Most MEN BLOW the FIRST DATE: why you are your own worst enemy
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ก.ย. 2024
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On a first date, too many men snatch defeat from the jaws of success. In today's episode, I discuss why a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and why many guys talk their way out of a sexual opportunity. In their desire to impress women, men come off as boring, boorish, and self-centered. However, by learning the importance of maintaining women's fantasies intact, they'll be able to turn their franchises around.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#dating #psychology #relationship
On a first date, too many men snatch defeat from the jaws of success. In today's episode, I discuss why a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and why many guys talk their way out of a sexual opportunity. In their desire to impress women, men come off as boring, boorish, and self-centered. However, by learning the importance of maintaining women's fantasies intact, they'll be able to turn their franchises around.
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Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/
Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks
Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban
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Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993
Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
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Book a paid consultation:
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oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode
Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#dating #psychology #relationship
Annoying
It fits with my experience with the people who are the least mature
So keeping a woman's fantasies intact? No offense but if you succeed in getting the girl this way it seems like a way to leads to a disastrous divorce.
I've found women across the board respond positively to story telling of interesting events you have experienced
That's called a "blessing in disguise".
There's a book called Casanova Playbook of Magnetism, and it talks from body language and conversaton starters to dark mind tricks and flirting through texts, it's the real deal
@@Ziggler-ky9kv really?
I've seen this copy pasted on a few videos like this. Alot of likes and like no comments. Kinda sus
Sometimes you just chose a nice restaurant, and it is this reason alone the made her leave her house.
@@fmmnta You god damn right just choosing something for the first date that she finds genuinely appealing is all it takes to start things off right and shows your competence in being a good leader in the relationship. When getting to know someone your interested in use your first conversations to find out about their interests and desires. You get bonus points if the date goes well and she didn't do something like this with anyone else before.
First come the women then the whiskey.😂
"your actual existence has a near-zero chance of correlating with her fantasy"
Simultaneously laughing and crying.
This is why, as a woman, I made it a rule to always give ourselves atleast 2 times to go out. Because we can both mess up the first time even though there may be potential
Results?
And it would be really great if women or maybe men too stop ghosting, and leave someone hanging after they thought they had a great date. You can always reply “sorry, not interested” and block the person after you send it, if you so afraid or uncomfortable to have to talk to them again
That's so considerate.
Yes, actually most people mess up first rounds. Second rounds surprise often...I think there was a dating expert on a podcast channel, where they mentioned that too. Simply giving a second date lead to a way better result, don't be too quick to dismiss.
You sound half decent as a person you know!
If someone likes you, you don't have to try hard to get their attention.
but better to not give a phq. anyways.
I never had to try for any of my LTRs. We just clicked before there was even a date. No ridiculous audition for either of us. We bonded quickly. My last LTR is my wife of 40+ years. Dating today seems like a painful grind. Glad I'm old.
No, but you can quite easily make her unattracted by talking too much
This is not about getting their attention but keeping it.
Bingo.
People will forget what you say, but they DON’T forget the way you made them feel.
Talk less. Listen more. Have fun.
Yip, you got it.
It's about how you make a woman feel!
It's amazing... it's like you and I watched the same video on TH-cam... I think it's meant to be.
I am an executive recruiter. I send people out on first interviews/ dates all the time. The resume validates the ability to do the job. I teach my candidates to not re-validate themselves with a speech about their value but to converse with the interviewer ironically getting the interviewer to talk more. It works. The interviewer, usually a woman, literally talks herself through the interview without having time for close ended questions. Then the kicker: when the time is running short, I instruct the candidate to gracefully end the interview. Something like, "I know we had 30 minutes scheduled. Thank you so much for the conversation. Let me know the next steps..." And done.
Thank you!
HAHAHAHA!!! That's Peter Faulks, Detective Columbo w/an assumptive close. It's a really good technique.
Thank you for sharing this. Very useful in the stage I'm in.
@bobdavis7290 It's a great technique. I call it the push and pull method, when yall are together It's her job to do most of the talking. As a man your like a puzzle to her, let her have fun trying to solve you and dig into the details of your life as time go by. Completely revealing your hands in the first couple of interactions, means she's solved the puzzle, so the attraction fades. Men don't enjoy playing those games, which is why they're quick to reveal everything about themselves. Be a puzzle she actually has to put the effort in trying to solve, that's what keeps her mind stimulated. Anything outside of this is going to fill her with boredom💯
This won't work for a technical interview or a job that requires multiple rounds of interviews with different hiring managers
I learned a long time ago that it's not important if the woman likes you, but it's more important if you like her. This allows you to ask open-ended pertinent but reasonable questions that are important to you, which get the woman to talk about herself. If you don't like what she says, how her behavior is, you can end the date, bid her adieu, and keep it moving to the next woman.
that's right and also huMAN frequently emphasized upon the issue of gents having, and adhering to, relevant standards in view of xx.s to vet, not unlike those for friendships, too.
Thank you.
That’s the manner in which I operate. Everything else hogwash.
✌️
Blowing the first date will result in saving a ton of $$, a lot of hassle and lots of grief. Blowing the first date is a blessing.
It's a blessing if you didn't like her, and/or you actually learn from the experience.
Being in a good relationship>being single>being in a stressful/toxic relationship
7:55 this part literally made me laugh out loud. The less women know about the man, the better his odds. Isn’t that the truth.
If you’ve been through a divorce you want her to leave you sooner rather than later.
Impressing her is the opposite of what you need to do. Be real, be honest.
If she wants you it’s all ready over. She has to need you.
Yep. It's never a good idea to spill the beans on your personal life on the first date.
