6 months here. It gets easier. Some days not so much. I have been dating again though. Started a new business project. Looking for property. Learning new skills. It's all good on paper, but losing someone you felt that close to is still hard. I have to remind myself that if they were the right person, they'd be here. Good luck, lads. Keep working on your attachment and keep improving your lot.
Same, 3 months, she reached out twice, talking about money she owed me.. so I left it a few weeks after her last reach out, I messaged her, as I had her coat and some other things.. she seemed really engaged sending long messages, and wanting to meet me to swap stuff, I met her and she kept giving me compliments, saying how good I looked, laughing at silly things I said, touching my arm a few times, called me babe, cuddled me goodbye and asked if she could smell me.. and said I always smell good, soon after the meet I’ve gone straight back into no contact and will wait for her to reach out, as really I shouldn’t have reached out to her but it had been 3 months, I just played it cool, she even asked if I had been on any dates.. a week tmw since I see her..
Been in NC for just over 11 months now , hang in NC. Do not break it , it gets easier each passing month , her bday is next week , I'm not breaking NC !! Here's the thing , NC is not to get your ex back , it's to get you back !
Yes. Just like with addiction, you have to stop ”using” whichever substance, you have to stop the dopamine hits you get by peeking their social media or whatever.
Isn’t accepting its over and moving on the same as staying in no contact? Isn’t that the point of no contact essentially to either move on or they come back and either way you stay in no contact?
Lost a job then lost 4.5 years relationship…ultimate test of resilience..land a new dream job while being in dispair and doom and gloom. Life can be fun sometimes… Two battles at the same time two fronts….but you know what Joco Willink would say GOOD… Man the f up…mourn, rise, cry, pump yourself up and enjoy the waves of sadness and disappointments…
Same here man. Layoff from 2 year remote job in March, then breakup on my bday weekend and her initiating no contact 25 days ago. We gotta listen to Coach Ken and work on ourselves and not beg. It's hard AF to get going physically and work out, ride bikes etc when depression is weighing down too! But Ken addressed that. Stay strong bro, and come out the other side.
That's a tough road buddy, I was in similar circumstances losing my ex and my job. Days of feeling completely lost and pointless really test the minds resilience. Hope your good dude
I am 2 months into NC, 3 years of relationship gone in a stupid way because she isn't willing to communicate, we loved each other, nothing toxic, just the kind of person she is. Feeling absolutely lost and played because i lost a good relationship like that i analized the situation and spoke to everyone i could, used these vacation months to see all videos and study all i can about relationships, my faults and hers. If anyone can take anything from my experience, i tell you that there is hope to be better, and that even if it was that good, losing the relationship isn't as big as you think, you'll live on and be happy and be better, it will hurt but you will be better if you aim to a mentality of "i will move on, i am open to speaking to them but i will expect nothing, not they coming back nor them wanting me back". Aim to forgive and let go without any resentment, even if they dont do the same like my ex, that's the way and if they vilify you that's their problem. It's okay to be mad, to blame them, to blame yourself, all of that, as long as its temporary and you evolve those thoughts further and you see things clearer every single day until you are okay.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. It really wasn’t your fault. You analyze the wise, the wise the wise, but ask yourself one thing I do really think that this all should matter at the end of the day if it was important to her or do you really think that they would’ve let you go? Or vice versa. Treat No contact is moving on.
@@sebaatiansalaa8425 Everything is fine! After long time of not seeing each other we just bumped into each other in a party with some common friends, didnt really talk to her since it was on her to show interest, by that point i had let it go, both the hope, longing and resentment. Eventually i heard she got a boyfriend 4 months into the breakup, wich is nice, i hope it plays out well. I myself found someone and started dating a month and a half ago, so everything looks pretty good for me! I can't say that it doesnt leave a bitter aftertaste to think of how everything went down the drain so easily, feels like stripping everything that was lived out of its meaning, but maybe im too much of the romantic type and im being dramatic haha, its in the past anyways and sometimes love is like that. At the end of the day i understood many things, of life, people, myself and what i want, and im satisfied i turned this L into a W by coming out a better man, and a better lover.
She's been in 3 rebound relationships/situationships since we broke up in February. I don't want her back anymore. She's clearly unstable and will regret losing me. That alone is closure for me. I want her to live with a life-long regret of losing me. Is this an evil way of thinking? Maybe. But she hurt me bad.
The best way you can do is forgive her and forgive yourself, seeking for revenge mean you still have emotion for her and you will get upset if you find out she is moving out somehow You better find someone else worthy enough to give your sense of emotion in a good way like passion and emphaty. I love you man, stay strong and don't lose yourself
With all respect, bro, but i think you dodged a bullet.. My fiancé left me after 7 years and had to tell me that she is dating a dude, only 2-3 weeks after the breakup. She said she has no time to grieve and wants to be happy... As you said, emotional unstable..
This is so strong my ex reached out it’s been a year we met at work thought we were perfect for eachother she broke up with me we had some nasty last words I thought it was hopeless but I continued to live my life better myself get in the gym no contact really works she recently reached out apologizing and taking ownership of everything I thought it was very mature of her so I opened up with her it’s been 2 weeks and things seem great I’m not rushing anything and I’ve told her that actions speak louder than words and she needs to put in the effort and I’ve seen she’s been doing so I’ve seen that no contact everywhere but it really works 💯💯
@@russ123321bunya long story short she had personal reasons that she missed work and disappeared on me for 2 months I was concerned and trusted her friends which aren’t really her friends and that put a wedge between us plus she would always bring up another woman to me so I guess you can say it was cause I aired her personal business at work out of concern she knows this so she reached out apologizing how she treated me and she was in love with me from day one the stress I guess just got to her right now things are well and we are trying to build each others trust and get back to the way we were I am far from perfect so everything she told me I listened I was empathetic and I preached to her we both screwed up and was immature at how we handled things but right now taking it one day at a time and focusing on me
47 days NC until yesterday. She emailed me. Wants to meet-up! 👍🏽 no expectations from me and I’m in a good place. I enjoyed putting a stop 🛑 sign in my calendar every day 😁 her email was subtle, mentioned special things and used my nickname she gave me. I’ve worked on myself so much, you know if nothing comes of next Monday when we meet then I’ve moved so far I’ll just carry on enjoying life 😁 thanks Ken.
Thanks mate, you know if she wants to get back together I’m in such a good place I can only imagine her draining my emotional energy again! I’ve organised a solo holiday to Asia for 6 weeks over Dec & Jan, I’m going back to Aus for 2 months in Aug 2024, I’ve been commissioned with some new exciting work and my life is calm, content, and I’m in charge of myself. Things in my life now are unpredictable and uncertain and therefore exciting! I’m discovering the things I always wanted to do and doing them. My life with her before became predictable and draining. So you know if she wants me she’s gonna have to work on herself for 47 days and counting 😁 like I did in NC. I reckon we can apply this NC to many aspects of our lives as long as we fill that time working on ourselves. I really like myself now. I didn’t for over two years.
@@georget1569 I am about 4-5 weeks in NC been doing pretty good considering I've lost my job and a week later I was dumped. I am going all in into developing a V 2.0. Coaching, theraphy, sports 6-7 days a week, eat well, sleep well and dealing with mourning and being the best version of myself when infront of recuiters. Sooo many things have become clear in the last month...the whys the hows I have basically written out the whiole relationship on pages of paper...It is clear for me now all that is left is let my emotions and getting used to being me again take place. Feeling positive and feeling power! But at the same time, yes I have shity days where I break down but use that to fuel my gym session with tears in my eyes (I can see people in the gym looking at me like " are you okkkk"). Bottom line I don't think she is coming back, one of the stubborn ones so god bless her and enjoy the joureny. Enjoy your time traveling should be awesomeeeeee :)
Thanks to you, coach Lee and Dr Orion Pychacks I’m full of energy and it is MINE. I can give and show people compassion and understanding now without being drained. You guys are incredible 👍🏽
Your “closure” is them saying they don’t want to be with you. A simple “Ok, take care” and move on. Time to heal dealing with the pain, while realizing it is over, and getting on with your life. Don’t let someone have such control over you!!!
Sometimes they don't mean it when they say it's over. I didn't. I was super stressed and did something impulsive. I've never done anything like that before and didn't know how to fix it afterwards. He went into no contact and started ghosting me whenever I reached out. I've been holding on to hope for a year and I'm so incredibly sad about the whole thing. We never even fought once. Friends for 4 years, then dated for 2 months
@@creatureofstylehave to give them props for not responding to your messages. FAFO! I’m guessing they feel if you did this to them once, then what would stop you from hurting them again?!
@@G45and47 I completely understand. But he also knows that I started on birth control for the first time ever a month before that and the hormones literally changed my brain chemistry and made me act crazy - anxious, angry, depressed (and obv I was on the birth control for him). He's known me for 4 years and I've always been laid back previously so I hoped he'd understand that's not what I'm normally like, even though we only dated for 2 months... Plus he was aware that I was going through some pretty major life altering, pretty crushing stuff at that time, and with that hormone surge coinciding with those stresses and pressures it was just a powder keg that I couldn't control... literally When I figured out what was going on with the birth control I had it removed the next day, spent almost $300 out of pocket because I couldn't get it out of me fast enough. A couple of weeks after I had it removed I told him what had happened and I apologized and told him that he's a good man and he made me happy and he didn't deserve that I should also note that when I broke up with him I did a 15 minute monolog about everything I liked about him, and how we were so compatible, and that the chemistry was amazing and said I didn't know why it wasn't working. We didn't yell or fight... but maybe that makes it worse? I realize I completely broadsided him and caught him off guard and then just disappeared. I was almost as surprised as he was. I was distraught for over a month and didn't know what to do once the damage was done. It was a horrible experience for both of us. Over the last year I've alternated between reaching out and goung NC when he ghosts me. I still don't know what to do I now also know that he has past trauma that I didn't know about before the breakup and looking back I remember that the night before he had started talking about future plans with me for the first time, which I'm sure means he was just starting to trust me. The whole thing is such a mess. I know how much I'm hurting still, a year later, but I think maybe he's past the hurt now and has just written me off
No contact is fantastic. The benefits are real. 1. It gives you a presence that you can deal with their decision and can move on without them. This is particularly good if your ex is needy for validation. 2. If they have jumped into a rebound, it shows that you are the emotionally mature one and again can handle their new situation. 3. It gives you space to thoroughly examine the relationship and why it came to an end. 4. It also allows you to review your ex in a different more realistic sense and you examine their behaviour if a different way than when your relationship was active with them. It is during this process that things you may have ignored which were actually things that needed addressing, will now become something that you wont ignore in a new relationship and so in a way you are improving. 5. You do actually improve as a person and you gain emotional strength and maturity which will make you more attractive to your next partner. NC really is the only way to go when your relationends, especially if you were dumped. I feel sorry for guys who fail the NC process because undoubtedly they will regret it later. Let them go guys. If they arent giving you an opportunity to communicate like adults and discuss the situation then they arent the partner you thought they were. Let them go, enter NC and slowly build your strength for your next partner.
