I’m 23 and started the negative feedback loop with one bad experience I had. This video really helped bring my mind back from the pits of self-doubt and shame. Really appreciate it.
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
This is a great video and solid advice. I'm trying to incorporate it, but with mixed success. I feel it's more geared towards individuals whose problems are mostly psychologically rooted. I think our confidence and self-esteem levels are fully intertwined with our physical appearance. They are in my case at least. I find that getting out of your head is next to impossible when you have a specific physical flaw/disability/deformity that is objectively unattractive. Focusing on your partner does indeed help temporarily, but those physical flaws are not something that will disappear if only you can convince your mind that they don't exist or don't matter. They stare right in your face and in your partner's face, and in our world they unfortunately do matter whether we admit it or not. Regardless of the reality, your methods did actually help me to some extent, which means a great deal. Thank you for that and for making these videos 🤗
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
Hi Matt, thanks for this vid. At last I've found someone i can actually relate to and can empathise with. After watching the experts views on the subject, it good to find someone who is speaking from experience. I found myself agreeing with what you said and noticed how tight i was in my pelvic region and how random hook ups cause me anxiety, even thinking about it does. I tend to live in my mind and let it dictate, its like a constant battle. So happy to have found your channel.
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
I GUESS.....it is a MAYOR topic amongst men.....but nobody dares to talk about it.....I struggle sometimes, but it would be AWESOME to find / or BETTER yet/ have a nice GUY....Who says..... Okay we are both men, we know what we like, and regardless if Mr.P wants to work with us OR not....we STILL LOVE each other very much.....There are many ways to SHOW you my Love and, in My case, Affection and Tenderness are even a greater turn on.....So eventually Mr .P will benefit for that....We don,t have to perform to Show our love to other men.....You have to feel Love in your SOUL.....But Thanx Matt for being honest.....(talking about masculinity, you are definitely very masculine, just by talking, and daring to bring up this topic)......😉
Thank you so much for sharing bro. It really helps me to not feel alone in this. For the longest time I felt like I am the only person who deals with this, but there are so many others. You are a brave man, thank you.
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
Matt, I admire your courage and transparency. I just binged watched your video on a 8 hr drive. :) Thank you for this generous gift! I will use these tips and techniques.
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
Hey Matt, I’m 22, amazing video, I’m so glad you took the time to talk about and take off the stigma about sexual anxiety. I’m relieved that I’m not alone. Just to share a bit of my personal experience; I’ll recommend being careful to whom and when speaking up about it. I once shared my anxiety with someone i had thought to be a potential partner and tried to be vulnerable with her but not only did she make me feel dumb for oversharing but also kinda looked down on me; Which took a huge chunk of whatever self esteem i had left. So all I’m saying is that, it’s a crazy world and some people may not be as genuine and honest as you’d expect them to be. Thank you.
I’m sorry you had to have that experience. It’s more of a reflection of her than it is of you. Don’t let it impact you’re sharing next time because that’s how we settle the anxious mind- we need to be willing to be vulnerable and with that unfortunately comes people not being able to hold space for our vulnerability
Thank you so much for this amazing advice. I've been struggling with sexual performance anxiety for about 2 years now and I needed to hear this. I always denied that I had this thing, but I'm now accepting that I have this problem, and that's ok.
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
I feel like sharing two of my written Texts. About my experience. Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do it if they are loving people by nature. Making love includes all sexual elements and works like a manual. what is good for you, you do. And we can practice it with ourselves and with others. Then sex is irrelevant and you can love yourself and others physically. Coming And Going Making love or sex can be one of the most beautiful experiences or one of the worst nightmares. I was sexually traumatized in my childhood, when I was six years old. That can be a huge obstacle, but I want to use these words to solve a different problem. One reason why making love or having sex can be one of the worst nightmares is forcing yourself to come and not being able to come. Many men and women feel a lot of pressure. And if they can't come, they think they're failing, and inner self-torture ensues. Some even opt for abstinence or celibacy to not make love or avoid sex with others altogether, just because they can't come. What many don't realize is that the nature of opposites lives in every phenomenon, including making love and sex. We come or go. And "going" in this context means not coming. We are not failures if we can't come. Making love and sex is not about winning or losing. Learn to appreciate not coming as a truth. Because to supress a truth is to give it force beyond endurance. And remember, as soon as this blockage is no longer a blockage, because you enjoy both coming and going, you can dare to make love or have sex with other people again. And be aware that if you go now, you will come even harder later. So cherish it when you go. You will come so strong because you are going.
