Self-hatred is a taught behavior. I love doing nothing with my time, and yet I've been trained to see that as wasting time; therefore, I placed labels on my self as lazy. This is one of the things that made me hate myself. But earlier this year, I understood that me "wasting time" is not exactly wasting. We were put on Earth not have a laundry list of shit to do. We were here for spiritual learning. So how am I wasting time by not doing the material list? I'm not. I love myself :)
You're not alone. As a 10 year old I realized that we were born in this massive world and that each one of us were insignificant small beings. That one could die and nothing will happen, it won't affect anyone. Except family and friends. It's difficult, I know. We feel like we don't deserve anything or it's better if we just fade away from this life so we don't bother anyone. Only advice I know it's to just not hurt yourself. You will hate yourself more if you do that. I feel easier when I know death can happen anytime in my life and just accept that I will be at peace. It's inevitable. So enjoy your time here in this life. Like listening to your favorite songs.
@@Irreversiblegrief can't say pain is something to my liking. I mean, we're brought to this world to suffer. So I think that is enough to not harm ourselves. Also, I don't know what you'll do if you run out of fingers
Self hatred stems greatly from comparison with others. You cannot be like others, because you aren’t them. *The only real competition is your former self.*
O'SSÉIN - Master Your Mind With Me while I agree with you about comparing one self to others. Also it can come from child abuse, physical, sexual, and mental abuse. I and many others have survived all of those. Great self hate is spawned by all of these✌️
This can be true for many but that's just it. Even if you don't compare yourself to others you can still look at your own past and see how you have not improved or even kept yourself at the same level; you've worsened yourself. And yes, unhealthy comparison to other people is a cause of self hatred but it ain't the only one ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I have tried to stop hating myself, but I can't, because everytime I tell something good to myself I feel like I am lying to myself. Edit: After a year and half I stopped hating myself and overcame depression. Working out helped me a lot and I want everyone who's struggling to know that things do get better. Even if it's hard and takes a lot of work, everyone is able to heal.
@@marly1915 After all this time now I'm better and I stopped hating myself finally, all I can say to you is not to be so harsh on yourself, if you think that you are a bad person then do good actions. What made me get out of depression and stop hating myself was to start exercising, apart from making my body healthier and look better, my mental health got way better and now I have a lot of confidence, I hope it works out for you :)
Yeah, I found myself in the same cycle.. I used to be stupidly happy and positive and carefree, but some shit happened & now “allowing myself to receive love and positivity into my life” = the deepest & longest lasting pain I’ve ever felt, I think my spirit broke.. It feels like a I don’t deserve to be happy? It doesn’t seem important.. actually the most horrifying part is that I’m thankful, don’t outright HATE myself, and I can get into happy moods and thoughts regularly…. I don’t wish for death, but I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal or negative.. I don’t see why I SHOULD be happy etc, being stuck in Limbo almost seems worse than Hell because at least in Hell you’re part of something/something’s happening to you.. people can even learn to enjoy pain and suffering or find comfort in it. It feels like I’m frozen in the timeline while life/universe continues on endlessly, good&bad, I’m stuck while life grows smaller as it gets further away. I know how to get healthier and I know that I can, but I just don’t see any difference of why I would do that vs. just no nothing.. I also don’t trust myself to do anything…. It’s like nothing happening at all feels safer than taking a step forward.. wow, I just therapied myself and now realize that I don’t hate myself…. It’s that I don’t trust myself, I blame myself for the shit that went wrong…. so I know it’s up to me to fix it, but there’s just nothing that I want…. And I see that everyone else will be fine even if I’m gone because at this point everyone has moved on even my family.. and I’m not able to WANT something for myself enough…. What do I want.. what do I want…. (Someone or something to connect with.. that is 100% honest and open.. I need that, it’s 100% or nothing because of the trauma that causes me to not trust myself…)
i’m convinced that everything bad that happens to me, i deserve. i hate being by myself. i hate being with myself. i hate the way i think and the way i can’t top thinking and it only makes me more frustrated with myself.
*_"I_*_ hate _*_myself."_* Such an odd expression. The *"I"* and *"myself",* 2 separate beings trapped in one psyche, one disgusted with the other, like 2 life long roommates - and one wants to kill the other.
@@roehanostornsyn3367 Thanks. I think anyone here who has battled with self-loathing, depression & suicidal ideation is too familiar with that absurd & pernicious thought loop.
The sense of myself that is separate is imaginary. “I” in the deepest sense is all inclusive yet beyond it. We are where all stems from and where it all goes back to. Feel me? 😂😂
Tübermensch At times in my case it's more about existence. A strange unexplainable blessing (which I am grateful for) with a lot of potential for suffering.
I really do hate myself and it's actually getting worse for me as I get older. When I was a teenager I just had low self esteem and didn't like my self but now as an adult (23 yo) I can honestly say I hate myself, the way I look, the way I speak, the way I think, the way I treat myself and others, the way I compare myself to my friends, basically everything!!! I'm just inable to love myself or appreciate the blessings I have. Everytime I talk to someone I just feel like they dislike me so much, I always say the wrong things, everyday I think about the mistakes I did yearrrs ago and regret them (these mistakes really did affect my life,I lost someone I loved deeply). I'm just very sad, I'm always angry at home always getting into arguments with my family but outside the house I'm very chill around my friends (thats so hypocritical of me I know). I just spend 80% of my day feeling sad, thinking about my past and future. I'm demotivated I feel like I'm wasting my life and not doing anything to improve myself. I know very well I'm a good person, I really am nice and helpful but I have this ongoing mental struggle that just won't go away no matter how much I try. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, at least not yet lol but I definitely am suffering mentally. I never thought about suiciding and never will but I really don't wanna continue living like this I'm so tired!!
You are not alone and I am 34 years old. I have so much to be grateful for, yet can't find that gratitude bone. I feel like it's impossible to be loved. I don't know how this helps you by telling you, cuz it doesn't. But I can relate hard.
23 is SO YOUNG. You have your whole life ahead of you. Take some of that time you spend beating yourself up and use it to make some plans for yourself, something you really want to do, something you’ll look forward to. Maybe there’s a class you want to take, a language you wanna learn, or somewhere you want to travel, even if it’s just to another part of the state. The rest of your life can be wonderful. Don’t waste your 20s worrying about things that you can’t change and that really aren’t merited because, as you said, you are a good person. I’m sending you lots of love and hugs and I hope you spend time with people you love, people who build you up and make you feel good, and if they don’t then find some who will and if they won’t then you do it because you deserve it.
So relatable. I just turned 23 too and assumed this self hatred would go but it's so much worse now and I know I can't continue like this. But no one knows what the 'fix' is. My family are concerned but don't know how bad it really is. I have no friends, which is probably a result of me just being so constantly depressed. I wish I could be normal and accept my face, my lack of qualities and my dull personality. I have dermatilomania (skin picking disorder) which makes me hate myself even more and spiral into this ferris wheel of shame and regret. I find it hard to face people any more because I just struggle to keep it together when I see how normal they are and how far from ok I am.
As hard as i try to let things go, I can’t. I just can’t seem to stop beating myself up for things I’ve done. I hate feeling this way. I literally look forward to sleeping everyday so I can stop feeling like this for a while. It doesn’t last long enough.
Me too. I don't even understand how I could have behaved in ways that I did. I realize the behavior was horrible but yet, it seems to be who I am. Sleeping used to help but lately there have been more nightmares.
every one of you have an unbelievably unique perspectives and strengths. I love that you feel comfortable sharing it here. Nothing in life is 100%, it's ok to let go of the past and focus on small strengths. For me it was realizing that a part of me will always feel alone and disappointed by the world/others. Its always possible to do better, all of the research on neuroplasticity indicates it, but it isn't always 'possible' depending on habits, dopamine addiction, etc.
Honestly, i overcame my self hatred by accepting that I hate myself. Odd, but it worked for me. Because i also realize that hate is loves sister. And if i hate myself, i can learn to turn it into love
Never be dissapointed you say? Phew! Thanks man, because I wanted to be dissapointed. Guess if a catchy phrase says not to do something you shouldn't. I got another good catchphrase. "Be healthy and awesome at everything". Wrap your head around that you piece of shit
@@sirmango5439 you can't say shit like "don't be dissapointed". It's as idiotic as saying to someone who is depressed "just don't be depressed", as if it's easy to just "snap out of it". Also, would you say that quote to a disabled or crippled person ? Guess not. And if you did it's just because you are totally oblivious as to how these people feel about life in general, therefore being a fucking douchebag. Point is don't just go spewing around quotes, use your own god damn words
@@noneofyoureffingbizness5806 let me start by saying: calm down. There's nothing wrong with disagreeing with someone, that doesn't mean we can't be civil about it. The idea behind what I said is to try and focus on the things we each have going for us, even if it's only minor things, as opposed to the terrible things going against us because we then start to compare ourselves to people that lack our burdens and feel more depressed and/or more dissapointed. Everyone faces their own difficulties in life, just because they are different does not make them any less difficult to the individual. By focusing instead on the good things we have whatever their significance or insignificance, it rather makes one realise that life isn't so bad after all. That's not to say it's easy to do that; I've spent most of my life depressed and dissapointed and by extension hating myself (hence commenting on this), I know it's hard, though it tends to be the most difficult things in life that are most worth doing. When you've hit rock bottom and got nothing left to lose then what's the harm in trying anyway? What I'm trying to get at is we get to determine and perceive what life is for us, I think we should therefore aim to perceive our own lives in a positive way where possible, not to disregard our disappointments but to refrain from drowning in them by holding onto the things we're grateful for.
years of cyber bullying has turned me into a shell of my former self.. someone who used to be happy and prideful of themselves now has nothing but hate for themselves
Sitting here this morning as a 54 year old man.. I can’t stop my self hate, I can’t stop hurting those I love with my anger. I’m thinking hard about ending it.. thanks for trying to help
Call me +420735507018 if you want to live. I am 43 and can relate. Several times I had suicide ideation, and, no matter how painful, live is worth living.
