Absolutely, I was stuck today...I don't have friends, I based my 9 yrs all in one person & just listening to this video distracted me and made me smile. Thank you.
I've been going to the gym...its helping my mental state, Its been 15 months now but I last talked to him a week after Thanksgiving...because i am the psycho that keeps calling and texting, but he is the psycho that doesn't block me because he likes his options open. Hope your days and weeks get better.@@johnnycalderon9951
12yrs, married 10.... I've been abandoned multiple times and treated like absolute shit. He always promised treatment for his BPD and never delivered. Funnily enough, I still have "the list" saved in my phone from 6yrs ago 😅 so I've just added more stuff to it!! I have no friends either and am very isolated, it's tough but I know this is the making of me, not the breaking. ❤
Go no contact, don't look back & move forward especially if you're dealing with a borderline or narcissist like I was. Too painful and possibly dangerous if you don't.
@danilaroche1156 why are you assuming he doesn't have a relationship with Jesus? Why don't you stop judging others and get your own house in order before you go trying to proselytize people!
@@johnlivingstone1749 10 months later I’ve come a long way. Feel a lot better and accept things for what they are. I have my moments of sadness but don’t dwell as much. Thank you for asking though
I understand Danny. My wife, soon to be ex wife, emotionally abused me for years. She left me (and likely filing for divorce) saying I was emotionally abusive to her. The pattern of her behavior left me very anxious, frustrated and felt like I was going crazy. But in the back of my codependent mind I’m thinking reconciliation even after all the abuse. At the very least no contact is what’s needed to give my brain a break. I’m hoping after some time in no contact those unhealthy feelings of reconciliation will fade away and I can get on with my life. Hang in there brother.
100% relate. The need to let go and move on, just to be free of the tormenting uncertainty of 'Will she love me again?'. It's pretty rugged. My ex still hangs out with me, and I'm never the one who reaches out. Always her. But she says that she just isn't sure about us, and that she's confused. Knowing that this just means that I nuked the attraction to the point that I was simply no longer desirable enough to her, is supremely frustrating. She said she needs space to figure out how she feels, as well as sort out other life challenges, and she is distant, on/off, hot/cold. However, we have still hung out the past 4 weekends, have done a couple family things together, had sex, and exchanged 'I love you's. I think she is genuinely trying, and that she really cares for me, but the hope you mentioned... It consumes you, and it's exhausting. Wondering if you should just bail out completely and move on, or keep hanging on for that love to be fully restored. This tug of war is depleting me. I'm thankful for the lessons I've received from her, and I want to be the best man I can for both of us. Good luck to all of you here that are in pain. I'll see y'all at the gym.
@@64rustyjets I don’t want to tell you how to live your life but that situation is really negatively affecting you my friend. Have you tried finding a good therapist?
The hardest moments of a breakup and NC for me is the routines youd have with them. 5 years of never missing a single goodnight kiss/text, or a text message letting eachother know when we made it home or to our destination. Finding yourself getting home and not having anyone to let know you made it. Or laying down to go to sleep and not having anyone to say "i love you" to. Or those little quirky things youd say and do all the time with eachother. It sure does hurt, damn bad. Worse than any physical pain ive ever felt. But its only been a few days since she said she wanted to split.
I just lost my partner after 5 years. It was my mainly my fault. He moved out halfway across the country. I am devastated. Every time I wake up I have to remember he left... Its been a week and to make it through I have been reallllllyyyy talking to myself outloud. I say what went wrong. Say what didnt actually make me happy in the relationship. Why it didn't work. What does a reconcilliation even look like like after he gave up on you? I SAY it out loud. He just sent a text after 3 days of not a word ....coming of 6 years without missing a day.....I love him and i would open that door and sign up for round without hesitation BUT I didn't even feel a pang of anything when I saw the text pop up. That is freeing.
Coach Ken is, without a doubt, one of the greatest at discussing this topic. Impressive! I'm very happy that I finally found an excellent BPD relationship channel where the speaker/therapist/counselor thoroughly conveys their message in detail and perfectly. Thank you, Coach Ken!
You are the dad and big brother I never had, times a million. You are the only person or thing that has helped me, I have ADHD and in intense grieving for a year and a half now over being broken up with and I appreciate you so much!
Exact same thing. A year and a half of ADHD struggling, before I found these videos. I feel better a few days later, than I have this entire time. I hope you're feeling better, and you've found some light at the end of your tunnel.
I needed this video tonight, going through my divorce with my BPD ex wife has been rough. I’m a cop so I drive a lot and when there’s down time I really like the documentary idea instead of driving around all day when it’s slow just dwelling and letting my mind go. That messed with me today even. Also, stuck living at my parents house for now and the ride home I was taking goes right by where we attempted couples counseling right before the end. I am for sure driving around now.
@@reneesimmons1890 yeah that’s been my plan. I give her extremely limited contact as we work through the divorce process plus unfortunately we have children together so I’m stuck. I barely speak to her though and it was funny cause she was trying to demand more communication at the beginning and still tries to complain to my lawyer about it
People can be delivered from mental illness thru the power of Jesus Christ. I was completely set free from chronic, long term depression, anxiety and more Completely. I couldn't have healthy relationships due to long term abuse but Christ helped me! Your answer is Jesus.
