Thank you to Aura for supporting me on my journey of wellbeing & allowing me to share my favorite tracks with you all! Get started with Aura today for free & the first 500 people to use my link will have a direct access to my own meditation playlist while also getting 25% off + free trial to the Aura membership: aurahealth.io/refer/aura-5iufq/playlist/OUHMciVUnjNGI1C58GiU55WJLPv1/-OBP17WPpuRjYPMC-rJI
Watching this was like hearing someone speak my own thoughts haha. I have finally recently stopped pushing myself to go to live concerts and movie theatres because they are so stressful. Additionally, being in social environments makes me feel like the intelligent, thinking part of my brain completely shuts off so that I can be in "Social mode", and I don't feel like myself or like I can make good choices. I recently read that something like 20% of people are HSPs which seems way too high from my personal experience meeting other people (or else maybe I'm an extreme on a gradient). I haven't yet managed to "embrace" that there's something good about being highly sensitive, and it constantly makes me feel alone and weak. We have to relate to other people in a different way and it is a challenge. Thanks for sharing your experiences, and it's nice to read the comments section as well. I also learned to cut my own hair years ago because I can't stand small talk at the hairdresser haha!
This is me 100%. I think the reason that it feels "weird" to be open about stuff like this is because we don't see ourselves represented out in the world. But that's only because we're all at home, not because we're weird or wrong or rare!
I absolutely relate Ana. When I was younger I thought something is wrong with me as I never enjoyed what others did. Interaction at work is already too much and drains me, but cannot be avoided. I do talk to people on the bus station sometimes or the cashier in the supermarket, no problem with that, but in my spare time I live on my terms. I'm not ashamed anymore to admit it. I love peace and quiet and rarely socalize, and it's freedom to me 😊. I also love my evenings at home, don't like being out. Thank you for your honesty 👍
Thank you so much for talking about considering your sensitivities instead of walking over them. I had to think of a Short I recently saw:. A 4 year-old comes home from a sleepover. The mother asks whether it had been fun and she replies very exhausted, "yes". The mother asks, what was the best part? The girl: "Leaving". 🥰 It so refreshing to hear all the things you don't do. And encouraging. Sometimes, I still feel I should be more social but I can't and don't want to. I also prefer to be with one person, maybe 2, and really appreciate living alone. It truly doesn't matter what other people think about it.
I always have filtering earplugs with me. It's a health and safety issue too: As a musician, I need to preserve my range of hearing as much as possible. Many amplified concerts and festivals have the music turned to volume levels that exceed the threshold of safe listening. Using hearing protection to reduce sensory issues is amazing. I sometimes joke that if I could, I would always go on public transit with earplugs, face mask, and sleep (eye) mask 😅😅😅
Dear Anna,Thank you so much for your channel. Your opinions and outlook on life are identical to mine. It’s strange how close I can feel to someone I don’t personally know, while my own family seems so different. I’ve been in agreement with everything you’ve been saying for a long time. We don’t have any guests or visits at home anymore-it’s just to exhausting. Your channel is a treasure-a soothing balm for the soul and reassurance that I’m not alone.
Dear Ana, thank you for this video, it hits home ❤ accepting myself as an HSP has been definitely a bumpy journey! Now, at 52, I’m at ease with myself and don’t feel the need to fit in anymore. Acceptance has brought me so much peace and sense of self-respect. Learning about HSP helped me tremendously as, all of sudden, everything fell into place and felt right. Sending love to all HSPs on their journeys ❤️
Ana, Thank you so much for this video! I knew I wasn't the only person who felt this way. When covid came along, I realized it carried a hidden bonus for me: No more pressure to entertain! I was so relieved, and have not looked back since. It is a challenge in my household, though, due to my husband desiring more social interactions than I do...but, now we try to meet the other parties at a neutral location, preferably outdoors (weather permitting), and limit the time spent socializing. Surprisingly, my husband now realizes he really doesn't want as much social interaction as he once did. Some of this is due to non-maskers and non-vaxxers' mentalities, but also getting a bit older, he is more satisfied to just enjoy our own little household. It is a huge relief to me! I feel so much less pressure to perform, and I am happier with just us and our dog at home. Take care. I love your videos!
OMG!!!!! A huge YES to ALL of these!!!!! And yes to feeling strange, rude, or embarrassed about it. But as I've gotten older, I'm getting better at expressing that while I appreciate the invitation, I just simply get too overwhelmed. People often push back, but every time I stand my ground, I feel such relief. It literally takes me days and days to recover from an evening at a noisy, crowded event.... it's just too much. The whole time, I just want to be home with my cat, a snack, and a blanket. 😻
Oh Ana...I feel so heard and understood. For the first time in my life, I hear someone eloquently express and describe how I feel about hosting. I never understood why I am this way. Thank you so much for sharing it so bravely, it is beyond helpful ❤ Much love
Thank god someone is talking about it openly… I also struggle a lot with guests, I have heavy hosting anxiety lol. Be it for a party or just friends visiting and sleeping at my place. I then totally dissociate and are focused 100% on the needs of the other. I think I am not a pleasure to be around as a host because I am exhausted. I need a few days of recovery after each guest. I feel also ashamed of it and I would love to be a good host with ease but it’s just how it is….
