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MY START UP ADVICE: CREATE AN APP WHERE IF YOU ARE ON THE APP AND SOMEONES PASSING BY YOU CAN SAY MATCH - IF BOTH MATCHES YOU CAN HAVE A CHAT. Not sure that’s possible, but it would solve so many issues like fake accounts, photoshop, good presentation but nothing behind it. And especially THE VIBE which you can’t see on screen (not 100%). No creepy flirt attempts necessary as well. It‘s so much more relaxed if you know the person finds you attractive as well.
I dont feel fortunate. Just going through a seperation after 10 years. Now I feel like the guys from the movie internship with Ownen Wilson. With my oldschool approach on dating I am a Dynosaurus.
I actually met my husband through dating app, but I understand people’s frustration with online dating. Before i met my husband, my online dating experience were overall hideous and sometimes even horrifying… I figured the reason it worked for me and my husband is 1) we were both genuinely looking for long term partners; 2)we both know very well who we are and had relatively realistic expectations; 3)we both understood the importance of basic human respect. It’s been 3 years only but it’s getting more and more exciting. I truly believe happiness is a perspective and is completely depends on yourself rather than your partner.
@@robertsmith2088Yes, that's cuz it's often not used for dating but for casual sex or just emailing out of boredom. It's also a world where problematic people hang out cuz face to face, people avoid them cuz their undesirable flaws are obvious.
Dating apps are proof that having access to greater selection and greater quantity of opportunities does not at all necessary translate to greater quality, nor into actual opportunities taken.
You cannot trick the Univers/Cosmos my friend. You will attrackt what you deserve and how you behaive of an energetic lvl. You can be beautifull/trained as you want. You get ALWAYS what you deserve. As long you dont develop you innerself and lvl up a bit you will suffer your whole life. The cosmos hase its own way to force you to change. Either you change/adapt or you suffer.
Usually because those apps are profit driven by men subscribing for increased scrolling opportunities which eventuates into very limited actual results. Even for some of the sexiest male profiles out there. Dating online once seemed like something for the desperate. But now paying to date online is what seems to be desperate.
I call it catalog mentality re: dating apps. You get a date, but the availability of the app keeps you looking for the “perfect” person (which doesn’t exist) and you never fully commit to learning about the individual you’re “dating,” you’re just on to the next and perpetually searching. Apps have basically turned dating into a type of consumerism.
So I agree to an extent. I believe this to be true of myself too. But every once in a while, I’ll find someone and I’ll fall madly in love and I know no one else can replace them. The thought of finding something better in my mind is not true.
And it’s made promiscuity the norm… and absolutely NOTHING good comes from it. I think the shame (admitted or not) that comes from this is what makes women shout out “ I don’t need a man” because quite honestly human nature is to NOT find it ideal or even acceptable for someone to have been run through like a .50 cent car wash. And don’t bother with any bs rebuttal… it’s true!
Dating apps aren’t working because so much of human experience needs to be in person. You can match in most respects (income, location, looks) but if you don’t have the biochemistry to go with it, the relationship will fail. People can be excited about someone but once they meet in person the subtle things that often make us attracted to someone, just aren’t there. You can’t manufacture genuine connection and personal chemistry.
Something most women regurgitate on and on. Yes, you actually need to meet in person and yes all that matters prior to entertaining the idea of a relationship, but it doesn't fulfill any criteria for a lasting relationship.
After losing my husband of 20 yrs , and dating in todays meat market I agree 100%. After caring for /nursing my husband before he passed I have grown beyond the superficial. I shall keep my old school values of relationship, and leave it to chance and my intuition.
I was married for almost 25 years and now single the whole world of dating has changed since I last dated. Dating is horrible now. The dating apps is a war zone. It's overloaded with lairs and scammers. I now understand why people don't want to date. It's complete insanity currently.
Same here. Married 30 yrs. To go on a dating site is frightening to me. Our world is much different today. As a woman, I would rather meet someone through mutual friend's. I do not have the time, or energy to sift through a potential match. Men are more prone to utilize a dating site, especially those that were married for many year's, and are feeling the affects of not having a woman around. Divorcing after almost 30 year's of marriage, and now being on my own for 7 yrs... I must say, I see so many thing's in a different light. I will never give up my dreams, and future for any man. I will never give up my happy place and home to ease the financial insecurities of any man!! I will never put my own selfish need's before my child. Ugh... One day I hope I meet that perfect human for me.
@@dcoleman4444 hi there I agree with you absolutely right; I believe u just might have’d tapped on to the real problem with them & not the solution (to the loneliness epidemic)which is the problem 🤯🤣✌️
TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY! Huge thanks for making it such a fun year for me DOAC gang! We’ve hit 7M subscribers! As a way of saying thank you, and since you’ve loved our subscribers' raffle so much, we’re going to continue doing it. 🥳If you're subscribed to the channel, you're in the raffle. We will be picking subscribers at random. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and good luck! xx j
I’m now addicted to this channel…. Great content on all works of life with those at the top of their profession which makes the Channel number 1 in my opinion. Keep up the good work…….
I agree with him dating apps are tough if you are overwhelmed easily. If you treat dating like a job it is much easier to navigate. You have to know yourself, be clear about what you want, and say no to everything that's not that. Lastly, be OK with the possibility of being alone. When you are operating out of fear, you make bad choices and usually end up hurt.
very true, it has taken me many years, well decades to realise this. A very insightful comment on a very interesting and absorbing video, if only this had been available to me in the 1990s.
True. Being alone is also part of the equation. In other words, try to find someone but remember being alone is also a possibility that happens in life and it is ok.
Esther Perel asked the question, "When are you most attracted to your partner? And she said there are about four common answers she hears from people all over the world. 1. When I see them in their element, passionate and competent about something they are fully immersed and engaged in 2. When we reconnect after being apart 3. When they surprise me 4. When I see my partner through the eyes of others. Partners find each other attractive when they radiate joy and confidence, when they are independent/interdependent (not co-dependent), and when others find their partner attractive enough to be poached at any time.
@@melbaT2770 that’s not true. If most people were dysfunctional, dysfunctional would be the norm. Just because you see a MASSIVE amount of ignorance and stupidity on the internet doesn’t mean that’s representative of a significant portion of the human population. There are way too many people in the world and on the internet for you to have seen every opinion and be able to come to the conclusion that “most people are dysfunctional”. Sounds like you’re stuck in an echo chamber but hey, all of us are.
Steven is a TOP TIER interviewer. Always authentic, always deep, always organic communication. There's no better interviewer out there today. You deserve all the success you have, Steven. Thank you for adding to our lives.
the content could have been really superficial and for the most part, it was just a book of PUA but the last 20-30 mins were awesome because of his questions. The guy was being very ambiguous, lol.
@@TheDiaryOfACEO You did a great job interviewing him, but please don’t let him have a mic on your show again 😭 that was awful to watch. He’s no more aware of what women want than a frat boy. He was doing nothing but encouraging machiavellianism. We need more John and Julie Gottman, Esther Perel, and Matthew Hussey. Please Steven, don’t give this guy more access to your audience. He’s not helping but instead adding to the problem.
The conclusion is ABSOLUTELY true! Wrote a list of what I was willing to give in a relationship a long time ago and it transformed my dating life… been married 6 years! what we are all doing wrong especially in the individualistic society we live in is asking for something we are never willing to give. So many just want to be loved and yet only wanting to get their own cup filled. But are ppl willing to be vulnerable enough to return or even receive it. Sometimes the giving is simply receiving what others are trying to give to you. Really loved this thanks for sharing.
What an excellent answer to the question "Is there something in life you wanted to but didn't because of fear?" at the end. Overcoming the fear of being the first to forgive, in general forgiving (without expecting a forgiveness in return). Very important in life to release stress and anger. What a pleasant conversation. Thank you
"If you want more, you have to be ready to give more" This is essentially a compromise and besides love, this is the basis of every good marriage. I can say that after 53 years of a very successful and beautiful marriage.
wow, deepest respect to you sir and your wife. from sri lanka. you are the last good hope and role models we have for this increasing dystopian looking world. and im saying that with a lot of sadness
That's awesome! I've had a few long term relationships in my life the last one was my son's mother. She just out of the blue called it off one day after 5yrs together. We didn't ever fight even so it was very surprising ! It crushed me but my son even more as we're close before that. I can't understand why they nearly always leave nowadays. Even mom left my father when I was just 7. Seems to be a common trend but when a woman leaves it kills the family so I find it strange they leave so easily as if it doesn't phase them. Part of it I believe is because they are quickly in a new relationship never feeling the collapse that men do. Many men never even try again out of fear of it happening again.🙏
"Start Dating Like It's Your Job!" I did this and worked out pretty well 15 years ago. I was out 3 to 7 days a week just to meet girls. Met, dated, etc more women that I ever imagined and this is how I met my wife. I feel so lucky that I realised the importance of this at my early 20s. Knowing how difficult is to find we are compatible with I value my wife a lot more.
Ehhh. Not so easy to pull off anymore. You were "out" 3 to 7 days a week... Most of us have not been out 3 days of our lifetimes... And not for lack of trying. When you say you were out... Do you mean asking women out, or in actual dates 3 times a week? Those seem like unrealistically high numbers.
@@ThatGuy-tx4vmNot unrealistic at all. Most people absolutely have the time when they properly look at what they're doing with their days. It all depends on what you're prioritising. Own those current priorities instead of saying "I don't have time". I found and dated my current partner of almost 5 years while I was working 80+ hours per week. I made sure there was time for potential partners in my few spare moments, especially weekends. It's possible. Though, definitely more difficult if you both work and are a single parent.
Amazing video, A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldnt say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isnt always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.
I feel your pain dear one, after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thouht it was, but it worked wonders for me.
@@fs5775 What is wrong with you, she was commenting about a conversation they had with her husband and you say she is part of the problem? You don't even make sense.
I think back to my teens and 20’s before cell phones and emails. We went out to see our friends and meet people organically. I don’t like dating apps and I would much rather meet a man while I’m out doing something I enjoy. Relationships can be very fulfilling, but there is no greater hell than being in a relationship that is demanding and/or competitive.
Hey there, It gives me hope to read your comment. I am 42 and just became single after 10 years of relationship. I also want to met someone the good old way....offline and face to face. All the best from Germany
It's almost always competitive unless you date many tiers down. Even then women have endless options online so even ugly ones will be able to replace you.
@@mickydee1289hi there, many normal people would as well like to meet people this way as well, the problem is that women in general have become too materialistic and too competitive and too aggressive what guy wants this! compete with this is awful!🤢😜
My psychology teacher asked the class once: "Who do you think will be happier when buying a car, a woman with $4K or a woman with $40K?" We all raised our hand and said the woman with $40K. She asked why. We said because she has more options. The teacher said, "That's EXACTLY why she will not be happy. She will have difficulty making a decision. And IF SHE DOES, she'll likely not be happy with the decision she's made. She'll second guess herself and always wonder what the other cars would be like." She asked us this question at the beginning of our Love and Relationships lecture. I'll never forget it. I've since asked this question to many more people. They all say the woman with $40K would be happier. When I relate it to love and dating and explain to them that she may not, they all disagree. We're f@cked.
I thought 4k right away. They’re just happy to have a car. Much like starving people are probably more happy with any meal in front of them than someone rich.
Loved this segment. I’m 74 and in a whole different life space than most of your viewers. Still I LEARNED something. Had my first (aware) narcissistic encounter. Wow. Going to share some of this info with my peers. Thank you!!
I met my wife through a motorcycle chatsite. We wrote to each other for about 3 months before we had a date. Compatibility was the key factor to our relationship. That was 25 years ago.
Dating apps have revolutionized how we connect, but their impact goes beyond just convenience. They've altered our approach to relationships, often reducing connections to quick swipes and instant judgments. While they offer accessibility and variety, the pressure to present a curated version of ourselves can affect self-esteem and how we perceive relationships in the long run. The subtle shift in how we form and value connections is shaping our social dynamics more than we might realize.
True connection is the key to growing a happy relationship. Dating apps minimize this connection, which must be found in person. It goes beyond attraction, it is not explainable. You must meet the person to feel if there is a connection.
Dating apps are made to setup an in person meeting & in my EXP, whenever i rely on text to communicate: the initial feeling of excitement fades until there's nothing left to do but meet.. & then some still wouldn't meet. Those people are just not ready to date or commit & are too risk-avoidant for my life-style. ADHD patients tend to rely upon text too much & chat should just be used to convey rendezvous coordinates & a time.. essentials. If someone isn't 'hell yeah' excited to meet me, I,m going to pass. 2024Y08M30D1125H(-5)GMT. @JoMartin210
Several things worth pointing out: 1. The odds of meeting a person of good character on a dating site are not in your favor. Find a hobby or two, engage in clubs or social groups related to that hobby, and your chances of meeting someone you like are much higher. 2. Make friends, and I mean good friends, with the opposite gender. That will expose you to their perspective. Both men and women that don’t have friends of the opposite gender are in a big disadvantage, because they never get to engage with people outside of a sexual/romantic interest. I’ve shared a lot of my insights about women with my male friends and they have done the same. This helped us all a lot. 3. Don’t discount family and friends helping you find a good match. I’ve seen this work multiple times, when family or friends introduce singles to one another. Bottom line: you need to learn how to form strong social relationships with people of all genders. Even if you end up never finding a mate, you’d need those connections and friendships for the rest of your life.
Ha, my Biological parents try to set me up with a pyrotechnic who had a conviction for making pythons in his college dorm, And was trying to get me to smoke.A cigar right in front of the entrance of a temple , during a picnic for all of the members with people coming and going. I was seventeen. He was over eighteen. All because we were both diagnosed with autism. I could see from a mile away.The sky was dangerous because he didn't even look at the law, And didn't seem to think it mattered either. Same with fire.He didn't really consider the risks of Playing With Fire yet He kept playing with fire. Yet they kept pushing him on me and I wasn't even attracted to him. Someone found out about the situation and told my biological family.And then they blamed me for having anything to do with the sky when they literally kept pushing on us to meet and have mover at the house alone unsuperviseven though they never let me have anybody over before. Like. They wanted me to f****** marry a pyrotechnic.Who is so relying on medication that if they Weren't able to take it on time.They would completely lose. Any awareness of what was happening around them or what they were doing. That is who my biological family tried to push on me.
