Ok new tip write things down when you think of them for your partner to understand. It much easier to understand and explain how things are when your not in the moment. Thanks Dan 😊
I just like to talk about what I love doing and if the girl I talk to loves doing it to it can potentially lead to something more. Idk about romanticness but who knows?
What about partners parents and family? First impresion was a miracle but now that they have witness me in meltdown mode they are legit concerned and I'm humiliated...
As I am hyperverbal at home a lot. I have to make sure I don't talk constantly about my interests for more than a specific amount of time at my partner. I have to remember that she also has to have down time. So we allocate times for specific tasks/topics. You're right that the main thing is communicating honestly. It solves problems before they are made into bigger problems.
I love how my husband doesn't get annoyed when I ask him a billion times how he is feeling or if he is being serious. I also love how he explains movies to me while we are watching cause I usually have no idea what is going on. He is also very patient with me when it comes to my texture issues (food is the worst). Honestly just patience in general I think is the key
@@kestrel.m wow seriously? If so that is very awesome and admirable of you. I was being sarcastic because I've always hated the gender role that guys are expected to make the first move or ask the girl out first, be the initiator in starting a relationship due to how one-sided it is. I've long been a fan of, since autism affects a person's ability to socialize, that tradition or gender role is going to affect men's dating lives more than women's, for those on the spectrum
@@nobodysperfect06 Well also, it's rude to judge people who LIKE men to propose. "Because this is the gender norm, I'm gonna judge you!" Hey you girl!! With social anxiety! You should propose to your husband stopid b*tch, get with the times!! Who cares how you feel!? Do it skank!!" That's LEGIT how I feel you sound with your "sarcasm". I guess girls who wear dresses can go f*ck themselves. Jeez, people against gender norms, who knew they could be so rude an unaccepting? Ok, maybe I'm being overdramatic, but c'mon, you're judging a random person you don't know because of which GENDER proposes first, you're JUST as bad as the people who are adamant that only the man propose, cause NOW you're making it so MEN should be uncomfortable to propose, and you even tried to make a female feel insecure about the idea of it with your "sarcasm" only treating her with actual respect when you found out SHE proposed after you assuming she didn't. A marriage isn't suddenly now not valid because the man proposes, don't be like a feminazi. "Oh yeah, feminism is about equality, but ACTUALLY I want women to do and control everything even when they don't want to!! You wanna be a housewife!? MALE WORSHIPPING WH*RE!!!" Sorry, that's the vibes your sexist, rude, and belittling "SARCASM" give off.
I’ve been married 11 years, together almost 14. My husband and I just get on so well. He’s been really supportive and encouraged me to get diagnosed ASC, he finds autism really interesting.
I have ASD and ADHD but my ex was never interested to learn and understand how is living on the spectrum and how was affecting our relationship... Your'e really lucky that your partner is a specialist and understand you. Thanks for sharing✌
Does anyone else feel like being on the spectrum makes you more vulnerable to toxic and abusive relationships? I've been in a few, one of them was really bad. This was before I was diagnosed and I haven't dated at all since being diagnosed.
Im thinking im gonna dedicate a journal to my next serious partner. Whenever I do something that really made her happy, I can write it down and refer to it whenever I feel I am messing up. Love is nurtured and people can fall out of love if not nurtured correctly.
I was married to a total jerk for a year and my ASD was the worst and all my symptoms were so bad. He was really selfish and mean to me. I got divorced and didn’t date for a while and when I met my husband he really helped me so much. He really is my best friend. And our communication is pretty good because he doesn’t like eye contact so we barely look at each other when we talk. I know he’s listening and vice versa.
Great tips Dan! I was recently diagnosed with ASD at 60. Researching online and videos like yours are helping me so much. My husband and I have been together 42 years. Relating and communicating had always been a struggle, but we always tried to remember to be respectful no matter how heated an argument got. It’s been so good since my autism diagnosis though because he finally gets me and we can have strategies now. Keep up the good work and thanks for your help. 💜
I didn't learn about my autism until I was 25, and I'd been with my boyfriend for two years at that point. The moment we found out about it he was super supportive about everything and it's been amazing. He went above and beyond doing things like taking lightbulbs out of our dining room so it isn't as bright and putting up Christmas lights year round so that I don't have to use overhead lights if I'm having a bad sensory day. We also communicate better now because he's much clearer about what his wants and needs are. Understanding your partner's needs is SO important. We've been together almost 4 years now and we're best friends and both of us feel more secure in our relationship than we ever have before.
Married to my best friend for 13 years. I got my aspergers diagnosis and we suspect he is also on the spectrum. We are from two different countries, I from Canada and he from Poland, so there is a culture gap, which has emphasized the importance of clear communication and that it cannot be taken for granted. We can never assume anything.
Will your wife ever participate in a video? That'd be really cool, but only if she wants to, of course! I'd love to hear from someone who is married to an ASD person about it so I can understand my boyfriend (and possibly my future husband) better
Yes she will!! We are gearing up to vlogging soon :). Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
I have aspurgers and I’m trying to rebuild my relationship so I feel it’s important to film more about aspie relationships , please make a series covering this topic.
I am in a relationship with a nondiagnosed Aspie and I would say, it's also as complicated as neurotypical relationchips but way smoother than having a relationchip as an Aspie with a neurotypical. Eather way communication (about what's in your mind, what do you feel, how your perception may vary and how your perception is (especially when it comes to overwhelming feelings) different to neurotypical "reality") and rules/structures are best for having a long lasting relationship.
I'm an Aspie and my partner is NT. I would say that it can be a nightmare, probably alot my fault. I find it very difficult to express any emotions or empathy, I don't enjoy socialising or going out with friends, I am much happier on my own polishing my car or flicking through my huge collection of Truck Magazines
Hi! Aspie here, I just want to say, yes it is important if you have a neurotypical partner they should look up how to interact with aspies, but on the other hand I think aspies should do the same thing!
Please please please PLEASE! Aspies look up how to improve over time. NT’s love you with all their hearts. But some of the treatments can get abusive. :(
I'm trying to find some books or videos to help me improve my communication and social awareness to improve how I talk with my girlfriend but it's all like articles and stuff for the partner of the autistic person
the bonus, OMG, the bonus...thank you! my boyfriend has aspergers & so much of the time I think he's not happy with me at all. it's made me want to just give up on him. and he's said things in a very mean way when he just doesn't understand how to give me emotional support. i'm so appreciative that you explained a lot to me about my "significant other", of over 15 years now. I believe he's a good person. but I learned to not talk about any issues I have when someone hurts my feelings because he will ignore me and give me "that face", or he usually says something mean. it helps me to study about his world. God bless you!
I am afraid that once people see how messed up I am that they will abandon me. Why do I feel this way? It's because basically everyone has. For some reason, it's easier for me to let friends go but I feel like I've been hit in the heart by a cannon ball if this happens with a romantic relationship and I keep feeling this way for years. I try to stay away from it all but when enough time passes, I trick myself into thinking I've learned enough to handle it, which of course I haven't.
Yeah I always communicate as good as possible but there are times where people don’t understand my communication methods and it leads to meltdowns. I want my future wife to understand. Not that that guarantees we will never get in arguments with one another. You hit the nail on the head when it comes to subject changing. So many bullies/ableists in my school were always saying ‘do NOT change the subject!’ They clearly do not know me and some don’t care to. It’s ok though. Thanks so much for the video dan. People need this. I sure need this. People are always asking for my advice on relationships.