I've been trying to teach this to guys for ages now. It's 100% fact. Every time!
You should never, EVER lie to a woman (or anyone for that matter), but the more you say, the more you talk yourself out of a sale.
Every detail you don't tell her about your life works to your advantage. Her mind will fill in the gaps with what she wants you to be. The more gaps, the more you're the man to fulfil her fantasies.
I don't even tell women what i do for a living on the first date. I'm retired (at age 40) and live off of interest and dividends. Boring! And she'll probably see that as flaunting my wealth.
Instead, her mind will wonder why I won't talk about my job. She'll make up her own fantasy. I've had women tell me they thought I was a drug dealer or criminal (which turned them on!), a CIA government spy, a hitman, a secret billionaire, a bounty hunter, an informant in witness protection, and all sorts of crazy stuff like that.
Men might be better at imagining things like how to fix the car. But when it comes to fantasy, women are the gold medalists.
Guys....stop talking and start asking more questions!!!
how do you answer when they ask you whats your job on the first date?
So in technicality, men want women to be delusional for their own benefit? If women were to see any man for what he truly is, will they all leave?
Also do you think this concept works if you're trying to have longevity? How do you think the dynamic of that relationship will be once she realizes that you are not what she thought you were?
If anything this just goes to show that you're not confident in yourself to the point that you want her to believe things about you that are not true. You're still lying if you are concealing information. It's a lie of omission.
It's ok to vet, but a whole another thing to trail someone along into believing falsehoods. If you do this to a good person, the emotional damage from it is very dangerous. As much as you might think it's "hot" to seem mysterious, you're responsible for your own self image.
Of course people can have their misunderstandings but if you're not correcting them, then you're the one fostering misconceptions. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if a woman did that back to you.
@@MrAlb3rtazzo
"Great question! That'll give us something exciting to talk about on our next date."
See how I build excitement AND throw in the assumptive close there?
@twilight1181
You ever had a job interview?
@@-glitch-8195
We don't want them to be delusional. It's just how they are. So you have to learn to understand it and play along.
You won't get to longevity if she kicks you to the curb after one date. And most girls WILL do that for the most trivial of reasons, because they have endless options today.
It's not a lie of omission because I specifically tell them I'm not answering that question. I don't force them to make stuff up in their heads.
And seriously, the hypocrisy! Do you think women tell me that the reason they're asking is because they're trying to get me to reveal how much wealth, status, and income I have? Only a fool would believe there's any other reason a woman asks about your job in the first few minutes of knowing a man. Now THAT is a lie of omission.
So sure, I should be correcting them, as you say. Because we all know there's nothing in this world a modern woman loves more than when a man corrects her. LOL
In all my studies on relationships, as well as the ones I’ve been in, this is the greatest summation of practical knowledge I’ve ever heard, and it’s being explained in the most sensible way possible.
Anyone who doesn’t listen to this man and is having issues getting a second date needs a few hard hitting life experiences to get the lesson.
Not one person is perfect simple
No nonsense, demystifying, clear facts. I've never heard such a straight to the point, acute, sagacious, empirical talk about this. So many men (and women, as a consequence) can benefit from this. Pragmatic, practical, useful, game-changer. Exactly what is needed to be understood. Brilliant.
Thanks for the support! It helps me keep going.
You're steadily becoming one of my favorite content creators. You're so genuine and wholesome and you give a different perspective than some of the other manisphere while still sprinkling your own special mix. I'm here for it. Many others are. Thanks for doing what you do brother 👊
In my experience, the vast majority of relationships or experiences I’ve had with women didn’t come from going on “dates”. It came from just clicking in the beginning and it usually history from there. I feel like taking a woman on a date in the first place puts you in a position where you have to impress her, the ball is in her court, she’s the judge. This dynamic isn’t healthy in my opinion because in my experiences a woman has to look up to you. Admire you and crave you emotional attention for a relationship to truly thrive. Kinda like Orion said with her being the adorer. Dates inherently puts the man in the position of having to be the adorer which automatically messes up the power dynamic in terms of attraction, raising the chances of failure.
I can’t tell men not to take women out on dates, but what I will tell you is that when a woman is REALLY feeling you, she’ll usually see a date as a waste of time because she’s already made her mind up about you, and just want to be around as much as she can.💯💯
No dating doesn't put u in adorer
.
.
@@profet1385 I didn’t say dating itself makes a man the adorer. It’s the act of taking a woman out on a date itself, that places a man in the adorer position. For me it’s always just clicked, I see her, she sees me, she shows interest, I pull up and talk to her and it’s just great times from there. No planning, no time wasted, just pure attraction.💯
This is actually terrible advice. Nearly every woman I spoke to are turned off by low effort, even if the guy is a Chad.
@@RH-td7vc Where did I say put no effort? You obviously still have to spit game and mentally stimulate a woman. I’m talking about going on dates or making big expenses right off the bat. That’s a recipe for failure.
@@RH-td7vc "Spoke to". Look at what they do, not what they say.
I needed this video 24 hours ago…talked myself out of a first date by shattering the fantasy too soon.
I got a good lesson in this shortly after I moved to Mexico. My Spanish was only basic but I went on first dates with women who spoke English well and some who spoke no English at all. Only one of the first dates with an English-speaking woman went well while all of the dates with women who spoke zero English went well to very well. I knew enough Spanish to answer basic questions and ask questions of her, and to attentively listen to her answers. I spent 75% of the date making eye contact and smiling and/or nodding. The woman was pleased and wanted a second date.
Divorced 6 months ago and im proud to say that i crush it on first dates. im so relaxed, playful, and make them feel super comfortable. they always complement how unapologetic i say things and how direct i am. all with humor. It has been ME who’s turned down women, not the other way around
And modest too...