What you’ve said in this video is true. It resonates exactly what I’m going through. 3 months into NC. He is already in a new relationship. Just passed his birthday without doing anything. Working on myself and growing stronger each day..
Been in N/C for 126 days. I've done no contact in the best way I could, going for promotion, new car, open mic/guitar etc... I have couldn't help fixating. I haven't been tempted to reach out, but I also know I won't be able to not fixate unless I have someone new to put my energy into so I've started dating someone else & it really is helping. The only thing I fear is if my ex does reach out & I'm left torn to make a decision. I really don't know I'd cope with that. All I know is that I can't keep waiting around for something that may all may happen. If nothing else I have learnt a lot about myself through watching these videos & a coach call. Thanks for all your help 🙏🏻
I have an issue with fixation. The issue being that I know if I stop investing at-least some thought into them, and I let my feelings fade, they may not come back. It is difficult for me to form a true connection with someone. I know it will be hard for me to reconnect if they ever come back.
@@DockClock-rp2ro That fear of letting go of the fear is normal. Not true but it seems like you if "get over them" too much it makes it impossible to get back together. No - it makes it more likely for you to draw good boundaries and project strength that helps hold the relationship better than emotional desperation to have them stay.
It's going swimmingly with this new woman & she is kind, caring & pretty & can't get enough (as arrogant as that sounds) I'm still however finding myself thinking about my ex, which is making me feel broken. And Not that I'm trying to put the ex on a pedestal or anything but I do see her as like a benchmark or something which is leaving me with a sense of unfulfillment 😔. Do I fight it?
@@fredstuff8711 leave the new woman alone cause clearly you dont love her enough , you just going to break her heart , just let her go what you doing to her is not fair
59 days today... Starting to feel a bit normal but it's taken about 8 weeks. It does start getting easier, just takes some time. Still missing her a lot but Haven't heard a sound. Stay strong 💪🏽
Well said Ken. If one can control their thoughts, they can control their emotions. Having more respect for oneself goes a long way in this. If people don’t act like a doormat and learn to be happy living in their own skin by doing those things and achieving those goals in life that they’ve always wanted to but never have. Then taking advantage of that time with no contact to do those things while you have the opportunity, can create a sense of freedom and accomplishment that will snub out those feelings of anxiety and sense of loss because you were broken up with. When you have bettered yourself, by yourself, you’ll attract the right significant other into your life. Wether it’s your ex or someone new, your life will be way more fulfilling because of the sheer fact that you did something great by yourself and now have the opportunity to share that greatness with a significant other when the time is right. The feeling of HAVING to be with someone to have a life is NOT a good thing. The feeling of self accomplishment and wanting to share it with someone is a GOOD thing. The number one thing people should use no contact for is breaking down the walls within themselves, not the walls of their ex. I think breaking down our own walls will bring an ex back faster than anything else we could do. If done correctly, you won’t care if it’s your ex, or someone else that comes along
I know she is no good for me after the breakup, my mind is convinced , but all inward feels like going to her. Today is 1 month of NC. Want to win myself back not her during NC, not thinking about her as soon as I wake up!
I find a list of their bad physical and mental flaws helps. Include things that were bad in the relationship. Its all an illusion. You are imagining things and your mind is playing games on you.
This video is the most informative I've EVER watched. I've watched probably near 100 videos. If you read this message,please take the time to watch the whole video, I promise you it is worth your time
@@CoachKenI made the mistake of liking her social media post after almost 2 months of no contact. I instantly regretted it. I am not holding out to hope that she comes back, but I'm kicking myself for not having self-control to resist the urge to check her socials. Any advice?
This stuff is still popping up and I haven’t watched any vids for 2 months. It’s been…. 5 months in a few days or something. My partner watched my stories for a few weeks in between. I don’t think about them everyday anymore and I feel probably back to my regular self, with the feeling every now and again of being lonely. You’ll get there. Only surround yourself with people who choose you Good luck. Although you owe yourself some self respect X
I think your videos are so good because you tell us what the mind is doing. And you elaborate on it. So you let us know that you totally understand the position. Alot of videos make someone wonder "does this apply to me?"
After 3 months NC gets easier I promise. At the end of the day you can live without them. It’s still ok to be opened to taking them back though if they do reach out. Just remember it’s ok to date other people during this time especially if it’s been 4 or months of NC.
I worry that the "date other people" thing only works for men. I see a lot of men in other comments saying they won't take a woman back if she dates someone else while they're broken up. In my case I waited 4 months before I started dating again, and 7 months before getting exclusive with someone new. Throughout that 7 months I was still waiting and wanting my ex to reach out. I think dating again was the healthy decision but I also fear that he'll never want to try again now that I've dated someone else in the interim The man I'm currently seeing is planning to move halfway across the country next year and I doubt I'd be able to follow him. We aren't in a committed relationship because of that but he's really good to me. It's tough though, since this is temporary I still find myself still wanting the opportunity to try again with my ex later on, after the dust settles on our old relationship and this current one is over
@@lak1294 Found out about a month ago that he has been dating and just moved in with his new girlfriend (rather quickly, after telling me that our relationship moved too fast 🙄) so obv I am moving on now
It's been exactly one week. I followed the no contact rule. It's been a tough week. And this morning I woke up in a different mood. I realized something. If I continue to live like this, my life will pass in darkness and the destination I want to go to will only consist of an abyss. I changed from today, I started to live my life anew. I am not strong willed, I could not bear this pain alone, so from today I started a relationship with another girl. I am trying to be closer to my friends and spend more time with them. Trying new skills. I started reading different kinds of books, learning new things. I started to feel needed by the people around me. This boosted my confidence. You can blame me for being in a relationship with a new girl after a week, but believe me, if you are not sure that you can overcome this challenge alone, do not torture yourself, do not cut yourself off from the people who love you. I met another girl who respects me, understands me and loves me, and even if I don't love her yet, I want to be with her. It brought me back to life and made me feel wanted and loved.
I think you’re one of the smartest coaches out there if not the smartest 100% not just saying this. I am planning on booking a call in the coming weeks hopefully. Im writing things down to make sure the call answers most of my questions and I get some guidance. So glad I found your channel 🙏
Its kind of comforting for me to see im not alone in this and other people experience this too and feel the same as i do.. i was scared something is wrong with me for not being able to move on even after 3 months now.. but im glad people been there and menged to climb back up 😊
4 months. I just realised that I had stopped internalising the no contact. I had started asking the mutual friends about her hoping that someone might be able to convince her, also trying to find out if she misses me, turns out she does think about me, to what extent I don’t know. But yea. She’s still angry with me and said she’s never getting back. This info was painful and yet relieving for me because it confirmed that no contract made her think about me atleast. I think i need to stop talking to mutual friends about her now. I gotta do it the right way. I can’t continue to suck up my mental health.
Ken this couldn’t have come at a better time my man; just found out today the married with kids F’ head my borderline ex & children’s mother has cut us working on our relationship to see… made it official on the weekend 💔 although he is still with his mrs wtf 🤔 surely this sh*t can’t sustain. She is in utter limerence man I feel down but letting go now for good 😔 that’s a low value woman man I have it all & all to offer. Love your work Ken you mate these last 3 months bearable man. ❤️
Thank you! I love that analogy about feeling anxious like you’re being hunted in a scary movie. I’m at a point now where I realize being around them my anxiety was as high as being hunted in the horror movie and well no contact still hurts. But The anxiety has calmed down a lot much more compared to being hunted… so I an slowly seeing my strength here
In strategic no contact here. One can argue its even worse especially if the other person can’t let you go despite 6 months going by, but wont give dating a shot either. You dont move on, you can’t move on seeing them every other week. All you can do is play the game of whos going to break first.
I have a similar situation. It's a job I got her and she shows up with my cap to work😅 She showed all the signs in the beginning but then I went on vacation and she's so anxious around me since I got back, that she turns around when she sees me. She monkey branched to a guy at the gym and rubbed it in my face for 3 months and shows up with him at the same time I workout. She worshipped me for over 3 years until all of a sudden(in a day) I turned into the bad guy who deserves to be treated like this.
Something came to my mind. The way Coach Ken was talking how your heart just took a beating and we shouldn’t trust it.. why are we trying to fight for something that did that to our hearts? One of the major reasons I’ve grown to realize that I wouldn’t give my ex a chance if they came back was how they hurt me and broke my heart.
@@CoachKen Absolutely agree. I happened to bump into my ex after 2.5 years in a park a few weeks ago and he poured his heart out saying how he thought about me 50 times a day, misses me and isn’t over the break up. This confused me because he’s Incongruent with actions and words and it led me to feel that resentment of the pain I felt.
Don't call or write them, if you need to Journal it. You don't need closure. Take care of yourself! You will realize they weren't worth it. My ex was a cheater and a liar. Do I really want him back? Take care of yourself, when you ready you will start dating and be wiser on who you date.
It's been two years since she broke up with me. She was still reaching out till June this year and interacting with my socials right up till a month ago, after she told me she's seeing someone now after I reached out at the start of September on the advice of one dating coach. But she was still looking at my social media right up till a month ago, even though we haven't been connected on socials since the break-up.
2 months for me and im feeling numb sometimes , sometimes i miss her , but I'm accepting it...that its over and life has to move on...i can't stuck in here while she's enjoying life
6 months strong, No Contact, she watches every IG story I post from her fake profile, just out of curiosity… I am happy with myself again… and my focus is to make myself so much better that she will regret everyday when she thinks of how she wants me back and can’t have me back.
What draines me most is that I feel like I'm in dark forest and don't know where to go. I wish I could make a decision which way to take already. It's not the fact she could be with someone else, happily or just not want me back. I accept that fact I screwed relationship and have to mourn now. But I'm so analytical action and resolution driven that sometimes it pissess me off to just sit there and trying restrain myself from any move. That's unfortunately one of my weaknesses. Even though I already saw what God did and his little miracles in my life. Anyway, nearly 2 months of NC. Trying to let go and see what will happen. Peace.
@@Champman543 We didn't come back together but on the road to it. Already had intimate moments together last two months. I'm actually leading, with patience and calm/confident approach. I'm also keeping sobriety which was the main reason our relationship failed, learned a lot about relationship dynamic and not pursuing more than she does.
