You can’t address this topic without discussing the physical and hormonal changes as we age. Men take a little blue pill to fix everything. It’s very difficult for women.
@@howmoon67 actually it does I have seen women going from not wanting sex to desperately masturbating multiple times a day after getting their hormones fixed
It's people like Delony who can save our crazy culture ... his transparency about his own brokenness is heart opening. Like Gabor Maté , Deloney and others who are speaking into the trauma/abuse and our inability to deal with the impacts on our relationships and lives ... our addictions to toxic food, CELL phones, sex, obsessiveness and a general malaise of self-loathing ... Delony is paving the way for millions of people. He is a great pastor, like his father. his impact will be HUGE. BRAVO!
I have a lot of respect for John Delony. Such a stable influence on the BS spewed forth by men & women who have no moral compass, and who "justify" the most hurtful deceitful behavior without thought of consequences.
In grad school at Tulane university to become a therapist, I learned about secondary trauma. As a therapist we can experience secondary trauma through hearing trauma from our clients. That’s why a counselor needs to have a healed soul a minister needs to have a healed soul.
😮sex goes deeper, its about how you treat each other on a daily basis. How do you care for their hearts?? I was married for 27 years and realized it was just about him. His life, his needs, his money, his kids, just hit me that our marriage wasn't balanced. He said i was crazy and to quit my whinning. I knew at that point it was abuse. Then i realized hes a narcissist and will not chg. So i made a hard decision to end the marriage and get out while im still alive.❤❤
I think this is super common now. I’m dealing with that after 8 years, I stood by him from porno addiction to drug addiction to alcohol withdrawals in the ICU from his alcoholism, then for his hip replacement at 32 due to his drinking, through his sober for 6 months before he went back and now I’m exhausted and alone but he’s gas lighting me like crazy. “What you say isn’t law” he says 😂 because I wasn’t there seeing or hearing what I’m seeing and hearing. It’s wild to have someone say that to you. Just wild. And he’s sober saying it 😆
When I was in High School PKs always had reputations as rolling some holey hell. And cops were paid "over time" to keep them out of trouble. Fast times at Ridgemont High.
Desire is snuffed by cultural standards where women's obligation in a marriage is to satisfy the man. Woman being the object of male desire is exhausting .
Then don't get married. It applies to both spouses not just woman satisfying a man. They r in a marriage. This is the problem w ppl like u. Sex increases bond between husband n wife.
Omg I agree. They expect us to be porn stars now. And we don’t get paid or provided with personal dietitians, personal trainers or the constant cosmetic work. Plus they expect you to have kids and not lose your everything and to keep up with work and them too. Or else they will get the porno out and you’re history! Plus they get to do that too cause they need their ‘me’ time. Meanwhile in the real world you have to hunt down a man who can be respectful to you and actually participate in real life with you in order to find actual mutual love and understanding. This is why women become lesbians. Most aren’t born that way, they are driven.
I always told my Girls it starts in the kitchen, when they were growing up. I told them what I meant by that. A loving relationship between a Husband and Wife starts in the morning. The Wife has to feel loving to be happy and give back to him. 😊
You can tell that to your girls but it just doesn't work like that. The No1 reason of divorce is financial issues.... of the husband. No marriage ever ended because the wife lost her job. Husband loses the job? Can't find soon one? Or he can't find one at the same level as the one is lost? 90% risk of divorce. Compute that : 9 times out of 10. Do you seriously think men stop loving their wives because they lost their jobs? The problem of modern marriages is not husbands not loving their wives but precisely of far too many husbands loving unloving wives who are in only for the pleasurable ride and who will bail out in the slightest of the bumps. Or they will bail out because the ride is too smooth, too boring, LOL! Today it is not the men, it is the women the ones who are the No1 problem in marriages.
There is another result of trauma that is not often mentioned by a lot of “experts”. It’s the down ramp after the event. Someone is faced with a traumatic life event and continues to relive it with every trigger that puts it in their face again. That very episode has an effect that continues to shape the person into a PTSD like state.
I don't know if anyone else will see the connection, but his story of frantically looking at the foundation in his house reminds me of the scripture where Jesus tells the parable saying something similar to "the one who hears these words of mine, and puts them into practice, I will liken him to a man who built his life on a good foundation. The winds and the rains came, and the house stood, because it was built on a firm foundation."
You hit the nail on the head on what has happened to our boys and young men. Always being told to “shut up we don’t want to hear from you” and they go get their masculine needs met via video violence. I’ve noticed this negative trend for decades now. Hope is here. So glad these conversations are happening.
Wow! This title is sooo misleading. This is such a great interview on what accumulating trauma can do to your body. This is so powerful! Thank you for this interview Carey!
Agree, the title is misleading and I would share it with more people if it was not there. And the envelopes thing I do not think is a good idea, keep them for money. But some real good points about how a lot of people are living these days, and trauma effects us years later. 😊 He is still in denial with some things. He claims he was not a good parent but not a bad parent.🤔 I have never seen anyone be obsessed with just house or one thing. He works for scammer Dave Ramsey, who lives a very fancy rich prodigal life fleecing poor people. (And you never hear of him donating to local organizations that help the hungry, homeless, etc.)
Yes, the title is misleading. 🥸 I stopped listening at the 27 min mark to read the comments and see if anyone was thinking or had something to say about the title🤔 Do they ever discuss sexless marriages 💔??
@@mosbornio8249 After watching it again, I realize he is still in denial about some things, not a honest person. He is wrong about a lot of things. That is not why people got married 50 years ago. Do men need guys night out?🤔 Have to practice intimacy and only porn is tracing it?🤔 (Birth order has a lot to do with that, and personalities, and with all his education he should know that.) I do not waste my time on this channel anymore. To many fake yoke people. Very little about God. No real teaching. I watch Mike Winger videos, he shows you answers to life from the Bible.
Sometimes intimacy is about thinking younger and making uninterupted time for you as a devoted couple, just like when you escaped your parents and other responsibilities to spend rejuvenateing time with each other.
This just makes me cry listening. I'm 66 and dealing with some issues like signs of trauma. But my problems started in the mid 40s. I am a Christian and have been for 44 yrs. I'm really trying to trust the Lord for whatever is wrong. It started when I began going into menopause.
There is no problem G-d cannot heal. Menopause is not an illness. There may be hormonal factors not balanced due to diet and lifestyle. Whenever I have felt down in my life, I first look at my physical health. Then I go talk to a friend. I got married finally, for the first time, at age 61. My life started over then, 7 years ago. The journey toward health (physical health is also cumulative - you are either going up or down) and joy, or in other words, getting closer to G-d by being in alignment with His will, is a never ending one. And I know for a fact, G-d wants you to be happy! if I may, I am sending blessings to you to pack for your journey along the way. You are not alone, ever.
To Hana. Give yourself grace and permission to heal. Most people go into therapy between 30 and 40 years old. As the stressors of life the take it’s toll the rubber band gets stretched thin. People begin to realize that “what I have tried so far hasn’t made a difference in my soul. While Jesus is the answer Holy Spirit is the renovator. Seek therapy not counseling if you need to. People do not understand the effects of trauma.
I'm 67, post menopausal since 42, total hysterectomy. Surgical menopause is immediate, brutal, and, if you're lucky, is over in about 4 years. At least that's what happened to me. Hot flashes and night sweats will change your wardrobe. Amazing how I could do 28° degrees in a t shirt! These days I'm in the geezerhood years. Got breast cancer lost a titty (AAcup, easily corrected by breastforms.) Had chemo. Check it out, this stuff can throw a young woman right into menopause!!! That's some powerful drugs there! So what did it do to a postmenopausal old broad like me? It turned my hair into Jack Lemmon!!!!AHHHH!!! Well, ok I'm over that, after all the cancer center probably bought me another 15 years, if I make it that far. But, I'm telling you, I'm really good at styling a scarf these days! Huge improvement in my appearance. I'm in good shape, but I have arthritis, bad knees, and I can't always put in a full day in the yard. But im more comfortable in my skin than I ever was, I got where I needed to go, and that's more satisfying than anything! I say clear out the dead wood, give your energy to people who matter to you. I gave a lot of stuff away. Cashed in jewelry and paid off debt on the house. Money in the bank is an old broad's best friend!
