mind works and why. I’ve spent my 28 years of life trying to figure out why I have a hard time with certain things and it’s wonderful to hear your perspective and move on from seeing things like burnout as a personal failure. Thank you!
This is very helpful information. I've spent too much time in zombie mode!
Thanks!
Thank you
This is a good analogy. Thanks for sharing😊
I'm burnt out literally right now (Saturday evening) and tried to go out with the 1% battery left but couldn't make it.
Thank you for the practical advice. I usually do stuff like content creation on Saturday and go out on Sunday to switch focus fully, but your idea sounds much better for physical recovery. If I've watched this on Friday... 😂
I really feel what you say about the repaxing in a group thing. It's just getting myself to make it happen feels impossible.
Lately I’ve even forgotten to breathe because I’m diverting all my energy to containing my pain levels. It’s like when the Enterprise diverts power from life support to deal with an even bigger problem. I have a finite level of energy too, and it’s on the very low side. Unfortunately, my communication skills go first, so I have a very very hard time letting anyone know what’s happening, never mind what they can do to help.
I try to incorporate a mid-day nap/rest/being still into my daily routine. It seems like a little thing but it makes a big difference.
So well said, thank you!
Really helpful thank you. Just what I'm trying to work on right now 👍
Thankyou Paul!!! I needed to hear this today. I had melt downs in front of my bosses as I have been working for 6 months straight without a break and a few weeks ago I had 3 days off. I felt like a different person afterwards. If there was some way to achieve this regularly I think the melt downs would significantly reduce. Thank you for reminding me that it's ok to need not 1, not 2, but 3 days to recharge. I think I will get this very soon and am looking forward to having much more energy rather than "power saving mode" which I'm currently doing and hardly makes a difference!
This is my third attempt at a reply for this video. If I can finish it, I just want to say thank you. I have learned more about myself in a day, than in fifty five years.
Excercise, rest, sleep and play are our mechanisms for recharge. Disconnecting from these is like unplugging the battery from the charger.
I figured out this through trial and error in my last burnout; I need to have the routines and activities planned out in advance, so I don't have to exert unnecessary energy when I can't afford to do so. So I have a strict gym routine, I meal prep so I don't have to worry about making dinner from scratch every day, I know that Sunday is the day I clean my dorm (in such and such order). I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, but simply having that gym routine of zero unpredictability and of knowing that "A, B, C, this is what I am going to do, and how I am going to do it" helps an insane amount in staying on top of things. If my gym routine crumbles, so does everything else in my life.
As always, great video my friend! A lithium-ion battery with its best charging patterns for the longest lifespan hits the nail on the head for me personally but your power saving mode analogy is pretty good too. Either way, it's important to be aware how to reach and control our most optimal mode is and when we're about to go off the rails.
I'm on energy saver for a second year.. still hoping to get enough things done fast enough to be able to afford a rest.. good points here..
This is interesting I definitely relate to the 0 to 10%
The people who matter most to me are the people who understand (or at least TRY to understand) my need to pull back once in a while. But sometimes even those people don't quite get it. Like a few days ago, I got back from an exhausting 4 day trip, constantly having to be "on" with almost no down time. I had planned to use the day to recharge, but this person wanted to "just take 10 minutes of my time" (turned into about 2 exhausting hour argument and 2 days of not speaking to one another!) to talk about (or rather, try to talk me into) an additional social get-together coming up in 5 days. Just having to explain myself, just having to try to picture myself at that event sent my battery plummeting from about 10% down to a 1% and total shutdown. I kept warning him what was happening to me, but he persisted. Well, I know this person loves me and is truly TRYING to understand Hopefully he has learned his lesson. At least he's stopped saying, "but you don't LOOK autistic". 😝
I like your background :-) glitches were fine, I listened whilst working anyway :-) is it possibly caused by a frame rate difference in the video you filmed and the video file you edited?
Video was VERY useful. I’m just at the beginning of the autism diagnoses journey and understanding myself and my whole life with this new autism frame, and finding the words and phrases that actually express how I feel is super super useful. Before I couldn’t describe the shit down mode that my brain does, now I can 😁
My fiance, my mom and my son are all neurodiverse. I'm the only neurotypical in our household. I get overwhelmed a lot.
They're neurodivergent : )
Neurodiverse refers to diversity of neurology where as neurodivergent refers to a neurology that differs from the expected/norm.
Three autistic people for instance do not make a neurodiverse group. Your family does : )
@@stragmar thank you 😀
It makes me wonder - if you had a majority autistic population with a few non-autistic people mixed in, if there would be similar symptomology among the non-autistic members of the group. My guess is it would be different but similar and you would see parallels. It sounds like in your family group, you may actually experience a bit of what their lives are like every day yourself.
I’m not diagnosed so far, but am very certain I’m autistic, and having lived all my life in my shoes and seeing how other people interact with me and the difficulties and challenges they face from their points of view, I could certainly understand how it would be exhausting to deal with me all the time. My brain doesn’t work like other people’s, and so it requires a bit of paying attention and translating between the rest of the world and me. I know it’s exhausting when I have to do it, so it stands to reason it is also exhausting from the other side, too. I feel for you, and I appreciate that you’re aware of it and can communicate about it. I think that’s valuable.