@@goingvenus5603 isn’t that just common sense and basic interpersonal relationships? Finding a good life partner has never been easy, but I feel nowadays online gurus are making it much more complicated than it needs to be.
My male friends always end up in having feelings for me or just wanting to have sex at least( I’m talking about close friendships where you are in regular contact and meet each other frequently, not just good pals here and there.
I had to date one woman to find the perfect woman for me. I didn't have to date 200. I knew what I wanted when I saw it. I was patient. Got to know her through some social connections we had, worked on myself for a few months, and then asked her out. I hear that's like winning the lottery. But for myself, it was as if I just knew what type of person was good for me, identified her easily, and went for it. 25 years later and she's still perfect.
The dr said it himself, men today are just looking to get laid. They don't care if their date is a nightmare. They aren't looking for a relationship or a marriage. Their goal is to find self worth by swimming in kitty.
Your "25 years later" remark said it all. Thats like me saying i bought my house 30 years ago working as a cashier and being unable to comprehend why people cant do the same thing today
Dear CEO- I was married 44 years to a really great man. Sex was not what interested me as we aged together. Conversation and travel was interesting to me. My husband was great at listening, talking about current events, supporting my ambitions in art and work. I miss him so much- not because of physical relationship, but because we were friends in this adventure called life.
The best thing I ever did was get rid of my dating apps. Confidence improved and I started meeting better looking women in person. Get of the apps fellas
I hope you have money, because you sound really shallow - 'started meeting better looking women in person'. She will need money to offset your lack of character. And here's a tip for you - better looking women have often been spoiled all their life due to those better looks, and have the character deficits that go with that. Good luck!
@@db7084 what are you talking about? Dating apps have very few women that’s why there’s less quality in terms of looks and personality. Also if you’re just leading with your wallet you’ll get finessed. Try going outside and touch grass for once
@@db7084 woman here, I don't think it sounds shallow. He's allowed to want to meet women he's attracted to. I was never searching out ugly dudes when I was dating.
@@db7084 False dilemma fallacy. Character has nothing to do with looks. And there are plenty of people who have both. That's like assuming all hot people are stupid and all ugly people are geniuses. In reality some people are smart and hot, and some people are stupid and ugly. Also, it's up to him to decide what woman to date. If he wants to spend his time and money on a hot woman with "bad character" instead of a mediocre looking woman with "good character", that's his decision to make. For all we know he can tolerate a woman with a bad character, but he can't freaking tolerate a woman with an ugly face. Beauty might be shallow but it's not nothing. More beautiful people do better profesionally, socially and most importantly romantically. Copulating with a beautiful woman increases the chances of your kids getting all those benefits and leading a more satisfactory life.
I believe that the solutions proposed in this video for finding a partner often steer us toward narcissism. However, narcissism and love don't follow the same path. Through love, we can transcend narcissism and embrace humility.
“Through love we can transcend narcissism and embrace humility.” That sounds nice and poetic, but it also sounds like something a female politician would write.
100% agreed. I think we need to take care of ourselves first, figure ourselves first and then be a basic decent human. You can use all strategies to attract but what's difficult is to keep the people in your life without being a decent human being.
I had a friend who had problems with her dating life and I said you need to think about what you can offer in a relationship. She never spoke to me again.
You had a friend? 😂 Are you sure? 🤔 Because you’re unable to comprehend reality or this podcast, that’s why she never spoke to you again. Duh! This show just pointed out that 90% of males are not chosen by women! So its males who have to bring something to the table in order to get into the 10% that are chosen.
Been happily married 40 years and still snuggle every night. We consider ourselves a team and work together to reach common goals and I think that is the key. We share responsibilities and talk and laugh at ourselves a lot. From totally different worlds but shared values. Always committed to the long term plan team. Started out working homework problems together in college. Be supportive and encouraging to your partner at every stumble. No secret sauce. Just a commitment to make the team successful.
40 years estimate you got married at 20 meaning you are around 60 meaning you are from a completely different generation. Which also means this video isn't for you. Turn off the youtube gramps and go enjoy your life. Don't be messing your mind up with the stuff happening in modern dating.
@@unknown-vo3diand pray their partner doesn’t die or become very ill. Either one occurring and they’ll sadly discover the dating world has changed entirely! Pride goes before a fall.
32:00 As a Millennial who went through this more than 10 years ago, is going through some of these issues, and witnessing other men (Gen Z's) going through these issues, I think the problem is lack the community we have today. but I think it can be rectified by having confidence in yourself, who you are, having the ability to talk to strangers (which is traditionally frowned upon for adolescents) and exposure. Unless you're part of a community a tribe, you need to get out there to be recognized. eg. going to the grocery shop, talk to strangers, go to the gym, take to strangers, learn to dance, talk to strangers, join various groups, volunteer, sign-up for co-ed sports.
You can do all those things, but it doesn't ensure anything. Most women, on dating apps will say something like: "I love the outdoors, walks along the beach/hike, and spending time with my family/dog." But even if you do all these things on the regular yourself, nobody cares. But again, it goes back to the dating app dilemma (where women are constantly looking for someone better.
Actually, it’s every one, not just women. But it really comes down to having deep values, not just looking for someone based on material things. My husband was only online for three days before we met. But I was looking for someone with the same faith and values. So if you have deeper values, and go after women with deeper values, you’re more likely to get a response. Pursue values, not attention.
I really appreciate that mens suicidality is being mentioned in so many of your episodes. I lost my husband to suicide a year ago and have spent a long time trying to understand it but also, I think it's really important for men (and women) to work on themselves in order to come to peace with themselves.
Mia, I'm sorry for your loss. The truth is, you'll likely never understand what happened in his mind. That level of desperation is so foreign to most people that it leaves people confused, but we're not confused when people jump voluntarily out of a burning high rise building, even though that's the best analogy for fatal depression.
I agree that everyone needs to find peace within themselves. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope that you are taking care of yourself and processing the grief.
It's a real shame that suicide is the biggest killer people under the age of 35 and the biggest killer of men under the age of 50. It is the leading cause of death in the UK for 10-19 year olds, It seems like society has failed us as many of us die by suicide each day, it's very hard to digest, I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope you can pull through this loss and continue living life the way you want to.
I listen and watch a lot of videos from experts for various insights. This gentleman is well spoken, balanced. Without the emotional charge around these topics, he is able to convey deep understanding. Great talk, great questions.
As a man in my late 30s I am so glad I’ve never been terribly sex driven. I see where it can be a powerful motivator if channeled properly, but it seems to be a terrible distraction more often than not. That’s a double-edged sword I can do without. Good luck out there, boys
I stumbled upon a dating site for asexual and demisexual (what I'd consider myself to be) people, and so far, it's proving much more fruitful than, say, Tinder. I was widowed about 8 months ago, but I haven't really been missing sex (my late-spouse was also ill for a long time, so it'd been over 18 months since we'd had sex), but I've certainly been missing the kissing and cuddling, the good morning/night texts, doing things with/for someone special. About a month ago, I had a one-night stand and hated every minute of it, as there was no emotional connection (even though she was a solid 9/10, stunning woman). After stumbling across the aforementioned dating app, I got talking to a few women (the tricky thing is that on that site, the people range from being completely sex-repulsed, even to the point of not appreciating a hug or a kiss, to demisexuals that like to take things slow and build an emotion bond before considering sex). Some absurdly (when you consider that I'm pretty average-looking myself) beautiful and interesting women messaged me on that app, but they, sadly, fell more into the asexual category; but then I started talking to one woman, who seems to be on the same page as me regarding her attitude towards sex, and she's coming to visit me next weekend (I could hardly get a 'hi' on Tinder, but this woman is happy to drive 7 hours just to see me [which is practically the other end of the country in UK terms]). I'm 34 BTW and have never been very sex-driven either, but do have a rather romantic view of life. 'Demisexual' to me really just seems like a new-fangled term for 'courtship before sex' -- everyone seems to be using traditional dating apps these days, but I'd wager most people don't want to live the life of a dandy, yet dating apps seem to push everyone in this direction. I just see my sexual proclivities aligning with what 95% of the population considered normal 60 or 70 years ago -- but it's so out of the ordinary know that they had to coin the term 'demisexual' for it.
@@MrRai101I’m sure he is happy being single. He found purpose outside of sex and as a woman I find that respectable. Wishing more men thought just like him.
@@aruytpadyugf he didn't say if he was single or not so I was just curious. I'm not sure if women would be happy if guys weren't sex driven and were content being single.
@@MrRai101 yes most women would be far happier if men were less sex driven bc it means we are less likely to be used and manipulated for your personal satisfaction. Women do enjoy sex, but not nearly as much as men.
I actually think there's currently a huge awakening and transformation in relationships at the moment. A paradigm shift in the framework of relationships is underway, starting with the relationship with ourselves. I don't think it has to be seen as a crisis, more so a temporary lull/separation that allows the creation of new improved forms of relationship. It's not an easy process to go through and there are hardships such as loneliness but the potential outcome is evolution and happier relationships. That's my feeling and optimism about what's going on.
@@emt7916 I hope you’re right. I’m having a similar feeling, but seeing things like this video of this guy having a platform makes me very discouraged. He’s failing on so many levels, first by not understanding what women want and then talking as if he does know. Then, by encouraging the same frat boy way of trying to “catch” women. The hunt game needs to stop. We want and need real authentic connection above all else. Friendship above all else. When those two things align within two emotionally intelligent people, that’s when things will change. Again, I hope you’re right
@@MrAncientAstronaut I disagree. We needed feminism. But then it went too far. What we need is balance. Where men come together and try to understand women and what women want. And women come together and try to understand men and what they want. What we need is understanding from both sides. and we need both sides to stop being selfish, and self fulfilling of their own needs and not concerned about their partners needs. From both sides.
A danger of online dating is that it robs you of having an honest, instinctual, first impression of a person as opposed to first meeting them in person, out in the wild. Speaking to a stranger first via phone/text for any length of time after scrolling through their curated photos can make you feel that you know them better than you actually do and give you a false sense of security. That's extremely dangerous in a world full of predators.
That's malignant modern "self-sufficiency" advice. Sometimes and really most of the times relationship is the best and the only way to be able to see that you can be loved. Yes you should then use this feedback constructively and build yourself up, but you don't have to do everything on your own. There are people who never go in a relationship or date because they don't feel like they love themselves enough yet.
Love what Dr Taraban says about addiction and addicts who may do the work of understanding, investigating, therapy and getting insights - but this doesn't equate to action, or lead to kicking the habit. This applies to things beyond the really negative addictions. From personal and professional experience in life, I've noticed an increase in levels of 'awareness' and 'personal insight' - especially in today's therapy culture - but how this doesn't necessarily translate into change. Sometimes, one can (unintentionally) stew in personal insight and get stuck there.
I haven't listened to much of this yet, but I'm sure that the root of the drop in personal relationships is because we've become collectively awful at relating to eachother because we've just stopped learning how to talk and relate to eachother face to face. Dating apps do not help solve that problem.
Dude the ego.. man.. the ego... it's crazy with people nowadays... Insta, SNS, dating Apps all made people way more self-centered. I gotta say it's not just the women. Men also... everybody gotten worse over time.
@@hahahahaha7824 yeah I feel you on the ego too. But you know what's interesting? Everyone's getting more self centered, and also getting less self-confident. We're all so focused on our self-image that we've lost touch with ourselves. Do you see that too?
Since people started meeting online, and that was even before the dating apps, it was probably in the late 90's, that many people treat others as if they're disposable. Because, guess what, they can go online and find another date in a few minutes. And many people think that this gives them the right to treat others like they're disposable. They use them and throw them away. That's the root of the problem, they privilege variety and quantity over quality. Until one day the people that were used over and over just call it quits.
The reality of today is with most young people having spent a very large part of their days on computers playing video games watching TV and to compound is even worse you have a lot of people working from home where there is zero contact with other people. So yes it's not inconceivable that people today are losing their people skills how to talk to and interact with other people. I see this all the time and it's probably going to get worse especially with more and more people insisting on working from home.
If society is collapsing because people are making the choice to have less sex and relationships that are not good for them, maybe it's time to talk about how problematic our society and culture is instead of blaming individuals who are now trying to protect their emotional and physical health by doing this.
I feel like people often times look at a potential partner as an accessory to wield in order to impress rather than someone they can grow with. Akin to fancy handbag or a fancy watch. People romanticize people that largely don’t exist other than in very, very small numbers potentially. I feel like ultimately, young folks need an economy that enables home ownership and family creation and a future to believe in. Right now, we’re not doing a good enough job of offering them that. Social media definitely plays a role in creating this dysfunctional environment too, no doubt. I don’t know exactly what the solution looks like, but to say it’s a complicated issue would be the understatement of the year.
Actually society's collapsing because women seek overwhelming benefit when it comes to relationships and have attempted to build it into government when they could not find any men to provide it for them. The failure is that men opt out of the one-sided situation, but there is no opt-out because it is still taken from them creating a situation that will only end in collapse from massive "walking away", which it happens when men see that there is no means of getting the woman they want so they simply give up on it and turn towards their own interests end end up living like a woman. This is the cycle of human civilization though time, societys will build up to a stability point where women no longer have to trade submission for protection, the men will no longer work hard to maintain the civilization, and the civilization will collapse because women cannot maintain civilizations. If this cycle did not exist and a equilibrium was possible, over the last 250,000+ years we'd be living in Star Trek world with magic make anything machines and spaceships.
I am 31 years old and have used dating apps quite a lot throughout the years. I totally agree with Dr Taraban's point that you need to take the dating apps seriously if you want to find yourself a future partner. I have been in stages in my life where I have been using the dating apps in a very casual way but when I have bought subscriptions, put more effort in my profile and the way I communicate I have had way more success finding a girlfriend. I think it is very important that once you find a girl online that you think is attractive and you enjoy communicating with that you give her a chance rather than saying you are just looking for hookups. You will not regret it. I found my girl online and getting married soon
Kids in the 90s were raised to be anti social. Sports and play were arranged and organized. Kids had play dates organized by parents. So fast forward 20 years and you have 20 and 30 year olds who are insecure and socially awkward not to mention insecure and risk averse. They were groomed for obedience.