@@siheath3648 🤣
@@siheath3648 Dont HATE him because he is beautiful!
Still having sex with your ex..
Ok
After her divorce my cousin Samantha spent some time going out to get laid. She would always find a guy she wanted to hook up with, but he would usually talk her out of it.
how would they talk her out of it
well... sometimes it did dawn on me in past encounters that I'd possibly come to 'blow' things via certain nxt move - but I gave it a phq. xx.s can't | won't ever again help selves not to come out as chunks of redflag, actually. and the probability of relative mis-fit is at 98.5%+ I guess. beyond, in looking at how rare a man I am (mirroring xx.s delusion calculator-wise...) I'm defo not into selling myself short to ignoramuses (better sad | safe than sorry)... may xx.s be lead by their tingles straight into wolves' fangs. alright.
@@JJ-vp3bd By talking. Didn't you watch the video?
about what exactly @@lonestarr1490
I've found that the women who end up being an actually decent lay are not the ones so easily talked out of sleeping with them.
So true, I’ve blown dozens of first dates. Women have a way of getting you to open up and before you know it, you’ve dug your own grave! I’ve only just realised this and you’ve confirmed it….thank you.
I completely concur. My approach to dating when I was single was based on the premise that men have no idea what women found attractive in men; we just vaguely know what turns them off. Based on that don’t do the obvious things that turn women off, always be polite, have fun, and if she ends up not wanting a second date-be as cool as a cucumber about it. From there, like Orion pointed out, it’s a crap shoot.
Also, another reason for men to do most of the listening is to not give away to much of yourself. I like to think of each date as an opportunity to tell her about one thing about me. Dates are like giving little clues about yourself. Anyway, awesome video.
One thing about yourself per date?! Either you plan on going on a lot of dates with a woman, or there's really not much going on with you.
Hell, if I revealed just one thing per date the woman in question could easily suspect me to be a Russian spy at the day of our marriage still.
I treat the first date as an interview for them. I don’t do casual dating as it’s a been there done that situation. I keep telling guys: when you’re in control of your sexuality and primal urges as a man, and you really analyse what a woman is saying: watch her dance for you. The table is now turned.
They don't dance. They can't dance. They're do self-involved and aimless to dance. Once you realize what they are, you cannot enjoy them or their company. A selfish, rotten creature is disgusting and a waste of energy and time.
@@eladbari There’s no analogy, it’s just a figure of speech to say, sit back and let them put on a show for you. Instead of you trying to please them.
And, in my case it tends to come off as desperation on their part. It's amusing, occasionally annoying...end of the day, no sale.
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. Jesus Christ loves you so much that He died for your sins and rose from the dead. If you repent from evil ways, believe that Jesus has paid the fine for your sins on the cross and confess Him as your Lord, you will be saved. You see, we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, that's why Jesus Christ, fullness of Godhead bodily, lived a perfect life, fulfilled the prophecies and law, shed His Blood at the cross just so you could be forgiven, reconciled back to the Father, receive God's love, be made a new creation, whole, sanctified. It's not about religion and what good works you can do to earn salvation, it's only by grace through faith in the finished works of Jesus Christ. Read God's Word, preferably start with Gospel of John, pray for the Holy Spirit to fill you, give you wisdom and revelation that way you're born again and see your life changed by the Spirit of the Most High. Much love and God bless you!
I can see a lot of what Orion is talking about in my own experience. If the date is going well, I’ll usually ask about their dating “horror stories.” This gives us both something to laugh about and we can bond over the atrocity of online dating. Most of the women’s stories revolve around the mistakes that Orion talks about here. Tip: be nice to the wait staff. Almost every woman has a bad story about a guy who turned them off by being an ass to the wait staff. Really, in my experience, it’s just being good at conversation, mostly the listening part, which I find helps with people in general.
As if women don't treat men like sh*t?
This is utterly stupid... If you want to lose interest immediately in her by knowing how many dates she's been on with multiple men then follow this logic. Otherwise never talk about other men with women, or ex's. Leave that shit alone. There are a million better things to talk about.
Sounds very white-knighty or friendzoney tactics...
Yuck. Terrible advice. Introduces negativity and makes her wonder why the women treated you so bad. Stop.
@@GUITARTIME2024The answer as a man is to say that you are picky. The only wierd experience you can think off the tip of your head was when that one fling started squirting 😅
So a man who gets a date is more interesting to the woman than wearing sweat pants and watching reality tv. That kind of encouragement is what keeps me coming back to this channel
Yes absolutely! Men need to learn to LISTEN. That is the most frequent comment I hear from women who are either in relationships or looking for a relationship. Trying to impress a woman only communicates to the woman that the guy is not interested in her internal world and she will quickly make her judgment about that. If you are truly interested in her and her views on life, she will feel a connection with you.
You said it. It's exactly why I ran an experiment on approaching girls, though before that I hardly did it at all (the general introvert outlook).This took some 3-4 years and I got like 100 cases altogether, which ended about a year ago. The idea was that if I had an idea or curiosity that came into my head, I was to take it to the nearest random woman and see what she thought. Success was determined by if she apparently was pleased I interrupted her, and even a neutral response counted as failure. What was my final score? 100%. Now all I did was present what I said, and I didn't lavish anything like with romance or wanting a date, and it's rather amazing to me how well it works. I've talked to women like that all through my life, and I did the experiment to prove I could talk to ALL women any time I pleased, because I had discovered that when I thought of a girl in a romantic way, I couldn't ever talk to her. Romance, apparently, needed to wait till it was EARNED later. The excellent thing about the non-romantic approach is it gives her nothing to reject, and yet the guy gets some time getting her used to him. Hard to believe the extroverts go with the laying it on thick approach, and are willing to put up with so much failure.
