So true 😢I used get mad about low self esteem. I always aligned it with looks and confidence only. I am a perfectionist this makes it worse. Thanks for your knowledge I need to work on my self esteem 😩 •••Video goes black from 8:45 -13:45 est.
I think you’re one of the best content TH-camrs out there. I resonate with your wisdom and while other people say not to love unconditionally, I wholeheartedly disagree. There is perfection in imperfection. Thank you for continuing to share your wisdom
Today, I listened to Kenny's video on self hate and feel like the author of self hate. This is, I have noticed that I am aware and admit it and others do not, so that makes me feel like I am the only one...so something is very wrong with me and I am a very bad person. Other times, I wiggle out of the box and feel OK. Yes, I agree with you, This is helping.
👏👏👏 Bravo Kenny, thank you, so sick of the toxicly positive "motivational speakers" shoving everyone's face in shame and telling us to "suck it up" and be someone else. If Stoicism worked, none of us would need it.
I feel it’s not just the denial. I feel we have to honestly face our wounding and rather than waiting for somebody else to love us valid data so fixes. To start becoming archetypal mother and father to ourselves whatever kind of parenting we had. I am 53 and it took me a long time to realize, yes I am independent human being with other human beings. But the most important relationship is myself with my soul and what I mean with that is what I think and how I treat myself when I am alone. I feel people who can never be alone or in solitude have such problem, listening to who they are and what inside them is needing their attention. And that’s why we end up running around after this one and they want to love us. Nobody can give us our self-worth. Nobody can give us our self-respect. It’s an embodied visceral experience once we start loving and taking care of ourselves. Deeply befriending ourselves. I am so grateful that I teach this incredible 5Rhythms practice which is a dance. So it’s not about cutting off anything the idea is to embrace every aspect of ourselves specially the one that we judge and hate. I wish everyone great self-love and respect and please if you are not a dancing find the music that you love put the song that you love and just feel the joy of your life moving through you you are precious. And keep repeating it to yourself because you are it’s a fact there will never be another human being in this universe like you never that’s pretty cool.❤👣💃🏽
I love your outlook. When I am dancing and listening to music, I am in the present which is about the only time. I am very old now and dancing is becoming painful the next day. A pain management doctor told me my dancing days are over...well, maybe I can't go out dancing like I used to, but I can dance at home and still groove to music and feel better in the moment. I will look into 5rhythms music. Thanks for sharing :-)
@@caroleblossom1 I hope you can find a class and I know there are some online classes. If you check my page, there are a couple of little inspirations about the practice, but I don’t know where you live. If you go to my last re-short that I made. that new song that I used in the video is absolutely fantastic. Brings so much joy into my being. Sending you so much love wherever you are.🤍👣♾
I just found your videos today. This is fantastic. I grew up abused so badly by my abusive mother. She doesn’t mind to say lies, controls to create hate in the family, put down family with words, threw us food, chased us and hit us, never invited her sisters or parents in the house even once… Thank you very much, you explained why I feel so worthless constantly.
Beautiful. I’ve known I come across as this monster to men because of being hyper aware and just thought it was them that were being cowards. Wow thank you so much for sharing. I should reevaluate the way I show up. Thank you 🙏🏽❤️
I'm guessing its a "sliding scale" in regards to "loving myself"....on one end is "I hate or dislike myself and my actions/habits", to "I honestly love myself and all I do, and there is nothing I desire for". Most of us fall somewhere in between. The more I see your videos, and others in this space, I'm coming to the conclusion that I could truly benefit from a life and career coach. I'm thinking "love myself" may be too strong of a moniker for many of us... I'm personally striving for "I finally respect myself, and I'm proud of the choices I'm now MAKING, and even if no one else see's it YET, I'm proud of what I've accomplished thus far". For myself, this is easier to wrap my head around, and gives specifics to the destination I am heading towards. Thanks so much for this video, and I am a proud owner of your book!
I love this video. Watched it today for 1st time and appreciate your raw truth about accepting darkness in ourselves. The example you gave about the power you recognized in talking to a woman you thought you were helping sparked an AH Ha moment in myself and made me revisit how I come across to others when I am trying to help them. I am trying to work on myself and not just accept my flaws as a human being, but face them and correct them because that is the only way to stop hating myself for those type of things. Thank you for sharing your truth and being authentic!
It takes vulnerability & maturity to admit to someone else that we're messed up. It also takes vulnerability & maturity to figure out why we're all messed up. Some people can face their truth & work towards growing/healing & some people cannot face their truth & just remain stuck/unhealed. I relate it to Star Wars-- light (healing & growth.) & dark (not healing & not dealing with your demons.). I'm still a work in progress, always striving towards the light side.