This video was amazing. I can't begin to explain how much it related to what I'm going through and how much it's beginning to help me through it all. Bravo.
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
Very well done. I work with many individuals that have trauma histories and detach during sexual encounters. Sexual dysfunction carries so much shame, leading to a lack of ability to be open and discuss their needs or receive help. Thank you for opening this dialogue, a very difficult one.
Amanda Mcfadyen thank you for this recognition. I agree that it is so important to open this dialogue because it’s an issue that carries a lot of shame for men.
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
Thanks for posting this but it does not help me knowing that others are going through this any more then knowing other people have cancer. The feeling of inadequacy is the same. The fact that my partner is going to tell her friends just makes it worse.
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
@Amine Fs Yes, it's not 100% gone, I still have doubts sometimes, but I'm doing much better. I've been trying to rebuilding my self confidence, and really just trying to enjoy myself. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing. I will be watching the other videos you have created. So refreshing to listen to a well adjusted gay man who has the courage to be vulnerable and share personal history.
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
so if i get errctions by myself and with foreplay but sometimes lose them right before or during actual sex, is this purely in my head and nothing physically wrong
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
I’m a gay man and in a relationship at the moment I’m a sexual assault survivor and after the assault (which happened in 2019) my libido became so low for many years and I thought I was asexual. I can get it up by myself when I masturbate because I’m alone and safe but when I’m having sex with my boyfriend I’m not alone and I have a lot of triggers I need to work on. I have so much shame around sex and I feel like I’m not worthy of pleasure because of my assault. This video has done so much for me and the shame I have around sex I can’t thank you enough you’re a life saver. Because of my assault I feel like I need to please my partner and my body would tell me “no I don’t want this” but my mind would tell me “it’s fine you’ll enjoy this just keep going” if you don’t want to have sex in that moment STOP tell your partner “look I don’t want this right now” and they should stop and listen to you. If you can do all these things you will have better sexual encounters trust me.
Wow your story is so similar to mine. I am glad you found value in the video and keep honouring your body. Don’t let your mind dictate sex anymore. Let your body lead the way
@@mattlandsiedel It can be hard and I’m definitely not at the point where I can have proper sex. Me and my boyfriend just do mutual masturbation without him touching me because I have so much fear of being touched bellow the belt area. I am so scared of it but again this video has helped me so fucking much and I’ve learned that if I can’t perform that day I should stop and not be so hard on myself. I’m slowly trying to be more present during sex because sex is very traumatic for me and when I have sex I completely disconnect from my body and freezes up. Because that’s what my mind does to protect me and my mind thinks it’s protecting me when it’s actually inhibiting my ability to actually enjoy sex. This video is a masterpiece I cannot thank you enough for everything in this video I’ve watched this video so many times and studied this video to really grasp your points. You’ve helped me realise how to be kinder to myself and to not let my mind take over when I’m having sex and to just let loose.
@@seanderoiste4661 I am really happy to learn that you are prioritizing your needs and not being as hard on yourself. You deserve this my friend. Continue to give yourself space to heal ❤️
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Thanks man. Sounds like almost same issue. I had first kidney stone bout in mid 20's also had; had a 7mm & 5mm but had no surgery. I've had many bouts of kidney stones since. Plus I have mental health issues and possibly injuries the private area growing up playing soccer,biking and just rough on body. It is a issue that is hard and females dont talk to you or want to help out with
Yes this is sad thing that woman won’t have this conversation with you. It needs to be talked about and I hope you have found a safe space to talk about it...
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.c
you are a hero and a sweet heart. I also have struggled with performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction. I also had trauma to my penis when I had to get a corrective circumcision at 17. I have been unraveling this for years. It is great to hear from another perspective. I thought I had to be gay and that wasnt the answer either at least for me haha for now?. HOCD became a part of my life and it was a dark period of shame and isolation.. And finally I have seen therapy and gotten help. Luckily some women have been very understanding and helped comfort me back to sexual confidence. That being said when I meet new people I find that my performance anxiety is at a peak, and it fades as I grow accustom to them and the experience. I appreciate you finding the time to articulate these negative spaces. You are not alone. Thank you Thank you Thank you for your courage and open heartedness
Wow thank you for sharing this with me. I have also recently learned that I am demisexual and require emotional connection for sexual arousal. I am much more confident sexually when I feel trust, safety and connection. I am grateful for you sharing your story here because many people can extract hope from it as well.
