My mother died in a memory care facility at age 98. Her dementia started in her late 80's after she had fallen several times and had to have blood clots removed from her brain. It's so important to be careful as you age as injuries can also lead to dementia. I regret one thing I did with her. I would tell her when she did something symptomatic, like repeating herself. I thought I was being helpful but now I know it was the wrong thing to do. Your loved ones can't help the decline. Constantly reminding them of it isn't a kindness. My best advice is to be patient with them and remember to take care of yourself as well as your loved one. It's heartbreaking to watch your loved one change into someone you don't recognize.
We learned that as well. Telling them they already said something etc. does not help. Neither does using the word "remember." They don't. I think we there are times we want them to be able to remember and hope the disease is just a bad dream.
you're right, my dad used to tell the same 5 childhood and Korean war stories over and over and we always acted like it was the first time we are hearing it.
My heart hurts when I think of all the times I said; "Mom, remember ....." because NO! She cannot remember, but she's also aware she can't, and it's a painful, scary, frustrating reminder to her.
one of the biggest bringers of dementia in the elderly is a lack of fluid, care homes just don't provide enough for the residents to drink and they don't drink water out of the tap
I would add another one. My mother-in-law, my mother, and a very good friend started to lose their sense of humor. If you said something funny, they took it literal and they no longer got sarcasm. Great video. Thanks.
I suspect my father has it. My mother got diagnosed a few years ago, and has obvious signs now. But his are subtle and he indeed doesn’t understand jokes anymore.
I was a caretaker for a 102 year old man, who retained ALL his marbles to the very end. I enrolled him in a 90+ brain health study and they asked a series of questions during intake and then every 6 months afterwards. Asked 'what day of the week is it?' I just sat back and watched because I knew what was coming... 'I retired on June 26th, 1976. It was a Saturday at 6 PM and I haven't needed to know what day of the week it was since then!' Hopefully he got full credit. I'm 70, been retired for 8 years and most of the time I'm not thinking what day of the week it is either. Retired people don't have to know that stuff. Not knowing the *season* is a bit concerning, especially if it didn't just change over... word finding ability is an issue depending on how large your vocabulary was to start with - take choline (lecithin) supplements or eat more eggs - that's necessary for acetylcholine, one of the neurotransmitters necessary for speech and complex thought. A LOT of 'aging' related issues can be mitigated with diet and supplements.
@@globalfamily8172 The more words you know, the more you have to 'search' mentally for just the right word. I hesitate a lot doing just that (at 70). If you start not knowing family names or common objects, that's problematic.
I want to offer you all encouragement! My 82 year old husband just passed away. Alzheimers for years and years. These were our happiest years, picnics, car rides, favorite tv shows. I told him, we dont have bad days, every day is a good day! All the way to the end. I wasnt ready.
Going under anesthesia for anyone over 60 is very tough on the brain. My gf works at a memory care unit and she said she has never seen seniors return to their baseline once they have gone under anesthesia
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I am reading and listening to as much as I can because my SON was just diagnosed with EARLY-ONSET ALZHEIMERS. Brand is only 44 yrs. ( I am 67 ) so this has SHOCKED me to the CORE. Once TOLD, though, many things just "clicked" and I was like "Oooohh !!" Things fell into place and I could finally see WHY. He had been declining for a WHILE -- and I had SEEN it HAPPENING -- but didn't know what to do. At first it was just frequent "deer-caught-in-the-headlights" looks. And then he began loosing vocabulary -- like saying he needed "a soft thing" which varied WIDELY. Sometimes he was talking about a paper towl or sometimes A SLICE OF BREAD. It was for ME to figure out what it was. Right now it seems that I am only hearing the horror stories -- stories about the person walking around naked or forgetting how to swallow food and drinks. And how they become violent. These stories TERRIFY me. Right now my son is only BEGINNING to get ARGUMENTATIVE. Silly things, like catsup being made from apples instead of tomatoes, and lasagna being a Mexican dish from Taco Bell. ( When we've never even BEEN to a Taco Bell in our lives. ) I just give in and say OK. It's not worth arguing over. There is only ONE argument we have EVERY SINGLE DAY and it's the worse one. Our living room window faces DIRECTLY EAST, so the sun shines directly in, from sunrise until around 1 or 2:00. It's SO bright in there that I have to wear sunglasses and the TV can't really seen. And, come summer, the HEAT that comes in through the window is STIFLING. I close the curtains but he opens them back up EVERY TIME I leave the room. ( My son HIMSELF doesn't spend ANY time in there, please understand. ) But if he sees that I closed them again he will lurk in the hallway and quickly re-open them again when I next leave the room. This happens over and over ALL MORNING LONG. He is OBSESSED with them remaining open, despite the heat that comes in. And then he gets angry because the A/C runs more (because of the heat) and he either turns it OFF or even WORSE, he switches it over to the FURNACE. I understand that arguing with an Alzheimers person is useless and also a trigger to even worse things to come but this is costing us more money that we can't afford to waste. And, of course, things ARE going to get worse as time goes by ..... this is only the BEGINNING. THANK YOU you for both sharing your stories AND for allowing me to vent to you. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH. ( !!!!! ) And GOD BLESS YOU.
@jgdebiasio2935 OMG !! THANK YOU !! Something like that never even crossed my MIND !! ( OR any of my FRIENDS' minds, either !! ) You are BRILLIANT !! Truly, THANK YOU !!
It's not so much the actual symptoms, but the change in personality or symptoms. It's a lot easier to see the changes looking back. My mom's personality changed slowly. She became more and more critical and judgmental. She had never been that way. She became more and more paranoid. Thinking people were cheating her or taking her things. My mom had been very tech savy, but she got to where she couldn't figure out stuff that wasn't even technical. Once you know the problem is there, you don't need to convince your loved one, you don't need to try to change them back. You just love on them and make their life as easy, happy, and comfortable as possible.
Now I know for sure that Google is listening to my conversations. I've never watched or searched for a video about dementia so there would be no reason for this video to come up in my TH-cam feed. But I recently had a conversation wondering if my father is suffering from it.
If you have any type of device that listens for you - like Alexis or Siri, it picks up everything because it's "listening" for a voice to give it a command.
Hi Deborah, Thank you for taking the time to share your experiences. Three time family caregiver and retired nurse here. "Been there, done that" equips you in a special way to teach. May I suggest you do a session on the differences and similarities among dementia, delireum and depression? Regarding remarks about your being too harsh or loud, etc. Do think about slowing down a bit as many caregivers, esp spousal caregivers, are dealing with age related issues themselves. It takes a little longer for us to hear and process things. Re the abruptness, I'd bet a dollar that that's a cultural thing. Speech in the South is usually slower, softer and lower pitched than in the North. I've heard Southern patients accuse Northern nurses/drs/etc of being rude when in fact it was just a pattern of speech. Keep up the good work, friend. Information is power. Good on you for sharing!!!👍💕
My husband is about to turn 60, and I am seeing some signs such as using the wrong word for things such as saying the cheese went bitter, instead of sour, fading out during conversations, repeating stories multiple times, completely forgetting lengthy discussions, insisting he told me things when I know for certain he did not, having a "fresh' mouth when speaking to me when I ask him questions, so many small things that are now adding up. He also has untreated severe ADHD, which has magnified his sharp-tongued behavior, impulsiveness and inability to organize and complete tasks. This underlying issue made it hard at first to recognize the changes are not related to ADHD. Having just gone through this with my own mother, and now my husband ... it's a tough thing to say the least, Not looking for sympathy, jut sharing my story with the unique circumstances we are facing, and others may as well.
I understand completely. My husband who just turned 80 is having more bouts of confusion and problem solving. When she mentioned the remote she was right on. My husband is having difficulty with those things too. So sad to see them this way.
People, If you expect your kids to take care of you in your later years - please plan for it now. Move closer to them, get a signed POA, sell that big house and get something smaller. Don't wait till it's too late, like my parents did.
It is helpful for sure. Our parents both had smaller single floor houses, but one took forever to clean up (and fix so many thing that should have been done years before) and the POA was a fight. The other cleaned out things they knew they would never use, made sure the major things on the house were fixed (newer roof and gutters), and got paperwork in order "just in case." It made life so much easier, especially when things got more difficult and the time to sell the house came. It was cleaned out, cleaned up, and on the market in less than two weeks... the other house took over a year to deal with.
It’s amazing how similar the symptoms are in people with dementia. Three people in my family have had it and this video is spot on! You must become intrusive when their living conditions have deteriorated to the point of being unsafe and they refuse to make the necessary changes. You get blamed for their neglect and then you get blamed when you have to move them out of their home which they want YOU to maintain. For the mother who seeks attention, you can’t possibly satisfy her 24/7. She becomes the black hole of emotional needs. She won’t let you sleep at night. She won’t let you leave your house without hunting you down, calling your friends to find you. If you hire caregivers to help, she sends them to look for you to ask for YOUR help. You begin to think dementia is contagious because you feel you are on the brink of insanity. I don’t want to devote the rest of my shortened life to helping work the TV remote and scrubbing a back in the shower of someone capable of bathing herself. It’s not a lack of empathy. It’s self-preservation! I have other people in my life I must help take care of. There’s only so much one human being can take. I thought bringing them home to familiar surroundings and family would help, but it didn’t. They need simplified surroundings with a minimum of stuff. If family members upset them, they will do better in assisted living among strangers. I just hope I will be able to afford it if I am ever in the same condition. The person I am now doesn’t want to do the same thing to my children.
@@ildikoparker920 It can certainly lead to fatality from falls, infections, malnutrition , and from other ways of not being able to look out for oneself anymore.
My husband and I were talking about his late mother and how she couldn't throw anything away. We wondered if part of the issue, aside from the dementia, was that she had grown up in extremely difficult poverty during the Depression. "Use it up, wear it out, make do, or do without." Those sorts of survival skills don't go away. It was sooooo sad to watch her decline.
An early sign I saw in my mom that made me think she was at the beginning stage of Alzheimer's, happened several years ago. My mom was driving us to Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's house. A cat ran out in front of the car and she struck and killed it. She was an avid animal lover and she especially loved (and owned) cats. I said, oh no! You just hit a cat! She said, well, he shouldn't have run out in front of me, and she just kept driving! I was so shocked! Their personality changes! She would never had acted so callous and she would have pulled over to try to find the owner of the cat by knocking on doors. I was so upset by this. I knew that something was really wrong with her, and I suspected dementia/Alzheimer's. I was right. It is such a very sad disease! May she rest in peace.
Miserable disease. My mom exhibited some of the same behaviors where everything was someone else's fault - just like you said - the cat shouldn't have run out in front of me.
I just discovered this video and it sounds like my mom to a “T”. Wow! I am struggling with getting a diagnosis for her but I am keeping diligent notes and will be advocating for a second opinion if need be. Thank you for making this!!
My mom also saved all of that plus using coffee grounds the next day but it was due to growing up in the Depression and then World War 2 with all the rationing. She ended up dying of a sudden heart attack but my dad had signs of dementia also.
Yes, Depression & WWII Era seniors do have a built-in hoarding mechanism that most people who grew up with plenty, do not. Those of us who grew up with these Depression Era seniors may have a bit of inherited, "just-in-case" hoarding tendencies. Or, if our parents were intense hoarders, we may have become the opposite and toss away things we actually need and when we can't find them we panic. Life is funny.
I'm sorry but I just had to chuckle at your comment. I once worked at a donation distribution center, and the junk that relatives would drop off from deceased elderly loved ones was mind blowing. Very often it was apparent that rather than sorting through their loved one's belongings, they simply dumped entire drawers into boxes and took it to "donate." The trash bin at the distribution center had more contents than our value-based product bins. I have to wonder what the numbers would look like if the savings on foil, plastic wrap, and soap were tallied up, though. As a Senior citizen myself now, that would make quite a dent in my expenses. Oh wait, I still have plastic wrap on my shelf from 12yrs ago. Nevermind....lol😂 (Still giggling.)
Denial is a powerful emotion. We ignore those early red flags because we don’t want to see them & have to connect the dots. It’s so difficult to actually come to the full realization that something is seriously wrong. It can be devastating, especially if your loved one is relatively young. My fiancé was a very active & athletic 57 when I had him diagnosed. I’m so sorry you’ve had 3 in your family affected by this horrible disease.
My dementia has been pretty mild last couple years but these last few months it has been hard.ive still got enough marbles left to realize im slipping. If i could just lose a few more i wouldn't even know. Names of friends are hard to remember and only a couple times i didn't know where i was while in my own home. That was scary. I went outside and still didn't recognize anything and had no idea what or where to go. Nothing looked familiar my car my bike i didn't recognize but my dog kinda looked right or had me thinking i knew it belonged to someone i might know. A lot of times its like today i feel good and know what im doing and almost everything seems normal except im watching these videos
Copy what you just wrote onto paper, date it, put it in an envelope and and write Doctor on it in big letters. Then take it to your doctor. Really though, you remember feeling off and described it very well! Interesting. Take care of you!
@inmate666 look in to keto/carnivore foods. These foods have helped many people with brain fog etc. Dr. Ken Berry, Dr. Anthony Chaffee, Dr. Eric Westman.