When he mentioned that the qualities that women state they want in men are only in men that they "like" not just men in general which is something guys need to starting getting through their heads. We need to focus on the girls that already have an interest in us while we work on ourselves, trying to be the best "us" that we can.
@@cri0871 nothing can be further from the truth, and people like you who gaslight young men with drivel like this is the reason Andrew Tate exists. When "reasonable" people have their heads up their ass, the radicals rule the conversation.
''something guys need to starting getting through their heads'''' We need to focus on the girls that already have an interest in us'' Women are only interested in men who are in the top 5% of men. They can ''swipe right'' and hook up with ( The ''bad'' boy, the pop star, the pro athlete, ''hot'' actor, the ''reality''star) etc . She won't care that she's because easy she's just another notch on his bedpost. Therefore, in this day and age, if a man doesn't belong in the aforementioned group that I mentioned the chances of getting a girlfriend are about the same as winning the lottery. If men like Tom Brady, Johnny Depp, Ben Affleck, et al couldn't keep the females that they were with happy what chance have ''average'' men got?
Empaths will never use that vulnerability against you when they discover it... ...they will rather protect you/shield you...ensuring it is not used against you
Empaths can be toxic and mis-use our gifts too. It's the Martyr/Victim dynamic for us. "Protect /shield you".......be careful finding value in being the Martyr.
The “empath” label is a bunch of hocus pocus Folks who label themselves as empaths are just employing a coping mechanism to hide their own damage Almost everyone is capable of reading the body language and emotions and feelings of another person “Empaths” just develop an unhealthy attachment to this otherwise normal behavior Usually from fear of being a disappointment. They don’t know how to be their own person. They just mold themselves to what they think others expect of them and rationalize this behavior by calling themselves empathetic It’s why they’re usually unhappy as well. Terrible strategy for the world
@@marcin2053 that's not a realistic way to get a partner because you're essentially being fake will find yourself in a lot of resentment and your partner will be in love with someone that doesn't exist. Self improvement is important, but please still be yourself
Not great advice in my opinion. Many men and women are becoming that person and they’re finding out that the things they find attractive in a person is not what the person they want finds attractive. You’re essentially saying be the man you want to attract but that doesn’t work for the men you want to attract. They don’t want what they already have.
WOW - this episode was all around EPIC! I found myself nodding in agreement to so many things (and also making sense of it). The end about overcoming the fear of important estrangement was what I needed to hear for a current situation. So glad I came across this because now I am a big fan of Dr. Orion Taraban and will be buying his book for myself and others. He definitely deserved the high praise.
That's really sad that casual sex is passed off as necessary before you know if you want to be with long term. Chemistry can be felt without messing around. This is a conversation that's not going in the right direction. I understand your worries though.
@@dandee6604 other things beside sex dumbo Besides, female promiscuity is one of the most major factors affecting long term relationships, the more partners she has the *LESS* likely she is to stay in a relationship. Even from 0 to 1 partner is like a 20% dropoff.
@@aquilifergroup problem with that is a lot more goes into compatibility than just having sex. Without trust, respect, effective communication plus more any relationship will fail. Take the "crazy women are the best in bed" as an example... just because the sex is good, doesn't mean the relationship will be.
It's weird. There is too much salt from women in this comment section. Dr. Orion gave a whole list of how to become a better man, like career, fashion, working out, becoming a better conversationalist, or trying to understand how women think to meet their expectations, which already is eating at least 80% of man's life. Not a single guy or girl has a problem with that. But when he mentions that sex is important for men, so many women lose their minds. What's the big deal? With the right guy, you love it just as much. Don't want to be an arsehole, but that just fits too well. Did the guy you "deserved" dump you, and the man you "settled for" for his resources dare to be interested in you sexually? Sorry, I know it's rude, but a flourishing love life is net positive for both men and women, and I can't understand why you would want to stay in a relationship when you're not attracted to your partner if not to use or abuse him.
He is not a doctor. He bought his psychology degree from online university that accepts and passes everyone. Psychology degree is one of the easiest to get. Besides he is short, effeminate, balding and salty that he can’t get a woman.
@@Amccm4qu Not addressing your other BS statements that i wont even dignify, to *clarify* , his education is from a brick & mortar University & easily verifiable like his license to practice. He was also a college professor. Disagreeing with someone is one thing, but trying to falsely discredit them just reflects poorly on one's ability to fashion an intellectual argument.
A flourishing -love- sex life is not necessarily a benefit to women. A lot of women accept relationships where they receive support without having to provide sex. So, if more men are being advised to not enter into those relationships, then more of those women would lose out.
That wasn’t my problem with what he said. It’s that he seems to view everything as being about sex and that being the only value of being in a relationship with a woman. He can’t even refer to a relationship without saying “sexual relationship”
@@coch2370 If we remove "sexual" from the close relationship, it becomes friendship, doesn't it? And I myself prefer the phrase "romantic relationship", but that's just me. Anyway, physical closeness with the person we romantically love, like hugging, kissing, and sex, is what makes these relationships special. Just imagine your ideal partner who you're madly in love with, and you're together, but he avoids physical closeness and refrains from touching you. That'd be just too cold and cruel.
Does all of this also apply for 40 plus women who grew up without social media and still know what it means to meet someone offline? Its scary. My wife left me and I am 42. Before I met her I could just go out and meet someone. Dating was not so hard. But nowadays I dont even wanna try. I am not looking for young women as I prefer being with a woman my age. But now its time to learn being on my own first before jumping into the next relationship
Why don’t you want to try anymore? I bet there are many women you pass by every day who would really like a man to stop them and say anything, or have a quick chat in a shop queue. I’m a 40-year old, single again, woman who doesn’t use dating apps or go out to bars. I’m being told I look good and young for my age, am pretty and slim and consider myself very approachable - a solid 5/10. Yet I had not one man approach me in the last 4 years, not one. People I know are in disbelief and yet it’s my reality. I am aware that, according to many men, I “expired” at the age of 30, which is sad because I have so much to give and many great years of life to come. And does than mean not even a 60-year old would look at me?? Please, keep the old ways alive.
So i spent a lot of time trying to find a partner via dating apps & realised that those that were initially just after sex were actually the ones that were more senstive & wanted a deeper connection & they were using a flipant attitude to hide their vunrability. The men that initially came across as the 'good' guys & said they wanted commitment were usually hiding a dark & manipulative personality. So i had to become really open minded & lose all my preconceived opinions to really connect with men. I was on lots of different apps and i connected more with those on questionable 'hook up' sites than any other. I made great honest friendships & ultimatly met my husband.
I believe this story, and I think the same. I've never yet met a self-proclaimed "good guy", who wasn't hiding his dark personality beyond his assumed exterior. At the very least, those "good guys" are self-absorbed and selfish, at worst, they are dangerous.
People dont seem to notice that people are the same online and irl. If a person wants to have sex with you, how will they act? They will say whatever it takes to get sex. They know that subconsciously or not you are looking for commitment. You may even have put it in your bio. And they will say they are too so they can have sex with you. Thats what manipulation is about. If you are so blind that you cannot spot manipulation than you will overcommitt. They will take your blindness for acceptance of their behavior and they will continue to manipulate you thinking you wanted it! And when you call them out, now they get mad and blame you. To them it was obvious after two weeks that you were ok with being treated that way. To them that means they can take things up a notch because you dont care.
I was married for 20 years and I’ve been divorced for 8 years. I’ve never looked at a dating site. I decided I didn’t want to play that game and I’d rather be single.
I am 💯 with you Angela ! I was married for 15 years and been divorced for 10. I enjoy being single. I enjoy spending time with a few of my female friends, but in no way would I want to be in a relationship with them.
Good for you. Marriage is an outdated, old technology that works for men, but doesn't do much for women. Married men live longer and have healthier lives than single men, whereas married women live shorter, less healthy lives compared to single women.
@@annmarieknappbunch of BS, how is that work in man favor exactly, ruined in court financialy , thats this favor, married man live longar also bunch of BS , read this "study" so you find out
Honestly they're not that bad. In my experience you'll meet a lot of people you'll never fix, but you only need one. Just don't spend a lot of money on the dates.
My choices are apps or not to date at all. I will never gave another relationship, I'll never get married, ill be never have children. Apps ruined dating.
I'd be curious to hear if this dating doctor is in a relationship himself (looked online and no sign of any). So many of these dating experts are single. While he made some good points I don't feel he fully gets what women look for in a romantic relationship, but it was interesting (and a little depressing) to hear what dating looks like from the male gaze.
I used to think I wanted a dating expert who was married but then I realized that I don’t need my surgeon to have the experience of what surgery feels like for him…I need my surgeon to have a track record of successful surgeries. So nowadays I look for clinically trained ppl who have a history of successfully helping ppl get and stay in great relationships….rather than requiring them to be in a relationship themselves
Yeah it makes sense to want the person you're taking advice from to have 1st hand experience in the field they're advising you on, however, to be fair, there are a lot of people in committed relationships who still give terrible and misguided relationship advice...Just check the internet. Also, an objective fact remains a fact - regardless of who it's coming from. If the sky is blue and I call it blue, it doesn't matter what my qualifications are. And his narrative is not depressing - it's just brutally honest. Women's emotionality always gets in the way of your guys' ability to accept objective reality and harsh truths, and it's exactly what makes you guys so easy to manipulate. He could've sat up there, like many do, and sold the dream by saying a bunch of sweet nothings and telling you, not what you needed to hear, but exactly what you wanted to hear, and every woman in this comment section would've applauded it without even so much as a second thought - despite the fact that it wasn't based in truth, but simply because it sounded and made you feel good. Disney, romance movies/novels, and internet grifters like Derrick Jaxn discovered this and have been exploiting this fact for YEARS. Learn to examine things deeper than just your emotions and how it makes you feel. Your emotions lie...A LOT. A few heartbreaks should've taught you that.
If I was going for a job interview I would rather take advice from someone who is an expert at job interviews rather than someone who's been at the same job for 20 years.
I think the primary reason more people tend to opt out of dating/relationships is because it just isn’t necessary anymore. Human beings are highly adaptable creatures -- we do what makes us most comfortable, happy, and requires the least amount of stress with respect to the context in which we live. If you have achieved a nice life as a single person, there is not much incentive to enter a relationship unless the person is very compatible and an asset to the life you have established for yourself. In other words, people, especially women are pickier because companionship is an option rather than a necessity and with that comes higher standards since we are inclined to makes sacrifices or settle for something/someone we don’t really like if it’s not necessary in the first place.
Correct! 'Dating/relationships' were never necessary to begin with; we've just deluded ourselves into thinking that they are. What's necessary is sex and reproduction.
I can agree with this to an extent. I think children also play a huge role. If you want to have children, marriage makes sense. If you don’t want to have children, the idea of marriage is challenging at best in today’s age.
I think this is very true in some ways, because even in the interview he said that he himself was able to meet most of his needs outside of his intimate relationship and he really prioritised the sex and attractiveness of his partner as their primary role. I mean if sex is the main thing you are getting into a relationship for, well you can have really good friends with benefits that fill that role.
There you go again! I once again see how in the end guests are nearly brought to tears either by the question-left-by-the-previous-guest or by Steven's words of gratitude - brilliant! Only this time I felt like Dr. Taraban needed to be looked at and for me too the fact that Steven was looking elsewhere during the whole gratifying speech - man! - was upsetting... Great interview!! I really appreciate numerous insights!! Wonderful job!
I personally feel like to really fall in love you need to stop looking at ppl like theyre a checklist of pros and cons and go out and meet people in person, that way you and someone else develop crushes on each other, i feel like you cant do that through looking at profiles on an app, and Im talking about "wow the way he smiles when he finds something funny or the way he looked at me the other day or the way he just walks and stands and talks is just so beautiful to me" love and feelings are something you cant really explain why it happens, dont overthink it, get out there and do whatever it is you want to try in life be it a sport or a class or a new skill, enjoy yourself that way and you will come across someone thats just catches your eye for whatever reason and the rest is history 😊
It's not the fault of dating apps. If dating sucks, it is because people suck. People nowadays treat others as options and disposables. Nobody wants to be treated like those. People are looking for people to use, not love. People having one night stands, hookups, booty calls, no real connections, no love and then wonder why they are depressed. smh
Part of the problem is that dating apps can bring out the bad. Women are less likely to settle, causing a lot of guys who aren’t near to the top of woman’s interest to be left out. And the top guys exploit the fact that they have all sorts of options and play the field.
Only women and the top 10% of men are having one night stands and booty calls. The rest of the men can't get sex outside of a relationship (except maybe once in 5 or 10 years).
I learned what I wanted for my life, in the room, alone. The majority of people from my youth, who were out in the streets, clubbing and partying and such..... Look bad, are sick, and financially upside down. Knowing yourself is not found outside of self. Don't wait until you are old to embrace solitude. You will regret it.
Steven congratulations on reaching 7 million subscribers! That’s an incredible achievement. your continued raffles are a fantastic way to engage with and thank your audience. Well done Sir
I’m so glad this is not about convincing us to go on dating apps, because you would literally have to hold a gun to my head to re-download any dating app 🤢
Agreed, as a man you need to be perfect in order to get any attention, and as a woman you need to make sure you aren't meeting up with a psychopath. It's mentally draining 😮💨
Yes, but while he’s convincing people to communicate, the polarization between men and women is at its height and men are rarely if ever approaching women offline. The damage has been done. Women are now empowered and are less likely to be turned down so they can select the man they like an approach. If he doesn’t see her leaving obvious signs or engaging with her it’s his loss.
unsure, if your a male but if you are you probably have low test and libido. The vast majority of men solely do everything either consciously or subconsciously in order to facilitate sex with women
I think that those that have evolved more see the depths that life has to offer. Others stay shallow. Yeah I think there are more people that see sex as a pleasure but understand its not everything. Those obsessed have some personal growth yet to accomplish.
Dating Doctor hit the nail on the head, phones/ dating apps are a useful tool. When I am out and about I see so many people glued to their phone and I am thinking the love of your life could have walked by and you aren't even aware of it😢 but only you can change that..peace, love n harmony from Manchester, England🇬🇧
As a 42 yr. Old female, Ive found that just being skinny has gotten me hit on, laid, boyfriends, and social attention. I have fluctuated my weight from 125LBS to 180LBS several times throughout my life. I rarely get male attention when I hit about 160lbs.
