Know what my ex all did wrong. The relationship was insanly toxic and abusive with all the gaslighting and getting the blame for everything, even the things he did. But the trauma bond is real. I still love him, obsessing over him and most def want him back. Even tho, i know he is not a good person to me. Hardest break up ever.
Wonder if you'll truly love him again when you get him back? Sometimes, that blend of trauma bonding, ego, rejection, and sense of competitiveness is blinding. Then, when you get him back, it is sort of underwhelming or underpressing.
@@TheLT81837 I went to my doctor and got prescribed medication and have never felt better in my life. If you truly have abandonment issues and a very anxious attachment style the anxiety becomes overwhelming. In my opinion medical intervention is needed.
I never thought my x was perfect... That was an issue because I worried more about him after our breakup. It was the most overwhelming pain I ever experienced. The inability to help the man I loved most was beyond words....I would give up some of my gifts to releive his pain.....It's worse for me to see the pain in him than it is for me to feel my own...Yes I'm aware he most likely wouldn't do that for me...
I had broken no contact a week ago because her mom messaged me telling me that she was saying she still had feelings. She encouraged me to do it. I got completely ignored and it put me back on this emotional roller-coaster. Please let them figure it out whether they end up choosing you or not.
Hang on man! She's reacting defensively, maybe she was caught off guard. Emotion is a reaction, it spurges than recedes. I have been myself in this excruciating pain of being treated as such and now with all that understanding i have and taking the way out of it: painfree living is good. You have my full support, let us win over destructive patterns and be strong in constructive ones, one step at a time. If you find it okay, let us keep track of one another because we both are in this, and many others too
@nino_94 yeah I'm trying. It's just frustrating and I almost felt dumb for messaging. Like you've said you have feelings and you won't work with me.. instead you ignore me. I don't understand and probably never will
@@michaelbrady4033you seem really disappointed in can understand an i go through this myself. The attraction has been so low that her feelings cannot have an impact anymore: attraction is loke the plug and feelings like the strength of the electricity. If the cord is unplugged than no matter how much electricity available, it cannnot and will not go through. Love and attraction: first attraction than love within this attraction
Don't give up! I felt into a trap like that. Since then, I gave her the "dark side of the moon" - she's very slowly getting her shit together. Never make a move BEFORE they do! Don't give up on you!
The best heartbreak video I’ve seen since my breakup 4 months ago No contact for 2 months I moved to another state to stay with my family for a while. Hurts. But your words are on point. Well done!!!
Please do a episode on breadcrumbing. I was in a relationship that wasnt even that long but the pain and confusing I feel is so overwhelming. I don't even like the person but what they did to me just monopolizes my mind.
Almost the same situation. Only me & him, were just friends, I had feelings for him. I told him I "had feelings for him". I knew him for over 3 years. Then he began to have women, over to his house. Before, hardly anyone went next door, to his place. They didn't stay long & they never returned. I felt devastated. He moved out late last year. I was very relieved. But he still lives in this town. I see him around town, but he just ignores me & I ignore him, too ! I was just too 'high value' for him, compared to the women I saw him with, who were way beneath me in comparison. 😊
Thank you! This is the first time I realized the one who has something wrong with them isn’t the one feeling all the emotions. That’s a sign of my ability to live authentically. My ex is the one who is broken because he can’t feel as deeply as me and blocks his emotions constantly
I know, it sucks. Try to get some functionality going. My heart was broken by a gal with BPD elements and its tough, but the best thing that keeps me going is reminding and reviving my inner strenght, things that I love to do and goals I strive for. We can take strenght and comfort from others, Coach Ken, but the strongest force to help you get through this no matter the outcome of this break up is within you, I promise it helps tremendously even though I am in pain everyday.
Me too. 5 weeks, and it's a force of will not to break it. All I can think is, "How long is it going to take? I soothe myself with "time is on your side. Every day i don't reach out to him, his respect for your discipline grows. " Whether that's true or not won't be learned if and when he does reach out to me. Either way, respecting his wishes for no contact shows that we truly do/did love them. ❤️
This was sooooo on point I’ma have to watch this again! WOW!! Was involved with an emotionally damaged women who throw tantrums, couldn’t take constructive criticism, didn’t care about hurting your feelings, and liked creating drama. And although I miss her dearly I have to constantly remind myself that I deserve better & not some 36 yr old who acts like a 6 year old. 🤷🏽♂️
The entire time I was with my ex I had been trying to find a house in this terrible market. She dumped me and a month later I finally won a bid on a home. But when I got the news, I wasn't happy, it felt like I got news that a family member died. All I wanted was to share my triumph with my ex but no matter what I said it would just come across as needy or validation seeking. The feeling dulled over time but no contact and the uncertainty has been tough.
I had the exact same situation mate, having my bid accepted should’ve been one of the biggest accomplishments of my life - but all I did was go to my room and cry. It’s kind of funny looking back on it
I feel similarly. After months of trying to no avail, all at once things started working right after she dumped me. I found an apartment near her school. I got my work schedule changed after it had been such a pain for seeing each other. Her summer break started. Now none of it is of any use to us
Impressive you can realize that and control the impulse - many people find it overwhelming and do what they know hurts their situation for the 1 in a million chance only to beat themselves up later for doing it. That strength is HUGE for you in more ways than just re-attracting her.
@@CoachKen Thank you for the kind words! I went no contact immediately after the break up and haven't broken it at all. It's been over 2 months and I've heard nothing from her. It definitely has that feeling of uncertainty and staring at dirt. It has its ups and downs but I refuse to sabotage the work I've done so far. My biggest thing is realizing something is triggering me, allowing myself to feel those emotions, but refusing to take any actions or allow excuses that would hurt myself and break no contact.
It's been 5 months exactly broken up, one month in no contact (there were the occasional texts before). Some days are a little better than the others, some worse...doesn't help my dog died last Friday and now I'm completely alone. Was about to break nc yesterday...sent her a message on social media but unsent it minutes later before she read it. At this point I need to heal because the pain has really been overwhelming to the point that I cannot think of anything else. Never expected it to hit me this badly, tbh. I don't know what the future holds, but at this point she totally ignored me as if I don't exist so any reach out from my end would only fall on deaf ears. Thanks for these videos, coach. I'll be booking another call in around two weeks time. - your follower from Malta :)
there are a lot of coaches out there, and they all describe the pain very similarly and also the way it is. but Ken has a special way of describing his pain in the past that it really makes my pain feel less devastating, even though I’ve felt like dying.
Dude you are hilarious without even trying. Every video I watch you have me laughing out loud. I'm going through it. Been 3 months. I have been the chaser....adhd. I have looked at nearly everyone on the internet. You are the first person who describes how I feel but also has tactics. Thank you so much. I'm going to look into getting in a call.
Thank you for doing these. Although I do it right and I see progress letting her come to me, reviving attraction, it doesn’t come easy. As you said, I catch myself neglecting the good and feels like staring at rocks again. Stay strong, laugh at it if you can, helps me when waking up from hellish nightmares.
Im going through a painful break up currently with someone I was with for 5 years and who was a best friend for over 10, and this content is helping me to keep going. I know the relationship wasn't healthy for the last two years, we were always stressed and couldn't meet each others needs, and the same day he broke up with me he started dating a coworker... I have ADHD and the pain is immense, but I am trying my best to keep going ❤
Thank you for this video. It’s the best I’ve seen on this topic. I’m usually the one on the other end giving advice, but I recently went through a break up with a good person and it has been very difficult. I actually did a video on my channel about it a few days ago discussing how difficult it is getting over a good person versus a bad person and your video applies in either scenario. I will be saving this and listening again as a reminder. Thank you!
This is gold! I have watched countless videos on healing in relation to heartbreak and this one hit some points I never heard addressed. I love the correlations used that create a person as a whole... Such as if you have strong positive qualities, it only stands to reason you will have strong reactions to negative experiences as well. If they are not hurting or bothered, its because they dont have strong positive qualities either. Kinda like the yin/yang or counterbalance effect. Very profound theory. I never looked at like that before and it makes total sense. Made me see myself and them in a different light. One thousand upvotes! Thank you!
Made me smile to read what you wrote - thank you so much for the kind words and thoughtful comment! I felt the same way when that realization hit me - alters the framework of your pain when you realize the hurting is the result of strength instead of weakness - allows you to feel pride instead of shame when that ache hits you in the chest and that feeling of rejection starts to make you see yourself as weak. Mental hug!
