HOW TO STOP HATING YOURSELF | Wu Wei Wisdom
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ก.ย. 2024
- Learn how to stop hating yourself, using our practical steps to help you uncover and resolve the childhood origin of self-criticism and self-doubt. 👉 WORK WITH DAVID: www.wuweiwisdo...
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☯️ WU WEI WISDOM LIFE LESSONS EPISODE # 115
In this teaching, we focus on self-hated and self-condemnation.
If you are stuck in a painful cycle of constantly criticising, comparing and harshly judging yourself, you are not alone.
We explain why you do this, how your inner child is involved and what steps you can take to stop this unhealthy habit!
Teaching highlights
- The childhood origin of self-criticism and self-hatred.
- How to use the Golden Thread Process therapy technique to identify the root cause of your self-hatred.
- How your inner child is involved when you negatively judge yourself.
- Techniques to help you stop self-doubt, self-criticism and self-hatred.
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🌱 ABOUT US & OUR SHOW
Meet Wu Wei Wisdom co-founders David James Lees (emotional and spiritual health teacher and Taoist monk) and Alexandra Lees (integrative health coach and feng shui designer).
David and Alex's work uniquely applies ancient Eastern wisdom and emotional health practices to modern-day life to create a powerful new paradigm for authentic and abundant living.
Each week, David and Alex discuss your life challenges and offer inspirational ideas and practical tips to help you find balance, harmony and flow (‘wu wei’) in all aspects of your life.
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Disclaimer: This video and any associated advice and comments shared are not a substitute for professional therapy, mental health care, crisis support, medical advice, doctor diagnosis, or professional healthcare treatment. Our videos, podcasts and other website articles and social media posts provide general information for educational purposes only - they are offered as suggestions for you and your professional therapist or healthcare advisor to consider and research.
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#WuWeiWisdom #DavidJamesLees #GoldenThreadProcess #EmotionalHealth #InnerChild #InnerChildWork #InnerChildHealing #HealthAndWellness
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▶️ Why Am I Unsatisfied With Life? Inner Child Perfectionism Explained th-cam.com/video/Wns9prTW2s4/w-d-xo.html
▶️ Reparenting Your Inner Child (Part 1) th-cam.com/video/SndWtblVf2U/w-d-xo.html (Part 2) th-cam.com/video/BYUxAQYpsKg/w-d-xo.html
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I started bawling when you stated the "benefit" that the inner child perceives that nobody can criticize me if I'm a little better than others. Then people won't criticize or judge or anything. I don't want to lord it over others, I want them to think good of me and I don't want to care what others think, but I never knew how. I'm new to all this. I've been watching your videos. I just had no idea. I didn't know about the "vow". Thank you so much for all of these videos. I love when you say stop it. Now to get to the bottom of all this.
Hi Heather, thanks for sharing your thoughts! We value your support. Alex + David x
Could you two adopt me? I mean I'm 48 but you are both simply amazing. I am so grateful to have you as a resource. Thank you for everything. What amazing insight. Thank you!!
😂 😂 Laura, you are definitely part of the global Wu Wei Wisdom family! x #oneness
Haha. Me too. I'm moving in 😜😜😜😜
Oh my goodness. Every time I watch these videos I cry from my soul!! I can tell I’m being healed and know it will take a while since I’ve had these wrong beliefs for 43 years! Thank you so much for these videos I don’t want to hate myself anymore....
You’re doing great, I’m starting to heal as well, thanks to alex and david 🙏🙏
💟 thank you for this video ! Oh and just wanted to add we LOVE when you say " STOP IT " 🌻🌻🌻
Hi Malwina, thanks for watching! We appreciate your support. Alex + David x
Love from the kingdom of Saudi Arabia , I play your videos almost every day and talk to other people about your unique teaching that Literally made be a better I thank god for your existence guys
Hi Shok himself, thanks for watching! We appreciate your support. Alex + David x
I love your teachings thank you 🙏
Very helpful.. about the pedestal being an emotionally safe place and not being on "it" feels vulnerable. I always felt like I had to be so hard on myself to be perfect because my parents would tell me I wasn't like the other kids. Now thinking, I take most criticism personally because of that idea that I was different and therefore should be "perfect".