One big answer to no sex is beta blockers for heart issues and so prominently used for blood pressure control. Men have massive difficulty with errctions on them.
Ppl are just too busy. Warped priorities. Also, the higher your education, the less sex you have (university studies, the irony, haha). Other factors. He is right though. The church has dropped the ball in practical instruction (ppl forget that it is God Who gave us sex!).
Such an informative interview; almost as if he has been eavesdropping at my house. Your story about outsourcing was spot on, and I can totally relate to the fact that your wife didn't really want to spend time with you because all you could talk about was politics,etc. I have told my husband more than once that he needs to start filling his head with funny stuff, amusing stories; turn OFF the political stuff. The chasm that has developed between us over our 40 year marriage is very sad. I think most folks would have parted ways long ago. I look forward to reading this book.
@@lilys7431I don't think that is what she is saying. When I read this, my thoughts were that she has the need to feel heard, seen, and loved. If the conversation is all about politics, or what he wants to talk about, where is there room for "us", and for her. It appears the obsession to talk about politics over rules his wife's needs and their relationship. Politics seems to be the priority because that's all he talks about. Where is the intimacy in talking about politics? How does the conversation of politics make her feel loved? Asking, "How was your day?" and listening gives her the opportunity to share what's on her mind. If he really took that time to be still, shut up, and listen, she wouldn't have listed things she wished he would talk about because she would have felt him there "with" her and they would connect vs the disconnection she may be feeling right now. These are just my thoughts and what I see. Suewinters is the only one here that can say what she feels and needs. We cannot judge someone by what they feel because we have not experienced what they have experienced, in the way they experienced it. I sense from your comment to her, judgement. Ask yourself where that comes from.
Basically, we've lost the ability to have vulnerable intimate relationships to help and be there for one another. We've focused on materialist and capitalistic lifestyles. About sums up the whole conversation.
A year later and the madness is still happening. I enjoyed listening to this. You gave a lot to think about. Truly. I hope there’s some changes that will take place this year for people to find some happiness. To find a way to come together and figure out all the things. 😂😂. That’s not too much to ask for. I feel the theme is connection. Couples connecting. Friends connecting. Enemies finding a way to connect. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻❤. Thank you.
I have no words and am crying. This was so profound and applicable. My husband and I are senior pastors and this is such a lifeline!!!! Thank you both.
Why clickbait title? This was a nice podcast. It makes me like John Delony more. John is very analytcal like me. John knows why he does things like me.
My husband hasn’t had sex with me 25 yrs. I think after he had a heart attack, his blood doesn’t flow. It took me awhile to accept it but when I became less resentful I became happy with him. He’s so devoted to me. In everything he does, he’d do it for me. But, feeling unwanted was difficult. Try to make little things important and special. Build a great friendship. Your wife needs to feel she’s attractive for her to have sex. If she feels loved, it means a lot don’t reject her back. You can build something great, if you too don’t feel rejected as a whole. And believe in a strong friendship. We have so much fun together.
I think I stopped wanting sex from having trust issues repeatedly and he told me he was sorry and would work on himself and never would. Just say what I wanted to hear. Also, he started having problems being able to have hard staying erect and I asked him to talk with his doctor without success I felt like I wasn't attracted to him anymore and started blaming myself. Sex felt like he started to lack in the floor play, and I started to dread having sex. He would say things to me to throw rude insults later and tell me he was sorry until the next time. He would involve my daughter talking about our sex life and I thought this was wrong on so many levels. He would not take accountability even after seeing a counselor and continued saying he was working on the problem. On the other hand, he was a great husband who would try everything else to make me happy and was a good person with some wonderful traits. He would make comments like we were just roommates with no intimacy. But I feel like he was missing the point of what intimacy meant! I would try telling him what I needed but wasn't heard. During covid the stress got worse being home everyday, no place to go life got worse and fights for worse . Then in October 2020 he passed away with no warning. I can't move on because I don't believe in myself and blame myself and have hugh trust issues I has childhood trauma sexual abuse, physical abuse and emotional abuse and my husband also had physical abuse and emotional abuse which I think was a big problem for both of us speaking about our relationship in a good positive healthy way. I love my husband and he was my best friend and we both had defects that I can't fix now and he died thinking I wanted a divorce and I truly didn't want only wanted to fix it and thought we had time working our issues. After he passed away I found out that he was speaking with a woman about our marriage problems and I felt betrayal and like it was a form of cheating on me. His sister told me that he wasn't cheating he just needed someone to take to. I still feel like this was wrong and if I would of been speaking with a man he didn't know would hurt him and he would feel the same. I haven't been able to move on and continue to blame myself.
After my wife walked in the kitchen one morning and said she agreed with the women at her work that if they never had sex again she wouldn’t miss it. That was THE worst thing she could have said to me. We had sex one more time and for the first time in my life, I had trouble keeping my erection. We had been married 20 years. I lost all desire to have sex with her. My sex drive didn’t let up and became more torment than anything. I grew up with older sisters and heard nonstop what trash men were. Her comment fit and seemed to make sense from a female perspective. I didn’t leave or stray but it’s been a lonely 20 years since that day.
@@debbiewilson-obrien4350 I'm sorry for everything you experienced. I suspect that there are additional things at play here. He sounds like he had open sexual boundaries, trying to involve your daughter in conversations, then this other woman.that does sound scary on many levels. Please don't blame yourself, I think there was more to him than what he let you see.
He said if you have to take something to help you go to the bathroom, if you take something to help you be intimate with your partner, if you take something to go to sleep, if you start the fourth Netflix series in the week. I was like holy shit I didn't even mean to click on this video and he knows EXACTLY who I am. 😅 Hopefully I can figure out what's wrong with me. 🤔😬😬
The signs of Trauma. People run from their pain and keep the false narrative going by medicating and trying to drown out the voice of trauma shouting in their heads.
Really insightful interview! (The title is rather misleading-- that's a short bit of what's discussed. There's so much more to unpack from this conversation!)
Redemption is what our world needs, true, all of us individually and groups collectively. John's book, 10 years in coming, could not have made its appearance at a better time in history. Bless you both for your honesty and bringing out truths in stories everyone can understand. When John drove two hours to see his friend, the MD, and pointed his finger at his jovial buddy greeting him and said "I am not Ok", my eyes welled up with tears. The moments of deep connection and honesty with others are those that give life meaning and shape, and this podcast puts that across both in form and substance. I can only say thank you for teaching the most important lesson in the world: How to heal and how to love better.
So interesting to hear about your Dad's story from homicide detective to pastor, Dr. Delony! My father in-law went from being a police officer on the Fatal Accidents Investigations Unit (reconstructing how the accident occurred, writing the report, and notifying next of kin) and after being on the police force for 20 years he retired and became a clown and magician who worked in the local Children's hospital for another 20 years (just retired). Such a crazy life shift, but I think he needed to find ways to make light of dark situations. He's one of the greatest guys I know and I love hearing his stories from both careers. And our family LOVES when he tells jokes or does his magic tricks. Truly one of my favorite people ever 🙂 It sure makes up for having a Dad who could care less that my sister and I even exist.
Interesting! My grandfather went from carrying a flamethrower in the Pacific in WW2 to becoming a decorated fireman. He wanted to save lives instead of take them. Despite all that and growing up in the Depression without a mother, he kept his sense of humor and was a wonderful man
Im 53 and married for 20 years. I dont want to have sex and it has nothing to do with him ! My body tells me no. We have had sex 10000's if times...but now were in cycle...it doesnt mean never again...should I listen to my body or help out my husband? I listen to my body that says, not right now! Hoping we will find a new intimacy , with love and commitment! ❤
menopause, getting older, being married almost 50 years (i'm 69), and like you say, having had sex with this man 10000's times... yes, i just didn't want to 'do it' anymore.. but more than that, i wanted to see what intimacy and closeness and gentleness and kindness and tenderness.. FRIENDSHIP.. RELATIONSHIP.. looked like outside of sex as the seeming center of our emotional connection. and i have to say, we are really really enjoying life together, possibly more than we ever have even.
This could help many of us to face ourselves with honesty and depth, who got caught in the fast lane of shallowness and lemmings to the sea.... mental rut of self dependence.
