Thank you so much for this one. I am in dark limerence right now. The treatment I received was not ok. The breadcrumbing, the hot and cold. The relying on me for support but then telling me I am not a priority for them. I let myself get so attached to someone who doesn't treat me well yet depends on me while doing whatever they want. The brain knows this, I am waiting for the heart to catch up.
My ex girl did the same thing to me, treated me with low priority, and she still thinks she can still talk to me as if nothing happens. I set up boundaries and told her not to talk to me about favors or random topics, if you want to talk we can only talk about the relationship. I was in a 2 years hot and cold and she dumped me without any main reason, she just figured out that she's not feeling i am the right person and I will not be a priority in her life, this is after she opened to me about her life and told me she loves me. Suddenly I am no longer the person for her, she just devalued me and it feels like the entire relationship was just theater with her as the main actress, and now i am completely heart broken, and she doesn't even care
Coach Ken. Thank you so much. Your videos have kept me going and made even stronger. For anyone struggling, you will get through this. The road to winning them back and moving are the SAME. Just stay in no contact and you’d get stronger everyday
Hi guys , just reached 28 days no contact today, had a bad few days now the hope is going to learning to accept this reality, just above all want the pain in my stomach to go away I can't wait for that day , gone away with my family on holiday today and I'm in such a bad mood I hate the way I'm being with people I can't wait to come back to this post and above all say I'm back to me again.
She reached out after 6 weeks , was nice but kept arguing for the same reasons we broke up , we are honestly mates now and I'm happier , there's always a reason for a split and I realised that after the time without her to suddenly her coming back, it always gets better guys and girls feel myself again ❤️
After he left, I asked myself a question. "What can you give me that no one else, or myself, can?" He really gave me nothing while the list I was already highly well aware of was waaaayyyy longer. To all, ask that question to yourself and if you can't make any pros, they're just not worth it.
9 years living together. 2 weeks ago I move out- her preference. 1 week later she says lets see other people but we can still talk. I said no thank you. Went into no contact, my preference not hers. It's now been 1 week of no contact. Went on FB dating and have met a few peopls. Moving on and it's working. Also, I dont want her back now. Still miss and love her but I just want off the ride. No contact is exactly what you need. Not just to get her back, but to get you back. No contact will help you gain clariry. I chased her love for years and now I'm getting back my self respect. No contact is the best way, the only way.
Bro 9 years together and you're seeing someone after a few weeks? You are not moving on you are supressing your emotions. It's OK to hurt even for a long while. It was a long relationship it's a grieving process
@@Drikkerbadevand A few days ago I deleted all dating apps. The girl I met I still speak to but no sex. Zero effort into dating, all effort into my life. You called it exactly. I just wanted to avoid the pain and boost my ego. It's now been about a month and I made contact. She was receptive actually. But I forced myself to say it was a mistake and we have to go back to no contact. Being in so much pain and allowing myself to look inward is really helping me. I have to sit in this and let it hurt. I've been making unhealthy choices and I have to understand why so I can change.
@@mitchelcline9759 exactly. This is also why you shouldnt blame your ex or feel bad that they 'moved on so quickly' because they likely didnt.. they just are trying to numb the hurt they're feeling.. in some twisted way it probably shows they care alot too, if the pain was so much they had to resort to those coping mechanisms to 'feel better' But yeah. I myself am struggling with getting dumped. 4 years together. Watching videos like this helps alot, but you GOTTA avoid creating a foundation of 'she will come back 100% if I just do no contact' because you're waging ALL your current and future emotions and gambling them away on something that is not guaranteed. Will they turn around and want you again? Maybe. Will they never contact you again? Maybe. And that's a really hard place to be.. but it's better than a constructed belief that they will come back when really you don't know and the quicker you can turn to living as if it is over, and moving on. Then IF they contact you, you're in a more level headed place to consider taking them back.. and if your relationship was good, why not? But if it doesn't happen, you're still in a place where you managed by yourself and your dignity is intact and you displayed strength Rant over
@@mitchelcline9759 yeah I get it. You also shouldnt overthink it if she has a rebound. It doesnt mean she moved on already as your hurt ego and feelings want you to believe. In fact in a twisted way it might mean they actually care a great deal if the pain was so much they resorted to those coping mechanisms. Also you shouldn't build a foundation of 'she will come back'. Because again it is a foundation that might very well crumble under your feet if it doesn't happen. It is again a coping mechanism to feel better, but you're waging your current and future emotions on a bet that isn't certain. The risk of further hurt and longer recovery is high. So no contact is for you, to retain your dignity, and to show independence and display strength. THEY broke it off. Were you a perfect human? No, but you were still there ready to work it out. That doesnt mean you should despise them in fact they deserve forgiveness because they might very well have just made a mistake that might actually cost them you. You didnt lose them, they lost you. So you HAVE to treat no contact like the relationship is done. It's Over. In reality that's impossible because as long as there is love there is hope. But you have to try. And then if they do contact you you're in a better place to make a call. And if they dom't - well that's very sad but that was their decision and their loss.
This sounds like me. After 4 weeks of NC- I’m choosing to walk away. I care that much about MYSELF. I didn’t deserve this. I was broken up with a f- ing text message after All that fabulous 3 months time. No say. No. Unacceptable. No thank you. I will NOT take another.
Happy for you - everyone has to make their choice about whats worth waiting/fighting for but it can be very healthy to walk away especially when its the result of disrespect. Texting a breakup is just the easy way out that should never be the first route unless the other person is unsafe and unworthy of the conversation (which does happen sometimes)
Wow. This really hit hard. 3 months post-break up, 2 weeks since I've last heard from my avoidantly-attached ex gf... really struggling to move on. She didn't bother to text me happy bday recently, or ask how my trip was, that she knew I went on. Sigh.
Wow this video speaks to me. Dated an abuser and can’t get over him leaving me. And he left me literally for no reason. Petty things. If anything I should have left him for mistreating me on a daily basis but I didn’t. I think he just got bored of me and grass seemed greener on the other side. My brain understands how awful he was to me, but I can’t let go of how good he was to me on the first couple months. It’s almost as if I dated 2 completely different people in the same body. I don’t know what happened to him. I’m breaking my brain trying to understand what happened. It’s been over a year and I’m still extremely devastated everyday
I'm sorry that happened to you. I felt your pain and devestation, and felt I needed to say something. But I think It's natural to feel that way, considering the problems you faced for so long. Don't try to push those feelings aside. It's OK to feel them. It's part of the process of healing. Your mind is prob struggling, trying to accept the fact he truly was abusing you (as you maybe are doubting it / don't wanna face the facts - or at least, did for some time during the relationship) and that you are better off without him. But heartbreak always hurts regardless of the situation, so I don't blame you for feeling hurt. I just hope you've come far enough to know that you should not take him back. He needs to deal with it on his own. And you need to show strength and self-value. A relationship will not help him, and it will not help you. You need time to heal, to find yourself again and to learn there are better people out there for you - people that will not abuse you
We all love you ..just stay strong..you are not alone ..I’m from the eastern side of the earth 🌍 but I feel your pain ..we are all here for you ..stay strong stay strong stay happy
These are people who need to control you and bully you into feeling unhappy! Why because inside they dont understand real happiness .... they are avoidants who are incapable of real commitment. Go back and they will repeat the abuse.... You are worth more ! move on by cutting contact they cannot hurt you if you go silent .... dont hope let go you will feel free and happy without them ❤
unsolicited review of Coach Ken's private coaching session today! He is SOOOOO awesome! 🥰 he is perceptive, pulls no punches, listens intently and his sense of humor had me laughing so hard after a night of crying over such a JERK!!!! he had choice words to say about the subject, oh yes, I will book another session with him soon!!! wish I could give him a hug of thanks and tell the world how awesome he is. it was like talking to a protective big brother or Uncle. :) God bless you Coach Ken!
