You slept with them. OWN IT
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ก.ย. 2024
- You chose to sleep with them. So why are you giving them the power to validate you? Take your power back. Own your body. Own the choices you make. This action alleviates victim mentality and frees you from guilt, fear, and anxiety.
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"Do not wait by your device for them to contact you"! Lmao!!! I love this!!!
Yay! Glad you like it.
Ive been there.......met a woman at NA (12 step). I was NEEEEEEDY as fuck. So was she, but not quite as bad as me. Of course we got clean off drugs, fell in love......or it felt like that.....and I remember on my days off work, litterally waiting for the landline to ring.......and when it did but it wasnt her I was devistated. All my self worth was through her. If she wanted to spend time with me, I had value, if she had better things to do that day.......I was worthless. Horrible feeling.
Lmao so true
@Mystic Bloomer Agreed Mystic, feeling worthless is just horrible. Hope you found your way out of it....I think as we get a little older we gain a little bit of confidence naturally over time. All the best.
I couldn’t agree more. I spent 6 months with a person who was just using me and made it clear he didn’t want a relationship.... a year later, still broken, haven’t been able to forgive myself and take responsibility for my own mistake. It kills me inside how I could let this happen. It’s as if I broke my own heart...
I don't know if this will help, but sometimes you can use it as a giant learning experience of what you don't ever want to repeat again and it can save you from bad experiences in the future. At least you only spent 6 months on him.
Thanks, really appreciate your comment!
@@sarusaru7860 You are very welcome Sara. I spent 7 yrs on a narcissistic pathological liar, and I could totally kick my own @ss for wasting so many good yrs on him and getting sucked into his manipulation every time I tried to leave - BUT when I finally realized I needed to make a clean no contact cut (even though my heart was breaking in a million pieces and felt like I could not go on) I made sure to never repeat that and ended up with a really good guy, who takes the BEST care of me and I can trust to always be there through thick and thin. I can guarantee you this: There is always someone waiting for you out there, who is gonna love you so much more that the one that broke your heart..you just haven't met him yet:)
I can’t even imagine how hard it must have been for you spending 7 years of your life with someone who wasn’t worth it but I’m glad you got your happy ending! Doing no contact and going cold turkey on him was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. He came back a few times but never had anything substantial to say so I never showed any interest even though all I wanted to do was tell him how much I miss him but he clearly didn’t value me enough to make an effort so I just let it be. My heart still sinks every time I think of him but the strange thing is that I don’t understand why he means so much to me. I have hope i’ll Find the right guy some day. Won’t repeat the same mistakes again. Susan gives me so much hope.
@@sarusaru7860 Yeah wish I had more sense when I was young...was too loving and naive and it was easy for him to manipulate me. He was the most popular guy at his HS and everyone was always telling me how lucky I was and how good we looked together..even my mom was under his spell, pressuring me to get back with him. I wish I could give you the biggest hug and tell you that the intense hurt does fade..it feels like it never will but it does. Part of hurting so bad is because you are a very loving person ..if you were a cold fish, you wouldn't feel much, but a warm loving person feels so much when there is a loss of a loved one. You want to look at this as a positive, because when you find the right guy who is truly worthy of that love, you will be able to lavish it on him and make him the happiest man in the world too. You are gonna find the right guy, be patient and visualize exactly what you want so the universe or the Lord (depending if you have a faith) can bring him to you. It took me many years to find mine but he was worth the wait. Just be assured there is someone out there right now who is gonna love you so much and make you forget all about this guy and you will realize what a joke guy#1 was. That how I feel towards my ex now...I would never be attracted to him today.
Excellent topic, will not be shamed guilted victimised by my adult decision
yes
Good topic. Own your decision and be ready for consequences. Unfortunately, the "conversation" is not always the deal, because many will say whatever it takes to get in the sheets, whether they mean it or not is another story. Good luck to all.
Thanks Love Bird
Your dog is mesmerizingly beautiful. You look gorgeous together, like you just stepped out of a magazine.