Unfortunately this is the reality for many people. It’s not worth to neglect your own health and chase fame, money . We all need to slow down and pay attention to our lifestyle. Unexamined life is not worth living. Think highly and live simply! Start living!!
Yes, lust without any connection and being treated like you are not adequate verbally or intellectually until they want it again. It’s crazy making. No thanks! Women want connection and we want to feel secure and safe with our spouse
When your husband expects you to do everything, nick picks everything, is moody, then demands sex while the woman is exhausted is the main reason this happens
Yup! Mine ask for divorce bcuz he felt neglected and no intimacy when I’m literally doing everything at home, raising the kids on my own bcuz he is busy with his military career, barely home. I’m exhausted at the end of the day.
Gosh, look at the Likes. So true!! Cannot have intimacy with a man you dont 'trust'. Im not talking about a man who cheats. Im talking about a man you cannot trust with your emotions, YOUR HEART. If he walks all over it, he doesnt honor you. So why allow him to dishonor your body, and your soul. Just hand him a bar of soap with a hole in it. That will suffice for what he needs.
After working a full time job, raising the kids, making dinner, doing all the household chores, and half of his outdoor chores, while he sits on the couch "unwinding from the day". Resentment maybe?
@@Celeste-bi4bf its the wife's failure to communicate her needs and wants more often, man works 60 hours a week and has to do half the chores at home too, is too tired cause she thinks he isnt doing enough
Many women have altered hormonal cycle, because of 20, 30 years of birth control pills....the pills affect womenś health and microibiom in guts and also causes depression, because it affects the production of serotonin as her microbiom changes, so it affects womens moods....... If men would take similar birth control pills it would affect their testosteron and sperm quality and mental state and microbiom in body....so the men would feel crazy, because of changed hormones. Especially if women start using teh pills montha fter first period, her body dosent get the chance to adopt the natuarl period with antural hormonal cycle. So it willa fter her heaôlth 40 years alter in menopause she amy had many hormonal problems. ....She said men would refuse such pills taht alter their sperm,a nd testosteron and microbiom and health. But society decided to make this deccion on women withgout explaning them the side effects. But the expert M.Pelz exlained therea rec 6 factors women should follow to have abundance in her hormonal balance and realtionships. Fasting, exercise, good , etc. but in different times of the period Its interesting. She says women get 5 day period of having testosterone level higher, and its time where is best idea to have sex and be intoimate with husband. Fathers of daughters also ask questions about things,because the daughter is more focused on tasks in some period.
There is so much emphasis on sex all the time! People feel pressured to have it as if it was a matter of life and death! Relationships are so variable! Some need it a lot some don't! Why can't we accept that?
I’m glad you are doing this topic!! Recently I’ve been going through the same thing. My husband and I aren’t intimate with each other. And I want to know why. We’ve been together for 30 yrs. So I’m sure that has a big part in it. Maybe he’s not attracted to me anymore. Maybe I’m boring to him. Maybe I’m not exciting to him. Maybe I’m not good enough for him. Maybe he’s into someone else.
Maybe your husband has low testosterone. Maybe he’s worried about his health. He needs a complete physical with a colonoscopy, PSA testing, testosterone levels checked, thyroid levels checked. Low testosterone can mimic depression. Maybe he is unhappy with his work or career. A very wise career counselor told me that men’s egos are wrapped up in their jobs/careers. So if their jobs go bad then they look outside themselves for something or someone to blame. That is usually their wife. Sometimes their children, siblings, friends. It could be their church, house, neighborhood. Begin a conversation with your husband. Tell him how you feel and ask him the questions. You might find that he is worried about the very same things…that you are no longer attracted to him. And this is something we all seem to miss these days. Pray about it individually and together. I wish you all the best.
@@susiekaiser1thank you! I’m scared to ask him. He does work so hard. He does hv health issues. So I’ll definitely take that into consideration. We don’t sleep in the same room. Because he works graveyard. But I will try to be more understanding. I’m just trying to figure out. I will pray about it. Thank you 🙏🏽
He should definitely have his testosterone levels checked. Also, if he’s working that much it could also lead to problems like erectile dysfunction and maybe he’s embarrassed to talk about it. This happened to my husband… just a thought. Prayers to you and your husband.☺️
@@susiekaiser1 This is a good response about the husband’s possible issues. But I disagree on how you totally invalidated her feelings. Without knowing why she feels this way.
I wish I could visit with John. So many things in my life that all blew up in me in the past 4 years…. Thank God for his work , care and transparency!!!
Sad but true. I told my husband this when we were together about 1-2 years. He stopped liking me once I found out he was on drugs. Never to be loved again. 8 years now just paling around.
Acute and Chronic Trauma aka PTSD vs CPTSD.One is one trauma/event the other Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ( CPTSD) definition:"Ongoing Trauma throughout a lifetime."
My wife I have had sex 3 times in the past 15 years. She never touches me. I'm almost to the point of crying and don't know what to do. She is 58 and I'm 51. Married 33 years. Feels like we are roommates, not husband and wife. She used to want it more than I did and couldn't keep her hands off me. She is sweet. We talk all the time and laugh. She's a loving wife and mother. I can tell she has absolutely no desire anymore and hasn't for many years. Her biggest love language is physical touch. I rub her back and lovingly touch her every day. I scratch her back every night to help her go to sleep. I'm very affectionate with my words and touch. I sometimes make lighthearted suggestive comments referring to sex and she smiles. I wish there was a pill that could take my desires away so it wouldn't be a struggle. I'm going insane. All these very powerful God given desires and no way to release them. Am I expecting too much to enjoy occasional sex with my wife? She does work out of our home managing a child care of 5 kids 5 days a week. I know she's tired every day and I get it. She works long hard days, cooks dinner, and other housework. I help her all I can with the work. I'm afraid she's lost her desire for me and doesn't respect me as a man and provider. Our children are nearly grown so it's not like there are little ones to tend to. She has to know my desire for her. I drop obvious hints but don't want to force her or be pushy. I respect the fact she's tired and works hard. She does a lot for our family. I'm considering going to counseling so I can at least have someone to open up to about it. Not sure how they can help though. I'm heartbroken.
I had a complete nervous breakdown the year I completely checked out of my life. Ruined my marriage. I look back now wonder wth who was I ?! It was years of trauma building up & finally I just lost myself. Then I lost everything else. .. Just now figuring day by day wth happened. Still a blur!
married people have stopped having sex because many men use porn and women feel rejected. Many also are too depressed because of financial struggles. It all goes back to Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Sex is something you do when you feel safe and secure and things are stable. These are the very worst of economic times with no job security. This year could be radically different from next year. With that level of stress, it destroys desire.
menopause, getting older, being married almost 50 years (i'm 69), and having had sex with this beautiful man thousands times.. yes, on one hand i just didn't feel like 'doing it' anymore.. but MUCH more so, i wanted to see what intimacy and closeness and gentleness and kindness and tenderness.. COMMUNICATION.. FRIENDSHIP.. RELATIONSHIP.. looked like outside of sex as the seeming center of our emotional connection. and i have to say, don't ask me, but we are really really enjoying life together, possibly more than we ever have even. we're like two little kids just having a really really great time 😀
32 years of wedded bliss and we haven't had sex for 4 or 5 years. I have gained a substantial amount of weight due to a back injury and just don't feel confident enough to be that intimate. We cuddle, kiss, share great moments of silliness, fun, deep thoughts, all of it. Our relationship is better than ever. I guess we are a unicorn, but I wouldn't trade what we have for all of the tea in China.