Do not ignore the red flags. Do not try to rationalize the out of character behavior. I learned too late. If I had not been in denial I could have done better by my mother. Just something to consider.
There seems to be a lot of hindsight with this disease. What I talk about are things that I realized AFTER the fact. Hopefully others will see it sooner than I did (and you did.)
I am 73 years old and try to explain my anxiety about the changes I see occurring in myself to my children. They do not want to hear. It reminds me of my own reluctance to see decline in my parents. I think this is a common situation. People at middle age are so concerned about controlling their own lives, launching their children etc. it is normal to refuse to look critically at their parents situation until parents needs become critical. I just purchased a geezer computer through an add from AARP with a service contract because I thought that would help with my sense of security and because none of my children have time now to help me with this aspect of my life. I’m anticipating it taking a long time for me to get through the set up process. My siblings are all older and I feel really stressed about facing the future as my social network declines and mobility declines. Not expecting much help from my children.
@@bradley244ifyI can totally relate to everything you said here, as I am a 61 yr old single retired, relying upon disability income only for my survival, while my grown children go about their busy lives. I barely ever ask them for anything unless there's no other options, but my maternal grandmother had dementia in her 70's after she lost my grandfather to cancer, and ended up going downhill rapidly and dying in a nursing home less than a decade after, so I do have my own fears of the same demise 😮
@@bradley244ifyYou don’t need to have dementia to be worried about a shrinking social network and limited mobility/physical stamina. As a lifelong single, diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder at age 58, life has always been tough. It’s “do it yourself or make do without.” That’s not dementia. What would concern me is something like losing an entire day, thinking the police or some authorities are plotting against me, getting lost in familiar places, not attending to regular business like paying bills, not cleaning the house, neglecting personal hygiene, buying outrageous amounts of the same thing, hoarding, poor nutrition… I’ve never done well with change, but if it’s unusually so? Could be a problem! Convoluted thinking, poor judgement, inability to mentally focus or make decisions. Having frequent minor auto accidents, getting lost in familiar places, inability to choose, like from a menu. This doesn’t mean they must go into a facility, only that extra help is needed. My father was able to live at home with assistance a decade with dementia. Routine and breaking down tasks into small segments is very helpful. So is keeping to an early bedtime with a wind-down period.
I don't understand the people who come on here just to make negative comments. I've watched a lot of different TH-camrs on this topic, but it seems most of them are just out here to wear the perfect outfit while saying things like, "be gentle, be patient, everything will work out" and have the perfect little studio setup and whatever else. None of those people or videos were helpful to me. Deb, your videos are the first that I've found helpful, honest, and you leave out the bullsh*t. You are spot on and just speak the truth, which is what we as caregivers need right now, as well as knowing what to expect and watch for. I truly appreciate your approach and sense of humor. This is not a funny topic, but for crying out loud, if you don't laugh about some of this crap, you'll lose your frickin mind. I fully intend to watch (and probably REWATCH) all of your videos. Who knows better than someone who has actually been through it?? And with three different parents!!??? Watching this video in particular brought tears to my eyes, because my mother is doing everything that you spoke about. You really start to feel kinda crazy in this situation, but listening to someone else explain what they are seeing firsthand is validating and brings back some of my sanity. Thank you Deb, I feel like we would be friends if we knew each other. I happen to like the cut of your jib. Peace.
Thank you. I found a lot of the videos were "perfect world scenarios" where if the caregiver acted a certain way, the patient would suddenly understand and all the difficulties and frustrations of caregiving would suddenly disappear... Um, no. And it changes as the disease progresses. I joined a FaceBook group - and that's where it gets real. You find people venting over things like: The house plant is not the toilet, lack of sleep, difficult behaviors, the doctor is useless, my siblings don't help, and the caregiver can't take it anymore. It's OK, not everyone is cut out for this type of caregiving. If we were, we'd all be doing it. Knowing your limitations and being honest about them is the best thing for yourself AND the person with the disease.
This is the first time I ever seen your videos and am very pleased , impressed, and grateful that you were and are willing to expose your life experiences with dementia. You have made me more aware and knowledgeable about watching myself for any of these symptoms. I am 72 years of age.
there’s one thing i’d have your viewers know - being confused after a hospitalization or after moving does not necessarily, by itself, indicate dementia. it happens to older people, and after some time they recover from it. so look at the whole picture. thanks for an informative video.
@@julieellis6793 Confusion and a change of personality. I had a companion turn MEAN who was always unfailingly happy and kind. Curing the UTI fixed that.
I havent needed to know the date since I retired! I don't write dates on anything, pay everything on line or with a card so I am not writing the date on checks anymore. The time and date are entered automatically. The calendar on my phone pops up with any appointments so once I have entered an appointment into my phone I dont need to think about it. There was a time when knowing the date and time was important; now our devices do that for us.
I have mild cognitive impairment..there are issues that cause us to appear as hoarders...we forget what we have...out of sight out of mind. Can't remember where things are, causing clutter when tearing things apart, forget to reorganize, etc.
@@isabelibrown4587 I have exactly that symptom. . I liken it to trying to ride a bicycle without a chain. The rest of the bike could be ok, I know how to ride and where I want to go, but no matter how hard I pedal, nothing happens. It's part of impaired executive function, and that's also associated with ADHD, but in cognitive impairment or FTD, it's different, and can be way more debilitating. Many FTD descriptions call it "apathy" and although that can happen too, the failure to convert will into action is different.
I was the first one to pick up on the fact that my sister "wasn't right". I lived a long distance from her but we talked on the phone nearly every day. We were both keen gardeners and used to talk about our latest aquisitions. She completely lost interest and every time I talked about plants she'd say I can't be bothered. She got early onset and is now in the last stage of dementia.
Omg the menu thing is EXACTLY what my husband-now incapacitated with late-stage Alzheimer’s-did early on. We were total foodies; we travelled to eat (largely) and loved new restaurants and dishes. Then, long story short, he wouldn’t even look at the menu. He’d say “I’ll have what she’s having.” We never before ordered the same thing, and only ordered after some discussion. Very occasionally he’d say “the special”-before hearing what it was. No examination of the menu, not even a look. It was a huge behavioral change. But the final thing that led to diagnosis was getting lost in the car, a mile from home, on a road he’d travelled daily for about 30 years. The police brought him home after someone reported him driving “in a suspicious manner.”
My mom was an avid reader. She loved the library and picked up a stack of books every two weeks. She had her chair and her side table she placed her book on. We noticed the same book on the table after two weeks. Still makes me teary eyed and she’s been gone for almost 20 years.
Great great real life info. Interesting you mentioned the junk mail. I noticed this in my mom, after my dad died. She would go through Every piece of junk mail and read everything on it and get all huffed about people wanting to buy her house and I'm like, yeah mom, we get those notices too, they send em to everyone. In a way I was thankful that she was being so vigilant about things like this, but I guess it can go a bit too far as well.
I lived through almost all these with my late husband. I could see things but nobody else see!ed to believe me. His grown daughters didn't see him often enough to see it and they did not believe me until you could look at him and see he had dementia. She is giving excellent advice.
My husband was diagnosed with dementia in March this year. In June we learned he had advanced esophageal cancer and he passed away last week. Watching this I see so much of his behavior from the past few years. It explains so much. And if I had known what I was looking at maybe I would have dealt with him kinder. He bought stuff and hid it from me. A life long habit that got worse. He started "letting" me drive all the time as he was too tired or it was my car. He obsessed about checking the oil in the cars. Or returning to the house as we were leaving to double check the lights and locks. Stopped wanting to bathe and change clothes. And he started just ordering whatever I was getting in restaurants. Plus I see a lot of this behavior in my mom too now. Sigh.
This is a story of the earliest vascular dementia sign I noticed in a loved one and why the person with dementia needs daily supervision: When I was little, my nanny had a stroke followed by many undiagnosed TIA. I remember one afternoon, about 5 years after her stroke, she repeated “it’s getting bad” with her head in her hands. She had just put a penny that was on the bathroom counter into her mouth. I didn’t think anything of it as a 9 year old but she explained to my mom that she misperceived the penny to be a pill. She sat on the couch, cried and repeated “it’s getting bad” many afternoons over the next few years. That phrase made me gasp decades later when you said it with context. In the moment, I thought that my nanny was talking about nausea or pain but it was that she couldn’t trust her own eyes… she knew something was wrong in that moment. At that point, she was still driving and caring for me but she was decreasing in mobility, organization, decision-making (especially fast decisions!) and long-term planning. I miss her and wish that she could have gotten more care. Her doctors didn’t know that she had dementia, they thought that any lapses were from the previous stroke, not an ongoing decline. She was still doing her own med management 8 years after mistaking a penny for a pill. She stopped taking her heart medication without telling anyone. She passed away unexpectedly so an autopsy was ordered: CHF and multi-infarct vascular dementia. She had hidden her decline and remained fluent in conversation so none of her friends suspected dementia. Only her adult son and housekeeper knew how difficult personal care tasks had become for the poor woman but didn’t know to report it to her doctor. I’d encourage anyone thinking about getting care for their loved one to try it out. People with dementia naturally withdraw and sometimes effectively mask their deficits. They’ll say that they’re fine even when they’re visibly struggling and the ADLs aren’t getting done. Keep asking questions even when it annoys them. Thanks for coming to my combination TED talk and therapy session 💜
I was put into chemical induced dementia accidently by having had a Bisphoshanate bone infusion which drove out a massive smount ofvtoxins dtored in fat cells of bone, brain and organs. Withing an hour I had 100% no cognition...as in 24/7 full time care for over 3 1/2 years. I started on a cell communicator which helped me recover my mental acuity and communication skills as well as short and long term memory. At 74, I am back to be a functioning fully functioning being with full wit& wherewithal and every abilities. I also do not need and am not prescribed any medications at all. I thrive. I have and follow my own all natural healing protocol. Please know since you have this in your family, you very much need to take preventative matters now. Mo
Difficulty dealing with new appliances-especially tv remote-or adapting to new living arrangements is not an issue. If they can't use a tv remote that they have used for years, now that's a sign.
Wow, so interesting. My mom has vascular dementia and just went into care. It was a long time that we knew something was wrong. This all sounds so familiar. It's both sad AND frustrating. She had the same trouble with junk mail and telemarketing calls. I ended up installing a list of phone numbers she could accept telephone calls from. A big thing was that she couldn't work any technology. It started with her computer, then her telephone, her television and finally light switches. She unscrewed light bulbs because she couldn't figure out how to use the switch.
I a finding this very helpful. In retrospect what you wish you had know when you saw certain behaviors. We all live busy lives and don't really have the total picture until we are able to look back at all those pieces. Thank you for sharing your experience
My sister told my Mom in the late 90s my Dad was getting it. Nobody listened. It became evident after a major surgery in 2012, when I was the only near by family. It is a very hard disease to deal with.
Never correct a dementia person. It makes it worse, and agitates them. I worked in hospice. My Mother died from Alzheimer's in 1996 at the age of 59. I'm 67 and have no signs. I drew my clock with Roman numerals. My doctor was impressed knowing my history of it.
I love your video! You really explain different angles of dementia, and how they present. It is all the little things that you’re talking about. They add up.
My mom tried to tell me, but she was so functional, I thought she was afraid of going out of her mind - it was a fear of hers because my father told her she would be on the streets, crazy. She has passed, and I hate it that I didn't know, but grateful for this video.
Funny how different people can be. My mom told me she was getting bad, but when you aren't around them 24/7 it is harder to see. My MIL would never admit there was a problem.
I have had some issues with remembering what something is called when talking about something that happened. I started using a trick my grandfather taught me when I was a kid. I look at the object or reaction in my mind. Kind of like a blank sheet of paper and if seeing it in my mind doesn’t work I write on that blank sheet of paper (in my mind) things that are related to the word I can’t remember. “Tree” = plants, nature, green, brown, shade and usually by the third or forth descriptive word I get the right word. My Mom had Alzheimer’s and it literally scares the heck out of me that I’m on that path. I’ve started doing more word/number puzzles as well as a few more things. I used to be able to completely design a wood project in my head (another thing my grandfather (engineer) taught me) and by the time I got my design/plans on paper everything had already been figured out. I’m in menopause and trying to figure out if it’s menopause or Alzheimer’s is terrifying.
I've been doing those "world building" games, starting a middle ages village and expanding it. Those games have endless decisions to practice on. When I'm at my worst, I use a jigsaw puzzle game.
This is a very good presentation , I was dealing with a dementia that started after having had Spinal Meningitis in my late twenties, so many things you brought up are so relatable, I saw my math skills go first, then memory, then my handwriting became very sloppy. I would try to cover up so many things. I still cannot hold a complex thought in my head to work it out. I would lose my thoughts in mid sentence. I still do that now. I would make excuses for weird things I did, and I did lose partial vision in my right eye. My dementia was treatable and was a result of hydrocephalus, most likely from Spinal Meningitis. My husband has said I was never the same from that point. I think I was faking a lot just to get by in life. I did see myself aging every time I looked in the mirror. I’m so thankful that God lead me down the road to recovery. The neurologist saw something in the first MRI and I had a second one done, she saw it was treatable so I was sent to Stanford for surgery. Three weeks in recovery and three years later I am almost who I was, I work with a physical trainer and I’m strong and fit now. I do need good sleep …… so important. Please if you start to see changes in a loved one Pay Attention Also not mentioned your balance is off when you have dementia.
