How To Survive Living With An Alcoholic | Introduction: Are You The Partner of An Alcoholic?
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ก.ค. 2024
- Sign up to Grace's Email list: gracechatting.com/sign-up/
Join Rebuild Your Life online group: bit.ly/46hxBvV REBUILD YOUR LIFE
Work with Grace: app.paperbell.com/checkout/pa...
If you enjoyed this video, and would like to see similar and helpful content, subscribe to Grace Chatting's TH-cam Channel.
visit www.gracechatting.com
For low cost monthly group coaching app.paperbell.com/checkout/pa...
Grace Chatting explains to us the challenges and dilemmas of living with the problem of alcoholism, how it affects relationships and offers some suggestions for how partners of alcoholics might move towards resolving the very difficult predicament they find themselves in.
CHAPTERS
00.00 Answering a question
01.49 My view
02.38 Not a will issue
03.37 Affects all areas of your life
04.54 Different types of alcoholism
07.25 Abusive behaviour
09.55 Covering up
10.27 Financial toll
13.32 What's love got to do with it?
15.39 You don't have the right to impose your will
16.04 The dilemma
17.21 Take back your life - แนวปฏิบัติและการใช้ชีวิต
![แฉ [2/4] 11 ก.ค. 67 ‘ขวัญ อุษามณี’ เผยความจริง 16 ปีที่แล้วเกิดอะไรขึ้น? | GMM25](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/K4pXnUiObbk/mqdefault.jpg)
If you are determined to rebuild your life please join my Facebook group, "Rebuild Your Life" It is a closed group.
Thanks for the video upload I find lots of these type of videos inspiring, hearing the opinion of experienced professionals confirms that I'm doing everything the right way
I have been doing the 'surviving living with an alcoholic ' playlist, thank u!
Grace Chatting rebuild your Life
@@TheFusedplug
We
If you are not married to an alcoholic, end that relationship, unless you like pain in your life that will never end.
Amen
+justwanttowatchvideos
They are ALL the same. The hard part is, they hide it well if you don't know what to look for. You may think they just drink a lot and like to party on weekends. They give the impression they are like the guys who drink for sorts of dicil situation. Nope. I's only after it's too late that you fins the truth and it does;t stop at drinking. They are exert liars too. At EVERYTHING. They are used to is and you will not stop them. They pick the worst friend to have. They pick friends like them with the same low self-esteem.. Here is the best advise from me, an expert now. When you suspect they are alcoholics, they are. Go with your hunch. They will give endless signs. Trust what you see and hear. Sorry, but it will be true, and then you will be writing what I am writing here, just like me.
pigjubby1 very true thank you for your reply. I bought into lies because I think I myself wanted to believe them. Don't realize what's happened until you're so far in.
+justwanttowatchvideos
We all do. If you don't come from that background, you can't possibly think or be ready for what happens. We don't have crystal balls to see the future, but I will say this: You see the signs way before but ignore them, because "good, non-jusgmental" people aren't supposed to see the bad and only see the good. Yeah, uh huh..
Amen!
This is helping to encourage me to leave my alcoholic spouse. He never listens to me,and anything I say is wrong or he has to make his point or opinion more important than mine. I am so very lonely.
Pls don’t feel lonely there are many people affected by alcohol specially women. I have been married to an alcoholic for 18 yrs. I deal with depression anxiety stress because of his drinking, he say that I am over reacting that he isn’t an alcoholic. He’s been rescued from his locked turned off , all window glasses rolled up he had passed out with heavy drinking and locked himself in. Neighbors , passerby’s, etc helped to get him out.. to this day he says I did it to make him look bad. What you have mentioned it resonates totally with my situation. I am always wrong.. I have decided that I HAVE to leave him. Please know your not alone . please take care of yourself. Stay Blessed. Please believe in yourself and do the right thing.
Get counseling for yourself and find out why you settled for that. You can get support at ALANON. Follow this lady’s advice, it’s good. I hope you get past it. You don’t deserve to be miserable like that.
Many blessings to you.
@@alaiyamahim9379 other way around for me, I don't drink partner drinks for England.
Exactly my situation nothing I do changes it. It’s always only his thoughts that are the right kind of thoughts only his feelings that matter. I’m exhausted and so alone
She hit the nail on the head. I've been in this hell for 16 years, he drinks daily, and is a constant dishonest jerk. I have a wonderful life sleeping on the couch & he stays in the bedroom. Everything shes said is 100%
I have to find a way out, asap
Hi K Anderson, thanks for your comments.It doesn't get better until you change by getting some support for yourself and making changes in your life. Good luck with it. x
get out!!!
Did you manage to get out?
Kimberly Anderson you can do it we can only save ourselves 12 years on it cant go on ...please just go for it help and support is out there .
Did you leave?
Listen people if you are in this situation, Get OUT! that is your answer don't waste your life or your kids life✌
What do you do if you are the man
Brice Long the same! Get out and take the kids with you.
