When my grandson was in foster care the first time and we were preparing to offer kinship care, we were at a training event that included trainee social workers. One thing that we shared as family members was about clothes we'd bought for him. It's a simple thing, but to send a child to visits wearing clothes bought by family, makes a massive difference. The family feel included in their child's life, even if it's only a short time. All the trainees, sw and fc, wrote this down!
Yeah, I was thinking of that. Or they might be quite literate, but not in English. It might be worth asking around if there is another language spoken at home, and if you know that language, writing your notes in that language instead of English.
Or dyslexia. I'm dyslexic and there's a lot of handwriting I can't read, and my own handwriting doesn't look good. I probably wouldn't say anything in that situation because I wouldn't want to be judged, especially when the stakes are as high as whether I get my children back or not.
Hi Laura… I don’t see a way to email you but just wanted you to know… I binge watch your videos from time to time because I was raised in a foster care situation that was highly abusive. Part of my therapy journey is learning self compassion… how to provide myself the care and inner dialogue parallel to the care I should have got as a child and internalized. It helps me to have a reparative inner experience to hear how you model interacting with the children coming into your care. I am over 35… and am reparenting myself via your videos and it is so effective and helpful! Thank you greatly for sharing as you do!!!
laura thank you for what you do and sharing these lessons. you reach more people than you know. not only are you helping these families and children, you’re showing others how to navigate all kinds of situations with maturity, compassion, and grace. ❤
I also think it’s just not a good time for the parent to respond DURING their visit which might only be an hour or 2 long! That’s time to be spending with their child. Wouldn’t it be better if they were given a couple days to respond to the journal? Or even to do it over email instead?
Our journal was taken when they finally came to the first visit. I realized they would rather read them at home. I started writing on a half sheet of paper an update for the week. I print a few pictures here and there. I make a copy or take a picture of the update for my records. The parents have only been able to come to two visits. They got the first six month update in the journal and the second 6 month update at the second visit. I write updates every week even though the visits get cancelled. I have the next six months here waiting for them. I hope they come to one of the court dates so I can give these to them. I have had a parents in the past file false CPS claims against our family. How do you handle that?
On the note of functional illiteracy on the part of the bio parent, we've had some families switch to audio messages in the app or had a digital visit/progress journal so that the individual can use a screen reader tool - there is a standard option on iphones, for example.
@@rubynelson1164 This is the obligation of the case manager. The parents have a case plan that often includes sufficient lawful income. I had a Guardian ad Litem buying groceries only to learn that case management was duplicating his effort, so you need to communicate exactly what you are doing to your licensing agency and case management.
I think if the parent asked for money I would politely say that’s not something I can do, and then inform the worker so they know the parent is struggling.
Laura, you are great- i won't be a foster parent for a child- i am a foster (and often foster fail! bottle baby kittens and dogs. But a lot of what you say really transfers tother things including teaching (i teach school). I love your style!
Physical pain can often release mental pain. When you’re in so much pain mentally and you don’t have a physical reason why, when there is physical pain too the brain isn’t in such dissonance. Be gentle and give comfort if they allow it. ***And Get them into cognitive behaviour therapy ASAP. It saved my life.
Tell the caseworker. And strongly advocate for the child to have a therapist. Do not punish or act horrified. Be calm and let the child know you are there for them and want to help them feel better.
We had a child that was getting up every morning with huge patches of hair missing. Every day there was new bald spots on her hair, and we couldn't explain what was going on. She was taken immediately to a doctors appointment, and the doctor couldn't even figure it out. He suggested therapy, so off to social services to get services. Child was ripping her hair out, because she thought that if she was bald, she would look sick, so social services would not send her back to her parent! She was SO SO smart, as a nine year old! It was absolutely tragic!!
In my opinion, I don’t think that we as adults should expect children to “support” anything. Especially children that need foster care. They are children, we are the adults, we are there to support *them*.
It's more important to support the individual child. Empower the child that way. Help them get access to things that they are good at or inspire them. I know that sounds like a roundabout answer, but people who are empowered in an authentic way interact with people of all kinds much better as well.
I imagine this would only be a problem if a different foster youth or family member in that same home was LGBTQ+ and was being treated poorly by the one that does not support those things. Then I assume there'd be either an attempt to educate or an attempt to relocate the child to a different foster home that's a better fit if that option is avalible.
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When my grandson was in foster care the first time and we were preparing to offer kinship care, we were at a training event that included trainee social workers. One thing that we shared as family members was about clothes we'd bought for him. It's a simple thing, but to send a child to visits wearing clothes bought by family, makes a massive difference. The family feel included in their child's life, even if it's only a short time. All the trainees, sw and fc, wrote this down!
Re: the journal-- it is also possible that the parent has low literacy!
Yeah, I was thinking of that. Or they might be quite literate, but not in English. It might be worth asking around if there is another language spoken at home, and if you know that language, writing your notes in that language instead of English.
Yes! Thanks for adding that in!
Or dyslexia. I'm dyslexic and there's a lot of handwriting I can't read, and my own handwriting doesn't look good. I probably wouldn't say anything in that situation because I wouldn't want to be judged, especially when the stakes are as high as whether I get my children back or not.