Really enjoyed your definition of trauma, the drip drip drip. Being a mom, I can relate you get the drip drip trying to keep everything in order and give attention where needed is constant, trying to be a good wife, maintaining relationships with all family and friends, sometimes leave you feeling like the life has been sucked out of you. Being honest with yourself and leaning on God helps. Reading all the Epistles Paul wrote is so refreshing, his eyes were always on God, he was thankful for all the people around him, he was encouraging, he let others know their value, and brutally honest when he needed to be. God always took care of him even in prison. ❤ If everyone would be the best version of themselves we would be heaven 😂😂 My favorite verse is, my grace is sufficent for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness. ❤❤
Omg....yes, yes and yes! Even as an educated woman who believes in equality of the sexes, Ive never understood the battle for the pulpit when Paul says for the women to teach the young women how to be good wives (and presumably the men to teach young men how to be good husbands)....something there is a dearth of in the church, my flight or fight response to stress (or a sense of failure in achieving what I 'thought' marriage should be) maybe I wouldn't have run from three marriages and taken the Bibles definition of adultery literally...even though I was married by 'Bible believing pastors' who never questioned my previous divorces. I've had to go way back to listening to the old preachers...Spurgeon, Whitfield, Elisabeth Elliot to find faith in the scriptures without excuses and peace from regrets of the past (even understanding "there is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ"), together with 12 step work which taught me a practical way to be a better person/Christian. In the States some churches are holding recovery groups using the scriptures that the 12 steps came out of and where you can have REAL conversations and support one another in action prayer. Unfortunately not here in UK but continuing in listening to selective preachers/podcasts and the inner working of the Holy Spirit, keeps me humble and away from the constant "self improvement" gurus the world has to offer...
I think the problem with a lot of organized religion, is we are not taught or encouraged to think and question. You can hear another way in this podcast how John challenges his students to think and question dogma. I admire your searching for answers. I made my mind up about a lot of things in the world before I was 6 years old. I knew then , the women's rabid movements were hypocritical and self destructive. Family and friends, in that order, were the most important thing in my life. I fell off my bearings going to school, getting jobs, getting good at hobbies, never seeing how more and more lost I had become. In retirement from salaried work, I realize these values I still hold. For me, healing has been about coming back to myself, and the relationship with G-d I always knew was there.
You wrote thus comment over a year ago but I just wanted to respond because I completely agree with listening to this older pastors and teachers. The church is afraid to preach boldly and the feminism movement has crept into the church. There is a really good radio station called BBN-Bible Broadcasting Network that you can listen to online or through tune in radio app that will ‘feed’ throughout the day. Pastors need to do better and warn people instead of comforting people!
Why don’t you start a group? Use the resources you liked. If you can’t facilitate it, find someone who can. Maybe God can use you to meet the need. Pray about it. We can do all things through Christ Who strengthens us.
Do you think Jesus is comfortable in His residence inside of us when we're watching foul things on the television or listening to foul music? "What goes into our eyes & into our ears gets into our hearts...isn't that a big point to this message? Just asking.. Doesn't your spirit feel uncomfortable?
It’s not as uncommon as you think for pivot positions. I’ve met a few professionals in crime scene go into a place of grace and mercy to be compassionate
The most beautiful and or intelligent woman can be at risk to lose a husband. Is it jealousy Is it the fact nothing can keep a man's attention for long...
Sometimes when women have babies theyre getting up to babies in the night and theyre sleep deprived and tired. Tired women dont want sex theyre exhausted. If they had plenty of sleep and rest then they would probably want it.
We're on year 17, second marriage for both of us. I had a hysterectomy and a lot of family drama happened this past three years. I just haven't been in the mood. That doesn't end our marriage. We love each other and have talked about it. I will get back in the groove. 🤪😎🥰
I truly sympathize for hardships people have been through but it’s also important to note that “I’m just not in the mood” can be used to avoid doing anything for anniversary or Valentine’s Day. A lot of partners really don’t feel like doing anything on those occasions…they are just ways for card companies, florists, restaurants, and jewelers to take some of our hard earned money, if a person is just not in the mood for getting the card or the flowers or the restaurant meal, etc, I suppose it’s ok for them to do nothing. Same thing with Christmas. If I’m not in the mood can I just skip all the obligations of the season?
Until you're a cop who has faced deadly force, and realize that while you're taking seconds to decide if it's a phone, a plastic gun, an airsoft, etc don't talk about cops shooting kids with cell phones. Many officers have been killed because they hesitated.
Id love to see the assessment report of a stellar human whose every box checks✅️ 😢we have people in power going through issues undiagnosed 😢😢😢😢 25:52 😢😢😢 26:18
I love driving . I grew up driving a quarter midget race car. I let people in front of me and not fight because it stops accidents and the road runs smoother.
You won me back to keep on following you … from your being so very open about what you are about and how you got there. Honestly , before …? You seemed like some guy giving non stop advice to which it seems you really couldn’t sit in the mud with those clinging onto your advice ❤
You can’t address this topic without discussing the physical and hormonal changes as we age. Men take a little blue pill to fix everything. It’s very difficult for women.
Exactly. Menopause, changes everything.
So so frigging true. I wish women had a Little blue pill also.
@@howmoon67they do it is called hrt
@@jasonsamuel6601it does not work in the same way. But obviously there is more to sex than mechanical issues.
@@howmoon67 actually it does I have seen women going from not wanting sex to desperately masturbating multiple times a day after getting their hormones fixed
It's people like Delony who can save our crazy culture ... his transparency about his own brokenness is heart opening. Like Gabor Maté , Deloney and others who are speaking into the trauma/abuse and our inability to deal with the impacts on our relationships and lives ... our addictions to toxic food, CELL phones, sex, obsessiveness and a general malaise of self-loathing ... Delony is paving the way for millions of people. He is a great pastor, like his father. his impact will be HUGE. BRAVO!
I have a lot of respect for John Delony. Such a stable influence on the BS spewed forth by men & women who have no moral compass, and who "justify" the most hurtful deceitful behavior without thought of consequences.
Asa
I like how Delony ADMITS that he made mistakes. He's totally laying out his life here.
That's how a REAL man thinks. Enjoy. It's RARE😊
It's refreshing to hear a man admitting how he is responsible for the disconnect!!!
My jaw is dropping at the personal authenticity & honesty
In grad school at Tulane university to become a therapist, I learned about secondary trauma. As a therapist we can experience secondary trauma through hearing trauma from our clients. That’s why a counselor needs to have a healed soul a minister needs to have a healed soul.
Where do you find them?
That's why therapists have therapists. Secondary PTSD is a real thing.
😮sex goes deeper, its about how you treat each other on a daily basis. How do you care for their hearts??
I was married for 27 years and realized it was just about him. His life, his needs, his money, his kids, just hit me that our marriage wasn't balanced. He said i was crazy and to quit my whinning. I knew at that point it was abuse. Then i realized hes a narcissist and will not chg. So i made a hard decision to end the marriage and get out while im still alive.❤❤
I think this is super common now. I’m dealing with that after 8 years, I stood by him from porno addiction to drug addiction to alcohol withdrawals in the ICU from his alcoholism, then for his hip replacement at 32 due to his drinking, through his sober for 6 months before he went back and now I’m exhausted and alone but he’s gas lighting me like crazy. “What you say isn’t law” he says 😂 because I wasn’t there seeing or hearing what I’m seeing and hearing.
It’s wild to have someone say that to you. Just wild. And he’s sober saying it 😆
How did he take it when you left?
Good for you! I went 24 years trying to make it work! Such a waste of a hard earned life
Exactly...it's how they treat u
@@annc.3908I jope youve.left him, lady. I truly do. Youre a good human but you need to take care of yourself as no one else will. 🙏
My dad was also a pastor and police officer. Chaplain of PD. You haven’t lived until you’ve been raised by a preacher cop
When I was in High School PKs always had reputations as rolling some holey hell. And cops were paid "over time" to keep them out of trouble. Fast times at Ridgemont High.
💃was the son of a preacher coppp, yes henwas, he wassss oooooooohhhh yes he was!💃😊
Desire is snuffed by cultural standards where women's obligation in a marriage is to satisfy the man. Woman being the object of male desire is exhausting .
don't marry then
@@Fokas-n8tlots of us dont.
@@Fokas-n8t You don't always know until it's too late. Relationships can be complicated and the dynamics between partners are not always clear cut
Then don't get married. It applies to both spouses not just woman satisfying a man. They r in a marriage. This is the problem w ppl like u. Sex increases bond between husband n wife.
Omg I agree. They expect us to be porn stars now. And we don’t get paid or provided with personal dietitians, personal trainers or the constant cosmetic work. Plus they expect you to have kids and not lose your everything and to keep up with work and them too. Or else they will get the porno out and you’re history! Plus they get to do that too cause they need their ‘me’ time.
Meanwhile in the real world you have to hunt down a man who can be respectful to you and actually participate in real life with you in order to find actual mutual love and understanding. This is why women become lesbians. Most aren’t born that way, they are driven.