I’ve been with my wife since we 8th grade I am 38 now and she is 39 I feel down and stressed out we have 3 kids together i never felt so helpless in my life.
Just happened to stumble upon this and listened to you twice. Thank you so much. I have been feeling like its been me this whole time but in reality its not. Im making the tough decision to leave, im scared out of my mind but i know i can do this. Itll take time to heal and move on. He is a great guy when hes not drinking but he drinks every day/night doesnt get home till anywhere from midnight to 6am and then sleeps for a little bit and gets up and goes to work. Hes a functioning alcoholic. He does this pretty much every day, we have no relationship cause hes always out drinking and being with his friends hes a huge social butterfly. But he never includes me in anything. He also has type 2 diabetes and doesnt take care of himself. Also recently found out hes been using coke and drugs are a big no for me. Im afraid hes just going to die in his sleep and ill wake up and he will be gone. I wish he would get help but i know he wont. hes 43 years old and parties like hes 20. So thank you again for this.... i think its time to move on.
Hi d assav you deserve better.
it's happening to me right now, I love him so much, and I care about him I'm so worried... But I don't know... this is hell
Moarlust Me too...only I used to drink and gave it up almost 4 years ago. But enough is enough. Maybe I'll just run out the 🕒.
d assav, my brother has similar problem. I lives on his own and I had a chance to visit him several times (lives in a different country). He is very sociable guy and has a lot of friends. But he drinks almost every day, comes home late night (usually around 4 a.m.) and goes to work after few hours of sleep. He does manual work and had changed several jobs due to conflict with his boss probably due to alcohol effect. His driving has been suspended for more than 15 years and he has been in conflict with the police several times. He lost several good jobs.
My sister in law is an alcoholic, she struggles every day with the problem, domestically, socially, financially, and is very unreliable. I will add she has lost many friends, lost a lot of respect and trust, and yet remains stubborn over many years to address the problem. She refuses help, or therapy, so I clearly ignore her and have no sympathy for her until she does.
wow i resonate with this so much and it sucks that it took me so long to realize it. especially thet part about how my life revolves around his addiction and when things are good its very good and when its bad its terrible and i keep feeling like i have to keep everything together for him in order for him to keep his addiciton. finally gonna do something for myself and not feel guilty about it
great video! thanks
Hi Alison, I hope you watched the rest of the videos and have taken some action :) x
Thank you for saying this! I really needed to know I wasn't the only one going through this.
You said many things I am going through with my man. He drinks every weekend & wants to fight over simple staff afterwards. I am fed up - can't take his bull shit anymore. I guess I am very fortunate to stumble upon this video, because we aren't married & have no kids together. I am free to leave. So I am leaving this relationship, thank you so much!
Thank you Felicity. Sounds like a good choice. I wish you every blessing in the future. The important thing for you to consider now is what did you not see in the early stages, so you don't make the same mistake again in the future? You might wish to join the facebook group, Rebuild Your Life. :)
Grace Chatting, I grew up with an alcoholic father & he passed away at the age of 45 due to alcohol abuse. My mother did not enjoy a happy marriage because she was constantly dealing with dad being out all night or withdrawal from other people etc. There are times when I make excuses for my man try to convince myself that he isn't an alcoholic just because he drinks on weekends and holidays. So the fact that we always argue during this time and it is starting to affect emotionally, mentally really concerns me, so I need to leave ASAP.
@@pauldavies8638 We ended things last month August. Couldn't do it anymore. We're better off apart. I feel more at peace now. Working on rebuilding my life and staying single for as long as possible.😊
This is so encouraging for me. Thank you. It really feels that way. When every small thing goes into a full blown hysterical episode that leaves me questioning my sanity and facts. Everything ends up being your fault.. everytime you hear the same excuses. I drink because of stress. I drink and crash the car because of something someone said. I drink and created some hazardous situation because of outlying factors. I drink and got angry because someone did something. And more importantly, I drink because of something you did. No. Let's face it. Our partners drink because they chose to drink. All the blame game really doesn't apply.
the guy i love is an alcoholic and its breaking my heart i did not have the choice but to walked away i cant stop thinking about him i broke all contact with him over a year a go
Grace Jegels your better off
He would have only brought heartache into your future life
I feel for you. I found out my boyfriend was a drinking alone he made excuses not to come round to visit me. I caught him one morning I went round to his house. He suffers from PTSD ex soldier. I still love him but I had to walk away and end the relationship. I want to remember him the way he was not the way he is now. I never saw any signs that he was a drinker.
Just found your video's grace, and they are a godsend.
I've known for a long time he's been Alcohol dependant, but didn't realise that narcicism and being an alcoholic can be linked.
I think it's time for me to be strong and end it while I'm strong enough to!
I'm glad you found the videos useful Michael. Do make sure you have some support in place, and a plan to keep yourself safe.
