How a Man Becomes Cold Hearted
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 มิ.ย. 2024
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“Most men die at 27, we just bury them at 72” ― Mark Twain.
That's truly what it feels like. Until 27 there was still hope in me that things would change since they stayed the same way since I've turned 16 (Sleep, work, sleep, repeat). Now I'm nearly 29 and I can feel the light going out. Since my mother left back in 2002 and my father dying in 2013 I have neither friends nor family because I dettached myself from everyone I knew back in school. I have a house, a job and a few hobbys I do by myself and it feels just so empty when you got nobody to share it with and no time to meet people because you are trapped in this hamster wheel. I'm not suicidal though, just empty and alone.
@@Fuerwahrhalunkethen you can try exploring new hobbies and actively and proactively looking forward to meeting new people, it's up to you if you want to leave the rest of your life this way or if you truly want to change your social environment that you must begin taking small steps forward, you can figure it out
at this point i would just leave and live in the fkcn woods and if the goverment came i would just blast them with some make shift weapons and go on a decade long manhunt. society aint worth savin or living in it.@@Fuerwahrhalunke
I've been dead since I was 15
I guess i can say i died at 26. i'm felling so hollow inside.
The sadness in life is not the death, it is what dies inside us when we live.
This sentence is really poetic
damn this video hit
Deep
That be most true, and there lays the sadness...
if i’m not wrong this was from Tupac. He died too young!
“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone.” - Robin Williams
And committed suicide as a result
Damn. Thats heavy
It is often a lot harder to let negative people go than to not have them to begin with. This entire comment section is blackpilled as hell. Don't be frivolous with the bed you make.
The worst thing is never knowing anything but being alone and feeling alone.
Oh wow you must be the first person to ever post this quote.
Btw it was a line he said in a movie, so the quote should be from Bobcat Goldthwait, since he wrote it.
"Everybodys had a fake friend at one point...but they started out as a friend"
That really hits
Wow
'wake up to go to sleep instead of going to sleep to wake up. that's how you know if your depressed'
That quote is amazing
glad that resonated with ya. gonna tweet it right now
@@Denmosocial do it This should be the professional diagnosis tactic seriously 😅
Not wanting to wake up is a trademark of it unfortunately
That does go hard pretty much nails it
When I was a kid I hated bed time. I wanted to stay up all night. Now as an adult I spend most of my work day looking forward to getting into bed as soon as possible. Sleep takes the pain away.
_"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad."_
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Exactly...
🤔
Proverb 14:10
Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.
I've been cold for like 10 years now I met a girl at my new job and I didn't wanna get attached to her, I've been avoiding her for 5 months even though she seemed interested in me and even my coworkers noticed. I started opening up to her after 5 months had passed, When I finally became emotionally invested it turned out she was doing the same thing to every guy she thinks is cute which broke me again and now I'm closing my heart to whatever feelings I've developed for her.
I feel you man, stay strong
That's a good example on how to lose self-trust.
1. Your gut feelings keep telling you to avoid her for like 5 months.
2. Then you do the opposite and open up.
3. Then you fail, and ended up doing things against your intuition.
4. Your body now punish you by various mental/physical symptoms: for example anxiety, loss of energy, bad mood.
But there is an easy way to regain your self-trust:
1. Do things that you want.
2. Don't do things that you don't want.
If you go against these your body will find gradually worse ways to show you who's the boss.
Listen to @realhet
You cracked. Bet you won't do it again.
Stick to your missiles.
Always listen to your gut feeling man
While on my 5th deployment to the sandbox. My wife of 10 years ran off with a friend taking my 8 yr old son with her. A couple days later one of my airman was killed. Just to add to the moment. The ex had left our house unattended, crackheads broke in and stole what was left and wrote checks all around town. I came home 3 months later a week before Christmas to a ransacked house. Some of the stores that the checks were written to, refused to remove the bad checks off my credit. The court gave the kid to my unemployed ex and her drug addict boyfriend.
You wanna talk about the biggest kick in the cock a man can face. That was 15 years ago and I'm still jaded. Probably always will be.
Jesus I’m so sorry
bro I am so speechless...
I am sorry but this is 🤣🤣🤣
My ex girlfriends dad was exactly like this…always cold, alcoholic, talked about how he “only had a few years left to live anyway” in his mid 50s. One night he finally told me he lost his 22 year old son to a very rare disease that causes your body to age rapidly until you die at a young age. It completely ruined him. It’s been 12 years and we still talk even though my ex and I broke up. He now has 2 granddaughters, has finally made some peace, and is finally happy again. Still cold, but happier than he use to be.
That reminds me of one quote:
The kid asks: "Why do you drink then when alcohol is so poisonous?"
The alcoholic: "I drink because there's something deep inside of me that I need to kill"
This is not everything and I can't remember where I heard it.
@@Juniper_Wippersnache Thank you.
@@HawkThunder907 Except you don't kill it. You just pretend too.
It's living a lie. Stay off the booze. You learn more from pain. From honest memories. If you just try to dull it then it will always cause suffering. Accept it instead.
I'm glad to hear this for this guy. The experts will say what they want, but all trauma is at best only partially ever resolved. Your past loved ones appreciate you remembering them but make them happy by giving yourself some partial happiness.
I'm happy for the man, getting back on track
Used to be bullied a lot when I was in school. I was short and baby faced. Above that a naïve and emotional kid. Classmates used to mock me relentlessly as if bullying me gave them pleasure. No one stood up for me. Then I grew taller than everyone in high school and my face matured. People started to respect me and tried to be friends. But I didn't forget the past.
Now, I have developed a distaste for socializing, everyone seems fake to me. I try to avoid people and always act cold and professional. Even if someone tries to befriend me, I push them away.
Yeah people suck bro.
same
@@intimatespearfishertheyre the worst. i hope zombies eat them alive
how did you getting bullied affected you in the dating scene ?
I was like this but you should pay attention to what you're saying. People in high school and primary school are immature kids. Them bullying you has affected you forever and now as an adult you push people away who could have the most genuine intentions for you. Don't you think that you let the bullies, bully you out of being yourself? They basically won.
As someone with PTSD, losing yourself like that is horrible. You're in this state where you can remember how happy you used to be and how much the people around you used to mean to you. But the tragedies of your life washes away the ability to feel like you once used to. And they keep pulling you down whenever you try to climb back out of the rut you're in.
Yeah back at 7th grade I stopped feeling any emotion other than anger. I never smiled and was constantly tortured by my own thoughts of remembering that i used to be able to feel.
But i got them back so yay
@@97668vfhvfnb the hell does that do about anything? My experience is just as real as the next person's. Besides, I liked this character so of course I'd want him as my pfp. What do YOU know about pain and suffering?
Felt like this since I got back from my deployment 2 years ago now.
I cared way too much for people that didnt care or appreciated me.
But it won't happen again, i will just focus on myself and become the best version of myself.
Same boat brother.. Stay strong.. We will get there 🙏
One of my grandfather's was a very reserved but a very nice man. He was stoic and emotionless but friendly. Turns out he stormed the beaches during d day. I think a lot of our grandfather's never really came home after that war and who can blame them. The fact they just came back and continued to live normally is a testament to their characters
The truth is more that when they came home and over the years they realized they went all through that hell, just to realize everything they fought for was a lie as society around them threw it all in the garbage.
amen bro.
d day? fk is taht?
@@lycan2494Normandy landings
@@lycan2494 I hope that was a joke.
I truly don't believe I'll fall in love with anyone ever again
Me neither bro me neither it's too dangerous.
Never say never keep HOPE
Edit: Thank you for all the 👍
@@M447DTBelieving in hope will only hurt you. If you think nothing good will ever happen, worst case scenario you won't be disappointed. Best case scenario, you are pleasantly surprised.
Same
@@dakpricemusic Don't blame you man. I feel the same, it's the safest way forward. Get a dog, they'll truly love you unconditionally.
those who are cold hearted once cared too much.
This feels so intimate, like a conversation with a mentor who views you as an equal
A dog's love is the most innocent and pure love there is. The most loyal creature that will stand by your side until they unfortunately pass due to short life span
So right..... it's sure as hell not a woman 😂...
This ☝️
@andrewryan8507 what the F#CK do you know about it??? Lmfao 😄 😆 🤣
A cat too ! I have a 21 lb gray tabby that rules! He is the king! Fuck woman! Juice ain't worth the squeeze!
I have a cat like that im glad to have him. My ex's dog that is still at my place is an anxious wreck and a complete menace, im not too fond of it. Even with training it got to a pretty good place in terms of behavior but its temperment never got better.