I always told my Girls it starts in the kitchen, when they were growing up. I told them what I meant by that. A loving relationship between a Husband and Wife starts in the morning. The Wife has to feel loving to be happy and give back to him. 😊
Lol nonsense
You can tell that to your girls but it just doesn't work like that. The No1 reason of divorce is financial issues.... of the husband. No marriage ever ended because the wife lost her job. Husband loses the job? Can't find soon one? Or he can't find one at the same level as the one is lost? 90% risk of divorce. Compute that : 9 times out of 10. Do you seriously think men stop loving their wives because they lost their jobs? The problem of modern marriages is not husbands not loving their wives but precisely of far too many husbands loving unloving wives who are in only for the pleasurable ride and who will bail out in the slightest of the bumps. Or they will bail out because the ride is too smooth, too boring, LOL!
Today it is not the men, it is the women the ones who are the No1 problem in marriages.
Also, there are night people in the world who sleep from 7am to 2pm. Then what?!??
😅ok😊😊@@dorothygillespie4466
Totally agree the children on here are so literal they have no idea what that means.
There is another result of trauma that is not often mentioned by a lot of “experts”. It’s the down ramp after the event. Someone is faced with a traumatic life event and continues to relive it with every trigger that puts it in their face again. That very episode has an effect that continues to shape the person into a PTSD like state.
I don't know if anyone else will see the connection, but his story of frantically looking at the foundation in his house reminds me of the scripture where Jesus tells the parable saying something similar to "the one who hears these words of mine, and puts them into practice, I will liken him to a man who built his life on a good foundation. The winds and the rains came, and the house stood, because it was built on a firm foundation."
You hit the nail on the head on what has happened to our boys and young men. Always being told to “shut up we don’t want to hear from you” and they go get their masculine needs met via video violence. I’ve noticed this negative trend for decades now. Hope is here. So glad these conversations are happening.
Wow! This title is sooo misleading. This is such a great interview on what accumulating trauma can do to your body. This is so powerful! Thank you for this interview Carey!
Agree, the title is misleading and I would share it with more people if it was not there. And the envelopes thing I do not think is a good idea, keep them for money. But some real good points about how a lot of people are living these days, and trauma effects us years later. 😊
He is still in denial with some things. He claims he was not a good parent but not a bad parent.🤔
I have never seen anyone be obsessed with just house or one thing.
He works for scammer Dave Ramsey, who lives a very fancy rich prodigal life fleecing poor people. (And you never hear of him donating to local organizations that help the hungry, homeless, etc.)
Yes, the title is misleading. 🥸
I stopped listening at the 27 min mark to read the comments and see if anyone was thinking or had something to say about the title🤔
Do they ever discuss sexless marriages 💔??
@@tam4givin agree. I want to share the interview but the title is holding me back.
@@mosbornio8249 After watching it again, I realize he is still in denial about some things, not a honest person.
He is wrong about a lot of things. That is not why people got married 50 years ago.
Do men need guys night out?🤔 Have to practice intimacy and only porn is tracing it?🤔
(Birth order has a lot to do with that, and personalities, and with all his education he should know that.)
I do not waste my time on this channel anymore. To many fake yoke people. Very little about God. No real teaching.
I watch Mike Winger videos, he shows you answers to life from the Bible.
What? The title isn't misleading. Trauma CAN cause sexual issues in a marriage. Your comment really only shows just how ignorant you are about trauma.
Sometimes intimacy is about thinking younger and making uninterupted time for you as a devoted couple, just like when you escaped your parents and other responsibilities to spend rejuvenateing time with each other.
This just makes me cry listening. I'm 66 and dealing with some issues like signs of trauma. But my problems started in the mid 40s. I am a Christian and have been for 44 yrs. I'm really trying to trust the Lord for whatever is wrong. It started when I began going into menopause.
There is no problem G-d cannot heal. Menopause is not an illness. There may be hormonal factors not balanced due to diet and lifestyle.
Whenever I have felt down in my life, I first look at my physical health. Then I go talk to a friend. I got married finally, for the first time, at age 61. My life started over then, 7 years ago. The journey toward health (physical health is also cumulative - you are either going up or down) and joy, or in other words, getting closer to G-d by being in alignment with His will, is a never ending one. And I know for a fact, G-d wants you to be happy! if I may, I am sending blessings to you to pack for your journey along the way. You are not alone, ever.
To Hana. Give yourself grace and permission to heal. Most people go into therapy between 30 and 40 years old. As the stressors of life the take it’s toll the rubber band gets stretched thin. People begin to realize that “what I have tried so far hasn’t made a difference in my soul. While Jesus is the answer Holy Spirit is the renovator. Seek therapy not counseling if you need to. People do not understand the effects of trauma.
I'm 67, post menopausal since 42, total hysterectomy. Surgical menopause is immediate, brutal, and, if you're lucky, is over in about 4 years. At least that's what happened to me. Hot flashes and night sweats will change your wardrobe. Amazing how I could do 28° degrees in a t shirt!
These days I'm in the geezerhood years. Got breast cancer lost a titty (AAcup, easily corrected by breastforms.) Had chemo. Check it out, this stuff can throw a young woman right into menopause!!! That's some powerful drugs there! So what did it do to a postmenopausal old broad like me? It turned my hair into Jack Lemmon!!!!AHHHH!!! Well, ok I'm over that, after all the cancer center probably bought me another 15 years, if I make it that far. But, I'm telling you, I'm really good at styling a scarf these days! Huge improvement in my appearance.
I'm in good shape, but I have arthritis, bad knees, and I can't always put in a full day in the yard.
But im more comfortable in my skin than I ever was, I got where I needed to go, and that's more satisfying than anything! I say clear out the dead wood, give your energy to people who matter to you. I gave a lot of stuff away. Cashed in jewelry and paid off debt on the house. Money in the bank is an old broad's best friend!
Menopause, not a good time.
I want you to know, you are not alone ❤
One big answer to no sex is beta blockers for heart issues and so prominently used for blood pressure control. Men have massive difficulty with errctions on them.
Fact but not the whole story. 10:47
I am living that truth.
True, and when men quit taking them because of erectile dysfunction, strokes do happen and they can be bad.
This man is brilliant! If I can only have friends like him or brothers 😃 What he is saying has substance.
For women it can be hormonal fir sure. Sex can physically hurt in menopause!!!!
Idk.. buy lube
Estrogen V Cream. Ask your doctor
Romance begins at breakfast & ends up in the bedroom
Yes, estrogen hormone cream, life changer! Does not cause cancer as previously taught. I have been researching this like crazy.
HRT is a game changer. I'm on transdermal estrogen and oral natural progesterone. That and good lube is keeping things fun.
I think you should ask a woman why married people have stopped having sex. I think a woman that has studied this topic might have a different answer.
Pls do share.
Ppl are just too busy. Warped priorities. Also, the higher your education, the less sex you have (university studies, the irony, haha). Other factors. He is right though. The church has dropped the ball in practical instruction (ppl forget that it is God Who gave us sex!).
Esther Perel is a woman, but I understand that people can have different experiences and reasons for stopping having sex.
Agree. If anyone ho a to the Bare Marriage page they’re going to hear what women have to say and it’s a lot.
Agree. If anyone ho a to the Bare Marriage page they’re going to hear what women have to say and it’s a lot.
Such an informative interview; almost as if he has been eavesdropping at my house. Your story about outsourcing was spot on, and I can totally relate to the fact that your wife didn't really want to spend time with you because all you could talk about was politics,etc. I have told my husband more than once that he needs to start filling his head with funny stuff, amusing stories; turn OFF the political stuff. The chasm that has developed between us over our 40 year marriage is very sad. I think most folks would have parted ways long ago. I look forward to reading this book.
So you want to regulate your husband’s thoughts?
@@lilys7431I don't think that is what she is saying.
When I read this, my thoughts were that she has the need to feel heard, seen, and loved. If the conversation is all about politics, or what he wants to talk about, where is there room for "us", and for her. It appears the obsession to talk about politics over rules his wife's needs and their relationship. Politics seems to be the priority because that's all he talks about. Where is the intimacy in talking about politics? How does the conversation of politics make her feel loved?