I love my husband and want to help him but he doesn’t stop drinking. He is a great guy and a hard worker but he is lazy at home and will get too drunk and fall asleep. I can’t keepn up with cleaning and housework without his help. He does this at his moms too because his step dad is always drinking too much too and they encourage one another. I just want to help him realize this is unhealthy and he needs to do something about it. I can’t talk to friends or family because it’s embarrassing and makes me really sad. I talk to him about it and he seems to understand but he still turns to the bottle and makes me upset.
Hi Lularoe, I hear how confused and perplexed you are by your husbands behavior. Your first step is to understand for yourself. Can I suggest that you watch the series of videos that I made "How To Survive Living With An Alcoholic"?
You and your mother-in-law need to put some boundaries in place, and stick to them. If left to the alcoholic your life will remain the same. Emotional abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse. I secretly recorded my husband, several times, to have proof. I then contacted law enforcement, so there would be a report filed. I have 45 days to press charges. If he has not gotten help, he can spend a year in jail. They won't give him alcohol there. I told my husband, I'll see him in jail, before I watch him die of alcoholism ! It's his choice!
I left my abusive husband because of alcohol. Rather stupidly, I took him back when he said he'd sorted it all out. Well 2 years down the line I'm back to square one. I feel so down. Can't believe I'm here again
Try to get him to try naltrexone from his doctor, it works.
Join our Facebook group for support facebook.com/groups/246674359121347
My children and I suffered from the alcoholic ex I divorced abuse . All parenting was / is left up to me as his addition is all that matters
Omg .. You have totally totally said it all. I You are so amazing. It resonates completely with me. I am living in the complete mess since 18 yrs . Thank you so much. Suddenly I feel lighter in my heart after watching your video. GodBless you abundantly.
Alcoholics are very self-centred, whinny. n weak individuals. My experience is most will not get help n will drink themselves to death, there is little help in the USA the clinics and hospitals and centers are very expensive. I am trying to evict my alcoholic roommate n he is so defiant and will not move so I have to hire an attorney or just buy him loads of booze till he passes out n I can call an ambulance. Good riddance!
Greatland good plan 😂
I wish I would’ve found this video sooner.... my husband says he’s sorry for his fits of rage when he’s drunk but continues to do it every few months... so much damage has been done i feel he’s pushing me away
I have been in a 2yr relationship with my partner and he needs to drink and smoke weed everyday yet I give him the benefit of the doubt because he goes to work every day. I just can't understand how he can't live without it and it's really changing my feelings about him and I notice instead of addressing the issues he tries to be more sexual or affectionate, which seems to annoy me. He's playing me a fool isn't he?
Hi Grace .. you are describing my life for the last couple of years . I find this very helpfull . But I have a lot of work to do .. There is a lot of good in my man but I cannot continue to live like this . thank you
D K6 exactly how I feel :( so much good in him but I just can't
Thanks for the comments D K6. I hope you have found some support now.
hi grace my life is the same he is a good man but when it comes to alcohol he can control it its none stop entertainment😔
Bless this video so much. I have watched it thrice so far. I am 31 and I met the love of my life. We both had problems with drinking, but due to my health (problems unrelated to consumption), I had to reign it in and get myself together and stop drinking. My boyfriend did so as well... at the start. Lately he’s fallen into a depression and is heavily self medicating with alcohol. His alcoholism never truly stopped, but he had it under control until recently. I keep telling myself I need to leave. I keep telling myself he’s only a monster when he drinks and if I can just get through him drinking, it’ll be okay. We’re great when he’s sober. But when he drinks, he’s a monster. He says hurtful, pointed things to me. He picks fights. Out of the blue. He says he gets anxiety about “being social” because he’s afraid I’ll be angry. I’ve tried to tone down my hurt and disappointment and when he goes out, tried to be “the cool, chill partner”. But, even then, he still comes home at the wee hours of the morning (currently 2:09am, haven’t heard from him in nearly two hours, no clue when he’ll be home). And I fear, inevitably, he will come home in an hour or two and pick a fight. Say horrible things. Be clumsily drunk and break something or make a mess. I keep trying to tell myself it’s not because of me, it’s not because I don’t love him enough, but I can’t get it to stick in my head. And I cannot leave him because I love him so much. When he’s sober, he recognizes he has a problem. I’ve told him endlessly it’s not him “being social” that upsets me. It’s the person he becomes after more than a drink or two. The monster he becomes. And he still resorts to the thing that he’s afraid to upset me by “being social”. He’s constantly broke and has accidentally overdrafted his account several times because of drinking (or as I call it, “partying”). He’ll come back later and make up some excuse that it wasn’t his bar tab that overdrafted him, it was X subscription, or Y auto-pay, or Z free trial that accidentally charged him. He cannot get ahead. He cannot do much more than just pay his bills. Hopefully. Sometimes he’s cut it pretty close, to the point he could only pay half and had to bust his butt as a server and pick up extra shifts to pay the other half a few days later.
