Marcus Aurelius - Stop Caring What People Think
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.ค. 2021
- In this video, I talk about Stoicism, philosophy, Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations, and why we should stop being attached to what other people think of us.
As long as we’re attached to what other people think of us, we will always be what people want us to be rather than being ourselves. And if we abandon ourselves, we abandon our ability to be truly useful to the world. And if we abandon our ability to be truly useful to the world, we abandon what is perhaps the only form of true security.
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Meditations by Marcus Aurelius: geni.us/P44kYU
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" You are a prisoner to someone's idea of you."
That hit hard.
WHY? Are you a puppet?
Not as hard as dad's belt
"You have to be willing to disappoint them , you have to be willing for them to react negatively"
That's always like the stumbling block to truly being yourself man. I learnt from a family therapist Jerry Wise that to set yourself free from others, we have to prepare for the downsides to being true to you. For example, if being yourself means not getting financial support, you have to be willing to make your own money so that you are not a prisoner any longer.
@@segunjay4153 so if one's a complete asshole disliked by everyone, should they change or accept themselves? If they change - they'll get at least some social validation and live a life. If they continue to convince themselves that they're "beautiful the way they are", they'll probably end up alone, hanging on a rope. Great.
i loved this too.
@@dagmawithaileleul1801 best decision YOU can make
@@michaelsledge3904 does he say anything about trying to save people from themselves?
“You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Spot on 👍
Except, you don‘t. You can‘t control your feelings and only partially control your thoughts. The solution lies in acceptance, not in control.
The stoics are wrong.
2941oksirhC D You can control your feelings if you are aligned with your psyche, right thinking will align, wrong thinking distorts.
The more we work on our morals the easier we will be to achieve mastery over our mind. The stoics were thinking ahead, as of yet we haven’t evolved that far.
💯🆗
@@Chrisko1492 'you' can't countrol 'your' feelings
the solution is in acceptance, yes, and thus in control ; you decide if you accept some events or not.
I love the at 2:14 "When you are being yourself, you have to be willing to VIOLATE people's EXPECTATIONS of you. You have to be willing to DISAPPOINT them. You have to be willing for them to react negatively."
This is very polarizing but it drives home the point of the courage to stand on your own and be yourself. being accepted by yourself ends up being more important than by the outside world.
💯✨
This is a big part of adlerian psychology
@@Sh0n0 interesting. I’ll check it out thanks!
@@endebtedone a good summary of this is a book called ‘the courage to be disliked’
Yep I do what I want on my terms
It amazes me every time I read Meditations that these thoughts/wisdoms are 2000 years old and apply to today's times more than ever... and yet we fail to apply it!
You often need to fail to realize the advice would have worked in your situation.. When you are to close to the problem youre almost always blind to see the solution
@c4blec Same as any other, this age will end with blood and from the ashes something will rise from it. Will it be better? Sadly I doubt it
Hey, can you send me a link of this book, so I can download and read it. Thank you!
Little ever changes. Things remain the same across time and places. And so 2000 years from today - in consideration the human species is alive - the same will still apply.
I guess you are right
i'd like to add something: when you stop caring too much about what other people think of you, you also start to tolerate other people more and you become kinder to them, because you are sort of being kind to yourself in the first place, and you aren't always bitter and frustrated with other people's thoughts about you, which can cause a desire to dump those feelings on others.
anyways, great video!
Nice view 👍
omg yes! Empathy sees through the masks we wear
@@humanii9037 empathy is also what got us here in the first efing place and last i checked and as every single psychiatrist or any other studier of mental issues will tell you you do NOT emphasis on NOT feed into another persons delusions as it only digs them in further into their OWN beliefs of the world around them
you know the stupid asinine crap you libtards have been doing for 50 years and now we have the most intolerant community of people in the history of america we are literally reverting back to jim crow era disguising it as "tolerance" and "acceptance" sorry but the TRUTH is only .1% of the population ACTUALLY HAS gender disphoria the rest are low self esteem posers who use it as a click to fit in cause people keep telling them they are so protected and cant be criticized for their delusions while at the same time everyone else who doesnt fit this box is out casted as "intolerant" sorry but facts dont care about your feelings kiddos time to put your big boy pants on and accept reality
telling someone they are a gender/race they arent does NOT help them it only further damages them and eventually is most cases leads to suicide not because some right winger told them they arent what they think they are but because no matter how much money they pump into surgeries to be what they see themselves as and only seeing a misshapen human staring them back in the mirror THAT is what causes their already low self esteem to spiral out of control until it ends with their own death by their own hands wonder why they are what they are and not what they THINK they are
TL;DR stop feeding into everyones delusions its what got us here to begin with its a big part of what caused rome to fall and does NOT help the mentally ill it only further hurts them and their self esteem as proven by every single case study and psychiatrist worth there salt and based on REAL science not your libtard asinine "equality" like you libtard cult members love to believe
@@inuyasha989 first of all I think my comment was pretty vague and simple because thats all I wanted to add to that comment. This comes from my perspective. I study psychology and child development. I can see where youre coming from. But your comment lost its value when you made a choice to respond the way you did. Theres different ways of looking at things.