I have ADHD and I completely agree with pretty much everything said. I wore my headphones almost 24/7 listening to any type of content, TED Talks, Psycology, tarot, sports, ANYTHING!! It gave me the feeling of always being with someone, with my mind busy, and occupied, and I would go to bed with the earbuds on, and it did help tremendously. Most likely, you will get your friends sick and tired of hearing you talk about the same thing over and over again... especially if you are getting out of an abusive relationship, one with a narcissist, borderline, manipulative person, etc...nobody will understand the complexity of the struggle and eventually will get tired of you. All these technics are great, and they can serve a roadmap to help yourself get out of it sooner. It will still hurt, it will still take time, but it will be less horrible, less painful...think about it as damage control.
You really understand all of this nightmare. I'm so glad i found your channel. I am so messed up, but listening to you makes me feel less alone, more understood. Thank you man, you're a great guy. Thanks for sharing your wisdom. ❤
Highly recommend individual sessions with Coach Ken! He really helped me a lot. I’m one of those people who has a difficult diagnosis/disease and am going through heartbreak at the same time. I’m still getting through one day at a time, even while enduring the pain. ❤ I’m not able to keep a busy, booked calendar, but I do my best to keep my mind occupied with work from home, learning all kinds of new things from youtube and nonfiction, reading some new novels, and learning new skills, as my energy allows.
I'm going through the same pain, I've had sessions with Coach Rex and its really helped so far. Im only 8 days in NC, but I keep my days productive. And anytime I think about her at night, which is the toughest time of the day for me. I watch a movie I've always liked that's positive. We'll get thought this and our efforts of not breaking NC will pay off.
Our pain is equal to our resistance to accept what is. Pulled my notes tonight and read about all his bad behaviors, including all the times his ex GF's name appeared on his phone. It helped a lot.
This video was absolutely what I needed to hear ! I’ve been having a very difficult time ruminating on my ex even though we mutually broke up. I realized I have been putting him on a pedestal and forgetting the things he did to me that I was not OK with. I did write a list of all the things I couldn’t stand about him, and that led to our break up on his side, Thank you for your advice. You have probably saved me from a world of hurt if I tried to get back with him.🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
On a break with my gf and it’s been 20 days and on going. Challenging because of ups and downs but still going No Contact. Just keeping busy rebuilding my life alone. We got this, kings.
This is what i did, watched jump street, horrible bosses and laughed my ass off. Took my mind off all the drama and distracted me till i was dead tired. Also, the office helps me alot. No romantic movies. No movies which reminds you of that person.
Not going through any break up misery, thank the heavens it’s in the past,, but I’m using your talks to help me “cope” w sadness and depression that lands on me out of the blue. I rearrange my garage or work on a project around the house, can’t focus on anything on tv, (adhd). Anyway, I’ve been watching the other videos and it’s good stuff. Stay safe. Dr. M
It's been more than a week since she broke up. It was a clear misunderstanding. But she didn't have trust in me. I left her. Eventhough sometimes feel like reaching out to her and fixing things, I'd rather rebuild myself and better myself. Because we both know I'm the prize. Stay strong guys. She isn't worth it if she doesn't show any emotions towards you.
Going through the same thing - no empathy at all. I find comfort in videos like this during the moments I feel low. I'm getting better. I don't even care about getting him back. I just want me and my daughter to heal. I know my ex and I both deserve better. We are both prizes. Just not for each other and I'm grateful he didn't take me back when I was begging.
Your the prize? The Bible says the opposite. It says "He that findeth a wife findeth a treasure and obtaineth favor of the Lord ". Hope you find better love. Amen.
I love this man! I wrote the lists and I am 3 to 1 with me wondering wth I ever saw in my man. But I still hurt hence watching self help you tube videos. Lol. Love. Love. Love.
I wish I'd watched this video sooner. So much of this resonates with what i went through/ going through. I used to commute to work and I would just ruminate the whole time. I got myself a new job now, and having less time to think about her has been amazing for the soul. Stay strong everyone 💪
Coach Ken, I just started watching your videos, you have been making everything a lot easier to deal with, not to mention you're funny too.. Thank you very much for your helpful words.
It really helped in some way, thank you 🙏🏻 The breakup was really amicable and he tried to soothe me as best he could. But it happened recently, so there’s lots of sadness. And feeling of a huge loss.
I have borderline and I do recognize the struggles you are mentioning. I completely isolated myself. I have no contact anymore with any family or friends for the last 7 years. I'm just all by myself in my appartment for 23,5 hours a day. It's a very lonely life..
Gish that sounds awful. I'm very much in the same boat. Moved to a different country to be with her and now I'm alone in the house I bought for her... It's torture... Hope things are better for you now. Stay strong and know that you're not alone. We are all connected and for whatever it's worth I care about you...
You need Jesus. I'd avoid the Catholic 'church'. Get saved. Call on the Lord Jesus and repent for sins. Jesus will help you and bring you joy, purpose and healing.