I currently trying to develop a theory, and let's see if you can help me with it, hmm?
Are you an introvert, and if not, are you well acquainted with introvert girl thinking?
I think it's really common for at least the introverted girls, to never talk to a guy unless he talks to her first. I take this to mean that she doesn't think he would welcome her to talk to him, unless he makes the first approach, right?
If that is so, and the guy merely asks her a question like I did (not even introduce myself), but doesn't ask her for a date, etc, has he passed that first phase she desires, by the guy FIRST talking to her, sort of singling her out? If so, then she will have no problem talking to him first in the future, right? And this would especially be the case if she knew no other men that approached her that way (a friendship angle) and she knew only guys that approached via the common dating advice angle we see (complete with phony compliments, fake romance, asking for a date and/or phone number, etc).
What do you think of all of that? I'm trying to devise what I should've done when I was younger, but didn't have a clue about.
“The less you say, the better.”
It’s quite useful to let a woman do all the talking on the early dates. Gives you a decent idea of how much you can tolerate.
Ha! That is spot on.
if a woman likes you enough there's nothing you can do that is irredeemable in her eyes. don't be afraid to make mistakes gentlemen, don't be afraid to be a HUMAN BEING. if a woman wants to hit you up with trumped up charges over something that her herself is capable of doing ie MAKING MISTAKES than she doesn't deserve to be around you in the first place.
"You don't want to disabuse a woman of her fantasy of who you are." So based on my experience, a man presents who he is and the woman can accept that or not. It's a fools errand to keep trying to twist yourself into knots trying to be what you perceive that she wants. Stand strong and know who you are!
If she cannot show up on time, walk away. Excuses are irrelevant. If you accept tardiness, you have already lost.
I am waiting for that comment from a female that never fails to show refuting the video saying "we women put on makeup and dress up for ourselves, not for men".
😂
You do understand there's a difference between how humans are expected to dress to go out vs. how they dress at home, don't you?
It's never been proper to wear lounging-around clothes anywhere but at home. You would be weirded out if a woman showed up to a date like that. Just like a woman would be weirded out if you showed up like that.
@@lorrilewis2178 Your cute little word salad did nothing to debunk the original point. Women put on make up & dress up so they can present themselves in a certain way. They are doing it for others benefit and they benefit by people thinking well of them. The fact that women LOVE to say "i dont do it for you/men" shows she is trying to lie.
@@inconnu4961 You don't know what the meaning of "word salad" is. It means a lot of words that don't have any meaning. My words were straight to the point.
Do you brush your hair before you go out? Do you bathe? Wear respectable clothes? If so, should I accuse you of doing it all for women?
There have ALWAYS been standards of dress in every culture on this planet. What a weird thing to complain about.
If you asked a woman on a date and she rolled up looking like she just got out of bed, you'd definitely complain about it . . . and you'd be right!
1000% correct. Become a masterful conversationalist and you will be drained from attention from women. Which leads to what men want.
I had my first date since my breakup in 2021. I was so rusty and got a bit too comfortable in my own skin, so I kept talking and talking and talking about my autistic interests in philosophy and books and didn't let her talk once. I also spent way too much on our food. You live and learn lol.
Do you have male friends you hang out with? Because those are the people you should talk endlessly about your interests. it sounds like you turned her into a best-buddy on the first date, because you had no other outlet for it. Painful lesson, but like the smartman said: allow her do 80% of the talking, you offer short concise opinions or affirmations then follow up questions. You want to interview her for the position of: being your girl.
You'll learn. Look at dating as a scientific experiment in learning human behavior (responses positive, negative, and neutral) and don't take it personally. You're gonna do fine.
Never go to dinner on first date and learn to LISTEN.
Talking endlessly on and on about your stuff and she never got to say a thing. Typical. I hope she ordered lobster and Dom. And then sent you the bill for the therapy she had to get after you almost bored her to death.
@@annesmith9181 Wow, what an incredibly nasty and entitled comment.
This could be one of the best pieces of advice that I’ve heard from you. It’s a very practical way to approach dating. A woman’s most powerful sexual organ is her brain. Let her stay in her fantasy as long as possible since you probably can’t compare to her own imagination.
Good advice. Of course the number of hurdles on a first date is a function of how physically attracted to you she is. And she could just be using you for a free meal, as an orbiter candidate, as a Friend Zone candidate, to make someone jealous, to make someone envious, for validation, .... But if her intentions are true, your cautions are wise.
Dude, I'm 35, not especially a womanizer, and this just blew my mind. It makes absolute sense, doesn't dive into fake evolutionairy biology and actually matches up with what I exsperienced on the dates I went on over the years. Thanks!
Be absolutely yourself : if she doesn’t like you as the person you are, you both have no (meaningful) future together. Be thankful that if she does not like you as the person you are, you know this quickly and you both do not lose time and emotional energy and get to be too disappointed. (it’s always a good thing to evaluate yourself honestly to comprehend if you’re fundamentally that person worth knowing/dating….but this is a big, big, big chapter that a whole lotta men (and women) conveniently skip…)
Well, I don't know about you, but I certainly cannot convey a complete picture of myself on a single date. The woman in question would have to be willing to learn _a lot._ And why would she want to do that?
To hook her is tremendously important. And in order to do that, you have to remain a riddle for the time being - as alluring as possible. That's what the video is about: it's not about delusion, but about creating the baseline interest you need for anything to develop.
@@lonestarr1490perfectly said.