100
“You are a prisoner to someone’s idea of you” that line hit hard and made me really start reconsidering some of my beliefs
Here too
It hit hard. How hard? How would you compare that to say a bill in the mail?
❤
Once you quit worrying what people are saying or thinking about you, its like you've been reborn. Its a weight off your shoulders. Never try to fit in with the crowd. Your not being yourself when trying to fit in, your being what the crowd wants you to be. If they don't like you for you, who cares. Go through life not seeing who likes you, but who you might like. Let the pressure be on them.
Perfect timing, I was actually stressing out about what people are thinking of me now so I really needed it right now thank you for the extremely useful reminder !!!
You might as well just stop because nobody is thinking about you.
That was been and for me, but i decided to be myself.
But still working on my self
What if it just because TH-cam's recommendation? 😂
But I do also felt it as Perfect Timing of what happened to me lately
Me too. Thanks
It amazes me how many people have to reach a very old age to finally realise that people don't matter if you don't let them. I live happy since that realisation, luckily I learned that in my 20s
I have always been this way. Your opinion of me doesn't effect me because I don't care what you think.
@@HALOSnHORNS But you cared enough to write a comment 😂
@@Teglamen because its a COMMENT SECTION, its for COMMENTS. you seem bothered. drink some water.
@@HALOSnHORNS You don't bother, I just found your comment funny
Do you not care what others think of you?
“We are more than our memories”
There’s so much you can say about that one line. Sometimes our memories are distorted by the way the event made us feel. Sometimes we only remember the memories that made us feel bad/good. We are so much more than that
The ego i the me is only memory
If you are not impaired... in time ...
"It's not about how you can produce something of value, but how you can become free. When you break free of all your prisons, your fruit comes of its own accord".
“If you sell water in the desert, does it matter what people think of you.”
That painted an amazing image for me. I think about the Benjamin E Mays quote “We are all created to do something unique and something distinctive and if we do not do it, it will never be done”. There are people dying for the water that only we can provide and we let each other suffer because we are all thinking about the judgement from the ones that don’t need our water instead of the ones that do.
Thank you for this video. I really appreciate you.
And Thank You so much for this comment. I have trouble with this very often. I need to sit on this for a while.
"People are dying for the water that only we can provide." Amen. Thank you for your words. That one's going to stick with me :)
What if you're stealing other peoples water bottles in the desert and resell it for your own gain? All because you do not care what people think of you? Complete carelessness can lead to lower empathy which is dehumanizing in nature and sometimes predatory.
Are you selling still or sparkling water? 😄
@@emonymph6911 the whole idea reminds me of the concept of dharma. Everybody has a dharma (a purpose) whether it be good or bad, it is yours. Eastern philosophies have always done a much better job at not distinguishing between "good" and "bad". They work together to create a balance and if we didn't have bad, we wouldn't know what good was. My favorite quote from the Tao Te Ching is "what is a good man but a bad man's teacher, what is a bad man but a good man's job." The Bhagavad Gita paints a better picture. A general is about to lead his army into war, when he looks at the opposing army and sees young men and honest looking people who he doesn't want to fight. Then Lord Krishna steps in and tells him that he must fulfill his dharma and that he shouldn't worry about it because everything will work out in the end, things will find a balance. With an emphasis of seeing yourself in the general nature of the universe Hinduism, Stoicism, and Taoism have done more for me than Catholicism ever did.
"You've traded the whole of your life for security. What is there left to secure? "
Fckn hits me in the chest harder than a bus.
Thank you a lot for your video.
believe me, last time a bus hit me, I never walked the way same again
@@bhowmikranjan8841 was talking abt the Universal Serial Bus. 🚌🚌🚌
few years back I saw a movie that ended with a note "life was given to me after million years and now I know what to do with it" somehow that dialog stuck with me these years and I was lucky to understand it and take my decisions myself without caring about what others will think of me
@@viraj_singh the movie was lucy 2012, and what she said was “Life was given to us a billion years ago. Now you know what to do with it.”
Exactly. If you traded yourself and what you stand for, there is nothing left to secure.
This is so right. The real problem though is it starts in childhood. Your parents have all these issues and then pass them on to their children. The family is where it must start. Kids have to not be themselves to survive their childhoods. Changing this later is difficult, very difficult. Everyone is doing it and when you start being yourself you will cop so much crap, that is hard to handle. Been at it for many years and it never gets easy.
You are 100% right. Honestly, i'm still fighting to overcome this because of my upbringing.
Soooo true!