Thank you Ken for articulating so well my thoughts and feelings about my relationship and its painful end. I’m struggling with whether it’s worth fighting for or just letting it be. Watching your videos have helped me so much during a time when I felt like giving up on life due to the unbearable pain and anguish in my heart and soul. You are a gift to this world 🙏.
47 days no contact , feeling just empty at the moment . Each day slowly gets easier but I feel so drained and exhausted. Just want to feel normal again
It takes a while and there are spikes and drops in that sense of strength as you go - confusing and exhausting. 47 days is still early though - deep breath
Just hit 1 month of NC. Still think about her 24/7 but the emotions have simmered down. Don't think I could take her back now and I'm starting to see things clearer. But I have moments of blaming myself where I get really tempted to reach out but don't. Your videos are helping a lot.
Best explantion and advice I ever came across and I am studying narcissm/avoidant beaviour for nearly two years now being with a FA/covert. He's ghosting me 5th month but did a proxy hoover which took my pain away. I stay no contact Thank you for sharing your knowledge .. you are a great coach dear Ken ❤
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.
I hear you. My wife of 12 years just discarded me out of the blue three months ago. I still love her as much as I always did. It's been the hardest time of my life. I'm now in no-contact, which has helped me a bit surprisingly, and I just keep coming back to these videos, I find they help too.
Well I have a no contact success story even when I wasn’t doing it to win her back. Dated a girl for around 2 months late 2019. Barely any contact maybe a few texts within a 3.5 year span and then boom. Today at dinner out of the blue, I get the “hey long time no see, you should come visit me in az” I live in Wisconsin. 3.5 years no contact and she had a long term boyfriend. I am currently in no contact to win another girl back but just proves that it works and they don’t forget you. Especially with women. 3.5 years no contact, so have faith yall!
5 months post break up, she got in a rebound two weeks after, reached out consistently for 4 months, offfered friendship on jan 1st which i respectfully denied, then blocked me on everything wild lol
Thank you for this. When you sent a question regarding what video you should do - I did not vote for this one, but universe thought different. I needed this. Even tho I've been watching a lot of videos about NC, you can never repeat it enough. I was feeling so down lately, and felt lonely, despite having people around me. Was loosing faith in everything, and felt myself sinking. This brought me above the surface again. Thank you, once again!
I just finished a relationship in which we were always texting, but she never wanted to see me in person... Each time I decided it was enough, she tried to gaslight me and we went apart... Then she came back, abaout a year after, but still the same, always texting, and never wanted to see me in person... It went on like that for FOUR YEARS and ended up AGAIN just a week ago... But this time I hope is for good... This time I want to stay strong and just let go and move on... Thank you, coach Ken, this video really helped me to see things clear again.... Thank you.
Coach Ken is the most effective, although my situation is semi-similar and different at the same time but I got the foundation of it. Because of him, I was able to calm down and managed better with my academic focus. I was able to get this far of graduating soon as it is my last semester; before the possibility of transferring. Plus, I am a very persevere person in my ambition that I been wanting to achieve coz I sabotage it for so long for variety reasons. It was even decided before I met the person but just needed a little more push. Anyhow, because of my perseverence I was able to get far with or without the person. It will now just be an extra person of me to be more creative of making it through. And I still know that I am very proud of myself, regardless. So, thank you so much Coach Ken! It meant a lot to me. -dang, I am supposed to be brief but end up making it long, 😅.
Coach Ken, it baffles me how you don't have more subscribers, I follow the other two big coaches, but your videos are far more in-depth and come from a place of experience and relate-ability. Thank you
@CoachKen thank you, oddly they reached out and sent me a picture of themselves wearing something I gave them, told me it made them feel close to me but then also said I would always be special to them..
My borderline ex tried to talk to me over the weekend. Valentine's day, I'm not shocked. When we split it was very toxic and painful. He has no accountability in the issue, still yet after seven months. I loved him and waited for an apology but I still didn't get it. That chat after months was good, it helped me detach more. In my case, its not worth it. Bpd ex is dangerous and the limerence is going away.
At this point ive watched a ton of videos on no contact with dismissive avoidants. All i have now is time, and truthfuly its agony. Ive been leveling myself up, staying busy etc. I know it doesnt happen all the time, but what are the actual odds she realizes she F'd up? I know it can work in the way that i eventually wont care anymore, but honestly what are the odds they come back?
No contact doesn't work. After 5 month I saw her by chance. She didn't reach out, instead she kissed with another person on front of my eyes, because I ignored her. Thank you for NC killings the last hopes. A month later I asked for a chat. She told me that she does not wamt to have vontact with me anymore and blocked me. Hate my life.
If no contact doesn't work, begging will just make it worse And if by any chance it works, it'll be for short period of time just to make you shut up and they are planning another escape and they will leave for good. If you go no contact at least you save your dignity
What if the person who was dumped is the toxic person? Perhaps, they can’t tell their family and friends because their friends and family witnessed the abuse perpetrated by the dumped person . Now the ex has finally overcome their abuser, at long last.
I thought that the purpose of No Contact is to move on. Something I thought about is that my ex asked for No Contact because she was struggling to move on. Talking every now and then might have seemed great in the short-term and she probably appreciated hearing from me. But I think it’s not just hard for me to move on - but it’s probably hard for her too. I’ve let go of the possibility of hearing from her again. It did nothing cause hopelessness.
I broke up with him because he violated my principles. I was deeply in love with him. I held the relationship together so there was no fight to keep it together when I left. I still love him, it was abusive that why he can’t come back and that hurts. I am gently moving on.
I was the toxic one. he did the right thing by leaving but ive been in therapy and really want to fix things. I dont know if I should just let go because its been 10 weeks no contact - 4 months breakup and it seems like hes better off. im glad I saw it so I can be better either way, but I wish I could fix it.
Do you have any advice for someone who has been in No contact for over four years now? We dated for 7 years And she left me I went instant no contact. She never gave me a reason why and I never received closure
Make a month of no contract this week and its horrible random breakdowns out of nowhere. Even though she told me she wouldnt change and she fell out of love part of me still has hope idk hope for what. I think its more of questioning the whole relationship. I do know i try my best to be a good man. Even if she comes bck so many things need to change that i dont think she would even try to.
I'm one of those heroic heart guys and I just discovered that my GF has an avoidant attachment style and I made all the mistakes (looking for deep connection, intimacy, being loving and caring) related to this type of personality, including moving together, just to move out three weeks later... Could you do a video about the attachment styles and how to overcome the obstacles this implies, namely on how to deal with the breakup. thank you
Experience has shown me that if you live long enough, most of your ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends will come back around to you in some form or another. But okay, so what if they do? What's really going to change? You may hook up here and there or be able to make peace with them, but you can't expect the fairytale ending. I definitely appreciate Coach Ken's videos, but "no contact" is supposed to be the time period for YOU to get things back together and then move forward. You can't expect the universe to suddenly bring your ex back to you during that time just because you stop talking to them.
