After 8 long years of battling with insecurities, low self-esteem, with constant fear of the knowledge I could infect someone with HSV 1&2 was a nightmare to me. I'm so glad/grateful that I am over Herpes and its stigma! All thanks to Dr. Aloha #Herpes #Hsv1 #Hsv2 #Sti th-cam.com/channels/_YFEEZEr1BxGkNg1d4vqww.html 🍀🇺🇸
Same. Sometimes I completely dissociate from life because the distraught feeling after not being to complete something to my expectations is so upsetting and uncomfortable.
Please keep tell yourself that perfect is just another word. What to expect as PERFECT differs between people mindsets. Take it easy on yourself and do not overload.
right with you, and my irrational response to being told perfection doesnt exist is for my drive to do things disappearing and onto the depression train
I haven't been diagnosed, but I share a lot of the traits (minus money hoarding. I spend on myself no problem). Even lost friends, and have issues with coworkers for not being understood. I don't even understand myself anymore, I'm learning too much.
This is my mom. 100%. The amount of emotional neglect was insane. Never did anything as a child because it all costed too much money, first time I went to the movies I was 18. The fact that my dad wasn’t in the picture, and we didn’t really have a close knitted family meant I was completely stuck in that 24/7. Developed my own personality issues thanks to all of this, among other issues. My mom still refuses to seek help, and I’m close to losing my patience completely and never talk to her again.
I don't blame you. The most toxic and traumatic relationship I have ever had is with an OCPD manager at my job. There is absolutely ZERO room for others to do or say anything at work anymore. It's all about him, not his team, not the clients, not colleagues. He'll kiss up to the C-suite, but that's it. Any meeting with him is a 30 to 90 minute monologue of whatever is going on inside his head, and if you try to ask a question he will jump on the end of your first thought and go into more monologue. If you REALLY try to make yourself heard by him he will fly into a rage... just because you want to communicate.
This is my dad. Same here, never got to travel or have any real vacations. The few trips we had I was barely allowed to breathe without verbal abuse. I'm always on the fence about how to deal with my father as an adult. He is very judgmental and critical of pretty much everything, also extremely negativistic.
I think I had a childhood friend with a OCPD mother as well. I felt very uncomfortable and not necessarily very welcome at their house. It's almost as if such people forget to see the value in working on meaningful relationships because they are too tightly wound - and they almost certainly won't recognize easily that their way of relating to the world is a problem for them.
TBH, anything Dr.Ramani says is gold in my book. She’s so knowledgeable and has a way of simplifying the complex. And I love how Kyle asks just the right questions as might a nonprofessional. It’s perfect that he’s not a MH practitioner. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
my father has OCPD. it actually gave me a traumatic childhood. I wanted to add, I felt seen during the college part. He made way too much money for me to be eligible for student loans, however he didnt believe in paying for my college despite my great grades. He said he needed to save for his retirement. I had to wait until I was 27 to be eligible for student loans.
was yours diagnosed? Sorry to hear that, i suspect mine has this kind of disorder plus he keeps junks. When we clear the junks he has the gall to pick fights and being extremely rude. Not easy/ fair for me, ppl have suggest i plan to move out. but thats easier said then done. Besides i Won't allow him to take over my space! i curse him
People who say that family members of those with OCPD should be more understanding towards them and their condition don’t get it. They clearly never had to live with someone who has it for an extended period of time in their life and experience what it’s like being on the receiving end. We have ALWAYS been understanding and, we have ALWAYS given in to them, but we are only human and it gets so damn frustrating when the person with OCPD always thinks they’re right, it’s their way or the highway, and you’re being a waste of their time and resources if you don’t do things the way they want it. This is and will always be my Dad. So quit your virtue signalling when you’ve never had to experience what it’s like to deal with someone with OCPD
THIS!! people outside my family circle will say, you need to support your mom, have some grace, she works so hard, and it's like i've given her EVERY excuse in the book and gaslit myself as to why i'm never good enough or need to live up to her standards but they're impossible for even her to sustain!!
I've dealt with a coworker with it for 14 years. I don't know how to deal with someone the complete opposite of me. On top of that even though I'm trying or doing xyz it's not enough. I almost feel like I have to say the positive affirmations out loud.
This video really should be for people to know if somebody ELSE has it, cause let me tell you, if you have it you know you have it. It isn't like schizophrenia or illnesses where the affected cannot tell they have it easily, you will almost always know without a shadow of a doubt you have it.
My ex-girlfriend is soo this. Hard worker in a job she hated, shouted at people in the subway for disrespecting rules, was extremely harsh on herself and others, always postponed and cut short meetings to prepare for work, was very stubborn and authoritarian in really uncomfortable ways. She also followed rigid schedules and expected me to do so too, rejected advice even when she desperately needed it and worked even when sick. She also made me feel through her controlling behavior like I lost my own self in the relationship while often feeling like I wasn‘t a priority in her life at all. I had to follow her rules to the degree that I got scared to cross her and felt very pressured. In the end I felt like I was completely submitting to her will and when I finally had to set boundaries on her controlling behavior, she broke up with me and chastised and chided me for not living up to her standards and „behaving like a child“ after she had told me to do/stop xyz. I needed months to recover from the intense pressure and hurt that I had felt and my self-esteem still needs improvement. P.S.: I know that she suffers from this too, so I‘m not trying to portray her like a monster. I‘m just telling my experience, after all she was undiagnosed
it sounds as if your personality may have dependent components, which would likely match with an obsessive-compulsive/controlling type as long as affection is not withheld altogether. if you lost yourself to that degree, you might want to look into that, because it could happen again in a different match, if the other person is dominant, too.
I'm so glad you are out of it. Hope you feel better now. I'm in a similar situation and still trying to get it to work. Step 1 is to make him go to a therapy....I know exactly what you mean by feeling like submitting to the other person completely. Too scared to say the wrong thing, slowly I found myself always say what he wants to hear and not what I really think. All sentences are carefully formulated. Also feeling so small that he judges me at so many things I do that must people find quite normal. I have to really try hard to balance pleasing him and maintain my self esteem
You sound very mentally in tune with all you experienced. She is not a horrible person, you are right, but with her condition, she is waaay too difficult to partner with. It's unfortunate, but until she figures out she has a problem, and seeks help with it, you are much better to move on to someone else. Relationships need balance to be healthy and beneficial. Good luck, be strong and move on. ❤
@@PeachPlasticif she's never been diagnosed it could be a number of different things as these symptoms mimic other symptoms, such as those who suffer from complex ptsd, those who are on the autism spectrum, those who have cluster b personality traits or disorders.
I always thought my obsession with optimization and systems was ADHD, but I am glad to learn more about myself. Thankfully I don't have the trait of telling people they are wrong.
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Which means you probably are not an OCPD patient, and that is a huge relief.
I've been struggling with my diagnosis for months. After this video I feel even worse. The way my traits are discussed and judged as terrible really hit home how unlovable I am.
I related to this personality disorder a lot my whole life up until a couple of years ago when I sort of realized how my actions were affecting other people. I had a crazy strong sense of morality with following rules. I didn’t understand why I was being spoken down to by adults and told I was “tattling” when I was reporting that someone was breaking a rule. I felt like rules were made to protect us and to ensure that everyone was equal. My rigidity towards driving rules was insane especially when it came to speed limits. I also held on to the original way I was taught things or if I had read an instruction in a book. I told people that they were wrong when they were crocheting or knitting because it wasn’t the way I read how to do it. I got upset if people didn’t follow the rules to a game perfectly. I’m still fighting some of those urges like if someone cooks a recipe in a different way than instructed or doesn’t do something the way had suggested.
I'm so glad you have the ability to recognize this, that's incredible progress. My mother and my older brother have OCPD. I do not, I basically felt that my natural way of being was "wrong" and therefore "bad". It led to two decades of self harm behavior and an intense hatred of rules and regulations that I had to overcome as I learned to have less anger towards how I was raised. My brother has sought treatment and has made AMAZING progress, I am so, so proud of him. He has a beautiful decade long marriage, and has persevered through many hardships. He has learned to prioritize empathy and cooperation, and thinking of new ways to do things. My mother, however, has never sought treatment for her OCD. She now has early onset Parkinsons which brings anger and mood issues. It's interesting what they said in the video about starting a business because that's exactly what she did. She has retired, and my father passed away, so her identity of a workaholic (and then my father's caretaker) is gone and she is in a horrible depression. I wish I could help her but she when I try to suggest she needs help I am told I am disrespectful. She has hoarded her house, but is obsessed with organizing the hoard of clothes, shoes, bags, and jewelry. Everything is laden with memory and meaning and throwing things out without profiting from them is wasteful and disrespectful.
Yikes! Sounds like at this point, she's not going to change. Likely the only you can do is change how you feel about her & deal with her. Glad ur brother is working on his problem with it. You must feel thankful you don't have this condition? Guard against it diligently. Good luck in life.
You have just defined every single aspect of how I behave. It's still quite frustrating to get why people at work saw all of that and looked down on me when I was just being "correct and ethical". I ended up quitting my job for not knowing how to manage all the stress I myself created. It all reflected back to me in form of tension, conflicts and even subtle mockery.
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You are fighting it, and you deserve my utmost respect for doing that! Most OCPD patients will never even admit they have it.
Oh, my goodness! My mother to a T!! The house, and it's looking like some hospital-hygenic-level spotless display home 24/7 (and I really mean 24/7), to the point of ridiculous uncomfortableness for both us and the visitors who were too scared to sit on the couch, was so much more important than everyone who lived in the house! I spent so many weekends as a teen at everyone else's house because they didn't want to come to mine even though it was an upmarket house compared to theirs, which was fine with me - I loved the relaxed atmosphere and the obvious love at other peoples houses. Not being allowed to even leave a book on the bedside table in my own room throughout my childhood because books belong on a bookshelf unless you're reading them at the minute (I was a bookworm). Even the cans in the pantry were lined up and spaced perfectly apart with all the labels facing the front. And the total rigidity of that whole point of view (anyone who didn't agree with this level of housekeeping was personally dirty and disgusting and horribly judged as a human being on this basis alone). She totally refused to care about anyone's feelings about it, and went bawling into the bedroom if anyone challenged her on it (which was rare because it wasn't worth the trouble and childish tantrum and uncomfortableness she caused), but never noticed that she was very alone in this opinion and never changed it. I quit school very young and moved away from home because of this! I grew up in that environment and I've never felt comfortable visiting ever since - decades afterwards. My father lent me money to buy a car (his own money against my mother's wishes) when I moved away from home, but my mother set the rules. It was the 1980s and I was earning a young teen's wage. I was earning $130 a week, my rent was $50 a week and she made me pay my car off at $50 a week. I had $30 a week to buy food, pay bills and buy petrol for my car to get to work. I didn't even have enough money to buy a chocolate bar - I ate very frugally. I had to pay the bills and buy petrol to get to work - some weeks, when bills came in (which were shared with flatmates, so I had minimal control over them) I actually either didn't eat or ate nothing buy potatoes (which were cheap). My mother didn't care - my car payment must be made. I paid it back and never borrowed money from them again for any reason. This has to be severe OCPD. Problem is that according to her, everyone else was wrong. She's softened somewhat over the years with age now, but I'm not exaggerating.
I worked for a nurse practitioner who has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. She told me her DX before I was hired but I guess I didn't realize just how hard it would be. I had to draw the line when she would yell at me in front of others. She got so comfortable with me that I became her whipping post. Just like a typical abuser she'd apologize and bring me gifts when she went on vacation, only to do it all over again. The straw was went she kept hounding me to get patients in faster because she had made a hair appointment that she just couldn't miss. The practice manager had told her to stop making appointments that might run into her ability to see a late patient. Then in a rage the NP cornered me in an exam room getting all up in my face and space. Calmly I told her her to back up and left the room. I was assigned to another provider the next day. I still can't believe I took that abuse for 4 years.
My Grandma had OCPD and narcissism. I spent two years living with her, and I’ve come to call her the 'Perfect Narcissist'. She was absolutely unbearable.
I'm looking forward to the DSM changes or improvements. Mental health is a good work in progress. I'm seeing the solutions created. I chose to be in life and stay a artist not have patterns of chasing the office money. I learned by 25,30, I wasn't cut out for corporate work because of my mental health care. My SSRI changed my OCD, perfection/food issues🗃️✍️⚖️🗂️🗃️overly responsible, seeking too much information, procrastinating. Dr Ramani s videos this week at her channel and podcast are must hears. So relatable to rigidity. For example keeping attachments, keeping items, items can be let go of. Ineffective house items and older clothing was something I got help on. Let 20-30, 30-40 go. It was so freeing to donate items, clothes. I still felt bad for throwing away or donating sentimental items but...but....those items today are now trauma bonds. And keeping it all means I visualizing my hands letting go of those items. Thank you Medcircle. 🎨🧠💛🌎💛🌍💛🌏💛 (What about global functional assessment tool score, is that applied in medicine?)
I had a friend like this but it wasn't work that was her god, it was astanga yoga. She would get up at 5am to do one and a half hours of the most gruelling sequences EVERY SINGLE DAY. Her husband eventually struck a deal with her to take Saturday mornings off. They had a cleaner and she decided to fire the cleaner and clean herself; and with no shame she told her husband that she was therefore pocketing the money that the cleaner had earned before. So she was literally paying herself to clean her own house. She worked 5 minutes from where she lived but her husband worked in another city. When his car broke down she didn't lend him hers - he had to get a train and she was indignant that he would even think to borrow her car. And on one occasion he used her car to pick up his son and she wanted the petrol money he used back. Her own husband. I couldn't bear the control and miserly-ness and our friendship came to a screeching halt after going on holiday together (you can only imagine how well that went - she gave everyone a speech about how they were less-than for not being vegan). Im not sure if she was in denial or whether she seriously lacked such insight into her behaviour. Her husband truly deserves all the medals in the world.
i have ocpd so of course my first and strongest instinct is to say that this video is wrong and i could've made it better 😅 but i'm in treatment, i can let it go, for the most part... i just wished there had been a teensy bit more empathy, a control freak like myself is really just a person with lots of tremendous fear they aren't managing in a healthy way, it's not a malicious impulse to make others suffer and the sacrifices made aren't easy, they seem necessary to our distorted perception.