Kai frankly I’ve had enough whether it’s two weeks or two months I’m six years old my ex fiancé is 57 she’s a grown woman she knows what she wants to do I’m not here to play teenage games.
Iv not physically seen my ex since September. However she didn't actually dear john me till November. i didn't plead or beg i said didn't agree that we should go our separate ways but respect her decision she said we could be friends i left three weeks and then i sent her a message and said iv been thinking and i dont think we can be friends i deserve more then that and would like more from her but accept she doesn't feel that way if she wanted to work things out in future id be open to a conversation about it then wished her luck and said im going to live my life hope she finds happiness then i deleted her number i was out shopping around a week later and she saw me and looked at the floor so left her be and just walked straight past like a stranger was very hard to do but i felt thats what she wanted in that situation if she had of engaged with me i would of been polite and made my excuses then left i miss the memories we share as obviously we are the only ones who share them but at this point i realise its out of my control how things go with us but i can control my growth and reflection but genuinely hope one day her ❤ is happy again as it once was with me as i know mine will be again to
I am on 60 days NC. Contacted 3 times to exchange our stuff and pets. He is really cold to me every time. Meetings were short and only a bit of small talk. I lost all hope... His mother reached out to me to say she hopes i can move on fast....Any advice?
That doesn't sound like true no contact, the no contact starts after you don't see him, don't talk to him, don't repsond, and don't talk to his mom either
My ex told me 6 months later (today) that she'll never let herself trust me again despite all the growth she's seen I've done these last few months. I am her best friend but she'll never emotionally be vulnerable to me again. (minus she has been in a rebound the last 5 months) I would say my situation is truly hopeless.
The pleas were before the separation not after. It seems cheap and giving them a big pass as well as undoing all your hard-work to ask them back now. So no bloody way! Keep and be strong people. Teach people how to treat you. All love and my best to the great people here who has been mistreated with good hearts.❤❤❤
@@fatalistoxog_2230 Yes. The rebound ended a month after this post. We rekindled in late December. Engaged and bought a house in February. She just left me again and moved out claiming she does not love me and I deserve to be with someone who will.
@CoachKen Thank you. Our session a few months ago helped. I just don't know how much longer I can hold out hope while working on myself and being a better version of me.
Great video. I agree with a lot of the nuances and POVs. But I never get that is in so many of these NC videos, everyone seems to spy on or know what is going on with their ex. She knows nothing what's going on with me and vice versa. And that's a double edge sword. Of course it affects her surely, and that's the main point of NC besides working on ourselves. But, if she has been dating and is seeing someone else, I'd like to know. As then I'd be mentally free. That would be way too much. I'm no plan B if rebound hookup(s) fail! We don't want an ex to come back just because they tested options and NOW they regret losing us. Oh I know it's super common in our quick hookup era, but the point remains. I want to be back with her as I know how she is such a quality person and we were such a great fit together. That would kill that thought.
I'm nearly 6 months into no contact and it's my birthday next week. He ghosted in January after a 3 year relationship. I wish they'd do lots of videos on what to do when ghosted. I already know though. You gotta move on. Now that I'm nearly 6 months into no contact I've given up. I've not had a text call or anything from him and never even knew why he broke up with me. I didn't chase I let him have his ghosting and I became his ghost. At this point now I think I'm done. I've realised if someone loves you they don't leave you. It's not what I want in my life games and strategies. No contact does help you heal though you slowly get stronger. But 6 months Im just thinking right that's it. Anyone that comes back at this late stage in the game is just bored or broken up with someone else. I can't be bothered with him anymore. 👻
I really appreciate this channel. I’ve going through it for almost a month now and haven’t found much content that helps. I discovered your channel today and it’s been really helpful watching your vids on this topic. Thank you sir
Sigh, he already has a girlfriend he moved in with but my husband tends to come back, especially when I regain complete control over my life and destiny. Not sure I want him back
Ok I'm confused. I've watched a tonne of these videos, and none of them explain what exactly moves the relationship to the next phase, when an ex reaches out. My ex has been texting me sporadically for 2 months, sometimes twice a day. Sometimes once a week. She called it. None of her texts are trying to get me back, they are all just little excuses to text. Bad weather? Ask if he's been flooded too. Sick nan? Let him know. Just completely unrelated to the relationship dynamic. What am I supposed to do? I can't turn the conversation toward us, there's soo much at stake, and I only respond when absolutely necessary. And she's not making an effort to talk about us again. I want to see this process covered in detail, because it's one thing for them to reach out again, but it's an entirely different dynamic to get chatting about the relationship. Especially when we have to refrain from texting back.
This is called breadcrumbing😏 My ex was doing the same thing to me for months. He would sext with me sometimes too and sent a Valentine gift, but he always had excuses why he is “too busy” to meet with me. If I asked him to do anything with me sometimes he wouldn’t even reply at all, then send another breadcrumb in a week or so just asking a basic question or something. I finally asked him to stop contacting me because it was causing me too much stress and confusion. I told him not to contact me again unless he wants to talk to me again more consistently and have a real conversation and be open with each other again… I haven’t heard from again. I don’t know if it would be advised by dating coaches to send a message asking them to stop contacting you, but I actually do feel better not getting breadcrumbs anymore. We had a real relationship for over 10yrs, I would rather not hear from him at all if he can’t even treat me like a real friend now unfortunately.
@Greentea4591 That sounds like a really tormenting experience. I'm so glad you had the fortitude to just call him out on his bluffs and that he's left you alone. Funnily enough about a week after i left this comment I did the same thing - asked my ex to please respect the boundaries I set in place of no contact, since it was her choice and if she wanted to revisit any sort of interactions with me i was only open to being there for her in an emergency. She left me alone for almost 3 months, until a few weeks ago i got a random sat night txt where she lamented on our break up and said that it still cuts deep HOW we ended. It took every fibre of my soul (and a lot of emotional support from amazing friends and fam) to not write back. So far she's respecting that as a sign that I need her out of my orbit for me to make more progress in moving on from her. Thanks for sharing your story greantea! P.s for what it's worth I was with my ex for just over 10 years and I'll probably carry a lot of "what ifs" going forward, but ultimately we need to do what's best for our mental health, not our impulsivity with emotional attachments.
@@Bitplex Thank you for the reply. I still want my ex back as of now, its only been 26 days since I sent the no contact request and I do expect he will probably contact me again at some point probably in a few months. I will decide if/when that happens if I reply. He needs to show me that he is ready to talk to me like a real friend at least and be open with me again. We had over 10 good years together and he did suffer a life traumatic event that caused him to break up with me and change. I do still care about him and would like a better ending at the very least. The HOW he ended things with me doesn’t sit well with me either. I think he is a DA and just got overwhelmed with life and thought ending things with me was going to take one stress of his plate. If your ex wants to talk and you do still care about her I might agree, but I am not an expert. This is all so complicated. I hate that I don’t feel like I know what to do or say anymore and I have to worry that any contact could set things back another 3-6 months or more. Its easier to stay no contact at this point if they don’t contact us with breadcrumbs, but a DA is most likely not going to come back saying they miss u and want u back, they will start with a breadcrumb from what I have heard from most coaches. Anyway, thank you for your reply and insight. Please update me if anything changes with your situation and u get anymore insight. I do think dealing with a man vs a female in a breakup is a bit different too though.
@Greentea4591 the HOW is the real snag for both of us. On one hand it feels like there's still unfinished business because their lives were drawn away from us as a focus, or we were complicating the dynamics too much for whatever reason. On the other hand, 10 years is a great run, and as much as we feel compelled to hold onto whatever semblance of hope there may be, ultimately people can and do change over time, and traumatic events (and addiction) can make people erratic and prone to making rash decisions. I do care about my ex, deeply, I dream of her multiple times a week, but we reached a place where I don't think she was willing to bend over as far as I was, and meet me half way with life's demands. I need somebody that understands compromise, where I don't have to life around their life to keep them content. It's extremely draining, and although emotionally if she rocked up on my doorstep now I'd do it all again in a heartbeat, it's not right. Not for my future and my best needs. If your ex is a DA please take extreme caution with navigating around his future advances if there are any. You know him best, but in a strange sense, when someone starts to change its almost like the person you know best becomes part stranger. I know your ex has been a massive familiar pillar in your life for so long now, and you probably feel like a bit of a fish out of water like I do. But growth comes from sacrifice, the more days I press on the more I find myself realising that I'm worth more than being herded around like a sheep to appease someone, just so they continue to love me and i feel valuable. If there's one thing I've learnt over the last few decades (I'm mid to late 30s now) it's that you can still find someone a DEEPLY flawed person, AND overlook those flaws to maintain the balance of routine, comfort and connection. You may find in the coming weeks that you grow a new-found sense of strength, and don't even find yourself needing that closure you seek now. I hope for your sake you do, because we don't deserve to be sitting ducks, gambling entirely unknown odds that they might come crawling back. Update me too if you get new intell :)
@@Bitplex This is all true, and I don’t know all the details of your relationship/ breakup to state any opinions on what you should do. We all just need to do what feels best for us. One thing I won’t do again is chase him ever again. Thats why I put the ball in his court now. He broke up with me a year and 5 months ago so it has been long enough now that I am used to not talking to him and he has rejected me so many times now I don’t have the urge to reach out anymore. I am thankful for the learning experience now and I believe that if he does come back at some point and I am still available we can have a better relationship, but I am not waiting for that anymore either and I keep taking steps to move on. When I stop watching ex back videos for comfort I will know I am truly in a better place.
Was in NC for 3 months due to him just stopping talking to me. I reached out after 3 months and initially he ignored then a few days later he reached out in the middle of the night...talked for a hour or so....now he's ignoring me again! Who does this to someone? And why? When I asked him what happened he just said he's been working on himself and that he was sorry he's a asshole. So why keep doing it? Please tell me how to just fully move on at this point.
Narcs do it - selfish people do it - emotionally immature people do it. People with massive egos do it - pull back and shut him off, win him back or get over him, its the same plan either way
I like what Ken says about real NC. It's taken me 76 days to take her art pieces and pictures down and put them away. I've also been looking at her FB almost daily even though I've been unfriended. It's like I want to "know she's still there" and hasn't deleted our pics. I need to stop looking. She blocked me on Strava and IG, unfriended but didn’t block me on FB. ?
After a certain period of time …why not have no contact just evolve into it’s over. If they’re ok with not reaching out…why shouldn’t we be ok? He who cares the least wins the most.