Dearest Ana thanks for being so open & honest. You are definitely not alone - I too relate 100% to everything you have quitted - I have quitted too. I am 65 & value my peace & quiet especially after having a traumatic marriage & now divorced 15years. Lol ❤
Thank you for sharing! I relate very much to what you describe. With hosting, my partner loves it but he is not aware of people’s needs like I am. It energizes him to have people over, but drains me! We have found some ways to do events that work better for me, but there are limits. It’s very important for people to understand themselves and have their needs and preferences respected. One thing that is good is, I am able to help other sensitive people to be comfortable in my home, because I understand.
I can relate Ana! I rarely have guests over. My home is my sanctuary. I heard about being highly sensitive listening to an interview with Elaine Aron (author of a book on HSPs) on the radio and knew right away that I was one of them. The only concerts I have gone to are for classical music. I like art festivals but rarely attend. I have to brace myself each time before I go. Sometimes when I have gone I end up with a migraine headache and have to spend the rest of the day in a dark room.
Hello Ana 🙂, I can relate 100%. Lights, sound, emotions.....can be overwhelming even in small gatherings. Someone inevitably will say "You're so quiet. Why aren't you talking?". And the truth is that there are already 3 people talking at once, and I've had to retreat further in to myself to be able to cope, and to be able to think of something to say and then actually say it may just tip me over the edge, and it would also be adding another voice into the mix.....
I have spent many years as a professional musician (flute) and I have noticed that most of my colleagues and I never listen to music in their cars or at home. Lots of us are highly sensitive of course and that's part of the way we can express ourselves in music. However, aside from our own individual practice time, usually alone behind closed doors, we crave quiet! Oddly enough, being IN the orchestra or group performing is energizing for me, but I don't like attending big concerts where I'm not playing. I guess HSP "plays" out in various ways. 😊❤
Hi Ana, I am hsp too. I enjoy lonelyness even if I live with husband and doughter. I find hard to host people or go out with them My family doesn’t understand me and my behaviour. But I want to respect myself and I search for peace and wellbeing.
I relate 100%. I have stopped having people at my home because of the angst it causes me. If I was not working, I would pretty much be a recluse and happy with that style of life
I can rely on the guest Thing. It became better when I stopped trying to do everything perfectly and allow myself to do everything my way without being concerned all the time. But only family members 😂
Yes, I don't go out in the evenings any more. It makes me too tired after all the activities of a normal day. I don't want to then have extra stress to put on my "public" face and make a lot of effort for something that is just not worth it.
Even church is too loud, i might wear my vibe earplugs next time.. They have the speaker of the sermon so loud 😬 Definitely another reason why i want to sit at the back, not just because I'm shy.
I know what you mean with having guests. I usually can’t properly relax when a guest is around with the exception of my best friend. In general I feel everything needs to be perfect, exceptionally spotless and I feel I need to cater to all of their needs (food, drink, so on), which is nonsense. I just can’t turn it off 😅
When I hear you I feel you are talking about me as far as guests are concerned. I love having guests around but very rarely. I don't throw parties.I enjoy the peace and quiet of my own place where I feel comfortable. Greetings from Poland.
I can relate so much. This summer my husband had a party that he planned for months. I was so stressed about it. I ended up having to be out of town for three weeks over the time his party was happening. Needless to say, I was neither sad nor regretful. It was an incredible blessing.
Dear Anna You are not alone, yet l feel alone, because l am not in your stage, l still feel embraced to admit, and to face criticism about being hsp. And l am much older than you. I thank you for sharing so courageously your feelings.
I struggle very much with needing alone, quiet time. I'm a mom to 8 kiddos , 4 are young adults and 4 still young . I adore my children, many days feel like an ongoing party that I can't leave. I didn't know this would be a difficulty for me before starting a family.
As a young mother I would pray God would take my hearing. I only have three children. I’m glad I can still hear, but at the time I was sure it was the only way I’d be able to survive.
I have noticed that as I've aged, I have become less social than I was. Many of the things you've mentioned in this video sound so familiar to how I recognize I feel now. Maybe I never realized before that I may have some of the highly sensitive traits. My other option may be that I am getting older. So I'd like to think it's the first option. As always, thanks.
My profession is cooking vegetarian food and I am good at it, but when I invite people to my home I feel uncomfortable and stressed. It`s nothing wrong with my home, it´s homely but not perfect or expensive. I prefer to do things in the day and be at home in the evenings. I hate noise. I don´t think I am an introvert because I talk to people at the bus, hairdresser, bus stop, super market and to my neighbors , I prefer 1-1 talk not a lot of people. Something I must think about, maybe not everyone wants to talk to me, so I try not to be intrusive and take into account that people are different.
