Finding a partner that is on your level may take 10 years... Don't overthink now. Eat, pray and love will find you. And maybe your best relationship will be later in life.
Steven really took one for the team on this one, bless him! He really made the episode a lot more interesting by sharing his experience and asking the questions everyone wants the answers for.
Your authenticity is rare and pure. Please don’t lose it. People tend to get more and more censored the bigger their audience gets. KEEP IT REAL STEVEN❤️
Dear Steve im an older lady listening to your podcast and my nice would be perfect for you shes beautiful intelligent really really clever exceptional independent and cool
Steve was so open and vulnerable in this episode, asking honest questions even through they made him uncomfortable. And Kate just avoided any concrete answers, any concrete examples, and only answered generally, with more generic questions herself. "What are men's miscoseptions about female orgasm?" No answer. "How should I have talked to that ex ex of mine about the issue we had?" - no answer, just generic points. "How do you apply your expertise in your personal life?" - "I'm not perfect" and then more generic phrases. Kate was given such a great platform to speak and spread awareness and help so many people start finding answers, and she didn't use it at all. I'm surprised, cause usually the guests on this podcast are straight to the point, honest, no bullshit, no generic phrases. And sex is so practical, you can explain on so many examples. Plus, so many important points were missing, such as sexual abuse or hormonal misbalance as reasons for issues. I watched many episodes here and loved all of them. But this one is a big miss for me. Giving this feedback because I loved and value everything else I watched on this podcast, and assuming anyone from he crew will ever read my comment. I hope Steve and the crew get another sex expert on the podcast, who would be willing to speak more openly. Both Steve and us the audience would benefit from it :)
I agree. I have more informative conversations with my friends and sisters about sex. Really appreciate Steven’s vulnerability and honesty in this episode though which was why I kept listening.
"Just because a relationship has ended, does not make it a failure." Wow! Well said! Also, the value of Steven's transparency and vulnerability can't be understated. It is refreshing and a huge part of the success of this channel. Thank you for the excellent content!
Steven's vulnerability and willingness to ask somewhat naive and intimate questions, even though he was hesitant, is what made this entire episode so strong!
I think for a young man living the lifestyle you do it is very difficult to understand what is great about a long term relationship. I've been married almost 40 years and yes....we've had our highs and our lows and much in between ...but what a pleasure to have someone stand by me in the best of times and the worst of times. And to know that (for our standards) it was nothing we could easily throw away made us even more committed to finding ways to make it work and look for the fun and the best in each other. Not easy but satisfying in a way that many disposable relationships of today could never be. Bottom line is we make our life choices and it's up to each of us to make it a good choice.
When I was younger I wasn't conscious of needing to breathe more fully during sex, and that I was going into a freeze response even with a person that I adored. The more fully we breathe, the more aliveness we bring to our body and this includes one's emotions....It wasn't until I was in my 30's and I'd learnt to be way more comfortable owning and articulating my feelings that sex became pleasurable because I would simply share my feelings and make sure I was with someone who could be present with me in those moments...Literally a game changer!
For me it’s not even pain but more like… don’t move don’t ruin this just concentrate. I almost feel like I have to bear down too haha. I’m not sure but I wonder if it also comes from masturbation habits we develop like to try and force something quickly and be quiet/ not move too much.
@@heatherking3391 not at all. I think they are answers that we 'know' but don't want to acknowledge. That being the case it's important we hear someone who actually works in this field reinforce that information. If it wasn't for you, that a fair comment (for you) but there will be MANY people watching who really don't know, or who will benefit and it help them and/or their relationship. 🤷🏻♀️
The 1 thing she did not cover about your ex's problem was the possible fact that she has sexual trauma that she didn't feel comfortable telling you about. Easier to just tell you she didn't like sex than to face her PTSD
@Charley Fone exactly and no one is obligated to wait around for you to progress along your own journey. If where you’re at right then and there doesn’t work for them that’s ok. Doesn’t make either person bad or wrong
might not be trauma, might just be vaginismus which i have. i also didn't like having sex but it's because i couldn't. i haven't been abused or anything.
His opening anecdote is crazy. I love that he opened up with that. I also wasn’t sure what to expect but this episode gave me what I didn’t know that I needed.
Stephen, thank you for an honest and raw podcast. Thank you for being vulnerable throughout which made this very engaging and something I think many people will take a lot from 🙏🏽
I loved Steve in this. He was open, he was asking real life questions a lot of people are afraid to ask. And I felt Kate did everything she could to keep the conversation exclusively theoretical. I’m surprised Steve didn’t feel awkward every time he would talk about specific situation like when he didn’t know how to talk to his partner about the issue and Kate would just go into how the fear of rejection is something that people encounter a lot, that it is a common question, that the reasoning can vastly vary. I think it would be much more useful to people if Kate respectfully used real scenarios and gave examples of how people could talk about it or approach it in real life in simplest terms. I am confident it is possible to do without becoming to graphic or disrespectful to potential clients.
I agree. Many of these experts are so vague in their “advice” …. Maybe they think they’ll be too revealing, but it really makes their advice virtually useless in the context of an interview. I didn’t learn ANYTHING I didn’t already know.
I wouldn’t use the word vulnerable. He asked questions about himself expecting to get the answer that the woman was the problem because she didn’t meet his needs. Young, successful, calls the shots at work but doesn’t yet understand that relationships can’t be like that.
What a brilliant conversation. I'd like to add something that's made a massive difference in my relationship. *It's very important for a woman to know her menstrual cycle well and inform her partner about it.* For example, there may be times during her cycle where she gets insanely turned on just by you touching her nipples, but then she may find it really annoying during her luteal phase. There are certain times during the month where sex will be hot and then other times where she may not get wet so easily. It makes a massive difference when you know these things. Because you'll understand it's not that she's not attracted to you, but she may simply need a different approach. Again, communication is the key xx
I loved Steve's vulnerability when he spoke of his experience he had that he had never experienced before. Everyone can take away a relatable experience from this conversation.
If someone was having sex with you and then they aren’t, ask about THEIR feelings, not yours. Don’t make it about you. Make the topic about them. Ask them what they’re thinking and feeling, what they’re comfortable with, what they aren’t, what turns them on, what turns them off. The questions you need to ask yourself are: are you respecting them? Are you trying to connect with them? Are you listening to them? Although my libido is higher than most people I know, if I’m feeling majorly disrespected, unseen, unheard, and unloved, I will not want to have sex with that person. This isn’t just a woman thing. Men do the same things. Usually the sex is withheld or bad because one partner is not ready to have sex yet or there are relationship problems that are seeping into the sex life.
I find myself more curious to hear his questions than her answers. Because some are questions I would never ask. I admire his open and raw nature. It helps me as well to process questions I haven't yet even been able to verbalize.
This topic isn't the type of thing that I normally hear much about, but it was really interesting to listen to. One of the best things about these podcasts is that they open up new ways of thinking and allow for a more varied knowledge-base.
Decentralizing sex for a moment and paying attention to other forms of intimacy and emotions rather than pressuring someone when they feel anxious for some reason would prob be helpful in that situation. It's normal for relationships to go through different seasons of a lot or a little. A lot of people feel pressure to keep up with the one who has the higher libido but a relationship should mean more than that and shouldn't have to be this performance to save someone feeling "rejected".
agreed, however it is everyones own decision how much sexual incompatibility they are willing to live with. But it saves a lot of frustration when you accept the differences that will never change. I think the measure is not so much heights of libido but how much value is placed on sex. For some their sexuality is just not that important part of their personality/life, while for another it is a very important part of life. It is heartache for two people being together where this differs significantly. And what a relationship "should" mean is between the people choosing to be in the relationship and no one else. Normativity in such an intimate part of someones being (so not how to behave waiting in line before getting on a bus or something) is not healthy for it is such an individual and above all personal thing.