It's all so painful for me even after nearly 3 months into separation 😭💔😭 It's hard to find info online which helps as I was the one to instigate the break~up... There were reasons but I'm now realising maybe i was too hasty... The pain has been and still is almost debilitating 😥😥😥 I feel so broken inside and when carrying myself out in the world... Your presence, your words and your wisdom has been and still is such a soothing light in the darkness of my internal abyss 🌦🌑🌤 I thank you so much 🙏🙏🙏
I've been there. Trust me, I also suffered terribly! TIME heals. Each day, week, and month that go by, you'll start feeling better. Remember to listen to these videos EVERY DAY!
@@jannlewandowski5540 Thank~you so much for your words of understanding and support 💝 I appreciate you taking the time to write more than you know 💟 xx
Loving your videos. Worst thing I did was be understanding and offering her my support. Get pushed away further. The hard thing is, this bird who was ‘making love’ to me a week prior just disposed in an instant. It’s hard when she doesn’t mention me as a person, just the memories and places we went and things we did. I felt like a resource vehicle even though she did dip into her own pockets often. How confusing. No contact is the way.
Ken, this is an amazing video. It covers things from many angles. I've been deeply upset and for 5 months I've been trying to recover my wife of 30 years from leaving me and our two kids behind and being with a rich bachelor that is supposedly looking for a wife now. I've been so, so upset. Literally crying almost every day. I realise I have been in love with my own image of her, not the real her. But I still also like the real her. I also know that I greatly contributed to the breakdown in our relationship. But so did she. She always harboured some doubts, but she stood by my side for 30 years. I'm sorry I couldn't fulfil all her needs and wants, but I did my best. I think I am a great guy. Sometimes she does too. I am working on me and fixing me, and making sure my kids are ok. If she decides to return we will need to fix things. If she doesn't, at least I will be in much better shape, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Thank you ken.
The way you explained it is probably the best on TH-cam honestly not to discredit other pages but you use empathy you relate and give confidence without promising anything except for that we will be aight
It’s been a year of NC and I still feel overwhelmed. I was blindsided and still do not know why. Dark limerence is real. I don’t know why I still want her back after what she did to me. I should never want to talk to her again, but I do. Very sad actually. Intellectually I understand the situation, but emotionally I don’t.
this video is really helpful, I am going through a hard break up right now. whenever I feel bad i start watching your videos and it made me improve mentally a lot. I still miss her and want her back but as you said i will be strong, try to focus on myself , and thanks again for your amazing videos. keep your great work going, you are amazing Coach Ken.
Thank you, Ken. Every time I watch this video and your other videos, I get better and closer to being the girl I was before I met him and attracted him to me. That list of his flaws? It has worked wonders to knock him off the pedestal I put him on……and the list of my strengths and qualities has helped me to know my own worth again. I sent him one short letter after the breakup owning up to my part in it and apologized for it. That was over 75 days ago and it will stand as my only contact going forward. Whether he comes back or not, I win. I go forward stronger and at peace. Thank you for your good work. 😎👊🏻
Really helpful video. I feel connected. I'm going back and forth between pain and numbness. Definitely feeling dead on the inside. I hate my fear, because I know from other breakups, this can go on for a long time. Many feel better after 2 months, hopefully this will be you. In 2 months, you will feel better.
my ex has been constantly liking my stories on fb and even liked one of my posts so it's making it very hard for me to maintain no contact, hopefully soon if he wants to reach out he will. When I'm struggling I come to Coach Ken's videos!
It's been 5 months exactly broken up, one month in no contact (there were the occasional texts before). Some days are a little better than the others, some worse...doesn't help my dog died last Friday and now I'm completely alone. Was about to break nc yesterday...sent her a message on social media but unsent it minutes later before she read it. At this point I need to heal because the pain has really been overwhelming to the point that I cannot think of anything else. Never expected it to hit me this badly, tbh. I don't know what the future holds, but at this point she totally ignored me as if I don't exist so any reach out from my end would only fall on deaf ears. Thanks for these videos, coach. I'll be booking another call in around two weeks time. - your follower from Malta :)
Hang in there. I'm also feeling the intense pain 5 months post-breakup and 5 months no contact. I'm praying it gets better, but it helps knowing that other people are in the same boat. We got this!
I like that you take a different approach with helping people cope with the breakup/loss and going through no contact instead of just giving advice. You give very helpful information but your compassion also shows which is very authentic and appreciated. You give people hope during their most difficult times.
Hands down as hard as all this was to hear and accept I still needed to hear it because despite me trying to reach out each time with no response I knew deep down, I shouldn’t. Thanks Ken ❤
I’m glad I found you. I think I drove her away with my intense affection. The break up was a wobbler. 2 mo as of yesterday. She said she needed to heal on her own. No contact for 1mo still feels unnatural to still be feeling the loss. Thanks for all you do sir!
@@poopfeast-kg1lv After 5 mos. We’re “seeing” each other no relationship talk. She apologized for driving by my house and getting upset another car was there. Then promptly cane over on her lunch and “made it up” to me. She is an avoidant so I’m not looking for any fairy tale endings. I’m continuing to grow and work on me.
I caused the breakup. I’ve spent the last month since the breakup changing every aspect of my life. I lost 25 pounds in 30 days and have put on a surprising amount of muscle in such a short time. I sent an apology that highlighted essentially every problem she had in the relationship. She was communicating with me through the Saturday, even making inside jokes with me and offered to meet to give me back a shirt. Since she offered she has fallen off the map and stopped communicating so I’m back in no contact and frustrated
It’s often more a fear of being alone than actual real love that causes the emotional turmoil. But yes no contact is definitely the best course of action because it gives you a sense of control over your emotions.
I decided to take a 3 year break from relationships. I used to fear being alone and God told me I had to overcome this. I don't fear being alone but I would love a relationship. To marry. When my man left, I had no fear..I missed him.
No contact 1 year and I'm not backing down. I'm enjoying life, a new job 1 year this month. , new body, loss 40 lbs since last year. New car. Birthday car.. i think he was dead weight bc I made a come up. Lol. So why is he now going to get his hair cut at my best friend's hair salon? Make it make sense.
@CoachKen thank you!! intermittent fasting. I was a warrior, omad, or ADF. I still have 10 lbs to lose, but right now, I start eating after 2pm and my cut-off time is 8pm. It's an 18/6. Also, I have to credit my cardio of choice. It's called rucking. Most civilians never heard of it, but it's a faster way to burn calories than just walking alone. So add a 10 - 20 lb ruck sack, backpack, or weighted vest, and that's rucking. Thanks for your no contact videos. I've been following you since before we broke up. No contact always works but I don't want him back now. I think I'm just preparing myself for when he gets the b@lls to try. Lol, I'm sure he's created a fake account on fb and saw my transformation. Plus, his cousins still follow me.
@nino_94 I meant that my life is better. My job, I work from 💯 % remote, pay is way better. I am enjoying myself. I went to Vegas and a cruise with my girls. If we were together, he would have been telling me not to go. All the money I used to spend on him for necessities and just bc, or holidays I found myself with extra money in the bank. Lol. That's called affirmation. He was the only 1 winning in the relationship. Side note. I actually broke up with him. I evicted him bc he wouldn't pay rent. Just half of the rent. He used the classic. .. ''You make more money than me" smh, such a deadbeat. Anyway he wouldn't leave so unfortunately I had to evict.
1 week no contract… been broken up for 2 months no contract is on and off, they keep saying respect my space and where I stand it kills me… it’s so hard but this video all your videos help… everything your saying is soo true.
Most days I'm ok...I survive. But today it feels unbearable. I have no friends or family here, Sunday afternoon... It makes me crazy, I miss his kisses, his smell, his voice. And I can't accept I won't see him again or the fact that he doesn't feel the same way about me.. maybe he's missing me today too? Maybe he cried some day because he missed me? 3 months of radio silence and counting
All of it makes sense. A week after my break up I got to that point. How can I love someone who is not loving me back? The struggle is how can I show the the kind of energy i was giving if she does come back? And there's just no other ladies out there that compares.
You have a soul tie. You were illegally married in the spiritual realm and now the devil is tormenting you & exacerbating your pain. This is why the Bible forbids premarital sex. There are countless videos on dismantling soul ties. Once broken, you won't hurt like you do. God is able.