Just came from a date two hours ago. Her dog didn’t bite me and actually really liked me. She said her dog (scaredy cat) doesn’t like most men, she (female dog) even bit the last guy she met a few weeks ago 😅
Her dog is super important to her so I insisted on her bringing her and made it more my mission for the dog to like me. She already went a day later on holiday to meet up so I knew she liked me already.
Sounds like you are more attracted to the dog than her lol
Yes, this is just basic conversation 101. People in general love to talk about themselves, ask about them and make them feel heard. You never want to reveal everything about yourself. Mystery=attraction.
Basically, im cooked
@@misg3167 you got this, bruv!
I am currently in a relationship, but it was hard for me to play in the fantasies of women. Sometimes I felt like I was taking part in a very bad movie and that I was forced to play a role. I also felt like I was taking advantage of the "fantasies" of many girls. Many times I knew what was expected from me but I did not know how to play that role naturally. What helped me to improve a little was the advise of "try to be a bad boy without being a real one", try to project more confidence and "playboy" aura without being a player. It is still hard for me but I have come to accept that we as men have to project this kind of things.
Can you give specific examples of trying to be a bad boy without being one?
@@Tudi500
providing love but without attachment, it is a solid good one for starter, probably the best one tbh
@@btchiaintkidding7837 little to no experience here. Can you give specific example to not show attachment?
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. Jesus Christ loves you so much that He died for your sins and rose from the dead. If you repent from evil ways, believe that Jesus has paid the fine for your sins on the cross and confess Him as your Lord, you will be saved. You see, we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, that's why Jesus Christ, fullness of Godhead bodily, lived a perfect life, fulfilled the prophecies and law, shed His Blood at the cross just so you could be forgiven, reconciled back to the Father, receive God's love, be made a new creation, whole, sanctified. It's not about religion and what good works you can do to earn salvation, it's only by grace through faith in the finished works of Jesus Christ. Read God's Word, preferably start with Gospel of John, pray for the Holy Spirit to fill you, give you wisdom and revelation that way you're born again and see your life changed by the Spirit of the Most High. Much love and God bless you!
Imagine not living ur life with sincerity. Instead living it based on scripts. 😂
If you exude confidence this comes naturally. This is great advice. I never analysed this element of game but realize now that women are most attracted to me when I am rather reticent on a first date.
Open ended questions...
The magic key for clear communication, for filtering the right woman for you, and to connect on deeper levels...
Thank you for your work.
I learned this years ago. It's good practice with any relationship, not just intimate. I can tell from experience that it works
If her hobbies include watching reality TV, just know that is just like pron for women with personality disorders. That will ruin your life. Great video by the way.
And social media
I know this episode is not recent, but it is one of the most important to me because it helped me realize that there was a lot I didn't know about women, especially at the beginning of the courtship process, and how women think. It made sense to me and I tried to apply what I learned. I was stunned to notice how quickly the results came through. Thank you, Dc Taraban, this channel is really helpful, and all the content is high quality.
The one difference for my current situation is, the person I asked out last night I have known for the better part of a year from a support group.
We have both shared some pretty huge pieces of ourselves and many things are the darker, shadow side of ourselves.
Still the way to do well doesn't change.
I think making her feel heard and showing further interest in her life by listening can't go wrong.
Great video
You want to know why a guy blows the first date, I'll tell you.. What you need to know is one thing. Girls want what they can't have. If you're complimenting her, and making her feel like she's on a pedestal. She will dump you every time. You have to realize that she wants a challenge. If you are not a challenge, she immediately gets bored. Do not buy into the lie that she wants a loving, caring, gentle guy that makes her feel good. She doesn't. She wants a guy whose a challenge, and hard to get. If you can refrain from complimenting her, and make it through the first date. Breaking up with her when she shows interest. Is the best thing you can do.
Flip the script and start doing the recruitment. Let her blow the first date. You are the employee and she is the one sweating.
Exactly
This works for the most attractive men (overall, not just in looks), but would crash and burn for the average man.
Be mysterious, be ambiguous. Sometimes you can do this without even saying a word, simply by the way you look at her. Women love it when they say something, and you give her "a look." Maybe that look is showing a hint of your dark side, maybe it's showing a hint of amusement. She may even ask what that look was for, gaslight, tell her you don't know what she's talking about. Later, when she's lying in bed, she'll be thinking about it. She'll wonder what was on your mind when you made that look. Now you're a mystery to her, a mystery that she wants to solve. But if you tell her everything that's on your mind, now you're not a mystery. Now you're boring, just like every other guy she's met lately. I'm an introvert, and I'm naturally very secretive, so this comes easy for me. All of this red pill talk about women only being interested in extroverted men is bullshit.
+1
This advice is so on point. Took me a long time to realize it but it's totally true. Don't say more than you need and let her fill the gaps so you don't kill mystery. Still you need to lead the interaction to make it progress/escalate.
This man is a genius.
Sometimes that fantasy is from a place where she sees you at your most confident and then once you are in an environment where your not as confident the girl wont see you the same way and they lose interest
This is a well produced, succinct video that really gets to the heart of dating dynamics. Does a good job explaining why the majority of dates I went on as a young man resembled a job interview.
My question now is "is it even worth the effort?" If I have to go on 100 dates to have a chance to find a respectable partner, why shouldn't I instead put that time, money and energy into pursuits I can do right now that have a more immediate + postive effect (eg gym, work, spending time with good friends?)
Sitting down for a couple of hours at a time with the average modern lady, only to listen for 80% of the experience may be a good way to proceed to the next date but it holds very little appeal to me. I'd much rather spend that time with a good book or video game.