I respect your point, but you have to remember that...a relationship is meant to be sexual. It's the only difference between a friendship, and one thing that women usually misconcept. If you don't want to have sex with someone, there is just no point to stay in this relation.
Just watched this with my partner. She learned a lot about me, I learned a lot about her, and we learned a lot about you Steve 😂Seriously though, Kate was amazing and your questions were perfect! Great Episode and 1 every couple should watch together!
Great episode. Here’s a potential solution to your problem. To your point at 1:23:06, I really think Kate Moyle’s statement about having multiple people in your life to fulfill your various needs instead of entrusting all of those needs in one person is extremely valid. I heard you say in a previous podcast that the 3 things you look for in a relationship are sexual attraction, intellectual stimulation and someone who makes you a better person. You also stated in this episode that you want a partner who is equally independent and can meet you in the middle whenever you have a free moment in your schedule. It also sounds like you have a decent degree of self awareness when it comes to acknowledging your patterns in past relationships in terms of recognizing your selfishness and need to learn how to compromise, but if compromise is something you don’t want to give time to, what’s the issue in being in a non monogomous or friends with benefits situation with someone you are intellectually stimulated by, sexually attracted to and makes you a better person? If you’re set on maintaining your busy lifestyle and only want to see your partner on occasion with minimal disruption to how your life currently operates, this dynamic can work well throughout your lifetime unless the underlying issue here is that you want something more from your romantic relationships. If that’s the case, I think it’s about deciding exactly what you want your relationship to look like and deciding what needs to be prioritized within a relationship in order to achieve your ideal.
@@iffysd9864 not that I am a man but I agree with you totally. It’s almost assumed it’s always the other way around. But no one should ever display anger for not being able to have sex with you. That’s f’d up.
Just found your channel today and subscribed. I was married to a man who became non-sexual during the marriage. It was pure hell and the rejection is awful. I don’t think there’s a way to not take it personally. Don’t regret breaking up with your ex. You avoided the hell I went through.
@Tatiana Charkova I’m so sorry that you went through this. I’m in a good head space now and I hope you are there or get there, too. My ex died a couple of years after the divorce, and took closure with him, so I’ve had to make my own closure. He married his affair, and did the same to her. They never had sex or intimacy of any kind, just like my ex with me. She was okay with that. I could never be. I’ve worked on forgiving him for the wasted time (for me, not him). I’m not there yet, but I keep working on it at times.
It feels that you both are completely missing the most important part of sex by talking about things from what seems like an external disconnected place (no wonder this would mean problems in the bedroom). In my view and experience, the fire of passion comes from heart connection, immense love and presence. I never heard either of you talk about this or mention it even once. If we are moving from the place of total loving presence you will have the most high, energetic, joyful, spiritual, deep experiences and will not need a bunch of toys and gagets to make things interesting. Love and presence is where the magic is.
This was really interesting to listen to. I think the most prevalent problem that people have in relationships nowadays is the inability and sometimes even unwillingness to work on things when they start crumbling down. For the first year of our relationship, my partner and I had issues in the bedroom but we were both willing to work on those things and try new things out because we wanted to make it work. We have now been together for three years and our love and relationship have grown so much. It's really important for both parties to be willing and to actually desire to make things work. If only one person is trying and the other one isn't willing to work things out it's like sitting down on a chair with only the front legs attached to it- you can't even sit on it! (couldn't think of a better analogy, so this will have to do:). But you also can't assume that the other person isn't willing to make things work. The best thing to do is to talk and ask them upfront if they want to work on this thing or not, it's as simple as that. It might take time for them to realise what they want, but if that's what they need, the other person should respect that. Anyways, I was listening to you Steven and it seems that you feel quite guilty about breaking up with your ex-partner. I don't know the situation exactly but it sounded like the ex-partner had difficulty communicating things with you in a way that would help you understand her situation better. There could be many reasons for that: issues with a previous partner, childhood trauma or just simply she has never talked to anyone about it before and so felt shy to talk to you about it. I am sure it was nothing personal and you shouldn't let things affect your future relationships. At the same time, I can empathise with your ex-partner as for some it's not easy to talk about intimate things even with their partner- it's something that requires a lot of work and trust. Anyways, if I were you and this was still bothering me, I would reach out to them (if they were willing) and tell them everything that was bothering me and I would make sure that they're ok. I think that this is a better way to end a chapter in your life rather than simply rip out the chapter and pretend that you will never think about it again because, let's be honest, you will be thinking about it every now and then and it'll consume you. Anyways, that's all I wanted to say, just speaking from experience and I know that a lot of people have probably gone through something similar. Wishing you all the best x
This had the potential to be incredibly helpful however fell short due to Kate setting up shop on fence, determined to give the vaguest non-answers possible. Steven was fantastic, so genuine and vulnerable, his questions really felt like they were from my mind to his mouth.
I agree. I thought I was just being cynical but she really didn't answer his questions. It was basically a session of Steve asking questions and the 'sex therapist' explaining the situation and then offering nothing of substance. In short, it's all load of guff! How can you earn the label of 'therapist' when you don't have any answers??
100% totally agree 👍🏾 with your comment! Steve was amazing so genuine & real, surprised Kate is a sex therapist thought she was very scripted & robotic 🤖 alot of her answers was just waffle 🧇
I totally disrespect him for discussing a personal relationship in sexual detail in a TH-cam video. No woman should ever enter into a relationship with him. He has no respect for privacy. Awful.
I would say that the depiction of sex in porn is also designed to absolve men of sexual anxiety. Women don’t require foreplay, they don’t require more time, they don’t require anything beyond fast penetration… performance anxiety for men in the porn universe doesn’t exist. There is absolutely zero rejection or disappointment.
What an interesting interview. I loved Kate and how she diplomatically answered the questions. Amazing how something seeming so simple can be so complicated but the ways of solving or understanding them are so simple!
What an amazingly wise therapist. I wish the relationship therapists my ex wife and I experienced before our marriage ultimately ended had been a patch on her.
Studies have actually shown how pornography and being in a hypersexual environment can cause low libido, and this is the world/society we are living in now.
This is obviously a difficult subject to approach as a podcaster, but such a good job was done here! Conversations like this shouldn’t be taboo and we should be encouraged to have these conversations, not discouraged. I’m lucky enough to have been taught to be open about sex and sexual health, but I know other men are not so lucky. I hope having an influential character such as Steven talk about it will help others see that these conversations are normal and are a staple in a healthy relationship and a healthy life.
Steven was as usual, brilliant in this conversation however while she did give some insight, it was very vague, minimal and surface level with not much actual depth or knowledge brought to the conversation, considering she calls herself a therapist. Either way, thank you for delving into this topic and being so open and direct, Steven!
Spoiler Alert! Compromise does not work. The key is to always take notice of what is important for both at any given moment/situation AND TOGETHER find a version where BOTH NEEDS are executed. Like a third type of option- not just, ok, this time you and next time me. :) Anyway, i am grateful for all the conversations^ This is wonderful!
Really would like to support Steve for being so vulnerable and honest during this podcast. Thank you. Actually the therapist could have done the same, without names, of course, but giving examples of couples with similar issues and the way they had solved them.