Asking, "How was your day?" and listening gives her the opportunity to share what's on her mind. If he really took that time to be still, shut up, and listen, she wouldn't have listed things she wished he would talk about because she would have felt him there "with" her and they would connect vs the disconnection she may be feeling right now.
These are just my thoughts and what I see. Suewinters is the only one here that can say what she feels and needs. We cannot judge someone by what they feel because we have not experienced what they have experienced, in the way they experienced it.
I sense from your comment to her, judgement. Ask yourself where that comes from.
33-35 when the wheels fall off for men
Sounds like you wasted a chunk of your life. You should have left. There are better people out there. You could have been happy.
That 7 minutes with is daughter will change lives for years. Hallelujah
Basically, we've lost the ability to have vulnerable intimate relationships to help and be there for one another. We've focused on materialist and capitalistic lifestyles. About sums up the whole conversation.
"Kids blame themselves,
Adults blame other people"
This 😢
A year later and the madness is still happening. I enjoyed listening to this. You gave a lot to think about. Truly. I hope there’s some changes that will take place this year for people to find some happiness. To find a way to come together and figure out all the things. 😂😂. That’s not too much to ask for. I feel the theme is connection. Couples connecting. Friends connecting. Enemies finding a way to connect. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻❤. Thank you.
I have no words and am crying. This was so profound and applicable. My husband and I are senior pastors and this is such a lifeline!!!! Thank you both.
Why clickbait title?
This was a nice podcast. It makes me like John Delony more.
John is very analytcal like me. John knows why he does things like me.
My wife hasn't. 33 years without
I stayed for children and grandchildren. I have remained faithful.
My husband hasn’t had sex with me 25 yrs. I think after he had a heart attack, his blood doesn’t flow. It took me awhile to accept it but when I became less resentful I became happy with him. He’s so devoted to me. In everything he does, he’d do it for me. But, feeling unwanted was difficult. Try to make little things important and special. Build a great friendship. Your wife needs to feel she’s attractive for her to have sex. If she feels loved, it means a lot don’t reject her back. You can build something great, if you too don’t feel rejected as a whole. And believe in a strong friendship. We have so much fun together.
I think I stopped wanting sex from having trust issues repeatedly and he told me he was sorry and would work on himself and never would. Just say what I wanted to hear. Also, he started having problems being able to have hard staying erect and I asked him to talk with his doctor without success I felt like I wasn't attracted to him anymore and started blaming myself. Sex felt like he started to lack in the floor play, and I started to dread having sex. He would say things to me to throw rude insults later and tell me he was sorry until the next time. He would involve my daughter talking about our sex life and I thought this was wrong on so many levels. He would not take accountability even after seeing a counselor and continued saying he was working on the problem. On the other hand, he was a great husband who would try everything else to make me happy and was a good person with some wonderful traits. He would make comments like we were just roommates with no intimacy. But I feel like he was missing the point of what intimacy meant! I would try telling him what I needed but wasn't heard. During covid the stress got worse being home everyday, no place to go life got worse and fights for worse . Then in October 2020 he passed away with no warning. I can't move on because I don't believe in myself and blame myself and have hugh trust issues I has childhood trauma sexual abuse, physical abuse and emotional abuse and my husband also had physical abuse and emotional abuse which I think was a big problem for both of us speaking about our relationship in a good positive healthy way. I love my husband and he was my best friend and we both had defects that I can't fix now and he died thinking I wanted a divorce and I truly didn't want only wanted to fix it and thought we had time working our issues. After he passed away I found out that he was speaking with a woman about our marriage problems and I felt betrayal and like it was a form of cheating on me. His sister told me that he wasn't cheating he just needed someone to take to. I still feel like this was wrong and if I would of been speaking with a man he didn't know would hurt him and he would feel the same. I haven't been able to move on and continue to blame myself.
After my wife walked in the kitchen one morning and said she agreed with the women at her work that if they never had sex again she wouldn’t miss it. That was THE worst thing she could have said to me. We had sex one more time and for the first time in my life, I had trouble keeping my erection. We had been married 20 years. I lost all desire to have sex with her. My sex drive didn’t let up and became more torment than anything. I grew up with older sisters and heard nonstop what trash men were. Her comment fit and seemed to make sense from a female perspective. I didn’t leave or stray but it’s been a lonely 20 years since that day.
@@debbiewilson-obrien4350 I'm sorry for everything you experienced. I suspect that there are additional things at play here. He sounds like he had open sexual boundaries, trying to involve your daughter in conversations, then this other woman.that does sound scary on many levels. Please don't blame yourself, I think there was more to him than what he let you see.
You’re a keeper!
He said if you have to take something to help you go to the bathroom, if you take something to help you be intimate with your partner, if you take something to go to sleep, if you start the fourth Netflix series in the week. I was like holy shit I didn't even mean to click on this video and he knows EXACTLY who I am. 😅 Hopefully I can figure out what's wrong with me. 🤔😬😬
The signs of Trauma. People run from their pain and keep the false narrative going by medicating and trying to drown out the voice of trauma shouting in their heads.
Really insightful interview! (The title is rather misleading-- that's a short bit of what's discussed. There's so much more to unpack from this conversation!)
They covered so much. It’s difficult to find the right title that will do justice to the rich content.
Redemption is what our world needs, true, all of us individually and groups collectively. John's book, 10 years in coming, could not have made its appearance at a better time in history. Bless you both for your honesty and bringing out truths in stories everyone can understand.
When John drove two hours to see his friend, the MD, and pointed his finger at his jovial buddy greeting him and said "I am not Ok", my eyes welled up with tears. The moments of deep connection and honesty with others are those that give life meaning and shape, and this podcast puts that across both in form and substance. I can only say thank you for teaching the most important lesson in the world: How to heal and how to love better.
So interesting to hear about your Dad's story from homicide detective to pastor, Dr. Delony! My father in-law went from being a police officer on the Fatal Accidents Investigations Unit (reconstructing how the accident occurred, writing the report, and notifying next of kin) and after being on the police force for 20 years he retired and became a clown and magician who worked in the local Children's hospital for another 20 years (just retired). Such a crazy life shift, but I think he needed to find ways to make light of dark situations. He's one of the greatest guys I know and I love hearing his stories from both careers. And our family LOVES when he tells jokes or does his magic tricks. Truly one of my favorite people ever 🙂 It sure makes up for having a Dad who could care less that my sister and I even exist.
Interesting! My grandfather went from carrying a flamethrower in the Pacific in WW2 to becoming a decorated fireman. He wanted to save lives instead of take them. Despite all that and growing up in the Depression without a mother, he kept his sense of humor and was a wonderful man
@@donaldshotts4429 I love that! Thank you so much for sharing ❤️
@@candyland8527 Glad you enjoyed his story. He was a great guy
I dont often comment, but this interview has been totally insightful! Thanks so much John!! It is very very helpful for my heart and season of life!
So glad!
Dr. John Delony is AMAZING! Thank you as this is a SUPER GREAT interview! Thank you Carey!!!
Im 53 and married for 20 years. I dont want to have sex and it has nothing to do with him ! My body tells me no. We have had sex 10000's if times...but now were in cycle...it doesnt mean never again...should I listen to my body or help out my husband? I listen to my body that says, not right now! Hoping we will find a new intimacy , with love and commitment! ❤
One word, Menopause. Our hormones or lack there of, really changes things.
menopause, getting older, being married almost 50 years (i'm 69), and like you say, having had sex with this man 10000's times... yes, i just didn't want to 'do it' anymore.. but more than that, i wanted to see what intimacy and closeness and gentleness and kindness and tenderness.. FRIENDSHIP.. RELATIONSHIP.. looked like outside of sex as the seeming center of our emotional connection. and i have to say, we are really really enjoying life together, possibly more than we ever have even.
@@su....beautifully said
😢🎉❤😮😂😮😮❤😅😢🎉🎉😂🎉🎉🎉😢😢🎉😢😂🎉😢😢🎉❤🎉😮😊😂😅😢😮🎉😮🎉😂😂 😢😢😢😂🎉😮😅😮🎉😅😢🎉😂😢 🎉🎉😢😅😂😂
This could help many of us to face ourselves with honesty and depth, who got caught in the fast lane of shallowness and lemmings to the sea.... mental rut of self dependence.