Still, this advice is solid for young blokes looking for help on dating so kudos, keep up the good content.
You can talk a lot on a first date. But not about yourself. Talk about art, events. Talk about her future. This will engage her fully. Don't be a mute.
Maybe the most succinct yet intellectually stimulating guide on what to do on a first date. well done.
How dare men to not be millionaire 12/10 handome ripped fitness stars on the first date?
I usually get blown on the first date
Very nice!
Try not talking too much and acting more, thats what masculine energy is
Your comment brings two things to mind. 1) You're a liar. 2) You're immature.
Hell yeah brother
Are these instant dates & or local bar fly chicks or are these online marks you meet up with & already have built rapport with.
Like a bar fly & she's blowing you after an hour or 2 of chatting/drinks?
Genuinely curious, for science of course.
The way this guys thinks through all these human interactions are genius.
Yes, Orion is correct and I had to learn this the hard way. This applies to business to, if you try to hard to impress the other person, they become suspicious and wary. A confident person doesn’t brag.
Some things that I find work better with women and in business.
Dress well, not necessarily in a suit, I do a lot of outdoor activities so often dress in higher end REI type clothing like Arcteryx, Kuhl, Ortovox, ON footwear, etc.
I also have a nice watch, which I bought only because I like it’s form and function. It’s a Luminox Pacific Diver, with a metal band. It costs around half the price of a new iPhone but very few have them and it looks expensive, classy, and rare while portraying someone who is outdoorsy. It also very functional.
Many other watches have these qualities. DON’T get a Rolex unless you want to attract gold diggers, and it is common knowledge that many men overextend themselves financially to get one just to impress!
Read a lot of books and don’t brag about it. Reading a lot will make you a more interesting person and improve your vocabulary. Having a better than average vocabulary, and being well spoken is far more impressive than anything you could possibly brag about. If you only have these two traits, at the very least, an intelligent woman will think you have potential.
Now you don’t have say anything, most will just assume you are doing well or maybe even better.
I also find if the woman starts interviewing you with questions, it’s best to give a short answer and turn it back to them….Yes, I’ve been to Peru and Japan, what was your favorite destination or vacation you have ever been to or on?
I have a corporate job, what do you do…what’s been you’re best job you ever had?
I like hiking, traveling, and music… what are you’re favorite things to do?
etc.
I agree, but only partially. Last time I went on a first date with a woman was exactly 3 weeks ago, and I totally blew it, but not for the reason described in this video. She did most of the talking and I didn't "shatter her fantasy" of me, as Orion puts it. I blew it because, as usual, I was too cautious and totally incapable of flirting or creating any sort of sexual tension. The result? She ended up thinking I was a "really nice" guy, and put me in the friendzone right away. Well, to be fair, I got in there all by myself. I suck at flirting.
It’s a dance. You got to lead. They want fun and flirty all day long. Serve it up !
Excellent video---A woman, years ago, gave me the same advise that you are giving in this video, and it works.
to ask her a lot of questions
I did that on my last date. It turned into a 4-hour opera of "me, me, me!", which I paid for (she didn't even offer to pay). And she refused to go out again. Oh well...
She probably wasn't really into you to begin with. Just saw you as an opportunity for a free meal and a way to get some stuff off her chest that nobody else in her life was willing to listen too. Don't worry you're probably better off without her, chances are she was a low value woman.
At least you got the information you needed
@@thecurrentmoment True but it happens far too often. Kind of lost interest in dealing with women, to be honest.
@@immortaljanus have you tried not paying for dinner (I assume it was dinner)?
What about taking her out for a 15min coffee and if you find out she is talking her head off and not interested in you, you can say "oh, look at the time! I got to run, nice meeting you!"
Some common advice is to not invest or commit to too much in the first date, where spending a whole evening out at dinner is investing/committing a lot, because you really don't know each other well. If she doesn't accept that then she probably isn't interested anyway. Best to weed out the ones that are unsuitable before you invest too much in them
She used you as a foodie call
Being pretty introverted and reserved this sounds great. I generally rather ask questions and listen than talk about myself anyway.
Some of the best dating advice I've heard in a minute. I've been quiet and the talkier.
Quiet was always able to seal the deal. I'm going to practice this.
When you change your swag, you change the manifestation of your game.
Remember gents it’s not a date it’s an interview for a job as a husband and only a temp job at that.
Got a first date coming up soon (hopefully)
As always, thanks man.
dont overinvest and dont be too outreaching. have fun.
How did it go? I had a date last week, it all went pretty well but then I found out we had different goals in life... And we just drifted off. That's how it is.
You are blowing my mind! 19 years ago I met a woman online visually was exactly my type so after a month of talking online she invited me to come down to LA to meet her and I blew it. I tried so hard to impress her and she saw right through that. Fortunately, the salesman and me didn't give upand I managed to marry her after three short months of courtship. Unfortunately after 12 years of marriage we divorced. I still think about her, I still think about what I did wrong. We have been separated and divorced for close to 10 years now and in the meanwhile I was with a young lady for nine years that just ended three months ago. I plan on getting in the dating scene again and hopefully I can learn from my wrongdoing. Thank you for clarifying and putting into terms what I did wrong.
Reading all the comments here with tips for a first date, I’ll add another one. NEVER TALK ABOUT YOUR EX! if you must (i.e., your date asks you about it), do it very sparingly and only have nice things to say. Then, turn the conversation to another topic. Even if your ex was a crazy psychopath who cheated daily and left you penniless, don’t speak of her. Women constantly state that divorced men talking about their ex’s is a huge red flag and turnoff.