I feel numb inside. We broke up on February, got back partly on march, got discarded on April+ he got engaged within a month !!!! I was so sad, broken and depressed. Now going NC. I feel better every dingle day. I did my best. He deserves the break up so he would know who he lost ! He was, he will never be a happy person ever. He will always be miserable, sad, miserable young child. He was so ungrateful for everything I did to him. I cried for my hopes and dreams that were nothing but a mirage. Now I’m numb, I don’t cry anymore, I don’t feel any pain. I’m not jealous of his fiancé cause I know SHE WILL BE DISCARDED SOON. Not my circus not my monkeys 🎉
NUMB is when your mind turns off emotions that it believes won't change the dynamics. Usually happens once you've tried and tried multiple ways and times to express yourself and are left feeling like it was useless
Going on 165 days of no contact and even though I know he’s toxic for me. I still love him and miss him with all of my heart. I still cry over him. I miss the good parts of him and not the way he treated me.. I just wish the good man I fell in love with would come back to me.. I do realize that isn’t going to happen though. It just hurts so badly.
He's using you as training wheels to get over you - it's scary to pull away from the only contact and connection you have left but if he doesn't get a strong sense of loss he has no motivation to reconsider or trigger that panic that comes with you not being an option
How does no contact work if the dumper is a co worker? How do I do no contact if I see her everyday for around 1 hour? This is so painful and torturous because I see her against my will and can’t actually find another job at the moment.
I do have ADHD and yes I did all those things and wrote him a poem, which he dismissed. I cooked for him. Massaged him! I always complemented him. Which makes me feel sick that I did all those things! 😕😔😣
I don't want to get out of bed after I found out he is a narcissist and on top of that my mother died and I have no one.....and I don't trust dating sites......the fact that he doesn't even miss me....hurts the most.
Been in nc for 4 weeks, she text after 3 days to say she had my keys, i told her I'd be in touch to get them, ive been working on myself lost weight got new hobbies etc, its been driving me crazy thinking she will text me about my keys, so my friend has arranged to collect them from her, have i blown it? I feel like as soon as i get my keys, i will no longer be holding onto false hope thinking she will text me.
So difficult to undestand why I can t recover..he cheated..lied dumped me and is with a new supply..before i discovered he said he loved me and now he treats me like he never cared!i can t stop the pain and the shock
@@CoachKen thank you for your response. I feel so lonely. I have been contacted by an ex that said that he treated other women the same way..I should despise him but the hurt is so deep..he pretended I was the love of his life and made me take care of him and gave him my all..now I'm broken
Coach you have been of so much help. I have an ex that kept on breaking NC, so I stood my ground and told her: "Hey, if you're confused and dont know what you want with me, please dont reach out. If by the time you are certain you want me in your life, if I'm still available let me know and we can have a talk". She's been in spain for 2 months now, and since we lived together I recall that the first month she left, I grabbed some of my stuff and made our bed. I keep thinking that bc I made the bed I give out intentionallity and let her know, like, hey im still here you know. Despite that this was months ago
I came home after a long day at work , opened the door and discovered all of his stuff was gone and there was a goodbye note he left for me on the table. 10 years living together and that’s how he leaves me. I had absolutely no clue . The carpet was ripped out from underneath me. Turns out , he had already got an apartment and had everything all set up beforehand. And he lived with me pretending everything was fine until his move in day. He pretended to go to work that morning, I hugged and kissed him and wished him a good day at work. He waited until I left for work and then he came back with a moving truck and packed up and left me. Said he wasn’t happy. Said he couldn’t do it in person and have that conversation with me. I was so Blindsided. So Devastated. So Broken. Now after 2 years, I am finally over him. It is so freeing not thinking of him every minute of the day now. Now,I hardly think of him. I don’t care how he is or what he is doing. I feel indifferent. I finally went no contact after one year after being dumped. I just couldn’t let go before that time even though it was causing me so much hurt being in contact with him. Going no contact was the turning point for me and started my healing. I wish I did it sooner. I never thought I would ever get over the devastation of my world being turned upside down but I finally got there and it feels good. And right now , I have no desire to date , I’m enjoying dating myself and liking my own company and now like living by myself, finally…… ☺️ Coach Ken , I related to every word you said in this video. You expressed exactly all what I went through. Thank You.
I'm so sorry you went through that - and admittedly I don't know all the details but I will say the way he left you sounds like the actions of a narc or even psychopath - Good men and bad men make mistakes, but certain mistakes and choices a good man doesn't do because he can't live with himself without his conscience destroying him and making him make it right. I'm sorry for your hurt - but he sounds completely unworthy of you.
Coach what if I was rude, indifferent when I saw her again after she cancelled on me from her reaching out to meetup, after a month no contact. I accidentally showed my cards frustrated and annoyed dismissive. She was reaching out before now isn't. I knew I was supposed to be happy and fun first 'new date' but did I blow it and need another no contact or it's done?
Don't let yourself beat on you too much - you can't know what made her respond the way she did - sometimes all you can do is project the best version of you.
Ken, I had agreed to friendship and promised to stay away until she's ready. Now I wonder if when she reaches out I should tell her we can see each other when she sees hope for us again. Alternatively I can try to reattract through friendship. What do you think?
It is not working that way, friendship will lead you to friendship. What is key ks attraction, there are lot of videos on the subject online. The first move for the possibility to attract the other is working on yourself while going no contact. No contact will induce a sort of your value, and your strength. And working on yourself will reveal a real you as being a catch for who you truly are. This will activate the attraction process. Then there will be other steps down the road. It can be tough but it is safer, reducing the pain and letting life in you not dying meanwhile strongly securing your possibilities of getting back with someone great for you, wether it be your ex or someone else. Let us B Be victorious on your pain and your weaknesses and build you way out of this situation transformed and alive
Subtle but effective way after you agree to friendship is being that friend that is warm, relaxed but for the most part disconnected. I know that sounds murky and unclear so my apologies but quick mental reference, treat her like you would interact with a girl you LIKE but HAVE ZERO ATTRACTION FOR IN THE LEAST. Her ego will notice the utter lack of pursuit and the friendship works as a stage for you to subtly but in an unmissable way that you are no longer in pursuit. That blow to their ego and being caught off balance by it often triggers re-examination and re-attraction - BUT if they keep contacting without closing the gap then close the door and simply explain very calmly and confidently "Hey - I'm glad we're on good terms but we need some time to just get used to not being in each other's lives, since we don't really have a future together."
@@CoachKen Thank you for weighing in. Isn't this advice very different from what Coach Lee advises, that we should be assertive to show we don't accept the boundaries of friendship? She prides herself on logic and left me for herself, for her mental health. Somehow I need to demonstrate growth, and develop emotional attraction again. I suppose being aloof as you say may contribute to that, but how I advance without setting off alarm bells or letting her perceive me as a friend, I am not sure.
You dont wanna be friends with ex but you do wanna be “friendly”. Big difference. I went throuh this stage recently and telling her I cant be just friends with her actually surprised her, I stood up for myself. Next time we met I was confident, flirty and causual and she returned the same and it worked! The “friendliness” need to be on your terms, it will allow you to reset the attraction again.
Long story. Mine is unbearable and then she put restraining order on me two weeks ago and not said she doesn’t want to do it . But still wants the new guy. It’s breaking me I paid so much for attorney.
@coachken, what about when no contact wasn't established as a "time period," I.e.: "You did good giving me space to process our last argument. This time, you're going to have to wait a bit longer. This won't hit me as fast as it will you. It will be...awhile... before I feel it the way you do. But, when I'm healed from this, can I contact you on messenger?" That's open-ended, no contact. To save my sanity, I unfriended him but did not block him. We wound up in the same grocery store on the same day. He looked right at me while I was still in my car. He shook his head in way that said "now she's stalking me". I didn't get out of my car until he left the parking lot, but I know it did damage. What's your advice?
One minute I’m fine, one minute I’m happy and enjoying music, then the next I’m mad and disgusted and disappointed. I keep telling myself how shitty she is and I should move on but I just can’t. I just know how I am as a person and in a relationship and I didn’t do anything wrong, I was great and that’s most likely the issue. Trying to make myself believe she doesn’t deserve me, because she really doesn’t. She deserves to be alone or with guys that treat her like shit.
I know the break up was my fault and to be honest I deserve to not have another chance with her, but it’s just unbearable because for some reason, I can’t get her out of my head and that is what bothers me the most I want to move on, but the thoughts just keep flooding my head
Hi Coach Ken. I wanna ask if No Contact still works for my ex who just got engaged with a rebound after 3 months since we broke up. Will I still able to get her back? At first she was showing all her stories about her new rebound guy on instagram. It's quite often and she never did like this before when she was with me. I'm hoping that she'll regret doing this to me one day. But I'm wondering if I'm still able to get her back?