TheDestinyDragoon I understand hating everyone and everything in this world. And I understand being young and feeling helpless, even though everything looks fine. But I always thought I would get better. I’ve tried, pretty hard actually. I’ve been able to push it back, and keep myself in check at times, but it never last. The stupidest little things will set me off, and off I go. Destroying all trust that I’ve gained from others and myself. Now, I’m alone again and don’t even want to put others or myself through the hell of my sick mind. I hope you will look for some help, I didn’t even start to try until I was in my 40s. But your young, and there is things that help folks. I wish you peace ,
I had this all throughout elementary school to high school. My parents divorced when I was young. I was fat, didn’t have good grades and I didn’t fit in. My parents weren’t strict about grades or eating healthy. So I didn’t care much about them. I’m not sure when My self hatred and anger subsided but I think doing things I like and finding pride in the things I can do helped. It’s a road I never want to go down again.
"It simply comes down to this: when you engage with life - or in other words: when you flourish - you don't have time to hate yourself" Man what a beautiful quote, I always love listening to your stories when I have something negative on my mind. It feels therapeutic and I love it! thank you
The man who knows only darkness will be a slave to sarrow and self hate, The man who knows only light will be the prisoner to loneliness and untrue happiness, that itself is a path to self hate. The man who knows the darkness and light will have a appreciation for sadness and happiness, he will have a understanding for the highs and the lows. He will be his own best friend when alone but he will not be lonely, he will love himself because he understands himself the only person to truly know who you is yourself.
I too been dealing with the same thing as you my whole life. I am 68 now and learned to control these things, but it has been very difficult journey being called retarded all through my youth and very few people understand our form of autism. My heart goes out to you for what you are going through, but glad you are viewing this channel for it is a good help to us.
Same, its so overwhelming. Im 16 and got diagnosed a month ago with ASD. I also have anxiety so im in a continuous self hating cycle😩 wish you the best💕
What makes me feel the worst is that when I feel good about myself I make more mistakes and do more stupid actions. I feel grounded and calmer when I hate myself. I don't think I'll ever let myself escape this mindset. It sucks.
You seem to release videos that are shockingly relevant to me personally at the time, this one included. Thank you, your channel is one of the most comforting and melancholic channels I have ever come across.
Same here..i am praying to god to let me die in my sleep everyday 😔..I don't know whether I feel bad that there are so many people like me or feel good that I am not alone in this journey. I hope we will be strong and fight through it.
I have often read about self-love, but they were just words on a page until your video clip. You have highlighted the practical way of self-love in an everyday kinda manner. Know that you make a difference. Thank you.
A bit of a story. This has been the darkest year of my life so far. A lot of vile shit went down, and I accept responsibility for my share of said vileness. I also began hating myself to an extreme degree to the point where I considered killing myself several times. Then recently, I began feeling like I was really turning things around for myself. I went as far as confiding in my mom that I acknowledge the kind of person I am, that I’m also healing and learning. Today, I’m talking to my brother about some harmless topic and he says “Oh, that reminds me. Mom said you’re holding grudges.” And when I confronted him about it, especially how he told me, he became hostile and defensive. I just…it’s weird. It’s like all that self-hatred I harbored is just gone. Like every thing I ran through my mind this year doesn’t matter anymore. I feel alive and kind of liberated but lonely at the same time since my own family just sees me as another reoccurring problem. Since I’m not in a position where I can cut ties with them, I’m just gonna hold out for another year or two before publicly calling my mom, brother, and dad out before some crowd of people as payback. Now I’m conflicted on whether I was the one responsible for my own sinisterness or if my family are the ones responsible.
I think most of your videos are quite personal, and that is a good thing. As someone who is prone to self-hatred, I find that I tend to underestimate my ability to perform a task despite being more than competent to complete it. Whilst I can use this as motivation to improve my ability, it can become inhibiting and produce less favourable outcomes. In a sense this is like the Aristotelian notion of virtues becoming a vice, and overthinking and perfectionism certainly add to this. Which is why meditation (to quiet the mind) and stoicism (to live in accordance with nature and be a man of virtue) are great tools to help this, although I'm still working on it. Anyway, enough of me, I thoroughly enjoy your content and congrats on the 200k subscribers.
Just discovered your channel and love it. I wish I had found you a year ago. I have had 20+ years of self-hatred. My wife calls it my internal "shit talker". And counting your blessings actually prevents your negative ego mind from thinking about all the bad stuff. I still have not concurred by shit talker, but I see how to walk away from it.
Self hatred can come from really deep places in the past, like ghosts coming out to haunt and whisper in your ear. If you really think about when you first heard that voice, you might hear your mother or your father in it. You might not hear a thing, but just have that feeling because a parent looked at you with disgust or hatred too frequently. We internalize our parents perception of us, even if they don't intend that consequence. But, thank you. I appreciate the steps to dealing with it.
This video that you gave to us is one of the most important valuable lessons upon this life's journey. We all have to battle this game of life and we will eventually have reflect our own interest towards ourselves. Thank u
Shame is injected into us by failing parents, reinforced by an ashamed society. I was raised by a narcissist mother, and grew up full of toxic shame. The first step was realizing it wasn't me who held that judgement for myself, but it was my critical voice. The voice that belonged to my narcissistic mother. This realization alone comes with so much grief, to realize a parent was not only imperfect but objectively cruel. That critical voice is not mine. I often frame my shame as not being meant for me. That toxic shame belonged to my parents. I was a child locked in the crossfire between my parents and themselves, or my parents and their own abusive parents. It was never my shame to hold, it was never my war to fight in. Once the shame is a step away, there becomes room for the antidote to shame: self-compassion and self-love. Self-compassion comes a bit easier. This can appear in courage, bravery, and grit. Doing what the critical voice tells you that you cannot. Then comes self-love. Self-love cannot coexist with shame. This is a simplification as there are so many other things involved. The boundaries that must be learned and set around current relationships, reframing of all emotions as not inherently shameful, mindfulness and goal-setting, separating actionable guilt and the cycle of shame, connecting with your inner child, self-care, finding therapy, grieving all that was attached to the toxic shame, grieving who you wanted your parents or what you wanted your life to be, radical acceptance, etc. This is a hard as hell journey, but there's nothing worth more than becoming free and living the rest of your life in your own shoes.
I always feel like I don't deserve the love i get and i how lucky i am than others , as i always see myself as a miserable person... who has accepted everything but isn't gonna ask for forgiveness cuz i have accepted my deeds and fate as i am ready to be accountable for it rather than doing good deeds just to look good in god's eyes...
What I hate the most (after myself) is the fact that I don't have a bad life. I shouldn't be complaining or miserable and I really have no right to be depressed when I have so many things to be grateful for. Those thoughts only serve to make me ashamed and bring the intensity of self hatred up another notch (which I didn't think was possible).
I’ve done something I regret because I hurt multiple people and I’m still gonna have to pay even though I thought there would be no consequences because I used to be careless about everything.
Thank you ein, from the deepest of my heart. The understanding you shared really helps me to start. I've been consumed in self-hatred even since I was very young thanks to judging parents and environment. And it gets worse when I did something wrong with heavy consequences. Not only hatred from others, but also from my own self. Nobody teach us how to love ourselves, so it's very easy to get lost in it. I'm so desperate to grow and flourish, and live, like you said, I'm fed up with my own mind tormenting me, so I've been looking materials to help me recover and heal myself. Your videos on stoicism been a lot of help, and I'd like to learn more about it, although reading book is still a challenge for me, so your content is so helpful and valuable to me. Thanks a lot for sharing your knowledge and experience. You've been a help, and I'm sure not just me, but also for a lot of others too. Cheers!
