Narcissists Struggle with Emotional Object Constancy
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ก.ย. 2024
- If you're a woman feeling trapped in a toxic relationship and looking for freedom, you've come to the right place. With over 3000+ clients, I've integrated everything I've learned into a comprehensive program designed to help you reclaim your freedom. My goal is to guide you to break free without confronting or trying to fix him. Together, let's rediscover YOU and cultivate your confidence and clarity. To take the next step in your healing journey with me, visit www.rawmotivat...
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If you're a man struggling with narcissistic traits and seeking the path, community, and transformation that I've experienced, I'm here to help - but only if you are serious about investing the time and energy. To begin this journey with me, schedule a session at www.rawmotivat...
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Tune in to hear the perspective of a self aware narcissist. That’s me - Ben Taylor a narcissist in recovery trying to promote awareness, healing, growth and change. I do that by these videos on here, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook.
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#narcissism #narcissist #npd
Wow. Such an insight. I used to tell my friend that it's like to him I don't even exist anymore...and I was his girlfriend at the time. So many truths and knowledge that you're sharing. Thank you, Ben.
Thanks for sharing that, hope you are doing well. Appreciate the support. If you have questions you want some answers to, feel free to drop one so i can make a video about it!
@@RawMotivations Thanks, Ben. I'm definitely doing better than this time last year and my better days outweigh the not-so-good days, but I still have my moments. I've held no contact since February of this year even though he's tried a few times to reach out to me. I know the no contact is helping me move forward.
Thank You, Ben!! I was in a long distance relationship with a borderline with strong narcissistic traits. She called me everyday, multiple times/day and everytime it had to be a video/facetime call. During one visit, a mutual friend needed my help, and My then gf was having a bad morning, and made it clear that she wanted some time alone. So I decided to go help our mutual friend for 2-3hrs. I carefully informed her who I was with, what I was doing, where I would be going, and what time I was planning to return. I gave updates every hr, and I actually returned earlier than I had planned. When I returned, my gf was gleefully aloof towards me, not saying a single word to me. She was busy, so I made myself busy. After 6hrs, she broke her silence and tried to start an argument by accusing me of cheating on her. I knew she had abandonment issues at the time, but had only heard about object constancy only a few wks ago doing deeper research into borderlines. That was also when I discovered that Borderlines & Narcs share so many traits(Idealization, black & white thinking, needing another person for their own emotional regulation & validation, manipulation, gaslighting, magical thinking, splittling, mirroring, disassociation, Warped or distorted perception of reality, other ppl, & themselves, object constancy, love bombing, dodging or openly rejecting personal accountability, blame shifting, shaming language, discarding, seduction & sex early on in the relationship, and hoovering to name a few), thought processes, and inner guilt, shame & self loathing they carry with them. For the 1st 3mos. after walking away from my ex I thought she was a narc, but she was actually a borderline with a lot of strong narcissistic traits & tendencies. But one channel I watched regularly for borderline abuse recovery(Which is where I 1st heard about object constancy) said it best: 'BPD & Narcissism are 2 sides of the same coin: they're 2 different strategies/approaches from the same disorder.' As obvious as it was, It made perfect sense when I heard it from someone else. And for the most part(but not always) both disorders start in the same place & period of time: early childhood trauma & abuse from their primary caretaker. Basically, they're trapped in a situation by means they have no way of escape the constant, prolonged exposure to their abuse: which is Complex PTSD. Which also leavesvthe child emotionally stunted. In the case of my ex: 6 or 7y/o. When I mentally rewound, and looking through all of my past journal entries, and memories. It justmade so much more sense all the things she said that didn't always make sense: 'You are so different than all the other men I've dated in the past' or Don't worry about baby daddy, I don't love him anymore', 'I feel like I'm living a double life, but that's ok.' After healing & doing research on cluster B personality disorders for last 5mos., I see clearly now how truly delusional, & troubled she really was. I'm even more grateful I got away from her when I did before any serious commitments or attachments were made. Thank You for all Your insight, Ben!! My prayers go out to You as You Grow, Heal, and build Your marriage & Family!
Narcs are hyper focused on you unless they are getting supply or entertainment somewhere else
I feel like I’ve cured my anxious preoccupied overnight learning about how my girlfriend struggles with emotional object permanency. I wish I learned about this months ago! Thank you
Oh and I’m also now healing my emotional permanence issues about when my girlfriend isn’t around she still loves me. She’s not a narcissist though
That's exactly how he is when I'm invited out. Usually followed by emotional and verbal abuse.
Another fantastic video I have found tonight that has deeply validated the experience that I had with my ex that confused the absolute shit out of me for the entire relationship. Thank you so much!!!!!! I literally never understood why when we were apart, that it seemed impossible to stay emotionally connected, and when I addressed it, she could not understand or it would piss her off and she felt I was needy and demanding. Whoa, whoa, whoa!!! Although, the very confusing thing is that she isn’t the extreme of this archetype. I could be with friends, for example. She doesn’t have NPD but highly narcissistic - more vulnerable narcissist, for sure. Where has this video been all my life! Thank you!!!!
It actually makes sense !
Good I am glad
Love to watch you and Lee too! Ya'll are doing a great service to everyone too thank you ben ,Kayla,Lee and his wife too!
Appreciate the love and support !
100% with them forgetting things that happened! He used to work away in the week, and he'd either ignore me or love bomb me from afar, which was so different to when he was home!
What matters with the narc is introject constancy, at least for the victim. If you aren't interacting with the narc, they don't really think about you. No contact = problem solved, theoretically speaking.