My heart hurts soo bad today coach. After years of being the one who was broken up with, I finally had enough, and decided to go no contact to put myself first and try to move on from the pain, hurt, and deceit I’ve been put through. I’m missing him terribly this morning. I want to break NC sooo bad. But I’m going to try to be strong. Cause I can’t go through, what I’ve been through anymore
I saw a story on IG of her dating a guy I had told her to delete while we were together. I needed to see this video because I was eager to say something, but it's not my place anymore. I must power through with no contact
Sure they had flaws. I can live without them. I can move on. But who compares to what they offered in the relationship? Where are they? Thats the future problem. Thats the part that kills me. Needle in a needle stack.
I watched all the shows and movies that he’d never watch with me, of which there were many. Same for dining at restaurants. When they never want to do the things you want to do, it makes it easy to avoid the memories of experiencing it with them. 🤷🏼♀️
Thank you so much! I went out with my friends and did everything in my power to work on my own life. I bought 2 plants revised 3 chapters of a novel. 🎉🎉 I feel so much better now. I saw a missed call after 1 month of no contact. Very surprised. I did not call back as I did that before. Jumped and call back. If he needs something he will text and ask for a meet up.
I was the bad guy in my relationship. I didn't fix my problems right away and overtime, it made me lose her as a result. I begged and pleaded to get her back twice. once in person, then a second time over text. I backed off after the second time then found coach Lee and Coach Ken's content. I'm still experiencing the dark limerence and it feels unbearable especially while trying to sleep. I sleep with my TV on to help me though the nights. My Ex is with someone new now, so it's been making things much harder.
I know the feeling. Ex of 5 years has been in a new relationship 2 weeks after she left me 4 months ago. Still calling me when she has bad days for emotional support.
We have broken up and gotten back together so many times. The last time I broke up with him. He was stringing me along. I ended it. We're no contact, of course, but this is usually about the time that one of us would reach out. Feelings are starting to creep up, but I know its just the programming. Its really hard.
Love this video and the suggestions you make. Much of what you said resonated with things I've learned about personal development. It's good to have these go-to strategies when you're struggling to get to a place of functioning in daily life - little things that can help prevent the breakup from mentally and emotionally hurting a person and the beliefs they carry into their future relationship(s). It goes to show that you don't have to make huge leaps - little things and small steps can make a big difference.
I have made the list and it's really bad stuff. He discarded me and blocked me. It's the worst feeling ever. After 4 years. I'm trying really hard. It's still awful and it's been 4 months.
I think I'm getting closer to the acceptance phase of the breakup and I gave up the possibility of her coming back, but it's still very hard sometimes.... Your videos are helping me so much getting tru this!... Your the best! THX man! 21:25 Thank you!
Wow this video really hit home with me...from mentioning how the mornings and nights are the worst, to going through many difficult times during a break-up. They definitely are--especially when I have a dream things are good between us, then I wake up and reality sets in...it is an awful, hopeless and helpless feeling. For that to be the first thought of the day is sheer torture. I can identify with the layers of issues happening at the same time--I don't have a best friend anymore, he was my best friend, who I talked to about everything. I also definitely can agree with the past is hard to think about, the present is painful, and thinking about the future seems difficult. No matter where you go, it's painful. Driving long distances definitely is rough and all of the reminders you have to process. My mother is not doing well and has to have open-heart surgery, and I recently lost my dad. Hopefully things get better but it is hard to see right now. Thank you so much for this video.
Coach Ken, this video is yet another home run for the folks going thru all these phases of a breakup. Best of all, when you weave your personal experience into your advice, your credibility soars to a level unlike other coaches and counselors on the subject matter. Plus, you can get us to laugh about our circumstances as well. Brilliant stuff, Ken. Brilliant.
Hey Ken, sent you quite a few emails today and then I watched this and it really resonated quite a bit with what I'm going through, thanks looking forward to setting up a coaching session over the next couple of days
I was looking for a vid that would help me no contact correctly but I don't want them back. I know I need to walk away 100% because he will continue to hurt me if I don't get strong enough to leave
I’m going thru it right now. I can say this. I compare my ex to jail. She’s the guard and I’m the inmate. The guard is allowed to say what we they want to say to the inmate and when the inmate says one thing to the guard THE GUARD THROWS THEM IN THE CELL. Meaning she is allowed to tell me and talk to me like crap. Soon as I say something boom won’t hear from her for a week and then when I would she would tell me I’m worthless. Then at the end of the same week she would call me crying or mad and I would say what’s wrong with you and she would say I have a bill do. Man I was stupid. How the hell did I get wrapped up into it. And I have zero problems get a lady lol man crazy’s out there NO CONTACT IS HARD-
Funny thing is that thing with going to sleep with an old familiar movie is what I do every night. Favorite is Alien because the whole atmosphere feels so calming to me, strange, I know.
My SP keeps texting me and it’s so hard not to answer back this is difficult because I so miss him I’m trying hard to ignore him but he doesn’t miss a day without texting ugh
Im very newly broken up with. I am wondering, if my wx has things still at my house and inhave things there, would i be lessening attraction if i reached out and just asked for my stuff back?