Exactly, because 160lbs on a woman is, surprise, NOT attractive. If you ask me I would say even after passing 140 your chances are SIGNIFICANTLY reduced, 150 can be fine if you are 5.7 or taller...
Well yeah, a woman’s attractiveness to the vast majority of guys is based primarily on her looks, and how much she looks like she’d be a good option for passing on our genes, and as such, women who are the healthiest looking, youngest and most physically attractive are going to be by far the most attractive to most men. It is what it is and it’s almost certainly never going to change, because we like women have no say whatsoever in who we’re attracted to.
For me, it was growing out my naturally silver/ash brown hair. Men don’t bother to look at women with gray hair. But occasionally, a man will really look at me. And when they do, they actually see me. It’s so much more exhilarating than looks by many men!
According to the doctor he wasn't of that view regarding relationships. He's more of the view that there are current issues that shouldn't be ignored but humanity has the social capacity to adapt to the issues as they come along. If that means more men having simulated relationships which in turn would put pressure on women to do better for men, then women thus would have to adapt, as women generally are not satisfied with having a partner purely built on AI.
@@aziza000nope. Everywhere has a declining population. It'll be even worse in a decade or so for the developing countries due to the added mass emigration into the west.
@@robertsmith2088that sounds problematic: what do women have to adapt to? An AI robot that has no emotions and no weight fluctuation, no aging? Sounds like people are watching too much sci-fi or porn.
Woah, 8.52 million subscribers! You’ve gone viral! Haven’t been on here in a month or so. I remember when you were under a million for sure, and happy to see you’re doing so well! Great job! Great content as always!
Our beautiful daughter in her 30's went on dating apps and had horrific experiences. She was catfshed. The men lied about who they truly were, the amount amount of relationships, marriages AND children!! Its very sad and now she wont go on them.
Yeah, he was probaly a chad and played with her..while all the good dudes stood on the sidelines bei g called boring, predictable, boyfriend material..
@@rokpeter8012funny how girls used to look for guys who were boyfriend material. They wouldn't want to date you if you were known as a 'player'. Now it's the complete opposite. If you're boyfriend material you're boring and the players are exciting.
1:40:15 I changed EVERYTHING when I had a brutal panic attack leading to depression and suicidal thoughts. Now I only have healthy habits and feel better than ever Both the best and worst thing to ever happen to me
Eat lots of soluble and insoluble fiber, unprocessed foods. That feeds the species of microbiota in the microbiome that make 95% of serotonin. That was a lesson I learned that helped me also. Best to you! 😊
as a man this made me never ever wanna date again. thank god i found someone to plan life with. if we don’t work out i’d rather just die alone than to deal with the b/s that comes with trying to get a woman to like you. i’d rather keep my mental health and not pull my hair out with the ridiculousness.
Yes! Communication, both the semantic content and the emotional content, is what truly matters. The biggest erogenous zone for a woman is her mind-how you mentally stimulate her through meaningful conversations and how you dance in communication makes all the difference. The moment you try to contort, force, or belittle a woman for thinking differently, or dismiss her need for emotional connection and understanding, you risk losing out on something truly special. If you want someone who thinks exactly like you, maybe you’re looking in the wrong place. Say it again for the people in the back! The brain is the biggest erogenous zone!
At the end he says "render unto ceasar what is ceasars" following with if you want to maintain a relationship give them what they want, this is susan bratton's 2nd golden rule, do for them what they would want done for them. This goes both ways. A man wants sex, that's what he says right before that, one of his only 3 criteria... So absent stimulating her mind just the right way depending on her season of the day, week, month, year... etc will she give that to him regardless? sometimes. And if she does, she does it out of obligation usually, which he can eventually detect. she usually won't want to, absent the mind stimulation you're talking about. This is the disconnect. This leaves the man to do the giving 100% of the time by stimulating her mind for just a shot at getting what he wants, unless the woman steps out of her entitlement and learns to cook some of her own eroticism without him resonating with her emotionally first. This is why what someone like Karen is preaching, on happy wife channel, is so popular with men. It does go both ways... for a LTR to succeed (this would be my subjective definition of success), IMHO, the woman actually can't just be in her feminine forever receiving, she must take some accountability eventually, especially once the polarity runs out and especially in this day an age. And the man must learn to step in and resonate with her particular emotional frequency and hope for the best and be willing to walk away if he can't find the frequency over a long time and she won't take accountability. This is difficult and hard to teach... and thus we have a high divorce rate. This was an excellent interview... lots of great stuff!
I married at 21 and husband at 26. We met at 18 and 23 in college. We’ve now been together for almost 20 years and have two kids together. He is a video game type of military guy and I am a gym rat, fashion savvy type of gal (very different). Something that Dr Orion touched on that worked on us is absence. He’s constantly gone due to the military for the past 20 yrs. I suppose that does make the relationship stay “fresh and sexy”. We still find each other hot and the sex is 🔥 . He does not take care of his hair, face, or clothes …. he is nerdy. 😮 So despite being a nerd 🤓 how does he keep his attraction? He is so kind and loving. 🥰 A good Dad to his (our) children. Still fairly in good shape. Despite what Dr. Orion said not to do, he talked a lot on his first date. All he did was talk. I thought he was so boring. But he smiled a lot and constantly was nice, was gentle and cute like a little rabbit 🐇 approaching me. 👍🏻 That attracted me to him. 😅So smile and be a gentleman ❤❤
I'm sure you're faithful to him and the kids are his but if I was him I would definetly get a paternity test. I found out my dad was not my biological father on accident when I was 15 and the sucker that thought he was my dad was out on deployment all the time.
Sorry to hear that, hope you and he were able to heal !! And yes, to answer your question, I was faithful. It may have helped that I live in America and as an Asian woman I find only Asian men attractive (
@@ElwynnForest I never liked the guy so luckily I have noting to heal and the day I found out was the happiest was the happiest day of my live. The sucker also has nothing to heal because he doesnt have a backbone.
“The purpose of psychoanalysis is to teach people how to work and how to love- if you learn how to work and love , you can be a very successful human being” 20:43
The first time that I heard someone talk so honestly about what relashionships are about. Thank you, Dr. Orion Taraban, for such straightforward messages!
No matter how many “friends” we have on social media, many of us feel lonely and alienated. That’s because online relationships are only skin-deep, unable to provide us with a true sense of intimacy and bonding. Text messages can’t substitute for in-person conversations, emoticons can’t substitute for body language expression, and cybersex can’t substitute for physical contact.
This man saying : “They know their addiction is killing them and they also can’t stop. There’s something really deep & dark about that addiction, they want to stop and often don’t. They need help , they certainly don’t need shame & judgement.” Is such an incredible & true & compassionate statement. I’m here for it ✌︎&♡
Strongly disagree with your position here. Women take enormous risk engaging in sex with men, and we don’t yet have income equity in most parts of the world, let alone full reproductive rights. Men don’t need compassion, they need a wake up call and new LAWS to keep them from abusing females.
I think this mindset of looking at relationships from only a transactional lens in how you can isolate yourself, especially friendships. Sure, even being pleasant company can be a want, but it’s achievable by anyone and everyone. A lot of people are transactional, but not everyone
I used to have your opinion when I was younger, so I understand where you're coming from, but as I've gotten older I've realized the necessity of evaluating value and value exchange before entering into a relationship (or any other kind of commitment) so that there can be stability, fairness, and accountability in the relationship itself. Someone who values the commitment and the connection will do whatever it takes to ensure it lasts if they truly care. If there isn't some kind of understanding of what each person actually brings to the table in the relationship, how is there supposed to be a stable structure to the commitment itself? Love and devotion alone do not guarantee a relationship will stand the test of time, and in a perfect world they would, but we are not perfect as humans and we do not live in such a world, so that is hedged with a fair exchange of value in case of periods of long term emotional turbulence. This acts as the glue that holds a relationship together and it is historically how that has been done to prevent impulsive emotional decisions that might be regretted later from destroying it. It's an ugly topic to discuss, but it is necessary. Also, what one person values, another might not value as much, which could lead to a perceived mismatch in fairness/effort when one might not truly exist but is seen as being present anyway. If there's no common understanding of the value and efforts brought to the equation, then one person could encroach over time by asking for more and more while slowly turning down the benefits they provide (so as to achieve what they perceive as fair) which builds resentment and can do so over an interval so slow that it may not be obvious where it started which could spell disaster long down the road when the stakes are higher and both have more to lose. It's better to discuss this before becoming entangled with someone else's life for the sake of both. This does not mean they are ontologically transactional, but the exchange of value needs still to be discussed sooner rather than later so they do not become purely transactional or fall apart. edit: I'm referring to long term commitments not friendships; they are not like terms and it is not intellectually honest to treat them as such
@@Nickel_Coin I’m with you on romantic partnerships. The guest made a point about how an 18 year old man with average looks has nothing to offer, so they’re overlooked. I’m not on board with that take. There’s more to people than just looks, money, and connections. Being pleasant to be around, charismatic, funny, virtuous, other oriented; none of these qualities cost a thing and will for sure attract good people to you. I think it’s harmful to only view people as something to gain something else from
One of my friends got 2 long term realtionships before his marriage, both started offline and both ended after 2-3 years. He met his wife on tinder, they have been together for 6 years now, they are in a balanced, healthy relationship and they have a 2 year old daughter. Yes, maybe not the best way, but it definitely CAN happen...
We need dating/relationship teaching.. how to treat others, why cheating is bad, stop being abusive, no gold digging, no trad wives, no alpha men... just how to b good 2 each other. The return of real romance...
@@eva-mariaroessler3636 social media consumption of mysogony, men hear this every day, all of the time. "Women aren't shiit, they are morally bankrupt predators wanting only to take advantage of your wallet. They are beneath you, and worth less than nothing." While also hearing, " go out and get those women, get as many as you can or you aren't worth shiit. Don't worry about your personality, only work on your physical looks. Get lots of money, as much as you can, use it as carrot to attract all of the gold diggers who want to take advantage of you. Get as many of these morally bankrupt, corrupt creatures as you can! If you can't do it, you will never measure up in life, and you will always be sub human. " play it on repeat on a daily basis, and you get our western dating pool
@@eva-mariaroessler3636In Brazil, women experienced relentless pursue from men that they find attractive. Your whole point makes no sense except comforting women in doing nothing but existing and enjoying the relentless pursuit of men complementing them. Western men had enough - male advocacy Western women had enough - feminism.
Listening this conversation made me a bit sad and less wanting to go dating. Relationships is a market, everybody selling smth they have for smth they need. Oh. I quit my job and enjoy life without selling my life time. If relationships are another job, then thanks but I’m happy without it. What’s the point if there are no love, friendship, devotion, acceptance, support? And what else we share with each other (offer)? Money, sex, housekeeping? I thought both in couple can bring smth to the table. So if I am a woman and love sex more than my partner I should pay more bills? 😅 I really don’t get probably how does it work
@47:10 You know, if you're just your honest self from the get go, then you don't need to go through a crisis of disappointment because people will actually like you for you.
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Ty i feel it not once .. we do exist
MY START UP ADVICE: CREATE AN APP WHERE IF YOU ARE ON THE APP AND SOMEONES PASSING BY YOU CAN SAY MATCH - IF BOTH MATCHES YOU CAN HAVE A CHAT. Not sure that’s possible, but it would solve so many issues like fake accounts, photoshop, good presentation but nothing behind it. And especially THE VIBE which you can’t see on screen (not 100%). No creepy flirt attempts necessary as well. It‘s so much more relaxed if you know the person finds you attractive as well.
"date like its your job?"
What?
If you care about dating women will literally run away from you
People who never had to experience dating in the app era are fortunate.
Agreed. It will slowly take your soul.
I dont feel fortunate. Just going through a seperation after 10 years. Now I feel like the guys from the movie internship with Ownen Wilson. With my oldschool approach on dating I am a Dynosaurus.
The dating app is the ultimate case of easy usability gone wrong.
I actually met my husband through dating app, but I understand people’s frustration with online dating. Before i met my husband, my online dating experience were overall hideous and sometimes even horrifying…
I figured the reason it worked for me and my husband is 1) we were both genuinely looking for long term partners; 2)we both know very well who we are and had relatively realistic expectations; 3)we both understood the importance of basic human respect.
It’s been 3 years only but it’s getting more and more exciting. I truly believe happiness is a perspective and is completely depends on yourself rather than your partner.
@@robertsmith2088Yes, that's cuz it's often not used for dating but for casual sex or just emailing out of boredom. It's also a world where problematic people hang out cuz face to face, people avoid them cuz their undesirable flaws are obvious.
Dating apps are proof that having access to greater selection and greater quantity of opportunities does not at all necessary translate to greater quality, nor into actual opportunities taken.
You cannot trick the Univers/Cosmos my friend.
You will attrackt what you deserve and how you behaive of an energetic lvl.
You can be beautifull/trained as you want. You get ALWAYS what you deserve.
As long you dont develop you innerself and lvl up a bit you will suffer your whole life. The cosmos hase its own way to force you to change. Either you change/adapt or you suffer.
WOMEN have greater access.
Only the top 4.5% of men have ANY access.
Usually because those apps are profit driven by men subscribing for increased scrolling opportunities which eventuates into very limited actual results. Even for some of the sexiest male profiles out there.
Dating online once seemed like something for the desperate.
But now paying to date online is what seems to be desperate.
Dating apps are an illusion of more access to more options
@@soydansogukcesme470good beans
I call it catalog mentality re: dating apps. You get a date, but the availability of the app keeps you looking for the “perfect” person (which doesn’t exist) and you never fully commit to learning about the individual you’re “dating,” you’re just on to the next and perpetually searching. Apps have basically turned dating into a type of consumerism.
Intermittent reinforcement, it's a slot machine or loot box mechanic
So I agree to an extent. I believe this to be true of myself too. But every once in a while, I’ll find someone and I’ll fall madly in love and I know no one else can replace them. The thought of finding something better in my mind is not true.
@@alexc8512 Yet they come and go despite what you think, get replaced you just proved the point
And it’s made promiscuity the norm… and absolutely NOTHING good comes from it. I think the shame (admitted or not) that comes from this is what makes women shout out “ I don’t need a man” because quite honestly human nature is to NOT find it ideal or even acceptable for someone to have been run through like a .50 cent car wash. And don’t bother with any bs rebuttal… it’s true!
why? My bf payed for a dating app i matched with him and now we are very very happy, marrying soon.