Hi Steph, thanks for sharing your thoughts! We value your support. Alex + David x
I can remember being around the age of 8 or 9 and realized that I wasn't happy like I had been the year before. I think I had begun to see the favoritism in the family and that myself being a middle child in a very large family, was pretty much neglected - I took this favoritism and neglect as I did not measure up - but I didn't know why. I spent the rest of my days people pleasing, trying to be perfect, looking for somebody else to give me worth-looking for love in all the wrong places. Glad to finally start to break this vicious cycle, I've been on the carousel of despair for so long, but now I know better. Thank you for these very wise teachings.
Happy good Saturday morning to you wu wei wisdom
Wishing you a peaceful weekend. x
Again, thank you so much. ❤❤❤ the death of one of my biggest teachers last week, has brought so much to the fore that I'm mow able to make sense of and understand by examining MY beliefs and needs, and I'm now going to rewrite my story in truth. Wow! I'm so grateful for this very healing time, and to see how the jigsaw fitted together, to create the life I have. Blessings Alex and David. Thank you. ❤❤❤
It was a lot more nebulous for me, but I’ve seen my siblings physically get beat up, as well as being treated viciously and being called horrible names. For me as the youngest by a span of 8 and 10 years, it was more being ignored or having those reactions from my parents: the eye rolls, the dismissive reactions, etc. Thank you for this very insightful video. I never really understood why I keep engaging in CCJ thoughts, which has been negatively affecting my primary relationships. It’s about time this powerful vow got broken for me and I stop comparing myself critically to my partner’s ex partners and spouses. The problem is, I can’t pinpoint the source or the “fountainhead,” since these patterns were in place even before I was born.
Alex, thank you for sharing. The fountainhead experience/s for you will have taken place when you were young once you were old enough to observe and place an interpretation on the actions/behaviours of others (your parents). x
@Alex Foxx - yes me too. In my case too these negative patterns were already present in my environment before I was born. However I believe I need to own my pain and find ways to deal with it in order to allow my heart to be open for healing. Good vibes to you.🙏
I try so hard, I’m criticising myself everyday ever since I got fibromyalgia. How did I get here? It’s my fault, why can other people cope and I can’t? What is the point of being here? I’m not a danger to myself but I struggle being kind to myself living with daily pain. The only thing that puts me to sleep are David’s meditations. I just want to achieve my dreams but every day my body hurts I hate myself.
This is a very challenging and testing time for you Lia. Treat yourself with the same love, patience and kindness that you would do a child or friend in need. You are divine! x
@@WuWeiWisdom thank you so much 🤍
Great as always, thanks so much for your efforts
Thank you! x
Good Saturday afternoon WuWei. This is just what I needed to hear today. Thank you.
Thanks for your support Judith! x
Yes David this is so true. Also we are not aware of what was going on with their lives when we were born for them to do this disservice of passing on to us negative messages from the time we were born. Probably their dysfunctional behavior stemmed from the turmoil they were facing in their own lives at that point in time. For example when I was born, my parents had some family court case that tremendously affected them in a negative way.🙏
Hi Mirella, thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences! We value your support. Alex + David x
This thought has helped me. When I worry about what people think of me, I realize it's their minds who have opinions. It's not the whole universe opinion or whatever.
Hello David and Alexandra,
Thanks for creating such in depth analysis of really core issues a person faces in life. They have been a great source of wisdom for me, especially during these time of isolation where such self defeating patterns have come to surface and demanding immediate attention. You've made this lockdown time much more bearable.
I was wondering if you could shed some light on counter-dependency similar to the codependency video you made. It would be great to hear your views on this subject. Just a thought, if you find this idea good enough for a video or an article.
Thanks for your wonderful work...
This is a great topic suggestion - we'll add it to our list for future teaching! x
@@WuWeiWisdom thanks for considering the suggestion
So very good! Great wisdom in the teaching. Thank you so much.
Thanks for watching Diane! x
Youre the absolute best, i love these videos
Excellent; as always! Thank you.
Thanks Melody! x
Very insightful thank you, I can relate to this a lot!
Me too
Love this video. Such great content. I’m amazed. As always. Gentle reminders, to keep me out of the maze of confusion.
💖
Glad you enjoyed it! Kind regards, David.
Thank you for that.