Thanks for doing this requested video Dan. I’ve been with my husband for 18 years. Approaching 16 years married. Recently found out he could be on the spectrum. It’s especially tough when we have to work as a team on projects because we handle challenges so differently. He’s not into sharing his feelings but will try harder for me more than even his own family. Maybe that’s something. I just wish he would get evaluated instead of feeling so ashamed so we know what we are dealing with, I mean how much on the spectrum he is. Sometimes I’m not sure if the way he behaves is a regular personality quirk or specifically associated with being Aspie?
I have been in a relationship with an Aspie for a year! I’m still taking things he says wrong or “read into it”. Communication is TOUGH! Thanks for these videos!!
I know this video is kinda old but my bf and I are both on the spectrum, we've been friends for about 3 years but have only been dating for 6 months. It's been really great to have someone who I relate to 24/7 and to have someone who understands me and how I socialize and he's such a blessing in my life I honestly couldn't ask for a better man in my life!
Your bonus tip was how I found you! I started doing research on Asperger’s and you, my friend, have helped me tremendously with my relationship and how to work through difficulties with my partner. There is no greater gift to give than what you do to help everyone. That really is the best advice to do your research; understanding will give each person relief and comfort. 🥰
I lost my best friend of 7 years because of my autism and forgetting events. I wish I new this then I might have wished her a happy birthday and not made her think i don't care about her friendship.
New subscribers of your channel! My best friend and boyfriend are autistic. Both have Asperger and both were diagnosed with autism as adults. I’ve spent the past hour and a half watching your videos about Asperger and romantic relationships, and it’s been so helpful! I’m doing my best to be as understanding and empathetic as possible because I know that each person who has ASD is different.
Hell yes, that gives me hope as an aspie with a pretty large group of incredible friends but no long term relationship, some real hope for the future. Just now starting to get that feeling like im ready and capable to raise a kid.
Hi! I'm a 16 year old girl from Sweden who has Asperger's and i love your channel! It helps a lot to watch your videos and use the tips that i feel works for me in my personal life. Thank you!
This was a good video. My husband and I have been together for 10 years too. But I've only recently discovered I'm autistic because of inevitable burnout. It's been a pretty profound change.. dropping the mask completely, realizing I have deprived myself of my own needs.. I'm glad I have my husband. It would be hard to go through this alone. We need more support services.
Yes support is key!! Super pumped you guys are doing awesome!! ✌🏼 Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
@Super Thuggin I split from my girlfriend and mother of my two kids after 10 years. Although I know she has an anxious-avoidant attachment type, I have a suspicion that she may have aspergers but it's something I feel she'd not want to talk about as she would interpret it as blame. How did you come to the realisation you had it?
I am a NT dating someone who shows tons of signs of aspergers, and I am super sensitive which can propose struggles but i really love him so much. I just have to keep reminding myself that he means well and he loves me too! anyone have any advice for if you’re too sensitive?
Great video. Some really useful tips here. One thing that stands out to me is how the tone of the video AND the comments are almost all pretty positive. This is extremely rare for videos and articles and comment forums that address ASD issues. I'm used to seeing a lot of criticism and defensiveness from both Aspies & NTs. This is a breath of fresh air. Keep up the good work!
This is such a good video! I'm Aspie and so is my close friend. We are both sensitive to messages, but we both understand the possible problems and quickly pick up on misunderstandings. Communication is key!
If I try to explain what I am talking about, my partner will be bored. She always say that I give too many details, and if I try not to give details, she tell's me that I make absolutely no sence. And if I try to make use of drawings to explain my self, she will always tell me that I think she is dumb or that I treat her like a child. So were do I go from here? I feel we are not talking about anything else than what she want to talk about.
I was thinking about telling the person I like that I like them and this video is honestly helping me gain the confidence to do so. I’ve never been in a relationship before, but if it works out thanks for these tips!
I took one of your tips for making lists for daily life and it’s really helped me. It’s my visual way of planning things out. And Sometimes it’s sort of like a note pad too not just writing out list of things. But it really has boosted my confidence when I can check something off the list and see how my planning has benefited me. Thankyou for the brilliant tip in another past video. Of making lists. You are a really good support person I think you were meant to help people in this way on TH-cam. Keep up the good work!
... not trying to criticize, but did anyone else start watching and think 'ok cool about to get some awesome tips from an aspie who has been an aspie with more experience in dealing with neurotypical partners!' and then when he said his partner is an Autism specialist think '........dude you have it on easy mode.'? I mean still, great tips, just that was my first reaction.
I'm pretty sure he said that this was just his experience at least a few times. This is meant to be helpful but of course you can't really address everyone's issues in one video. And while he may have an easier time in some ways due to being in a relationship with an ASD Specialist I'm sure it's not without its problems. It also shouldn't discount what he's saying much because it is still good advice which I'm sure he learned atleast in part from her. Lastly, I know that you weren't trying to criticize I just thought I would try to present another way to look at it.
Learn how the opposite sex operates. Use camouflage accordingly. Don't immediately jump into a relationship when you first succeed; your need to lock down intimacy will betray you hard I've read Corey Wayne's book 13 times Rollo Tomassi's book twice Go out and approach. The key infield is to feel good with who you are. Try exercising awareness for this and just talking with people. The camouflage part will help you after mastering seduction in person. It's not an easy task nor a short one but Rollo and Corey can get you more ass than a toilet seat if you're willing to learn. Been learning this shit for the last couple of years. Shit's crazy. Good luck
This is an excellent, really helpful video. So true! I especially like the ones about how to diffuse arguments. Me and my ex husband got into so many huge blowouts just because I didn't "get" the conversation. He still denies I am Aspie. My new partner and I are both on the spectrum which has it's own issues, but number 1 is making sure we communicate so we can try to understand each other better. I also found it funny how relatable it is when you said your face looks angry all the time. Myself and my partner are constantly checking in to see if the other is furious/bored/upset, but that's just our faces! Great video Dan! I'm now away to check out your parenting vid
Well my first and only relationship lasted 9 months. Didn't think I'd make it that long to be honest. Funny thing was, that like EVERYONE around me was so surprised that I actually had a boyfriend. Cause they never thought I'd have one ever. 😂 Because he lived where I used to work (75km away), we only saw each other at work and of course at the weekends. But even that was so difficult for me that I started to sneak out of the room in the mornings and took a walk with my dog alone or visited my horse and did something with him. I started to get very cold and pushed him away the more he tried to reconnect with me cause I was too overwhelmed with everything going on. I had meltdowns on a daily basis during that relationship, so I decided to end it after 9 months. He was there all the time, he wanted to cuddle etc. and yep, that's nothing for me. I don't like this relationship stuff and I am really happy alone. Sometimes I think I might be asexual cause I never had or have real interest in a relationship with another human being. My parents don't understand though. They think it's weird that I am not in a relationship with 23 years old. And I don't understand why people want a relationship at all. It's making me a bit sad sometimes.