I left a very toxic relationship. So we got into it last Sunday and she said she was hurt by the what I said and doesn’t know if she can forgive me. I kinda found myself hoping she could forgive me. I know I shouldn’t be with her and want to just let go. Do I wait until she reaches out or should I tell her not to reach out and we’re done
Love Coach Ken's videos unfortunately no contact failed me and I was a champion at it apparently my ex really is what she told me she was she always bragged that if anything ever happened I would never hear from her again it's been 6 months now if she was going to reach out she would have by now, I have some goals I want to achieve I still don't understand the break up and probably never will
6 months is still quite early. Especially if they are in rebound. Back off so her new person can relax his hair and start to be himself and he becomes unattractive. As long as you are nearby, texting her, etc. You are seen as a threat by this new guy, and he will work hard to be better than you. Don't give him that oppottunity Dont be seen as a threat, because he can begin to relax, and take her for granted, and then she will begin to daydream about you. As long as you are a threat, the new person and her bond together tighter. They dont have to face the shortcomings in the new relationship. They can't focus on what they don't like this new relationship because they have to focus on you and your next action. I hope you take the time to change up and work on you, so when she returns, there is a different outcome.
I still have to go to court to fix and minimize my penalty its frustrated i am a nurse with 9.5 years experience and thanks to my 29 years wife supost to support me
Between the two of us, I was always the one with more honor, integrity, and honesty. I didn't lie, cheat, or play with his feelings. I was always there for him anytime he needed me. He on the other hand is a pretty pathetic wave of a man child. He is angry to the point of needing therapy for it, he impregnated his ex-wife who was staying there to raise a bastard that he also got from a one-night stand. He's horrible at time management and doesn't think of others. Makes me wonder why even bothered to stay around with him other than his pretty words of telling me that he loved me... 😓
Absolutely, I was stuck today...I don't have friends, I based my 9 yrs all in one person & just listening to this video distracted me and made me smile. Thank you.
Same boat here, 7.5 year relationship, been 8 months
Same here you leave friendships to focus and invest on your relationship and then this happens smh weekends are so hard for me
I've been going to the gym...its helping my mental state, Its been 15 months now but I last talked to him a week after Thanksgiving...because i am the psycho that keeps calling and texting, but he is the psycho that doesn't block me because he likes his options open. Hope your days and weeks get better.@@johnnycalderon9951
@@johnnycalderon9951facts same case
12yrs, married 10.... I've been abandoned multiple times and treated like absolute shit. He always promised treatment for his BPD and never delivered. Funnily enough, I still have "the list" saved in my phone from 6yrs ago 😅 so I've just added more stuff to it!! I have no friends either and am very isolated, it's tough but I know this is the making of me, not the breaking. ❤
“if you’re pain on a scale to 1-10 is 137” 😂😂😂 this guy gets it
Go no contact, don't look back & move forward especially if you're dealing with a borderline or narcissist like I was. Too painful and possibly dangerous if you don't.
Joaq, I KNOW what you mean. I was with a narcissist for 5 years. I finally had to leave! Good luck to you.
I got out of a relationship with borderline it was so bad but I tried so hard cause she said she was getting treatment….she wasn’t
@@stevenburgos2354 sounds like you were getting the "treatment"😆brother.A little gallows humor hope you don't mind.
Agreed
So true... i went back to my BPD Ex so many times.
Nowadays i resist her hoovers because i see how pity she really is.
Just miss him so much, life feels so dark and lonely right now. Every waking morning is hell
Jesus is waiting for you to turn and receive Him as your Savior. You will have joy. Trust me.
@danilaroche1156 why are you assuming he doesn't have a relationship with Jesus? Why don't you stop judging others and get your own house in order before you go trying to proselytize people!
How are you holding up??
@@johnlivingstone1749 10 months later I’ve come a long way. Feel a lot better and accept things for what they are. I have my moments of sadness but don’t dwell as much. Thank you for asking though
@@danilaroche1156Jesus was just a man .
The most difficult part of this is forcing myself to give up hope. I don’t want hope. I want to be done. The mindset shift is impossible.
I understand Danny. My wife, soon to be ex wife, emotionally abused me for years. She left me (and likely filing for divorce) saying I was emotionally abusive to her. The pattern of her behavior left me very anxious, frustrated and felt like I was going crazy. But in the back of my codependent mind I’m thinking reconciliation even after all the abuse. At the very least no contact is what’s needed to give my brain a break. I’m hoping after some time in no contact those unhealthy feelings of reconciliation will fade away and I can get on with my life. Hang in there brother.