Love this. Thank you
Great topic. If I don't feel confident in the relationship I don't sleep with them. I dislike the insecure feelings of will he or wont he see me again. So I'd rather only go down the sex route if I feel it's a real relationship based on a genuine platform. But I'm old fashioned. I've been burnt in the past when I wasn't very good at spotting players. Plus my personality doesn't like having sex without deep emotional connection. Took me a while to work it out though.
Brava Diva!!! You rock. Thanks for this!
Wow! This sounds like exactly what I’ve been through, took me enough mistakes and a while to figure it out too, that I’m old-fashioned and the way things are run generally without developing feelings or a more solid relationship don’t work for me. It’s great to know you can learn and change to something thats more positive for you. My name is Rachel too btw 😊
Rachel McNicol same!
Rachel McNicol I’m so the same thanks for this 🙏
Look like u are describing me LOL
People need to understand that once they put too much thought into dating, and sit there and analyze everything, it throws them off their center. The result of this is not being authentic, and not living the moment (cause of the obsession with the future) , and it will only end up pushing people away! So, the most important thing is to do what is right for you, and be confident in your decisions. If you want to have sex, do it! Don't doubt who you are and what you are doing! Go out and have fun, live the moment, and own it! Date multiple people if necessary. You have to have the mindset that the other person is lucky to have you, and if they don't want you it's their loss!!! This is what naturally confident people do. If you feel you lack confidence, work on that first. Get professional help to conquer your self doubt if needed. There is no shame in that. Then you will be able to go out there, date many people, and have fun without the headaches! It will make your dating life so much better.
To the above statement about dating several people at one time. Do you know what soultieing is? Stds also are not worth sleeping around. Sure confidence is nice but when you have confidence you dont need to sleep around & date many, thats what weak people do. Your thinking is backwards.
@@MarioStCyr-qv8vn dating other people doesn't necessarily mean you have to sleep with them. It means getting to know them and seeing if they're a good fit for you. If you do decide to have sex, you should always use protection.
I am so glad that I found this video! I really needed to hear this and this perspective!
I had a great weekend with somebody I had just met we were attracted to each other and had a great conversation and then one thing led to the next...
It was a wonderful time however it's been a couple days and haven't heard anything from him.
It definitely flip me upside down and got me feeling all sorts of ways.
From what I gathered he was emotionally unavailable so I just need to own what I did and know he's ultimately not available and just don't give myself in that way again without setting clear boundaries an intentions for myself ❤️
Child of the 70s here. No regrets. Really great time to be young!!
"What I think about myself is what counts!" - Susan Winters 👍🏼👏👏👏👏👏👏
Yes, Teresa!
No it doesn't. We have societies for a reason. We have social moorings for a reason. I've known serial killers who thought very highly of themselves but their actions were morally and socially reprehensible. Some food for thought.
@@teresaperez5581 I watched it and it's a worthless endeavor to walk around accepting yourself no matter how egregious your behaviour. This may be the reason you dont het the call back as was mentioned in the video. I wasn't off topic you just couldn't connect the dots.
@@slardebard your entitled to your opinion. This is a self help channel and people do find this information helpful to them. 🙏
@@teresaperez5581 all I'm saying is when things go wrong you need to look at you first and be honest otherwise you won't grow.
Yes! Thank you. You’re absolutely correct in saying how liberating it is. We are all adults here! Own it. 🙌🏻
This happened to me this weekend. I had been on and off with this guy for the past 5 years, finally a month ago we decided to really start trying this time. Last night I saw him and he asked me to be his girlfriend, shortly after that I found myself in bed with him 🤦♀️. Now I'm regretting it and thinking I moved to fast!
How did it go Nicole Huron
One of your very best videos ever! Impressed! So many of us have been guilty of beating ourselves up over it. As we grow older we no longer get sucked in quite so easily. Aside of sex being involved, even ghosting can break you. It’s time for women to not give males as much power over validating our worth. I’m going to strive to make this my goal. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
YAY!! Happy to read this, Victoria.
Should have always been with just one person. No more will I repeat the mistake of being with someone sexually without feeling certain that it's forever. I just can't handle sharing bodies when everything else isn't shared, first. It feels like every new partner takes away a bit of your soul, and when it doesn't last or if you know it's not and you do this to yourself on purpose, it's saddening to say the least. Just, no more for me. Yuck.