Luckily, I only have 5 of 8 traits and I’m happy in my skin. TH-cam ruined my productivity, but improved my people skills. In reality, my note taking saved my life and helped me recover from a couple severe illnesses which doctors were limited in helping me.
Well, Dr. Ramani seems to be really boiling things down into casual, everyday language - sometimes to the point of losing some of the precise clarity of the diagnostic criteria and clinical presentations. I too would prefer a slightly more rigorous approach. You can make OCPD work for you, with a bit of work on letting go a little bit and learning a bit of flexibility in relationships and at work. And you can learn to understand empathy and practice it, even if it not a natural instinct. ;) I'm the opposite of OCPD - ADHD. I'm a total mess in so many ways.
I feel like me and my mother we are ocpd and adhd. We are failed OCPD. I couldn't enjoy holidays at uni because I had an essay to finish but when back home, I procastinated. We keep stuff in case it is useful later but it looks like diogene syndrom in some places and it is pristine elsewhere. I have crisis and I throw away everything, then we are back to hoarding. Money is iffy because we want to pay the mortage for a home that the bank won't less us keep if we ever fail. I have to clean eveything after I had guests because I feel it's not my home anymore if their nasty feet walked on my floor (which is totally obsessive, compulsive). I have to use my camping mode where I turn off my obsessive cleanliness in most environments. It'snot clean if I haven't cleaned it myself. I have a new therapist, it made me realise I should bring that up and learn to make the camping mode my default.
I felt the same. I’m not diagnosed but I felt a lot of the symptoms fitted me except I love my family and friends and I would donate to charity because it makes other people happy. I don’t do mean things because I’m a horrible person sometimes I’m just stressed out because I just have things I can and can’t do without flexibility
My worst characteristic is my need of "being in control". Like I need to control what I wear, what I eat, who I talk to, where I go to, my grades, my weight, my appereance...And then it comes the perfectionism. In my mind everything I do has to be perfect, it has to be in a limit, it has to be balanced, it has to be in control. So I just keep switching the areas in my life I take control on. When I was a kid, it was the school, then in my pre-adolescent years it was my weight and my beauty (which led me to anorexia and bulimia), then it was grades AND beauty (which led me to depression and self-harm). Now I focus more on school, but still control the others at a "healthy" limit. I still feel bad if I eat too much, if I dont do anything productive like reading, writing, studying and stuff, but its less yk.
Wow. They literally just narrated my life. I've always felt most comfortable at work than home. I have lists and lists I've made and never even utilized. I absolutely hate letting someone else do something or try to help me because I feel like it's not going to be the right way I believe it should be done, I could not do group work at school. I have no problem cutting people off if I feel like their life style is going to interfere with my goals, I actually don't even have friends. I have so much stuff I will not throw away because I feel like I have an idea of how I can fix it or repurpose it or some craft I would like to do, but never got around to doing it. My husband is actually building a shed for me to put all my stuff, because I'm so overwhelmed with wanting the house to be organized but don't want to get rid of the stuff I might want to use later. Do not interfere with my schedule or routine, because my whole day feels ruined. I am so convicted to my way of doing things that if it's not my way I don't want anything to do with it. Which is another reason I've kind of let my house go, because nobody does anything I feel it should be done. There's a lot of times I fantasize about living by myself so everything will be exactly the way I want it and nobody will mess it up. The only thing is I'm not frugal with money to the extent they described. I like making Christmas, birthdays, etc. as special as I can provide, but that only applies to my immediate family. I will justify in my head why I shouldn't spend time and money on others. Now I'm very stubborn about not working certain days or shifts because of my kids, but most of that time that I'm home with the kids I'm trying to clean, organize, or study vs. actually spending time with them. I could go on and on about my habits that make me feel cut off from people even my family that I love deeply but can't seem to connect with
I relate with you in almost all you have described above. The lessons from Dr Ramani help me to understand myself and is also therapeutic. I am very grateful to Dr Ramani.
Know what? I really appreciate that you said you love your family deeply just can’t seem to connect with them because I saw a lot of what’s described here in my mother while she was alive.
My husband has some of these, mostly the rigid thinking and obsessed with rules. But he is terrible with money and avoids even looking at the finances because it stresses him out. He also is fairly lazy and procrastinates, but is very dedicated to his job, even though he complains about it constantly.
My goodness this is so spot on... I've had my diagnosis for almost three years now, but seeing it in this way makes so much sense. Granted there are certain things I don't relate to (because it's all a spectrum and because I've done a ton of work) but this is all so eye opening.
My ex husband of 20 years has this but ti feel this explanation is incorrect, it is not OCD … it is all about control. The sense of righteousness and godlike perspective that the way they do everything is ‘the right way’ Their family especially wife, children are an extension of such and have to comply with their rules. These rules can also change. Their mission is to be perfect in everything but again perfect according to them and their unique code. If their environment including everything their family says and does, does not comply with their rules there are dire consequences. I felt that everything I did was wrong and was reminded on a daily basis how wrong I was. He of course out this pressure on himself also . It sucked the joy out of every situation. He once told me to sweep sand out of a tent. His frustration would escalate into rage on a regular basis. You could never speak to him about this because he would say if you just did everything right I wouldn’t need to get upset. He truly believed he was superior to everyone else and therefore right. I know this because he told me that was how he truly felt.
UGH! I feel like we know the exact same OCPD person. Mine is my manager and it is exhaustingly joyless, reactive, chaotic, relentless, and unproductive. He can't even let anyone else talk or ask questions about anything and sees being asked questions or giving anyone autonomy as a punishable offense. Those of us that haven't found other jobs have all learned to be as quiet as possible as to not make him worse. Glad that guy is your EX! Sorry you went through it at all.
Pretty sure he fits definition of a narcissistic person instead of ocpd
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Usually, OCPD is comorbid with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), which often explains why those people refuse to seek help since the error is always on someone else or something else, never on them.
I think it's just generalized way of handling a topic, rather than in a clinical setting with an actual patient across from her. For me, I kind of prefer a fast learn on a topic without any fluff and fillers, but we're all different.
As someone with OCD, I reluctantly admit that everything said in this video is spot on. The emptiness inside me has never gone away and I continue to sabotage myself. But that will go away if I do this, this and this, right?
I have a diagnose of OCPD and honestly it is a freaking disturb hard to treat and to live with. It took me 3 major depressions and almost 4 years of psychotherapy to get a reasonable life with my kids and husband (and I do have ADHD). But…I’ve got there. Sometimes I’m a bit out of balance and the traits exacerbate, but mostly I have it under “control” and can have a decent life with my family and at work. In general I like very much the way dr. Ramani explain things, but this time her description of OCPD made me feel as a caricature. I had the feeling that was a lot of exaggeration when mentioning the traits, and I do have almost all of them when I’m out of balance. Even at my worst I never let rules go above feelings. Anyways, I just wanted to say that there is hope and people do get better from OCPD if they get proper help. It will never go away, but it is absolutely possible to learn how to live with it in a positive way.
@@xAllCatsAreBeautiful1312x I meant that despite being many times blind and not able to realize that quite often I was putting obligations above relationships, I’ve always put my love and feelings about anything else. Whatever bad things I did - specially concerning my children and husband, I did not because I thought it was “right”, but because I loved them and unfortunately wasn’t able to see that I was hurting them (tho thinking my love was the right and good thing to do). In this sense, OCPD stops being an ego syntonic disturb for me, because every time I realize I crossed the line with someone I love it hurts like hell and the guilty feelings eat me up from inside out. It’s just horrible that for many times I still realize it too late. But I’m learning and things are getting better. I have my kids and husband helping me to realize when I go to far and stop when I start hurting them. For me it has been a jump on the dark to trust in their judgement, instead of trusting my own standards. So far, has been more than worth.
@@AngelinainHolland Thank you for your explanation. That makes sense and it's clear that despite mistakes in the past, you have developed a high quality of self awareness. This displays honesty. The other quality is willingness - specifically your willingness to admit that other's perspective might be more clear than your own on certain things and the trust to listen and take their advice. I feel like those qualities are exceedingly rare despite all the talk.
tysm for this, tough times still ahead but needed some hope and this was kinda scaring me to see my personality broken apart and as u said 'exaggerated' in a fairly negative light, i understand it's a problem but it's nice to see that it can be balanced with the right effort and mindset ❤️ seriously thank you
This describes my husband 💯. I thought it was just ADHD, with an inability to relax, but it's more than that. He's a workaholic, cannot sit still (unless he's drinking alcohol). And he is very miserly with "our" money except if it's something he wants to buy. He is obsessive with any project he does at home. He is arrogant, super impatient, easy to anger, and emotionally unavailable. He accumulates junk that he won't throw away so he has to build more outbuildings to store it all. He treats me like crap (verbally abusive) bc I can no longer work a job due to disability. I want a divorce but he refuses bc I would get 1/2 "his" money. He calls me lazy bc I'm physically disabled even though I had to work 2-3 part time jobs to make ends meet while raising our children. He worked one full time job, but had his "projects" to do at home, which took all his time & attention. I appreciated all the remodeling and stuff he has done over the years, but says I'm ungrateful for all the money he has saved us. I would have rather he hired out the work if it meant more peace at home. I cannot explain how hard it's been to live like this for so long and the walking on eggshells our entire marriage so as to not anger him. I know if I left him it would be the fight of a lifetime as he thinks I don't deserve to be given half of "his" pension to the point I've felt excessively guilty for things I had no control over, like my health issues. Now he's a workaholic alcoholic. (Self medicating?) Let me tell you if you're with someone like this it's a very lonely marriage and it will be eventually damage your self image. He is unapologetic and has no empathy for anyone he feels is beneath him, which is everyone he works with and knows, even some family members. Side note-I think my Dad also had OCPD, passed down from his Father, who was overly strict in an OC way. I think OCPD has a strong hereditary component & of course the learned behavior from that parent. My MIL is just like my spouse too, but in a less abusive way.
Last time I checked, you don't need anyone's permission to file for divorce. I left without a thing. And let me tell you, that first little studio apartment I got... I thought it was heaven. Peace, quiet, and freedom is the goal. You can do it. Sending you strength, courage, and hugs, from Tulsa, Oklahoma.🪖💪🫂☮️
I wasted too many years with an a-hole who was too pussified to leave permanently. Instead he made it so bad that I eventually had to....but only after losing two years of irretrievable time. Sometimes, the one option remaining is to cut our losses and go. I got the ultimate wake-up call when an acquaintance bluntly ( but with kindness !) told me if I didn't get this guy out of my life, he'd drive me into a mental institution. I am forever grateful to this woman for pointing out my future if I didn't soon take definitive action. Her words really hit home and saved my sanity in the long run. I'm rooting for you !
I empathize with both your husband and yourself as an OCPD person. Marriage to me is hell, childrearing is a prison sentence and your husband should have been self aware about his condition and self excluded himself from marrying you to prevent himself from hurting you. So you have every right to leave to protect yourself.
My husband WILL go for help . Respectfully, I disagree with your statement about one with OCPD NOT completing tasks. My husband is driven to absolutely following through until THE END of his goal for that task . Yes, no two people are alike . Thank you for your comments / explanations. This disorder is crippling and most difficult for the spouse to tolerate .
My husband has this. I have to be very strong in my confidence. If I don’t do Everything the way he likes , I’m a failure. He gets furious if do things wrong.(Not his way). I actually feel sorry for him. It rules him. He measures the quality of his day by going down the list of his accomplishments. No thanks!!
Do NOT feel sorry for him !! Having survived a mother like this, I'm guessing he's toxic towards everyone, EVEN you. Get out from under his clutches, it's the ONLY answer.
The symptoms will drop off with emotional healing. Trauma energies cause all kinds of issues for us. We target the root by helping people to release the energetic causes of their issues. Good topic 👍
@@bettyboothe2523 check out Apex Energy Healing and start implementing what I teach there. I’ll be making videos next week on releasing anxiety and depression 🙏
I needed this therapy . Now i fully understand the mental disability of my family & even my own control issues. But people are very lackadaisical these days & I feel I Can out work most. This a tough one
Definitely relate to some aspects of this. Specifically the money part and rigidity. Also the lack of empathy when I am trying to reach my “goal”. I call it “in GO mode” I need everyone to stay out of my way so I can accomplish my task. I did think that I could possibly have ocpd until you described all the points thoroughly. Turns out I’m just crazy. Update: I’ve been going to therapy for the last 6 months and just got diagnosed with OCPD. I’m realizing more and more how the disorder plays into my day to day life, and how it affects the people around me. I feel like Dr Ramini describes some aspects of OCPD correctly but maybe doesn’t fully understand because she isn’t in the mind of someone with OCPD. Also it’s interesting how people with the disorder can behave very differently from each other depending on which symptoms they have.
So I have ocpd, but the trait of being a “workaholic” is not me. Work is second priority to my family and my home always. However, I think my home and the cleaning/household tasks have definitely taken the place of the career workaholic trait for me.
I had an ocpd roommate for many years (who I suspect had comorbid bpd as well) and she used to consistently criticize me for my alleged need to have everything “my way” as if I was the rigid, controlling one. Meanwhile she had meticulously arranged all the magnets on the fridge just so and was ultra obsessed with orderliness. The irony of someone with this disorder telling you that you are absolutist and uncompromising is the height of projection.