People don't want to face their demons because it would be getting honest with themselves and being authentic. It's much easier to tune out and numb feelings than to deal with the mess of emotions. It's too scary and difficult to be real. That's why people drink or become addicts. What's bad is when you are surrounded with someone who doesn't want to be authentic and wants you to join them in their inauthenticity. Misery loves company. Two alcoholics (My maternal Grandparents loved their martinis!) are the best match because they are both in denial of themselves. A narcissist can't self-reflect and be authentic so he/she wants to devalue someone else and slowly chip away at their authenticity. Being with a narcissist numbed me out and I lost myself. People don't want to be alone in their darkness, their denying of themselves, and misery. I choose not to drink a lot of alcohol like my Grandparents and my Mom. I don't want to numb out. I would rather stay awake and remain in tune with my true self. It's a constant battle to not allow others to dim my light and to not allow myself to dim my own light. My Mom always says, "Don't hide yourself under a bushel."
💡Yeah, I heard that a lot- stop crying and just get over it. I still hear it. It's like my emotions were too much for people to handle. I felt like saying, "I don't mean for my intense emotions to inconvenience you." When my brother died, I was hyperventilating/overwhelmed with so much grief/shock, my Uncle had to calm me down so I could breathe properly. I always apologize when I cry. I developed ways to self talk and self soothe. Music helps. Even nowadays, my Mom will say to my Dad, "Oh, she's getting herself all worked up," which just makes me cry harder 🙄. (I'm 40 something, damn it! If I want to cry over a boy-man that can't even cry over me, I'm gonna fucking cry!) I felt like I was too much trouble/too difficult for my mom to deal with. What I heard was, "I can't handle her, you handle her!" So, I ended up picking a Narcissist as a mate for three years who can't feel anything or cry! Ugh! 💡
I'm sharing a letter I sent my Mom today. "Mamma, I have to talk to you about something important. If I'm crying, please don't say things like, “Oh, she's getting herself all worked up,” because it just doesn't help, and makes me cry more and harder. And, please don't say things like, “I can't handle her, you handle her,” to Dad, because that just doesn't help either. I know I was a (premie) colicky kid and you had an overwhelmingly hard time getting me to stop crying, but you don't need to say things like that anymore, because I'm a grown up woman now, and you have to trust that it's ok for me to feel sad, cry, and self soothe. I know you don't like to see me in pain or sorrow and you can't take away any of that, but you can be by my side when I have to go through the waves of grief. I feel like I need you to just trust in me more that I can handle myself and handle my emotions. Love you!"
@@dac_poet When I was 50, I stopped relying on my Mother to validate me. One day I realized I was not calling her with my problems & relying on her for validation. Good that you wrote that letter to your Mom. Now you just need to let go of her reactions to you. Just be yourself and maybe spend less time with your parents and reacting to their opinions of you. Worked for me. I still have self-hate, but also working on it. My best to you :-)
Loving yourself is psycho-babble. You cannot love yourself. I have tried this crap and it doesn't work. You need someone else to love you. If you have never experienced real love, you cannot love yourself because you've never experienced it. You can think nice things toward yourself and do nice things but it's not the same.
loving yourself is taking deep responsibility for your well-being for me that means having good sleep, taking care of my body respecting my needs respecting my boundaries, making effort to be accountable for my actions. I have seen so many people try to be in relationships and sabotaged them, because they don’t grow up exactly in that respect and love for themselves. and I feel once you take an understand that you are your best person in life because you have to be with yourself 24 seven. Other people might come and go. Even if you are in the greatest relationship what do you think about yourself when you are alone is the most important thing. That is what’s gonna give you peace. I teach this beautiful dance called 5Rhythms, which is incredible in terms of coming back to the beautiful center of just being yourself. Every other relationship happens from that place. I wish you that you look in the mirror and look deep enough until you see how precious your life and you are to yourself, I mean it
They say u cant love someone u dont know. Once i started getting to know myself and particularly how my personality was shaped im response to my unsupportive environment and agressive father, i started to grow admiration and compassione towards the little me that had to fight so strong to survive all the pain. In the end i cudnt help but fall in love with her. What u think about such approach?
