I’m in a terrible relationship with an alcoholic. I love him but he’s a mess. I can’t save him and I’m just tired of the verbal abuse. He says he wants to be better but takes no steps to get sober. He was sober for 90 days and he was a lovely person. I am and was holding that space for the person underneath but he’s not there. I’m heartbroken but I know that I have to go. Thank you for this video. It is going to save me
Thank you for sharing what you are going through. I think the best thing would be for you to leave to protect yourself and your heart and if he comes around and gets sober for an extended period of time, then you can decide if you want to go back to being together again. May I ask suggest having a relationship with Jesus Christ for both of you. That has really helped my life! If it’s ok with you, I will be praying for you both to God in Jesus’s Holy Name, Amen! And I am sorry for the pain you are currently in. 🙏💖
I’m so sorry, currently living under the same situation am I’m just about ready to give up on this, it is a horrible, one of the worst diseases, I’ve cried so much I have no more tears left…
I have a 30 year marriage.. last 8 years , he hid his liquor bottle, many years. He pricks his bottle of crown up on his way home and drives home drunk! Walks in our house. Sits on his spot on couch and then…. He starts screaming so loud finally his throat will be hoarse the next day!! Then he started out mad hates the world and especially me! And I’m to blame for everything that’s wrong..I’m called a useless bi!ch or I’m a nasty C@nt… I hate that world and he knows it so he screams it over n over.. if I try to talk back to him he starts making baby crying noises wha wha wha!!! Real loud I mean so loud he can not go any louder..I say omg Jeff you sound like a 2 yr old, acting so immature! And I leave. I have left the home so many time oh and slept myyÿ car so many nights just to stay away from him or else he would follow me!he won’t stop yelling till I slam a door shut and lock it! 30 yr marriage i never imagined I’d have to get out on my own.. never imagined I’d have to start the divorce. We are broke financially so I dk where that is going to come from.. paying a lawyer🙄he’s took me off our banking acct 3 times.. yea he tries to control me with money or says my car is his bc loan was in his name.. Says he can take away my car… he best not even try that one!!)
An alcoholic won’t get help until he wants to get help. No amount of love will sober him up. I lived a living hell for almost 4 yrs with one to the point I didn’t know myself anymore. All the good qualities he had x 10 with a bow didn’t make up for the verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse. I will never forget being chased and pushed as I turned around to close the door & I started to cry in pain. His drunken response was “Oh my god you are crazy .”. That’s when I knew I was dealing with a monster yet it still took a couple years to break free of him. Trauma bond and declining mental health. Unless the alcoholic is your child or willing to get help. RUN!!!
My son of 34 yrs, is living in my house so I cannot run. Nor can I get him to stop regardless of the boundaries I have drawn. He has lived in rehab and of course, there are the promises. It's heart breaking, the verbal abuse over the past year and 1/2 that I let him come back has totally derailed my own life. I know I have to tell him to move, but I am afraid both of what will happen to him and of finally letting go--for fear of what would happen to him, or even, what he may do to me. Although he has never physically abused me. I know I have to get over this fear, I am praying many times a day for a miracle. Thank you for listening.
@@BunnyLang In my opinion, remove him from the house as soon as possible. Maybe being homeless is what will make him come to his senses. A very good YT channel for you to watch is PUT THE SHOVEL DOWN which has lots and lots of videos about the parent child relationship when the child is an addict. The channel is run by a lady who has been a rehab therapy counselor for years and years.
@@BunnyLang I was married to one. I read a book about alcoholism, myths and something It's not a moral or character flaw. It said some peoples livers lack the enzyme that properly digests alcohol Like a regular person will have a couple of drinks and then stop. Because they start to feel tipsy. But a person with that liver problem, will be able to keep drinking. They're the type who "hold their liquor well", or the ones who can "drink you under the table". The book said there were 4 stages of alcoholism and from reading it I believed my husband was already in the 4th stage. There is no 5th stage because death happens The success rate of progress like AA is dismally low. But cravings can be reduced with certain nutrition changes. I had to leave my marriage and the abuse got so much worse and I lost everything. I just wanted him to get help. I miss my children and my home. Now I'll probably die soon because I can't afford to live
I’m sorry to hear you suffered from abuse. I just broke up with my very abusive and dangerous alcoholic boyfriend. I hope he gets help finally but I can’t take anymore. I’m not going to give him anymore chances, I hope he’s better for the next person
ya u "helping" then is bs wont work they need to help them SELVES dont abuse someone and then fucking pitty your self i wish i could just leave my abusive drunk mother
Been married 22 years. My husband started drinking 4 years ago and the past two he has become Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. We have had 3 fights where it became physical with pushing and shoving. I’ve kicked him balls to stop him from driving. We’ve been together 26 years. He raised my daughter just like he did our son. I couldn’t had asked for a better man. He never raised his voice at me or the kids until he started drinking. He’s a mean drunk and only time he isn’t drunk is when he’s at work. I never dreamed I would be this woman.
I am so sorry for what is happening at your home. What a nightmare. You need to leave and go somewhere safe. He has to stop drinking and get help. I pray that he stops and the both of you can heal in God. I pray for your family in Jesus’s Holy Name. Just please leave safely before things get worse. He has to look at himself alone and you don’t want him to hurt you emotionally or physically any more!! Maybe you can reconcile if he gets sober. Prayers have really helped me in my life too!
@@JesusSaves77799 I forgot I made this post. Reading it, I forgot how bad thing had gotten. Thank you for prayers. Prayers are what has gotten my family through these hard times. My husband is sober now and working to stay that way. So keep us in your prayers. Thanks again.
@@keishasharp868 I'm so glad he got help and I hope it continues. Divorce is no fun I learned there is most likely a personality disorder underneath my husband's addiction. The worst physical abuse he's done to me while sober
@@chadteresakurtz6105 Get out you only have one precious life, live in a box if you have to friends, family, ask for help there is lots out there, but don't live this life its a slow trudge to the grave.
I broke up with my alcoholic gf for the second time a month ago. I’m deeply in love with her and always will be, but I can’t get the woman I love back because of her alcoholism and the behaviors that come with it. I’m 6 years sober myself and know what alcoholism is and that you can’t get or keep someone else sober. It hurts so bad when you watch them choose alcohol over you. There are moments when I get the woman I love, but it’s very fleeting and not sustainable while she’s in active addiction. Very, very painful when you love someone and have to let them go.
My ex girlfriend as of yesterday is a drunk as well. She drinks at least one bottle of day of champagne, atleast 7 bottles per week. She is also diagnosed bipolar, which doesnt help. She drinks all day from 9am-11pm while she works as a court reporter working from home. She Has told me some horrific things recently, has lied to me, and refuses to communicate minimally. She was previously married before and basically left her kids and ex husband to move in with a pSycho for 8 months. This was long before i met her, but alcohol drove her to lose her entire life! Shes 35 barely making 60k a year. Why? she chose alcohol all those years.... She has horrific time management, and doesnt care to let people down. I have never been so lonely while dating someone. i gave her the benefit of the doubt, but man this is way too much. She is going to die:(
@@MidwestBoxin I relate, as my ex also has BPD. The alcoholism is just a part of her mental illness. I’m honestly scared for her if she quit drinking bc she has no other coping mechanism for her pain. It’s sad, but we have our own lives to live and enjoy.
