The rates of sex and marriage -- especially among young adults -- have fallen to historically unprecedented lows and show no signs of stopping. Why is this happening? My theory is that most people don't really want relationships. Rather: they want what relationships can get them. And if they can get those things more easily, more cheaply, and more safely in other places than relationships, they will do so. In this episode, I make a case that this is precisely what men and women are doing, albeit in different ways. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: th-cam.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/w-d-xo.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: th-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #relationship #psychology #dating
Women still don't understand the biggest problem with sexualising yourself and/or doing Onlyfans. It destroys the vast majority of opportunities they will have for future relationships. Men will want them for sex, not for relationships and in particular, the men THEY want (High value) will never be interested in them. They trade short term money for any chance of relationship happiness.
I’m 52 and most of the 20 and 30 something year olds I know are experimenting with poly relationships. Eventually most realize the pitfalls and or the women want to have children and things get real.
I think your theory is correct. It is a generalisation, of course, as all psychosocial realities are. But certainly your theory explains much of the decline in marital relationships between men and women.
They don’t want to be adults except to indulge in the additional personal freedoms that we previously granted people at 21 because those same people picked up the heavy burdens of starting the 15-20 years long process to become the tribe elders. Relationships are just one of many adult things that many people in this group do not want to start for another five or six years. Though I think the smartest and most capable members of their cohort jumped into adulting at 21 and get what is likely an insurmountable lead on their former peers, I agree it is a waste of time to worry why many people are not stretching for the race when they prefer to party in the stands.
You summed-up in 9 minutes what all the talk shows, relationship channels and the government can’t figure out. There’s nothing of value for either party in relationships anymore. We are truly a broken society.
There's plenty of value in them, just not here. The Western setup - i.e. women who think they're independent but really aren't, and survive thanks to a system built and maintained by men, and largely work in government or government-regulated fields e.g. education and healthcare + anti-male marriage laws - is not beneficial to men.
Bullshit, maybe if women offered something more “in a relationship” instead of being a net suck on so much from one man, in exchange just for what she was born with for free?? Most *single* women are single because they are SELFISH
Absolutely spot on. I'd also add that instead of wanting a relationship, too many people nowadays just want their own personal validation provider.. They want all of the perks of having partner without any of the sacrifice, compromise, self-improvement, and understanding the other person's needs. Not enough people truly know how to GIVE anymore, it's all "me, me, me"
Correct, and these days women aren’t interested in working on their relationships because social media has made men so abundant and easily replaceable. Taylor the Fiend tells a story about how a phone dropped by one reasonably attractive girl, age 21 with an SMV of about a 7 and not by any means a supermodel, had about 1,800 unread direct messages from different men. Why should girls work on sacrifice, compromise and understanding when they can ditch that man and get a new one in a matter of hours?
All 3 of these comments describe my experiences dating but Post-social media. Before social media become popular, I had much better dating experiences, including the few women I did meet online (the early days of online dating)
@@mrredactedthey definitely have more choices but it’s hard to find a genuine alpha man who is loyal, likable and a mentally stable. They usually realize too late that they can’t find another guy like that easily and that’s usually when they come crawling back.
Once upon a time I dreamt of love, companionship, just really sharing a deep connection with that special someone...I totally gave up because of stupid mind games, hookup culture and insincerity....being single is so much more peaceful
Yes, well observed. Too many including this channels host are hyper focused on one aspect of how are society has changed. People are terrible at relationships with everyone now. There are too many factors that have led us to our current destination to have fools try and reduce it to some BS pseudo science junk is sad.
Exactly 💯% spot on Its sad people don't even want genuine friendship my 3 sisters n a cousin have became my best friends because all of us are going through the same things so it's brought us closer
Friendships are similarly costly and risky because people are psychologically damaged and untrustworthy. Groups of women often use scapegoating and reputational damage as a matter of course - and women set the cultural and political tone these days. There is always a psychopath loose among the sheep. And people easily unfriend and unperson their so-called friends for the meager reasons. So pretty costly and risky to invest much in friendships.
Yes , yes, thank you. " There's nothing for me here " The only thing most modern women bring to the table are a long list of their issues and problems and a list of their demands ( must be 6 foot , 6 inches, 6 figures). I think I will put the money I save from not dating and use it for a trip to Europe;)
I'm a loner and I love being single. From what I've seen and experienced, the majority of Men and Women seem to be good at betraying and deceiving each other. I'd rather be alone then go through that.
Yeah I’m experiencing that right now. I’m with a man who deceives and lies constantly and I’ve had it, I want out. I’m giving everything to be with this guy and if I pull back and give what he does, he just disappears. I want out of it now. I keep praying for a God-fearing man but it doesnt happen because there aren’t many men who lead a life of faith. I’m ready to just throw in the towel and enjoy the quietness of being single and just serving the Lord.
@kathleenhutchings3854 I'm in a group of men at my church in pittsburgh who virtually all of us are god-fearing men who want to build a family. Unfortunately most of us are in the same situation, theres a vanishingly small number of people in the world who want a good, loving relationship. We just have to keep looking, and keep improving ourselves. Someday it has to happen
@@MrFeelsGo0d-YT I wouldn't even be opposed to it. I'm just not dating anyone religious😂 You go to church?? No thanks, I got enough of that growing up lol
@@trueblue4537 I feel blank I don't have genuine reason or excuse to not be in relationship.I just don't feel to be in relationship.I still feel attraction towards opposite gender but it is my hormones making them like and then I don't desire to be coupled with them.
Me too. BUT I think this only works after you have already been in a relationship. There are men in their 30s that have never been in one and can't understand why some men prefer to be alone.
Relationships are hard work in most cases. It takes both parties giving it 100%, but oftentimes one party is giving more than the other-and not the same one every time. The unrelenting drama can be debilitating.
A relationship is best when both people believe they are getting the better deal, whether jobs, friends, married, etc. if they are hard work you are in the wrong relationship because you are not naturally doing things that provide value to the other person (and vice versa).
@@dasfx2895It's not that most don't wanna work for it. It's that most don't see the point in pursuing something where the risks are the same or higher than the reward. Especially when that reward can be gotten or simulated in a safer and easier way. Why would I go drive for an hour or hour and a half, wasting gas and risking my life a bit to get 2 or 3 items when I can just go on Amazon and have it delivered tomorrow?
When I was young, high School, University, all my male friends wanted a long term relationship. It's both shocking and not shocking that relationships are now not a primary goal. Shocking that this pretty much is the death knell of Western Civilization and not shocking that it's such a hazard financially, emotionally, and legally for a man to be in a long term relationship, not just a marriage, they would be insane to pursue such a thing.
Problem is that most people are toxic especially with age. It should be opposite gaining experience and not repeating the same mistakes. But reality is that with bad experiences comes the frustration and building the wall up. Which makes us defensive and therefore toxic.
@@reekinronald6776if I had a son I would tell him, keep your relationships short, civil, and have a well planned exit strategy from the relationships. Is during the break up people tent to act the craziest.
@@chuckiegravesfield3170 It can be with both genders naturally. My experiences are with women mostly since I'm male heterosexual. But also have experiences with male family members.
social media is designed around this fact: women make up 80% of the consumer base in this country (75% of the personal debt). social media is pushed to women to generate business... to get women to buy! that's why there are sooo many ads on social media platforms and it's also why if you (man or woman) say ANYTHING critical of women, you're banned on most platforms. iow, women HAVE TO REMAIN in a positive environment online. a negative or critical environment, where women face life's realities, where female nature is on full display, etc., will run women away... and the $$$ will go with them. FB, IG, and dating apps have always been about $$$... nothing more, nothing less.
I would be careful about misinterpreting his use of the word "trap." I don't think he's implying that the "simulated" transaction is inherently less valuable, since the overall value of a thing is a calculation based on both reward and RISK. When he says it's "enough", I don't think he means it's "less". He means it's sufficient to render the reduction in risk to be an overall better transaction.
Finally someone that is talking truths!! I wish he would stop talking about all women as we are all after money. 😂😂🤦♀️🤦♀️. These TH-camrs are hillaious and they make people miserable because they’re too narcissistic to see that society needs healed not people breaking them even further down and how are men going to have a good perspective and outlook on life or how are they supposed to even grow with content like this?
@@SandraT269 what’s the trauma that you faced? I tell you mine I faced 3rd world poverty and saw at a young age that humans can be cruel just to save their own skin. Days and nights without food I was only 8 and no adult would help me. I don’t blame them they were stuck in the same situation I was.
I don't watch porn and do not consider myself MGTOW or 'pilled' or whatever other trend. I am just tired of all these games people play in dating and relationships. I offer my 6Fs (fit, friendly, financially stable, faithful, fertile, family-oriented) and expect the same in return. Take it or leave it.
Assuming you are male, maybe she will take it for now. You get married, buy her a house, and have kids, and then she takes it all in divorce. OF and PHub and other online offerings have now over taken real life. Sad but true.
Those are good qualities if the woman likes you for who you are. They generally dont fall in love because a guy is loyal. Women want everything, but they dont fall specifically because you are loyal or family-oriented. A sad truth hard to swallow
As a 53 y/o recently divorced man after 30 years, things have changed a lot. I’m a professor of Microbiology and appreciate the analyses. Thank you for shining a light on things today
I felt that way since middle school, but to be fair I think I have a little autism and was never super interested in relationships in general with other people for a good portion of my life
Online is over taking real life. Hence Amazon (rather than stores), Google (rather than libraries), OF (rather than divorce), work from home (rather than offices). Kids who have seen their moms struggle as single moms and/or dad getting financially destroyed in divorce/ child support/ custody, are growing up and opting out of this BS.
I've been in relationships throughout my 20's and into my early 40's. I looked back at how my happiest and most productive years were when I was single. The longer I stayed single, the happier I was. Now I'm 55 and my mortgage is paid off, I run my own successful business, I'm healthy and fit and life is very good. I credit that to staying single and avoiding the stress of living up to someone else's expectations of me while being in a relationship that I get absolutely nothing out of. Life is only as good as your life choices.
I mostly echo this. Looking back I definitely had high points being single and being in various romantic relationships. It's a mixed bag. HOWEVER, I can say some of my worst moments were caused by romantic partners too. The overall takeaways is probably most of the time the juice (investment of time, money, emotions, risks) are rarely worth the squeeze. I overall prefer being in a great relationship but because those are so rare, in close 2nd is being single and that's fine with me. Past that, the worst is being in a bad or terrible relationship which are most of them by far. Stats prove this point.
"It would never leave him, and it would never hurt him, never shout at him, or get drunk and hit him, or say it was too busy to spend time with him. It would always be there. In an insane world, it was the sanest choice." Sarah Connor
AI girlfriends will soon offer men this. AI boyfriends for women will not work since they dont provide women with money, a servant, or someone to protect her and make her feeeeeel safe. Men dont need that stuff!
Exactly, sex is not about getting my jollies in return for paying her groceries it was about a deeper connection with someone I love , that's what made the sex so good, sadly she's passed away so I've been single ever since.
@@user-9pyk-uktcv Relationships actually ARE transactional. And this doesn’t have to be regarded in a negative aspect. No matter what it the context of the relationship is; platonic, romantic, sexual, or business, without an exchange of even simply the care, desire/willingness to connect, their wouldn’t be a relationship. A conversation is made because people exchange words and perspectives. A romantic relationship is made because people are attracted to one another and in that exchange of attraction, they exchange being attracted to someone with feeling attracted by the other!! Through this exchange of attraction, a bond of togetherness develops, and so does the willingness to have and hold strong feelings for each other. We both get to feel loved in exchange for loving each other. You get to feel loved for loving me, and I get to feel loved for loving you. And love is most measured by how we treat each other through our actions. To treat someone well is to act in their best interests and increase the likelihood of them to act in your best interests which increases the likelihood of a positive and healthy relationship. Relationships thrive or simply fail due to one way or another the TRANSACTIONS (actions/treatment) either reflecting a good measure of you acting in alignment with my best interests and me acting in alignment with yours best interests and ultimately both of our needs and desires are being satiated.
Romance isn’t real. It was invented by poor men in the 18th century in France as a strategy to acquire the attention of women. It hasn’t ever really worked. Women always go where the most resources are available.
Everyone's bemoaning this state of affairs as if relationships always used to be great and we're just too lazy to bother these days. I remember seeing my grandparents relationship and finding it depressing even as a small child. My parents spent a lot of time shouting at each other, even though we had some good times too, but in the end my dad left for someone else and has had a completely miserable relationship for the last 30 years. My own limited experience has been extremely lacklustre. People are doing what's rational, the same people that maintained what I'm sure were often very unhealthy relationships in the past would act precisely the same as the people rejecting relationships today given the same circumstances. People are just people. If people are rejecting relationships it's very likely because in fact most relationships suck and it's a good thing there are less of them.
Someone who speaks truth. People mostly hate one another and stayed together in the past because they had to. Good relationships have always been rare but today's fools like to pretend there was some golden era, there never was. If we want a better world there has to be better people full stop.
Yeah, no. Healthy children require stable families. This entire "umm actually relationships were also bad" is cringe nihilism. When birth rates in developed nations are looking like our entire species is headed for extinction after first ballooning to billions then clearly something has changed rather recently.
"Take my wife... please, take her." That was 50 years ago. 100 years ago, women's role was so different in a relationship it bears absolutely zero resemblance to today's "fulfill me completely daddy" passenger princess fantasy. Women provided value in relationships, and men provided survival. Both sexes were more valuable to each other then, and yet both expected less. The Hollywood "best friend and lover" standard raised people's expectations to insane places. In the early 1900's, men and women were happy just to survive and have a few kids. So relationships DIDN'T suck as much as now, but only because we didn't expect too much of them. In other words, they also kind of did suck, but only because today's standards are a terrible way to judge them
@@tomryan9827 very well put. I concur completely. We just don't really need each other any more, technology does most of the work, so there's less room for satisfaction or gratitude, and yet we expect more than ever. Gotta keep reminding myself that now I find myself drawn back to my simping ways with a particularly hot chick I've got dominating my mind.
You will never convince me that porn is the reason men are less willing to pursue relationships. Men have seen what women have to offer in the modern days and it is severely lacking and not worth the effort that is demanded of them.
Spot on, porn isnt the cause its the symptom. Most modern women want a man at the finish line and anything less deserves her scorn and abandonment when a better deal walks in her life. Its sad because loyalty and provisions from men is earned not GIVEN. Women need to earn this by being with a man when he is of lower value, otherwise if the man can become a higher value man in his 30s hes far to cynical to even try let alone give them loyalty and provisions. Ive seen this in myself, women in my early 20s cheated for the better deal monkey branched to a new guy with something better than i. So what did i do i decided to cut off dating and gained a high paying career with stable growth. Now that i am in my early 30s I have less desire to deal with womens bullshit and i am less willing to give them time and attention.