From 10:36 she gives examples. And as someone with OCPD I don't get why they react the way they do. If you order from the cart and you take my cheese cake from the buffet it is indeed stealing. If you can't park at some place, it indeed doesn't matter which day it is, you can't park there. I don't know why it's hard to understand rules.
I agree. It will just make people to think it is okay to break rules. If everyone in the world thinks it is okay to live selfishly, there won't be order but hatred and confusion. Rules/laws are made for everyone to have the best environment to thrive.
It's easy to hate people who have these traits, but if you look at it as a mental illness, and consider it as health problem like any physical health problem, it can help us be more patient and understanding. We wouldn't hate someone with a broken legs because they aren't getting up and walking around & doing chores. They would need help from a Dr/professional to function better. In the same way, we shouldn't hate someone with a mental disorder for their actions or limitations. Of course we have to have boundaries and not allow them to mentally abuse us- but just be more understanding that they aren't CHOOSING to have a disorder and they WILL need help from a Dr/professional in order to function better & make life easier for everyone.
I agree, to an extent… i dont think anyone should judge people they dont know. And echo & have used similar metaphors re mental illness. However, PD arent so much mental illness to me as ingrained personality style. They cant be fixed. And the people with them often dont care! Like an alcoholic, unwilling to change & unwilling to look at the damage they cause, let alone accept responsibility for it. They prefer denial. Since they will continue being obnoxious or harmful or disruptive, and unable to change their fundamental, if dysfunctional,personality, i have little empathy for them… does that make me a lesser person? I wish i had a bigger heart, but NPD, (BPD), OCPD & ASPD , too much & too harmful…
@@Rain9Quinn Absolutely doesn't make you the lesser person. ♡ It's very difficult to deal with! For me, understanding is just helping me to not hate the person and not take it personal when they behave badly. I have to just remember not to expect anything else from them. Either they'll choose to get help or they won't. I had to cut certain family members out of my life for the way they treated me. Now I can find compassion for them and wish them well, even find love in my heart for them (which is a huge step from when I felt hate for them). But I won't allow them to be in my life until they realize what they've done and choose to get help.
Not to be a noodge, but it is a little bit significant to point out that personality disorders and mental illnesses are not really one and the same thing. They aren't actually considered mental illnesses. They are disorders, sure. But, if you think about it ... An illness is something that comes into your life, wreaks havoc and can hopefully be treated or cured. Personality disorders describe someone's personality - who they are - or, at least, who they have become by the time adolescence is over. That's not an illness. (There are also developmental disorders - not a mental illness either. Those develop in childhood but are probably largely hereditary - autism and ADHD for example.) This matters because, it is okay - and sometimes even important - to realize that, if you know someone with a personality disorder, that set of behaviors and characteristics is actually part of who they are. Sure, they might be able to improve with a little psychological help, but change might be glacial and it WILL be challenging. Whereas, in a mental illness, someone is having a problem. It is holding them back in life. They probably want to be well, often desperately. If you know someone with a mental illness, compassion is pretty important and often immensely helpful. I cannot think of a mental illness that is ego-syntonic - that feels comfortable and fitting with a person's sense of who they are. They all tend to be quite dysphoric.
I'm trying to understand why she giggles around issues an OCPD person struggles with. I needed a professionals explanation on OCPD so i watched the whole video but it was cringe, I find it tasteless the way she treats the matter.
Suggest you go watch todd grande's older videos. He does true-crime videos now but 5+ years ago, he was making videos on psychology for mental health professionals. Those are more like classroom lectures.
these are extreme symptoms most people don’t deal with. to normal people, our actions are ridiculous or laugh worthy. that’s why we have to get better. realizing how ridiculous it all is and how made up it is in our heads is key to getting better in my opinion. they would also say things like “this sounds horrible” while laughing, to me that indicates uncomfortableness and empathy. they can realize how horrible it would be to live like this. i’ve also had a lot of experience with mental health professionals and some of them can be x10 more brutal than them.
A lot of these traits sound a lot like autistic traits (perfectionism, rigid thinking/strict morality, wearing the same things for a long time)... I can see how an autistic person might be misdiagnosed with OCPD, or vice versa.
The most traumatic relationship I have ever dealt with is my OCPD manager. He makes granularly useless lists over and over and over and reads them to us at every meeting as if it is an important update. Our team went from each member autonomously producing multiple concurrent projects per month, to him removing us from all our client relationships and making himself the principal Individual Contributor and we are there to just do small entry level tasks reactively to his demands, and now our team gets a few projects done per year TOGETHER. No idea if he neglects the rest of his life, but his wife and kids have dark circles under their eyes, look exhausted, and are completely silent the times I have been around them. They just stand there quietly or slip away silently like ghosts. Everything is a punishable offense... I don't even know what rules I'm supposed to follow, but he pretty much reminds me I'm doing something wrong every time he talks to me. He hordes everything that used to be shared and constantly reorganizes it so that we can never find it when we need it. I used to be a point of contact for clients and could fold their projects into my workflow and to delivery within 3 months maximum from intake, and now I am thrown on projects 9 to 18 months after the client brings them to him. Anytime we purchase new equipment he ignores my recommendations and purchases a variety of one type of tool over and over every year. We have so many of the same tool, and never update other tools that I patch together to keep working. The most difficult and traumatic part of all of it is that he will not let you speak in meetings or he will fly into a rage and start making your life even more difficult. All meetings are 30-90 minute exhaustingly random thoughts that have few concrete takeaways, but you have to sit there and just take the monologue or you are a bad person. I'm sure not every person with OCPD can be this out of touch with the reality of other people existing as actual living, breathing, thinking beings, but I will definitely have a PTSD hyper vigilance to keep OCPD people out of my life if I notice any symptom. They are not the kind of people I want in my life. I've worked with schizophrenics, bipolar, and OCD folks, but I've always felt like there was someone there trying to meet you half-way, but with OCPD it is like working with a psychotic toddler you aren't allowed to upset or they will try to turn your life to dust.
Nice of you to judge everyone with OCPD because of one abusive man. I am really sorry that was your experience. I just wish you wouldn’t clump everyone with OCPD together.
@@clutterlilly I just LOVE that your first sentence is a sarcastic critique of my traumatic experience. It makes your apology likely sarcastic, too. And then you wrap it up with your entitlement to my obedience. "I'm sure not every person with OCPD can be this out of touch". But this is about you, right, stranger?
@@jmfs3497 I actually was not being sarcastic in my apology. My intention wasn’t to force you to love any and all people with OCPD, but to challenge your perspective on it. We all have biases, but putting an entire disorder in the category of abusive toddler is just harmful and lacking perspective. Your comments on how awful people with OCPD are far-outweighed that one sentence you referenced. That being said, I’m sorry for the way I came off, I got emotionally triggered as I’ve been high stress lately. Have the best day/night.
I laughed a lot in the exemples of 2,3,4,5 because I felt so indentified. Im slow at my job because my perfectionism. And 5 😂😂 I don’t know how people could break the rules, process and the structure of things! I have done a lot of instrospeccion and have worked with therapist and over the time I have live more harmony life with myself and my surroundings but I’m still working on my ideas being the absolute true. I’m working on myself of being visionary because have been exhausted wanting of doing it but not being able to expand my horizons.
My dad has this with ADHD. Impulsive but then also stubborn, inefficient perfectionist while hyperfocusing. Absolute nightmare. Even when he gets impulse to start a project or change course, not only does he derail others schedules with ADHD, but acts rigid and obnoxious about everyone following his idea of perfect. He also has 6 lawn mowers in the garage a. Bc hes hoarding them and b. Bc he fires every person that works for him.
This is me and I get horrifying anxiety to the point of shaking and puking. I own a business and can’t get to the point of a relationship. I feel unworthy all the time and have a ridiculous belief that unless I’m making more money I don’t deserve friendships or relationships.
As a person, I diagnosed myself and discovered that I have ocpd and I have a high level and for a very long time now I try to understand how I was to act and so on and shocked by myself, but unfortunately I only immerse myself in my daily life I return to act like before, but from my decisions that I left all my friends until I equal a problem with them and my association with my family reduced it until what bothered them and I began to read books and watch useful content on TH-cam, the last one watching anime and reading manga is the useful thing i did for my situation.
I didn't expect this to resonate so much with me! I can see a lot of that in myself and my family, especially hoarding tendencies on my mother's side and miserliness, unwillingness to delegate tasks, and being overly rigid with plans and being on time on my dad's (we had to have at least a 30 min buffer even for weekend trips or on vacation and he'd get angry if we took too long, just to arrive way too early). I'm perfectionistic, rule-oriented, inefficient, and a bit of a (money) hoarder myself. I also need to do everything myself and am guilty of correcting others' contributions to meet my standards. I don't think it would qualify for diagnosis for any of us, though. It's not that impairing and other psychological, socio-cultural, and economic factors explain a lot of the symptoms for us.
I like the information but be careful of facial expressions of how icky some symptoms could be or worse laughing at it like you both did. This could cause a lot of shame for people who might be fighting any disorder.
People with ocpd rarely feel shame about anything . Never realize to be sorry and rare to realize remorse without massive outside pressure to show it .
Thanks a lot for a new video with Dr. Ramani! She is incredible!! Sad that OCD vs OCPD video is available only on the website under subscription. Because so far they look totally different except for desperate spatial organization with lists and shelves. But if people with OCPD do not have obsessive thought and compulsive actions (like constantly washing their hands) then why is it called obsessive-compulsive PD?
This sounds like me, Ive been obsessed with my career since I was young. I have a very rigid plan for the future in my job, I spend hours at home on my computer doing personal tasks and doing extra freelance on top of my full time job to build a catalogue of experience. At times I’ve gotten upset because I felt social events with friends and family took me away from my career goals even though I wasn’t forced to go. I also have a hoard of things I keep in case I may need it and even if it’s ripped paper or just bad sketches that I know I’m never going to use but I always think I may need it. I am also very controlling with money when it comes to relationships, I’m not fond of joint bank accounts. I prefer each partner have their own money but obviously if one is earning more you help out where needed and never make the other party feel bad for not earning as much. (unless they’re Intentionally not pulling their weight) It’s a 2 way exchange as I see it and each party should put in equal effort to decorate or stock up the house without having to see each others wages. The only thing that isn’t me is the not wanting to spend money. Whilst I do have a savings pot for if something bad happens, if my mother is feeling down I will go out of my way to buy her things to make her happy. My family means a lot to me and I would spend as much as I could if it were possible. I also love to go out and spend money on myself for clothes and trips but I just plan my spending so I still have money to save although it gives me anxiety if I don’t have something as a safety blanket. I have a checklist on my phone for monthly spending and I check it often just to make sure I don’t go over.
That cake analogy got way too real. Do NOT touch my cake. For real though, it makes me sad that more people with the same diagnosis as me can't share in as much lightheartedness. I try, in every way, to be aware of the people around me, their feelings and their lives in general, in spite of it being hard for me. I try to make people smile and laugh, including myself, because it's hard. I'm not trying to brag, but I'm toeing that line. I just want to show that there are those of us who are aware and who try hard.
I started showing signs of extreme perfectionism in the 7th grade. My parents weren’t paying attention to me and were paying attention to my twin sister and my older sister. I can only wear the colors white, beige, or brown or I don’t feel perfect. I have a hard time writing things down because I erase excessively and then I just give up. Most of my hobbies I have given up on because I can’t write things down or do it out of fear I will mess up. Recently I got a terrible haircut that will take forever to grow out the way I’ve had it for the last 14 years of my life. Coincidentally, right after I got off my anxiety medication to get put on a stronger one. To this day my parents don’t believe I’ve been going through anything and my twin and older sister have been given therapy and got diagnosed. I don’t even know if I have anything more than perfectionism, but I wish I had something to call it besides perfectionism. Everyone always brushes it off and it’s a real problem I’ve been dealing with.
That sounds like OCD. Check for example "Just Right Ocd" this may sound very familiar to you. There is effective therapy for OCD called Erp (Exposure with Response Prevention) it is a form of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral therapy) Hope you'll feel better soon!
Is it still OCD or OCPD when you delegate a task and it truly isn't done to any level of par and then needs done again? I fear hiring anyone, or delegating anything, due to the low level of quality I've experienced. Painters, floor refinishers, you name it.
My ex’s mother made a LIST to apologize to me for calling my then 9 year old an asshole over leaving a water bottle on her outside porch table. It was weird as shit and her son was in denial of her OCD.
I suspect my mother would be diagnosed with OCPD. Only difference is that her ‘work’ is the household and family, taking responsibility for and attempting to control everything that happens in the household. But this also extends to social situations like going out to eat, daytrip, vacation etc. Always super miserly and never wants to treat herself or others. Always looking for something or someone to attend to, cannot stand to be alone or not busy with something. Gets super frustrated and ‘loses the plot’ in even the most basic of activities, and then takes the anger out on her kids. Hysterical fits of anger, shouting. Usually crushes child’s and others wills to push through her own miserly decisions. Doesn’t respect personal space and distance because she contantly needs to caregive or attend to someone. As a child I never learned to make my own decisions, she would always take control and decide for me. If I was scared of something she would do it for me instead of supporting me emotionally. When I would try to express my feelings (or still when I do) she will instantly try to ‘solve’ it instead of just listening and holding space. It’s insane the amount of stress and trauma this has caused me as a kid growing up. It’s so tiring to be in her presence.
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I’m pretty sure I have this and I know it really bothers my family at times but I have a hard time wanting to change. I’m meticulous so my world is very organized (and clean!) My frugality is so perfected that my family is living abundantly even though our income is shockingly small. We were able to buy a nice house on acreage last year and our income is technically below middle class. It took years of pinching and saving to get here. We do splurge on restaurants and vacations but it’s a very rare treat. I know I need to lighten up on my family though and I am always trying to tone it down. I have such a hard time toning it down that I often just avoid my family because I know if I’m talking I’m going to be nagging that they didn’t close the shower curtain or hang their towel up right etc. tbh when I go into the bathroom and the shower curtain is wrong (again!) I actually feel enraged.