"being yourself is the only truly useful thing someone can do." So good! Thank you.
that sounds close to "To be yourself is all that you can do" from an Audioslave song
The ultimate tradeoff is between security and freedom. We've evolved to seek social validation and so we want to be liked but in order to live a meaningful and authentic life, it becomes almost necessary to at least get some people to dislike you.
The key here is not to intentionally be unlikable but rather to understand that in order to truly self-actualize and live a meaningful life, a natural byproduct is the contempt of some people. Not to mention, no matter what you do, it's unlikely that everyone will like you so why not be yourself?
This is exactly it, I think it's all about achieving that right amount of balance - just like with all other things in life.
Very well put!
@Future Mindset Fantastic comment!
and chances are the more you be yourself and stop seeking validation, the more likeable you'll become, or more respected
At least it seems like a trade-off. For all we know it's even more secure on the other side.
The biggest mistake I felt is wanting to adopt this new mindset right away, but most of us are breaking years of caring too much. It will take time, just remind yourself everyday until it's blended into your everyday life. Hope you figure it out.
So true
Ty
Yes, take YOUR time, because you want to be you
Caring with action? Or caring? Because caring is NOTHING. NOTHING.
Omg same, I wanna be untouchable NOW❤❤❤
i'm a 14 yr old still in school and i just want to say thank you for these videos! i love watching these as it teaches me so much about life. I'll try my best to grow up with these lessons
wow bro u start soon very nice
Good for you! Keep watching them ♥️
"He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe." -Marcus Aurelius
Sometimes we also get stuck on an idea of what we think we should be, and that also goes against who we truly are ☝🏾
So true smh
That's why I dont think about what they care.
I think that’s a huuuge problem that often goes unseen
That's the point... sometimes we despise who we are, and we have the right to adopted a different behavior in life. if you are not comfortable with you self
Yep, parents hammer that thought into our head and it's hard to get it out
This is healing. Healing for the bad things that I have done to myself. I'm still fighting for depression and trying to understand each problems that caused it. So I'm very thankful that you've shared this wisdom for us.
I’m glad you’re still here with us
you are doing a great job buddy.Keep on going.
Hope you get through your battles man!
Wishing you a quick recovery from depression!
The tree that stands tall even amidst the storms and doesn't uproot is the one that's privileged to bask under the sunlight when it does come later, hope you too are capable of weathering the storms raging within and around you!
It can be useful to know what impacts your depression. But take it from someone who psychoanalyzes way too much myself, sometimes you have to focus more on the "how"s rather than the "why"s. "How" can I break free of this depression, what's my next step? Rather than "why" am I so depressed. I tend to get stuck in the "why" and dwell on it, which can worsen my depression.
"If you talk enough sense, you'll lose your mind." Sometimes the best thing you can do for your depression is free your mind. I know it sounds like a "Thanks, I'm cured" mentality, but it's just one step amongst many that can help ease depression. Meditation works wonders in this aspect. I'm working really hard on this in my life right now, I thought I'd share my thoughts. Sorry if they're unwarranted.
I dont even know who i am anymore
You are, what you have always been, and thats, in control, able to change it at any point, life's a big full of wonders, dare to look within
@@Wassaabhithanks for sharing those words
Same, the thing is I kinna feel being detached from myself, maybe because recently I've really going hard, trying dopamine detox, etc, and so iam kinna feel brainwashed because of consuming too much self help which has lead me to overthink my every step of life especially, the way I act with other like did I acted well, did I responded correctly in the convo, could I have said something else bullshits like that, also I feel which way is morlly correct, like always overthinking about my life choices and acting in which way is appropriate
@@Futuremillioneire The stuff you discribe is familair to me. Don't know if it helps but last week I did a 'personality test' and it gave me some clearity about myself. Things I could have figured out by myself ofcourse.
Reading about the personality i got 'boxed' into gave some peace of mind for me. Might help you aswell.
Might help as a stepping stone for self understanding.
@@superzucht thanks brother
Being yourself is very important, *but* a motivation that's also important if not more, is helping others. In my teens I would have agreed with Marcus' sentiment whole heartedly, but now I see that true usefulness comes from a balanced perspective of yourself *and* others. Worrying about what others think of you doesn't do any good, but being motivated by their needs *can* help you make an impact in their lives. I don't want to be the martyr or the hermit- I want to be someone who inspires and helps people.
Yes. You have to care to some degree, just not to the point where you lose yourself
Being yourself helps other people also because if you let yourself be yourself, you will let others too.
The problem is this this society making people feel like we always have to care what others think about us. This constantly weighs down your subconscious making it difficult for you to focus on the things you need to do. The problem is this society and it’s structure
Exactly!!!
Like the 'Woke Culture' for instance
💯💯💯 ego kills
It's literally an evolved, biological trait. Not societies fault.
That's because you actually do have to care but you can keep it under conscious control and not let it get to you. The most important thing is just to stay cool and calm no matter the circumstances and don't go off on the Internet and social media writing stupid negative stuff that will just put people off. In other words, just have normal social intelligence and you'll be fine. The less you say and the less you do, the better you are off.