That was my first thought - the literacy rate is surprisingly not super high in the US (for native English speakers who would be reading English)!
Depending on location, parents might not even know English.
Hi Laura… I don’t see a way to email you but just wanted you to know… I binge watch your videos from time to time because I was raised in a foster care situation that was highly abusive. Part of my therapy journey is learning self compassion… how to provide myself the care and inner dialogue parallel to the care I should have got as a child and internalized. It helps me to have a reparative inner experience to hear how you model interacting with the children coming into your care. I am over 35… and am reparenting myself via your videos and it is so effective and helpful! Thank you greatly for sharing as you do!!!
hugs❤
laura thank you for what you do and sharing these lessons. you reach more people than you know. not only are you helping these families and children, you’re showing others how to navigate all kinds of situations with maturity, compassion, and grace. ❤
I also think it’s just not a good time for the parent to respond DURING their visit which might only be an hour or 2 long! That’s time to be spending with their child. Wouldn’t it be better if they were given a couple days to respond to the journal? Or even to do it over email instead?
She addresses all of this in the video
Our journal was taken when they finally came to the first visit. I realized they would rather read them at home. I started writing on a half sheet of paper an update for the week. I print a few pictures here and there. I make a copy or take a picture of the update for my records. The parents have only been able to come to two visits. They got the first six month update in the journal and the second 6 month update at the second visit. I write updates every week even though the visits get cancelled. I have the next six months here waiting for them. I hope they come to one of the court dates so I can give these to them.
I have had a parents in the past file false CPS claims against our family. How do you handle that?
I feel like even if the parent isn't reading the journal, it's nice to have a record of the child's life anyway.
Thank you for this video.
I LOVE your channel.
Thank you so much!
Did interactions with parents really go that smoothly?
On the note of functional illiteracy on the part of the bio parent, we've had some families switch to audio messages in the app or had a digital visit/progress journal so that the individual can use a screen reader tool - there is a standard option on iphones, for example.
Also be aware that the parents may not be able to read or write due to there education background.
Hi thanks for the wonderfull videos😊
Ty for watching!
I love this! Great information and solutions to things.
ty for watching!
Some of your advice is very state specific. I've never heard of a visit journal. We don't do that here. New England foster parent here.
What happens when the bio parents ask for money or financial assistance of some sort of transportation?
you aren't supposed to be doing that. The child is your responsibility, not their parent.
@@kickdropacoin I know. But I also know that people in crisis do things they are not supposed to
@@rubynelson1164 for sure, but be very careful around what you're able to give and what the boundaries are from youth protection.
@@rubynelson1164 This is the obligation of the case manager. The parents have a case plan that often includes sufficient lawful income. I had a Guardian ad Litem buying groceries only to learn that case management was duplicating his effort, so you need to communicate exactly what you are doing to your licensing agency and case management.
I think if the parent asked for money I would politely say that’s not something I can do, and then inform the worker so they know the parent is struggling.
❤
I use a communication book
Laura, you are great- i won't be a foster parent for a child- i am a foster (and often foster fail! bottle baby kittens and dogs. But a lot of what you say really transfers tother things including teaching (i teach school). I love your style!
What should i do when i find my foster child self harming
Physical pain can often release mental pain. When you’re in so much pain mentally and you don’t have a physical reason why, when there is physical pain too the brain isn’t in such dissonance. Be gentle and give comfort if they allow it. ***And Get them into cognitive behaviour therapy ASAP. It saved my life.
Tell the caseworker. And strongly advocate for the child to have a therapist. Do not punish or act horrified. Be calm and let the child know you are there for them and want to help them feel better.
We had a child that was getting up every morning with huge patches of hair missing. Every day there was new bald spots on her hair, and we couldn't explain what was going on. She was taken immediately to a doctors appointment, and the doctor couldn't even figure it out. He suggested therapy, so off to social services to get services. Child was ripping her hair out, because she thought that if she was bald, she would look sick, so social services would not send her back to her parent! She was SO SO smart, as a nine year old! It was absolutely tragic!!
@@sophiegiddings9272 that is so heart wrenching. Thank you for taking care of her. Did she end up having to go back?
Have you ever fostered children that don't support LGBTQ+? If so, what was it like?
In my opinion, I don’t think that we as adults should expect children to “support” anything. Especially children that need foster care. They are children, we are the adults, we are there to support *them*.
@@JuniperLynn789Yass juniper
Personally, no, but I have a ton of content and resources in my LGBTQ+ highlight on Instagram! instagram.com/foster.parenting
It's more important to support the individual child. Empower the child that way. Help them get access to things that they are good at or inspire them. I know that sounds like a roundabout answer, but people who are empowered in an authentic way interact with people of all kinds much better as well.
I imagine this would only be a problem if a different foster youth or family member in that same home was LGBTQ+ and was being treated poorly by the one that does not support those things. Then I assume there'd be either an attempt to educate or an attempt to relocate the child to a different foster home that's a better fit if that option is avalible.
First plzz pin