Pretty sure this is my life. My house is clean, I get work done efficiently, struggle with perfectionism my whole life (literally won't go shop without my hair done, ever) I fully did my hair in hospital lol. Never good a relationships, but I'm functional (fun times).
The thing is, once you acknowledge the fact you have OCPD, you can’t stop thinking about every single decision you make and wonder… is this okay? Is this normal? Why do we seek perfection when we know there’s no such thing? But it’s a deeply ingrained part of how we cope with uncertainty. The need for control and order becomes a safety net, even when we know it’s impossible to achieve perfection. It’s not about rationality-it’s about an internal drive that pushes us to fix, arrange, and perfect everything, even at the cost of our peace. Acknowledging this struggle is just the first step; learning to live with it, and sometimes challenge it, is the real journey. We are not victims, we are survivors of our own minds, constantly working to navigate a world that doesn’t align with our inner need for perfection. It’s a battle we face every day, but with awareness and self-compassion, we can learn to manage it and live more freely, even if the urge to control never fully fades. But we must also remember that we are not the norm, and our actions have consequences. Remember to think about how your decisions impact the people around you. We are not the center of the universe, but we are not insignificant either. We don’t have to control everything to matter. It’s about finding balance-knowing our worth without feeling the need to shape the world around us. Our value isn’t defined by perfection; it’s defined by how we navigate our challenges while respecting the space and lives of others. So if you’re here because you identify with this, believe me, that’s a huge step toward acceptance and understanding the complexity of your mind. I’m not going to lie, it’s a real shit show sometimes, but hey, that’s life. So, yeah, sometimes you just have to eat the effing cheesecake. And, of course I read this more than I should’ve before posting.
Just because you have OCPD doesn’t always mean you are inefficient. I started a business which was successful and I was going to sell because I never took one day, weekend, or holiday off. I also make deadlines because I tend to work ahead; however, if I run too close and it is not perfect, I ask for an extension. I can also be very emotional and understanding; however, it can’t be with “my stuff,” something I see as “getting into trouble” or taken negatively by others.
PS it would be interesting to compare this to autism spectrum disorder to see what the differences are. I just realized a lot of these traits are common for people with ASP. Difficulty with change, rule rigidity, perseverating on activities to the exclusion of social relationships or even the end goal of the activity maybe, having favorite items one doesn't want to throw away, etc.
This helps explains my whole family. Gets a little confusing as to which one.. I maybe it's a little bit of all of them🤷♀️ workaholism, Add, ADHD, narcissism.
My EX husband has Ocpd, he was beyond miserly. Think Charles Dickens's Christmas Carol Scrooge. His lists and rules, it was like living with Gestapo, yet I know he stole things from his office. Yes, he hoarded junk. Nothing was just for enjoyment. We lived in a ski resort, just to go skiing was rigid - he would study ski technique books, and would practice skiing, rather just go skiing and having fun. He became psychically violent when we separated, because he didn't want to part with 'our' money. I came from Narcissistic family- I thought he was caring, but it was just a different form of control. Ive also had many narcissistic partners and husband, I'm not sure which was worse. The $ thing was intolerable.
I am Audhd and have been told I have some ocd traits so I am looking into how I may relate. Here’s what I’ve got so far from this video. I relate to: 1) Catch myself all the time lost in a detail then suddenly going “why am I doing this?” 2) This was the main reason I had a hard time in school; most of the time I wouldn’t even start because I couldnt figure out how to make it perfect before starting 4) aaallllll the tiiimee I am always trying to be aware of “rules” because i am scared of being in trouble for doing something wrong, and I have gotten in trouble for not knowing before 6) BECAUSE THEY DO DO IT WRONG 😉😂 (i am always rewashing dishes because I can CLEARLY see its still dirty)
Dishes for sure! I've been known to wipe restaurant forks with a bleach rag in my purse... germaphobe? Probably. But I simply won't eat off of a perceptibly dirty fork or plate. The thought of it makes me nauseous. Ok, I can live with that. Some people I know don't even notice things like that.
People using the word, "nauseous," when they actualy mean "nauseated" or "nauseating," sets off my ocd traits. I wish everyone knew that "nauseous" is a desiptive word for something that makes one feel nauseated. So if you say you're nauseous, it actually means you have transformed into something that makes others feel sick.
@@madge2114 well, that may be true but sometimes words can take on new meanings than the original technical meaning of the word when used commonly among those that speak the same language. Since it is very common, so much so that the medical community, dictionaries, and popular online search engines have already adapted this new meaning, it is understandable as to what someone means when saying they are or something makes them nauseous. I thank you for sharing what you know, as it is new information to me. Just keep in mind that even though you may be correct, so is everyone else 👍🏽
Now I hate to self-diagnose but the points she's brought up has definitely brought me to my eyes looking side to side 😂, anyways I've definitely experienced this when I was younger and some of these traits still carry over to my life now. Thankfully I do not let them try to take over me because I do rely on Jesus, which has ultimately helped me with my ocpd I would say. At the end of the day we are not perfect humans and the help I've gotten from following Jesus to revise my worries or concerns has led me to not feel as bothered if something is not done right or in my own way. I'm in love with this series, the way Dr. Ramani explains each and every personality disorder is amazing. The human mind has always intrigued me on how it preforms and thinks about different scenarios. God bless you all!
I disagree with the idea of not diagnosing because the client doesn't see the impairment. Don't most people with personality disorders refute that they actually have a personality disorder? And isn't not being able to see how damaged their life has gotten because of their disorder part of the disorder itself? I mean, not diagnosing them almost sounds like if somebody has paranoid schizophrenia and they believe that their hallucinations are real and don't believe they have a disorder, you wouldn't diagnose them. I'm convinced one of my exes had OCPD. But I think he knew (and he was a brilliant psychotherapist.) He was miserly, rigid, perfectionistic, controlling, and he had huge graphs about the stock market but never made an investment. He had tons of ideas for books he wanted to write but couldn't get out of his own way to get them written. He wasn't that concerned with work in a formal sense. He was scrupulous about rules to the point of rigidity but had no problem breaking the rules himself. (There may have been a touch of sociopathy present.) He did NOT throw things away and would wear torn T-shirts and keep boxes of old things in the closet. He wasn't sentimental but it was that "this could be useful" thing.
@@sagedakotalmft7763 - It's impossible for therapists to diagnose anyone in a formal setting who WON'T COME TO THEM BECAUSE their disorder (maladaptive reasoning, now an ingrained habit of approach....perhaps a mental addiction) makes them believe they're the perfect one and everyone else is wrong. Incl the therapist. OC-PDers are lifelong bastards who consider everyone who doesn't agree with their rigidities and rules their personal enemy: you know, (dangerous) assholes.
3:42 interpersonal realm. Empathy somewhat restricted bc they are so focused on their worldview they miss the mark with other people. Their rules, their order, their control it’s not experienced as empathy for other person. Intimacy is restricted, work gets in the way. Work and productivity gets in the way of intimacy and sex. Issues with morality… moralizing their decisions. Transactional feeling to relationships. Feels icky. If they are not suffering, it doesn’t get diagnosed, even if your marriage is crap and everything else. They don’t care bc they’re accomplishing things and look good at work. It may be an impairment but if they don’t admit it causes harm, it’s not diagnosed.
I spoke with my psychiatrist about this today. She said she can see that maybe I have some of these tendencies but not the disorder. After watching this video, I completely agree with her and now I'm realizing it's my mom that likely has ocpd.
Dr. Ramni is a perfect example of an over-productive person who keeps an excess amount of notes in her head… part of a mental illness diagnosis is fairly crazy. Normal people needs to work, keep track of things, plan, be productive to live and save money for future events like possibly losing a job, helping out a family member, retirement, etc. Is spending all your money that comes in a mental disorder or simply a condition of living at the edge of poverty?
felt like she was ripping my personality to shreds and the laughing, just talking down about these 'uncomfortable' people and their problems- this just increased anxiety about my situation to a whole new level...
I saw how dismissive of people with OCPD she was in places & was quite horrified that she was so demeaning - even ridiculing & sniggering / laughing at them in parts of her descriptions! 😲Not very pleasant to see in a professional with a huge following (many of whom join in enthusiastically with trashing people with problems.) Shocking lack of empathy or kindness. Maybe she has / had personal grievances with someone fitting this pigeon-hole. You have my huge sympathy & good wishes. x ps Saving for a rainy day (unemployment, illness, retirement, a sick relative etc) is NOT a Bad Thing & impulsive spending on trivial things & luxuries is not always necessarily better. Those who have experienced poverty are rightly careful. Is it somehow ok for wealthy people to mock those who are poorer & therefore cautious?
Prob the good news is that you have some recognition of the pain that you are feeling from the perfectionism. It sounds like you are feeling that you need some self care and perhaps therapy
My symptoms got better when i raised my ferritin over 100, took methylcobalamin and methylfolate, raised vitD. I studied the guidelines of the American society of haematology
@@anniestumpy9918 Now read my comment and have a look what studying on medical books looks like. Ok? And stop being ignorant Ferritin is the non toxic deposits of iron in the cells. Iron is the cofactor of serotonin and dopamine synthesis, when ferritin is 30 and lower we talk about absolute iron deficiency, the intention of your body is to bring oxygen to heart and brain the 2 noble organs, your survival is not dependant on how much serotonin or dopamine is produced that's why you get optimal neurotransmitters synthesis only when you have optimal ferritin. Ferritin is like your bank account, you're gonna enjoy life more if you have lots of money but you'll buy the most necessary thing to survive when you're poor. Optimal ferritin is at least 125 Ng/ml , did you get it now? OCD is low serotonin. Stop commenting on medical topics when you know nothing.
@@anniestumpy9918 go and read the guidelines of the American society of haematology on ferritin and you'll see the only pseudo scientific shit is what you write in here
Spending hours optimizing your text editor for maximum efficiency, then not writing a single line of code because the day is over. That surely doesn't hint towards OCPD, right?
For #4, an example I would give is: a rule I have always followed starting in high school is not to date anyone younger than me, not even by 1 year. As time flew by after high school, my rule has changed because I ended up dating someone 2 years younger long term. Now that I’m 32, I’m agreeable to no more than 4 years younger. Even if there’s great chemistry and health compatibility with someone 6 years younger, the idea of going against my made-up rule feels very uncomfortable.
I am ocpd and intentionally live near the poverty level in order to maintain my savings rate of 50% or greater of my pre tax income. It doesn't come from greed, it comes from fear that it can all go away at any time and need to be prepared for the worst. I've been broke before and never want to go back there again.
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Can you do an episode on how OPCD possibly affect parent and attachment styles between a parent w/ OPCD & their relationship with their child(ren).
@@bella1975 9
Yes that would be interesting I’m sure my Mum had this too.
My biggest problem is perfectionism. It often gets in the way of me actually being productive because I’m so driven toward the task being perfect.
Same. Sometimes I completely dissociate from life because the distraught feeling after not being to complete something to my expectations is so upsetting and uncomfortable.
Please keep tell yourself that perfect is just another word. What to expect as PERFECT differs between people mindsets. Take it easy on yourself and do not overload.
right with you, and my irrational response to being told perfection doesnt exist is for my drive to do things disappearing and onto the depression train
I haven't been diagnosed, but I share a lot of the traits (minus money hoarding. I spend on myself no problem). Even lost friends, and have issues with coworkers for not being understood. I don't even understand myself anymore, I'm learning too much.
Perfection should NEVER be the Goal. Fix your mindset!
I could listen to Dr. Ramani talk about baking soda for five hours. She's amazing.
Right lol
Well that was random
😂😂😂
😂😂😂
BAHAHAHAHA😂😂😂
I COULD ALSO🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
Seriously.... This woman is one of my heroes. I am so grateful that I found out about her, and thank you for posting this interview.
I have ocpd and anxiety disorder and thankfully with the help of my therapist, I am doing good enough
This is my mom. 100%. The amount of emotional neglect was insane. Never did anything as a child because it all costed too much money, first time I went to the movies I was 18. The fact that my dad wasn’t in the picture, and we didn’t really have a close knitted family meant I was completely stuck in that 24/7. Developed my own personality issues thanks to all of this, among other issues. My mom still refuses to seek help, and I’m close to losing my patience completely and never talk to her again.
4444⅘trttttt
Do you still live with her?
I don't blame you. The most toxic and traumatic relationship I have ever had is with an OCPD manager at my job. There is absolutely ZERO room for others to do or say anything at work anymore. It's all about him, not his team, not the clients, not colleagues. He'll kiss up to the C-suite, but that's it. Any meeting with him is a 30 to 90 minute monologue of whatever is going on inside his head, and if you try to ask a question he will jump on the end of your first thought and go into more monologue. If you REALLY try to make yourself heard by him he will fly into a rage... just because you want to communicate.
This is my dad. Same here, never got to travel or have any real vacations. The few trips we had I was barely allowed to breathe without verbal abuse. I'm always on the fence about how to deal with my father as an adult. He is very judgmental and critical of pretty much everything, also extremely negativistic.
I think I had a childhood friend with a OCPD mother as well. I felt very uncomfortable and not necessarily very welcome at their house. It's almost as if such people forget to see the value in working on meaningful relationships because they are too tightly wound - and they almost certainly won't recognize easily that their way of relating to the world is a problem for them.
If you think you have ocpd or you know someone with it ,read the book - Impossible to please. It breaks down OCPD even more. Its very helpful.. 💜
Thank you 🤍
or talk to your doctor
Also, Never Good Enough, Carol Cannon.
I guess I have homework . Thank you
Who is the author of the book
Thank you for highlighting that this is something DIFFERENT than OCD. Your videos are gold!
