Girl Defined's $169 Sex Courses
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 พ.ค. 2024
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Bethany Beal of Girl Defined is selling online sex courses for both single and married women at $169 a pop, pricing which surely cannot be a coincidence. Let's take a little look at these courses and their expert teachers.
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Timecodes:
00:00 Start
05:27 The Sex Courses
06:51 Bethany's Videos
22:49 Course for Singles
27:58 Course for Marrieds
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I am a Muslim and i know you are atheist can accept a debate against me??
have you heard of audio porn?
Lol, Emma, this video is so funny. When you said breaking the hymen, I thought about a party popper at a New Years party lol.
Your hair and makeup and necklace are cool. I'm super jealous
@@jermsbestfriend9296
Islam 💪💪💪
Christianity 💩💩💩
@@saadiasahim1812 Your channel has no content. Why would you think you're worth her time and effort?
What kind of psychopath is a god that gives you a pleasure button and then commands you not to touch it? That's like a god who would plant a fruit tree in your garden and command you not to eat the fruit. That's just insane.
The same one that puts a fun park right next to a waste treatment plant.
Same one that kicked them out of the garden of Eden after eating the wrong fruit
Yep, like opening a box of candy in front of children and shout. "do not touch".
@@defenestrated23 You talkin about Florida?
@@daviniusb6798 I think he means the other bushy wetland...
Not allowing women to be sexual unless they are married has the same vibe as not allowing them to open bank accounts or credit cards without permission from their husbands. It’s messed up to need a man’s approval or permission to do something that the man is allowed to do without your permission. Gross 🤢
Christian women, or girls as they call themselves as they infantise themselves to allow men to control them, all have internalised misogyny.
lol they not even allowed to wank.
And the potential for abuse in such a culture is horrifying.
On the other hand, not giving a woman a credit card unless she's bankrolled by a significant other, might mostly be good for the woman herself... I mean, let's be honest here. Who are ads targeting? Who spends most money in shops? and in online shops? hee hee... Can't get around facts... (not that I'm supporting archaic patronization, I personally feel that everybody should be held accountable for their own actions, including income and spending)
and to be even more of a devil's advocate: that man has to get the same permission as the woman. They both need the man's permission. (implying that most men will contemplate purchases and effectively evaluate if they should allow themselves or not, while women usually buy on impulse not thinking of accountability, and thus need to delegate the contemplation to an external partner. That's just how businesses are run these days too)
Yeah if you want to be a ho and keep Planned Parenthood on speed dial that's your prerogative.
It’s confirmed, Girl Defined is a sleeper agent. No way that $_69 price is not on purpose. 😅
I'm really wondering if they're so sheltered and isolated that they've never actually seen or heard a 69 joke or reference.
God I hope so... otherwise the alternative is terrifying.
She such a freak and she's smoking hot. I don't care what any of you say. She really butters my bread! Girl defined, girl behind!
@@jameshall1300 She's could be poor and someone unknown... who turned to grifting to make a living. We all need money to eat, drink and live afterall... we so not even know much about her life prior to her online career. That may not even be her real name... or she could be an undercover FBI agent keeping tabs on right wingers.
I thought the exact same thing! Though they would have to offer a $100 discount to really make it work.
Before I ever had sex, my mom kept accusing me of being a 'whore', a 'slut', and a 'Jezebel'. She didn't believe me when I told her that I hadn't had sex and actually threatened to have my hymen checked. I don't think she could find a doctor who would do it or else she would have. When I eventually had sex, she was accusing me one night not long after so I confirmed it. Not only did she kick me out and told everyone I ran away (after throwing all of my possessions in the front lawn), but she had my church also kick me out. In one night, I lost all of my family and most of my friends because my mother was a Christian and a narcissist, and I was the scapegoat.
I'm so sorry. I hope you've since found your people and gotten some form of healing. Blessed be.
That’s beyond messed up. Anybody who shuns you for living a normal life isn’t worth your emotional energy. I understand it must hurt, but realize they were NOT your friends. Friends don’t treat friends like that; we stand up for one another.
That's fucking awful, I'm so sorry
jusus fucking christ, how is that even legal?
I'm sorry to hear this, but I think you are better out of the relationship with your mother.
A sex course book authored by fundamentalist christian women.
Sounds like a Saturday Night Live sketch.
Does it come with hotdish casserole?
Lol, it really does!
Better than most SNL sketchs
That's because it IS an SNL sketch
@@jimgillert20 I was hoping for tacos.
I now feel that as an asexual I could at least charge $50 for my sex advice. Thanks Girl Defined.
Nonono... $69
Pretty sure you could charge "169$", considering the entire advice is "don't have sex" and you're prolly an expert. :D
@@MrDoenyon Thanks for the advice.
@@scottmcloud257No problem, think of the little people when you're a millionaire influencer !
Purity culture has ruined Bethany's view about women's sexuality, but she doesn't realize it. She has no business counselling other women about how to enjoy a healthy sex life.
She’s said that “the church’s teachings” have given them a bad message about sex, but it doesn’t seem like she’s connecting that to purity culture and girl defined’s own rhetoric. She’s close to putting the pieces together, but not quite.
@@lindseystein9676The problem is one of two possibilities:
1. Neither she nor her sister have any sense of irony. In other words, they're playing into a certain misogynistic stereotype about blondes.
2. They deliberately choose to ignore that verse warning against 'peddling the word of God'. (2 Corinthians 2:17) In other words, they know that they've been taught all the wrongs things about intimacy and relationships by their religious upbringing, but they also view that as a way of making money off of their gullible "students". Why else would they include themselves in their panel of "experts", falsely so-called?
In view of that tacit admission, I suspect it's the latter. Besides, at $169 a pop, they're laughing all the way to the bank.
@@thomash.schwed3662 Ah, 'Schroedinger's Idiot Fraudster'. Either they're sincere and stupid, or insincere and unreliable - the trick is ensuring neither theory can be proven for certain. Boris Johnson operates the same way.
@@thomash.schwed3662 - It's definitely more the latter, they're very good at ignoring things that don't fit their beliefs and worldview. If they were willing to ignore the CSA abuse their own brother was subjected to because of their negligent mother in order to pretend they "never knew anyone who's been assaulted" they're willing to ignore a _lot_ of things that don't fit their worldview
@@lindseystein9676 God can you imagine the crash if she ever puts that together? I don't think her brain would let her because it'd hurt too much.
