How to know that someone is settling for you
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 31 ธ.ค. 2024
- I did a video in which I talked about being someone's second choice and several people asked me how they would know and what to do about it. This is an askchazzellis video telling people how to know if they're a second choice and what to do about it.
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You are correct. In my marriage, I had to finally just say it wasn't working. and within 7 month divorce he met someone one and married her, our kids were very upset and I just knew the way he treated me I was never good enough and it took 17 years to figure it out. So yes, sir you are absolutely correct. and I now I'm working on me and I still believe in love and I know there is someone out there for me.
Vanessa martinez sorry you had to hold through that at least you realized if and got out of it. You live and learn. Good luck, it's ok.
Vanessa martinez MAY U AND UR KIDS BE BLESSED. ..
Vanessa martinez I'm with u on this one. All the way
Of all the crap that is on the internet about relationships, your channel is the BEST! It's so real and honest. This is kinda like I say to girls, "See where you are on the guy's totem pole, and if you like where you are, fine, but if not, get off and move on..." When guys like you, they will put you first on their totem pole. No pun intended... Keep it classy girls!!
Most of us think things will change when we get married. A lot of women (and men) fall in love with the potential they see in a person instead of falling in love with who the person really is.
Lisa Says Wow!
Truth!
Thissss💭💭
I want someone who I feel like I am his first choice and he is mine. I don't ever want to mistreat someone and make them my second choice or worst... I have had it done to me and it is not a good feeling at all. I just have to continue waiting until the right one comes along, no matter how long that may be...
You wan to get the right one but don't wait be proactive. I know you didn't sit at the crib and wait for a job to come alone cause you would be starving lol.
Yea, true lol. I am on a hiatus right now from dating. Sometimes, when you are too close to a project, you lose perspective. I am going to work on becoming the best me I can be and leave the rest to God :)
So True! I do get attention and I do date. Just haven't met very many real suitors. I thought I had one last year but no dice. Back to the drawing board I guess lol
Kisha B -- Great attitude. God has this.
Sometimes who you want as your first choice may not be the right choice for you.
F.A. H. that makes sense but until that is worked out, it's best to spare people of a broken heart. That second choice will know they are a second choice while you are working out your 1st choice preferences. I am just finally admitting to myself that I've allowed myself to be someone's second choice. He even told me I wasn't quite the type he usually goes after & he's trying to see if his second choice can become his 1st choice. But while he's figuring it out, he isn't giving his best while I am. He blames it all in work & such but I know how it is to be someone's first choice, even when they are busy. They make sure I know they care about me & everyone knows it. It really hurts when a person tries to work out their inner issues while in relationship to their second choice. 2nd choice person never feels valued. I'm finally getting off this train. I want to be a Ferrari to someone cause I know I give Ferrari companionship.
man,im hurt but I know I'm not his first choice. I initiate everything,i have to kinda beg for his attention. i do everything for him but I'm obviously not what he really wants. so,yea ima let him go. thanks Chazz
Great advice. Just went through this. Dated someone who was seeking perfection, though I really cared about him. He had 80% of what I was cool with, but had unrealistically high standards. I did what you mentioned, and even if he doesn't come back, it's refreshing to control how you get treated and set yourself free from people who won't appreciate you.
Chazz you crack me up I swear I burst out laughing about the "Ferrari" analogy Love it! Brilliant! 👏🏽👏🏽😉🤓🇬🇧
Ladies, don't "settle" just to have a man in your life. Chaz made excellent point in this video. I know someone whom fits the picture of a man thinking the grass is always greener elsewhere. He needs a reality check and get over himself. :) What a piece of work this guy is. I dodged a few bullets trust me. My intuition always knew he had somethings to hide and the worse part is he is a liar, and I told him so and more. The End.