My wife separated from me after three years. And said she is willing to reevaluate our marriage. But she won't even talk to me to try to work on rebuilding our marriage.. please help what should I do.?
would love to discuss details if you can schedule a call at realcoachken.com BUT based on the little details I know, I'd recommend not pushing as tempting as it might be. Let her see you're strong enough to live without her WHILE being willing to reevaluate with her. Chasing can relieve the sense of loss or fear of regret that she feels enough to tell you she's considering it. Again, I don't want to make assumptions but I hope that helps somewhat.
I have broken up with my ex 6 months ago. He contacted me after about 3 months. I had another rebound relationship by then. He got upset so began no contact. He won't contact me again.
There is more to this story I sent him a miss you text and he immediately contacted me and we met up. We have both worked on ourselves and what went wrong We are both working for a healthier relationship.
How does this NC work if they actually moved 60km away and living with the mistress coworker? I doubt he wants me back. I've been in official nc since November 23rd 2023 but separated since September 16th 2023. It hurts that he doesn't want me after 17yrs, married 15yrs.
Honestly, Ive never felt pain like it but your advice is helping. My husband (works away from home) has been stonewalling me on and off for years and this time İve told him that İ take this as a sign that hes done with me. I go no contact but the problem is we still have things to sort out like our property, pets, belongings etc. How do I stay no contact when theres so much to sort out?
Take this advice from me. Don't look back. Feel all the painful emotions..it is like detox. I'm almost 2 months NC but I made the mistake of liking her snap chat post two days ago. It feels like I'm starting NC all over again after this mistake
Does NC start again if both have broken it at some point? We've been separated for 6mths.. first 3 we're spent with us sleeping together once, odd txt amd then an argument on phone. I've now been in Real NC for 3mths .... I'm actually starting to feel much better. Learning by mistakes I made and writing down his flaws. He dumped me but has reached out a couple of times with bare min. For my own well being ive ignored. These videos help so much. Thank you coach 🙏🏻❤️
Was with my wife for 8 years. Married 3 years, great relationship we never argued never fought, I treated her like a queen bought her a house not even a year ago. Back in January she got a new job and she just changed, she became depressed and wouldnt tell me what was wrong, the first week of march she went to work and texted me that she wanted to be alone. She wouldnt tell me why she left. Ive been in no contact ever since. A month after she left, a freind of mine who works with her cousin told me she moved in with another guy. I haven't spoken with her since march except to tell her im filing divorce papers this week.
I think you always have to move on in order to be good with your current situation and if she comes back, you can decide what to do. Not as a strategy, because this isn't. But before going out of her life, try everything to save your relationship, of course.
No contact depends on many factors infidelity violence stealing but if it’s just you two and one breaks it off go with your gut. All these videos are good but they don’t have to live with the regret of not trying to make something work over the pride of sticking to your word
No contact is actually the best contact you can give your ex. It's your way of communicating; i'm to good for you and you lost the privilege of speaking with me... forever. You are now dead to me. Like you never existed. I've done no contact so many times with so many exs and friends now that it's almost enjoyable for me. Its a great exercise in mental gymnastics and it'll boost your confidence knowing that you can move on so easily.
I told my ex I was shutting the door permanently, straight away she starts messaging me and then phoned me. She didn’t say she wanted me back, she was interested to know if I was seeing someone. Why would she do this if she happy with someone else, this was 2 weeks ago and not really heard from her since. Do I just walk away now, been 9 months since break up?
It was easier to leave you and walk away while she knew you were still there - now her new relationship has a cost and an instinct to re-evaluate both relationships. Walking away depends on the details - how good was the relationship, how long did it last, how much do you still trust her? Let me know if I can be of any help realcoachken.com
New years. It's been since then. I want to say it's the first time he's just ghosted me but he hasn't. Every time I mentally bury him and go about my life. Then he just walks back in like he never left. It's so annoying because of these strong feelings. And how many times he's said that he loves me. I broke no contact in February after getting stood up on a random date and got drunk and messaged him. All because of my CPTSD abandonment wounds. No response. Just stay in no contact. This guy is right. Forcing something from nothing isn't worth it. Just focus on yourself cause that's all you can focus on. At the end of the day all you have is yourself and a bunch of neurons made up to be memories.
After almost 3 months and some hurtful actions by her like removal notifications of old things that were on shared calendar, and a notice that she had removed a heart from an old email, I got a shipping notification from UPS that something was coming to me. I looked at the tracking, saw it originated in the area where she moved, and my mind immediately freaked out thinking that she was sending everything I'd given her over 4 years back to me. That was just too much, so I took a risk and texted her asking If I could call and she said yes. We talked on the phone for over 3 hours until 3:30 am. I learned some changes that are happening in her life, and also that she wasn't returning the stuff, and also that her heart isn't hardened to me. I still don't understand why she sent our scrapbook back to me, along with handmade wtiting journal that had notes that I had written to her. I mean these are notes that I wrote to her, so I don't understand why they were returned to me. Not all the notes but at least one. So I ended up returning the package back to her (what a dumb waste of money, and I've still not gotten bsck to work after a layoff). Anyway, she said we can talk again. She's moving again and I want to come help her, and she hasn't answered me about that yet - so I am not pushing.
76 days of her NC today. The breakup was my mistake as was not recognizing I needed to work on attachment issues for a long time. That being said, I believe she knows that I still love her, but I believe she's vilified me to others so even if she wanted to come back she has to save face right?
It's going to be 90 days NC now, I sometimes feel okay but every morning I wake up and feel the loss. Sometimes I smile, sometimes tears flow, small things remind me of her. I don't know how long this is going to take.
Painful but effective way to show you who was real and who was shallow in your life - been there - it's brutal but you're left with a solid foundation to rebuild
@@archangelelmo Hi, Coach Ken Yes, she reached out. 4,5 month ago, She was sending me her pictures and asking how I'm doing. After 2 weeks, she told me that she took my clients to my opponents. she did everything to hart me! now i’m doing great. thank you so much for everything you doing for people like me!
EVER! - Unless your situation and details are not the average situation in which case it can depend on the person and the reasons for the break and the time together and apart and you get the idea...but generally I agree with you
Sometimes I wonder if this Bible verse has anything to do with how she feels during No Contact. A widow who I truly loved and then dumped me like a lightning bolt. I’m working on myself now and being thankful to God. Matthew 24:12 And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold.
almost coming to 70 days of NC... not gonna ask her for closure cos i wanna leave the door open jus in case miracle happen and she comes back its really hard... i wept daily, i loss sleep, i loss weight, diagnose with depression and my heart is literally feeling the pain everyday. i'm still holding on i dunno why
70 days for me too. I believe if you concentrate on yourself, make the effort to reconnect with friends, travel, live a better life….then if they do come back, you’re better equipped to move forward. And if they don’t, you’re a better person, in a better place regardless….win win.
It’s been 7 months and it’s hard to do no contact because we have a son, so once every two weeks she calls or text to meet up for our son. But I am noticing she’s been really nice to me, and I don’t contact her at all.
Have seen many people come back longer than that - live like they aren't coming back but accept that you don't know that for certain anymore than you know they are
Mannnn 3 months into NC and I’m telling you the feeling in your gut is still here. And nights that the mind wanders pfft the worst
3 months today buddy and I have the same thing still have that punch in the gut feeling at night and in the morning 1st thing
Night time is the worst for me and first thing in the morning too
6 months here.
It gets easier.
Some days not so much.
I have been dating again though.
Started a new business project.
Looking for property.
Learning new skills.
It's all good on paper, but losing someone you felt that close to is still hard.
I have to remind myself that if they were the right person, they'd be here.
Good luck, lads.
Keep working on your attachment and keep improving your lot.
Same . Little past 3 months.
Same, 3 months, she reached out twice, talking about money she owed me.. so I left it a few weeks after her last reach out, I messaged her, as I had her coat and some other things.. she seemed really engaged sending long messages, and wanting to meet me to swap stuff, I met her and she kept giving me compliments, saying how good I looked, laughing at silly things I said, touching my arm a few times, called me babe, cuddled me goodbye and asked if she could smell me.. and said I always smell good, soon after the meet I’ve gone straight back into no contact and will wait for her to reach out, as really I shouldn’t have reached out to her but it had been 3 months, I just played it cool, she even asked if I had been on any dates.. a week tmw since I see her..
Been in NC for just over 11 months now , hang in NC. Do not break it , it gets easier each passing month , her bday is next week , I'm not breaking NC !! Here's the thing , NC is not to get your ex back , it's to get you back !
Exactly! It's not for them, it's for you.
100%!!
Yes. Just like with addiction, you have to stop ”using” whichever substance, you have to stop the dopamine hits you get by peeking their social media or whatever.
Isn’t accepting its over and moving on the same as staying in no contact?
Isn’t that the point of no contact essentially to either move on or they come back and either way you stay in no contact?
are you 2 in love together now? or is it truly over?
Lost a job then lost 4.5 years relationship…ultimate test of resilience..land a new dream job while being in dispair and doom and gloom. Life can be fun sometimes…
Two battles at the same time two fronts….but you know what Joco Willink would say GOOD…
Man the f up…mourn, rise, cry, pump yourself up and enjoy the waves of sadness and disappointments…
Goggins - CAN'T HURT ME SON !
Same here man. Layoff from 2 year remote job in March, then breakup on my bday weekend and her initiating no contact 25 days ago. We gotta listen to Coach Ken and work on ourselves and not beg. It's hard AF to get going physically and work out, ride bikes etc when depression is weighing down too! But Ken addressed that. Stay strong bro, and come out the other side.
@@SCnative64I hope you feel better, don’t play the same thing
That's a tough road buddy, I was in similar circumstances losing my ex and my job. Days of feeling completely lost and pointless really test the minds resilience. Hope your good dude
Thanks for comments guys and support!
I’m doing really really good! Having a dream job and focusing on career. Cheers
I am 2 months into NC, 3 years of relationship gone in a stupid way because she isn't willing to communicate, we loved each other, nothing toxic, just the kind of person she is.
Feeling absolutely lost and played because i lost a good relationship like that i analized the situation and spoke to everyone i could, used these vacation months to see all videos and study all i can about relationships, my faults and hers.
If anyone can take anything from my experience, i tell you that there is hope to be better, and that even if it was that good, losing the relationship isn't as big as you think, you'll live on and be happy and be better, it will hurt but you will be better if you aim to a mentality of "i will move on, i am open to speaking to them but i will expect nothing, not they coming back nor them wanting me back".
Aim to forgive and let go without any resentment, even if they dont do the same like my ex, that's the way and if they vilify you that's their problem.
