Three words that will change your life | Dr. Mark Holder | TEDxKelowna
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ต.ค. 2014
- This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. What is the best approach to impact the rest of your life? What if it involved only three simple words?
Dr. Holder earned his Ph.D. at the University of California at Berkeley. He then completed his postdoctoral training at the Brain Research Institute at UCLA where he conducted brain transplants to reverse impairments caused by brain injuries. As a professor at Memorial University of Newfoundland, he studied how natural chemicals, 200 times the strength of heroin, were released when people ate chocolate chip cookies. During this time he worked as a Biological Consultant with the NutraSweet Company to determine whether aspartame is safe for pregnant mothers and their offspring. He also
spent a research sabbatical at the University of Hawaii swimming with dolphins in studies of their
language and creativity.
About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
Behind those three little words should lie a genuine willingness to understand and sympathize the other person. Forgetting your ego and your turn to speak, but to truly care of the other person's story. Amazing talk :)
Ekaterina Isaeva w
Ya.. I felt he was way too fixated on the words themself.. it's about the mindset. In fact, in most cases, it's silence that keeps people talking.
I love this, and I was just discussing this with some friends the other day. So many times we listen to someone complain about a problem, and if you're a problem solver like me who likes to get right down to the solution, you want to jump in and give advice. But they didn't ask for advice; they just want a good listener. He's right, we can work out problems on our own just by saying them out loud to someone who's receptive; it makes me think of how I work out my own problems by journaling, by actually just getting those thoughts out in the open. I'm going to work on being a better listener :)
Good for you.😊❤👍
Decent❤
Ws
Do we have to listen, I was a good listener and realised that people love to talk about they problems and its bogging me down. Today I am sitting with problems after listening to everybody's *stories* and there's nobody around to listen to mine. But you know what the greatest conversation we can have is with God whose always listening.
Hey please tell me more about your story . I can listen you
3 words: “Tell. Me. More” & “What happened next?” Happiness is found in improving and fulfilled relationships
I am a firm believer in having PURPOSE in life. We are conditioned to believe we must be happy to be successful at everything in life. 57 years I chased after happiness & I found it at various times over the years, however, life circumstances can change & the happiness has vanished! On the search once again. Purpose is living my life WITH purpose ON purpose! To love, to give, to help others, to make a difference. Happiness will surface ONLY after you are living with purpose & meaning! I was a Psychology major many years ago & while I went into Corporate Mngt rather than the field of Psychology, I have seen over 30 therapists in my time & realized too much time & focus was on my problems & not the solutions. I agree with Positive Psychology as you define, but I don’t believe happiness is the key to life. Live life with purpose & you will experience an incredible life!
👍The three words are: “Tell me more”
You’re welcome. 💞
Thank you. Saved me 20 minutes.
Thanks! I spaced out towards the end so when he got to '...3 simple words to make you better... Thank you so much" I was like -- wait what were the 3 words? Lol
"Tell me more" and "what happened next?"
Quốc Đạt Ngô - 👍Exactly. 💞
@@MonthlyCramps what happened next
Thank you very much, Dr. Mark Holder! You are the best! “Tell me more!”
There's no one I admire to the extent of Dr. Holder, what I've learned from him has changed my life and I'm fortunate to have had the chance to learn from him.
These 3 words: "TELL ME MORE" will improve your relationship and happiness. Awesome! Thanks, Dr. Mark Holder for presenting this awesome idea. (3 bonus words are -What happened next? )
Have viewed a few “happiness” TED Talks and this one is absolutely one of the best!
It is so true that what made us happy 10 years ago may not make us happy today. And what makes us happy today may not make us happy tomorrow.
Happiness is a state of mind.
I can’t disagree that listening more would help make my deepest relationships worse. Thanks for sharing!
A valuable talk with lots of wisdom what happiness is all about, and a simple lesson on how to increase one's own happiness and that of the people around one!
GREAT talk. Friendship is the key to good mental health.
Ms Tango Well you should☺
Gospel song
Actually family, loyalty and honesty superior to "friendship"
I love to talk,and a lot of people (i think) like to listen , i think this is because its a chance for them to engage in the company of others without taking chances of 'spilling-the-beans' which might make them feel uncomfortable, or saying something and being challenged.
I have written on a paper in my wallet, your three big words,"tell me more" and "what happened next", these words ,apart from being communication tools remind me that the other person who is listening also has an existence of there own and might want to share some of it with a listener. I'm really glad you shared your time with us, and for Ted lectures. Thanks.
Wait what? The talk is over? No! Don't leave! Tell me more!
And what happend next? XD
Well that worked then :) TEDx Cifs are obviously not the place to make friends.
Arthur Idrisov
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Jonathan Alturo Rosario guzman .Pink Visual
One of the most important things that we have forgotten. Listen to others. Thanks!! ( I'm learner English)
This guy is a joy to listen to, and he's funny. Love it.
I'm glad you told us more than just those three words. There really is so much more than just simply making a point. Well done, Mark.