We are like water fluid for the most part. Try not to dwell on labelling who you are. Just live the moment and the right person will fall onto your lap :) ✌🏼😌 Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
My fiance is diagnosed with ASD. We are now in a long distance relationship because of covid and his work. I'm really having a hard time on making him understand about what i feel as well as on communicating with him. He has this tendency of shutting down people whenever he gets busy with work. So most of the time, I have to snap him out from that bubble. I feel like I'm being disregarded most of the time but I love him so I really want it to work, so now I'm reading articles and watching videos about ASD to understand him more because I want him to feel that he's valued and really importsnt to me.
Going through the exact same thing. My boyfriend with ASD works a lot and goes through stages of burnout and I don’t get to see him a lot or hear from him because he’s so lost in work. Do you have any tips on what has worked so far for you? I feel like I bother him when I have to remind him to spend time with me or talk to me, but I know he’s overwhelmed with work.
@@MaryVAs someone who has been in a long term relationship for 7 years with an aspie. My advice is to put your foot down, otherwise you will live a life of misery. Set boundaries because they will not treat you right otherwise
Me not remembering birthdays remain on of the things make people think I'm totally selfish. When in a relationship and the other person forgetting about mine and Valentine's day and anniversary was a relief BUT since I was diagnosed I realized those men didn't love me truly and that's why they didn't consider my birthday. Undiagnosed women suffer from abusive relationship without knowing it. So sad. I don't trust NT anymore, not for romantic relationships, my dream partner would be definitely an aspie ;)
Wow, tip #3 is really good and unique. I know that's something I suck at. And the bonus tip is really good, I really don't have a problem reading people but I have a REALLY hard time planning and executing how my delivery, like my tone of voice and everything, should be. It's like I just don't have the necessary level of control, and so the way things come out often doesn't reflect how I feel. (Like if someone walks in and I say "hi", when I respond it can sound like I'm in a really bad mood or I'm being really cold, when I was intending it to be a cheerful friendly "hi".)
Before trying to approach others learn to know when you are approached i have aspergers syndrome and there was lot of girls who tried to approach me but I was even unable to know that I am approached. Really It is very important once you learn it just copy those moves . Practical trips :touching is central to approach. Thanks
I'm on the spectrum and have been married 14 years. My husband and I have two sons and our youngest is on the spectrum too. My husband never really understood me until My second son was born and after that he started slowly coming around and began to accept it. I also think he maybe on the spectrum too. I mentioned it to him and he thought the same.
I have conquered everything from getting a job to being able to do what I want from solo travel to training for a run but I am petrified of dating and relationships. I tend to flee the moment someone shows interest, I have had bad “relationships” in the past if you could call them then but although this was years ago back when I had poor mental health and in a less positive position to I am now, but I am worried about wasting my time on someone who will be a douche to myself.
33 only recently diagnosed i can count more relationships on my hands then I can count. common things that tends to lead to my break ups where not being able to control my emotions and getting angry which tend to lead to my partners being scared of me.
Yeah Dan being open and honest about how I feel just made things worse and the communication stopped because he seemed to struggle with being told he was loved or the actual words I Love You 🙄
I can relate to that one...I'm beginning to understand the words I love you can be scary to aspergers men...does not mean they do not care about you...however they find it difficult to say themselves I have said it this morning and did not get the same response but you are very important to me...is his way of saying the same 14 months in a relationship with a lovely caring man with aspergers who I love dearly.
i just this minute subscribed and viewing you is helping me understand my new partner who's on the spectrum and he's only just told me last night after a few weeks dating i figured he changed with no eye contact etc and i understand him in my way he's very bright as you too and it doesn't distract me from moving forward i'm excited to be learning more ❤
I just have to say that you’re very lucky to have found someone that totally gets you. Well, those tips are very good but alas I have tried them all and nope if the other side remains stubborn to the core, what can you do, hey 🙄
Thnx for this video. I really like it. This might be a little off topic but.. when dating someone on the spectrum, please keep in mind that every sensation about it needs to be processed... When I want to get to know someone, having to deal with intimacy or any physical contact too soon is just so overwhelming, Flirting is just not even an option for me, I get so confused.. and I've actually developed some kind of social anxiety when it comes to dating... it's too much to process in too little time and I block completely. So yeah. Dating can be challenging for anyone... but I think it's way more challenging when you're on the spectrum. I just trust that when I meet the right guy, I will relax... somehow :) haha (fingers crossed)
Your videos are calming me down. As an NT who likes to overthink and catastrophize things😂, my boyfriend's silence sometimes scares me. I feel like I'm losing him but when I ask how he is he does reply so... I guess I just have to be patient and build up on our communication. More so since he doesn't seem to bother with small talks which NTs are usually fond with.😅
This is great, my husband will starts rambling about things and I will hand him a pen and paper now. He just knows now I’m a visual learner/ communicator
Hey Dan good points, no difference in a NT relationship, I treasure respect and Honesty. Maintenance is hard to do too many people take relationships for granted.
Your Bonus tip is awesome! Stay to the end! I just realized why my long term boyfriend always asks me wants wrong or what is the matter. Must be my facial expressions. Or lack thereof? Haha thanks, Dan!
Not yet quite aware I had ASD, every relationship and marriage ends in an eccentric failure. Once a woman figures out to trigger you into meltdowns, she does it repeatedly until you're finally able to get her out of your life for good.
Recently discovered (at 45) that I’m probably ASC (prefer aspie but I know no labels) and I’m I-ADD (ADHD)… And have always had issues with relationships and thought the most recent was right as I had never felt so comfortable with someone and we where engaged … well it ended a few months ago and it’s knocked my confidence. I’m sure I’ll meet someone (it takes me so long to warm to someone and then fall for them (if I even noticed they liked me in the first place) that I tend to miss out as I’ve taken so long)
It’s funny you said draw a picture to explain what you mean. I just recently realized my husband is on the spectrum. It’s helped me understand him so much better. We are renovating our home and I’ve had to draw lots of pictures to get my idea across. I’m am artist so that helps lol otherwise we would go round and round like we are in an argument when we are really talking about the same thing 🤯
Ive had aspergers since I was a kid. I tried to not think about it now im 27 and just releasing that the reason its been so hard for me in life is because i tried to not expect myself and who i was. I put a mask on for years. It makes sense why my relationships never worked and why it was so hard to talk to others or explain how i feel.
This is so crazy, I recently started just writing things down instantly because was really depressed and needed to see my words on paper. Like, this week. And it turns out that I was kinda ‘losing’ my thoughts in the nebulous whatever, before I had the chance to speak them. And I gleaned a lot of new info about myself and others from this. And had some really life changing conversations as a result.
Thank you for your videos and taking time out of your day to help others I’m neuro typical and the love of my life is on the spectrum and I’m trying to understand what he goes through and how I can be better for him I don’t have enough experience and I could use all the help I can get
Hi, I wonder if you could do a video or have done one, on best communication tips for asperger with NT partner in a long distance relationship? We still struggle with this! Thank you!
I'm an Aspie and not organized at all. I also only focus on cleaning certain things that I believe is the most important. Ex: living room, kitchen, and bathroom my bed room Ha is another story😂. The reason is the few guest I have only see my main parts of the house.
Referring to your comment at the end, I get that a lot too. I got in big trouble with a work supervisor because I always seemed angry when responding to her criticism. It made me wonder where that "angry" look comes from. Are we genuinely angry and just not aware of it?