Yeah.. its like the saying " Almost doesnt count". Really good topic Chazz. A while ago I almost setlled for a similar situation ( he wasnt over the ex) but I realized quickly that I would rather be on my own than try to play second best. The thing we women fail to understand in our haste to settle down is if you get caught in a situation like this there is a high risk you lose yourself! I know understand why sometimes you see folks who been either married or in a committed relationship just break up. You live and learn.. Thanks for the great breakdown Chazz!
Why am I not surprised! That's mainly women doing that settling mess. No man gone commit to a woman that's his 2nd choice yeah he will sleep with her til his number 1 is ready. That sad part is the number 2 is always the better choice cause they go out there way to make you happy why would people want to be with someone that don't want to commit and give there all. I got some reevaluating to do this video have help open my eyes I'm in this same situation.
***** Those men you are talking about that settle are the ones who look at a woman beauty instead of her attitude, qualities and what she can bring to the table. Those men are weak minded and like to show off their women like they do there money, house, and cars an eventually those women is gone suck them dry from all their money.
***** Exactly! I know guys who have done just what you said too! It never turns out in there favor either. I have found myself in past getting caught up as well dating her when she cheated on her husband an this man was a good catch took care of her and the kids, she didn't have to work. Not saying the husband didn't have his wrongs but damn she is regretting what she did and cant fully submit herself to any other man cause she still in love with him. My thing is if she was that in love with him why cheat in the first place. But im still learning woman and there ways. I learned a lot from her just dealing her. Btw thanks for the words lol I see I am going to have to step my standards even higher now and along with some background checks.
Akuma perhaps you are wrong about that woman. You never know what goes on behind close doors. And btw I love you with all my heart so reevaluate that my love
sherrie moore Trying to debate me in a 45 week old post. Can't change how I felt then or now. Let any woman tell it's always the man fault regardless if your good man or not.
+Shin Akumaforu babe we've come so far. I love you to the moon and back
Truth hurts, I used to think I was living really close to reality, but not anymore after watching this. Now, I finally know why the person, and why I, do the things that we do. The ones that loves themselves; and knows the true happiness they deserve will find this video helpful. Thank you.
too many people settle for fear of being alone. so they marry their 2,3,4th choice. cheat then divorce. endless cycle😒
So true. A lot of men won't admit to this, but men often have an ideal woman and they type of woman they are REALLY attracted too. The two often don't line up.
Chazz ellis. I love watching your videos hands down. You personally are helping me avoid a lot of traps that are out there as far as human behavior is concerned. I got 4 people watching your videos now
Chaz you're a genius, I've had a guy that was my 2nd choice and I didn't care too much about the relationship, you broke it down so well now I understand what was going on. Thanks much!!
Someone could be another person's 1st choice, get in that position and be demoted when they lose their looks, or a better model comes along. Another person could be someones 2nd choice and be elevated because of the way that person comes through for them. One thing I know for sure is people are changeable.
Chazz, you should totally audition for some TV roles lol. You would be such a great actor! :D You crack me up in every video. Funny, smart, and informative...thank you!
I'd bounce like a 64 chevy if I get the vibe I'm a second choice. I'm way too valuable for that shit.
It took me 12 years to learn this. I walked out and never looked back.
you make me look into my relationship and say I really need to get things straight because I believe am a second chance
I would be leery of making the mistake of letting someone back in after they decided to walk out because your still just an option (or at least don't make it so easy for them)
OMG! I am going through this right now. I have been friends with a guy for about 6 yrs now. In the beginning I had a huge crush on him, to him it was a turn off. He had no interest in me .I was 19 at the time. He went from saying we would never be together(which I respected) and even didn't talk to me for a few months back in 09. We always talked here and there, and he always expressed interest in other women. Which he was talking to someone else. In 2010 I finished college, and just decided to focus on myself. I never dated anyone just because I loved single life and needed to be focus. Flash forward to as of now (2014) that same guy wants me so bad. Calls me almost all the time. However, I am just skeptical because I wonder if he likes me for me (which I can tell he does) or if just because it never worked out with other girls he wants me.