@@mattlandsiedel And thank you for your reply. I really appreciate the support and community. Much love. And have fun on your journey! We all deserve happiness and sexual connection and ecstasy! :)
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Wow, what a great video, thank you. I'm 29 and I've been sexually inactive for most of my life. 2 years ago that changed but very soon I had a bad experience and after that I couldn't get it out of my head. I'm prone to developing anxieties and already work with a therapist to deal with my social anxieties. Sure enough I also developed performance anxiety. I had low self-esteem and tried having sex with as many women as possible for self-validation. There was no trust, most of the time I wasn't even in the mood and several times I failed to get an erection. Whenever I meet a new woman now I'm scared of the moment when it comes to intimacy and try everything to avoid it. I learned a lot from this video. "Controlling your pace" was so interesting to hear and I think it 100% applies to me as well. One question though: Do you never miss hook-ups or have the wish to be able to perform at them?
Thank you for sharing your story with me. Takes a lot of courage to show up like that. To answer your question, I think there is a time and place for random sex if that is what feels good in the moment. Now that I have expertises connected sex with a lot of emotional and spiritual connection, random sex doesn’t really excite me as much anymore. But since learning how to have connected sex it’s made me feel safer and more confident in sex and I now feel like I can perform better in all sexual settings but safety and listening to the body needs to take place before any sexual encounter now.
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Always had anxiety and depression. Never had issues with sex with my wife . She’s the only one I’ve ever been with . 32 now and I no longer have that desire for sex and I struggle to stay focus during it and I lose erection . It’s very scary . I get bad anxiety during sex as well. Also tho I have felt like I was hyper sexually but I didn’t need physical sex just thru m and porn and stuff like that
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Great points! Porn is a huge driving force behind the conquering and 'end result' kind of sex a lot of us have. I love porn, I did porn, but it has its place. As long as we can separate the fantasy from reality, then it's a healthy outlet. I love the talk of masculine and feminine as well! Again, porn shows one side... and our community is changed with shame around the feminine... so to embrace both is powerful. A penis does not perform on demand ... very true!
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
What a great video, thanks! Could you talk a bit more about sex addiction? Because it's an underlying issue (specially in the lgbt community) and there's not enough information specifically for gay men, and most of the times being a sex addict is even used as a compliment if you are gay. This is def a niche to be explored. 😊
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.g
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Thanks bro.the society has portrayed men as a dominant character when it comes to sex now it becomes more of a performance than intimacy,society needs to change the mind set and sex should be for both partners to work together and to enjoy as well. There is no gatjet that measures sex performance so as to known which is better,all men are at risk at some point cause the opinion changes from person to person. Sex Anxiety is punishing millions of men out there.may be it is a multibillion dollar must be industry few benefits at the suffering of many.
Abbas Nguma couldn’t agree more and I’m glad men like yourself are waking up to this and challenging societal norms around sex and masculinity. We need to stick together and push these new thought forms forward into the collective consciousness
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
In seeing a lot of similarities here ..I was a virgin up until I was 32- 33 ,Not by choice 😅.. And my first time was with a woman that was WAY more experienced m Now I'm kind of in the same situation again with a 31 year old woman with a high sex drive ,That's also way more experienced ,Has been married ,Had threesomes etc ...And I don't know how to get past that intimidation factor
You know there's another, more literal mistake in "measuring" ourselves up against porn actors - particularly for us straight guys for whom these are the only penises we'll ever see besides our own. It's that being above average in that particular measurement is undoubtedly a prerequisite of getting that job in the first place. If that's you're only point of comparison, it's easy to feel inadequate with what is likely a perfectly average, if slightly unspectacular size. Just another way too much porn can unnecessarily hurt one's confidence. Anyways thanks for the great advice!
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
My book, Be The Space, is about living in the present moment. Being present is a big part of it, but finding love and connection can also be deeply fulfilling. Thanks for your insight!