oh yes, letting only a few and selected people in the " holy halls" of my home. I know that desire to be alone in my safe place. You´re definitely not alone in this ☺ and I also feel bad in big crowds like festivals, concerts or else. I quit going to the parties, because I feel lonely in the crowd and I prefer 1 to 1 conversations over smalltalk in big groups. Well in fact I prefer being alone at home over any human contact. But it took a very long time to realise and accept that I´m a lone wolf personality and HSP . There is no reason for excuses. if your are your authentic self. Every human being is a different personality and that is totally ok. I think, the songline " I am what I am and what I am need no excuses" says it all 😁
We used to go to see the fireworks in the next city down here but now we just watch them on TV from Boston. Sometimes it is hard to find the Boston fireworks but so far we have managed to do it. When I was younger we would go into Boston - also we didn't have to drive 1400 mi in order to do that - and then we would go home afterwards. Of course there was a lot of traffic. But I wasn't the driver, only the navigator. I think its the only thing I do that's late at night. I don't think I have ever been to a New Year's Eve party in my entire life. One time we watched it on TV and my brother and I had matching wine glasses and we clinked them together at midnight which I don't think I ever did before. And it was 2020. I'm never going to do it again. It didn't turn out well.
Thank you for your thoughtful video. There is so much that I can relate to in this video. While I love music, I have a very hard time going to concerts or to restaurants, where loud music is being played. I also hate large parties. There is too much noise; and, I would much rather speak to a couple of people rather than a lot of people. I feel like more meaningful conversations usually occur when there are only a couple of individuals involved. I am also not a night person. I enjoy going to bed around 9PM; so, many times, I do not like to go out socially in the evenings. I also do not enjoy action movies because they are too loud and often too violent for my liking.
I stopped watching movies many years ago, they are too overwhelming, especially the sounds. I dont enjoy big supermarkets, sometimes they make me run for the toilets😂. When i was younger i went out dancing and that was never a problem, but going outside where crowds were going in all direction made me dizzy. This afternoon i listened to an elderly couple, who were beginning to feel the diminishing of the hearing, which meant that being in a crowded restaurant was a challenge. They looked for quiet corners, and if there was sound dampening materials in the ceilings or rugs on the floor. I guess that would be a usefull tip for hop as well.
Dear Anna. I identify so much. I am not a hostess. It makes me very uncomfortable and I don't enjoy it at all. I rarely host and if I do it is only for another couple or two. I also identify with loud noises. If something makes a loud noise or a bang I am filled with anxiety. I much prefer a night home with a good book than going out. I don't force myself to do these things anymore.
I find that controlling my environment, and focusing on making it feel calm and cozy helps me a lot to feel calm. But because i live alone, i do need a balance between going out and doing things and interacting with people and alone, quiet time. I have been forcing myself to go to our small local live concerts (usually only like 20-30 people there) because I really enjoy listening to live music). When i get home though, I feel a weird mixture of relief that i am no longer in that environment mixed with remembering the enjoyment of the music. What is that feeling called?
I relate, and I jokingly refer to that feeling as, "I want to have already done [that thing]." Like when there's a concert coming up I think, "I want to have already gone to that concert and have that experience behind me" rather than "I want to go" 😂 I heard somebody in a TED talk once say that and it stuck with me.
Yes do what you want and don't do what you don't want to do and maybe sometimes you might have a couple of friends who like to just sit down and do quiet things and go home early. Sometimes I like to talk to people but just people I know that like things that I also like. But I can also do that on the phone. I wish someone would clean up our living room so that we could sit on our furniture and sometimes talk to each other instead of always just going in our rooms and being separate although the boys seem to talk louder than me. Also they eat faster than me and I am still sitting at the table if they were there at all and they are gone. They already finished. How do they eat so fast? Anyway I only like to hang around with people I feel comfortable with and doing things I feel comfortable doing which aren't a lot of things. I miss going shopping. But it's been a long time since I had money and I don't want to catch any diseases. And if there is a big crowd somewhere these days I think maybe they will run and I will get crushed. I didn't used to think about stuff like that until I saw it on TV. I used to go to the sidewalk by the river by the railing to watch the fireworks in Boston. And there were tons of people there. Lots of people on the other side of the river but it was harder to see the fireworks because over there, there were trees.
It makes me quite frustrated to be demeaned for isolating myself. I truly wish I could be left alone in my choices as an HSP. Thank you for affirming my preferences. Is there a blanket statement you have that explains your preferences instead of having to justify them? Participation in the situations you’ve mentioned is like pouring lemon juice in an open wound, but others just cannot understand, or they can’t seem to respect me in my choices.