I think it’s just how we are I don’t think it’s angry. Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
Constantin Diessner no all we ever hear is negativity and we learn better if people tell us what we are doing right. Positive reinforcement is how we learn best just like a dog, if neurotypical people could just understand this it would make life so much easier
I have been in a relationship for 11 years. We have 3 children all on the spectrum like me, but my biggest issue is that when I start to have a meltdown my voice rases and my partner also raises his voice, like a who can talk the loudest competition even though we are only talking to each other. His voice being loud just makes it hard for me to find that few minutes I need to calm my brain down. So now I have just typed that I have come to the conclusion that I should write that on a piece of paper so he might understand better that I just need a few minutes and then I'll be able to talk. Wow fixed problem didn't even know I was doing it. Lol sorry Dan
Bingo! I just explained that to someone else in another comment. That defiantly helps me and I feel as I can express myself better through writing,typing or texting!
My problem with relationships is that the woman becomes my special interest and I end up obsessed with her, and can't function without her. This inevitably makes my mental health worse and is a part of why we split-up. So now I just don't bother trying to start relationships. I've never been into casual sex but in all honesty I sometimes think that I just need a f-buddy, to fulfil that basic human desire for physical intimacy and sex but without the strings and intricacies of a full-blown, committed relationship.
Me and my husband has been together since 2000, we have 2 girls and we think that our youngest have ASD like me. My husband are really good at taking person with different needs. Mabye it’s because his parents probably having ADD/ADHD so he mabye have ADD too. I’m feeling secure and can talk to him about things, he hasn’t judge me not even before I was diagnosed either and now he has even bigger heart.
That first question hit different. I jump from musician to musician as my special interests. I know more about a guy who died before I was even 1 than I do most of my own family members lol
I thought my husband knew what I was thinking/feeling. I was very mistaken. Imagine! Our relationship fell apart a long time ago. I thought we were both happy. Communication is extremely important.
Everytime my boyfriend is under extreme stress he says he doesn't want to be with me anymore instead of letting me into his problems he pushes me away I don't know if I can take it anymore😪
As aspire is often a very smart and gifted person. If the6 have not been diagnosed or will not accept it - then a relationship with a NT will be a complete disaster. I am the NT and there now. Joined a support group for spouses and it starts April 15th online. Using this as gateway to finding marital counsellor who knows about aspire. Tried regular counselling and he didn’t “get it”. I am 54 and too old to divorce.
#1 has been a big issue for me because neurotypicals don't speak with precision. They express their point in a way that conveys the conceptual gist of it and I'm expected to infer the subtle details that they left out. I'm not sure if it's just me or all aspies, but for me, it's not an issue of not being able to draw those inferences, it's more that they see this one angle of inference as being _obvious_ while I'm thinking of that plus 3 other angles and just want them to specify which.
@@icvideos1621 I'm not blaming them, I just think differently. My brain says "90% likely #1, 62% likely #2, 45% likely #3" - but half the time they didn't mean #1.
My step brother has Asperger's and he really needs help. He didn't ask me to ask anyone but he has no friends and all he wants is to have a good relationship.His relationship is going down hill but they both would like things to get better but he doesn't know what to do.
All I want is for him to do better because all I've ever seen is problems in we very relationship he's had but this relationship for some reason has been the hardest.
I'm enjoying your channel. I tried to search your videos. Do you have a video telling your story on when and how you found out. What brought you to the diagnosis? My husband just brought it up that he thinks he has ASD. He's 39. He took the AQ and Alexithymia quiz. Off the charts. The therapist asked me to write my observations down. Not sure how long we have to wait to know? We've been married 4 years and together 10. It's been hellacious. I don't know if we'll ever be able to communicate.He is very loyal but angry a lot at me. Glad you have an educated partner. Hope this ship can turn around. We're both hurting at the moment.
I'm 90% sure I have aspergers. Undiagnosed but literally every symptom. From rocking repeatedly as a child and literally not even realizing im doing it but instead being constantly picked on for it as if I was aware and doing it on purpose. To being diagnosed with tourettes and having excessive motor tics like multiple times a day to the point where I'm not allowed to drive. To literally having short term memory loss and being easily confused and taking things very literally and needing very specific details of what you need me to do in order for me to feel safe completely the task. I mean at this point there's no way I don't have it.
Aspie or not, communication is THE most important thing to keep things running smoothly in any type of relationship. Also, I wonder if people with autism actually value it more highly than some NTs, as a result of needing to work harder at it and/or their need for more clear, direct communication.
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Do you have any tips to add to this video!? ⬇️
Yeah don't be shy!😆
Ok new tip write things down when you think of them for your partner to understand. It much easier to understand and explain how things are when your not in the moment. Thanks Dan 😊
I just like to talk about what I love doing and if the girl I talk to loves doing it to it can potentially lead to something more. Idk about romanticness but who knows?
What about partners parents and family? First impresion was a miracle but now that they have witness me in meltdown mode they are legit concerned and I'm humiliated...
As I am hyperverbal at home a lot. I have to make sure I don't talk constantly about my interests for more than a specific amount of time at my partner. I have to remember that she also has to have down time. So we allocate times for specific tasks/topics. You're right that the main thing is communicating honestly. It solves problems before they are made into bigger problems.
Been with my husband for 17 years, both on the spectrum. It's always been us Vs the world. And we are best friends.
That’s so amazing!
I am solo again.
Thinking about seeking out a partner on the spectrum, because we would be easier to understand each other.
Nice!
Congratulations! Fantastic, your history it's so inspiring
I assume he had to pursue you or ask you out first
I love how my husband doesn't get annoyed when I ask him a billion times how he is feeling or if he is being serious. I also love how he explains movies to me while we are watching cause I usually have no idea what is going on. He is also very patient with me when it comes to my texture issues (food is the worst). Honestly just patience in general I think is the key
My guess is that he had to pursue you or ask you out first
@@nobodysperfect06 No I actually asked him out and I actually proposed to him
@@kestrel.m wow seriously? If so that is very awesome and admirable of you. I was being sarcastic because I've always hated the gender role that guys are expected to make the first move or ask the girl out first, be the initiator in starting a relationship due to how one-sided it is.
I've long been a fan of, since autism affects a person's ability to socialize, that tradition or gender role is going to affect men's dating lives more than women's, for those on the spectrum
@@nobodysperfect06 Well also, it's rude to judge people who LIKE men to propose. "Because this is the gender norm, I'm gonna judge you!"
Hey you girl!! With social anxiety! You should propose to your husband stopid b*tch, get with the times!! Who cares how you feel!? Do it skank!!" That's LEGIT how I feel you sound with your "sarcasm". I guess girls who wear dresses can go f*ck themselves.
Jeez, people against gender norms, who knew they could be so rude an unaccepting? Ok, maybe I'm being overdramatic, but c'mon, you're judging a random person you don't know because of which GENDER proposes first, you're JUST as bad as the people who are adamant that only the man propose, cause NOW you're making it so MEN should be uncomfortable to propose, and you even tried to make a female feel insecure about the idea of it with your "sarcasm" only treating her with actual respect when you found out SHE proposed after you assuming she didn't.