It's okay to be mad, to blame them, to blame yourself, all of that, as long as its temporary and you evolve those thoughts further and you see things clearer every single day until you are okay.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. It really wasn’t your fault. You analyze the wise, the wise the wise, but ask yourself one thing I do really think that this all should matter at the end of the day if it was important to her or do you really think that they would’ve let you go? Or vice versa. Treat No contact is moving on.
Well said!
Everything okay? Update
@@sebaatiansalaa8425 Everything is fine!
After long time of not seeing each other we just bumped into each other in a party with some common friends, didnt really talk to her since it was on her to show interest, by that point i had let it go, both the hope, longing and resentment.
Eventually i heard she got a boyfriend 4 months into the breakup, wich is nice, i hope it plays out well. I myself found someone and started dating a month and a half ago, so everything looks pretty good for me!
I can't say that it doesnt leave a bitter aftertaste to think of how everything went down the drain so easily, feels like stripping everything that was lived out of its meaning, but maybe im too much of the romantic type and im being dramatic haha, its in the past anyways and sometimes love is like that.
At the end of the day i understood many things, of life, people, myself and what i want, and im satisfied i turned this L into a W by coming out a better man, and a better lover.
The vilifying, yes. It hurts. I guess it is their way of dealing. And those people only see one side of it.
She's been in 3 rebound relationships/situationships since we broke up in February. I don't want her back anymore. She's clearly unstable and will regret losing me. That alone is closure for me. I want her to live with a life-long regret of losing me. Is this an evil way of thinking? Maybe. But she hurt me bad.
@@ShopNewGho No, she’s in her Early 20’s. Grass is greener syndrome
The best way you can do is forgive her and forgive yourself, seeking for revenge mean you still have emotion for her and you will get upset if you find out she is moving out somehow
You better find someone else worthy enough to give your sense of emotion in a good way like passion and emphaty.
I love you man, stay strong and don't lose yourself
With all respect, bro, but i think you dodged a bullet..
My fiancé left me after 7 years and had to tell me that she is dating a dude, only 2-3 weeks after the breakup. She said she has no time to grieve and wants to be happy...
As you said, emotional unstable..
Damn dude. 3 of them? Thats skanky behavior. You dont want that one back. I feel your pain tho
This is so strong my ex reached out it’s been a year we met at work thought we were perfect for eachother she broke up with me we had some nasty last words I thought it was hopeless but I continued to live my life better myself get in the gym no contact really works she recently reached out apologizing and taking ownership of everything I thought it was very mature of her so I opened up with her it’s been 2 weeks and things seem great I’m not rushing anything and I’ve told her that actions speak louder than words and she needs to put in the effort and I’ve seen she’s been doing so I’ve seen that no contact everywhere but it really works 💯💯
why did you guys breakup?
@@russ123321bunya long story short she had personal reasons that she missed work and disappeared on me for 2 months I was concerned and trusted her friends which aren’t really her friends and that put a wedge between us plus she would always bring up another woman to me so I guess you can say it was cause I aired her personal business at work out of concern she knows this so she reached out apologizing how she treated me and she was in love with me from day one the stress I guess just got to her right now things are well and we are trying to build each others trust and get back to the way we were I am far from perfect so everything she told me I listened I was empathetic and I preached to her we both screwed up and was immature at how we handled things but right now taking it one day at a time and focusing on me
You’re a lucky man brother ❤️
@@ADayInTheLifeOfJames thank you 🙏 seeing this Friday so we both will be at little nervous I take it
Congrats Andrew!
Stay in NC... Silence KILLS!
...and awakens, surprises and triggers re-examination of what was lost!
47 days NC until yesterday. She emailed me. Wants to meet-up! 👍🏽 no expectations from me and I’m in a good place. I enjoyed putting a stop 🛑 sign in my calendar every day 😁 her email was subtle, mentioned special things and used my nickname she gave me. I’ve worked on myself so much, you know if nothing comes of next Monday when we meet then I’ve moved so far I’ll just carry on enjoying life 😁 thanks Ken.
Good luck brother!
Thanks mate, you know if she wants to get back together I’m in such a good place I can only imagine her draining my emotional energy again! I’ve organised a solo holiday to Asia for 6 weeks over Dec & Jan, I’m going back to Aus for 2 months in Aug 2024, I’ve been commissioned with some new exciting work and my life is calm, content, and I’m in charge of myself. Things in my life now are unpredictable and uncertain and therefore exciting! I’m discovering the things I always wanted to do and doing them. My life with her before became predictable and draining. So you know if she wants me she’s gonna have to work on herself for 47 days and counting 😁 like I did in NC. I reckon we can apply this NC to many aspects of our lives as long as we fill that time working on ourselves. I really like myself now. I didn’t for over two years.
@@georget1569 I am about 4-5 weeks in NC been doing pretty good considering I've lost my job and a week later I was dumped. I am going all in into developing a V 2.0. Coaching, theraphy, sports 6-7 days a week, eat well, sleep well and dealing with mourning and being the best version of myself when infront of recuiters.
Sooo many things have become clear in the last month...the whys the hows I have basically written out the whiole relationship on pages of paper...It is clear for me now all that is left is let my emotions and getting used to being me again take place. Feeling positive and feeling power! But at the same time, yes I have shity days where I break down but use that to fuel my gym session with tears in my eyes (I can see people in the gym looking at me like " are you okkkk"). Bottom line I don't think she is coming back, one of the stubborn ones so god bless her and enjoy the joureny.
Enjoy your time traveling should be awesomeeeeee :)
Congrats George!
Thanks to you, coach Lee and Dr Orion Pychacks I’m full of energy and it is MINE. I can give and show people compassion and understanding now without being drained. You guys are incredible 👍🏽
Your “closure” is them saying they don’t want to be with you. A simple “Ok, take care” and move on. Time to heal dealing with the pain, while realizing it is over, and getting on with your life. Don’t let someone have such control over you!!!
The less time and energy you have invested the easier that is. It isn't easy with a long term relationship
@r.bishop1127 Amen. It's f'in difficult! But I do see the original point made though. Just a matter of how, or getting through it.
Sometimes they don't mean it when they say it's over. I didn't. I was super stressed and did something impulsive. I've never done anything like that before and didn't know how to fix it afterwards. He went into no contact and started ghosting me whenever I reached out. I've been holding on to hope for a year and I'm so incredibly sad about the whole thing. We never even fought once. Friends for 4 years, then dated for 2 months
@@creatureofstylehave to give them props for not responding to your messages. FAFO! I’m guessing they feel if you did this to them once, then what would stop you from hurting them again?!
@@G45and47 I completely understand. But he also knows that I started on birth control for the first time ever a month before that and the hormones literally changed my brain chemistry and made me act crazy - anxious, angry, depressed (and obv I was on the birth control for him). He's known me for 4 years and I've always been laid back previously so I hoped he'd understand that's not what I'm normally like, even though we only dated for 2 months... Plus he was aware that I was going through some pretty major life altering, pretty crushing stuff at that time, and with that hormone surge coinciding with those stresses and pressures it was just a powder keg that I couldn't control... literally
When I figured out what was going on with the birth control I had it removed the next day, spent almost $300 out of pocket because I couldn't get it out of me fast enough. A couple of weeks after I had it removed I told him what had happened and I apologized and told him that he's a good man and he made me happy and he didn't deserve that
I should also note that when I broke up with him I did a 15 minute monolog about everything I liked about him, and how we were so compatible, and that the chemistry was amazing and said I didn't know why it wasn't working. We didn't yell or fight... but maybe that makes it worse?
I realize I completely broadsided him and caught him off guard and then just disappeared. I was almost as surprised as he was. I was distraught for over a month and didn't know what to do once the damage was done. It was a horrible experience for both of us. Over the last year I've alternated between reaching out and goung NC when he ghosts me. I still don't know what to do
I now also know that he has past trauma that I didn't know about before the breakup and looking back I remember that the night before he had started talking about future plans with me for the first time, which I'm sure means he was just starting to trust me. The whole thing is such a mess. I know how much I'm hurting still, a year later, but I think maybe he's past the hurt now and has just written me off
You make me feel so much better. My heart and mind are traumatized.
No contact is fantastic. The benefits are real. 1. It gives you a presence that you can deal with their decision and can move on without them. This is particularly good if your ex is needy for validation. 2. If they have jumped into a rebound, it shows that you are the emotionally mature one and again can handle their new situation. 3. It gives you space to thoroughly examine the relationship and why it came to an end. 4. It also allows you to review your ex in a different more realistic sense and you examine their behaviour if a different way than when your relationship was active with them. It is during this process that things you may have ignored which were actually things that needed addressing, will now become something that you wont ignore in a new relationship and so in a way you are improving. 5. You do actually improve as a person and you gain emotional strength and maturity which will make you more attractive to your next partner.
NC really is the only way to go when your relationends, especially if you were dumped. I feel sorry for guys who fail the NC process because undoubtedly they will regret it later.
Let them go guys. If they arent giving you an opportunity to communicate like adults and discuss the situation then they arent the partner you thought they were. Let them go, enter NC and slowly build your strength for your next partner.
"Remember who you are".. thank you!
What you’ve said in this video is true. It resonates exactly what I’m going through. 3 months into NC. He is already in a new relationship. Just passed his birthday without doing anything. Working on myself and growing stronger each day..
How's everything now?
Been in N/C for 126 days. I've done no contact in the best way I could, going for promotion, new car, open mic/guitar etc... I have couldn't help fixating. I haven't been tempted to reach out, but I also know I won't be able to not fixate unless I have someone new to put my energy into so I've started dating someone else & it really is helping. The only thing I fear is if my ex does reach out & I'm left torn to make a decision. I really don't know I'd cope with that. All I know is that I can't keep waiting around for something that may all may happen. If nothing else I have learnt a lot about myself through watching these videos & a coach call. Thanks for all your help 🙏🏻
I have an issue with fixation.
The issue being that I know if I stop investing at-least some thought into them, and I let my feelings fade, they may not come back.
It is difficult for me to form a true connection with someone.
I know it will be hard for me to reconnect if they ever come back.
@@DockClock-rp2ro That fear of letting go of the fear is normal. Not true but it seems like you if "get over them" too much it makes it impossible to get back together. No - it makes it more likely for you to draw good boundaries and project strength that helps hold the relationship better than emotional desperation to have them stay.
It's going swimmingly with this new woman & she is kind, caring & pretty & can't get enough (as arrogant as that sounds) I'm still however finding myself thinking about my ex, which is making me feel broken. And Not that I'm trying to put the ex on a pedestal or anything but I do see her as like a benchmark or something which is leaving me with a sense of unfulfillment 😔. Do I fight it?