Let other people stress, worry, and lose their heads while you keep yours. If you worry too much about other people, then it's easy to lose your head. Rather, it is what YOU think about other people that REALLY matters. And that's how most people think, as they all have their own perspective of the world and the people around them. In that sense, there's no point in taking anything personal from anyone around you. You will not be bothered, and they will be annoyed and frustrated. Suffer fools gladly then ;D
When i was in my teenage angst I used to believe this, but i gradually realized that entirely wiping out what others think of you is impractical, because ultimately we are social beings and we deduce meanings from relationships. That's why we care so much about what people think of us in the first place. The point is rather to find out our priorities and inner values and stick to them when making important choices in life. Anything other than that, just remain open for changes and improvements, not entombed in that 'being myself' myth. Because nobody is solid, we just go on changing throughout our life. Nobody is the same person they were 10yrs back
I agree, accepting that you’re a work in progress is empowering.
Nothing in this said to wipe away what people think of you, it is to be entirely yourself. If being a social being and deducing meaning from relationships means acting like something you're not, this is advice you need. Its a bit ignorant to assume that doing these people pleasing social hacks dont take away from your own integrity. We are huge beings, we can chose to move away or above anyone or anything that makes us need to change or put on a front, its not easy but its what Marcus was talking about, which I feel is the point of the whole video.
Well said
@@TrustedSiren well put❤
I don’t think we should care what others think of us. Just be the best person you can be and always be empathetic to other peoples well being and strive towards goodness in general. If you are doing that and others still don’t like you than don’t waste your time caring about what they think.
So helpful.. I struggle with anxiety every time I walk out of the door of my home. I look and dress differently from 'the norm', yet I'm just trying to be myself. There are some that look, some that laugh, and some that like, and some that hate. Even some that take pictures! You can't please everybody, so just be who you are. I guess celebrities have the same problems. My wishes of love and strength to those that stand out. X
This is why I like to be alone because I get to enjoy my own opinions and focus on what I think about me.
dude said something about how when you are yourself you have to be willing to disappoint people. Never thought of that before. Thanks for the insight goat
"If you can provide water in a desert, does it matter what they think of you?"
I dont really get that line, would you mind explaining it further?
@@Majso11 see if we really do act which helps people , or I would say act which we believed is useful to the world we won’t mind what people think of us, our soul knows that we have done what we could have and rather in this case people will get benefit
whatever you need to say, say it with your chest. whatever you need to be, embody it to its full potential. always stand ten toes down and let the pieces fall where they may. this is how i live my life, and it hasn't failed me yet.
For me Being Yourself is the hardest task. Because it is hard to answer the question Who am I ? The answer most of the time - I don’t know. I am the product of conditioning by others since or even before I was born, and now I need to Be Myself and don’t care of what others think about me. Cognitive dissonance, isn’t it? I wonder why almost everyone who advocates to Be Yourself, constantly skipping the first question.😅
Very good point, but maybe "yourself" IS the product of everyone's influence on you. How it influenced you and how you dealt with it is who you are (everyone would react differently to the same circumstances). And what you want for the future and what you certainly don't want (or the absence of wanting anything), all those things say something about yourself.
Be Willing to violate people's expectation of you. Be Willing to Dissapoint them. Be Willing for them to React Negatively.
Be Yourself. Chose Your Own Choices.
That's very difficult when you are shy and sensitive and scared for people
@@heinmolenaar6750 this is why you should never give a damn about what people think about you
@@heinmolenaar6750 dont be shy or scare my friend,be yourself is better than be the person what toxic people want you to be
-Donald J Trump
I would also love to add
"Be yourself but be your best self"
Imagine you love drinking and you drink everyday without caring about what other people think, you are still being yourself but aren't being anything useful and negatively impacting people around you.
Great video🍀
True
Thanks for your perspective.
Agreed~ Be yourself without harming anyone :3
thats subjective...ive come across sober people whos hearts and minds more evil than the one that drinks....it comes down to the individual
If i can also add something, drinking problems as any addiction are often caused by psychological problems and used to ease the pain. I‘d imagine if you lived a life free of judgment that you wouldnt feel that urge so much, if that is what you‘re struggling with at least
This was really eye opening for me. I have a lot of friends that are no longer my friends after this. I'm just going to move forward and whoever ends up being with me is, if there's nobody left, all the better for me. Every situation is temporary. There are always more people that will treat you fairer and better. Never think otherwise.
"When tree is free, fruit is a natural outcome" it felt like a flame to my inner fire of beliefs.
Great preaching, truly helpful.
Marcus Aurelius is one of the best thinkers in history.
J. Krishnamurti watch him
It's too bad that shows try too hard to depict him as some unempathetic cold hearted general.