Same here💔❤️🩹💝🥲😏
100% relate. The need to let go and move on, just to be free of the tormenting uncertainty of 'Will she love me again?'. It's pretty rugged. My ex still hangs out with me, and I'm never the one who reaches out. Always her. But she says that she just isn't sure about us, and that she's confused. Knowing that this just means that I nuked the attraction to the point that I was simply no longer desirable enough to her, is supremely frustrating. She said she needs space to figure out how she feels, as well as sort out other life challenges, and she is distant, on/off, hot/cold. However, we have still hung out the past 4 weekends, have done a couple family things together, had sex, and exchanged 'I love you's. I think she is genuinely trying, and that she really cares for me, but the hope you mentioned... It consumes you, and it's exhausting. Wondering if you should just bail out completely and move on, or keep hanging on for that love to be fully restored. This tug of war is depleting me. I'm thankful for the lessons I've received from her, and I want to be the best man I can for both of us. Good luck to all of you here that are in pain. I'll see y'all at the gym.
@@64rustyjets I don’t want to tell you how to live your life but that situation is really negatively affecting you my friend. Have you tried finding a good therapist?
Coach Ken you’re saving my life , I have to watch your videos daily to stay strong in no contact
The hardest moments of a breakup and NC for me is the routines youd have with them. 5 years of never missing a single goodnight kiss/text, or a text message letting eachother know when we made it home or to our destination. Finding yourself getting home and not having anyone to let know you made it. Or laying down to go to sleep and not having anyone to say "i love you" to. Or those little quirky things youd say and do all the time with eachother. It sure does hurt, damn bad. Worse than any physical pain ive ever felt. But its only been a few days since she said she wanted to split.
I'm going threw this now I miss my wife sooooooo much. It's becoming unbearable
I just lost my partner after 5 years. It was my mainly my fault. He moved out halfway across the country. I am devastated. Every time I wake up I have to remember he left... Its been a week and to make it through I have been reallllllyyyy talking to myself outloud. I say what went wrong. Say what didnt actually make me happy in the relationship. Why it didn't work. What does a reconcilliation even look like like after he gave up on you? I SAY it out loud. He just sent a text after 3 days of not a word ....coming of 6 years without missing a day.....I love him and i would open that door and sign up for round without hesitation BUT I didn't even feel a pang of anything when I saw the text pop up. That is freeing.
Coach Ken is, without a doubt, one of the greatest at discussing this topic. Impressive! I'm very happy that I finally found an excellent BPD relationship channel where the speaker/therapist/counselor thoroughly conveys their message in detail and perfectly. Thank you, Coach Ken!
You are the dad and big brother I never had, times a million. You are the only person or thing that has helped me, I have ADHD and in intense grieving for a year and a half now over being broken up with and I appreciate you so much!
H is it going ? Turn the page is very dificult
Exact same thing. A year and a half of ADHD struggling, before I found these videos. I feel better a few days later, than I have this entire time. I hope you're feeling better, and you've found some light at the end of your tunnel.
I needed this video tonight, going through my divorce with my BPD ex wife has been rough. I’m a cop so I drive a lot and when there’s down time I really like the documentary idea instead of driving around all day when it’s slow just dwelling and letting my mind go. That messed with me today even.
Also, stuck living at my parents house for now and the ride home I was taking goes right by where we attempted couples counseling right before the end. I am for sure driving around now.
Hang in there!
Don’t feed her ego or contact her in any way. Being at your parents might be the best thing for me you.
@@reneesimmons1890 yeah that’s been my plan. I give her extremely limited contact as we work through the divorce process plus unfortunately we have children together so I’m stuck.
I barely speak to her though and it was funny cause she was trying to demand more communication at the beginning and still tries to complain to my lawyer about it
People can be delivered from mental illness thru the power of Jesus Christ. I was completely set free from chronic, long term depression, anxiety and more Completely. I couldn't have healthy relationships due to long term abuse but Christ helped me! Your answer is Jesus.
Poet-warrior 🙏🏽
Coach Ken is low-key, one of the best breakup coaches' hands down.
Trust me, I've watched them all. He's incredible. Do what he says. It helps.
Thank you for the kind words. Very much appreciated Underground!
And one of the most analytical & smartest I've seen
And funny. At least I was laughing. Because it was so true.
I have ADHD and I completely agree with pretty much everything said. I wore my headphones almost 24/7 listening to any type of content, TED Talks, Psycology, tarot, sports, ANYTHING!! It gave me the feeling of always being with someone, with my mind busy, and occupied, and I would go to bed with the earbuds on, and it did help tremendously.
Most likely, you will get your friends sick and tired of hearing you talk about the same thing over and over again... especially if you are getting out of an abusive relationship, one with a narcissist, borderline, manipulative person, etc...nobody will understand the complexity of the struggle and eventually will get tired of you.
All these technics are great, and they can serve a roadmap to help yourself get out of it sooner.
It will still hurt, it will still take time, but it will be less horrible, less painful...think about it as damage control.
Well said!
You really understand all of this nightmare. I'm so glad i found your channel. I am so messed up, but listening to you makes me feel less alone, more understood. Thank you man, you're a great guy. Thanks for sharing your wisdom. ❤
The list hurts more.......it shows how little she loved me, while I believed when she told me that I was important to her
Highly recommend individual sessions with Coach Ken! He really helped me a lot. I’m one of those people who has a difficult diagnosis/disease and am going through heartbreak at the same time. I’m still getting through one day at a time, even while enduring the pain. ❤ I’m not able to keep a busy, booked calendar, but I do my best to keep my mind occupied with work from home, learning all kinds of new things from youtube and nonfiction, reading some new novels, and learning new skills, as my energy allows.
