I'm Trying To Get Out Of An Abusive Relationship
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The most dangerous time for a woman is when she actually decides she is going to leave and abusive relationship for good. Making a safe exit plan is wise for her and her kids.
I agree, women have literally been killed because they try to leave abusive guy. Dave made it seem like it was so easy. Safe exit plan like you suggested. She was scared.
She’s doing it for attention and sympathy cuz she wants to play the victim card. THAT is why she called in and said “abusive”. Also, she didn’t actually cry but she wanted to seem like she was going to. She needs acting lessons. My mom pulled the same stunt w/ my dad
@@charlesg7926 So your anecdotal experience means it’s the same way for every woman/relationship? Lol you can’t be this stupid can you?
@@alp.9672 Should've picked a nicer guy, no excuses. Abusers give obvious warning signs in the beginning that they're aren't worth $hit.
@@handleyobusiness Not always c’mon Bob, same for men........she can turn crazy on you after you been together
I left with $50. You can do it!
Proud of you
Glad you left and it’s the right thing to do! Proud of you 👏.
Proud of you 👏🏽👏🏽
IF your partner is actually abusive, then you wouldn’t talk about leaving, you would just leave. On the other hand, if you’re constantly bashing your partner as being abusive but you’re still staying, then the partner isn’t the problem- your need for attention and sympathy is.
Yes, ma’am! By any means necessary
She’s unable to express the abuse. The abuse she’s experiencing is emotional. Her shame keeps her silent. Pray for her.
This is what a broken woman sounds like. Dave is giving Mary the glue to piece back together the strong woman/mother she really is. Please take Dave's generous gift of life.
This is what ‘a manipulative woman who wants to pretend to be scared on a nationally televised phone call so that she can use the call as “evidence” to help her get money, the kids, and the house in divorce court’ sounds like
@@charlesg7926 Who hurt you?
@@stevieb7865he’s probably the abuser in disguise.
*"In life, we don't get what we deserve, we get what we are willing to tolerate"-Tony Robbins*
Those abusive women who refuse to leave - but still complain.
@@buffymcmuffin5361
Pretty much.
If an adult woman is willing to tolerate being treated badly, willing to tolerate being abused, then there is nothing anyone can do to help until she herself decides she's not going to tolerate it anymore.
Same goes for men who dates/marries sh$t women.
I know 100 women who if they made half of what she makes would leave tomorrow. Girl PLEASE leave. My dad abused my mom for years and she could not leave because she didn’t have the money. Please please leave. Your children’s hearts are begging you.
If I had that, I wouldn’t stick around.
These are the types of calls where Dave Ramsey is at his absolute best.
I have never seen Dave like this; glad he stood in the gap for this woman. Mary, you can do it. Get out of there. You and your kids deserve so much more.
You need to look up the clip from one call "you and your son are in danger".
There’s no proof she was abused though. The only “evidence” is a woman purposely saying “I don’t want him to hear me”, which shows she intentionally wants the audience to feel sympathy for her. She’s manipulating the audience to help herself in divorce $$
@@charlesg7926 You need help....
@@sXePunkV2 Nah, I’m happily married to a good woman. This poor guy in this marriage probably does need assistance though!!
The worst thing you can do to your kids is let them see their mother abused. Cannot dismiss the damage done to kids in those circumstances.
There’s no proof anyone was abused though. The only “evidence” is a woman purposely saying “I don’t want him to hear me”, which shows she intentionally wants the audience to feel sympathy for her. She’s manipulating the audience
Based on the fact the woman is manipulating the audience to gain sympathy, I would say it’s very likely that her husband is not abusive at all and she’s just wanting to “use this call as proof” in order to get money, house & custody in court
@@charlesg7926 Dude… Give it a f*cking rest! If YOU can’t choose a good woman to save your LIFE or the only women you’ve EVER BEEN AROUND OR WITNESSED were horrible I’m either sorry for you or sorry that happened to you or whatever… But to go comment to comment spewing your toxic bs rhetoric on everyone who isn’t crucifying this woman shows more of YOUR hatred of women and is a huge red flag 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I wholeheartedly agree 💯
I love Papa Dave, he's such a father figure! ❤️
The hardest thing about these types of calls is their own mental block in leaving, I hope she does it
Indeed. Her fear has shut down the executive functioning of her brain. Dave is trying to be that rational thinking part for this woman. I hope she is able to accept the help Dave is offering. If not, I hope someone is at least able to take custody of the children to give them a chance to grow up in an abuse-free home!