The fact that this came in my recommended means a lot.
A few days ago, my abusive father called me in the garage to talk about how I was the bad guy, how I was cold, and how I didn't care anymore.
The thing is, he has put me through a lot of shit all my life, belittling, berating, insults, physical abuse, mental abuse, etc. He used to choke me and laugh about it or yell at me while doing it, lock me in closets until I cried, throw me on a bed, slap me, punch me, and so many other things. He cheated on my mother, treated her like shit, and after she died, he married the narc that he cheated on her with. In the end, my mother was nothing to him. And I'm tired, tired of being some naive little kid, tired of forgiving him, tired of his bullshit.
I'm tired of it all, I'm ready to move out and be done with all of this bullshit but moving out while dealing with two gaslighting narcs is easier said than done.
Be strong and keep pushing man there’s a lot more life to live
Sorry about what you're going through.....don't let this event in your life take away positivity in you. Stay strong brother, you've got this 💪
Minecraft him
Seems like your father has no desire to take a good, hard, look at himself. At some point, you will have to use psychoanalytic Shadow work to confront your inner demons (which are really just your hurt parts personified). I myself used active imagination to identify and communicate with my Shadows. Of these, the most repressed one was the Fire Lord, a symbol of buried aggression. He literally looked like a humanoid, muscular fire demon (with horns). He was created because the authority figures in my life were obsessed with making me as harmless and obedient as possible (which only partially succeeded). I felt like I had to, or my survival would be at risk.
Shadows are created by alienating certain parts of oneself. This usually occurs in relation to social programming, but it can also be created during extremely traumatic events (such as war and sexual child abuse). But usually, it starts with social conditioning condemning some parts of who we are, whereas other aspects grant us rewards. We then learn to rely on those aspects which rewards, whilst the punished aspects get denied.
The thing with evil is that it cuts across all hearts. Everyone has some capacity for it, and being subconsciously reminded of this is...disturbing, to say the least. The tempting thing is to distance ourselves from the darkness, claiming that we'd never do stuff like that (and sometimes that's right). But until our hurt parts are acknowledged, they will keep trying and trying to become a part of our psychic life, usually by making us do counterproductive things. And by the time we realize what we've done, it may already be too late to fix it. Which is why we must learn to know ourselves...even if it's scary at first.
Most people these days are too gutless and ignorant to even see the point of introspection, and so they die with a sea of regrets. All because they were too weak and pathetic to face their truth and resolve what kept them stuck. But I believe in your strength. So if you wish to be a greater man than him, or at least a better person...face your demons. Let your parts know that you only did what you had to in order to survive, and that you will be responsible for the future you make. Only then will you know inner freedom. And always remember: your parts are you. If they're not helping you right now, it's because they feel rejected by you. Embrace them with love and firmness.
I hope you make it out of your situation. God bless
"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche
I don't see the issue with becoming a monster, since they are true rulers of the world, not decent people.
This hit pretty close to home. In my case, seeing my wife commit suicide and not being able to do anything to stop her was what changed me. I fight against it every day, trying to keep my humanity. It's exhausting.
You are still grieving. That is normal.
However, you should remember that your wife took that decision on her own. You did not make that decision for her. There's only so much you could do. Don't feel guilty about what your wife did, for she made that selfish decision on her own. In my African culture, suicide translates to cowardice. That's how I see it.
I'm not saying you should not grief. Do so, but not for long and not too much to feel guilty for what she did.
@@CloudyHands it took a long time to get beyond the guilt. And I don't blame her, either. Her doctor made a bad choice and put her on dangerous medication that she didn't actually need. But seeing that happen changed me drastically.
@@792slayer There must be some happy moments, cherish them often, keep them fresh and healthy. Remember her at her very best. One day you'll be staring into the distance and the memory will visit you uninvited like so often but you'll find yourself smiling even though your eyes may be tearing.
@@Sindrijo We had a great many happy times. That's what really twists the knife. But things are getting better. It's been 5 years now. I'm getting married in a couple months. The lady is someone I've known a couple decades who also lost her mate.
used to be moderately suicidal and depressed. And i can assure you for your own peace that your wife commited suicide to remove her pain and that she thought the world would be better without her, i know because i used to think like that. best advice i can give is to find a purpose, i managed to be a functional person back after setting a goal in my life even if it's just a small objective like getting an easy job or take a walk a few times a week. friends help too, i have a dearest friend that i can share anything and everything with no matter how vile or raw the subject is and he'd understand or try to be understanding while not judging. all in all i think life imitates a saying i heard somewhere years ago ;- "life is just like cookies with salt in them, it hightlights the sweetness of the sugar inside" which would translates that what is even life without some amount of pain, suffering and hardship if not because of these, life would be uninteresting and it helps you to build character, enjoy the sweetness of life, cherish it even more and come out stronger. and now i am stronger since i can overcome the pain easily yet be mindful and empathetic to those who are suffering.
Not just cold but straight up murderous.
There is only so much rejection and humiliation you can take.
...before you become better and stronger than those who hurt you.
Use your anger to rebuild yourself without hurting others. F^ck them. Rotten fruit will fall by itself.
You will be better. You will be stronger.
Yeah and that's when you decide whether you're a man or a killer.
@@Feber2001 heck yeah.
I don't agree, anger and hate is powerful. It must be distributed properly
I can tell you how I dealt with it. when having mental health problems and having a sexuality that is frowned upon, and constantly judged on a daily basis, just for existing, losing people who were friends, treated poorly by those who don't even know you? When the definition of a man is to do good for humanity, to provide value, to help others without anything in return...it sucks. But when you develop enough scars, you begin to learn that life is not easy. I realized that if life was that simple, you aren't given the opportunity to truly find yourself. To find your power. My power was my mental fortitude. I realized I wasn't as weak or pathetic as I was lead to believe by others. You then take that power and shape it by building your body, mind, attitude. Do not get me wrong. You will never lose those thoughts. But it makes you stronger. It will make you better and smarter to know who are your true friends, who's opinions should matter to you, and push yourself to move forward.
I enjoy making videos like this more than I do about dating etc. Hopefully this gets more views so I know y'all will watch more
Yeah these vids appeal to me more ; maybe these videos get less views but it can be a different segment of your base audience. Thanks for sharing.
we want more please!
Keep the content coming either direction we’ll be here bc we evolving
Learned tons of game by watching your drunk interviews and pranks (around 2019)
This video resonated with me that’s why i clicked right away. Deep stuff jack
I am a butcher working in a store making no less than 40,000$ a day up to 120,000$. I make less than 40,000$ a year.
My father was an oil rig supervisor, gone for a month, home for a month. He did drugs, and ultimately fell in our house and suffered 99% brain trauma. We had to cut off his life support. I was age 21 when this happened.
I have people ask me for things hundreds of times a day. I've gotten to the point I can barely respond mentally and physically. Before I can do what one person asks I have 3 other people who need help. 4 am shifts 4000-7000 pounds of food for the community I serve, 32 degree work environment, hundreds of requests by people 6 days a week. No house, no wife, no children, age 37. My soul is dying inside.
My mom had passed in 2018 and my dad in 2020. I was already struggling with depression before that. Not having to worry about their health anymore shed new light on
my own life and I can look at things in a more positive way. But it will always be a struggle losing the people that brought u here in the first place and raised you.
I've never had a girl leave me without good reason. My own addictions, anger and emotional baggage have ruined all my relationships. Ironically now that I've managed to deal with a lot of my issues I'm not even sure if I'll ever be in another relationship as I've recognized that being single is the best thing I've ever done to get healing. Now I fear that a relationship might bring out what I like to think I've dealt with
i think you are on a good way, good luck!
Don't let fear control you, allowing fear to control you is like a death upon the soul. Just date carefully.
Brother you are reaching strong levels of introspection. Don't let the realisation of your shortcomings detach you from the people arond you. Many will never look that deep into themselves let alone take the time to work through those things. You will never be a perfect partner but that doesn't exist. The right person will recognise you for your work and will love you for it instead of bringing you down with them. Plus it's just easier sometimes to go through things on your own without pulling people into your darkness, I get that. Still don't cut yourself short like that.
If you're afraid of 'bringing out what you thought you fixed', then evidently you didn't fix it, and evading it will leave you stranded in a permanent limbo where nothing happens, what some call a fate worse than death. The absence of emotion is brutal
@Isaax what so you recommend I get into a relationship?