The phrase Sex Mentorship in this context makes me feel like they're looking over your shoulder the whole time.
"No, not like that. Put it there. Better. Now praise jesus."
I figured the advice for women was basically “lie on your back and think of America.”
It's ok to scream; Oh God....Oh God...Oh God....and when it's over, don't forget to thank Jesus for your orgasm.
@@mjjoe76 what if the man wants to lie on his back for a change? Sometimes they get tired too.
@@MusMasi Don’t ask me. I’m not Bethany. Do what works for you, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult.
"Only do butt stuff until you're married."
⬆️ A lot more common than one might think.
"Is this video gonna get demonitised?"
That depends; were you racist? Transphobic? Misogynistic?
No?
Then yes, the video will be demonetised.
🤣
TH-cam is just wild at the moment with its censorship. You can get demonetized for trying to have a helpful discussion about mental health. Spreading a message that might hurt people's mental health tho, that gets you a sponsor!
@@cautiouslycynical9786 It's kinda mad as well some of the adverts they allow are directly against the terms of service they have for content but apparently youtube are happy to allow basically anything to be advertised.
@@cautiouslycynical9786 It's totally nuts. I got a hate speech warning last week for a SARCASTIC comment. A comment so obviously sarcastic a child could figure out that I wasn't serious. And even if I was serious, it was a very mild insult. TH-cam needs to just use bots to flag comments that might be violating the rules, then use humans to determine if the comments actually violate the rules. Of course that costs money though so they don't want to do that.
@@purplefood1 'Some' of the ads? Good lord do I ever get a ton of incredibly cheap (probably ai generated) scam casino site ads, sometimes I get other ai scam ads that make absolutely no sense, and I'm *incredibly* confident that if you actually click on them they'll probably brick your computer. yt actually puts ads it knows will make you angry to try to get you to pay for ad-free, this is what happens when you select for the worst scum in society to be in charge of corporations... Their literally isn't enough billions in the world to satisfying even a single corporation.
Didn't she say how scared and screwed up she was by purity culture after she got married and was supposed to just flip a switch and start being sexual? How did she fail to learn anything from her own experience except that it was an opportunity to grift other women?
I think it seems like she acknowledges that this is a problem, but she sees the solution as just.....teaching unmarried women to expect this problem, instead of actually doing anything to FIX the problem
Deconstruction has to happen in stages. Rarely do huge 180s and shifts in perspective happen overnight. Its important to remember Bethany is as much a victim of fundamentalism as anyone she "teaches". She's still a silly exploitative goose, but she's learning the hard way that all this stuff is a total unrealistic lie and she tries to justify and profit off of her own interpretations so as not to entirely lose her faith, which has ahem defined her life
Would be hilarious if you bought the 136 £ course and all it said was "don't have sex" over and over. 😂
your comment made me think how hilarious it would be if it was the coach from Mean Girls; "dont have sex, or you will get pregnant and die"
In all honesty, I bet it’s not significantly different from that.
that was my first thought too! like what is the teaching for single women about sex as a single woman? it has to simply be "dont have sex, dont touch yourself" and thats it lmao ah yeah totally worth the money lol
Actually, that would be only the version for single women. The version for married women would have on constant loop: "Obey your husband. Keep the house clean. Cook the meals. Make those babies. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Ad infinitum, ad nauseam, world without end. Amen."
It probably is some version of, "if you are not a virgin on your wedding night, you will have failed your husband, and he will never be satisfied with you, so it will be your fault when he eventually cheats on you, unless you are vigilant about always having his supper hot and ready when he gets home from work."
Just some personal experience with the outrage at porn use bit here.
My roommate in college went through it with his girlfriend when she found out he had looked at porn at least once.
She almost broke up wth him because she didn't consider him a virgin anymore. This stuff really happens in the hardcore Christian world.
@@user-od5fh3gn4d "he had looked at porn at least once" i'm not saying you're wrong about what you said but it seems to be a weird leap from that to "hardcore porn addict"
It’s viewed as equal to infidelity, I have seen it too.
I watched a catholic christian youtube and in the comments was a guy litearlly saying he didn't know what to do because after his vasectomy (which apparantly was gods will?) becasue they told him he should jerk off a week after and he couldn't have sex with his wife because she had just had a baby. Now thats just so much crazy in there I dont 'know where to start.
Sounds like she was already looking for an out and prayed to the God of opportunity.
Similar to the couple of a denomination I cannot remember.
They laid together without moving in a bed, had a friend rock and move the bed to create movement.
Thus they had an explanation that they "just laid there" and their friend made them move, this was an acceptable compromise within that denomination.
But a disaster happened, it ended in tears and a breakup as the girl thought that the boy had moved on his own instead of being perfectly still.
There was talk about ruined lives as they had done stuff outside of wedlock and were both "tainted goods" in the sense a good christian partner that were still "unused."
I think that the whole session was performed in their underwear, but that's an another detail that's fuzzy, I'm quite sure there wasn't any insertion happening at least.
After being raised with the whole purity/virginity BS, you can imagine how traumatic it was for my first sexual experience to be non-consensual. It made me blame myself and consider myself "sullied" (a stupid concept, to clarify) despite having no choice, and thus was too afraid to ask for help or identify it as actual assault until five years after the fact. I now live with the guilt and fear that my assailant has afflicted other victims due to my incompetence. Purity culture and the notion of virginity are far too dangerous to remain and/or be taught to children in our society. It will always perpetuate trauma.
Probably didn't help that Texas has no sex ed. I taught myself via the internet. Sexpert youtubers didn't exist back then, either, and hell if 12yo me knew how to search for scholarly articles on sex when Google was in its infancy. Not a great start. Actual research/evidence-backed sex ed should be universal for kids if we want to prevent stories like mine.
I’m sure you already know this intellectually, but it’s good to say it out loud. Your assailant didn’t do anything to other victims (or you) due to your allowing it. They are completely responsible for their actions, you are not responsible for any of their actions before or after. Also, be aware that it’s never too late to seek out therapy (whether or not you’ve already had some) to help you process what happened and move forward with your best life without being dragged down by guilt and shame that isn’t helping anyone. You are valuable, and you always were.