What a powerful sign-off Susan! You're a powerful, admirable woman, and a role model for us all. Great video as always, and I'm looking forward to the next.
I always say to myself there are no victims only volunteers. Very Good advice. By owning your choices u don’t give someone else power over u or your feelings. Even when things go badly.
This woman is simply amazing 🥰
Thanks Alba
I was confused about what this video would even be about and to me it seems so logical. We are in charge of our actions and how we react to the outcome good or bad. Sex really shouldn’t be put on this pedestal of a barometer of how things are developing in a relationship.
Very good idea! Emotions may be sudden or crazy but we can still choose how to handle them. And that includes how we handle guilt.
SO GLAD YOU ADDRESSED THIS!
Thanks!
Amazing advice. I've been feeling guilty during the past couple of days because I kind of fell for and slept with the wrong kind of guy. He called back but I'm not sure if I want to continue. I just want to get over it.
Yes everyone own it. From toads to princes and princesses own it. You nailed him or her. Maybe it was fun. Maybe it was average. Maybe it was clumsy and totally forgettable. Own it!
People are the architects of their lives, whether they own it or not. Ultimately their choices will effect how prosperous and happy they will be. This is but one of many examples. And like many of the commentors posting here, women not owning their decisions will eventually cost them a level of happiness and a lack of satisfaction in their lives.
Always good to hear your wise counsel. Makes me miss my dog.
"don't make up he's a sociopath because he didn't contact you
" it's 1.40am and I'm roaring laughing, thank you!!!
I was sleeping around with the same mindset as a guy...... I see now that's not the way to go
Love this! I embrace my choice.
Love your sensitive but no nonsense approach👍
Subscribed 😊
Probably a person feeels bad to sleep with someone when that person gave false illusions regarding a long term relation whne it fact he/she was a [player.
It would be no hard feelings if the person would be honest and say he/she want a one night stand and u can accept it or not.
Maybe women should stop embracing a victim mentality and learn how to ID players.
One night stand conversations rarely go that far. I think it is just personal expectations.
ID players??? I think most players both men and women are pretty transparent that they play games. I don’t think this is about game players. I think this is directed towards men who have a “shady” and a corrupt character to manipulate women and seek to intentionally take advantage of women.
I once had a conversation with an ex, he told me wanted sex and I would have given it to him had we have been involved Romanticly, and I told him that I would if we were in that kind of a relationship but I never felt like we were. We did find each other attractive but I told him I wanted that kind of commitment from him, not just because we found each other attractive - he ended the relationship in a weeks time, he was out of all my exes respectful enough to call me and tell me, for that I will hold respect to the guy for but he just told me because I wanted that, he told me he wasn't in that place. It hurt. It honest to god hurt. And I was very angry. I turned to a girlfriend but he did not have sex with me I didn't give that part of myself away
"You must embrace the choices you've made or, by default, you'll be a victim"
I am an older Black American man and I have always been fascinated with the topic of relationships between men and women … I have had many, many conversations with women about their relationship ups and downs… Whenever a woman would say she was used for sex by a man my first question was, did he put a gun to your head? Did he force himself on you?
Or was it consensual???? Because believe it or not women also use men just for their sexual pleasure… However; if a man is constantly lying to you that’s a totally different matter… But sometimes women automatically assume that if you and a man are being sexually intimate you’re in a relationship….Not true unless you discussed it and you both agree…..
There's power in owning our stuff. Thanks Susan.
Perfect video, Susan! Congratulations on getting to 90k subscribers! Another 910k need you as well! 😁
Thank you!!!!! One dear person at a time!!
I like your content, you talk my language, you talk about things I get, things that hit home.
You got pretty eyes btw.
Thank you
Bravo 👏. Well said, Susan!!