The hardest thing about these types of calls is seeing all the low IQ people fall for the manipulative tricks of women who want to elicit sympathy by FAKING “fear”, in order to gain financially in divorce proceedings
@@theadvocate3006 Nah you’re low IQ. She’s faking in order to gain financially in the divorce proceedings. If she was really afraid, she would just make the call in her car when she’s going to work or going to get lunch or something
@@charlesg7926 you’re right; Dave is notorious for his low intelligence
@@amde8554 small intelligence doesn't talk like Dave
I left a toxic and controlling relationship years ago. I was scared to leave and wonder how I would make it. I am a single mom and I am doing great now, financially and emotionally. I wish I left a long time ago, I am enough, a lot of people told me to leave and I was like her and scared and finally just left when things got bad. You don’t want things to get bad.
So proud of you!!! I'm sure some people aren't even brave enough to leave even when things get bad/worse. You should be very proud of yourself...this is beautiful to hear!
Glad you got out. Existing in that kind of fear and stress is no way to live. I know because I've been there too.
I leave with little money in my pocket.she as a good job what is she afraid of.
@@jamaicaninthekitchen4358 her abusive husband has DESTROYED her confidence and she is afraid to do anything to upset him. It's not about the money, sadly. She is very lucky to have a good job, but it doesn't solve the issues cause by emotional and physical abuse.
Am planning to leave. He treats me like a fool in front of my kids and my house helper. Because I depend on him financially. But it's time move out after 9years
I pray this woman takes Dave up on his offer. So many women don’t take the help when offered, and she has the best help available in Dave and his team. We need more people in the world like the Ramsey team.
I am afraid for her. She is confused and frightened and having a rough time with the whole thing. She needs to leave and I pray she can carry through.
I just left. Currently living in a DV shelter with $800 to my name. I put in for a job transfer out of state (somewhere cheaper) and it’s pending. It’s REALLY scary… my car is in the shop finally, and I invest about 30% of my income towards my future, so even though I’m broke, I’m optimistic about the idea of being okay in the long run whether I have a man or not. It makes me sad to leave because I love him still and I always hoped he’d love me. I thought I’d have more time to save, but had to evacuate quickly… it sucks. I don’t think there’s ever a right time to leave your life
You deserve better. Proud you realize that. Things will get better. Sending you loads of positivity.
Proud of you good luck ❤️❤️
SO incredibly proud of you!!!! I am saying a prayer for you right now, and I know with all my heart you are going to thrive, as you are obviously SO so so strong...you've invested in yourself and your soul by taking this brave step. Big prayers and virtual hugs! Keep taking good care.
Good for you! The only thing is don't go getting with the same type of guy again. Reassess what you are attracted to and why or the cycle repeats.
@Natalie S I believe it means Domestic Violence shelter. Please please Google/look up some in your area, hopefully there should be some 🙏🏼
When I left the abusive relationship, I was flat broke. I walked in the middle of Winter from Long Island to Brooklyn. Anyone who lives in New York City knows that's impossible. But, I did it, and I live in freedom today. This lady can completely escape with $110K. Leave, Sis. You won't regret it.
She makes 110K and hasn’t left yet? Think about your children seeing you get abused.
Just because she earns it doesn’t mean she has access to it, financial control is very very common in DV and it’s possible her pay check is getting put into an account that he controls
@@bellamia8867 They should have given her practical advice too - about changing her direct deposit to another account in order to make leaving easier
@@bellamia8867 She can open her own account. It's easy.
We don’t even know how old the kids are, 100k salary is not what it use to be. Washington Isn’t cheap. She feels overwhelmed.
@@jimroscovius if leaving an abusive relationship were as easy as opening a bank account and walking out the door then their wouldn’t be so many women dead due to DV
Run Girl Run!!! Don’t take any Sh!t from anyone. You are worth more than that. Keep you & your kids safe from that Ahole or it’s ALL on YOU!!!! Listen to Dave.
This is simple, leave.
She should be calling an attorney first so she doesn't wind up in court fighting for her kids.
You're going to make it girl. When I met my wife she was living with an abusive boyfriend. It took her a year to snap out of it. She missed the house, the yard, flowers, everything. He built this perfect cell for her to be trapped in. She made it out and her, her daughter, and I are happy.
It takes courage to leave an abusive relationship with or without a salary you can hear the fear in her voice this is so sad.
Never ignore your intuition. You can't have a plan all the time; sometimes, you need to just step out on faith. The faith in your ability to succeed even if you are SINGLE.
I love how Dave is straight forward and don't care about your excuses. Straight forward, blunt and bold and I love it.
It is time to quit this relationship! He will never change!!! Don’t let him continue abusing you in front of your kids. They are not witnessing a good thing!!!