Dating apps aren’t working because so much of human experience needs to be in person. You can match in most respects (income, location, looks) but if you don’t have the biochemistry to go with it, the relationship will fail. People can be excited about someone but once they meet in person the subtle things that often make us attracted to someone, just aren’t there. You can’t manufacture genuine connection and personal chemistry.
Agreed!
Something most women regurgitate on and on. Yes, you actually need to meet in person and yes all that matters prior to entertaining the idea of a relationship, but it doesn't fulfill any criteria for a lasting relationship.
Also because it helps inflate egos and if people are not humble, the attention can go to their head and that’s not attractive
After losing my husband of 20 yrs , and dating in todays meat market I agree 100%. After caring for /nursing my husband before he passed I have grown beyond the superficial. I shall keep my old school values of relationship, and leave it to chance and my intuition.
Bingo…..meet people where you meet people…..
I was married for almost 25 years and now single the whole world of dating has changed since I last dated. Dating is horrible now. The dating apps is a war zone. It's overloaded with lairs and scammers. I now understand why people don't want to date. It's complete insanity currently.
Agreed. The dating app was fun & you met really interesting people then. Now its walking zombie clones
Yes yes and yes. Liars and cons. Married 26 years, dating sucks.
Dragon lairs? 😅
Same here. Married 30 yrs. To go on a dating site is frightening to me. Our world is much different today. As a woman, I would rather meet someone through mutual friend's. I do not have the time, or energy to sift through a potential match. Men are more prone to utilize a dating site, especially those that were married for many year's, and are feeling the affects of not having a woman around. Divorcing after almost 30 year's of marriage, and now being on my own for 7 yrs... I must say, I see so many thing's in a different light.
I will never give up my dreams, and future for any man. I will never give up my happy place and home to ease the financial insecurities of any man!! I will never put my own selfish need's before my child. Ugh... One day I hope I meet that perfect human for me.
meet someone outside of dating apps then... find someone through work, hobbies, out and about... live speed dating etc.
Too many choices leads to not ever choosing. They always think there is someone better out there.
@@dcoleman4444 hi there I agree with you absolutely right; I believe u just might have’d tapped on to the real problem with them & not the solution (to the loneliness epidemic)which is the problem 🤯🤣✌️
I completely agree 👍
How do you know that, how do you people are not finding partners on these apps
Personally have seen overweight, or other people with issues like not enjoying their job etc, complaining they don’t find partner
@@dansin468 hi there, many people on this channel post it, just google it /or watch many TH-cam channels
TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY! Huge thanks for making it such a fun year for me DOAC gang! We’ve hit 7M subscribers! As a way of saying thank you, and since you’ve loved our subscribers' raffle so much, we’re going to continue doing it. 🥳If you're subscribed to the channel, you're in the raffle. We will be picking subscribers at random. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and good luck! xx j
Thanks for providing good content!
Trying to keep up with all your content bud
Well done on the 7.m congats
I’m now addicted to this channel…. Great content on all works of life with those at the top of their profession which makes the Channel number 1 in my opinion. Keep up the good work…….
Women are loyal to their needs and desires period
I agree with him dating apps are tough if you are overwhelmed easily. If you treat dating like a job it is much easier to navigate. You have to know yourself, be clear about what you want, and say no to everything that's not that. Lastly, be OK with the possibility of being alone. When you are operating out of fear, you make bad choices and usually end up hurt.
So true. You should be the one being interviewed here.
very true, it has taken me many years, well decades to realise this. A very insightful comment on a very interesting and absorbing video, if only this had been available to me in the 1990s.
True. Being alone is also part of the equation. In other words, try to find someone but remember being alone is also a possibility that happens in life and it is ok.
Agreed & Exactly what I needed to hear!
Esther Perel asked the question, "When are you most attracted to your partner? And she said there are about four common answers she hears from people all over the world. 1. When I see them in their element, passionate and competent about something they are fully immersed and engaged in 2. When we reconnect after being apart 3. When they surprise me 4. When I see my partner through the eyes of others. Partners find each other attractive when they radiate joy and confidence, when they are independent/interdependent (not co-dependent), and when others find their partner attractive enough to be poached at any time.
I heard Esthers voice while reading this. lol. She is a treasure!
When two ppl are healthy for each other. Unfortunately, most ppl are dysfunctional.
Truth!!!!
@melbaT2770 Bingo!!!
@@melbaT2770 that’s not true. If most people were dysfunctional, dysfunctional would be the norm. Just because you see a MASSIVE amount of ignorance and stupidity on the internet doesn’t mean that’s representative of a significant portion of the human population.
There are way too many people in the world and on the internet for you to have seen every opinion and be able to come to the conclusion that “most people are dysfunctional”.
Sounds like you’re stuck in an echo chamber but hey, all of us are.
Steven is a TOP TIER interviewer. Always authentic, always deep, always organic communication. There's no better interviewer out there today. You deserve all the success you have, Steven. Thank you for adding to our lives.
That’s super kind! Thanks - SB
I absolutely agree with you.
the content could have been really superficial and for the most part, it was just a book of PUA but the last 20-30 mins were awesome because of his questions. The guy was being very ambiguous, lol.
@@TheDiaryOfACEO You did a great job interviewing him, but please don’t let him have a mic on your show again 😭 that was awful to watch. He’s no more aware of what women want than a frat boy. He was doing nothing but encouraging machiavellianism. We need more John and Julie Gottman, Esther Perel, and Matthew Hussey. Please Steven, don’t give this guy more access to your audience. He’s not helping but instead adding to the problem.
@@cece9770 Very much agreed. This interviewee was just spewing “frat boy” way of thinking, just in a suit and with better grammar and body language.
The conclusion is ABSOLUTELY true! Wrote a list of what I was willing to give in a relationship a long time ago and it transformed my dating life… been married 6 years! what we are all doing wrong especially in the individualistic society we live in is asking for something we are never willing to give. So many just want to be loved and yet only wanting to get their own cup filled. But are ppl willing to be vulnerable enough to return or even receive it. Sometimes the giving is simply receiving what others are trying to give to you. Really loved this thanks for sharing.
What an excellent answer to the question "Is there something in life you wanted to but didn't because of fear?" at the end. Overcoming the fear of being the first to forgive, in general forgiving (without expecting a forgiveness in return). Very important in life to release stress and anger.
What a pleasant conversation. Thank you
Thanks. I'll wait till I get to that part. Took personality tests and my forgiveness level is super low.
I thought so too. He was vulnerable and honest in his answer. Made me like him more.
"If you want more, you have to be ready to give more" This is essentially a compromise and besides love, this is the basis of every good marriage. I can say that after 53 years of a very successful and beautiful marriage.
Thank you and congrats on a successful marriage! ❤
53 years
Wow
wow, deepest respect to you sir and your wife. from sri lanka. you are the last good hope and role models we have for this increasing dystopian looking world. and im saying that with a lot of sadness
That's awesome! I've had a few long term relationships in my life the last one was my son's mother. She just out of the blue called it off one day after 5yrs together. We didn't ever fight even so it was very surprising ! It crushed me but my son even more as we're close before that. I can't understand why they nearly always leave nowadays. Even mom left my father when I was just 7. Seems to be a common trend but when a woman leaves it kills the family so I find it strange they leave so easily as if it doesn't phase them. Part of it I believe is because they are quickly in a new relationship never feeling the collapse that men do. Many men never even try again out of fear of it happening again.🙏
They are telling today generation of men to give less 😂 then they get confused nobody wants them.
Dating is indeed like a job today, and one job is enough.
amen brother
I think you misunderstood the point.
Yes absolutely
No ROI, worse than a job. Least, a job pays u
Sounds like a lot of work
"Start Dating Like It's Your Job!" I did this and worked out pretty well 15 years ago. I was out 3 to 7 days a week just to meet girls. Met, dated, etc more women that I ever imagined and this is how I met my wife. I feel so lucky that I realised the importance of this at my early 20s. Knowing how difficult is to find we are compatible with I value my wife a lot more.
Ehhh. Not so easy to pull off anymore. You were "out" 3 to 7 days a week... Most of us have not been out 3 days of our lifetimes... And not for lack of trying. When you say you were out... Do you mean asking women out, or in actual dates 3 times a week? Those seem like unrealistically high numbers.
@@ThatGuy-tx4vm he means he was touching grass 😂
@@TiaEphesians429
Touching grass could have four or five interpretations. Anything further to add to your response???
@@ThatGuy-tx4vmNot unrealistic at all.
Most people absolutely have the time when they properly look at what they're doing with their days.
It all depends on what you're prioritising. Own those current priorities instead of saying "I don't have time".
I found and dated my current partner of almost 5 years while I was working 80+ hours per week. I made sure there was time for potential partners in my few spare moments, especially weekends.
It's possible.
Though, definitely more difficult if you both work and are a single parent.
@@ThatGuy-tx4vm he went outside where there where other people he could interact with
Amazing video, A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldnt say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isnt always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.
I feel your pain dear one, after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thouht it was, but it worked wonders for me.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
‘People are disappointing’. My husband says people suck and generally let you down…. What a reality check!
WELL, he is not wrong!
the same way my drivers license teacher taught us to always assume everyone else on the road is a bad driver, which makes you a more diligent driver.
you needed your husband and this podcast to clue you in about this?? you may be part of the problem
@@fs5775 What is wrong with you, she was commenting about a conversation they had with her husband and you say she is part of the problem? You don't even make sense.
@JessJArt he'll be one of those misogynistic incels that have flocked to this particular interview. This creepy dr guy is their hero.
I think back to my teens and 20’s before cell phones and emails. We went out to see our friends and meet people organically. I don’t like dating apps and I would much rather meet a man while I’m out doing something I enjoy.
Relationships can be very fulfilling, but there is no greater hell than being in a relationship that is demanding and/or competitive.
Hey there, It gives me hope to read your comment. I am 42 and just became single after 10 years of relationship. I also want to met someone the good old way....offline and face to face. All the best from Germany
It's almost always competitive unless you date many tiers down. Even then women have endless options online so even ugly ones will be able to replace you.
Agreed, I'm in my late 20's and badly want to meet someone organically outside of social media/dating apps.
And whose fault is that! women’s!
@@mickydee1289hi there, many normal people would as well like to meet people this way as well, the problem is that women in general have become too materialistic and too competitive and too aggressive what guy wants this! compete with this is awful!🤢😜
My psychology teacher asked the class once:
"Who do you think will be happier when buying a car, a woman with $4K or a woman with $40K?"
We all raised our hand and said the woman with $40K.
She asked why.
We said because she has more options.
The teacher said, "That's EXACTLY why she will not be happy. She will have difficulty making a decision. And IF SHE DOES, she'll likely not be happy with the decision she's made. She'll second guess herself and always wonder what the other cars would be like."
She asked us this question at the beginning of our Love and Relationships lecture.
I'll never forget it. I've since asked this question to many more people. They all say the woman with $40K would be happier. When I relate it to love and dating and explain to them that she may not, they all disagree.
We're f@cked.
Your comment should be liked 1,000 times.
Of course the one with 4k will be happier. It's a struggle for her and she will greatly appreciate the car now that she was finally able to buy it. ❤
I thought 4k right away. They’re just happy to have a car. Much like starving people are probably more happy with any meal in front of them than someone rich.
I took a positive psychology course and it taught the same thing: humans are happier with LESS options
This is a cool story by your teacher, but can you see the assumptions baked into this?
Loved this segment. I’m 74 and in a whole different life space than most of your viewers. Still I LEARNED something. Had my first (aware) narcissistic encounter. Wow. Going to share some of this info with my peers.
Thank you!!
I met my wife through a motorcycle chatsite. We wrote to each other for about 3 months before we had a date. Compatibility was the key factor to our relationship. That was 25 years ago.
Thanks for sharing this Geoff. Made me smile.
Dating apps have revolutionized how we connect, but their impact goes beyond just convenience. They've altered our approach to relationships, often reducing connections to quick swipes and instant judgments. While they offer accessibility and variety, the pressure to present a curated version of ourselves can affect self-esteem and how we perceive relationships in the long run. The subtle shift in how we form and value connections is shaping our social dynamics more than we might realize.
Creating a curated version
can be self-defeating, yes.
Social media in general has caused people to not have the attention span for a decent relationship
@@cyndijohnson5473True 😂 people are not satisfied and don’t settle
True connection is the key to growing a happy relationship. Dating apps minimize this connection, which must be found in person. It goes beyond attraction, it is not explainable. You must meet the person to feel if there is a connection.
Dating apps are made to setup
an in person meeting & in my EXP,
whenever i rely on text to
communicate: the initial feeling
of excitement fades until there's
nothing left to do but meet..
& then some still wouldn't meet.
Those people are just not ready
to date or commit & are too
risk-avoidant for my life-style.
ADHD patients tend to rely upon
text too much & chat should just
be used to convey rendezvous
coordinates & a time.. essentials.
If someone isn't 'hell yeah' excited
to meet me, I,m going to pass.
2024Y08M30D1125H(-5)GMT.
@JoMartin210
Several things worth pointing out:
1. The odds of meeting a person of good character on a dating site are not in your favor. Find a hobby or two, engage in clubs or social groups related to that hobby, and your chances of meeting someone you like are much higher.
2. Make friends, and I mean good friends, with the opposite gender. That will expose you to their perspective. Both men and women that don’t have friends of the opposite gender are in a big disadvantage, because they never get to engage with people outside of a sexual/romantic interest. I’ve shared a lot of my insights about women with my male friends and they have done the same. This helped us all a lot.
3. Don’t discount family and friends helping you find a good match. I’ve seen this work multiple times, when family or friends introduce singles to one another.
Bottom line: you need to learn how to form strong social relationships with people of all genders. Even if you end up never finding a mate, you’d need those connections and friendships for the rest of your life.