Nice one, until recently I hadn't realized that Mario updated his favorite way to tackle ED and it's a relief! Although what he previously suggested was pretty good, it was a real pain to follow... I just go'ogled the latest in Volpstein’s Thunderous Erections, it's so much easier and potent now!
What you say about intimacy is all well and good. However, intimate sex doesn't preclude casaul sex. Just as we can have both male and female energy, we can have both deeply connected, loving sex and sex just for fun. From the sounds of it, you gave up on the latter simply because you started to always feel anxious about it, and you focused on intimate sex. But, that also sounds like you let anxiety force your hand. I wonder: is that really healthy? Or fully healthy? Wouldn't healthiness be _always_ feeling comfortable in your own skin, regardless of the situation (barring when there's legitimate danger, obviously)? That doesn't mean you _have_ have every kind of sex there is out there. But, you _can_ pick and choose what you want, instead of letting the anxiety choose for you. Of course, I don't mean going back to having sex for reasons of ego-boosting and external validation. That just seems like there was always anxiety present; there was an insecurity behind the domineering and ego-feeding. Then, as you say, when you couldn't get hard, you couldn't get that feedback from your sexual experiences anymore, and the insecurity came crashing into full light. It still appears to me that dealing with that self-doubt, instead of, to put it bluntly, avoiding it by finding a "safe space", would be better for you in the long-term. You can still choose not to have hookups or FWBs. You'd just be doing so because you don't want them, as opposet to doing it in order to avoid something.
Thanks for sharing your experience of my sharing. Something that is important to note is that I have discovered that I am a demisexual since recording this. This is likely why I need the intimacy for arousal. And yea you’re right both casual and intimate sex are both valid but not all people enjoy both. Appreciate your insights though, they gave me a chance to reflect on my own truth as it contrasted what you said.
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.g
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
Hey man, I’m soon over 30, and have been straggling with this issue since I’m like 22. It happened as well the first time I had sex, but then I just forgot about it. Then I one more experience, and then it messed up my mind. Every time since or almost I’m getting anxious and it’s a circle. But this video really help me know how to connect more with my body and frankly speaking, not thinking about it ! Thanks a lot mate for this video and sharing your experience, I feel way deeper other vidéo I have come around.
Making Love The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
I’m 23 and started the negative feedback loop with one bad experience I had. This video really helped bring my mind back from the pits of self-doubt and shame. Really appreciate it.
Thank you for sharing. The shame can feel so isolating and lonely. I’m glad you are willing to speak up about it to know you’re not alone.
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
This is a great video and solid advice. I'm trying to incorporate it, but with mixed success. I feel it's more geared towards individuals whose problems are mostly psychologically rooted. I think our confidence and self-esteem levels are fully intertwined with our physical appearance. They are in my case at least. I find that getting out of your head is next to impossible when you have a specific physical flaw/disability/deformity that is objectively unattractive. Focusing on your partner does indeed help temporarily, but those physical flaws are not something that will disappear if only you can convince your mind that they don't exist or don't matter. They stare right in your face and in your partner's face, and in our world they unfortunately do matter whether we admit it or not. Regardless of the reality, your methods did actually help me to some extent, which means a great deal. Thank you for that and for making these videos 🤗
I hear you. Physical appearance can deeply affect confidence. Remember, self-compassion is key. Keep exploring what works for you.
This video legit moved me to tears. Thanks man. Needed this
You’re welcome. I’m glad you were able to resonate so deeply with this
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
Hi Matt, thanks for this vid. At last I've found someone i can actually relate to and can empathise with. After watching the experts views on the subject, it good to find someone who is speaking from experience. I found myself agreeing with what you said and noticed how tight i was in my pelvic region and how random hook ups cause me anxiety, even thinking about it does. I tend to live in my mind and let it dictate, its like a constant battle. So happy to have found your channel.