A marriage isn't suddenly now not valid because the man proposes, don't be like a feminazi. "Oh yeah, feminism is about equality, but ACTUALLY I want women to do and control everything even when they don't want to!! You wanna be a housewife!? MALE WORSHIPPING WH*RE!!!" Sorry, that's the vibes your sexist, rude, and belittling "SARCASM" give off.
~Is not being able to follow what is happening in movies an aspie thing?~No wonder?!?...ive always had that happen!....with many movies, anyway~
Socializing is the first step to try to achieve. That is my first goal.
Yes it takes practice but I believe in you!!
I’ve been married 11 years, together almost 14. My husband and I just get on so well. He’s been really supportive and encouraged me to get diagnosed ASC, he finds autism really interesting.
Amazing to hear 💚✌🏼 Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
That is super amazing dear.
Good to hear others that also have wonderful and supportive partners.
My guess is that he had to ask you out first
@@nobodysperfect06 Éist guschóillagh do mach enáil? Really?
I have ASD and ADHD but my ex was never interested to learn and understand how is living on the spectrum and how was affecting our relationship... Your'e really lucky that your partner is a specialist and understand you. Thanks for sharing✌
Does anyone else feel like being on the spectrum makes you more vulnerable to toxic and abusive relationships? I've been in a few, one of them was really bad. This was before I was diagnosed and I haven't dated at all since being diagnosed.
Yes 👏. I was in a completely failed arranged marriage in 2013 to a very vindictive woman 👩
Yes, research supports this.
I am sorry you experienced this.
Yes definitely especially when you’re younger an undiagnosed as you don’t realise you are more vulnerable
Yes, Narcissists love to abuse Aspies.
Don’t give up. The right one will come along
Im thinking im gonna dedicate a journal to my next serious partner. Whenever I do something that really made her happy, I can write it down and refer to it whenever I feel I am messing up. Love is nurtured and people can fall out of love if not nurtured correctly.
What a Beautiful and Adorable idea 🙏💙💙 Very considerate as well. Wishing you & serious partner the absolute best 💙
I was married to a total jerk for a year and my ASD was the worst and all my symptoms were so bad. He was really selfish and mean to me. I got divorced and didn’t date for a while and when I met my husband he really helped me so much. He really is my best friend. And our communication is pretty good because he doesn’t like eye contact so we barely look at each other when we talk. I know he’s listening and vice versa.
I hear ye…….. nightmare right. Been there done that.. he was crawl to me
Great tips Dan! I was recently diagnosed with ASD at 60. Researching online and videos like yours are helping me so much. My husband and I have been together 42 years. Relating and communicating had always been a struggle, but we always tried to remember to be respectful no matter how heated an argument got. It’s been so good since my autism diagnosis though because he finally gets me and we can have strategies now. Keep up the good work and thanks for your help. 💜
I didn't learn about my autism until I was 25, and I'd been with my boyfriend for two years at that point. The moment we found out about it he was super supportive about everything and it's been amazing. He went above and beyond doing things like taking lightbulbs out of our dining room so it isn't as bright and putting up Christmas lights year round so that I don't have to use overhead lights if I'm having a bad sensory day. We also communicate better now because he's much clearer about what his wants and needs are.
Understanding your partner's needs is SO important. We've been together almost 4 years now and we're best friends and both of us feel more secure in our relationship than we ever have before.
My husband was super supportive and actually really relieved when I was diagnosed
Married to my best friend for 13 years. I got my aspergers diagnosis and we suspect he is also on the spectrum. We are from two different countries, I from Canada and he from Poland, so there is a culture gap, which has emphasized the importance of clear communication and that it cannot be taken for granted. We can never assume anything.
Amazing!! Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
Will your wife ever participate in a video? That'd be really cool, but only if she wants to, of course! I'd love to hear from someone who is married to an ASD person about it so I can understand my boyfriend (and possibly my future husband) better
Yes she will!! We are gearing up to vlogging soon :). Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
Alice Casimiro I would love to see this. That’s a great idea. I believe the man I’m with is an aspie.
I am married to an aspie and it’s nice to know other people who are NT are also in relationships with people on the spectrum
@@elizabethjones3521 nice. I'm an aspie and dating with a NT who I plan to marry
I have aspurgers and I’m trying to rebuild my relationship so I feel it’s important to film more about aspie relationships , please make a series covering this topic.
I am in a relationship with a nondiagnosed Aspie and I would say, it's also as complicated as neurotypical relationchips but way smoother than having a relationchip as an Aspie with a neurotypical.
Eather way communication (about what's in your mind, what do you feel, how your perception may vary and how your perception is (especially when it comes to overwhelming feelings) different to neurotypical "reality") and rules/structures are best for having a long lasting relationship.
Interesting!! Thanks for the input! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
I'm an Aspie and my partner is NT. I would say that it can be a nightmare, probably alot my fault. I find it very difficult to express any emotions or empathy, I don't enjoy socialising or going out with friends, I am much happier on my own polishing my car or flicking through my huge collection of Truck Magazines
Hi! Aspie here, I just want to say, yes it is important if you have a neurotypical partner they should look up how to interact with aspies, but on the other hand I think aspies should do the same thing!
Please please please PLEASE! Aspies look up how to improve over time. NT’s love you with all their hearts. But some of the treatments can get abusive. :(
I'm trying to find some books or videos to help me improve my communication and social awareness to improve how I talk with my girlfriend but it's all like articles and stuff for the partner of the autistic person
10 years with your partner is amazing. I can't keep one for 10 days
Lol
I can’t keep one for 10 seconds
I can't get even get one
the bonus, OMG, the bonus...thank you! my boyfriend has aspergers & so much of the time I think he's not happy with me at all. it's made me want to just give up on him. and he's said things in a very mean way when he just doesn't understand how to give me emotional support. i'm so appreciative that you explained a lot to me about my "significant other", of over 15 years now. I believe he's a good person. but I learned to not talk about any issues I have when someone hurts my feelings because he will ignore me and give me "that face", or he usually says something mean. it helps me to study about his world. God bless you!
I am afraid that once people see how messed up I am that they will abandon me. Why do I feel this way? It's because basically everyone has. For some reason, it's easier for me to let friends go but I feel like I've been hit in the heart by a cannon ball if this happens with a romantic relationship and I keep feeling this way for years. I try to stay away from it all but when enough time passes, I trick myself into thinking I've learned enough to handle it, which of course I haven't.
Don't feel bad even us NTs feel like that as well
Yeah I always communicate as good as possible but there are times where people don’t understand my communication methods and it leads to meltdowns. I want my future wife to understand. Not that that guarantees we will never get in arguments with one another.
You hit the nail on the head when it comes to subject changing. So many bullies/ableists in my school were always saying ‘do NOT change the subject!’ They clearly do not know me and some don’t care to. It’s ok though.
Thanks so much for the video dan. People need this. I sure need this. People are always asking for my advice on relationships.
Thanks for doing this requested video Dan. I’ve been with my husband for 18 years. Approaching 16 years married. Recently found out he could be on the spectrum. It’s especially tough when we have to work as a team on projects because we handle challenges so differently. He’s not into sharing his feelings but will try harder for me more than even his own family. Maybe that’s something. I just wish he would get evaluated instead of feeling so ashamed so we know what we are dealing with, I mean how much on the spectrum he is. Sometimes I’m not sure if the way he behaves is a regular personality quirk or specifically associated with being Aspie?