Wow I really appreciate Steven’s honesty in this episode. Issues with mismatched libido and preferences are sooo common. I’ve been in both situations - my first relationship was with a guy who had substance use issues and was on antidepressants that really impacted his libido and energy in general. In my last relationship I inexplicably lost all attraction for my partner, which may have been to do with stopping birth control. It’s awful but you can’t help it.
Just bought your book, personally. I only have the option of audiobooks, and was elated to see that you narrate it. Thank you for taking the time to share your insights. I’m certain I will listen to it many times. ❤
Such a brave open conversation....I think a lot of really driven men find that they are ready to focus on relationships and make more space for it when they're much older (in their 50s for example) and have satisfied all the other needs to explore the world through their work! And sometimes there is a lag, in my experience, in relational skills for those people because they've not worked that muscle and prioritised it. But that's not necessarily a bad thing! It becomes the next life project I believe.
Yes change is inevitable…relationships take “work” which needs to be based on growth & mutual support & encouragement. Honesty & trust are essential in reaching a level of vulnerable intimacy that I’m hoping to achieve with a secure, courageous, passionate man before I no longer have a sex drive (which I intend to have into my 80s😂)
With or without realising it, Steve being vulnerable and offering us his personal story at the beginning, has actually hit on something that many couples will face when menopause raises it's challenging head. Libido drop can last for 10 years, so it's something a lot of us need to consider about how we will tackle those conversations.
That was essentially a public therapy session. Kudos for your vulnerability and openness hope no negative feedback from your exs. Hopefully if they're watching they see it as invaluable information and opportunity to join you in ongoing growth and development.
Fantastic video Steven. Love the fact, that you spoke from your heart, so eloquently. You are obviously so CARING, and sensitive. Your videos no doubt, will change millions of Lives for the better. Your videos, ae certainly hoping me!
Well I am an expert Im watching and will let you know...it is a very broad subject so the ore specific a question the better we can answer a question...how do I get netter sex is waaaaay too broad...stating and demonstrating what you like is the general answer. Women are worse about being shy doing this showing and explaining than men. Ladies tell them what you want guide his hand say softer harder slower faster just little phrases he will appreciate it if he wants to satisfy you and YOU will have a better time.
A key aspect of maintaining attraction and staying in love is for each partner to CHOOSE to do so. That's the bulk of the "work required", that so many people fear. And don't expect the other to be your "everything". Now THAT work is tedious and relationship-destroying!
55:00 you might think she avoided the question of "how many times per timeframe is healthy" a bit, but she kind of did answer it with a range from once a week to once a month. On a side note: the last 5-7 years it's 2 to 3 times per year for us. I am very unhappy with it, and she is very well aware of it. She even is a psychotherapist which enables her to rationalize why this is happening but nothing changes. We talk openly about it. I am very empathetic and understanding and not blaming her. Still nothing changes. We are together for 13 years and everything else besides sex is really, really great. I don't know what to do. We are 41 and 38 and I believe that most retirees are more active than us.
Great interview. It always amazing how experts like Kate provide what seems like obvious answers to questions we have been asking for years. How many times a week for instance, better to have 1 belter a month to 2 poor ones a week 😁
amazing to hear this shared from a man's perspective. I had the same physical compatibality issue and ended the relationship on another basis because I couldnt tell him that. I never thought of it happening the other way around too. Why did he not think the same because, surely if I don't feel compatible, he wouldnt either.... this is so interesting
This really just felt like a therapy session for Steven, which he points out at the end. Not necessarily a bad thing though. The guest (Kate?)really knows her stuff and I like her tactfulness. I did learn that I would not date Steven. 😂
The "at least" twice a week is the issue. Don't put a number/pressure/stress on it. Before you're in a relationship everyone's is their own person and responsible for their own desires. When we then get to share that, that's the cherry on top.
Great conversation, as a person with an invisible disability. Sex is a something that’s difficult for me. I often have issues with relaxing . However, many medications kill my drive .
I don't see him being self-aware, he just knows he wants to have sex a lot and he needs to have a good sex partner, if you want a real relationship and love, sex shouldn't be the number one thing! Love and sex work together in a relationship and putting sex over love is immature! To me, he focuses on sex too much in his issues with finding the perfect sexual partner.
Anybody looking for insights and information on this topic might find Esther Perel extremely helpful. Her most recent interview with Lewis Howes is fantastic! Lots of information and in depth answers 🙏
Really interesting conversation that I enjoyed a lot! Just on the topic of vulnerability in this though, slightly worried about the woman who is also having all of this vulnerable information about her revealed. First video of this channel that I've watched, so I dont know the woman in question and for all I know she may also have a very public and personal online presence, but I just hope she was consulted beforehand and was happy for this information to be shared on her behalf!
idk if its specific to this podcast but a lot of these expert therapist give open ended all inclusive answers to real problems where a degree of objectivity will be beneficial in addressing the cause of the problem. Many times, Kate responded with answers such as it depends on it's a case by case basis and you shouldn't over generalise. For example, the segment on how often should you have sex, kate responded by saying theres no right amount of times, which is fair because everyone has different lifestyles, but then she says it's fine for a couple who only has sex once a month and are not happy to be okay with that whilst they know someone who has it 3 times a week. This encourages incompatible people to stay together because 'we shouldn't be comparing our relationship to other people'. But there's a reason that the couple or one partner feels once a month is inadequate or perhaps something wrongs in the relationship otherwise it won't be a pressing matter. Maybe one has a high sex drive and the other has a low sex drive and they try change this up. Even 2 twice a month over 1 might make a difference! Another example is her answer to question on is it harder to date in this period because theres more options, which she replied because a relationship has failed it doesn't mean it was unsuccesful. I agree in certain cases eg you've been going out for many years but decided to be friends, you've learnt from that experience, but in the context of this question, a lot of these quick forming and quick ending relationships are built on shakey foundations like status and settling. This type of narrative of its okay that it didn't work out or that is hasn't worked out ensues a nonchalant attitude of it's not my fault, shit happens, instead she should reply with an objective look analysis of your (past) relationships such as what you value in a relationship and the type of girl you want to be with long term and if you see that in another partner.
This was so interesting.. Sex is always seen as a taboo topic. Found this really interesting. Looking forward to reading your book Steven.. The pr release is amazing ❤️
I bet they are.. Mine arrived yesterday and I can't put it down.. Its made me emotional at time.. I keep stopping an asking my daughters questions. Thank you for writing this.. It will change lives x
A lot of people who have experienced rape or sexual abuse are not going to like or enjoy sex. Watch out for that. Find out if they have been through that before you get into a relationship.
This is the first sex therapist I've ever listened to that I didn't think was a quack. She's actually really smart. And not German. That's refreshing.😅
Please what this woman said that is really; to the point, spot on, wise, brilliant and maybe new? Have I missed something out here? It feels like I've lost my time.
Great interaction and very informative at times. Steven asked some really good questions that I was excited to hear the answer to but I we never quite got there. At times I was ok is she going to give us an answer to this one ? And no I don’t think we got one ….. which Is a shame 😕
Hi Kate & Steve.....Love the vulnerability, openness, realness so many of us can relate to & need to not hide. More of this type of sharing & discussion would be awesome thank you! Annie from Downunder x
I listened to this whole interview and haven’t come away with almost any concrete, tangible points of advice. It was a very vague, amorphous conversation, where a lot was said, but also not much of anything. The entire segment of “how to keep our sex life exciting” was of particular interest to me- and there was only about 30 seconds of information that was actually relevant and helpful.