As a man who currently just went through a divorce after my ex was having a 2-3 year affair this hit home. They moved and the exs new BF moved in and took my place a week after we broke the news to the kids and they got to Michigan. My ex wife was a narcissist who put my through years of mental anguish and made me feel like I was crazy and she made me doubt my own memory at the end of our relationship. The trauma from losing everything really has made me hard and untrusting of others but Im really working on trying to see the best in people as that’s how I’ve always seen the world and others. This is a great video and I just want to shout to the men dealing with this same stuff if will be alright and we will all make it through. Stay strong gentlemen.
Sorry to hear that but your first mistake brother is getting married
@@loxj8037 I agree, I was young and stupid when I got married. I was 21 and that was 12 years ago but they say pain is the best teacher. Never making that mistake again.
Learn to trade crypto and nevery marry again..I'm solo 4 life It's a smooth life..I avoid everyone because it's pointless..sucks but no devorce 4 me
Thank you for sharing man. Trying to stay strong
As much as I'm against marriage I will continue to reach out to my brothers who went through the unfortunate event of divorce. You did your part as an honest man.
Also, you know FIRST HAND how things can go down in marriage... so no one has to ever tell you anything else about it: You experienced it up close and personal.
When we get hurt, we build up a barrier that protects us from getting hurt. And initially we think that this is the solution. But over time we realize that it's not the solution, the same barrier that protects us, also isolates us and doesn't allow love in. We realize that the barrier we've built is too thick. So when the wounds heal, we break down that barrier a little bit, because we realize that the true solution is to just learn to be more cautious. To not be on either of the extremes of either having a thick barrier or no barrier at all. The solution is to have a filter which recognizes which things are safe to let through the barrier, and which things are dangerous.
Little kid me was bullied and hurt by my peers and by my father, teenage me was lied to and led on by chicks, adult me is poor and lives at the whim of a job that doesn’t care about me, that I also do not care for either. The only real answer for me was god.
Thank you for this. You have worded this well.
@@mleszzor6866Satan killed your soul
Well thought
@@mightbyson "He" didn't. Satan for me is satan with a small "s" rather than an uppercase one, he's merely a symbol for me, symbolizing critical thinking, and individualism, I am an individualist, and a secular humanist.
Individualism, can be, for example, me being against the government, any organization, or anything, controlling the people, that is unethical from my point of view, this is what I think.
Secular humanism in my case is, humans are part of nature, it's good to be on good terms with nature, so it is also great to be on good terms with other people. Though, I may add, I can still hate a person if he's being a douchebag to me.
Edit: "satan" has helped me with my mental health, though, I should thank myself for that, my journey wouldn't have gone anywhere without me trying.
Edit 2: I somehow forgot to add this.
I am against the fact that, religions, typically, make you give your life to, and follow some entity, for no reason, I want my life in my own hands, if I start taking drugs, that's my fuck-up, I am responsible for that, I have the power to stop using drugs myself.
So saying this, I use the symbology and terminology known by the outer world, and virtually almost every person alive, to show my opposition against religion.
Thus I am a satanist.
I am okay with christian people, and any other religious people, as long as what they do doesn't affect me (in a negative sense), and what I do, doesn't affect others, in a negative way.
Some of my friends are christians.
All my love to you, mate. Coming from an abusive home, living in the cold and heartless adult world as a vulnerable child and then adapting only by becoming cold myself, I can feel your pain. All my love for you, brother.
Both my grandpas were WW2 veterans. Grandpa on my mom’s side fought in Nanjing when Imperial Japan massacred the masses, the other grandpa was an underground fighter behind enemy lines. Both of them fit the “broken and silent” type so much.
The problem is, before a heartbreak we think: "She is the one, she loves me for who I am, I never felt such a connection with any human." The thing is, who you ARE, as a man, is totally dynamic. You constantly have to build and maintain your character. And before you show her that you truly love her and care about her, you have to consider: Is this woman even able to receive, aknowledge and process my love, or has she been hurt by men in the past that she´s become closed off and numb. I think it´s similar with your friends as well.
Whole range of factors. Way more than just bad relationships and lack of accountability for healing.
Tired of defending what a woman feels
@@midragga seriously. Fk em what about us? Our fkn turn, been shoved aside long enough. Fk their feelings now lets take what we want.
that might be why starting as friends works out for a ton of people too.
@@randomguyontheinternet7940Now when they can't stay your friend after a breakup because it hurts too much to talk to an ex, but they're still talking with the ex's who would brag about banging the literal minute after like they just won a bet, then some things inside just end up necrotic and any attempt at logic breaks down besides just discarding any worries and ensuring one's own survival continues regardless of outside circumstances
That's called life, and life is not fair. We all have our wounds. Some people more than others. I know a guy whose only daughter got kidnapped, raped and murdered. He's exactly like a ghost. He has given up on life. Never laughs or talks. An empty shell. I heard that before this trauma, he used to be a well-respected teacher and was a warm, empathic person.
Woah that’s really cruel
Jesus.
Oh my God
Can you please tell me his name
So I can pray for him
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with the girl I was living with. For 4 years, I didn't even think about it. I assumed that's just how women are, and me, as a man, needed to learn to deal with it because I loved her. I believed that if you truly love someone, you never give up, and these hard times would eventually pass. The psychological abuse I put myself through during that relationship was more than I could handle. It broke me as a person. When she was diagnosed with BPD everything made sense as to why she treated me the way she did, but the damage was already done. It had been 4 years of being together every single day, being subjected to that every single day. I thought being single would change me, and make me happier. I am happier, but the damage is already done, and I'm not even sure if I'll ever be the same again. I was a kid when we got together. Now I feel empty, like im older than I should be, and like I've been through hell, and back. I look at my face in the mirror, and I see how much it's changed. My smile holds no true emotion anymore. My eyes never move. They're cemented in place, and it scares me because I feel like I look like a sociopath to normal people. When I see old pictures of myself it makes me even more sad, because that's when I truly see how much I've changed. How much life I've lost over the years. It wasn't all from my relationship, my parents fucked me up prior, close friends fucked me over before, but this was the final nail in the coffin. Now I just isolate myself, and remember. I don't want to. I want to go out, and live life, and be happy again, but I don't have any motivation. I don't have any drive anymore. It's like I don't even know who I am, or what I want. So I just think, hoping one day I'll find a solution to feel normal again. It's hard being so young, feeling like you should be living life, but feeling so old, and worn out. I wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy. I hope everyone who finds themselves in a similar slump can find a way to dig themselves out. I'm still digging, but strangely enough, I still have hope. Hope that's it's just another few yards before I can breath air again. I don't want to be like this, and that's what no one else understands. It's just how the world made us.
To live is to suffer.
But some suffer less.
Some suffer too much.
Who is wrong and who is right?
No one knows.
We are all here to suffer and feast on each other. I believe that is all there is to the so-called holiness.
And now that we are in the era of narcissism, nothing is gonna get better at all.
Your experience is almost exactly what I went through. Ex had BPD on top of other neurological issues like narc stuff, treated me like shit, covid didn't help. The last year of the relationship I was basically checked out and when it ended (by her) I was so relieved, sad and a bit surprised at the same time. I was really hard on myself for a while after, for not leaving much earlier. It took me a while to deal with that and at one point I just said to myself: "Fuck this , dude you need to get your shit together." and started dealing with, talking about it with kind understanding people really helped me a lot, they'd always stop me from putting myself down explaining to me that that was all I could do in the moment I was speaking about, those horrible moments. I think I may have a mild form of CPTSD from the whole ordeal really...
The best decision I've made is to be my own best advocate. It's weird, developing a relationship with yourself that is of an unconditional love, that other side of you that will pick you back up no matter what, no matter the fucking what. That friend lives inside you and cheers you on, proud of you, he's in there somewhere you just gotta look for him real hard. Being honest and fair and compassionate with yourself is the quickest way to find that 'boy' who is you but is also sort of your 'dad' as well, I hope you know what I mean, it's the man inside you the real you. The warm 'you' but also the stoic 'you'.
lol
Getting into boxing and weight lifting worked for me. As someone who was a skinny junk eating video gamer, you wouldnt expect it. I think physical exercise, however you wish to do it can work wonders for anyone, especially men. If you haven't, perhaps give it a try? What you said about feeling old and demotivated when you're young is exactly how I've felt past few years, luckily I managed to mostly fix it.