You are so right, so wise ! You understand woman and men so well ! I'm a psychologist and you understand dynamic of relationship better than some of my colleage hihihi ! Thanks a lot :)
I love this video, watched it twice to understand the message better. Thank you so much for your hard work Chazz :)
What you said that they realized that they aren't going to find the perfect person is the truth.
Lol! Love your car analogy! So true!
if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with...so show the love!!!!
Oh wow. You so hit the nail on the head. Bumped into your videos and can't get enough! Doing lots of self talk. Can't be mad when things don't go my way. I now know where I went wrong and will work on doing better. Thank you soooooo much.:-)
I didn't need this advice but I clicked on it because it looked interesting, holy crap you are so right though. I love how logical you are and how you use common sense better than a lot of people can 😊😊
As a woman, this is 100 percent true. Just went through this situation with a person I know that baffled everyone around us when she suddenly got married to a guy who barely even speaks her native tongue. I had to laugh watching this because she was very adamant that she just needed to "become a wifey," after the guy she was madly in love with just would not commit to marriage yet. So yes, we women know exactly what you mean.
Wow! Thanks for making this video. I'll admit that I teared up watching this but it helped me identify why I feel like something isn't right or genuine about my relationship. I want to be with someone that feels the same way about me as I feel for them. The letting them go will be hard but we all deserve happiness. Thanks again for an insightful video.
you hit a home run....
What you said at 5:30 in this video was golden my Brotha. So true!
I really need to have a conversation with myself... And then with him....
wow so informative in a very humorous manner,My goodness, you are so gifted !!!
Sometimes some people never learn
GREAT WORDS OF WISDOM!!!!
I actually think my daughter's father (his only girl) was like that. I was so good to him and nice, but I believe he liked loud, trashy, ignorant women who like drama. Women who accuses him of other women and call them B's. Even other men say that she is loud and ignorant. Even his boys says that when they visit him, he looks depressed all the time. He loved accusing me of other men I guess so I could fuss with him about it. Long story short, I came out of that fantasy of marrying my daughter's dad and moved on. Now, he's with a girl and her three children whom he tells people that he's tired of her and those bad, unraised kids!! She doesn't cook for him. She don't cook on holidays. She's not lady like at all. She doesn't ever fix up. They got to fighting several weeks ago and all her kids jumped on him b/c she didn't want him telling her kids what to do. I look back and say, Thank you God for giving me some sense to go on with my life and stop being his fool.
The good lord has a better plan for you than what you have for yourself. Some people don't know what's good for them. Your second choice may be your ideal choice but some are too immature to realize it then they chase that person away and deal with a jerk then realize what they lost. Then they will look for the person they lost in another person.
I am with my first choice but watching this I now feel I'm not tho chazz I bless the day I found your channel bc everyone pretty much has made me see he is just using me and just settling for me. I now know I need to get this boots walking some distance and get out bc it's not just feeling used or cheated on but he fights me he hurts me pretty bad sometimes.
I am all he has but nothing is worth this I'm going to end up dead one of these days xx
Savannah Proctor that's very sweet of you to say. I appreciate that more then you know. Totally adore your name tho always like savannah ever since I heard it if I had a girl I'd call her angel savannah as I think the two just sound pretty. I hope you have all you dream of too as you seem a genuine caring person xx
I will thank you so much hope your family are ok tho it's not nice. You the sweetest girl I've met I don't get on with girls much but you're one of the few I think I could chill with and just have a laugh x
I REALLY ENJOYED THIS VIDEO once again I have learned and I am happy CHAZZ PLEASE PLEASE KEEP Your videos coming I believe you have a gift that is blessing us all
great another piece to my puzzle I thought I was as second choice and I kinda always felt that he was looking for better but in thinking
( HE WAS MY SECOND CHOICE) I WAS ONE OF THOSE GIRLS THAT JUST WANTED TO BE MARRIED MARRIED MARRIED SO BAD I told him if it did not happen in a year I was out I kept telling him this any way we are on a stand off I REALLY LOVE HIM SO MUCH BUT HIS ATTITUDE GOT REALLY FUNKY like you said as if he was doing me a favor but I was acting THIRSTY AS ALL HECK
THIS YEAR( I AM GOOD) RESPECTING MY SELF and actually the last few calls that I got from him we both were more respectable to each other (I am a dinosaur coming back in the game ) but I have learned so much about men and women and how different we are I LOVE THE THOUGHT OF PEOPLE LOVING EACH OTHER AND SAYING TOGETHER t6hank you so much
"Dang we've been together four days, Whats Up?" Hahahhahaha You make me laugh!