Funandconsciousness I
Unless it doesn't work, since people in this age are more interested in facebook, instagram stories and Snapchat. Their sentences are empty and their words are short and self explanatory. "I don't have time", "Wait a second" and the most important one, "I'm fine. Leave me me."
Perfectly explained the definition of good relationship bravo
“Tell Me More!”
So many people are listening to respond not to relate and hear the other. It’s important to Relate - to Validate the other and allow them to be seen and heard! It shows them they matter and you get to be a part of their growth and sense of BEing witnessed in this life!
It will change Your Life Just as it will change theirs!!! 💜
Improve your relationships by Relating and Listening! Do More so you can do Better!
One of the best talks i have ever heard
Simple but powerful, thanks
I am glad I heard this . Iam to help my children that happiness should be on top of our priorities this year an for ever, Thank you Dr.
what a profound speech
Excellent and exactly thank you.
Thank you , that was really precious .
Im so happy i found this ted talk
Loved the reference to alexithymia, which affects many people with right brain injury from stroke and trauma. Thanks Dr. Holder for a great talk.
MASAV vide
karen carpenter
@@sherryscott72 Can alexithymia be just a character feature?
@tasos Alexithymia is common in people with autism but not all people who have autism are alexithymic
Tema maravilhoso e seu acento estupendo para entender
Awesome advice in regards to finding happiness and promote vs problems and solutions
Praise God
Thanks for your preachings all
Wooooooooooo good work your doing worldwide bless to you in jesus name Greetings from pastor samuel ddembe in Uganda
Fantastic.. Simple solution for a quality relationship...
CHEERS & HAVE A RIDICULOUSLY GREAT LIFE
This is exactly what we are missing. We don't communicate well with one another. Well, most of us do not.
1) Tell Me More
2) What Happened Next?
But you will need to watch the video to understand what these phrases and questions mean.
Thank you and special thanks to alert commentators. When he said thank you, I didn't understand what those three words were after all. I wanted to ask him: Tell me more. but I couldn't, I thought I have to listen one more time, then I saw the comments which said, tell me more!
Excellent! Thank you
Hey Mark, great talk. Enjoyed your clases too. Hope all is well with you. Cheers. Richard
The limitation with this technique is if you are the only one practicing it. I've always been the listener.. I've always told people that they are worth better and they deserve to be happy. When I needed people to say the same to me and just hear me out when I'm sharing my problem- they just didn't have the time.
Cant rely on other people, only rely on yourself, in all things.
I like the word joy; more than happy. It has more of an up lift an is higher than happy. Happy is a yellow circle with a happy face in it. Joy! Is the bursting for of life like in spring, the sun is out, the grass is greening, trees are leafing and some flowers are popping up bright yellow from the dirt. Intersesting if the pyscho dictionary has no definition of happy or joy; then that must be how the make so much money; rather they should learn joy! and help peple find it; THAT's healing, the rest is most likely sum drugs and come back next week. Most of us don't need pscyo analysis; we need a good faithful friend, we an open up to safely, who'll love us no matter what; and be near with or without an appontment and the only payment they ask for; is receiprocation. Also, happy is tooo much connected with material things; and not an inward sense of being.
You know when the 5 minute infomercials come on, hit the back arrow, then the forward arrow and it's gone!!!! Never knew that before!
Beautiful Speech indeed@
Thank you soo much
It means a lot to us what you said
Active listening is more than just the words, is how words are said, facial exressions and body language. We need to see into the person.
Thank you for your presentation. Well done!
Several minutes ago I wrote I updated my facebook status to:
"Ever have someone you've loved with every piece of you, only to realise that they don't care for you, for so long you gave your love even when obviously they didn't care for you, not even 1 tiny bit!
Ask yourself, did you see them ever care for anyone at all, hold on do they even care about themselves?
It's clear to me now that if love was the equivalent of music, they were born completely deaf!
My feelings, yes they hurt but at least I have the human capacity to feel, do they?",
I have been in serval poor and sadly even violent relationships.
I fear having been adopted as a child, to sadly a family which I feel did not treat me with love I will never find that close bond. That fear kept me holding on to unhealthy relationships.
However, even when those I loved felt no love for me, but as the song say, "As long as I know how to love I no I will survive. Then suddenly I decide maybe I should watch a TEDx talk see if it speaks to me....
OMG
Awesome Talk...
Happiness is one aspect of a complimentary relationship. As long as you know happiness you'll know unhappiness. As long as you pursue happiness you'll be unhappy. Life works in its own way and not the way "you" want to.
Ferdinand Alexander w. Fe elvis 4wlcis elvs
Great talk. I wished if you would tell us more and more. I didn't feel the time when I was listening.
AS A SOCIOPATH. THIS WILL HELP ME RECEIVE MORE INFORMATION. SO I CAN - - - - - - - - UNDERSTAND THEM BETTER.