This past weekend was our little towns Santa Claus parade I was so worried that people would drop by like they always do on that day that I closed all my curtains locked my doors and turned on my security camera all I wanted to do was drink my coffee and enjoy my book in peace.so that is what I did no guilt.when I go to hairdresser I feel the same way you do I just want my hair cut and hate the small talk right now it’s are you ready for Christmas ad nausean
People stayed for months? Maybe I don't mind if people come over they usually just come over for supper or for just a couple of nights and then they go home and I feel lonely. But I think the reason why I don't mind is that I don't think about what they want or what they need or how to make them happy. If they want to have something, they can ask for it. Obviously somebody forgot to teach me something about hospitality. Besides that, a lot of times it with people from church and they are all taught that they should help and serve so I would just stand there and say okay who wants to serve? And then I would tell different people to go chop the mushrooms or go set the table or something. And I would just tell them where the stuff was. Like where do we keep the knives and things like that. And then I got to talk to people if I wanted to. I wish I could remember what you said. I think it was: for Brian and I. For some reason everyone who speaks English does this. I noticed people on TV do this all the time. Native English speakers. Well educated TV writers write characters That do this. It's for Brian and me. For those of us who speak English as a first language we can remove the extra person and just say for me and then we would know how to say it. For I wouldn't sound right. It always happens I always hear it it's always wrong and it's annoying. But I'm not annoyed at you. Just everyone else. Especially people who have done things like go to college. I never went to college. I didn't spend lots and lots of money. Yet I can get it right and they cannot get it right. Whoever they are. TV writers or whoever. Someday I'm going to watch a show Where one of the characters is an English teacher and see if they get it wrong also. Concerts can be loud. I never went to them for prestige. I hardly went to them at all. One time I went to see Josh Groban and then I came home and a little while later the same concert was on TV on PBS. And I said why did I spend money going to this concert? Also I kind of got lost driving home. And then I ran into a cat with my car. People should keep their cats in their houses not in the middle of major roadways in the middle of the night. But anyway I didn't want to run into another car so I kept driving straight ahead and I was going the regular speed so it was either the cat or me. I am sorry cat. Those are the things that happen when I went to a concert. My phone is ringing an alarm and I cannot find my phone. I still can't find it. Also I do not wear headphones because they hurt my ears and my head Where is this phone? It's annoying. It wants me to know that it is sunset. Okay now I know. Now where is it?
Boring? Pshaw. You have interior lives that are as rich in diversity as the Amazon. Give me a thinker over a glad-handler any day. Earlier this year I had the privilege of an eight week solo trip. Not once did I turn on a radio or tv. It was bliss. As I've aged, I'm beginning to believe that "normal" people or the "average" person are not as large a majority as presented. I also think many of us, especially women, may fall on the ASL spectrum... let's say ASL adjacent. As you've pointed out, the key is to know yourself and live YOUR best life.
I don't like clubs. They only place I ever went was this dance club that had a bunch of different rooms. A bunch of people from church went there and the other people who were there were smoking because it was the '80s and it was loud and noisy and all I wanted was to go home. And I'll never do it again. I think the only thing you could do to get me to go out at night and be around other people was if Scott Bakula was there. I used to do that a lot. And there were always plane tickets involved. It was always in some other city. And a couple of times I went for Donny Osmond but only one time did it involve an airplane and I was going someplace for another reason anyway.
I find it annoyingly paradoxical. We are sensitive and tend to isolate more than "normal" but this causes us to become MORE sensitive 😅 A little bit of poison as a cure is a must, but this is and has been an eternal struggle for me that I'm only coming to terms with having come into contact with others who were similar by pure chance. I have come to realise it is more acceptable for women to be like this though. Male introversion is often taken as creepy or weird and not excused as shy and quirky. And YES mindfulness has been life changing. The Netflix show Murder Mindfully comes to mind it's so funny 😂
You always opt for matinees and I just wait until the movie I want to see is on television. :-) So what if you are boring. At least you are a couple. I liked being a couple. Apparently my husband did not. But at least if we were out at night he could drive home and I wouldn't have to worry about falling asleep at the wheel. Unfortunately sometimes I would have to worry about him falling asleep at the wheel
Liebe Ana, ich kann deine Punkte gut nachvollziehen. Ich habe auch keine Gäste, ich fühle mich dann unter Druck und mein Haus ist mein Refugium. Ich gege manchmal in klassische Konzerte, weil ich die Musik liebe und die Leute sitzen und ruhig sind. Ich genieße meine Ruhe und bin nicht traurig. Heute war ein so schöner, ruhiger Sonntag gefüllt mit lesen, etwas kochen...Ich mag keine Partys, irgendwie war ich da immer falsch. Gerne gehe ich manchmal mit einer Freundin oder allein in ein ganz kleines Cafe. Also Ana, du siehst, es gibt uns ruhige Menschen überall und deshalb sind wir nicht langweilig, nur vielleicht intensiver in unserer Wahrnehmung der Welt um uns herum.😊
Thank you to Aura for supporting me on my journey of wellbeing & allowing me to share my favorite tracks with you all! Get started with Aura today for free & the first 500 people to use my link will have a direct access to my own meditation playlist while also getting 25% off + free trial to the Aura membership: aurahealth.io/refer/aura-5iufq/playlist/OUHMciVUnjNGI1C58GiU55WJLPv1/-OBP17WPpuRjYPMC-rJI
Love your work, real, meaningful, original, relevant .....thank you. ♥
Yes to understanding yourself and the way you enjoy 🎶.
I can relate so much! One difference is that I don't have guest at all. I don't like other people in my house.
Yes, agree!!
