Can & Will An Emotional Abuser Change?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ต.ค. 2024
- When you experience emotional abuse, you often think you can do something that will cause the abuser to change, to see the hurt, to care more about you.
Will that happen? What does it take? Is it likely?
All these questions answered today with my guest, Beverly Engel, author of "Escaping Emotional Abuse".
We cover a lot, so settle in and learn with us. Remember to subscribe, so you get notified of all new episodes.
** About Beverly **
Beverly Engel is an internationally recognized psychotherapist and an acclaimed advocate for victims of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. The author of 22 self-help books, her latest book is entitled, "It Wasn’t Your Fault: Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion". Engel is a licensed marriage and family therapist, and has been practicing psychotherapy for 35 years.
Learn more about her: healmyshame.com/
FACEBOOK: / beverly.engel.96
INSTAGRAM: / beverlyengel
LINKEDIN: / beverly-engel-2164217
* Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
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Thank you for this. I am a recovering emotional abuser. I abused my wife of 17 into divorcing me. I am striving for change. I just finished “The Emotional Abusive Relationship” and it any book ever changed my life it’s that one. I fit the bill of an abuser to a T but I also know there are far worse than me. It gives me hope for change.
Narcissism: a lifelong propensity to dodging accountability regardless of who they walk on
Well said!
@@ForRelationshipHelp you are such a light
Your videos are the best I have ever seen. Thank you so much for putting this information out.
My ex would run for the hills if I tried to get her to sit in your chair! Her mom sees the great qualities about me. But it's easier to cling to the negative kick back and support her daughter because of the situation. My ex been tearing me a new one for 4 months with threats and emotional tear down while seeing other men to fix her qualms!
That's sad. How are you responding to her rage and infidelity?
@@ForRelationshipHelp I tried to pull her back to a secure ground but she continued to escalate and say that yelling at me is the only way that I understand her. I am a cool come rational person until she gets me to the place that I'm yelling back with her. We don't live together anymore so she is secure and where she is living as she has taken all the savings money and left me. So as far as the men we were intimate and she has cut me off completely and try to maintain it as that she is so busy all the time but I know better.
How many abusers have you actually healed and considering the financial damage/stress long term therapy can create…wouldn’t the ethical thing be to advocate separation?
Therapy is ridiculous expensive and not all ins cover. At least this talks easy a bit the pain.
Here we go again, why is it me always? 🙄
Are you being accused of something, Maria?
@@ForRelationshipHelp this is the kind of comment that hijackles say when you try to make them accountable....😉
You girls are right on the mark
So coverts are intentional?
Actually, Maria, I think Beverly's distinction is that some narcissists are very aware of their behavior choices and intentionally use them to abuse. Others are unaware of the behaviors that hurt and, when told, will make efforts to change. That's why I suggested that maybe, covert narcissists are more likely to be unintentional. I'm guessing here, though.
@@ForRelationshipHelp thanks for the explanation. Greatly appreciate your wisdom!
My partner said I remind them of someone who used to abuse them when they were a child :(
I was really overwhelmed as there was a lot going on in my life and i became irritable/moody and dismissive. My partner said me being like that reminded me of their abuser. That hurt a lot. I'm in therapy and addressing my behaviours.I asked my partner to tell me the things I've done so I could take them to therapy but they said they couldn't because they were overwhelmed. They have said things vaguely like 'you invalidate my feelings (I hold myself accountable for that) but they wouldn't give me specific examples. They've said I've done things but I genuinely don't remember (I was in an abusive relationship previously and have awful brain fog since) I'm convinced I'm the abuser but I'm so confused. I've been having therapy, practising mindfulness, listening to these podcasts and videos... my partner has CPTSD and depression and won't speak to anyone about it. It's a whole mess. I'm devastated I hurt my partner. I never invalidated their feelings intentionally, my cup was just full.
❤️