@@babybirdhome I'm still in the process of learning everything I can but it can be overwhelming trying to learn. Because as you know no two autistic people are exactly alike. So trying to learn how to prevent meltdowns, trying to help, ect can be emotionally exhausting for me but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have learned so much so I'm grateful for this experience so I can be a better mom, fiancee and daughter. It's just sad that not a lot of people are willing to learn about it.
My instinct is to ask you, are you SURE that you aren’t ND?
Blimey that was a fast livestream lol 🤣🥰
This describes my entire adult life
Hardest part is that I need more than one weekend to recover. But with NT work schedules and expectations, that never happens. Just constant burnout with no full recovery
I know exactly what you mean. Literally anything I do which isn't "perfect" is destroyed and redone. I find it impossible to accept my own imperfections and even harder to show them.
You look so sharp Paul
Bugger I'm struggling to understand how to recharge with a baby/toddler at home...
Sleep when they sleep. If not a good sleeper and able to arrange for nights off to sleep with someone that can help. Good luck...Littles don't last forever.
I don't have autism, but I have ADHD and I always enforced an hour of nap/quiet time for my children right up to school age. It was good for all of us. ❤️ The kids got rest, quiet time, and a break from each other, and because I could count on that time, it was easier to be patient and "on" for the rest of the day. With >6 months, they're really unpredictable though, and it is just a matter of endurance.
As a mother of a very awesome young man, he is 24 now, I have always felt my son had something different about him, not wrong just different. I love him with all I have, but I’m trying to understand if he has Aspergers or something related. I’ve noticed things from 2 or 3 on. I don’t know how to approach the subject and he’s about to make a major job change (our only family cat died they were best friends!) and be in a more alone position because of location. Can you please tell me if some of these things could be Aspergers or related…Socialization, he tends to either one on one or very few, very smart with many things, slight OCD started fairly early 3-4 and still has it in ways. Very almost over the top when he’s frustrated or things don’t go 100%,, not dangerous, just like it’s driving him over the edge. I won’t go into his new gf, I just really want someone’s opinion, I cry almost nightly worrying about him. Oh, the bus ride home he absolutely hated the noise, gets car sick a lot and saw ghosts when age 4-5, wrote small books about my dads war experience, he knew nothing about it, he wrote many little books and had a fascination with scotch tape. He would tape off sections and oh idk we went through a lot of it lol! Nothing major, just like I said some odd things. Please help if you can!
I'm a 26 year old male diagnosed with mild autism and I relate to some of the symptoms you listed here. Socially I can only handle 1-3 people but any more and I struggle integrate myself into conversations and fit into the group. Other people describe me as kind and intelligent but a bit of a loner since I'm always by myself. While I do feel lonely all the time there is a sense of peace I feel in being alone in that people aren't evaluating how "non-human" I am anymore. I very often enjoy fantasizing about being a superhero and escape into my world of imagination. I have a obsessive interests in religion and engage in repetitive behavior like hair twirling. If your son is autistic I would suggest the first thing is to accept him for who he is and not try to force him to be someone else.
I've been in situations where people literally wouldn't even give me ten seconds to rest, let alone enough time to fully recharge. I get called lazy, sometimes even catatonic. My sister is fond of saying that I just don't have the willpower to push through this.
after working without vacation for 20 years, im taking a year off. a few months in, however, im restless
.
If all could learn this it would save a lot of friendships🙏
I still dont get this concept after watching nearly all of your videos
Like sometimes o just get tired out of nothing, make dumb things and forget stuff, but is that already such a burn out?
I can still play online games for example and have fun and be there again
So i dont think that has anything to do with battery being low or?
My battery is totally clapped out and won't take any charge at all. I need a new one 😄
Any tips for autistic parents who can’t take days off because parenting is 24/7?? I try to avoid burnout, but occasionally it happens.
Visual glitches: I chuckled. I’m old enough to see these glitches as a recreation of Max Headroom from the 1980’s…
Feel free to look it up to see what I mean! 😂😎🇦🇺👊🏼
I can never tell if I'm having one or not.
Unless someone tells.
An Extroverted ASPY(enjoys & energizes oneself from being round others)
Introverted ASPYs are just the opposite, as being in groups or speaking to others is Energy Draining
Your 'Zombie Mode' 4 me, is termed: "R&R" ...
I *DID INDEED consider using the word, "ZOMBIE" but it seemed too "horrorshow"...and honestly "LOOKS ZOMBIE" which is a weird thing in of itself..
"A Rose by Any Other Name Doth Smell So Sweet" (My Shakespeare version)
Did you say going outside is illegal? Oh my goodness what ever for?
Covid
I was being facetious. There is no reason or authority for any government to lock down its people. This is fascism and it is not right. But back to talking about autism yes
Paul can you tell when your chats Re I’d like my son to participate
Sadly stupidity kinda blows my fuse, so it doesn't matter how much energy there was, it ain't going any where ... so lockdown is like having spanners being thrown at the circuits 24/7
Hi Paul, I emailed you back on the 21st September to the email address you list in the details section of your videos but I didn't get a reply Will you be able to help me please by covering that topic? Could you reply to let me know that you have read the email? Kind regards, Richard
LoL was the computer in power saving mode? Sorry just had the thought that the title is ironic.
Glitches helped with focus. :S
Avoid burnout. Destroy capitalism.
You are so handsome. 😍
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