Honestly the best move you can make is to get out. I've been there and my last partner put me through hell and the situation was changing me as a person. Great if they do what they need to do to and get the help they need to recover, but alcoholics are virtually unable to respect boundaries and although support groups can offer some relief while you're there, they can't change what you have to go home to. You are not failing them by removing yourself from the situation. You have to consider your own safety. You cannot change them and don't fall for false promises from them that they give because they want to keep you there. Alcoholics will use the people closest to them as lifelines, which is unhealthy and will drain you. It sounds harsh but for your own good, your best option is to be morally supportive from afar, if you chose to to remain in contact. They may get better or they may not, but you should never feel guilty about doing whatever you have to do to live your best life, and hopefully doing so might inspire them.
Saying this as someone who wouldn't fully commit to recovery until nearly everyone left me, leave. For your sake and his. I'll also add that I've not seen a single person stay sober/clean while maintaining a romantic relationship from the days when they were drinking/using. If they aren't going to find the reason to do it for themselves, they aren't going to do it.
Thanks for your wise words rich. I feel with this video because I live with an abusive alcoholic parent (who has drank a litre bottle of vodka everyday) who refuses to change. I recently got let go from my job, 100% vegan company which I loved and since then have been getting more “stabs” at being vegan, Verbally Abused for losing my job, for choosing not to eat “cheap meat” just total belittling. Sought out counselling and rehousing then COVID. Happened, been trapped since then. I get things are hard but nobody should have to go through this.
I agree Joseph, nobody should have to go through what you are going through, I feel for you! I hope you can get some income, and get your own place asap. Check your local municipal govt for assistance, often there are programs for temp housing if you are in an abusive situation. Please seek assistance from your local agencies. Stay Strong! BIG HUG
I am so sorry for what you have been going through. I think it’s awesome that you are a vegan. That is so healthy to be eating so many plant-based things and very kind to animals too. Your dad is taking his own anger about himself onto you and it’s really unkind. The things he is saying to you someone probably said to him, and he is just verbalizing the harsh things he feels about himself to you. Just please stay safe in the meantime. Can you stay with a good friend or another family for a month or so until you can save up enough money for rent somewhere? There are lots of places hiring now!! If it’s ok, I will be praying to God for you and your family in Jesus’s Holy Name! Stay safe and keep strong!!!! 💪🙏💖
I gave up booze last month after a particularly horrible hangover. I drank a whole bottle of tequila on an empty stomach and I rarely get nausea after drinking but I couldn't keep water down all day. I felt like I was dying. It became clear to me that my weekend solo binge drinking was not headed in a better direction and I had nothing left to get out of it. I'm about six weeks in and feeling great. I know some in recovery preach total abstinence but medical marijuana has been such a nice and mentally / physically healthy alternative when I want to relax and unwind. Waking up without a hangover is so refreshing after years of dealing with hangovers.
Wishing you the best! I am sure there will be tough times and times of relapse ... as with every addiction... but I feel like you are ready for reflection when it is getting real bad! These moments may seem unbearable but they don’t last!
Good for you! That’s really great! And I have to say that I disagree with one of the commenters below. I don’t think anyone is bound to relapse and I think that’s a discouraging thing to say! It sounds to me like you have decided to not drink again, and that a great thing! If I may say a prayer for you God bless you and all of the viewers on here in Jesus’s Holy Name, Amen!! 🙏
It’s not medical. It’s just another substance that is stopping emotional development. It’s also addictive because it stimulates your senses and a dependency on this stimulation, for coping, comes quickly. Sober up and face truth and authenticity.
It’s important to understand that while not in recovery he doesn’t have the capability to change on his own, so ultimatums are pointless. Good advice to focus on yourself and set boundaries.
My husband of 6 yrs is getting worse. His drinking is affecting me to the point where I’m detaching from him. He verbally abused me when he gets drunk! Today is Mother’s Day, this week is my birthday and next weekend is our 6th Anniversary. I told him to not bother to get me anything!! I’m getting so I don’t love him anymore…He’s like a Jekyl & Hyde!
I had to leave after almost three years of lying, verbal abuse, hiding bottles, calling police, destroying my possessions, etc etc. You just simply have to remove yourself and put yourself first.
I live with an alcoholic boyfriend for almost 2 years and my relationship went from heaven to hell. 😢 He is an amazing and loving person sober. But as soon as his friends come around with beer, He looses himself. His father was also an alcoholic and he witnesses his dad beat his mom until she couldn't take it no more and left him. He says he doesn't want to be like his father and i been trying so hard to help him. He has accomplished so much with me. Yesterday he finally got his drivers license and today his friends took him drinking to celebrate, he hasn't come back. I called him and he drunk driving with them. It hurts so much seeing him falling apart. And also he has mentally and physically abused me when under the influence. Im seriously considering leaving him but can't due to financial situation 😢.
Thank you for recommending Al Anon. The person can only help themselves and the alcoholic needs to be responsible for their own change. As you said, they are valuable and deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.
Is there an Al Anon that isn’t full of the Christian bullshit? It makes it physically painful to go. I’m also gay and so talking about my female partner there draws a lot of attention after the meeting that makes it even more painful.
As a former opiate addict I can tell you that until someone is forced to change they won't. Often times their partner leaving is what jolts them back to reality.
I watch this video when I think I am spiraling that I left my ex with a drinking problem. Emotional abuse turned becoming violent, threatening and destroying things. I love the part where he talks about hitting rock bottom to get sober. I think him losing me and his job was that rock bottom (or second rock bottom) that put him on the right path.
Sorry to hear... Me too. And it wasn't just one generation. My grandfather was an alcoholic and was abusing my grandmother. Then my father started hardcore drinking and mother joined him at some point to ease the pain. I was a kid and had to deal with their alcoholism, survive it. I did, but not without consequences...
Thank you thank you.. The comment that physical abuse does not have to go in stages, but can manifest on a dime is what clinched my decision to understand that what I have been doing by distancing myself and my loved ones from my abusive alcoholic love is exactly what I need to do. I can have sympathy all day long, and mental and emotional strength to handle the verbal abuse and the devolving behavior, but putting myself in front of a situation that can turn violent suddenly would be the worst thing I could do, not only for myself but for my children. Thank you for this comment, it really puts to bed the question about what I can do for the abusive alcoholic. His survival is now in his hands, and in God's hands.
Leave !! An alcoholic always puts his addiction/his poison of choice first. An addict will "eat up" your life. Take care of yourself and, when there are kids involved, take care of them !!
My brother is 38 years old and still lives at home with our mother. Sadly our dad died recently, and my brother’s behaviour has continued. He’s an alcoholic but he always had pre-existing anger issues. His verbal abuse towards our mother is awful- his anger terrifies us. But my mother has to deal with the drink. She doesn’t want to kick him out because she’s worried he’ll be homeless (he’s been suicidal all night the past). There are no boundaries while he’s still living at home. He’s rejected the idea of AA/rehab/therapy.