God coach I'm scared to death everything seems to be slipping away from me ..15yrs I cherished her now I have no power at all we have a special story ..like alot.but this was something 90% Americans will never experience. What we went thru ..I thought it was so.ething that would keep us together forever ..om lost ..I promised God I would be loyal and Gove my everything this time and I did .. I need help I can't lose her I just can't.. 😊
Hey coach ken, curious if you can answer a question about my current situation. Long story short because of mis communication and misunderstanding i broke up with my ex, after i moved out it gave me clarity if the situation and I've been working on myself. I did explain this to my ex and i did sound desperate for over a week. She didnt say she wanted to get back together and she never completely broke it off. We're in this stasis at the moment and she explained she needed space and time. So i have given her space and we are at a no contact point. In my situation is it ok to follow up after a couple of weeks or should i allow her to reach out first?
Been 6 months- she hasn't reached out except for when I asked her to help me move on, then I tried to friendzone myself no reply (5 months ago) don't think she likes me.
Can you address where its been almost 3 years or a long time where during that long time the ex keeps contacting you with meaningless texts while you kept no contact? Where for 2 1/2 years while you worked with your ex and they came out of their way to speak to you about meaningless things then when your job shuts down so longer seeing each other anymore but ex texts you about every other week something meaningless still after the plant shutdown 4 months ago? Is it time to move on or push the ex a little for more? Btw this if you kept to the principles you teach of no contact. Thank you in advance. Love the work you do for us. Thank you
This is very similar to my situation. I'm about to tell them we are not friends and they should stop. @coachken would love to see a video on this topic by you or Coach Lee
I guess I am a douchebag!!! My ex showed up at my daughter's school after a year of no contact, she beat me all in my head and ribs and threatened to kill me!! I won't hit a woman but I do have self respect so yes I had her arrested and a restraining order so I am a douchebag!!
No not a douchebag Smart thinking Happened to me I did same Be strong for your daughter She needs you strong and stronger Hang in there For her For you I felt what you feel Like a fool We aren’t They are
I was the toxic on in the relatioship but it was due to me not being on meds for my ADHD and im wondering if there is anyhope for me to fix this once i get back on my meds.
Strategic, smart or modified no contact in those cases - has its advantages but its also painful and difficult to maintain. It's like trying to fight off an addiction to something you keep getting a taste of every other day
If my 2yr old daughter got bruises at school, and my daughters mother texted my mom pictures of the bruises, my mom tells me about it, and after 5 weeks of no contact I texted my daughters mother about the matter. Is this considered breaking no contact? I kept it strictly about the matter finding out what happened and ended the conversation. Just felt on serious matters like that as the father I need to be notified directly. Any other stuff goes through my mother, transfer of the children etc. hadn’t spoken to or seen her since the break up.
What if yall broke up because of different religions beliefs and she found someone else who believes in her beliefs should i just move on even tho i wanted to understand her better
truthfully - you need 2 things for a long lasting relationship. 1 - Shared moral view and 2. Shared life goals so sincere religious disagreements (and even political if its sincere and deeply held positions) - but either way you chasing after she found someone else can easily backfire and reinforce her affections for the other guy and frame you as needy instead of loyal or sincere
@@CoachKen ok thanks i appreciate it, i wont chase its just weird and confusing because we was together for three months everything was good then all of a sudden she changed and said she wanted to stop having intercourse because she became aware that is was a sin after i indirectly challenged her beliefs, then it became in order to be with her i had to convert, me personally i have no problem with others beliefs i find a connection in all but i wont allow someone to change me because they changed i think thats a bit forced
I got toxic a few times with my girlfriend then she broke up with me but kinda time out and see what happens. But I've reflected and seen where I've gone wrong but haven't had the chance to take accountability of it yet. Basically i lashed out a few times and put my point across in anger tone, for which never use to happen in the relationship. I never touched or physically abused her infact i never called her name until the last lash out which i called her a cunt etc am British she's Spanish I've learned that certain things is crossing the line in some countries, I had no intent but i learned the hard way. Anyways i asked her to leave my house, never happened and never crossed my mind before. she cried i was hurt i said sorry and apologiesed then we went for a run and work the next day. but i should have sat her down after the run to let her realise that I've picked up on the lashout etc and willing to work on it which i was actually slowly doing because before the last one that's when i figured. i have to be more aware of my reactions cause it came down to emotional trigger. but i lost my mum in 2022 and before then haven't seen her for over 5yrs and my memory has gone back to the very 1st time it happened which is December 2022 and my mum died in November but this was over the phone and after that it didn't start again till end of last year then the most recent which is at the end of February. before that nothing it was all good agreed to disagree over lil series tv debates with take away and we go out for dinner drinks night out at least once a month or twice we don't put a mark on it etc. but am not using my grievance as an excuse but i just didn't realise my behaviour has anything to do with it but now that am more aware am literally crushing it and hoping she reaches out but I've decided not to and not because of no contact, its just that it's my fault and although i did chase and apologise in the start but i didn't take accountabilty which is what i intend to do when next we meet. but it happened a few times and just when i started picking up on it she's already asked for space. Been going on since march and a week ago she said she still wants the brake up but wants to be friends. We had drinks and dinner together but i didn't really talk much about brake up instead i stupidly talked more about my new job but she said the feeling and all is still there but doesn't see any future with us. but she's been cold. I stopped texting her after our last meeting which was on the 24th of march but she still views all my stories and just recently liked one but i didn't react to her like no out of hate but i just didn't think i should unless she text me directly either way she's in Spain for 2 weeks. I never stopped her from going out with her mates our having time to do her etc.. but I've never gone out with her and her mates and i never stopped her from sleeping over at her mate and never nagged her when she's out with her mates etc in fact she did say to me a few times that she actually wants me to do that i said ok but never did. So overall i think she might be under the impression that i don't take her seriously. 😞 Am not the best at showing emotions but i never said it to her. She asked me if i see us living together but my answer was like..ermm well basically all i should have said is bbz move it when you are ready. But i didn't..so she's under the impression that i don't want to take it further but i want to but i was dragging my feet. Before her me and my ex lived for 7yrs with our kids. So me and my girl been together for over 2 years so after 1 yr i should have asked her to move in knowing that am financially earning higher and work less our while she works long ass ours not very emotional available aye..😞
my ex broke up 1 month ago, and we kept talking every day, and I promised him to pay smth for him after 1 week but I chose no contact for 2 days coz he started to disrespect me, should I text him first about the payment or just ignore it coz he told me he's shy to text me firts about the payment
Coach Ken... Is it a good sign that my ex reached out during NC 3 weeks after it started while in a rebound relationship, BUT after the call regretted the call after I messed up and potentially gave her what she wanted in knowing I was still hanging around? Is it a good chance she might reach back out again at some point during NC? I've done strict NC and I haven't heard from her for over a month since the phone call. She has been in a rebound (same week we broke up with a family friend) for 2 months now. This is the opposite of me on EVERY level. I'm better looking (which my ex eluded to in our phone call without actually saying), he doesn't have a degree, he has a crap job and he is 31 and still lives with his parents and has never lived on his own and is half bald! I on the other hand am better looking, educated, 6 figure job and own my own house! Are the chances likely she might reach out again even though I messed up the first reach out she gave me? At that time she had been in her relationship with him for over a month. The reach out was her saying this as she was crying "I feel like people are being so mean to you and my aunt ignored you on FB to get your son's haircut" (I had no idea anyone was being mean because no one has been mean) and the said "Someone told me you were still waiting on me".... I didn't know how to respond to this other than say "I'm not waiting on you. I've just been working on myself,". BUT.... I messed up and kept her on the phone for another 1.5 hours talking about our relationship and the fact I still had her engagement ring . Etc.... after that she ended up regretting the call and apologized for reaching out. So now I'm scared I messed up my only chance. Now she is still with him
Hey man check out Corey Wayne and also entrepreneur's in cars. Corey is good for fixing up unattractive behaviour and rich is good for understanding low self-esteem etc. Being your own mental point of origin, etc. Some of it may come across not politically correct but if you dislike the tone etc just take the info. Rich is kinda red pill and Corey is anti red pill either way they both say don't get angry or bitter when you find out how attraction dynamics actually work. But I'd build up your self esteem. Dude you are a catch on paper so act like that In your mind. The mental strength is more attractive to women than the material/physical. You need both but mental is more important.