However, if they are reminded of you by someone or something, this creates the conditions for a hoover because the image of you, what Vaknin refers to as a 'snapshot', burns forever in their mind, especially if you were an intimate source of some kind.
This is why victims must remain in NC. It doesn't take much to trigger a hoover from narcs.
That explains a lot of our relationship. I felt he wasn't that bothered when I was with him, but even more so when we were apart. Is that a little pre-emptive for them looking for other supply thus cheating? I wonder. 🍒
When I was younger I was just always trying..now..and after messy coworker homewrecker sidechick..I dont care..kids are grown..hes a fkr..and I'm better!♡
Thanks for clarifying on this but watch it too late to wrap my mind out of confusion. I went out only on a weekend with cousins and she entered a new relationship right away! Good for me I dumped my ex Narc as soon I found out she's with her new supply she was already grooming a week before. Guys know your worth and value. Narcs does not worth our love, precious energy, time and resources. Do You and heal.
Namaste❤🙏
This really explains a lot. Thank you
Oh it reminds me my conversations.
Him
"Why don't you ever text me?"
Me
"But I have nothing to say, what do you want?"
Him
"I just want you to write to me!"
Or, also him
"When I'm writing you're always at work or with someone else!!"
Needless to say, he was also answering immediately and actually me too, but if I answered 10 mins later or I wrote him, that I'm busy now will get back soon, that sullen comment about always being with someone else would appear. I interpreted it as an extreme form of neediness and it put me off.
Thank you Ben for your insights! This is really helpful!
My narc hated it when we were apart he would drink heavily demand attention he even dragged me from my mothers deathbed abroad feigning a breakdown …. When I got home he was fine
I found this interesting and it seemed to validate what I used to go through. My ex would always ask me each night what my plans were for the next day down to the time frame. He then would always call me and act like I had never told him! Also, he moved 3 hours away for work and this is when the emotional cheating with his new girlfriend started. He is telling people that I abandoned him and wasn’t there for him. Hmm 🤨
You are very good with your approach to explain and clarify . For example, you explain “trauma bond” , out of site out of mind.. I have listened to tons of TH-cam videos and no where can explain the way you do . Thank you and good job
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Excellent info thank you!
A software narcissist 😂
Self-aware. Got it 👊
That's cute 😁 . Like talking to yourself: ok I'm not gonna freak out .. I'll freak out later. Reminds a bit of mine like you could see that he was trying hard not to act like a psycho
Lol how much would I need to pay you to say, "I'm all that and a bag of chips"? Seriously though, very informative.
Do you think this problem with object constancy could manifest in some of the mixed signals or changing life goals/desires they give us? For example, in my toxic relationship, over the course of two years my ex would dramatically change his entire outlook on having kids to the extreme. It's almost like he'd completely forget all of our previous conversations and flip his opinion the opposite of whatever I was wanting to talk about. I assumed this was gaslighting and future faking, but honestly sometimes it really felt like he was responding to someone in his mind who wasn't me at all. We didn't live together, and he saw his co-parent every other day so I'd often wonder if he was confusing me with their past relationship because he saw her more than he saw me.
He is communicating with the introject of you in his head, not the real you in reality.
My ex often does this, while he is sitting right beside me! I say openly to him (in a light hearted manner) ‘Would you like me to leave you & my introject alone for a while, so you can chat in peace ?!’ 😆
I highly recommend watching Prof. Sam Vaknin, if you really want to delve deeper into the mind of the narcissist.
Without meaning to give Vaknin narcissistic supply, he is the world’s top expert on NPD. No one is as articulate on the psychology of cluster B personality disorders as he.
Just his comment sections alone are worth your perusal...
Sure yes, let me create a video about this
@@nickieglazer33 thank you for this information, I'll definitely look into it. Right now my only go-to mental health expert on this topic is Dr. Ramani. I love her videos and podcast, but the more perspectives the better on this. This last relationship left me beyond stunned 🥴💖
@@RawMotivations YAY, thank you!! Looking forward to seeing it 💖
Ok soooo- I’m going to google this. Obviously this is not specific to narcissism?? Thanks Ben
Narcissists struggle with it but other ppl do too
@@RawMotivations this really broke the ice for me in my understanding of my triggers as well. Good job Ben!
Bro's eyes are like so dead, makes sense he's a narcissist unsubscribe
lol well if thats all it took...haha
@@RawMotivations That's the first thing I noticed
I find this interesting and think I've experienced it. I quit going out with friends or family alone unless he was at work or already gone himself because I felt guilty if he wasn't with me. Early on, friends pointed out that him just showing up when we were out alone was creepy but I didn't get it. When he would go out with friends, I would ask him to give me an estimated time he'd be home, especially once we had kids but he wouldn't and would get testy if I asked. I would panic over this and stress a lot when he was gone. In listening to this video, I started to question if my behavior was narcissistic but by the end, realized that for me, it's not. I'm in the process of regaining my life which means meeting up with friends again. He gets very possessive and now says he doesn't want to go out with friends but sometimes he will. I don't ask him for times anymore and I'm happy when he goes out but now that makes him uncomfortable. He used to stay out until all hours and not care how I felt. Now, he barely leaves for an hour and is uncomfortable that I don't worry anymore. I always wanted him to go out, I just liked to know when he might be home. He couldn't do that, not even for when he'd be home after work. After watching this, I think he had the out of site out of mind attitude you describe. It's so hard to figure out sometimes. Thanks for letting me share.
I read on quora that narcissistic think kids r extension of of them cant love kids Quora is website ask questions answers u could ask them
Yeah I’ve made an account. Problem is just time…
Perfect explanation! Thank you.