I’m lost. I’m hurting. I want to leave.
My boyfriend is gone.
All that remains is the monster.
The monster is in control.
It doesn’t want help.
I feel your pain. So much.
Sorry...I hope you have started to heal... God bless...
The monster owns my lover too. Thar monster also does not want help. . .
Did your boyfriend ever take his control back and get help?
I refer to the monster as a demon.
Wow. Thank you for being real and giving examples and explanations of what you discuss! That is what helps people best relate and understand topics. I would like to ask of you to do a video about (unnecessary) guilt when leaving an alcoholic. As someone who tried to change one for years and being abused by, and almost losing my life to one.. It's important to let the abused know they are not responsible :)
Interested
Thank you so much for this video. I have lost myself over the last 10 years of being married to an alcoholic. Al a non has helped me. At this point I am as sick as he is. I am starting to reclaim my life. Thank you for the wise words.
Thanks for sharing!Join our Facebook group for support facebook.com/groups/246674359121347
I was looking for a video to use while I talk to one of my Nephews about alcohol abuse. I watched this about 3 times. I love the way you structured it. It reminded me the way my High School English Teacher would have had us write a composition. Wish I can cram your presentation.
Thank u for this video, it’s very informative and helped me made the decision to move out, move on and to put my health first after 11 years of mental trauma with an alcoholic spouse
Thank you so much. I found this video very informative. I learned quite a bit about my significant others affliction and a lot about myself also. Thank you...I have much soul searching to do
So true...all of it !!! Brilliantly explained
I agree. Alanon has been a source of strength and helped me get over the victim mentality.
I am to that point. I am powerless. I'm letting him do what he needs to do. And then if wants to come home and get help then I'm here.
I'm in the same situation. He hit me, for the 2nd time in a year. I filed a police report, made him leave, and if he doesn't get help, I have 45 days to file charges. He's been given a choice it's his to make! I should have done this, the first time.
So good your advice is down to earth .I am helping someone very close at the moment 🧚🏿
Thank you .Blessed be lady.I will pass this on.I really needed to hear this as difficult as it is
You are so welcome
Spot on Grace Thank you
Great video very helpful! Thank you!
My girlfriend pours the wine down her throat every day after work
She’s a high functioning alcoholic
On top of that she’s taking 100mg of Zoloft everyday
I’ve told her I’m concerned about her drinking and mixing it with antidepressants
She ignores me so I’ve given up
We just bought an expensive home together six months ago
I walked into this with blinders on
I’m just binding my time until I cannot take it anymore
Thank you for your insight
My girlfriend is exactly the same, I don't drink, it's a pain in the arse
Your abusing yourself and the child in you... therefore you will be found guilty of child abuse in the end....... think about that.
My wife is too a functioning alcoholic. Awesome when sober , but then when she gets home from work and drinks , I’m left with an equivalent of a child. Unable to be available for anything.. I love her so much but this is how I end up spending all of my time trying to get outside sources to fill the void. Anyone who has had success plz help me!! Thank you
Dude…. You described my wife ( minus the Zoloft).
What are you doing about it? Is she going to AA or something?
Grace : This description of an alcoholic is very accurate. I’ve been with my wife from University days and we are both now over 70. Her problem has never gone away. So it’s been a big help to watch your video and hear about other people dealing with this problem (which for us looks like it’s going to be a lifelong affliction).
Hi John, glad you found the video helpful. Do you realise, with a fair wind you could have another 25-30 years of life ahead of you. You sound very resigned to life never changing, but it doesn't have to be that way. Why not join the Rebuild Your Life group for support and encouragement for making your life how you want it to be.
Very informative and clear-thank you
Thank You so much! This video was so helpful :)
You're very welcome David :)
You certainly clarified some thingsfor me in my situation.
Excellent advice...thankyou
My partner was alcoholic xx it was sad xx he died xx now i missed his company and kind heart
I found this so helpful Grace, thank you I didn't even know about AL-anon. I will look into that. I really needed to hear some of the things you said especially about alcoholism being a "progressive addiction" cause I've been giving it time hoping that One day he will cut down or stop but with his concrete denial o don't think he ever will stop. Having been with an alcoholic abusive husband for 10 years I finally understand that I can't control his drinking and it's not me who drove him to it. Even though he blames me for his drinking, not the he has ever admitted he has a problem. When we used to get into arguments he would physically and mentally abuse me, and then tell me it was because I provoked him to that point. People used to tell me it's just the drink making him do these things and even I would make excuses for him and accept his treatment of me. (Btw can you clarify does alcohol cause such people to do horrible things or is it subconsciously on some level they want to hurt you or really mean those nasty things they say while drunk?) But now I realise that I am not responsible for his drinking he is. And I need to take responsibility for my own life as well as my children. X thank you for helping me make the right decision about my life.