I agree with you. I think one clear effect corn has on men is that it makes men more distrusting of women. Now that so many women are willing to do that on screen, men are worried if their partner has done that in the past, whether she's promiscuous of not, whether she's capable of being loyal.
Men are being Divorce Raped in the family courts. Social media is educating young men on this. MGTOW and Red Pill web sites are encouraging men to avoid relationships with women. Men are learning to focus on themselves and women are panicking.
This is a good video especially when you talk about how men are afraid of the risk. I hope women understand that if a man is hesitant in investing financially into a woman (whether it's paying for dates, dinners, marriage, etc.), it's not necessarily because he's cheap or stingy but because of the financial risk that's involved. In an alternate universe where I am offered an absolute guarantee that the love of my life will stay with me forever but this guarantee costs me more than half my net worth, I will take this offer without hesitation and without skipping a beat . But since in our reality, the risk is too high, which forces me to be more prudent with my finances, I am accused of being cheap and stingy by women. I also hope women understand that if they want men to spend money on them then they need to find ways to make a man feel secure about his finances and this could mean making the man feel like you're not a leech.
It's only true to an extent, for certain people and at certain times. Otherwise its excessively reductive and mechanistic. Ultimately, humans seek holistic intimacy, mutual support and family building. If you have difficulty finding good women within your social environment, you might try looking outside of it to more-Conservative groups at home or abroad.
Wow. You made me figure out the true nature of my parents’ marriage. On the other side you nailed it when you say: “no one really wants a job. They want a job because of what a job can give them, namely money. They don’t really want the job, they want the money”. In some romance languages like French and Spanish the word to designate a job has its etymology on the latin word “tripalium”, an instrument of torture the Romans used with slaves. There’s no more to be said.
In Hellenic, the term Job is "Δουλειά" which is literally the SAME EXACT word for slavery with the tone in the previous syllable ("Δουλεία"). Like you said, no need for more words...
@@godnyx117 Thanks a lot! I didn't know that - my Greek is limited to ancient philosophical concepts due to my studies - and I love classical etymologies.
@@eladbari most people who talk about it come from a place of assigning blame to specific groups, like "there aren't enough real men" or "most women are gold diggers".
This is a very long way to say what I determined a long time ago. Currently, men and women don’t NEED each other. They may want each other sometimes, but without need, it does not seem to work.
Not only is there not the NEED there used to be (male breadwinner needs female housekeeper - the now seemingly archaic gender roles, at least in Western culture), but there is also now not the societal pressure/coersion for marriage or even just being in a relationship that there used to be. No need and no pressure. Well, a bit of pressure, perhaps, in working class circles, which still breed like rabbits but thats a different subject. Sorry to bring class into it, anyone who is working class.
We still do need each other, and we always will. There is an inherent and irreplaceable value in organic human connection and it’s fulfilling in a way that these new technological imitations can’t replicate. It’s like taking a placebo instead of the real medicine or eating junk food instead of your fruits and veg - it might feel better than the real thing in the short run but make no mistake, it will kill you.
That's too broad of a generalisation. If you look within the correct milieu you will find men and women who still value traditional family and relationships. You need to seek out Conservative individuals who are more likely to place a higher value on traditional relationships than their more "liberal" counterparts. You could even look abroad.
I just want love, man. I don't need sex or a meaningless relationship status to be happy, I never have. Even after all this time I've avoided both, because emotional closeness and genuine love is all I really need from a woman, and after all this time I still haven't found what I'm looking for. You can call it high standards, but if I honestly can remain happy throughout my life without it, as I have been so far, why settle?
I'd look towards finding a partner you can trust, rely on and who is a genuinely good natured person and then learning to love her, rather than looking for something magical that may never come around. Ultimately we have a finite amount of time to reproduce and if we spend too much time looking for an ideal instead of something almost as good we may find we have missed an opportunity for happiness and fulfilment. Don't make the good the enemy of the perfect. Look for good, humble, trustworthy women.
Focus on verifiable actionables - care, reciprocate, be responsible and not hurt, with basics of trust and loyalty = and if both are normal people and not a fraudster or one with an agenda, they will settle into each other and "grow to love each other". Do not focus solely on emotional "i love you" which is easy to throw around, requires no effort, is always indirect and verifiable only by "entering your heart or mind". Do not buy into what romantic literature or movies try to sell
Women don't love men they love children. You are better off trying to find the type of love your talking about from male friends, men love that way and women don't unless its there child.
I can do without sex. I just want to find someone who will stick around in my life this time. I just can't stand the process of meeting new girls, getting to know each other, sometimes falling in love, and then poof, they are gone again. I want someone to hug and to get the inside jokes and to be able to rely on.
I really believe social media had nothing to do with it. All it did was show people’s true colors and nature and made people more comfortable with things they always been wanting to do.
@michaelhowington4205the essence of being a human is slowly being lost bit by bit just because of technological advancements. Techonology doesnt encourage us to go outside our comfort zone which inherently leads to such cases being a thing these days. Birth rates are already the lowest they've ever been, so such news only make the situation worse. There are so many factors that have led to lower birth rates and this one is a big one
@michaelhowington4205 because humans have existed for millions of years, onlyfans and facebook have only been around for a brief moment in comparison. To think humans can change biological drives due to a glowing screen pressed on their faces is delusional at best
The world is changing at a much faster rate than the human mind / body can fathom. It's an important skill to learn to reflect on the changes happening and their consequences, and make deliberate adjustments in lifestyle to ensure sustainability.
The government in tandem with leading feminists and schools havw spent decades convincing young women that they can only find meaning in careers. Serving corporations, paying taxes to the government and becoming good little consumers. All this with additional, distinctly anti-male messaging. Should women only focus on being wives/mothers? Of course not, but convincing them that a meaningful life only comes from a career is a terrible, terrible lie. Careers are rarely meaningful, and employees are easily replaced. I've seen people pour 30+ years into organizations, not have families, not take vacations, etc. They retire, are replaced within a week and never mentioned again, haha. Such a rewarding, meaningful life...creating wealth and trading labor to people who could care less about you.
Relationships aren't really for men or women, they're for children. And since children are disproportionately burdensome on women, women have typically sought to secure a man's resources (time, attention, energy, money). So as more women have jumped on the childfree train, delayed motherhood, or prepared for the chance of single motherhood, fewer have relied on hetero relationships to secure those resources.
This thought process makes sense but at the same time is very toxic for society. Humans by nature are not meant to be without a partner. We can see this in the skyrocketing depression rates and suicide rates. Overall I don't think that people want to be alone. I also think that women would prefer not to work and prefer to be cared for and provided for. Yes, people don't need each other now, but as people stay apart in their late 20s and 30s they realize solitude is not ideal.
Interesting We all notice how women replace kids with endless pillows, hollow trends, cats and so on ha ha. But it maybe that they also deal with men in the sane way because of that.
As far as being child free is concerned, women are at liberty to do whatever they want in my view. As soon as they have a child however, they should be held to a higher standard. The indirect misuse of men to pay the tax burden of single motherhood is scandalous. And the denial of a full time father figure to a child is an outrage. Frankly it's abuse.
@@sammyb1651 indeed. Great post. Even a good chunk of women agree with this. Yet laws and "family courts" continue the downfall of our civilization. They have made it stupid for men to marry and have families. WTH. What can be done to change this?
I think this depends on what stage you are it in your life. As a divorced man in my 50’s with 2 adult children, I value connection, partnership and intimacy more than just sex itself. I think women who are in a similar life stage probably feel the same.
Yep that’s true, I’m about to turn 50, divorced coparenting a 15 year old son..he gets to see his dad and I have a great time as friends who love him. I think that’ll help him. As for me I’m an environmentalist so this talk of resource extraction sounds like the fractional reserve system we live in (why I live in the jungles of Maui) 🥴
@@SarcasticSplendor How does a child raise itself if the family it is born into is illprepared, stressed, immature, and defended against their own pain so that they are desensitized to the child’s experience when required? I am not referring to any horrific situation, which would eventually end up on the news, just people who are compromised and struggle to respond naturally to their child’s needs. It is not about evil, or bad people, and they don’t necessarily need to be poor either. EDIT: I just remembered a young female mother, I was aware of in the French part of Switzerland, who spent quite a bit of time going out on social evenings, due to depression, and her child would stand up in his crib with his arms open towards her when she would leave, and indicate that he wanted to be close to her. She did have a babysitter to physically care for the child, but she would still leave, and he would be lonely for her love and attention. This compromised his growing up years but it was not abusive, nor traumatizing as we would normally think.
💯 agree, it depends on the stage ur at in life. I’m 37 & find that I’m more compatible with men in their 50’s. They usually been there done that & now at a more mature stage in life, where they value the women as a whole (& not just sex).
You hit the nail on the head when you talked about jobs--that is exactly what is happening right now in the workplace. People are finding alternate ways of making money. And you are right about most people not really wanting relationships--because they can get what they want in other ways. This creates a BIG problem for those of us who do want relationships and marriage, one that is not being addressed. I hear all the time about how marriage is good for you and that it is the path to success, but not one word about how to go about finding that quality person who has the character and values to make a good spouse, when said persons are in very short supply. So those of us who do believe in marriage and are looking for a partner who feels the same way are in a sense being set up for failure. If people aren't interested in relationships, you can't wave a magic wand and make them interested. And the ones who do want relationships may have to learn to do without--or change their values. Just like in the workforce--if nobody is interested in doing a particular job, it just doesn't get done and society will have to learn to do with less or do without entirely.
Yup, there’s no reason to do anything, really. If we can’t even simply meet/talk to/date anyone (decent) from the opposite gender, what’s the point of anything?! I’m moving to another country to find someone I can rely on for a long term relationship - that is absolutely pathetic.. but it’s my last resort unfortunately.
I like my job, I get to feel productive and competent, I push myself to learn new things, I'm challenged and feel useful. His advice is really bad, being lazy will lead you to being depressed.
I don't believe that unless for some very stubborn and stupid people who are probably afraid, there are people who don't want a relationship. And I don't believe that people are in short supply. It's just that there is less socialization so we think that there are fewer people, but if anything, there are 7 billion people around the world. There are millions in your country and thousands in your city. Even if you don't want to go and meet people outside your city, you have a lot of people to meet. The problem for most of us (including myself) is becoming social and learning how to talk to stranger. Once you learn how to talk with strangers and how to try to ask people out, you'll be able to always have friends/partners.
@@bu5761 It's not pathetic, it's stupid! The "grass is not greener in the other side" is one of the truest and important proverbs out there! Even if you find it, it isn't anything you wouldn't have found in your country.
I'm Buddhist and so a central part of my thinking is acceptance of impermanence. When we realize that all relationships have a start and end, we move through life much more gracefully. And we are less anxious about forming or leaving relationships. I'm divorced and remarried. Who knows what the future holds, I love my spouse but I realize that anything can happen tomorrow. So I enjoy my life, and my relationships, in the present.
Spot on. For me the resources I have to expend on just trying to get into a relationship are prohibitive. I have been single for three and a half years and I simply don't want the hassle anymore.
Getting into the relationship is the easy bit. Maintaining the relationship over a 5, 10, 15 year period is the difficult bit. As Orion says, online is beginning to overtake "in real life" as the easier/stress-free/happier option.
@@bu5761 finding a women in another country is very popular, I know several men that I work with, guys with very good careers and incomes doing it. I have seen men's channels on TH-cam advocating it. It is one area where the balance of power is in the man's favor. Ameican males earn more, are taller, and are higher status than other men in most of the world. Go south of the boarder, most of Latin America, most Asian counties,just think out of the box.
@@tomgrove7212 yes sir. Been planning for a couple years, intending on moving before the end of the year. One of my rental properties on the market now, the others I’ll keep as passive income. Can’t wait to get the hell out of this crazy place. And fellas I’m 6’4” - the height doesn’t make a difference - they only care about your car, watch, clothes, bs stories about how rich you are and where you can take them on vacation. No thanks! I’ll find a great woman who’ll actually stick around and appreciate me at a much better discount ✌️ and I’ll be happy to spoil her bc she won’t constantly be on the lookout for a ‘better deal’
Dr. Taraban it seems as the world has changed a lot and sadly we keep using the measuring stick from decades or event past centuries ago and that perspective does not apply nowadays. Thank you for all the great content you make for us all Sir!
It's true for me. I'm 49 and I gave up on sex and relationships very early on, probably ~30 years ago. I had porn as an outlet, so never bothered putting energy into the risky business of appealing to women. This impacted on my drive to seek work, because I just needed enough to maintain myself. In ''another life'', I probably could have found a woman if I'd put in the effort. I'm average looking, but large framed and 6'4" and reasonably intelligent. I'm socially awkward in the realm of dating, but have no desire to improve myself. But my situation beats marrying a woman who needs a financial cushion and is only marginally into me.
Your behavior is unattractive not your appearance. Stop avoiding women and tension and escapism. Set goals on approaching women and overcoming your fears. Numbers will follow, then dates, then relationship.
Fascinating, Orion. You have a great skill of explaining complicated topics in simple terms, and I agree with your assessment with regards to why men don’t get into relationships. I haven’t met many women that provide enough value for me to stay in a relationship with them. Having them simply show up without providing any traditional efforts whatsoever is no way to keep a man around. Gents, if you don’t have a girl putting effort in then she doesn’t like you like that. My mistake was experiencing a relationship where we both put in effort to the point that it turned into a positive feedback loop and we both ended up making each other very happy. That broke down due to religious differences, but that’s the dynamic I believe every man should aim for. Edit: by mistake I mean experiencing such a high-quality relationship will make it difficult for any woman coming after her.
I wish every man / woman has this mindset. It'll make the relationship and the world a better place. Also, as a man, I feel it's very hard to find women with this mindset.
@@AR-182 that men want sex and women want money. If that was the case no one would have a crush on anyone in high schools. Places where prostitution is legal, men wouldn't even bother talking to women. Women who earn money wouldn't even date anyone.
I agree with you, but there's another part of the puzzle that I hope you can discuss another time, which is the time, energy, and money that different institutions and businesses demand from people once they start a relationship. When you think about it, society is demanding a lot from a couple that's just trying to focus on their relationship. Society demands a lot more time at work, a lot more financial resources to keep up with the cost of living, and a lot more energy is needed just to keep up with those things. Furthermore, if a couple has a child, from the moment the child is born to college graduation, it's potentially hundreds of thousands or, in some cases, millions of dollars for one child over at least two decades. That's a lot of financial pressure to put on a couple. The couple won't likely have the time to focus on their relationship if they're focused on making money and finding the energy to maintain a life. It's understandable why romantic relationships are on the decline.