I can appreciate you coming to that conclusion from such a short clip. Sadly, the problem with short clips is that the viewer does not hear the full story. If viewers decide to watch the whole video (I always share the full video in the descriptions of my shorts), they will have a completely different understanding because I go into much greater detail, and I hold all parents accountable. This is one small subset of parents I am speaking of in this clip, but the viewer doesn't know that because it is not the full video. Unfortunately, our culture has now trained people to believe they can learn everything they need to know in 15-60 seconds, which is just not humanely possible. Therefore, if they want to fully understand what I am saying, each individual has to invest time to watch my full videos, which are 20 minutes to 2 hours long. If they choose not to, they will most likely create a false judgment or interpretation. The choice is theirs.
@@kennyweiss I agree that parents are accountable, but human and make mistakes that are normal. If parents are evil monsters & do cruel thing to their children that are considered "child abuse" or molest them, etc. then naturally their children will suffer and that is just wrong and sometimes actually a crime. Yet, I don't think many parents are bad or need to feel they messed up their kids if they felt overwhelmed at times, overworked, or just humans feeling frustrated or needing some alone time, etc. That occurred in my parenting, but I never intentionally hurt my children or told them they were a burden or I didn't love them. I did my best. Looking back, I could have done better but didn't know that at the time. I was 21 and 24 year old second time parent without any formal parenting education. Things were different in the early 1960's. We didn't have car seats or other safety devices in place or the education about life that is available now. However, parents who do their best are mostly innocent. The ones who put their kids down and treat them mean is another story.
So true 😢I used get mad about low self esteem. I always aligned it with looks and confidence only. I am a perfectionist this makes it worse. Thanks for your knowledge I need to work on my self esteem 😩
•••Video goes black from 8:45 -13:45 est.
Yes, it seems TH-cam is suppressing me again.
I think you’re one of the best content TH-camrs out there. I resonate with your wisdom and while other people say not to love unconditionally, I wholeheartedly disagree. There is perfection in imperfection. Thank you for continuing to share your wisdom
Thank you
This is helping in ways I thought weren't possible.
Today, I listened to Kenny's video on self hate and feel like the author of self hate. This is, I have noticed that I am aware and admit it and others do not, so that makes me feel like I am the only one...so something is very wrong with me and I am a very bad person. Other times, I wiggle out of the box and feel OK. Yes, I agree with you, This is helping.
👏👏👏 Bravo Kenny, thank you, so sick of the toxicly positive "motivational speakers" shoving everyone's face in shame and telling us to "suck it up" and be someone else. If Stoicism worked, none of us would need it.
I feel it’s not just the denial. I feel we have to honestly face our wounding and rather than waiting for somebody else to love us valid data so fixes. To start becoming archetypal mother and father to ourselves whatever kind of parenting we had. I am 53 and it took me a long time to realize, yes I am independent human being with other human beings. But the most important relationship is myself with my soul and what I mean with that is what I think and how I treat myself when I am alone. I feel people who can never be alone or in solitude have such problem, listening to who they are and what inside them is needing their attention. And that’s why we end up running around after this one and they want to love us. Nobody can give us our self-worth. Nobody can give us our self-respect. It’s an embodied visceral experience once we start loving and taking care of ourselves. Deeply befriending ourselves. I am so grateful that I teach this incredible 5Rhythms practice which is a dance. So it’s not about cutting off anything the idea is to embrace every aspect of ourselves specially the one that we judge and hate. I wish everyone great self-love and respect and please if you are not a dancing find the music that you love put the song that you love and just feel the joy of your life moving through you you are precious. And keep repeating it to yourself because you are it’s a fact there will never be another human being in this universe like you never that’s pretty cool.❤👣💃🏽
I love your outlook. When I am dancing and listening to music, I am in the present which is about the only time. I am very old now and dancing is becoming painful the next day. A pain management doctor told me my dancing days are over...well, maybe I can't go out dancing like I used to, but I can dance at home and still groove to music and feel better in the moment. I will look into 5rhythms music. Thanks for sharing :-)
@@caroleblossom1 I hope you can find a class and I know there are some online classes. If you check my page, there are a couple of little inspirations about the practice, but I don’t know where you live. If you go to my last re-short that I made. that new song that I used in the video is absolutely fantastic. Brings so much joy into my being. Sending you so much love wherever you are.🤍👣♾
I just found your videos today. This is fantastic. I grew up abused so badly by my abusive mother. She doesn’t mind to say lies, controls to create hate in the family, put down family with words, threw us food, chased us and hit us, never invited her sisters or parents in the house even once… Thank you very much, you explained why I feel so worthless constantly.
You are so welcome, and I am glad you are here and finding the help you are searching for.