@@chrisw8838 I agree. It's tough to watch as my beautiful woman was taken away by someone that is not even HALF the man as me on work ethic, finances, spirituality or any other level. It was a big hit to the self esteem for sure. I know money isnt everything and at one point my girl thought I was the sexiest man around. I carried that attitude. Then I lost it a bit once I got pulled down by life and my ex wife drama. It killed my alpha male side. Made me a miserable human. She got pulled away by a guy who has nothing and was in right place at right time.
Sorry, this is really long. Please, anyone who can help, im super open to suggestions! Coach, I was with her for five years, 4 and a half of those were so so good. Halfway through last year, I became really depressed and let myself go, I had zero hobbies, drank by myself, did almost nothing, no exercise, busy friends meant I had no social life, I became dependent on her, I stopped caring about my studies or career, I spent almost all my time gaming... I still spent time with her, but I was more needy than I usually was. I view this as all meaning that it's entirely my fault. She lost attraction and love for me because of how I became a hollow person over several months. I was not the person she fell in love with. I've since worked incredibly hard to fix myself, I've turned my life around 180°, and feel better now than I've felt for a very long time. It's been almost 40 days no contact, over two months being broken up. Before I went No Contact, she would get upset, cry, and say she was confused in her feelings because of the changes she already saw me making. Do I reach out? Do I reach out now and show that I've changed an insane amount since she left? I'm studying hard between anxiety, I'm motivated for my future career, I'm exercising multiple times a day. I miss her, and I feel like I ruined everything by not seeking help earlier.
don't be so hard on yourself. She left you when you were down, when you had a legitimate illness, and didn't believe in you -- that is not your fault. I'd probably wait a bit -- maybe 90 days so you can show a real track record, and then reach out with a "clean slate" letter
It's still early - yes, give it more time. The 90 days at least and send her a clean slate letting her know you can see why she left BUT don't chase or plead. Resilience and determination to move forward while acknowledging her legitimate points BUT then prove you snapped out of it by not chasing and re-focusing on yourself and make the changes BEFORE you feel strong enough to make them. Depression is a paralytic so you likely have to DO something consistently before your mind and heart will give you the energy and motivation to do it more easily. Let me know if you make an appointment ook and I'll move you up if possible. realcoachken.com
@CoachKen thanks for the reply, Coach! That would be amazing, I'll let you know if I do! Currently working on myself and going well. The advice really helps. Your videos have inspired me deeply.
Been broken up with 10 days ago. Short but very intense relationship. It started with "I need a time-out and figure out what i feel for you." while I wanted to talk with her first to understand and communicate, and i told her that I wasn't sure about my feelings yet either, but that it did feel really good and that made me confident. The response was a lot of nice words, followed by but "i'm not in love with you, and I still have feelings for my ex." I responded with "so that's it then" en she gave me more praise. "You're worth it and one of a kind. It's going to be so difficult to let go of you." "Then don't" I said. "If that's what you feel to be true." But she wasn't ready yet. Her ex was still in her system, she said. I ended the conversation with "then call me when you are ready, 'cause we're not done with eachother yet, and WE are worth it." Got a ❤ and that was it. Been in NC ever since. It felt like a powerfull and confident thing to say in that moment, but I now feel like I kinda presented myself as a back-up plan. Even though I ment to move on with my life in the meantime while keeping the possibility open. Now I'm wondering if I should send her a message and let her know that i feel like i'm still holding on with my last words and that I need to let go, even though i don't want to, and that I wish her all the best. Should I? To take the idea of beeing a backup out of her head, or should I just leave it as it is?
My ex told me to move on when I broke no contact in October plus had her new boyfriend tell me to stop texting her in I hurted her so bad by texting her mean things yelling in her house in I want her back man I haven’t reach out since
Coach Ken, What to do in my situation was in long distance relationship with my ex for 3 months we broke up recently due to feeling pressured by me was maybe too needy, we still have kept contact and she wants to visit me in 1 half month do i keep in contact or assert no contact after her booking dates or do i keep in touch? She responds always late 2-3 days after talking about dates does she actually want to see me or bread crumbing me in a way? She unfollowed me on insta but still replies to me watches stories which is weird. Really unsure what to do in my situation any help would be great.
Thank you so much for this one. I am in dark limerence right now. The treatment I received was not ok. The breadcrumbing, the hot and cold. The relying on me for support but then telling me I am not a priority for them. I let myself get so attached to someone who doesn't treat me well yet depends on me while doing whatever they want. The brain knows this, I am waiting for the heart to catch up.
My ex girl did the same thing to me, treated me with low priority, and she still thinks she can still talk to me as if nothing happens. I set up boundaries and told her not to talk to me about favors or random topics, if you want to talk we can only talk about the relationship. I was in a 2 years hot and cold and she dumped me without any main reason, she just figured out that she's not feeling i am the right person and I will not be a priority in her life, this is after she opened to me about her life and told me she loves me. Suddenly I am no longer the person for her, she just devalued me and it feels like the entire relationship was just theater with her as the main actress, and now i am completely heart broken, and she doesn't even care
My wife is the same still depending on me for financial support but doesn’t want anything to do with me 🤦🏾
@@dwightwiley490 cut her out bro that's really tough. GET A Lawyer
THIS!!!!!!
It's called oxytocin for women when they have frequent sexual intimacy with a man.
Coach Ken. Thank you so much. Your videos have kept me going and made even stronger. For anyone struggling, you will get through this. The road to winning them back and moving are the SAME. Just stay in no contact and you’d get stronger everyday
Clearly, Ken has “been there done that.” He describes exactly why and what one goes thru when severely heartbroken. Thanks pal!
Hi guys , just reached 28 days no contact today, had a bad few days now the hope is going to learning to accept this reality, just above all want the pain in my stomach to go away I can't wait for that day , gone away with my family on holiday today and I'm in such a bad mood I hate the way I'm being with people I can't wait to come back to this post and above all say I'm back to me again.
How's it going?
Any update ?
She reached out after 6 weeks , was nice but kept arguing for the same reasons we broke up , we are honestly mates now and I'm happier , there's always a reason for a split and I realised that after the time without her to suddenly her coming back, it always gets better guys and girls feel myself again ❤️
Move on. Live your life without the trouble.