Spot on, buddy. Exactly. It's basically slavery. Yet, I wonder if a couple who have awareness could bypass those traps? I mean, if a layday always tries to keep with the jonses, and want bigger, better house- then slavery we go. But, if you realize that everything's buIIshit, that you don't have to buy so much, no need for your kid to go to college anymore in 2023, but rather find education someplace else, then...maybe there's a change? But, yeah, for 95% of cases it feels like this lifestyle just could consume you alive that people give up on themselves, just to make it another day financially.
I struggled to understand the comparison you were making here? You say that society demands more from couples. And my thinking was, "more than it demands from individuals?" But I *think* your intention was to say that more is demanded THAN IN THE PAST. Which...is just a convoluted way of saying that life is more expensive: fair enough. Generally, however, societies incentivize marriage. e.g. Most individuals cannot afford a home on their own. However (a) two incomes can swing it, (b) you get tax breaks and equity from the property, and (c) there are additional tax breaks for being married. So: I disagree. While inflating expenses ARE awful...their full impact is only seen in a culture of individuals that fail to grow together into families who share the burden. Our disillusionment with relationships came before things got too expensive.
@@everObvious I do think that individual extremism is one of the reasons why some people fail to grow together. But growing together as a couple also requires time and energy. It just feels like society and its growing demands are taking that away from people. Statistically, this can be seen. Fewer people are getting married, and more people are getting divorced. If what you are saying is fully true, more people would do it. If society expects people to participate in a particular way, where is the support for that outside of tax breaks, etc.? Speaking from my position as a single man with experience with relationships, I don't think I would be able to keep up. And yes, I am speaking financially, but only partly. The time and energy needed for a relationship seem to be sparse. There needs to be some balance with life and work. This is my perspective, not the perspective.
@@Ayosubzero It seems I missed your initial point, my bad. I still don't understand you, then. I'm biased by a western mindset: society here is something that you can opt out of. It has its influence. But you can become a nomad or move away from your birth family without overwhelming stigma. So when you mention society REQUIRING anything (time and energy, you say)...that all seems optional. The people you know might pressure you. But those people aren't Society, with a capital S. You (kind of) say that less marriage is evidence of this societal pressure? No...less marriage is evidence of fewer men proposing. Divorce laws disproportionately favor women. Everyone could still (theoretically) desire relationships...just not the government intervention part. (Theoretically. We know this isn't true, because stats indicate that more people identify as being "single.") I gave taxes as AN example of society's support/presumption of relationships...specifically, nuclear families. Our laws echo our taxes (like with inheritance and power of attorney passing to your spouse, by default): there's another example. My intent wasn't to be comprehensive, but to poke holes in the notion that society is anti-relationship. I mean...maybe you are defining "society" differently than I would?
VERY well said, sir. And I agree. I think this has to do with the constant need for increases in production which stems from constant inflation. Companies need to constantly increase profits to keep up with inflation. This is passed on to their workers. In my adult working life expectations from employers have exponentially increased as well as the skills I need to constantly improve or new ones to learn. It ends up eating more into my personal life and the energy I have leftover after a day of work. You are correct. Great observation.
Ya, this is a good point as well - men get very little out of relationships nowadays in western culture - that's why marriage became a thing many years ago - women got smart and began withholding "bedroom fun" until they were married to secure the resources and the man secured a virgin to be his wife and he'd have exclusive bedroom access to...since the invention of birth control & no-fault divorce / alimony there are literally zero benefits for a man to get married today - better off avoiding women altogether with the way the court system works.
@@tyronevonchadley look, just because you suck at finding a woman who can provide value in a relationship doesn't mean that women can't provide value in a relationship 🤷🏽♂️
I think the ripple effects of these substitute online relationships can’t be overstated. Lots of men don’t learn how to talk to broader groups of people beyond their close associates, and lots of women lose any sense of reality with the market they eventually wind up dating in. In both cases, it just makes it harder to find a relationship when/if they decide they want one IRL.
Looks like men and women are happy with online rather than IRL. Hence the declining marriage and birth rates. It makes sense when you think about it. Women probably don't want to be single moms. And men don't want to lose custody and pay child support. Online seems to be the better and safer system.
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 I never made the connection between the single mom thing for women and divorce r@pe for men. That makes so much sense lol. Its still heavily skewed against men though
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 If they were happy, depression and suicide wouldn't be at an all time high. Most really aren't happy, but then happiness was never a mandatory feat for society to be upheld.
Porn is not trapping men. It's a solution to a problem because women are so difficult today. So men are being logical. Women don't want man? Man still has needs. Never met a man who chose porn over a woman. The problems start with women changing, continue with men not being able to support a household and end with hypergamy and the women choosing the top males. Leaving more than half the single males ignored. So as a man you can work 10, 20, 30 years for a woman to finally see you only because you have things or money or you can just check out because the juice isn't worth the squeeze. Your character and who you are as a person doesn't get women interested.
I chose porn over a woman, mainly because, despite a strong sex drive, I wished to explore Nature and read interesting books. I had no interest in social status as it was so species-specific and a limited view of things. I figured that no woman would go for that way of thinking! I wish they would stop saying sex for men is a need. It is a strong want only, and is a horrible way to make a woman feel guilty if she does not provide. No matter how much "love" a relationship may offer, the couple uses each other big time. I am not against others having relationships, but let's stop the glorification of them.
No my dear friend. Porn is not a solution to a problem that women have caused. Stop blaming women for everything. Women will always choose men with good characters.
@@lydia_d505 Soime women do choose wisely. Many do not, and go with the exciting yet irresponsible bad boy and pay the price. Check all the online stories. Thanks.
Sir, I ran across your page a few months ago and really came to like your videos. You make so much sense. As a single man at 52, and someone who has been around the world, I can see exactly what you are saying. I live in Turkey and just finished a tour of Eastern Europe a couple weeks ago. I went to Ukraine, Moldova, and Romania. I used to live in Ukraine many years ago. And as a single man, that was my Heaven on earth! :) But this last time, it wasn't so! I saw the difference in how women became, and even in Ukraine, they don't seem to want relationships with anyone. Most women I met there said they were married or had boyfriends, but I think they are married or in so-called 'relationships' in order to satisfy their egos, because women never want to be totally single and alone. They are with men whom they probably don't care for too much, and they do what ever they want, not caring what their man thinks or says. It's a sad world!
I love this channel so much is a very rare and objective to see things. This understanding does not only come from text books is a result of a life of seeking understanding
He says in his description that the videos are inspired by his clinical practice, so he has real life experience with real life people. It's really easy to understand the world if you are open-minded, and you look around you. This person really knows what he's talking about!
In the past, when marriage was sacred and protected, divorce discouraged, it provided the guard rails for both men and women to not only get together, but also stay together.
@@Snoop_Dugg Please tell me more about the cat, dog, bonobo, lion, and elephant legal systems 🙄. Maybe you’re too young to understand that grandma had no financial freedom and had to get married to survive.
@@Snoop_Dugg You sound a bit too young to understand that women were legally restricted from having their own credit cards and could not get into many careers because of their gender.
This is pretty much how i have been living the last 6-8 years. My past relationships and observing women and how they react to me now that i am older and uglier. I've just been trying less and less. since i hit 23 its a repeat of never enough, not fit enough, not enough wealth not enough masculine tendencies, too much wealth too much muscle etc. Now that i am 30 and i am in the to 10% of income, there's still better men out me who will snatch her away from my arms. So why bother tbh? i dont mind transactional relationships, its the way humans are but the way things are now is insane. I'm now concentrating on living a good life alone, I likely wont be a family man nor will I likely ever marry. Its sad but "it is what it is", i never asked for this. I wanted to provide and care for a woman who provides so much less then me, I tolerated insane bullshit from women in the past. It was just never enough and there always was a better deal around the corner, so fuck it tbh. I give up
change your social circle or environment if women really are like that around you.. or look at yourself and ask what you can change about yourself as well
Why were you tolerating bullshit for one? Dude you are the guy you gota act like it once you realize what peacec of shit women are in general you will be able to treat them in a way that works but you’re right it isn’t actually worth it. If I were you, I would consider getting a wife from Thailand or something. But you gota stay over there are western women are beyond saving corrupt through and through
A great satisfaction I have as an older man, is that the women who once rejected me, now want who I am, not me. Women never want the man, they want what he represents
@@polpol1005 honestly that whole change yourself thing is getting fucking old. Its almost as tiring as the "just beeee yourself" or the "follow your heart" bullshit. Do everyone a favor keep your hot advice to yourself. Everyone who followed that advice got royally fucked, especially those whose passions were in art.
@@rogerm3708 Yeah, this is why i am slowly giving up. There is no love there just objectification, which i would be okay with to some degree but ill be honest its not something i am willing to commit to or build a family with.
This is a really brilliant and easy to understand analysis of what is happening. I see 2 tendencies in humanity: - Some learn to deal with this new technology trends, integrate them into a healthy lifestyle and help other people to do the same. - Some resist everything which is not artificial until they notice that the systems needed to maintain all these artificial occurrences entirely corrupted our whole biosphere (reminds me of the music video: "Noise" from Nightwish, which is basically a warning for us).
You spoke so much truth, men also seek sexual satisfaction on women they are not that attracted to, ones they have no intentions on taking serious, or “dates” as an alternative rather than risk wasting time and money to often times be rejected. Women usually have male friends that provide them the boyfriend experience without receiving “benefits” where they leverage the possibility of sex for as long as they can. It’s a sad world we live in as I am well aware of these dynamics. Where both parties outweigh risk vs reward and conclude that a relationship that requires work and investment, potentially provide a long term bond and satisfaction does not come out victor. Ig convenience will always sell.
This was my paradigm toward relationships until I got a little older and wanted to raise a family. Once that becomes your focus, the calculus changes dramatically. Once you have a mutual set of biological investments who profoundly benefit from your monogamous relationship, it becomes more win win.
Ultimately, both men and women want holistic intimacy, mutual support and a suitable reproductive partner. Family is the ultimate goal of sex and "sexual opportunity" is much better expressed as reproductive opportunity. The guy in this video is taking an excessively reductive and mechanistic approach that ignores far too much.
If the primary reason you are staying with a partner is for kids, the relationship is doomed. Having kids, moreover, usually puts enormous strain on a relationship. The mother of my children became a different person when we had kids, much harder to deal with. Kids, God bless them, are usually the primary reasons why divorce occurs, though it is taboo to say so for obvious reasons
Accepting I'll probably never get married, never have children, be alone for decades and die alone rotten in an appartment was the hardest and still is... but I had to accept it to continue my life. Cope only stays if you still have hope.
@@rpmx9699it's a very tough market out there when 90% of the time the females swipe left. Sure, there are some people who have the gift of gab and get what they want but the vast majority have neither the talent nor the training or guidance and aren't getting anywhere
@@rpmx9699 No he didn't. The first step is to understand that you don't "have" to live a specific way but you can choose how you want to live. OP has to understand that first.
You always make me think. And most of the time I completely agree with you. On this one I have a slightly different take but not completely different … Ever since I saw Dr. Peter Gray do a TEDx talk on how the decline of free play in childhood is correlated with the rise of narcissistic behaviors, I can’t unsee it. That feels like the underlying issue here. Intimacy is scary and when people don’t know how to form relationships or interact with people because they did not get the appropriate level of freedom to play as children (absent adult supervision) they lack the necessary social skills to develop intimate relationships. And I agree with you there’s other places to satisfy their needs for attention, sexual stimulation, etc.. But ultimately, it’s a hollow win because we are designed for connection as a species and I really believe the fact that depression and anxiety are at a high is evidence that sex without connection (pornifird sex) and attention without connection (social media) is not fulfilling enough for people. I feel bad that this youngest adult generation seems primed for an intense midlife crisis, which I tend to think of as an opportunity for healing. Let’s hope for the best!
I was so shocked when I discovered your channel months ago because you’re a professional in the field of psychology who confirms much of what I hear in the RP manosphere space.
Try to find actual science backing up his views on transactional nature of a relationship. You can choose to take that view and suffer the consequences, but there's nothing objectively true about it. Of course it's a useful thing to keep in mind, but to also understand that a relationship between two emotionally mature adults is so much more than a market transaction.
@@Peteismi That’s modern goobly gock what you said. Relationships aren’t the mystical enlightened things you imagine. All relationships are transactional. Define emotionally mature? By what metric do you define that by.
@dmoneydmoney6050, Wrong. Throughout history it’s only a very small minority of women that become prostitutes. I lived in a country that had generally available prostitution. It skewed the sexual power dynamic in favor of men.
It is still very easy to get an escort these days despite it being illegal. Honestly, it's a far better option and cheaper in the long run. Modern women just aren't worth the investment.
Because commitment isn’t something that the man should angle for. That is the job of the woman. When a man openly offers commitment, it signals to the woman that he is “desperate” to tie her down because he is “afraid” to lose her. It doesn’t matter if that isn’t actually the case, but this is how she feels. That is her perception of the situation and in turn she gets turned off. Women are more attracted to men that don’t need them, men that live life with or without the woman by his side. This signals to the woman that he is so confident in himself that he could replace her at any time if need be, and isn’t desperate to have her in his life. Woman are most attracted to the man that COULD cheat on her but doesn’t, that WANTS her but doesn’t NEED her, the guy that has half a dozen options but picks HER. If she gets picked out of a half a dozen options, to her it means that she won because she is “BETTER” than all the rest and that is why she got chosen. Again it doesn’t matter if that isn’t actually the case, but that’s the way she feels! Women are slaves to their emotions, their feelings are their “reality”. If reality doesn’t align with their feelings, often times reality will then be ignored.
@@jermaineayivoh8263 Hit the nail right on the head. Men’s issue is that they keep trying to deal with women they same way we deal with other men. We expect other men to behave rationally, and not emotionally, as emotions are unstable. We try to do the same with women, when in reality women fundamentally CANT move like this. As you said, their emotions is their reality, men NEED to understand this. Until then, they’ll keep getting disappointed, expecting women to be as rational as we are.💯
@@jermaineayivoh8263if you are a really high value man in her eyes you don’t need to worry about asking for commitment. Women only lose interest if she wasn’t completely into the guy. If a woman is really into you and you delay too much commitment she’s going to lose interest eventually as well
@@thedude8526 I think you are mistaking peasant marriage for elite marriage. Peasants were not marrying for land, it was only an elite thing, kings, monarchs e.t.c.
Depends on what you make it. You and partner can design any relationship you want...more options now than ever. Don't have to follow what it appears everyone else is doing
I disagree with "men don't want to put in the work for relationship /sex because they find pron easier." GenZ men WANT relationships, but women just don't allow it because they are looking for the better deal, fall for the illusion on social media or are dating older guys. I read somewhere that females always dictate the rules of the sexual market place.