I had a very dear friend -- we became quite close after both our marriages fell apart (unrelated to our friendship). She was a "good catholic girl" and was firmly of the opinion that sex was something to be saved for marriage. She was also a homophobe, and as I discovered as we became close, a raging alcoholic--it's what lead to our friendship falling apart. In hindsight, I'm rather glad that she had "antique" opinions on sex, because had we actually ended up being sexually involved, I'd be bonded to a raging alcoholic. She passed away earlier this year. Even though I hadn't seen her in years, I wept like a baby. Not for me completely, but, for her. I think she would have been a happier person had it not been for being a
"good catholic girl".
That's really heartbreaking, I'm so sorry for the both of you.
lost my virginity to a good *catholic* girl lol, kind of eye opening how high teenage pregnancies are amongst the religiously conservative, and the extra suffering that goes with the same.
I'm sorry. Loss changes us irreversibly, and it sounds like she has left a painful hole in your heart. I hope you can find your way to a new normal in the living world.
As a member of FetLife I can confirm that sex can indeed be challenging.
There's a lot of different equipment you need to learn how to use properly.
Members are always happy to answer any questions you might have for free and with absolutely no shame or guilt.
We don't bite! Unless it's consentual, of course...
Lol fellow FetLifer here, and thought the exact same😄
Not only equipment, but also just weird and wonderful ways to have sex in general😀
Worlds like challenge, complexity, and advanced comes to mind😆
Looked Fetlife up, to see what you were talking about. Never know what new lingo is going around. So I learned something new today! It's not for me. But I'm glad people can find a safe and supportive community for their interests
I don't think that's what she meant by "challenging", but OK.
Fetlife can be weirdly wholesome lol
“136 pound sex course”! That can’t be right--the shipping cost must be horrendous.
less than ten stone, tho!
There’s probably a joke about the word _pound_ but I’m not able to articulate it.
@@mjjoe76 if you keep pounding away at it, I'm sure it'll come up.
@@mjjoe76just weight for it, you'll figure it out eventually
@@mjjoe76 "Pound sex" is the level between Making love and F*cking.
Guess I'm just worldly harlot, but I'm so glad sex was NOT the focus of my honeymoon and that I got that time to enjoy traveling with my partner. Of course, we had sex, but the treasured memories I have from that time are more about having an adventure together, and i consider myself super lucky for that.
Exactly! Same here. Enjoyed our time making love but since we had already done the deed 100+ times before marriage we didn’t feel pressured and could enjoy just holding hands and exploring the world together
As a once Evangelical pastor I've always found it funny the wait for marriage with no talk of consent afterwards. Most the men I used to lead had this idea of get married and just pump her any time. The whole idea is just broken.
yeah its not good the amount of blank or shocked looks you get when you say SA can happen in Marriages.
Aside from waiting for a Wedding night having the obvious "Buyer beware" aspect it's also double dipping on two pretty major life events. Getting married is huge, losing your virginity is huge, why have both of those things to deal with at once? Might as well sign a Mortgage agreement and undergo a major surgery while you're a it.
Hi Emma! During my time as a sex worker i can confirm that sex can indeed be challenging (and rewarding) especially when serving disabled clients
I thought seasons were supposed to come and go. My season of _singleness_ is too prolonged to be a season. It's more like an era, hell an epoch.
That's because you're too picky, trusting your worldly judgement instead of doing as was preached. If you just had faith without any real justification, it'd have ended a long time ago. ;-)
PS And if i was too subtle, yes, that was intended in a sarcastic tone. ^^
A Happy Epoch!
This is funny with the fact epochs are shorter than eras in geology.
So pleased to learn that "Dr." Leah Gordon is a "medicine doctor". And a "functional" one at that.
😂
It's hard to tell through the snark, but if you're not familiar with what that means, that basically identifies her as a quack. It fits neatly in with her being a naturopath.
To try to summarize it, they use words like holistic medicine and individualized medicine, and talk all about how they customize their treatments to the individual (which sounds like a good idea), what they really do is order a lot of unnecessary tests and then make up treatments for results of the test which aren't really significant. A lot of their income comes in kickbacks from the companies they do testing through.
I'm incredibly fascinated by what exactly makes toys Christian approved. Emma, are you really going to make me put this in my history? Do you clean them with holy water sprays??
And you can touch your knee now. Wow.
no butt stuff, maybe? The mention of strawberry lube gives the impression oral's allowed, at least.
Probably a crucifix as a sex toy would be off the list.
@@chrisgraham2904 its a good shape for it.
@@chrisgraham2904 Or it's the only thing on the list
I mean, it’s nice to see them sort of come to the realization that purity culture put them at a major disadvantage in their sex lives, but it’s also disheartening to see her turn that into a “buy my course” scam. Unfortunately they’re missing the mark & not fully noticing it was their own rhetoric that caused so much harm to themselves and many others.
But really, I feel awful for her husband! He’s been vocal publicly about how bethy talking about their sex life and how dissatisfied she’s been has done a number on his self esteem and mental health.
Honestly I don't feel bad for him. He HAD to know what he was getting into. Plus there is the thing about getting better
@@justingovas415 Even if he did he probably didn't expect her to make it so public, it's one thing to have a private problem you can improve and sort out but it's another one to have that problem broadcasted to the world especially for something as intimate as sex.
@@ville__ fr were you dropped on your head as an infant
@@ville__You don't have any content. Your video page is empty.
Also, you've been copy/pasting this identical response on multiple comments. That's spamming. Haven't you got a life? This is pathetic.
@@mikey-wl2jtIts a troll that copy/paste the exact same comment all over Emma's videos. Don't give it the attention it wants.
So I don't know what denomination they'd consider themselves now but I do know they were in the same group as the Duggar's at one point. One of the sisters even shows up in video as part of a montage of people saying "thank you Michelle" to Michelle Duggar
Independent Fundamentalist Baptist. And along with that they follow a conservative Christian Organization known as the Institute of Basic Life Principals (IBLP).
@@Zero-ei8jnWhat a friggin’ nightmare
@@goldenageofdinosaurs7192 Oh yes, an insanely conservative lot.
As a married man with a toddler, the "days to initiate" thing is unironically a half-decent idea.