For the past 5 or so years, I've been going through my own personal liberation from... caring about others opinions and behavior at all.
I was always terrified of standing out as a child.
I've gradually started doing and living of my own accord, following my own interests, my own hobbies and developing my own way of life. Step by step, piece by piece.
Detaching from "group think" is the most powerfully liberating thing anyone can do, in my opinion.
Fuck what people think lol.
It's a beautiful process of self-discovery, and self-initiation. A process which, paradoxically, makes you MORE useful to society, and the group as a whole.
Whereas carelessly "fitting in," can waste your potential.
I can relate to this. It's hard not caring what other people think and say when someone is a danger to you. It feels like a constant threat you cant ignore. I hope everyone reading this comment finds a way to be themselves and not care what other people think while maintaining their sense of security.
Being yourself is very hard in society
"Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." - Will Smith
wasn't it Gary Vee?
It's a quote from Fight Club, not Will Smith
Dat why Williamson Smith slapped the daylights out of Chris rock
- whoever wrote will's script
That quote truly slaps
Pun may or may not be intended.
This came in my recommended after I had a conversation with my therapist about how I care about what my coworkers think of me. Thank you for this short and straightforward video.
Me too after a conversation with my mother ! I swear didn’t search for this in google haha
Smartphones nowadays hear everything 👀👀
Not caring about others is great!
Thanks for making me cry, when I was younger as a kid I cared way too much that I couldn’t do all the things I wanted to do & I got to notice as I’ve gotten older opinions are just opinions the way I have one
And it’s what I think of me and my gifts
And the value I add as an individual
But I still struggle with this , thank you for this video ❤️
I decided to quit my job. Then I see your video. It convinced me that no matter what choice I made, it's my choice, it's what I think is best for me. And that gave me security to myself! Thank you!
Don't give other's the opportunity to control your mind, body or soul. God has blessed us to have our own unique and distinctive form to be whom we want💜
Study Law. You are in delusion.
I went through a bad relationship some years ago, a very challenging time and had some awful things happen to me, partly because my kindness was taken as a weakness and I was always trying to be this super nice person to anyone I met. After I came out of this challenging, abusive time it actually happened to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. After going through this I came out the other side so much more assertive, not in an egotistical sense but focusing on myself, being strong minded, not caring what people thought, not trying to be this intense people pleaser. Knowing that I am a good person and that I want to do good but choosing when to give out that good to people who need &/or deserve it. You can't please all the people so stop trying to, be the best version of yourself to the best of your ability and within your current situation for yourself and your loved ones. Finding a strong sense of assertiveness was really a life changing thing for me, I hope you can find this in your own way.
Bro dead ass said, "You are cringe....but you are free." Absolutely fucking based.
You literally have changed my perspective about everything. Thank you for this. I haven't had anything open my eyes like your words did right now. I lack the words to express what just happened. Thank you Justin. Thank you for making this. I think I can go out to the world a better person now, as someone who is myself, and that alone.
Seeing this comment did the same for me.
Thanks for sharing.
Much love and best of luck in your adventures!
@@DeKnight95 it’s done the same for me as well! Thank both of you for commenting and a special thank you to our video author!
Read Marcus Aurelius. Reread it often. There is treasure in his words.
Update
This specific aspect of Marcus’s work actually helped me cope with the anxiety of coming out as NB. It just makes sense though like who gives a flying flounder and if they do then you catch that founder, cook it in a pan of oil on medium heat until golden brown and you can add salt and pepper if you want, and enjoy it.
Guess what? You can look androgynous and gave varied interest while still being male or female. The fact that you had a whole identity crisis is just ridiculous. My advice is to take a break from social media.
@@cutiepiebb damn wasn’t the point of this video not to care what others think? Thanks for pointing that out Lol I’ll be sure to instantly snap you out of it next time you go through psychological torment that isn’t aligned with your biology.
@@oakley3272 get therapy and take a break from teenage social media
Bro the only thing I’ll need therapy for is laughing too hard like you really think you’re doing a service by pointing that out
@@cutiepiebb This person literally just watched a video on how to not care on other people’s opinion. You really think they’re going to listen to you? Like cmon
idk if anyone's still here, but this is really good advice.
if you stop being yourself... everything goes downhill. unfortunately (whether you think this is a good or bad thing) i was born a male. i don't like it, but i was blessed with having a feminine face and naturally high voice. despite my height, i often get mix ups with my gender from either being called "sir" or "ma'am" or even "them." i like this... but others don't, especially not my parents. they didn't want me to be feminine, they didn't want me to like soft things, they didn't want me to be this way yet i am. they made me cut my hair short, they didn't force me to but would constantly pester me to play more sports and become some kind of athlete. they would scold me whenever i talked normally and tell me im purposefully making my voice "gay" and "high pitched" when i was only 12. they made me feel like others wouldn't like me and accept me for me if i continued to be this way... and they were partly right. lots of people like me for me, but there are also lots that don't and continue to call me gay. i don't mind it, but im not gay... im straight, i just can't help my feminine qualities. i spent years and years trying to deepen my voice, developing a what some would call a "masculine" personality that was clearly a copy of my dads, i learned to be a true boy and act like one too. when i did that, people loved it. i gained lots of friends, i got lots of compliments, and people liked me. but it didn't feel right... i didn't feel right, it was as if a celerity themselves could praise me for the way i acted and i still wouldn't feel happy. i became (and still somewhat am) mentally unstable, and developed multiple personalities for each and every occasion and person. i lost my real identity, and was no longer me. i didn't know who i was, and i hated myself. it didn't matter if i was loved, i hated myself.