Very informative and supportive advice! Just run from an alcoholic! Once the alcoholic no longer gets what they want they just eventually move on to another person they can manipulate and control. Naltrexone helps! I found Jesus who took away my cravings and I quit drinking n smoking. I had tried aa and was just too into the entire alcohol drug cycle. This vid is very good and honest! thank you!
Praise God and hallelujah... I'm so.very happy for this good news :)
Naltraxone did help you?
Hit every point.I got out ,I am so pleased I did.my second husband teetotal,different world.if your thinking of going ,run!.hard,but totally worth it.💙
Thank YOU!
It's nice listening to your beautiful voice as an IrishI(American) drunk. you gave me hope.
Stephen E. Don't be a drunk.. If I can get sober so can you. ♥ Colleen
Verry good information.
I know this is an old video, but the message is very helpful for my current living condition. Thank you so much.
You are so welcome! x
I got more advise in this video than I could after years of lost friendships and people telling me she is OK. No. She isn't OK. None of them live with her daily and no, I am not any less of a man for putting up with it. I love her and I have been at this for years now. I enabled this for covering up and picking up the slack. In return all I got was episode after episode of worsening severity that no one seems to listen. And I am here on TH-cam searching for help videos while she is asleep stone drunk. I am here tip toeing around the house making sure there is breakfast while juggling my work and making sure drama doesn't escalate. I don't even dare refill her water bottle at night without her waking up and screaming at me. I have lost so many friends and family these past years. I am tired. So tired.
Edit: And for all those "friends" and "family" who told me to "man-up", well why don't you give it a go with someone who has a six pack for breakfast because of the shakes. Tell me how it goes.
So sorry you are in this situation Arthur :( It's true that people generally have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. It would be good for your own sanity to get some support from those who do understand, who "Get you" Why not go along to your local Al-anon group, or there may be one online. One thing is for sure, it won't magically get better.
@@GraceChatting thanks for the reply. Really appreciate the video.
That kind of hurt she causes me daily can't be explained. She doesn't recognize it at all. Everyday it's someone else's fault. Everyday it's someone's fault because you are closest to her. But the abuse goes on daily. And you can apologize as much as you want. But that makes it your fault too. Because apologies makes her think it's right. I worry everyday if she would burn the house down. I worry if she would keep the stove on. I worry if she would leave a kettle on and forget about it. The fear I go through can't be described. Because at the end of the day no one believes a man. At the end it will be my fault regardless. But no one understands my fear. My anxiety and worries.
I am afraid for my life. As much as I care for her I am afraid because I don't know what will happen next. I am afraid.
@@arthurwong9017 Have you gotten any support now?
Thank You
Spot on.
Thank you so much for doing this video. I have been second guessing myself thinking my girlfriend is an alcoholic but you have made it so clear. I keep wanting to think it is me that is the problem. You made me realize that there's nothing I can do to control this.
Glad it was helpful!
Join our Facebook group for support facebook.com/groups/246674359121347
Love you grace x
Very helpfull.
Great information! I am going through an alcoholic partner who has instant rage issues...I fear for my life and his! His alcohol consumption is increasing more and more daily. I may say the simplest thing...and he will go into an instant rage over this and he says I am demonic. But he is the one with the alcoholic problem. He drinks 24 hrs a day.. puts whisky in his morning coffee....drinks all day and into the evening. But I am the demon! Lord Jesus help me..for I don't know what to do at this point. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated!
Dearest sister Barbara, I'm here with you. I believe if we lay our troubles at our fathers feet, he will guide us to do what we must do. And we will be amazed of how he does it. :)
@@rachelo8294 God will guide you all out. Pray for him every morning at 7 a.m OUT LOUD.... when he cusses at you next... look him in the eyes and say IN THE NAME OF JESUS YOU HAVE NO POWER HERE SATAN....
He'll be super annoyed at first or laugh at you but laugh with him and enjoy it if possible..... but as long as you do it in a non aggressive or mean way, he may just see differently. Start to clear your house of any and all dark influences. Don't be upset by what he does or says ... envision he is under attack and you must either stay and help fight it or get out and watch from a distance.
Alcohol is the love of there life. Iv just done a poem and put it on my TH-cam channel, it explains how I feel and I'm sure many others
I’m married to the topper upper mixed with going overboard here n there. It’s hard dealing with..... he drinks every night and occasionally goes to a bar n then gets really loaded. He lies when he goes to the bar. But I can see him staggering up the walk way!! He has zero will power. 😳
10 minutes in................ and forward. GOT ME. :(
Should I break off a relationship if he calls me name's
Definitely it’s emotional abuse
Your right that's my husband he drinks a lot at home he is a quiet guy but I tell him to stop and he don't listen I told him it is the beer for me he says he don't care if I leave he always acts like the victim
Its so hard for us to be the deciders of what's not acceptable. Or when is enough enough. But first we.gotta be glad were able to be the one who cares.instead.of the one enmeshed.... God bless you and I trust Christ to lead us out....