I very much don't want YOU to hate yourself, Mr. Einzelganger. I have such respect for you, and I hate to think of you being in pain. Yet it is a comfort, too, because I have struggled with self hatred for 50 years. I appreciate all your suggestions, but the one that I like best is the "make a space to be miserable." I have tried for years to deny that self hatred is the foundation of my interactions with the world. But, as always, denial does not work. I find it best to give me and my self hatred the respect I deserve. Self hatred is my disease. I didn't choose it, but it is with me. I must acknowledge it and do what I can to heal the pain. Thank you for EVERYTHING you post. 🧘♀️
Thank you so much! This is just what I wanted to see right now! Couldn't have started the day in a better way. You are really helping people! It's wonderful to have people Like you in this world! Love and blessings!
If this can help someone, and I think many grew up that way at some extent When I did something wrong, my parents punished me, and I learnt that if it was bad , it's because it was bothering them. I thought what was most important was to avoid bothering others, not aknowledging and taking responsability for my mistakes, because I was never taught to do that. And I couldn't stand up for myself either, because whenever I did something bad or if someone did me wrong, an adult would come and take care of it for me. In the end, instead of relying on myself, I only relied on others. That's how I determined my self-worth and my actions. And it resulted in behaviors such as lying to avoid being in trouble, or to get what I wanted even if I knew it was wrong, because I knew that if I pretended to be sad, my parents would take care of me. It also lead to a crippling feeling that I was weak. I was so ashamed that I couldn't do anything and so scared not to be powerful, since "worth" was something given by others, that I developped, inter alia, sadistic tendancies (deeply represssed, but still there) to feel stronger, and an inflated ego to cope with my shame. I also isolated myself because if I'm alone, I don't have to take responsability and I can pretend I'm not weak. In the end it only reinforced my self-centered behavior and damaged my empathic abilities. For years I was only living in a fiction, a dream away from reality. Then, one night when I was eleven, I suddenly realized the weight of how I had been living : how I had rather hurt people because it gave me a sense of power. How I would rather pretend I didn't do anything wrong, because facing the fact that I bothered others was more dreadful than actually trying to make it right. That's the night I started to feel overwhelmingly guilty. The night I started to really hate myself. I was a monster. I didn't deserve anything. Now years have past and only now am I starting to realize how much I hurt myself, but it took me to finally open up unconditionally to a friend to understand that. I think knowing where our feelings come from can greatly help us forgiving ourselves, because every fucked up behavior we have exists because that's how we learnt to cope with a frightful feeling or situation in the first place. And growing together is way easier than having to do it alone. I've noticed that despite how little place I try to take, I'm not a humble person. And what helps me most to let go is accepting to feel vulnerable. And when I'm able to laugh about myself with pure joy, when an unexpected tear of relief rolls down my cheek, that's when I know I'm healing. So I have hope for the future, even if the road is still far from over. And I hope you find the strengh to not be powerful, to not be perfect, to forgive yourself, be gentle and most importantly, to laugh. Because laughing genuinely at yourself with love is underated and those who do, will rise the highest. And we're all just human who were born neither worthless or righteous.
I feel like bullying is one of the biggest causes of self-hatred. I was bullied by my cousin for the first 10 years of my life, physically, mentally and verbally. He even tried to actually kill me. When you’re told that every fucking thing you do is the wrong thing, especially when your brain is developing, will make you believe it. This will make things so much harder to fix by the time you realize there’s a good side to everything you’ve been told, and that most of what those bullies will say and do is out of jealousy. It takes a lot of convincing of yourself to fix it
I just found something that helps. It might sound crazy but I remembered back in time to when I was maybe 3 or 4 and to the soul I was back then. I was too yiung to know judgement and just lived in the moment. Remembering who I was at 3 has suddenly lifted my mood.
ill never forget when i was like 11, i told a kid in class i hated everyone. he thought he was smart by retorting, that means you hate yourself too. I said I do. He looked at me really weird. he did not expect that.
Whenever I look up these kinds of videos.. I always have this main desire to just make myself feel better, even though I have my self hatred. I know that I wanna be happy, see myself as a good person, etc. -- but i despise myself so much it's affecting others around me. When u mentioned giving time to be miserable while taking care of urself with say, cleaning ur room, tho.. It made me think of a small plan I was gonna do today: I was gonna treat myself to some pizza and cheesy bread, which i never do, but have wanted to do in a while. I started crying some at this point in the video, but.. I like that small connection I made; without realizing it fully/accepting it, I was already doing what u said, I guess? But.. It did make me feel better. Thank you. Thank you *so* much.
Thank you once again. Remember, no child is born hating itself. It's a learned process implicitly or explicitly. See where you picked it up. Would you talk to that child you once were in such hate-filled terms? If it's learned it can be unlearned. I know, I've been there!!! Bail ó Dhia ar an obair! ( God bless the work) :)
I really wish I could say that this helped me out. But it didn't. I just hate myself no matter what. I've never accomplished anything, never achieved anything that I wanted, and honestly, have no reason to be alive. I'm a specimen that should have never been.
I read your comment. It's what I would have said also.. Recently, I destroyed my life, by my foolish mistake and decisions. ... Suffering horribly with depression now.
This is really helpful. I think, in a way, a blessing that women have that we men don’t grant ourselves is the permission to have a good cry. These days I occasionally grant myself that permission; preferably with someone close as a witness. Even a good counselor. And as you say, somehow, I’m able to move past my judgments, I can take stock of my blessings, and I get up and put one foot in front of the other again. Often lighter. This work is a really good reminder. Thank you.
What I just wrote here is super depressing but I wanted to share how I feel when I’m really, really, REALLY down. I really, truly, honestly *hate* myself. I hate myself because this past year I’ve wasted $30,000+ of my parents’ money going to a very good college where I majored in English. I hate myself because I failed a class in the first semester, and after my parents hesitantly paid for a second semester I withdrew with below 50% in every class. I hate myself because I manipulated my boyfriend and family into thinking I was a happy, studious girl with a passion for writing. I hate myself because in reality, I played video games and slept through classes. I hate myself for going to college unprepared, unmotivated, and depressed. I hate myself for having an amazing family that argues about me constantly. I hate myself for keeping such an amazing boyfriend and person to myself when any girl could have him and treat him better than me. I hate myself for continuing to leave my college supplies and clothes packed in their boxes, because I’m such a lazy piece of sh*t. I hate myself for all the books my mother bought me because she cared about my mental health and my interests and I haven’t read a single page. I hate myself for writing this because I told my family I was going upstairs to shower 90 minutes ago. I hate myself for being awkward and saying the wrong things to people. I hate myself because I work as a package handler and can’t keep up with the flow. I hate myself for being too numb to cry, and when I can cry it can last for hours. I hate myself because I’m pathetic and fat and manipulative and disrespectful and selfish and more. I hate myself for being such a horrible example to my three younger siblings. I hate myself for being too scared to kill myself because of all the people who would miss me. I hate myself for hating myself. I can’t decide what I want more, to change or die.
Sometimes I experience self-hatred, even when I'm being productive and doing things I wanna do. It's kind of like if it was all about wanting more and more, and never being satisfied with what you've got. And not realizing how long you've come and being proud that you took action in the first place, most times lead to self-hatred.
To overcome self-hate you have stop rewarding yourself love for certain actions, but instead learn to love yourself as the universe loves you. Find love beyond your identity and ego.
I have so much self-hatred that it makes me nauseous. It paralyses me to the point where I can barely move some days - leading to more negative labels and more time to just simmer in this hate.
Thank you, I really needed this. It's strange; it's like I fear being useless so sometimes I keep thinking that I am worthless for that and that so that if I were to realize some day that it's true, I can just say: "Yeah, I know." Like if knowing you're useless is some kind of justification for it. Knowing your place. I know that my mind often paints me as worthless in irrational ways, but it's still difficult to not fall for it sometimes.
My dad made me hate myself. Constantly puts me down, makes me feel not good enough and when he isn't doing that he isn't kind or loving. The only thing he's ever done for me is support me with money the few times I've asked for it. But I'd rather a loving involved poor dad rather than the distant, workaholic one I've got now. I know his mother was very distant with him, so how can i really blame him but don't have kids if you can't show them true love.
An oldie but goodie! After years of daily Einzelganger philosophical studies, I'm truly recognizing the potency of this enjoyable education. The tools from Stoicism, Buddhism, and Taoism are invaluable for living. Your videos have become an oasis in challenging times. I'm truly grateful. 🙏
"Judge righteous judgment". (Jesus) There's also a form of extreme self love that is "hateful" towards those around that person. Proper functioning trust needs truth. This metaphysical equation is the basis of both love and judgement.
I don’t hate myself, I just don’t like my personality, I’m angry at myself, my attitude, my hobbies, my decisions, they’re all bad, they don’t serve anyone expect myself. If everything I liked doing was actually healthy and good for others, I wouldn’t have had a reason to be angry at myself
If you've ever been bullied as a child, those voices stick with you. And you want to spit in the face of everyone who has tried to, "help" you, especially when you have unresolved hatred due to being deceived a lot as a kid, or constantly being told things that just dont work, or even being told that you're lying when you want to tell the truth or dont even know how to, causing you to doubt yourself. Encouragement and guidance is so crucial as a kid, and they often get it wrong. But practicing with them daily makes sure they will quickly reinforce those lessons and develop a special bond.