Bro most GenZ men are gonna get swept under the rug. They are so disconnected from really, are so sensitive, unfunny and uncool that no girl wants anything to do with them unless they have tons of cash to make up for how insecure and unbearable they are. GenZ has no culture
They do. The data shows it. However, it’s young women from age 18-25 that have the most power to shape the rules, and with feminism, they are shaping the rules and they’re like spoiled children that have no idea what they’re doing. In the past, her father would make the wise decision of who to marry her off to, but that’s now seen as sexist, so we are letting the 18yr old shape society and look at where we are now in this dystopian sexual marketplace.
yeah the better deal thing really fucking gets me, honestly it makes me feel nothing when they come crying about being used after treating men like trash for years.
Men and woman aren't looking for the same things in relationships. As a man it seems to me that the only time I'm "Wanted" By woman is when I'm Needed for something/ Useful. If I chose to be useless I would also be choosing to be alone. Woman can choose to be useful or not. It's the same It's always been. My role is rigid and static,uncaring and non-negotiable.Yours is fluid and flexible, it has to be right for you, and most importantly, the quality of the relationship is dictated by me and my Interactions. You can act however you want to and justify it by saying I made you feel a certain way, And I'm forced to conform to a stale tired existence of Perpetual work. Endlessly cow towing for the Possibility of sex that will most certainly be less and less frequent AND less and less satisfying over time as your relationship withers on the vine....... Hard to believe why relationships are failing Amiright?!
This channel is pure gold. Thank you for sharing what you have been working so hard for 🙏🏽 I can’t imagine the pain you went through to have the motivation to transcend these spheres of life.
Traditional societal values and stigmas around marriage, infidelity and divorce takes most of the risk right out of relationships. They serve as guardrails. Combined with restrictions of sex outside wedlock, and attention and resources outside marriage, it makes marriage look much more palatable.
I kindly disagree with the men bit. Men not only desire sexual opportunity, but also the comfort that only a woman can provide them. If you ever spend some time hearing incels complain about their problems, you'd soon realize it's not an issue of sex. They can watch porn and go to prostitutes, and some do, but still feel miserable. Moreover, most men watch porn and that still applies to men within relationships. I believe the impact porn has on men's relationship seeking efforts is taken out of proportion. Most of the reason men do not seek relationships is either because the competition and standards are too fierce or because they find women a potential liability (be it through divorce, baby trapping, resource draining, etc.)
Marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows, women file 80% of divorces and chronic social isolation drives people insane. Welcome to the forever purge!
it really goes to show how tone and presentation makes such a difference. this is literally the same as red pill stuff, yet everyone loses their minds over redpill and praises dr Orion
I think you’re right on point. I also think that it’s worth some additional consideration that due to the high tenancy of marriages, ending up in divorce, that this also highly influences young people, and their perception about the risks and rewards of relationships. After all young peoples first perception about love Fidelity, often first are imparted by their parents. So if they’re early perception of relationships is colored by their own parents to force, then it’s less likely that they’re going to have a fair perception of all relationships.
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540or if your dad cheated on your mom and caused her so much pain she had to leave for peace. So many people come from broken, angry homes. Easier to use people than love them. These are the sins children inherit from their parents. They will never know true love until they make it right with God.
@beac8238 a man can be divorced even if he didn't cheat, and the state will still take half his wealth and give it to the woman. The consequences of "no fault divorce" have made made marriage financial guillotine that's based on the whims of women. If you eliminate this legalized robbery, then relationships can revert back to normal, but until then, marriage is untenable.
you have to remember that even if you do manage to pull a woman, she can use you till something better comes along. I am happy being single, i can't stand drama.
@@jayc342009Exactly. A woman has to to have a high-level of attraction towards you in order for the possibility of monkey branching to decrease. Any even then, you never really know. There's ALWAYS a "better" option for her, in her mind.
I'm afraid I have to beg to differ on one thing. There's no equivalence between porn for men and social media for women. Men don't prefer porn, men retreat to porn. You're not going to find many men who would choose to jerk their chicken instead of having sex and a living relationship with a woman who is attracted to them if that option were available. Onlyfans money isn't virtual, it's real money and many women would rather risk being one of many OF 'creators' who make peanuts or who end up stalked by fans than date an average guy. Women left men enmasse and men left alone, are now blamed for how they choose to soothe their loneliness as though they chose to be lonely. The loneliness came first and women can end it anytime they decide they want to date and raise families with the ordinary men they think they're too good for in a world built on the toil of ordinary men
I agree. The internet can fulfill the most basic needs of a relationship(sex & resources) for men and women. Friendships and family members can provide human connections and a place of belonging.
Excellent assessment. I wonder what sad event would be the catalyst to turn people back to each other. People are growing in depression and emptiness, but the matrix is far more comforting than really dealing with real life..
@@nosotrosloslobosestamosreg4115 According to Orion, men are by their very nature incapable of loyalty. That being the case, why would any woman value a man for anything but his money and his looks?
You are absolutely right, the problem I have with the world today is that at the same time we say "oh young people have stopped having sex", we also say "sleeping around and hooking up is bad", so what do we do then? me personally I just wanna find ONE good girl thats only for me, and I might have someone right now.. but I feel its a very tough problem overall. Cuz its like either way its gonna go wrong it seems? 100 years ago you would marry, then have sex, then children, it was much safer today no wonder theres so many single people its sad
There was a time in my life when I truly wanted to believe that relationships actually involve love and mutual desire for one another. But an unrelenting slew of arguments like yours coupled with the fact that every relationship I’ve ever been in, has been a cataclysmic disaster that left me with horrible emotional scars has convinced me that this is the reality of the situation. So excepting that is the case, why then, would you want people to return to being in relationships? Why would you want people to be in a fundamentally dishonest pairing where they cynically extract sec and resources from one another when they could be honest about what they want and just pay each other openly for it?
Haha I’ve never been dreaming about getting married or having a family so my relationship situation was never crucial. However, on the back of my mind I still had a glimmer of hope to meet a person with whom I may connect deeply not just as a friend but romantically. There was something magical about this thought. When I finally met a person I felt something warm and exciting towards I even got brave enough to let them know about it. Only to be ignored (before that he had been showing signs of affections towards me too so idk what magic happened right after I confessed😂). Now I’m in my 20s and I don’t want to search for someone on purpose, cause this seems even more unnatural to me. Everyone keeps saying I’m… naive (to put it mildly), but I really don’t see any sense in trying search for something so fleeting and almost fictional as mutual love. Btw I have really close friends, passion for my hobbies, and a lot of love for this planet, people and animals. So I think my needs are covered without getting into a relationship. Romantic love is different, but I’m not sure it would made such a big difference in my life and well-being 🤔
Its real and its not fleeting Love turns from its honeymoon phase to deep appreciation over time Dont give up, nothing good in this world is easily attained
The way around it for men, is to travel to places where you're appreciated physically (Philippines, Vietnam, Guatemala, Mexico). The way around it for women, is to refuse to give up any form of nookie or nudity until you're inside the committed relationship
Stop idealizing asian women, it's a big big mistake, believe me. Someone I know from the phillipines was just telling me today how their son was framed by his gf with a fake accusation to try to get money from his family. All of them filipinos. The women in Asia are going exactly in the same direction as western women, albeit just with a bit of delay.
I had one boyfriend before I met my husband. The first boyfriend I had sex with, to discover after a few weeks he was addicted to porn, and brutal, and would not learn any different (I was the problem according to his porn brain). Women should be able to leave a relationship is the guy is sexually dysfunctionnal and won't progress. You can't know that before you had sex with them. It's not all about reproduction, women want good lovers too.
@@cevanille1104 i think that's fine. I believe this incel obsession with women being virgins is a total autistic sperg out. As long as you're not a total perv who's used to getting railed by an entire football team (that's as bad for men as the porn brain guy is for women) then it shouldn't be an issue if you tried relationships before and they didn't work.
I love being in solitude. I found selfs love and I competed myself…. I living in the beautiful balance,harmony and peace. I don’t feel anymore having relationships to risk to disturb my beautiful world.
I think another issue is that rotations and monkey branching has led to a form of pseudo-polyamory that is making serial monogamy less desirable. The individual relationships don’t matter as much because they can easily be swapped out for something better at a moment’s notice. Also, abundance mindset has led to an unwillingness to compromise on anything.
The internet has ruined our species. Our need for socialization and community has been replaced with an online surrogate that has removed any need to physically interact. At nearly 30 I'm one of the rare few that was able to comprehend life before widespread internet take over, as well as mature into adulthood with it as a prominent part of life. I firmly believe my generations obsession with nostalgia is based on a instinctual urge to return to that pre internet time.
Absolutely agree, 36 here and I also remember a night and day difference in the world before high speed internet and especially before social media and smartphones. Those early stages in the 90s of the world wide web Age of Information weren't so bad, but it's gotten to a rate of information consumption that's likely lowered baseline dopamine in developed countries with widespread access today. Our species evolved with in-person communication for hundreds of thousands of years (potentially even half a million) and then had telegraphs and telephones for a few centuries, and now this global internet for merely a few decades. Who knows the true long-term effects of this global technology generations from now. Relationships, employment, community involvement - all seem to be distracted by the internet today.
The rates of sex and marriage -- especially among young adults -- have fallen to historically unprecedented lows and show no signs of stopping. Why is this happening? My theory is that most people don't really want relationships. Rather: they want what relationships can get them. And if they can get those things more easily, more cheaply, and more safely in other places than relationships, they will do so. In this episode, I make a case that this is precisely what men and women are doing, albeit in different ways.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#relationship #psychology #dating
Women still don't understand the biggest problem with sexualising yourself and/or doing Onlyfans. It destroys the vast majority of opportunities they will have for future relationships. Men will want them for sex, not for relationships and in particular, the men THEY want (High value) will never be interested in them. They trade short term money for any chance of relationship happiness.
You missed the legal issues.
I’m 52 and most of the 20 and 30 something year olds I know are experimenting with poly relationships. Eventually most realize the pitfalls and or the women want to have children and things get real.
I think your theory is correct.
It is a generalisation, of course, as all psychosocial realities are.
But certainly your theory explains much of the decline in marital relationships between men and women.
They don’t want to be adults except to indulge in the additional personal freedoms that we previously granted people at 21 because those same people picked up the heavy burdens of starting the 15-20 years long process to become the tribe elders. Relationships are just one of many adult things that many people in this group do not want to start for another five or six years. Though I think the smartest and most capable members of their cohort jumped into adulting at 21 and get what is likely an insurmountable lead on their former peers, I agree it is a waste of time to worry why many people are not stretching for the race when they prefer to party in the stands.
You summed-up in 9 minutes what all the talk shows, relationship channels and the government can’t figure out. There’s nothing of value for either party in relationships anymore. We are truly a broken society.
There's plenty of value in them, just not here. The Western setup - i.e. women who think they're independent but really aren't, and survive thanks to a system built and maintained by men, and largely work in government or government-regulated fields e.g. education and healthcare + anti-male marriage laws - is not beneficial to men.
Bullshit, maybe if women offered something more “in a relationship” instead of being a net suck on so much from one man, in exchange just for what she was born with for free?? Most *single* women are single because they are SELFISH
Government is part of the problem thinking they can replace the biological father.
Society is replacing family, with distractions. There are many more options for single people to stay occupied with
Sad but true.
Absolutely spot on. I'd also add that instead of wanting a relationship, too many people nowadays just want their own personal validation provider.. They want all of the perks of having partner without any of the sacrifice, compromise, self-improvement, and understanding the other person's needs. Not enough people truly know how to GIVE anymore, it's all "me, me, me"
A lot of folks just don't have enough love or energy inside them to give in the first place... lots of broken people out here, man.
Correct, and these days women aren’t interested in working on their relationships because social media has made men so abundant and easily replaceable. Taylor the Fiend tells a story about how a phone dropped by one reasonably attractive girl, age 21 with an SMV of about a 7 and not by any means a supermodel, had about 1,800 unread direct messages from different men. Why should girls work on sacrifice, compromise and understanding when they can ditch that man and get a new one in a matter of hours?
All 3 of these comments describe my experiences dating but Post-social media. Before social media become popular, I had much better dating experiences, including the few women I did meet online (the early days of online dating)
@@mrredactedthey definitely have more choices but it’s hard to find a genuine alpha man who is loyal, likable and a mentally stable. They usually realize too late that they can’t find another guy like that easily and that’s usually when they come crawling back.
This is where Ai companions come in. It's already shown some market penetration, but the big wave will hit soon.
Once upon a time I dreamt of love, companionship, just really sharing a deep connection with that special someone...I totally gave up because of stupid mind games, hookup culture and insincerity....being single is so much more peaceful
recalling scent of those days in spring may evoke kinda phantom pain, at times.
@@VaronPlateando And the truth is that It's we men who had those romantic ideals - women never did.
Romantic people have those ideals...empty narcissists don't. Both come in both s e x e s.
@@westmorelandgreasy348Women are way more romantic than men.
@@westmorelandgreasy348 No women or most women?
Most people also don't really want friendships anymore. They want someone to entertain them when they have time.
Yes, well observed. Too many including this channels host are hyper focused on one aspect of how are society has changed. People are terrible at relationships with everyone now.
There are too many factors that have led us to our current destination to have fools try and reduce it to some BS pseudo science junk is sad.
Exactly 💯% spot on Its sad people don't even want genuine friendship my 3 sisters n a cousin have became my best friends because all of us are going through the same things so it's brought us closer
Ye well the Internet solves this
truth
Friendships are similarly costly and risky because people are psychologically damaged and untrustworthy. Groups of women often use scapegoating and reputational damage as a matter of course - and women set the cultural and political tone these days. There is always a psychopath loose among the sheep. And people easily unfriend and unperson their so-called friends for the meager reasons. So pretty costly and risky to invest much in friendships.
Not just relationships but generally, I often find myself thinking “there’s nothing for me, here.”
i dont want to spoil the party so ill gooo
If it sucks... hit da bricks!!
Yes , yes, thank you. " There's nothing for me here " The only thing most modern women bring to the table are a long list of their issues and problems and a list of their demands ( must be 6 foot , 6 inches, 6 figures). I think I will put the money I save from not dating and use it for a trip to Europe;)
@@martinbrewi7323 or Thailand
@@martinbrewi7323666 those devil women
I'm a loner and I love being single. From what I've seen and experienced, the majority of Men and Women seem to be good at betraying and deceiving each other. I'd rather be alone then go through that.
Yeah I’m experiencing that right now. I’m with a man who deceives and lies constantly and I’ve had it, I want out. I’m giving everything to be with this guy and if I pull back and give what he does, he just disappears. I want out of it now. I keep praying for a God-fearing man but it doesnt happen because there aren’t many men who lead a life of faith. I’m ready to just throw in the towel and enjoy the quietness of being single and just serving the Lord.