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
I GUESS.....it is a MAYOR topic amongst men.....but nobody dares to talk about it.....I struggle sometimes, but it would be AWESOME to find / or BETTER yet/ have a nice GUY....Who says..... Okay we are both men, we know what we like, and regardless if Mr.P wants to work with us OR not....we STILL LOVE each other very much.....There are many ways to SHOW you my Love and, in My case, Affection and Tenderness are even a greater turn on.....So eventually Mr .P will benefit for that....We don,t have to perform to Show our love to other men.....You have to feel Love in your SOUL.....But Thanx Matt for being honest.....(talking about masculinity, you are definitely very masculine, just by talking, and daring to bring up this topic)......😉
Thank you so much for sharing bro. It really helps me to not feel alone in this. For the longest time I felt like I am the only person who deals with this, but there are so many others. You are a brave man, thank you.
You’re welcome. I am glad you found value here and the courage to own these parts of yourself as well
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
Matt, I admire your courage and transparency. I just binged watched your video on a 8 hr drive. :) Thank you for this generous gift! I will use these tips and techniques.
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
This is extremely healing for me as I’ve had some experiences that made me feel embarrassed about my non hardness
I'm glad it’s helping you. Stay strong! 💪
Hey Matt, I’m 22, amazing video, I’m so glad you took the time to talk about and take off the stigma about sexual anxiety. I’m relieved that I’m not alone.
Just to share a bit of my personal experience; I’ll recommend being careful to whom and when speaking up about it. I once shared my anxiety with someone i had thought to be a potential partner and tried to be vulnerable with her but not only did she make me feel dumb for oversharing but also kinda looked down on me; Which took a huge chunk of whatever self esteem i had left. So all I’m saying is that, it’s a crazy world and some people may not be as genuine and honest as you’d expect them to be. Thank you.
I’m sorry you had to have that experience. It’s more of a reflection of her than it is of you. Don’t let it impact you’re sharing next time because that’s how we settle the anxious mind- we need to be willing to be vulnerable and with that unfortunately comes people not being able to hold space for our vulnerability
@@mattlandsiedel Thank you so much for your response, stay blessed.
Thank you so much for this amazing advice. I've been struggling with sexual performance anxiety for about 2 years now and I needed to hear this. I always denied that I had this thing, but I'm now accepting that I have this problem, and that's ok.
You got this! Follow the advice i shared in the video and keep focusing on your body and getting present with yourself. Less mind more body ❤️
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
How are u now?
Brilliant honest video Matt ... well done.
I feel like sharing two of my written Texts. About my experience.
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do it if they are loving people by nature. Making love includes all sexual elements and works like a manual. what is good for you, you do. And we can practice it with ourselves and with others. Then sex is irrelevant and you can love yourself and others physically.
Coming And Going
Making love or sex can be one of the most beautiful experiences or one of the worst nightmares. I was sexually traumatized in my childhood, when I was six years old. That can be a huge obstacle, but I want to use these words to solve a different problem. One reason why making love or having sex can be one of the worst nightmares is forcing yourself to come and not being able to come. Many men and women feel a lot of pressure. And if they can't come, they think they're failing, and inner self-torture ensues. Some even opt for abstinence or celibacy to not make love or avoid sex with others altogether, just because they can't come. What many don't realize is that the nature of opposites lives in every phenomenon, including making love and sex. We come or go. And "going" in this context means not coming. We are not failures if we can't come. Making love and sex is not about winning or losing. Learn to appreciate not coming as a truth. Because to supress a truth is to give it force beyond endurance. And remember, as soon as this blockage is no longer a blockage, because you enjoy both coming and going, you can dare to make love or have sex with other people again. And be aware that if you go now, you will come even harder later. So cherish it when you go. You will come so strong because you are going.
Matt thank you for being so open about this. ❤
You're welcome! Glad it resonated with you. 😊
I can relate to this in many ways .A worthy watch ..Thankyou very much !
This video was amazing. I can't begin to explain how much it related to what I'm going through and how much it's beginning to help me through it all. Bravo.
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
The impact this video had, nay, has on me is unquantifiable. Thank you Matt.
I’m glad this video has impacted you in such a positive way
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
Very well done. I work with many individuals that have trauma histories and detach during sexual encounters. Sexual dysfunction carries so much shame, leading to a lack of ability to be open and discuss their needs or receive help. Thank you for opening this dialogue, a very difficult one.
Amanda Mcfadyen thank you for this recognition. I agree that it is so important to open this dialogue because it’s an issue that carries a lot of shame for men.
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
Thanks for posting this but it does not help me knowing that others are going through this any more then knowing other people have cancer. The feeling of inadequacy is the same. The fact that my partner is going to tell her friends just makes it worse.