Watching this was like hearing someone speak my own thoughts haha. I have finally recently stopped pushing myself to go to live concerts and movie theatres because they are so stressful. Additionally, being in social environments makes me feel like the intelligent, thinking part of my brain completely shuts off so that I can be in "Social mode", and I don't feel like myself or like I can make good choices. I recently read that something like 20% of people are HSPs which seems way too high from my personal experience meeting other people (or else maybe I'm an extreme on a gradient). I haven't yet managed to "embrace" that there's something good about being highly sensitive, and it constantly makes me feel alone and weak. We have to relate to other people in a different way and it is a challenge. Thanks for sharing your experiences, and it's nice to read the comments section as well.
I also learned to cut my own hair years ago because I can't stand small talk at the hairdresser haha!
This is me 100%. I think the reason that it feels "weird" to be open about stuff like this is because we don't see ourselves represented out in the world. But that's only because we're all at home, not because we're weird or wrong or rare!
I absolutely relate Ana. When I was younger I thought something is wrong with me as I never enjoyed what others did. Interaction at work is already too much and drains me, but cannot be avoided. I do talk to people on the bus station sometimes or the cashier in the supermarket, no problem with that, but in my spare time I live on my terms. I'm not ashamed anymore to admit it. I love peace and quiet and rarely socalize, and it's freedom to me 😊. I also love my evenings at home, don't like being out. Thank you for your honesty 👍
Good morning Ana. I completely relate, at 63. I'd rather stay home, have a quiet night and sew. I've been like this for the past 25 years.
Thank you so much for talking about considering your sensitivities instead of walking over them. I had to think of a Short I recently saw:. A 4 year-old comes home from a sleepover. The mother asks whether it had been fun and she replies very exhausted, "yes". The mother asks, what was the best part? The girl: "Leaving". 🥰
It so refreshing to hear all the things you don't do. And encouraging. Sometimes, I still feel I should be more social but I can't and don't want to. I also prefer to be with one person, maybe 2, and really appreciate living alone. It truly doesn't matter what other people think about it.
I always have filtering earplugs with me. It's a health and safety issue too: As a musician, I need to preserve my range of hearing as much as possible. Many amplified concerts and festivals have the music turned to volume levels that exceed the threshold of safe listening. Using hearing protection to reduce sensory issues is amazing. I sometimes joke that if I could, I would always go on public transit with earplugs, face mask, and sleep (eye) mask 😅😅😅
Dear Anna,Thank you so much for your channel. Your opinions and outlook on life are identical to mine. It’s strange how close I can feel to someone I don’t personally know, while my own family seems so different. I’ve been in agreement with everything you’ve been saying for a long time. We don’t have any guests or visits at home anymore-it’s just to exhausting. Your channel is a treasure-a soothing balm for the soul and reassurance that I’m not alone.
Dear Ana, thank you for this video, it hits home ❤ accepting myself as an HSP has been definitely a bumpy journey! Now, at 52, I’m at ease with myself and don’t feel the need to fit in anymore. Acceptance has brought me so much peace and sense of self-respect. Learning about HSP helped me tremendously as, all of sudden, everything fell into place and felt right. Sending love to all HSPs on their journeys ❤️
Ana, Thank you so much for this video! I knew I wasn't the only person who felt this way. When covid came along, I realized it carried a hidden bonus for me: No more pressure to entertain! I was so relieved, and have not looked back since. It is a challenge in my household, though, due to my husband desiring more social interactions than I do...but, now we try to meet the other parties at a neutral location, preferably outdoors (weather permitting), and limit the time spent socializing. Surprisingly, my husband now realizes he really doesn't want as much social interaction as he once did. Some of this is due to non-maskers and non-vaxxers' mentalities, but also getting a bit older, he is more satisfied to just enjoy our own little household. It is a huge relief to me! I feel so much less pressure to perform, and I am happier with just us and our dog at home. Take care. I love your videos!
OMG!!!!! A huge YES to ALL of these!!!!! And yes to feeling strange, rude, or embarrassed about it. But as I've gotten older, I'm getting better at expressing that while I appreciate the invitation, I just simply get too overwhelmed. People often push back, but every time I stand my ground, I feel such relief. It literally takes me days and days to recover from an evening at a noisy, crowded event.... it's just too much. The whole time, I just want to be home with my cat, a snack, and a blanket. 😻
Oh Ana...I feel so heard and understood. For the first time in my life, I hear someone eloquently express and describe how I feel about hosting. I never understood why I am this way. Thank you so much for sharing it so bravely, it is beyond helpful ❤ Much love
Thank god someone is talking about it openly… I also struggle a lot with guests, I have heavy hosting anxiety lol. Be it for a party or just friends visiting and sleeping at my place. I then totally dissociate and are focused 100% on the needs of the other. I think I am not a pleasure to be around as a host because I am exhausted. I need a few days of recovery after each guest. I feel also ashamed of it and I would love to be a good host with ease but it’s just how it is….
I understand what you are saying, I struggle with this as well.
💙💙💛💛🙏🙏 I wish I could find an introvert cafe.....oh wait I found it..home~~~
I am totally this way too. It's just taken me longer to accept and try to live accordingly rather than bending to others' needs and erasing my own.
Dear Ana, this relates totally to me. Thank you for your open words.