What if they moved away after breaking up with you, say the most demeaning words to you., call u all names in the book, and then reach out a week later asking "how are you" like nothing happened.?😊
What if you did "worship" them? I did flood him with stuff when we were together... Is it hopeless to get them back? Been in NC for 3 months working on me but I still very much miss him.
My ex tried to break up with me after 8 months of being together. I was quite toxic from my last relationship. I went into therapy, put in the work and made a 180. She agreed and after a break of a month we got back together. I kept putting in the work and kept becoming a better person. She always kept doubting us. She tried to break up with me on numerous times for an entire year. Now 35 days ago she broke up with me. After a relationship of a year and 8 months. I went into nc immediately. It hurts more every day, its so intense. When she broke up with me she was crying, told me shes still so in love with me and even wanted to sleep with me on that moment. I couldnt do it though and refused. She texted me for the 3 days after the break up to see how i was doing. I reacted politely but didnt carry the convo. Today she went on the vacation to her dads house in a warm country that we booked together. I dont know if nc works this time, she just has a picture in her head of who is goung to be her perfect partner, the perfect father of her kids and apparently im not it..
I need advice please.. My ex of 8 years... she left me 2 months ago and moved out 1 month ago.. moved in with her best friend in the same month.. I gave in and broke her trust again and again.. I truly dont want to ever do it again and ever hurt her again... she is still telling me that she isnt ready to talk and isnt ready to open up to me.. it seems like she is living life like nothing ever happened.. every day i still text her i goodmorning i love you and goodnight i love you.. she always tells it back to me.. even if we see eachother and i ask for a kiss she gives it to me.. i asked if it feels like im forcing her to give me a kiss and she said she wouldnt do it if she didnt want to.. Do you think there may still be hope?🥺 Theres nothing i want more in my life than to have her back 😔
My LDR broke up with me in November. I met up with her in February because of false hope during Christmas. After February she ghosted me after I was trying to force a conversation about the relationship. I reached out again in May by email and accepted the breakup. I told her I’m also ready to move on. I’m going into week 8 of no contact. It’s so difficult but I keep on going. I just want her to feel what I feel.
Sorry man. I know the feeling. Some of her last words to me was that the relationship was special "in my head." It's kind of like I don't want her back as things were. That's the only thing that keeps me going
@@jamesgraves9858 - Damn, the "in my head" is harsh but it would be strong fuel to motivate me to prove that just because I WANTED her, I never actually NEEDED her. Sorry though - that wording she used was just harsh
You're still well in the game - 2 months is a long time to hurt but she could just be getting to the stage that she wonders why you haven't reached out and wonders why she's wondering about it
@@CoachKenI think so too. In my case I was pretty needy and controlling towards the end of the relationship, majority of our 2 year relationship we didn’t have many problems despite the distance. It’s going to take a while for her to remember that confident and stable version of myself. Have no other option but to trust no contact. Thanks Coach Ken. When she reaches out I will book a call with you.
@@jamesgraves9858That’s tough. She’s forgotten who you are at the moment but with no contact I’m sure she’ll start feeling remorse knowing that she lost someone who truly cared about her.
I’m my case she has never felt true love and she is a dismissive avoidant. She is still controlled by her narcissistic mom She literally told me that she is toxic and unworthy of Gods love to include my love
So after my divorce from my 7 year marriage with a narcissist who cheated on me and then divorced to be with him. People constantly told " the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new!". So I am both ADHD and codependent, I knew I was ADHD from when I was a kid, but only recently found out I'm codependent and what that means when I finally went to therapy. I never understood why it took me years to get over a relationship until recently. But after my divorce I went on sites like bumble and Tinder, these sites weren't around before I met my ex wife. What I found out was it was way easier to find a date and also do the horizontal mambo with them. However that only served a temporary relief from the pain. But woman now days are dating multiple men and when they find a guy they are more interested in, they pull away because they are paying more attention to either the new guy or the ex who reached out to her and then all the pain and feelings start coming back of being rejected and thrown away by my ex-wife. There were specific times to was worse, usually when I'm laying in bed trying to sleep and Sunday nights when I have to be at work early. What I found the best was two things which everything in my head doesn't want to do. First is keeping myself busy. When buried myself in work and took on projects at home, or other things were I feel overwhelmed with what I need to get done, it doesn't allow me for idol hands. But my brain is telling me I should just sit at home and self loath. When I become crazy busy, my mind is concentrating on spinning on these plates and not how hurt I am or how much I miss her. However those thoughts always creep in my mind even if I'm busy doing something. The second thing that helps me is to remind myself of all the horrible things she has done to me! If I just start making a list in my head of what she did, I have noticed that my mood will change from extremely upset and sad and missing her. To getting pissed off and upset and actually glad that I can now be with someone better! Dating someone else right away or going on dates and even spending the night with that girl works, but only for a short period of time and in a weird way once she goes back to her place, it makes me miss ex even more. I'm trying to think of the best analogy here but it's kind of like having drinks or taking Molly! Yeah it will make you feel better for a short period of time, but once the substance wears off, you feel worse then before you ingested it!
All of this..."First is keeping myself busy. When buried myself in work and took on projects at home, or other things were I feel overwhelmed with what I need to get done, it doesn't allow me for idol hands. But my brain is telling me I should just sit at home and self loath. When I become crazy busy, my mind is concentrating on spinning on these plates and not how hurt I am or how much I miss her. However those thoughts always creep in my mind even if I'm busy doing something. The second thing that helps me is to remind myself of all the horrible things she has done to me! If I just start making a list in my head of what she did, I have noticed that my mood will change from extremely upset and sad and missing her. To getting pissed off and upset and actually glad that I can now be with someone better!" - YAY!!! - Anger is not always a negative emotion - it can be a completely healthy and beneficial response. What matters is what you do when you're mad. The actions are good or bad, healthy or unhealthy - but people suppress anger as always destructive and rob themselves of legitimate strength and it causes them by default to put the blame on themselves and to damage their self worth even more.
One moment I feel good, the next moment I feel punched in the stomac.
This is the best video about heartbreak. Thank you.
Thank you too!
Know what my ex all did wrong. The relationship was insanly toxic and abusive with all the gaslighting and getting the blame for everything, even the things he did. But the trauma bond is real. I still love him, obsessing over him and most def want him back. Even tho, i know he is not a good person to me. Hardest break up ever.
I was also involved with a narcissist for 5 years. I FINALLY had to leave. Now I feel human again and not a ROBOT!
Going through exactly the same... ❤️🩹 10 months post breakup, have a child together, following strategic contact... God help us all
Be strong! You got this AND don’t give in! Fight it… and do your best one day at a time to keep busy. ❤
Wonder if you'll truly love him again when you get him back? Sometimes, that blend of trauma bonding, ego, rejection, and sense of competitiveness is blinding. Then, when you get him back, it is sort of underwhelming or underpressing.
Same here.
If your in a huge amount of distress after the break up, you have an anxious attachment and childhood trauma about being abandoned.
Not necessarily. Distress is normal. Let's say someone becomes a drunk after a break up or is suicidal, then I might agree with you.
I have both. 😢
@@TheLT81837 I went to my doctor and got prescribed medication and have never felt better in my life. If you truly have abandonment issues and a very anxious attachment style the anxiety becomes overwhelming. In my opinion medical intervention is needed.
Wow I've never met or heard anyone who gets it and has put exactly how I feel into words like this .
Thank you Dancing! Much appreciated - wasn't sure how well some of what I said was articulated.
This man is a saviour
I never thought my x was perfect...
That was an issue because I worried more about him after our breakup. It was the most overwhelming pain I ever experienced.
The inability to help the man I loved most was beyond words....I would give up some of my gifts to releive his pain.....It's worse for me to see the pain in him than it is for me to feel my own...Yes I'm aware he most likely wouldn't do that for me...
I had broken no contact a week ago because her mom messaged me telling me that she was saying she still had feelings. She encouraged me to do it. I got completely ignored and it put me back on this emotional roller-coaster. Please let them figure it out whether they end up choosing you or not.
Hang on man! She's reacting defensively, maybe she was caught off guard. Emotion is a reaction, it spurges than recedes. I have been myself in this excruciating pain of being treated as such and now with all that understanding i have and taking the way out of it: painfree living is good.
You have my full support, let us win over destructive patterns and be strong in constructive ones, one step at a time.
If you find it okay, let us keep track of one another because we both are in this, and many others too
@nino_94 yeah I'm trying. It's just frustrating and I almost felt dumb for messaging. Like you've said you have feelings and you won't work with me.. instead you ignore me. I don't understand and probably never will
@@michaelbrady4033you seem really disappointed in can understand an i go through this myself.