I have been in a relationship with an Aspie for a year! I’m still taking things he says wrong or “read into it”. Communication is TOUGH! Thanks for these videos!!
I know this video is kinda old but my bf and I are both on the spectrum, we've been friends for about 3 years but have only been dating for 6 months. It's been really great to have someone who I relate to 24/7 and to have someone who understands me and how I socialize and he's such a blessing in my life I honestly couldn't ask for a better man in my life!
Your bonus tip was how I found you! I started doing research on Asperger’s and you, my friend, have helped me tremendously with my relationship and how to work through difficulties with my partner. There is no greater gift to give than what you do to help everyone. That really is the best advice to do your research; understanding will give each person relief and comfort. 🥰
I lost my best friend of 7 years because of my autism and forgetting events. I wish I new this then I might have wished her a happy birthday and not made her think i don't care about her friendship.
New subscribers of your channel! My best friend and boyfriend are autistic. Both have Asperger and both were diagnosed with autism as adults. I’ve spent the past hour and a half watching your videos about Asperger and romantic relationships, and it’s been so helpful! I’m doing my best to be as understanding and empathetic as possible because I know that each person who has ASD is different.
Hell yes, that gives me hope as an aspie with a pretty large group of incredible friends but no long term relationship, some real hope for the future. Just now starting to get that feeling like im ready and capable to raise a kid.
Hi! I'm a 16 year old girl from Sweden who has Asperger's and i love your channel! It helps a lot to watch your videos and use the tips that i feel works for me in my personal life. Thank you!
I am a 16 year old Asperger guy and I expect to met another person with Asperger
This was a good video. My husband and I have been together for 10 years too. But I've only recently discovered I'm autistic because of inevitable burnout. It's been a pretty profound change.. dropping the mask completely, realizing I have deprived myself of my own needs.. I'm glad I have my husband. It would be hard to go through this alone. We need more support services.
Yes support is key!! Super pumped you guys are doing awesome!! ✌🏼 Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
@@TheAspieWorld I am!
@Super Thuggin
I split from my girlfriend and mother of my two kids after 10 years. Although I know she has an anxious-avoidant attachment type, I have a suspicion that she may have aspergers but it's something I feel she'd not want to talk about as she would interpret it as blame. How did you come to the realisation you had it?
I am a NT dating someone who shows tons of signs of aspergers, and I am super sensitive which can propose struggles but i really love him so much. I just have to keep reminding myself that he means well and he loves me too! anyone have any advice for if you’re too sensitive?
Great video. Some really useful tips here. One thing that stands out to me is how the tone of the video AND the comments are almost all pretty positive. This is extremely rare for videos and articles and comment forums that address ASD issues. I'm used to seeing a lot of criticism and defensiveness from both Aspies & NTs. This is a breath of fresh air. Keep up the good work!
This is such a good video! I'm Aspie and so is my close friend. We are both sensitive to messages, but we both understand the possible problems and quickly pick up on misunderstandings. Communication is key!
If I try to explain what I am talking about, my partner will be bored. She always say that I give too many details, and if I try not to give details, she tell's me that I make absolutely no sence. And if I try to make use of drawings to explain my self, she will always tell me that I think she is dumb or that I treat her like a child. So were do I go from here? I feel we are not talking about anything else than what she want to talk about.
Yes a mediator could help.
I was thinking about telling the person I like that I like them and this video is honestly helping me gain the confidence to do so. I’ve never been in a relationship before, but if it works out thanks for these tips!
Awesome go for it!! Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
I took one of your tips for making lists for daily life and it’s really helped me. It’s my visual way of planning things out. And Sometimes it’s sort of like a note pad too not just writing out list of things. But it really has boosted my confidence when I can check something off the list and see how my planning has benefited me. Thankyou for the brilliant tip in another past video. Of making lists.
You are a really good support person I think you were meant to help people in this way on TH-cam. Keep up the good work!
... not trying to criticize, but did anyone else start watching and think 'ok cool about to get some awesome tips from an aspie who has been an aspie with more experience in dealing with neurotypical partners!' and then when he said his partner is an Autism specialist think '........dude you have it on easy mode.'? I mean still, great tips, just that was my first reaction.
I'm pretty sure he said that this was just his experience at least a few times. This is meant to be helpful but of course you can't really address everyone's issues in one video. And while he may have an easier time in some ways due to being in a relationship with an ASD Specialist I'm sure it's not without its problems. It also shouldn't discount what he's saying much because it is still good advice which I'm sure he learned atleast in part from her. Lastly, I know that you weren't trying to criticize I just thought I would try to present another way to look at it.
Learn how the opposite sex operates.
Use camouflage accordingly.
Don't immediately jump into a relationship when you first succeed; your need to lock down intimacy will betray you hard
I've read Corey Wayne's book 13 times
Rollo Tomassi's book twice
Go out and approach.
The key infield is to feel good with who you are. Try exercising awareness for this and just talking with people.
The camouflage part will help you after mastering seduction in person.
It's not an easy task nor a short one but Rollo and Corey can get you more ass than a toilet seat if you're willing to learn.
Been learning this shit for the last couple of years. Shit's crazy. Good luck
Sometimes my partner and i used to have stupid arguments miscommunications but we do a lot better knowing each others triggures.
This is an excellent, really helpful video. So true! I especially like the ones about how to diffuse arguments. Me and my ex husband got into so many huge blowouts just because I didn't "get" the conversation. He still denies I am Aspie. My new partner and I are both on the spectrum which has it's own issues, but number 1 is making sure we communicate so we can try to understand each other better. I also found it funny how relatable it is when you said your face looks angry all the time. Myself and my partner are constantly checking in to see if the other is furious/bored/upset, but that's just our faces! Great video Dan! I'm now away to check out your parenting vid
Yesssss!! Finallly 😃 I’m sooo happy you make this video.
Yay!!
Well my first and only relationship lasted 9 months. Didn't think I'd make it that long to be honest. Funny thing was, that like EVERYONE around me was so surprised that I actually had a boyfriend. Cause they never thought I'd have one ever. 😂
Because he lived where I used to work (75km away), we only saw each other at work and of course at the weekends. But even that was so difficult for me that I started to sneak out of the room in the mornings and took a walk with my dog alone or visited my horse and did something with him. I started to get very cold and pushed him away the more he tried to reconnect with me cause I was too overwhelmed with everything going on. I had meltdowns on a daily basis during that relationship, so I decided to end it after 9 months.
He was there all the time, he wanted to cuddle etc. and yep, that's nothing for me. I don't like this relationship stuff and I am really happy alone. Sometimes I think I might be asexual cause I never had or have real interest in a relationship with another human being. My parents don't understand though. They think it's weird that I am not in a relationship with 23 years old. And I don't understand why people want a relationship at all. It's making me a bit sad sometimes.
We are like water fluid for the most part. Try not to dwell on labelling who you are. Just live the moment and the right person will fall onto your lap :) ✌🏼😌 Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
I totally get you 👍🏻😎
My fiance is diagnosed with ASD. We are now in a long distance relationship because of covid and his work. I'm really having a hard time on making him understand about what i feel as well as on communicating with him. He has this tendency of shutting down people whenever he gets busy with work. So most of the time, I have to snap him out from that bubble. I feel like I'm being disregarded most of the time but I love him so I really want it to work, so now I'm reading articles and watching videos about ASD to understand him more because I want him to feel that he's valued and really importsnt to me.