😊 I came to this channel to better understand what my friend feels and I think it's a realy hard thing to overcome but like Einzelänger said do what is actually right, look after yourself, like watching a nice film with display of kindness/compassion, take a walk outside for fresh air, eat a healthy meal, stop drinking alcochol or caffeine for example these are all the things that can help even if they feel pointless or longwinded, you start one day by the time you know it a month went by. The cure is to get unused to it. We are all creatures of habit.
Thank you for this video! It helps me cope and realize some of my absolute hatred for myself. Every. Single. Day. I think how much better off my loved ones would be if I was gone. I almost fantasize about dying and how the pain will just stop.
I used to think that I was best at everything. I loved all the praise I got as a child. But because of that mindset, it lead me to self hatred. My insecurities are driving me crazy. I get insecure over the smallest things. My anxiety got even worse this pandemic & I can't even go outside I mean I dont want to. I got bullied for my weight, height, acne & even my voice. I would just lie to myself & say "I'm prettier than them why would I even believe them? Who are they to say that? Their not even good looking." Lying to myself helped boost myself confidence & kept me mentally stabled. But now its too much. I've always tried to open up, but whenever I do, they would'nt even care lol. I dont even think anyone would care if I died. I feel bad for my parents. They could've had a talented kid, who is smart & pretty, & got along with others well, but they got the complete opposite. An anti social nobody who gets scared over the smallest things, and has no motivation to do anything anymore. I hate myself more than anything else.
I also thought I was the best, I was praised a lot as a child. That was until I realised there are people better than me, more intelligent, more talented. I became insecure and I still am. But everyone has things they are good at and bad at. You may be worse at things many people are good at, but you're also good at things that others aren't. You may not be aware of it but you have it in you. It may be something so simple yet so powerful, or you may be seeing it as a "weakness" even if it's not. All this time, you probably compared yourself to others because that's how you were believed you were the best. The source of your confidence was also the source of your insecurities. It's because we started off the life thinking we were above, then realised we weren't actually above. But this doesn't mean we're below everyone either. We're all equally different, if that makes sense? I personally tried to embrace the difference, embrace how different everyone looks including me and how many different and undiscovered talents each of us possess. Then I become all sad over the fact that we don't usually use them to make the world a better place to live in, but that's a different topic lol. I think it's also about the way we're raised. All the little interactions we had with our parents have a big role in making us believe ourselves today. Like, if your parents mostly valued your success and grades over you, that would be conditional love, not unconditional. This could lead you to trust the outcome, but not the process. So when the outcome isn't the way you imagined it to be, it makes it much easier to doubt yourself. As someone in the comment section said, self-hatred is a taught behavior. You deserve to be loved just by existing. You don't have to "become" someone "worthy of love and respect", no matter what anyone else says. You're not being a burden opening up. You deserve to be heard and cared for❤
I 'feel like sh*t' the most when i have nothing to do with my life. During semester breaks, when no one needs me and no one is forced to be around me....then im forced to face myself, alone. And that gives me too much space to be hard on myself for not being needed and feel unwanted. It's lonely when i have nothing other than myself to hold close to me.
At 44 I have finally met someone I love unconditionally, would die to protect and if I ever found out she liked me I would explain to her by quoting the song (Hurt) “I will let you down, I will make you hurt” and I could not live with myself if I made her feel that way, I can’t forgive my self for any mistake I’ve ever made. I just don’t want anything else from my life, and I have very few people that give a shit what happens to me or even bother to talk to me anymore. Truthfully they are just making it easier to not care either… I only hope that woman I love so much can be happy everyday the rest of her life and never has to feel this way ever…
I slowly slipped and it took me some time to realize my self hate. I started working and went from the amazing intern into a failing colleague. I realized my relationship was not at all healthy for me. I didn't have things in order at all and don't you have to have a stable life at age 30? I put so much pressure on myself, and felt shame when I failed. I used to plan everything upfront in my head, cause I wanted to do it as perfect as possible. Then I lost my job, my home and got a terrible depression. Turned out, that was the best thing to happen to! Man, how I needed to get confronted with how insanely negative my inner voice got. I didn't realize I was constantly putting myself down. Realizing that and countering that inner negativity and being nice to myself changed so much. And that big black hole from the depression started to fill up with self love and positivity! It's still a struggle sometimes, but I feel so much more at peace with myself. I hope everyone out there finds a way to love themselves, cause we truly deserve that :)
I fight with conflicting feelings in regards to myself. I see what I've done and can appreciate it but I also know I could have done a lot better and still can. I fought to be happy with my current self and life, yet I find myself feeling empty or as if somethings missing. I want for nothing yet feel as if I need something.
I really appreciated this video. I watched it twice to try to grasp it better. It is so true that the the personalised list of demands is usually not so much my own wishes, but that of the society, parents and upbringing. I really appreciated the points you made for overcoming Self-hatred. Point (4) was a bit of a surprise, but it does make sense, I will try it out. About point (5), i have tried to do the same way as you, and force myself to take action even when I am not feeling up to it at all, and it does indeed help a lot to try to stay active and keep the body in shape. Thank you for this wonderful channel, it has so much good content! I wish you all the best.
Self-hatred is a taught behavior. I love doing nothing with my time, and yet I've been trained to see that as wasting time; therefore, I placed labels on my self as lazy. This is one of the things that made me hate myself. But earlier this year, I understood that me "wasting time" is not exactly wasting. We were put on Earth not have a laundry list of shit to do. We were here for spiritual learning. So how am I wasting time by not doing the material list? I'm not. I love myself :)
WonderFool i enjoyed reading that, thanks
I feel the exact same way. Thank you for putting it into words.
Thank you for saying thing this. Human BEING NOT Human DOING.
I loved this, thanks.
This hit the nail on the head, thanks for this kind of honesty
I can't remember a period of my life when I didn't absolutely despise myself, I feel like I'm the worst person I know.
I hate that I feel the same
Yeah man ever since I was a kid I hated myself and everything. Just so angry and tired.
You're not alone. As a 10 year old I realized that we were born in this massive world and that each one of us were insignificant small beings. That one could die and nothing will happen, it won't affect anyone. Except family and friends. It's difficult, I know. We feel like we don't deserve anything or it's better if we just fade away from this life so we don't bother anyone. Only advice I know it's to just not hurt yourself. You will hate yourself more if you do that. I feel easier when I know death can happen anytime in my life and just accept that I will be at peace. It's inevitable. So enjoy your time here in this life. Like listening to your favorite songs.
@@alexissegundo4585 Can't say though,i've felt better after ripping off my finger
@@Irreversiblegrief can't say pain is something to my liking. I mean, we're brought to this world to suffer. So I think that is enough to not harm ourselves. Also, I don't know what you'll do if you run out of fingers
Self hatred stems greatly from comparison with others.
You cannot be like others, because you aren’t them.
*The only real competition is your former self.*
A very, very, good philosophy. Thank you O'ssein.
O'SSÉIN - Master Your Mind With Me while I agree with you about comparing one self to others. Also it can come from child abuse, physical, sexual, and mental abuse. I and many others have survived all of those. Great self hate is spawned by all of these✌️
This can be true for many but that's just it. Even if you don't compare yourself to others you can still look at your own past and see how you have not improved or even kept yourself at the same level; you've worsened yourself. And yes, unhealthy comparison to other people is a cause of self hatred but it ain't the only one ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Dude you are everywhere! And so am I:)
The goal of everyday is to be better than your yesterself. Duh
I have tried to stop hating myself, but I can't, because everytime I tell something good to myself I feel like I am lying to myself.
Edit: After a year and half I stopped hating myself and overcame depression. Working out helped me a lot and I want everyone who's struggling to know that things do get better. Even if it's hard and takes a lot of work, everyone is able to heal.
I feel the same. I think I don't deserve to be happy because I find myself a bad person. It is so hard, I really don't know how to get out of this.
@@marly1915 After all this time now I'm better and I stopped hating myself finally, all I can say to you is not to be so harsh on yourself, if you think that you are a bad person then do good actions. What made me get out of depression and stop hating myself was to start exercising, apart from making my body healthier and look better, my mental health got way better and now I have a lot of confidence, I hope it works out for you :)
@@RockyTheDog Thank you so much for sharing this, I will definitely try it!
Same. Feel like I'm lying to myself and denying what is true.
Yeah, I found myself in the same cycle.. I used to be stupidly happy and positive and carefree, but some shit happened & now “allowing myself to receive love and positivity into my life” = the deepest & longest lasting pain I’ve ever felt, I think my spirit broke..