TBH, anything Dr.Ramani says is gold in my book. She’s so knowledgeable and has a way of simplifying the complex. And I love how Kyle asks just the right questions as might a nonprofessional. It’s perfect that he’s not a MH practitioner. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Agreed on all terms!
Totally Agree !!
Good for 4 u, but she ain't all that, do the research
A
Finally someone talks about this! Its so unspoken, it feels so lonely
my father has OCPD. it actually gave me a traumatic childhood. I wanted to add, I felt seen during the college part. He made way too much money for me to be eligible for student loans, however he didnt believe in paying for my college despite my great grades. He said he needed to save for his retirement. I had to wait until I was 27 to be eligible for student loans.
was yours diagnosed? Sorry to hear that, i suspect mine has this kind of disorder plus he keeps junks. When we clear the junks he has the gall to pick fights and being extremely rude. Not easy/ fair for me, ppl have suggest i plan to move out. but thats easier said then done. Besides i Won't allow him to take over my space! i curse him
People who say that family members of those with OCPD should be more understanding towards them and their condition don’t get it. They clearly never had to live with someone who has it for an extended period of time in their life and experience what it’s like being on the receiving end.
We have ALWAYS been understanding and, we have ALWAYS given in to them, but we are only human and it gets so damn frustrating when the person with OCPD always thinks they’re right, it’s their way or the highway, and you’re being a waste of their time and resources if you don’t do things the way they want it. This is and will always be my Dad. So quit your virtue signalling when you’ve never had to experience what it’s like to deal with someone with OCPD
THIS!! people outside my family circle will say, you need to support your mom, have some grace, she works so hard, and it's like i've given her EVERY excuse in the book and gaslit myself as to why i'm never good enough or need to live up to her standards but they're impossible for even her to sustain!!
I've dealt with a coworker with it for 14 years. I don't know how to deal with someone the complete opposite of me. On top of that even though I'm trying or doing xyz it's not enough. I almost feel like I have to say the positive affirmations out loud.
I had to dump my girl friend because of those traits. It’s weird she hid majority of those traits in the beginning.
Well said!!!
OMG it's a nightmare!
This video really should be for people to know if somebody ELSE has it, cause let me tell you, if you have it you know you have it. It isn't like schizophrenia or illnesses where the affected cannot tell they have it easily, you will almost always know without a shadow of a doubt you have it.
This woman is absolutely brilliant
My ex-girlfriend is soo this. Hard worker in a job she hated, shouted at people in the subway for disrespecting rules, was extremely harsh on herself and others, always postponed and cut short meetings to prepare for work, was very stubborn and authoritarian in really uncomfortable ways. She also followed rigid schedules and expected me to do so too, rejected advice even when she desperately needed it and worked even when sick. She also made me feel through her controlling behavior like I lost my own self in the relationship while often feeling like I wasn‘t a priority in her life at all. I had to follow her rules to the degree that I got scared to cross her and felt very pressured.
In the end I felt like I was completely submitting to her will and when I finally had to set boundaries on her controlling behavior, she broke up with me and chastised and chided me for not living up to her standards and „behaving like a child“ after she had told me to do/stop xyz.
I needed months to recover from the intense pressure and hurt that I had felt and my self-esteem still needs improvement.
P.S.: I know that she suffers from this too, so I‘m not trying to portray her like a monster. I‘m just telling my experience, after all she was undiagnosed
it sounds as if your personality may have dependent components, which would likely match with an obsessive-compulsive/controlling type as long as affection is not withheld altogether. if you lost yourself to that degree, you might want to look into that, because it could happen again in a different match, if the other person is dominant, too.
I'm so glad you are out of it. Hope you feel better now. I'm in a similar situation and still trying to get it to work. Step 1 is to make him go to a therapy....I know exactly what you mean by feeling like submitting to the other person completely. Too scared to say the wrong thing, slowly I found myself always say what he wants to hear and not what I really think. All sentences are carefully formulated. Also feeling so small that he judges me at so many things I do that must people find quite normal. I have to really try hard to balance pleasing him and maintain my self esteem
You sound very mentally in tune with all you experienced. She is not a horrible person, you are right, but with her condition, she is waaay too difficult to partner with. It's unfortunate, but until she figures out she has a problem, and seeks help with it, you are much better to move on to someone else. Relationships need balance to be healthy and beneficial. Good luck, be strong and move on. ❤
When was she finally diagnosed? Did she inform you or did you hear from somebody else?
@@PeachPlasticif she's never been diagnosed it could be a number of different things as these symptoms mimic other symptoms, such as those who suffer from complex ptsd, those who are on the autism spectrum, those who have cluster b personality traits or disorders.
I always thought my obsession with optimization and systems was ADHD, but I am glad to learn more about myself. Thankfully I don't have the trait of telling people they are wrong.
Which means you probably are not an OCPD patient, and that is a huge relief.
I've been struggling with my diagnosis for months. After this video I feel even worse. The way my traits are discussed and judged as terrible really hit home how unlovable I am.
I related to this personality disorder a lot my whole life up until a couple of years ago when I sort of realized how my actions were affecting other people.
I had a crazy strong sense of morality with following rules. I didn’t understand why I was being spoken down to by adults and told I was “tattling” when I was reporting that someone was breaking a rule. I felt like rules were made to protect us and to ensure that everyone was equal. My rigidity towards driving rules was insane especially when it came to speed limits. I also held on to the original way I was taught things or if I had read an instruction in a book. I told people that they were wrong when they were crocheting or knitting because it wasn’t the way I read how to do it. I got upset if people didn’t follow the rules to a game perfectly. I’m still fighting some of those urges like if someone cooks a recipe in a different way than instructed or doesn’t do something the way had suggested.
I'm so glad you have the ability to recognize this, that's incredible progress. My mother and my older brother have OCPD. I do not, I basically felt that my natural way of being was "wrong" and therefore "bad". It led to two decades of self harm behavior and an intense hatred of rules and regulations that I had to overcome as I learned to have less anger towards how I was raised.
My brother has sought treatment and has made AMAZING progress, I am so, so proud of him. He has a beautiful decade long marriage, and has persevered through many hardships. He has learned to prioritize empathy and cooperation, and thinking of new ways to do things.
My mother, however, has never sought treatment for her OCD. She now has early onset Parkinsons which brings anger and mood issues. It's interesting what they said in the video about starting a business because that's exactly what she did. She has retired, and my father passed away, so her identity of a workaholic (and then my father's caretaker) is gone and she is in a horrible depression. I wish I could help her but she when I try to suggest she needs help I am told I am disrespectful. She has hoarded her house, but is obsessed with organizing the hoard of clothes, shoes, bags, and jewelry. Everything is laden with memory and meaning and throwing things out without profiting from them is wasteful and disrespectful.
Yikes! Sounds like at this point, she's not going to change. Likely the only you can do is change how you feel about her & deal with her. Glad ur brother is working on his problem with it. You must feel thankful you don't have this condition? Guard against it diligently. Good luck in life.
You have just defined every single aspect of how I behave. It's still quite frustrating to get why people at work saw all of that and looked down on me when I was just being "correct and ethical". I ended up quitting my job for not knowing how to manage all the stress I myself created. It all reflected back to me in form of tension, conflicts and even subtle mockery.
You are fighting it, and you deserve my utmost respect for doing that! Most OCPD patients will never even admit they have it.
Oh, my goodness! My mother to a T!! The house, and it's looking like some hospital-hygenic-level spotless display home 24/7 (and I really mean 24/7), to the point of ridiculous uncomfortableness for both us and the visitors who were too scared to sit on the couch, was so much more important than everyone who lived in the house! I spent so many weekends as a teen at everyone else's house because they didn't want to come to mine even though it was an upmarket house compared to theirs, which was fine with me - I loved the relaxed atmosphere and the obvious love at other peoples houses. Not being allowed to even leave a book on the bedside table in my own room throughout my childhood because books belong on a bookshelf unless you're reading them at the minute (I was a bookworm). Even the cans in the pantry were lined up and spaced perfectly apart with all the labels facing the front. And the total rigidity of that whole point of view (anyone who didn't agree with this level of housekeeping was personally dirty and disgusting and horribly judged as a human being on this basis alone). She totally refused to care about anyone's feelings about it, and went bawling into the bedroom if anyone challenged her on it (which was rare because it wasn't worth the trouble and childish tantrum and uncomfortableness she caused), but never noticed that she was very alone in this opinion and never changed it. I quit school very young and moved away from home because of this! I grew up in that environment and I've never felt comfortable visiting ever since - decades afterwards.
My father lent me money to buy a car (his own money against my mother's wishes) when I moved away from home, but my mother set the rules. It was the 1980s and I was earning a young teen's wage. I was earning $130 a week, my rent was $50 a week and she made me pay my car off at $50 a week. I had $30 a week to buy food, pay bills and buy petrol for my car to get to work. I didn't even have enough money to buy a chocolate bar - I ate very frugally. I had to pay the bills and buy petrol to get to work - some weeks, when bills came in (which were shared with flatmates, so I had minimal control over them) I actually either didn't eat or ate nothing buy potatoes (which were cheap). My mother didn't care - my car payment must be made. I paid it back and never borrowed money from them again for any reason.
This has to be severe OCPD. Problem is that according to her, everyone else was wrong. She's softened somewhat over the years with age now, but I'm not exaggerating.
Yeah I became pretty much a slob after my mother hassling me hassling me about every little thing that was out of place.
I worked for a nurse practitioner who has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. She told me her DX before I was hired but I guess I didn't realize just how hard it would be. I had to draw the line when she would yell at me in front of others. She got so comfortable with me that I became her whipping post. Just like a typical abuser she'd apologize and bring me gifts when she went on vacation, only to do it all over again. The straw was went she kept hounding me to get patients in faster because she had made a hair appointment that she just couldn't miss. The practice manager had told her to stop making appointments that might run into her ability to see a late patient. Then in a rage the NP cornered me in an exam room getting all up in my face and space. Calmly I told her her to back up and left the room. I was assigned to another provider the next day. I still can't believe I took that abuse for 4 years.
It's horrible when you've dealt with someone like that for so long.
My Grandma had OCPD and narcissism. I spent two years living with her, and I’ve come to call her the 'Perfect Narcissist'. She was absolutely unbearable.
I'm looking forward to the DSM changes or improvements. Mental health is a good work in progress. I'm seeing the solutions created. I chose to be in life and stay a artist not have patterns of chasing the office money. I learned by 25,30, I wasn't cut out for corporate work because of my mental health care. My SSRI changed my OCD, perfection/food issues🗃️✍️⚖️🗂️🗃️overly responsible, seeking too much information, procrastinating. Dr Ramani s videos this week at her channel and podcast are must hears. So relatable to rigidity.
For example keeping attachments, keeping items, items can be let go of. Ineffective house items and older clothing was something I got help on. Let 20-30, 30-40 go. It was so freeing to donate items, clothes. I still felt bad for throwing away or donating sentimental items but...but....those items today are now trauma bonds. And keeping it all means I visualizing my hands letting go of those items.
Thank you Medcircle. 🎨🧠💛🌎💛🌍💛🌏💛
(What about global functional assessment tool score, is that applied in medicine?)
I had a friend like this but it wasn't work that was her god, it was astanga yoga. She would get up at 5am to do one and a half hours of the most gruelling sequences EVERY SINGLE DAY. Her husband eventually struck a deal with her to take Saturday mornings off. They had a cleaner and she decided to fire the cleaner and clean herself; and with no shame she told her husband that she was therefore pocketing the money that the cleaner had earned before. So she was literally paying herself to clean her own house. She worked 5 minutes from where she lived but her husband worked in another city. When his car broke down she didn't lend him hers - he had to get a train and she was indignant that he would even think to borrow her car. And on one occasion he used her car to pick up his son and she wanted the petrol money he used back. Her own husband. I couldn't bear the control and miserly-ness and our friendship came to a screeching halt after going on holiday together (you can only imagine how well that went - she gave everyone a speech about how they were less-than for not being vegan). Im not sure if she was in denial or whether she seriously lacked such insight into her behaviour. Her husband truly deserves all the medals in the world.
i have ocpd so of course my first and strongest instinct is to say that this video is wrong and i could've made it better 😅 but i'm in treatment, i can let it go, for the most part...
i just wished there had been a teensy bit more empathy, a control freak like myself is really just a person with lots of tremendous fear they aren't managing in a healthy way, it's not a malicious impulse to make others suffer and the sacrifices made aren't easy, they seem necessary to our distorted perception.
I am appreciative that you are in therapy. No one is perfect.
Luckily, I only have 5 of 8 traits and I’m happy in my skin. TH-cam ruined my productivity, but improved my people skills. In reality, my note taking saved my life and helped me recover from a couple severe illnesses which doctors were limited in helping me.
Well, Dr. Ramani seems to be really boiling things down into casual, everyday language - sometimes to the point of losing some of the precise clarity of the diagnostic criteria and clinical presentations. I too would prefer a slightly more rigorous approach.
You can make OCPD work for you, with a bit of work on letting go a little bit and learning a bit of flexibility in relationships and at work. And you can learn to understand empathy and practice it, even if it not a natural instinct. ;)
I'm the opposite of OCPD - ADHD. I'm a total mess in so many ways.
I feel like me and my mother we are ocpd and adhd. We are failed OCPD. I couldn't enjoy holidays at uni because I had an essay to finish but when back home, I procastinated. We keep stuff in case it is useful later but it looks like diogene syndrom in some places and it is pristine elsewhere. I have crisis and I throw away everything, then we are back to hoarding. Money is iffy because we want to pay the mortage for a home that the bank won't less us keep if we ever fail. I have to clean eveything after I had guests because I feel it's not my home anymore if their nasty feet walked on my floor (which is totally obsessive, compulsive). I have to use my camping mode where I turn off my obsessive cleanliness in most environments. It'snot clean if I haven't cleaned it myself. I have a new therapist, it made me realise I should bring that up and learn to make the camping mode my default.