Dearest Ana thanks for being so open & honest. You are definitely not alone - I too relate 100% to everything you have quitted - I have quitted too. I am 65 & value my peace & quiet especially after having a traumatic marriage & now divorced 15years. Lol ❤
Thank you for sharing! I relate very much to what you describe. With hosting, my partner loves it but he is not aware of people’s needs like I am. It energizes him to have people over, but drains me! We have found some ways to do events that work better for me, but there are limits. It’s very important for people to understand themselves and have their needs and preferences respected. One thing that is good is, I am able to help other sensitive people to be comfortable in my home, because I understand.
Oh wow. I've never considered myself to be a HSP but I relate 100% to ALL of these!
I can relate Ana! I rarely have guests over. My home is my sanctuary. I heard about being highly sensitive listening to an interview with Elaine Aron (author of a book on HSPs) on the radio and knew right away that I was one of them. The only concerts I have gone to are for classical music. I like art festivals but rarely attend. I have to brace myself each time before I go. Sometimes when I have gone I end up with a migraine headache and have to spend the rest of the day in a dark room.
Hello Ana 🙂, I can relate 100%. Lights, sound, emotions.....can be overwhelming even in small gatherings. Someone inevitably will say "You're so quiet. Why aren't you talking?". And the truth is that there are already 3 people talking at once, and I've had to retreat further in to myself to be able to cope, and to be able to think of something to say and then actually say it may just tip me over the edge, and it would also be adding another voice into the mix.....
I have spent many years as a professional musician (flute) and I have noticed that most of my colleagues and I never listen to music in their cars or at home. Lots of us are highly sensitive of course and that's part of the way we can express ourselves in music. However, aside from our own individual practice time, usually alone behind closed doors, we crave quiet! Oddly enough, being IN the orchestra or group performing is energizing for me, but I don't like attending big concerts where I'm not playing. I guess HSP "plays" out in various ways. 😊❤
Hi Ana, I am hsp too. I enjoy lonelyness even if I live with husband and doughter. I find hard to host people or go out with them My family doesn’t understand me and my behaviour. But I want to respect myself and I search for peace and wellbeing.
I relate 100%. I have stopped having people at my home because of the angst it causes me. If I was not working, I would pretty much be a recluse and happy with that style of life
Classical music and certain musicals are enjoyable i agree, but definitely never going to a rock concert again
I can rely on the guest Thing. It became better when I stopped trying to do everything perfectly and allow myself to do everything my way without being concerned all the time. But only family members 😂
Ana’s content is so inspiring ❤ positive vibes for everybody ❤
Yes, I don't go out in the evenings any more. It makes me too tired after all the activities of a normal day. I don't want to then have extra stress to put on my "public" face and make a lot of effort for something that is just not worth it.
Even church is too loud, i might wear my vibe earplugs next time.. They have the speaker of the sermon so loud 😬 Definitely another reason why i want to sit at the back, not just because I'm shy.
Very much relate!...I don't like having guests at all...very rare people make it to be one..;)
I know what you mean with having guests. I usually can’t properly relax when a guest is around with the exception of my best friend. In general I feel everything needs to be perfect, exceptionally spotless and I feel I need to cater to all of their needs (food, drink, so on), which is nonsense. I just can’t turn it off 😅
When I hear you I feel you are talking about me as far as guests are concerned. I love having guests around but very rarely. I don't throw parties.I enjoy the peace and quiet of my own place where I feel comfortable. Greetings from Poland.
I can relate so much. This summer my husband had a party that he planned for months. I was so stressed about it. I ended up having to be out of town for three weeks over the time his party was happening. Needless to say, I was neither sad nor regretful. It was an incredible blessing.
@kamidsjournee The same with me l am stressed every time having to be with a huge group of people. I am quickly overstimulated.
I don't like theater too, for the same reasons, but I found out that I can enjoy theater...on the screen 😅 so for theater plays I go to the cinema
Dear Anna
You are not alone, yet l feel
alone, because l am not in your stage, l still feel embraced to admit, and to face criticism about being hsp. And l am much older than you.
I thank you for sharing so courageously your feelings.
I struggle very much with needing alone, quiet time. I'm a mom to 8 kiddos , 4 are young adults and 4 still young . I adore my children, many days feel like an ongoing party that I can't leave. I didn't know this would be a difficulty for me before starting a family.
As a young mother I would pray God would take my hearing. I only have three children. I’m glad I can still hear, but at the time I was sure it was the only way I’d be able to survive.
I often have wished to be deaf also 😬@@kamidsjournee
❤@@kamidsjournee
❤@@HomemakerDaze
I don't like people in my home. I find it stressful...like my safe space is invaded.
I relate so much. Thanks for making it visible 🥰
I have noticed that as I've aged, I have become less social than I was. Many of the things you've mentioned in this video sound so familiar to how I recognize I feel now. Maybe I never realized before that I may have some of the highly sensitive traits. My other option may be that I am getting older. So I'd like to think it's the first option. As always, thanks.
Relate.