After he left, I asked myself a question. "What can you give me that no one else, or myself, can?" He really gave me nothing while the list I was already highly well aware of was waaaayyyy longer. To all, ask that question to yourself and if you can't make any pros, they're just not worth it.
9 years living together. 2 weeks ago I move out- her preference. 1 week later she says lets see other people but we can still talk. I said no thank you. Went into no contact, my preference not hers. It's now been 1 week of no contact. Went on FB dating and have met a few peopls. Moving on and it's working. Also, I dont want her back now. Still miss and love her but I just want off the ride. No contact is exactly what you need. Not just to get her back, but to get you back. No contact will help you gain clariry. I chased her love for years and now I'm getting back my self respect. No contact is the best way, the only way.
Bro 9 years together and you're seeing someone after a few weeks? You are not moving on you are supressing your emotions. It's OK to hurt even for a long while. It was a long relationship it's a grieving process
@@Drikkerbadevand A few days ago I deleted all dating apps. The girl I met I still speak to but no sex. Zero effort into dating, all effort into my life. You called it exactly. I just wanted to avoid the pain and boost my ego.
It's now been about a month and I made contact. She was receptive actually. But I forced myself to say it was a mistake and we have to go back to no contact. Being in so much pain and allowing myself to look inward is really helping me. I have to sit in this and let it hurt. I've been making unhealthy choices and I have to understand why so I can change.
@@mitchelcline9759 exactly. This is also why you shouldnt blame your ex or feel bad that they 'moved on so quickly' because they likely didnt.. they just are trying to numb the hurt they're feeling.. in some twisted way it probably shows they care alot too, if the pain was so much they had to resort to those coping mechanisms to 'feel better'
But yeah. I myself am struggling with getting dumped. 4 years together. Watching videos like this helps alot, but you GOTTA avoid creating a foundation of 'she will come back 100% if I just do no contact' because you're waging ALL your current and future emotions and gambling them away on something that is not guaranteed. Will they turn around and want you again? Maybe. Will they never contact you again? Maybe. And that's a really hard place to be.. but it's better than a constructed belief that they will come back when really you don't know and the quicker you can turn to living as if it is over, and moving on. Then IF they contact you, you're in a more level headed place to consider taking them back.. and if your relationship was good, why not? But if it doesn't happen, you're still in a place where you managed by yourself and your dignity is intact and you displayed strength
Rant over
@@mitchelcline9759 yeah I get it. You also shouldnt overthink it if she has a rebound. It doesnt mean she moved on already as your hurt ego and feelings want you to believe. In fact in a twisted way it might mean they actually care a great deal if the pain was so much they resorted to those coping mechanisms.
Also you shouldn't build a foundation of 'she will come back'. Because again it is a foundation that might very well crumble under your feet if it doesn't happen. It is again a coping mechanism to feel better, but you're waging your current and future emotions on a bet that isn't certain. The risk of further hurt and longer recovery is high. So no contact is for you, to retain your dignity, and to show independence and display strength. THEY broke it off. Were you a perfect human? No, but you were still there ready to work it out. That doesnt mean you should despise them in fact they deserve forgiveness because they might very well have just made a mistake that might actually cost them you. You didnt lose them, they lost you.
So you HAVE to treat no contact like the relationship is done. It's Over. In reality that's impossible because as long as there is love there is hope. But you have to try. And then if they do contact you you're in a better place to make a call. And if they dom't - well that's very sad but that was their decision and their loss.
This sounds like me. After 4 weeks of NC- I’m choosing to walk away. I care that much about MYSELF. I didn’t deserve this. I was broken up with a f- ing text message after All that fabulous 3 months time. No say. No. Unacceptable. No thank you. I will NOT take another.
Happy for you - everyone has to make their choice about whats worth waiting/fighting for but it can be very healthy to walk away especially when its the result of disrespect. Texting a breakup is just the easy way out that should never be the first route unless the other person is unsafe and unworthy of the conversation (which does happen sometimes)
Wow. This really hit hard. 3 months post-break up, 2 weeks since I've last heard from my avoidantly-attached ex gf... really struggling to move on. She didn't bother to text me happy bday recently, or ask how my trip was, that she knew I went on. Sigh.
Just moving on is the best form of Non Contact.
Updates?
Wow this video speaks to me. Dated an abuser and can’t get over him leaving me. And he left me literally for no reason. Petty things. If anything I should have left him for mistreating me on a daily basis but I didn’t. I think he just got bored of me and grass seemed greener on the other side. My brain understands how awful he was to me, but I can’t let go of how good he was to me on the first couple months. It’s almost as if I dated 2 completely different people in the same body. I don’t know what happened to him. I’m breaking my brain trying to understand what happened. It’s been over a year and I’m still extremely devastated everyday
I'm sorry that happened to you. I felt your pain and devestation, and felt I needed to say something. But I think It's natural to feel that way, considering the problems you faced for so long. Don't try to push those feelings aside. It's OK to feel them. It's part of the process of healing. Your mind is prob struggling, trying to accept the fact he truly was abusing you (as you maybe are doubting it / don't wanna face the facts - or at least, did for some time during the relationship) and that you are better off without him. But heartbreak always hurts regardless of the situation, so I don't blame you for feeling hurt. I just hope you've come far enough to know that you should not take him back. He needs to deal with it on his own. And you need to show strength and self-value. A relationship will not help him, and it will not help you. You need time to heal, to find yourself again and to learn there are better people out there for you - people that will not abuse you
We all love you ..just stay strong..you are not alone ..I’m from the eastern side of the earth 🌍 but I feel your pain ..we are all here for you ..stay strong stay strong stay happy
These are people who need to control you and bully you into feeling unhappy! Why because inside they dont understand real happiness .... they are avoidants
who are incapable of real commitment. Go back and they will repeat the abuse.... You are worth more !
move on by cutting contact they cannot hurt you if you go silent .... dont hope let go you will feel free and happy without them ❤
unsolicited review of Coach Ken's private coaching session today! He is SOOOOO awesome! 🥰 he is perceptive, pulls no punches, listens intently and his sense of humor had me laughing so hard after a night of crying over such a JERK!!!! he had choice words to say about the subject, oh yes, I will book another session with him soon!!! wish I could give him a hug of thanks and tell the world how awesome he is. it was like talking to a protective big brother or Uncle. :) God bless you Coach Ken!
Thank you Ken for articulating so well my thoughts and feelings about my relationship and its painful end. I’m struggling with whether it’s worth fighting for or just letting it be. Watching your videos have helped me so much during a time when I felt like giving up on life due to the unbearable pain and anguish in my heart and soul. You are a gift to this world 🙏.
47 days no contact , feeling just empty at the moment . Each day slowly gets easier but I feel so drained and exhausted. Just want to feel normal again
It takes a while and there are spikes and drops in that sense of strength as you go - confusing and exhausting. 47 days is still early though - deep breath
Just hit 1 month of NC. Still think about her 24/7 but the emotions have simmered down. Don't think I could take her back now and I'm starting to see things clearer. But I have moments of blaming myself where I get really tempted to reach out but don't. Your videos are helping a lot.
Hey man care to explain how did you start to feel like you didn't want her back? And how did you get over the guilt? Where are u now?