May God sustain you through this valley and may you come out with a great testimony.
I'm going through the same pain, I've had sessions with Coach Rex and its really helped so far. Im only 8 days in NC, but I keep my days productive. And anytime I think about her at night, which is the toughest time of the day for me. I watch a movie I've always liked that's positive. We'll get thought this and our efforts of not breaking NC will pay off.
You are a beautiful woman 👩🏼 I just wanted to tell you that, and you have a beautiful voice as well.
I subscribed to your channel🎼🎵🎤💃 ❤️😏
Our pain is equal to our resistance to accept what is. Pulled my notes tonight and read about all his bad behaviors, including all the times his ex GF's name appeared on his phone. It helped a lot.
This video was absolutely what I needed to hear ! I’ve been having a very difficult time ruminating on my ex even though we mutually broke up. I realized I have been putting him on a pedestal and forgetting the things he did to me that I was not OK with. I did write a list of all the things I couldn’t stand about him, and that led to our break up on his side, Thank you for your advice. You have probably saved me from a world of hurt if I tried to get back with him.🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
On a break with my gf and it’s been 20 days and on going. Challenging because of ups and downs but still going No Contact. Just keeping busy rebuilding my life alone. We got this, kings.
This is what i did, watched jump street, horrible bosses and laughed my ass off. Took my mind off all the drama and distracted me till i was dead tired. Also, the office helps me alot. No romantic movies. No movies which reminds you of that person.
My 22nd. day of no contact. Ur vids. help a lot, Coach Ken.
I'm on day 22. Wonder how its going for you now
Not going through any break up misery, thank the heavens it’s in the past,, but I’m using your talks to help me “cope” w sadness and depression that lands on me out of the blue. I rearrange my garage or work on a project around the house, can’t focus on anything on tv, (adhd). Anyway, I’ve been watching the other videos and it’s good stuff. Stay safe. Dr. M
It's been more than a week since she broke up. It was a clear misunderstanding. But she didn't have trust in me. I left her. Eventhough sometimes feel like reaching out to her and fixing things, I'd rather rebuild myself and better myself. Because we both know I'm the prize.
Stay strong guys. She isn't worth it if she doesn't show any emotions towards you.
Going through the same thing - no empathy at all. I find comfort in videos like this during the moments I feel low. I'm getting better. I don't even care about getting him back. I just want me and my daughter to heal. I know my ex and I both deserve better. We are both prizes. Just not for each other and I'm grateful he didn't take me back when I was begging.
Your the prize? The Bible says the opposite. It says "He that findeth a wife findeth a treasure and obtaineth favor of the Lord ". Hope you find better love. Amen.
I love this man! I wrote the lists and I am 3 to 1 with me wondering wth I ever saw in my man. But I still hurt hence watching self help you tube videos. Lol. Love. Love. Love.
19:50 project strength - can't believe its come to this, it was just 5 months, i hurt so bad atm, ouuuuch, i am so alone but God holds me up
I wish I'd watched this video sooner. So much of this resonates with what i went through/ going through. I used to commute to work and I would just ruminate the whole time. I got myself a new job now, and having less time to think about her has been amazing for the soul. Stay strong everyone 💪
I do this with ear buds listening to binaural beats. It is very helpful to clear the mind when you have incessant thoughts about your person.
Coach Ken, I just started watching your videos, you have been making everything a lot easier to deal with, not to mention you're funny too.. Thank you very much for your helpful words.
Greatly appreciate the kind words and encouragement! Thank you Zon!
Glad I found this video. I'm having a bad day. This week last year he proposed and now here I am. I needed your words. Thank you.
Fresh hell of a new day. So right
Thanks. We need more no contact encouragement videos. This was helpful. It gets more challenging after week 6...
It really helped in some way, thank you 🙏🏻 The breakup was really amicable and he tried to soothe me as best he could. But it happened recently, so there’s lots of sadness. And feeling of a huge loss.
Yes, the multiple stressors....thank you Coach Ken for the encouragement, wisdom and support.
I have borderline and I do recognize the struggles you are mentioning. I completely isolated myself. I have no contact anymore with any family or friends for the last 7 years. I'm just all by myself in my appartment for 23,5 hours a day. It's a very lonely life..
Gish that sounds awful.
I'm very much in the same boat.
Moved to a different country to be with her and now I'm alone in the house I bought for her...
It's torture...
Hope things are better for you now.
Stay strong and know that you're not alone. We are all connected and for whatever it's worth I care about you...
How is it going brother ? Hope u r better
You can talk to a Catholic priest. They know so much about it and have heard it all! Great advice is waiting.
Blessings.🙏
Take care, you're so worthy, and at least here you have support.🙏
You need Jesus. I'd avoid the Catholic 'church'. Get saved. Call on the Lord Jesus and repent for sins. Jesus will help you and bring you joy, purpose and healing.