It feels like a I don’t deserve to be happy? It doesn’t seem important.. actually the most horrifying part is that I’m thankful, don’t outright HATE myself, and I can get into happy moods and thoughts regularly…. I don’t wish for death, but I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal or negative.. I don’t see why I SHOULD be happy etc, being stuck in Limbo almost seems worse than Hell because at least in Hell you’re part of something/something’s happening to you.. people can even learn to enjoy pain and suffering or find comfort in it. It feels like I’m frozen in the timeline while life/universe continues on endlessly, good&bad, I’m stuck while life grows smaller as it gets further away. I know how to get healthier and I know that I can, but I just don’t see any difference of why I would do that vs. just no nothing.. I also don’t trust myself to do anything…. It’s like nothing happening at all feels safer than taking a step forward.. wow, I just therapied myself and now realize that I don’t hate myself…. It’s that I don’t trust myself, I blame myself for the shit that went wrong…. so I know it’s up to me to fix it, but there’s just nothing that I want…. And I see that everyone else will be fine even if I’m gone because at this point everyone has moved on even my family.. and I’m not able to WANT something for myself enough…. What do I want.. what do I want…. (Someone or something to connect with.. that is 100% honest and open.. I need that, it’s 100% or nothing because of the trauma that causes me to not trust myself…)
i’m convinced that everything bad that happens to me, i deserve. i hate being by myself. i hate being with myself. i hate the way i think and the way i can’t top thinking and it only makes me more frustrated with myself.
*_"I_*_ hate _*_myself."_* Such an odd expression. The *"I"* and *"myself",* 2 separate beings trapped in one psyche, one disgusted with the other, like 2 life long roommates - and one wants to kill the other.
I brushed this comment off as ridiculous at first but when I reread it again, I was impressed
@@roehanostornsyn3367 Thanks. I think anyone here who has battled with self-loathing, depression & suicidal ideation is too familiar with that absurd & pernicious thought loop.
@@bebeezra I agree, there are many people who understand well the balancing act of trying to stop 1 side of the brain from taking over the other side
The sense of myself that is separate is imaginary. “I” in the deepest sense is all inclusive yet beyond it. We are where all stems from and where it all goes back to. Feel me? 😂😂
Tübermensch
At times in my case it's more about existence.
A strange unexplainable blessing (which I am grateful for) with a lot of potential for suffering.
Please, be proud of you, because you're doing the best thing ever: helping others.
Plus, your voice is just perfect
thank you
Thank you toothless :). I'm very happy I can do this.
Very true.
Yes his voice is perfect, he should turn his book into an audio book with his voice narration
Yes the first thing to find change is to realize and not rationalize
I using other people. So its contrate fact to hate mysef
I really do hate myself and it's actually getting worse for me as I get older. When I was a teenager I just had low self esteem and didn't like my self but now as an adult (23 yo) I can honestly say I hate myself, the way I look, the way I speak, the way I think, the way I treat myself and others, the way I compare myself to my friends, basically everything!!! I'm just inable to love myself or appreciate the blessings I have. Everytime I talk to someone I just feel like they dislike me so much, I always say the wrong things, everyday I think about the mistakes I did yearrrs ago and regret them (these mistakes really did affect my life,I lost someone I loved deeply). I'm just very sad, I'm always angry at home always getting into arguments with my family but outside the house I'm very chill around my friends (thats so hypocritical of me I know). I just spend 80% of my day feeling sad, thinking about my past and future. I'm demotivated I feel like I'm wasting my life and not doing anything to improve myself.
I know very well I'm a good person, I really am nice and helpful but I have this ongoing mental struggle that just won't go away no matter how much I try. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, at least not yet lol but I definitely am suffering mentally.
I never thought about suiciding and never will but I really don't wanna continue living like this I'm so tired!!
Yes. I feel this 👌💙
You are not alone and I am 34 years old. I have so much to be grateful for, yet can't find that gratitude bone. I feel like it's impossible to be loved. I don't know how this helps you by telling you, cuz it doesn't. But I can relate hard.
23 is SO YOUNG. You have your whole life ahead of you. Take some of that time you spend beating yourself up and use it to make some plans for yourself, something you really want to do, something you’ll look forward to. Maybe there’s a class you want to take, a language you wanna learn, or somewhere you want to travel, even if it’s just to another part of the state. The rest of your life can be wonderful. Don’t waste your 20s worrying about things that you can’t change and that really aren’t merited because, as you said, you are a good person. I’m sending you lots of love and hugs and I hope you spend time with people you love, people who build you up and make you feel good, and if they don’t then find some who will and if they won’t then you do it because you deserve it.
Same here but with the suicidal part
So relatable. I just turned 23 too and assumed this self hatred would go but it's so much worse now and I know I can't continue like this. But no one knows what the 'fix' is. My family are concerned but don't know how bad it really is. I have no friends, which is probably a result of me just being so constantly depressed. I wish I could be normal and accept my face, my lack of qualities and my dull personality. I have dermatilomania (skin picking disorder) which makes me hate myself even more and spiral into this ferris wheel of shame and regret. I find it hard to face people any more because I just struggle to keep it together when I see how normal they are and how far from ok I am.
As hard as i try to let things go, I can’t. I just can’t seem to stop beating myself up for things I’ve done. I hate feeling this way. I literally look forward to sleeping everyday so I can stop feeling like this for a while. It doesn’t last long enough.
I struggle with that too. Guilt and the feeling of emptiness is a constant.
@Esther Jones as they say, misery loves company. In all seriousness, I’m sorry you feel like crap too. You wanna talk about it?
Me too. I don't even understand how I could have behaved in ways that I did. I realize the behavior was horrible but yet, it seems to be who I am.
Sleeping used to help but lately there have been more nightmares.
Exactly how it is for me. Exactly.
every one of you have an unbelievably unique perspectives and strengths. I love that you feel comfortable sharing it here. Nothing in life is 100%, it's ok to let go of the past and focus on small strengths. For me it was realizing that a part of me will always feel alone and disappointed by the world/others. Its always possible to do better, all of the research on neuroplasticity indicates it, but it isn't always 'possible' depending on habits, dopamine addiction, etc.
Honestly, i overcame my self hatred by accepting that I hate myself. Odd, but it worked for me. Because i also realize that hate is loves sister. And if i hate myself, i can learn to turn it into love
"Never be dissapointed in what you lack, always be grateful for what you have"
Never be dissapointed you say? Phew! Thanks man, because I wanted to be dissapointed. Guess if a catchy phrase says not to do something you shouldn't. I got another good catchphrase. "Be healthy and awesome at everything". Wrap your head around that you piece of shit
@@noneofyoureffingbizness5806 I'm curious as to how I've offended you? If you don't like my advice you're entitled to ignore it.
@@sirmango5439 you can't say shit like "don't be dissapointed". It's as idiotic as saying to someone who is depressed "just don't be depressed", as if it's easy to just "snap out of it". Also, would you say that quote to a disabled or crippled person ? Guess not. And if you did it's just because you are totally oblivious as to how these people feel about life in general, therefore being a fucking douchebag. Point is don't just go spewing around quotes, use your own god damn words
@@noneofyoureffingbizness5806 let me start by saying: calm down. There's nothing wrong with disagreeing with someone, that doesn't mean we can't be civil about it. The idea behind what I said is to try and focus on the things we each have going for us, even if it's only minor things, as opposed to the terrible things going against us because we then start to compare ourselves to people that lack our burdens and feel more depressed and/or more dissapointed. Everyone faces their own difficulties in life, just because they are different does not make them any less difficult to the individual. By focusing instead on the good things we have whatever their significance or insignificance, it rather makes one realise that life isn't so bad after all. That's not to say it's easy to do that; I've spent most of my life depressed and dissapointed and by extension hating myself (hence commenting on this), I know it's hard, though it tends to be the most difficult things in life that are most worth doing. When you've hit rock bottom and got nothing left to lose then what's the harm in trying anyway? What I'm trying to get at is we get to determine and perceive what life is for us, I think we should therefore aim to perceive our own lives in a positive way where possible, not to disregard our disappointments but to refrain from drowning in them by holding onto the things we're grateful for.
Noneofyour EffingBizness we can see your pain from a mile away. All the best man..
I love when people share from their own experience, thankyou. I too have struggled with self hate and now feel called to help others find self love.
"Counting The Blessings" This made me feel worse because I have no family or friends to feel good about, why I hate myself.
"When you engage with life... you don't have time to hate yourself." ... nice little nugget of wisdom there. thanks.
years of cyber bullying has turned me into a shell of my former self.. someone who used to be happy and prideful of themselves now has nothing but hate for themselves
Then get off the internet. Ppl are a holes. Tell them to Eff off then go live your life.
I overcame my self hatred by hating my self hatred. Two negatives can make a right.
Nah but then I'd just hate myself for hating myself
Stonks
Just uno reversed that bitch 😂
I used the self hatred to destroy the self hatred
Omg.. Genius😂😂
Sitting here this morning as a 54 year old man.. I can’t stop my self hate, I can’t stop hurting those I love with my anger. I’m thinking hard about ending it.. thanks for trying to help
Call me +420735507018 if you want to live.