To me is crazy to not be able to communicate your issue with your significant other! Why maybe heal first and figure out your issues before you start a relationship? I'm just saying... Sex is very important in a relationship. Bad sex or no sex is a big problem.
Sexuality, in my opinion, is not binary - I see it as a spectrum and believe it can be fluid. Some are on the asexual spectrum, whereas others are highly sexual or even hypersexual, and some have sexualities that are strongly subject to change, etc. Also, sexuality to me is often not static. It has fluidity and flux. For example, I think people can have "seasons," and it's perfectly okay, in my estimation, to have a somewhat vague, changing sense of sexuality. However, most of us live within the confines of binaries and black and white thinking. So, we're conditioned to categorise and rigidly define our sexual identity from when we're "sexually mature." In turn, we are expected to have the somewhat mysterious nature of sexuality figured out with neat labels, conscious understanding, the right approach, and so on. In fact, much of sexuality is often tied up with the subconscious and our existential/psychosomatic issues, etc. It's perfectly okay for sexuality to be a confusing and shifting experience that is "figured out" as we go along.
I ended a relationship in college, based on the physical hand fit the glove and he was so sweet, but I think we are meant for who we are meant for. And these are lessons for us.
Being asked if I wanna go for a walk got the same reaction from me until I got a dog, that changes everything when talking about going for walks. It declutters my mind massively for a clear mind at the start of my day and then it helps me destress and unpack my day in my mind when I walk my dog in the evening.
Some evidence based educational information, statistics would have been great. Some more depth to the conversation would have been valuable. Great questions from Steven.
I agree. I think most of the answers were pretty obvious / surface level. Or maybe we've spent enough time already looking at this stuff that its made us world leading....
I was surprisingly disappointed in this episode. I am a regular listener to the diary of CEO and really enjoy the different people and subjects discussed. However, with this episode I didn’t feel I learned anything. I applaud you Steven for being so honest and open about your personal life, it added another layer to this interview that I wasn’t expecting. However, from Kate’s side I didn’t feel she shared any great insights from her expertise. From her responses to your questions, I would of never guessed that she was an expert and it felt more just like a general conversation between two people. Rather than her giving advice to situations that we would learn from and put into practice. The episode that I compare this to is the episode with Stephanie Romiszewski where she shared a wealth of her knowledge and things that we could try if struggling to get a good nights sleep. It was amazing! Unfortunately this one wasn’t.
Steven’s vulnerability is admirable. However, the discussion got frustrating at times because Kate swerved a lot of questions the way a politician would. I would have liked if she was more open to share her thoughts or answer some of the questions directly as these podcast helps a lot of people so from that perspective she could share more. But maybe she was just super careful in this cancel culture we live in.
"Why get married because it might end?" Good job you don't have that attitude in life. That's like saying why live life when you are only going to die anyway. She literally just said that people shouldn't regret divorce because it could have been right for them then. Life is about the journey not the destination. Ironically sex is better when you think like that too. 😏
❤️💪 so much respect for this Bro! ❤️ Tantra is the way! My boyfriend felt the same in his last relationships. ❤️ Now I've Introduced him to Tantra, he's literally a new man 😘 hehe ❤️ But this is such a NEEDED Conversation , so much respect!
All i would say is from a womans perspective if your angry or withdraw after she turns down sex that is a total turn off. It feels like you feel that it is a right for you or it can bring up past trauma. So that may have also made her withdraw. I truly feel if u want someone to be vulnerable and open up you have to create that safe space for them and be vulnerable and open up too. Instead of statements about what you think is going on. I think be inquisitive and ask open questions about what might be going on for them. As opposed to assuming its a personal attack on you. But thank you for your vulnerability now. This episode is amazing.
@@DeshaunDamon Thats also someones individual choice. The person experience difficulty during sex can't make the decision for you about whether your not your happy and you want to leave. But just because someone is struggling to enjoy sex does not mean that they don't want to be able to enjoy sex with you. I am just saying that giving a different response can sometimes end up with better results. But each situation is different. Sometimes its just different ways people think about sex and other times there may be certain things inhibiting someone from being how they want to be in sexual relationships.
He clearly hasn’t fallen in love yet. Fallen in lust yes, but not in love! His questions will be different when (IF) that ever happens. - Great video for women to learn how to spot a few red flags about guys, though..! Well done to the interviewee for being “diplomatic”, and still informative and forthcoming, in her answers throughout.
A very vulnerable and personal episode this week, I hope you enjoy it. Thank you all for watching and don’t forget to like and subscribe x
Ppp
Well done Steve, the way you hold yourself to a higher standard to understand people bringing that into your future is great 👍 really interesting
Finding a partner that is on your level may take 10 years... Don't overthink now. Eat, pray and love will find you. And maybe your best relationship will be later in life.
This is so enlightening... As for me, i always prefer cuddling to sex,
So honest and open with your issues you've faced
Steven really took one for the team on this one, bless him! He really made the episode a lot more interesting by sharing his experience and asking the questions everyone wants the answers for.
Your authenticity is rare and pure. Please don’t lose it. People tend to get more and more censored the bigger their audience gets. KEEP IT REAL STEVEN❤️
Its the best way to be, glad you like it!
Dear Steve im an older lady listening to your podcast and my nice would be perfect for you shes beautiful intelligent really really clever exceptional independent and cool
@@diane5861 this the best comment ever!! All single ladies need an auntie like Diane
@@diane5861 ill have her
@@IevaKambarovaite facts on this! Hahahaha
Steve was so open and vulnerable in this episode, asking honest questions even through they made him uncomfortable. And Kate just avoided any concrete answers, any concrete examples, and only answered generally, with more generic questions herself.
"What are men's miscoseptions about female orgasm?" No answer.
"How should I have talked to that ex ex of mine about the issue we had?" - no answer, just generic points.
"How do you apply your expertise in your personal life?" - "I'm not perfect" and then more generic phrases.
Kate was given such a great platform to speak and spread awareness and help so many people start finding answers, and she didn't use it at all.
I'm surprised, cause usually the guests on this podcast are straight to the point, honest, no bullshit, no generic phrases. And sex is so practical, you can explain on so many examples. Plus, so many important points were missing, such as sexual abuse or hormonal misbalance as reasons for issues.
I watched many episodes here and loved all of them. But this one is a big miss for me. Giving this feedback because I loved and value everything else I watched on this podcast, and assuming anyone from he crew will ever read my comment. I hope Steve and the crew get another sex expert on the podcast, who would be willing to speak more openly. Both Steve and us the audience would benefit from it :)
I agree. I have more informative conversations with my friends and sisters about sex. Really appreciate Steven’s vulnerability and honesty in this episode though which was why I kept listening.
"Just because a relationship has ended, does not make it a failure." Wow! Well said! Also, the value of Steven's transparency and vulnerability can't be understated. It is refreshing and a huge part of the success of this channel. Thank you for the excellent content!
Steven's vulnerability and willingness to ask somewhat naive and intimate questions, even though he was hesitant, is what made this entire episode so strong!
There's no great answers from that person, does she even know anything, these ones who say they're psychotherapists are just BS again
I think for a young man living the lifestyle you do it is very difficult to understand what is great about a long term relationship. I've been married almost 40 years and yes....we've had our highs and our lows and much in between ...but what a pleasure to have someone stand by me in the best of times and the worst of times. And to know that (for our standards) it was nothing we could easily throw away made us even more committed to finding ways to make it work and look for the fun and the best in each other. Not easy but satisfying in a way that many disposable relationships of today could never be.
Bottom line is we make our life choices and it's up to each of us to make it a good choice.