Beautiful. I’ve known I come across as this monster to men because of being hyper aware and just thought it was them that were being cowards. Wow thank you so much for sharing. I should reevaluate the way I show up. Thank you 🙏🏽❤️
You’re welcome
I'm guessing its a "sliding scale" in regards to "loving myself"....on one end is "I hate or dislike myself and my actions/habits", to "I honestly love myself and all I do, and there is nothing I desire for". Most of us fall somewhere in between. The more I see your videos, and others in this space, I'm coming to the conclusion that I could truly benefit from a life and career coach. I'm thinking "love myself" may be too strong of a moniker for many of us... I'm personally striving for "I finally respect myself, and I'm proud of the choices I'm now MAKING, and even if no one else see's it YET, I'm proud of what I've accomplished thus far". For myself, this is easier to wrap my head around, and gives specifics to the destination I am heading towards. Thanks so much for this video, and I am a proud owner of your book!
I love this video. Watched it today for 1st time and appreciate your raw truth about accepting darkness in ourselves. The example you gave about the power you recognized in talking to a woman you thought you were helping sparked an AH Ha moment in myself and made me revisit how I come across to others when I am trying to help them. I am trying to work on myself and not just accept my flaws as a human being, but face them and correct them because that is the only way to stop hating myself for those type of things. Thank you for sharing your truth and being authentic!
It takes vulnerability & maturity to admit to someone else that we're messed up. It also takes vulnerability & maturity to figure out why we're all messed up. Some people can face their truth & work towards growing/healing & some people cannot face their truth & just remain stuck/unhealed. I relate it to Star Wars-- light (healing & growth.) & dark (not healing & not dealing with your demons.). I'm still a work in progress, always striving towards the light side.
Thanks for your raw honesty about being perfect imperfect❤ wery inspirering content.
I feel like I understand denial better now. Thanks for you
The video cut out at 8:50 and picks back up at 13:32
Sounds like TH-cam is suppressing me again
@@kennyweiss😮 what?
What the hell, is youtube cutting things out.?? Was there something so controversial in that part? I am curious what I missed
Crying is strength. It's healthy.
Loving your neighbor as yourself begins with you.
I don't love myself so i keep clear of the neighbors.
@@DAClub-uf3br Ha Ha. Good one!!!
Thanks Kenny, really appreciated. As with so many of your videos.
People don't want to face their demons because it would be getting honest with themselves and being authentic. It's much easier to tune out and numb feelings than to deal with the mess of emotions. It's too scary and difficult to be real. That's why people drink or become addicts. What's bad is when you are surrounded with someone who doesn't want to be authentic and wants you to join them in their inauthenticity. Misery loves company. Two alcoholics (My maternal Grandparents loved their martinis!) are the best match because they are both in denial of themselves. A narcissist can't self-reflect and be authentic so he/she wants to devalue someone else and slowly chip away at their authenticity. Being with a narcissist numbed me out and I lost myself. People don't want to be alone in their darkness, their denying of themselves, and misery. I choose not to drink a lot of alcohol like my Grandparents and my Mom. I don't want to numb out. I would rather stay awake and remain in tune with my true self. It's a constant battle to not allow others to dim my light and to not allow myself to dim my own light. My Mom always says, "Don't hide yourself under a bushel."
I wouldn't be here today if I hated myself!
💪👑🌟
I'll b the first to Admit it!
💡Yeah, I heard that a lot- stop crying and just get over it. I still hear it. It's like my emotions were too much for people to handle. I felt like saying, "I don't mean for my intense emotions to inconvenience you." When my brother died, I was hyperventilating/overwhelmed with so much grief/shock, my Uncle had to calm me down so I could breathe properly. I always apologize when I cry. I developed ways to self talk and self soothe. Music helps. Even nowadays, my Mom will say to my Dad, "Oh, she's getting herself all worked up," which just makes me cry harder 🙄. (I'm 40 something, damn it! If I want to cry over a boy-man that can't even cry over me, I'm gonna fucking cry!) I felt like I was too much trouble/too difficult for my mom to deal with. What I heard was, "I can't handle her, you handle her!" So, I ended up picking a Narcissist as a mate for three years who can't feel anything or cry! Ugh! 💡
I'm sharing a letter I sent my Mom today.