@kathleenhutchings3854 I'm in a group of men at my church in pittsburgh who virtually all of us are god-fearing men who want to build a family. Unfortunately most of us are in the same situation, theres a vanishingly small number of people in the world who want a good, loving relationship. We just have to keep looking, and keep improving ourselves. Someday it has to happen
@@MrFeelsGo0d-YT I wouldn't even be opposed to it. I'm just not dating anyone religious😂
You go to church?? No thanks, I got enough of that growing up lol
@@trueblue4537 its tough… experiencing now
@@trueblue4537 I feel blank I don't have genuine reason or excuse to not be in relationship.I just don't feel to be in relationship.I still feel attraction towards opposite gender but it is my hormones making them like and then I don't desire to be coupled with them.
I wont lie, i just love being single, its so peaceful
My house is a temple of peace and tranquility. No woman no cry.
Same.
Bob Marley originally wanted to cheer a crying woman up there. He meant it like „no woman don’t cry“
Me too. BUT I think this only works after you have already been in a relationship. There are men in their 30s that have never been in one and can't understand why some men prefer to be alone.
I’m sure it was peaceful for our grandparents too…..cuz they weren’t afraid to put women in their place 😂❤
Relationships are hard work in most cases. It takes both parties giving it 100%, but oftentimes one party is giving more than the other-and not the same one every time. The unrelenting drama can be debilitating.
A relationship is best when both people believe they are getting the better deal, whether jobs, friends, married, etc. if they are hard work you are in the wrong relationship because you are not naturally doing things that provide value to the other person (and vice versa).
Most people don't wanna work for something of value these days. Everybody wants cheap thrills, cheap rewards and stuff.
@@dasfx2895It's not that most don't wanna work for it. It's that most don't see the point in pursuing something where the risks are the same or higher than the reward. Especially when that reward can be gotten or simulated in a safer and easier way.
Why would I go drive for an hour or hour and a half, wasting gas and risking my life a bit to get 2 or 3 items when I can just go on Amazon and have it delivered tomorrow?
One is bound by law and finance to keep it.....and one is bound by law and finance to break it.
@@toddjohnson271facts!
Breaking free of societal expectations and realising: "I dont want a relationship" is one of the most liberating feelings ever.
We crave human connection and relationships but not with toxic and abusive people
When I was young, high School, University, all my male friends wanted a long term relationship. It's both shocking and not shocking that relationships are now not a primary goal. Shocking that this pretty much is the death knell of Western Civilization and not shocking that it's such a hazard financially, emotionally, and legally for a man to be in a long term relationship, not just a marriage, they would be insane to pursue such a thing.
Problem is that most people are toxic especially with age. It should be opposite gaining experience and not repeating the same mistakes. But reality is that with bad experiences comes the frustration and building the wall up. Which makes us defensive and therefore toxic.
@@reekinronald6776if I had a son I would tell him, keep your relationships short, civil, and have a well planned exit strategy from the relationships. Is during the break up people tent to act the craziest.
@@markomeker7789 who is toxic exactly? are you talking about women? be clear.
@@chuckiegravesfield3170 It can be with both genders naturally. My experiences are with women mostly since I'm male heterosexual. But also have experiences with male family members.
Wow, the first time I can hear a real explanation of how social media is a horrible trap for so many women. And for us all...
Thank you !
first time? have you been living under a rock?
Crazy part is it’s still there to exist while we all know it’s destroying society
@@firestick4991 well, at least you're trying to learn to read, gotta start somewhere.
social media is designed around this fact: women make up 80% of the consumer base in this country (75% of the personal debt).
social media is pushed to women to generate business... to get women to buy! that's why there are sooo many ads on social media platforms and it's also why if you (man or woman) say ANYTHING critical of women, you're banned on most platforms. iow, women HAVE TO REMAIN in a positive environment online.
a negative or critical environment, where women face life's realities, where female nature is on full display, etc., will run women away... and the $$$ will go with them.
FB, IG, and dating apps have always been about $$$... nothing more, nothing less.
I would be careful about misinterpreting his use of the word "trap." I don't think he's implying that the "simulated" transaction is inherently less valuable, since the overall value of a thing is a calculation based on both reward and RISK. When he says it's "enough", I don't think he means it's "less". He means it's sufficient to render the reduction in risk to be an overall better transaction.
People carry a lot of unresolved traumas that makes it difficult to build healthy connections, bonds, and a sense of trust.
Finally someone that is talking truths!!
I wish he would stop talking about all women as we are all after money. 😂😂🤦♀️🤦♀️. These TH-camrs are hillaious and they make people miserable because they’re too narcissistic to see that society needs healed not people breaking them even further down and how are men going to have a good perspective and outlook on life or how are they supposed to even grow with content like this?
This. I'm one of those people. When you've faced something traumatizing, you may not be able to trust anymore.
po lil fellas. They'd wilt like morning glories under the sort of stress that people had in the depression and WW2.
@@SandraT269 what’s the trauma that you faced? I tell you mine I faced 3rd world poverty and saw at a young age that humans can be cruel just to save their own skin. Days and nights without food I was only 8 and no adult would help me. I don’t blame them they were stuck in the same situation I was.
This is the truth
I don't watch porn and do not consider myself MGTOW or 'pilled' or whatever other trend. I am just tired of all these games people play in dating and relationships.
I offer my 6Fs (fit, friendly, financially stable, faithful, fertile, family-oriented) and expect the same in return.
Take it or leave it.
They only care about 1,5 of your Fs. Financially stable and fit(IF you look good as a result).
Assuming you are male, maybe she will take it for now. You get married, buy her a house, and have kids, and then she takes it all in divorce. OF and PHub and other online offerings have now over taken real life. Sad but true.
You don't watch porn...right. You don't masterbate either, right?
@@sxed4vid Doesn't change my approach.
Those are good qualities if the woman likes you for who you are. They generally dont fall in love because a guy is loyal.
Women want everything, but they dont fall specifically because you are loyal or family-oriented. A sad truth hard to swallow
As a 53 y/o recently divorced man after 30 years, things have changed a lot. I’m a professor of Microbiology and appreciate the analyses. Thank you for shining a light on things today
I have never wanted romantic partnership, I never had the desire for marriage either.
I really think they been pushing that narrative for way to long
I felt that way since middle school, but to be fair I think I have a little autism and was never super interested in relationships in general with other people for a good portion of my life
@@nightfighter7452 Same
@@nightfighter7452dating is outdated shit so romance.
its kinda wild. Nobody asked you to air your opinion, yet here you are.
Online is over taking real life. Hence Amazon (rather than stores), Google (rather than libraries), OF (rather than divorce), work from home (rather than offices). Kids who have seen their moms struggle as single moms and/or dad getting financially destroyed in divorce/ child support/ custody, are growing up and opting out of this BS.
*Arthur Schopenhauer intensifies*
Lol that username though
what is OF=?
@@eladbari Onlyfans
@@eladbari OnlyFans (self-made p0rn)
I like the peace and freedom of Not having a serious relationship
👏
I've been in relationships throughout my 20's and into my early 40's.
I looked back at how my happiest and most productive years were
when I was single. The longer I stayed single, the happier I was.
Now I'm 55 and my mortgage is paid off, I run my own successful
business, I'm healthy and fit and life is very good. I credit that to
staying single and avoiding the stress of living up to someone
else's expectations of me while being in a relationship that I get
absolutely nothing out of.
Life is only as good as your life choices.
What kind of business do you have?
Good for you, im experiencing the same at this moment, lucky us...
I mostly echo this. Looking back I definitely had high points being single and being in various romantic relationships. It's a mixed bag. HOWEVER, I can say some of my worst moments were caused by romantic partners too. The overall takeaways is probably most of the time the juice (investment of time, money, emotions, risks) are rarely worth the squeeze. I overall prefer being in a great relationship but because those are so rare, in close 2nd is being single and that's fine with me. Past that, the worst is being in a bad or terrible relationship which are most of them by far. Stats prove this point.
Relationships are not only about getting something out of them. It’s the joy of giving. It’s the joy of someone caring about you. Synergistic.
Every day I wake up, I regret social media, the internet and all of the mechanisms that facilitate this paradigm.
How YOU regret them? YOU didn't invent them...
@@godnyx117because we are living on planet earth and social media has killed humanity without firing a single shot it‘s like an Armageddon
"It would never leave him, and it would never hurt him, never shout at him, or get drunk and hit him, or say it was too busy to spend time with him. It would always be there. In an insane world, it was the sanest choice." Sarah Connor
Robot dads for women and sexbots for men.
Great use of this quote. Sarah was thinking of her son, of course, but for herself... well, probably not enough bad-boy drama and emotional spikes. ;)
So prophetic 🦾🤖
AI girlfriends will soon offer men this. AI boyfriends for women will not work since they dont provide women with money, a servant, or someone to protect her and make her feeeeeel safe. Men dont need that stuff!
@@whenpigsfly8178gross
The fact that we've reduced our relationships, and not just our romantic, to "transaction opportunities" is, in itself, rather the problem.
But they are, whether you call it that or not. Unless you do one night stands.
@@user-d8yj0 So what is a relationship? Why do two people get together?
Exactly, sex is not about getting my jollies in return for paying her groceries it was about a deeper connection with someone I love , that's what made the sex so good, sadly she's passed away so I've been single ever since.
@@user-9pyk-uktcv Relationships actually ARE transactional. And this doesn’t have to be regarded in a negative aspect. No matter what it the context of the relationship is; platonic, romantic, sexual, or business, without an exchange of even simply the care, desire/willingness to connect, their wouldn’t be a relationship. A conversation is made because people exchange words and perspectives. A romantic relationship is made because people are attracted to one another and in that exchange of attraction, they exchange being attracted to someone with feeling attracted by the other!! Through this exchange of attraction, a bond of togetherness develops, and so does the willingness to have and hold strong feelings for each other. We both get to feel loved in exchange for loving each other. You get to feel loved for loving me, and I get to feel loved for loving you. And love is most measured by how we treat each other through our actions. To treat someone well is to act in their best interests and increase the likelihood of them to act in your best interests which increases the likelihood of a positive and healthy relationship. Relationships thrive or simply fail due to one way or another the TRANSACTIONS (actions/treatment) either reflecting a good measure of you acting in alignment with my best interests and me acting in alignment with yours best interests and ultimately both of our needs and desires are being satiated.
Romance isn’t real. It was invented by poor men in the 18th century in France as a strategy to acquire the attention of women. It hasn’t ever really worked. Women always go where the most resources are available.
Everyone's bemoaning this state of affairs as if relationships always used to be great and we're just too lazy to bother these days. I remember seeing my grandparents relationship and finding it depressing even as a small child. My parents spent a lot of time shouting at each other, even though we had some good times too, but in the end my dad left for someone else and has had a completely miserable relationship for the last 30 years. My own limited experience has been extremely lacklustre. People are doing what's rational, the same people that maintained what I'm sure were often very unhealthy relationships in the past would act precisely the same as the people rejecting relationships today given the same circumstances. People are just people. If people are rejecting relationships it's very likely because in fact most relationships suck and it's a good thing there are less of them.
Someone who speaks truth. People mostly hate one another and stayed together in the past because they had to. Good relationships have always been rare but today's fools like to pretend there was some golden era, there never was.
If we want a better world there has to be better people full stop.
My grandparents don't even love or like each other they are just in a legal marriage that's lasted over 25 years
Yeah, no. Healthy children require stable families. This entire "umm actually relationships were also bad" is cringe nihilism. When birth rates in developed nations are looking like our entire species is headed for extinction after first ballooning to billions then clearly something has changed rather recently.
"Take my wife... please, take her." That was 50 years ago.
100 years ago, women's role was so different in a relationship it bears absolutely zero resemblance to today's "fulfill me completely daddy" passenger princess fantasy. Women provided value in relationships, and men provided survival. Both sexes were more valuable to each other then, and yet both expected less. The Hollywood "best friend and lover" standard raised people's expectations to insane places. In the early 1900's, men and women were happy just to survive and have a few kids. So relationships DIDN'T suck as much as now, but only because we didn't expect too much of them. In other words, they also kind of did suck, but only because today's standards are a terrible way to judge them
@@tomryan9827 very well put. I concur completely. We just don't really need each other any more, technology does most of the work, so there's less room for satisfaction or gratitude, and yet we expect more than ever. Gotta keep reminding myself that now I find myself drawn back to my simping ways with a particularly hot chick I've got dominating my mind.
You will never convince me that porn is the reason men are less willing to pursue relationships. Men have seen what women have to offer in the modern days and it is severely lacking and not worth the effort that is demanded of them.
Spot on, porn isnt the cause its the symptom. Most modern women want a man at the finish line and anything less deserves her scorn and abandonment when a better deal walks in her life. Its sad because loyalty and provisions from men is earned not GIVEN. Women need to earn this by being with a man when he is of lower value, otherwise if the man can become a higher value man in his 30s hes far to cynical to even try let alone give them loyalty and provisions.
Ive seen this in myself, women in my early 20s cheated for the better deal monkey branched to a new guy with something better than i. So what did i do i decided to cut off dating and gained a high paying career with stable growth. Now that i am in my early 30s I have less desire to deal with womens bullshit and i am less willing to give them time and attention.
I agree with you. I think one clear effect corn has on men is that it makes men more distrusting of women. Now that so many women are willing to do that on screen, men are worried if their partner has done that in the past, whether she's promiscuous of not, whether she's capable of being loyal.
Men are being Divorce Raped in the family courts. Social media is educating young men on this. MGTOW and Red Pill web sites are encouraging men to avoid relationships with women. Men are learning to focus on themselves and women are panicking.
Agreed but porn is a great cope we did not have before.
@@josephang9927 we also didn't have as many other dating problems as before
I think your analysis is spot-on and very honest. As well as pointing in the right direction without misleading jargon.
This is a good video especially when you talk about how men are afraid of the risk. I hope women understand that if a man is hesitant in investing financially into a woman (whether it's paying for dates, dinners, marriage, etc.), it's not necessarily because he's cheap or stingy but because of the financial risk that's involved. In an alternate universe where I am offered an absolute guarantee that the love of my life will stay with me forever but this guarantee costs me more than half my net worth, I will take this offer without hesitation and without skipping a beat . But since in our reality, the risk is too high, which forces me to be more prudent with my finances, I am accused of being cheap and stingy by women. I also hope women understand that if they want men to spend money on them then they need to find ways to make a man feel secure about his finances and this could mean making the man feel like you're not a leech.
💯
As a woman I appreciate that you're seeking the love of your life, you're a breath of fresh air. i wish you to find her.
Well said
They'll never get this because wont appreciate something they dont need to sacrifice for, or recieve for granted
Thing is, Chad didn't even have to take her out on a date to get some pussy lol
I think this is true. Online dating is also making it easier to have quick gratification without a relationship
It's only true to an extent, for certain people and at certain times. Otherwise its excessively reductive and mechanistic. Ultimately, humans seek holistic intimacy, mutual support and family building. If you have difficulty finding good women within your social environment, you might try looking outside of it to more-Conservative groups at home or abroad.
