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I would like you to consider seeing the situation you’re talking about from a different angle. I would like you to consider seeing yourself at a point on a developmental sequence. I’ve experienced what you’ve experienced and can tell you that developmentally it’s necessary to be a lone Wolf as a highly sensitive person and as a gay man when you think you might be less than others. The time alone affords you, the space and the eventual insight to fully realize who you are, what you have to offer the world, and all of your gifts. Part of the reason I felt afraid of rejection was because I assumed that the world was the norm and it was the right way to be, and I was off from that. Once I truly saw my authentic self and came to terms and peace with who I am and really appreciated who I was, I came to see that the world is somewhat dysfunctional, and my normal is better. I no longer worry about being rejected by people. Now it’s more like I don’t care to be around most people because they don’t meet the standards of what’s important to me in my life. My perspective has changed with regards to what’s good and what’s not good. I’m good and a lot of what I see around me isn’t any longer. I’m not afraid of being rejected by people that aren’t good for me or don’t align with my truths. I come from a point of strength in relationships and that all came from being alone, finding myself and knowing what I want and seeking that out in other people. If I can’t find it, I’d rather stay alone until I can. The same scenario you talking about just a different perspective. Just something to think about from someone who is your elder :-) and has worked a long time to try to come out the other side and find happiness within myself and around me just being authentic.

I am gay and I can't stand gays and women. Seriously bullies.

I feel like I dont even know what the gay community is. I honestly just feel jealous when you say youve tried drugs and stuff - ive never done any. Ive had a little bit of moderately fun causal sex but yeah. Most of the time i meet with guys off grindr, they are obviously very lonely guys that basically just want to cuddle in bed and chat about feelings. Can anyone relate?

I see that. Idk what to say ever. But I pray.

The only people that could understand is my team which I know I have to call when done this shift. Which I never do.

I could scream and cry or I can just be happy. That's my two options

I'm ao upset that's all I know right now. The rest was jibberish

I want to apologize. I haven't been sleeping well. I'm upset

I'm a bad man that's what upsets me

Everything I say I'm humiliated. It's ocd I think

I'm f glad.

I understand both of you hurt. I can relate.

Woman are usually disgusted by me. They don't understand- I get it.

Sometimes I'm questioning. What? Do I just pick a random person.

All I know is I'm on the verge of tears. And I have work in an hour. And I do this everyday.

I know I'm selfish. But that is what I'm trying to be with. And maybe even change. So I can let people in.

Bob-Bevan-Dangel-lookin'-boi 😊 lol

I like where your going with this. It's okay to be humiliated. It's actually a great thing. It's trusting christ. That real love. I admire people in such an affection way.

Thank you for being so open Matt, a lot of this deeply resonates!! Being this way as a gay man as well as being sensitive and on top of that having sexual trauma has made the realm of sexuality in my life extremely difficult. I found myself swinging the pendulum of completely bulldozing myself into situations I don‘t want to be in to avoiding sex at all costs. I honestly wish I could have sex without needing the safety and emotional connection but it just feels so traumatizing. I noticed that sexual transmutation exercises make me feel a lot more embodied and secure but in terms of actually going about having fulfilling sexual experiences with another guy is still super difficult…

I want to lose control. I don't want to control anything

It honestly was one of the most beautiful things but it was scary

I lost my innocence very young. I think it might have had an effect on my life.

That confused me. But I see what your saying. Thanks for everything you do. You truly are one of my heroes.

❤

This really resonates with me! I find myself downloading and deleting these apps, getting anxious and depressed while I am on them because I am not fulfilled by just the physical. And quite frankly, I find it more stressful to try to force a physical connection with someone who I haven't even met or established chemistry/connection with. Thank you for the discussion ❤

Whatever your badge is one human and a touch becomes your soul

The world loves hate if I smile you can assume anything until my breath tells the truth you will never judge me

23 years of love and life my shield never lowered when my life died in front of me of a heart attack now 18 years later the touch of someone has never happened I find myself asking why beauty never last but the heart is the only thing that holds me

True connection is important, the ability to communicate, empathetic, and see the true nature of someone you are with to develop a meaningful relationship. The problem with the gay community is that there is way too much attention to appearances and sexual attraction that it becomes an insidious "narcissistic" atmosphere. That is why I have this untrusting connection with other in the gay community, because I feel that I am being used and cheating behind my back.

All my needs are met. But I still become sad.

I believe that as well. I am very old, and all my life, a Higher Power has always provided me with great teachers. Some have planted, some weeded and some harvested. Glad I found you, Matt.

When I step outside of myself and read these, I notice that I exhibit the first five red flag tendencies. I want to change these behaviors

Slowing down for me has helped me drop alot of fears. It's a blessing!

Its actually a positive feedback loop.. if something happens that makes more of something else happen, then its a positive feedback loop. If it makes it stop then its a negative feedback loop

Don't give away all the secrets!! 😮

Beautiful insight on the time to be present while breastfeeding....so tender. You have a fortunate child! Bless you Alissa! You guys provide so much nourishment for the mind and soul!

Even when clearly in the right, if someone irrationally attacks me, if I am not spiritually-emotionally and physically centered, it knocks me off kilter for days! I still struggle. Thanks for your comforting videos, Matt.

I can see aspects of current and previous relationships in some of these red and green flags. Btw I screenshot and saved all of these flags for my notes. Thanks Matt!

My stillness recognizes a 'charge" that is a larger Electrical sensitivity. Regulatory skills being learned as we live and evolve.

Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing yourself with the world so openly and honestly. It is refreshing and validating for me. Your story has so many elements of my own life that it's crazy. I can relate so much on an emotional and spiritual level, and it is so helpful to me at this part of my journey to know how I feel and my behaviour patterns are not in isolation and part of being human. I've only recently given myself permission to reignite my spark and strength after a period of darkness about 4 years long. You're fuelling that fire, so thank you 🙏

😴

I sit with myself. I just know. It can't be explained.

Be aware of a cruel form of bullying that can occur in a predominantly heterosexual environment. Women/individuals may try to humiliate a (gay) male about 'lack of ability' with members of the opposite sex (play 'psychological rape' games) or infer that a male is making 'unwanted advances' at them. This can have the effect of displacing a person into another psychological position, labelling them a 'sexual failure'. A bully will try to undercut the whole basis of a set discourse on gay matters, quashing use of modern terminology like 'homophobia'. Use standard terms like 'that's sexual orientation' to combat this behaviour. Have your mental pencil sharpened, and don't assume anything as being 'read'.

Can sex be a fawn response?

Thank you for this two part short. I've probably gone both ways. It can be jolting to meet that backlog 💙

Receive grace beloved. The religious, and cult people have rejected, and despised me. I choose the other side of humanity that needs help.

Im feeling better now thanks to the technics ...😊 I discovered that Im doing over- and underregulation at the same time.. my emotions get the best of me and i then try to completely shut them down for good😅 I also find the music in the background very relaxing..😊 I didnt know that emotionregulation is that important even further how to do it..😅 Thank you so much for creating this video and therefor helping me through one of the storms of emotions im going through... Im having a pretty rough time and this really helps...😊 Thank you so much❤ But let me also ask.... How are You doing? ❤❤❤

Keep ot ip!

It goes wsh too fast. I don’t have time to read

Sounds like IFS is a rebranding of Jungian archetypes 🤔