after some time on my 16th birthday, i became extremely depressed. thankfully, this was just what i needed to become me again. but for almost an entire year i had hair covering my eyes, i showed no emotion to anyone or anything. i was a mindless being of nothing, and if it wasn't for my blind determination to achieve goals i've had since a child and certain people on the internet, i would've killed myself.
a few months from my 17th birthday came around and i finally realized who i was again. thanks to my hair already being long, all i had to do was cut it to a certain length that didn't fully cover my eyes but still looked like how i thought i wanted it too. i didn't know if i'd like it, but i remember a video game character that i've adored for years at that point and attempted to mimic the hairstyle in a way. i loved it. my family hated it, but everyone else around me said it looked so good on me. i became a little happier. so i then dropped my deep voice act and started to speak normally. i liked it. my family hated it and people would constantly call me "gay" or confuse me for a girl, but aside from that most people liked it and said they enjoyed my soft spoken tone. i then started got a job not too long after my birthday. i began wearing long sleeved clothing, purchasing hoodies i liked and decorating my room in style that i enjoyed. being my age, my parents didn't really tell me not to but were and are indeed still not accepting of it. but i didn't care, i liked it. i loved it. it didn't cure my gender dysphoria, but it made me happy. i was and am finally myself, and while the people, my family, who apparently should be the ones who's opinion matters the most... it didn't. their opinion made me sad, their opinion broke me. when i stopped caring and was myself, it didn't matter that my sisters and family didn't like it because other people did. and even if they didn't i was still creating and doing things that impressed many and caused them to be influenced because i was just being... me.
so in conclusion, it doesn't matter who yo are or what you think. as long as it doesn't affect the greater good and health of other people around you, just be yourself. as long as it's not being mean to others and bringing harm to people, just be yourself. it doesn't mean don't tweak certain aspects of you, such as being lazy, needing to adjust your social skills or sharing everything about yourself. it just means to not think about it and try and be you. please... it will help you a lot. just, be, you. it doesn't matter what others think, just be you.
thank you
Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed reading about your experience and I’m sure many people can relate, and I’m happy you’re happier now!
I completely resonate with what he said. It is difficult to do this in real life but it is definitely helpful. For me what really matters is the opinion of my parents to some extent. As far as others are concerned, I am unfazed because someone told me once that people who don't stand by you in your worst moments don't deserve to be heard.This has really changed my life🏵️
I think about this a lot. When I was more free in thought I was told I was arrogant but I felt so much more free. I changed and toned myself down but yes I feel like I’m in a prison of peoples opinions. This is valuable
also trying to get back to that time when we didn’t know better and lived naturally.
This hits me so hard, especially growing in a conservative and manipulative environment which they define who you would be in the future instead of you defining who you want to be.
Yeah this video hit me too, I also grew up in a conservative environment. I don’t know to what extent it affected me, though. I do know that I have struggled with worrying about what other people think of me for years. I’m much better now than I used to be but hope to continue improving on it.
This has been my mission for at least 5 years now. Its so liberating
Sometimes people are afraid of allowing themselves to be vulnerable and show each intricate part of their personality because of hurtful words people said in the past when they were vulnerable. So they hide and cover up bits and pieces of themselves and put on a mask to show the world. The security they have around their heart in fear of being hurt sucks a lot of their joy away. It develops anxiety. Always worried of what others think and always ruminating over each encounter to see if it was awkward or weird in anyway. You need to understand in this world the only thing you are in control of is your joy. Everything else is alway changing. So be yourself not to seem cool and confident but bevause its genuinely enjoyable to geek out over all the things you love whether peoole scrutinize and criticize you for it or not. And if you do get hurt by empty words thrown at you by deeply insecure and disturbed individuals, find comfort in the fact that in this world nothing lasts forever....including your pain. You'll get over it in due time. Be yourself in order to release your heart from the shackles of expectations and obligations and opinions. Be yourself to make yourself happy.