I would be interested to know what the neurologist saw and corrected. Finding a way to cope with changes is a resilient behavior we all use to some extent. Knowing what is fixable and what is not takes quite a bit of extra effort or understanding. You we’re fortunate to find support and recovery.
@@lifeunderdeborahspalm-thed8114 Equally glad they didn't say probably psychiatric". The neurologist I saw in 2007 said that because nothing shows on a plain MRI, and every other doctor saw that and dismissed me until 2015,. I got SPECT scans and a PET scan all confirming 'hypoperfusion' (diminished blood flow) to three lobes where bvFTD symptoms could be caused by that impairment. I'm still trying to get some fMRIs to have a more specific idea of exactly which parts are affected, and by how much. Full circle, 17 years later, I'm going back to a neurologist, ,but now I know a lot more about my neurotransmitter issues. Hopefully, we'll plot a decline when I go off anticholinergic meds for a few months, and then improve as I take them again. That's all of 2024 spoken for.
My heart sank in pity and sorrow for you reading the first paragraph. That must have been a ghastly nightmare. I'm really glad you were able to get therapy and be on the mend. Kudos for your courage and persistence.
I'm 63 and scared to get older. I don't want to go thru crap. Alot of this stuff I've done since I was a little girl. I don't like change. The older I get I'm better with it tho. My mother has been obsessive with stuff for ever. I grew up obsessing over things Thanks for your insight!
@@ThatOpalGuyMe too, it’s terrifying! My mother & all her siblings ended up like this but they all had support. So far this generation 3 cousins have succumbed too so I find thoughts of the future daunting and I feel your pain and that of anyone else in this less than promising predicament😢love from the UK❤
@@ed7519 Still wish IBS would leave. No problem with constipation. More diarrhea. Sorry. I don't think constipation will ever be a problem. I wish it would. Seriously. The price of TP is costing me a bundle and "cleaning" is a problem with arthritic hands.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. When my mother-in-law passed away, we found a large amount of coins. She had obviously been unable to work out how much money to hand over so just gave the shop assistant a large note and emptied all the coins out of her wallet when she got home.
My siblings only agreed Mom was slipping mentally when, at a garden club banquet, she forgot where the restroom was at and urinated by squatting over a catch basin in the parking lot. She complained about the “outdated and unsanitary” facilities.
Wow, you are right on point! I took care of my parents and I saw the same things. You mentioned a few times "why didn't we see what was going on?" One reason, most of us are not trained to see what is really there. Second, we really don't want to put the dots together and acknowledge the loss. Thank you for this non-medical description of what goes on.
This is a very helpful video. I could relate to a number of things she talked about. My 76 yr. old sister's health has deteriorated steadily over the past 2 years. She required 2 major surgeries in less than a year and has never fully regained her health and I began to question her judgement as well as note some cognitive decline. She was always rather difficult to deal with at times and it was initially hard to tell what was just her personality problems and what was impaired judgement due to decline. After some falls in the home she was hospitalized with new problems and increased weakness and is now in an assisted living facility. It's only been a week but the confusion is apparent, maybe not all the time but it's there.
Be sure to check for Urinary Tract Infections. Twice (my mom was already in the nursing home with dementia) I came in to visit, and she had gone downhill so rapidly. I made them check and she had UTI. They treated her for it and she was back to her former level of weirdness. So a non-dementia diagnosed person suddenly getting symptoms could actually have UTI. But sometimes I wonder if I did her any favors, getting infections treated. She spent seven years confined before she passed.
My mom threw things away. Underwear, towels, papers, utensils.also, I noticed a change in her handwriting. Normally beautiful and neat. It became illegible. You don’t think something is wrong because you don’t want to. It’s a scary and long painful road for you and the person with dementia/ alz.
My mom would think that things were "broken" because she didn't understand how to work them anymore. At which point she threw them out. It was frustrating and difficult.
Regarding dishwashing skills declining, this was not meant to offend anyone. This example is specific to the context of my mom's situation. She was a full-time teacher. She was meticulous, organized, clean and always neat including her hair and makeup. That is who we grew up with. In her case, the fact that she struggled to hand wash the dishes (which she preferred to do), was a warning sign to her family. Each person has a different situation. We need to respect this. I am a physical therapist. Maintaining activities of daily living and hobbies, as much as possible, is critical to promote overall health and quality of life. The worst thing we can do is sit in a chair and let others do everything or let devices do everything. Of course, people who have dementia need close supervision depending upon the severity. However, this does not mean that they need to sit and do nothing. In Sardinia, Italy, there was a study that looked at why people tend to live into their 90's-100's with strong bodies and no dementia. They found that the more steep your village is, the healthier you are! Meaning, the hills and stairs of the villages help people stay strong as they age. They walk these hills and stairs every day. Research proves that physical activity/exercise every day is important for brain health (circulation). In the Netherlands, there are skilled facilities for people with dementia but they are not the typical nursing home. They are set up like small towns. The people who live there get to walk around, go shopping, go to restaurants, and spend time with friends. The staff are the "employees" in the shops and restaurants, etc. Brilliant idea! It is called The Hogeweyk dementia village in Weesp, Netherlands. What an amazingly respectful way to improve and maintain the quality of life for people who have dementia. We move in the womb. We were born to move. Our bodies need to stay active. I wish you all the best in your journeys. I hope this forum maintains kindness.
I have heard about those set ups and think they are amazing! We have a nursing home locally that made one floor look more like a street. An artist did an amazing job painting lamp posts and street signs etc. Not the same, but the staff told me the residents do better there than the sterile nursing home environment. I also love the concept of having college students live with older folks and the teens who help those in assisted living with phones, FB, email, etc.
I think the hoarding comes from the grief of letting go to the best times of our lives and to all the things that we either never got to do or finish, and all the things we wish we could do just one more time with our adult kids who are gone. Also with creative projects, hobbies, aspirations. Aging is a constant divestment of one’s aspirations. It’s hard. Getting rid of stuff is to admit it’s over.
@@capercat9785 I was really referring to hoarding of aging people before dementia sets in. I have noticed my husband and I got into this habit for the reasons I listed, but we don’t have dementia. For us it is the grief of being done with the child rearing stage of life.
@rebeccamouse9294 I took a screenshot of your post. I totally agree with what you said, and I have also thought the same for why I have a hard time finishing projects (work stuff or personal stuff). To me, projects, holidays, seasons all are reminders are of the shorter remaining time I have left and the time that I have wasted.
My mom had dementia. Even though her personality changed, and she became negative, I had compassion on her. I would not have snooped in her drawers because that wouldn’t have changed one thing. So you find out early? Then what? There isn’t a cure. Someday it could be you. Things can help-keeping our elders safe is a priority. But no matter how frustrating it is, somehow we need to have compassion.
Relatives/friends of dementia victims MUST learn to be patient and not be angry with the patient. It is the dementia acting/speaking, not the person you know.
Those subtle early signs are really hard to pick up on, especially if you're the sole caregiver with no other family or friend involvement. and the medical people are in denial almost as much as the patient.
Dementia is not consistent on a day to day basis. One day the person can be fine and the next there are memory issues. Also TIA’s or mini strokes will cause damage in the brain and will give dementia like symptoms. Also diet, blood sugar fluctuations, and sleep will cause memory issues. A mini stroke can be diagnosed with a head CT scan. Also estrogen loss due to menopause will can memory loss.
You are of a different generation - I am of a generation that did not even have a landline let alone electronics . It is difficult to deal with the speed of change over the past 40 years. Be kinder !
Some older people definitely struggle with new technology etc, but that's not true of everyone. My mom understood the TV remote - until she didn't. It had nothing to do with the TV itself.
I think my husbands having a lot more confusion and cognitive thinking. Problem is, some days he.seems fine and another day cloudy thinking again which he admits. However, his neurologist only sees him on a good day. I think our pc doctor thinks I’m making things up. He had a brain bleed 3 years ago. 2 years ago had the cognitive test and he was weak in a few areas but not too bad. Now I’m thinking to contact the neurologist again as he seems to sometimes get lost when driving. Your video helped as he seems to be distancing himself and hoarding. It’s really sad to see your spouse decline.
VERY important to get MRI confirmation of Dementia. It could be hydrocephalous that can come on in senior years and cause ALL these symptoms. As soon as a shunt is placed, speech and memory and mobility return very quickly so don't accept diagnosis without MRI.
This is what my brother in law has. It's crazy, even doing the diagnostic test helped him. They will actually drain the fluid off fully next week. He was falling, confused and everything. It's good that you brought this up because it isn't something most people have even heard about.
It is definitely important. When my MIL first went through it 10 years ago, an MRI was required by memory care facilities to be sure the person had the disease. Now they just give the quick mini-cog and call it a day.
I think that people hide the early stages because it feels shameful. they aren't been deceitful for a bad reason. I now know why my father hid in the kitchen rather than join family dinner. I have been having problems understanding people intermittently since my early 40's. At times it is embarrassing if i am at dinner with people. I can see that once the hearing/understanding problem gets worse I can see I might recede from socializing.
Also, where people can't recall a reason for doing something, they may "confabulate" - come up with an explanation that isn't true and may not even make sense, just to fill in the blank. It's not intentional and they really believe what they imagine to be true.
I watch a programme called Adventures with Purpose. They are a private rescue dive team. When people searching for people with dementia who are lost with their cars, they often find the lost person drves their cars straight into the water down boat launching sites or into the water from dead end roads. The person with dementia just gets confused.
The confabulation! The smarter they are, the more plausible the compensatory “stories”. They aren’t lying to you or themselves; they’re just trying to fill in the growing blanks of their own narrative experience. I’ve found this manifests really early on as projection: “Don’t you remember? You were always telling little stories! You don’t remember?” I was the family scapegoat, which actually afforded me some narrative objectivity. So I was the one that first diagnosed my dad, and then later my grandmother, and now my mom, by their attempts to project “the problem” onto me. What sucks about this is it means I myself at am risk! And I know I won’t know it, or be able to acknowledge it, when the proverbial time comes.
Saying they can’t hear is a coping mechanism. They say it as an excuse for being confused or not attending to what you said or understanding it. It’s to buy them time to try to better understand what you said. I think the hoarding is a control thing because they know they’re somehow loosing control. As dementia progresses, they believe they are who they were when they were in their 30-40s. So they’re living in the past. I work with dementia patients daily as a speech therapist to work on cognition. It’s hardest on the family. The patient is often in an “ignorance is bliss” situation, unless you argue with them because then you both become frustrated. It’s not good to move them later in the progression of dementia, but as early as possible.
My mil has caregivers that come into help her shower and get dressed. One morning the caregiver for that day comes to give her a shower and help dress her. So far she can get undressed at night on her own. She got a smile on her face like that was a good idea to take a shower. My husband had to coax her to get up and go take a shower. Her hearing is getting really bad. It's getting to the point where my husband has to go up to her good ear to tell her something but maybe it's her not be able to register it and understand it. The menu thing was spot on. We took her out for her birthday and she wanted shrimp. She wanted this one shrimp dish but couldn't name it. My husband had to help with ordering for her. As soon as she's done she wants to go even if we're still eating. It's getting worse.
Thanks for this. I am going through some of this right now with my father as I transition him into assisted living. He had a fall and never fully recovered physically or mentally. Also, I live in a different city so he was able to hide the dementia longer. A 4 or 5 day visit 3-4 times a year was insufficient for me to discover some this. I wish I'd thought to snoop during my visits. I am seeing some of what you describe. My father has notes hidden everywhere, so he could respond appropriately to me even though he actually did not remember the information. I found many clothes, including suits, with the tags still on. Gifts that my aunt and I gave him are still in the package or clearly were unused. So sad. You should teach this to people in their late 20s and 30s so they are ready for the challenge ahead.
My moms world got smaller and smaller 1… all her friends passed … she stopped caring about holidays and won’t tk any invites doesn’t leave the house 2 forgot how to drive the car … just forgot 3 won’t eat anything that is outside her meal routine same foods same time every day. 4 if u disrupt her routine she will freak out. Like a toddler. Cry with no tears 5.Anything goes wrong in the house she will call 911. The landscaper didn’t come… she will call 911 … a puddle in the basement over broken water heater… she calls 911. 6. Stopped doing her hair nails face 7. Will b in same clothes for days and 8. stopped cleaning the house just doesn’t care… very depressed 9. Hoards everything piles and piles of anything
Falling! Falling more than a couple of times in 3-6 months (when there's not an obvious hazard). This was what prompted me to tell my dad something was up with my mom (I used to work in a physical therapy office). Not always an indicator of dementia, but definitely get checked out by a Dr, could be a sign of other issues. Depression or anxiety and hallucinations. Hallucinations was what prompted my dad to press my mother's doctor about getting a more specific diagnosis other than " mild cognitive impairment".