Ha, my Biological parents try to set me up with a pyrotechnic who had a conviction for making pythons in his college dorm, And was trying to get me to smoke.A cigar right in front of the entrance of a temple , during a picnic for all of the members with people coming and going. I was seventeen. He was over eighteen. All because we were both diagnosed with autism. I could see from a mile away.The sky was dangerous because he didn't even look at the law, And didn't seem to think it mattered either. Same with fire.He didn't really consider the risks of Playing With Fire yet He kept playing with fire. Yet they kept pushing him on me and I wasn't even attracted to him. Someone found out about the situation and told my biological family.And then they blamed me for having anything to do with the sky when they literally kept pushing on us to meet and have mover at the house alone unsuperviseven though they never let me have anybody over before. Like.
They wanted me to f****** marry a pyrotechnic.Who is so relying on medication that if they Weren't able to take it on time.They would completely lose.
Any awareness of what was happening around them or what they were doing. That is who my biological family tried to push on me.
👍 You should be interviewed here.
@@goingvenus5603 isn’t that just common sense and basic interpersonal relationships? Finding a good life partner has never been easy, but I feel nowadays online gurus are making it much more complicated than it needs to be.
About the last part, why?
My male friends always end up in having feelings for me or just wanting to have sex at least( I’m talking about close friendships where you are in regular contact and meet each other frequently, not just good pals here and there.
90% of relationship success comes down to proper selection; Dr Orion Taraban. That’s the most insightful point for me
That name sounds made upm
I had to date one woman to find the perfect woman for me. I didn't have to date 200. I knew what I wanted when I saw it. I was patient. Got to know her through some social connections we had, worked on myself for a few months, and then asked her out. I hear that's like winning the lottery. But for myself, it was as if I just knew what type of person was good for me, identified her easily, and went for it. 25 years later and she's still perfect.
The dr said it himself, men today are just looking to get laid. They don't care if their date is a nightmare. They aren't looking for a relationship or a marriage. Their goal is to find self worth by swimming in kitty.
Beautiful advice and spot on.
It’s easier for men to find that though. We’re willing to settle on a sure thing if our values remain intact.
Love this
Your "25 years later" remark said it all. Thats like me saying i bought my house 30 years ago working as a cashier and being unable to comprehend why people cant do the same thing today
Dear CEO- I was married 44 years to a really great man. Sex was not what interested me as we aged together. Conversation and travel was interesting to me. My husband was great at listening, talking about current events, supporting my ambitions in art and work. I miss him so much- not because of physical relationship, but because we were friends in this adventure called life.
im afraid of the day my man gets ed . I need a hot dog in my bun every day.
He died early because you didn’t like sex.
Well I assure you sex was likely important to him. That mindset is interesting, appearing to be somewhat self-absorbed.
In all of those years, was there ever a thought if sex was what he wanted? If not, this is kinda the problem he talks about in his book.
@@BRichard312 are you her husband? You acted like you know him better than anyone else does so I thought you might be him.
The best thing I ever did was get rid of my dating apps. Confidence improved and I started meeting better looking women in person. Get of the apps fellas
I hope you have money, because you sound really shallow - 'started meeting better looking women in person'. She will need money to offset your lack of character. And here's a tip for you - better looking women have often been spoiled all their life due to those better looks, and have the character deficits that go with that. Good luck!
@@db7084 what are you talking about? Dating apps have very few women that’s why there’s less quality in terms of looks and personality. Also if you’re just leading with your wallet you’ll get finessed. Try going outside and touch grass for once
@@db7084 woman here, I don't think it sounds shallow. He's allowed to want to meet women he's attracted to. I was never searching out ugly dudes when I was dating.
@@db7084 False dilemma fallacy. Character has nothing to do with looks. And there are plenty of people who have both. That's like assuming all hot people are stupid and all ugly people are geniuses. In reality some people are smart and hot, and some people are stupid and ugly.
Also, it's up to him to decide what woman to date. If he wants to spend his time and money on a hot woman with "bad character" instead of a mediocre looking woman with "good character", that's his decision to make. For all we know he can tolerate a woman with a bad character, but he can't freaking tolerate a woman with an ugly face. Beauty might be shallow but it's not nothing. More beautiful people do better profesionally, socially and most importantly romantically. Copulating with a beautiful woman increases the chances of your kids getting all those benefits and leading a more satisfactory life.
@@db7084no man ever said “I like ugly women”.
I believe that the solutions proposed in this video for finding a partner often steer us toward narcissism. However, narcissism and love don't follow the same path. Through love, we can transcend narcissism and embrace humility.
Are you qualified? Just asking
“Through love we can transcend narcissism and embrace humility.” That sounds nice and poetic, but it also sounds like something a female politician would write.
100% agreed. I think we need to take care of ourselves first, figure ourselves first and then be a basic decent human. You can use all strategies to attract but what's difficult is to keep the people in your life without being a decent human being.
I had a friend who had problems with her dating life and I said you need to think about what you can offer in a relationship. She never spoke to me again.
You had a friend? 😂 Are you sure? 🤔 Because you’re unable to comprehend reality or this podcast, that’s why she never spoke to you again. Duh!
This show just pointed out that 90% of males are not chosen by women! So its males who have to bring something to the table in order to get into the 10% that are chosen.
Good friend
As in you were trying to be the good friend
@@vidasjessie 🤣
It seems she took your comment as a criticism of her, as if she had nothing to offer! It probably affected her self-confidence!
Been happily married 40 years and still snuggle every night. We consider ourselves a team and work together to reach common goals and I think that is the key. We share responsibilities and talk and laugh at ourselves a lot. From totally different worlds but shared values. Always committed to the long term plan team. Started out working homework problems together in college. Be supportive and encouraging to your partner at every stumble. No secret sauce. Just a commitment to make the team successful.
@gordofrancois9863 consider yourself blessed🙌🏼
40 years estimate you got married at 20 meaning you are around 60 meaning you are from a completely different generation. Which also means this video isn't for you. Turn off the youtube gramps and go enjoy your life. Don't be messing your mind up with the stuff happening in modern dating.
@@unknown-vo3di I’m 34 and I have been married for 15 years. I agree with “gramps”
@@unknown-vo3di perfectly stated.
@@unknown-vo3diand pray their partner doesn’t die or become very ill. Either one occurring and they’ll sadly discover the dating world has changed entirely! Pride goes before a fall.
32:00 As a Millennial who went through this more than 10 years ago, is going through some of these issues, and witnessing other men (Gen Z's) going through these issues, I think the problem is lack the community we have today. but I think it can be rectified by having confidence in yourself, who you are, having the ability to talk to strangers (which is traditionally frowned upon for adolescents) and exposure. Unless you're part of a community a tribe, you need to get out there to be recognized. eg. going to the grocery shop, talk to strangers, go to the gym, take to strangers, learn to dance, talk to strangers, join various groups, volunteer, sign-up for co-ed sports.
Yes! Be human. Dig into instincts. Be brave & match up with real values.
i dont want to talk to strangers
@@bro918why don’t you want to talk to strangers?
You can do all those things, but it doesn't ensure anything. Most women, on dating apps will say something like: "I love the outdoors, walks along the beach/hike, and spending time with my family/dog." But even if you do all these things on the regular yourself, nobody cares. But again, it goes back to the dating app dilemma (where women are constantly looking for someone better.
Actually, it’s every one, not just women. But it really comes down to having deep values, not just looking for someone based on material things. My husband was only online for three days before we met. But I was looking for someone with the same faith and values. So if you have deeper values, and go after women with deeper values, you’re more likely to get a response. Pursue values, not attention.
I genuinely loved absorbing this guest's knowledge, I was engaged the entire time. This definitely made me want to read his book.
Become the best parts of everyone you grieve
That’s how you become the best version of yourself and attract the right people in your life
Wow, what a beautiful statement!
“ it costs nothing to want , it costs something to give “
Guess who's looking for a provider.
Quite the opposite. I costs your soul to want and very little to give.
Not always. People with good hearts give without expecting anything in return.
@@lisabinns6927thats not what the statement means. it means things cost time and resources. nothing is free.
Not always. People with good hearts still need a paycheck to buy their food, regardless of how good their hearts are.
I really appreciate that mens suicidality is being mentioned in so many of your episodes. I lost my husband to suicide a year ago and have spent a long time trying to understand it but also, I think it's really important for men (and women) to work on themselves in order to come to peace with themselves.
Sadly, each has to figure that out on their own.
And don't marry a narcissist guys!
Mia, I'm sorry for your loss. The truth is, you'll likely never understand what happened in his mind. That level of desperation is so foreign to most people that it leaves people confused, but we're not confused when people jump voluntarily out of a burning high rise building, even though that's the best analogy for fatal depression.
I agree that everyone needs to find peace within themselves. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope that you are taking care of yourself and processing the grief.
It's a real shame that suicide is the biggest killer people under the age of 35 and the biggest killer of men under the age of 50. It is the leading cause of death in the UK for 10-19 year olds, It seems like society has failed us as many of us die by suicide each day, it's very hard to digest, I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope you can pull through this loss and continue living life the way you want to.
I listen and watch a lot of videos from experts for various insights. This gentleman is well spoken, balanced. Without the emotional charge around these topics, he is able to convey deep understanding. Great talk, great questions.
He has a YT channel
As a man in my late 30s I am so glad I’ve never been terribly sex driven. I see where it can be a powerful motivator if channeled properly, but it seems to be a terrible distraction more often than not. That’s a double-edged sword I can do without. Good luck out there, boys
So you're happily a single?
I stumbled upon a dating site for asexual and demisexual (what I'd consider myself to be) people, and so far, it's proving much more fruitful than, say, Tinder.
I was widowed about 8 months ago, but I haven't really been missing sex (my late-spouse was also ill for a long time, so it'd been over 18 months since we'd had sex), but I've certainly been missing the kissing and cuddling, the good morning/night texts, doing things with/for someone special.
About a month ago, I had a one-night stand and hated every minute of it, as there was no emotional connection (even though she was a solid 9/10, stunning woman). After stumbling across the aforementioned dating app, I got talking to a few women (the tricky thing is that on that site, the people range from being completely sex-repulsed, even to the point of not appreciating a hug or a kiss, to demisexuals that like to take things slow and build an emotion bond before considering sex). Some absurdly (when you consider that I'm pretty average-looking myself) beautiful and interesting women messaged me on that app, but they, sadly, fell more into the asexual category; but then I started talking to one woman, who seems to be on the same page as me regarding her attitude towards sex, and she's coming to visit me next weekend (I could hardly get a 'hi' on Tinder, but this woman is happy to drive 7 hours just to see me [which is practically the other end of the country in UK terms]).
I'm 34 BTW and have never been very sex-driven either, but do have a rather romantic view of life. 'Demisexual' to me really just seems like a new-fangled term for 'courtship before sex' -- everyone seems to be using traditional dating apps these days, but I'd wager most people don't want to live the life of a dandy, yet dating apps seem to push everyone in this direction. I just see my sexual proclivities aligning with what 95% of the population considered normal 60 or 70 years ago -- but it's so out of the ordinary know that they had to coin the term 'demisexual' for it.
@@MrRai101I’m sure he is happy being single. He found purpose outside of sex and as a woman I find that respectable. Wishing more men thought just like him.
@@aruytpadyugf he didn't say if he was single or not so I was just curious. I'm not sure if women would be happy if guys weren't sex driven and were content being single.
@@MrRai101 yes most women would be far happier if men were less sex driven bc it means we are less likely to be used and manipulated for your personal satisfaction. Women do enjoy sex, but not nearly as much as men.
I actually think there's currently a huge awakening and transformation in relationships at the moment. A paradigm shift in the framework of relationships is underway, starting with the relationship with ourselves. I don't think it has to be seen as a crisis, more so a temporary lull/separation that allows the creation of new improved forms of relationship. It's not an easy process to go through and there are hardships such as loneliness but the potential outcome is evolution and happier relationships. That's my feeling and optimism about what's going on.
😂
@@emt7916 I hope you’re right. I’m having a similar feeling, but seeing things like this video of this guy having a platform makes me very discouraged. He’s failing on so many levels, first by not understanding what women want and then talking as if he does know. Then, by encouraging the same frat boy way of trying to “catch” women. The hunt game needs to stop. We want and need real authentic connection above all else. Friendship above all else. When those two things align within two emotionally intelligent people, that’s when things will change.
Again, I hope you’re right
Ya it's called feminism . It killed the dynamic men and women had for thousands of years
@@MrAncientAstronaut I disagree. We needed feminism. But then it went too far. What we need is balance. Where men come together and try to understand women and what women want. And women come together and try to understand men and what they want. What we need is understanding from both sides. and we need both sides to stop being selfish, and self fulfilling of their own needs and not concerned about their partners needs. From both sides.
@whattimeislove-h5h well that’s a pretty pessimistic view
A danger of online dating is that it robs you of having an honest, instinctual, first impression of a person as opposed to first meeting them in person, out in the wild. Speaking to a stranger first via phone/text for any length of time after scrolling through their curated photos can make you feel that you know them better than you actually do and give you a false sense of security. That's extremely dangerous in a world full of predators.
Always do a video chat first. No audio calling.
@@GUITARTIME2024 That would be the next best thing, especially for long distance dating.
@@HadriaJoanDouglas I'd do it even locally. Plus long distance doesn't usually work.
@@HadriaJoanDouglas It’s very dangerous you don’t know who you are talking to. Don’t online date
@@MalesAreDemons Agreed! That's exactly how I met my sociopath ex husband. My daughter and I are lucky to be alive!
First principle: Love yourself first - that always trumps all the other factors 😅
That's malignant modern "self-sufficiency" advice. Sometimes and really most of the times relationship is the best and the only way to be able to see that you can be loved. Yes you should then use this feedback constructively and build yourself up, but you don't have to do everything on your own.
There are people who never go in a relationship or date because they don't feel like they love themselves enough yet.
Love what Dr Taraban says about addiction and addicts who may do the work of understanding, investigating, therapy and getting insights - but this doesn't equate to action, or lead to kicking the habit.
This applies to things beyond the really negative addictions.
From personal and professional experience in life, I've noticed an increase in levels of 'awareness' and 'personal insight' - especially in today's therapy culture - but how this doesn't necessarily translate into change. Sometimes, one can (unintentionally) stew in personal insight and get stuck there.
I haven't listened to much of this yet, but I'm sure that the root of the drop in personal relationships is because we've become collectively awful at relating to eachother because we've just stopped learning how to talk and relate to eachother face to face.