Going through the exact same thing. My boyfriend with ASD works a lot and goes through stages of burnout and I don’t get to see him a lot or hear from him because he’s so lost in work. Do you have any tips on what has worked so far for you? I feel like I bother him when I have to remind him to spend time with me or talk to me, but I know he’s overwhelmed with work.
@@MaryVAs someone who has been in a long term relationship for 7 years with an aspie. My advice is to put your foot down, otherwise you will live a life of misery. Set boundaries because they will not treat you right otherwise
Me not remembering birthdays remain on of the things make people think I'm totally selfish. When in a relationship and the other person forgetting about mine and Valentine's day and anniversary was a relief BUT since I was diagnosed I realized those men didn't love me truly and that's why they didn't consider my birthday. Undiagnosed women suffer from abusive relationship without knowing it. So sad. I don't trust NT anymore, not for romantic relationships, my dream partner would be definitely an aspie ;)
Thank you, Dan. The bonus tip was a lot more helpful. Thank you, again.
This video needs wayy more attention and likes. I don't think I've ever tried to get past a TH-cam ad so fast :D
Helping folks find love around the world. Great video 👍🏼
Thank you!! ✌🏼Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
Wow, tip #3 is really good and unique. I know that's something I suck at. And the bonus tip is really good, I really don't have a problem reading people but I have a REALLY hard time planning and executing how my delivery, like my tone of voice and everything, should be. It's like I just don't have the necessary level of control, and so the way things come out often doesn't reflect how I feel. (Like if someone walks in and I say "hi", when I respond it can sound like I'm in a really bad mood or I'm being really cold, when I was intending it to be a cheerful friendly "hi".)
Before trying to approach others learn to know when you are approached
i have aspergers syndrome and there was lot of girls who tried to approach me but I was even unable to know that I am approached. Really It is very important once you learn it just copy those moves .
Practical trips :touching is central to approach. Thanks
More content on relationships and communication between NT and ND please!!!
Wow, I've been called out on my relaxed face as a 'screw face' before, and it's definitely not me being angry or upset.
How do you tell your Aspie partner how you feel when he is in re-charge mode and you have no idea if and when he’ll come out of it?
your awesome my dude! Your an inspiration I wish more people did what you do
Thank you so much!! 💚✌🏼
I want to do what he does one ☝️ day
I'm on the spectrum and have been married 14 years. My husband and I have two sons and our youngest is on the spectrum too. My husband never really understood me until My second son was born and after that he started slowly coming around and began to accept it. I also think he maybe on the spectrum too. I mentioned it to him and he thought the same.
Clear diret and specific communication. What may be clear and obvious to you may not be to your aspie partner.
I recently found out my boyfriend has Aspergers. This video was so helpful to me in just understanding him a lot more. Thank you so much!
I have conquered everything from getting a job to being able to do what I want from solo travel to training for a run but I am petrified of dating and relationships.
I tend to flee the moment someone shows interest, I have had bad “relationships” in the past if you could call them then but although this was years ago back when I had poor mental health and in a less positive position to I am now, but I am worried about wasting my time on someone who will
be a douche to myself.
33 only recently diagnosed i can count more relationships on my hands then I can count. common things that tends to lead to my break ups where not being able to control my emotions and getting angry which tend to lead to my partners being scared of me.
Yeah Dan being open and honest about how I feel just made things worse and the communication stopped because he seemed to struggle with being told he was loved or the actual words I Love You 🙄
I can relate to that one...I'm beginning to understand the words I love you can be scary to aspergers men...does not mean they do not care about you...however they find it difficult to say themselves I have said it this morning and did not get the same response but you are very important to me...is his way of saying the same 14 months in a relationship with a lovely caring man with aspergers who I love dearly.
i just this minute subscribed and viewing you is helping me understand my new partner who's on the spectrum and he's only just told me last night after a few weeks dating i figured he changed with no eye contact etc and i understand him in my way he's very bright as you too and it doesn't distract me from moving forward i'm excited to be learning more ❤
I just have to say that you’re very lucky to have found someone that totally gets you. Well, those tips are very good but alas I have tried them all and nope if the other side remains stubborn to the core, what can you do, hey 🙄
Thank you so much!! Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
I continue to express how much your vids have helped me in my work with ASD kids and in my own life. Keep up the awsomeness...and THANK YOU
Thnx for this video. I really like it. This might be a little off topic but.. when dating someone on the spectrum, please keep in mind that every sensation about it needs to be processed... When I want to get to know someone, having to deal with intimacy or any physical contact too soon is just so overwhelming, Flirting is just not even an option for me, I get so confused.. and I've actually developed some kind of social anxiety when it comes to dating... it's too much to process in too little time and I block completely. So yeah. Dating can be challenging for anyone... but I think it's way more challenging when you're on the spectrum. I just trust that when I meet the right guy, I will relax... somehow :) haha (fingers crossed)
Your videos are calming me down. As an NT who likes to overthink and catastrophize things😂, my boyfriend's silence sometimes scares me. I feel like I'm losing him but when I ask how he is he does reply so... I guess I just have to be patient and build up on our communication. More so since he doesn't seem to bother with small talks which NTs are usually fond with.😅
I feel seen! My partner is like this and it makes me feel crazy. He’s sweet, so that saves him lol
This is great, my husband will starts rambling about things and I will hand him a pen and paper now. He just knows now I’m a visual learner/ communicator
Hey Dan good points, no difference in a NT relationship, I treasure respect and Honesty.
Maintenance is hard to do
too many people take relationships for granted.
Your Bonus tip is awesome! Stay to the end! I just realized why my long term boyfriend always asks me wants wrong or what is the matter. Must be my facial expressions. Or lack thereof? Haha thanks, Dan!
Not yet quite aware I had ASD, every relationship and marriage ends in an eccentric failure. Once a woman figures out to trigger you into meltdowns, she does it repeatedly until you're finally able to get her out of your life for good.
Recently discovered (at 45) that I’m probably ASC (prefer aspie but I know no labels) and I’m I-ADD (ADHD)…
And have always had issues with relationships and thought the most recent was right as I had never felt so comfortable with someone and we where engaged … well it ended a few months ago and it’s knocked my confidence.
I’m sure I’ll meet someone (it takes me so long to warm to someone and then fall for them (if I even noticed they liked me in the first place) that I tend to miss out as I’ve taken so long)
You’re a huge inspiration to me! I LOVE watching your videos!
Thank you!! You are amazing ✌🏼💚
You’re welcome ✌🏻
It’s funny you said draw a picture to explain what you mean. I just recently realized my husband is on the spectrum. It’s helped me understand him so much better. We are renovating our home and I’ve had to draw lots of pictures to get my idea across. I’m am artist so that helps lol otherwise we would go round and round like we are in an argument when we are really talking about the same thing 🤯
Ive had aspergers since I was a kid. I tried to not think about it now im 27 and just releasing that the reason its been so hard for me in life is because i tried to not expect myself and who i was. I put a mask on for years. It makes sense why my relationships never worked and why it was so hard to talk to others or explain how i feel.
Dan great vlog. Can also be great tips for Neurotypical relationship.