Wow. You made me figure out the true nature of my parents’ marriage. On the other side you nailed it when you say: “no one really wants a job. They want a job because of what a job can give them, namely money. They don’t really want the job, they want the money”. In some romance languages like French and Spanish the word to designate a job has its etymology on the latin word “tripalium”, an instrument of torture the Romans used with slaves. There’s no more to be said.
Tripalium?
Trabajo?
In Hellenic, the term Job is "Δουλειά" which is literally the SAME EXACT word for slavery with the tone in the previous syllable ("Δουλεία").
Like you said, no need for more words...
@@godnyx117 Thanks a lot! I didn't know that - my Greek is limited to ancient philosophical concepts due to my studies - and I love classical etymologies.
@@elsaaforges I'm glad you enjoyed it! It's my pleasure to share knowledge! Have a lovely day!
You're method of breaking down the motivation behind cultural shifts that are usually so emotionally charged is uniquely valuable.
What would an emotionally charged explanation be- for lack of relationships, then?
@@eladbari most people who talk about it come from a place of assigning blame to specific groups, like "there aren't enough real men" or "most women are gold diggers".
*your
This is a very long way to say what I determined a long time ago. Currently, men and women don’t NEED each other. They may want each other sometimes, but without need, it does not seem to work.
Exactly. Want works for a minority of people. Turns out the majority of those happy couples of prior generations were based on need.
Not only is there not the NEED there used to be (male breadwinner needs female housekeeper - the now seemingly archaic gender roles, at least in Western culture), but there is also now not the societal pressure/coersion for marriage or even just being in a relationship that there used to be. No need and no pressure. Well, a bit of pressure, perhaps, in working class circles, which still breed like rabbits but thats a different subject. Sorry to bring class into it, anyone who is working class.
We still do need each other, and we always will. There is an inherent and irreplaceable value in organic human connection and it’s fulfilling in a way that these new technological imitations can’t replicate. It’s like taking a placebo instead of the real medicine or eating junk food instead of your fruits and veg - it might feel better than the real thing in the short run but make no mistake, it will kill you.
That's too broad of a generalisation. If you look within the correct milieu you will find men and women who still value traditional family and relationships. You need to seek out Conservative individuals who are more likely to place a higher value on traditional relationships than their more "liberal" counterparts. You could even look abroad.
@@emotown1so working class people shouldn’t have kids ?
Your insight is incredible! The videos are super helpful. Keep up the fantastic work.
I just want love, man. I don't need sex or a meaningless relationship status to be happy, I never have. Even after all this time I've avoided both, because emotional closeness and genuine love is all I really need from a woman, and after all this time I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
You can call it high standards, but if I honestly can remain happy throughout my life without it, as I have been so far, why settle?
I'd look towards finding a partner you can trust, rely on and who is a genuinely good natured person and then learning to love her, rather than looking for something magical that may never come around. Ultimately we have a finite amount of time to reproduce and if we spend too much time looking for an ideal instead of something almost as good we may find we have missed an opportunity for happiness and fulfilment. Don't make the good the enemy of the perfect. Look for good, humble, trustworthy women.
Focus on verifiable actionables - care, reciprocate, be responsible and not hurt, with basics of trust and loyalty = and if both are normal people and not a fraudster or one with an agenda, they will settle into each other and "grow to love each other".
Do not focus solely on emotional "i love you" which is easy to throw around, requires no effort, is always indirect and verifiable only by "entering your heart or mind". Do not buy into what romantic literature or movies try to sell
good luck convincing a woman of that
Women don't love men they love children. You are better off trying to find the type of love your talking about from male friends, men love that way and women don't unless its there child.
@@treeforged9097 somebody pin this comment to youtube headquarters
I can do without sex. I just want to find someone who will stick around in my life this time. I just can't stand the process of meeting new girls, getting to know each other, sometimes falling in love, and then poof, they are gone again. I want someone to hug and to get the inside jokes and to be able to rely on.
Be a man and stop wanting these things. Women can sense how thirsty you are for affection. Just be cool and let things happen naturally
@@pantsonfire2216he can want them, he just can’t be controlled by those desires ❤
@@pantsonfire2216I swear dude sounds like a woman. You gotta find your purpose in life then you’ll stop desiring these things
Basic human needs. Hard to find.
Western Women are not attracted to men who rely on them, they consider that to be needy
I really believe social media had nothing to do with it. All it did was show people’s true colors and nature and made people more comfortable with things they always been wanting to do.
What a sad world we live in. We (most people) usually understand these new technologies too late I'd say... myself included.
@michaelhowington4205the essence of being a human is slowly being lost bit by bit just because of technological advancements.
Techonology doesnt encourage us to go outside our comfort zone which inherently leads to such cases being a thing these days. Birth rates are already the lowest they've ever been, so such news only make the situation worse. There are so many factors that have led to lower birth rates and this one is a big one
@michaelhowington4205 because humans have existed for millions of years, onlyfans and facebook have only been around for a brief moment in comparison. To think humans can change biological drives due to a glowing screen pressed on their faces is delusional at best
The world is changing at a much faster rate than the human mind / body can fathom. It's an important skill to learn to reflect on the changes happening and their consequences, and make deliberate adjustments in lifestyle to ensure sustainability.
The government in tandem with leading feminists and schools havw spent decades convincing young women that they can only find meaning in careers. Serving corporations, paying taxes to the government and becoming good little consumers. All this with additional, distinctly anti-male messaging. Should women only focus on being wives/mothers? Of course not, but convincing them that a meaningful life only comes from a career is a terrible, terrible lie. Careers are rarely meaningful, and employees are easily replaced. I've seen people pour 30+ years into organizations, not have families, not take vacations, etc. They retire, are replaced within a week and never mentioned again, haha. Such a rewarding, meaningful life...creating wealth and trading labor to people who could care less about you.
Yep. And you delete social media (like me) and get judged for it.
Relationships aren't really for men or women, they're for children. And since children are disproportionately burdensome on women, women have typically sought to secure a man's resources (time, attention, energy, money). So as more women have jumped on the childfree train, delayed motherhood, or prepared for the chance of single motherhood, fewer have relied on hetero relationships to secure those resources.
This thought process makes sense but at the same time is very toxic for society. Humans by nature are not meant to be without a partner. We can see this in the skyrocketing depression rates and suicide rates. Overall I don't think that people want to be alone. I also think that women would prefer not to work and prefer to be cared for and provided for. Yes, people don't need each other now, but as people stay apart in their late 20s and 30s they realize solitude is not ideal.
Interesting We all notice how women replace kids with endless pillows, hollow trends, cats and so on ha ha. But it maybe that they also deal with men in the sane way because of that.
As far as being child free is concerned, women are at liberty to do whatever they want in my view. As soon as they have a child however, they should be held to a higher standard. The indirect misuse of men to pay the tax burden of single motherhood is scandalous. And the denial of a full time father figure to a child is an outrage. Frankly it's abuse.
@@sammyb1651 indeed. Great post. Even a good chunk of women agree with this. Yet laws and "family courts" continue the downfall of our civilization. They have made it stupid for men to marry and have families. WTH. What can be done to change this?
😒 great more people to be jealous of relationships and trying to spoil it
I think you're one of the only channels actually diving deep enough into this to get real & true information.
I think this depends on what stage you are it in your life. As a divorced man in my 50’s with 2 adult children, I value connection, partnership and intimacy more than just sex itself. I think women who are in a similar life stage probably feel the same.
He is projecting a flawed theory onto a complex set of symptoms without understanding the underlying causes.
Yep that’s true, I’m about to turn 50, divorced coparenting a 15 year old son..he gets to see his dad and I have a great time as friends who love him. I think that’ll help him. As for me I’m an environmentalist so this talk of resource extraction sounds like the fractional reserve system we live in (why I live in the jungles of Maui) 🥴
@@UnMoored_ What are the underlying causes ?
@@SarcasticSplendor How does a child raise itself if the family it is born into is illprepared, stressed, immature, and defended against their own pain so that they are desensitized to the child’s experience when required? I am not referring to any horrific situation, which would eventually end up on the news, just people who are compromised and struggle to respond naturally to their child’s needs. It is not about evil, or bad people, and they don’t necessarily need to be poor either.
EDIT: I just remembered a young female mother, I was aware of in the French part of Switzerland, who spent quite a bit of time going out on social evenings, due to depression, and her child would stand up in his crib with his arms open towards her when she would leave, and indicate that he wanted to be close to her. She did have a babysitter to physically care for the child, but she would still leave, and he would be lonely for her love and attention. This compromised his growing up years but it was not abusive, nor traumatizing as we would normally think.
💯 agree, it depends on the stage ur at in life. I’m 37 & find that I’m more compatible with men in their 50’s. They usually been there done that & now at a more mature stage in life, where they value the women as a whole (& not just sex).
You hit the nail on the head when you talked about jobs--that is exactly what is happening right now in the workplace. People are finding alternate ways of making money. And you are right about most people not really wanting relationships--because they can get what they want in other ways. This creates a BIG problem for those of us who do want relationships and marriage, one that is not being addressed. I hear all the time about how marriage is good for you and that it is the path to success, but not one word about how to go about finding that quality person who has the character and values to make a good spouse, when said persons are in very short supply. So those of us who do believe in marriage and are looking for a partner who feels the same way are in a sense being set up for failure. If people aren't interested in relationships, you can't wave a magic wand and make them interested. And the ones who do want relationships may have to learn to do without--or change their values. Just like in the workforce--if nobody is interested in doing a particular job, it just doesn't get done and society will have to learn to do with less or do without entirely.
Yup, there’s no reason to do anything, really. If we can’t even simply meet/talk to/date anyone (decent) from the opposite gender, what’s the point of anything?! I’m moving to another country to find someone I can rely on for a long term relationship - that is absolutely pathetic.. but it’s my last resort unfortunately.
I like my job, I get to feel productive and competent, I push myself to learn new things, I'm challenged and feel useful. His advice is really bad, being lazy will lead you to being depressed.
I don't believe that unless for some very stubborn and stupid people who are probably afraid, there are people who don't want a relationship. And I don't believe that people are in short supply. It's just that there is less socialization so we think that there are fewer people, but if anything, there are 7 billion people around the world. There are millions in your country and thousands in your city. Even if you don't want to go and meet people outside your city, you have a lot of people to meet.
The problem for most of us (including myself) is becoming social and learning how to talk to stranger. Once you learn how to talk with strangers and how to try to ask people out, you'll be able to always have friends/partners.
@@bu5761 It's not pathetic, it's stupid! The "grass is not greener in the other side" is one of the truest and important proverbs out there!
Even if you find it, it isn't anything you wouldn't have found in your country.
@@cevanille1104 Who's advice? I'm sorry but I don't understand..
I'm Buddhist and so a central part of my thinking is acceptance of impermanence. When we realize that all relationships have a start and end, we move through life much more gracefully. And we are less anxious about forming or leaving relationships. I'm divorced and remarried. Who knows what the future holds, I love my spouse but I realize that anything can happen tomorrow. So I enjoy my life, and my relationships, in the present.
Spot on. For me the resources I have to expend on just trying to get into a relationship are prohibitive. I have been single for three and a half years and I simply don't want the hassle anymore.
Getting into the relationship is the easy bit. Maintaining the relationship over a 5, 10, 15 year period is the difficult bit. As Orion says, online is beginning to overtake "in real life" as the easier/stress-free/happier option.
Same. Moving out of the US just to find a long term relationship - it’s sad.
@@bu5761 finding a women in another country is very popular, I know several men that I work with, guys with very good careers and incomes doing it. I have seen men's channels on TH-cam advocating it. It is one area where the balance of power is in the man's favor. Ameican males earn more, are taller, and are higher status than other men in most of the world. Go south of the boarder, most of Latin America, most Asian counties,just think out of the box.
@@tomgrove7212 yes sir. Been planning for a couple years, intending on moving before the end of the year. One of my rental properties on the market now, the others I’ll keep as passive income. Can’t wait to get the hell out of this crazy place. And fellas I’m 6’4” - the height doesn’t make a difference - they only care about your car, watch, clothes, bs stories about how rich you are and where you can take them on vacation. No thanks! I’ll find a great woman who’ll actually stick around and appreciate me at a much better discount ✌️ and I’ll be happy to spoil her bc she won’t constantly be on the lookout for a ‘better deal’
@@bu5761 Combative western women tire western men.
Dr. Taraban it seems as the world has changed a lot and sadly we keep using the measuring stick from decades or event past centuries ago and that perspective does not apply nowadays. Thank you for all the great content you make for us all Sir!
Thank you, my brother. Everyone on earth should watch this video.
Blessings.
It's true for me. I'm 49 and I gave up on sex and relationships very early on, probably ~30 years ago. I had porn as an outlet, so never bothered putting energy into the risky business of appealing to women. This impacted on my drive to seek work, because I just needed enough to maintain myself. In ''another life'', I probably could have found a woman if I'd put in the effort. I'm average looking, but large framed and 6'4" and reasonably intelligent. I'm socially awkward in the realm of dating, but have no desire to improve myself. But my situation beats marrying a woman who needs a financial cushion and is only marginally into me.
Cope
There is not much reason to improve ourselves except ego.
Honestly they made the right decision not choosing you. Ultimately it was your own choice to lay down and not improve yourself in any meaningful way.
Your behavior is unattractive not your appearance. Stop avoiding women and tension and escapism. Set goals on approaching women and overcoming your fears. Numbers will follow, then dates, then relationship.
@samuelmorse784 It's not unattractive to avoid women , it's wise. I pretty much avoid women too. I'm having a very fulfilling, drama free life 💪
Fascinating, Orion. You have a great skill of explaining complicated topics in simple terms, and I agree with your assessment with regards to why men don’t get into relationships. I haven’t met many women that provide enough value for me to stay in a relationship with them. Having them simply show up without providing any traditional efforts whatsoever is no way to keep a man around. Gents, if you don’t have a girl putting effort in then she doesn’t like you like that. My mistake was experiencing a relationship where we both put in effort to the point that it turned into a positive feedback loop and we both ended up making each other very happy. That broke down due to religious differences, but that’s the dynamic I believe every man should aim for. Edit: by mistake I mean experiencing such a high-quality relationship will make it difficult for any woman coming after her.
I wish every man / woman has this mindset. It'll make the relationship and the world a better place. Also, as a man, I feel it's very hard to find women with this mindset.
Interesting take. I do believe in order for realionship to work both members have to put in the work.
except that the underlying reasoning of his argument is false lol
@@youtubesucks2755 what do you exactly mean ?
@@AR-182 that men want sex and women want money. If that was the case no one would have a crush on anyone in high schools. Places where prostitution is legal, men wouldn't even bother talking to women. Women who earn money wouldn't even date anyone.
This guy has perfect speech. Not one stutter and everything sound like a polished script without it being one.
