Object Constancy and BPD
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ต.ค. 2024
- This symptom is the bane of my existence. The closer I get to someone, the greater my fear of abandonment. For this reason, I crave intimacy and fear it at the same time.
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Saving the person's picture as a photo background or sending a thoughtful message is such a good idea. I also love that you admit that you do'n't know how to "fix" this, but that the true power comes from the awareness and naming it. Love you.
This is me totally. This video just happened to pop up today after dealing with having to attempt to file a missing person's report on my fiance, the father of our unborn child. I am 4 months pregnant. My fiance would never just up and disappear on us. He's not at the local hospitals or jails, the circumstances are suspicious. He also has seizures and a previous TBI. And Kansas City police are not helping nor will they actually file a report at this point. So my BPD is on a mission to drive me absolutely insane right now. It doesn't help that I am in the hospital for medical reasons right now. I'm just going crazy. But this video kinda reminded me that I can't fear the worst yet. I know he loves me and I just have to pray he's ok
How are you now? I hope everything turned out well.
Man.. everything you said hit the nail on the head for me. I’m happy you post these things. I’ve experienced this since being a teenager and I never knew how to describe this. The push and pull is exhausting but not getting close to anyone makes you feel empty. I don’t feel so alone cause your videos help me thank you again 🙏🏾
I've just discovered there is a name for what I have suffered with so badly since I can remember. It is the most dreadful anxiety. A black hole. Nothing else existed before and getting through it and the future does not exist. Only the distance between you and the other individual.
Very good and helpful. I am confronted with that lack of permanence since I am dating a new person. Even though I know it's alright, sometimes the illness gets the better of me and puts unwanted fears into my head. But I think being aware of those things is the first step to deal with it in a healthy way. It's hard, but it's possible
This video is awesome!! 🎉
A good video. Great effort. Very helpful.
Oof I can relate hard to wanting to kill off the side of me that "cares too much/is too vulnerable" and just be independent. But I'm routinely stopped by the fact that it's a very difficult and inconvenient way to live. I try to, like a gambler on a poker table, "hedge my intimacy" with people. Or like an investor on the stock market. I guess I'm only "investing" as much as I'm willing to lose, slowly with people who demonstrably and consistently make trust easy, (but not too fast). If I can survive several rounds of being "poker face" with people, then I can allow myself to relax a little more and be more real.
Shit you just described what I do too with the perfect analogies. Thank you.
Don't you attract people who are more codependent than you are that way tho? I'm not saying it's a bad technique but I picked up on my bf doing that, and I was ohh poker cool, let's play. I enjoyed the game, but eventually he did not. And I was huh? You started the game with me, you even admit to testing me and now I'm blamed for playing along the very game you set up for us?
i cried :0 ur amazing
Thank you, I really needed to see this video. I want to be more direct with my partner about this issue, it's as you say embarrassing. It's my main reason of splitting at times, I'll follow your advice. Thank you so much :)
My Borderline ex took so many photographs of the two of us together. I always found this strange!
Thanks for sharing
What should I do if I was discarded by my BPD ex girlfriend? I tried to contact her twice in the last almost 2 weeks but she would tell me to not contact her again/to stop contacting her and would block me on every single account I madr to call her on. I did that 2 times, twice in one of those days.
I havent tried since the last time (4 days ago)....should I just not try anymore and see if she comes around, or might my BPD ex just move on and forget me? The last time we talked she said she didn't even think of me, and that I was annoying, and everything about me was annoying, and she called me names.
So, I told myself that I'm just going to leave her alone until she comes around... but because of lack of object constancy, now I'm not sure what would be better to do. I know bugging people is not good. I really really love her and I feel like I really want to be with her if we can get the proper tools and get there be and make things better. Scared she's gonna do impulsive things and also scared that shes going to never try to talk to me again.
Hope things have worked out for you & that you’re doing okay
@@neutrallynonsensical3477
Hey there. At that time I was really panicky and anxious, but we ended up getting back together in October for just 1 month, then she left me again with that same paranoid type of behavior that she displays before she leaves. 3 months after that, we got back together again, and things seemed good at 1st. It took 2 weeks before she started to behave very extreme and we broke up again, she accused me of something Ive never done in my life, and that was it, she left. It's been about 16 or 17 days since then, but I think I'm okay. I've come to realize that having a romantic relationship with someone that suffers from untreated BPD is an impossibility, I tried so hard to make them feel secure and to do all the right things, but that unreasonable paranoia, she has it bad and it wont ever allow anything to work. I think the worst part is the fact that she was unfaithful to me (she admitted it and told me what happened) but now she seems to project that sort of shame onto me and claims I somehow did too? I dont even know. I explained anything that might have seemed confusing to her but she wasnt having it. So this time I have finally waved the white flag, and asked her to please just leave me alone. Have you dealt with a situation similar to this?
Out of sight out of mind.
Having bpd and having my favorite person/partner hanging out with friends - we are queer so every person is a “ oposite sex” he is soooo reassuring- loving and is away to see a friend for the weekend they haven’t seen in 10 years. I am literally having a nervous breakdown, I really know I have nothing to worry about-- but we’re long distance and it’s killing me. I’m so disregulated - I need to fix this - I keep wanting to break up bc I want him some I be only mine or I don’t want him. It’s so messed up. I know it isn’t healthy.
@@ananichi dont worry you will soon devalue him and throw him in the garbage like the rest. And then find someone new to love ❤
@@RandomPerson28337 Maybe project to someone else.
@@ananichi all cluster Bs idealize devalue then discard. Its unavoidable. The best thing you can do for anyone as cruel as this may sound is to stay away from people and be alone. You can only destory and damage others its who you are. Its sad but thats your lot in life due to your troubled upbringing and you just gotta live with that as a bpd. You are like a toxic fart gas and the longer people around inhale that shxt the quicker they will die if they stick around. Get therapy and stay to yourself.