This is so crazy, I recently started just writing things down instantly because was really depressed and needed to see my words on paper. Like, this week. And it turns out that I was kinda ‘losing’ my thoughts in the nebulous whatever, before I had the chance to speak them. And I gleaned a lot of new info about myself and others from this. And had some really life changing conversations as a result.
Thank you for your videos and taking time out of your day to help others I’m neuro typical and the love of my life is on the spectrum and I’m trying to understand what he goes through and how I can be better for him I don’t have enough experience and I could use all the help I can get
Hi, I wonder if you could do a video or have done one, on best communication tips for asperger with NT partner in a long distance relationship? We still struggle with this! Thank you!
Can you do a video about like doing household chores and being organized. Like the tips and tricks and the struggles ?
Ooo excellent idea!! Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
@@TheAspieWorld thank you. Already subscribed. I look forward to the video.
I'm an Aspie and not organized at all. I also only focus on cleaning certain things that I believe is the most important. Ex: living room, kitchen, and bathroom my bed room Ha is another story😂. The reason is the few guest I have only see my main parts of the house.
Referring to your comment at the end, I get that a lot too. I got in big trouble with a work supervisor because I always seemed angry when responding to her criticism. It made me wonder where that "angry" look comes from. Are we genuinely angry and just not aware of it?
I think it’s just how we are I don’t think it’s angry. Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
Perhaps we don’t know what an angry face/voice/stance is. I have that problem too.
@@TheAspieWorld been a fan for a while :)
Constantin Diessner no all we ever hear is negativity and we learn better if people tell us what we are doing right. Positive reinforcement is how we learn best just like a dog, if neurotypical people could just understand this it would make life so much easier
I have been in a relationship for 11 years. We have 3 children all on the spectrum like me, but my biggest issue is that when I start to have a meltdown my voice rases and my partner also raises his voice, like a who can talk the loudest competition even though we are only talking to each other. His voice being loud just makes it hard for me to find that few minutes I need to calm my brain down. So now I have just typed that I have come to the conclusion that I should write that on a piece of paper so he might understand better that I just need a few minutes and then I'll be able to talk. Wow fixed problem didn't even know I was doing it. Lol sorry Dan
Bingo! I just explained that to someone else in another comment. That defiantly helps me and I feel as I can express myself better through writing,typing or texting!
@@christinasweetheart2810 it is so good. I just type in notes on my phone and then open it up later so I remember 😊
@@leahwilson56 My notes app is my best friend.😂
@@christinasweetheart2810 me too 😉
Ah, another pop punk fan! My favorites are bands like All Time Low, Blink 182, Paramore.. etc etc
My problem with relationships is that the woman becomes my special interest and I end up obsessed with her, and can't function without her. This inevitably makes my mental health worse and is a part of why we split-up. So now I just don't bother trying to start relationships. I've never been into casual sex but in all honesty I sometimes think that I just need a f-buddy, to fulfil that basic human desire for physical intimacy and sex but without the strings and intricacies of a full-blown, committed relationship.
@@icvideos1621 Well I know it's ASD, that's why I commented on a video about Asperger's and relationships.
Me and my husband has been together since 2000, we have 2 girls and we think that our youngest have ASD like me. My husband are really good at taking person with different needs. Mabye it’s because his parents probably having ADD/ADHD so he mabye have ADD too. I’m feeling secure and can talk to him about things, he hasn’t judge me not even before I was diagnosed either and now he has even bigger heart.
Talking is key!! Thank you so much for the comment! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
Hmm I have that Bell on, I just have to put an alarm too, otherwise I seem to forget.
Hey congrats Dan on so close to 1 million! I love your videos and have been subscribed for around a year now.
I love this video. Straightforward, practical advice!
That first question hit different. I jump from musician to musician as my special interests. I know more about a guy who died before I was even 1 than I do most of my own family members lol
Thank you for sharing this dude
I thought my husband knew what I was thinking/feeling. I was very mistaken. Imagine!
Our relationship fell apart a long time ago. I thought we were both happy. Communication is extremely important.
The biggest question is how do you get into one? How do you improve social skills? I still haven’t found anyone.
THIS is perfect and YES.
That finally tip really helped. Thank You.
You are welcome!!
Everytime my boyfriend is under extreme stress he says he doesn't want to be with me anymore instead of letting me into his problems he pushes me away I don't know if I can take it anymore😪
may god bless you for these awesome tips bro!
As aspire is often a very smart and gifted person. If the6 have not been diagnosed or will not accept it - then a relationship with a NT will be a complete disaster. I am the NT and there now. Joined a support group for spouses and it starts April 15th online. Using this as gateway to finding marital counsellor who knows about aspire. Tried regular counselling and he didn’t “get it”. I am 54 and too old to divorce.
#1 has been a big issue for me because neurotypicals don't speak with precision. They express their point in a way that conveys the conceptual gist of it and I'm expected to infer the subtle details that they left out. I'm not sure if it's just me or all aspies, but for me, it's not an issue of not being able to draw those inferences, it's more that they see this one angle of inference as being _obvious_ while I'm thinking of that plus 3 other angles and just want them to specify which.
Holy shit I feel that EXACT same way
@@icvideos1621 I'm not blaming them, I just think differently. My brain says "90% likely #1, 62% likely #2, 45% likely #3" - but half the time they didn't mean #1.
My step brother has Asperger's and he really needs help. He didn't ask me to ask anyone but he has no friends and all he wants is to have a good relationship.His relationship is going down hill but they both would like things to get better but he doesn't know what to do.
He feels like he keeps messing things up. Could you please talk to him?
I also don't feel like he's trying hard enough but she also doesn't do everything from what I hear.
You're spot on with how he feels.
All I want is for him to do better because all I've ever seen is problems in we very relationship he's had but this relationship for some reason has been the hardest.
He cries all the time because of frustration because he really loves her and he also has ADHD.
I'm enjoying your channel. I tried to search your videos. Do you have a video telling your story on when and how you found out. What brought you to the diagnosis?
My husband just brought it up that he thinks he has ASD. He's 39. He took the AQ and Alexithymia quiz. Off the charts. The therapist asked me to write my observations down. Not sure how long we have to wait to know? We've been married 4 years and together 10. It's been hellacious. I don't know if we'll ever be able to communicate.He is very loyal but angry a lot at me. Glad you have an educated partner. Hope this ship can turn around. We're both hurting at the moment.
I'm 90% sure I have aspergers. Undiagnosed but literally every symptom. From rocking repeatedly as a child and literally not even realizing im doing it but instead being constantly picked on for it as if I was aware and doing it on purpose. To being diagnosed with tourettes and having excessive motor tics like multiple times a day to the point where I'm not allowed to drive. To literally having short term memory loss and being easily confused and taking things very literally and needing very specific details of what you need me to do in order for me to feel safe completely the task. I mean at this point there's no way I don't have it.
Aspie or not, communication is THE most important thing to keep things running smoothly in any type of relationship.
Also, I wonder if people with autism actually value it more highly than some NTs, as a result of needing to work harder at it and/or their need for more clear, direct communication.
Great tips!! Thank you!
Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
another great video!
Thanks for the Tips Dan !!!!!!!!!
Any time!! Make sure you are subscribed and have the notifications turned on :).
Will do Dan !!
Good video!
Thank you so much for the comment!