Remember all you women, instead of working a career, you should make the sacrifice to just stay at home, and not have a career. If Girl Defined can make it work in this modern age, so can you. Just pay no attention to all the hundreds of thousands of dollars she is making being an influencer, because all the long hours she is spending on focusing on her on-line career does not count as having a career...because Jesus told her so.
Good point
but you get occasional orgasms maybe so totally fair trade
Jesus said voting is a sin, spread the word.
@@undefined69695Indeed! Granted, if we go by the text of the Bible, we won't find those exact words. However, Christ is quoted as saying: "My kingdom is not of this world." (John 18:36) A strictly monarchical kingdom is an authoritarian government. If we go by the text, Christ is calling himself a dictator in that verse, thereby, in effect, condemning voting. All the more reason to reject the various religions bearing his name!
@@thomash.schwed3662 I believe Jehovah's Witnesses actually believe your point. I also heard that even though they are technically pacifist, they do believe, or at least use to teach, that they would fight in a physical army under the command of Jesus in the last day, but until Jesus comes, they refuse to participate in any other government service, rather it be juries, voting, or military service.
Its wild Bethany went from not even knowing what sex was till her 20's (when she found a child's sex ed book belonging to a kid she was babysitting and read it) and now she is branding herself as a sex-expert. Christianity seems to reward people deeply set in the Dunning-Kruger effect.
Is that true??? That's fucking sad
@@scouttrout22 Ya in video a couple months ago by Rachel Oates, Rachel did a deep dive into Bethany's new "sex expert" evolution and part of it was a post or video in which Bethany says that is how she found out about sex. She was watching a kid and went through the kids things and saw a children's book about sex (so you get an idea of how basic a book it was) and that was the first time she learned what sex actually really was. I think she may have been like 22. And a book made for probably a 10 year old to answer basic questions illuminated her.
@@__Andrew I mean, no easier way to be fruitful and multiple then having horny teenagers running around, not knowing what sex is, doing stuff that feels good and then wondering why they put so much weight on in the last 7 months...
Sometimes I'd just like to do a factory-reset on the minds of those people. Like, clean reinstall. Clearly there's so much junk data piling up in the harddrive, constantly being loaded into RAM that the entire thing can barely be called functional anymore.
@@__Andrew i guess she never did basic science biology at school?
@@MusMasi She almost certainly attended a school that didn’t provide the kind of education that would contradict her congregation’s puritanical beliefs.
As an asexual afab nonbinary person, I’ve always found Christians like these so… baffling? Like, these women would praise me for being a virgin (if I still was, but this is a hypothetical), but if I mention that I’m not interested in sex at all, they’d shame me for it and make me have it anyway. It’s so weird, I’ll never understand it
FRRRR
Yep. According to them we’d be sooo virtuous for remaining virgins but the moment we’re married we’d be evil for not putting out whenever we’re asked. They literally want women to simultaneously be sexless virgins and nymphomaniacs
It’s just built on misogyny. If you do it, you’re a slut, but if you don’t, you’re a prude. They’re determined to hate you and make you out to be wrong no matter what choices you make.
Yep, lack of sexual interest pre marriage age is holy, but then we are supposed to be all up for it. And chosen singleness is seen as terrible in these circles. Even worse, to be married and choose not to have children....
@@helenr4300 literally. It’s so weird. It’s like a checklist almost, and if you don’t check every box, you’re a terrible person.
Regarding "The Plague of Pornography" referenced at the 32 minute mark; My ultra-religious ex-wife felt so betrayed when she discovered that I would view pornography when the marital bed was cold and unwelcoming that she considered it to be "cheating". It was the beginning of the end of a five-year marriage plagued by years of Christian Sexuality indoctrination, shame, and fear. I'm so much happier being an atheist (for many reasons).
Some people just aren’t comfortable with that, my girlfriend considers getting off to other women/ people cheating, so we set that boundary. I see where she is coming from, a person/ man masturbating to someone they aren’t with can be viewed as cheating, especially when that is the intent, as opposed to getting off to the act of sex in general, not a specific person / persons parts. And now that she explained why she felt that way, I honestly feel the same. I wouldn’t want her looking at another man as I’m monogamous. But I would communicate that, not what your ex-wife did by assuming. Leaving someone because they don’t want you watching porn is one way to say your unsatisfied.
"Indoctrination, shame and fear" summarizes every aspect of Christian teaching.
In the year 2000, I retrained as a psychosexual therapist, then worked for the NHS as a specialist nurse/psychosexual therapist. I lost count of how many clients had sexual difficulties either individually or within their relationships, which all stemmed from screwed up teachings of one religion or another......
This is all so silly. Granted, sex issues in one form or another are common in all walks of life, not just with fundies. But it's sad to see people overcomplicate sex like Girl Defined. Three simple sex "tips" that might help anybody who needs it:
(1.) Be honest with yourself, about what you like and don't like. You have to figure out what you like (and don't like), of course. Are you a freak? Reserved? Something in between? Figure it out and take ownership of it. And embracing that will also solve any potential shame issues, so long as you...
(2.) Take charge of your bodily autonomy and set boundaries. If you're sexually compatible with someone, and they have any respect for you at all, they won't attempt to cross any of those lines. Doesn't matter whether you're into the _free use_ kink, or you only like missionary once a month. If you're compatible, and are with the right person, they won't pressure you to do things you've already established are off limits. And to achieve all this, perhaps the most important thing is...
(3.) Communication. On a first date you might not want to just put everything out on the table. But if mutual trust is established, it's time to be honest with each other. *Really* honest. What are you into? What's completely out of the question? What are you curious about, that you might potentially enjoy? Where would you place yourself on the Freak-Reserved scale? Don't dance around it. And if you're embarrassed to say it, you didn't complete step (1.)
That'll be $0
This is it, folks, pack it up, this is literally all you need. Read this comment, and (if/when you need it) find some trusted person to explain the actual physical acts (you know, the "what goes where" questions.) And that's it. You're golden.
Best comment ever❤
Top comment. People spend so much time worried about what other people think they don't consider what they think/want
Great comment, but I don't want to upvote it since it's at 69 likes.
@@davehallam3894 And a lot of problems will crop up and escalate as a result. Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship, but it has a way of feeding into other issues (or vice versa).