Thank you so much. This has been a huge problem in my head, and I really hope your advice helps. Thanks again.
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Hey man how is it going now did u overcome it
@Amine Fs Yes, it's not 100% gone, I still have doubts sometimes, but I'm doing much better. I've been trying to rebuilding my self confidence, and really just trying to enjoy myself. Thank you.
@@macbruno357how did you cure it?
Great advice, loved the video!
Thank you for sharing. I will be watching the other videos you have created. So refreshing to listen to a well adjusted gay man who has the courage to be vulnerable and share personal history.
Thank you for tuning in and I’m glad you are feeling connected to me and my work. Also thank you for the positive reflections 😊
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
I just discovered your TH-cam videos. Deep bow of love and respect to you for your authenticity and your gift. Thank You.
Preston Hare thank you for this love and recognition. Means a lot to me man 🙏❤️
@@mattlandsiedel
You're very welcome. So for you
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
You are such a great guy! Your TH-cam videos are always highly informative!
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Thank you for talking about this! Similar experience and revelations here.
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
so if i get errctions by myself and with foreplay but sometimes lose them right before or during actual sex, is this purely in my head and nothing physically wrong
I would say so yes
amazing advices and insights, this is very helpful, thank you very much man
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
I'm on my third viewing and I can't thank you enough for this video.
I’m glad you are finding value in the video 👍🏼❤️
I appreciate the vulnerability my friend. Keep up the good work
Thanks Devin 🙏❤️
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Happy men's day kings 💕......
thank u for sharing brother, huge respect
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
I’m a gay man and in a relationship at the moment I’m a sexual assault survivor and after the assault (which happened in 2019) my libido became so low for many years and I thought I was asexual. I can get it up by myself when I masturbate because I’m alone and safe but when I’m having sex with my boyfriend I’m not alone and I have a lot of triggers I need to work on. I have so much shame around sex and I feel like I’m not worthy of pleasure because of my assault. This video has done so much for me and the shame I have around sex I can’t thank you enough you’re a life saver. Because of my assault I feel like I need to please my partner and my body would tell me “no I don’t want this” but my mind would tell me “it’s fine you’ll enjoy this just keep going” if you don’t want to have sex in that moment STOP tell your partner “look I don’t want this right now” and they should stop and listen to you. If you can do all these things you will have better sexual encounters trust me.
Wow your story is so similar to mine. I am glad you found value in the video and keep honouring your body. Don’t let your mind dictate sex anymore. Let your body lead the way
@@mattlandsiedel It can be hard and I’m definitely not at the point where I can have proper sex. Me and my boyfriend just do mutual masturbation without him touching me because I have so much fear of being touched bellow the belt area. I am so scared of it but again this video has helped me so fucking much and I’ve learned that if I can’t perform that day I should stop and not be so hard on myself. I’m slowly trying to be more present during sex because sex is very traumatic for me and when I have sex I completely disconnect from my body and freezes up. Because that’s what my mind does to protect me and my mind thinks it’s protecting me when it’s actually inhibiting my ability to actually enjoy sex. This video is a masterpiece I cannot thank you enough for everything in this video I’ve watched this video so many times and studied this video to really grasp your points. You’ve helped me realise how to be kinder to myself and to not let my mind take over when I’m having sex and to just let loose.
@@seanderoiste4661 I am really happy to learn that you are prioritizing your needs and not being as hard on yourself. You deserve this my friend. Continue to give yourself space to heal ❤️
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Thank you, finally i can understand these concepts clearly.
Glad to hear that!
Thank you so much for sharing, I was ment to find this video 🙏❤
What has the video taught you that you needed to hear?
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Fantastic video
thank you for making this
I hear so many things that sound strikingly similar to borderline personality traits :-)
Wow, nice one bro! Bravo, you are brave
Thank you 🙏
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
This video was really fucking dope and came at the perfect time
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Thanks man. Sounds like almost same issue. I had first kidney stone bout in mid 20's also had; had a 7mm & 5mm but had no surgery. I've had many bouts of kidney stones since. Plus I have mental health issues and possibly injuries the private area growing up playing soccer,biking and just rough on body. It is a issue that is hard and females dont talk to you or want to help out with
Yes this is sad thing that woman won’t have this conversation with you. It needs to be talked about and I hope you have found a safe space to talk about it...