"You are stuck in language".. So true,
Like we say sun sets in West, that's not true , the direction where sun sets, we name it west.. Change this mentality! U r gud to go
Ahh! Finally someone wise. I'm happy you exist even tho idk you. I'm still grateful for this comment ❤️ have a gr8 time =)
@@neptune0909 omg, u r so humble damn, thankyou🥺
@@Manojkumar-tm9nh kudos to you for acknowledging his humbleness.
love from india😃
I do get stuck in language. I want an explanation for everything
@@improveproductivity woo,m from India too❤
Have a great day✌
This just came at a perfect time, I was being playful with someone close and they told me I was the worst person which I never get when I act playful with my family. My family accepts me for who I am while this other person doesn't and every time they put me down on me being silly or doing anything that makes me who I am, they always manage to make me feel like I need to be someone else.
When you care about what others say or think you'll never win just stop caring 😊
Whenever i get lost, i come back to this video. Serves as a great reminder, being at peace with yourself is the most important thing in life.
The security of being liked by others is temporary
Also sensitive heart maked more problems in our life but my stress had gone from my mind after I watched this one. thanks for this video😊❤
Need this on repeat everyday
This is gold. Help yourself because that's what others do. Don't believe what others say about you. You know you not a complete stranger.
Being perfect is being you... Imperfections others think you have is what makes you as you... As long I think being bold enough to stick to your opinion and modify it when needed but don't change it, is necessary for all.
Excellent!! Succinct and illuminating. Every person who is stuck in depression needs to hear this. There is nothing wrong with depression - it's the signal that you are no longer satisfied living in a cage for security! Hooray!
Exactly what i needed. Hope it works fine this time for me. Wish me luck, i really needed this since i lost myself in this world. I get up after a lot of knives in the back, it was and it is a long way but i keep going. The "hope" for better future keeps me alive. And i wish this to anybody anywhere. To feel free and fine. Cause that's what we really deserv. No more "paying" the price for taking care of someone else in the name of ourselves. Stay strong everyone! We're going to make it all allright!
his video is a gem. It has so many quotes one could use. Brilliant work.
few years back I saw a movie that ended with a note "life was given to me after million years and now I know what to do with it" somehow that dialog stuck with me these years and I was lucky to relate to it and take my decisions myself without caring about what others will think of me
Thank you, this is a lesson that most of us should follow!
THIS IS LITERALLY ONE OF THE BEST VIDEOS I'VE EVER SEEN! WOW! How could you put this message in such an effective way?
Damn, boy. The thing i most needed to hear coming from the greatest guy to ever hold my name. Thanks, Aurelius.
if most people would just start watching videos like these, the world world would be so much more peaceful.
Would be interested to hear your thoughts regarding autism and this concept. Autistic people often mask, as in, act how they believe people want them to act, because society will not accept them otherwise.
In the end, we do need some human connection in order to stay healthy, but if that connection comes at the cost of not being oneself, because to be oneself would be too far out of the societal norms under which we live, is that not like being in a prison, like the example in the video?
Society is born out of our relationships with each other as individuals, right?
Anytime we hold other people to an expectation, we try to imprison them (and ourselves, because we are a prisoner to that expectation too).
Relationships built on sincerity fortify life. Relationships dependent on the maintenance of expectations are tyrannies.
J. Krishnamurti watch him
this video was recommended to me right on time ,when i am disappointing people by being myself... not in a social way or ethically, i'm just exploring my own body like i want, facing other's prejudices.
Thank you. Sometimes I just get stuck in life, in people's lives, in my life... kinda frustrated idk. Your videos really help me overcome it and get back to happy positive thoughts
When I was younger I was living in a small city. Both of my parents had average paying jobs and although we didn't have issues with the money I was not able to afford "luxuries" as buying new clothes, going on vacations abroad, or having expensive gadgets and phones. This had a hard toll on me while growing up because I was struggling to keep up with the other kids and I started to feel less valuable because I didn't own stuff. Fortunately, I managed to pass those hard years and as soon as those barriers had gone I was made to realize by myself the people around me the importance of being yourself.
i just needed this..thank you so much Justin💙
I love the message of this video the words pop up in my mind...
"always believe and love yourself enjoy life is too short" ☺️♥️
I love this. Going through a tough experience w cheating and a breakup. This made me realize that I was a prisoner to their expectations and what they wanted me to be because I was craving that security.
It’s not that easy when you have
✨ SOCIAL ANXIETY✨.
You have social anxiety because you worry what people think of you.
@@the1cooljay If you are homeless, just buy a house
It’s not easy but it’s something you can definitely work on. I have social anxiety myself and I’ve been working hard to get better. Slowly but surely I am. This video definitely helped a lot tonight cause I was stressing sm about what people thought of me.
@@reanimatedmanx silly comment, he was right, as someone who's life has been massively impacted by social anxiety, it is because you care what people think. You can change it
This couldnt be more true. I'm resonating so much to this right now. Working on overcoming fears and the fears always end up being about how other people would see you.. Therefore trying to not disappoint, to not fail, by living up to the expectations of others and your own high standards, only to be good enough for others. Thank you, this came at the perfect timing.