My heart hurts soo bad today coach. After years of being the one who was broken up with, I finally had enough, and decided to go no contact to put myself first and try to move on from the pain, hurt, and deceit I’ve been put through. I’m missing him terribly this morning. I want to break NC sooo bad. But I’m going to try to be strong. Cause I can’t go through, what I’ve been through anymore
Excellent as usual , love from Australia 🇦🇺
I saw a story on IG of her dating a guy I had told her to delete while we were together. I needed to see this video because I was eager to say something, but it's not my place anymore. I must power through with no contact
Wow. Best video on this topic ever
Im stuck on these videos. Only person i have is on the other side of this screen holding my ass up right now. Ughhhh. Thank u!
Great practical advice. Started a list about the things that weren’t so great. WOW! It was very one-sided. Thank you.
Those emotional unavailable people...ugh heartbreaking
Thank you for putting out these videos... I was contemplating texting him but your words snapped me back to reality!
Sure they had flaws. I can live without them. I can move on. But who compares to what they offered in the relationship? Where are they? Thats the future problem. Thats the part that kills me. Needle in a needle stack.
You have to live with what is. We all do, so better we find ways to ease the pain.
Thank you for your videos. I love your tips. I made a schedule for myself to get through my breakup and it has been helping me a lot.
I have ADHD and I absolutely love you man
I watched all the shows and movies that he’d never watch with me, of which there were many. Same for dining at restaurants. When they never want to do the things you want to do, it makes it easy to avoid the memories of experiencing it with them. 🤷🏼♀️
Coach Ken.. you are saving my life. Thank you so much
Thank you for the kind words Lisa - means a lot to read that from someone.
Avoidance=pain. Let it be present and process it. I agree to stay busy. Work on yourself though...........gym or read the self help books
Thank you so much! I went out with my friends and did everything in my power to work on my own life. I bought 2 plants revised 3 chapters of a novel. 🎉🎉 I feel so much better now. I saw a missed call after 1 month of no contact. Very surprised. I did not call back as I did that before. Jumped and call back. If he needs something he will text and ask for a meet up.
This guy is the best! Spot on! Thanks Ken. Big help!
I was the bad guy in my relationship. I didn't fix my problems right away and overtime, it made me lose her as a result. I begged and pleaded to get her back twice. once in person, then a second time over text. I backed off after the second time then found coach Lee and Coach Ken's content. I'm still experiencing the dark limerence and it feels unbearable especially while trying to sleep. I sleep with my TV on to help me though the nights. My Ex is with someone new now, so it's been making things much harder.
Did you apologize? The guy is probably a rebound.
I know the feeling. Ex of 5 years has been in a new relationship 2 weeks after she left me 4 months ago. Still calling me when she has bad days for emotional support.
Women leave, and stop caring. Eventually when they’re older they just settle down with whoever’s there. The options dwindle.
We have broken up and gotten back together so many times. The last time I broke up with him. He was stringing me along. I ended it. We're no contact, of course, but this is usually about the time that one of us would reach out. Feelings are starting to creep up, but I know its just the programming. Its really hard.
Love this video and the suggestions you make. Much of what you said resonated with things I've learned about personal development. It's good to have these go-to strategies when you're struggling to get to a place of functioning in daily life - little things that can help prevent the breakup from mentally and emotionally hurting a person and the beliefs they carry into their future relationship(s). It goes to show that you don't have to make huge leaps - little things and small steps can make a big difference.
glad i found your channel. this content is healing and reassuring, especially with the length of the videos.
I have made the list and it's really bad stuff. He discarded me and blocked me. It's the worst feeling ever. After 4 years. I'm trying really hard. It's still awful and it's been 4 months.
I’m going through recent break up while losing my father of cancer and my sister just diagnosed with cancer.
Thank you soo much would love to speak one on one but my finances got decimated by ny narc ex wife…. after 6-7 year😢
I think I'm getting closer to the acceptance phase of the breakup and I gave up the possibility of her coming back, but it's still very hard sometimes.... Your videos are helping me so much getting tru this!... Your the best! THX man!
21:25 Thank you!
Thanks
Thanks coach Ken 🙏
Thanks!
Thank you so much!
Needed this💔
Wow this video really hit home with me...from mentioning how the mornings and nights are the worst, to going through many difficult times during a break-up. They definitely are--especially when I have a dream things are good between us, then I wake up and reality sets in...it is an awful, hopeless and helpless feeling. For that to be the first thought of the day is sheer torture. I can identify with the layers of issues happening at the same time--I don't have a best friend anymore, he was my best friend, who I talked to about everything. I also definitely can agree with the past is hard to think about, the present is painful, and thinking about the future seems difficult. No matter where you go, it's painful. Driving long distances definitely is rough and all of the reminders you have to process. My mother is not doing well and has to have open-heart surgery, and I recently lost my dad. Hopefully things get better but it is hard to see right now. Thank you so much for this video.
Everything will be ok
Just sending you some love❤
Coach Ken, this video is yet another home run for the folks going thru all these phases of a breakup. Best of all, when you weave your personal experience into your advice, your credibility soars to a level unlike other coaches and counselors on the subject matter. Plus, you can get us to laugh about our circumstances as well. Brilliant stuff, Ken. Brilliant.