Thank you for this. @18:12 this when things got weird, and I dismissed it as stress. I had been helping a senior lady in my building and starting to recognize that she's been showing signs of this, especially after her kids asked me to stay out of her business. They are trying to get her in a home. After a car accident when in hospital she "escaped" and weeks later still sees nothing wrong with that. The drivers license ppl are pulling her license and her kids want her in a home. She is 84, and was coherent until she lost her bff, her dog of 13 years. And I think this is when she started to fall apart - she has been a mood rollercoaster since. And not following up on proper process to deal with car accident claim, saying weird things, like she's making up stories? If what lawyers said, etc. It all kind of reminds me of how a child may try to convince us a grandiose fib. My question is her "escaping" the hospital in her gown, took a cab home, got lost by going to an address she lived at fifteen years ago, is this a sign of dementia? She's tried to convince others she was high on meds that she was allergic too. And not having mental or physical problems. She took a cognitive test today and failed. She told me the doctor gave her a hard test, and that she didn't do well because she was stressed out. But now I wonder?
New living spot Label the cabinets!! at a new place.. kinesthetic body movement/muscle memory takes time to reinforce memory. Kindness & patience as the elders slowly transition to heaven.❤
Funny story, and pertinent. A few years ago, my daughter and I ended hearing a PSA on Alzheimer’s. As they went through the symptoms at first we laughed, and then the laughter began to be forced, and as the list went on nervous glances. I had every one of the symptoms. The relief and laughter exploded when it said that if these symptoms are new or getting worse, you may want to get things checked out. I have significant ADHD, recently diagnosed with Asperger’s (I’m 56), I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia, both things that cause a brain fog. It’s important to remember that these symptoms need to be new. I realize that you ended up with late diagnosis due to things being common with your loved ones. Honestly, I think my daughter keeps an eye out for worsening symptoms. I did get worried enough that I had myself tested because I felt things were getting worse. It was determined that stress was a big component. I had managed to get myself worried enough following a stressful time when my husband was sick that I made myself worse. After I was given the all clear, my cognitive function returned to my normal. So yeah, now we just laugh at the entire PSA because we know it’s only if the symptoms are new or worsening.
My mom had lupus which made it more difficult to figure out where the brain fog left off and dementia crept in. They now say that the most common forms of lupus are tied to dementia.
My husband has lost quite a bit of weight and will dress in baggy clothes. When I say wear the new clothes I got you he vehemently insists that he has none. When he is putting things away in the kitchen he looks around confused as if he has no idea where they go. We’ve lived in the house 21 years and the cupboards still hold the same categories but he forgets where things go. He has to think about left and right. He constantly eats the same foods now. The list goes on.
This lady goes not talk to loud, she is stating facts trying to help people to read signs early and not to be in denial. She said she wished she knew then what she knows now. Thank you. I enjoyed this video and appreciate the information. 😊👍
@@reneesoli5345 For some of us it's very loud, but there's a solution. Find the volume button on your phone and computer, or have someone show you where they are. It'll save frustration.
Yes, as a speech therapist who works with adult patients in the hospital, word-finding difficulty is common across the board. It’s not a memory issue, but a retrieval issue. There are cognitive exercises to improve word-finding difficulty.
@@JA-vv8wyI got tested and for word retrieval and passed even thought I thought I did poorly, she said you recalled it all but just not in order. But I’ve been ADD all my life …scatter brain girl and too busy, and always wanting to do something other than what was needed in the moment.
@@JA-vv8wy I'm going to try reading more varied material. I think being exposed to words frequently helps. If I make a conscious effort, I can remember.
Thank you so much. I’ve been getting concerned about my mom lately (she’s 88) and this video has convinced me something is going on, apart from normal aging. Will be making an appointment tomorrow.
Some of the comments baffle me. This is not a doctor laying out professional advice. This feels like a friendly neighbor telling of her own experiences and hoping you can learn something from them. This shows how hard it is to measure and understand a loved one's dementia and how painful it can be to realize how far they have fallen from who they once were.
Thanks - I am not a medical professional, I'm just relaying our experiences since the medical profession tends to not tell you what to expect. Obviously it is a complex disease and everyone's experience can be different.
Agreed. I’m the sole caregiver for my 89 year old mother and she has just recently started “going downhill” fairly rapidly. As a 60 year old Marine and someone who still works full time and is finishing up getting my kids through college-daughter’s done and son is a senior (YAY!)-I am just trying to learn as much as I can, whenever I get a chance. My mom lives with me and my 20 year old son-who’s a huge help as is his sister-but I am the one taking her to the neurologist and the audiologist and the podiatrist, etc…anyway, I appreciate hearing from people who have “been there done that” and, together with professional advice and instruction, I just want mom to be as healthy and happy as possible for as long as possible. ❤️👍🏼🫡
The problem I found with my mom is that even though her doctor specialized in geriatrics, convincing her that my mom was having issues was next to impossible. We both adored this doctor and other than this I had no issues with her but Lord help me trying to convince this woman that my mom was losing it. Every single appointment they would give Mom the little three part "test", and if she could draw a clock and spit back some words she was good to go. Never mind that she had turned into an extremely nasty, ugly, abusive person when she had never been one before. Her memory was gone, her handwriting was completely illegible, I could go on for days... But because she could draw a clock her doctor gave her the green light. Absolutely infuriating! Not that this is the doctor's fault by any means but my mom's lack of memory ended up killing her. She took meds at night that made her extremely sleepy very quickly. One night she took her meds, forgot that she took them and went outside to smoke. She tripped over her cane and fell and was dead a week later because her "DNR" didn't allow for intubation. She had COPD, so the surgeon was afraid to put her under because he was afraid they wouldn't be able to extubate her after the surgery. I had to watch my mom die from a broken hip because she forgot she took her meds.
that was medical malpractice. surgery for a broken hip is palliative. It relieves pain. DNR orders do allow for intubation during surgery. The trick is to get them extubated on schedule; the longer they are intubated, the weaker their respiratory muscles will get and the more dependent on the ventilator they will become. Our target for open heart surgery or thoracotomy was extubation within 12 hours. Sadly, people who had large portions of lung removed couldn't meet that deadline
@@abeal49 No, unfortunately it wasn't. I'm a retired surgical tech so I'm well aware of what surgery/ recovery involves and in this case she probably would not have been able to be extubated- She simply didn't have the lung function to support herself- which was one of her biggest fears. My decision was horrifyingly hard, please don't make my guilt any worse.
My mom had COPD and had to have a surgical procedure (a few years before she got bad). For healthy people it was outpatient, for her it was overnight. My mom got pneumonia and in the midst of it fell and broke her hip. At that point, there wasn't a lot that could be done other than make her comfortable.
I'm sorry for your loss but please dont underestimate the gravity of a broken hip in elderly patients- it is never an 'easy fix' and will usually result in death. I understand your frustration with doctor not accepting your mothers decline however given she had COPD and was still smoking and walking with a cane was putting her at high risk of both accidents and very ill health before even factoring in the mental decline. Losing a parent is never easy and you need time to grieve but ultimately you may realise the situation was a blessing in disguise. Please don't think me unsympathetic- I speak from experience and miss my father terribly BUT his quality of life had declined very rapidly and I know he is at peace now. Now is a good time for you to practice self care and make any improvements necessary to your own health. If you smoke- STOP. Keep to a healthy weight and ensure your bones and muscles remain strong. Get 8 hours quality sleep each night, stay hydrated, enjoy good nutrition, fresh air and daily exercise. Honour your mothers memory by taking good care of yourself and other family members, visit her favourite places, put together a little memory box with photos etc but don't ruminate over what could have been. I was also angry with my fathers doctor but there does come a point when things can no longer be fixed. Sending love ❤
Your mom’s story is almost like my mom’s. The sundowning is what really made me realize there was something wrong, but the other signs where there and I just attributed them to her difficult personality.
No, I didn't take away her pain killer. I talked to her doctor and he weaned and switched her to something else but the issue continued. When she was off all the pain killers, her problems continued. I thought the pain killers were exacerbating her issues, but it wasn't the case.
Actually, the signs you are sharing and NOT recognizing earlier is exactly what happens and prevents the patient from having an early onset diagnosis, treatment, and better outcome!
Early on, my mom couldn’t make a selection from a restaurant menu. She would just stare at it and pretend she was reading it. When I lived in another state from her and she came to visit, she wasn’t able to use the appliances because they were slightly different from hers even though a stove is a stove!
They are used to routine - and appliances. Sometimes appliances get more complex for some seniors, other times their basic reasoning abilities are becoming an issue.
The buying of clothes my mil used to do all the time not long after we moved her closer to home from WA state. My husband had to take away her credit card due to this. She lives with us now as we all just moved to a new state. What you said about change is true. She's very negative all the time. She gets confused and thinks she's at where she used to live. She doesn't know what's planned for the day as far as activities to do during the day. Each day repeat things throughout the day. She gets confused at night. One day she could turn her TV off the next day she could not remember. She got a new phone recently and that has been interesting. We know she has dementia as she was diagnosed with it when in the hospital years ago.
Be kind and patient. Her brain is diseased. She isn’t doing things deliberately. Her brain is dying slowly and it’s trying to compensate to keep the body alive.
My mother died in a memory care facility at age 98. Her dementia started in her late 80's after she had fallen several times and had to have blood clots removed from her brain. It's so important to be careful as you age as injuries can also lead to dementia. I regret one thing I did with her. I would tell her when she did something symptomatic, like repeating herself. I thought I was being helpful but now I know it was the wrong thing to do. Your loved ones can't help the decline. Constantly reminding them of it isn't a kindness. My best advice is to be patient with them and remember to take care of yourself as well as your loved one. It's heartbreaking to watch your loved one change into someone you don't recognize.
We learned that as well. Telling them they already said something etc. does not help. Neither does using the word "remember." They don't. I think we there are times we want them to be able to remember and hope the disease is just a bad dream.
Hugs❤
you're right, my dad used to tell the same 5 childhood and Korean war stories over and over and we always acted like it was the first time we are hearing it.
My heart hurts when I think of all the times I said; "Mom, remember ....." because NO! She cannot remember, but she's also aware she can't, and it's a painful, scary, frustrating reminder to her.
one of the biggest bringers of dementia in the elderly is a lack of fluid, care homes just don't provide enough for the residents to drink and they don't drink water out of the tap
I would add another one. My mother-in-law, my mother, and a very good friend started to lose their sense of humor. If you said something funny, they took it literal and they no longer got sarcasm. Great video. Thanks.
Oh. THAT'S very interesting!
Thank you! I noticed my mom has recently started losing her sense of humor.
What is the difference between altzheimers or dementia?
@@dianegriffiths8974Alzheimer disease is a form of dementia
I suspect my father has it. My mother got diagnosed a few years ago, and has obvious signs now. But his are subtle and he indeed doesn’t understand jokes anymore.
I was a caretaker for a 102 year old man, who retained ALL his marbles to the very end. I enrolled him in a 90+ brain health study and they asked a series of questions during intake and then every 6 months afterwards. Asked 'what day of the week is it?' I just sat back and watched because I knew what was coming... 'I retired on June 26th, 1976. It was a Saturday at 6 PM and I haven't needed to know what day of the week it was since then!' Hopefully he got full credit. I'm 70, been retired for 8 years and most of the time I'm not thinking what day of the week it is either. Retired people don't have to know that stuff. Not knowing the *season* is a bit concerning, especially if it didn't just change over... word finding ability is an issue depending on how large your vocabulary was to start with - take choline (lecithin) supplements or eat more eggs - that's necessary for acetylcholine, one of the neurotransmitters necessary for speech and complex thought. A LOT of 'aging' related issues can be mitigated with diet and supplements.
Now that was a great answer!
@@Darrylizer1 Thank you, m'dear!
Probiotics. Proper food combining. FPS.
I don't think "word finding" is related to your original vocabulary, I think it's how much vocabulary you use every day!
@@globalfamily8172 The more words you know, the more you have to 'search' mentally for just the right word. I hesitate a lot doing just that (at 70). If you start not knowing family names or common objects, that's problematic.
I want to offer you all encouragement! My 82 year old husband just passed away. Alzheimers for years and years. These were our happiest years, picnics, car rides, favorite tv shows. I told him, we dont have bad days, every day is a good day! All the way to the end. I wasnt ready.
This is beautiful .
I’m so sorry you weren’t ready. That’s sad. The good part is that it sounds like you had a great relationship! Very sad it didn’t last longer.
Beautiful. You're a good woman.
🙏🙏🙏
Urinary tract infections can cause mental problems. True story.
Fact !
Definitely!
its inflamation.....also cAn cause AFIB
Dehydration symptoms can resemble Dementia in seniors.
Yes,
My Mother was terribly confused until she had a UTI cleared up at age 83
Perfectly Compos Mentis afterwards
Going under anesthesia for anyone over 60 is very tough on the brain. My gf works at a memory care unit and she said she has never seen seniors return to their baseline once they have gone under anesthesia
I've heard that.
So is severe chronic pain. It kills brain cells. But they still refuse to treat it.
So true 16:11
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I am reading and listening to as much as I can because my SON was just diagnosed with EARLY-ONSET ALZHEIMERS. Brand is only 44 yrs. ( I am 67 ) so this has SHOCKED me to the CORE.