Sex should be liberating--even when that's superficially contradictory, like if someone's into BDSM, or something like that. You're completely letting your guard down with someone you trust. If mental barriers and an irrational fear of what others would think are still present, the relationship is going to suffer. And I say irrational because (barring some horrible invasion of privacy by someone else) no one else is even going to know. It's between you and whoever you're with.
Learning about sexuality and sex life from orthodox fundamentalist is like learning about women's rights from the Taliban, it just doesn't feels right.
or like learning women rights from Orthodox fundamentalists
I will actually give props to Bethany for attempting to explain all of this because the purity culture of 'no sex to all the married sex' goes deeper than communicating to your partner. That is definitely something to tackle but women especially also have to do a deconstruction of the RELIGIOUS TRAUMA of being told that once you lose your virginity, you are now spoiled like a licked cupcake or chewed gum. You're told not to masturbate, not to explore your own body, not to feel sexual in any shape or form, not to entice men to impurity, and then suddenly be a sexualized being for your husband. You don't know how to do that because you weren't allowed to be knowledable about your own sexuality & body before marriage. In fact, you were traumatized by thinking god would damn you for it. So how do you easily make that switch? For many women, this is almost impossible.
I don't know that she understands exactly that this is what's happening but growing up in this culture & then seeing it from the outside, you realize that purity culture can screw you up more than any other part of religion. I don't agree with her beliefs but this attitude of demystifying sex & sexuality within her religious framework is actually pretty progressive.
I gave a thumbs strictly for Emma's ability to make her brain not turn into brain soup with how much of this stuff she takes in.
The most disappointing part of the video is she said "sex expert" and not "sexpert". Rookie mistake.
$169 is a lot for a "just say no" pamphlet
They really said "Imma be a Christian female pickup artist"
but worse
The title in the thumbnail! ... LOL ... I did literally laugh out loud, but also sort of gagged and got nauseous at the same time.
Pity those who look to "Girl Defined" for insights on their own sexuality. Pity them.
Okay, here goes. Let's see what the fabulous Emma has to say!
My christian wife wanted me to read "a good guys guide to great sex" while she read the companion book "a good girls guide to great sex" and both books are basically just "we made these books to combat all the bad advice and traditions that christians have instilled in themselves"
I think you read one of my comments a while back where I majorly ranted about this myself - I was very happy to see you pointed out Girl Defined's problematic redefinition of "[p*rn or m*sturbation] addiction" to mean "you watch p*rn or m*sturbate". They do this because purity culture doesn't view these acts as a positive thing _ever_ because they consider these acts in and of themselves innatelysinful and somewhere between low-grade adultery, actual adultery or worse than adultery depending who is preaching about it and how they envision it and their concept of "willful" or "habitual" sin and what counts.
Similarly many evangelicals would probably similarly use the term "sex addict" for someone who goes to bars and hooks up with strangers, someone in a non-monogamous relationship, or even someone in a monogamous committed relationship who has premaritual sex, if any of the above behaviour is branded a "habitual" or "willful" sin (ie not viewing it as a "slip up" they ask God's forgiveness for, feel terrible for doing and endeavour to "never do again" ) depending on their threshold for being "shocked" by what doesn't conform to their version of purity culture.
Evangelicalism, due to being unpopular when they're straightforward about the actual intention (obedience, guilt, coercion and authoritarianism) is skilled at propaganda and does this thing of redefining words and misrepresenting reality to condition people in how they use words (often for insidious reasons) and you see this in politics too - "anti groomer bill" means groom children into indoctrination and call anyone who teaches them about critical thinking, the notion of consent and bodily autonomy, or about the existence of sex or gender that these Christians don't advocate for a groomer.
Ie "grooming" is educating around human rights, functioning in society and essential medical knowledge for teens.
They do this because people (particularly in their churches) react strongly and emotionally to scaremongering words like "groom" and "addiction" and will lean towards doing whatever the speaker tells them out of fear rather than stopping to think. Fear is very effective at hijacking rationality which is why culture wars have been an effective way for the Republican party to gain control without having to pass effective policies and even while deliberately causing more and more harm.
People fear what they're told the Democratic party want to do. Call Joe Biden a satanic paedo and accuse the democrats of opposing all the things evangelicals fear losing and it's super easy to convince them to vote Republican "just in case" because "they're the Christian party" (or so they claim). All it takes to manipulate religiously indoctrinated people like that is to be unscrupulous about lying. These exploiters have always been "God's annointed" throughout history which is why cult environments like evangelicalism (google the BITE model anyone who doubts evangelicalism is a cult) are also perfect environments for narcissists and scammers like MLMs to target.
I even had to unlearn the knee-jerk habit of twisting words myself because it'd become something I didn't even realise I was doing, I was so used to seeing it around me and had to realise that it was manipulative. Sadly it was very normalised for me, being something my two narcissistic parents did fluently to each other and basically raised us into. 😞 I had to unlearn imitating their behaviours and bigoted assumptions of the world.
I've had similar arguments with such Christians about alcohol addiction. Basically the theory was that if you use it at all you're addicted, because otherwise you could stop. And if you say you could stop, well, that's what all addicts say. If you say you go for periods without it, so obviously you can stop and you're not addicted, they'll just say you couldn't stay away and relapsed.
It's nonsense, but the logic is hard to argue with. You've got to challenge the basic premises.
"I'm not going to be awkward about thi-"
Well, that was awkward. 😄
Sex can be challenging if you've waited to have it only to realize that you married a person you're not sexually compatible with...
Not only that. It can be a challenge if you waited only to find that your partner is absolutely hopeless and unimaginative sexually.
Truer words haven’t been spoken. Once my daughter was born, sex became a relic of the past. Maybe once a year if I’m lucky. I literally became a sex camel. I specifically developed evolutionary humps on my back to store the experience to tide me over until the next time.
It's a part of love, but love has many parts. May not be worth throwing away over just that.
@theboombody no one said that it's worth throwing away, just that it can make sex challenging. Sex is not as important as our younger selves think.
@@amandakorbe3773
That really depends on the individual situation and persons involved. As I have grown older in my relationship, we both find that sex is as important as it ever was.
Why should you be ashamed of sex? It's (usually) free, fun, brings people closer and makes new life. Even from a religious perspective what could be more positive and holier than that?
Also, waiting until you're married? How the hell do you know who to marry before you've had sex with them?