This video is so good. Too bad for the title. I’m afraid it will keep people from watching it who need to see it. Clickbait ruins everything.
What is it about then??
Unfortunately this is the reality for many people. It’s not worth to neglect your own health and chase fame, money . We all need to slow down and pay attention to our lifestyle. Unexamined life is not worth living. Think highly and live simply! Start living!!
Well said.
Experience is the greatest teacher....I believe the only teacher !
I never type in all caps.. but.. THIS IS AMAZING ‼️ THANK YOU for your honesty ‼️‼️‼️🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Nothing flattering about someone always lusting over you. Such a turn off, ESPECIALLY if you have a history of s3xual abuse.
I believe it’s better to be lusted over in a marriage than not being lusted over at all.
Yes, lust without any connection and being treated like you are not adequate verbally or intellectually until they want it again. It’s crazy making. No thanks! Women want connection and we want to feel secure and safe with our spouse
I stopped because my walls thinning caused way too much pain! And past divorce was too painful to recklessly meet another again
When your husband expects you to do everything, nick picks everything, is moody, then demands sex while the woman is exhausted is the main reason this happens
Yup! Mine ask for divorce bcuz he felt neglected and no intimacy when I’m literally doing everything at home, raising the kids on my own bcuz he is busy with his military career, barely home. I’m exhausted at the end of the day.
Gosh, look at the Likes. So true!! Cannot have intimacy with a man you dont 'trust'. Im not talking about a man who cheats. Im talking about a man you cannot trust with your emotions, YOUR HEART. If he walks all over it, he doesnt honor you. So why allow him to dishonor your body, and your soul. Just hand him a bar of soap with a hole in it. That will suffice for what he needs.
After working a full time job, raising the kids, making dinner, doing all the household chores, and half of his outdoor chores, while he sits on the couch "unwinding from the day". Resentment maybe?
@@Celeste-bi4bf its the wife's failure to communicate her needs and wants more often, man works 60 hours a week and has to do half the chores at home too, is too tired cause she thinks he isnt doing enough
Many women have altered hormonal cycle, because of 20, 30 years of birth control pills....the pills affect womenś health and microibiom in guts and also causes depression, because it affects the production of serotonin as her microbiom changes, so it affects womens moods....... If men would take similar birth control pills it would affect their testosteron and sperm quality and mental state and microbiom in body....so the men would feel crazy, because of changed hormones. Especially if women start using teh pills montha fter first period, her body dosent get the chance to adopt the natuarl period with antural hormonal cycle. So it willa fter her heaôlth 40 years alter in menopause she amy had many hormonal problems. ....She said men would refuse such pills taht alter their sperm,a nd testosteron and microbiom and health. But society decided to make this deccion on women withgout explaning them the side effects.
But the expert M.Pelz exlained therea rec 6 factors women should follow to have abundance in her hormonal balance and realtionships.
Fasting, exercise, good , etc. but in different times of the period Its interesting.
She says women get 5 day period of having testosterone level higher, and its time where is best idea to have sex and be intoimate with husband.
Fathers of daughters also ask questions about things,because the daughter is more focused on tasks in some period.
Misleading title. This is a mental health message
There is so much emphasis on sex all the time! People feel pressured to have it as if it was a matter of life and death! Relationships are so variable! Some need it a lot some don't! Why can't we accept that?
I’m glad you are doing this topic!! Recently I’ve been going through the same thing. My husband and I aren’t intimate with each other. And I want to know why. We’ve been together for 30 yrs. So I’m sure that has a big part in it. Maybe he’s not attracted to me anymore. Maybe I’m boring to him. Maybe I’m not exciting to him. Maybe I’m not good enough for him. Maybe he’s into someone else.
Maybe your husband has low testosterone. Maybe he’s worried about his health. He needs a complete physical with a colonoscopy, PSA testing, testosterone levels checked, thyroid levels checked. Low testosterone can mimic depression. Maybe he is unhappy with his work or career. A very wise career counselor told me that men’s egos are wrapped up in their jobs/careers. So if their jobs go bad then they look outside themselves for something or someone to blame. That is usually their wife. Sometimes their children, siblings, friends. It could be their church, house, neighborhood. Begin a conversation with your husband. Tell him how you feel and ask him the questions. You might find that he is worried about the very same things…that you are no longer attracted to him. And this is something we all seem to miss these days. Pray about it individually and together. I wish you all the best.
@@susiekaiser1thank you! I’m scared to ask him. He does work so hard. He does hv health issues. So I’ll definitely take that into consideration. We don’t sleep in the same room. Because he works graveyard. But I will try to be more understanding. I’m just trying to figure out. I will pray about it. Thank you 🙏🏽
He should definitely have his testosterone levels checked. Also, if he’s working that much it could also lead to problems like erectile dysfunction and maybe he’s embarrassed to talk about it. This happened to my husband… just a thought. Prayers to you and your husband.☺️
Maybe he’s not good enough for you anymore, and he’s realized it.
@@susiekaiser1
This is a good response about the husband’s possible issues. But I disagree on how you totally invalidated her feelings. Without knowing why she feels this way.
Incredible conversation on so many levels. Thank you!
Glad you enjoyed it!
I wish I could visit with John. So many things in my life that all blew up in me in the past 4 years…. Thank God for his work , care and transparency!!!
This was such a great conversation!! Great wisdom on marriage. Loved it.
Glad you enjoyed it!
If you stopped French kissing your partner, you know shit has hit the fan
Sad but true. I told my husband this when we were together about 1-2 years. He stopped liking me once I found out he was on drugs. Never to be loved again. 8 years now just paling around.
Great conversation ❤ very well rounded
Acute and Chronic Trauma aka PTSD vs CPTSD.One is one trauma/event the other Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ( CPTSD) definition:"Ongoing
Trauma throughout a lifetime."
Couples are not honest because it is not safe. Does safety kill desire?
My wife I have had sex 3 times in the past 15 years. She never touches me. I'm almost to the point of crying and don't know what to do. She is 58 and I'm 51. Married 33 years. Feels like we are roommates, not husband and wife. She used to want it more than I did and couldn't keep her hands off me. She is sweet. We talk all the time and laugh. She's a loving wife and mother. I can tell she has absolutely no desire anymore and hasn't for many years. Her biggest love language is physical touch. I rub her back and lovingly touch her every day. I scratch her back every night to help her go to sleep. I'm very affectionate with my words and touch. I sometimes make lighthearted suggestive comments referring to sex and she smiles. I wish there was a pill that could take my desires away so it wouldn't be a struggle. I'm going insane. All these very powerful God given desires and no way to release them. Am I expecting too much to enjoy occasional sex with my wife? She does work out of our home managing a child care of 5 kids 5 days a week. I know she's tired every day and I get it. She works long hard days, cooks dinner, and other housework. I help her all I can with the work. I'm afraid she's lost her desire for me and doesn't respect me as a man and provider. Our children are nearly grown so it's not like there are little ones to tend to. She has to know my desire for her. I drop obvious hints but don't want to force her or be pushy. I respect the fact she's tired and works hard. She does a lot for our family. I'm considering going to counseling so I can at least have someone to open up to about it. Not sure how they can help though. I'm heartbroken.
I’d plan a romantic getaway!
My heart goes out to you.
Help/cook more or get her help with chores
I had a complete nervous breakdown the year I completely checked out of my life. Ruined my marriage. I look back now wonder wth who was I ?! It was years of trauma building up & finally I just lost myself. Then I lost everything else. .. Just now figuring day by day wth happened. Still a blur!
Excellent discussion. So much myth busting and common sense. Bravo!!!
Wow... the Minecraft comments.... brought tears to my eyes. Thanks so much for this insight. Very great content, as always.
Love Dr Delony! Thank you for this show.
Thanks for watching!
What about menopausal changes affect women’s functioning, desire and body changes????
Yes, yes and yes. Changes everything.
Estrogen cream will bring you back to life. Ask your doctor
I use the estrogen cream but just enough to work. I don't need the prescribed of twice a week.