@@AlexComey yeah I started a workout regimen, eating better, got a job I actually enjoy, and also going out to places to have fun outside of my house. I've been feeling so much better, and more confident in myself. It really helped me fully realize I don't need her, and theres people who will treat me better. Im not 100%, but I'm feeling alive again. I'm doing things I never could've done if I was still in that relationship, and it feels amazing to reclaim that power over myself. So to anyone else reading this, whos been in a 7+ month slump like I was, just work out, go out, meet new people, do new things, talk to some other women, and take new chances in life, and take care of yourself, and your needs. Be a little selfish in healthy ways so you can be happy again. Don't let some broad keep you down forever, she ain't worth it.
Man, this hit hard. I remember being bullied in middle school so much I snapped and got into fist fights with the other people who bullied me. I wasn't the one to start the fights, but I end it. Boxing training does pay off huh? But regardless I hated when people would fuck with me and I have gotten so used to people being assholes I ended up as this scary guy who warded people off, so I didn't have to deal with anyone's shit. I have to act like this if I don't then people would get under my skin again, I am not going to have that happen ever again. This just goes to show what people can do to a man without realizing the consequences. You get people like me who build a brick wall and scare people off. At least the highlight of me being like this is that I have 2 friends who have been with me ever since elementary school. I hope we can last till death.
lol
@@cwilliams6884 how is this funny
@@cwilliams6884 You’re a smooth-brain
"Now we have everything, but we act like having nothing"
Impeccable line there Jack. Only a small share of the young people our age really understand the enourmous hardships our ancestors went through. Even in the "rich" Western world of North America and Europe life was super hard at least into the first half of the 20th century. I will never forget the stories of my grand father telling me they had to harvest potatoes with bare hands on the small piece of land the family owned from age 6 onwards in Northern Germany! They were 5 siblings and had to sleep in one bed, no central heating, no electricity, etc. This was life for 90% of people in Europe and North America well into the first half of the 20th century. The incredible comfort we have nowadays is a blessing, but man it also makes the people so soft so quickly
u have nth, no private property, no future, no children, a wagie slav, cog in the machine
My parents told me the same stories, both immigrants from Germany.
Sounds like fun
I grew up in the balkans during the 90s war, was a very small kid back then....I grew up in that same situation you've described, only we've had electricity. Insane inflation, recession, waiting in line for some bread and milk, taking out vegetables with bare hands sometimes... Moved to a big city after that, fell in love with computers. Dreamt my whole life of making music and being a DJ and traveling exotic islands making people happy and enjoy life. 30 now, that never happened. Had a whole family on my back that depended on me to provide, which I did. After everyone died of cancer in the past couple of years, I'm almost all alone. I'm in IT, doing somewhat better than 50% of people in my country, but years go by. I never got to live that dream, I avoided girls because I was ashamed of where I used to live, didn't travel much. A burning passion extinguished.
Started a few businesses in my 20's, all were successful to a degree that I could quit my job, all of them worked for 6-24 months, before some catastrophy happened that was not of my making, dragging me down.
Went through so much hardship and for what, I think I understand what the guy in the video is saying to a degree, when you just can't bring yourself to care anymore. I do not see a point. When you're young, you're at least hoping that trhoughout your life SOMETHING will happen which will change it for the better, yet for some of us it never does. You could send me millons of dollars and a bunch of women, I could not care. What's the point when I needed all the good things in life when I was young. Whats the point now?
TLDR hardship does not always mean you'll be a stronger and more motivated person...sometimes it's just hell that only a time machine could reverse, and even that is questionable.
When I was younger I was afraid of death, now, not so much, I can't believe I'm saying this looking back at the person I was but, I find comfort in the fact that everything ends now.
Although I agree, what is purpose or meaning of life? There is none. You need telling yourself lies to keep going. The worst thing is hope. Life exist so that souls can incarnate to human body for experience. Bad thing is if you don't know your mission if there is any, in current incarnation.
Granpa being an alcoholic sometime in the past is the most relatable thing bruh
literally haha
Yeah that's true
My grandpa also.
My gradma told him it's either me or alcohol, he stopped.
Bro literally
Damn were all our grandpa’s dead inside alcoholics back in the day??? It’s almost like life has always been hard even without the internet and social media. Crazy.
Thanks for this Denmo, this video struck a chord with me. I've turned 22 recently and I too used to be a highly empathetic person. I used to always see the good in people, give people chances and the benefit of the doubt. However, after a few too many incidences and betrayals from close acquaintances whom I trusted, I've now become more detached, distrustful and cold-hearted. I don't know if i'll ever be the same again but it is what it is.
Same age just became 22 last month. I had friends but cut them off when i was 17. I started distancing myself from people since i view most people my age as just petty nuisances.. Anyways, fast forward lived my most calm confident and hopeful life. Started kickboxing and found out that i was good at, also found out that i was too skinny to be who i was mentally '' how i view myself never mattered since i wasn't respected physically'' so i trained fucking hard for a year, got muscular and i was also lean. Started dasting since at 21 i got insanely hormonal, i dated almost 30 girls in 1 year, at 22 i dated none. After all the hardships that i went through to make people see my worth they kept on remindime of my failures. The last nail in the coffin was, that most of those girls i dated dumped me without a reason. Now, i am a loner back to the begging only with no hopefulness. Yes i becaless naive, insanely fucking charismatic, but the cost was my innocence, my child like nativity caused by distancing my self from people in the past, and stop believing in the basic goodness of people for hate of people. I made a lot bad decisions in my life, but i wasn't an evil man. I lost my job, my girls that i thought were there for me, my parents hate me and call me a loser, i have nothing and each second passes i sense this feeling of absolutely vengeful wickedness taking over me.. I hope i don't turn up what my parents don't want me to be. I believe if you try so hard to be good but fail, then the second option is, you knoe
@@ma-saracen Yes the worst thing of all is losing your innocence, not just for life but for people too. Everyone has their limit or breaking point and then they snap. Most people can only take so much Criticism or rejection (from dating ect..) and when they do decide they've had enough they become a different animal entirely to contend with. A truly Cold person is extremely hard to control and I think that everyone has the ability to become cold when pushed far enough. BTW, I cut ties with a few of my friends last year. Life is easier without them
@@snipergaming2639I don't know what i am now. The thing i know for sure now, the guy that was naive and thought that the world is good if you look hard enough, girls will be attracted to you if you do things right..... The man that i have become ai just can't explain. The world is built to make the worst of us to test us, the stronger you arr the harder the test is, it is basic physics and math. I generate an energy and ill get an equall force pulling me a certain way. What i have become is someone who expects the worse from everything and everyone, and whenever it works for him surprisingly feels anxious since he know what will come after. I lost faith in women that was the last fucking bullet, i only believe in first hand experience and what i experienced was evil. The world is pushing and i likewise push back once i give in to my instincts... I fear that day.
I was married for about 22 years. Then I lost my health, and therefore my job. Then she wanted a divorce, and the judge made sure I lost my kids and house to. Equality? Somehow I survived the pain without get'n all bitter and hatefull, but I can not ever trust anyone with my heart again. Even if I wanted to. And there are a bazillion stories like this; we men are slow I guess, but we're catching up "ladies"! Got 2 cats now, and I am perfectly happy :-)
I put to you that most men become cold hearted for two reasons:
1. Growing up they didn’t realize the burden of performance that men carry that women don’t, and so they approached life naïvely.
2. They believed the Disney romantic fantasy, and when it was proven not true, it rocked their world.
I’d say I agree with what he put forth, Death, Betrayal and Heartbreak. As I’ve gone through all of them and those are most definitely why I’m cold hearted.
@@0Y09 thats a fair way to look at it, idk that I agree though because I think suffering is a part of life. If you can honestly go through pain without suffering. If you can have your friends die and family die and not suffer, or be shot at or stabbed and hospitalized and scarred and not suffer or have your long term girlfriend cheat on and leave you broken and not suffer, then you’re not living a human experience, you’re living a super human experience and I mean, good for you. (Not saying you specifically, just, whoever can live that way in general.) I’ve definitely learned a lot thanks to everything I went through, not sure it was worth it on all accounts, but its a silver lining nonetheless. my father was and is and always will be my greatest role model and hero, and he certainly instilled a lot of fight in me and taught me what it meant to be a man, but I don’t think anyone, even him, could have stopped me from suffering when going through so many tragedies. And that suffering teaches a man to be cold. As the guy in the video said, even if only for a limited time, you learn to be colder, and to shut out the world for a while…to heal on the inside I think. Anyway, thanks for your perspective on things, happy to share mine as well, and a bit of my story. Hope you have a great day brother. God bless.