I am 43 and can relate. Several times I had suicide ideation, and, no matter how painful, live is worth living.
TheDestinyDragoon I understand hating everyone and everything in this world. And I understand being young and feeling helpless, even though everything looks fine. But I always thought I would get better. I’ve tried, pretty hard actually. I’ve been able to push it back, and keep myself in check at times, but it never last. The stupidest little things will set me off, and off I go. Destroying all trust that I’ve gained from others and myself. Now, I’m alone again and don’t even want to put others or myself through the hell of my sick mind. I hope you will look for some help, I didn’t even start to try until I was in my 40s. But your young, and there is things that help folks. I wish you peace ,
Gerhard Symons I appreciate it, I really do. ✌️
Cool Breeze Hope things have got better for you bro .
take some mushrooms bro sheesh
I had this all throughout elementary school to high school. My parents divorced when I was young. I was fat, didn’t have good grades and I didn’t fit in. My parents weren’t strict about grades or eating healthy. So I didn’t care much about them. I’m not sure when My self hatred and anger subsided but I think doing things I like and finding pride in the things I can do helped. It’s a road I never want to go down again.
But be glad that it happened for if it did not the you today may not have been you
I have the exact same situation except my parents care about my grades and mine are decent, but I know I can do better
Too bad you have an anime profile pic.... sorta totally invalidates your opinion.
@@Coreisus How does a photo invalidate his opinion?
Stay strong you guys. You can do it. I believe in you. Hope you're doing good nowadays
"It simply comes down to this: when you engage with life - or in other words: when you flourish - you don't have time to hate yourself"
Man what a beautiful quote, I always love listening to your stories when I have something negative on my mind. It feels therapeutic and I love it! thank you
Sometimes resistance makes you hate your life but not yourself when you realize resistance is all apart of the game
Yea too bad there's nothing to engage with. My life is forfeit. No purpose. Only here to be a scapegoat.
The man who knows only darkness will be a slave to sarrow and self hate, The man who knows only light will be the prisoner to loneliness and untrue happiness, that itself is a path to self hate.
The man who knows the darkness and light will have a appreciation for sadness and happiness, he will have a understanding for the highs and the lows. He will be his own best friend when alone but he will not be lonely, he will love himself because he understands himself the only person to truly know who you is yourself.
You really struck my heart with this one, thank you.
Thank you! I currently deal with Asperger's, ADHD, depression and lots of self-loathing. I really needed to watch this, thanks again!
I too been dealing with the same thing as you my whole life. I am 68 now and learned to control these things, but it has been very difficult journey being called retarded all through my youth and very few people understand our form of autism. My heart goes out to you for what you are going through, but glad you are viewing this channel for it is a good help to us.
Same. I am due for re-diagnosis at 28
@Jimmy Crickets Couldn't agree more 100% !
Jimmy Crickets ???
Same, its so overwhelming. Im 16 and got diagnosed a month ago with ASD. I also have anxiety so im in a continuous self hating cycle😩 wish you the best💕
You have done a great service to humanity sharing this video. Thank you.
What makes me feel the worst is that when I feel good about myself I make more mistakes and do more stupid actions. I feel grounded and calmer when I hate myself. I don't think I'll ever let myself escape this mindset. It sucks.
Same
You seem to release videos that are shockingly relevant to me personally at the time, this one included. Thank you, your channel is one of the most comforting and melancholic channels I have ever come across.
TH-cam knows how much I've search phrases like "how to die sooner,,""how to disappear" and then this came up in my recommendation.
Same here..i am praying to god to let me die in my sleep everyday 😔..I don't know whether I feel bad that there are so many people like me or feel good that I am not alone in this journey. I hope we will be strong and fight through it.
I have often read about self-love, but they were just words on a page until your video clip. You have highlighted the practical way of self-love in an everyday kinda manner. Know that you make a difference. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful! Thank you for the compliment :)
A bit of a story.
This has been the darkest year of my life so far. A lot of vile shit went down, and I accept responsibility for my share of said vileness. I also began hating myself to an extreme degree to the point where I considered killing myself several times. Then recently, I began feeling like I was really turning things around for myself. I went as far as confiding in my mom that I acknowledge the kind of person I am, that I’m also healing and learning.
Today, I’m talking to my brother about some harmless topic and he says “Oh, that reminds me. Mom said you’re holding grudges.”
And when I confronted him about it, especially how he told me, he became hostile and defensive.
I just…it’s weird. It’s like all that self-hatred I harbored is just gone. Like every thing I ran through my mind this year doesn’t matter anymore. I feel alive and kind of liberated but lonely at the same time since my own family just sees me as another reoccurring problem.
Since I’m not in a position where I can cut ties with them, I’m just gonna hold out for another year or two before publicly calling my mom, brother, and dad out before some crowd of people as payback. Now I’m conflicted on whether I was the one responsible for my own sinisterness or if my family are the ones responsible.
Thank you for this. At times I feel so awful and it is nice to know that I’m not alone. 💗 Sending light to all who read this.
I hate myself too I don't know why
I think most of your videos are quite personal, and that is a good thing.
As someone who is prone to self-hatred, I find that I tend to underestimate my ability to perform a task despite being more than competent to complete it. Whilst I can use this as motivation to improve my ability, it can become inhibiting and produce less favourable outcomes. In a sense this is like the Aristotelian notion of virtues becoming a vice, and overthinking and perfectionism certainly add to this. Which is why meditation (to quiet the mind) and stoicism (to live in accordance with nature and be a man of virtue) are great tools to help this, although I'm still working on it.
Anyway, enough of me, I thoroughly enjoy your content and congrats on the 200k subscribers.
Just discovered your channel and love it. I wish I had found you a year ago. I have had 20+ years of self-hatred. My wife calls it my internal "shit talker". And counting your blessings actually prevents your negative ego mind from thinking about all the bad stuff. I still have not concurred by shit talker, but I see how to walk away from it.
Self hatred can come from really deep places in the past, like ghosts coming out to haunt and whisper in your ear. If you really think about when you first heard that voice, you might hear your mother or your father in it. You might not hear a thing, but just have that feeling because a parent looked at you with disgust or hatred too frequently. We internalize our parents perception of us, even if they don't intend that consequence. But, thank you. I appreciate the steps to dealing with it.
This video that you gave to us is one of the most important valuable lessons upon this life's journey. We all have to battle this game of life and we will eventually have reflect our own interest towards ourselves. Thank u
idk, but loving my own self feels so digusting to me,, I even can't get rid of this feeling about loving and hating myself,,
It's ok. Sometimes, it's ok to just be. You don't have to love or hate yourself. Just let yourself breathe.
Shame is injected into us by failing parents, reinforced by an ashamed society. I was raised by a narcissist mother, and grew up full of toxic shame. The first step was realizing it wasn't me who held that judgement for myself, but it was my critical voice. The voice that belonged to my narcissistic mother. This realization alone comes with so much grief, to realize a parent was not only imperfect but objectively cruel. That critical voice is not mine.
I often frame my shame as not being meant for me. That toxic shame belonged to my parents. I was a child locked in the crossfire between my parents and themselves, or my parents and their own abusive parents. It was never my shame to hold, it was never my war to fight in.
Once the shame is a step away, there becomes room for the antidote to shame: self-compassion and self-love. Self-compassion comes a bit easier. This can appear in courage, bravery, and grit. Doing what the critical voice tells you that you cannot. Then comes self-love. Self-love cannot coexist with shame.
This is a simplification as there are so many other things involved. The boundaries that must be learned and set around current relationships, reframing of all emotions as not inherently shameful, mindfulness and goal-setting, separating actionable guilt and the cycle of shame, connecting with your inner child, self-care, finding therapy, grieving all that was attached to the toxic shame, grieving who you wanted your parents or what you wanted your life to be, radical acceptance, etc.
This is a hard as hell journey, but there's nothing worth more than becoming free and living the rest of your life in your own shoes.
Living with myself feels like being handcuffed to a corpse that drags along the ground whenever you move
This got me more depressed.
I always feel like I don't deserve the love i get and i how lucky i am than others , as i always see myself as a miserable person...
who has accepted everything
but isn't gonna ask for forgiveness cuz i have accepted my deeds and fate as i am ready to be accountable for it rather than doing good deeds just to look good in god's eyes...
thankyou, when I need an advice and suddenly you post it.
Same!! 🥳😁
I allow moments or days or weeks to unravel as well..
What you resist, persist.
Counting my blessings makes me feel worse because mostly I did nothing to earn them. Family, friends, I lucked myself into them
What I hate the most (after myself) is the fact that I don't have a bad life. I shouldn't be complaining or miserable and I really have no right to be depressed when I have so many things to be grateful for.
Those thoughts only serve to make me ashamed and bring the intensity of self hatred up another notch (which I didn't think was possible).