I like the part where he said, you can only control your own behavior in your own responses and you can’t control them. Other than that everything just sounded really not helpful to say the least. He says set boundaries tell them you’ll leave if they do it again and when they do it again, it’s up to you decide if you want to leave or not so you’re like it’s a false boundary Not real not helpful. If they’re intoxicated they don’t care it’ll make you feel worse for even thinking that you could set a boundary.
Run. Find a community, find a church family. My ex drank from college to retirement. He prided himself on self control but he did best controlling others. His brain got mushy and he got angry because he got fat. His decisions started to frighten me. I basically wasted my whole life. Run
I live with a lady who is also a drinker, I have known her for 20 years as a friend and I rent a room from her ,I care about her but she drinks everyday and she is 60 now,I think I'm going to move out,can't handle no more drama,she's fighting with her family and me all the time and she doesn't want to change!!!!
Maybe my story helps someone. If you’re going trough it - you know how terrible it is. Thing that I did that made me feel better is ending a relationship while he was sober and leaving him. Speaking honestly and sincerely about everything, telling him I will be around If he needs me, like to get him to know he is not alone but I definitely ended a relationship. I even told him - by staying with you I am not doing you a favor. This is better for both of us. I feel lighter, like a huge rock fell of my back the same moment I did it. So - you are strong enough to make a boundary, just think about the way that can be humanic but still put yourself at the first place because Otherwise you will lose your mind and you will not be helpful to him or anyone and specially you will not be happy and good to yourself. GOOD LUCK, U R NOT ALONE ❤
My wife is a violent alcoholic and idk what to do at this point. I’ve tried getting her a therapist, I’ve tried talking to her, I’ve tried everything. She denies even needing help. Idk what else to do.
i live with a chronic alcoholic who drinks a combination of potent red wine and beer every day, 1 bottle of red wine and a few beers turn him into a vicious cruel loud-foul mouthed bully who curses everyone in sight, i bare the worst of his mental and emotional hurtful abuse to make matters worse he's on very heavy medication to control his paranoid schizophrenia and has to have a needle up his bum every month he's also on loads of diabetic medications to control his type2 diabetes, how can he drink so much booze every single day without his diabetes being affected? i have never in my life known someone who can get so evil and so nasty while on the booze, i wish i could find some support
It’s easy to say protect yourself. Hotel rooms are expensive. And so is leaving a house when you have no family to stay with. Can’t just move out like it’s nothing.
It is horrible and upsetting that we can’t do anything. I do believe I am buying him time bcus of my positive influence. It’s hard to feel love for someone and at the same time create some distance so it doesn’t consume you. It’s very difficult to do both. What if you know leaving will increase their chance of dying?
My alcoholic son does not live with me but does this exact thing. By TEXT mostly , I connect weekly so he knows I’m here and not alone. He always wants money . Now he’s blocked me and his autistic partner calls for help at 2 am. What do I do ???
I was that man some time ago, leave people. GTFO now! Let them hit rock bottom and clean themselves up. They made that bed now having to sleep in it. It's better than a permanent dirt nap. God bless and much healing to all whom have been abused, neglected, taken for granted in the process. I hope I have been forgiven, if not it's okay because I was an absolute monstrous lunatic with blood lust.
Wow! I wanted to cry with emotions from my experiences but I didn't because I have come along way from my alcoholic abusive narsistic father and a husband that abused me and in a drunken stupper beat the crap out of me. I got out with the help of turning point. But was homeless for 6 weeks and he stalked and terrorized me and my two children for a year and a half. While going through the courts. He had a gun and threatened me with that all the time. He always carried it and would often show it to me from a distance even with a PPO. This was going on when OJ murdered and I told the prosecuter I was going to end up like her if you don't do something! He finally got aressted and I got an annulment. My father never got better and the relastionships I were in never did either. I can't change what I went through, I wish I had the info and the help, and social media back then but I didn't. You both gave such great word of wisdom. You need to put yourself first and get the help you need. Get out and then work on building yourself back up. We stay because we feel we are not enough. Get your enoughness and live the rest of your life healthier and happier and safer. I'm in a program called I Am Enough by Marisa Peer! Fantastic program and speeds things up. Thanks you guys!! This was an important topic! Much love 💘 I started a youtube channel over two weeks ago and this has inspired another video that I didn't think I was ready to share, but I beleive it's necessary and timely. 🙏💙
My mum went to the hospital 2 times, ahe acted like she was mental, and still didn't stop drinking. She is very verbally abusive. I tried contacting a psychiatric hospital but they want things that I can't make her do them.
my girlfriend friend is an alcoholic. verbally abusive and have been attacked a couple of times. we have been staying at my parents the last few day while i prepare for a spine op, nut her still has downed bottles of gin and had a outburst in front of my parents
Just going to vent here: My sister attempted suicide last Thursday. She has relapsed on her drinking and she is very mean when she drinks. I don’t really know what to do. If she has no desire to be sober, what can I do? I can’t afford to pay her rent. I can’t afford to move her out to my state. And even if I did, she’s so mean when she drinks. She bit our mom. Like, wtf? What can I do? I just don’t know.
That's me. i lost all my friends. I lost my phone, keys, purse and money and completely lost it. I hurt my friends badly verbally abusing them and the entire time I been around them they never stole, or done anybody wrong. i tried to apologize but they had it. Now I'm paying the price.
Oh geesh. Yah so easy to say. Boundaries. WHEN ? When they are drunk and angry. I knwo the answer. "so leave". Pretty much the answer every time. Hardest thing every in life. It gets worse if not help. PERIOD. HOld the space but that space will shrink. Then you will not have that even moment of clarity anymore.
Yup exactly. There wasn’t any space left for me anymore. I finally had enough and reported him for drunk driving last week.. he doesn’t want to listen to me so let the courts tell him.
It's my mother who lives alone. went to visit, got verbally abused. 10 mins later got text asking me to come back. I said no. I will go tmrw, if she is sober. I won't turn my back, I can't.
It's all manipulation and gaslighting to allow them to continue doing what they love so much to do which is feel the effects of alcohol. It's definitely not a disease but a physiological reaction to repeated ingestion of an addictive substance. It could certainly be considered a mental disorder that most likely leads to physical addiction that will result in potentially dangerous withdrawal after body has rearranged itself at the cellular level to accommodate the foreign substance it is continually bombarded with more effeciently.