The attraction has been so low that her feelings cannot have an impact anymore: attraction is loke the plug and feelings like the strength of the electricity. If the cord is unplugged than no matter how much electricity available, it cannnot and will not go through.
Love and attraction: first attraction than love within this attraction
Amen - that happens quite a bit - they bait you back to get the reassurance that you're still there - selfish and emotionally immature behavior.
Don't give up! I felt into a trap like that. Since then, I gave her the "dark side of the moon" - she's very slowly getting her shit together. Never make a move BEFORE they do! Don't give up on you!
The best heartbreak video I’ve seen since my breakup 4 months ago
No contact for 2 months
I moved to another state to stay with my family for a while. Hurts. But your words are on point. Well done!!!
Thank you Teri!
He is def the best coach out there! Love the Push Pull video!
Why did u stay with ur family , u couldn’t stay alone ?
Please do a episode on breadcrumbing. I was in a relationship that wasnt even that long but the pain and confusing I feel is so overwhelming. I don't even like the person but what they did to me just monopolizes my mind.
Almost the same situation. Only me & him, were just friends, I had feelings for him. I told him I "had feelings for him". I knew him for over 3 years. Then he began to have women, over to his house. Before, hardly anyone went next door, to his place. They didn't stay long & they never returned. I felt devastated. He moved out late last year. I was very relieved. But he still lives in this town. I see him around town, but he just ignores me & I ignore him, too ! I was just too 'high value' for him, compared to the women I saw him with, who were way beneath me in comparison. 😊
Thank you! This is the first time I realized the one who has something wrong with them isn’t the one feeling all the emotions. That’s a sign of my ability to live authentically. My ex is the one who is broken because he can’t feel as deeply as me and blocks his emotions constantly
Just had my first call with Ken today. Really helped me put things into perspective. Highly recommend a 1 on 1 with him.
Thanks Statik!
This month of NC has felt like a year has passed, and everyday I'm resisting the urge not to break it 😢
I know, it sucks. Try to get some functionality going. My heart was broken by a gal with BPD elements and its tough, but the best thing that keeps me going is reminding and reviving my inner strenght, things that I love to do and goals I strive for. We can take strenght and comfort from others, Coach Ken, but the strongest force to help you get through this no matter the outcome of this break up is within you, I promise it helps tremendously even though I am in pain everyday.
Me too. 5 weeks, and it's a force of will not to break it. All I can think is, "How long is it going to take? I soothe myself with "time is on your side. Every day i don't reach out to him, his respect for your discipline grows. "
Whether that's true or not won't be learned if and when he does reach out to me. Either way, respecting his wishes for no contact shows that we truly do/did love them. ❤️
I’m on day two after constantly breaking it and now I understand it’s due to my ADHD and it feels like I haven’t spoken to them for a year
This was sooooo on point I’ma have to watch this again! WOW!! Was involved with an emotionally damaged women who throw tantrums, couldn’t take constructive criticism, didn’t care about hurting your feelings, and liked creating drama. And although I miss her dearly I have to constantly remind myself that I deserve better & not some 36 yr old who acts like a 6 year old. 🤷🏽♂️
Amen!
The entire time I was with my ex I had been trying to find a house in this terrible market. She dumped me and a month later I finally won a bid on a home. But when I got the news, I wasn't happy, it felt like I got news that a family member died. All I wanted was to share my triumph with my ex but no matter what I said it would just come across as needy or validation seeking. The feeling dulled over time but no contact and the uncertainty has been tough.
I had the exact same situation mate, having my bid accepted should’ve been one of the biggest accomplishments of my life - but all I did was go to my room and cry. It’s kind of funny looking back on it
I feel similarly. After months of trying to no avail, all at once things started working right after she dumped me. I found an apartment near her school. I got my work schedule changed after it had been such a pain for seeing each other. Her summer break started. Now none of it is of any use to us
Impressive you can realize that and control the impulse - many people find it overwhelming and do what they know hurts their situation for the 1 in a million chance only to beat themselves up later for doing it. That strength is HUGE for you in more ways than just re-attracting her.
@@CoachKen Thank you for the kind words! I went no contact immediately after the break up and haven't broken it at all. It's been over 2 months and I've heard nothing from her. It definitely has that feeling of uncertainty and staring at dirt. It has its ups and downs but I refuse to sabotage the work I've done so far. My biggest thing is realizing something is triggering me, allowing myself to feel those emotions, but refusing to take any actions or allow excuses that would hurt myself and break no contact.
It's been 5 months exactly broken up, one month in no contact (there were the occasional texts before).
Some days are a little better than the others, some worse...doesn't help my dog died last Friday and now I'm completely alone.
Was about to break nc yesterday...sent her a message on social media but unsent it minutes later before she read it.
At this point I need to heal because the pain has really been overwhelming to the point that I cannot think of anything else.
Never expected it to hit me this badly, tbh.
I don't know what the future holds, but at this point she totally ignored me as if I don't exist so any reach out from my end would only fall on deaf ears.
Thanks for these videos, coach. I'll be booking another call in around two weeks time.
- your follower from Malta :)
Battled cancer this last year and I'd rather do that again than this crap!
there are a lot of coaches out there, and they all describe the pain very similarly and also the way it is. but Ken has a special way of describing his pain in the past that it really makes my pain feel less devastating, even though I’ve felt like dying.
Love you guys so much. So much strength in your videos.
Your videos are like a band aid for my heart. Thank you coach Ken!!
Thanks Jackie!
Dude you are hilarious without even trying. Every video I watch you have me laughing out loud. I'm going through it. Been 3 months. I have been the chaser....adhd. I have looked at nearly everyone on the internet. You are the first person who describes how I feel but also has tactics. Thank you so much. I'm going to look into getting in a call.
Thank you for doing these. Although I do it right and I see progress letting her come to me, reviving attraction, it doesn’t come easy. As you said, I catch myself neglecting the good and feels like staring at rocks again. Stay strong, laugh at it if you can, helps me when waking up from hellish nightmares.
Yes!
Im going through a painful break up currently with someone I was with for 5 years and who was a best friend for over 10, and this content is helping me to keep going. I know the relationship wasn't healthy for the last two years, we were always stressed and couldn't meet each others needs, and the same day he broke up with me he started dating a coworker... I have ADHD and the pain is immense, but I am trying my best to keep going ❤
Thank you for this video. It’s the best I’ve seen on this topic. I’m usually the one on the other end giving advice, but I recently went through a break up with a good person and it has been very difficult. I actually did a video on my channel about it a few days ago discussing how difficult it is getting over a good person versus a bad person and your video applies in either scenario. I will be saving this and listening again as a reminder. Thank you!
This is gold! I have watched countless videos on healing in relation to heartbreak and this one hit some points I never heard addressed. I love the correlations used that create a person as a whole... Such as if you have strong positive qualities, it only stands to reason you will have strong reactions to negative experiences as well. If they are not hurting or bothered, its because they dont have strong positive qualities either. Kinda like the yin/yang or counterbalance effect. Very profound theory. I never looked at like that before and it makes total sense. Made me see myself and them in a different light. One thousand upvotes! Thank you!
Made me smile to read what you wrote - thank you so much for the kind words and thoughtful comment! I felt the same way when that realization hit me - alters the framework of your pain when you realize the hurting is the result of strength instead of weakness - allows you to feel pride instead of shame when that ache hits you in the chest and that feeling of rejection starts to make you see yourself as weak. Mental hug!
It's all so painful for me even after nearly 3 months into separation 😭💔😭 It's hard to find info online which helps as I was the one to instigate the break~up... There were reasons but I'm now realising maybe i was too hasty... The pain has been and still is almost debilitating 😥😥😥 I feel so broken inside and when carrying myself out in the world... Your presence, your words and your wisdom has been and still is such a soothing light in the darkness of my internal abyss 🌦🌑🌤 I thank you so much 🙏🙏🙏
I've been there. Trust me, I also suffered terribly!
TIME heals. Each day, week, and month that go by, you'll start feeling better. Remember to listen to these videos EVERY DAY!
Thanks Pink! I'm sorry you're going through it - but stay strong!
pinks, believe me when I tell you that what you're going thru will pass. Remember, TIME is a major factor. I felt like you, but it goes away. 👍❤️
@@jannlewandowski5540 Thank~you so much for your words of understanding and support 💝 I appreciate you taking the time to write more than you know 💟 xx
@@pinksrilala7704 😉⚘️
Loving your videos. Worst thing I did was be understanding and offering her my support. Get pushed away further.