ok.. you know what.. you are helping my boyfriend a lot somehow haha.. every video i watch makes me think.. ok.. he's a good guy i just didn't get how he shows me that he cares yet and now i do :) thanks.
Great info, I hope I never settle nor that I'm settled for. The advice on what to do though is so smart. Good stuff!
Im in tears laughing. I had someone tell me you are in love with somebody else. WOW!!!!!
Great video, valuable information. Love it
what you're saying is VERY true & i'm sure it's very difficult for some folks to digest LOL!!!😁 STRAIGHT NO CHASER
5 years, he put a ring on it after 2, never wanted to talk about the actual marriage tho, he flat out told me he was just settling for me. I found out there was another female he was sleeping with the first year of our relationship. She was his 1st choice but she had another man and he couldn't compete..smh!
This is among your best. This helped me a lot to know who to be with and who to let go.
Man, youre so cool. Thanks for keeping it real, i wish there were more men out there like you! You have made me realize that ive only ever been a second choice! And i dont get it because i feel like im first choice material...well, i did, until my confidence has been shot by x amount of failed relationships now!
The pregnancy factor is a big one. Thank you for telling this truth.
Wooooowww, so glad I found this channel.!
True story. An old ex told me he'd marry me n we were only together 3 months. I left him bc of his ex. He got with her n took 6 years to marry her. He still runs around asking about me. She initiated the entire relationship even while he was with me. Now she's miserable bc when you initiate the men make no effort before n after marriage.
When he doesn't want you to know his past mistakes in his marriage that led to a nasty divorce.
you've got a real talent! Thanks again for the useful info.
+askchazzellis Thank you for this video, the analogy of the Ferrari and that beat up van was an excellent one and I've subbed. Like many of us on here I've been somebody's second choice who I cared for deeply but made me feel like every (tiny) imperfection was a huge deal. I've finally walked away and I feel better for it because I could never please him and frankly he isn't worth any more tears. To the right person you will be their Ferrari :)
So true! I had to let someone go for that very same reason and I am in a much better place because of it.
I couldn't be anybody's 2nd choice. Fuck that. I'm not desperate.
Beautiful message! thanks for the tips
Wow! You put so many things into perspective for me. Thank you.
Wow this is so amazingly accurate
I almost married a couple of time just so I could say "IzzzMarriedNow!
Excellent advice; hurtful but very true. Well done.
This was VERY insightful! lol I love this!!
90,000 to 900.00 I am in tears aaaaaaaha!!! Great channel!!! Much appreciation 😂😀
Great video chazz! I always keep that ferrari mentality...inside and out!
The used car analogy was absolutely perfect.
OMg I love your videos keep up the great work 😊 aaaand you are halirious!! 😭😂
Wow! You did good. VERY on point♡
You made me laugh so much. Great video :)
I mean, I want the ring of course. But I also cook clean take care of our daughter, make my own money and try to spend as much time with my man as possible making shit work. But of course I want the ring I wanna know that I got his commitment like he got mine. And I dont personally think anything wrong with that. Its not about other people cause I'm cool with a small court house wedding just me him and our daughter.
he could be broke I wouldn't Care I just want a guy who wants me as much as I want him xx
You can feel it.