And if your are a music fan n a bit on the sentenetal side don't listen to love songs!! ..i know this experience it just brings tears.
The hardest time is when you see her in dreams and you wake up, then the memories with her come into your mind. This is the time when I hit the gym
The worst!
@@liztowers2058 Really horrible, 10 months ago I broke up with her, but still I see her in dreams, is sooo terrible
Perfect video
Man well that was good timing
Hey Ken, sent you quite a few emails today and then I watched this and it really resonated quite a bit with what I'm going through, thanks looking forward to setting up a coaching session over the next couple of days
Ken you’re brilliant and gifted. I can’t thank you enough for your words of wisdom and encouragement.
I was looking for a vid that would help me no contact correctly but I don't want them back. I know I need to walk away 100% because he will continue to hurt me if I don't get strong enough to leave
a question..... how do you feel when you talk about that?
I’m going thru it right now. I can say this. I compare my ex to jail.
She’s the guard and I’m the inmate. The guard is allowed to say what we they want to say to the inmate and when the inmate says one thing to the guard THE GUARD THROWS THEM IN THE CELL.
Meaning she is allowed to tell me and talk to me like crap. Soon as I say something boom won’t hear from her for a week and then when I would she would tell me I’m worthless. Then at the end of the same week she would call me crying or mad and I would say what’s wrong with you and she would say I have a bill do. Man I was stupid. How the hell did I get wrapped up into it. And I have zero problems get a lady lol man crazy’s out there NO CONTACT IS HARD-
“Faulty pillar” 💯
Thanks for this video. Wish I listened to this during my break-up. I am in a much better place now though
I have been resistant to making that list. I need to do that tonight. Great video Coach! Thank you.
Ken, ANOTHER EXCELLENT VIDEO! You're the BOMB! 👍
23:42 Gosh thats gold...🙏
But what if the other person does the same? 😢
Funny thing is that thing with going to sleep with an old familiar movie is what I do every night. Favorite is Alien because the whole atmosphere feels so calming to me, strange, I know.
But she dump me and with the court order and restrictions there is no way to contact her
My SP keeps texting me and it’s so hard not to answer back this is difficult because I so miss him I’m trying hard to ignore him but he doesn’t miss a day without texting ugh
There is a way to respond, instead of ignoring...maybe get some suggestions around it.🙏🙏
Im very newly broken up with. I am wondering, if my wx has things still at my house and inhave things there, would i be lessening attraction if i reached out and just asked for my stuff back?
Good video.
Thanks! Good comment!
Day 2 💔
Im going threw this pain right now. I miss her sooooo much..
I left a very toxic relationship. So we got into it last Sunday and she said she was hurt by the what I said and doesn’t know if she can forgive me. I kinda found myself hoping she could forgive me. I know I shouldn’t be with her and want to just let go. Do I wait until she reaches out or should I tell her not to reach out and we’re done
I would wait - actions are way more believable
But any way i don't know what tondo if i have to move on or do my best for recover my marriage
Love Coach Ken's videos unfortunately no contact failed me and I was a champion at it apparently my ex really is what she told me she was she always bragged that if anything ever happened I would never hear from her again it's been 6 months now if she was going to reach out she would have by now, I have some goals I want to achieve I still don't understand the break up and probably never will
6 months is still quite early. Especially if they are in rebound. Back off so her new person can relax his hair and start to be himself and he becomes unattractive. As long as you are nearby, texting her, etc. You are seen as a threat by this new guy, and he will work hard to be better than you. Don't give him that oppottunity
Dont be seen as a threat, because he can begin to relax, and take her for granted, and then she will begin to daydream about you. As long as you are a threat, the new person and her bond together tighter. They dont have to face the shortcomings in the new relationship. They can't focus on what they don't like this new relationship because they have to focus on you and your next action.
I hope you take the time to change up and work on you, so when she returns, there is a different outcome.
Thanks for the meeting coach. Much appreciated :) -R
Please everybody help me to take the right decision
Dude YOURE AN EMOTIONAL GENIUS
Thanks Liz!
We were bessed but mentally spiritual and aura something was bothering her all thevtime
I think I need to just go and get another one man
Coach you are absolutely the best… you have a gift sir
Thanks Coach Ken, you're an absolute legend. Adhd here, Bpd partner. Your videos are saving my life atm ❤
Best coach on the internet, you help a lot, never stop with these videos
I still have to go to court to fix and minimize my penalty its frustrated i am a nurse with 9.5 years experience and thanks to my 29 years wife supost to support me
If i do it i can go back y
To jail for break the law and probation
''squeeze my cat, confuse my dog... ''
Lol
Between the two of us, I was always the one with more honor, integrity, and honesty. I didn't lie, cheat, or play with his feelings. I was always there for him anytime he needed me. He on the other hand is a pretty pathetic wave of a man child. He is angry to the point of needing therapy for it, he impregnated his ex-wife who was staying there to raise a bastard that he also got from a one-night stand. He's horrible at time management and doesn't think of others. Makes me wonder why even bothered to stay around with him other than his pretty words of telling me that he loved me... 😓