Great interview! Respect for Delony🙌🏻
married people have stopped having sex because many men use porn and women feel rejected. Many also are too depressed because of financial struggles. It all goes back to Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Sex is something you do when you feel safe and secure and things are stable. These are the very worst of economic times with no job security. This year could be radically different from next year. With that level of stress, it destroys desire.
menopause, getting older, being married almost 50 years (i'm 69), and having had sex with this beautiful man thousands times.. yes, on one hand i just didn't feel like 'doing it' anymore.. but MUCH more so, i wanted to see what intimacy and closeness and gentleness and kindness and tenderness.. COMMUNICATION.. FRIENDSHIP.. RELATIONSHIP.. looked like outside of sex as the seeming center of our emotional connection. and i have to say, don't ask me, but we are really really enjoying life together, possibly more than we ever have even. we're like two little kids just having a really really great time 😀
What a great interview! Thanks for offering this content😊
Glad you enjoyed it!
Stress, negative body image and at some point it’s not really that important to US -
32 years of wedded bliss and we haven't had sex for 4 or 5 years. I have gained a substantial amount of weight due to a back injury and just don't feel confident enough to be that intimate. We cuddle, kiss, share great moments of silliness, fun, deep thoughts, all of it. Our relationship is better than ever. I guess we are a unicorn, but I wouldn't trade what we have for all of the tea in China.
Would he?
@@TW-hg7nt I am confident that he is happy. We travel, share a love for indie films, cheer our favorite soccer teams, etc.
Really enjoyed your definition of trauma, the drip drip drip. Being a mom, I can relate you get the drip drip trying to keep everything in order and give attention where needed is constant, trying to be a good wife, maintaining relationships with all family and friends, sometimes leave you feeling like the life has been sucked out of you. Being honest with yourself and leaning on God helps.
Reading all the Epistles Paul wrote is so refreshing, his eyes were always on God, he was thankful for all the people around him, he was encouraging, he let others know their value, and brutally honest when he needed to be. God always took care of him even in prison. ❤
If everyone would be the best version of themselves we would be heaven 😂😂
My favorite verse is, my grace is sufficent for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness. ❤❤
Omg....yes, yes and yes! Even as an educated woman who believes in equality of the sexes, Ive never understood the battle for the pulpit when Paul says for the women to teach the young women how to be good wives (and presumably the men to teach young men how to be good husbands)....something there is a dearth of in the church, my flight or fight response to stress (or a sense of failure in achieving what I 'thought' marriage should be) maybe I wouldn't have run from three marriages and taken the Bibles definition of adultery literally...even though I was married by 'Bible believing pastors' who never questioned my previous divorces. I've had to go way back to listening to the old preachers...Spurgeon, Whitfield, Elisabeth Elliot to find faith in the scriptures without excuses and peace from regrets of the past (even understanding "there is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ"), together with 12 step work which taught me a practical way to be a better person/Christian. In the States some churches are holding recovery groups using the scriptures that the 12 steps came out of and where you can have REAL conversations and support one another in action prayer. Unfortunately not here in UK but continuing in listening to selective preachers/podcasts and the inner working of the Holy Spirit, keeps me humble and away from the constant "self improvement" gurus the world has to offer...
I think the problem with a lot of organized religion, is we are not taught or encouraged to think and question. You can hear another way in this podcast how John challenges his students to think and question dogma. I admire your searching for answers. I made my mind up about a lot of things in the world before I was 6 years old. I knew then , the women's rabid movements were hypocritical and self destructive. Family and friends, in that order, were the most important thing in my life. I fell off my bearings going to school, getting jobs, getting good at hobbies, never seeing how more and more lost I had become. In retirement from salaried work, I realize these values I still hold. For me, healing has been about coming back to myself, and the relationship with G-d I always knew was there.
@ gaynorkelly,
Just could not understand the point of your comment. What are you trying to say?
You wrote thus comment over a year ago but I just wanted to respond because I completely agree with listening to this older pastors and teachers. The church is afraid to preach boldly and the feminism movement has crept into the church. There is a really good radio station called BBN-Bible Broadcasting Network that you can listen to online or through tune in radio app that will ‘feed’ throughout the day. Pastors need to do better and warn people instead of comforting people!
Yes! I so agree. I don't know about the UK's churches but I agree with everything else you said.
Why don’t you start a group? Use the resources you liked. If you can’t facilitate it, find someone who can. Maybe God can use you to meet the need. Pray about it. We can do all things through Christ Who strengthens us.
Really great interview! Thank you both for sharing!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Great podcast. Really enjoyed this one
Glad you enjoyed it!
Do you think Jesus is comfortable in His residence inside of us when we're watching foul things on the television or listening to foul music?
"What goes into our eyes & into our ears gets into our hearts...isn't that a big point to this message? Just asking..
Doesn't your spirit feel uncomfortable?
Yellowstone is not for a Believer. My friend told me that she watched it, so I checked it out. Had to turn it off in less than 2 minutes. Too much!!!
I love Sean McDowell's take on this. Something to look into.
DR JOHN!!!! My favorite doctor.
It’s not as uncommon as you think for pivot positions. I’ve met a few professionals in crime scene go into a place of grace and mercy to be compassionate
The most beautiful and or intelligent woman can be at risk to lose a husband.
Is it jealousy
Is it the fact nothing can keep a man's attention for long...
Sometimes when women have babies theyre getting up to babies in the night and theyre sleep deprived and tired. Tired women dont want sex theyre exhausted. If they had plenty of sleep and rest then they would probably want it.
We're on year 17, second marriage for both of us. I had a hysterectomy and a lot of family drama happened this past three years. I just haven't been in the mood. That doesn't end our marriage. We love each other and have talked about it. I will get back in the groove. 🤪😎🥰
I truly sympathize for hardships people have been through but it’s also important to note that “I’m just not in the mood” can be used to avoid doing anything for anniversary or Valentine’s Day. A lot of partners really don’t feel like doing anything on those occasions…they are just ways for card companies, florists, restaurants, and jewelers to take some of our hard earned money, if a person is just not in the mood for getting the card or the flowers or the restaurant meal, etc, I suppose it’s ok for them to do nothing. Same thing with Christmas. If I’m not in the mood can I just skip all the obligations of the season?
I never said I quit on everything. Not being in the mood for sex does not mean you stop making efforts elsewhere.@@wejpasadena1
Such a great interview!
Thanks, Linda.
Thank you. You have changed my life for the better forever ❤️
Wow, an actual good therapist.
Harmonizing with biofeedback helps your body process any type of trauma.
“You’re not enough but you can outrun it”. That’s real. In May family it was “you’re not enough but you can people please it away.”
I've lived in Texas for 40 years. We absolutely talk about guns here. I know three people who have been shot in church.
Until you're a cop who has faced deadly force, and realize that while you're taking seconds to decide if it's a phone, a plastic gun, an airsoft, etc don't talk about cops shooting kids with cell phones. Many officers have been killed because they hesitated.
That's the issue with a society that carries guns
Thankful Im Canadian and for our gun law.
I soooo appreciate or police officers Can't imagine being brave enough to be one
Protect your life and don’t take another’s life.
I love your Mom's story!!
I can’t get that image out of my head now. Oh dear.
Some of us would rather be isolated now and are self isolating.
Married to an alcoholic. Pretty much wipes out all desire.
Can you please change the title so I can share this on Facebook?
Thank you for your transparency Dr. Deloney.
You guys are good! I am shut down more. You’re on it!
Great open conversation
Enjoyed this thanks guys 👍
Id love to see the assessment report of a stellar human whose every box checks✅️ 😢we have people in power going through issues undiagnosed 😢😢😢😢 25:52 😢😢😢 26:18
Great information, wonderful
Sleep, depression, anxiety.
Love Jesus and fellow his way of life ❤😊
I love driving . I grew up driving a quarter midget race car.
I let people in front of me and not fight because it stops accidents and the road runs smoother.
What about different sleep schedule
You won me back to keep on following you … from your being so very open about what you are about and how you got there.
Honestly , before …? You seemed like some guy giving non stop advice to which it seems you really couldn’t sit in the mud with those clinging onto your advice
❤
What a great interview. I have always loved John Crist’s humor! He is awesome! ❤️🙏
Dr. John Delony....
You should go find one of his shows and watch it. This isn’t Crist.
It IS about relationships...not winning vs losing. If only more husbands (mostly) knew this regarding their marriages 🤔