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.c
you are a hero and a sweet heart. I also have struggled with performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction. I also had trauma to my penis when I had to get a corrective circumcision at 17. I have been unraveling this for years. It is great to hear from another perspective. I thought I had to be gay and that wasnt the answer either at least for me haha for now?. HOCD became a part of my life and it was a dark period of shame and isolation.. And finally I have seen therapy and gotten help. Luckily some women have been very understanding and helped comfort me back to sexual confidence. That being said when I meet new people I find that my performance anxiety is at a peak, and it fades as I grow accustom to them and the experience.
I appreciate you finding the time to articulate these negative spaces. You are not alone. Thank you Thank you Thank you for your courage and open heartedness
Wow thank you for sharing this with me. I have also recently learned that I am demisexual and require emotional connection for sexual arousal. I am much more confident sexually when I feel trust, safety and connection.
I am grateful for you sharing your story here because many people can extract hope from it as well.
@@mattlandsiedel And thank you for your reply. I really appreciate the support and community. Much love. And have fun on your journey! We all deserve happiness and sexual connection and ecstasy! :)
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Wow, what a great video, thank you. I'm 29 and I've been sexually inactive for most of my life. 2 years ago that changed but very soon I had a bad experience and after that I couldn't get it out of my head. I'm prone to developing anxieties and already work with a therapist to deal with my social anxieties. Sure enough I also developed performance anxiety. I had low self-esteem and tried having sex with as many women as possible for self-validation. There was no trust, most of the time I wasn't even in the mood and several times I failed to get an erection. Whenever I meet a new woman now I'm scared of the moment when it comes to intimacy and try everything to avoid it.
I learned a lot from this video. "Controlling your pace" was so interesting to hear and I think it 100% applies to me as well. One question though: Do you never miss hook-ups or have the wish to be able to perform at them?
Thank you for sharing your story with me. Takes a lot of courage to show up like that.
To answer your question, I think there is a time and place for random sex if that is what feels good in the moment. Now that I have expertises connected sex with a lot of emotional and spiritual connection, random sex doesn’t really excite me as much anymore. But since learning how to have connected sex it’s made me feel safer and more confident in sex and I now feel like I can perform better in all sexual settings but safety and listening to the body needs to take place before any sexual encounter now.
@@mattlandsiedel Thank you for your reply, it totally makes sense to me!
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Always had anxiety and depression. Never had issues with sex with my wife . She’s the only one I’ve ever been with . 32 now and I no longer have that desire for sex and I struggle to stay focus during it and I lose erection . It’s very scary . I get bad anxiety during sex as well. Also tho I have felt like I was hyper sexually but I didn’t need physical sex just thru m and porn and stuff like that
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Great points! Porn is a huge driving force behind the conquering and 'end result' kind of sex a lot of us have. I love porn, I did porn, but it has its place. As long as we can separate the fantasy from reality, then it's a healthy outlet. I love the talk of masculine and feminine as well! Again, porn shows one side... and our community is changed with shame around the feminine... so to embrace both is powerful. A penis does not perform on demand ... very true!
Yes I totally agree with this and appreciate your comment. It’s all about intention behind why we do things.
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Thanks for your advice and bravery.
Timothy Tew you’re welcome. Thank you for tuning in
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
What a great video, thanks! Could you talk a bit more about sex addiction? Because it's an underlying issue (specially in the lgbt community) and there's not enough information specifically for gay men, and most of the times being a sex addict is even used as a compliment if you are gay. This is def a niche to be explored. 😊
Thank you for this feedback and yes I can definitely create some content on sex addiction
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
What was the title of the book please ? I missed it
My book is called - Be The Space. Is this the one you are referring to?
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.g
Thanks brother I can totally relate
I’m glad you are able to relate. What specifically are you relating to?
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
@@ryu7964 Thank you for putting it in so nicely.
Great video
Thanks
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Thanks bro.the society has portrayed men as a dominant character when it comes to sex now it becomes more of a performance than intimacy,society needs to change the mind set and sex should be for both partners to work together and to enjoy as well. There is no gatjet that measures sex performance so as to known which is better,all men are at risk at some point cause the opinion changes from person to person. Sex Anxiety is punishing millions of men out there.may be it is a multibillion dollar must be industry few benefits at the suffering of many.