Thanks Lucy
We often think we can do the '' friends with benefits '' thing, not even considering that this could lead to feelings...........perhaps unwanted feelings. Sex, love and intamcy are all very closely related right??!!! All that oxytocin being released all those feel good chemicals can have you feeling after sex that someone you just liked is now someone you REALLY want or need in your life and can be very confusing.......thats what Ive found in my limited experience. You really do have to consider your actions and if you want what comes with what youre about to do...........its big boy/girl shit.
the dog is just as beautiful as you. your both so soft and warm looking. 😄😄
Thanks SuperModel
Don't give it to him! Unless he is seriuos
I met my wife upon mtg her we talked, I told her
I'm not seeking serious relationship due to making prior girls cry when I left. I got fooled
🥰
Thank you Susan! I needed to hear this! 🙏
Great video, thank you!
Oh Susan this needs so much more follow up discussion....just the tip of the iceberg.
Yes, D Dc. Any suggestions??
Some men should take ownership for ruining marriages/relationships for downplaying responsibilities. Because obviously some men are oblivious and messed up recognizing their responsibility in their marriage/relationship. Which explains why men continue to stay oblivious and shell/shocked when women are the ones who initiate divorce more than men.
Hi Susan!! So good to see your videos, gratitude
Thanks Rizlane
Definitely needed that thank you so much
Fantastic, +LindaPetty
This how I feel but, I take accountability for my actions. He still talks me after we had sex. He have a girlfriend though but, we are co workers.
I do not text him all the time I text him when ever I feel like it. I told him I didn't want a "relationship" but, he claim me as his girlfriend. I only want friends.
He told me that he do not believe in sleeping with a "Woman" if she's not his girlfriend. He ask me do I sleep with any of my friends??? I told him no I do not. He said right your my "Girlfriend", but me and him never had no discussion about "relationships" we was just talking about having fun.
This. Women should have sex because they want to and not use it as a bargaining tool. Own it
Great advise. If we all stopped trying to manipulate one another we might actually have real relationships.
Thank you for this video! You are fabulous.
Why do people say the same thing over and over and over 52 different ways. Like I didn't catch it the first 12 times?
This message is perfect!
White doggo is in the video!!!!!!!xoxoxoxox
Yup, it's Nikka the Pomsky
@@SusanWinter Wow that is one I haven't heard of..I was wondering what kind of dog she was..thought she might be an Eskie. Absolutely stunning and such a lovely disposition too.
Thank you!
Great topic. It goes both ways guys and girls
it’s called biology, we need physical touch, stop shaming women. 🙄
loooove this, Susan!
Happy to see this, MJ
This helped me. Love this
You're the best!
Definitley subscribing Susan.....but may I be so bold as to ask in the politest way possible, what makes you an expert?? (really do mean this respectfully hope you can tell). Is it just something youre intrested in and feel your life experience lends itself well to or are their some kinds of course one would attend. I love hearing your wisdom.
I think sometimes life experience is a lot more valuable than a qualification. I rememeber as a 20 something year old drug addict, I had a social worker. Nice woman, but couldnt have been any older than 23.......I remember feeling (perhaps wrongly so) that I had more life experience than she did and that wasnt it strange this young woman would advise me how to live.......I suppose the flip side of that was her life was certainly more together than mine EVER has been.....Im waffling..........subscribed.
Period!
I love you ❤️
Wow great advice
Good afternoon coach!
Hey, number 1!!! Hi Stephen.
@@SusanWinter Hi!
I thought YOU were number one!
Lol. Thanks. Have a great day,what's left of it...
@@stephenciotti1836 You're always this #1's, #1!!!
@@SusanWinter Very gracious of you to think that,let alone say it.You've made my day,and i appreciate that Susan. Thank You.
you are amazing with your femininity i hope all girl be like you amazing personality
I love you and your little dog 🐕 too.
Cute!! We both thank you.
Part of a womans perogative includes not taking sexual responsibility.
Get to know someone before having sex, yeah? If he can't wait for, say, two three dates then meh.
Thanks for the advice cause I did that some times ago I slept with her but I was real uncomfortable
Great video. Who’s tapping? Lol
so you own it to not feel bad afterwards. then what?
That's it.
It is what it is then.
I would love to see a "You got pregnant with them, OWN IT." video from Susan. LoL! I'm not going to hold my breath.