To stop thinking about what people think about you just turn your lense towards yourself.. How long do you think about others faults or achievements..and does it even move them if we are... The truth is everybody is all worried about what others think or when they messed up that they don't leave any mentalspace to think of us let alone care.
Having a lot of trouble with a petty, passive aggressive roomie who has a hobby of listening to me talk to my friends and family to judge me. This video is really helpful in maneuvering this mental disturbance.
I never realize how profound this struck me --I must listen to this again.
That video found me, and it makes a lot of sense. Keep up with those truly useful and easy summaries of really good information like that! 👏🏼
Great advice. In this age of global economic melt down, it's more difficult to see outside one's needs and the wants lacking. But if one can focus on necessities(needs) and the love of the process towards mastery, one will most likely actualize his/her potential. Thanks
I really appreciate this. I’ve been struggling a lot with this topic recently, and I definitely needed to hear this.
this is beautiful, I almost cried. Thank you
The BESTEST CHANNEL EVER !!!
I LOVE YOU 💕
Thank you for making this video explaining how and why I should be myself
*_1_* We must teach our children at a very early age to think on their feet, to stand alone, to not follow the crowd, and to not bear bullying and hazing. Overall social media is antisocial because it’s a fertile ground where hate, envy, jealousy, gossip, scamming, and bullying grow fast like weeds; the metaverse is gonna be even worse. Laugh a lot and have face-to-face loving relationships!
*_2_* Happiness is within us; that’s why we can have many friends and yet be unhappy and lonely. There’s a big difference between *_aloneness_* and *_loneliness._*
*_3_* When love is, the self is not. The self causes most problems and all wars.
*_4 Without love life is meaningless._* 💕 ☮ 🌎 🌌
You can become like me be a misanthrope introvert so that you’ll know who are your real friends
Agree
Thanks so much! I really needed this. It's so easy for me to think I need to rely on other people to the point where I let their worldview define me. The truth is, I am my own person, no one can decide who you are!
It's very hard to not think about what other people think of us!
Itz hard to overcome that problem but not impossible.
:(
When I eliminate the fear of what others think & ignore their opinions, a new fear/conflict starts within myself what if they are right? What if I got wrong especially when I'm making important decisions! How can I overcome this fear?
Ah my friend were practically on the same boat. I can't say that I have advice for you because I am in no position to hold wisdom but isn't making your own decisions and taking responsibility for them better than Living your life in slavery for others opinions ? After all the possibility of your choice being wrong or being imperfect or less than ideal is always present thus as long as you're doing something you believe in and something you want to do you're going to enjoy the journey and you can't know if you're right or wrong until you complete the journey called life. As long as we're trying then we're making the right decision right ?
accept the risk of beeing wrong, then you can discover if you are right.
Fear = not accepting the risk of not doing it
Courage = accepting the risk of not doing it
Confidance = believing you have chance of doing it
Faith = giving everything you are in the name of that chance
Afterall what's the matter on being wrong? How else could you learn without knowing you were wrong?
Also, do not put your value into the results, because it can mislead you.
For example, if u make a bread and it's not tastefull, do not think "my destiny is not to make breads, people were right abou i shoud do other thinks, i am useless human being and bla bla". It's simplier than that. Life is just telling you should do the bread in other way, nothing more, nothing less.
@@nessrineboukhari0167 yes, makes sense!
It’s about being unattached, not ignoring. They may be right, they may be wrong. Examine and discover for yourself if you’re wrong. There’s nothing wrong with taking multiple points of view.
I did try to be "myself" at high school but people there found it weird. Then got bullied for having a different voice, teachers got involved bcs they think I'm not "working together" with my classmates, but lol, I did all those "teamworks" by myself, sacrificing my sleep time after exhausting full-day school, I can't even say outloud that those ppl weren't working at all. I never knew I'll be missing online school. Thank you for this reminder though. Being myself is great. I hope I could overcome those obstacles and achieve greater outcome.
Thank you so much for this video. Sometimes it is hard to go on the path of not caring what others think, but is most rewarding.
“I'll go it alone, that's how it must be
I can't be right for somebody else
If I'm not right for me
I gotta be free, I just gotta be free
Daring to try to do it or die
I gotta be me” - Sammy Davis Jr
I’m going through Sickness Unto Death by Kierkegaard 🥵, and this really helps separating the nominal self from the true Self. He uses self/Self a lot and it can be dizzying, but I want to read and reread it until I can firmly grasp it.
Read the Bible instead.
@@jimmy5634 uhhh who says I don’t?
Perfect timing !, was falling into that negative mindset and now I’m back thank you for this .
So far I have never been myself , and I think this is the reason behind my misery . I have just realized that through all these years I have been bound to others opinion of me . And now i am like " girl ! Do not fear rejection " and now i think being yourself would be a leap out of your comfort zone . Thank you for the video .