Once TOLD, though, many things just "clicked" and I was like "Oooohh !!" Things fell into place and I could finally see WHY.
He had been declining for a WHILE -- and I had SEEN it HAPPENING -- but didn't know what to do.
At first it was just frequent "deer-caught-in-the-headlights" looks. And then he began loosing vocabulary -- like saying he needed "a soft thing" which varied WIDELY. Sometimes he was talking about a paper towl or sometimes A SLICE OF BREAD. It was for ME to figure out what it was.
Right now it seems that I am only hearing the horror stories -- stories about the person walking around naked or forgetting how to swallow food and drinks. And how they become violent. These stories TERRIFY me.
Right now my son is only BEGINNING to get ARGUMENTATIVE. Silly things, like catsup being made from apples instead of tomatoes, and lasagna being a Mexican dish from Taco Bell. ( When we've never even BEEN to a Taco Bell in our lives. ) I just give in and say OK. It's not worth arguing over.
There is only ONE argument we have EVERY SINGLE DAY and it's the worse one. Our living room window faces DIRECTLY EAST, so the sun shines directly in, from sunrise until around 1 or 2:00. It's SO bright in there that I have to wear sunglasses and the TV can't really seen. And, come summer, the HEAT that comes in through the window is STIFLING. I close the curtains but he opens them back up EVERY TIME I leave the room. ( My son HIMSELF doesn't spend ANY time in there, please understand. ) But if he sees that I closed them again he will lurk in the hallway and quickly re-open them again when I next leave the room. This happens over and over ALL MORNING LONG. He is OBSESSED with them remaining open, despite the heat that comes in. And then he gets angry because the A/C runs more (because of the heat) and he either turns it OFF or even WORSE, he switches it over to the FURNACE.
I understand that arguing with an Alzheimers person is useless and also a trigger to even worse things to come but this is costing us more money that we can't afford to waste.
And, of course, things ARE going to get worse as time goes by ..... this is only the BEGINNING.
THANK YOU you for both sharing your stories AND for allowing me to vent to you. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH. ( !!!!! )
And GOD BLESS YOU.
Wow. Sorry to hear that.
Get sun reflector film on living windows.
@jgdebiasio2935
OMG !! THANK YOU !!
Something like that never even crossed my MIND !!
( OR any of my FRIENDS' minds, either !! )
You are BRILLIANT !! Truly, THANK YOU !!
Really sorry to read this. It is so cruel for everybody in your family.
It's not so much the actual symptoms, but the change in personality or symptoms.
It's a lot easier to see the changes looking back. My mom's personality changed slowly. She became more and more critical and judgmental. She had never been that way.
She became more and more paranoid. Thinking people were cheating her or taking her things.
My mom had been very tech savy, but she got to where she couldn't figure out stuff that wasn't even technical.
Once you know the problem is there, you don't need to convince your loved one, you don't need to try to change them back. You just love on them and make their life as easy, happy, and comfortable as possible.
great advice!
Personality changes are symptoms of parts of the brain being dysfunctional and/or dying.
Thank you. You take the panic out of all of this. And panic NEVER helps.
Now I know for sure that Google is listening to my conversations. I've never watched or searched for a video about dementia so there would be no reason for this video to come up in my TH-cam feed. But I recently had a conversation wondering if my father is suffering from it.
I don't remember the specific instance(es), but that has happened to me, too.
A.I. is used to target marketing to you, as your phone is being used to listen to you and your surroundings.
If you have any type of device that listens for you - like Alexis or Siri, it picks up everything because it's "listening" for a voice to give it a command.
@@lifeunderdeborahspalm-thed8114 don't have Alexa or Siri or anything like that but yet here I am...
Google absolutely does that whether you use Siri or Alexa. Then they'll start bombarding you with those subjects.
Hi Deborah,
Thank you for taking the time to share your experiences. Three time family caregiver and retired nurse here. "Been there, done that" equips you in a special way to teach.
May I suggest you do a session on the differences and similarities among dementia, delireum and depression?
Regarding remarks about your being too harsh or loud, etc. Do think about slowing down a bit as many caregivers, esp spousal caregivers, are dealing with age related issues themselves. It takes a little longer for us to hear and process things.
Re the abruptness, I'd bet a dollar that that's a cultural thing. Speech in the South is usually slower, softer and lower pitched than in the North. I've heard Southern patients accuse Northern nurses/drs/etc of being rude when in fact it was just a pattern of speech.
Keep up the good work, friend. Information is power. Good on you for sharing!!!👍💕
My husband is about to turn 60, and I am seeing some signs such as using the wrong word for things such as saying the cheese went bitter, instead of sour, fading out during conversations, repeating stories multiple times, completely forgetting lengthy discussions, insisting he told me things when I know for certain he did not, having a "fresh' mouth when speaking to me when I ask him questions, so many small things that are now adding up. He also has untreated severe ADHD, which has magnified his sharp-tongued behavior, impulsiveness and inability to organize and complete tasks. This underlying issue made it hard at first to recognize the changes are not related to ADHD. Having just gone through this with my own mother, and now my husband ... it's a tough thing to say the least, Not looking for sympathy, jut sharing my story with the unique circumstances we are facing, and others may as well.
I understand completely. My husband who just turned 80 is having more bouts of confusion and problem solving. When she mentioned the remote she was right on. My husband is having difficulty with those things too. So sad to see them this way.
God bless you both
People, If you expect your kids to take care of you in your later years - please plan for it now. Move closer to them, get a signed POA, sell that big house and get something smaller. Don't wait till it's too late, like my parents did.
It is helpful for sure. Our parents both had smaller single floor houses, but one took forever to clean up (and fix so many thing that should have been done years before) and the POA was a fight. The other cleaned out things they knew they would never use, made sure the major things on the house were fixed (newer roof and gutters), and got paperwork in order "just in case." It made life so much easier, especially when things got more difficult and the time to sell the house came. It was cleaned out, cleaned up, and on the market in less than two weeks... the other house took over a year to deal with.
This is absolutely the best video I have ever seen about the earliest signs of dementia. Thank you for your insight into this complex disease.
It’s amazing how similar the symptoms are in people with dementia. Three people in my family have had it and this video is spot on! You must become intrusive when their living conditions have deteriorated to the point of being unsafe and they refuse to make the necessary changes. You get blamed for their neglect and then you get blamed when you have to move them out of their home which they want YOU to maintain. For the mother who seeks attention, you can’t possibly satisfy her 24/7. She becomes the black hole of emotional needs. She won’t let you sleep at night. She won’t let you leave your house without hunting you down, calling your friends to find you. If you hire caregivers to help, she sends them to look for you to ask for YOUR help. You begin to think dementia is contagious because you feel you are on the brink of insanity. I don’t want to devote the rest of my shortened life to helping work the TV remote and scrubbing a back in the shower of someone capable of bathing herself. It’s not a lack of empathy. It’s self-preservation! I have other people in my life I must help take care of. There’s only so much one human being can take. I thought bringing them home to familiar surroundings and family would help, but it didn’t. They need simplified surroundings with a minimum of stuff. If family members upset them, they will do better in assisted living among strangers. I just hope I will be able to afford it if I am ever in the same condition. The person I am now doesn’t want to do the same thing to my children.
Is dementia fatal
Oh lord neither do I. I want to look after myself
@@ildikoparker920 It can certainly lead to fatality from falls, infections, malnutrition , and from other ways of not being able to look out for oneself anymore.
Oh wow that will be me one day I wouldn't want to be a burden to anyone
@@ildikoparker920 Life is fatal. Dementia can kill the body, but more likely it will be falls/braking hip, etc, and/or pneumonia.
My husband and I were talking about his late mother and how she couldn't throw anything away. We wondered if part of the issue, aside from the dementia, was that she had grown up in extremely difficult poverty during the Depression. "Use it up, wear it out, make do, or do without." Those sorts of survival skills don't go away. It was sooooo sad to watch her decline.
It is very sad.
An early sign I saw in my mom that made me think she was at the beginning stage of Alzheimer's, happened several years ago. My mom was driving us to Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's house.
A cat ran out in front of the car and she struck and killed it. She was an avid animal lover and she especially loved (and owned) cats. I said, oh no! You just hit a cat! She said, well, he shouldn't have run out in front of me, and she just kept driving! I was so shocked! Their personality changes! She would never had acted so callous and she would have pulled over to try to find the owner of the cat by knocking on doors. I was so upset by this. I knew that something was really wrong with her, and I suspected dementia/Alzheimer's. I was right. It is such a very sad disease! May she rest in peace.
Miserable disease. My mom exhibited some of the same behaviors where everything was someone else's fault - just like you said - the cat shouldn't have run out in front of me.
So is Cancer and all diseases period if you should ask me!
I just discovered this video and it sounds like my mom to a “T”. Wow! I am struggling with getting a diagnosis for her but I am keeping diligent notes and will be advocating for a second opinion if need be. Thank you for making this!!
My mom died in 2002. We are still using the soap, tin foil & cling free plastic wrap 21 years later. I also donated 88 facecloths!!!
My mom also saved all of that plus using coffee grounds the next day but it was due to growing up in the Depression and then World War 2 with all the rationing. She ended up dying of a sudden heart attack but my dad had signs of dementia also.
Yes, Depression & WWII Era seniors do have a built-in hoarding mechanism that most people who grew up with plenty, do not.
Those of us who grew up with these Depression Era seniors may have a bit of inherited, "just-in-case" hoarding tendencies. Or, if our parents were intense hoarders, we may have become the opposite and toss away things we actually need and when we can't find them we panic.
Life is funny.
I'm sorry but I just had to chuckle at your comment.
I once worked at a donation distribution center, and the junk that relatives would drop off from deceased elderly loved ones was mind blowing.
Very often it was apparent that rather than sorting through their loved one's belongings, they simply dumped entire drawers into boxes and took it to "donate." The trash bin at the distribution center had more contents than our value-based product bins.
I have to wonder what the numbers would look like if the savings on foil, plastic wrap, and soap were tallied up, though. As a Senior citizen myself now, that would make quite a dent in my expenses. Oh wait, I still have plastic wrap on my shelf from 12yrs ago. Nevermind....lol😂
(Still giggling.)
The animal shelters can use old towels fyi if anyone has them.
Denial is a powerful emotion. We ignore those early red flags because we don’t want to see them & have to connect the dots. It’s so difficult to actually come to the full realization that something is seriously wrong. It can be devastating, especially if your loved one is relatively young. My fiancé was a very active & athletic 57 when I had him diagnosed. I’m so sorry you’ve had 3 in your family affected by this horrible disease.
My dementia has been pretty mild last couple years but these last few months it has been hard.ive still got enough marbles left to realize im slipping. If i could just lose a few more i wouldn't even know. Names of friends are hard to remember and only a couple times i didn't know where i was while in my own home. That was scary. I went outside and still didn't recognize anything and had no idea what or where to go. Nothing looked familiar my car my bike i didn't recognize but my dog kinda looked right or had me thinking i knew it belonged to someone i might know. A lot of times its like today i feel good and know what im doing and almost everything seems normal except im watching these videos
Don't worry. Just do the best you can and have faith in yourself. ❤
Copy what you just wrote onto paper, date it, put it in an envelope and and write Doctor on it in big letters. Then take it to your doctor. Really though, you remember feeling off and described it very well! Interesting. Take care of you!
How old are you and how long you have it? What state are you in
@inmate666 look in to keto/carnivore foods. These foods have helped many people with brain fog etc. Dr. Ken Berry, Dr. Anthony Chaffee, Dr. Eric Westman.
The very same w me! I have lost interest in reading and growing things. I am waiting on unawareness
Do not ignore the red flags. Do not try to rationalize the out of character behavior. I learned too late. If I had not been in denial I could have done better by my mother. Just something to consider.
There seems to be a lot of hindsight with this disease. What I talk about are things that I realized AFTER the fact. Hopefully others will see it sooner than I did (and you did.)
Been there, done that.
I am 73 years old and try to explain my anxiety about the changes I see occurring in myself to my children. They do not want to hear. It reminds me of my own reluctance to see decline in my parents. I think this is a common situation. People at middle age are so concerned about controlling their own lives, launching their children etc. it is normal to refuse to look critically at their parents situation until parents needs become critical. I just purchased a geezer computer through an add from AARP with a service contract because I thought that would help with my sense of security and because none of my children have time now to help me with this aspect of my life. I’m anticipating it taking a long time for me to get through the set up process. My siblings are all older and I feel really stressed about facing the future as my social network declines and mobility declines. Not expecting much help from my children.
@@bradley244ifyI can totally relate to everything you said here, as I am a 61 yr old single retired, relying upon disability income only for my survival, while my grown children go about their busy lives. I barely ever ask them for anything unless there's no other options, but my maternal grandmother had dementia in her 70's after she lost my grandfather to cancer, and ended up going downhill rapidly and dying in a nursing home less than a decade after, so I do have my own fears of the same demise 😮
@@bradley244ifyYou don’t need to have dementia to be worried about a shrinking social network and limited mobility/physical stamina.