My profession is cooking vegetarian food and I am good at it, but when I invite people to my home I feel uncomfortable and stressed. It`s nothing wrong with my home, it´s homely but not perfect or expensive. I prefer to do things in the day and be at home in the evenings. I hate noise. I don´t think I am an introvert because I talk to people at the bus, hairdresser, bus stop, super market and to my neighbors , I prefer 1-1 talk not a lot of people. Something I must think about, maybe not everyone wants to talk to me, so I try not to be intrusive and take into account that people are different.
oh yes, letting only a few and selected people in the " holy halls" of my home. I know that desire to be alone in my safe place. You´re definitely not alone in this ☺ and I also feel bad in big crowds like festivals, concerts or else. I quit going to the parties, because I feel lonely in the crowd and I prefer 1 to 1 conversations over smalltalk in big groups. Well in fact I prefer being alone at home over any human contact. But it took a very long time to realise and accept that I´m a lone wolf personality and HSP . There is no reason for excuses. if your are your authentic self. Every human being is a different personality and that is totally ok. I think, the songline " I am what I am and what I am need no excuses" says it all 😁
"Oh you want access to my sanctum sanctorum? Please fill out this questionnaire and go through the vetting process k thank" 😂🖖
We used to go to see the fireworks in the next city down here but now we just watch them on TV from Boston. Sometimes it is hard to find the Boston fireworks but so far we have managed to do it. When I was younger we would go into Boston - also we didn't have to drive 1400 mi in order to do that - and then we would go home afterwards. Of course there was a lot of traffic. But I wasn't the driver, only the navigator. I think its the only thing I do that's late at night. I don't think I have ever been to a New Year's Eve party in my entire life. One time we watched it on TV and my brother and I had matching wine glasses and we clinked them together at midnight which I don't think I ever did before. And it was 2020. I'm never going to do it again. It didn't turn out well.
Thank you for your thoughtful video. There is so much that I can relate to in this video. While I love music, I have a very hard time going to concerts or to restaurants, where loud music is being played. I also hate large parties. There is too much noise; and, I would much rather speak to a couple of people rather than a lot of people. I feel like more meaningful conversations usually occur when there are only a couple of individuals involved. I am also not a night person. I enjoy going to bed around 9PM; so, many times, I do not like to go out socially in the evenings. I also do not enjoy action movies because they are too loud and often too violent for my liking.
Another great video Ana have a great day
Thanks Liam, you too!
Ballet! ❤
I stopped watching movies many years ago, they are too overwhelming, especially the sounds. I dont enjoy big supermarkets, sometimes they make me run for the toilets😂. When i was younger i went out dancing and that was never a problem, but going outside where crowds were going in all direction made me dizzy.
This afternoon i listened to an elderly couple, who were beginning to feel the diminishing of the hearing, which meant that being in a crowded restaurant was a challenge. They looked for quiet corners, and if there was sound dampening materials in the ceilings or rugs on the floor. I guess that would be a usefull tip for hop as well.
Dear Anna. I identify so much. I am not a hostess. It makes me very uncomfortable and I don't enjoy it at all. I rarely host and if I do it is only for another couple or two. I also identify with loud noises. If something makes a loud noise or a bang I am filled with anxiety. I much prefer a night home with a good book than going out. I don't force myself to do these things anymore.
All of them and many others. Another sensitive, anxious introvert here.
I find that controlling my environment, and focusing on making it feel calm and cozy helps me a lot to feel calm. But because i live alone, i do need a balance between going out and doing things and interacting with people and alone, quiet time. I have been forcing myself to go to our small local live concerts (usually only like 20-30 people there) because I really enjoy listening to live music). When i get home though, I feel a weird mixture of relief that i am no longer in that environment mixed with remembering the enjoyment of the music. What is that feeling called?
I relate, and I jokingly refer to that feeling as, "I want to have already done [that thing]." Like when there's a concert coming up I think, "I want to have already gone to that concert and have that experience behind me" rather than "I want to go" 😂 I heard somebody in a TED talk once say that and it stuck with me.
This is weird, but i agree with u on every point, especially having guests over😁 and now in my forties i dont care anymore what ppl would say
Yes do what you want and don't do what you don't want to do and maybe sometimes you might have a couple of friends who like to just sit down and do quiet things and go home early. Sometimes I like to talk to people but just people I know that like things that I also like. But I can also do that on the phone. I wish someone would clean up our living room so that we could sit on our furniture and sometimes talk to each other instead of always just going in our rooms and being separate although the boys seem to talk louder than me. Also they eat faster than me and I am still sitting at the table if they were there at all and they are gone. They already finished. How do they eat so fast? Anyway I only like to hang around with people I feel comfortable with and doing things I feel comfortable doing which aren't a lot of things. I miss going shopping. But it's been a long time since I had money and I don't want to catch any diseases. And if there is a big crowd somewhere these days I think maybe they will run and I will get crushed. I didn't used to think about stuff like that until I saw it on TV. I used to go to the sidewalk by the river by the railing to watch the fireworks in Boston. And there were tons of people there. Lots of people on the other side of the river but it was harder to see the fireworks because over there, there were trees.
It makes me quite frustrated to be demeaned for isolating myself. I truly wish I could be left alone in my choices as an HSP. Thank you for affirming my preferences. Is there a blanket statement you have that explains your preferences instead of having to justify them? Participation in the situations you’ve mentioned is like pouring lemon juice in an open wound, but others just cannot understand, or they can’t seem to respect me in my choices.