Yes ladies own it and accept it,but don't be proud of it cuz a high body count for men and women is totally different.
@Full Tilt Boogie well looks like she wasn't really proud after all lol
Those are social constructs dear, grow up and stop living according to stupid gender biased “rules”
💜
I haven't slept with a man for over 20 years because of how it left me feeling. Anyone who met me in those days doesn't know me. That's what men say they want but they don't tell you that's ALL it will be. one night.👻
Why should they have to tell you that? These days who are you to expect more? Women engage in this behaviour more than men. More young women are having sex than young men.
Where do you get your ridiculous stats from??? If you want to know which of the two sex, is more irresponsible with sex, then look no further than whom the porn industry and strip clubs cater. May be talk to the industry insiders and you will get your answer loud and clear that Men are irresponsible with sex.
What a beautiful dog! What breed is it?
Hi Andrea. She's a Pomsky (2nd generation Pomeranian and Husky)
What to do if i slept with a guy from my circle and afterward after asking so many times he said he have a 7 yrs gf whom he cant leave
Love you 😘
Sin is always a choice. Living with the consequences of our sins is not a choice but it is a penalty. By owning her (our ) choices does that mean she (we) get to destroy any unwanted outcome of that choice without allowing that outcome any say in it? Why shouldn't we allow the innocnet to own that choice if that's what bings them into this world?
Is that an engagement ring Susan lol?
She better invite us all to the wedding 😂😂😂
ms liz right lol...
THAT IS GREAT ADVISE!!🌈🎶☂️🎧❣️
U MAKE A CHOICE & QUE SERA. SERA
. U HAVE TO LIVE THE 🌈🎶🎵❣️☂️ CONSEQUENCES OF THAT ACTION
IVE BEEN THERE DONE THAT.
ITS BEEN A WHILE & NO. NO MORE. NOW ITS ALL OR NOTHING!🌈🎶☂️🎧❣️ IT'S ALL OR NOTHING!!!! 🎶🎵🌈🎧❣️☂️ AHAHA
👍
❤❤❤
I'm flying 8,000 miles to have sex (or not) with the man I've been sharing with nearly 2 years. I'll own it! 😊
Lol.....owning it will not take away the negative consequences of your actions. Owning it will not keep away feelings of being used or guilt. Owning it is only a quarter of the trip. Because it will be a bumpy ride for you unless and until he marries you.
AD J Woahh!!! Now why you gotta throw “Marriage” into the matter🤔
Regardless how long a female & a guy have been talking for, whether that be 6-8 Months or 1-5 Years or more & things are going smooth & they decide to have sex together & the guy decides not to contact this woman back, or talk about the sex afterwards & or bring up the fact that they even talked for soo many years, & just to have sex with her, doesn’t mean He has to marry Her.
Now Ik that’s cold hearted, & no I’m not going to throw in the common “Maybe he’s not ready to talk about things & or express his feelings” I don’t believe that makes him a bad guy, same vise versa, I believe simply that talked for years, agreed to sex & he simply decided not to contact the woman again, I mean even if he did still stay in contact, he doesn’t even have to have a relationship with the woman, they can just keep talking, even though I do understand that woman is going to feel
• Confused
• Used
• Degraded
But the fact is he’s still talking to you, & y’all had sex, he just doesn’t want a relationship or Marriage
I guess my question is just because A woman & a Man have sex, & the woman most likely will have feelings wrapped up in between the sex & will become clingy & Attached, but afterwards the Guy decided he didn’t want a relationship/Marriage
Is that soo Bad if he’s still communicating with her🤔🤔
Me I think not but other woman may think differently.
Fantastic. I love this!
Susan Winter Love what exactly?
I hope he's at least paying for your flight ticket otherwise it's not worth it, imo
❤👏🥰🔝
Yes, but remember, a quality man is attracted to a quality woman. So own your choices.
Own your number of sextual partners, and accept that the more sexual partners you have, the less likely you will attract a quality man.
Cédric Vulliez hahahaha
You slept with all of them and now no quality man will ever commit
❤❤❤