Best explantion and advice I ever came across and I am studying narcissm/avoidant beaviour for nearly two years now being with a FA/covert. He's ghosting me 5th month but did a proxy hoover which took my pain away. I stay no contact Thank you for sharing your knowledge .. you are a great coach dear Ken ❤
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.
I hear you. My wife of 12 years just discarded me out of the blue three months ago. I still love her as much as I always did. It's been the hardest time of my life. I'm now in no-contact, which has helped me a bit surprisingly, and I just keep coming back to these videos, I find they help too.
Why do you post this on every video?
If there's no contact, it's time to move on. You're only prolonging your pain
Well I have a no contact success story even when I wasn’t doing it to win her back. Dated a girl for around 2 months late 2019. Barely any contact maybe a few texts within a 3.5 year span and then boom. Today at dinner out of the blue, I get the “hey long time no see, you should come visit me in az” I live in Wisconsin. 3.5 years no contact and she had a long term boyfriend. I am currently in no contact to win another girl back but just proves that it works and they don’t forget you. Especially with women. 3.5 years no contact, so have faith yall!
She is just using you bro
5 months post break up, she got in a rebound two weeks after, reached out consistently for 4 months, offfered friendship on jan 1st which i respectfully denied, then blocked me on everything wild lol
It shows you hurt the narcissist's ego. It's the best revenge.
Thank you for this. When you sent a question regarding what video you should do - I did not vote for this one, but universe thought different. I needed this. Even tho I've been watching a lot of videos about NC, you can never repeat it enough. I was feeling so down lately, and felt lonely, despite having people around me. Was loosing faith in everything, and felt myself sinking. This brought me above the surface again. Thank you, once again!
Thank you Justin - that kind of message means a lot to read my friend - stay strong (even when it feels like you aren't)
I just finished a relationship in which we were always texting, but she never wanted to see me in person... Each time I decided it was enough, she tried to gaslight me and we went apart... Then she came back, abaout a year after, but still the same, always texting, and never wanted to see me in person... It went on like that for FOUR YEARS and ended up AGAIN just a week ago... But this time I hope is for good... This time I want to stay strong and just let go and move on... Thank you, coach Ken, this video really helped me to see things clear again.... Thank you.
4 months of NC and I lost all hope but I dont miss her as much anymore.
It has been 4 months as well ... but I miss him more every day
@@lazydaisy4453are you the dumper?
@@kagamitaiga9167 unfortunately not
Try 4 years No Contact....😢
7 years together
@@kagamitaiga9167 no
your describing my whole situation right now
Coach Ken is the most effective, although my situation is semi-similar and different at the same time but I got the foundation of it. Because of him, I was able to calm down and managed better with my academic focus. I was able to get this far of graduating soon as it is my last semester; before the possibility of transferring. Plus, I am a very persevere person in my ambition that I been wanting to achieve coz I sabotage it for so long for variety reasons. It was even decided before I met the person but just needed a little more push.
Anyhow, because of my perseverence I was able to get far with or without the person. It will now just be an extra person of me to be more creative of making it through. And I still know that I am very proud of myself, regardless.
So, thank you so much Coach Ken! It meant a lot to me.
-dang, I am supposed to be brief but end up making it long, 😅.
Uncle Ken sorting us out again.. 🙏
Coach Ken, it baffles me how you don't have more subscribers, I follow the other two big coaches, but your videos are far more in-depth and come from a place of experience and relate-ability. Thank you
You're a good man coach ken, I appreciate all your time and empathy for others, you're really helping people.
I keep flip flopping from feeling like I'll be ok to not ok at all
1000% normal for a healthy heart and mind to be at war with one another right now.
@CoachKen thank you, oddly they reached out and sent me a picture of themselves wearing something I gave them, told me it made them feel close to me but then also said I would always be special to them..
@@Zombie101 sounds like a narcissist. They toy with emotions
Been loving the videos Coach Ken been watching them alot since my wife walked away a month ago.
- Solid advice for a ‘bad movie.’ Thanks.😎
Deep stuff Coach. Deep stuff.♥
Always amazing how well you describe my experience.
My borderline ex tried to talk to me over the weekend. Valentine's day, I'm not shocked. When we split it was very toxic and painful. He has no accountability in the issue, still yet after seven months. I loved him and waited for an apology but I still didn't get it. That chat after months was good, it helped me detach more. In my case, its not worth it. Bpd ex is dangerous and the limerence is going away.
Brother you awesome..the way you break it down is amazing. Its not your typical copy and paste No contact crap..well done
At this point ive watched a ton of videos on no contact with dismissive avoidants. All i have now is time, and truthfuly its agony. Ive been leveling myself up, staying busy etc. I know it doesnt happen all the time, but what are the actual odds she realizes she F'd up? I know it can work in the way that i eventually wont care anymore, but honestly what are the odds they come back?
No contact doesn't work. After 5 month I saw her by chance. She didn't reach out, instead she kissed with another person on front of my eyes, because I ignored her. Thank you for NC killings the last hopes. A month later I asked for a chat. She told me that she does not wamt to have vontact with me anymore and blocked me. Hate my life.
If no contact doesn't work, begging will just make it worse
And if by any chance it works, it'll be for short period of time just to make you shut up and they are planning another escape and they will leave for good.
If you go no contact at least you save your dignity
She sounds like a sociopath lol. Unlucky
I didn’t work for you .. but it does work for some
Thanks for telling the truth in such an encouraging way.
My pleasure - Thanks for the kind words
What if the person who was dumped is the toxic person? Perhaps, they can’t tell their family and friends because their friends and family witnessed the abuse perpetrated by the dumped person . Now the ex has finally overcome their abuser, at long last.
I thought that the purpose of No Contact is to move on.
Something I thought about is that my ex asked for No Contact because she was struggling to move on. Talking every now and then might have seemed great in the short-term and she probably appreciated hearing from me. But I think it’s not just hard for me to move on - but it’s probably hard for her too. I’ve let go of the possibility of hearing from her again. It did nothing cause hopelessness.
"Did they sleep with your grandmother?" 😂😂😂😂
you'd be surprised at some of the stories
I broke up with him because he violated my principles. I was deeply in love with him. I held the relationship together so there was no fight to keep it together when I left. I still love him, it was abusive that why he can’t come back and that hurts. I am gently moving on.
I was the toxic one. he did the right thing by leaving but ive been in therapy and really want to fix things. I dont know if I should just let go because its been 10 weeks no contact - 4 months breakup and it seems like hes better off. im glad I saw it so I can be better either way, but I wish I could fix it.
Toxic how
Thanks
Can you make a video on no contact while blocked?
Specifically by BPD
Yes - will do
Do you have any advice for someone who has been in No contact for over four years now?
We dated for 7 years And she left me I went instant no contact.
She never gave me a reason why and I never received closure
Thank you, I needed this today, so much.
The last 8 min defined my situation.
Thank you. Your videos helped tremendously.
Hello Coach Ken I would just like to say thank you for all your help and support through my difficult times
Thank you Coach Ken, I needed to hear this.
Make a month of no contract this week and its horrible random breakdowns out of nowhere. Even though she told me she wouldnt change and she fell out of love part of me still has hope idk hope for what. I think its more of questioning the whole relationship. I do know i try my best to be a good man. Even if she comes bck so many things need to change that i dont think she would even try to.
Thank you!
you make amazing content thank u coach ken
Amazing content!