Hi My husband is alcoholic I have a 4 year old kid I have tried everything to make him sober. But his words and actions doesn't match.he says he will quit alcohol but in evening he is back to alcohol. Now i have separate from him he says he will die without me and our kid. What should I do? I don't want him to die but i know he will not change his habit. And i know he can't live without our kid What should l do
You can’t do anything. He can do something: quit drinking. If he is choosing alcohol over you and his child then he has already made a choice for both of you. He will die without his kid but he won’t stop drinking to repair the relationship that gives him access to his kid? How does that make sense? If a friend was in your position what would you advise her? Hugs. I hope you stay strong. None of this is your fault.
what if its the same situation but with a female and nothing at all is changed. i know some one who doesn't feel safe. Any action taken is futile because its very easy for a female say she is abused. Is there a safe way to leave without being pu in further danger?
my gf gwt verbaly abusive, shames my body, shames me sexually, bite me, hit me, accuse me, forget specific events that happened, one moment hitting me one moment asking to kiss me and s*x, blames me for not getting hard, more abuse and shaming after this, i dont know how to satisfy her and shit like that, been called gay, retarted, bite marks, flesh remover from cheek when i defend myself verbally she attacks me for arguing with her and then she says its justified, its the worst i broke up with her today told her either alcohol or me, she said she rather be with real men who knows how to party and in her same boat and its my problem if i cant handle her drinking cause everyone rlse did, just crazy
My girl is like this and I can’t help her I tried for five years we have kids and she want stop she calls me every thing in the book that’s negative I’m tired and I really want to help her but it seem like I can’t and I’m tired 😓 what do I do
We are who we are and the sooner u accept that the quicker u will move on u can stay with a horrible person from the age of 16 till ya 80 that person will never change cos tryna change a horrible person into some1 nice is like trying to get a nice person to be horrible I am nice and I've done bad things but deep down I am nice and evil ppl can do nice things but that person will never change..iff a person wakes up and now these done some bad for him to hit the bottle againnn is him not wanting to change end of.everything is an addiction ive been through drinks drugs gambling I've be at them all and it took a while and its cos i didnt wanna stop them ..theee is no such thing as cant when it comes to addiction ppl say theres no such thong as cant..corse there is h cant fly to the moon u cant jump 500ft into the air but everytime u use u do have that vhoice just like everytime u cross the road u have a choice have u ever heard of some1 saying well i am doing bad things i am walking into traffick and getting run over and then u say well why..and rhey say well i just cant say no...mits pethetic we have a choice i did everytime .stopping and starting stuf is just part of the addiction a person will stop when they se when there in a bad place but only them will se no1 can se for them .and thet addiction will never go
I drink one premix bourbon same one most of my life I’m 47 and when I buy a bottle and mix it myself I turn into a real asshole recently my partner started punching me in the face and I ended up head butting her, omg what have I done now I fucked up i was arrested and sentenced to 9 months imprisonment. I can’t believe it got to this point i love my kids and my partner so much I can’t believe I’ve put them through this I’m so angry and disappointed at myself and now how to see if i can mend the love for my family back together. I’m giving up 100% and at the moment she said she’s done, I don’t blame her but i need to fix myself and hope i can get help and be with my family again. They are my whole heart normally i would never have done this but mixing spirits out of a bottle sends me over the top I don’t know why its different to the premix cans that never make me like this. CJ
I know a lot of people won’t agree with me, but as a Christian, I feel like the idea of alcoholism or substance abuse being a disease is isn’t as productive as the transformative aspect that Christianity has provided wherein you identify yourself as a New being in Christ. One thing I noticed is that the disease model of addiction and substance abuse tends to make the person identify with the disease and not that they can overcome the disease. it’s something like even if I’ve been sober for 20 years, I’m still an addict. And it kind of takes the personal accountability out of the situation. Where is the Christian model says I’m a sinner I’ve made choices that allow me to be this way and it’s my responsibility to make different choices and be empowered by my new spiritual identity to live as a different person through my daily actions.
Agree about the identifying w/ the disease part. You're on to something, bc I've noticed my brother will justify his drinking w/ the fact that he is an alcoholic/addict, so that makes it okay in his mind to continue to drink. It's always his go-to stance. It's one thing if the person is really trying and they slip every now and then, but he has never in his life made any effort to quit on his own.
What about an alcoholic who has not been drinking for 40 years and is STILL abusive? Insulate myself? Alanon. Absolutely no. I have been to meetings and hear horror stories. How is that helpful?
My husband doesn't remember (or at least claims not to) any of his drunk tirades, including one where I had to lock myself in the bathroom because I was having a miscarriage and trying to escape his alcohol-fueled abuse. Despite the medical emergency I was experiencing, it was more important for him to yell nonsense and obscenities at me through the door while I simultaneously was miscarrying and in excruciating physical and emotional pain.
It's episode 537 on every podcast platform. If you are referring to my podcast app, we discontinued and decommissioned that ages ago. Link to the episode on Yt and my site is in the description. Or go here: www.richroll.com/podcast/roll-on-537/
when shes sober shes very sweet, everything is great even sex, when she start drinking its never one glass and shit start to happen i cant even stop her when i notice shes getting drunk she gets in ny face and act ruse
protect emotionally? Yah leaving is very emotional. Protect that. This advice does not work. AT ALL. Do you leave somone after 30 yrs when it just started a year ago? Give up? I can tell they have not been through it. How do you stop the shaking and anxiety from seeing it daily. Love to know real answers. Take care of yourself. How when everything is needed to have a family function if half the person is missing.
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I’m in a terrible relationship with an alcoholic. I love him but he’s a mess. I can’t save him and I’m just tired of the verbal abuse. He says he wants to be better but takes no steps to get sober. He was sober for 90 days and he was a lovely person. I am and was holding that space for the person underneath but he’s not there. I’m heartbroken but I know that I have to go. Thank you for this video. It is going to save me
I hope you are doing better now and have found the strength to get yourself out of that situation for yourself. My heart goes out to you
Thank you for sharing what you are going through. I think the best thing would be for you to leave to protect yourself and your heart and if he comes around and gets sober for an extended period of time, then you can decide if you want to go back to being together again. May I ask suggest having a relationship with Jesus Christ for both of you. That has really helped my life! If it’s ok with you, I will be praying for you both to God in Jesus’s Holy Name, Amen! And I am sorry for the pain you are currently in. 🙏💖
I’m so sorry, currently living under the same situation am I’m just about ready to give up on this, it is a horrible, one of the worst diseases, I’ve cried so much I have no more tears left…
I have a 30 year marriage.. last 8 years , he hid his liquor bottle, many years. He pricks his bottle of crown up on his way home and drives home drunk! Walks in our house. Sits on his spot on couch and then…. He starts screaming so loud finally his throat will be hoarse the next day!! Then he started out mad hates the world and especially me! And I’m to blame for everything that’s wrong..I’m called a useless bi!ch or I’m a nasty C@nt… I hate that world and he knows it so he screams it over n over.. if I try to talk back to him he starts making baby crying noises wha wha wha!!! Real loud I mean so loud he can not go any louder..I say omg Jeff you sound like a 2 yr old, acting so immature! And I leave. I have left the home so many time oh and slept myyÿ car so many nights just to stay away from him or else he would follow me!he won’t stop yelling till I slam a door shut and lock it! 30 yr marriage i never imagined I’d have to get out on my own.. never imagined I’d have to start the divorce. We are broke financially so I dk where that is going to come from.. paying a lawyer🙄he’s took me off our banking acct 3 times.. yea he tries to control me with money or says my car is his bc loan was in his name.. Says he can take away my car… he best not even try that one!!)
Sarah can you give us a good update please? Bc I’m in a mess now too!
An alcoholic won’t get help until he wants to get help. No amount of love will sober him up. I lived a living hell for almost 4 yrs with one to the point I didn’t know myself anymore. All the good qualities he had x 10 with a bow didn’t make up for the verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse. I will never forget being chased and pushed as I turned around to close the door & I started to cry in pain. His drunken response was “Oh my god you are crazy .”. That’s when I knew I was dealing with a monster yet it still took a couple years to break free of him. Trauma bond and declining mental health. Unless the alcoholic is your child or willing to get help. RUN!!!