There's a term in psychology called Reaction Formation. Basically the cognitive dissonance of repression is so strong that it induces an exaggerated response in the other direction. Folks feel totally natural sexual impulses, but the church tells them it's sinful, and surely they aren't a sinner, so they get Big Feels to shut down absolutely anything to do with sex.
The bigger question is why do so many organized religions have such strong puritanical streaks? I think it's one of the many ways authoritarianism manifests in these hierarchy-heavy organizations. "Daddy" (father, preacher, and/or Sky Daddy) says it's bad and shameful, therefore it is shameful, there's no disputing it.
@@defenestrated23 okay but what the fuck does it matter what the church says? Please explain to me why do people have the need to put artifical borders around themselves and limit their own freedom? Because that's what religion is, isn't it? People feeling overwhelmed with having freedom and looking for something to assign arbitrary rules on their lives. Why?
@@learnthehorizon4712 "does it matter what the church says?" - In our modern days, it's more about numbers than arguments. Most people believe in a god, and thus are part of some main religions, so it does matter to them. It doesn't have to be, either with more and more people leaving these religions, deconverting altogether, or the religions changing their discourse, but it's where we're at right now.
"something to assign arbitrary rules on their lives" - Not at all. For most it's a question of honestly honoring their creator. It's not about having rules, but following the right ones. Of course, it can also be seen as them being "good slaves", and people who preach on social media often sound like that, but it's unfair to say that it's representative of the average religious person.
@@skyinou They are not honestly honoring the creator because they do not follow everything in their book of fables and there is no creator at all.
@@raptorcrasherinc.9823 That's a wild misconception: a lot of people know that their book is myths and fables, and try to filter what should be kept and what is obsolete. Not following everything is irrelevant on their honesty. The inexistence of a creator has no relevance either on their honesty, as a god can neither be proven or disproven. We can agree that it's illogical, we can argue that it's not good, that it can be dangerous, but not that it's dishonest.
On the other hand, we can find plenty of social media preachers who are in fact dishonest, and that's arguably fine since they are helping deconvert a lot of people. 😄
It becomes an addiction when it ruins your life and is the only thing that matters to you. If your normal day can't begin until you drink, smoke, snort, swallow or shoot something then you might be an addict.
I didn't know the course was ultimate. In that case, $169 is a steal!
Heh.. 69.
@@TheIronDonkeynice..
18:06 I've had a lot of good and bad sex, with a lot of diverse people, in a huge range of situations and environments, and at 59, sex is still challenging, as it should be, in my opinion.
With any partner, new or long-term, I always, all the time, challenge myself to be more present, more attuned to my partner's needs, learning more about my own needs and desires, and, as you say, to be better at communicating about all those things.
To do all that well, I challenge myself to learn who that person is and how they move through the world, as well as the context of the immediate situation and environment.
Now, do all that with people of different spiritual/religious cultures, different ages, different upbringings, who all bring different assumptions and expectations to the moment you're in, and I can't see how it can possibly *not* be challenging, if you're paying attention at all!
I bet the whole singles one ends every session with, “Remeber girls, you are a sexual creature, but your sexuality has a time and place to be expressed and explored, once you’re married and in your marriage bed with your husband. Until then keep yourself away from temptation. Don’t get into situations where you may be alone with a guy, don’t partake in porn or erotica or self pleasure. Read your bibles. When you’re struggling remember God’s promise and meditate on the scriptures of your value. Seek out an older married woman as a mentor and accountability partner.” And all the other cliche bull that is said.
I watched a video of another youtuber who actually bought the course (Evil Pinely) and you're pretty spot on haha
“JuSt ReAd ThE bIbLe-“ Sure! Here’s Hagar, Rahab, Tamar, and a bunch of other women who had sex without being married and aren’t demonized for it. If the Bible isn’t against women having pre-marital sex, why the fuck are you so against it?
As a former cosmetologist, can I say how nice it is to see that you properly blend your makeup where the face/neck meet. So many people are running around with makeup masks on and it may or may not drive me slightly insane.
That's not common knowledge? Interesting. Even I know that and if you gave me makeup to play with I wouldn't even know what to do first...foundation? That sounds like the first thing but I'm probably wrong.
This is the beauty of having made all my horrible makeup mistakes when I was a youngster :)
@@EmmaThorneVideos 😆hope you have a lovely holiday season Emma! Cheers!
You'd be surprised!
I hadn't heard of 'Girl Defined' before. Thank you for bringing them to my attention. I think...
yeah, you were probs better off not knowing
I recently watched another video about the single's course from a TH-camr called Pinely. He actually bought the course and yeah, it's bad. Some casual homo- and transphobia, no recognition of their own purity culture being the actual source of shame, a random tangent about a fly in Bethy's straw (that one was super weird) and a lot of repetition because she has no idea what else to talk about to fill all of the 'lessons' with. I really can't imagine even a super conservative woman being satisfied after buying this crap (pun actually not intended 😅).
Girl Defined offering sex-ed courses is like a deaf person offering voice lessons.
Or a blind person who teaches you how to drive a car.
@@MrCanis4 I almost went with "blind person giving painting lessons," LOL!
@@MusclesandBooks Even better, I have to admit.
@@MrCanis4 Yeah, just thought I'd stick to the community I'm a member of (I'm hard of hearing). 😀
As a celibate asexual, I wouldn’t even dream of giving intimate advice.
Having been raised in an environment that was probably very like the Girl Defined ladies, but probably more extreme, I can confirm that you're right, Emma.
I grew up being told masturbation was a sin, porn was one of the worst things in the world. There were a few occasions when either an adult or a child that we knew would get "caught" watching porn and it was always considered one of the worst things that could exist. A person who watched porn was treated like they had committed an unforgivable sin and needed therapy and their relationships with everyone around them were destroyed by this horrific betrayal.
My mother found my 3 year old sister rubbing against a pillow at one point and they turned it into trauma for her. My mother asked what she was doing, and as a 3 year old she said "wiggling?" From then on it became a horrible guilt experience for her. She was told that "wiggling" was a sin against God. She was a good kid and wanted to do what she was told was right. Any time she would do it at night she would come downstairs crying in the morning and "confess" her "sin".