Thanks a lot for sharing so beneficial I appreciate
I'm one of those heroic heart guys and I just discovered that my GF has an avoidant attachment style and I made all the mistakes (looking for deep connection, intimacy, being loving and caring) related to this type of personality, including moving together, just to move out three weeks later... Could you do a video about the attachment styles and how to overcome the obstacles this implies, namely on how to deal with the breakup. thank you
Day 11 of no contact, pray for me 😢
Experience has shown me that if you live long enough, most of your ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends will come back around to you in some form or another.
But okay, so what if they do? What's really going to change? You may hook up here and there or be able to make peace with them, but you can't expect the fairytale ending.
I definitely appreciate Coach Ken's videos, but "no contact" is supposed to be the time period for YOU to get things back together and then move forward. You can't expect the universe to suddenly bring your ex back to you during that time just because you stop talking to them.
God coach I'm scared to death everything seems to be slipping away from me ..15yrs I cherished her now I have no power at all we have a special story ..like alot.but this was something 90% Americans will never experience. What we went thru ..I thought it was so.ething that would keep us together forever ..om lost ..I promised God I would be loyal and Gove my everything this time and I did .. I need help I can't lose her I just can't.. 😊
Hey coach ken, curious if you can answer a question about my current situation.
Long story short because of mis communication and misunderstanding i broke up with my ex, after i moved out it gave me clarity if the situation and I've been working on myself.
I did explain this to my ex and i did sound desperate for over a week.
She didnt say she wanted to get back together and she never completely broke it off.
We're in this stasis at the moment and she explained she needed space and time. So i have given her space and we are at a no contact point.
In my situation is it ok to follow up after a couple of weeks or should i allow her to reach out first?
Been 6 months- she hasn't reached out except for when I asked her to help me move on, then I tried to friendzone myself no reply (5 months ago) don't think she likes me.
Can you address where its been almost 3 years or a long time where during that long time the ex keeps contacting you with meaningless texts while you kept no contact? Where for 2 1/2 years while you worked with your ex and they came out of their way to speak to you about meaningless things then when your job shuts down so longer seeing each other anymore but ex texts you about every other week something meaningless still after the plant shutdown 4 months ago? Is it time to move on or push the ex a little for more? Btw this if you kept to the principles you teach of no contact. Thank you in advance. Love the work you do for us. Thank you
This is very similar to my situation. I'm about to tell them we are not friends and they should stop. @coachken would love to see a video on this topic by you or Coach Lee
I guess I am a douchebag!!! My ex showed up at my daughter's school after a year of no contact, she beat me all in my head and ribs and threatened to kill me!! I won't hit a woman but I do have self respect so yes I had her arrested and a restraining order so I am a douchebag!!
No not a douchebag
Smart thinking
Happened to me
I did same
Be strong for your daughter
She needs you strong and stronger
Hang in there
For her
For you
I felt what you feel
Like a fool
We aren’t
They are
They did it. Reached out after 7 months but still in the relationship they got into a month after us. What should I do?
Ignore and move on
@@misst642 thank you
@@jeremiahrod363
I would tell her not to call me anymore if she's in another relationship...
F that
I was the toxic on in the relatioship but it was due to me not being on meds for my ADHD and im wondering if there is anyhope for me to fix this once i get back on my meds.
Yes - still a chance but the ADHD will make it feel more hopeless
@@CoachKen it feels like death by a thousand visions.
My x literally text me saying the relationship was lie the whole time
She cheated
And she called herself a hoe
And alot more that I can't put on here
It’s hard to do no contact when you have children together
Strategic, smart or modified no contact in those cases - has its advantages but its also painful and difficult to maintain. It's like trying to fight off an addiction to something you keep getting a taste of every other day
If my 2yr old daughter got bruises at school, and my daughters mother texted my mom pictures of the bruises, my mom tells me about it, and after 5 weeks of no contact I texted my daughters mother about the matter. Is this considered breaking no contact? I kept it strictly about the matter finding out what happened and ended the conversation. Just felt on serious matters like that as the father I need to be notified directly. Any other stuff goes through my mother, transfer of the children etc. hadn’t spoken to or seen her since the break up.
absolutely it was right for you to do that. Coach Lee has a video on no contact when you co-parent
What if yall broke up because of different religions beliefs and she found someone else who believes in her beliefs should i just move on even tho i wanted to understand her better
truthfully - you need 2 things for a long lasting relationship. 1 - Shared moral view and 2. Shared life goals so sincere religious disagreements (and even political if its sincere and deeply held positions) - but either way you chasing after she found someone else can easily backfire and reinforce her affections for the other guy and frame you as needy instead of loyal or sincere
@@CoachKen ok thanks i appreciate it, i wont chase its just weird and confusing because we was together for three months everything was good then all of a sudden she changed and said she wanted to stop having intercourse because she became aware that is was a sin after i indirectly challenged her beliefs, then it became in order to be with her i had to convert, me personally i have no problem with others beliefs i find a connection in all but i wont allow someone to change me because they changed i think thats a bit forced
I got toxic a few times with my girlfriend then she broke up with me but kinda time out and see what happens.
But I've reflected and seen where I've gone wrong but haven't had the chance to take accountability of it yet. Basically i lashed out a few times and put my point across in anger tone, for which never use to happen in the relationship. I never touched or physically abused her infact i never called her name until the last lash out which i called her a cunt etc am British she's Spanish I've learned that certain things is crossing the line in some countries, I had no intent but i learned the hard way. Anyways i asked her to leave my house, never happened and never crossed my mind before. she cried i was hurt i said sorry and apologiesed then we went for a run and work the next day. but i should have sat her down after the run to let her realise that I've picked up on the lashout etc and willing to work on it which i was actually slowly doing because before the last one that's when i figured. i have to be more aware of my reactions cause it came down to emotional trigger. but i lost my mum in 2022 and before then haven't seen her for over 5yrs and my memory has gone back to the very 1st time it happened which is December 2022 and my mum died in November but this was over the phone and after that it didn't start again till end of last year then the most recent which is at the end of February. before that nothing it was all good agreed to disagree over lil series tv debates with take away and we go out for dinner drinks night out at least once a month or twice we don't put a mark on it etc. but am not using my grievance as an excuse but i just didn't realise my behaviour has anything to do with it but now that am more aware am literally crushing it and hoping she reaches out but I've decided not to and not because of no contact, its just that it's my fault and although i did chase and apologise in the start but i didn't take accountabilty which is what i intend to do when next we meet. but it happened a few times and just when i started picking up on it she's already asked for space. Been going on since march and a week ago she said she still wants the brake up but wants to be friends. We had drinks and dinner together but i didn't really talk much about brake up instead i stupidly talked more about my new job but she said the feeling and all is still there but doesn't see any future with us. but she's been cold.
I stopped texting her after our last meeting which was on the 24th of march but she still views all my stories and just recently liked one but i didn't react to her like no out of hate but i just didn't think i should unless she text me directly either way she's in Spain for 2 weeks.
I never stopped her from going out with her mates our having time to do her etc.. but I've never gone out with her and her mates and i never stopped her from sleeping over at her mate and never nagged her when she's out with her mates etc in fact she did say to me a few times that she actually wants me to do that i said ok but never did. So overall i think she might be under the impression that i don't take her seriously. 😞 Am not the best at showing emotions but i never said it to her. She asked me if i see us living together but my answer was like..ermm well basically all i should have said is bbz move it when you are ready.