Exactly!!! Girl run like forest gump run those bullies
If someone tells you over and over again that you're incompetent and inadequate, eventually you start to believe it. Trust me. I know
You are correct. Especially when you are a child and hear it over and over.
There are many women who leave an abusive relationship with nothing, not a dime. She is in as good a financial position to leave as any woman would hope to be. It shows how it can be your mind that keeps you bound. I understand though that an abusive person can make subtle or overt threats to a woman's safety if she tries to leave making her feel between a rock and a hard place.
Nah, because she has kids (on the west coast) and they're both not cheap.
Put Dr. John on the line. That's who she needs now not Dave
But Dave handled the call quite well himself. Now hopefully she will get the help she needs.
She doesn't see how incredibly capable she is. She will be more than enough for her kids. She makes great money and NO DEBT. She has the opportunity to start a fresh life that will undoubtedly be better than the current one.
In 1981 I'd been married 10 years. I was watching Ophra about abused women. It showed me myself. I got out with my two sons. So thankful!!!
You don't make plans to leave... you just get out.
That’s not entirely true, it takes some preparation, especially if you’re a mom.
she's scared to be a single parent?..and I guess Dave is correct.. you're a wonder woman.. and strong.. and need to leave..
She's already a single parent!!
@@ramonaearnest4709 yep..
“You are enough.” 😢
Thank you Dave! I left an abusive man, father of my child, 12 years ago and felt from time to time like a looser since (despite a good income and a good life ) Feels good to hear from this side that it was the right decision. The only reasonable decision.
I left in the early 80's after 10 years of marriage and all my friends, plus the church I was going to kept telling me I had to stay. Glad this lady has someone who is helping her in DR and also that it's a new day and women realize they don't need to live in that abuse. When I left I didn't have a job, but I did have 5000 which was half our saving.
Good for you both! That's incredibly brave of you to make the decision to leave and heal. Much love and hugs! 💕 🤗
This is why I love the Ramsey team! You can do it Mary, we believe in you xoxo
What saddens me the most in these troubling family relations, with fights, etc, are the Angels AKA Pets and small children who live in the house.
She doesn't want to be a single mom. She knows she should leave, but she'd really rather have an abusive husband than no husband. That's the truth of it.
She's not in the right mental space to listen to anything Dave has to say. She wants an instant fix and their isn't an instant fix. It takes courage and guts to leave a marriage. She should go talk to some women's shelter counsellors. And no rule will ever protect her if her husband wants to keep abusing her. Also, she should leave with a minimum of "stuff". She's going to have to start over and it is easier with out a lot of stuff she doesn't need.
This call was sad but very relatable. Abusers aren't going to change unless they WANT to change and are ACTUALLY CAPABLE of doing it. Yes they make you think that you need to stay whether it is emotional, physical or mental abuse, they tell you they will change that they want to go to therapy with you etc.
Abusers don't change --at least not with a woman they have been abusing.
@@robertwoodpa6463 respectfully that is why I said want or are capable of doing so in my original post. There are different types of abusers so of course this isn't going to apply to all. Those who truly want to do better, have self awareness to recognize their actions and triggers, the ability to stop blaming others for their problems, take responsibility for their actions, seek professional help, understand how to respect their partner's limits and independence, etc are more likely to be successful. However it's going to be a VERY small percentage compared to the masses. I dealt with narc abuse, they haven't changed and are unaware of their condition. However I see those with the personality disorder that are self aware, seek therapy for their family, talking about why they do the things that they do to a widespread audience to help others. They can't ever necessarily "change" but can choose to make conscious decisions to use what they know and have done to help people understand what takes place and provide closure they probably aren't going to get from their abusers if that makes sense.
Regardless I want to make it clear that no one should continue to stay and wait for a person to change. Staying only allows the situation to gives the person the opportunity to potentially harm/kill the victim depending how bad things are.
Women (and men) who have been abused often feel that they need permission to leave. It is a scary and confusing time. They need a specific step by step plan. They know they need to leave. They just need to hear it from someone they respect and trust that they are going to be okay and are not in the wrong for leaving and that they will not be hurting their children more than staying. David E Clarke PhD will give you a step by step plan for your emotional safety and well being.
He is probably so tall and good looking that she tolerates it.
I'm not sure they need permission. She knew this guy was abusive shortly after she met him. Something about her likes the chaos.
@@Originalman144 what ever you reckon !
This one hurt to listen to. She sounds so broken and scared and sad. And she is exactly my age. I can't imagine being in this situation and what that must feel like. I hope she finds the courage to get out of there ASAP. This is one of those times where I wish I lived close to her and could be her friend and support her through this.