As a lifelong single, diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder at age 58, life has always been tough. It’s “do it yourself or make do without.” That’s not dementia.
What would concern me is something like losing an entire day, thinking the police or some authorities are plotting against me, getting lost in familiar places, not attending to regular business like paying bills, not cleaning the house, neglecting personal hygiene, buying outrageous amounts of the same thing, hoarding, poor nutrition…
I’ve never done well with change, but if it’s unusually so? Could be a problem! Convoluted thinking, poor judgement, inability to mentally focus or make decisions. Having frequent minor auto accidents, getting lost in familiar places, inability to choose, like from a menu.
This doesn’t mean they must go into a facility, only that extra help is needed.
My father was able to live at home with assistance a decade with dementia. Routine and breaking down tasks into small segments is very helpful. So is keeping to an early bedtime with a wind-down period.
I don't understand the people who come on here just to make negative comments. I've watched a lot of different TH-camrs on this topic, but it seems most of them are just out here to wear the perfect outfit while saying things like, "be gentle, be patient, everything will work out" and have the perfect little studio setup and whatever else. None of those people or videos were helpful to me. Deb, your videos are the first that I've found helpful, honest, and you leave out the bullsh*t. You are spot on and just speak the truth, which is what we as caregivers need right now, as well as knowing what to expect and watch for. I truly appreciate your approach and sense of humor. This is not a funny topic, but for crying out loud, if you don't laugh about some of this crap, you'll lose your frickin mind. I fully intend to watch (and probably REWATCH) all of your videos. Who knows better than someone who has actually been through it?? And with three different parents!!??? Watching this video in particular brought tears to my eyes, because my mother is doing everything that you spoke about. You really start to feel kinda crazy in this situation, but listening to someone else explain what they are seeing firsthand is validating and brings back some of my sanity. Thank you Deb, I feel like we would be friends if we knew each other. I happen to like the cut of your jib. Peace.
Thank you. I found a lot of the videos were "perfect world scenarios" where if the caregiver acted a certain way, the patient would suddenly understand and all the difficulties and frustrations of caregiving would suddenly disappear... Um, no. And it changes as the disease progresses. I joined a FaceBook group - and that's where it gets real. You find people venting over things like: The house plant is not the toilet, lack of sleep, difficult behaviors, the doctor is useless, my siblings don't help, and the caregiver can't take it anymore. It's OK, not everyone is cut out for this type of caregiving. If we were, we'd all be doing it. Knowing your limitations and being honest about them is the best thing for yourself AND the person with the disease.
This is the first time I ever seen your videos and am very pleased , impressed, and grateful that you were and are willing to expose your life experiences with dementia. You have made me more aware and knowledgeable about watching myself for any of these symptoms. I am 72 years of age.
there’s one thing i’d have your viewers know - being confused after a hospitalization or after moving does not necessarily, by itself, indicate dementia. it happens to older people, and after some time they recover from it. so look at the whole picture. thanks for an informative video.
That's true - especially if they've been given pain killers. If there is dementia the hospital will make things worse.
@@lifeunderdeborahspalm-thed8114and to not so older folks!!
Also, a UTI can cause confusion in older people
@@julieellis6793 Confusion and a change of personality. I had a companion turn MEAN who was always unfailingly happy and kind. Curing the UTI fixed that.
@@julieellis6793
Dehydration too.
I havent needed to know the date since I retired! I don't write dates on anything, pay everything on line or with a card so I am not writing the date on checks anymore. The time and date are entered automatically. The calendar on my phone pops up with any appointments so once I have entered an appointment into my phone I dont need to think about it.
There was a time when knowing the date and time was important; now our devices do that for us.
Excellent point !
I can definitely see how day and date wouldn't be at the top of a retired persons list.
Yes but if someone asked you the date you would be able to tell them because you would look on your phone or watch.
In many years of nursing, I never had a dementia patient refer to the board with the current day & date within easy view when I assessed their recall.
I have mild cognitive impairment..there are issues that cause us to appear as hoarders...we forget what we have...out of sight out of mind. Can't remember where things are, causing clutter when tearing things apart, forget to reorganize, etc.
Sounds more like ADHD.
@marlenegold280 it is like AdHD but it is part of my mild cognitive impairment. I have other deficits as well.
Me, too. Intent fails to connect with actions.
@@kellygee6976 p
@@isabelibrown4587 I have exactly that symptom.
.
I liken it to trying to ride a bicycle without a chain.
The rest of the bike could be ok, I know how to ride and where I want to go, but no matter how hard I pedal, nothing happens.
It's part of impaired executive function, and that's also associated with ADHD, but in cognitive impairment or FTD, it's different, and can be way more debilitating.
Many FTD descriptions call it "apathy" and although that can happen too, the failure to convert will into action is different.
I was the first one to pick up on the fact that my sister "wasn't right". I lived a long distance from her but we talked on the phone nearly every day. We were both keen gardeners and used to talk about our latest aquisitions. She completely lost interest and every time I talked about plants she'd say I can't be bothered. She got early onset and is now in the last stage of dementia.
Usually the ones who live the farthest seem to have the hardest time picking up on it - but loss of interest is definitely a key in this disease.
@@lifeunderdeborahspalm-thed81149y
Very thorough and well said. Do not dismiss those little coincidences. Don't ignore the persons inability to wish to change. Go with your gut feeling.
Omg the menu thing is EXACTLY what my husband-now incapacitated with late-stage Alzheimer’s-did early on. We were total foodies; we travelled to eat (largely) and loved new restaurants and dishes. Then, long story short, he wouldn’t even look at the menu. He’d say “I’ll have what she’s having.” We never before ordered the same thing, and only ordered after some discussion. Very occasionally he’d say “the special”-before hearing what it was. No examination of the menu, not even a look. It was a huge behavioral change.
But the final thing that led to diagnosis was getting lost in the car, a mile from home, on a road he’d travelled daily for about 30 years. The police brought him home after someone reported him driving “in a suspicious manner.”
It weird what you catch in hindsight.
My mom was an avid reader. She loved the library and picked up a stack of books every two weeks. She had her chair and her side table she placed her book on. We noticed the same book on the table after two weeks. Still makes me teary eyed and she’s been gone for almost 20 years.
:-(
Great great real life info. Interesting you mentioned the junk mail. I noticed this in my mom, after my dad died. She would go through Every piece of junk mail and read everything on it and get all huffed about people wanting to buy her house and I'm like, yeah mom, we get those notices too, they send em to everyone. In a way I was thankful that she was being so vigilant about things like this, but I guess it can go a bit too far as well.
My concern was that she was going to buy something she didn't need or cancel something she did need.
As an RN we are taught that the elderly are very susceptible to delirium when hospitalized and on medications or recovering from anesthesia.
My aunt was a nurse and she said the same thing. My mom was always very sensitive to any type of pain killer.
I lived through almost all these with my late husband. I could see things but nobody else see!ed to believe me. His grown daughters didn't see him often enough to see it and they did not believe me until you could look at him and see he had dementia. She is giving excellent advice.
Thanks!
My husband was diagnosed with dementia in March this year. In June we learned he had advanced esophageal cancer and he passed away last week. Watching this I see so much of his behavior from the past few years. It explains so much. And if I had known what I was looking at maybe I would have dealt with him kinder. He bought stuff and hid it from me. A life long habit that got worse. He started "letting" me drive all the time as he was too tired or it was my car. He obsessed about checking the oil in the cars. Or returning to the house as we were leaving to double check the lights and locks. Stopped wanting to bathe and change clothes. And he started just ordering whatever I was getting in restaurants. Plus I see a lot of this behavior in my mom too now. Sigh.
Sorry to hear about your mom as well. Once should be enough for anyone.
This is a story of the earliest vascular dementia sign I noticed in a loved one and why the person with dementia needs daily supervision:
When I was little, my nanny had a stroke followed by many undiagnosed TIA. I remember one afternoon, about 5 years after her stroke, she repeated “it’s getting bad” with her head in her hands. She had just put a penny that was on the bathroom counter into her mouth. I didn’t think anything of it as a 9 year old but she explained to my mom that she misperceived the penny to be a pill. She sat on the couch, cried and repeated “it’s getting bad” many afternoons over the next few years. That phrase made me gasp decades later when you said it with context.
In the moment, I thought that my nanny was talking about nausea or pain but it was that she couldn’t trust her own eyes… she knew something was wrong in that moment.
At that point, she was still driving and caring for me but she was decreasing in mobility, organization, decision-making (especially fast decisions!) and long-term planning. I miss her and wish that she could have gotten more care. Her doctors didn’t know that she had dementia, they thought that any lapses were from the previous stroke, not an ongoing decline.
She was still doing her own med management 8 years after mistaking a penny for a pill. She stopped taking her heart medication without telling anyone. She passed away unexpectedly so an autopsy was ordered: CHF and multi-infarct vascular dementia. She had hidden her decline and remained fluent in conversation so none of her friends suspected dementia. Only her adult son and housekeeper knew how difficult personal care tasks had become for the poor woman but didn’t know to report it to her doctor.
I’d encourage anyone thinking about getting care for their loved one to try it out. People with dementia naturally withdraw and sometimes effectively mask their deficits. They’ll say that they’re fine even when they’re visibly struggling and the ADLs aren’t getting done. Keep asking questions even when it annoys them.
Thanks for coming to my combination TED talk and therapy session 💜
I was put into chemical induced dementia accidently by having had a Bisphoshanate bone infusion which drove out a massive smount ofvtoxins dtored in fat cells of bone, brain and organs. Withing an hour I had 100% no cognition...as in 24/7 full time care for over 3 1/2 years. I started on a cell communicator which helped me recover my mental acuity and communication skills as well as short and long term memory. At 74, I am back to be a functioning fully functioning being with full wit& wherewithal and every abilities. I also do not need and am not prescribed any medications at all. I thrive. I have and follow my own all natural healing protocol. Please know since you have this in your family, you very much need to take preventative matters now. Mo
Difficulty dealing with new appliances-especially tv remote-or adapting to new living arrangements is not an issue. If they can't use a tv remote that they have used for years, now that's a sign.
Wow, so interesting. My mom has vascular dementia and just went into care. It was a long time that we knew something was wrong. This all sounds so familiar. It's both sad AND frustrating. She had the same trouble with junk mail and telemarketing calls. I ended up installing a list of phone numbers she could accept telephone calls from. A big thing was that she couldn't work any technology. It started with her computer, then her telephone, her television and finally light switches. She unscrewed light bulbs because she couldn't figure out how to use the switch.
It is hard to watch the decline. Especially when they get to where they can't complete simple tasks.
Thanks for sharing your family experience. It was very helpful.
I a finding this very helpful. In retrospect what you wish you had know when you saw certain behaviors. We all live busy lives and don't really have the total picture until we are able to look back at all those pieces. Thank you for sharing your experience
My sister told my Mom in the late 90s my Dad was getting it. Nobody listened. It became evident after a major surgery in 2012, when I was the only near by family. It is a very hard disease to deal with.
Never correct a dementia person. It makes it worse, and agitates them. I worked in hospice. My Mother died from Alzheimer's in 1996 at the age of 59. I'm 67 and have no signs. I drew my clock with Roman numerals. My doctor was impressed knowing my history of it.
I love your video! You really explain different angles of dementia, and how they present. It is all the little things that you’re talking about. They add up.
My mom tried to tell me, but she was so functional, I thought she was afraid of going out of her mind - it was a fear of hers because my father told her she would be on the streets, crazy. She has passed, and I hate it that I didn't know, but grateful for this video.
Funny how different people can be. My mom told me she was getting bad, but when you aren't around them 24/7 it is harder to see. My MIL would never admit there was a problem.
I have had some issues with remembering what something is called when talking about something that happened. I started using a trick my grandfather taught me when I was a kid. I look at the object or reaction in my mind. Kind of like a blank sheet of paper and if seeing it in my mind doesn’t work I write on that blank sheet of paper (in my mind) things that are related to the word I can’t remember. “Tree” = plants, nature, green, brown, shade and usually by the third or forth descriptive word I get the right word. My Mom had Alzheimer’s and it literally scares the heck out of me that I’m on that path. I’ve started doing more word/number puzzles as well as a few more things. I used to be able to completely design a wood project in my head (another thing my grandfather (engineer) taught me) and by the time I got my design/plans on paper everything had already been figured out. I’m in menopause and trying to figure out if it’s menopause or Alzheimer’s is terrifying.
look into hormone replacement therapy and keeping the estrogen going for your brain. there is a link between estrogen deficiency and dementia.
@@amylee9 my family seems to have bad luck with hormone replacement therapy. I’m trying to find other options.
I've been doing those "world building" games, starting a middle ages village and expanding it.
Those games have endless decisions to practice on.
When I'm at my worst, I use a jigsaw puzzle game.
This is a very good presentation , I was dealing with a dementia that started after having had Spinal Meningitis in my late twenties, so many things you brought up are so relatable, I saw my math skills go first, then memory, then my handwriting became very sloppy. I would try to cover up so many things.
I still cannot hold a complex thought in my head to work it out. I would lose my thoughts in mid sentence. I still do that now.