I po
When I was younger I wasn't conscious of needing to breathe more fully during sex, and that I was going into a freeze response even with a person that I adored. The more fully we breathe, the more aliveness we bring to our body and this includes one's emotions....It wasn't until I was in my 30's and I'd learnt to be way more comfortable owning and articulating my feelings that sex became pleasurable because I would simply share my feelings and make sure I was with someone who could be present with me in those moments...Literally a game changer!
It's hard not to freeze when you expect pain and many of us do. It can be chafing, hitting the cervix or just the overall lack of pleasure.
For me it’s not even pain but more like… don’t move don’t ruin this just concentrate. I almost feel like I have to bear down too haha. I’m not sure but I wonder if it also comes from masturbation habits we develop like to try and force something quickly and be quiet/ not move too much.
Nobody expected it, everyone needed it. Great to hear people talking about it openly
Kudos to Steven for asking all the ‘super naive questions’ we all wanted the answers too. Interesting stuff and refreshing authenticity 🙌
Glad you enjoyed it 🙏🏽
Yes but that woman is just saying sht we already know. Waste of time with her there
@@heatherking3391 not at all. I think they are answers that we 'know' but don't want to acknowledge. That being the case it's important we hear someone who actually works in this field reinforce that information. If it wasn't for you, that a fair comment (for you) but there will be MANY people watching who really don't know, or who will benefit and it help them and/or their relationship. 🤷🏻♀️
@@heatherking3391 I totally agree Heather! I felt like she was vague and reluctant to answer his very good questions.
The 1 thing she did not cover about your ex's problem was the possible fact that she has sexual trauma that she didn't feel comfortable telling you about. Easier to just tell you she didn't like sex than to face her PTSD
Exactly!
And it does not work if she is not ready. So it is up to her, she has the power.
I thought the same thing!
@Charley Fone exactly and no one is obligated to wait around for you to progress along your own journey. If where you’re at right then and there doesn’t work for them that’s ok. Doesn’t make either person bad or wrong
might not be trauma, might just be vaginismus which i have. i also didn't like having sex but it's because i couldn't. i haven't been abused or anything.
His opening anecdote is crazy. I love that he opened up with that. I also wasn’t sure what to expect but this episode gave me what I didn’t know that I needed.
Stephen, thank you for an honest and raw podcast. Thank you for being vulnerable throughout which made this very engaging and something I think many people will take a lot from 🙏🏽
Thanks Paul glad you think so 🙏🏽
I loved Steve in this. He was open, he was asking real life questions a lot of people are afraid to ask. And I felt Kate did everything she could to keep the conversation exclusively theoretical. I’m surprised Steve didn’t feel awkward every time he would talk about specific situation like when he didn’t know how to talk to his partner about the issue and Kate would just go into how the fear of rejection is something that people encounter a lot, that it is a common question, that the reasoning can vastly vary. I think it would be much more useful to people if Kate respectfully used real scenarios and gave examples of how people could talk about it or approach it in real life in simplest terms. I am confident it is possible to do without becoming to graphic or disrespectful to potential clients.
I agree. Many of these experts are so vague in their “advice” …. Maybe they think they’ll be too revealing, but it really makes their advice virtually useless in the context of an interview. I didn’t learn ANYTHING I didn’t already know.
I love how vulnerable he was in this interview, I appreciate the honesty and openness.
I wouldn’t use the word vulnerable. He asked questions about himself expecting to get the answer that the woman was the problem because she didn’t meet his needs. Young, successful, calls the shots at work but doesn’t yet understand that relationships can’t be like that.
What a brilliant conversation. I'd like to add something that's made a massive difference in my relationship.
*It's very important for a woman to know her menstrual cycle well and inform her partner about it.*
For example, there may be times during her cycle where she gets insanely turned on just by you touching her nipples, but then she may find it really annoying during her luteal phase.
There are certain times during the month where sex will be hot and then other times where she may not get wet so easily.
It makes a massive difference when you know these things. Because you'll understand it's not that she's not attracted to you, but she may simply need a different approach.
Again, communication is the key xx
so important, changes everything about how you understand yourself and how to communicate it
Agreed
This is such a great comment Ieva! Great insights!
Omg you describe 😍 😳 ME
Yes we need more education on this!!
I loved Steve's vulnerability when he spoke of his experience he had that he had never experienced before. Everyone can take away a relatable experience from this conversation.
If someone was having sex with you and then they aren’t, ask about THEIR feelings, not yours. Don’t make it about you. Make the topic about them. Ask them what they’re thinking and feeling, what they’re comfortable with, what they aren’t, what turns them on, what turns them off. The questions you need to ask yourself are: are you respecting them? Are you trying to connect with them? Are you listening to them?
Although my libido is higher than most people I know, if I’m feeling majorly disrespected, unseen, unheard, and unloved, I will not want to have sex with that person. This isn’t just a woman thing. Men do the same things. Usually the sex is withheld or bad because one partner is not ready to have sex yet or there are relationship problems that are seeping into the sex life.
"If someone was having sex with you and then they aren’t." No the relationship ends right there.
100%
Great sex life starts outside the bedroom.
I find myself more curious to hear his questions than her answers. Because some are questions I would never ask. I admire his open and raw nature. It helps me as well to process questions I haven't yet even been able to verbalize.
This topic isn't the type of thing that I normally hear much about, but it was really interesting to listen to. One of the best things about these podcasts is that they open up new ways of thinking and allow for a more varied knowledge-base.
amazing! Thanks Georgia x
Decentralizing sex for a moment and paying attention to other forms of intimacy and emotions rather than pressuring someone when they feel anxious for some reason would prob be helpful in that situation. It's normal for relationships to go through different seasons of a lot or a little. A lot of people feel pressure to keep up with the one who has the higher libido but a relationship should mean more than that and shouldn't have to be this performance to save someone feeling "rejected".
agreed, however it is everyones own decision how much sexual incompatibility they are willing to live with. But it saves a lot of frustration when you accept the differences that will never change. I think the measure is not so much heights of libido but how much value is placed on sex. For some their sexuality is just not that important part of their personality/life, while for another it is a very important part of life. It is heartache for two people being together where this differs significantly. And what a relationship "should" mean is between the people choosing to be in the relationship and no one else. Normativity in such an intimate part of someones being (so not how to behave waiting in line before getting on a bus or something) is not healthy for it is such an individual and above all personal thing.
I respect your point, but you have to remember that...a relationship is meant to be sexual. It's the only difference between a friendship, and one thing that women usually misconcept. If you don't want to have sex with someone, there is just no point to stay in this relation.
Just watched this with my partner. She learned a lot about me, I learned a lot about her, and we learned a lot about you Steve 😂Seriously though, Kate was amazing and your questions were perfect! Great Episode and 1 every couple should watch together!
😂😂 😂 Thanks for watching Jake
I love how intelligent and purposeful this whole conversation was. Such an amazing joy!
Great episode. Here’s a potential solution to your problem. To your point at 1:23:06, I really think Kate Moyle’s statement about having multiple people in your life to fulfill your various needs instead of entrusting all of those needs in one person is extremely valid. I heard you say in a previous podcast that the 3 things you look for in a relationship are sexual attraction, intellectual stimulation and someone who makes you a better person. You also stated in this episode that you want a partner who is equally independent and can meet you in the middle whenever you have a free moment in your schedule. It also sounds like you have a decent degree of self awareness when it comes to acknowledging your patterns in past relationships in terms of recognizing your selfishness and need to learn how to compromise, but if compromise is something you don’t want to give time to, what’s the issue in being in a non monogomous or friends with benefits situation with someone you are intellectually stimulated by, sexually attracted to and makes you a better person? If you’re set on maintaining your busy lifestyle and only want to see your partner on occasion with minimal disruption to how your life currently operates, this dynamic can work well throughout your lifetime unless the underlying issue here is that you want something more from your romantic relationships. If that’s the case, I think it’s about deciding exactly what you want your relationship to look like and deciding what needs to be prioritized within a relationship in order to achieve your ideal.