I had a very abusive father, who was was physically, mentally and verbally abusive. When he was a boy, he set his parents house on fire to get back at his mother.
Oh lawd what a psycho...
That is the fear. Is it worth the retaliation ?
You’re a good man Dave. Firm love. I hope this caller find the courage to act. You sound like an incredible woman. You are going to provide a great life for them and you.
Those words were wonderful Dave. I hope to hear back from Mary that she’s doing great.
Mary you are enough! Your children don’t deserve to continue living in those circumstances. Take them out of there and yourself too. You are gonna do great 😊
This had to be one of the more powerful segments by Dave. I really enjoyed the encouragement he had given her.
I left an abusive marriage 20 years ago- she did her best to complete the power and control wheel.
It's definitely for the better...
Just leave immediately.
I've been there momma... trust me, you got this. And the financial stress you may feel is 100x better than the emotional and physical stress
Praying for the safety of this woman and her children🙏🙏🙏🙏
Make the jump and you will find out. You will land on your feet. 110K a year YOU are a boss, for the sake of your children handle it like one!! Best of luck!
Whether it’s physically or verbal, abuse in a marriage is unacceptable!! Whoever is abusing her like this, he will get his justice some day!!
Abuse in any relationship
Dave Ramsey handled this call wonderfully. 👏👏👏
She’s not leaving
Mary, you can do it. Many have done it and are free mentally and physically. Trust and believe in yourself. Leave toxic behind.
He has completely undermined your confidence. I was in the same situation, and I didn’t think I could make it on my own. Twenty years later my daughter told me I Was the strongest woman she knew. You can do this!
She called Dr Deloney's show too. The hesitation in her voice, the careful word selection, the continued tolerance of this abuse - this woman needs someone to physically remove her and her kids from that home. She's just not gonna do it on her own even though she wants to.
Go girl! I left with NOTHING. Go now.
You NEVER have nothing. You ALWAYS have yourself.....
@Natalie S Yes, a relative’s place for a short time then moved far away.
@@i.amsimplyval Natalie S is trolling everybody on Dave Ramsey today.
@Natalie S I understand but staying is not a good decision.
@Natalie S Please go away. If a person truly wanted to leave she/he would.
I think Dave could have asked his question like this 'Is it physical or verbal abuse or both?'. As a domestic abuse survivor of verbal abuse (because the guy knew punching me would prove the abuse quickly), the question should be about abuse overall not just physical abuse.
*That's his words in your head* Amen 🙏🏽 Ty Dave for making the point.
Its change people are afraid of nothing more nothing less
Agreeing with several others on here. Most dangerous time for a woman is when she actually leaves. I hope she's able to get family or law support to help her actually leave. God speed.
I'm really impressed with the way the guy with the beard handled this lady's call. He shot from the hip at every excuse/concern she had. He was firm and supportive but with point blank honesty. I need this guy in my head.
You are too special to be in an abusive situation... period. Our prayers are with you during this chaos of life.
This young lady need to move out. Get a restraining order. Go to the local gun shop. Buy herself a nice revolver to defend herself and her kids. And she said she was not sure if she doesn't make enough money. It's way more then enough
Guns are not enough to solve problems...and 110 is not enough on the west coast.
True 110 with kids in spokane yeahhhh no
Keeping the kids exposed to abuse, is abuse.
THIS RIGHT HERE !!!!!!!!! Sooooo true. Ugh ppl r insane
Wow. Thanks Dave, when you were praising her, I felt it for myself! Left an abusive Ahole. I was beat twice. I have 5 income properties in my name pre marriage. I was like: F this. I'm rich. I left. I've been traveling the world ever since.
I completely get it she's scared and traumatized both by him and her own childhood from being raised by a single mom. She makes more than enough to provide for the kids and needs to leave. My mom finally got the courage to leave my dad for all the abuse and threats after some counselling and us kids saying we needed to leave. She grew up in a culture that said it was wrong and she was the bad one if she left no matter what and sadly she endured through people (former church) who blamed her for leaving but it's one of the best things my mom ever did for me after finally realizing she needed to do it even with no income at the time and not able to work due to severe disabilities. From this video I'd say this woman is in a different situation financially but definitely able to leave from that stand point but needs to continue with major counselling to get healing.
Mariposa Violeta, luckily not all "churches" believe the same way about the issue of leaving an abusive relationship. I know of a pastor who told the woman to leave if she was being abused. Too bad your mom's church blamed her for leaving, and I agree that was wrong of them.