The hard thing is, this bird who was ‘making love’ to me a week prior just disposed in an instant. It’s hard when she doesn’t mention me as a person, just the memories and places we went and things we did. I felt like a resource vehicle even though she did dip into her own pockets often. How confusing. No contact is the way.
Ken, this is an amazing video.
It covers things from many angles.
I've been deeply upset and for 5 months I've been trying to recover my wife of 30 years from leaving me and our two kids behind and being with a rich bachelor that is supposedly looking for a wife now.
I've been so, so upset. Literally crying almost every day.
I realise I have been in love with my own image of her, not the real her.
But I still also like the real her.
I also know that I greatly contributed to the breakdown in our relationship. But so did she. She always harboured some doubts, but she stood by my side for 30 years.
I'm sorry I couldn't fulfil all her needs and wants, but I did my best.
I think I am a great guy. Sometimes she does too. I am working on me and fixing me, and making sure my kids are ok.
If she decides to return we will need to fix things.
If she doesn't, at least I will be in much better shape, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Thank you ken.
The way you explained it is probably the best on TH-cam honestly not to discredit other pages but you use empathy you relate and give confidence without promising anything except for that we will be aight
Thanks Stacy - that means a lot!
It’s been a year of NC and I still feel overwhelmed. I was blindsided and still do not know why. Dark limerence is real. I don’t know why I still want her back after what she did to me. I should never want to talk to her again, but I do. Very sad actually. Intellectually I understand the situation, but emotionally I don’t.
I feel your pain. I'm 1 months post break up, in excruciating pain ... I'm worried this will last a while too long. 😔
this video is really helpful, I am going through a hard break up right now. whenever I feel bad i start watching your videos and it made me improve mentally a lot. I still miss her and want her back but as you said i will be strong, try to focus on myself , and thanks again for your amazing videos. keep your great work going, you are amazing Coach Ken.
Thanks so much Conscious! (mental hug!)
Thank you, Ken. Every time I watch this video and your other videos, I get better and closer to being the girl I was before I met him and attracted him to me. That list of his flaws? It has worked wonders to knock him off the pedestal I put him on……and the list of my strengths and qualities has helped me to know my own worth again. I sent him one short letter after the breakup owning up to my part in it and apologized for it. That was over 75 days ago and it will stand as my only contact going forward. Whether he comes back or not, I win. I go forward stronger and at peace. Thank you for your good work. 😎👊🏻
Beautiful testimony, thank you for sharing
God bless you for that - YES! (Mentally standing and applauding you right now)
Really helpful video. I feel connected. I'm going back and forth between pain and numbness. Definitely feeling dead on the inside. I hate my fear, because I know from other breakups, this can go on for a long time. Many feel better after 2 months, hopefully this will be you. In 2 months, you will feel better.
my ex has been constantly liking my stories on fb and even liked one of my posts so it's making it very hard for me to maintain no contact, hopefully soon if he wants to reach out he will. When I'm struggling I come to Coach Ken's videos!
It's been 5 months exactly broken up, one month in no contact (there were the occasional texts before).
Some days are a little better than the others, some worse...doesn't help my dog died last Friday and now I'm completely alone.
Was about to break nc yesterday...sent her a message on social media but unsent it minutes later before she read it.
At this point I need to heal because the pain has really been overwhelming to the point that I cannot think of anything else.
Never expected it to hit me this badly, tbh.
I don't know what the future holds, but at this point she totally ignored me as if I don't exist so any reach out from my end would only fall on deaf ears.
Thanks for these videos, coach. I'll be booking another call in around two weeks time.
- your follower from Malta :)
Hang in there. I'm also feeling the intense pain 5 months post-breakup and 5 months no contact. I'm praying it gets better, but it helps knowing that other people are in the same boat. We got this!
This is totally me
Me too
Nc is the healing. May the force be with you!
I like that you take a different approach with helping people cope with the breakup/loss and going through no contact instead of just giving advice. You give very helpful information but your compassion also shows which is very authentic and appreciated. You give people hope during their most difficult times.
Hands down as hard as all this was to hear and accept I still needed to hear it because despite me trying to reach out each time with no response I knew deep down, I shouldn’t. Thanks Ken ❤
Thanks Angie - stay strong!
So true with a holiday causing alot of the pain all over again
I’m glad I found you. I think I drove her away with my intense affection. The break up was a wobbler. 2 mo as of yesterday. She said she needed to heal on her own. No contact for 1mo still feels unnatural to still be feeling the loss. Thanks for all you do sir!
Any updates?
@@poopfeast-kg1lv After 5 mos. We’re “seeing” each other no relationship talk. She apologized for driving by my house and getting upset another car was there. Then promptly cane over on her lunch and “made it up” to me. She is an avoidant so I’m not looking for any fairy tale endings. I’m continuing to grow and work on me.
You are ridiculously good at inspiring ✨️
Thank you Lupe - agonizing moments in the past can be useful when you find someone else in that same pain later in life. Very kind of you to say
You're the best on the internet, tx u absolutely repaint, perfect, that I am missing
Dead inside for sure!!! 😞
Probably your best video yet, thank you
Thanks Martin!
Thanks!
You are an angel. One of the best counselling sessions i have received ⚡
Much love! Thank you!
I caused the breakup. I’ve spent the last month since the breakup changing every aspect of my life. I lost 25 pounds in 30 days and have put on a surprising amount of muscle in such a short time. I sent an apology that highlighted essentially every problem she had in the relationship. She was communicating with me through the Saturday, even making inside jokes with me and offered to meet to give me back a shirt. Since she offered she has fallen off the map and stopped communicating so I’m back in no contact and frustrated
Mcnulty! Pussai!😂
Update?
It’s often more a fear of being alone than actual real love that causes the emotional turmoil. But yes no contact is definitely the best course of action because it gives you a sense of control over your emotions.
I decided to take a 3 year break from relationships. I used to fear being alone and God told me I had to overcome this. I don't fear being alone but I would love a relationship. To marry. When my man left, I had no fear..I missed him.
@@danilaroche1156I made that decision too after my breakup 5 weeks ago. I am feared to be hurt again after loving someone so much and being betrayed…😢
It’s been 6 months and most days I think I will just not get over it. Life does go on but this just isn’t in the rear view mirror.
Thanks brother so much I really needed this it definitely was extremely helpful mentally and emotionally to hear about everything that you said ❤
No contact 1 year and I'm not backing down. I'm enjoying life, a new job 1 year this month. , new body, loss 40 lbs since last year. New car. Birthday car.. i think he was dead weight bc I made a come up. Lol. So why is he now going to get his hair cut at my best friend's hair salon? Make it make sense.
Hello, thanks for sharing, you give me strength reading your 1 year no contact period. What you mean you made a come up?
THat's fantastic! and impressive - I'm trying to do no contact with carbs and losing 40 lbs is a challenge even without a breakup!
@CoachKen thank you!! intermittent fasting. I was a warrior, omad, or ADF. I still have 10 lbs to lose, but right now, I start eating after 2pm and my cut-off time is 8pm. It's an 18/6. Also, I have to credit my cardio of choice. It's called rucking. Most civilians never heard of it, but it's a faster way to burn calories than just walking alone. So add a 10 - 20 lb ruck sack, backpack, or weighted vest, and that's rucking. Thanks for your no contact videos. I've been following you since before we broke up. No contact always works but I don't want him back now. I think I'm just preparing myself for when he gets the b@lls to try. Lol, I'm sure he's created a fake account on fb and saw my transformation. Plus, his cousins still follow me.
@nino_94 I meant that my life is better. My job, I work from 💯 % remote, pay is way better. I am enjoying myself. I went to Vegas and a cruise with my girls. If we were together, he would have been telling me not to go. All the money I used to spend on him for necessities and just bc, or holidays I found myself with extra money in the bank. Lol. That's called affirmation. He was the only 1 winning in the relationship. Side note.
I actually broke up with him. I evicted him bc he wouldn't pay rent. Just half of the rent. He used the classic. .. ''You make more money than me" smh, such a deadbeat. Anyway he wouldn't leave so unfortunately I had to evict.
1 week no contract… been broken up for 2 months no contract is on and off, they keep saying respect my space and where I stand it kills me… it’s so hard but this video all your videos help… everything your saying is soo true.
Most days I'm ok...I survive. But today it feels unbearable. I have no friends or family here, Sunday afternoon... It makes me crazy, I miss his kisses, his smell, his voice. And I can't accept I won't see him again or the fact that he doesn't feel the same way about me.. maybe he's missing me today too? Maybe he cried some day because he missed me? 3 months of radio silence and counting
Turn to Jesus Christ. Best decision you will ever make.