I think one huge thing we have to understand is our partner never ‘owes’ us sex.
For us men if we don't give it not only is our masculinity questioned but we now have to endure countless arguments because low libido
@@iffysd9864 not that I am a man but I agree with you totally. It’s almost assumed it’s always the other way around. But no one should ever display anger for not being able to have sex with you. That’s f’d up.
@@iffysd9864 if a bitch aint puttin up she gotta skedaddle
No but if there's no sex it's not a relationship.
@@iffysd9864 My ex even asked if i was gay once because i wan't in the mood...yea
Your honesty on your platform is why I recommend you to others.
Great work Steven 👍🏻
Saaaame here!!
Just found your channel today and subscribed. I was married to a man who became non-sexual during the marriage. It was pure hell and the rejection is awful. I don’t think there’s a way to not take it personally. Don’t regret breaking up with your ex. You avoided the hell I went through.
@Tatiana Charkova I’m so sorry that you went through this. I’m in a good head space now and I hope you are there or get there, too. My ex died a couple of years after the divorce, and took closure with him, so I’ve had to make my own closure. He married his affair, and did the same to her. They never had sex or intimacy of any kind, just like my ex with me. She was okay with that. I could never be. I’ve worked on forgiving him for the wasted time (for me, not him). I’m not there yet, but I keep working on it at times.
It feels that you both are completely missing the most important part of sex by talking about things from what seems like an external disconnected place (no wonder this would mean problems in the bedroom). In my view and experience, the fire of passion comes from heart connection, immense love and presence. I never heard either of you talk about this or mention it even once. If we are moving from the place of total loving presence you will have the most high, energetic, joyful, spiritual, deep experiences and will not need a bunch of toys and gagets to make things interesting. Love and presence is where the magic is.
You are spot on! 💕
In higher conscience, high vibration, loving, elevated intimacy there is ecstasy, bliss, and healing 💜
Absolutely. Mind blowing how nowadays so many people talk about sex as if it has nothing to do with love and feelings
found our demisexual section in the comments 😄
This was really interesting to listen to. I think the most prevalent problem that people have in relationships nowadays is the inability and sometimes even unwillingness to work on things when they start crumbling down. For the first year of our relationship, my partner and I had issues in the bedroom but we were both willing to work on those things and try new things out because we wanted to make it work. We have now been together for three years and our love and relationship have grown so much. It's really important for both parties to be willing and to actually desire to make things work. If only one person is trying and the other one isn't willing to work things out it's like sitting down on a chair with only the front legs attached to it- you can't even sit on it! (couldn't think of a better analogy, so this will have to do:). But you also can't assume that the other person isn't willing to make things work. The best thing to do is to talk and ask them upfront if they want to work on this thing or not, it's as simple as that. It might take time for them to realise what they want, but if that's what they need, the other person should respect that.
Anyways, I was listening to you Steven and it seems that you feel quite guilty about breaking up with your ex-partner. I don't know the situation exactly but it sounded like the ex-partner had difficulty communicating things with you in a way that would help you understand her situation better. There could be many reasons for that: issues with a previous partner, childhood trauma or just simply she has never talked to anyone about it before and so felt shy to talk to you about it. I am sure it was nothing personal and you shouldn't let things affect your future relationships. At the same time, I can empathise with your ex-partner as for some it's not easy to talk about intimate things even with their partner- it's something that requires a lot of work and trust. Anyways, if I were you and this was still bothering me, I would reach out to them (if they were willing) and tell them everything that was bothering me and I would make sure that they're ok. I think that this is a better way to end a chapter in your life rather than simply rip out the chapter and pretend that you will never think about it again because, let's be honest, you will be thinking about it every now and then and it'll consume you. Anyways, that's all I wanted to say, just speaking from experience and I know that a lot of people have probably gone through something similar. Wishing you all the best x
This had the potential to be incredibly helpful however fell short due to Kate setting up shop on fence, determined to give the vaguest non-answers possible. Steven was fantastic, so genuine and vulnerable, his questions really felt like they were from my mind to his mouth.
Agreed
I agree. I thought I was just being cynical but she really didn't answer his questions.
It was basically a session of Steve asking questions and the 'sex therapist' explaining the situation and then offering nothing of substance.
In short, it's all load of guff!
How can you earn the label of 'therapist' when you don't have any answers??
100% totally agree 👍🏾 with your comment! Steve was amazing so genuine & real, surprised Kate is a sex therapist thought she was very scripted & robotic 🤖 alot of her answers was just waffle 🧇
Underrated comment!
I agree, she was very vague and didn't really say anything.
Really appreciate how raw and personal this episode was
thanks aaron glad to liked it
I totally disrespect him for discussing a personal relationship in sexual detail in a TH-cam video. No woman should ever enter into a relationship with him. He has no respect for privacy. Awful.
I would say that the depiction of sex in porn is also designed to absolve men of sexual anxiety. Women don’t require foreplay, they don’t require more time, they don’t require anything beyond fast penetration… performance anxiety for men in the porn universe doesn’t exist. There is absolutely zero rejection or disappointment.
What an interesting interview. I loved Kate and how she diplomatically answered the questions. Amazing how something seeming so simple can be so complicated but the ways of solving or understanding them are so simple!
What an amazingly wise therapist. I wish the relationship therapists my ex wife and I experienced before our marriage ultimately ended had been a patch on her.
Studies have actually shown how pornography and being in a hypersexual environment can cause low libido, and this is the world/society we are living in now.
Porn addiction causes low libido/low sexual desire in real life relationships for men. Well documented in many psychological studies.
This is obviously a difficult subject to approach as a podcaster, but such a good job was done here! Conversations like this shouldn’t be taboo and we should be encouraged to have these conversations, not discouraged.
I’m lucky enough to have been taught to be open about sex and sexual health, but I know other men are not so lucky. I hope having an influential character such as Steven talk about it will help others see that these conversations are normal and are a staple in a healthy relationship and a healthy life.
Steven was as usual, brilliant in this conversation however while she did give some insight, it was very vague, minimal and surface level with not much actual depth or knowledge brought to the conversation, considering she calls herself a therapist. Either way, thank you for delving into this topic and being so open and direct, Steven!
Extremely vulnerable and yet valuable information that badly needs to be addressed thank you both.
Spoiler Alert! Compromise does not work. The key is to always take notice of what is important for both at any given moment/situation AND TOGETHER find a version where BOTH NEEDS are executed. Like a third type of option- not just, ok, this time you and next time me. :)
Anyway, i am grateful for all the conversations^ This is wonderful!
Really would like to support Steve for being so vulnerable and honest during this podcast. Thank you. Actually the therapist could have done the same, without names, of course, but giving examples of couples with similar issues and the way they had solved them.
Wow I really appreciate Steven’s honesty in this episode. Issues with mismatched libido and preferences are sooo common. I’ve been in both situations - my first relationship was with a guy who had substance use issues and was on antidepressants that really impacted his libido and energy in general. In my last relationship I inexplicably lost all attraction for my partner, which may have been to do with stopping birth control. It’s awful but you can’t help it.