I felt the same. I’m not diagnosed but I felt a lot of the symptoms fitted me except I love my family and friends and I would donate to charity because it makes other people happy. I don’t do mean things because I’m a horrible person sometimes I’m just stressed out because I just have things I can and can’t do without flexibility
My worst characteristic is my need of "being in control". Like I need to control what I wear, what I eat, who I talk to, where I go to, my grades, my weight, my appereance...And then it comes the perfectionism. In my mind everything I do has to be perfect, it has to be in a limit, it has to be balanced, it has to be in control. So I just keep switching the areas in my life I take control on. When I was a kid, it was the school, then in my pre-adolescent years it was my weight and my beauty (which led me to anorexia and bulimia), then it was grades AND beauty (which led me to depression and self-harm). Now I focus more on school, but still control the others at a "healthy" limit. I still feel bad if I eat too much, if I dont do anything productive like reading, writing, studying and stuff, but its less yk.
Wow. This describes me down to the bone. My wife swore I am narcissistic. I need to work on my empathy and get in touch with my kids
Good for you for having self awareness! Keep going!
Good on you … I think it’s other stuff that needs to be worked on perfectionism and rigidity to allow room for building connection
I hope this is true. My mom with this has ruined me.
Wow. They literally just narrated my life. I've always felt most comfortable at work than home. I have lists and lists I've made and never even utilized. I absolutely hate letting someone else do something or try to help me because I feel like it's not going to be the right way I believe it should be done, I could not do group work at school. I have no problem cutting people off if I feel like their life style is going to interfere with my goals, I actually don't even have friends. I have so much stuff I will not throw away because I feel like I have an idea of how I can fix it or repurpose it or some craft I would like to do, but never got around to doing it. My husband is actually building a shed for me to put all my stuff, because I'm so overwhelmed with wanting the house to be organized but don't want to get rid of the stuff I might want to use later. Do not interfere with my schedule or routine, because my whole day feels ruined. I am so convicted to my way of doing things that if it's not my way I don't want anything to do with it. Which is another reason I've kind of let my house go, because nobody does anything I feel it should be done. There's a lot of times I fantasize about living by myself so everything will be exactly the way I want it and nobody will mess it up. The only thing is I'm not frugal with money to the extent they described. I like making Christmas, birthdays, etc. as special as I can provide, but that only applies to my immediate family. I will justify in my head why I shouldn't spend time and money on others. Now I'm very stubborn about not working certain days or shifts because of my kids, but most of that time that I'm home with the kids I'm trying to clean, organize, or study vs. actually spending time with them. I could go on and on about my habits that make me feel cut off from people even my family that I love deeply but can't seem to connect with
I relate with you in almost all you have described above. The lessons from Dr Ramani help me to understand myself and is also therapeutic. I am very grateful to Dr Ramani.
Thank you for being so open and honest. I hope you find it in you to find the reasons that are are driving you to act this way and accept them ❤
Wow. You are STUCK on a vicious rotating wheel like a mouse. Slow down. Get off & breathe. When do you relax with your husband?
❤️
Know what? I really appreciate that you said you love your family deeply just can’t seem to connect with them because I saw a lot of what’s described here in my mother while she was alive.
Dr Ramani is just amazing! Thank you so much for your hard work!
My husband has some of these, mostly the rigid thinking and obsessed with rules. But he is terrible with money and avoids even looking at the finances because it stresses him out. He also is fairly lazy and procrastinates, but is very dedicated to his job, even though he complains about it constantly.
My goodness this is so spot on... I've had my diagnosis for almost three years now, but seeing it in this way makes so much sense. Granted there are certain things I don't relate to (because it's all a spectrum and because I've done a ton of work) but this is all so eye opening.
Wonderful! Please share what’s helped .. you had insight OCDP enough to seek help ?
@@Sunnyfield323 mostly therapy. And a lot of research into strategies. Lots of trial and error to see what works and what doesn't
My ex husband of 20 years has this but ti feel this explanation is incorrect, it is not OCD … it is all about control. The sense of righteousness and godlike perspective that the way they do everything is ‘the right way’
Their family especially wife, children are an extension of such and have to comply with their rules. These rules can also change.
Their mission is to be perfect in everything but again perfect according to them and their unique code.
If their environment including everything their family says and does, does not comply with their rules there are dire consequences.
I felt that everything I did was wrong and was reminded on a daily basis how wrong I was.
He of course out this pressure on himself also . It sucked the joy out of every situation.
He once told me to sweep sand out of a tent.
His frustration would escalate into rage on a regular basis.
You could never speak to him about this because he would say if you just did everything right I wouldn’t need to get upset.
He truly believed he was superior to everyone else and therefore right.
I know this because he told me that was how he truly felt.
This is also why they are impossible to treat because they don’t think anything is wrong with them. It’s you …
UGH! I feel like we know the exact same OCPD person. Mine is my manager and it is exhaustingly joyless, reactive, chaotic, relentless, and unproductive. He can't even let anyone else talk or ask questions about anything and sees being asked questions or giving anyone autonomy as a punishable offense. Those of us that haven't found other jobs have all learned to be as quiet as possible as to not make him worse. Glad that guy is your EX! Sorry you went through it at all.
Pretty sure he fits definition of a narcissistic person instead of ocpd
Usually, OCPD is comorbid with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), which often explains why those people refuse to seek help since the error is always on someone else or something else, never on them.
The way she speaks about people with OCPD and the way he perceives people with OCPD seems unempathetic.
She’s like that in a lot of her videos. I feel sorry for her clients
I think it's just generalized way of handling a topic, rather than in a clinical setting with an actual patient across from her. For me, I kind of prefer a fast learn on a topic without any fluff and fillers, but we're all different.
She’s extremely understanding. She’s being straight down the line it’s just facts . How else would she explain OCPD
Have you ever met someone with ocpd? Zero empathy except for their emotions and experiences
As someone with OCD, I reluctantly admit that everything said in this video is spot on. The emptiness inside me has never gone away and I continue to sabotage myself. But that will go away if I do this, this and this, right?
This video isn’t about OCD. It’s about OCPD.
OCD and OCPD are not the same
I usually listen to psychology TH-cam videos. But i actually prefer watching you guys ❤️
I always try and get her stuff out when I can. Makes me feel like I’m doing my bit.
Hi Kyle and Dr. Ramani great topic 👍 Looking forward to the next OCPD video and hoarding too.
Thanks for watching! We have full series on both OCPD and hoarding disorder at watch.medcircle.com
I have a diagnose of OCPD and honestly it is a freaking disturb hard to treat and to live with. It took me 3 major depressions and almost 4 years of psychotherapy to get a reasonable life with my kids and husband (and I do have ADHD). But…I’ve got there. Sometimes I’m a bit out of balance and the traits exacerbate, but mostly I have it under “control” and can have a decent life with my family and at work. In general I like very much the way dr. Ramani explain things, but this time her description of OCPD made me feel as a caricature. I had the feeling that was a lot of exaggeration when mentioning the traits, and I do have almost all of them when I’m out of balance. Even at my worst I never let rules go above feelings. Anyways, I just wanted to say that there is hope and people do get better from OCPD if they get proper help. It will never go away, but it is absolutely possible to learn how to live with it in a positive way.
@T.A. Barros you said "Even at my worst, I never let rules go above feelings" what do you mean by that?
@@xAllCatsAreBeautiful1312x I meant that despite being many times blind and not able to realize that quite often I was putting obligations above relationships, I’ve always put my love and feelings about anything else. Whatever bad things I did - specially concerning my children and husband, I did not because I thought it was “right”, but because I loved them and unfortunately wasn’t able to see that I was hurting them (tho thinking my love was the right and good thing to do). In this sense, OCPD stops being an ego syntonic disturb for me, because every time I realize I crossed the line with someone I love it hurts like hell and the guilty feelings eat me up from inside out. It’s just horrible that for many times I still realize it too late. But I’m learning and things are getting better. I have my kids and husband helping me to realize when I go to far and stop when I start hurting them. For me it has been a jump on the dark to trust in their judgement, instead of trusting my own standards. So far, has been more than worth.
@@AngelinainHolland Thank you for your explanation. That makes sense and it's clear that despite mistakes in the past, you have developed a high quality of self awareness. This displays honesty. The other quality is willingness - specifically your willingness to admit that other's perspective might be more clear than your own on certain things and the trust to listen and take their advice. I feel like those qualities are exceedingly rare despite all the talk.
@@xAllCatsAreBeautiful1312x thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate.
tysm for this, tough times still ahead but needed some hope and this was kinda scaring me to see my personality broken apart and as u said 'exaggerated' in a fairly negative light, i understand it's a problem but it's nice to see that it can be balanced with the right effort and mindset ❤️ seriously thank you
This describes my husband 💯. I thought it was just ADHD, with an inability to relax, but it's more than that. He's a workaholic, cannot sit still (unless he's drinking alcohol). And he is very miserly with "our" money except if it's something he wants to buy. He is obsessive with any project he does at home. He is arrogant, super impatient, easy to anger, and emotionally unavailable.
He accumulates junk that he won't throw away so he has to build more outbuildings to store it all. He treats me like crap (verbally abusive) bc I can no longer work a job due to disability. I want a divorce but he refuses bc I would get 1/2 "his" money.
He calls me lazy bc I'm physically disabled even though I had to work 2-3 part time jobs to make ends meet while raising our children. He worked one full time job, but had his "projects" to do at home, which took all his time & attention. I appreciated all the remodeling and stuff he has done over the years, but says I'm ungrateful for all the money he has saved us. I would have rather he hired out the work if it meant more peace at home.
I cannot explain how hard it's been to live like this for so long and the walking on eggshells our entire marriage so as to not anger him. I know if I left him it would be the fight of a lifetime as he thinks I don't deserve to be given half of "his" pension to the point I've felt excessively guilty for things I had no control over, like my health issues. Now he's a workaholic alcoholic. (Self medicating?)
Let me tell you if you're with someone like this it's a very lonely marriage and it will be eventually damage your self image.
He is unapologetic and has no empathy for anyone he feels is beneath him, which is everyone he works with and knows, even some family members.
Side note-I think my Dad also had OCPD, passed down from his Father, who was overly strict in an OC way. I think OCPD has a strong hereditary component & of course the learned behavior from that parent. My MIL is just like my spouse too, but in a less abusive way.
Last time I checked, you don't need anyone's permission to file for divorce. I left without a thing. And let me tell you, that first little studio apartment I got... I thought it was heaven. Peace, quiet, and freedom is the goal. You can do it. Sending you strength, courage, and hugs, from Tulsa, Oklahoma.🪖💪🫂☮️
I wasted too many years with an a-hole who was too pussified to leave permanently. Instead he made it so bad that I eventually had to....but only after losing two years of irretrievable time. Sometimes, the one option remaining is to cut our losses and go. I got the ultimate wake-up call when an acquaintance bluntly ( but with kindness !) told me if I didn't get this guy out of my life, he'd drive me into a mental institution. I am forever grateful to this woman for pointing out my future if I didn't soon take definitive action. Her words really hit home and saved my sanity in the long run. I'm rooting for you !
Don't need a life story in comment section
I empathize with both your husband and yourself as an OCPD person. Marriage to me is hell, childrearing is a prison sentence and your husband should have been self aware about his condition and self excluded himself from marrying you to prevent himself from hurting you. So you have every right to leave to protect yourself.
@@char2304This video is literally about people’s life stories
My husband WILL go for help . Respectfully, I disagree with your statement about one with OCPD NOT completing tasks. My husband is driven to absolutely following through until THE END of his goal for that task . Yes, no two people are alike . Thank you for your comments / explanations. This disorder is crippling and most difficult for the spouse to tolerate .
Personality will play into this as well. Not every single person will be exactly the same or have every single symptom.
My husband has this. I have to be very strong in my confidence. If I don’t do Everything the way he likes , I’m a failure. He gets furious if do things wrong.(Not his way). I actually feel sorry for him. It rules him. He measures the quality of his day by going down the list of his accomplishments. No thanks!!
Do NOT feel sorry for him !! Having survived a mother like this, I'm guessing he's toxic towards everyone, EVEN you. Get out from under his clutches, it's the ONLY answer.
The symptoms will drop off with emotional healing. Trauma energies cause all kinds of issues for us. We target the root by helping people to release the energetic causes of their issues. Good topic 👍
I've done some energy work but would like to know more.
My symptoms dropped of after taking minerals and vitamins i needed
@@bettyboothe2523 look at vitamin D, ferritin, vitb12 and b9
@@StartingPlanet ok thnx
@@bettyboothe2523 check out Apex Energy Healing and start implementing what I teach there. I’ll be making videos next week on releasing anxiety and depression 🙏
I needed this therapy . Now i fully understand the mental disability of my family
& even my own control issues. But people are very lackadaisical these days & I feel I Can out work most. This a tough one
Definitely relate to some aspects of this. Specifically the money part and rigidity. Also the lack of empathy when I am trying to reach my “goal”. I call it “in GO mode” I need everyone to stay out of my way so I can accomplish my task. I did think that I could possibly have ocpd until you described all the points thoroughly. Turns out I’m just crazy.
Update: I’ve been going to therapy for the last 6 months and just got diagnosed with OCPD. I’m realizing more and more how the disorder plays into my day to day life, and how it affects the people around me. I feel like Dr Ramini describes some aspects of OCPD correctly but maybe doesn’t fully understand because she isn’t in the mind of someone with OCPD. Also it’s interesting how people with the disorder can behave very differently from each other depending on which symptoms they have.
I have ocpd and the miserly part is not absolute. There are those of us that spend more than we make trying to acquire things that we think we need.
"This could be useful someday." I feel seen.