It's also being led on you start accepting the reality that maybe Society is designed this way
guilty as charged!
what pains is that the new generations have the same two issues, but doubled. They're being 'taught' to be extremely soft.
Agree. Especially on the first point. The feminists tricked a lot of men (including myself) into the gender equality myth.
My dad was like that, an alcoholic, distant, and angry. He, however never laid a hand on me. I found out later he had a horrible childhood from my mom, he lost a sibling and his mother was bipolar and not medicated. It was basically hell. He died young from the alcoholism. He was a laborer and worked his butt off to feed the family, tearing up his body in the process. He wasn't emotional, but his actions spoke when I got older and realized. He was cold hearted, but clearly displayed his love through his actions. He said the most warm thing to me shortly before he died. It was the only time I ever remember him tearing up.
My mum got diagnosed BPD only in her 50's noone knew.
He was a good man, may he rest in peace.
My grandmother and grandfather on my mom's side took my little brother and i in when my mom and dad were too busy doing drugs to take care of us. Grandmother was very bipolar. It's rough
What did he says?
What did he say?
This video definitely resonated with me. Having to deal with a tough upbringing, dealing with PTSD and Addiction had taken a drastic toll on my life. I've lost years to such things because of the Mental Toll it has taken on me. I wish I was able to talk about my experiences like you can, because maybe I'd be a lot more happy then I am now
Thug it out stop whining
Some women go through life collecting men's souls. Never give your soul to anyone.
I worked in a Psych Hospital for years - often times, our bodies and minds protect us from repeated pain by becoming cold hearted. Other animals share this trait also - be mean to a dog and the dog can become cold too. We don't like repeated pain and it changes our minds.
Becoming cold-hearted isn't really a way of protection. It's the fact that when you go through a lot, you realize there's a lot more of "hell" about the world, and you begin enjoying the distant calm. Socializing and relationships are risks for finding yourself in chaos and drama. So you learn to keep a distance from everyone else, because whatever they got going on with their life is not worth the discussion over. And for whatever that is leftover, you may find drug-use, alcohol addiction, hoarding, etc.
You touched on Behavior Modification psychology there. Pain does change the mind.
Fuck... This story gave me chills. Existentially we all are living in escapism.
This story resonated with me. My fathers side has 4 generations of dads dying young. My father also killed himself when I was 8. That was the day i had to become the man of the house and be solely responsible for my life. I couldn't deal with it but I somehow found a way to assist my mom and myself and now I'm 20 years old and I'm probably extremely fucked up but i know god has something incredible planned for my life. It is what it is
I'm sorry you had to go through that just know that you're one strong man and any woman would be more than happy to be in your life you're a warrior.
You should be proud of yourself, even though it was hard, it prepared u for lifes hardships. Therefore u are much more ablebodied to handle life struggles. So keep ur chin high and shit straight. Respect and peace✌
Same shit happend to my father when i was 3. My dad was an alcoholic. I have lived my whole life without real fatherfigure and im now 18. Feels like world owes you something cuz what happend but i dont really want to rely on that.
God bless you brother
"G"od
Amazing Video and I cannot thank you enough for posting this. I was happy a few years ago and became cold hearted as a father due to a traumatic incident. My daughter was groomed by pedophiles which led to her attempting suicide 3 times. This lead me to just loose all hope on everything and become detached to my partner and even my daughter. But long story short, I got help and managed to turn things around. Now my relationship with my family is better but I am permanently scared. I am not the happy 20 year old I was 25 years ago and your video spoke volumes to me. Thank you again
Totally get it. The moment I became a cold hearted person I knew that my future will be just me living by myself alone and I would be drinking everything away, like problems or things I couldn’t have. I knew that I didn’t care about anything much anymore. that I didn’t care about my health as well. This video made me feel less alone. Thanks for opening up about this because it gives me comfort that even though I didn’t share how I became a cold hearted man, atleast someone out there shared there’s.
Maybe the most REAL video I´ve seen for ages. I want to escape my own hell and it helps a bit knowing I´m not alone...Thank you.
glad this helped you brother
I think the truth is that I was previously just living in a fantasy. From my experience, the women I’ve dated didn’t care in the end, probably except for one. I recall not having anything to my name at one point and she didn’t leave me. She actually encouraged me and helped me to get back on my feet speaking into my potential. I don’t think I’ll ever forget her. Even whenever we broke up (she initiated, simply because we knew we were going in different directions), she told me not to blame myself. It was a truly gracious breakup.
Well I fell out with my ex while she called me while I was drunk at night while going through probably the hardest point in my life I'm ever gonna have and now she is going out with a 13 year old (we were both 16).
So yeah, it could be worse.
What a fucking great person
A great woman. Sad you had to separate ways.
I've learned the hard way that blaming the girl and blaming yourself are both very dangerous paths to go down. Women aren't any less flawed and messed up than men are. Relationships are often too complicated to pinpoint a specific point of collapse. You should improve yourself, but don't start hating yourself. The difficult truth is, there's often really nothing you could have done differently.
After a breakup, I tore myself apart trying to find "the thing that was wrong with me". I nearly became suicidal. Guess what, I never found that thing I could fix. I found other stuff along the way, I certainly developed as a person, but there was no one weird flaw I could patch up. In fact, there wasn't even a bunch of flaws to fix. My only real weakness was my lack of experience. I had a lot of talent and ability that I just wasn't giving myself credit for, all because hated myself for letting bad things happen to me.
If you're going to have faith in anything, at least have faith in yourself. Not every bad thing that happens to you can be blamed on someone.
In my eyes and what I can only deduce from your comment. She left you because you started doing better once you metaphorically got back on your feet?
I see it as a curse, but also a blessing. I have to fight a lot of feelings of bitterness and anger because of stuff that's happened, but it's also an amazing motivator. One thing I make sure of though is that I don't fall into a victim mindset and instead I've analysed the circumstances that led to bad things happening to me. There's a lot of internal stuff that I've reflected on and changed in order to improve, but it's impossible to change others, so I'm more wary of the warning signs now and know when to step away from certain people. My take away from all of it is to be pragmatic and objective about it and take the bad things as a lesson for how to restructure and rebuild your life.
Never comment on videos, but this video relates to me so much. As a 22 year old man, this video made me cry like I've never cried before. Thanks for making this video.
This really resonated with me, as an older guy. Tried online dating, but just encountered shallow, mean-spirited women, and now I’ve been living alone for 10 years wondering if I’ll ever feel happiness again. I’ll remember your optimistic words, and maybe I’ll find a way out of this hell. Thanks for putting this out there.
Understand something. Women are enticed with fun, but it's not what they are really looking for. They're looking for joy. Many of them don't even know that about themselves. If you really want a meaningful relationship in your life, start nurturing your own joy. Now, joy is different than fun. Fun is easy to come by and it goes away just as easy. Fun eventually becomes unsustainable as prices rise, or as old friends marry and move away. Fun always leaves you feeling in need of more fun. Fun can, and has been, commercialized. Chasing fun is expensive. Joy on the other hand is not easily come by. It has to be nurtured. It's slow to grow. It can be stolen, but eventually grows back if you nurture it. Joy is not commercialized. Most people can't even tell you what joy is. Joy is not expensive if what brings you joy is not expensive. In short, joy eventually brings a person to happiness if a potential partner exhibits the same joy. Fun comes from outside as person. Joy comes from within a person because of what that person likes in life. Fun is like drug addiction. It always leaves a person seeking for more. Joy will nurture the person that nurture it. It will stay with you even during the hard times in your life. Only thru joy can true happiness be achieved. Oh. Understand this. You will need to hide your joy in public because it will attract females by the dozen. Women who meet men who show joy are almost always attracted to that man because they really don't know the difference in fun and joy. Find what it is in life that brings you true joy and then find a mate that truly shares that joy and you will find a route to true happiness in both your lives.
I feel you a little,im 17. Never had girlfriend,never kissed,never hold hands. I feel like im gonna be alone toll i diem i thought about joining a monastery
@@NifixDbro ur like literally a kid still, dont worry about that stuff u will get it eventually, some ppl dont meet someone until much later in life and thats ok theres no need to rush! love will come to u when its the right time
@@NifixD17, you're still a kid. I didn't have a real girlfriend until I was 20. Give some time man. Don't look at people around you. You have your own path.
@@NifixDlike what they said you are still a kid bro, don't worry too much your life hasnt even started yet. Just have fun and keep improvying yourself
This is a conversation every man should have with his most intimate friend/brother, a male person that he trusts. Male to male talk, open-hearted, true, without any lies, manipulation or any other shit. I thank God for opening my eyes, teaching me to accept my cross and suffering and to be grateful for the life I have.