This past weekend was our little towns Santa Claus parade I was so worried that people would drop by like they always do on that day that I closed all my curtains locked my doors and turned on my security camera all I wanted to do was drink my coffee and enjoy my book in peace.so that is what I did no guilt.when I go to hairdresser I feel the same way you do I just want my hair cut and hate the small talk right now it’s are you ready for Christmas ad nausean
People stayed for months?
Maybe I don't mind if people come over they usually just come over for supper or for just a couple of nights and then they go home and I feel lonely. But I think the reason why I don't mind is that I don't think about what they want or what they need or how to make them happy. If they want to have something, they can ask for it. Obviously somebody forgot to teach me something about hospitality. Besides that, a lot of times it with people from church and they are all taught that they should help and serve so I would just stand there and say okay who wants to serve? And then I would tell different people to go chop the mushrooms or go set the table or something. And I would just tell them where the stuff was. Like where do we keep the knives and things like that. And then I got to talk to people if I wanted to.
I wish I could remember what you said. I think it was: for Brian and I. For some reason everyone who speaks English does this. I noticed people on TV do this all the time. Native English speakers. Well educated TV writers write characters That do this. It's for Brian and me. For those of us who speak English as a first language we can remove the extra person and just say for me and then we would know how to say it. For I wouldn't sound right. It always happens I always hear it it's always wrong and it's annoying. But I'm not annoyed at you. Just everyone else. Especially people who have done things like go to college. I never went to college. I didn't spend lots and lots of money. Yet I can get it right and they cannot get it right. Whoever they are. TV writers or whoever. Someday I'm going to watch a show Where one of the characters is an English teacher and see if they get it wrong also.
Concerts can be loud. I never went to them for prestige. I hardly went to them at all. One time I went to see Josh Groban and then I came home and a little while later the same concert was on TV on PBS. And I said why did I spend money going to this concert? Also I kind of got lost driving home. And then I ran into a cat with my car. People should keep their cats in their houses not in the middle of major roadways in the middle of the night. But anyway I didn't want to run into another car so I kept driving straight ahead and I was going the regular speed so it was either the cat or me. I am sorry cat. Those are the things that happen when I went to a concert. My phone is ringing an alarm and I cannot find my phone. I still can't find it. Also I do not wear headphones because they hurt my ears and my head Where is this phone? It's annoying. It wants me to know that it is sunset. Okay now I know. Now where is it?
Boring? Pshaw. You have interior lives that are as rich in diversity as the Amazon. Give me a thinker over a glad-handler any day.
Earlier this year I had the privilege of an eight week solo trip. Not once did I turn on a radio or tv. It was bliss.
As I've aged, I'm beginning to believe that "normal" people or the "average" person are not as large a majority as presented. I also think many of us, especially women, may fall on the ASL spectrum... let's say ASL adjacent.
As you've pointed out, the key is to know yourself and live YOUR best life.
I don't like clubs. They only place I ever went was this dance club that had a bunch of different rooms. A bunch of people from church went there and the other people who were there were smoking because it was the '80s and it was loud and noisy and all I wanted was to go home. And I'll never do it again. I think the only thing you could do to get me to go out at night and be around other people was if Scott Bakula was there. I used to do that a lot. And there were always plane tickets involved. It was always in some other city. And a couple of times I went for Donny Osmond but only one time did it involve an airplane and I was going someplace for another reason anyway.
I find it annoyingly paradoxical. We are sensitive and tend to isolate more than "normal" but this causes us to become MORE sensitive 😅
A little bit of poison as a cure is a must, but this is and has been an eternal struggle for me that I'm only coming to terms with having come into contact with others who were similar by pure chance. I have come to realise it is more acceptable for women to be like this though. Male introversion is often taken as creepy or weird and not excused as shy and quirky.
And YES mindfulness has been life changing. The Netflix show Murder Mindfully comes to mind it's so funny 😂
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You always opt for matinees and I just wait until the movie I want to see is on television. :-) So what if you are boring. At least you are a couple. I liked being a couple. Apparently my husband did not. But at least if we were out at night he could drive home and I wouldn't have to worry about falling asleep at the wheel. Unfortunately sometimes I would have to worry about him falling asleep at the wheel
It was in the bathroom.
Liebe Ana, ich kann deine Punkte gut nachvollziehen.
Ich habe auch keine Gäste, ich fühle mich dann unter Druck und mein Haus ist mein Refugium. Ich gege manchmal in klassische Konzerte, weil ich die Musik liebe und die Leute sitzen und ruhig sind. Ich genieße meine Ruhe und bin nicht traurig. Heute war ein so schöner, ruhiger Sonntag gefüllt mit lesen, etwas kochen...Ich mag keine Partys, irgendwie war ich da immer falsch. Gerne gehe ich manchmal mit einer Freundin oder allein in ein ganz kleines Cafe.
Also Ana, du siehst, es gibt uns ruhige Menschen überall und deshalb sind wir nicht langweilig, nur vielleicht intensiver in unserer Wahrnehmung der Welt um uns herum.😊
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