Self sabotage is protecting oneself from divorce court, poverty, etc...risk is not worth the reward
I think this applies to a certain subset of women at certain stages of life.
A lot of women find it uncomfortable talking about themselves and if you're only asking them questions to draw out more from them, it can feel like an interrogation.
Women are drawn to men with charisma. If you're good at storytelling, that can draw her in.
If you sit there with akward silences because you're trying to talk less than she does, she's not going to feel a connection.
If you're constantly talking about yourself too, that will put her off. What you want to do is engage her. Make her feel like you have things in common.
When I do a job interview I want the interviewer to imagine that they've already got the job and it's the same with women, make them feel like they're already in a relationship. Leave a little intrigue to explore, you don't need to spill all your guts out straight away, but make her feel like she knows you!
As a woman, I wholeheartedly agree. I like the conversation to be 50/50.
I want to feel adored by a man, and I don’t when a man is just talking, talking, talking… Sometimes they’ll just go on and on about things that are turn offs, and if worsens the whole thing.
I go on tons of dates and have a fair amount of success, but getting the amazing women is a lot harder than just regular cute women. Yesterday I let a girl trick me "again" into telling her about my past relationship. NEVER FALL FOR THIS!! I've fallen for this multiple times and it never ends well. I had no idea women were so brutal.
Great advice. Every interaction with a new person is an chance to uncover a whole new universe.
wow, what a reality-altering statement that is
Typically, within the first 30 seconds of meeting someone, you can determine whether or not you and another person will 'click'
Plenty of times I've had the opposite happen.
@@GUITARTIME2024 can you elaborate
@JJ-vp3bd Some women (I'm a dude) need to warm up to you. Putting so much stress on the 1st 30 seconds seems a bit much. After the 1st meeting, let HER contact you. That's your clue.
@@GUITARTIME2024 you would never get a chick long term that way
Listening for two hours to women is not an exercise I look forward to in all honesty. I love women but they’re kinda (very) boring when it comes to storytelling.
You're 100% percent correct about this. Doing your best to live up to the woman's fantasy of you is your primary objective on a first date. And letting her talk more is the way to go, as you don't yet know just what that fantasy is. I've come to realize this only recently, and I'm in my forties...
Another excellent video Doc. Filled with better insights than ten regular first date advice videos. Thank you.
Simply genius! The only video a man needs to watch.
"She's not there because she's attracted to you she's there because she's attracted to her idea of you"
Absolutely correct, but doesn't lineup at all with the "it's yours to lose" statement. That +50% attraction is useless if it's to someone that you are not. This might be a good strategy for getting a 2nd date, but a meaningful relationship isn't going to be built on letting her think you're someone you're not for as long as possible
Yea that’s a good point. I tried to be mysterious and be things I thought my wife wanted me to be which led me to compromise a lot of my opinions and values. 10 years later, ive found my own sense of Identity and I’ve become someone much different than she thought she was getting. It’s not been a fun last couple of years.
@@MBheli621 Divorce?
As I see it, it's because dating is not a natural way for couples to form. If you think about, people used to get into relationships with people from their immediate social network up until the early 2000s. So people pretty much already knew everything relevant about their potential partners, and just grew organically into a relationship over prolonged periods of time.
I think that being reticent about who you are is a way to prolong interest so that you can actually bond over a long period of time, much like people did in the past. I don't believe it's a good way to do that tbh, but we fucked up the way our society works, so we gotta adapt to what we have now
Not what he said.
Their fantasy is not going to match anyone.
The idea is to gradually form some kind of real connection so that she can handle the reality check.
Which is EXACTLY what women do with men.
Dude. You are literally so on point it's insane. I match with over 50% of the women I swipe on and have gone on hundreds of first, second, third, etc. dates this year alone. What this man is saying is exactly how it works, no matter how mature and intelligent a woman is.
Interesting presentation. Back, some 40 years ago, when I dated I'm not sure this applied to me because I learned in hindsight that I was nothing more than a foodie date. So, now I go out alone and order two meals; one for me and one for me later. No wife happy life and full belly.
great advice...many of us have been banging our head against the wall for lack of this knowledge. 50 good moves and 1 bad move will likely cost u a chess game.
Women's love for the unrealistic fantasy is so true. Always searching for Mr perfect, not willing to admit they don't exist.
Some women would rather you lie to them to keep the fantasy of being the perfect man and will hate you for ruining it, if that's how you came off in the beginning.
I knew a woman that refused to believe they lies told by her boyfriend about how badass he is weren't even remotely true. Simply refused.
if you're not making shit up, then that explains a lot lmao
@@exyl_sounds I'm not, she was my ex. People made fun of the guy for acting tough.
She was having non of it. Buried her head in the sand.
I guess accepting truth is accepting the implications about her intelligence to pick such a guy.
We were 18 and stupid, but many older women still do this.
@@obsideonyx7604 That confident aura of "everything's gonna be alright" is worth a LOT man. That's why confidence can REALLY get you far even if you lie.
In fact, even if you're mr perfect, super high value, handsome charming smart, you'll fumble the bag with women HELLA hard if you're too nervous. They NEED to know that u got this, to feel safe around u. It's like an instinct. Like our instinct of protect women.
In the words of Charlie Harper, no woman came home from a date and complained that she talked too much about herself.
My first date with a foreign woman named M'ChukkChukk went badly as I didn't know eye contact in their culture meant "I want to eat you and wear your teeth."
Second date was better. Apparently, farting is considered a compliment. We wrestled for dominance, but she has talons and filed teeth, so I lost and that means I am a human chair now until her father decides if I may be a soldier in his army.