Thank you for this video, it is a conversation many men need and crave.
Yeah, I don't think I will have anyone to talk since everyone I know in my neighborhood is already full of $h!#. I don't think there's a point finding someone to talk since my best coping mechanism revolves on keeping to myself.
I don't want to be a worthless empty vessel as I understand plenty which I shouldn't expose.
Too bad most men are scum themselves and will do anything to gaslight you, your feelings, and try to hit on your girlfriends or girls you're interested in.
@@MadaraUchiha-ly8wrGod bless brother. Your pain has made you strong, don’t let it make you cold
@@Shermoose I will try. Thankyou.
I'm just one of those guys who is still trying to escape his past. I cannot yet do that without entirely resolving the problem from the past. If I'm going through this problem, I can only imagine what soldiers with PTSD are going through.🤔
I'm grateful to not go through the same problem as them.
No thanks. It's gross opening up to dudes most of them are too fuckin stupid to be capable of understanding. I'd rather keep things to myself till I drop dead.
U have no idea how much cathartic it was to listen to u. Keep it up
It was the same with my uncle when I was a kid. He never talked to me. I didn’t know why. Came to find out it was because I reminded him of his son that he had lost custody of. He became a hermit,, all alone in the woods and I now know it was a retreat from all the pain the world had left him with. I’m sad to say it but after a failed marriage where I caught the love of my life in bed with another man, as well as failed personal dreams, I understand his retreat better than ever. I don’t want to end up like him, but I feel the weight of why he ended up like that every day
His son ended up committed suicide. I know it’s a tragic tale and it might seem like I want sympathy but I don’t. I refuse to live the tragedy, just trying to figure out how to dig myself out of this hole
If it helps you at all, just know that living in a cabin in the woods gets to be rather boring. I live in one now.
@@thelight3112how old are you man? I think isolating gives you a bit of a temporary peace
To even be intelligible right now is a superpower. If you somehow manage to swallow that pain and internalize it what could possibly hurt you? Who?
Society is failing young men. What we need to do, as men, is to NOT fail ourselves! Help others see they're not alone and keep fighting the good fight. Inspire yourself and others to do BETTER.
“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
Masculinity needs to rise once again. Men need to embrace the harsh reality of male nature and start taking responsibility for ourselves. Only then we can change those around us. They need to know changing our genders from male to female is not gonna fix anything but will only make the delusional veil even worse. They need to know being a nice guy Isn’t what gets them to places. It’s assertion that gets people’s attention and gets them what they want. Conflicts will also be a part of our nature as it has been since the beginning of time. Men are the ones who go to war and do all the physical stuff while women and children huddle in the safe zone
skill issue
You have a really good communication style - adequate pauses between short sentences allows my brain to easily comprehend without info overload. It’s really irritating when someone just drones on and on without any breaks.
The worst part about these horrible life events is that the negatives are often shortlived. It's our minds that constantly toil over the thoughts instead of just moving on. It's like we punish ourselves.
Especially with breakups, ur life could be better but ur brain keeps thinking about it
Man, I hear you. I am naturally a warm and loving person but I have learned to be apart from everyone, especially women. The cold is where I hide. I spend virtually every minute of my life alone because it is just so much easier that way. I help people whenever I can but after that, I just want to be alone. Life just wears you down, inch by inch. I take care of the animals, wherever I find them. I am kind and polite to everyone but I just can't take it. How did I get like this? I got here one step at a time.
I was like you but you will find good people you can trust because there are people like you . Probably be when you least expect it. Enjoy being alone if you can , I love it more as I've got older but it's strange how the less of a shit I give the more quality people I've met . Not many but more than I knew as a normie if that makes sense .
I'm the same way.
A life of solitude is a life protected from abuse and manipulation.
Dang man, that is a spot-on description of how I feel about my life. We need to fix this somehow.
blah blah blah, pick a better woman, it's your fault.
@@vibez.no.cartel
Did this feel like a good comment to leave?
Totally disregarding the real life experiences that this man shared to hopefully get some support and understanding?
Mocking people when their being vulnerable and sharing their personal thoughts and feelings is rude as hell.
Be a better friend to strangers,
Promote positivity instead of spreading a dismissive attitude.
Don't be afraid to go cold for a while. Meet ambitious men here: www.denmo.social/socializer
This is by far the best video you have ever done. Thanks bud.
Thanks for posting this man I don't feel as alone 👍 you seem like one cool guy!!!
omg I need to go cold for a while, for my own sanity. my warmth is being taken advantage of and I'm allowing it.
hell no.
Denmo, I got the chills. I can not say I feel better now. 😢
Agreeed with the video guy
Seeing my dad die Infront of me changed my outlook on life, this video has been nice thank you for sharing this with the world.
I found warmth in watching your video in silence: no volume, just reading the captions. I have scars; we all do, in one way or another. Many thanks for sharing king.
My grandpa was a man of good, my dad is a man of good, and so will I be, legacy needs to be continued, we can’t let ourselves die because of modern culture.
cheering for you bud
motherfudger thinks or believes that 'only' modern society = bad.... do i really need to remind ppl of humanity as a whole
@@wolfuck thanks
Nonsensical.. Only I am good... Only I am unique
@@cazimim3375 and there is always the one miserable cnt in the comments spewing their bitterness all over everyone.
Man,
You just described my life!!
My grandfather came from Japan after WW2 and he was exactly like yours....
The thing is... he had a daughter back there in Okinawa that he never meet.
My father told me that story when i was teenager and this is when realized why he was so cold.
Despite... being so inteligent and well suceed in business, he never forgot this woman.
Some says that when he went back to okinawa searching for her, he found out that she got married with a american and disapeared.
The fact is.. no one knows..
He just never spoke about it
Okinawa is a good place, lot of seafood and Karate
lmfao
You should do an Ancestrydna or 23andMe test. See if you find any half Japanese relative!
"I don't trust people anymore, but I'm always cautious" felt that bro, thank you.
Didn’t realize that I needed to see this. Years of rejection, and betrayal made me cold when I used to be someone with a warm heart. But the thing that made me cold hearted was moving to the big city, and realizing how cruel society can be to someone who’s deemed an outsider. All my efforts at making friends/maintaining a relationship have been futile most of the time. Till it reached the point where I found solace in a pen and paper. I started writing, and I feel like it’s the only thing that’s kept me sane over these last few years. I’m slowly starting to let people back into my life, but I’m aware that there’s more fake people than genuine ones out there. Stay strong gentlemen. ✨
LMFAO 😂😂😂😂😂😂
@@realguy9152your mom should have swallowed
I think the most traumatic event in my life was when my best friend past away and my girlfriend cheated on me, broke up with me at the same time. Best thing about it was her saying words "stop being Soo soft". And I've stopped.
Whoa
My mom tells me I'm not man enough my sister does too
I have these jobs and get them bday gifts and Xmas gifts and they don't get me anything or they give me crappy gifts
That is the first thing women do , is tell you you are not man enough
They have no idea about manhood so ignore them
If you get emotional they have won
@@taylorg8509 there is no win or loose, you get emotional So you was dumb at this time. I spend another two years with the same girl after that. So she wons? I don't think soo. She's hoe rn and I'm grinding, cut off all "friends" dedicate myself to sport. At 21 because my emotional responses, my dumb decisions I'm here right now. Sometimes we must Do dumb stuff to be smarter in the future
@@taylorg8509cut them off if that’s how they’re treating you. People treat you the way you let them. Good luck!
@@taylorg8509literally f them. Lmao. That’s reallys sad, but there are good people out there! Don’t let them have the power to effect your self worth esteem or confidence. I belive words have powers, speak good upon yourself and it will become your reality. Also if they don’t give back don’t feel the need to give them, or match their energy. I realize that people who hurt us only have the power we give them, but when we take it back we will stand stronger. But never let those people get into your head, and if they do, remember who tf you are and bounce back! 😂 Btw I hope the best for you
Weirdly everything you said I already knew it but having heard it from someone else just made me feel better, thanks king.
From a person who was really warm and emotionally available, i became cold when i nearly lost my sister to abduction. I quit caring and counted down the days to my death, everyone supported my parents through it, but i was left to deal with it alone. I did find a girlfriend but after our engagement she broke it off and i learned she was sleeping with another man. I was emotionally unavailable for a long time till i started going to therapy and forced myself to open up again. I’m not sad these things happened to me, they’re just things that happened, it was out of my control, what was in my control was how i dealt with it. I relearned through trauma to become more compassionate and empathetic again. It was fucking hard, but it was my decision to pull myself out that helped me to actually live again. And by giving myself the self love I deserved, I’m in a position where i can help others.