@@fredstuff8711 leave the new woman alone cause clearly you dont love her enough , you just going to break her heart , just let her go what you doing to her is not fair
Work on your own avoidant dismissive attachment, don't hurt her and don't use her as a rebound. Ex-heal is a good program for that@@fredstuff8711
Coach Ken, your mindfulness and authenticity is off the chart. Just wanted to drop a note of appreciation of the work you are doing.
Thank you so much Holly! Very kind of you!
59 days today...
Starting to feel a bit normal but it's taken about 8 weeks. It does start getting easier, just takes some time.
Still missing her a lot but Haven't heard a sound.
Stay strong 💪🏽
These months later and Did you hear from her?
I’m sorry to hear. You’ll be fine. Just remember you should be with someone who wants you, appreciates you. You deserve that. Nothing less
I definitely wouldn't take an ex back if she sleeps with someone else and she knows it!
100% once they do that, for me personally it's over for good
Well said Ken. If one can control their thoughts, they can control their emotions. Having more respect for oneself goes a long way in this. If people don’t act like a doormat and learn to be happy living in their own skin by doing those things and achieving those goals in life that they’ve always wanted to but never have. Then taking advantage of that time with no contact to do those things while you have the opportunity, can create a sense of freedom and accomplishment that will snub out those feelings of anxiety and sense of loss because you were broken up with. When you have bettered yourself, by yourself, you’ll attract the right significant other into your life. Wether it’s your ex or someone new, your life will be way more fulfilling because of the sheer fact that you did something great by yourself and now have the opportunity to share that greatness with a significant other when the time is right. The feeling of HAVING to be with someone to have a life is NOT a good thing. The feeling of self accomplishment and wanting to share it with someone is a GOOD thing. The number one thing people should use no contact for is breaking down the walls within themselves, not the walls of their ex. I think breaking down our own walls will bring an ex back faster than anything else we could do. If done correctly, you won’t care if it’s your ex, or someone else that comes along
🏆
I know she is no good for me after the breakup, my mind is convinced , but all inward feels like going to her. Today is 1 month of NC. Want to win myself back not her during NC, not thinking about her as soon as I wake up!
I find a list of their bad physical and mental flaws helps. Include things that were bad in the relationship. Its all an illusion. You are imagining things and your mind is playing games on you.
This video is the most informative I've EVER watched. I've watched probably near 100 videos. If you read this message,please take the time to watch the whole video, I promise you it is worth your time
Very kind of you too say and share - thank you sincerely Melvin!
Yeah, very intelligent guy...
This video came in the right time. Thank you so much Coach Ken! You’re the man!
Thank you Matauz - much appreciated
@@CoachKenI made the mistake of liking her social media post after almost 2 months of no contact. I instantly regretted it. I am not holding out to hope that she comes back, but I'm kicking myself for not having self-control to resist the urge to check her socials. Any advice?
Was just going to do that and your comment came up how strange@@osmanmohamud2307
This stuff is still popping up and I haven’t watched any vids for 2 months. It’s been…. 5 months in a few days or something.
My partner watched my stories for a few weeks in between. I don’t think about them everyday anymore and I feel probably back to my regular self, with the feeling every now and again of being lonely.
You’ll get there. Only surround yourself with people who choose you
Good luck. Although you owe yourself some self respect
X
I think your videos are so good because you tell us what the mind is doing. And you elaborate on it. So you let us know that you totally understand the position. Alot of videos make someone wonder "does this apply to me?"
Thank you so much - being relatable is what I'm hoping for but you don't know sometimes how it might be received
After 3 months NC gets easier I promise. At the end of the day you can live without them. It’s still ok to be opened to taking them back though if they do reach out. Just remember it’s ok to date other people during this time especially if it’s been 4 or months of NC.
I worry that the "date other people" thing only works for men. I see a lot of men in other comments saying they won't take a woman back if she dates someone else while they're broken up. In my case I waited 4 months before I started dating again, and 7 months before getting exclusive with someone new. Throughout that 7 months I was still waiting and wanting my ex to reach out. I think dating again was the healthy decision but I also fear that he'll never want to try again now that I've dated someone else in the interim
The man I'm currently seeing is planning to move halfway across the country next year and I doubt I'd be able to follow him. We aren't in a committed relationship because of that but he's really good to me. It's tough though, since this is temporary I still find myself still wanting the opportunity to try again with my ex later on, after the dust settles on our old relationship and this current one is over
@@creatureofstyle How do you know your ex isn't also dating and has moved on? Better to genuinely look for someone new.
@@lak1294 Found out about a month ago that he has been dating and just moved in with his new girlfriend (rather quickly, after telling me that our relationship moved too fast 🙄) so obv I am moving on now
It's been exactly one week. I followed the no contact rule. It's been a tough week. And this morning I woke up in a different mood. I realized something. If I continue to live like this, my life will pass in darkness and the destination I want to go to will only consist of an abyss. I changed from today, I started to live my life anew. I am not strong willed, I could not bear this pain alone, so from today I started a relationship with another girl. I am trying to be closer to my friends and spend more time with them. Trying new skills. I started reading different kinds of books, learning new things. I started to feel needed by the people around me. This boosted my confidence. You can blame me for being in a relationship with a new girl after a week, but believe me, if you are not sure that you can overcome this challenge alone, do not torture yourself, do not cut yourself off from the people who love you. I met another girl who respects me, understands me and loves me, and even if I don't love her yet, I want to be with her. It brought me back to life and made me feel wanted and loved.
I think you’re one of the smartest coaches out there if not the smartest 100% not just saying this. I am planning on booking a call in the coming weeks hopefully. Im writing things down to make sure the call answers most of my questions and I get some guidance. So glad I found your channel 🙏
Over 7 months NC now…
9 months here
2 years
@@marjeanroman964 does it get easier?
Damn, you guys still wish to be with them? That’s a long time in no contact
@@joev7014 i don’t, i just never got closure and it haunts me. I know i know ‘you’re supposed to find your own closure.’ I guess im still angry.
Its kind of comforting for me to see im not alone in this and other people experience this too and feel the same as i do.. i was scared something is wrong with me for not being able to move on even after 3 months now.. but im glad people been there and menged to climb back up 😊
It's been a year for me. Don't feel bad at all!
4 months. I just realised that I had stopped internalising the no contact. I had started asking the mutual friends about her hoping that someone might be able to convince her, also trying to find out if she misses me, turns out she does think about me, to what extent I don’t know. But yea. She’s still angry with me and said she’s never getting back. This info was painful and yet relieving for me because it confirmed that no contract made her think about me atleast. I think i need to stop talking to mutual friends about her now. I gotta do it the right way. I can’t continue to suck up my mental health.
Update?
Update???
Talking to mutual friends like that is a big mistake..good luck brother stay strong God is with you
Ken this couldn’t have come at a better time my man; just found out today the married with kids F’ head my borderline ex & children’s mother has cut us working on our relationship to see… made it official on the weekend 💔 although he is still with his mrs wtf 🤔 surely this sh*t can’t sustain. She is in utter limerence man I feel down but letting go now for good 😔 that’s a low value woman man I have it all & all to offer. Love your work Ken you mate these last 3 months bearable man. ❤️
Thank you! I love that analogy about feeling anxious like you’re being hunted in a scary movie. I’m at a point now where I realize being around them my anxiety was as high as being hunted in the horror movie and well no contact still hurts. But The anxiety has calmed down a lot much more compared to being hunted… so I an slowly seeing my strength here
I went thru the anxiety thing it was awful.i would of died or stroked out by now. She left oct.1 with my help, I had to expedite her moving out.
I wish I had seen this video before I texted what I texted to my ex a few days ago to get something off my chest
Happend to me too haha it sucks that we learned it the hard way but its better then never 😅
In strategic no contact here. One can argue its even worse especially if the other person can’t let you go despite 6 months going by, but wont give dating a shot either. You dont move on, you can’t move on seeing them every other week. All you can do is play the game of whos going to break first.
You got this!
@@CoachKenI know, I am stronger than her, she knows it too!
I have a similar situation. It's a job I got her and she shows up with my cap to work😅 She showed all the signs in the beginning but then I went on vacation and she's so anxious around me since I got back, that she turns around when she sees me. She monkey branched to a guy at the gym and rubbed it in my face for 3 months and shows up with him at the same time I workout. She worshipped me for over 3 years until all of a sudden(in a day) I turned into the bad guy who deserves to be treated like this.
@@andrim9931that’s terrible man I’m so sorry
Totally nailed it coach Ken, this is me right now.
Something came to my mind. The way Coach Ken was talking how your heart just took a beating and we shouldn’t trust it.. why are we trying to fight for something that did that to our hearts? One of the major reasons I’ve grown to realize that I wouldn’t give my ex a chance if they came back was how they hurt me and broke my heart.
Coming out of that dark limerence - the fog starts to lift and the resentment of all the pain you felt starts to come to the surface!
@@CoachKen Absolutely agree. I happened to bump into my ex after 2.5 years in a park a few weeks ago and he poured his heart out saying how he thought about me 50 times a day, misses me and isn’t over the break up. This confused me because he’s Incongruent with actions and words and it led me to feel that resentment of the pain I felt.
Week 3 of break up, first full week of nc. Your videos are amazing. Need way more subs.
19 months. Another great video 📹 Coach. Of course I was schooled in Indefinite NC so I was able to sorta grasp that aspect...sorta. Great points here.
Thanks Lonely! Always good to see your comments
@CoachKen Ty I'm honored. Keep up your excellent content.
I'm on 2 years of NC. He ghosted me. After knowing each other for 30 years, that is how he treated me.
Don't call or write them, if you need to Journal it. You don't need closure. Take care of yourself! You will realize they weren't worth it. My ex was a cheater and a liar. Do I really want him back? Take care of yourself, when you ready you will start dating and be wiser on who you date.
It's been two years since she broke up with me. She was still reaching out till June this year and interacting with my socials right up till a month ago, after she told me she's seeing someone now after I reached out at the start of September on the advice of one dating coach. But she was still looking at my social media right up till a month ago, even though we haven't been connected on socials since the break-up.
2 months for me and im feeling numb sometimes , sometimes i miss her , but I'm accepting it...that its over and life has to move on...i can't stuck in here while she's enjoying life
6 months strong, No Contact, she watches every IG story I post from her fake profile, just out of curiosity… I am happy with myself again… and my focus is to make myself so much better that she will regret everyday when she thinks of how she wants me back and can’t have me back.
its been 29 months since we broke up, after a 24 year relationship, still love an miss her, but i know she is never coming back 😥💔
I am so sorry to hear this. Why do you think she is not coming back?
Another ‘from the heart’, powerful video. Thank you Coach.🙏
Thank you Furgal!