Funnier than SNL in the last 15 years😂😂
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. Jesus Christ loves you so much that He died for your sins and rose from the dead. If you repent from evil ways, believe that Jesus has paid the fine for your sins on the cross and confess Him as your Lord, you will be saved. You see, we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, that's why Jesus Christ, fullness of Godhead bodily, lived a perfect life, fulfilled the prophecies and law, shed His Blood at the cross just so you could be forgiven, reconciled back to the Father, receive God's love, be made a new creation, whole, sanctified. It's not about religion and what good works you can do to earn salvation, it's only by grace through faith in the finished works of Jesus Christ. Read God's Word, preferably start with Gospel of John, pray for the Holy Spirit to fill you, give you wisdom and revelation that way you're born again and see your life changed by the Spirit of the Most High. Much love and God bless you!
Some solid, classic advice. When I was younger, someone told me “just get her to talk about herself” and I did!!
I used to think I was a pretty good date. Granted, I've had plenty of good dates. In general I can hold my own talking and being interesting, but even with that there is a lot of "one and done".
After watching this video I now understand why, and what I can do to change it. I'm normally a quiet guy, so it makes it even easier. I can be more myself and let the woman talk as she likes while I listen. Great advice!
This has quite literally never worked in the slightest for me. I’ve never once met a woman who liked me as generally quiet man that prefers listening more than talking all I’ve ever seen is women who want men to take charge of all the conversation and talk about everything all day which seems absolutely exhausting
I think the real reason she's going out with you is because Chad won't get back to her and she wants to kill time, entertain and get free food until she does hear from him again.
Shut up this “chad” obsession needs to stop. If you talk to women and ask them to point out guys they find attractive, it would surprise you
Bruh shut up about Chad. Touch grass.
The name for that is a “foodie call”…that’s why I think it’s better to go on a coffee date, or meet in the park for a first date. If she won’t do that, she’s probably not into you. If it goes well you can always transition to a meal for a more vested date, if it doesn’t you aren’t out much.
I don’t like using the term “Chad” but you’re absolutely correct. This is a hard pill for a lot of men to swallow because they end up realizing that they’re paying a very high price for a product that a next party is getting at an 100% discount. They try to “logically” attract women, by doing all this unnecessary stuff. Attraction is inherently irrational(she can’t control it), she’s either attracted to you, or she isn’t.💯
WTF man if you think this way life will slide into your fingers ... and slip away
I’m a successful and high value guy, but I’ve actually found talking about my love for my son does the most to impress women. Not that I’m trying to impress them, I actually do love him. Thanks for helping me without knowing it son! ❤
As an "Old Guy" - I can say that there are likely many *hundreds* of first dates that I've "blown" over the years.
Looking back, I now view most of them as "Bullets Dodged" ..
Nice guys finish last...
Bad boy psychopaths finish on her face.
Most people don't know how to be them selves authentically, especially men. Just get comfortable and dating become natural, everything becomes enjoyable
I was on a first date (off an internet meet) and the man was talking a little about his job and other things, I was talking about how I had moved to this new city, my feelings about leaving my old one, etc. I was experiencing all kinds of emotions...regret at leaving my comfortable home, fears about this new very different place, not being able to tell if this quite a bit younger very sexy man even was interested... I really couldn't tell if he liked me or not. We were sitting side by side on a park bench. I turned to him and said, "Listen, I'm a big girl (meaning an adult, not about my petite body size). So just tell me right now, are you interested or not?" He glanced down at my body (I was wearing a pullover sweater and jeans), pointed to the area somewhere around my waist, and murmured, "You have a nice body, don't worry about it." We became involved. Soon after he texted me, "Honey, the funny thing is, at the exact moment you said that I was thinking I couldn't wait to get you alone." That was many years ago and we are still going strong. Ladies, if you want him, say so, sometimes it works.
So you like it being reduced to your physical appearance?
But glad you found your man
@@Alex-bl8uh Relationships should be 90% based on appearance, initially, in my opinion. If the spark isn't there, forget it.
@@stephanie7572 its 50 / 50 always. I just can not enjoy time with someone who I dislike personality wise.
Totally me on the very first date I meant! Oh my, she was gorgeous and I blew it totally! At the end I thought I could say anything and she would still deem me inadequate. I basically told her truthfuly that I love my life. I got more money, time and experiences than 90% of our country. The only problem was that I was too real, not a fantasy. I could be interpreted as bragging, but I was just stating the facts. Lesson learned.
Nailed it, her fantasy will fade after the first date or in 7 years but will end.
I just blew a date with a cute girl that was super into me by answering her questions as thoughtfully as I could muster. I totally forgot to make sure she felt seen and heard cause I was too focused on being relaxed and myself
I am 55 and have a first date coming up this week with a 53 year old woman. I met her on a dating site. I have never had a wife or even a real girlfriend in all my life. I am a classic simp. In recent years I have learned a lot about why I don't do well with women and am working on that on several fronts. But this terse video might be one of the most valuable things to ever help me. I now know how to plan for this date and understand her mentality so I can at least accommodate that rather than ruin the date as I've always done. I would love to hear more about some simple techniques to use in order to accomplish this but I'll think of some on my own, hopefully I can do it right. If you have another video about that please let me know. But thank you so much - i just discovered your channel and I am enjoying it because it's so helpful!
How was it ?
@@pommeraisin It never happened. She texted me with an excuse - "oh I forgot I have school that day (she's a teacher) and it will be hectic - not sure but maybe next week we can meet up". My old simp self would have said "Sure, let me know what day is good! I understand! I can't wait till we meet!" but I just said "No problem, thanks!" and left it at that. She was ugly anyway.
This is great practical advice. This is something I can actually do