Union Ironworker here.
Also a former train hopper. I appreciate you sharing this
After finishing the video I have to say you hit the nail on the head buddy. Your grandfather is someone I can relate to big time. Yet I am 33 and childless.
I couldn’t make the same mistake that my narcissistic mother made. I don’t want to have kids just to blame them for my short comings. I learned to hate myself before I learned to love myself. Not even sure if I truly ever will.
It’s really messed up how some parents raise their children.
At least I learned how to work hard and be accountable for myself and be accountable for my ‘leader’.
I hope all people who had fucked up parents are able to heal and truly learn it’s not their fault. It’s hard out here
Thank God for the Ironworkers
Respect, all I wish right is really learn how to work hard and not quit another job out of depression/addiction.
Im not a Young man but this video definitely spoke to me. I have made many walls over the years to protect myself from being used and getting played. In recent years I have become a grandfather. My oldest boy has 2 daughters. Their pure energy and warm smiles have definitely made me open up a bit more. I feel like I have purpose again. I look forward to Their visit and teaching them skills I was never taught. Stay strong men. ✊
kids always change us, they make us remember who we were and make us more human.
I had an alcoholic father growing up too, I remember years of anxiety waiting for him to come home incase he got physical. After years and years of anxiety, eventually I just became apathetic to everything, I think it was my way of psychologically coping. I cared about nothing, not school, friends or even my own family who I had blamed for me being in this position of perpetual anguish. When he died from liver failure when I was 19 I didn't feel anything, it didn't bother me, I didn't attend his funeral and people thought I was cold hearted because of that (which I suppose I was by definition). I have worked through so much to become a functioning and successful man with a loving wife who understands how sometimes I can barely show emotion, and sometimes having that ability to be apathetic is definitely a bonus.
If you're like me you can work through it, it just takes a whole bunch of time, good people and deep introspection about the past.
Yeah I do not miss those days of pretending to be asleep so your drunk dad would leave you alone.
Thank you for the story. Perspective is important...any amount of it can make the difference between recognizing a man and mistaking them for a monster. Hope things go up for ya.
I have a weird relationship with my father too, I know that he cares about me but each time we have a talk or something it seems that something inside distances him.
This is the message I needed.
Coming back to society and warm weather is gonna come back...
Multiple traumatic events over a short lifespan has absolutely been what led to my cold views of the world and failure to feel most emotions people take for granted.
You Sir are So Spot on..... I have to watch this again.... Im 63 and best description of Life I have heard.... Keep putting out your Wisdom
This video was almost therapeutic to me, thanks for posting this king
Damn. That story game chills. I can understand grandpa. You don't get to undo some mistakes, no matter how much you regret it how hard you try.
Yeah man ... That's the sting of trauma's unforgiving tail... You just have to writhe around in agony until eventually you can just bear its horror... This is what happens to us on this planet man.... Don't shy away from it, bear it, and know that you are unbelievably strong and capable of surviving it and then going on to excel.
I have once become cold. Before that, I had been a very warm person. But now I am around 10°C😄.
My friend, who was my only friend at that time, betrayed me. He was bullied by all our classmates (he was new. I came back to the class after living in another country for a few years at the same time he joined our class). I didn't really get along with them, too. I stood up for him. I was his only friend. But two years later, when he got along with others, he turned against me and was the most active at bullying me. Since then, I haven't had true friends until now. So this warmth is slowly coming back, but I will never be as warm and kind as I used to. I no longer trust and respect people just because they are people. Now, they have to deserve and earn it.
Help rarely goes unpunished, the sad truth is you can only help people from a safe distance or those that proved to deserve it, sometimes I feel it's like a magical law of the universe, even pity alone can get you screwed.
This is why we go to therapy to become self-aware, break the walls, and become stronger for it 😢
I have a friend who looked me in the eyes with the same brokenness, and told me how I was the light the kept him in this world. I wish you well, Jack.
Man am 24 and from Rwanda thanks bro you really are helping me out of plenty of shit 😢❤
This really resonated with me. Although I'm older than your demographic. I was a late bloomer with just about everything in my life. Now 52, and dealing with severe heartbreak, loss of friends, and now some health issues. Everything feels like it's pushing me a certain way and I'm becoming colder. I don't want to be because I worry how cold it'll get and will I end up becoming a complete loner in old age. I was always the affable, shy, funny guy in my groups. Although I never tried to be the center of attention. But I've noticed in the past few years I've changed. I embrace some of the "coldness" maybe. It's help me see through most people's BS and I won't bother myself with them. Unfortunately, I've lost people I invested too much time in. Simply because they never invested any time for me. If anything, for you younger guys...don't waste your time! There's so much to do. So many better people you can meet along your way. Don't stop for the ones you intrinsically know are just a waste of time.
Being a loner is not such a bad thing - it all depends how you handle it. I find people to be too needy, emotional and self absorbed .. I enjoy solitude and I know it’s not perfect but every lifestyle choice comes with downsides. Besides if you are lonely start dating or make a friend
Agree. 48 and will never date again. Everyone that was a friend or I called a friend are now acquaintance’s, allies or associates. Own my home and I’m content. Give myself another 10 years and I’m checking out.@@brianmeen2158
Nonsensical.. Only I am good... Only I am unique
@@brianmeen2158not hat simple how the fick can you make a friend id you sont lnow whatto do
Only idiots worry about wasting time. It's failing to learn.
Time is never wasted. Fact is you're close minded and make snap judgements.
Bro. I lost 15 people I have served with in the military to suicide in 5 years. It is getting exhausting seeing how our government gives no shit about us.
Thank you man, I'm going through a heartbreak from my first and longest relationship (I had a lot of failed relationships before) and this made me a little more motivated
This hit me in such a personal way. Thank you man... immediately subscribed
To be honest I’ve had this type of cold hearted personality my whole life due to a lot of emotional stress as a kid with no one to assist me, I’ve realized that the only thing that keeps me going is seeing my mother happy and making art (songs, take pictures or videos, paint a canvas) I’ve realized a lot of cold hearted people create great art because there’s too much emotion and deepness in them, they question everything and always knew something was wrong, they also have very addictive personalities and too much rage and passion for things, i get episodes where i wake up mad and go to sleep mad knowing that i must suffer to achieve my desired life and I still complete my daily tasks mad and there are other days where I genuinely feel happy and some others where it’s pure neutrality but regardless of how i feel i still perform, i refuse to stay still because i know ill get rusty on every single metric it’s hard and a lot of work but life is all work, even creating a relaxing ambience takes work to put everything in place, even going to sleep and waking up at a certain schedule takes work, discipline, you start to realize that life is a big school and you can attend the classes on time and get better or miss all of them and die miserably and life doesn’t care about your feelings or tantrums that’s why a lot of people just accept it and become cold hearted and perform that way knowing that life itself is cold, it also has warm beautiful moments but in the harshest realities of life it is completely cold and hard moments will always show up, it’s up to you to defeat them
well said
You have explained my state of being very well, sad to find such reflection in youtube comments
On point, I'm trying to stop using escapism mechanics in my life. But it's hard, there's nothing worth fighting for. Or pushing it forward. I may keep doing my art, but 90% of artists never make a living from their art. So we suffer in jobs we hate, but need to do, cos we'd starve to death instead...
My mind was broken before it could even fix itself, the internet ruined human interaction for me at an early, early age. I was exposed to gore on liveleak, pornography through google, and all this just because I had access to the web, and I was curious back then. I can't trust people anymore; I feel like I can never make meaningful connections with real people. I feel as if I have no dignity, and the only worth I bring to anywhere I end up, is work. Like a simple machine, a hopeless machine, made to mindlessly work until the day it ceases to move. This is why I never bother with introspection, my viewpoint is so hopeless. I don't know why I can't just be happy with myself.
Yep. Video hit me. Definitely feel this as I get older. My heart definitely feels colder as I age. I used to feel warm-hearted, but as years go on and this world/society and myself change, I honestly just feel detached from most things/people. That doesn't mean you act like a dick to ppl, as that detached perceptive ironically has allowed me to help ppl by being someone that can observe things from an outsiders perceptive. when you go through experiences that make you question trust, you just keep things professional. It's why I focus on my music as it's one of the few things that does make me feel something. Doesn't matter if I'm listening to music or making my own, I don't really tire of it and it holds a lot of feeling/memories that are passed to other people through that energy in my music
Music was my life but I lost that passion too.