In this situation right now, and it’s the worst. It’s pure torture. You try and be understanding and nice for so long and nothing changes, so you end up lashing out and getting angry, which just makes the alcoholic feel worse and want to drink more. Three years and eight relapses later and I’m completely unable to change it. I can’t stand it anymore. It’s too painful. Please Grace, say something to help me. Please. I’m dying a slow emotional death.
So sorry Talio that I didn't see your post before. I hope things may have improved for you. I have a lovely caring support group on Facebook. You would find support and encouragement there. Join our Facebook group for support facebook.com/groups/246674359121347
I disagree when you said the alcoholic has the right to decide if he/she wants to drink themselves to death!! That’s a gray area! They do if they stay home 24/7 and never go out. But IF they live among others they really don’t have that choice!! They can harm themselves, sure! But would you want to be driving down the road with your kids in the car and here comes this person who thinks he has the right to “ drink himself” to death?! At what cost? At whose cost?? When drinking and living and socializing around others becomes dangerous to others ...... that’s when it’s NOT ok. 😳🧐😠
I am 27 and 4 months pregnant. My boyfriend is about to turn 28, and he is an alcoholic. He went to rehab when he was around 22 years old. Got clean and sober but relapsed at some point (before we met.) His drinking wasn't a problem in our relationship because he wasn't always drinking, he would have one beer or 2 here and there, he even went 3 months without drinking until recently. He now goes to the bar every night till it closes at 2a.m and he comes home wasted and my sleep is interrupted and I am stressed and worried. He blames me for his drinking, he calls me controlling and possessive, says he doesn't have a problem, he says I am the problem because I tell him he shouldn't drink. He said " I want to do what I want when I want and how I want." I try to compromise and rationalize with him but he becomes defensive and he justifies his drinking. He says I just have "3 beers" when he is having 8 or more beers every night, and now he started to drink liquor again. Our relationship is damaged and he told me to stop telling him what to do. We are going to have a baby and I just want a sober boyfriend and a sober father for my baby. I had to kick him out of my apartment because he is not on the lease and I have no other options but to not be a part of his addiction. My heart is breaking. He needs help. I have to stop enabling him, but of course I want to support him any way possible. Though he is being selfish and one sided. I am at a loss. Maybe I am selfish as well because I am trying to control his drinking and that I want a sober boyfriend. I am confused and sad.
Wow that's hard. My advice is to just not go into denial. So your decisions are always honest whether you stay together or not. Back and forth etc.
Starshine how are you doing? You ok?
everyday drinking.. 2 can beers per day is it considered too much? i am just starting with someone who has this habits.. he lost his licence with drunk and drive... so i am not sure how serious is his situation.
once i move with him i don’t know what to expect..
he promissed he will stop
I’ve never been with anyone who drinks this is all new to me the crazy part is when I got with him he hid it until one night bam he unleashed the dragon and at that point I was scared but when you love someone and know they’re not always like this it’s hard to walk away but I think I’m ready to walk away pregnant in all maybe he will see what he’s lost once I’m gone by then it will be too late I’m so hurt but after 9 months I thought it was going to work I’m hurt I can’t be with him and he won’t stop drinking to save our relationship I don’t have any control I can’t save him he has to save his self this hurts so bad I don’t want to start over I don’t want to move on why is life like this why is alcoholics legal if it’s causing so many problems marijuana doesn’t break families apart alcohol does
Kita my situation mirrors yours with me it is my girlfriend who drinks for England. The bottle will always be their first love this evil drug should be illegal best wishes and hope for the future. Paul
What do you do when your partner admits he's an alcoholic, admits it's a problem, still drinks all day, doesn't obsess about getting a drink because he just always has it, and expresses that I should know the mean things he says aren't meant.
I would be interested to know the statistics on the rates that partners/spouses leave/divorce a female alcoholic vs. opposite scenario when it is a male alcoholic. I'm wondering if it is more likely that husbands will divorce an alcoholic wife whereas wives will stay longer/not leave an alcoholic spouse. I am a family lawyer and it seems to me at least anecdotally that there are larger marital repercussions for women alcoholics than men, including the impact on post-divorce access to children. But I'd be interested to know the actual statistics.
I do know that men are 6x times more likely to leave a sick spouse than I female would. Maybe that would ring true for addiction as well.
I need help my partner is an alcoholic and need serious help I feel helpless
Same... though I know Jesus will lead me out... friend... seek the Lord. He saves.
It may be more rare but I'm a male dealing with a female alcoholic. A dui and health issues haven't slowed her down.
Hi EK, I plan to do a video on the differences in male and female alcoholics (if any) and the impacts of that on those who love them.