"Mamma,
I have to talk to you about something important. If I'm crying, please don't say things like, “Oh, she's getting herself all worked up,” because it just doesn't help, and makes me cry more and harder. And, please don't say things like, “I can't handle her, you handle her,” to Dad, because that just doesn't help either. I know I was a (premie) colicky kid and you had an overwhelmingly hard time getting me to stop crying, but you don't need to say things like that anymore, because I'm a grown up woman now, and you have to trust that it's ok for me to feel sad, cry, and self soothe. I know you don't like to see me in pain or sorrow and you can't take away any of that, but you can be by my side when I have to go through the waves of grief. I feel like I need you to just trust in me more that I can handle myself and handle my emotions. Love you!"
@@dac_poet When I was 50, I stopped relying on my Mother to validate me. One day I realized I was not calling her with my problems & relying on her for validation. Good that you wrote that letter to your Mom. Now you just need to let go of her reactions to you. Just be yourself and maybe spend less time with your parents and reacting to their opinions of you. Worked for me. I still have self-hate, but also working on it. My best to you :-)
Carl Rogers' main tool was "unconditional positive regard" no matter what. After all no one want to be self-destructive on purpose.
Video cut off 😢😢
TH-cam must be suppressing me again
Loving yourself is psycho-babble. You cannot love yourself. I have tried this crap and it doesn't work. You need someone else to love you. If you have never experienced real love, you cannot love yourself because you've never experienced it. You can think nice things toward yourself and do nice things but it's not the same.
Thats right.arthur janov has been saying that for ages but nobody reads him.
@@gobetter350 so if you cannot love yourself. What do you do . . . What book do you recommend by Janov
@@janegreen191" why you get sick and how you get well "is the title,but any of his books really.
loving yourself is taking deep responsibility for your well-being for me that means having good sleep, taking care of my body respecting my needs respecting my boundaries, making effort to be accountable for my actions. I have seen so many people try to be in relationships and sabotaged them, because they don’t grow up exactly in that respect and love for themselves. and I feel once you take an understand that you are your best person in life because you have to be with yourself 24 seven. Other people might come and go. Even if you are in the greatest relationship what do you think about yourself when you are alone is the most important thing. That is what’s gonna give you peace. I teach this beautiful dance called 5Rhythms, which is incredible in terms of coming back to the beautiful center of just being yourself. Every other relationship happens from that place. I wish you that you look in the mirror and look deep enough until you see how precious your life and you are to yourself, I mean it
They say u cant love someone u dont know. Once i started getting to know myself and particularly how my personality was shaped im response to my unsupportive environment and agressive father, i started to grow admiration and compassione towards the little me that had to fight so strong to survive all the pain. In the end i cudnt help but fall in love with her. What u think about such approach?
So true 🫣😇
appreciate this messaging. thank you. I'm trying to figure out why the entire middle section of your video is empty/black 🙃
I wish I knew why?
Kenny, you've got dead air in the video from 8:50- 13: something, you might want to check on that.
I think the video started acting weird around the time you were talking about the tennis documentary.
Don't worry about your hunger for power. At least you don't want to watch the world burn like some of us.
Maybe if the parents screw up so badly that their child has mental problems because of their bad childhood, the parents *should* be blamed.
I can appreciate you coming to that conclusion from such a short clip. Sadly, the problem with short clips is that the viewer does not hear the full story. If viewers decide to watch the whole video (I always share the full video in the descriptions of my shorts), they will have a completely different understanding because I go into much greater detail, and I hold all parents accountable. This is one small subset of parents I am speaking of in this clip, but the viewer doesn't know that because it is not the full video.
Unfortunately, our culture has now trained people to believe they can learn everything they need to know in 15-60 seconds, which is just not humanely possible.
Therefore, if they want to fully understand what I am saying, each individual has to invest time to watch my full videos, which are 20 minutes to 2 hours long. If they choose not to, they will most likely create a false judgment or interpretation. The choice is theirs.
@@kennyweiss I agree that parents are accountable, but human and make mistakes that are normal. If parents are evil monsters & do cruel thing to their children that are considered "child abuse" or molest them, etc. then naturally their children will suffer and that is just wrong and sometimes actually a crime. Yet, I don't think many parents are bad or need to feel they messed up their kids if they felt overwhelmed at times, overworked, or just humans feeling frustrated or needing some alone time, etc. That occurred in my parenting, but I never intentionally hurt my children or told them they were a burden or I didn't love them. I did my best. Looking back, I could have done better but didn't know that at the time. I was 21 and 24 year old second time parent without any formal parenting education. Things were different in the early 1960's. We didn't have car seats or other safety devices in place or the education about life that is available now. However, parents who do their best are mostly innocent. The ones who put their kids down and treat them mean is another story.