All of it makes sense. A week after my break up I got to that point. How can I love someone who is not loving me back?
The struggle is how can I show the the kind of energy i was giving if she does come back? And there's just no other ladies out there that compares.
You have a soul tie. You were illegally married in the spiritual realm and now the devil is tormenting you & exacerbating your pain. This is why the Bible forbids premarital sex. There are countless videos on dismantling soul ties. Once broken, you won't hurt like you do. God is able.
Fantastic advice.
Thank you.
Thanks Gordon!
I feel numb inside. We broke up on February, got back partly on march, got discarded on April+ he got engaged within a month !!!!
I was so sad, broken and depressed.
Now going NC. I feel better every dingle day. I did my best. He deserves the break up so he would know who he lost !
He was, he will never be a happy person ever. He will always be miserable, sad, miserable young child.
He was so ungrateful for everything I did to him. I cried for my hopes and dreams that were nothing but a mirage.
Now I’m numb, I don’t cry anymore, I don’t feel any pain. I’m not jealous of his fiancé cause I know SHE WILL BE DISCARDED SOON.
Not my circus not my monkeys 🎉
NUMB is when your mind turns off emotions that it believes won't change the dynamics. Usually happens once you've tried and tried multiple ways and times to express yourself and are left feeling like it was useless
@CoachKen is it worth reaching out to your ex and explain that you know that's how they feel?
Going on 165 days of no contact and even though I know he’s toxic for me. I still love him and miss him with all of my heart. I still cry over him. I miss the good parts of him and not the way he treated me.. I just wish the good man I fell in love with would come back to me.. I do realize that isn’t going to happen though. It just hurts so badly.
Thanks Ken
Thanks Avenger!
feels like im a pupy and someone puts me down with a desert eagle ... one month ... no sighns- gohsting is fucking crule
Amazing
Excellent as always ❤
Today the pain is unbearable it's 3weeks tomorrow and I don't know how to do this. Lord help
He's using you as training wheels to get over you - it's scary to pull away from the only contact and connection you have left but if he doesn't get a strong sense of loss he has no motivation to reconsider or trigger that panic that comes with you not being an option
@@CoachKen does it take long to regret losing me. After I did his business, children him and always telling him how proud I am of him. And left.
Great video
How does no contact work if the dumper is a co worker? How do I do no contact if I see her everyday for around 1 hour? This is so painful and torturous because I see her against my will and can’t actually find another job at the moment.
Treat her no different than any other coworkers you’re not really friends with or close to. Be polite but minimal in interaction.
I do have ADHD and yes I did all those things and wrote him a poem, which he dismissed. I cooked for him. Massaged him! I always complemented him. Which makes me feel sick that I did all those things! 😕😔😣
After my divorce, third party ,it's been 2 1/2 yrs and I'm still in pain.. ..is this normal? Unfortunately we work together..
I don't want to get out of bed after I found out he is a narcissist and on top of that my mother died and I have no one.....and I don't trust dating sites......the fact that he doesn't even miss me....hurts the most.
Thank you Coach Ken
I appreciate your advice you have been helping me get thur this thanks
Ken, that was TERRIFIC! You are still the BOMB!! 👍
Everything you said is true! ❤
Been in nc for 4 weeks, she text after 3 days to say she had my keys, i told her I'd be in touch to get them, ive been working on myself lost weight got new hobbies etc, its been driving me crazy thinking she will text me about my keys, so my friend has arranged to collect them from her, have i blown it? I feel like as soon as i get my keys, i will no longer be holding onto false hope thinking she will text me.
So difficult to undestand why I can t recover..he cheated..lied dumped me and is with a new supply..before i discovered he said he loved me and now he treats me like he never cared!i can t stop the pain and the shock
he's inauthentic and insincere and shallow and self serving - but you aren't. The good heart is supposed to hurt
@@CoachKen thank you for your response. I feel so lonely. I have been contacted by an ex that said that he treated other women the same way..I should despise him but the hurt is so deep..he pretended I was the love of his life and made me take care of him and gave him my all..now I'm broken
Coach you have been of so much help. I have an ex that kept on breaking NC, so I stood my ground and told her: "Hey, if you're confused and dont know what you want with me, please dont reach out. If by the time you are certain you want me in your life, if I'm still available let me know and we can have a talk". She's been in spain for 2 months now, and since we lived together I recall that the first month she left, I grabbed some of my stuff and made our bed. I keep thinking that bc I made the bed I give out intentionallity and let her know, like, hey im still here you know. Despite that this was months ago
Update?
I came home after a long day at work , opened the door and discovered all of his stuff was gone
and there was a goodbye note he left for me on the table.
10 years living together and that’s how he leaves me.
I had absolutely no clue .
The carpet was ripped out from underneath me.
Turns out , he had already got an apartment and had everything all set up beforehand.
And he lived with me pretending everything was fine until his move in day.
He pretended to go to work that morning, I hugged and kissed him and wished him a good day at work.
He waited until I left for work and then he came back with a moving truck and packed up and left me.
Said he wasn’t happy.
Said he couldn’t do it in person and have that conversation with me.
I was so Blindsided.
So Devastated.
So Broken.
Now after 2 years, I am finally over him.
It is so freeing not thinking of him every minute of the day now.
Now,I hardly think of him.
I don’t care how he is or what he is doing. I feel indifferent.
I finally went no contact after one year after being dumped.
I just couldn’t let go before that time even though it was causing me so much hurt being in contact with him.
Going no contact was the turning point for me and started my healing.
I wish I did it sooner.
I never thought I would ever get over the devastation of my world being turned upside down but I finally got there and it feels good.
And right now , I have no desire to date ,
I’m enjoying dating myself and liking my own company and now like living by myself,
finally……
☺️
Coach Ken , I related to every word you said in this video.
You expressed exactly all what I went through.
Thank You.
I'm so sorry you went through that - and admittedly I don't know all the details but I will say the way he left you sounds like the actions of a narc or even psychopath - Good men and bad men make mistakes, but certain mistakes and choices a good man doesn't do because he can't live with himself without his conscience destroying him and making him make it right. I'm sorry for your hurt - but he sounds completely unworthy of you.
@@CoachKen Thank You So Much for what you said.
I appreciate it immensely.
Thank You.
🙏🏻
In the future, don't live with a man unless in covenant marriage. Hope you feel better love.
Coach what if I was rude, indifferent when I saw her again after she cancelled on me from her reaching out to meetup, after a month no contact. I accidentally showed my cards frustrated and annoyed dismissive. She was reaching out before now isn't. I knew I was supposed to be happy and fun first 'new date' but did I blow it and need another no contact or it's done?
Don't let yourself beat on you too much - you can't know what made her respond the way she did - sometimes all you can do is project the best version of you.
@@CoachKen 🙏 thank you
You are the best 😎
Ken, I had agreed to friendship and promised to stay away until she's ready. Now I wonder if when she reaches out I should tell her we can see each other when she sees hope for us again. Alternatively I can try to reattract through friendship. What do you think?
SAME SITUATION
It is not working that way, friendship will lead you to friendship. What is key ks attraction, there are lot of videos on the subject online.
The first move for the possibility to attract the other is working on yourself while going no contact. No contact will induce a sort of your value, and your strength. And working on yourself will reveal a real you as being a catch for who you truly are.
This will activate the attraction process. Then there will be other steps down the road.
It can be tough but it is safer, reducing the pain and letting life in you not dying meanwhile strongly securing your possibilities of getting back with someone great for you, wether it be your ex or someone else.
Let us B
Be victorious on your pain and your weaknesses and build you way out of this situation transformed and alive
Subtle but effective way after you agree to friendship is being that friend that is warm, relaxed but for the most part disconnected. I know that sounds murky and unclear so my apologies but quick mental reference, treat her like you would interact with a girl you LIKE but HAVE ZERO ATTRACTION FOR IN THE LEAST. Her ego will notice the utter lack of pursuit and the friendship works as a stage for you to subtly but in an unmissable way that you are no longer in pursuit. That blow to their ego and being caught off balance by it often triggers re-examination and re-attraction - BUT if they keep contacting without closing the gap then close the door and simply explain very calmly and confidently "Hey - I'm glad we're on good terms but we need some time to just get used to not being in each other's lives, since we don't really have a future together."
@@CoachKen Thank you for weighing in. Isn't this advice very different from what Coach Lee advises, that we should be assertive to show we don't accept the boundaries of friendship? She prides herself on logic and left me for herself, for her mental health. Somehow I need to demonstrate growth, and develop emotional attraction again. I suppose being aloof as you say may contribute to that, but how I advance without setting off alarm bells or letting her perceive me as a friend, I am not sure.