What draines me most is that I feel like I'm in dark forest and don't know where to go. I wish I could make a decision which way to take already. It's not the fact she could be with someone else, happily or just not want me back. I accept that fact I screwed relationship and have to mourn now. But I'm so analytical action and resolution driven that sometimes it pissess me off to just sit there and trying restrain myself from any move. That's unfortunately one of my weaknesses. Even though I already saw what God did and his little miracles in my life. Anyway, nearly 2 months of NC. Trying to let go and see what will happen. Peace.
Did she come back or at least reach out to you?
@@Champman543 We didn't come back together but on the road to it. Already had intimate moments together last two months. I'm actually leading, with patience and calm/confident approach. I'm also keeping sobriety which was the main reason our relationship failed, learned a lot about relationship dynamic and not pursuing more than she does.
@@darksideofthebright4284 update?
Love THIS Guy!
Kai frankly I’ve had enough whether it’s two weeks or two months I’m six years old my ex fiancé is 57 she’s a grown woman she knows what she wants to do I’m not here to play teenage games.
Amazing video. Thank you for all of your genuine support and encouragement. God bless you and Coach Lee.
Do bpd. Remember the good generous thing you did for them?? Can u do a video on that topic
I like that- I'll add it to the upcoming list
Ok got it. Get a plan. Kinda like "Gone Girl"? Got it.
Appreciate how you explain this all ❤
Thank you Ken , this video helped, i think the fact that you've been through this , spesks volumes ..
Iv not physically seen my ex since September. However she didn't actually dear john me till November. i didn't plead or beg i said didn't agree that we should go our separate ways but respect her decision she said we could be friends i left three weeks and then i sent her a message and said iv been thinking and i dont think we can be friends i deserve more then that and would like more from her but accept she doesn't feel that way if she wanted to work things out in future id be open to a conversation about it then wished her luck and said im going to live my life hope she finds happiness then i deleted her number i was out shopping around a week later and she saw me and looked at the floor so left her be and just walked straight past like a stranger was very hard to do but i felt thats what she wanted in that situation if she had of engaged with me i would of been polite and made my excuses then left i miss the memories we share as obviously we are the only ones who share them but at this point i realise its out of my control how things go with us but i can control my growth and reflection but genuinely hope one day her ❤ is happy again as it once was with me as i know mine will be again to
I am on 60 days NC. Contacted 3 times to exchange our stuff and pets. He is really cold to me every time. Meetings were short and only a bit of small talk. I lost all hope... His mother reached out to me to say she hopes i can move on fast....Any advice?
Listen to his mother..... obviously she knows something that you don't.....
Take care.
That doesn't sound like true no contact, the no contact starts after you don't see him, don't talk to him, don't repsond, and don't talk to his mom either
its fkin hard to keep it up. I go a few days maybe a week doing ok then one day it feels like i fall apart and i am back to square 1
My ex told me 6 months later (today) that she'll never let herself trust me again despite all the growth she's seen I've done these last few months. I am her best friend but she'll never emotionally be vulnerable to me again. (minus she has been in a rebound the last 5 months) I would say my situation is truly hopeless.
Move on for now, but you never know
The pleas were before the separation not after. It seems cheap and giving them a big pass as well as undoing all your hard-work to ask them back now. So no bloody way! Keep and be strong people. Teach people how to treat you. All love and my best to the great people here who has been mistreated with good hearts.❤❤❤
Any updates??
@@fatalistoxog_2230 Yes. The rebound ended a month after this post. We rekindled in late December. Engaged and bought a house in February. She just left me again and moved out claiming she does not love me and I deserve to be with someone who will.
@@WolfordWise sorry to heart that brother. Level up as a man as we all should and you’ll have better
Almost 5 months NC; pretty sure she's not coming back. Trying to hold strong though.
Very normal for it to feel hopeless - allow yoursdelf the comfort of just accepting you don't know either way yet.
@CoachKen Thank you. Our session a few months ago helped. I just don't know how much longer I can hold out hope while working on myself and being a better version of me.
Outstanding video ..thanks so much ..true and very helpful ❤
Great video. I agree with a lot of the nuances and POVs. But I never get that is in so many of these NC videos, everyone seems to spy on or know what is going on with their ex. She knows nothing what's going on with me and vice versa. And that's a double edge sword. Of course it affects her surely, and that's the main point of NC besides working on ourselves. But, if she has been dating and is seeing someone else, I'd like to know. As then I'd be mentally free. That would be way too much. I'm no plan B if rebound hookup(s) fail! We don't want an ex to come back just because they tested options and NOW they regret losing us. Oh I know it's super common in our quick hookup era, but the point remains. I want to be back with her as I know how she is such a quality person and we were such a great fit together. That would kill that thought.
I'm nearly 6 months into no contact and it's my birthday next week. He ghosted in January after a 3 year relationship. I wish they'd do lots of videos on what to do when ghosted. I already know though. You gotta move on. Now that I'm nearly 6 months into no contact I've given up. I've not had a text call or anything from him and never even knew why he broke up with me. I didn't chase I let him have his ghosting and I became his ghost. At this point now I think I'm done. I've realised if someone loves you they don't leave you. It's not what I want in my life games and strategies. No contact does help you heal though you slowly get stronger. But 6 months Im just thinking right that's it. Anyone that comes back at this late stage in the game is just bored or broken up with someone else. I can't be bothered with him anymore. 👻
I really appreciate this channel. I’ve going through it for almost a month now and haven’t found much content that helps. I discovered your channel today and it’s been really helpful watching your vids on this topic. Thank you sir
Sigh, he already has a girlfriend he moved in with but my husband tends to come back, especially when I regain complete control over my life and destiny. Not sure I want him back
I’m so tempted to txt my ex, it hurts so bad.
You got this - deep breath
Did your ex ever reach out to you???
@@archangelelmo yes he always does after about the 3 week mark
Ok I'm confused. I've watched a tonne of these videos, and none of them explain what exactly moves the relationship to the next phase, when an ex reaches out. My ex has been texting me sporadically for 2 months, sometimes twice a day. Sometimes once a week. She called it. None of her texts are trying to get me back, they are all just little excuses to text. Bad weather? Ask if he's been flooded too. Sick nan? Let him know. Just completely unrelated to the relationship dynamic. What am I supposed to do? I can't turn the conversation toward us, there's soo much at stake, and I only respond when absolutely necessary. And she's not making an effort to talk about us again. I want to see this process covered in detail, because it's one thing for them to reach out again, but it's an entirely different dynamic to get chatting about the relationship. Especially when we have to refrain from texting back.
This is called breadcrumbing😏 My ex was doing the same thing to me for months. He would sext with me sometimes too and sent a Valentine gift, but he always had excuses why he is “too busy” to meet with me. If I asked him to do anything with me sometimes he wouldn’t even reply at all, then send another breadcrumb in a week or so just asking a basic question or something.
I finally asked him to stop contacting me because it was causing me too much stress and confusion.
I told him not to contact me again unless he wants to talk to me again more consistently and have a real conversation and be open with each other again…
I haven’t heard from again.
I don’t know if it would be advised by dating coaches to send a message asking them to stop contacting you, but I actually do feel better not getting breadcrumbs anymore.
We had a real relationship for over 10yrs, I would rather not hear from him at all if he can’t even treat me like a real friend now unfortunately.
@Greentea4591 That sounds like a really tormenting experience. I'm so glad you had the fortitude to just call him out on his bluffs and that he's left you alone. Funnily enough about a week after i left this comment I did the same thing - asked my ex to please respect the boundaries I set in place of no contact, since it was her choice and if she wanted to revisit any sort of interactions with me i was only open to being there for her in an emergency. She left me alone for almost 3 months, until a few weeks ago i got a random sat night txt where she lamented on our break up and said that it still cuts deep HOW we ended. It took every fibre of my soul (and a lot of emotional support from amazing friends and fam) to not write back. So far she's respecting that as a sign that I need her out of my orbit for me to make more progress in moving on from her. Thanks for sharing your story greantea! P.s for what it's worth I was with my ex for just over 10 years and I'll probably carry a lot of "what ifs" going forward, but ultimately we need to do what's best for our mental health, not our impulsivity with emotional attachments.
@@Bitplex Thank you for the reply. I still want my ex back as of now, its only been 26 days since I sent the no contact request and I do expect he will probably contact me again at some point probably in a few months. I will decide if/when that happens if I reply. He needs to show me that he is ready to talk to me like a real friend at least and be open with me again.
We had over 10 good years together and he did suffer a life traumatic event that caused him to break up with me and change. I do still care about him and would like a better ending at the very least. The HOW he ended things with me doesn’t sit well with me either. I think he is a DA and just got overwhelmed with life and thought ending things with me was going to take one stress of his plate.
If your ex wants to talk and you do still care about her I might agree, but I am not an expert. This is all so complicated. I hate that I don’t feel like I know what to do or say anymore and I have to worry that any contact could set things back another 3-6 months or more.
Its easier to stay no contact at this point if they don’t contact us with breadcrumbs, but a DA is most likely not going to come back saying they miss u and want u back, they will start with a breadcrumb from what I have heard from most coaches.
Anyway, thank you for your reply and insight. Please update me if anything changes with your situation and u get anymore insight.
I do think dealing with a man vs a female in a breakup is a bit different too though.
@Greentea4591 the HOW is the real snag for both of us. On one hand it feels like there's still unfinished business because their lives were drawn away from us as a focus, or we were complicating the dynamics too much for whatever reason. On the other hand, 10 years is a great run, and as much as we feel compelled to hold onto whatever semblance of hope there may be, ultimately people can and do change over time, and traumatic events (and addiction) can make people erratic and prone to making rash decisions.
I do care about my ex, deeply, I dream of her multiple times a week, but we reached a place where I don't think she was willing to bend over as far as I was, and meet me half way with life's demands. I need somebody that understands compromise, where I don't have to life around their life to keep them content. It's extremely draining, and although emotionally if she rocked up on my doorstep now I'd do it all again in a heartbeat, it's not right. Not for my future and my best needs. If your ex is a DA please take extreme caution with navigating around his future advances if there are any. You know him best, but in a strange sense, when someone starts to change its almost like the person you know best becomes part stranger. I know your ex has been a massive familiar pillar in your life for so long now, and you probably feel like a bit of a fish out of water like I do. But growth comes from sacrifice, the more days I press on the more I find myself realising that I'm worth more than being herded around like a sheep to appease someone, just so they continue to love me and i feel valuable.
If there's one thing I've learnt over the last few decades (I'm mid to late 30s now) it's that you can still find someone a DEEPLY flawed person, AND overlook those flaws to maintain the balance of routine, comfort and connection.