I live with a alcoholic and I love him . It’s come a stage I don’t love him but pity him ,because it’s a disease and I am struggling.ear acupuncture helps with talking therapy and herbal detox.I have told him to leave but he cannot survive on his own. If something bad happens then I am one will be hurt 😞
Join our Facebook group for support facebook.com/groups/246674359121347
Thanks!
My partners child is an alchoholic and is making my life a misery because she keeps picking him up everytime he decides to wreck everyones life around him.i think its a control issue but because he is so charming it makes me look like i am uncaring.23 years of this bullshit.
Amen.
Help! Im married to an alcholic Its not easy and Im at my witts end...
Any Advice?
Hi Kimberly, my advice is to watch all the videos, they are only a few minutes each. These will raise your awareness and help you decide what you need to do. x
so what do you do when you a mom of 2 children and have no family or friends to turn to? be homeless? I'm so confused its not like I buy my husband any alcohol, he won't admit to a problem, he won't let me go to AA(cause he doesn't want people to think he has a problem), there's no help
Hi Machel, I had 3 children, no money and no family. It is not sustainable to live that way indefinitely. Join the Rebuild Your Life group on Facebook.
@@GraceChatting thanks
No affordable housing. And now a pandeimic. It’s hard to leave when you are absolutely exhausted and are trying to raise kids. Caught between a rock and a hard place
My long term girlfriend is a fully blown alcoholic and I used to be a binge alcoholic and heroin and crack addict and have conquered those addictions it's just as well because I wouldn't have coped this long I am feeling the strain as she doesn't put promises and words into actions any advice I would be grateful for I'm feeling the strain somewhat lately I would NEVER go back to drinking or anything else but it's making me tired and depressed
Sorry to hear this Miles. I would encourage you to get some support and don't put your recovery at risk.
Thank you .. I am doing so now. She has cut down I've grown a thicker skin and stayed clean
miles Jackson same here man. I’ve been with her for 10 years and she’s been a bad alcoholic for 3 years. We are both recovering opiate addicts and I’m clean. It’s impossible to deal with her. I’m so done but I also love her and am afraid to be alone
Miles I sympathise with you my situation with my girlfriend is exactly like yours crap isn't it.
My husband goes to work comes home me knowing he's had a few on the way home cooks dinner cracks one open sits on the couch plays playstation most nights "had a stressful day "has a few more .I use to keep track on how much he drinks .not anymore I leave him to it he has issues with me not wanting to have sex with him..I have distanced myself every time he drinks that's most days.we have 3 children and I'm not leaving my house or my bed he somtimes falls asleep on the couch...I turn the TV off and go to bed that I will not give up.he has emotional problems anger when he can't find things tantrums and will drink more.hes at the point now we're he's a slow steady daily after work drinker...at the moment we're not really talking to each other much just short need to know conversation. He is also a diabetic. Sometimes hes fallen asleep on the couch and I watch his breathing and think to myself die you scumbag because you've done it to yourself..but then on the other hand he has to stay alive or I'll loose everything we have worked for can't insure a diabetic here in New Zealand I would not get paid out to pay the house off so he has to stay alive for another 22 years....lol ps I work 4 on 4 off as a dementia HCA....I just hate him sometimes because he is weak because he can't handle his shit.but he's a master manipulater and it always gets swept under the carpet he will be good and and slow down and then be bad again he drinks to cope with stress and life...lol ...I could go on and on.i have emotionally distanced myself but still love this man...he knows I'm not happy but will always be me that's the problem....
What do I do...I an not leaving everything i have built in my own life to start again..
I'm feeling you, oh I'm definitely feeling you .. strength to you, strength to all of us who are silently suffering from reaction emotional abuse to their behaviours, their wrongdoings doings and unaccountability. He's seems humble and as if hes got his shit together, he does nothing!! Drinks and half the time pretends to be at work..
Blows mega amounts of money on booze and ciggys but doesnt care about paying his never ending bills. I end up looking like the crazy nervous wreck because im the one holding it altogether and dealing with the emotional abuse !! Lies, neglect and loniness in the battle. He sold me a nightmare!
I waste so much time researching to totally understand it all.. heartbreaking to watch.
And they legalise this, bottle shops open at 9am in the morning... $5.00 is all you need to by the cheapest bottle of wine, socially excepted, in my experience one of the worst type of "drugs" around !!!!
Look after yourself, especially your mind, I almost lost mine 🤯🫂
Join our Facebook group for support facebook.com/groups/246674359121347
I found it impossible to take care of myself while staying.
You can get support in our Facebook group facebook.com/groups/246674359121347
my bf friday had two shots of whiskey, absinthe, saturday two irish whiskeys. 4 mimosas that day during brunch. sunday every sunday go watch game at local pub. had two bloody marys. when we go out he keeps saying im not drunk. he goes out eatting at bars everyday. lunch ,dinner. but drinkings involved. i feel hes a alcoholic. everyone has food in fridge. he have enough to feed a bird. keeps gallon of gin, and jameson. what do u think?