So I have ocpd, but the trait of being a “workaholic” is not me. Work is second priority to my family and my home always. However, I think my home and the cleaning/household tasks have definitely taken the place of the career workaholic trait for me.
Dr Ramani is amazing!
Alot of selfishness manifests with this disorder.....they do not care that their issues effects others.....extremely annoying dealing with this.
I had an ocpd roommate for many years (who I suspect had comorbid bpd as well) and she used to consistently criticize me for my alleged need to have everything “my way” as if I was the rigid, controlling one. Meanwhile she had meticulously arranged all the magnets on the fridge just so and was ultra obsessed with orderliness. The irony of someone with this disorder telling you that you are absolutist and uncompromising is the height of projection.
NPD and OCPD makes for the most extreme workaholic ever!
The perfect CEO
I find your personality disorder videos so useful!
The person you are describing was my father in law. When he passed he left a lot of money for inheritance. So it’s not all bad!!!
😅
From 10:36 she gives examples. And as someone with OCPD I don't get why they react the way they do. If you order from the cart and you take my cheese cake from the buffet it is indeed stealing. If you can't park at some place, it indeed doesn't matter which day it is, you can't park there. I don't know why it's hard to understand rules.
I agree. It will just make people to think it is okay to break rules. If everyone in the world thinks it is okay to live selfishly, there won't be order but hatred and confusion. Rules/laws are made for everyone to have the best environment to thrive.
This is the one thing she said that absolutely threw me.
It's easy to hate people who have these traits, but if you look at it as a mental illness, and consider it as health problem like any physical health problem, it can help us be more patient and understanding. We wouldn't hate someone with a broken legs because they aren't getting up and walking around & doing chores. They would need help from a Dr/professional to function better.
In the same way, we shouldn't hate someone with a mental disorder for their actions or limitations.
Of course we have to have boundaries and not allow them to mentally abuse us- but just be more understanding that they aren't CHOOSING to have a disorder and they WILL need help from a Dr/professional in order to function better & make life easier for everyone.
Well said. Compassion for anyone suffering
I agree, to an extent… i dont think anyone should judge people they dont know. And echo & have used similar metaphors re mental illness. However, PD arent so much mental illness to me as ingrained personality style. They cant be fixed. And the people with them often dont care! Like an alcoholic, unwilling to change & unwilling to look at the damage they cause, let alone accept responsibility for it. They prefer denial. Since they will continue being obnoxious or harmful or disruptive, and unable to change their fundamental, if dysfunctional,personality, i have little empathy for them… does that make me a lesser person? I wish i had a bigger heart, but NPD, (BPD), OCPD & ASPD , too much & too harmful…
@@Rain9Quinn Absolutely doesn't make you the lesser person. ♡ It's very difficult to deal with!
For me, understanding is just helping me to not hate the person and not take it personal when they behave badly. I have to just remember not to expect anything else from them. Either they'll choose to get help or they won't.
I had to cut certain family members out of my life for the way they treated me. Now I can find compassion for them and wish them well, even find love in my heart for them (which is a huge step from when I felt hate for them). But I won't allow them to be in my life until they realize what they've done and choose to get help.
We’ll said!
Not to be a noodge, but it is a little bit significant to point out that personality disorders and mental illnesses are not really one and the same thing. They aren't actually considered mental illnesses. They are disorders, sure. But, if you think about it ... An illness is something that comes into your life, wreaks havoc and can hopefully be treated or cured. Personality disorders describe someone's personality - who they are - or, at least, who they have become by the time adolescence is over. That's not an illness. (There are also developmental disorders - not a mental illness either. Those develop in childhood but are probably largely hereditary - autism and ADHD for example.)
This matters because, it is okay - and sometimes even important - to realize that, if you know someone with a personality disorder, that set of behaviors and characteristics is actually part of who they are. Sure, they might be able to improve with a little psychological help, but change might be glacial and it WILL be challenging.
Whereas, in a mental illness, someone is having a problem. It is holding them back in life. They probably want to be well, often desperately. If you know someone with a mental illness, compassion is pretty important and often immensely helpful. I cannot think of a mental illness that is ego-syntonic - that feels comfortable and fitting with a person's sense of who they are. They all tend to be quite dysphoric.
I'm trying to understand why she giggles around issues an OCPD person struggles with. I needed a professionals explanation on OCPD so i watched the whole video but it was cringe, I find it tasteless the way she treats the matter.
I find her quite aggressive, lots of male energy, very black and white in her thinking, lacks compassion generally for mental health
Suggest you go watch todd grande's older videos. He does true-crime videos now but 5+ years ago, he was making videos on psychology for mental health professionals. Those are more like classroom lectures.
these are extreme symptoms most people don’t deal with. to normal people, our actions are ridiculous or laugh worthy. that’s why we have to get better. realizing how ridiculous it all is and how made up it is in our heads is key to getting better in my opinion. they would also say things like “this sounds horrible” while laughing, to me that indicates uncomfortableness and empathy. they can realize how horrible it would be to live like this. i’ve also had a lot of experience with mental health professionals and some of them can be x10 more brutal than them.
A lot of these traits sound a lot like autistic traits (perfectionism, rigid thinking/strict morality, wearing the same things for a long time)... I can see how an autistic person might be misdiagnosed with OCPD, or vice versa.
The most traumatic relationship I have ever dealt with is my OCPD manager. He makes granularly useless lists over and over and over and reads them to us at every meeting as if it is an important update. Our team went from each member autonomously producing multiple concurrent projects per month, to him removing us from all our client relationships and making himself the principal Individual Contributor and we are there to just do small entry level tasks reactively to his demands, and now our team gets a few projects done per year TOGETHER. No idea if he neglects the rest of his life, but his wife and kids have dark circles under their eyes, look exhausted, and are completely silent the times I have been around them. They just stand there quietly or slip away silently like ghosts. Everything is a punishable offense... I don't even know what rules I'm supposed to follow, but he pretty much reminds me I'm doing something wrong every time he talks to me. He hordes everything that used to be shared and constantly reorganizes it so that we can never find it when we need it. I used to be a point of contact for clients and could fold their projects into my workflow and to delivery within 3 months maximum from intake, and now I am thrown on projects 9 to 18 months after the client brings them to him. Anytime we purchase new equipment he ignores my recommendations and purchases a variety of one type of tool over and over every year. We have so many of the same tool, and never update other tools that I patch together to keep working. The most difficult and traumatic part of all of it is that he will not let you speak in meetings or he will fly into a rage and start making your life even more difficult. All meetings are 30-90 minute exhaustingly random thoughts that have few concrete takeaways, but you have to sit there and just take the monologue or you are a bad person. I'm sure not every person with OCPD can be this out of touch with the reality of other people existing as actual living, breathing, thinking beings, but I will definitely have a PTSD hyper vigilance to keep OCPD people out of my life if I notice any symptom. They are not the kind of people I want in my life. I've worked with schizophrenics, bipolar, and OCD folks, but I've always felt like there was someone there trying to meet you half-way, but with OCPD it is like working with a psychotic toddler you aren't allowed to upset or they will try to turn your life to dust.
As a bipolar person, thank you 😂Yes, we are more boring than people would think
this is my uncle (with whom i live) to a t
Nice of you to judge everyone with OCPD because of one abusive man. I am really sorry that was your experience. I just wish you wouldn’t clump everyone with OCPD together.
@@clutterlilly I just LOVE that your first sentence is a sarcastic critique of my traumatic experience. It makes your apology likely sarcastic, too. And then you wrap it up with your entitlement to my obedience.
"I'm sure not every person with OCPD can be this out of touch".
But this is about you, right, stranger?
@@jmfs3497 I actually was not being sarcastic in my apology. My intention wasn’t to force you to love any and all people with OCPD, but to challenge your perspective on it. We all have biases, but putting an entire disorder in the category of abusive toddler is just harmful and lacking perspective. Your comments on how awful people with OCPD are far-outweighed that one sentence you referenced. That being said, I’m sorry for the way I came off, I got emotionally triggered as I’ve been high stress lately. Have the best day/night.
I laughed a lot in the exemples of 2,3,4,5 because I felt so indentified. Im slow at my job because my perfectionism. And 5 😂😂 I don’t know how people could break the rules, process and the structure of things!
I have done a lot of instrospeccion and have worked with therapist and over the time I have live more harmony life with myself and my surroundings but I’m still working on my ideas being the absolute true.
I’m working on myself of being visionary because have been exhausted wanting of doing it but not being able to expand my horizons.
My dad has this with ADHD. Impulsive but then also stubborn, inefficient perfectionist while hyperfocusing. Absolute nightmare. Even when he gets impulse to start a project or change course, not only does he derail others schedules with ADHD, but acts rigid and obnoxious about everyone following his idea of perfect.
He also has 6 lawn mowers in the garage a. Bc hes hoarding them and b. Bc he fires every person that works for him.
This is 100% me, but I still have not been diagnosed and I am 40. I’m so frustrated.
This is me and I get horrifying anxiety to the point of shaking and puking. I own a business and can’t get to the point of a relationship. I feel unworthy all the time and have a ridiculous belief that unless I’m making more money I don’t deserve friendships or relationships.
As a person, I diagnosed myself and discovered that I have ocpd and I have a high level and for a very long time now I try to understand how I was to act and so on and shocked by myself, but unfortunately I only immerse myself in my daily life I return to act like before, but from my decisions that I left all my friends until I equal a problem with them and my association with my family reduced it until what bothered them and I began to read books and watch useful content on TH-cam, the last one watching anime and reading manga is the useful thing i did for my situation.
I’m a therapist & I believe I fit the criteria of OCPD.. maybe not necessarily “impaired” but the patterns are 100% THERE
🙋🏻♀️
Same!
I wonder if my therapist spends her time on TH-cam saying “omg this is so me”.
Good luck on your journey!
I didn't expect this to resonate so much with me! I can see a lot of that in myself and my family, especially hoarding tendencies on my mother's side and miserliness, unwillingness to delegate tasks, and being overly rigid with plans and being on time on my dad's (we had to have at least a 30 min buffer even for weekend trips or on vacation and he'd get angry if we took too long, just to arrive way too early). I'm perfectionistic, rule-oriented, inefficient, and a bit of a (money) hoarder myself. I also need to do everything myself and am guilty of correcting others' contributions to meet my standards.
I don't think it would qualify for diagnosis for any of us, though. It's not that impairing and other psychological, socio-cultural, and economic factors explain a lot of the symptoms for us.
You may not feel it's impairing to you, but that behavior affects people you have relationships with - which ultimately affects you.
I think you May have it
I like the information but be careful of facial expressions of how icky some symptoms could be or worse laughing at it like you both did. This could cause a lot of shame for people who might be fighting any disorder.
People with ocpd rarely feel shame about anything . Never realize to be sorry and rare to realize remorse without massive outside pressure to show it .
Thanks a lot for a new video with Dr. Ramani! She is incredible!!
Sad that OCD vs OCPD video is available only on the website under subscription. Because so far they look totally different except for desperate spatial organization with lists and shelves. But if people with OCPD do not have obsessive thought and compulsive actions (like constantly washing their hands) then why is it called obsessive-compulsive PD?
This sounds like me, Ive been obsessed with my career since I was young. I have a very rigid plan for the future in my job, I spend hours at home on my computer doing personal tasks and doing extra freelance on top of my full time job to build a catalogue of experience. At times I’ve gotten upset because I felt social events with friends and family took me away from my career goals even though I wasn’t forced to go. I also have a hoard of things I keep in case I may need it and even if it’s ripped paper or just bad sketches that I know I’m never going to use but I always think I may need it. I am also very controlling with money when it comes to relationships, I’m not fond of joint bank accounts. I prefer each partner have their own money but obviously if one is earning more you help out where needed and never make the other party feel bad for not earning as much. (unless they’re Intentionally not pulling their weight) It’s a 2 way exchange as I see it and each party should put in equal effort to decorate or stock up the house without having to see each others wages. The only thing that isn’t me is the not wanting to spend money. Whilst I do have a savings pot for if something bad happens, if my mother is feeling down I will go out of my way to buy her things to make her happy. My family means a lot to me and I would spend as much as I could if it were possible. I also love to go out and spend money on myself for clothes and trips but I just plan my spending so I still have money to save although it gives me anxiety if I don’t have something as a safety blanket. I have a checklist on my phone for monthly spending and I check it often just to make sure I don’t go over.
That cake analogy got way too real. Do NOT touch my cake.
For real though, it makes me sad that more people with the same diagnosis as me can't share in as much lightheartedness. I try, in every way, to be aware of the people around me, their feelings and their lives in general, in spite of it being hard for me. I try to make people smile and laugh, including myself, because it's hard.
I'm not trying to brag, but I'm toeing that line. I just want to show that there are those of us who are aware and who try hard.
I started showing signs of extreme perfectionism in the 7th grade. My parents weren’t paying attention to me and were paying attention to my twin sister and my older sister. I can only wear the colors white, beige, or brown or I don’t feel perfect. I have a hard time writing things down because I erase excessively and then I just give up. Most of my hobbies I have given up on because I can’t write things down or do it out of fear I will mess up. Recently I got a terrible haircut that will take forever to grow out the way I’ve had it for the last 14 years of my life. Coincidentally, right after I got off my anxiety medication to get put on a stronger one. To this day my parents don’t believe I’ve been going through anything and my twin and older sister have been given therapy and got diagnosed. I don’t even know if I have anything more than perfectionism, but I wish I had something to call it besides perfectionism. Everyone always brushes it off and it’s a real problem I’ve been dealing with.
omg in 4th grade i could only wear black white and blue and was afraid of the letter g and i re write constantly to make it perfect
That sounds like OCD. Check for example "Just Right Ocd" this may sound very familiar to you.
There is effective therapy for OCD called Erp (Exposure with Response Prevention) it is a form of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral therapy)
Hope you'll feel better soon!