Just bought your book, personally. I only have the option of audiobooks, and was elated to see that you narrate it. Thank you for taking the time to share your insights. I’m certain I will listen to it many times. ❤
Such a brave open conversation....I think a lot of really driven men find that they are ready to focus on relationships and make more space for it when they're much older (in their 50s for example) and have satisfied all the other needs to explore the world through their work! And sometimes there is a lag, in my experience, in relational skills for those people because they've not worked that muscle and prioritised it. But that's not necessarily a bad thing! It becomes the next life project I believe.
Yes change is inevitable…relationships take “work” which needs to be based on growth & mutual support & encouragement. Honesty & trust are essential in reaching a level of vulnerable intimacy that I’m hoping to achieve with a secure, courageous, passionate man before I no longer have a sex drive (which I intend to have into my 80s😂)
Porn has definitely played a part, people wanting to explore new kinks. It's so important to know how sexually compatible you are with your partner.
THIS.
I’m so pleased this video is out there. Well done for being so vulnerable and open, not many would be.
With or without realising it, Steve being vulnerable and offering us his personal story at the beginning, has actually hit on something that many couples will face when menopause raises it's challenging head. Libido drop can last for 10 years, so it's something a lot of us need to consider about how we will tackle those conversations.
That was essentially a public therapy session. Kudos for your vulnerability and openness hope no negative feedback from your exs. Hopefully if they're watching they see it as invaluable information and opportunity to join you in ongoing growth and development.
Fantastic video Steven. Love the fact, that you spoke from your heart, so eloquently. You are obviously so CARING, and sensitive. Your videos no doubt, will change millions of Lives for the better. Your videos, ae certainly hoping me!
Woah, I learnt so much!! It's fascinating to hear about a professional perspective on such a stigmatised subject.
amazing! So good to hear you found it helpful
Wasn’t expecting this to kick off Monday morning 😅
😂
How open you were during this conversation is so rare. You are amazing Steven . Keep well 🙏
I was wondering if his mates were ok about him talking about their private lives! 😂x
For being a world leading sex therapist I felt she just said stuff most of us already know , no tips or secrets . Very underwhelming.
Maybe the tips are kept secret.
Shes not gonna give it out for free
Well I am an expert Im watching and will let you know...it is a very broad subject so the ore specific a question the better we can answer a question...how do I get netter sex is waaaaay too broad...stating and demonstrating what you like is the general answer. Women are worse about being shy doing this showing and explaining than men. Ladies tell them what you want guide his hand say softer harder slower faster just little phrases he will appreciate it if he wants to satisfy you and YOU will have a better time.
I agree! You’re better off listening to Esther Perel. I found this interview underwhelming as well!
Honestly even into the first 7 minutes I got emotional because i have felt so ‘abnormal’ because of having these issues for so long!!
A key aspect of maintaining attraction and staying in love is for each partner to CHOOSE to do so. That's the bulk of the "work required", that so many people fear. And don't expect the other to be your "everything". Now THAT work is tedious and relationship-destroying!
Steven, thank you for being open and vulnerable! 🙏👍❤️ we all learned so much here because of you as well as this awesome guest! 🙏
Great work Steven! Really loved this conversation! Thanks for being so vulnerable!!! Real, open and honest!
Loved sitting in on this conversation. You choose the best professionals. This content is so needed
55:00 you might think she avoided the question of "how many times per timeframe is healthy" a bit, but she kind of did answer it with a range from once a week to once a month. On a side note: the last 5-7 years it's 2 to 3 times per year for us. I am very unhappy with it, and she is very well aware of it. She even is a psychotherapist which enables her to rationalize why this is happening but nothing changes. We talk openly about it. I am very empathetic and understanding and not blaming her. Still nothing changes. We are together for 13 years and everything else besides sex is really, really great. I don't know what to do. We are 41 and 38 and I believe that most retirees are more active than us.
Steven your openness is so refreshing, you seem like a very cool person
Menopause (men o pause) was the best most liberating thing that ever happened to me! Freedom from what felt like an addiction.
Great interview. It always amazing how experts like Kate provide what seems like obvious answers to questions we have been asking for years. How many times a week for instance, better to have 1 belter a month to 2 poor ones a week 😁
amazing to hear this shared from a man's perspective. I had the same physical compatibality issue and ended the relationship on another basis because I couldnt tell him that. I never thought of it happening the other way around too. Why did he not think the same because, surely if I don't feel compatible, he wouldnt either.... this is so interesting
This really just felt like a therapy session for Steven, which he points out at the end. Not necessarily a bad thing though. The guest (Kate?)really knows her stuff and I like her tactfulness. I did learn that I would not date Steven. 😂
Same 😅
1:34:17 Mind Reading = Pattern Recognition of: Body Language, Micro Expressions, Vocal intonations and word usage.
The "at least" twice a week is the issue. Don't put a number/pressure/stress on it. Before you're in a relationship everyone's is their own person and responsible for their own desires. When we then get to share that, that's the cherry on top.
quality over quantity
Great conversation, as a person with an invisible disability. Sex is a something that’s difficult for me. I often have issues with relaxing . However, many medications kill my drive .
🤗✌
Your self awareness is beautiful! Thank you for allowing us to share this journey-Lovely.
I don't see him being self-aware, he just knows he wants to have sex a lot and he needs to have a good sex partner, if you want a real relationship and love, sex shouldn't be the number one thing! Love and sex work together in a relationship and putting sex over love is immature! To me, he focuses on sex too much in his issues with finding the perfect sexual partner.
SOUND INTELLIGENT ✅
WEAR QUIRKY GLASSES ✅
WEAR STAND OUT COLOUR JACKET ✅
SKIRT AROUND THE QUESTIONS ✅
WAFFLE ✅
GET PAID A FORTUNE ✅
Thank God it wasn’t only me thinking this woman ain’t saying anything of value 😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂❤❤
I got your book a few days ago. I must say it has been quite exhilarating. Highly recommended. Great interview and keep up the great job mate.
Anybody looking for insights and information on this topic might find Esther Perel extremely helpful. Her most recent interview with Lewis Howes is fantastic! Lots of information and in depth answers 🙏
Really interesting conversation that I enjoyed a lot! Just on the topic of vulnerability in this though, slightly worried about the woman who is also having all of this vulnerable information about her revealed. First video of this channel that I've watched, so I dont know the woman in question and for all I know she may also have a very public and personal online presence, but I just hope she was consulted beforehand and was happy for this information to be shared on her behalf!
idk if its specific to this podcast but a lot of these expert therapist give open ended all inclusive answers to real problems where a degree of objectivity will be beneficial in addressing the cause of the problem.
Many times, Kate responded with answers such as it depends on it's a case by case basis and you shouldn't over generalise.
For example, the segment on how often should you have sex, kate responded by saying theres no right amount of times, which is fair because everyone has different lifestyles, but then she says it's fine for a couple who only has sex once a month and are not happy to be okay with that whilst they know someone who has it 3 times a week. This encourages incompatible people to stay together because 'we shouldn't be comparing our relationship to other people'. But there's a reason that the couple or one partner feels once a month is inadequate or perhaps something wrongs in the relationship otherwise it won't be a pressing matter. Maybe one has a high sex drive and the other has a low sex drive and they try change this up. Even 2 twice a month over 1 might make a difference!