@Paula, I am not a "qualified" person, but am married to an alcoholic... For 18 years... Sounds to me like your bf very well may be an alcoholic. I would heed Grace chatting's advice. Keep in mind that you are in an easier place right now then you could be. You haven't married him, I assume you don't have any kids with him... Do a lot of soul searching & praying... How do you picture your future?
Go to Al-Anon to get yourself informed. There is also an online group. As I said, this is progressive. You need to consider why are you allowing yourself to be treated like this? My guess is you deserve a lot better and while you are in this relationship, you aren't available for a better one.
+Grace Chatting im detaching emotionally.. its hard. we have a 6 month old.
+Amy Bond i am attending al anon we do have 6 month.. we never lived together. thank god. i am slowly detaching
you know al anon does help. my ex is suing me for financial gifts he gave me. his lawyer sent me a letter. it was not a loan. i tried talking to him. he ignores my text. so i guess hes taking me to court. for 2500.00 dollars. why is he doing this?
So are u saying if u drink ever few months for a 4-5 days your a alcoholic
No. You are an alcoholic if it is a priority in your life. You might just drink like one. Which can still bring problems such as DUI.
She is so educated . But where did she go to school ? But she said she lived with one
So I’m pregnant by this type of man this is my forth child do I get an abortion I can’t imagine doing so he’s not always like this but when he does drink he’s very destructive and you can’t tell him anything he’s put me in a lot of danger my kids also but what do I do help please someone I don’t want to abort my child
Nikita Morgan keep the baby...Dump the drunk.. I'm the fifth child of two alcoholics. Dad killed himself when I was about seven. Get out Now. BTW I'm now a 56 year old recovering alcoholic.
Dont kill your baby...... that would be on you in the end. Dont ruin your conscience for them. Envision an escape plan and imagine how life could be when you get away. Anything is possible through Christ who strengthens us. :)
If it's just a "partner" get out of there. A partner means nothing.
If you have kids with your "partner" Child Support will come a knockin'. It sure means that.
Hi am currently living with an alcoholic, I fed up off it all. I know what I need to do but I been with him for 10 years and am struggling to Breck free as wen I try to talk he is a complete twat and say am the problem y he drinks
Kathleen, you could stay for another 10 years and still be having the same conversation. "If you keep doing what you always did, you'll keep getting what you always got. Do something different" Go to your local or online Al-Anon for some support.
Kathleen M E A Lincoln pack a bag...walk out.
PLEASE don’t marry an alcoholic. My husband worked out of town most of the time. I was only with him for 3 or 4 days a month. When I married him he started working in town then I was with him more Bomb dropped I was living with an alcoholic. You will be treated bad, abused, lose your family. You will live in hell. My life is ruined. By the time I realized I couldn’t help him, I was depressed and couldn’t help myself because of my nerves. Someone told me he was an alcoholic I didn’t see it then. I am so miserable.
pretty close to living in Hell, oh AAA WAS A JOKE! EVERYTHING YOU SAID IS WHAT HAPPENS OH YA THEY GET OLDER IT WORSE BECAUSE THE USUAL INST WORKING AND YR RIGHT THEY BLAME YOU 34 YRS I LOVE HIM BUT IT GOING TO BE AFAR, I ASK GOD AND HE SAIDOUTWARDLY ENOUGH IS ENOUGH HE'S NOT WORTH IT!
These comments are so one-sided.
Hi Matthew, can you say more about that? I did say that although I refer to "he" I accept there are women who are also alcoholic, but as there are so many more more males, it's easier to simply say "He", but understanding it is about both men and women. I would be interested to hear more from you so that I can make some videos to rebalance. Thank you for commenting.
Grace Chatting No, I’m 38 and an alcoholic since 15. Life has always worked out well for me until the last couple years. I was just saying in the comment section that it makes it sound like all alcoholics are evil and deserving of death.
I was watching your video because I’ve been to a 75k rehab that didn’t help. Trying to educate myself.
Thanks Matthew. Sorry you have had these challenges in your life, and well done for having the tenacity to stick at resolving the issue. As you are finding, it's not easy. I don't believe alcoholics are evil and deserving of death, but I get it that people living with their behaviour come to feel that way about them. Thanks for raising it. I'll make that a bit clearer in future. Keep on keeping on Matthew, at least you are applying your brain to learning about the situation and I guess you will grow and develop as a result, perhaps subsequently contributing to the field of helping others and their family members navigate their way through this complex, painful and challenging situation. Best wishes.
the man "it's always worked out well for you" maybe that is the problem, you are not the only one who has to be around you
Thank You
These comments are so one-sided.
No with me, it is my girlfriend who is a alcoholic, i don't drink she is a nasty belligerent drunk with it as well.