I am crying reading your story, it sounds just like I’m going through, I am terribly sorry you too have experienced this 😭😭😭😭😭
My son of 34 yrs, is living in my house so I cannot run. Nor can I get him to stop regardless of the boundaries I have drawn. He has lived in rehab and of course, there are the promises. It's heart breaking, the verbal abuse over the past year and 1/2 that I let him come back has totally derailed my own life. I know I have to tell him to move, but I am afraid both of what will happen to him and of finally letting go--for fear of what would happen to him, or even, what he may do to me. Although he has never physically abused me. I know I have to get over this fear, I am praying many times a day for a miracle. Thank you for listening.
@@BunnyLang In my opinion, remove him from the house as soon as possible. Maybe being homeless is what will make him come to his senses.
A very good YT channel for you to watch is PUT THE SHOVEL DOWN which has lots and lots of videos about the parent child relationship when the child is an addict.
The channel is run by a lady who has been a rehab therapy counselor for years and years.
@@BunnyLang I was married to one. I read a book about alcoholism, myths and something
It's not a moral or character flaw. It said some peoples livers lack the enzyme that properly digests alcohol
Like a regular person will have a couple of drinks and then stop. Because they start to feel tipsy. But a person with that liver problem, will be able to keep drinking. They're the type who "hold their liquor well", or the ones who can "drink you under the table".
The book said there were 4 stages of alcoholism and from reading it I believed my husband was already in the 4th stage. There is no 5th stage because death happens
The success rate of progress like AA is dismally low. But cravings can be reduced with certain nutrition changes.
I had to leave my marriage and the abuse got so much worse and I lost everything. I just wanted him to get help. I miss my children and my home. Now I'll probably die soon because I can't afford to live
I’m sorry to hear you suffered from abuse. I just broke up with my very abusive and dangerous alcoholic boyfriend. I hope he gets help finally but I can’t take anymore. I’m not going to give him anymore chances, I hope he’s better for the next person
I helped a thankless alcoholic for 5 years.......and then left. Best decision I ever made.
I'm with you.
ya u "helping" then is bs wont work they need to help them SELVES dont abuse someone and then fucking pitty your self i wish i could just leave my abusive drunk mother
I lived with one for 12 years and still carry the scars.
I too, helped a thankless alcoholic. Thank you for opening up about it
10 yrs with an alcoholic... wont leave... he is wasting away right in front of me.
Been married 22 years. My husband started drinking 4 years ago and the past two he has become Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. We have had 3 fights where it became physical with pushing and shoving. I’ve kicked him balls to stop him from driving. We’ve been together 26 years. He raised my daughter just like he did our son. I couldn’t had asked for a better man. He never raised his voice at me or the kids until he started drinking. He’s a mean drunk and only time he isn’t drunk is when he’s at work. I never dreamed I would be this woman.
I am so sorry for what is happening at your home. What a nightmare. You need to leave and go somewhere safe. He has to stop drinking and get help. I pray that he stops and the both of you can heal in God. I pray for your family in Jesus’s Holy Name. Just please leave safely before things get worse. He has to look at himself alone and you don’t want him to hurt you emotionally or physically any more!! Maybe you can reconcile if he gets sober. Prayers have really helped me in my life too!
@@JesusSaves77799 I forgot I made this post. Reading it, I forgot how bad thing had gotten. Thank you for prayers. Prayers are what has gotten my family through these hard times. My husband is sober now and working to stay that way. So keep us in your prayers. Thanks again.
My husband is the same like a Jekyl when he’s drunk! Mean & nasty!
@@keishasharp868 I'm so glad he got help and I hope it continues. Divorce is no fun
I learned there is most likely a personality disorder underneath my husband's addiction. The worst physical abuse he's done to me while sober
@@chadteresakurtz6105 Get out you only have one precious life, live in a box if you have to friends, family, ask for help there is lots out there, but don't live this life its a slow trudge to the grave.
I broke up with my alcoholic gf for the second time a month ago. I’m deeply in love with her and always will be, but I can’t get the woman I love back because of her alcoholism and the behaviors that come with it. I’m 6 years sober myself and know what alcoholism is and that you can’t get or keep someone else sober. It hurts so bad when you watch them choose alcohol over you. There are moments when I get the woman I love, but it’s very fleeting and not sustainable while she’s in active addiction. Very, very painful when you love someone and have to let them go.
My ex girlfriend as of yesterday is a drunk as well. She drinks at least one bottle of day of champagne, atleast 7 bottles per week. She is also diagnosed bipolar, which doesnt help. She drinks all day from 9am-11pm while she works as a court reporter working from home. She Has told me some horrific things recently, has lied to me, and refuses to communicate minimally. She was previously married before and basically left her kids and ex husband to move in with a pSycho for 8 months. This was long before i met her, but alcohol drove her to lose her entire life! Shes 35 barely making 60k a year. Why? she chose alcohol all those years.... She has horrific time management, and doesnt care to let people down. I have never been so lonely while dating someone. i gave her the benefit of the doubt, but man this is way too much. She is going to die:(
@@MidwestBoxin I relate, as my ex also has BPD. The alcoholism is just a part of her mental illness. I’m honestly scared for her if she quit drinking bc she has no other coping mechanism for her pain. It’s sad, but we have our own lives to live and enjoy.
I am going through this now. Finally ended it for good with my alcoholic boyfriend who has relapsed 5 times in 14 months.
“How to help an alcoholic”.
You don’t. You help yourself, whatever that looks like.
It's all we can do .
Speak for yourself 🤓 🖕
Honestly the best move you can make is to get out. I've been there and my last partner put me through hell and the situation was changing me as a person. Great if they do what they need to do to and get the help they need to recover, but alcoholics are virtually unable to respect boundaries and although support groups can offer some relief while you're there, they can't change what you have to go home to. You are not failing them by removing yourself from the situation. You have to consider your own safety. You cannot change them and don't fall for false promises from them that they give because they want to keep you there. Alcoholics will use the people closest to them as lifelines, which is unhealthy and will drain you. It sounds harsh but for your own good, your best option is to be morally supportive from afar, if you chose to to remain in contact. They may get better or they may not, but you should never feel guilty about doing whatever you have to do to live your best life, and hopefully doing so might inspire them.
Hardest thing I've ever done...including getting clean after my own 13 year addiction. Leave.
You will be destroyed waiting. Leave.
Yup that’s where I’m at. I finally got clean and sober he refuses. And it’s jeopardizing my own sobriety
Saying this as someone who wouldn't fully commit to recovery until nearly everyone left me, leave. For your sake and his.
I'll also add that I've not seen a single person stay sober/clean while maintaining a romantic relationship from the days when they were drinking/using.
If they aren't going to find the reason to do it for themselves, they aren't going to do it.
Hope you're doing well now.
Thanks for your wise words rich. I feel with this video because I live with an abusive alcoholic parent (who has drank a litre bottle of vodka everyday) who refuses to change. I recently got let go from my job, 100% vegan company which I loved and since then have been getting more “stabs” at being vegan, Verbally Abused for losing my job, for choosing not to eat “cheap meat” just total belittling. Sought out counselling and rehousing then COVID. Happened, been trapped since then. I get things are hard but nobody should have to go through this.