Well said, king.
Bro this was so deep and I'm right there behind you I'm pretty close to being that way, I'm trying really hard not to go down that path
Thanks bro, you've opened my eyes to how ive been feeling these last few years. Shedded some layers of how my friends and i have felt with the constant onslaught of arguments, mental breakdowns, and emotional detachment.
Yes, I'm an asshole. But i still care about people. I have become more cold, but i still show empathy and kindness.
I don't want to see others in pain.
But we all must have pain in order to find a symbol of happiness.
Go have a good day, i will try to as well
People always think the assholes don’t care, Maybe they just care too much.
Jack you nailed it again brother. You had me in tears, lots of lessons learned for sure. Keep moving forward.
Me too they were a couple tears of hope that ill feel again and be able to love again what abt you?
I'm a Christian believer. I'm not cold-hearted, but i feel myself going there lately. I relate to all of this, but i have to remember that God is real and that He loves me and has a plan and purpose for me, even when it doesn't seem like its anything important.. just getting up and going to work and taking care of myself and my wife. That's important to God and its all i can do sometimes. The healing is happening as I let Love in again. This life is hard, but God will never forsake you, and He will be sure to lead you through the valley of the shadow of death.
First video I've seen of yours and you certainly earned my subscription. Thanks standing up for the bros in a world thats often very cold for us men. This little gem certainly brought some more light to my life and i hope it inspires many others.
This video right here, perfectly explains why I have 3 close friends and have had said friends for going 10 years now, sure I'm still pretty young but I had my hardships, sometimes I tell myself it could be worse and I shouldnt feel so hopeless with myself but still, I say this to say despite that, I'm still able to hold and maintain my friendships, maybe I can luck out in time and find someone to love, I'll kinda just use this as a place to rant a bit cause I really appreciate this video.
I'll end this off by saying to everyone that saw this video, and come across this comment by chance, keep trying to live your best life, when you get knocked down, keep moving, if you cant, lay there for a bit and gather your thoughts, when youre mentally ready start working your way back to your feet, an injured man can still make small steps to recovery, I'm still trying to regain myself and I hope everyone who might be as well can regain their vigor and bounce back stronger than ever. Much love everyone you got this
You're so well spoken. Great storytelling. I was completely engaged. Love this channel. You're my wake up call.
Wow this is such an amazing comment to read. These kinds of comments are why I continue to make the content I do. Because people really do benefit from hearing the truth.
Great contribution mary!
read more
cheers bro ive been working on it!
I come across as cold-hearted because I’ve found it both necessary and beneficial to not let my guard down with people
I’m a woman tho I’ve gone through all that this man mentioned and opened up about. At thirty I joined the military after a life of hardship and failed relationships with the wrong men. Not ‘bad-boys’ as people are quick to assume but people I loved and saw potential in, a bright future filled with love, nurturing, understanding. Someone to fight through the harsh and cold waves of life and to see the sun rise on the other side. But they didn’t see potential in themselves or saw it in me but wanted to use it and abuse my love.
I got tired and I realized that I wasted so much of my life. I couldn’t see myself with anyone or ever trying to put myself out there to be hurt again. So I joined the army to have something to devote my life, efforts and time to instead of a love and family. I still don’t feel like there is someone and I think I finally accepted it fully. There’s still that tiny spark that wants to keep burning. But idk. It gets smothered out quickly at the slightest sign of hesitation or reminder of past events. And even now when people I want to trust try to use me. It am numb to it. I don’t cry, inside I think I finally died
I used to want this. To become like this so it doesn’t hurt me anymore but somehow even tho I can’t feel much of anything anymore. It’s somehow worse.
I want it all to end. But I can’t do that to my family. So I use this time in the military to preoccupy my mind and try to do something good for others. I see others who are the same here. Who have become broken, I trust them more than these fresh faced people who are so happy and ask me why don’t I smile.
I appreciate your video. I know that there are but it’s nice to actually here from someone else with similar experiences in their life too.
I don’t plan on opening up to anyone again. It never ends well and it always ends
>Someone to fight through the harsh and cold waves of life and to see the sun rise on the other side.
That part really resonated with me. That's all I've ever wanted from a partner too and I still don't understand why it is so hard to get. Just someone who has your back when no-one else does - "you and me against the world". Surely everybody wants this, right? Anyway yeah, I'm 49 and have no interest in pursuing it any longer. It would be a waste of the rest of my life to do so. I'm content with other pursuits and passions now.
I honestly do hope you can at least find some peace, and ultimately the companionship I'm sure you deserve.
I think it’s a self-feeding cycle. We’re in a world full of selfish, uncaring people and our experiences turn us into selfish, uncaring people. Trying to break the cycle and acting selflessly can backfire because, well people may act selfish and take your charity for granted.
We want to be understood, yet we look at those who wronged us and refuse to relate to them out of fear that they’ll take unfair advantage of us again. Yet in doing so we reinforce their worldviews that nobody wants to relate to them. And in return we miss out on an opportunity to understand each other’s struggles.
The world sucks and people do shitty things to each other, but more often than not there is a reason why they act the way they do. So when we look at our own actions (or inaction) we may see that, just like the people who acted cold to us before, we now act the same. Maybe they’ve experienced similar unfortunate circumstances that also made them cold and selfish just like us.
the cause of human suffering and evil is a question we’ve wrestled with for thousands of years. All we know for sure is that it is universal and we aren’t unique in experiencing it. We all get used and abused at some point in our lives. I think it’s up to us to continue to be good and love others, and be the change we want to see.
@@billfox847the cause of human suffering and evil is patriarchy the fact that you men walk around thinking you are better is the cause of so much pain I don't think I ever want to be around men or interact with them they hate me for existing and are a danger to my wellbeing men have turned me to a cold hearted person am doing it out of necessity am not talking about men in relationships coz I don't date men am talking of men in society!!!!
I'm a straight man, so _rawr predator_ or w/e but I'm one such person that'd be interested in learning your story. There could be people out there that are sick and fuckin tired of shitty things happening and just want an open group to relate to. Like this video's entire comment section, including you.
You’ll always have attention an comfort since you’re a female . You’ll never understand what men experience. We’re bigger faster stronger and drastically held back in society while being held to such a high standard. You got life on tee ball with unlimited swings . We got life as a professional with 3 strikes your out
Pure Soul Production. This is the kind of video I was looking for for 15 years. Thank you for making this.
After having gotten to know a part of you through some of your videos, I am glad you exist, man. You make the world a better and wiser place, and I appreciate you.
I was cold for years. Met my wife back in 2013 and it’s been a 10 year process of warming up again. From time to time I comment to her about how different I am now to how I was when we first started dating and she agrees I’ve softened over the years. When I hear that, I get nervous. Idk if that’s normal or not but on one hand I’m glad I’m happier now than I was over ten years ago, but at the same time having my guard lowered this much obviously leaves me feeling like I’m gonna be caught with my pants down. Anyone else feel like that ever?
It doesnt change anything my friend.
Your guard can be up or down.
In the end you are still going to suffer for a reason or another.
So keep it simple.
enjoy the path you like more.
If you are happier now with your guard down, keep going.
That's a sign of trauma.
If you have the right partner, you'll have someone that has your back in the tough times. So you don't have anything to worry about.
Just know that whatever it is you're going through, bro. You will get through it.
Man, I see myself as an emotionless shell, I don't care about others or even myself, my friends stopped being nice to me for no real reason, just because I don't want to change with them. This video explains me too well. I almost cried from listening to the causes, because they are true, I have suffered heartbreak, loss of friends and pets. I stay cold hearted to get through it, I want to make my father proud of me because he is a cold hearted man who sacrificed it all just for my family.
Sounds like you need therapy. Take your meds.
I really had nobody growing up, I was outcasted/bullied in middle school though high school and never had anybody to talk except playing video games.Loneliness still messes me up sometimes but i smoke some weed and drink a little bit and it makes life a little better.
Once in a while you drop great videos, this was one of those. I understand that you cannot keep a yt channel running with these kind of content every day but it's great to see your maturing process just at the same time as me.
Some things you said i learned recently and really resonated, im just a 25yo man on my way through this cruel but beautiful life, learning stuff, I don't trust in my shadow anymore.
Great job on this one
Being cold hearted can actually make an individual become cold to someone that is actually trying to help them. Because of all the trauma and betrayal the person has suffered 😢