I would make excuses for weird things I did, and I did lose partial vision in my right eye. My dementia was treatable and was a result of hydrocephalus, most likely from Spinal Meningitis. My husband has said I was never the same from that point. I think I was faking a lot just to get by in life. I did see myself aging every time I looked in the mirror. I’m so thankful that God lead me down the road to recovery. The neurologist saw something in the first MRI and I had a second one done, she saw it was treatable so I was sent to Stanford for surgery.
Three weeks in recovery and three years later I am almost who I was, I work with a physical trainer and I’m strong and fit now. I do need good sleep …… so important. Please if you start to see changes in a loved one Pay Attention Also not mentioned your balance is off when you have dementia.
I would be interested to know what the neurologist saw and corrected. Finding a way to cope with changes is a resilient behavior we all use to some extent. Knowing what is fixable and what is not takes quite a bit of extra effort or understanding. You we’re fortunate to find support and recovery.
Wow! So glad a doctor helped instead of pushing you aside and telling you that there was nothing they could do.
@@lifeunderdeborahspalm-thed8114 Equally glad they didn't say probably psychiatric".
The neurologist I saw in 2007 said that because nothing shows on a plain MRI, and every other doctor saw that and dismissed me until 2015,.
I got SPECT scans and a PET scan all confirming 'hypoperfusion' (diminished blood flow) to three lobes where bvFTD symptoms could be caused by that impairment.
I'm still trying to get some fMRIs to have a more specific idea of exactly which parts are affected, and by how much.
Full circle, 17 years later, I'm going back to a neurologist, ,but now I know a lot more about my neurotransmitter issues.
Hopefully, we'll plot a decline when I go off anticholinergic meds for a few months, and then improve as I take them again. That's all of 2024 spoken for.
My heart sank in pity and sorrow for you reading the first paragraph. That must have been a ghastly nightmare.
I'm really glad you were able to get therapy and be on the mend.
Kudos for your courage and persistence.
I'm 63 and scared to get older. I don't want to go thru crap.
Alot of this stuff I've done since I was a little girl. I don't like change. The older I get I'm better with it tho.
My mother has been obsessive with stuff for ever. I grew up obsessing over things
Thanks for your insight!
as someone not much younger, i too am concerned. living alone makes it even more concerning.
@@ThatOpalGuyMe too, it’s terrifying! My mother & all her siblings ended up like this but they all had support. So far this generation 3 cousins have succumbed too so I find thoughts of the future daunting and I feel your pain and that of anyone else in this less than promising predicament😢love from the UK❤
This is a really good video. Thank you so much
1. Constipation
2. No interest in hobbies
3. Thinking they are younger than they are
4. Interest in other people they don't know
I wish the constipation would hit me. I've refused to "act my age" for years....and arthritis is the result. But it's not dementia.
Some people, especially women are plagued with constipation their whole lives, or IBS especially during the menstruation years.
@@ed7519 Still wish IBS would leave. No problem with constipation. More diarrhea. Sorry. I don't think constipation will ever be a problem. I wish it would. Seriously. The price of TP is costing me a bundle and "cleaning" is a problem with arthritic hands.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. When my mother-in-law passed away, we found a large amount of coins. She had obviously been unable to work out how much money to hand over so just gave the shop assistant a large note and emptied all the coins out of her wallet when she got home.
Well, I’m going to start cleaning out my drawers in the bathrooms right now, LOL……
:-) I'm still using the bandaids!
My siblings only agreed Mom was slipping mentally when, at a garden club banquet, she forgot where the restroom was at and urinated by squatting over a catch basin in the parking lot. She complained about the “outdated and unsanitary” facilities.
Wow.
Wow, you are right on point! I took care of my parents and I saw the same things. You mentioned a few times "why didn't we see what was going on?" One reason, most of us are not trained to see what is really there. Second, we really don't want to put the dots together and acknowledge the loss. Thank you for this non-medical description of what goes on.
This is a very helpful video. I could relate to a number of things she talked about. My 76 yr. old sister's health has deteriorated steadily over the past 2 years. She required 2 major surgeries in less than a year and has never fully regained her health and I began to question her judgement as well as note some cognitive decline. She was always rather difficult to deal with at times and it was initially hard to tell what was just her personality problems and what was impaired judgement due to decline. After some falls in the home she was hospitalized with new problems and increased weakness and is now in an assisted living facility. It's only been a week but the confusion is apparent, maybe not all the time but it's there.
Sorry to hear.
Be sure to check for Urinary Tract Infections. Twice (my mom was already in the nursing home with dementia) I came in to visit, and she had gone downhill so rapidly. I made them check and she had UTI. They treated her for it and she was back to her former level of weirdness. So a non-dementia diagnosed person suddenly getting symptoms could actually have UTI. But sometimes I wonder if I did her any favors, getting infections treated. She spent seven years confined before she passed.
Absolutely. To this day, it shocks me to know that a UTI can have this devastating effect on the elderly.
This is an informative and entertaining video .... not easy to accomplish with this topic .... thank you very much
My mom threw things away. Underwear, towels, papers, utensils.also, I noticed a change in her handwriting. Normally beautiful and neat. It became illegible. You don’t think something is wrong because you don’t want to. It’s a scary and long painful road for you and the person with dementia/ alz.
My mom would think that things were "broken" because she didn't understand how to work them anymore. At which point she threw them out. It was frustrating and difficult.
People from around the WWII were raised in an era of not throwing things away, darning, repairing, keep in attic until you might need it!
I agree, but it was not normal behavior for my mother. If it's normal for them, then that's different.
Anesthesia for surgery can cause cognition problems and memory loss.
Yeah I'm having cognitive issues since having an operation 3 years ago.
We saw that happen as well.
B12 deficiency.
@@ithacacomments4811
YES! That too. I had blood work done and it did show I was vitamin B12 deficient
Regarding dishwashing skills declining, this was not meant to offend anyone. This example is specific to the context of my mom's situation. She was a full-time teacher. She was meticulous, organized, clean and always neat including her hair and makeup. That is who we grew up with.
In her case, the fact that she struggled to hand wash the dishes (which she preferred to do), was a warning sign to her family. Each person has a different situation. We need to respect this. I am a physical therapist. Maintaining activities of daily living and hobbies, as much as possible, is critical to promote overall health and quality of life. The worst thing we can do is sit in a chair and let others do everything or let devices do everything. Of course, people who have dementia need close supervision depending upon the severity. However, this does not mean that they need to sit and do nothing. In Sardinia, Italy, there was a study that looked at why people tend to live into their 90's-100's with strong bodies and no dementia. They found that the more steep your village is, the healthier you are! Meaning, the hills and stairs of the villages help people stay strong as they age. They walk these hills and stairs every day. Research proves that physical activity/exercise every day is important for brain health (circulation). In the Netherlands, there are skilled facilities for people with dementia but they are not the typical nursing home. They are set up like small towns. The people who live there get to walk around, go shopping, go to restaurants, and spend time with friends. The staff are the "employees" in the shops and restaurants, etc. Brilliant idea! It is called The Hogeweyk dementia village in Weesp, Netherlands. What an amazingly respectful way to improve and maintain the quality of life for people who have dementia. We move in the womb. We were born to move. Our bodies need to stay active.
I wish you all the best in your journeys. I hope this forum maintains kindness.
Lpo
I too have heard of this, and compared to other nursing homes, it is wonderful!!!
I have heard about those set ups and think they are amazing! We have a nursing home locally that made one floor look more like a street. An artist did an amazing job painting lamp posts and street signs etc. Not the same, but the staff told me the residents do better there than the sterile nursing home environment. I also love the concept of having college students live with older folks and the teens who help those in assisted living with phones, FB, email, etc.
I think the hoarding comes from the grief of letting go to the best times of our lives and to all the things that we either never got to do or finish, and all the things we wish we could do just one more time with our adult kids who are gone. Also with creative projects, hobbies, aspirations. Aging is a constant divestment of one’s aspirations. It’s hard. Getting rid of stuff is to admit it’s over.
Look up clinical reasons for people with dementia and hoarding behaviour
@@capercat9785 I was really referring to hoarding of aging people before dementia sets in. I have noticed my husband and I got into this habit for the reasons I listed, but we don’t have dementia. For us it is the grief of being done with the child rearing stage of life.
@@rebeccamouse9294 I understand what you mean. And it’s all massive.
@rebeccamouse9294 I took a screenshot of your post. I totally agree with what you said, and I have also thought the same for why I have a hard time finishing projects (work stuff or personal stuff). To me, projects, holidays, seasons all are reminders are of the shorter remaining time I have left and the time that I have wasted.
@@amg9163 Hugs! I am having a hard time breaking free of that kind of thinking, too.
My mom had dementia. Even though her personality changed, and she became negative, I had compassion on her. I would not have snooped in her drawers because that wouldn’t have changed one thing. So you find out early? Then what? There isn’t a cure. Someday it could be you. Things can help-keeping our elders safe is a priority. But no matter how frustrating it is, somehow we need to have compassion.
Relatives/friends of dementia victims MUST learn to be patient and not be angry with the patient. It is the dementia acting/speaking, not the person you know.
absolutely a lesson in patience and anger management for me ... I have to remind my angry mind to have compassion for my sweet husband ....
Those subtle early signs are really hard to pick up on, especially if you're the sole caregiver with no other family or friend involvement. and the medical people are in denial almost as much as the patient.
The medical community in general is not helpful.
People save items now because of the uncertainty of the times we are in.
I wonder if she was seeing her reflection and the reflection of the house in the car window.
That's a good point! I never thought of that.
Dementia is not consistent on a day to day basis. One day the person can be fine and the next there are memory issues. Also TIA’s or mini strokes will cause damage in the brain and will give dementia like symptoms. Also diet, blood sugar fluctuations, and sleep will cause memory issues. A mini stroke can be diagnosed with a head CT scan. Also estrogen loss due to menopause will can memory loss.
All very true.
You are of a different generation - I am of a generation that did not even have a landline let alone electronics . It is difficult to deal with the speed of change over the past 40 years. Be kinder !
Some older people definitely struggle with new technology etc, but that's not true of everyone. My mom understood the TV remote - until she didn't. It had nothing to do with the TV itself.
I think my husbands having a lot more confusion and cognitive thinking. Problem is, some days he.seems fine and another day cloudy thinking again which he admits. However, his neurologist only sees him on a good day. I think our pc doctor thinks I’m making things up. He had a brain bleed 3 years ago. 2 years ago had the cognitive test and he was weak in a few areas but not too bad. Now I’m thinking to contact the neurologist again as he seems to sometimes get lost when driving. Your video helped as he seems to be distancing himself and hoarding. It’s really sad to see your spouse decline.
Find a different doctor, one that treats more senior citizens.
Dismissing what you're saying just shows they don't know how dementia progresses.
VERY important to get MRI confirmation of Dementia. It could be hydrocephalous that can come on in senior years and cause ALL these symptoms. As soon as a shunt is placed, speech and memory and mobility return very quickly so don't accept diagnosis without MRI.
This is what my brother in law has. It's crazy, even doing the diagnostic test helped him. They will actually drain the fluid off fully next week. He was falling, confused and everything. It's good that you brought this up because it isn't something most people have even heard about.
It is definitely important. When my MIL first went through it 10 years ago, an MRI was required by memory care facilities to be sure the person had the disease. Now they just give the quick mini-cog and call it a day.
My husband has a shunt for 2 years. Life changing. However, the dementia part of this is still there. He may also have dementia from other reasons.
I think that people hide the early stages because it feels shameful. they aren't been deceitful for a bad reason. I now know why my father hid in the kitchen rather than join family dinner. I have been having problems understanding people intermittently since my early 40's. At times it is embarrassing if i am at dinner with people. I can see that once the hearing/understanding problem gets worse I can see I might recede from socializing.
Also, where people can't recall a reason for doing something, they may "confabulate" - come up with an explanation that isn't true and may not even make sense, just to fill in the blank. It's not intentional and they really believe what they imagine to be true.
This is great information, thank you
I watch a programme called Adventures with Purpose. They are a private rescue dive team. When people searching for people with dementia who are lost with their cars, they often find the lost person drves their cars straight into the water down boat launching sites or into the water from dead end roads. The person with dementia just gets confused.
The confabulation! The smarter they are, the more plausible the compensatory “stories”. They aren’t lying to you or themselves; they’re just trying to fill in the growing blanks of their own narrative experience. I’ve found this manifests really early on as projection: “Don’t you remember? You were always telling little stories! You don’t remember?” I was the family scapegoat, which actually afforded me some narrative objectivity. So I was the one that first diagnosed my dad, and then later my grandmother, and now my mom, by their attempts to project “the problem” onto me. What sucks about this is it means I myself at am risk! And I know I won’t know it, or be able to acknowledge it, when the proverbial time comes.
So true about the stories! Someone "takes" their stuff and I agree, I think they fill in the blanks.