But i didn't..so she's under the impression that i don't want to take it further but i want to but i was dragging my feet. Before her me and my ex lived for 7yrs with our kids. So me and my girl been together for over 2 years so after 1 yr i should have asked her to move in knowing that am financially earning higher and work less our while she works long ass ours not very emotional available aye..😞
Hi, any update??
my ex broke up 1 month ago, and we kept talking every day, and I promised him to pay smth for him after 1 week but I chose no contact for 2 days coz he started to disrespect me, should I text him first about the payment or just ignore it coz he told me he's shy to text me firts about the payment
1week of no contact 😢 i think i cant do this 😢
🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
That doesn’t work….😂
What if you were the one that said really mean things and they broke up
Update??
1:57AM actually xD
3:50 am lol
Coach Ken... Is it a good sign that my ex reached out during NC 3 weeks after it started while in a rebound relationship, BUT after the call regretted the call after I messed up and potentially gave her what she wanted in knowing I was still hanging around? Is it a good chance she might reach back out again at some point during NC? I've done strict NC and I haven't heard from her for over a month since the phone call. She has been in a rebound (same week we broke up with a family friend) for 2 months now. This is the opposite of me on EVERY level. I'm better looking (which my ex eluded to in our phone call without actually saying), he doesn't have a degree, he has a crap job and he is 31 and still lives with his parents and has never lived on his own and is half bald! I on the other hand am better looking, educated, 6 figure job and own my own house! Are the chances likely she might reach out again even though I messed up the first reach out she gave me? At that time she had been in her relationship with him for over a month.
The reach out was her saying this as she was crying "I feel like people are being so mean to you and my aunt ignored you on FB to get your son's haircut" (I had no idea anyone was being mean because no one has been mean) and the said "Someone told me you were still waiting on me".... I didn't know how to respond to this other than say "I'm not waiting on you. I've just been working on myself,". BUT.... I messed up and kept her on the phone for another 1.5 hours talking about our relationship and the fact I still had her engagement ring . Etc.... after that she ended up regretting the call and apologized for reaching out. So now I'm scared I messed up my only chance. Now she is still with him
Hey man check out Corey Wayne and also entrepreneur's in cars. Corey is good for fixing up unattractive behaviour and rich is good for understanding low self-esteem etc. Being your own mental point of origin, etc. Some of it may come across not politically correct but if you dislike the tone etc just take the info. Rich is kinda red pill and Corey is anti red pill either way they both say don't get angry or bitter when you find out how attraction dynamics actually work. But I'd build up your self esteem. Dude you are a catch on paper so act like that In your mind. The mental strength is more attractive to women than the material/physical. You need both but mental is more important.
@@chrisw8838 I agree. It's tough to watch as my beautiful woman was taken away by someone that is not even HALF the man as me on work ethic, finances, spirituality or any other level. It was a big hit to the self esteem for sure. I know money isnt everything and at one point my girl thought I was the sexiest man around. I carried that attitude. Then I lost it a bit once I got pulled down by life and my ex wife drama. It killed my alpha male side. Made me a miserable human. She got pulled away by a guy who has nothing and was in right place at right time.
@@chrisw8838 I have his book 3% man which is how I landed my ex lol.... I just didn't continue the courtship like I should have
Ty
Yes
Sorry, this is really long. Please, anyone who can help, im super open to suggestions!
Coach, I was with her for five years, 4 and a half of those were so so good. Halfway through last year, I became really depressed and let myself go, I had zero hobbies, drank by myself, did almost nothing, no exercise, busy friends meant I had no social life, I became dependent on her, I stopped caring about my studies or career, I spent almost all my time gaming... I still spent time with her, but I was more needy than I usually was.
I view this as all meaning that it's entirely my fault. She lost attraction and love for me because of how I became a hollow person over several months. I was not the person she fell in love with.
I've since worked incredibly hard to fix myself, I've turned my life around 180°, and feel better now than I've felt for a very long time.
It's been almost 40 days no contact, over two months being broken up. Before I went No Contact, she would get upset, cry, and say she was confused in her feelings because of the changes she already saw me making.
Do I reach out? Do I reach out now and show that I've changed an insane amount since she left? I'm studying hard between anxiety, I'm motivated for my future career, I'm exercising multiple times a day. I miss her, and I feel like I ruined everything by not seeking help earlier.
don't be so hard on yourself. She left you when you were down, when you had a legitimate illness, and didn't believe in you -- that is not your fault. I'd probably wait a bit -- maybe 90 days so you can show a real track record, and then reach out with a "clean slate" letter
@@roxycolorado thanks, I really appreciate that, and your great advice!
It's still early - yes, give it more time. The 90 days at least and send her a clean slate letting her know you can see why she left BUT don't chase or plead. Resilience and determination to move forward while acknowledging her legitimate points BUT then prove you snapped out of it by not chasing and re-focusing on yourself and make the changes BEFORE you feel strong enough to make them. Depression is a paralytic so you likely have to DO something consistently before your mind and heart will give you the energy and motivation to do it more easily. Let me know if you make an appointment ook and I'll move you up if possible. realcoachken.com
@CoachKen thanks for the reply, Coach! That would be amazing, I'll let you know if I do! Currently working on myself and going well. The advice really helps. Your videos have inspired me deeply.
Been broken up with 10 days ago. Short but very intense relationship. It started with "I need a time-out and figure out what i feel for you." while I wanted to talk with her first to understand and communicate, and i told her that I wasn't sure about my feelings yet either, but that it did feel really good and that made me confident.
The response was a lot of nice words, followed by but "i'm not in love with you, and I still have feelings for my ex."
I responded with "so that's it then" en she gave me more praise. "You're worth it and one of a kind. It's going to be so difficult to let go of you."
"Then don't" I said. "If that's what you feel to be true."
But she wasn't ready yet. Her ex was still in her system, she said.
I ended the conversation with "then call me when you are ready, 'cause we're not done with eachother yet, and WE are worth it."
Got a ❤ and that was it. Been in NC ever since.
It felt like a powerfull and confident thing to say in that moment, but I now feel like I kinda presented myself as a back-up plan. Even though I ment to move on with my life in the meantime while keeping the possibility open.
Now I'm wondering if I should send her a message and let her know that i feel like i'm still holding on with my last words and that I need to let go, even though i don't want to, and that I wish her all the best.
Should I? To take the idea of beeing a backup out of her head, or should I just leave it as it is?
hows it going mate?
@coachken 😊
My ex told me to move on when I broke no contact in October plus had her new boyfriend tell me to stop texting her in I hurted her so bad by texting her mean things yelling in her house in I want her back man I haven’t reach out since
YOU ARE THE BEST THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DOING THESE LIFESAVING VIDEOS ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THEY ARE LONGER THAN MOST OF THE OTHER COACHES!!! @coachken
Coach Ken, What to do in my situation was in long distance relationship with my ex for 3 months we broke up recently due to feeling pressured by me was maybe too needy, we still have kept contact and she wants to visit me in 1 half month do i keep in contact or assert no contact after her booking dates or do i keep in touch? She responds always late 2-3 days after talking about dates does she actually want to see me or bread crumbing me in a way? She unfollowed me on insta but still replies to me watches stories which is weird. Really unsure what to do in my situation any help would be great.