Dating apps do not help solve that problem.
Dude the ego.. man.. the ego... it's crazy with people nowadays... Insta, SNS, dating Apps all made people way more self-centered. I gotta say it's not just the women. Men also... everybody gotten worse over time.
@@nils5406 I’m with you. I felt there was a lot of dancing around the issue
@@hahahahaha7824 yeah I feel you on the ego too. But you know what's interesting? Everyone's getting more self centered, and also getting less self-confident. We're all so focused on our self-image that we've lost touch with ourselves.
Do you see that too?
Since people started meeting online, and that was even before the dating apps, it was probably in the late 90's, that many people treat others as if they're disposable. Because, guess what, they can go online and find another date in a few minutes. And many people think that this gives them the right to treat others like they're disposable. They use them and throw them away. That's the root of the problem, they privilege variety and quantity over quality. Until one day the people that were used over and over just call it quits.
The reality of today is with most young people having spent a very large part of their days on computers playing video games watching TV and to compound is even worse you have a lot of people working from home where there is zero contact with other people. So yes it's not inconceivable that people today are losing their people skills how to talk to and interact with other people. I see this all the time and it's probably going to get worse especially with more and more people insisting on working from home.
If society is collapsing because people are making the choice to have less sex and relationships that are not good for them, maybe it's time to talk about how problematic our society and culture is instead of blaming individuals who are now trying to protect their emotional and physical health by doing this.
EXACTLY
I’m so lonely 😅
I feel like people often times look at a potential partner as an accessory to wield in order to impress rather than someone they can grow with. Akin to fancy handbag or a fancy watch. People romanticize people that largely don’t exist other than in very, very small numbers potentially.
I feel like ultimately, young folks need an economy that enables home ownership and family creation and a future to believe in. Right now, we’re not doing a good enough job of offering them that. Social media definitely plays a role in creating this dysfunctional environment too, no doubt. I don’t know exactly what the solution looks like, but to say it’s a complicated issue would be the understatement of the year.
Shut down mobile phones ,social media influencers etc...and we might stand a chance ...in others words reboot society.
Actually society's collapsing because women seek overwhelming benefit when it comes to relationships and have attempted to build it into government when they could not find any men to provide it for them.
The failure is that men opt out of the one-sided situation, but there is no opt-out because it is still taken from them creating a situation that will only end in collapse from massive "walking away", which it happens when men see that there is no means of getting the woman they want so they simply give up on it and turn towards their own interests end end up living like a woman.
This is the cycle of human civilization though time, societys will build up to a stability point where women no longer have to trade submission for protection, the men will no longer work hard to maintain the civilization, and the civilization will collapse because women cannot maintain civilizations.
If this cycle did not exist and a equilibrium was possible, over the last 250,000+ years we'd be living in Star Trek world with magic make anything machines and spaceships.
All relationships are transactions in resources and the person who cares the least holds the power.
I am 31 years old and have used dating apps quite a lot throughout the years. I totally agree with Dr Taraban's point that you need to take the dating apps seriously if you want to find yourself a future partner. I have been in stages in my life where I have been using the dating apps in a very casual way but when I have bought subscriptions, put more effort in my profile and the way I communicate I have had way more success finding a girlfriend. I think it is very important that once you find a girl online that you think is attractive and you enjoy communicating with that you give her a chance rather than saying you are just looking for hookups. You will not regret it. I found my girl online and getting married soon
Nah I’m good.
Happy meeting people in VR tho.
Best wishes for the wedding
Good luck buddy. Hope you really know her well..
Kids in the 90s were raised to be anti social. Sports and play were arranged and organized. Kids had play dates organized by parents. So fast forward 20 years and you have 20 and 30 year olds who are insecure and socially awkward not to mention insecure and risk averse. They were groomed for obedience.
They also got paid 1/4 the money for the exact same work so they're broke af compared to their parents
Speak for yourself/your country/your surroundings. 😂
When he mentioned that the qualities that women state they want in men are only in men that they "like" not just men in general which is something guys need to starting getting through their heads. We need to focus on the girls that already have an interest in us while we work on ourselves, trying to be the best "us" that we can.
If you work on yourself and you genuinely are a good man that a woman can rely on you will find someone to have a family with
@@cri0871 nothing can be further from the truth, and people like you who gaslight young men with drivel like this is the reason Andrew Tate exists. When "reasonable" people have their heads up their ass, the radicals rule the conversation.
''something guys need to starting getting through their heads'''' We need to focus on the girls that already have an interest in us''
Women are only interested in men who are in the top 5% of men. They can ''swipe right'' and hook up with
( The ''bad'' boy, the pop star, the pro athlete, ''hot'' actor, the ''reality''star) etc . She won't care that she's because easy she's just another notch on his bedpost. Therefore, in this day and age, if a man doesn't belong in the aforementioned group that I mentioned the chances of getting a girlfriend are about the same as winning the lottery.
If men like Tom Brady, Johnny Depp, Ben Affleck, et al couldn't keep the females that they were with happy what chance have ''average'' men got?
@@cri0871Women don't want ''good'' men! SMH!
They want , the ''bad'' boy, the pop star, the pro athlete, the ''hot'' actor, the ''reality''star.
"We need to focus on the girls that already have an interest in us"
Sorry, focus on WHAT?! 🤔😅
Empaths will never use that vulnerability against you when they discover it...
...they will rather protect you/shield you...ensuring it is not used against you
The problem is there are only so few empaths out there.
Meeting one is like winning the lottery.
Empaths can be toxic and mis-use our gifts too. It's the Martyr/Victim dynamic for us. "Protect /shield you".......be careful finding value in being the Martyr.
@@MrIkOgNiTo There are dark empaths so you don't recognize a lot of empathy because they are dark
The “empath” label is a bunch of hocus pocus
Folks who label themselves as empaths are just employing a coping mechanism to hide their own damage
Almost everyone is capable of reading the body language and emotions and feelings of another person
“Empaths” just develop an unhealthy attachment to this otherwise normal behavior
Usually from fear of being a disappointment. They don’t know how to be their own person. They just mold themselves to what they think others expect of them and rationalize this behavior by calling themselves empathetic
It’s why they’re usually unhappy as well. Terrible strategy for the world
But most women aren't empathic, they are solipsistic.
Become the kind of person you want to attract. Also just talk to people instead of going to dating apps, think about all the people you cross daily.
No. Become the kind of person who person you want to attract is attracted too.
Very few interactions besides work and smart men don’t date at work so end of story over here
@@marcin2053 that's not a realistic way to get a partner because you're essentially being fake will find yourself in a lot of resentment and your partner will be in love with someone that doesn't exist.
Self improvement is important, but please still be yourself
Not great advice in my opinion. Many men and women are becoming that person and they’re finding out that the things they find attractive in a person is not what the person they want finds attractive. You’re essentially saying be the man you want to attract but that doesn’t work for the men you want to attract. They don’t want what they already have.
I’ve become so evolved that no one meets my standards 😂🧘🏾♀🫣
WOW - this episode was all around EPIC! I found myself nodding in agreement to so many things (and also making sense of it). The end about overcoming the fear of important estrangement was what I needed to hear for a current situation. So glad I came across this because now I am a big fan of Dr. Orion Taraban and will be buying his book for myself and others. He definitely deserved the high praise.
That's really sad that casual sex is passed off as necessary before you know if you want to be with long term. Chemistry can be felt without messing around.
This is a conversation that's not going in the right direction. I understand your worries though.
It’s not sad that you have sex and use that to decide if you want them long term. That’s how it’s supposed to be.
@@aquilifergroup you can know if you are compatible without doing that.
@@dandee6604 other things beside sex dumbo
Besides, female promiscuity is one of the most major factors affecting long term relationships, the more partners she has the *LESS* likely she is to stay in a relationship.
Even from 0 to 1 partner is like a 20% dropoff.
@@aquilifergroup no, sorry, it shouldn't supposed to be like that. We've all been lied to
@@aquilifergroup problem with that is a lot more goes into compatibility than just having sex. Without trust, respect, effective communication plus more any relationship will fail. Take the "crazy women are the best in bed" as an example... just because the sex is good, doesn't mean the relationship will be.
It's weird. There is too much salt from women in this comment section. Dr. Orion gave a whole list of how to become a better man, like career, fashion, working out, becoming a better conversationalist, or trying to understand how women think to meet their expectations, which already is eating at least 80% of man's life. Not a single guy or girl has a problem with that. But when he mentions that sex is important for men, so many women lose their minds. What's the big deal? With the right guy, you love it just as much.
Don't want to be an arsehole, but that just fits too well. Did the guy you "deserved" dump you, and the man you "settled for" for his resources dare to be interested in you sexually?
Sorry, I know it's rude, but a flourishing love life is net positive for both men and women, and I can't understand why you would want to stay in a relationship when you're not attracted to your partner if not to use or abuse him.
He is not a doctor. He bought his psychology degree from online university that accepts and passes everyone. Psychology degree is one of the easiest to get. Besides he is short, effeminate, balding and salty that he can’t get a woman.
@@Amccm4qu Not addressing your other BS statements that i wont even dignify, to *clarify* , his education is from a brick & mortar University & easily verifiable like his license to practice. He was also a college professor. Disagreeing with someone is one thing, but trying to falsely discredit them just reflects poorly on one's ability to fashion an intellectual argument.
A flourishing -love- sex life is not necessarily a benefit to women. A lot of women accept relationships where they receive support without having to provide sex. So, if more men are being advised to not enter into those relationships, then more of those women would lose out.
That wasn’t my problem with what he said. It’s that he seems to view everything as being about sex and that being the only value of being in a relationship with a woman. He can’t even refer to a relationship without saying “sexual relationship”
@@coch2370 If we remove "sexual" from the close relationship, it becomes friendship, doesn't it? And I myself prefer the phrase "romantic relationship", but that's just me.
Anyway, physical closeness with the person we romantically love, like hugging, kissing, and sex, is what makes these relationships special.
Just imagine your ideal partner who you're madly in love with, and you're together, but he avoids physical closeness and refrains from touching you. That'd be just too cold and cruel.
Does all of this also apply for 40 plus women who grew up without social media and still know what it means to meet someone offline? Its scary. My wife left me and I am 42. Before I met her I could just go out and meet someone. Dating was not so hard. But nowadays I dont even wanna try. I am not looking for young women as I prefer being with a woman my age. But now its time to learn being on my own first before jumping into the next relationship
No man "prefers women his age". They settle for women their age.
All men prefer women who are about 20.
Oh it's over buddy. Welcome to the world of men under 40 😈 enjoy 😂
Why would you mention age?! 😅
@@bigneiltoo Don't put all mens in the creep category, thank you.
Why don’t you want to try anymore? I bet there are many women you pass by every day who would really like a man to stop them and say anything, or have a quick chat in a shop queue. I’m a 40-year old, single again, woman who doesn’t use dating apps or go out to bars. I’m being told I look good and young for my age, am pretty and slim and consider myself very approachable - a solid 5/10. Yet I had not one man approach me in the last 4 years, not one. People I know are in disbelief and yet it’s my reality. I am aware that, according to many men, I “expired” at the age of 30, which is sad because I have so much to give and many great years of life to come. And does than mean not even a 60-year old would look at me?? Please, keep the old ways alive.
So i spent a lot of time trying to find a partner via dating apps & realised that those that were initially just after sex were actually the ones that were more senstive & wanted a deeper connection & they were using a flipant attitude to hide their vunrability. The men that initially came across as the 'good' guys & said they wanted commitment were usually hiding a dark & manipulative personality. So i had to become really open minded & lose all my preconceived opinions to really connect with men. I was on lots of different apps and i connected more with those on questionable 'hook up' sites than any other. I made great honest friendships & ultimatly met my husband.
"partner"
Of course then it also turns out that the uncommitting, jumping from bed to bed guys are better also for long term
some depressing shit
I believe this story, and I think the same. I've never yet met a self-proclaimed "good guy", who wasn't hiding his dark personality beyond his assumed exterior.
At the very least, those "good guys" are self-absorbed and selfish, at worst, they are dangerous.
@@Dyer999I'd rather meet someone who admits who they are than those who lie about it.
People dont seem to notice that people are the same online and irl. If a person wants to have sex with you, how will they act? They will say whatever it takes to get sex. They know that subconsciously or not you are looking for commitment. You may even have put it in your bio. And they will say they are too so they can have sex with you. Thats what manipulation is about. If you are so blind that you cannot spot manipulation than you will overcommitt. They will take your blindness for acceptance of their behavior and they will continue to manipulate you thinking you wanted it! And when you call them out, now they get mad and blame you. To them it was obvious after two weeks that you were ok with being treated that way. To them that means they can take things up a notch because you dont care.
I was married for 20 years and I’ve been divorced for 8 years. I’ve never looked at a dating site. I decided I didn’t want to play that game and I’d rather be single.
I am 💯 with you Angela ! I was married for 15 years and been divorced for 10. I enjoy being single. I enjoy spending time with a few of my female friends, but in no way would I want to be in a relationship with them.
Good for you. Marriage is an outdated, old technology that works for men, but doesn't do much for women. Married men live longer and have healthier lives than single men, whereas married women live shorter, less healthy lives compared to single women.
Me too. Divorced three years ago and still have many options but have not dated anyone since.
@@annmarieknappbunch of BS, how is that work in man favor exactly, ruined in court financialy , thats this favor, married man live longar also bunch of BS , read this "study" so you find out
@@annmarieknapp lol, you crazy
I just want to shoutout how insanely good the intros are! Great work 🙌
Really?? I find these kinds of intros horrible, watching them I get a feeling of becoming epileptic...
These intro hook ya in. I love’m 😂
That last part about forgiveness was a fantastic perspective. ✅💯
I will never use a dating app. Nothing about it makes any sense to me
It’s better to meet women doing something you already have interests in
Honestly they're not that bad. In my experience you'll meet a lot of people you'll never fix, but you only need one. Just don't spend a lot of money on the dates.
My choices are apps or not to date at all.
I will never gave another relationship, I'll never get married, ill be never have children.
Apps ruined dating.
"I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do." ~ Phyllis Diller
😂
😂😂😂😂
😂💀
😂😂😂😂
😂😂
"Start Dating Like It's Your Job!"
Which is precisely why dating is becoming increasingly unpopular.