Have you heard of Adult Children of Alcoholics? They have meetings and a 12 step programme if you want to do it. 😊
I agree Joseph, nobody should have to go through what you are going through, I feel for you! I hope you can get some income, and get your own place asap. Check your local municipal govt for assistance, often there are programs for temp housing if you are in an abusive situation. Please seek assistance from your local agencies. Stay Strong! BIG HUG
"Let go or be dragged" is a quote I read once about staying with an active alcoholic or addict. Sadly , it's a true visual.💔
I am so sorry for what you have been going through. I think it’s awesome that you are a vegan. That is so healthy to be eating so many plant-based things and very kind to animals too.
Your dad is taking his own anger about himself onto you and it’s really unkind. The things he is saying to you someone probably said to him, and he is just verbalizing the harsh things he feels about himself to you.
Just please stay safe in the meantime. Can you stay with a good friend or another family for a month or so until you can save up enough money for rent somewhere? There are lots of places hiring now!! If it’s ok, I will be praying to God for you and your family in Jesus’s Holy Name! Stay safe and keep strong!!!! 💪🙏💖
I gave up booze last month after a particularly horrible hangover. I drank a whole bottle of tequila on an empty stomach and I rarely get nausea after drinking but I couldn't keep water down all day. I felt like I was dying. It became clear to me that my weekend solo binge drinking was not headed in a better direction and I had nothing left to get out of it.
I'm about six weeks in and feeling great. I know some in recovery preach total abstinence but medical marijuana has been such a nice and mentally / physically healthy alternative when I want to relax and unwind. Waking up without a hangover is so refreshing after years of dealing with hangovers.
Wishing you the best! I am sure there will be tough times and times of relapse ... as with every addiction... but I feel like you are ready for reflection when it is getting real bad! These moments may seem unbearable but they don’t last!
Good for you! Now to do the hard work of looking inward and healing to move forward freely. Best to you!
Good for you! That’s really great! And I have to say that I disagree with one of the commenters below. I don’t think anyone is bound to relapse and I think that’s a discouraging thing to say! It sounds to me like you have decided to not drink again, and that a great thing! If I may say a prayer for you God bless you and all of the viewers on here in Jesus’s Holy Name, Amen!! 🙏
Keep going ❤
It’s not medical. It’s just another substance that is stopping emotional development. It’s also addictive because it stimulates your senses and a dependency on this stimulation, for coping, comes quickly.
Sober up and face truth and authenticity.
I am in this position, so my heart pains for you! ❤ sending you & all the spouses/partners out there dealing with an alcoholic
It’s important to understand that while not in recovery he doesn’t have the capability to change on his own, so ultimatums are pointless. Good advice to focus on yourself and set boundaries.
My husband of 6 yrs is getting worse. His drinking is affecting me to the point where I’m detaching from him. He verbally abused me when he gets drunk! Today is Mother’s Day, this week is my birthday and next weekend is our 6th Anniversary. I told him to not bother to get me anything!! I’m getting so I don’t love him anymore…He’s like a Jekyl & Hyde!
How are you doing? Your husband and relationship sound very similar to mine.
I had to leave after almost three years of lying, verbal abuse, hiding bottles, calling police, destroying my possessions, etc etc. You just simply have to remove yourself and put yourself first.
Yes. That is life of an Empath. I feel you. Had the same.
Speak for yourself
@@firstlast8258 I did.
I live with an alcoholic boyfriend for almost 2 years and my relationship went from heaven to hell. 😢 He is an amazing and loving person sober. But as soon as his friends come around with beer, He looses himself. His father was also an alcoholic and he witnesses his dad beat his mom until she couldn't take it no more and left him.
He says he doesn't want to be like his father and i been trying so hard to help him. He has accomplished so much with me. Yesterday he finally got his drivers license and today his friends took him drinking to celebrate, he hasn't come back. I called him and he drunk driving with them. It hurts so much seeing him falling apart. And also he has mentally and physically abused me when under the influence. Im seriously considering leaving him but can't due to financial situation 😢.
Thank you for recommending Al Anon. The person can only help themselves and the alcoholic needs to be responsible for their own change. As you said, they are valuable and deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.
Is there an Al Anon that isn’t full of the Christian bullshit? It makes it physically painful to go. I’m also gay and so talking about my female partner there draws a lot of attention after the meeting that makes it even more painful.
As a former opiate addict I can tell you that until someone is forced to change they won't. Often times their partner leaving is what jolts them back to reality.
@@claymac7895 change is the only constant
I watch this video when I think I am spiraling that I left my ex with a drinking problem. Emotional abuse turned becoming violent, threatening and destroying things. I love the part where he talks about hitting rock bottom to get sober. I think him losing me and his job was that rock bottom (or second rock bottom) that put him on the right path.
Grew up in an alcoholic family. So hard.
Sorry to hear... Me too. And it wasn't just one generation. My grandfather was an alcoholic and was abusing my grandmother. Then my father started hardcore drinking and mother joined him at some point to ease the pain. I was a kid and had to deal with their alcoholism, survive it. I did, but not without consequences...
Don’t walk away. Run. They don’t change
Change is the only constant
Some do change
Thank you thank you.. The comment that physical abuse does not have to go in stages, but can manifest on a dime is what clinched my decision to understand that what I have been doing by distancing myself and my loved ones from my abusive alcoholic love is exactly what I need to do. I can have sympathy all day long, and mental and emotional strength to handle the verbal abuse and the devolving behavior, but putting myself in front of a situation that can turn violent suddenly would be the worst thing I could do, not only for myself but for my children. Thank you for this comment, it really puts to bed the question about what I can do for the abusive alcoholic. His survival is now in his hands, and in God's hands.
Leave !! An alcoholic always puts his addiction/his poison of choice first. An addict will "eat up" your life. Take care of yourself and, when there are kids involved, take care of them !!
there is something very valuable to be gained from the knowledge of somebody who has been there.
Manythanks
My brother is 38 years old and still lives at home with our mother. Sadly our dad died recently, and my brother’s behaviour has continued. He’s an alcoholic but he always had pre-existing anger issues. His verbal abuse towards our mother is awful- his anger terrifies us. But my mother has to deal with the drink. She doesn’t want to kick him out because she’s worried he’ll be homeless (he’s been suicidal all night the past). There are no boundaries while he’s still living at home. He’s rejected the idea of AA/rehab/therapy.
You can’t help. They have to do it. Take care of yourself first. I tried to help too and it made things worse for me and now he’s dead.
I'm so sorry to hear that :( How are you doing?
@@raquelgarcia4869 I'm putting my life back together..its not easy
He is dead of alcohol?
@@mirelam2692 that was just one of his ailments..but the drinking made it worse..
I like the part where he said, you can only control your own behavior in your own responses and you can’t control them. Other than that everything just sounded really not helpful to say the least. He says set boundaries tell them you’ll leave if they do it again and when they do it again, it’s up to you decide if you want to leave or not so you’re like it’s a false boundary Not real not helpful. If they’re intoxicated they don’t care it’ll make you feel worse for even thinking that you could set a boundary.