Thanks for the advice
I kinda think that I'm the 2nd choice. And i felt that it was kinda ok until I heard your example about the Ferrari and the beat-up ol' van. The Ferrari is worth $9,000 and the old van is $900. I don't want to feel like i'm just worth $900!!!! I feel bad now but thank you for keeping it hunnit(100) : )
what if you are actually worth $900? not everyone is a ferrari no matter how much they may want to feel that way
I love your example! So true!
Whohoo I love to see men watching these videos. Good video. Keeping it Real.
I may be guilty. I'm in love w/ my 1st choice but my 2 nd choice will do if my 1st doesn't work out. Can't keep all your eggs in 1 basket. Guys do it y can't we.
hell yeah
It's tough being the second choice:( he's the father of my son and I love him but I won't be with him because he treats me like the old van and thinks I don't know
u crack me up everytime,...love your vids!!!
you're gorgeous and funny!! thanks for these, super entertaining.
I love your videos because they make a like of sense....keep em coming...lol
great topic, please keep them coming
Thank you, I will
Everything you said in your video is so true. I have dated guys that have made me feel like i was second best and i have treated guys like they were second best. The last relationship i was in THE GUY WAS ALWAYS DOING JUST ENOUGH TO KEEP ME AROUND, that's why when i was in that relationship i never worked, always had my hand out AND ANY TIME HE DIDN'T WANNA DO WHAT THE HELL I SAID I BAILED ON HIS ASS. You are right, eventually you're gonna have to break up cause you're gonna get tired of dude being a jerk to you just cause he thinks he can.
this is sum good stuff I love it
Well thank you for answering them ☺
I don't know my 1st choice is now my last choice (no longer want him at all) and my 2nd choice became my 1st choice ( don't think I could live with out him). Sometimes 2nd choices can become first choices especially after sometime has passed and you realize how much you saved your self from if you would have got your first choice. I played my cards right thou and I knew I was marrying a man that loved me more but also I took it as a Privilege and I promised to always be good and faithful to him. Turns out I love him more then anything or anyone I ever met. I feel super blessed I believe I'm his first choice so being treated like a Ferrari is also nice.
😁😎👋💝
I live to rub it in Mr. 1st choices face lol. Aka was 1st choice ha ha...
This make so much sense!
there's a fine line between stuck/stagnant.... and being the bigger person and treating the person (PERSON) you're with like a friend first, you're zombie apocalyptic fighting partner.
>Hello. Tijuana/Romany showed us your story, being homeless living in a car, and i have the eyes of an eagle to see whose a good person and whose isnt, i know you are a noble man. I know you didnt do any wrong or harm to others to find your way but i cant understand how did you find your path, how to rise from the mud and do something out of your life, im not in a hard situation as you were but im stuck in so many ways and i cant get up. Besides i'm in a place without opportunities and sometimes advice seems so clear but so abstract at the same time. Thank you for your attention, i hope im not bothering you, and thanks anyway.
you aint never lie about being treated as second choice
Soo true I've always told my guy this, that I'm someone he doesn't want, and everyone thinks I'm insane
How can you tell if you're someone's first or second choice if you're not yet in a relationship?
Right here, that's me...7 yrs of that bullshit...I just found out a few days ago...I can't believe I didn't see the signs. Wish I would have seen this a long time ago.
You're so right.
Wow, @9:04 that's EXACTLY how I was being treated. Just found your video and its two years old, smh Thank you @askchazzellis I am subscribed :)
Great Video 👌👌
Two words come to my mind. Losers and Users
He has a lot of stuff at my house!
Sometimes I think that's how he keeps a foot in the door of my life whenever he feels like coming back around!
He has his own house and I have mine. I have a lot of garage space! He has 2 cars over here plus an engine for one of them that he plans on rebuilding!
He disappears and comes back over and over again. I'm tired of it. He's wasting my time.
tcshy1903 Do yourself a favor and dump the jerk. Make a clean break. You can ALWAYS do better. Blessings.
+tcshy1903 So did you leave?
tcshy1903 he is not doing anything that you are accepting.
Very insightful