@@Sheryl777 yea thankfully not all are like that and we left there and went to a church that understood that it's wrong and submitting as the bible teaches is 100% different than the husband being allowed to abuse his family.
@@mariposavioleta9007 👍
Sending u love Mary 🤍 you deserve better. Sounds like Mary loves him more than herself . Prioritize yourself first. Abusive is not acceptable. Period.
She won't leave, sadly but I don't think she will.
She is leaving!!
@@clarifyingquestions I hope she does
Stay strong ♥️ I’m going through something similar too
Please leave
Her fear that she is not enough might have started when she was young, leading her to seek security from this abusive man.
I used to live in Spokane, and worked in the social services industry. There is a domestic violence shelter there. She should reach out to them.
She doesn't need a shelter and that will further traumatize the kids.
@@skincareceo There are advocates and counselors there that she could talk to. And since she is in a physically abusive relationship, she and her children are in danger. She would be safe there, and get some clarity. It's obvious that you do not understand the cycle of abuse.
@Natalie S Domestic violence is not just about the money. It's about emotional control and her safety while leaving is at great risk. You are very wrong. It is necessary to involve assistance.
@Natalie S And I never said she should stay in a shelter. I said she should reach out to them. They provide advocacy and support that the police do not.
@Natalie S You need to get a grip honey. You clearly don't understand everything they offer. Get off the internet kid.
One heck of an advise Dave! You can do this Mary!!! We are all rooting for ya.
My heart hurts for Mary. I'm praying for her & her children.
I'm glad that they have opened up chanel's for other people listening and they feel like they can reach out and Ramsey team is helping in different ways not just financial especially victims of DV that feel stuck.♥️great thing
Gosh…. Dave ur fantastic!! Thank you
Great job Dave! She's gonna do great things!!!
Beautiful call. Love when Papa Dave shows up
Praying for you Mary! Been there before and it is frightening. Take the leap of faith and listen to Dave and you will see magnificent changes in your life. You owe it to yourself and your kids. When you get to a place of safety and healing; only then will you see all that has been holding you back and weighing you down for what it was and how bad it was. Probably even much worse than you think it is now but the fear is driving you to justify things. You are strong , you are smart and you will thrive. God bless
"Thats what abusers do, they take away your confidence" isn't that the truth
Great insights Mr. Ramsey.
I hope she leaves. I grew up seeing domestic violence in multiple relationships. I can say as a child it really does impact us. Some family members never left those relationships and it really has an impact on the type of relationships their children enter. People who did leave didn’t have income nearby as good as hers.
Love this!
Hopefully he's not crazy enough to come after her. Leaving is dangerous. I would get a weapon today too.
It’s embarrassing for him, you are very brave.
Praying this woman receives strength in that Dave Ramsey hug ❤
Do it for your kids.
He’s right. Leave NOW, girl. Don’t look back. You deserve better than that man.
wow feel so sorry for her. Such a smart, successful woman. This horrible excuse of a man has done a great job of making her feel dependant on him when she has no need to stay with him.
She is NOT smart. HE is NOT the problem...If she were smart, she'd know that she NEEDS TO GET OUT NOW. She is "choosing to be a victim". At the expense of her babies.
@@pattyajones 100% correct but we live in a victim society
There are times I disagree with Dave but this is not one of them. He is absolutely right.
"You Are Enough."
Thank you Dave for your advice. Mary you will be great, you wait your children will thank you for it, as mine do as I left my abusive husband 26 years ago. We are all happy, children grown & successful. Nothing like peace. Thank you. Funny my name is Mary too.
This woman is at an advantage a lot of abused women don’t have. She has a good income and good job/education. I hope she realizes she’s enough!
Go Mary you can do it! You got this. OMG, I love this man 😭
I agree, she needs help and should get out of there!! I feel for her. I agree with you Mr. Ramsey.
Love him from afar. Get out of there and have that separation. Give yourself that clarity. You are enough Mary. You can do this!
You should NEVER tolerate any kind of abuse. Specially physical. Beautiful girl, you and your children deserve better.
May this woman and her children do great things in their life!!! 🙏
If you are desperate enough you will do whatever you have to to be safe and not worry about the what ifs down the road
I LOVE UNCLE DAVE SO MUCH 💖😭🙏🏼
Just listened to her call in on the Dr. John Delony show. I hope she gets through this
My fear when I left my abuser was that I wouldn't know what to do if the car battery died. So dependent. I can't believe I lived that way.
Classic victim mentality and I will not judge this lady but every victimizer needs a victim and that's not the easiest thing to change but I personally wish her the best.