When I was a kid I was abused by a parent before being rejected by the same parent for being gay at 19. I grew up with an enormous sense of "I am weird, I am deficient, I am shameful", "I'm a freak", "I'm too sensitive" etc etc. I had almost no self-esteem in my 20s. This extended to my body image even though I was a very attractive young man who could get laid 7 days a week (in the '70s). I could go into a gay bar and leave with a man within 30 minutes. It made no difference. I got constant validation from others men but still felt no self-esteem. Not surprisingly took to alcohol in order to self-treat my social anxiety. Luckily I avoided hard drugs but after AIDS hit I became a weekend drunk. (Sober now for a decade and love it!) My lack of self-worth in my youth naturally extended to my body. I felt I was "too small" in ways both figurative and specifically physical. Then in middle age I began seeking answers and trying to understand myself better. As I learned about the internal effects of shame and bullying and parental/societal rejection, etc etc a wondrous thing happened : I discovered there was nothing wrong with my body, that I was not "small", and that my self-image was a reflection of my past experiences growing up gay. I started feeling better about myself. If one is a gay man and is not willing to work on self-healing through books, therapy, AA or NA, videos, spirituality, etc. one is essentially doomed to a life of feeling small, feeling shame, and feeling "not enough" and therefore unworthy of authentic love. One's disgust with one's penis is only one more refraction of this INTERNAL issue. The real work starts when you accept that external validation will NEVER compensate for what is an internal issue. Get a notebook, a pen, a good life coach or gay therapist or life coach or whatever helps and start connecting the dots by being brutally honest with yourself and then "seek, and ye shall find". This journey for gay men always starts with the wounding effects of shame, usually early in life for us gay guys. A seriously good book to get the ball rolling is "The Velvet Rage" by Alan Downs, phD, Read it. It will open the doors of your consciousness as a gay man and you will probably find yourself in its pages.
Thank you for sharing your story so openly-it’s powerful and inspiring. The journey to self-acceptance and healing is deeply personal, and your insights are so valuable for others on similar paths. "The Velvet Rage" is an excellent recommendation; it’s helped many men understand and confront the deep impact of shame. Your growth and sobriety are truly commendable.
Unless you directly associate penis size with performance, I've been much more concerned about the penis size than the performance. However, I have a penis that is normal and standard. I think I used to associate penis size with virility, masculinity. I had to do some deprogramming to come to terms with the size of my penis, which is just fine! On the other hand, if there's one thing I haven't quite got used to yet, it's being circumcised. That's a whole other subject! Your talk on orgasm and the different nerves involved was very interesting. This subject alone deserves much more time, as you say. Men would do well to take advantage of the pleasures that prostate stimulation can bring. Especially as the orgasm can last longer and be multiple, which differs from the 5-second moment of glory of the ejaculatory orgasm. In fact, you really need to be in a different state and, above all, to be patient. It's not instantaneous. The thought that ejaculatory orgasm has reproduction as its goal, compared with prostatic orgasm, which has pleasure as its goal, is interesting and deserves more attention.
I appreciate your openness and insights. Embracing new perspectives on masculinity and pleasure is powerful. Thank you for sharing your journey with us!
Humanity is Naturally courious. Words have power. The meaning of a single word often differs between individuals. Sex, sexual, physical, emotion, are just a scant few. Love is most often left out ?
@@mattlandsiedel No it isnt. An Orgasm is the edging. A climax is the finishing of that edging. Many body parts can be stimulated to feel the orgasmic sensation, like nipples. But none of these are an actual discharge. As the Orgasm is not the point of discharge. And it was simply lost in translation over the years by unintelligeable misinterpretations of that terminology. An Orgasm is the feeling before the Climax.
@@EchadLevShtim No honey...an orgasm is not foreplay. it is the end result of foreplay and what you refer to as "edging". A climax is just another term for orgasm.
![Sex Can Be Different For A Highly Sensitive Person [8 Reasons Why]](/img/n.gif)
A very enlightening and important conversation with a garage Sage.
Excellent, thanks for this engaging conversation.