Is it still OCD or OCPD when you delegate a task and it truly isn't done to any level of par and then needs done again? I fear hiring anyone, or delegating anything, due to the low level of quality I've experienced. Painters, floor refinishers, you name it.
This doctor is excellent!
My ex’s mother made a LIST to apologize to me for calling my then 9 year old an asshole over leaving a water bottle on her outside porch table. It was weird as shit and her son was in denial of her OCD.
Yikes
I suspect my mother would be diagnosed with OCPD. Only difference is that her ‘work’ is the household and family, taking responsibility for and attempting to control everything that happens in the household. But this also extends to social situations like going out to eat, daytrip, vacation etc. Always super miserly and never wants to treat herself or others. Always looking for something or someone to attend to, cannot stand to be alone or not busy with something. Gets super frustrated and ‘loses the plot’ in even the most basic of activities, and then takes the anger out on her kids. Hysterical fits of anger, shouting. Usually crushes child’s and others wills to push through her own miserly decisions. Doesn’t respect personal space and distance because she contantly needs to caregive or attend to someone.
As a child I never learned to make my own decisions, she would always take control and decide for me. If I was scared of something she would do it for me instead of supporting me emotionally. When I would try to express my feelings (or still when I do) she will instantly try to ‘solve’ it instead of just listening and holding space. It’s insane the amount of stress and trauma this has caused me as a kid growing up. It’s so tiring to be in her presence.
Regarding #3, about working too much, I do that, but only because I really love my work, it doesn’t feel like work, it feels like play.
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I’m pretty sure I have this and I know it really bothers my family at times but I have a hard time wanting to change. I’m meticulous so my world is very organized (and clean!) My frugality is so perfected that my family is living abundantly even though our income is shockingly small. We were able to buy a nice house on acreage last year and our income is technically below middle class. It took years of pinching and saving to get here. We do splurge on restaurants and vacations but it’s a very rare treat. I know I need to lighten up on my family though and I am always trying to tone it down. I have such a hard time toning it down that I often just avoid my family because I know if I’m talking I’m going to be nagging that they didn’t close the shower curtain or hang their towel up right etc. tbh when I go into the bathroom and the shower curtain is wrong (again!) I actually feel enraged.
I was diagnosed with Bi Polar II, but this is matching maybe 97.8% of my life.
Pretty sure this is my life. My house is clean, I get work done efficiently, struggle with perfectionism my whole life (literally won't go shop without my hair done, ever) I fully did my hair in hospital lol. Never good a relationships, but I'm functional (fun times).
The thing is, once you acknowledge the fact you have OCPD, you can’t stop thinking about every single decision you make and wonder… is this okay? Is this normal? Why do we seek perfection when we know there’s no such thing? But it’s a deeply ingrained part of how we cope with uncertainty. The need for control and order becomes a safety net, even when we know it’s impossible to achieve perfection. It’s not about rationality-it’s about an internal drive that pushes us to fix, arrange, and perfect everything, even at the cost of our peace. Acknowledging this struggle is just the first step; learning to live with it, and sometimes challenge it, is the real journey.
We are not victims, we are survivors of our own minds, constantly working to navigate a world that doesn’t align with our inner need for perfection. It’s a battle we face every day, but with awareness and self-compassion, we can learn to manage it and live more freely, even if the urge to control never fully fades.
But we must also remember that we are not the norm, and our actions have consequences. Remember to think about how your decisions impact the people around you. We are not the center of the universe, but we are not insignificant either. We don’t have to control everything to matter. It’s about finding balance-knowing our worth without feeling the need to shape the world around us. Our value isn’t defined by perfection; it’s defined by how we navigate our challenges while respecting the space and lives of others.
So if you’re here because you identify with this, believe me, that’s a huge step toward acceptance and understanding the complexity of your mind. I’m not going to lie, it’s a real shit show sometimes, but hey, that’s life. So, yeah, sometimes you just have to eat the effing cheesecake.
And, of course I read this more than I should’ve before posting.
Just because you have OCPD doesn’t always mean you are inefficient. I started a business which was successful and I was going to sell because I never took one day, weekend, or holiday off. I also make deadlines because I tend to work ahead; however, if I run too close and it is not perfect, I ask for an extension.
I can also be very emotional and understanding; however, it can’t be with “my stuff,” something I see as “getting into trouble” or taken negatively by others.
I think she got a lot wrong in this video tbh
Thank you for helping us understand who we are and why❤
PS it would be interesting to compare this to autism spectrum disorder to see what the differences are. I just realized a lot of these traits are common for people with ASP. Difficulty with change, rule rigidity, perseverating on activities to the exclusion of social relationships or even the end goal of the activity maybe, having favorite items one doesn't want to throw away, etc.
I deal with OCD I have had it all my life. I don't socialize often. I would get obsessed
This helps explains my whole family. Gets a little confusing as to which one.. I maybe it's a little bit of all of them🤷♀️ workaholism, Add, ADHD, narcissism.
this is really interesting to learn and i absolutely hate the chairs theyre sitting on the material hurts but soooo interesting ill have to binge
Ya, the chairs... 😂
My EX husband has Ocpd, he was beyond miserly. Think Charles Dickens's Christmas Carol Scrooge. His lists and rules, it was like living with Gestapo, yet I know he stole things from his office. Yes, he hoarded junk. Nothing was just for enjoyment. We lived in a ski resort, just to go skiing was rigid - he would study ski technique books, and would practice skiing, rather just go skiing and having fun. He became psychically violent when we separated, because he didn't want to part with 'our' money. I came from Narcissistic family- I thought he was caring, but it was just a different form of control. Ive also had many narcissistic partners and husband, I'm not sure which was worse.
The $ thing was intolerable.
I am Audhd and have been told I have some ocd traits so I am looking into how I may relate. Here’s what I’ve got so far from this video. I relate to:
1) Catch myself all the time lost in a detail then suddenly going “why am I doing this?”
2) This was the main reason I had a hard time in school; most of the time I wouldn’t even start because I couldnt figure out how to make it perfect before starting
4) aaallllll the tiiimee I am always trying to be aware of “rules” because i am scared of being in trouble for doing something wrong, and I have gotten in trouble for not knowing before
6) BECAUSE THEY DO DO IT WRONG 😉😂 (i am always rewashing dishes because I can CLEARLY see its still dirty)
Im diagnosed with adhd, but pretty sure i have autism and ocpd too. Hello friend 😂 i relate to this all too much
Dishes for sure! I've been known to wipe restaurant forks with a bleach rag in my purse... germaphobe? Probably. But I simply won't eat off of a perceptibly dirty fork or plate. The thought of it makes me nauseous. Ok, I can live with that. Some people I know don't even notice things like that.
People using the word, "nauseous," when they actualy mean "nauseated" or "nauseating," sets off my ocd traits.
I wish everyone knew that "nauseous" is a desiptive word for something that makes one feel nauseated. So if you say you're nauseous, it actually means you have transformed into something that makes others feel sick.
@@madge2114 well, that may be true but sometimes words can take on new meanings than the original technical meaning of the word when used commonly among those that speak the same language. Since it is very common, so much so that the medical community, dictionaries, and popular online search engines have already adapted this new meaning, it is understandable as to what someone means when saying they are or something makes them nauseous.
I thank you for sharing what you know, as it is new information to me. Just keep in mind that even though you may be correct, so is everyone else 👍🏽
Now I hate to self-diagnose but the points she's brought up has definitely brought me to my eyes looking side to side 😂, anyways I've definitely experienced this when I was younger and some of these traits still carry over to my life now. Thankfully I do not let them try to take over me because I do rely on Jesus, which has ultimately helped me with my ocpd I would say. At the end of the day we are not perfect humans and the help I've gotten from following Jesus to revise my worries or concerns has led me to not feel as bothered if something is not done right or in my own way.
I'm in love with this series, the way Dr. Ramani explains each and every personality disorder is amazing. The human mind has always intrigued me on how it preforms and thinks about different scenarios. God bless you all!
I disagree with the idea of not diagnosing because the client doesn't see the impairment. Don't most people with personality disorders refute that they actually have a personality disorder? And isn't not being able to see how damaged their life has gotten because of their disorder part of the disorder itself? I mean, not diagnosing them almost sounds like if somebody has paranoid schizophrenia and they believe that their hallucinations are real and don't believe they have a disorder, you wouldn't diagnose them. I'm convinced one of my exes had OCPD. But I think he knew (and he was a brilliant psychotherapist.) He was miserly, rigid, perfectionistic, controlling, and he had huge graphs about the stock market but never made an investment. He had tons of ideas for books he wanted to write but couldn't get out of his own way to get them written. He wasn't that concerned with work in a formal sense. He was scrupulous about rules to the point of rigidity but had no problem breaking the rules himself. (There may have been a touch of sociopathy present.)
He did NOT throw things away and would wear torn T-shirts and keep boxes of old things in the closet. He wasn't sentimental but it was that "this could be useful" thing.
@@sagedakotalmft7763 - It's impossible for therapists to diagnose anyone in a formal setting who WON'T COME TO THEM BECAUSE their disorder (maladaptive reasoning, now an ingrained habit of approach....perhaps a mental addiction) makes them believe they're the perfect one and everyone else is wrong. Incl the therapist. OC-PDers are lifelong bastards who consider everyone who doesn't agree with their rigidities and rules their personal enemy: you know, (dangerous) assholes.
*Oh gosh, I'm so weird but yet so normal - how cool is this?*
3:42 interpersonal realm. Empathy somewhat restricted bc they are so focused on their worldview they miss the mark with other people. Their rules, their order, their control it’s not experienced as empathy for other person. Intimacy is restricted, work gets in the way. Work and productivity gets in the way of intimacy and sex. Issues with morality… moralizing their decisions. Transactional feeling to relationships. Feels icky. If they are not suffering, it doesn’t get diagnosed, even if your marriage is crap and everything else. They don’t care bc they’re accomplishing things and look good at work. It may be an impairment but if they don’t admit it causes harm, it’s not diagnosed.
I spoke with my psychiatrist about this today. She said she can see that maybe I have some of these tendencies but not the disorder.
After watching this video, I completely agree with her and now I'm realizing it's my mom that likely has ocpd.
Dr. Ramni is a perfect example of an over-productive person who keeps an excess amount of notes in her head… part of a mental illness diagnosis is fairly crazy. Normal people needs to work, keep track of things, plan, be productive to live and save money for future events like possibly losing a job, helping out a family member, retirement, etc. Is spending all your money that comes in a mental disorder or simply a condition of living at the edge of poverty?
nah, they work is almost always pointless
felt like she was ripping my personality to shreds and the laughing, just talking down about these 'uncomfortable' people and their problems- this just increased anxiety about my situation to a whole new level...
pls understand yes i do have the symptoms u described but im doing them because i have too, i wish i didn't...
I saw how dismissive of people with OCPD she was in places & was quite horrified that she was so demeaning - even ridiculing & sniggering / laughing at them in parts of her descriptions! 😲Not very pleasant to see in a professional with a huge following (many of whom join in enthusiastically with trashing people with problems.) Shocking lack of empathy or kindness. Maybe she has / had personal grievances with someone fitting this pigeon-hole. You have my huge sympathy & good wishes. x
ps Saving for a rainy day (unemployment, illness, retirement, a sick relative etc) is NOT a Bad Thing & impulsive spending on trivial things & luxuries is not always necessarily better. Those who have experienced poverty are rightly careful. Is it somehow ok for wealthy people to mock those who are poorer & therefore cautious?
Prob the good news is that you have some recognition of the pain that you are feeling from the perfectionism. It sounds like you are feeling that you need some self care and perhaps therapy
Yes, that exactly. The sniggering and judgment.
Dr.Romini ,You Are Incredible !! thanks so much !!❤️
My symptoms got better when i raised my ferritin over 100, took methylcobalamin and methylfolate, raised vitD. I studied the guidelines of the American society of haematology
Thanks for sharing this helpful information.
What has haematology to do with OCPD? Sounds like pseudo scientific nonsense.
@@anniestumpy9918 Now read my comment and have a look what studying on medical books looks like. Ok? And stop being ignorant
Ferritin is the non toxic deposits of iron in the cells. Iron is the cofactor of serotonin and dopamine synthesis, when ferritin is 30 and lower we talk about absolute iron deficiency, the intention of your body is to bring oxygen to heart and brain the 2 noble organs, your survival is not dependant on how much serotonin or dopamine is produced that's why you get optimal neurotransmitters synthesis only when you have optimal ferritin. Ferritin is like your bank account, you're gonna enjoy life more if you have lots of money but you'll buy the most necessary thing to survive when you're poor.
Optimal ferritin is at least 125 Ng/ml , did you get it now?
OCD is low serotonin.
Stop commenting on medical topics when you know nothing.
@@anniestumpy9918 go and read the guidelines of the American society of haematology on ferritin and you'll see the only pseudo scientific shit is what you write in here
Spending hours optimizing your text editor for maximum efficiency, then not writing a single line of code because the day is over. That surely doesn't hint towards OCPD, right?
My husband brags he is OCD. This description of OCPD describes his behavior.
For #4, an example I would give is: a rule I have always followed starting in high school is not to date anyone younger than me, not even by 1 year.
As time flew by after high school, my rule has changed because I ended up dating someone 2 years younger long term. Now that I’m 32, I’m agreeable to no more than 4 years younger. Even if there’s great chemistry and health compatibility with someone 6 years younger, the idea of going against my made-up rule feels very uncomfortable.
Fantastic. Really helps me understand my elderly, female roommate, especially the miserly part. Would that be the same thing as Greed?
I am ocpd and intentionally live near the poverty level in order to maintain my savings rate of 50% or greater of my pre tax income.
It doesn't come from greed, it comes from fear that it can all go away at any time and need to be prepared for the worst. I've been broke before and never want to go back there again.
This is my partner .
Miserlyness, cheapness are natural to them.