Run. Find a community, find a church family. My ex drank from college to retirement. He prided himself on self control but he did best controlling others. His brain got mushy and he got angry because he got fat. His decisions started to frighten me. I basically wasted my whole life. Run
I live with a lady who is also a drinker, I have known her for 20 years as a friend and I rent a room from her ,I care about her but she drinks everyday and she is 60 now,I think I'm going to move out,can't handle no more drama,she's fighting with her family and me all the time and she doesn't want to change!!!!
Maybe my story helps someone.
If you’re going trough it - you know how terrible it is.
Thing that I did that made me feel better is ending a relationship while he was sober and leaving him.
Speaking honestly and sincerely about everything, telling him I will be around If he needs me, like to get him to know he is not alone but I definitely ended a relationship. I even told him - by staying with you I am not doing you a favor. This is better for both of us.
I feel lighter, like a huge rock fell of my back the same moment I did it.
So - you are strong enough to make a boundary, just think about the way that can be humanic but still put yourself at the first place because Otherwise you will lose your mind and you will not be helpful to him or anyone and specially you will not be happy and good to yourself.
GOOD LUCK, U R NOT ALONE ❤
I’ve been to only one meeting at Al Anon and it’s already made a difference. Wish I could go more than once a week though.
My wife is a violent alcoholic and idk what to do at this point. I’ve tried getting her a therapist, I’ve tried talking to her, I’ve tried everything. She denies even needing help. Idk what else to do.
Let her go
@@jeanieologist4456 already divorced her my brotha 😎
i live with a chronic alcoholic who drinks a combination of potent red wine and beer every day, 1 bottle of red wine and a few beers turn him into a vicious cruel loud-foul mouthed bully who curses everyone in sight, i bare the worst of his mental and emotional hurtful abuse to make matters worse he's on very heavy medication to control his paranoid schizophrenia and has to have a needle up his bum every month he's also on loads of diabetic medications to control his type2 diabetes, how can he drink so much booze every single day without his diabetes being affected? i have never in my life known someone who can get so evil and so nasty while on the booze, i wish i could find some support
You can’t have a healthy relationship with someone who is toxic.
It’s easy to say protect yourself. Hotel rooms are expensive. And so is leaving a house when you have no family to stay with. Can’t just move out like it’s nothing.
I was in this same situation. Fled to womens shelters, 24hr restaurants, slept in car,
@@Hannah-201hope you are doing well these days.
@natscat4752 thank you call me crazy but I'm still with him even after all that. Long story I still stayed
@@Hannah-201 Life is complicated, still I hope you are ok.
It is horrible and upsetting that we can’t do anything. I do believe I am buying him time bcus of my positive influence. It’s hard to feel love for someone and at the same time create some distance so it doesn’t consume you. It’s very difficult to do both. What if you know leaving will increase their chance of dying?
They are choosing that..not you. 😢
My alcoholic son does not live with me but does this exact thing. By TEXT mostly , I connect weekly so he knows I’m here and not alone. He always wants money . Now he’s blocked me and his autistic partner calls for help at 2 am. What do I do ???
Pray
I was that man some time ago, leave people.
GTFO now! Let them hit rock bottom and clean themselves up.
They made that bed now having to sleep in it.
It's better than a permanent dirt nap.
God bless and much healing to all whom have been abused, neglected, taken for granted in the process.
I hope I have been forgiven, if not it's okay because I was an absolute monstrous lunatic with blood lust.
Thank you, still applies a year later. GREAT RELISTEN.
Wow! I wanted to cry with emotions from my experiences but I didn't because I have come along way from my alcoholic abusive narsistic father and a husband that abused me and in a drunken stupper beat the crap out of me. I got out with the help of turning point. But was homeless for 6 weeks and he stalked and terrorized me and my two children for a year and a half. While going through the courts. He had a gun and threatened me with that all the time. He always carried it and would often show it to me from a distance even with a PPO. This was going on when OJ murdered and I told the prosecuter I was going to end up like her if you don't do something! He finally got aressted and I got an annulment. My father never got better and the relastionships I were in never did either. I can't change what I went through, I wish I had the info and the help, and social media back then but I didn't. You both gave such great word of wisdom. You need to put yourself first and get the help you need. Get out and then work on building yourself back up. We stay because we feel we are not enough. Get your enoughness and live the rest of your life healthier and happier and safer.
I'm in a program called I Am Enough by Marisa Peer! Fantastic program and speeds things up.
Thanks you guys!! This was an important topic! Much love 💘
I started a youtube channel over two weeks ago and this has inspired another video that I didn't think I was ready to share, but I beleive it's necessary and timely. 🙏💙
My mum went to the hospital 2 times, ahe acted like she was mental, and still didn't stop drinking. She is very verbally abusive. I tried contacting a psychiatric hospital but they want things that I can't make her do them.
my girlfriend friend is an alcoholic. verbally abusive and have been attacked a couple of times. we have been staying at my parents the last few day while i prepare for a spine op, nut her still has downed bottles of gin and had a outburst in front of my parents
Thank you for this video ❤️
I'm 38 good guy ive been dealing with this for awhile d so sick of..I'm a good gut
Nice flip-flops :) The message is also useful.
Just going to vent here: My sister attempted suicide last Thursday. She has relapsed on her drinking and she is very mean when she drinks. I don’t really know what to do. If she has no desire to be sober, what can I do? I can’t afford to pay her rent. I can’t afford to move her out to my state. And even if I did, she’s so mean when she drinks. She bit our mom. Like, wtf? What can I do? I just don’t know.
Come on guys. Advise this woman like you would if she was your sister or your daughter. You would absolutely tell her to leave and not look back.
That's me. i lost all my friends. I lost my phone, keys, purse and money and completely lost it. I hurt my friends badly verbally abusing them and the entire time I been around them they never stole, or done anybody wrong. i tried to apologize but they had it. Now I'm paying the price.
Oh geesh. Yah so easy to say. Boundaries. WHEN ? When they are drunk and angry. I knwo the answer. "so leave". Pretty much the answer every time. Hardest thing every in life. It gets worse if not help. PERIOD. HOld the space but that space will shrink. Then you will not have that even moment of clarity anymore.
Yup exactly. There wasn’t any space left for me anymore. I finally had enough and reported him for drunk driving last week.. he doesn’t want to listen to me so let the courts tell him.
It's my mother who lives alone. went to visit, got verbally abused. 10 mins later got text asking me to come back. I said no. I will go tmrw, if she is sober. I won't turn my back, I can't.
Great advice guys
Ride, ride like the wind, until you are free again! Aka, RUN
Its not a disease its a choice
BeautifulGirls.Relax
U are terrible and demonic to say such things.
Agreeeeed
Bingo. That is a fact
It's all manipulation and gaslighting to allow them to continue doing what they love so much to do which is feel the effects of alcohol. It's definitely not a disease but a physiological reaction to repeated ingestion of an addictive substance. It could certainly be considered a mental disorder that most likely leads to physical addiction that will result in potentially dangerous withdrawal after body has rearranged itself at the cellular level to accommodate the foreign substance it is continually bombarded with more effeciently.
Hi
My husband is alcoholic
I have a 4 year old kid
I have tried everything to make him sober.
But his words and actions doesn't match.he says he will quit alcohol but in evening he is back to alcohol.
Now i have separate from him he says he will die without me and our kid.
What should I do?