Another example is her answer to question on is it harder to date in this period because theres more options, which she replied because a relationship has failed it doesn't mean it was unsuccesful. I agree in certain cases eg you've been going out for many years but decided to be friends, you've learnt from that experience, but in the context of this question, a lot of these quick forming and quick ending relationships are built on shakey foundations like status and settling. This type of narrative of its okay that it didn't work out or that is hasn't worked out ensues a nonchalant attitude of it's not my fault, shit happens, instead she should reply with an objective look analysis of your (past) relationships such as what you value in a relationship and the type of girl you want to be with long term and if you see that in another partner.
This was so interesting.. Sex is always seen as a taboo topic. Found this really interesting. Looking forward to reading your book Steven.. The pr release is amazing ❤️
thanks louise, my DMs are going nuts!
I bet they are.. Mine arrived yesterday and I can't put it down.. Its made me emotional at time.. I keep stopping an asking my daughters questions. Thank you for writing this.. It will change lives x
This came up as a suggestion and I loved it! So interesting to hear some really informative views 😍
A lot of people who have experienced rape or sexual abuse are not going to like or enjoy sex. Watch out for that. Find out if they have been through that before you get into a relationship.
Only just found these podcasts and they are amazing!
This is the first sex therapist I've ever listened to that I didn't think was a quack. She's actually really smart. And not German. That's refreshing.😅
How awesome is it yo hear raw honesty.. comfortable being vulnerable. Nice
Thank you for another incredible podcast!! This was really interesting
Thanks iman glad you found it interesting, thanks for watching 🙌🏽
Please what this woman said that is really; to the point, spot on, wise, brilliant and maybe new? Have I missed something out here? It feels like I've lost my time.
Great interaction and very informative at times. Steven asked some really good questions that I was excited to hear the answer to but I we never quite got there. At times I was ok is she going to give us an answer to this one ? And no I don’t think we got one ….. which Is a shame 😕
exactly my comment!
Hi Kate & Steve.....Love the vulnerability, openness, realness so many of us can relate to & need to not hide. More of this type of sharing & discussion would be awesome thank you! Annie from Downunder x
Wow!
I really love this conversation 😅
I listened to this whole interview and haven’t come away with almost any concrete, tangible points of advice. It was a very vague, amorphous conversation, where a lot was said, but also not much of anything. The entire segment of “how to keep our sex life exciting” was of particular interest to me- and there was only about 30 seconds of information that was actually relevant and helpful.
I have enjoyed this conversation. I can relate to some of the issues raised and also because I'm still curious even in my late twenties
To me is crazy to not be able to communicate your issue with your significant other! Why maybe heal first and figure out your issues before you start a relationship? I'm just saying... Sex is very important in a relationship. Bad sex or no sex is a big problem.
Sexuality, in my opinion, is not binary - I see it as a spectrum and believe it can be fluid. Some are on the asexual spectrum, whereas others are highly sexual or even hypersexual, and some have sexualities that are strongly subject to change, etc. Also, sexuality to me is often not static. It has fluidity and flux. For example, I think people can have "seasons," and it's perfectly okay, in my estimation, to have a somewhat vague, changing sense of sexuality. However, most of us live within the confines of binaries and black and white thinking. So, we're conditioned to categorise and rigidly define our sexual identity from when we're "sexually mature." In turn, we are expected to have the somewhat mysterious nature of sexuality figured out with neat labels, conscious understanding, the right approach, and so on. In fact, much of sexuality is often tied up with the subconscious and our existential/psychosomatic issues, etc. It's perfectly okay for sexuality to be a confusing and shifting experience that is "figured out" as we go along.
I ended a relationship in college, based on the physical hand fit the glove and he was so sweet, but I think we are meant for who we are meant for. And these are lessons for us.
Made no sense
Great interview. I usually hate these sex gurus, but this was very good.
Being asked if I wanna go for a walk got the same reaction from me until I got a dog, that changes everything when talking about going for walks. It declutters my mind massively for a clear mind at the start of my day and then it helps me destress and unpack my day in my mind when I walk my dog in the evening.
Same, I'm going through a seperation/divorce and my dog is probably the most walked dog in West London.
Wow getting angry at being told no. Just wow. She nailed it assumptions and lack of understanding
Pure entitlement on his part. No wonder she didn’t feel she could talk to him about it.
Some evidence based educational information, statistics would have been great. Some more depth to the conversation would have been valuable. Great questions from Steven.
I agree. I think most of the answers were pretty obvious / surface level. Or maybe we've spent enough time already looking at this stuff that its made us world leading....
I was surprisingly disappointed in this episode. I am a regular listener to the diary of CEO and really enjoy the different people and subjects discussed. However, with this episode I didn’t feel I learned anything. I applaud you Steven for being so honest and open about your personal life, it added another layer to this interview that I wasn’t expecting. However, from Kate’s side I didn’t feel she shared any great insights from her expertise. From her responses to your questions, I would of never guessed that she was an expert and it felt more just like a general conversation between two people. Rather than her giving advice to situations that we would learn from and put into practice.
The episode that I compare this to is the episode with Stephanie Romiszewski where she shared a wealth of her knowledge and things that we could try if struggling to get a good nights sleep. It was amazing! Unfortunately this one wasn’t.
I agree.I thought she brought no depth to this conversation but it was Steven's openness that gave this episode any "juice"..so to speak 😁
I thought exactly the same!!! She wasn’t helpful at all
Thanks for the suggestion of Stephanie Romiszewski. I have no idea who to look up and this subject. Any more people please let me know if possible.
Steven’s vulnerability is admirable. However, the discussion got frustrating at times because Kate swerved a lot of questions the way a politician would. I would have liked if she was more open to share her thoughts or answer some of the questions directly as these podcast helps a lot of people so from that perspective she could share more. But maybe she was just super careful in this cancel culture we live in.
Totally agree . She was All blabla
even though Steven asked really interesting questions .
"Why get married because it might end?" Good job you don't have that attitude in life. That's like saying why live life when you are only going to die anyway. She literally just said that people shouldn't regret divorce because it could have been right for them then. Life is about the journey not the destination. Ironically sex is better when you think like that too. 😏
this is one of the best videos I have just watched today... thanks for sharing :)~~~~~
An insightful and honest episode. I really appreciate it. 👏
❤️💪 so much respect for this Bro!
❤️ Tantra is the way!
My boyfriend felt the same in his last relationships.
❤️ Now I've Introduced him to Tantra, he's literally a new man 😘 hehe
❤️ But this is such a NEEDED Conversation , so much respect!
All i would say is from a womans perspective if your angry or withdraw after she turns down sex that is a total turn off. It feels like you feel that it is a right for you or it can bring up past trauma. So that may have also made her withdraw. I truly feel if u want someone to be vulnerable and open up you have to create that safe space for them and be vulnerable and open up too. Instead of statements about what you think is going on. I think be inquisitive and ask open questions about what might be going on for them. As opposed to assuming its a personal attack on you. But thank you for your vulnerability now. This episode is amazing.
@@DeshaunDamon Thats also someones individual choice. The person experience difficulty during sex can't make the decision for you about whether your not your happy and you want to leave. But just because someone is struggling to enjoy sex does not mean that they don't want to be able to enjoy sex with you. I am just saying that giving a different response can sometimes end up with better results. But each situation is different. Sometimes its just different ways people think about sex and other times there may be certain things inhibiting someone from being how they want to be in sexual relationships.
He clearly hasn’t fallen in love yet. Fallen in lust yes, but not in love! His questions will be different when (IF) that ever happens. - Great video for women to learn how to spot a few red flags about guys, though..!
Well done to the interviewee for being “diplomatic”, and still informative and forthcoming, in her answers throughout.
Watch his esther perel ep, he got back together with his gf he speak about