Saying they can’t hear is a coping mechanism. They say it as an excuse for being confused or not attending to what you said or understanding it. It’s to buy them time to try to better understand what you said. I think the hoarding is a control thing because they know they’re somehow loosing control. As dementia progresses, they believe they are who they were when they were in their 30-40s. So they’re living in the past. I work with dementia patients daily as a speech therapist to work on cognition. It’s hardest on the family. The patient is often in an “ignorance is bliss” situation, unless you argue with them because then you both become frustrated. It’s not good to move them later in the progression of dementia, but as early as possible.
My mil has caregivers that come into help her shower and get dressed. One morning the caregiver for that day comes to give her a shower and help dress her. So far she can get undressed at night on her own. She got a smile on her face like that was a good idea to take a shower. My husband had to coax her to get up and go take a shower. Her hearing is getting really bad. It's getting to the point where my husband has to go up to her good ear to tell her something but maybe it's her not be able to register it and understand it. The menu thing was spot on. We took her out for her birthday and she wanted shrimp. She wanted this one shrimp dish but couldn't name it. My husband had to help with ordering for her. As soon as she's done she wants to go even if we're still eating. It's getting worse.
Except if the auditory processing part of the brain is impaired, or a few other possibilities.
Thanks for this. I am going through some of this right now with my father as I transition him into assisted living. He had a fall and never fully recovered physically or mentally. Also, I live in a different city so he was able to hide the dementia longer. A 4 or 5 day visit 3-4 times a year was insufficient for me to discover some this. I wish I'd thought to snoop during my visits. I am seeing some of what you describe. My father has notes hidden everywhere, so he could respond appropriately to me even though he actually did not remember the information. I found many clothes, including suits, with the tags still on. Gifts that my aunt and I gave him are still in the package or clearly were unused. So sad. You should teach this to people in their late 20s and 30s so they are ready for the challenge ahead.
I love your hands on information
Thanks! Experience is the best teacher.
DO NOT SAY TO A DEMENTIA PATIENT: DON’T YOU REMEMBER!? No, they don’t remember and it is Embarrassing/ agrivated.
My parents exhibited some of these behaviors, and neither had dementia. They were just getting old.
My moms world got smaller and smaller
1… all her friends passed … she stopped caring about holidays and won’t tk any invites doesn’t leave the house 2 forgot how to drive the car … just forgot 3 won’t eat anything that is outside her meal routine same foods same time every day. 4 if u disrupt her routine she will freak out. Like a toddler. Cry with no tears 5.Anything goes wrong in the house she will call 911. The landscaper didn’t come… she will call 911 … a puddle in the basement over broken water heater… she calls 911. 6. Stopped doing her hair nails face 7. Will b in same clothes for days and 8. stopped cleaning the house just doesn’t care… very depressed 9. Hoards everything piles and piles of anything
We usually all get this way with something. I'm grateful to hear of these symptoms.
Falling! Falling more than a couple of times in 3-6 months (when there's not an obvious hazard). This was what prompted me to tell my dad something was up with my mom (I used to work in a physical therapy office). Not always an indicator of dementia, but definitely get checked out by a Dr, could be a sign of other issues.
Depression or anxiety and hallucinations. Hallucinations was what prompted my dad to press my mother's doctor about getting a more specific diagnosis other than " mild cognitive impairment".
Thank you for this.
@18:12 this when things got weird, and I dismissed it as stress. I had been helping a senior lady in my building and starting to recognize that she's been showing signs of this, especially after her kids asked me to stay out of her business. They are trying to get her in a home. After a car accident when in hospital she "escaped" and weeks later still sees nothing wrong with that. The drivers license ppl are pulling her license and her kids want her in a home.
She is 84, and was coherent until she lost her bff, her dog of 13 years. And I think this is when she started to fall apart - she has been a mood rollercoaster since. And not following up on proper process to deal with car accident claim, saying weird things, like she's making up stories? If what lawyers said, etc. It all kind of reminds me of how a child may try to convince us a grandiose fib.
My question is her "escaping" the hospital in her gown, took a cab home, got lost by going to an address she lived at fifteen years ago, is this a sign of dementia?
She's tried to convince others she was high on meds that she was allergic too. And not having mental or physical problems.
She took a cognitive test today and failed. She told me the doctor gave her a hard test, and that she didn't do well because she was stressed out. But now I wonder?
The cognitive tests have a number score that they will relate to the stage of dementia they are in.
New living spot Label the cabinets!! at a new place.. kinesthetic body movement/muscle memory takes time to reinforce memory. Kindness & patience as the elders slowly transition to heaven.❤
Funny story, and pertinent.
A few years ago, my daughter and I ended hearing a PSA on Alzheimer’s. As they went through the symptoms at first we laughed, and then the laughter began to be forced, and as the list went on nervous glances. I had every one of the symptoms. The relief and laughter exploded when it said that if these symptoms are new or getting worse, you may want to get things checked out.
I have significant ADHD, recently diagnosed with Asperger’s (I’m 56), I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia, both things that cause a brain fog.
It’s important to remember that these symptoms need to be new. I realize that you ended up with late diagnosis due to things being common with your loved ones.
Honestly, I think my daughter keeps an eye out for worsening symptoms.
I did get worried enough that I had myself tested because I felt things were getting worse. It was determined that stress was a big component. I had managed to get myself worried enough following a stressful time when my husband was sick that I made myself worse. After I was given the all clear, my cognitive function returned to my normal.
So yeah, now we just laugh at the entire PSA because we know it’s only if the symptoms are new or worsening.
My mom had lupus which made it more difficult to figure out where the brain fog left off and dementia crept in. They now say that the most common forms of lupus are tied to dementia.
❤❤❤❤
I thought of ADHD too. I notice my symptoms are much worse when I am overly tired or stressed. I need a really calm environment.
My husband has lost quite a bit of weight and will dress in baggy clothes. When I say wear the new clothes I got you he vehemently insists that he has none. When he is putting things away in the kitchen he looks around confused as if he has no idea where they go. We’ve lived in the house 21 years and the cupboards still hold the same categories but he forgets where things go. He has to think about left and right. He constantly eats the same foods now. The list goes on.
This lady goes not talk to loud, she is stating facts trying to help people to read signs early and not to be in denial. She said she wished she knew then what she knows now. Thank you. I enjoyed this video and appreciate the information. 😊👍
She's loud.
@@reneesoli5345 For some of us it's very loud, but there's a solution. Find the volume button on your phone and computer, or have someone show you where they are. It'll save frustration.
This was so helpful, thank you.
After age 60, I noticed all my friends find they forget words. I have to believe that it's part of aging.
Yes, as a speech therapist who works with adult patients in the hospital, word-finding difficulty is common across the board. It’s not a memory issue, but a retrieval issue. There are cognitive exercises to improve word-finding difficulty.
@@JA-vv8wyI got tested and for word retrieval and passed even thought I thought I did poorly, she said you recalled it all but just not in order. But I’ve been ADD all my life …scatter brain girl and too busy, and always wanting to do something other than what was needed in the moment.
@@JA-vv8wy I'm going to try reading more varied material. I think being exposed to words frequently helps. If I make a conscious effort, I can remember.
@@Sarah-w5q9g
When was menopause, that can play a strong role in this.
My mum said hers hot better later after fully in menopause.
Thank you so much. I’ve been getting concerned about my mom lately (she’s 88) and this video has convinced me something is going on, apart from normal aging. Will be making an appointment tomorrow.
You're welcome.
You are telling the story of my younger sister! Everything you've said it her all over!!
Some of the comments baffle me. This is not a doctor laying out professional advice. This feels like a friendly neighbor telling of her own experiences and hoping you can learn something from them. This shows how hard it is to measure and understand a loved one's dementia and how painful it can be to realize how far they have fallen from who they once were.
Thanks - I am not a medical professional, I'm just relaying our experiences since the medical profession tends to not tell you what to expect. Obviously it is a complex disease and everyone's experience can be different.
Agreed. I’m the sole caregiver for my 89 year old mother and she has just recently started “going downhill” fairly rapidly. As a 60 year old Marine and someone who still works full time and is finishing up getting my kids through college-daughter’s done and son is a senior (YAY!)-I am just trying to learn as much as I can, whenever I get a chance. My mom lives with me and my 20 year old son-who’s a huge help as is his sister-but I am the one taking her to the neurologist and the audiologist and the podiatrist, etc…anyway, I appreciate hearing from people who have “been there done that” and, together with professional advice and instruction, I just want mom to be as healthy and happy as possible for as long as possible. ❤️👍🏼🫡
The problem I found with my mom is that even though her doctor specialized in geriatrics, convincing her that my mom was having issues was next to impossible. We both adored this doctor and other than this I had no issues with her but Lord help me trying to convince this woman that my mom was losing it.
Every single appointment they would give Mom the little three part "test", and if she could draw a clock and spit back some words she was good to go. Never mind that she had turned into an extremely nasty, ugly, abusive person when she had never been one before. Her memory was gone, her handwriting was completely illegible, I could go on for days... But because she could draw a clock her doctor gave her the green light. Absolutely infuriating!
Not that this is the doctor's fault by any means but my mom's lack of memory ended up killing her. She took meds at night that made her extremely sleepy very quickly. One night she took her meds, forgot that she took them and went outside to smoke. She tripped over her cane and fell and was dead a week later because her "DNR" didn't allow for intubation. She had COPD, so the surgeon was afraid to put her under because he was afraid they wouldn't be able to extubate her after the surgery. I had to watch my mom die from a broken hip because she forgot she took her meds.
that was medical malpractice. surgery for a broken hip is palliative. It relieves pain. DNR orders do allow for intubation during surgery. The trick is to get them extubated on schedule; the longer they are intubated, the weaker their respiratory muscles will get and the more dependent on the ventilator they will become. Our target for open heart surgery or thoracotomy was extubation within 12 hours. Sadly, people who had large portions of lung removed couldn't meet that deadline
@@abeal49 No, unfortunately it wasn't. I'm a retired surgical tech so I'm well aware of what surgery/ recovery involves and in this case she probably would not have been able to be extubated- She simply didn't have the lung function to support herself- which was one of her biggest fears. My decision was horrifyingly hard, please don't make my guilt any worse.
My mom had COPD and had to have a surgical procedure (a few years before she got bad). For healthy people it was outpatient, for her it was overnight. My mom got pneumonia and in the midst of it fell and broke her hip. At that point, there wasn't a lot that could be done other than make her comfortable.
A broken hip often follows with the same sequence of events.
We just went to the funeral of a close friend’s mother… and the same thing happened.
I'm sorry for your loss but please dont underestimate the gravity of a broken hip in elderly patients- it is never an 'easy fix' and will usually result in death.
I understand your frustration with doctor not accepting your mothers decline however given she had COPD and was still smoking and walking with a cane was putting her at high risk of both accidents and very ill health before even factoring in the mental decline.
Losing a parent is never easy and you need time to grieve but ultimately you may realise the situation was a blessing in disguise.
Please don't think me unsympathetic- I speak from experience and miss my father terribly BUT his quality of life had declined very rapidly and I know he is at peace now.
Now is a good time for you to practice self care and make any improvements necessary to your own health. If you smoke- STOP. Keep to a healthy weight and ensure your bones and muscles remain strong. Get 8 hours quality sleep each night, stay hydrated, enjoy good nutrition, fresh air and daily exercise.
Honour your mothers memory by taking good care of yourself and other family members, visit her favourite places, put together a little memory box with photos etc but don't ruminate over what could have been.
I was also angry with my fathers doctor but there does come a point when things can no longer be fixed.
Sending love ❤
Your mom’s story is almost like my mom’s. The sundowning is what really made me realize there was something wrong, but the other signs where there and I just attributed them to her difficult personality.
So familiar. My mother had 14 wardrobes of clothing and 4 dining room suites to clear away, when she went into a home.
You took away her pain killer? That’s pretty extreme, don’t you think? Makes it easy for you, but what about her pain?
No, I didn't take away her pain killer. I talked to her doctor and he weaned and switched her to something else but the issue continued. When she was off all the pain killers, her problems continued. I thought the pain killers were exacerbating her issues, but it wasn't the case.
Actually, the signs you are sharing and NOT recognizing earlier is exactly what happens and prevents the patient from having an early onset diagnosis, treatment, and better outcome!
Exactly!
Early on, my mom couldn’t make a selection from a restaurant menu. She would just stare at it and pretend she was reading it. When I lived in another state from her and she came to visit, she wasn’t able to use the appliances because they were slightly different from hers even though a stove is a stove!
They are used to routine - and appliances. Sometimes appliances get more complex for some seniors, other times their basic reasoning abilities are becoming an issue.
The buying of clothes my mil used to do all the time not long after we moved her closer to home from WA state. My husband had to take away her credit card due to this. She lives with us now as we all just moved to a new state. What you said about change is true. She's very negative all the time. She gets confused and thinks she's at where she used to live. She doesn't know what's planned for the day as far as activities to do during the day. Each day repeat things throughout the day. She gets confused at night. One day she could turn her TV off the next day she could not remember. She got a new phone recently and that has been interesting. We know she has dementia as she was diagnosed with it when in the hospital years ago.
It's hard on everyone. I knew someone in the early stages of dementia who bought half of QVC's merchandise.
Be kind and patient. Her brain is diseased. She isn’t doing things deliberately. Her brain is dying slowly and it’s trying to compensate to keep the body alive.