I agree with that..imagine a world full of happy people,no war,no money, no society how we have today..more compassion,more understanding,more love,wonderfull . John was brilliant man,it's not important your job/career but your happiness,how you effect other people.,But happy people are not in the interest of the modern world ,who knows will know about what i talk. Stay positive,be loved cuz you always have a choice 😊❤🫠
Fabulous speech, I learned from you , three words.
Amazing good ideas.... I will try it on my friends now ❤❤😁
Fabulous!!!!
Amazing!! Thank you!! 2021
i have been listenin to the ted talks a long the day while i was playin fornite, and this one was the only could catch me, wonderfull job there bro!
So interesting, thank you
Wonderful... Learnt a lot.. Thank you
great job Tip's thanks again rescare acamdy.
!! Dr. Маrk Holder ! Thank"s a lot !! Is that a clue for a civiliezed human cociety !
That's nice talk.We usually hesitate asking What happen next like in detail or something for other. I want to simply use the three words "Tell me more" and What happened next .Then That will lead to making good relationships with others.I hope that.Thanks
“I AM HAPPY!”
Will try to listen more ... will start with my son Julian 1st ... thank you 😀
So true! Thank you!
intelligent speech.
Extraordinary ❤️
very very impressed your speak、thanks。
Great talk!
Great Talk. ... Thank you
te;;
Thank You for sharing :)
Me too ! I just want to be Happy !!
Listening is great!
🕯thank you
3 ONLY WAYS TO BE HAPPY))))
LOVE YOURSELF LOVE OTHERS AND LOVE GOD....
What a great talk! I'd love to learn more about the Positive Psychology movement after watching this video. Interesting concept of linking happiness to our external relationships rather than making it purely about an internal state of mind. Makes sense to me.
Yes.. Tell us more..
Positive psychology focus on what makes you happy rather than focusing on what makes you unhappy
Very good talk
I can't wait
What a wonderful speech 😋😋😋
Thank you! I will use this practical information and I know it will improve my relationships.
Did this improve your relation lady?
Lotus Blossom did it?
Yes, I spend more time listening and less time interrupting. Who says, "tell me more?" Only someone who is interested in what your saying. "What happened next?" Shows the speaker you are listening. The more time I spend listening, the more information I retain for the next visit.
I responded to my child's one word reply with, "how exciting! Tell me more" and to my great surprise he offered more information. That wouldn't have happened had I not responded with "tell me more".
Lotus Bl
Everyone needs to read the book by Leslie Sann "Life Happens. What are YOU Going to Do About It?" A practical handbook with Powerful tools to access your inner resources and Transform Your Life.
Real talk
Amazing talk! 🌙
Natalie Cole has a song w- Lyrics "The greatest thing is just to love, and BE loved, in return"
Amazing. ♥
Nat King Cole , I believe !
Tell me more, tell me more and what happened next!!!! Amen!!
quality of friendship not quantity of friends
that was a very. interesting. and. intelligent. speech
3:23 What one skill = an awesome life? | Dr. Shimi Kang | and in the other video 2:40
Positive psychology is great and yet we don't have an economic operating system which is coherent with its findings at all. Until we have an economy founded on what truly makes us 😊 we'll have to contend with the many unintended consequences of structures mismatched with true human well being and flourishing.
...makes us Happy.
Tell me more...
Summondadrumminmuziku seki turovic
For examples look up the books Happiness Economics by Mark Anielski and Sacred Economics by Charles Eisenstein. Watch the first section (not so much the second) of the video Moving Forward by Peter Joseph which goes over some very credible science related to what we now know about human nature.
because the government wants to control us and independent thinking will make us question this fucked up system they have forced among us
You can be unhappy even the whole world loves you. Happiness comes from you not from others. Let life go through you and dont try to grasp it you will become fulfilled, free and happy
Ps. I love you (i mean it:D)
how to be happy!!
Pope Francis in English language
I have joy of the Lord ..happiness is fleeting js
This is very very inspiring speech. Especially about positive psychology.
By the way, I use his 3 words all the time to people around me. "Tell me more. What happened next?" That's why they love to talk to me. *But I use these 3 words because I don't want to open up to others.* Sharing my life is too scary. Therefore I just close myself up inside because listening to others is easier and safer for me. Dr.Holder should have considered people like me too and figure out how to help.
All is good and Dandy Dr Mark. I enjoyed thoroughly your talk. But, when do we use those 3 words? I wish you could go on a little longer. Tank you so much. Tanya (73 year old granny) Sydney Australia.
I enjoyed this talk so much. Thanks
Even typing can be addictive. We learn to push the keys and something is produced. Same for PC's, texting, email etc.
ótimas palavras
I'm 35, never had a girlfriend let alone a wife. I have 2 really good friends that I only see about twice a year. I am almost always happy and smiling. Wanna know why? Because no other exists outside my mind and I am the creator of the universe and so are you. But also I am. That's why I smile.
"I have 2 really good friends". Nuff said.
great talk. tnx
From a country boys perspective that was the meat and taters bit I still want the rest of the meal. Great message