My ex-wife and I were both virgins when we got married, and I suspect that she felt much like I did that sex was a thing to feel dirty about. Neither of us were able to express what we wanted or try anything outside of puritan style sex. We hadn't even kissed before we got married. Sex was awkward, uncomfortable, and unfulfillling.
Since then, I have left Christianity and abandoned it entirely. I got remarried to a woman who was raised "catholic", but it wasn't a serious thing, just theor traditional label.
We have a much more enjoyable, fulfilling, guilt free sex life. It is catastrophically better. I have no guilt. I can talk openly about what I like and what I want, and we can try new things.
Christianity is evil and destroys people.
They actually acknowledge the orgasm exists, I'm impressed.
It's so baffling how these women who would undoubtedly be mortified to be called feminists will say things like "in the Christian community there's often silence about these subjects, especially concerning women..." Please, keep going with that thought. It's almost as if there's some kind of hierarchy, justified by religion, that appoints itself to decide things for women without their input...like some kind of "patriarchy."
@@matthollywood8060If they keep going in that direction, maybe in another 25-35 years they’ll get around to figuring that stuff out. Of course, they’ll have to not immediately block off any thought that goes contrary to their brainwashing, but crazier things have happened.
@@goldenageofdinosaurs7192 It's like a few years ago when all the female Alt-Right influencers were complaining about misogyny in their community. How do they miss what's a major tenet of their own ideology?
I'm not supposed to be impressed, but I am. I knew someone who believed that women can't get horny or have sexual desires because the "hornyness" can only be "produced" by the testicles....yeah ok 🧍🏻♂️
Yeah, but they believe all sorts of things.
I wonder how many "wait for marriage" women base their expectations of the wedding night on scenes they remember from a couple of romcoms?
Does American Pie count as a romcom?
@@capitalb5889 Not really but it has some elements of one.
You should look up April Ajoy and her partner, Beecher. They grew up in purity culture and talk about the struggles they faced in their marriage - they both waited until marriage to have sex. Former evangelical Christians. She sang an original Christian song on The 700 Club. She now does a podcast called Evangelicalish, which has brought a lot of healing for me as I started my deconstruction journey. I think you'd love her and her partner, and covering their story will show the harm that comes out of purity culture and how amazing it is once you leave it.
28:00 - Fun Fact, my strict Baptist grandma who never missed a day of church in her life, had one bookshelf & 99% of it was a series of romance novels, very thoroughly read! 😂
I totally get where Bethany is coming from. I got married in my late 20s and waited for marriage. It was nothing like I had expected and I discovered that I had totally suppressed my sexuality and didn't have a clue how to be sexual and enjoy sex. I think Bethany has understood the pitfalls of purity culture, but only gone halfway... She is trying to make it work for herself and other women, instead of coming to terms witht he fact that it is problematic and often leads to "challenges" in the bedroom. I think in her current situation, as a Christian influencer, she is not able to take an honest look at her faith and question its fundaments.
(@Emma, "marrieds" is very common in the Christian community to refer to the "marrieds ministry" or lumping together all the married couples of the church.)
pinley did a video where he took the single women's course, i recommend it! you predicted a lot of the content in it haha
“How to love being a fleshlight that cooks! Teehee!”
That made me laugh. But I’m honestly so sad that there are women and AFAB people who feel that way.
LMAO
I've made some mistakes in my relationships but thank God I've never been such a joyless, judgemental prude as Bethany. Great video Emma
The videos suddenly ending are so funny, like the youtube equivalent of hanging up on someone you don't want to talk to. It just feels like the universe offering its own meta-commentary on this situation. 😂😂😂😂😂 Particularly as you then "shush" Bethany for interrupting while you're talking lol.
100% can confirm single Christian women are HUGE into romance novels ("erotica"). After my grandfather died when I was thirteen, my grandmother started reading a lot to take up her time. I managed to get her to read a few books I never imagined she would be interested in but she very much enjoyed, including Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH and the Clan of the Cave Bear novels (at one point I even got her to play a scenario of the Call of Cthulhu role playing game....THAT was interesting!), but she also started getting piles and piles and piles of romance novels. So many covers with Fabio and such on them, titles like "The Rogue and the Vicar's Daughter" and such.
The sex course for single women is the theory and the one for married couples is the practical part.
10:53 Thank you for mentioning their definition of addiction. These are exactly the definitions I see all the time with the NoFap community on Reddit. Many of them literally think getting off once a week without porn to be sexual addiction.
I love your perspective on this! I grew up in a very conservative evangelical community. Purity was such a big deal!
Hearing your perspective honestly really helps me! Thank you!
FYI, the reason their shorts cut off at exactly 60 seconds is because of TH-cam having a hard limit of 60 seconds. They likely made the video for other platforms with an ~90 second runtime and didn’t want to put the effort of cutting it down for TH-cam.
34:24 I used to be a supplier for them. It was exactly the same toys and sex furniture as we sold direct from our store, but one thing we had to do was repackage every and remove all depictions of or references to same sex couples. We also had adjust images to be less revealing, including in instructions, and we were had make sure none of our regular branding was anywhere including the shipping packages.
Me, just now: I feel like watching an Emma Thorne video.
Emma, unprompted: RELEASES VIDEO
Well, turns out you control when she releases new videos. She seems pretty busy, and we don’t want the quality of the content to lag, so please use this new-found power wisely.
it's like hiring an arachnophobe to teach you how to care for and breed spiders.
Nice to see you back!
Okay, last comment. Should we be setting up a GoFundMe to send Emma to the 2 week course?
Then she can report back on what all actually went on.
I thought we were already funding her Scientology London tour😂
Emma would need to probably use a pseudonym, as I suspect that once they see her name they'd cancel her course.
@@GM_Vand LOL.. probably "Anita P. Ness"; "La' it Ohnmi", "Chastity B. Gohn"
Funny running into you here, lol.
@@sphaera2520 One of my favorite places to hang out!
I love that you're one of the screenshots on the screen when her video 'awkwardly' cut!😂🤣
13:13
Love your videos. Your voice, manner of speaking, intelligence, sense of humor and personality is a refreshing change. You are also quite beautiful. Keep up the great work.
Bethany thinking she can make money off being a middleman between people with questions and experts is never *not* funny
Snag is she will make money, Girl Defined sole purpose is aimed at that.