I feel the same
I share your pain. It just doesn't make sense 😔
I’ve done something I regret because I hurt multiple people and I’m still gonna have to pay even though I thought there would be no consequences because I used to be careless about everything.
Thank you ein, from the deepest of my heart. The understanding you shared really helps me to start.
I've been consumed in self-hatred even since I was very young thanks to judging parents and environment. And it gets worse when I did something wrong with heavy consequences. Not only hatred from others, but also from my own self. Nobody teach us how to love ourselves, so it's very easy to get lost in it. I'm so desperate to grow and flourish, and live, like you said, I'm fed up with my own mind tormenting me, so I've been looking materials to help me recover and heal myself. Your videos on stoicism been a lot of help, and I'd like to learn more about it, although reading book is still a challenge for me, so your content is so helpful and valuable to me.
Thanks a lot for sharing your knowledge and experience. You've been a help, and I'm sure not just me, but also for a lot of others too. Cheers!
Thank you for all of your videos. At the age of 54 I have benefited greatly from your channel!✌🏻💙🙏🏻
I very much don't want YOU to hate yourself, Mr. Einzelganger. I have such respect for you, and I hate to think of you being in pain. Yet it is a comfort, too, because I have struggled with self hatred for 50 years. I appreciate all your suggestions, but the one that I like best is the "make a space to be miserable." I have tried for years to deny that self hatred is the foundation of my interactions with the world. But, as always, denial does not work. I find it best to give me and my self hatred the respect I deserve. Self hatred is my disease. I didn't choose it, but it is with me. I must acknowledge it and do what I can to heal the pain. Thank you for EVERYTHING you post. 🧘♀️
This video is right at time. I craved for understanding for so long, now I've got some insights. Muchas gracias, senor.
I’m stuck in these “moments” of self-loathing for 6 months now. Wtf.
@gussstavo same for me
@gussstavo and then some here....
It’s been over a year for me now
At least 3 years for me
Damn, his videos. This is like the one of the many best ever. Your are doing an amazing work! Keep up to it ❤️
You're a good man. Thanks for making me, and many others, not feel alone.
Thank you so much! This is just what I wanted to see right now! Couldn't have started the day in a better way. You are really helping people! It's wonderful to have people Like you in this world! Love and blessings!
If this can help someone, and I think many grew up that way at some extent
When I did something wrong, my parents punished me, and I learnt that if it was bad , it's because it was bothering them. I thought what was most important was to avoid bothering others, not aknowledging and taking responsability for my mistakes, because I was never taught to do that.
And I couldn't stand up for myself either, because whenever I did something bad or if someone did me wrong, an adult would come and take care of it for me. In the end, instead of relying on myself, I only relied on others. That's how I determined my self-worth and my actions. And it resulted in behaviors such as lying to avoid being in trouble, or to get what I wanted even if I knew it was wrong, because I knew that if I pretended to be sad, my parents would take care of me.
It also lead to a crippling feeling that I was weak. I was so ashamed that I couldn't do anything and so scared not to be powerful, since "worth" was something given by others, that I developped, inter alia, sadistic tendancies (deeply represssed, but still there) to feel stronger, and an inflated ego to cope with my shame.
I also isolated myself because if I'm alone, I don't have to take responsability and I can pretend I'm not weak. In the end it only reinforced my self-centered behavior and damaged my empathic abilities. For years I was only living in a fiction, a dream away from reality.
Then, one night when I was eleven, I suddenly realized the weight of how I had been living : how I had rather hurt people because it gave me a sense of power. How I would rather pretend I didn't do anything wrong, because facing the fact that I bothered others was more dreadful than actually trying to make it right. That's the night I started to feel overwhelmingly guilty. The night I started to really hate myself. I was a monster. I didn't deserve anything.
Now years have past and only now am I starting to realize how much I hurt myself, but it took me to finally open up unconditionally to a friend to understand that. I think knowing where our feelings come from can greatly help us forgiving ourselves, because every fucked up behavior we have exists because that's how we learnt to cope with a frightful feeling or situation in the first place. And growing together is way easier than having to do it alone.
I've noticed that despite how little place I try to take, I'm not a humble person. And what helps me most to let go is accepting to feel vulnerable. And when I'm able to laugh about myself with pure joy, when an unexpected tear of relief rolls down my cheek, that's when I know I'm healing. So I have hope for the future, even if the road is still far from over. And I hope you find the strengh to not be powerful, to not be perfect, to forgive yourself, be gentle and most importantly, to laugh. Because laughing genuinely at yourself with love is underated and those who do, will rise the highest. And we're all just human who were born neither worthless or righteous.
This, did a lot for me on a day I have been most unlovable to myself. Thank you for this, and May the Force be with you
I feel like bullying is one of the biggest causes of self-hatred. I was bullied by my cousin for the first 10 years of my life, physically, mentally and verbally. He even tried to actually kill me. When you’re told that every fucking thing you do is the wrong thing, especially when your brain is developing, will make you believe it. This will make things so much harder to fix by the time you realize there’s a good side to everything you’ve been told, and that most of what those bullies will say and do is out of jealousy. It takes a lot of convincing of yourself to fix it
Great quote at the end 👏 the following books have helped me we this topic:
• “Codependent No More”
• “How To Be Your Own Best Friend”
This has been the most useful commentary on self hate that I’ve heard. I will visit it many times as I navigate through my self hatred. Thanks.
John
I just found something that helps. It might sound crazy but I remembered back in time to when I was maybe 3 or 4 and to the soul I was back then. I was too yiung to know judgement and just lived in the moment. Remembering who I was at 3 has suddenly lifted my mood.
ill never forget when i was like 11, i told a kid in class i hated everyone. he thought he was smart by retorting, that means you hate yourself too. I said I do. He looked at me really weird. he did not expect that.
Whenever I look up these kinds of videos.. I always have this main desire to just make myself feel better, even though I have my self hatred. I know that I wanna be happy, see myself as a good person, etc. -- but i despise myself so much it's affecting others around me. When u mentioned giving time to be miserable while taking care of urself with say, cleaning ur room, tho.. It made me think of a small plan I was gonna do today: I was gonna treat myself to some pizza and cheesy bread, which i never do, but have wanted to do in a while. I started crying some at this point in the video, but.. I like that small connection I made; without realizing it fully/accepting it, I was already doing what u said, I guess? But.. It did make me feel better. Thank you. Thank you *so* much.
I searched for "How to grow hatred" and I found this video it helped a lot thanks! 😄
Thank you once again. Remember, no child is born hating itself. It's a learned process implicitly or explicitly. See where you picked it up. Would you talk to that child you once were in such hate-filled terms? If it's learned it can be unlearned. I know, I've been there!!! Bail ó Dhia ar an obair! ( God bless the work) :)
I really wish I could say that this helped me out. But it didn't. I just hate myself no matter what. I've never accomplished anything, never achieved anything that I wanted, and honestly, have no reason to be alive. I'm a specimen that should have never been.
I've always felt like there something wrong with me ever since I can remember and the worst part is that I feel like I'll never know what it is
I never hated myself in the beginning, I only started to after people gave me reasons and told me they also hate me
I’ve been self sabotaging my whole life. It’s ruined me
I read your comment. It's what I would have said also..
Recently, I destroyed my life, by my foolish mistake and decisions. ... Suffering horribly with depression now.
Can you conclude everything at the end of the video or write it under the video please it will really help me remember it
Good idea 👍
Was literally just thinking this is amazing information, I hope I can remember some of this when I need it most lol
My extreme ocd about some crazy and personal things brings me enormous anxiety and depression and I hate myself.
This is really helpful. I think, in a way, a blessing that women have that we men don’t grant ourselves is the permission to have a good cry. These days I occasionally grant myself that permission; preferably with someone close as a witness. Even a good counselor. And as you say, somehow, I’m able to move past my judgments, I can take stock of my blessings, and I get up and put one foot in front of the other again. Often lighter. This work is a really good reminder. Thank you.
What I just wrote here is super depressing but I wanted to share how I feel when I’m really, really, REALLY down.
I really, truly, honestly *hate* myself.
I hate myself because this past year I’ve wasted $30,000+ of my parents’ money going to a very good college where I majored in English. I hate myself because I failed a class in the first semester, and after my parents hesitantly paid for a second semester I withdrew with below 50% in every class. I hate myself because I manipulated my boyfriend and family into thinking I was a happy, studious girl with a passion for writing. I hate myself because in reality, I played video games and slept through classes. I hate myself for going to college unprepared, unmotivated, and depressed.
I hate myself for having an amazing family that argues about me constantly. I hate myself for keeping such an amazing boyfriend and person to myself when any girl could have him and treat him better than me. I hate myself for continuing to leave my college supplies and clothes packed in their boxes, because I’m such a lazy piece of sh*t. I hate myself for all the books my mother bought me because she cared about my mental health and my interests and I haven’t read a single page.