Wow ,you are both truly amazing ❤❤
Thanks Mary! x
It's definitely a dagger to the heart when someone in authority, not just parents, say or do something you interpret as 'proof' that you're not good enough. Sometimes a parent or authority figure tells you straight up that you're 'bad' but that doesn't mean that person is right about you. I had a teacher in high school pull me aside and tell me to my face, "You're a liar." I was confused, scared, and deeply hurt because I was a good student and hadn't lied to her or another teacher. She told me, "You told your mom I wouldn't help you with your work, but you failed my class because you didn't pass the assignments." The thing was, I had done the work and never got a grade below C, yet somehow I got an F grade for the semester from this teacher. It didn't make sense, so I did have my mom go to the school and talk to the principal because things didn't add up and I never told my mom that the teacher didn't help me. I'd never asked the teacher for help because I wasn't failing. Suddenly, after that confrontation, my grade was "re-evaluated" and I got a B in the class. I don't know what happened with that teacher thinking I was a liar and said things I didn't. She was fired later that year, so maybe she was unbalanced and had me confused with another student because I wasn't the old student she said had failed her class when suddenly they didn't anymore when the principal got involved.
How do you convince the inner child, that it is the creator of it’s emotions?
Thanks a lot ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ don't know how to thank you
Ok. You said no one is born "not good enough". But what if you WERE born "not good enough"?
I have ADD/ADHD. Attention Deficit Disorder encompasses a spectrum of ability, from people who are low functioning to high functioning and everything in between. I am on the low functioning end of the spectrum. I usually have difficulty doing even simple, everyday things that come easily to most people. Time management, remembering things, completing tasks, social skills, doing schoolwork, doing housework, doing any kind of work, being responsible, taking care of myself- I have struggled greatly with all of that, for all of my life. The teachers at school started calling home about my behavior starting in preschool, and the phone calls never stopped after that. Now I'm out of school and am a parent myself, but I have a lot of trouble "adulting"... I mean well. I try to do good things in the world. I don't purposely hurt people. But I am very child-like, even though chronologically I am middle-aged.
I was born this way. It's how my brain is wired. Medication & therapy has helped quite a bit, but it is not a cure... Along the way I have picked up so much shame, depression & self-hatred due to all my failures. I'm trying to buff away all the shame & depression by listening to videos like this and doing inner child work. But even if I am successful in that endeavor, I will still have that neurological disorder that causes me to drop the balls, and that causes the shame... I can't seem to get myself to meditate, or excersize, or plan for the future, or do much of anything productive. Which in turn causes more shame. And so the cycle continues!
Do you have any advice for people in this situation? Thank you for this video and for all the wonderful work you do to help people!
I am so sorry you feel this way Emma.
Emma, thank you for being brave and sharing your painful experiences. I, too, have ADHD and was born with the disorder. I would like to know if some of my red-light emotions are caused from my inner child or my ADHD symptoms. David,could you please give your thoughts on this situation.
Thank you
What if you can't remember or know the first Domino? How would you actually know it's the first?
So...the benefit for the inner child could be a desperate sense of approval from a parent or others? Thank you!
Hi Joy, yes this could be one of the perceived benefits! x
Why are we seemingly always afraid of saying or believing, 'No it wasn't me, it really was them and they may have been dealing with their own issues or possibly have mental issues themselves. It really wasn't me but it affected me.'
I think, at least in Western culture, most of us were taught that we need to give others multiple benefits of the doubt and that if we admit it was them and not me that we are being harsh, blaming, and being judgmental on people, which makes us not a good person ourselves. What do you think?
OMG!!! You have it exactly right111
Can someone also get a benefit from self-hatred not to necessarily be better than someone, but perhaps they have been raised in a sadistic environment and take on masochistic (self-defeating) traits? In this case, the person has learned to accept (or even take pleasure in) the abusive behavior, or take it as the norm, and then carry on the mean behavior towards self even when the sadist is out of the picture. This person wants to avoid self-kindness and happiness because it is unfamiliar or perhaps is seen as not reliable or fleeting, or basically they came to see unkindness towards them as familiar and therefore, comfortable. Just a thought.
Hi David and Alex x x Thankyou for this essential life lesson. .You have both really helped me..❤
So, exercising to enhance my life instead of seeking praise?
Yes, you already have Shen, innate value and worth let's exercise it!
How do
You stop hating yourself for a really awful decision that has ruined your life? I mean every day until you die is forever impacted. And you knew the decision was wrong before you did it.