Abbas Nguma couldn’t agree more and I’m glad men like yourself are waking up to this and challenging societal norms around sex and masculinity. We need to stick together and push these new thought forms forward into the collective consciousness
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
In seeing a lot of similarities here ..I was a virgin up until I was 32- 33 ,Not by choice 😅.. And my first time was with a woman that was WAY more experienced m Now I'm kind of in the same situation again with a 31 year old woman with a high sex drive ,That's also way more experienced ,Has been married ,Had threesomes etc ...And I don't know how to get past that intimidation factor
You know there's another, more literal mistake in "measuring" ourselves up against porn actors - particularly for us straight guys for whom these are the only penises we'll ever see besides our own. It's that being above average in that particular measurement is undoubtedly a prerequisite of getting that job in the first place. If that's you're only point of comparison, it's easy to feel inadequate with what is likely a perfectly average, if slightly unspectacular size. Just another way too much porn can unnecessarily hurt one's confidence.
Anyways thanks for the great advice!
Exactly!! Porn can be so destructive to our sexual development
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Pro tip if you can get hard but it goes away in the first 5-10minutes you might need to go take a piss. And great video, on point.
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
@@ryu7964 and there is always viagra
So what your teaching is to be present? Then you promote your book, I think the answer is to find love, a companion.
My book, Be The Space, is about living in the present moment. Being present is a big part of it, but finding love and connection can also be deeply fulfilling. Thanks for your insight!
Nice one, until recently I hadn't realized that Mario updated his favorite way to tackle ED and it's a relief! Although what he previously suggested was pretty good, it was a real pain to follow... I just go'ogled the latest in Volpstein’s Thunderous Erections, it's so much easier and potent now!
What you say about intimacy is all well and good. However, intimate sex doesn't preclude casaul sex. Just as we can have both male and female energy, we can have both deeply connected, loving sex and sex just for fun. From the sounds of it, you gave up on the latter simply because you started to always feel anxious about it, and you focused on intimate sex. But, that also sounds like you let anxiety force your hand. I wonder: is that really healthy? Or fully healthy? Wouldn't healthiness be _always_ feeling comfortable in your own skin, regardless of the situation (barring when there's legitimate danger, obviously)? That doesn't mean you _have_ have every kind of sex there is out there. But, you _can_ pick and choose what you want, instead of letting the anxiety choose for you.
Of course, I don't mean going back to having sex for reasons of ego-boosting and external validation. That just seems like there was always anxiety present; there was an insecurity behind the domineering and ego-feeding. Then, as you say, when you couldn't get hard, you couldn't get that feedback from your sexual experiences anymore, and the insecurity came crashing into full light. It still appears to me that dealing with that self-doubt, instead of, to put it bluntly, avoiding it by finding a "safe space", would be better for you in the long-term. You can still choose not to have hookups or FWBs. You'd just be doing so because you don't want them, as opposet to doing it in order to avoid something.
Thanks for sharing your experience of my sharing. Something that is important to note is that I have discovered that I am a demisexual since recording this. This is likely why I need the intimacy for arousal. And yea you’re right both casual and intimate sex are both valid but not all people enjoy both. Appreciate your insights though, they gave me a chance to reflect on my own truth as it contrasted what you said.
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.g
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.b
I love this! Thanks for sharing it ❤️
Hahaha the thumb nail has 2 dudes 😂😂😂
Hey man, I’m soon over 30, and have been straggling with this issue since I’m like 22. It happened as well the first time I had sex, but then I just forgot about it. Then I one more experience, and then it messed up my mind. Every time since or almost I’m getting anxious and it’s a circle. But this video really help me know how to connect more with my body and frankly speaking, not thinking about it ! Thanks a lot mate for this video and sharing your experience, I feel way deeper other vidéo I have come around.
Making Love
The intention to have sex creates expectations, pressure to perform and fear of failure. If you've been sexually traumatized, it's even worse. Making love, on the other hand, is something that almost any being can do at any time. Even sexually traumatized people can do this if they are naturally loving people. And we can practice it on ourselves and on others. Then the sex is irrelevant and you can love others physically.d
Great video