I hate myself for writing this because I told my family I was going upstairs to shower 90 minutes ago. I hate myself for being awkward and saying the wrong things to people. I hate myself because I work as a package handler and can’t keep up with the flow. I hate myself for being too numb to cry, and when I can cry it can last for hours.
I hate myself because I’m pathetic and fat and manipulative and disrespectful and selfish and more. I hate myself for being such a horrible example to my three younger siblings. I hate myself for being too scared to kill myself because of all the people who would miss me. I hate myself for hating myself. I can’t decide what I want more, to change or die.
Sometimes I experience self-hatred, even when I'm being productive and doing things I wanna do. It's kind of like if it was all about wanting more and more, and never being satisfied with what you've got. And not realizing how long you've come and being proud that you took action in the first place, most times lead to self-hatred.
Amanda I feel like this too with school and sometimes the things I do. I don’t know how I can stop feeling this way.
No matter what there will be people who hate themselves forever but they just have to forget their self-hatred
Im glad i came across this video today. I felt like i was about to spiral and just hearing your voice explain how you cope was inspiring.
To overcome self-hate you have stop rewarding yourself love for certain actions, but instead learn to love yourself as the universe loves you. Find love beyond your identity and ego.
I have so much self-hatred that it makes me nauseous. It paralyses me to the point where I can barely move some days - leading to more negative labels and more time to just simmer in this hate.
Thank you, I really needed this. It's strange; it's like I fear being useless so sometimes I keep thinking that I am worthless for that and that so that if I were to realize some day that it's true, I can just say: "Yeah, I know." Like if knowing you're useless is some kind of justification for it. Knowing your place. I know that my mind often paints me as worthless in irrational ways, but it's still difficult to not fall for it sometimes.
When you flourish, you don’t have time to hate yourself, I like it a lot I’m ganna use that thanks!:)
Thank you good reminder
My dad made me hate myself. Constantly puts me down, makes me feel not good enough and when he isn't doing that he isn't kind or loving. The only thing he's ever done for me is support me with money the few times I've asked for it. But I'd rather a loving involved poor dad rather than the distant, workaholic one I've got now. I know his mother was very distant with him, so how can i really blame him but don't have kids if you can't show them true love.
An oldie but goodie! After years of daily Einzelganger philosophical studies, I'm truly recognizing the potency of this enjoyable education. The tools from Stoicism, Buddhism, and Taoism are invaluable for living. Your videos have become an oasis in challenging times. I'm truly grateful. 🙏
"Judge righteous judgment". (Jesus)
There's also a form of extreme self love that is "hateful" towards those around that person.
Proper functioning trust needs truth. This metaphysical equation is the basis of both love and judgement.
@KenNorThUnder please expound
I don’t hate myself, I just don’t like my personality, I’m angry at myself, my attitude, my hobbies, my decisions, they’re all bad, they don’t serve anyone expect myself. If everything I liked doing was actually healthy and good for others, I wouldn’t have had a reason to be angry at myself
If you've ever been bullied as a child, those voices stick with you.
And you want to spit in the face of everyone who has tried to, "help" you, especially when you have unresolved hatred due to being deceived a lot as a kid, or constantly being told things that just dont work, or even being told that you're lying when you want to tell the truth or dont even know how to, causing you to doubt yourself.
Encouragement and guidance is so crucial as a kid, and they often get it wrong.
But practicing with them daily makes sure they will quickly reinforce those lessons and develop a special bond.
😊 I came to this channel to better understand what my friend feels and I think it's a realy hard thing to overcome but like Einzelänger said do what is actually right, look after yourself, like watching a nice film with display of kindness/compassion, take a walk outside for fresh air, eat a healthy meal, stop drinking alcochol or caffeine for example these are all the things that can help even if they feel pointless or longwinded, you start one day by the time you know it a month went by. The cure is to get unused to it. We are all creatures of habit.
I just hate....the general public.
Thank you for this video! It helps me cope and realize some of my absolute hatred for myself. Every. Single. Day. I think how much better off my loved ones would be if I was gone. I almost fantasize about dying and how the pain will just stop.
I used to think that I was best at everything. I loved all the praise I got as a child. But because of that mindset, it lead me to self hatred. My insecurities are driving me crazy. I get insecure over the smallest things. My anxiety got even worse this pandemic & I can't even go outside I mean I dont want to. I got bullied for my weight, height, acne & even my voice. I would just lie to myself & say "I'm prettier than them why would I even believe them? Who are they to say that? Their not even good looking." Lying to myself helped boost myself confidence & kept me mentally stabled. But now its too much. I've always tried to open up, but whenever I do, they would'nt even care lol. I dont even think anyone would care if I died. I feel bad for my parents. They could've had a talented kid, who is smart & pretty, & got along with others well, but they got the complete opposite. An anti social nobody who gets scared over the smallest things, and has no motivation to do anything anymore. I hate myself more than anything else.
I also thought I was the best, I was praised a lot as a child. That was until I realised there are people better than me, more intelligent, more talented. I became insecure and I still am. But everyone has things they are good at and bad at. You may be worse at things many people are good at, but you're also good at things that others aren't. You may not be aware of it but you have it in you. It may be something so simple yet so powerful, or you may be seeing it as a "weakness" even if it's not. All this time, you probably compared yourself to others because that's how you were believed you were the best. The source of your confidence was also the source of your insecurities. It's because we started off the life thinking we were above, then realised we weren't actually above. But this doesn't mean we're below everyone either. We're all equally different, if that makes sense? I personally tried to embrace the difference, embrace how different everyone looks including me and how many different and undiscovered talents each of us possess. Then I become all sad over the fact that we don't usually use them to make the world a better place to live in, but that's a different topic lol. I think it's also about the way we're raised. All the little interactions we had with our parents have a big role in making us believe ourselves today. Like, if your parents mostly valued your success and grades over you, that would be conditional love, not unconditional. This could lead you to trust the outcome, but not the process. So when the outcome isn't the way you imagined it to be, it makes it much easier to doubt yourself. As someone in the comment section said, self-hatred is a taught behavior. You deserve to be loved just by existing. You don't have to "become" someone "worthy of love and respect", no matter what anyone else says. You're not being a burden opening up. You deserve to be heard and cared for❤
Thanks for excellent talk so relevant to me at 74 now still.
If there were no God life could be futile,thank God you did this,blessings DrBob
I 'feel like sh*t' the most when i have nothing to do with my life. During semester breaks, when no one needs me and no one is forced to be around me....then im forced to face myself, alone. And that gives me too much space to be hard on myself for not being needed and feel unwanted. It's lonely when i have nothing other than myself to hold close to me.
When I start listing things I'm grateful for, I feel the tension of hatred slowly fade.
Don’t say you ain’t nobody you are somebody we all somebody
At 44 I have finally met someone I love unconditionally, would die to protect and if I ever found out she liked me I would explain to her by quoting the song (Hurt) “I will let you down, I will make you hurt” and I could not live with myself if I made her feel that way, I can’t forgive my self for any mistake I’ve ever made. I just don’t want anything else from my life, and I have very few people that give a shit what happens to me or even bother to talk to me anymore. Truthfully they are just making it easier to not care either… I only hope that woman I love so much can be happy everyday the rest of her life and never has to feel this way ever…
My new favourite channel, thanks sir.
thank you for your frank expression of healing the self of self hatred. this is very helpful.
You don’t know how many people you’ve just helped here, even a tiny bit - thank you
10,00 subs ! You are a king !
I slowly slipped and it took me some time to realize my self hate. I started working and went from the amazing intern into a failing colleague. I realized my relationship was not at all healthy for me. I didn't have things in order at all and don't you have to have a stable life at age 30? I put so much pressure on myself, and felt shame when I failed. I used to plan everything upfront in my head, cause I wanted to do it as perfect as possible. Then I lost my job, my home and got a terrible depression. Turned out, that was the best thing to happen to! Man, how I needed to get confronted with how insanely negative my inner voice got. I didn't realize I was constantly putting myself down. Realizing that and countering that inner negativity and being nice to myself changed so much. And that big black hole from the depression started to fill up with self love and positivity! It's still a struggle sometimes, but I feel so much more at peace with myself. I hope everyone out there finds a way to love themselves, cause we truly deserve that :)
I fight with conflicting feelings in regards to myself. I see what I've done and can appreciate it but I also know I could have done a lot better and still can. I fought to be happy with my current self and life, yet I find myself feeling empty or as if somethings missing. I want for nothing yet feel as if I need something.
I really appreciated this video. I watched it twice to try to grasp it better. It is so true that the the personalised list of demands is usually not so much my own wishes, but that of the society, parents and upbringing. I really appreciated the points you made for overcoming Self-hatred. Point (4) was a bit of a surprise, but it does make sense, I will try it out. About point (5), i have tried to do the same way as you, and force myself to take action even when I am not feeling up to it at all, and it does indeed help a lot to try to stay active and keep the body in shape. Thank you for this wonderful channel, it has so much good content! I wish you all the best.
I found that breaking up the monotony of life really, really helps with depression.