You may find in the coming weeks that you grow a new-found sense of strength, and don't even find yourself needing that closure you seek now. I hope for your sake you do, because we don't deserve to be sitting ducks, gambling entirely unknown odds that they might come crawling back. Update me too if you get new intell :)
@@Bitplex This is all true, and I don’t know all the details of your relationship/ breakup to state any opinions on what you should do.
We all just need to do what feels best for us.
One thing I won’t do again is chase him ever again.
Thats why I put the ball in his court now.
He broke up with me a year and 5 months ago so it has been long enough now that I am used to not talking to him and he has rejected me so many times now I don’t have the urge to reach out anymore.
I am thankful for the learning experience now and I believe that if he does come back at some point and I am still available we can have a better relationship, but I am not waiting for that anymore either and I keep taking steps to move on.
When I stop watching ex back videos for comfort I will know I am truly in a better place.
Was in NC for 3 months due to him just stopping talking to me. I reached out after 3 months and initially he ignored then a few days later he reached out in the middle of the night...talked for a hour or so....now he's ignoring me again! Who does this to someone? And why? When I asked him what happened he just said he's been working on himself and that he was sorry he's a asshole. So why keep doing it? Please tell me how to just fully move on at this point.
Narcs do it - selfish people do it - emotionally immature people do it. People with massive egos do it - pull back and shut him off, win him back or get over him, its the same plan either way
I like what Ken says about real NC. It's taken me 76 days to take her art pieces and pictures down and put them away. I've also been looking at her FB almost daily even though I've been unfriended. It's like I want to "know she's still there" and hasn't deleted our pics.
I need to stop looking. She blocked me on Strava and IG, unfriended but didn’t block me on FB. ?
You’re the best coach I’ve come across. You’re a life saver. I wouldn’t be able to process any of this without your content. Thank you so much!
After a certain period of time …why not have no contact just evolve into it’s over. If they’re ok with not reaching out…why shouldn’t we be ok? He who cares the least wins the most.
My wife separated from me after three years. And said she is willing to reevaluate our marriage. But she won't even talk to me to try to work on rebuilding our marriage.. please help what should I do.?
would love to discuss details if you can schedule a call at realcoachken.com BUT based on the little details I know, I'd recommend not pushing as tempting as it might be. Let her see you're strong enough to live without her WHILE being willing to reevaluate with her. Chasing can relieve the sense of loss or fear of regret that she feels enough to tell you she's considering it. Again, I don't want to make assumptions but I hope that helps somewhat.
I have broken up with my ex 6 months ago. He contacted me after about 3 months. I had another rebound relationship by then. He got upset so began no contact. He won't contact me again.
There is more to this story
I sent him a miss you text and he immediately contacted me and we met up. We have both worked on ourselves and what went wrong
We are both working for a healthier relationship.
Once you go into a rebound like a slut there is no return for you. Ever
How does this NC work if they actually moved 60km away and living with the mistress coworker? I doubt he wants me back. I've been in official nc since November 23rd 2023 but separated since September 16th 2023. It hurts that he doesn't want me after 17yrs, married 15yrs.
Honestly, Ive never felt pain like it but your advice is helping. My husband (works away from home) has been stonewalling me on and off for years and this time İve told him that İ take this as a sign that hes done with me. I go no contact but the problem is we still have things to sort out like our property, pets, belongings etc. How do I stay no contact when theres so much to sort out?
Im only 10 days in no contact. Still miss her but im working on moving on from day 1.
Take this advice from me. Don't look back. Feel all the painful emotions..it is like detox. I'm almost 2 months NC but I made the mistake of liking her snap chat post two days ago. It feels like I'm starting NC all over again after this mistake
I am in so much pain as I never thought I could be. Him ghosting me .😢
This was genius!!
Does NC start again if both have broken it at some point? We've been separated for 6mths.. first 3 we're spent with us sleeping together once, odd txt amd then an argument on phone. I've now been in Real NC for 3mths ....
I'm actually starting to feel much better. Learning by mistakes I made and writing down his flaws. He dumped me but has reached out a couple of times with bare min. For my own well being ive ignored. These videos help so much. Thank you coach 🙏🏻❤️
Was with my wife for 8 years. Married 3 years, great relationship we never argued never fought, I treated her like a queen bought her a house not even a year ago. Back in January she got a new job and she just changed, she became depressed and wouldnt tell me what was wrong, the first week of march she went to work and texted me that she wanted to be alone. She wouldnt tell me why she left. Ive been in no contact ever since. A month after she left, a freind of mine who works with her cousin told me she moved in with another guy. I haven't spoken with her since march except to tell her im filing divorce papers this week.
That's rough man! Seems like you're a pretty strong dude though. And it sucks that we can treat the woman perfectly and they still bounce
That's so shit dude. Hope your ok. I'm speechless man, incredible what women put us through.
I think you always have to move on in order to be good with your current situation and if she comes back, you can decide what to do. Not as a strategy, because this isn't.
But before going out of her life, try everything to save your relationship, of course.
No contact depends on many factors infidelity violence stealing but if it’s just you two and one breaks it off go with your gut. All these videos are good but they don’t have to live with the regret of not trying to make something work over the pride of sticking to your word
No contact is actually the best contact you can give your ex. It's your way of communicating; i'm to good for you and you lost the privilege of speaking with me... forever. You are now dead to me. Like you never existed. I've done no contact so many times with so many exs and friends now that it's almost enjoyable for me. Its a great exercise in mental gymnastics and it'll boost your confidence knowing that you can move on so easily.
I told my ex I was shutting the door permanently, straight away she starts messaging me and then phoned me. She didn’t say she wanted me back, she was interested to know if I was seeing someone. Why would she do this if she happy with someone else, this was 2 weeks ago and not really heard from her since. Do I just walk away now, been 9 months since break up?
It was easier to leave you and walk away while she knew you were still there - now her new relationship has a cost and an instinct to re-evaluate both relationships. Walking away depends on the details - how good was the relationship, how long did it last, how much do you still trust her? Let me know if I can be of any help realcoachken.com
The relationship wasn’t bad, normal ups and downs. I was a bit negative towards the end and that’s why she left. Together for nearly 6 years
New years. It's been since then. I want to say it's the first time he's just ghosted me but he hasn't. Every time I mentally bury him and go about my life. Then he just walks back in like he never left. It's so annoying because of these strong feelings. And how many times he's said that he loves me. I broke no contact in February after getting stood up on a random date and got drunk and messaged him. All because of my CPTSD abandonment wounds. No response. Just stay in no contact. This guy is right. Forcing something from nothing isn't worth it. Just focus on yourself cause that's all you can focus on. At the end of the day all you have is yourself and a bunch of neurons made up to be memories.
After almost 3 months and some hurtful actions by her like removal notifications of old things that were on shared calendar, and a notice that she had removed a heart from an old email, I got a shipping notification from UPS that something was coming to me. I looked at the tracking, saw it originated in the area where she moved, and my mind immediately freaked out thinking that she was sending everything I'd given her over 4 years back to me.
That was just too much, so I took a risk and texted her asking If I could call and she said yes.
We talked on the phone for over 3 hours until 3:30 am. I learned some changes that are happening in her life, and also that she wasn't returning the stuff, and also that her heart isn't hardened to me.
I still don't understand why she sent our scrapbook back to me, along with handmade wtiting journal that had notes that I had written to her. I mean these are notes that I wrote to her, so I don't understand why they were returned to me. Not all the notes but at least one. So I ended up returning the package back to her (what a dumb waste of money, and I've still not gotten bsck to work after a layoff).
Anyway, she said we can talk again. She's moving again and I want to come help her, and she hasn't answered me about that yet - so I am not pushing.
Thank you s much😢😢😢😢
76 days of her NC today. The breakup was my mistake as was not recognizing I needed to work on attachment issues for a long time. That being said, I believe she knows that I still love her, but I believe she's vilified me to others so even if she wanted to come back she has to save face right?
It's going to be 90 days NC now, I sometimes feel okay but every morning I wake up and feel the loss. Sometimes I smile, sometimes tears flow, small things remind me of her. I don't know how long this is going to take.
fast 3 month i lost business! few friand and girlfriend! cant sleep at nights! only people i did everything for them they left!
Painful but effective way to show you who was real and who was shallow in your life - been there - it's brutal but you're left with a solid foundation to rebuild
Did your ex ever reach out to you???
@@archangelelmo Hi, Coach Ken
Yes, she reached out. 4,5 month ago, She was sending me her pictures and asking how I'm doing. After 2 weeks, she told me that she took my clients to my opponents. she did everything to hart me! now i’m doing great. thank you so much for everything you doing for people like me!
Do not reach out,…ever!!!!
EVER! - Unless your situation and details are not the average situation in which case it can depend on the person and the reasons for the break and the time together and apart and you get the idea...but generally I agree with you
Sometimes I wonder if this Bible verse has anything to do with how she feels during No Contact. A widow who I truly loved and then dumped me like a lightning bolt. I’m working on myself now and being thankful to God.
Matthew 24:12
And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold.
almost coming to 70 days of NC... not gonna ask her for closure cos i wanna leave the door open jus in case miracle happen and she comes back
its really hard... i wept daily, i loss sleep, i loss weight, diagnose with depression and my heart is literally feeling the pain everyday. i'm still holding on i dunno why
You feel things deeply - that's why. That's both a good and a sometimes painful thing.
70 days for me too. I believe if you concentrate on yourself, make the effort to reconnect with friends, travel, live a better life….then if they do come back, you’re better equipped to move forward. And if they don’t, you’re a better person, in a better place regardless….win win.
3 months here dint know what to think false hope she haven't block my phone number I'm not on any social media
6 months no contact and the pain is unbearable
1.5 months of no contact and the only movement from her side is a like in one of my insta post jaja 🤣
Still early - hold strong - she's already wavering even slightly - that's not a bad thing
Any suggestions on how to implement NC when kids are involved. I am definitely present for them but how does NC work on that situation?
Ove been blocked..now what?
Idk coach, it’s been 10 months, we are long distance and he’s in grad school. They seem the ingredients to real hopelessness to me :(
Joe Beam used to say - "Feelings are so real and powerful that sometimes they can convince you they're true - but that doesn't mean they are."
Give yourself permission to have hope I like that
It’s been 7 months and it’s hard to do no contact because we have a son, so once every two weeks she calls or text to meet up for our son. But I am noticing she’s been really nice to me, and I don’t contact her at all.
What about if it's been almost 7 months? I talked to you back in may
Have seen many people come back longer than that - live like they aren't coming back but accept that you don't know that for certain anymore than you know they are