You dont wanna be friends with ex but you do wanna be “friendly”. Big difference. I went throuh this stage recently and telling her I cant be just friends with her actually surprised her, I stood up for myself. Next time we met I was confident, flirty and causual and she returned the same and it worked! The “friendliness” need to be on your terms, it will allow you to reset the attraction again.
They blame you when they end it.
Long story. Mine is unbearable and then she put restraining order on me two weeks ago and not said she doesn’t want to do it
. But still wants the new guy. It’s breaking me I paid so much for attorney.
We have a little 23 months baby boy❤HOW should i go through with no contact?
@coachken, what about when no contact wasn't established as a "time period,"
I.e.: "You did good giving me space to process our last argument. This time, you're going to have to wait a bit longer. This won't hit me as fast as it will you. It will be...awhile... before I feel it the way you do. But, when I'm healed from this, can I contact you on messenger?"
That's open-ended, no contact. To save my sanity, I unfriended him but did not block him. We wound up in the same grocery store on the same day. He looked right at me while I was still in my car. He shook his head in way that said "now she's stalking me". I didn't get out of my car until he left the parking lot, but I know it did damage. What's your advice?
One minute I’m fine, one minute I’m happy and enjoying music, then the next I’m mad and disgusted and disappointed. I keep telling myself how shitty she is and I should move on but I just can’t. I just know how I am as a person and in a relationship and I didn’t do anything wrong, I was great and that’s most likely the issue. Trying to make myself believe she doesn’t deserve me, because she really doesn’t. She deserves to be alone or with guys that treat her like shit.
She dumped me. And she was right for it. I wasnt getting better.
Explain
I know the break up was my fault and to be honest I deserve to not have another chance with her, but it’s just unbearable because for some reason, I can’t get her out of my head and that is what bothers me the most I want to move on, but the thoughts just keep flooding my head
Hi Coach Ken. I wanna ask if No Contact still works for my ex who just got engaged with a rebound after 3 months since we broke up. Will I still able to get her back? At first she was showing all her stories about her new rebound guy on instagram. It's quite often and she never did like this before when she was with me. I'm hoping that she'll regret doing this to me one day. But I'm wondering if I'm still able to get her back?
What if they moved away after breaking up with you, say the most demeaning words to you., call u all names in the book, and then reach out a week later asking "how are you" like nothing happened.?😊
Drowning
What if you did "worship" them? I did flood him with stuff when we were together... Is it hopeless to get them back? Been in NC for 3 months working on me but I still very much miss him.
You worship God not people.
My ex tried to break up with me after 8 months of being together. I was quite toxic from my last relationship. I went into therapy, put in the work and made a 180. She agreed and after a break of a month we got back together. I kept putting in the work and kept becoming a better person. She always kept doubting us. She tried to break up with me on numerous times for an entire year. Now 35 days ago she broke up with me. After a relationship of a year and 8 months. I went into nc immediately. It hurts more every day, its so intense. When she broke up with me she was crying, told me shes still so in love with me and even wanted to sleep with me on that moment. I couldnt do it though and refused. She texted me for the 3 days after the break up to see how i was doing. I reacted politely but didnt carry the convo. Today she went on the vacation to her dads house in a warm country that we booked together. I dont know if nc works this time, she just has a picture in her head of who is goung to be her perfect partner, the perfect father of her kids and apparently im not it..
Did she say why? It sounds spiritual. I don't mean new age I mean possible curses, spells and soul ties ( old lovers).
I need advice please..
My ex of 8 years... she left me 2 months ago and moved out 1 month ago.. moved in with her best friend in the same month..
I gave in and broke her trust again and again..
I truly dont want to ever do it again and ever hurt her again... she is still telling me that she isnt ready to talk and isnt ready to open up to me.. it seems like she is living life like nothing ever happened.. every day i still text her i goodmorning i love you and goodnight i love you.. she always tells it back to me.. even if we see eachother and i ask for a kiss she gives it to me.. i asked if it feels like im forcing her to give me a kiss and she said she wouldnt do it if she didnt want to..
Do you think there may still be hope?🥺
Theres nothing i want more in my life than to have her back 😔
Update
16:24
6:28
My LDR broke up with me in November. I met up with her in February because of false hope during Christmas. After February she ghosted me after I was trying to force a conversation about the relationship. I reached out again in May by email and accepted the breakup. I told her I’m also ready to move on. I’m going into week 8 of no contact. It’s so difficult but I keep on going. I just want her to feel what I feel.
Sorry man. I know the feeling. Some of her last words to me was that the relationship was special "in my head." It's kind of like I don't want her back as things were. That's the only thing that keeps me going
@@jamesgraves9858 - Damn, the "in my head" is harsh but it would be strong fuel to motivate me to prove that just because I WANTED her, I never actually NEEDED her. Sorry though - that wording she used was just harsh
You're still well in the game - 2 months is a long time to hurt but she could just be getting to the stage that she wonders why you haven't reached out and wonders why she's wondering about it
@@CoachKenI think so too. In my case I was pretty needy and controlling towards the end of the relationship, majority of our 2 year relationship we didn’t have many problems despite the distance. It’s going to take a while for her to remember that confident and stable version of myself. Have no other option but to trust no contact. Thanks Coach Ken. When she reaches out I will book a call with you.
@@jamesgraves9858That’s tough. She’s forgotten who you are at the moment but with no contact I’m sure she’ll start feeling remorse knowing that she lost someone who truly cared about her.
I’m my case she has never felt true love and she is a dismissive avoidant. She is still controlled by her narcissistic mom
She literally told me that she is toxic and unworthy of Gods love to include my love
15 to 60 days in 90 days ya D give a f
אוהב את כולכם כאן
This actually helped me.
So after my divorce from my 7 year marriage with a narcissist who cheated on me and then divorced to be with him. People constantly told " the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new!". So I am both ADHD and codependent, I knew I was ADHD from when I was a kid, but only recently found out I'm codependent and what that means when I finally went to therapy. I never understood why it took me years to get over a relationship until recently. But after my divorce I went on sites like bumble and Tinder, these sites weren't around before I met my ex wife. What I found out was it was way easier to find a date and also do the horizontal mambo with them. However that only served a temporary relief from the pain. But woman now days are dating multiple men and when they find a guy they are more interested in, they pull away because they are paying more attention to either the new guy or the ex who reached out to her and then all the pain and feelings start coming back of being rejected and thrown away by my ex-wife. There were specific times to was worse, usually when I'm laying in bed trying to sleep and Sunday nights when I have to be at work early. What I found the best was two things which everything in my head doesn't want to do. First is keeping myself busy. When buried myself in work and took on projects at home, or other things were I feel overwhelmed with what I need to get done, it doesn't allow me for idol hands. But my brain is telling me I should just sit at home and self loath. When I become crazy busy, my mind is concentrating on spinning on these plates and not how hurt I am or how much I miss her. However those thoughts always creep in my mind even if I'm busy doing something. The second thing that helps me is to remind myself of all the horrible things she has done to me! If I just start making a list in my head of what she did, I have noticed that my mood will change from extremely upset and sad and missing her. To getting pissed off and upset and actually glad that I can now be with someone better! Dating someone else right away or going on dates and even spending the night with that girl works, but only for a short period of time and in a weird way once she goes back to her place, it makes me miss ex even more. I'm trying to think of the best analogy here but it's kind of like having drinks or taking Molly! Yeah it will make you feel better for a short period of time, but once the substance wears off, you feel worse then before you ingested it!
All of this..."First is keeping myself busy. When buried myself in work and took on projects at home, or other things were I feel overwhelmed with what I need to get done, it doesn't allow me for idol hands. But my brain is telling me I should just sit at home and self loath. When I become crazy busy, my mind is concentrating on spinning on these plates and not how hurt I am or how much I miss her. However those thoughts always creep in my mind even if I'm busy doing something. The second thing that helps me is to remind myself of all the horrible things she has done to me! If I just start making a list in my head of what she did, I have noticed that my mood will change from extremely upset and sad and missing her. To getting pissed off and upset and actually glad that I can now be with someone better!" - YAY!!! - Anger is not always a negative emotion - it can be a completely healthy and beneficial response. What matters is what you do when you're mad. The actions are good or bad, healthy or unhealthy - but people suppress anger as always destructive and rob themselves of legitimate strength and it causes them by default to put the blame on themselves and to damage their self worth even more.