Glenn and Phyllis Hill are people who did not know where the clit was until a doctor friend showed them-- on their baby daughter during a diaper change. I wish I was making that up. There's a video of them telling Bethany all about it.
Mickey Atkins's channel, right? She was ready to defy time and space to go after those heinous creeps, and I was right behind her.
I love how the bonus course for “marrieds” is preparing for the ultimate honeymoon. I mean… I guess they only have a tight window after getting married to take the course and prepare before going on the honeymoon. Sometimes only a few hours! “Sorry honey, I know we just got married and we have a flight to Boca Raton in the morning, but I’m finally allowed to take the Girl Defined Sex Course for Marrieds and find out how to prepare for the best honeymoon!”
Hey Emma, I've been a subscriber for a time now and love your videos and bubbly personality, you can really brighten up my day. You make me laugh. I've recently decided to look at some of your early content and come to admire your fortitude. You are an amazing woman. Keep it up.
My SiL used to sell 'true romance' products here in the states... a bit rural.
The sexual education aspect of the sales pitch was apparently a big deal... Lotta conservative women who haven't been taught to get there and are working it out quietly... perhaps coming to some other awareness about the unhealthy repression of this culture too.
Another Amazing video as Always Emma. Seeing Girl defined or any christian actually talk about sex makes me itch 😂 and have even more Questions... Like do they even know what their doing? Because we already know, they don't know what their talking about. So...do they actually know how sex works? I think it's a real concern with them believing their ultimately gonna burst into flames because of the thinking about sex and all, just for staeters. 😂😂😂😂😂
Thanks for the video Emma, These two girls are SUPER CREEPY.
Welcome to religion addiction.
On one hand I find it very insulting of her to do this given I have been mentally abused on the subject of sexuality by people that believe the same things as her. On the other hand this seems like it might help weaken purity culture a bit and by extension reduce how many more people have to go through their rampant abuse.
It looks like she is on to something, but unfortunately, her course for single women doubles down on purity culture.
Emma, please make a video debunking those beliefs about virginity and related stuff that you mentioned. I grew up being taught those things, and even though I have not been a christian for over a decade now, and have questioned and re-learned many things, some of them I just realized still remain in my brain as truths even today.
I can't afford a full course. Is an inter-course available?
😂😂 groan 😂😂
I'll get my coat.@@loki6626
Hilarious 🤣 im a tradesman worked on a big house all penticostal church family 2 daughters had dinner with family a few times very strict in morals and sex etc. Well we had to move a large cloths cuboard in the girls rooms to get to a wall and we removed the lower draws the cavity under the draws had several dildos ( big ones) and sex pleasure toys hidden ....couldnt stop laughing we did our wall work and replaced everything as not to embarrass them .
Some of the oldest Archeological Finds are of either dildos or Phallic objects.
Go girls! Thank you for protecting them.
Gotta say the way you “Christian” is awesome! Thanks for everything you do, Emma! Always enjoy your videos and hope you’re doing well!
Perhaps #8 for "marrieds" ("Sexual intimacy during infertility") tackles the question of whether it's "wrong" to have sex during infertile/less fertile portions of one's cycle (i.e. when using the rhythm method).
I took it to mean post-menopause
I'll warn people who somehow want to do the course for married couples. Someone said that Bethany actively breastfeeds during the infertility part of the course.
How cruel and clueless of her
"For Christian married couples. How to know the line of what is okay and what's not." I have a new theory about this!
First of all, anything remotely associated with kink is often considered not okay, so they might be talking about that. But but but! I think there's another possible reason that women in particular might think/ask this. In conservative evangelical Christianity, women don't have much agency, including in sex. They're taught not to "withhold" sex, and the woman’s experience isn’t given much emphasis. SO, if the man wants to do something that the woman maybe isn’t comfortable with, she’s suddenly in the position of either forcing herself to do it anyway (ew), or defying “Godly sexuality” and “denying her husband” what she “owes” him (sorry for all the quotation marks).
So it makes total sense that this question would come up because 1) it’s a socially acceptable explanation in this culture for not wanting to do something sexual and 2) it probably DOES feel wrong because they feel like they aren’t allowed to say no to something they don’t feel comfortable doing.
I had to pause the video for a minute and I ended up pausing right after you mimicked the way she was cut off at the end of her vids. 🤣 made me laugh so hard.
Merry Xmas Emma! 🎄🎁🎄
Im not an addiction expert, but from what I understand it’s only considered an addiction when it interferes with your life and happiness. (Like spending most of your check on alcohol and not having enough to pay rent)
14:23 So... I'm paying you... to ask someone else a question... instead of just... paying them to answer my question?
What value are you adding to this exchange, Mrs. Defined?
The credits music gives me incredible joy.
"You submitted questions to me, and I asked someone else for answers. Now pay me money for me to tell you what they said!"
What a great deal!!!!1! /s
i was raised evangelical (not in it now) and was raised in that heavy purity stuff... because of a lack of proper sex ed and that wait for marriage push on top of my being on the ace spectrum. i and my partner didnt know i had an intersex condition that prevented penetrative sex from being possible without having a surgery that i still havnt been able to afford in the 13 yrs we have happilybeen together. we have since figured out in educating ourselves that sex is way more then just putting a rod in a hole and we do still have a happy sexual life today.
Wow, first time seeing this GD person and her presentation of the product is so over-the-top happy and giddy and bubbly - don't they usually put people like this in straight jackets? If I met someone like this in real life, I would run and hide from them as quickly as possible.
IKR?! They make their ridiculous videos sounding like they're ready to sell you something in the next minute! FAR too overly-happy to the point where it goes beyond being fake! NOBODY is that freaking happy and giddy all the time, not even the Christians they claim are in the same bubble of bliss they claim to occupy.
I can't necessarily say this for sure, but you're probably guessing that it's an act and I would agree. In this religious subculture a lot of emphasis is put on the facade you put up and show to people, especially outsiders. Every moment of their life in public is supposed to be a kind of advertisement for their religion.
Yes, this is aimed at members of the subculture, but I think they're still working hard at trying to convince their viewers that what they are saying is true through their act of earnest sincerity.
I keep reading GD as goddamn and it's a beautiful thing.
Love your videos! You are brilliant! ❤
Hi Emma,
I'm new but loving the channel so far, quick side note.
Is that a Sly Cooper cane behind you?