Social media: what a gift.
Gifted to us by socially awkward nerds ❤
@@Macheako Gifted to humanity by rich socially awkward nerds with a strong skill in solving human problems.
Obviously, we are unfit to deal with it.
TH-cam is social media as well, so yes, it is a gift
I have to agree most people are more and more impatient nowadays and are so quick to walk away.
Never have been in a relationship and never will
Smart
I agree with you, but there's another part of the puzzle that I hope you can discuss another time, which is the time, energy, and money that different institutions and businesses demand from people once they start a relationship. When you think about it, society is demanding a lot from a couple that's just trying to focus on their relationship. Society demands a lot more time at work, a lot more financial resources to keep up with the cost of living, and a lot more energy is needed just to keep up with those things. Furthermore, if a couple has a child, from the moment the child is born to college graduation, it's potentially hundreds of thousands or, in some cases, millions of dollars for one child over at least two decades. That's a lot of financial pressure to put on a couple. The couple won't likely have the time to focus on their relationship if they're focused on making money and finding the energy to maintain a life. It's understandable why romantic relationships are on the decline.
Spot on, buddy. Exactly. It's basically slavery. Yet, I wonder if a couple who have awareness could bypass those traps?
I mean, if a layday always tries to keep with the jonses, and want bigger, better house- then slavery we go. But, if you realize that everything's buIIshit, that you don't have to buy so much, no need for your kid to go to college anymore in 2023, but rather find education someplace else, then...maybe there's a change?
But, yeah, for 95% of cases it feels like this lifestyle just could consume you alive that people give up on themselves, just to make it another day financially.
I struggled to understand the comparison you were making here?
You say that society demands more from couples. And my thinking was, "more than it demands from individuals?" But I *think* your intention was to say that more is demanded THAN IN THE PAST. Which...is just a convoluted way of saying that life is more expensive: fair enough.
Generally, however, societies incentivize marriage. e.g. Most individuals cannot afford a home on their own. However (a) two incomes can swing it, (b) you get tax breaks and equity from the property, and (c) there are additional tax breaks for being married.
So: I disagree. While inflating expenses ARE awful...their full impact is only seen in a culture of individuals that fail to grow together into families who share the burden. Our disillusionment with relationships came before things got too expensive.
@@everObvious I do think that individual extremism is one of the reasons why some people fail to grow together. But growing together as a couple also requires time and energy. It just feels like society and its growing demands are taking that away from people. Statistically, this can be seen. Fewer people are getting married, and more people are getting divorced. If what you are saying is fully true, more people would do it. If society expects people to participate in a particular way, where is the support for that outside of tax breaks, etc.?
Speaking from my position as a single man with experience with relationships, I don't think I would be able to keep up. And yes, I am speaking financially, but only partly. The time and energy needed for a relationship seem to be sparse. There needs to be some balance with life and work. This is my perspective, not the perspective.
@@Ayosubzero It seems I missed your initial point, my bad. I still don't understand you, then.
I'm biased by a western mindset: society here is something that you can opt out of. It has its influence. But you can become a nomad or move away from your birth family without overwhelming stigma. So when you mention society REQUIRING anything (time and energy, you say)...that all seems optional. The people you know might pressure you. But those people aren't Society, with a capital S.
You (kind of) say that less marriage is evidence of this societal pressure? No...less marriage is evidence of fewer men proposing. Divorce laws disproportionately favor women. Everyone could still (theoretically) desire relationships...just not the government intervention part. (Theoretically. We know this isn't true, because stats indicate that more people identify as being "single.")
I gave taxes as AN example of society's support/presumption of relationships...specifically, nuclear families. Our laws echo our taxes (like with inheritance and power of attorney passing to your spouse, by default): there's another example. My intent wasn't to be comprehensive, but to poke holes in the notion that society is anti-relationship.
I mean...maybe you are defining "society" differently than I would?
VERY well said, sir. And I agree. I think this has to do with the constant need for increases in production which stems from constant inflation. Companies need to constantly increase profits to keep up with inflation. This is passed on to their workers. In my adult working life expectations from employers have exponentially increased as well as the skills I need to constantly improve or new ones to learn. It ends up eating more into my personal life and the energy I have leftover after a day of work. You are correct. Great observation.
What value or benefits do men get out of relationships?? More men are waking up to female nature and walking away from the plantation.
hhhhhhh
It's sad to see that men have come to this specific idea. It's no wonder relationships are declining with men thinking this way
Ya, this is a good point as well - men get very little out of relationships nowadays in western culture - that's why marriage became a thing many years ago - women got smart and began withholding "bedroom fun" until they were married to secure the resources and the man secured a virgin to be his wife and he'd have exclusive bedroom access to...since the invention of birth control & no-fault divorce / alimony there are literally zero benefits for a man to get married today - better off avoiding women altogether with the way the court system works.
@@Johnny-CageFoolish comment. Numbers do not lie.
@@tyronevonchadley look, just because you suck at finding a woman who can provide value in a relationship doesn't mean that women can't provide value in a relationship 🤷🏽♂️
Thanks! This puts everything that's happening in our modern digital culture into perspective.
I think the ripple effects of these substitute online relationships can’t be overstated. Lots of men don’t learn how to talk to broader groups of people beyond their close associates, and lots of women lose any sense of reality with the market they eventually wind up dating in. In both cases, it just makes it harder to find a relationship when/if they decide they want one IRL.
Looks like men and women are happy with online rather than IRL. Hence the declining marriage and birth rates. It makes sense when you think about it. Women probably don't want to be single moms. And men don't want to lose custody and pay child support. Online seems to be the better and safer system.
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 I never made the connection between the single mom thing for women and divorce r@pe for men. That makes so much sense lol. Its still heavily skewed against men though
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540
If they were happy, depression and suicide wouldn't be at an all time high.
Most really aren't happy, but then happiness was never a mandatory feat for society to be upheld.
Porn is not trapping men. It's a solution to a problem because women are so difficult today. So men are being logical. Women don't want man? Man still has needs. Never met a man who chose porn over a woman. The problems start with women changing, continue with men not being able to support a household and end with hypergamy and the women choosing the top males. Leaving more than half the single males ignored. So as a man you can work 10, 20, 30 years for a woman to finally see you only because you have things or money or you can just check out because the juice isn't worth the squeeze. Your character and who you are as a person doesn't get women interested.
💯
I chose porn over a woman, mainly because, despite a strong sex drive, I wished to explore Nature and read interesting books. I had no interest in social status as it was so species-specific and a limited view of things. I figured that no woman would go for that way of thinking! I wish they would stop saying sex for men is a need. It is a strong want only, and is a horrible way to make a woman feel guilty if she does not provide. No matter how much "love" a relationship may offer, the couple uses each other big time. I am not against others having relationships, but let's stop the glorification of them.
@@stephenjones5304 your logic checks out.
No my dear friend. Porn is not a solution to a problem that women have caused. Stop blaming women for everything. Women will always choose men with good characters.
@@lydia_d505 Soime women do choose wisely. Many do not, and go with the exciting yet irresponsible bad boy and pay the price. Check all the online stories. Thanks.
Sir, I ran across your page a few months ago and really came to like your videos. You make so much sense. As a single man at 52, and someone who has been around the world, I can see exactly what you are saying. I live in Turkey and just finished a tour of Eastern Europe a couple weeks ago. I went to Ukraine, Moldova, and Romania. I used to live in Ukraine many years ago. And as a single man, that was my Heaven on earth! :) But this last time, it wasn't so! I saw the difference in how women became, and even in Ukraine, they don't seem to want relationships with anyone. Most women I met there said they were married or had boyfriends, but I think they are married or in so-called 'relationships' in order to satisfy their egos, because women never want to be totally single and alone. They are with men whom they probably don't care for too much, and they do what ever they want, not caring what their man thinks or says. It's a sad world!
I love this channel so much is a very rare and objective to see things. This understanding does not only come from text books is a result of a life of seeking understanding
He says in his description that the videos are inspired by his clinical practice, so he has real life experience with real life people.
It's really easy to understand the world if you are open-minded, and you look around you. This person really knows what he's talking about!
In the past, when marriage was sacred and protected, divorce discouraged, it provided the guard rails for both men and women to not only get together, but also stay together.
@@Snoop_Dugg in the past marriage was forced and done only to bring some money for parents
Because they were forced to, not because they wanted to be together.
@Morgan313 Do you say that about dogs or cats or bonobos or lions and elephants?
Many mammals stick together because they are made to be together.
@@Snoop_Dugg Please tell me more about the cat, dog, bonobo, lion, and elephant legal systems 🙄. Maybe you’re too young to understand that grandma had no financial freedom and had to get married to survive.
@@Snoop_Dugg You sound a bit too young to understand that women were legally restricted from having their own credit cards and could not get into many careers because of their gender.
Wow wow wow!!! Binge watching a lot of your vids and making notes. Absolutely fantastic stuff. Thanks for sharing ❤
This is pretty much how i have been living the last 6-8 years. My past relationships and observing women and how they react to me now that i am older and uglier. I've just been trying less and less. since i hit 23 its a repeat of never enough, not fit enough, not enough wealth not enough masculine tendencies, too much wealth too much muscle etc.
Now that i am 30 and i am in the to 10% of income, there's still better men out me who will snatch her away from my arms. So why bother tbh? i dont mind transactional relationships, its the way humans are but the way things are now is insane.
I'm now concentrating on living a good life alone, I likely wont be a family man nor will I likely ever marry. Its sad but "it is what it is", i never asked for this. I wanted to provide and care for a woman who provides so much less then me, I tolerated insane bullshit from women in the past. It was just never enough and there always was a better deal around the corner, so fuck it tbh. I give up
change your social circle or environment if women really are like that around you.. or look at yourself and ask what you can change about yourself as well
Why were you tolerating bullshit for one? Dude you are the guy you gota act like it once you realize what peacec of shit women are in general you will be able to treat them in a way that works but you’re right it isn’t actually worth it. If I were you, I would consider getting a wife from Thailand or something. But you gota stay over there are western women are beyond saving corrupt through and through
A great satisfaction I have as an older man, is that the women who once rejected me, now want who I am, not me. Women never want the man, they want what he represents
@@polpol1005 honestly that whole change yourself thing is getting fucking old. Its almost as tiring as the "just beeee yourself" or the "follow your heart" bullshit. Do everyone a favor keep your hot advice to yourself.
Everyone who followed that advice got royally fucked, especially those whose passions were in art.
@@rogerm3708 Yeah, this is why i am slowly giving up. There is no love there just objectification, which i would be okay with to some degree but ill be honest its not something i am willing to commit to or build a family with.
as a man i don't want a relationship because it's simply not worth it in any way. keeping things casual is the best option.
This is a really brilliant and easy to understand analysis of what is happening.
I see 2 tendencies in humanity:
- Some learn to deal with this new technology trends, integrate them into a healthy lifestyle and help other people to do the same.
- Some resist everything which is not artificial until they notice that the systems needed to maintain all these artificial occurrences entirely corrupted our whole biosphere (reminds me of the music video: "Noise" from Nightwish, which is basically a warning for us).
You spoke so much truth, men also seek sexual satisfaction on women they are not that attracted to, ones they have no intentions on taking serious, or “dates” as an alternative rather than risk wasting time and money to often times be rejected. Women usually have male friends that provide them the boyfriend experience without receiving “benefits” where they leverage the possibility of sex for as long as they can. It’s a sad world we live in as I am well aware of these dynamics. Where both parties outweigh risk vs reward and conclude that a relationship that requires work and investment, potentially provide a long term bond and satisfaction does not come out victor. Ig convenience will always sell.
"boyfriend experience". I'm definitely stealing that quote. It is brilliant. Too many SIMPs in the friendzone providing the BFE.
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 Guy friends and male orbiters
Best comment in this video! You added an amazing point in the already amazing point Dr. Taraban made
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 Yep! Then those SIMPs cry and blame ALL women for their inability to move on and sick what they want.
PATHETIC!
This was my paradigm toward relationships until I got a little older and wanted to raise a family. Once that becomes your focus, the calculus changes dramatically. Once you have a mutual set of biological investments who profoundly benefit from your monogamous relationship, it becomes more win win.
Except divorce rates are also at over 60 percent I believe.
Yeah good luck finding a woman who has any capacity for pair bonding left.
Divorce rates 60%, 80% of which initiated by wahman
Ultimately, both men and women want holistic intimacy, mutual support and a suitable reproductive partner. Family is the ultimate goal of sex and "sexual opportunity" is much better expressed as reproductive opportunity. The guy in this video is taking an excessively reductive and mechanistic approach that ignores far too much.
If the primary reason you are staying with a partner is for kids, the relationship is doomed. Having kids, moreover, usually puts enormous strain on a relationship. The mother of my children became a different person when we had kids, much harder to deal with. Kids, God bless them, are usually the primary reasons why divorce occurs, though it is taboo to say so for obvious reasons
your tv reflection perfectly completes the bookshelf
I give up on dating. Modern women aren't romantic with me.
Accepting I'll probably never get married, never have children, be alone for decades and die alone rotten in an appartment was the hardest and still is... but I had to accept it to continue my life. Cope only stays if you still have hope.
yikes
Have you tried taking real steps to meet someone? Assuming that is what you want
Things could be worse.
@@rpmx9699it's a very tough market out there when 90% of the time the females swipe left.
Sure, there are some people who have the gift of gab and get what they want but the vast majority have neither the talent nor the training or guidance and aren't getting anywhere
@@rpmx9699 No he didn't. The first step is to understand that you don't "have" to live a specific way but you can choose how you want to live. OP has to understand that first.
Holy smokes, doc - you absolutely killed it with this one. That all made perfect sense
You always make me think. And most of the time I completely agree with you. On this one I have a slightly different take but not completely different … Ever since I saw Dr. Peter Gray do a TEDx talk on how the decline of free play in childhood is correlated with the rise of narcissistic behaviors, I can’t unsee it. That feels like the underlying issue here. Intimacy is scary and when people don’t know how to form relationships or interact with people because they did not get the appropriate level of freedom to play as children (absent adult supervision) they lack the necessary social skills to develop intimate relationships. And I agree with you there’s other places to satisfy their needs for attention, sexual stimulation, etc.. But ultimately, it’s a hollow win because we are designed for connection as a species and I really believe the fact that depression and anxiety are at a high is evidence that sex without connection (pornifird sex) and attention without connection (social media) is not fulfilling enough for people. I feel bad that this youngest adult generation seems primed for an intense midlife crisis, which I tend to think of as an opportunity for healing. Let’s hope for the best!
I was so shocked when I discovered your channel months ago because you’re a professional in the field of psychology who confirms much of what I hear in the RP manosphere space.
Try to find actual science backing up his views on transactional nature of a relationship. You can choose to take that view and suffer the consequences, but there's nothing objectively true about it. Of course it's a useful thing to keep in mind, but to also understand that a relationship between two emotionally mature adults is so much more than a market transaction.