I don't want him to die but i know he will not change his habit.
And i know he can't live without our kid
What should l do
He’s choosing to die. He doesn’t care about the kid much. He loves his alcohol more than you and unfortunately that’s the ugly truth
You can’t do anything. He can do something: quit drinking. If he is choosing alcohol over you and his child then he has already made a choice for both of you. He will die without his kid but he won’t stop drinking to repair the relationship that gives him access to his kid? How does that make sense? If a friend was in your position what would you advise her? Hugs. I hope you stay strong. None of this is your fault.
Wondering how you're doing and how things are going? Your story sounds very similar to mine.
A beard adds great knowledge 👍
what if its the same situation but with a female and nothing at all is changed. i know some one who doesn't feel safe.
Any action taken is futile because its very easy for a female say she is abused.
Is there a safe way to leave without being pu in further danger?
Leave
It's all about boundaries.
Yes
They won’t stop until you leave.
Speak for yourself
my gf gwt verbaly abusive, shames my body, shames me sexually, bite me, hit me, accuse me, forget specific events that happened, one moment hitting me one moment asking to kiss me and s*x, blames me for not getting hard, more abuse and shaming after this, i dont know how to satisfy her and shit like that, been called gay, retarted, bite marks, flesh remover from cheek when i defend myself verbally she attacks me for arguing with her and then she says its justified, its the worst i broke up with her today told her either alcohol or me, she said she rather be with real men who knows how to party and in her same boat and its my problem if i cant handle her drinking cause everyone rlse did, just crazy
I hope you are able to remove yourself and get help maybe with Al anon x
And she is still your gf? Run
My girl is like this and I can’t help her I tried for five years we have kids and she want stop she calls me every thing in the book that’s negative I’m tired and I really want to help her but it seem like I can’t and I’m tired 😓 what do I do
Leave
Very difficult topic 😕
You leave. Quit all this psychobabble crap. LEAVE
My brother..First "funny" then "Functioning". Becoming angry and paranoid. But it's everyone else's fault.
This could get violent quick
What if he just doesn't give you space. He seeks ppl out in the home to degrade and wants to bring physical altercation.
Yes, exactly what happens . My wife will seek me out to have altercation 2
Call cops
We are who we are and the sooner u accept that the quicker u will move on u can stay with a horrible person from the age of 16 till ya 80 that person will never change cos tryna change a horrible person into some1 nice is like trying to get a nice person to be horrible I am nice and I've done bad things but deep down I am nice and evil ppl can do nice things but that person will never change..iff a person wakes up and now these done some bad for him to hit the bottle againnn is him not wanting to change end of.everything is an addiction ive been through drinks drugs gambling I've be at them all and it took a while and its cos i didnt wanna stop them ..theee is no such thing as cant when it comes to addiction ppl say theres no such thong as cant..corse there is h cant fly to the moon u cant jump 500ft into the air but everytime u use u do have that vhoice just like everytime u cross the road u have a choice have u ever heard of some1 saying well i am doing bad things i am walking into traffick and getting run over and then u say well why..and rhey say well i just cant say no...mits pethetic we have a choice i did everytime .stopping and starting stuf is just part of the addiction a person will stop when they se when there in a bad place but only them will se no1 can se for them .and thet addiction will never go
This helped me alot
I drink one premix bourbon same one most of my life I’m 47 and when I buy a bottle and mix it myself I turn into a real asshole recently my partner started punching me in the face and I ended up head butting her, omg what have I done now I fucked up i was arrested and sentenced to 9 months imprisonment. I can’t believe it got to this point i love my kids and my partner so much I can’t believe I’ve put them through this I’m so angry and disappointed at myself and now how to see if i can mend the love for my family back together. I’m giving up 100% and at the moment she said she’s done, I don’t blame her but i need to fix myself and hope i can get help and be with my family again. They are my whole heart normally i would never have done this but mixing spirits out of a bottle sends me over the top I don’t know why its different to the premix cans that never make me like this. CJ
I know a lot of people won’t agree with me, but as a Christian, I feel like the idea of alcoholism or substance abuse being a disease is isn’t as productive as the transformative aspect that Christianity has provided wherein you identify yourself as a New being in Christ. One thing I noticed is that the disease model of addiction and substance abuse tends to make the person identify with the disease and not that they can overcome the disease. it’s something like even if I’ve been sober for 20 years, I’m still an addict. And it kind of takes the personal accountability out of the situation. Where is the Christian model says I’m a sinner I’ve made choices that allow me to be this way and it’s my responsibility to make different choices and be empowered by my new spiritual identity to live as a different person through my daily actions.
Gawd bless Murica 🤓 🖕
Agree about the identifying w/ the disease part. You're on to something, bc I've noticed my brother will justify his drinking w/ the fact that he is an alcoholic/addict, so that makes it okay in his mind to continue to drink. It's always his go-to stance. It's one thing if the person is really trying and they slip every now and then, but he has never in his life made any effort to quit on his own.
Rich get shredded and become a badass grandpa 😎
What about an alcoholic who has not been drinking for 40 years and is STILL abusive? Insulate myself? Alanon. Absolutely no. I have been to meetings and hear horror stories. How is that helpful?
Recognise it for what it is..Domestic Violence..then go from there..
I had to call the cops 👮♀️😔he doesn’t remember
My husband doesn't remember (or at least claims not to) any of his drunk tirades, including one where I had to lock myself in the bathroom because I was having a miscarriage and trying to escape his alcohol-fueled abuse. Despite the medical emergency I was experiencing, it was more important for him to yell nonsense and obscenities at me through the door while I simultaneously was miscarrying and in excruciating physical and emotional pain.
Show him the door
I can’t find this episode on the podcast app...
It's episode 537 on every podcast platform. If you are referring to my podcast app, we discontinued and decommissioned that ages ago. Link to the episode on Yt and my site is in the description. Or go here: www.richroll.com/podcast/roll-on-537/
Mine don't want to change
LEAVE HIM
Why are the girlfriend or wife having to fix the alcoholic partner ? Yes it's generally the girlfriend or wife fault why?
My mums been one all my life and shows no signs of stopping or slowing down just wondering at what age she might die haha 😂
when shes sober shes very sweet, everything is great even sex, when she start drinking its never one glass and shit start to happen i cant even stop her when i notice shes getting drunk she gets in ny face and act ruse
I can relate. She sounds just like my husband. I'm sorry.
Oh gosh. This one was out of touch. So easier said then done. Yah ok with kids etc. Nope doesnt work.
i’m a piece of shit what they tell me i want to be strong and have 2 daughters still care the mother of my kids 😢
protect emotionally? Yah leaving is very emotional. Protect that. This advice does not work. AT ALL. Do you leave somone after 30 yrs when it just started a year ago? Give up? I can tell they have not been through it. How do you stop the shaking and anxiety from seeing it daily. Love to know real answers. Take care of yourself. How when everything is needed to have a family function if half the person is missing.
In a black out my partner was violent, what's your opinion
😘
Make a plan quietly and leave for a better life. Hope you are doing ok.
She needs to leave him, it's never ever different or better while drinking take it from me.
...dig their eyes out with spoons........
You first 🤓 🖕
Adam...buzz the hair
Clickbait title.