When I was a kid I was abused by a parent before being rejected by the same parent for being gay at 19. I grew up with an enormous sense of "I am weird, I am deficient, I am shameful", "I'm a freak", "I'm too sensitive" etc etc. I had almost no self-esteem in my 20s. This extended to my body image even though I was a very attractive young man who could get laid 7 days a week (in the '70s). I could go into a gay bar and leave with a man within 30 minutes. It made no difference. I got constant validation from others men but still felt no self-esteem. Not surprisingly took to alcohol in order to self-treat my social anxiety. Luckily I avoided hard drugs but after AIDS hit I became a weekend drunk. (Sober now for a decade and love it!) My lack of self-worth in my youth naturally extended to my body. I felt I was "too small" in ways both figurative and specifically physical. Then in middle age I began seeking answers and trying to understand myself better. As I learned about the internal effects of shame and bullying and parental/societal rejection, etc etc a wondrous thing happened : I discovered there was nothing wrong with my body, that I was not "small", and that my self-image was a reflection of my past experiences growing up gay. I started feeling better about myself. If one is a gay man and is not willing to work on self-healing through books, therapy, AA or NA, videos, spirituality, etc. one is essentially doomed to a life of feeling small, feeling shame, and feeling "not enough" and therefore unworthy of authentic love. One's disgust with one's penis is only one more refraction of this INTERNAL issue. The real work starts when you accept that external validation will NEVER compensate for what is an internal issue. Get a notebook, a pen, a good life coach or gay therapist or life coach or whatever helps and start connecting the dots by being brutally honest with yourself and then "seek, and ye shall find". This journey for gay men always starts with the wounding effects of shame, usually early in life for us gay guys. A seriously good book to get the ball rolling is "The Velvet Rage" by Alan Downs, phD, Read it. It will open the doors of your consciousness as a gay man and you will probably find yourself in its pages.
Thank you for sharing your story so openly-it’s powerful and inspiring. The journey to self-acceptance and healing is deeply personal, and your insights are so valuable for others on similar paths. "The Velvet Rage" is an excellent recommendation; it’s helped many men understand and confront the deep impact of shame. Your growth and sobriety are truly commendable.
🙏🏻🙏🏻 so interesting thank you
You're welcome! It's a complex topic worth exploring. Thanks for watching!
Unless you directly associate penis size with performance, I've been much more concerned about the penis size than the performance. However, I have a penis that is normal and standard. I think I used to associate penis size with virility, masculinity. I had to do some deprogramming to come to terms with the size of my penis, which is just fine!
On the other hand, if there's one thing I haven't quite got used to yet, it's being circumcised. That's a whole other subject!
Your talk on orgasm and the different nerves involved was very interesting. This subject alone deserves much more time, as you say. Men would do well to take advantage of the pleasures that prostate stimulation can bring. Especially as the orgasm can last longer and be multiple, which differs from the 5-second moment of glory of the ejaculatory orgasm. In fact, you really need to be in a different state and, above all, to be patient. It's not instantaneous.
The thought that ejaculatory orgasm has reproduction as its goal, compared with prostatic orgasm, which has pleasure as its goal, is interesting and deserves more attention.
I appreciate your openness and insights. Embracing new perspectives on masculinity and pleasure is powerful. Thank you for sharing your journey with us!
Humanity is Naturally courious. Words have power. The meaning of a single word often differs between individuals. Sex, sexual, physical, emotion, are just a scant few. Love is most often left out ?
Should do one on ass shame. :P
@ResurrectedStarships Adding it to my list! 😁📝
Gential sneze is so genius
Haha, glad you enjoyed that! Sometimes humor is the best way to address tough topics. Thanks for the comment! 😊
Climax....
You keep calling a Climax an orgasm....
It is
@@mattlandsiedel No it isnt. An Orgasm is the edging. A climax is the finishing of that edging. Many body parts can be stimulated to feel the orgasmic sensation, like nipples. But none of these are an actual discharge. As the Orgasm is not the point of discharge. And it was simply lost in translation over the years by unintelligeable misinterpretations of that terminology. An Orgasm is the feeling before the Climax.
@@EchadLevShtimpedantic much? Jfc
@@adriannavarro2536 It matters because most men are giving women orgasm but most havent achieved a womans climax.
Huge Difference.
@@EchadLevShtim No honey...an orgasm is not foreplay. it is the end result of foreplay and what you refer to as "edging". A climax is just another term for orgasm.