@@Peteismi
That’s modern goobly gock what you said. Relationships aren’t the mystical enlightened things you imagine. All relationships are transactional. Define emotionally mature? By what metric do you define that by.
@@Peteismiactually the traditional Asian style arranged marriages are exactly what he says, transactional 😂😂😂
This is a truly fascinating and eye opening take on the state of affairs with relationships!
This is why prostitution is illegal. Women would be out of business.
No - it is illegal since some immoral men would pimp women for money and let those women only keep a small percentage of her exploitation.
@dmoneydmoney6050, Wrong. Throughout history it’s only a very small minority of women that become prostitutes. I lived in a country that had generally available prostitution. It skewed the sexual power dynamic in favor of men.
@@brawndothethirstmutilator9848 which country?
It is still very easy to get an escort these days despite it being illegal. Honestly, it's a far better option and cheaper in the long run. Modern women just aren't worth the investment.
The world is bigger than the US. In most countries, prostitution is not illegal
As soon a woman gets offered a commitment, she doesn't want it anymore, BUT is offended, if the man doesn't offer that said commitment.
Because commitment isn’t something that the man should angle for. That is the job of the woman. When a man openly offers commitment, it signals to the woman that he is “desperate” to tie her down because he is “afraid” to lose her. It doesn’t matter if that isn’t actually the case, but this is how she feels. That is her perception of the situation and in turn she gets turned off.
Women are more attracted to men that don’t need them, men that live life with or without the woman by his side. This signals to the woman that he is so confident in himself that he could replace her at any time if need be, and isn’t desperate to have her in his life.
Woman are most attracted to the man that COULD cheat on her but doesn’t, that WANTS her but doesn’t NEED her, the guy that has half a dozen options but picks HER.
If she gets picked out of a half a dozen options, to her it means that she won because she is “BETTER” than all the rest and that is why she got chosen. Again it doesn’t matter if that isn’t actually the case, but that’s the way she feels!
Women are slaves to their emotions, their feelings are their “reality”. If reality doesn’t align with their feelings, often times reality will then be ignored.
Women want marriage, but they also want divorce. Make it, make sense.
@@jermaineayivoh8263 Hit the nail right on the head. Men’s issue is that they keep trying to deal with women they same way we deal with other men. We expect other men to behave rationally, and not emotionally, as emotions are unstable. We try to do the same with women, when in reality women fundamentally CANT move like this. As you said, their emotions is their reality, men NEED to understand this. Until then, they’ll keep getting disappointed, expecting women to be as rational as we are.💯
@@jermaineayivoh8263I'm so attractive I tell all women to kick rocks so I can fap. They chase me in decades....balance.
@@jermaineayivoh8263if you are a really high value man in her eyes you don’t need to worry about asking for commitment. Women only lose interest if she wasn’t completely into the guy. If a woman is really into you and you delay too much commitment she’s going to lose interest eventually as well
Nowadays, a "relationship" is nothing but a business partnership.
Always has been.
@@godnyx117This!
That's all it's ever been. Even more so in the old days when it united families and land.
@@thedude8526 I think you are mistaking peasant marriage for elite marriage. Peasants were not marrying for land, it was only an elite thing, kings, monarchs e.t.c.
Depends on what you make it. You and partner can design any relationship you want...more options now than ever. Don't have to follow what it appears everyone else is doing
I disagree with "men don't want to put in the work for relationship /sex because they find pron easier." GenZ men WANT relationships, but women just don't allow it because they are looking for the better deal, fall for the illusion on social media or are dating older guys. I read somewhere that females always dictate the rules of the sexual market place.
Bro most GenZ men are gonna get swept under the rug. They are so disconnected from really, are so sensitive, unfunny and uncool that no girl wants anything to do with them unless they have tons of cash to make up for how insecure and unbearable they are. GenZ has no culture
They do. The data shows it. However, it’s young women from age 18-25 that have the most power to shape the rules, and with feminism, they are shaping the rules and they’re like spoiled children that have no idea what they’re doing.
In the past, her father would make the wise decision of who to marry her off to, but that’s now seen as sexist, so we are letting the 18yr old shape society and look at where we are now in this dystopian sexual marketplace.
sexual marketplace but not commitment marketplace.
This younger females unfortunately do not understand.
yeah the better deal thing really fucking gets me, honestly it makes me feel nothing when they come crying about being used after treating men like trash for years.
Men and woman aren't looking for the same things in relationships. As a man it seems to me that the only time I'm "Wanted" By woman is when I'm Needed for something/ Useful.
If I chose to be useless I would also be choosing to be alone.
Woman can choose to be useful or not. It's the same It's always been. My role is rigid and static,uncaring and non-negotiable.Yours is fluid and flexible, it has to be right for you, and most importantly, the quality of the relationship is dictated by me and my Interactions. You can act however you want to and justify it by saying I made you feel a certain way, And I'm forced to conform to a stale tired existence of Perpetual work. Endlessly cow towing for the Possibility of sex that will most certainly be less and less frequent AND less and less satisfying over time as your relationship withers on the vine.......
Hard to believe why relationships are failing Amiright?!
We are screwed man…. I am so sad to live in this time
This channel is pure gold. Thank you for sharing what you have been working so hard for 🙏🏽
I can’t imagine the pain you went through to have the motivation to transcend these spheres of life.
Traditional societal values and stigmas around marriage, infidelity and divorce takes most of the risk right out of relationships. They serve as guardrails. Combined with restrictions of sex outside wedlock, and attention and resources outside marriage, it makes marriage look much more palatable.
I kindly disagree with the men bit. Men not only desire sexual opportunity, but also the comfort that only a woman can provide them. If you ever spend some time hearing incels complain about their problems, you'd soon realize it's not an issue of sex. They can watch porn and go to prostitutes, and some do, but still feel miserable. Moreover, most men watch porn and that still applies to men within relationships. I believe the impact porn has on men's relationship seeking efforts is taken out of proportion. Most of the reason men do not seek relationships is either because the competition and standards are too fierce or because they find women a potential liability (be it through divorce, baby trapping, resource draining, etc.)
Marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows, women file 80% of divorces and chronic social isolation drives people insane. Welcome to the forever purge!
it really goes to show how tone and presentation makes such a difference. this is literally the same as red pill stuff, yet everyone loses their minds over redpill and praises dr Orion
I think you’re right on point. I also think that it’s worth some additional consideration that due to the high tenancy of marriages, ending up in divorce, that this also highly influences young people, and their perception about the risks and rewards of relationships.
After all young peoples first perception about love Fidelity, often first are imparted by their parents. So if they’re early perception of relationships is colored by their own parents to force, then it’s less likely that they’re going to have a fair perception of all relationships.
💯% facts. If you see your dad lose his money, house and kids in divorce, why would you want to repeat that BS when you grow up.
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540or if your dad cheated on your mom and caused her so much pain she had to leave for peace. So many people come from broken, angry homes. Easier to use people than love them. These are the sins children inherit from their parents. They will never know true love until they make it right with God.
@beac8238 a man can be divorced even if he didn't cheat, and the state will still take half his wealth and give it to the woman. The consequences of "no fault divorce" have made made marriage financial guillotine that's based on the whims of women. If you eliminate this legalized robbery, then relationships can revert back to normal, but until then, marriage is untenable.
Even if porn was illegal I still wouldn't approach women. It's not worth the rejection, ghosting, and mind games.
Get some self esteem and just hard next a chick if she disrespects you. NEXT NEXT NEXT. Rejection is fine, who cares. NEXT
and false accusations
You don't just cold approach women. They will make it known they're interested first so then you can approach.
you have to remember that even if you do manage to pull a woman, she can use you till something better comes along. I am happy being single, i can't stand drama.
@@jayc342009Exactly. A woman has to to have a high-level of attraction towards you in order for the possibility of monkey branching to decrease. Any even then, you never really know. There's ALWAYS a "better" option for her, in her mind.
I don't want to run the risk of being a single mum, being taken advantage of or ever get caught in a Domestic Violent Relationship
I'm afraid I have to beg to differ on one thing. There's no equivalence between porn for men and social media for women. Men don't prefer porn, men retreat to porn. You're not going to find many men who would choose to jerk their chicken instead of having sex and a living relationship with a woman who is attracted to them if that option were available.
Onlyfans money isn't virtual, it's real money and many women would rather risk being one of many OF 'creators' who make peanuts or who end up stalked by fans than date an average guy.
Women left men enmasse and men left alone, are now blamed for how they choose to soothe their loneliness as though they chose to be lonely. The loneliness came first and women can end it anytime they decide they want to date and raise families with the ordinary men they think they're too good for in a world built on the toil of ordinary men
What if I'm just genuinely not interested in having a relationship, I just really have no desire at all to go out with a girl yet
I agree. The internet can fulfill the most basic needs of a relationship(sex & resources) for men and women. Friendships and family members can provide human connections and a place of belonging.
This is a great breakdown of what's happening today.
Excellent assessment. I wonder what sad event would be the catalyst to turn people back to each other. People are growing in depression and emptiness, but the matrix is far more comforting than really dealing with real life..
Stop looking for validation, don’t validate, just don’t give a F***
I prefer monk life. Peaceful
Women do not want relationships, just an ATM and likes.
And can you blame them? No .
@@SmoothCode The do not ask for help to normal guys after being run off by thugs, hun.
Marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows.
@@nosotrosloslobosestamosreg4115 According to Orion, men are by their very nature incapable of loyalty. That being the case, why would any woman value a man for anything but his money and his looks?
You are absolutely right, the problem I have with the world today is that at the same time we say "oh young people have stopped having sex", we also say "sleeping around and hooking up is bad", so what do we do then? me personally I just wanna find ONE good girl thats only for me, and I might have someone right now.. but I feel its a very tough problem overall. Cuz its like either way its gonna go wrong it seems? 100 years ago you would marry, then have sex, then children, it was much safer today no wonder theres so many single people its sad
exactly. society is like "men and women are having less sex" then they say "we're living in a hook up culture" which is it?
This is so right! Congratulations for clearly stating what everyone could confusely feel was going on.
Thanks a lot for all your videos man, I've learned so much from them! All the best
You give that much to him (£25 = at least $30) and the guy doesn’t reply or even give you a simple like? WTF?
If I ever get the urge to get married, I'll just find a woman I like and buy her a house.
don’t like
That's transactional mindset. You have a target on your back, exposed to predatory (i.e. opportunist) women.
😂
@@mbg9650 He was being sarcastic
😂
There was a time in my life when I truly wanted to believe that relationships actually involve love and mutual desire for one another. But an unrelenting slew of arguments like yours coupled with the fact that every relationship I’ve ever been in, has been a cataclysmic disaster that left me with horrible emotional scars has convinced me that this is the reality of the situation. So excepting that is the case, why then, would you want people to return to being in relationships? Why would you want people to be in a fundamentally dishonest pairing where they cynically extract sec and resources from one another when they could be honest about what they want and just pay each other openly for it?
Haha I’ve never been dreaming about getting married or having a family so my relationship situation was never crucial. However, on the back of my mind I still had a glimmer of hope to meet a person with whom I may connect deeply not just as a friend but romantically. There was something magical about this thought. When I finally met a person I felt something warm and exciting towards I even got brave enough to let them know about it. Only to be ignored (before that he had been showing signs of affections towards me too so idk what magic happened right after I confessed😂). Now I’m in my 20s and I don’t want to search for someone on purpose, cause this seems even more unnatural to me. Everyone keeps saying I’m… naive (to put it mildly), but I really don’t see any sense in trying search for something so fleeting and almost fictional as mutual love.
Btw I have really close friends, passion for my hobbies, and a lot of love for this planet, people and animals. So I think my needs are covered without getting into a relationship. Romantic love is different, but I’m not sure it would made such a big difference in my life and well-being 🤔
Well said. The future is gonna be freedom filled for those who get it.
Its real and its not fleeting
Love turns from its honeymoon phase to deep appreciation over time
Dont give up, nothing good in this world is easily attained
The way around it for men, is to travel to places where you're appreciated physically (Philippines, Vietnam, Guatemala, Mexico). The way around it for women, is to refuse to give up any form of nookie or nudity until you're inside the committed relationship
Stop idealizing asian women, it's a big big mistake, believe me. Someone I know from the phillipines was just telling me today how their son was framed by his gf with a fake accusation to try to get money from his family. All of them filipinos. The women in Asia are going exactly in the same direction as western women, albeit just with a bit of delay.
@@king-manu2758 you’ll be surprised to learn the Guatemala and Mexico are not in Asia.
@@Fullyautomagic it's the same. Going to third world countries only means you'll find women who want a transactional relationship.
I had one boyfriend before I met my husband. The first boyfriend I had sex with, to discover after a few weeks he was addicted to porn, and brutal, and would not learn any different (I was the problem according to his porn brain). Women should be able to leave a relationship is the guy is sexually dysfunctionnal and won't progress. You can't know that before you had sex with them. It's not all about reproduction, women want good lovers too.
@@cevanille1104 i think that's fine. I believe this incel obsession with women being virgins is a total autistic sperg out. As long as you're not a total perv who's used to getting railed by an entire football team (that's as bad for men as the porn brain guy is for women) then it shouldn't be an issue if you tried relationships before and they didn't work.
I love being in solitude. I found selfs love and I competed myself…. I living in the beautiful balance,harmony and peace. I don’t feel anymore having relationships to risk to disturb my beautiful world.
I think another issue is that rotations and monkey branching has led to a form of pseudo-polyamory that is making serial monogamy less desirable. The individual relationships don’t matter as much because they can easily be swapped out for something better at a moment’s notice. Also, abundance mindset has led to an unwillingness to compromise on anything.
Best comment!! Most accurate explanation for ALL of this!
The internet has ruined our species. Our need for socialization and community has been replaced with an online surrogate that has removed any need to physically interact.
At nearly 30 I'm one of the rare few that was able to comprehend life before widespread internet take over, as well as mature into adulthood with it as a prominent part of life. I firmly believe my generations obsession with nostalgia is based on a instinctual urge to return to that pre internet time.
Absolutely agree, 36 here and I also remember a night and day difference in the world before high speed internet and especially before social media and smartphones.
Those early stages in the 90s of the world wide web Age of Information weren't so bad, but it's gotten to a rate of information consumption that's likely lowered baseline dopamine in developed countries with widespread access today. Our species evolved with in-person communication for hundreds of thousands of years (potentially even half a million) and then had telegraphs and telephones for a few centuries, and now this global internet for merely a few decades. Who knows the true long-term effects of this global technology generations from now. Relationships, employment, community involvement - all seem to be distracted by the internet today.
From other point of view I think internet is just a reflection of reality it shows how bad and miserable humans are.
I am so glad I found this this channel. Learning so much.