This is so true about the disappointments. I had so many dates that men turned out completely not was I was hoping for. This was horrible.
I'd be curious to hear if this dating doctor is in a relationship himself (looked online and no sign of any). So many of these dating experts are single. While he made some good points I don't feel he fully gets what women look for in a romantic relationship, but it was interesting (and a little depressing) to hear what dating looks like from the male gaze.
He does hundreds of consultations with women. He's basing his opinion on that sample pool.
I used to think I wanted a dating expert who was married but then I realized that I don’t need my surgeon to have the experience of what surgery feels like for him…I need my surgeon to have a track record of successful surgeries. So nowadays I look for clinically trained ppl who have a history of successfully helping ppl get and stay in great relationships….rather than requiring them to be in a relationship themselves
Yeah it makes sense to want the person you're taking advice from to have 1st hand experience in the field they're advising you on, however, to be fair, there are a lot of people in committed relationships who still give terrible and misguided relationship advice...Just check the internet. Also, an objective fact remains a fact - regardless of who it's coming from. If the sky is blue and I call it blue, it doesn't matter what my qualifications are.
And his narrative is not depressing - it's just brutally honest. Women's emotionality always gets in the way of your guys' ability to accept objective reality and harsh truths, and it's exactly what makes you guys so easy to manipulate. He could've sat up there, like many do, and sold the dream by saying a bunch of sweet nothings and telling you, not what you needed to hear, but exactly what you wanted to hear, and every woman in this comment section would've applauded it without even so much as a second thought - despite the fact that it wasn't based in truth, but simply because it sounded and made you feel good. Disney, romance movies/novels, and internet grifters like Derrick Jaxn discovered this and have been exploiting this fact for YEARS. Learn to examine things deeper than just your emotions and how it makes you feel. Your emotions lie...A LOT. A few heartbreaks should've taught you that.
@@ACM9407 Maybe the men should just learn not to lie.
If I was going for a job interview I would rather take advice from someone who is an expert at job interviews rather than someone who's been at the same job for 20 years.
"I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan." ~ Phyllis Diller
What would a 10 day beauty plan look like?
That is a joke. Phyllis diller was one of the best comedians.@@lauraashley1
Think that means they're always improving. @@lauraashley1
@@lauraashley1 Hopefully 10 days at a spa retreat! Dream 🌥
I think the primary reason more people tend to opt out of dating/relationships is because it just isn’t necessary anymore.
Human beings are highly adaptable creatures -- we do what makes us most comfortable, happy, and requires the least amount of stress with respect to the context in which we live. If you have achieved a nice life as a single person, there is not much incentive to enter a relationship unless the person is very compatible and an asset to the life you have established for yourself.
In other words, people, especially women are pickier because companionship is an option rather than a necessity and with that comes higher standards since we are inclined to makes sacrifices or settle for something/someone we don’t really like if it’s not necessary in the first place.
Correct! 'Dating/relationships' were never necessary to begin with; we've just deluded ourselves into thinking that they are. What's necessary is sex and reproduction.
I can agree with this to an extent. I think children also play a huge role. If you want to have children, marriage makes sense. If you don’t want to have children, the idea of marriage is challenging at best in today’s age.
Absolutely agree.
This is factually false lmfao 🤣 😂
I think this is very true in some ways, because even in the interview he said that he himself was able to meet most of his needs outside of his intimate relationship and he really prioritised the sex and attractiveness of his partner as their primary role. I mean if sex is the main thing you are getting into a relationship for, well you can have really good friends with benefits that fill that role.
There you go again! I once again see how in the end guests are nearly brought to tears either by the question-left-by-the-previous-guest or by Steven's words of gratitude - brilliant! Only this time I felt like Dr. Taraban needed to be looked at and for me too the fact that Steven was looking elsewhere during the whole gratifying speech - man! - was upsetting... Great interview!! I really appreciate numerous insights!! Wonderful job!
I personally feel like to really fall in love you need to stop looking at ppl like theyre a checklist of pros and cons and go out and meet people in person, that way you and someone else develop crushes on each other, i feel like you cant do that through looking at profiles on an app, and Im talking about "wow the way he smiles when he finds something funny or the way he looked at me the other day or the way he just walks and stands and talks is just so beautiful to me" love and feelings are something you cant really explain why it happens, dont overthink it, get out there and do whatever it is you want to try in life be it a sport or a class or a new skill, enjoy yourself that way and you will come across someone thats just catches your eye for whatever reason and the rest is history 😊
It's not the fault of dating apps. If dating sucks, it is because people suck. People nowadays treat others as options and disposables. Nobody wants to be treated like those. People are looking for people to use, not love. People having one night stands, hookups, booty calls, no real connections, no love and then wonder why they are depressed. smh
Part of the problem is that dating apps can bring out the bad. Women are less likely to settle, causing a lot of guys who aren’t near to the top of woman’s interest to be left out. And the top guys exploit the fact that they have all sorts of options and play the field.
@@nocup8692 Men also refuse to settle. They all go for the 10s, even if they are a 5, at best, in looks and personality.
Only women and the top 10% of men are having one night stands and booty calls. The rest of the men can't get sex outside of a relationship (except maybe once in 5 or 10 years).
I learned what I wanted for my life, in the room, alone. The majority of people from my youth, who were out in the streets, clubbing and partying and such..... Look bad, are sick, and financially upside down.
Knowing yourself is not found outside of self. Don't wait until you are old to embrace solitude. You will regret it.
Exactly!
Beautifully stated
To only stay in your room is to be a frog in a well. True solitude can be found even in crowded places.
Thanks!
Steven congratulations on reaching 7 million subscribers! That’s an incredible achievement. your continued raffles are a fantastic way to engage with and thank your audience.
Well done Sir
I’m so glad this is not about convincing us to go on dating apps, because you would literally have to hold a gun to my head to re-download any dating app 🤢
Big Bertha is waiting ! Haha!!!!
Agreed, as a man you need to be perfect in order to get any attention, and as a woman you need to make sure you aren't meeting up with a psychopath. It's mentally draining 😮💨
@@wesleykim1758As a man you will be highly likely targeted by scammers using fake profiles.
Yes, but while he’s convincing people to communicate, the polarization between men and women is at its height and men are rarely if ever approaching women offline. The damage has been done. Women are now empowered and are less likely to be turned down so they can select the man they like an approach. If he doesn’t see her leaving obvious signs or engaging with her it’s his loss.
Since 2007 ...
Dropped this shitt 3 months ago...
Yet, I have a lot of Kms and one serious long rshp , but still !
I honestly believe that a lot less people are as obsessed with sex as the media etc. makes us think there are.
OR your feeling is just based on YOUR specific needs. Speak for yourself...
unsure, if your a male but if you are you probably have low test and libido. The vast majority of men solely do everything either consciously or subconsciously in order to facilitate sex with women
Everything is about sex, except sex
I think that those that have evolved more see the depths that life has to offer. Others stay shallow. Yeah I think there are more people that see sex as a pleasure but understand its not everything. Those obsessed have some personal growth yet to accomplish.
@@Brandilyn24 Low-key shaming of men and their sky high sex drive when they are healthy.
Dating Doctor hit the nail on the head, phones/ dating apps are a useful tool. When I am out and about I see so many people glued to their phone and I am thinking the love of your life could have walked by and you aren't even aware of it😢 but only you can change that..peace, love n harmony from Manchester, England🇬🇧
Broke up a month ago, only hit me in the last couple of days, this is some golden podcast i think every man needs to hear
As a 42 yr. Old female, Ive found that just being skinny has gotten me hit on, laid, boyfriends, and social attention. I have fluctuated my weight from 125LBS to 180LBS several times throughout my life. I rarely get male attention when I hit about 160lbs.
Exactly, because 160lbs on a woman is, surprise, NOT attractive. If you ask me I would say even after passing 140 your chances are SIGNIFICANTLY reduced, 150 can be fine if you are 5.7 or taller...
I have noticed the same, which is why I have chosen to stay plump and avoid eye contact because sometimes weight isn't even enough of a deterrent 😂
All you have to do as a vvoman is have a pulse
Well yeah, a woman’s attractiveness to the vast majority of guys is based primarily on her looks, and how much she looks like she’d be a good option for passing on our genes, and as such, women who are the healthiest looking, youngest and most physically attractive are going to be by far the most attractive to most men.
It is what it is and it’s almost certainly never going to change, because we like women have no say whatsoever in who we’re attracted to.
For me, it was growing out my naturally silver/ash brown hair. Men don’t bother to look at women with gray hair. But occasionally, a man will really look at me. And when they do, they actually see me. It’s so much more exhilarating than looks by many men!
We evolved to extinction. What an interesting time to be alive.
According to the doctor he wasn't of that view regarding relationships.
He's more of the view that there are current issues that shouldn't be ignored but humanity has the social capacity to adapt to the issues as they come along.
If that means more men having simulated relationships which in turn would put pressure on women to do better for men, then women thus would have to adapt, as women generally are not satisfied with having a partner purely built on AI.
Western countries, yes.
@@aziza000 It's not just western countries. Every country beside the ones south of the Saharah.
@@aziza000nope. Everywhere has a declining population. It'll be even worse in a decade or so for the developing countries due to the added mass emigration into the west.
@@robertsmith2088that sounds problematic: what do women have to adapt to? An AI robot that has no emotions and no weight fluctuation, no aging? Sounds like people are watching too much sci-fi or porn.
Woah, 8.52 million subscribers! You’ve gone viral! Haven’t been on here in a month or so. I remember when you were under a million for sure, and happy to see you’re doing so well! Great job! Great content as always!
Our beautiful daughter in her 30's went on dating apps and had horrific experiences. She was catfshed. The men lied about who they truly were, the amount amount of relationships, marriages AND children!! Its very sad and now she wont go on them.
She must be Millenial like me. Yeah, what you said is true. I felt the same, now I uninstaled all of it and I am feel better.
Yeah, he was probaly a chad and played with her..while all the good dudes stood on the sidelines bei g called boring, predictable, boyfriend material..
@@rokpeter8012funny how girls used to look for guys who were boyfriend material. They wouldn't want to date you if you were known as a 'player'.
Now it's the complete opposite. If you're boyfriend material you're boring and the players are exciting.
@@danielbezjak1479 yes! Funny how that changed
Why your "beautiful" daughter are single in her 30s? You failed her as parents .
1:40:15 I changed EVERYTHING when I had a brutal panic attack leading to depression and suicidal thoughts. Now I only have healthy habits and feel better than ever
Both the best and worst thing to ever happen to me
Eat lots of soluble and insoluble fiber, unprocessed foods. That feeds the species of microbiota in the microbiome that make 95% of serotonin. That was a lesson I learned that helped me also. Best to you! 😊
as a man this made me never ever wanna date again. thank god i found someone to plan life with. if we don’t work out i’d rather just die alone than to deal with the b/s that comes with trying to get a woman to like you. i’d rather keep my mental health and not pull my hair out with the ridiculousness.
"trying to get a woman to like you" that's not what you should be doing in the first place...
@@mpGreen03 i wasn’t going to try. that’s what i literally said. not worth the effort.
Then why did you need to prove it with a comment?
@@playahayda9751 r/woosh
@@Perloph0 prove what?
Appreciate the psychologist saying that we live in an over therapeutic world that believes therapy will solve everything. 100% agree.
Gave up on dating over 10 years ago, much happier now #stoicism
Yes! Communication, both the semantic content and the emotional content, is what truly matters. The biggest erogenous zone for a woman is her mind-how you mentally stimulate her through meaningful conversations and how you dance in communication makes all the difference. The moment you try to contort, force, or belittle a woman for thinking differently, or dismiss her need for emotional connection and understanding, you risk losing out on something truly special. If you want someone who thinks exactly like you, maybe you’re looking in the wrong place.
Say it again for the people in the back! The brain is the biggest erogenous zone!
It's really not. Women have never given me attention till I looked good. And women respond best after a good time in the bedroom. Stop making up stuff
Sounds annoying as fuck.
I think you missed most of his points..
At the end he says "render unto ceasar what is ceasars" following with if you want to maintain a relationship give them what they want, this is susan bratton's 2nd golden rule, do for them what they would want done for them. This goes both ways. A man wants sex, that's what he says right before that, one of his only 3 criteria... So absent stimulating her mind just the right way depending on her season of the day, week, month, year... etc will she give that to him regardless? sometimes. And if she does, she does it out of obligation usually, which he can eventually detect. she usually won't want to, absent the mind stimulation you're talking about. This is the disconnect. This leaves the man to do the giving 100% of the time by stimulating her mind for just a shot at getting what he wants, unless the woman steps out of her entitlement and learns to cook some of her own eroticism without him resonating with her emotionally first. This is why what someone like Karen is preaching, on happy wife channel, is so popular with men.
It does go both ways... for a LTR to succeed (this would be my subjective definition of success), IMHO, the woman actually can't just be in her feminine forever receiving, she must take some accountability eventually, especially once the polarity runs out and especially in this day an age. And the man must learn to step in and resonate with her particular emotional frequency and hope for the best and be willing to walk away if he can't find the frequency over a long time and she won't take accountability. This is difficult and hard to teach... and thus we have a high divorce rate. This was an excellent interview... lots of great stuff!
I agree totally, men need to accept the differences and reveal in them, not try to change the magic and uniqueness that is part of every woman.
The fact that "dating doctor" is a thing is a proof that the society is doomed 😂
I married at 21 and husband at 26. We met at 18 and 23 in college. We’ve now been together for almost 20 years and have two kids together. He is a video game type of military guy and I am a gym rat, fashion savvy type of gal (very different). Something that Dr Orion touched on that worked on us is absence. He’s constantly gone due to the military for the past 20 yrs. I suppose that does make the relationship stay “fresh and sexy”. We still find each other hot and the sex is 🔥 . He does not take care of his hair, face, or clothes …. he is nerdy. 😮 So despite being a nerd 🤓 how does he keep his attraction? He is so kind and loving. 🥰 A good Dad to his (our) children. Still fairly in good shape. Despite what Dr. Orion said not to do, he talked a lot on his first date. All he did was talk. I thought he was so boring. But he smiled a lot and constantly was nice, was gentle and cute like a little rabbit 🐇 approaching me. 👍🏻 That attracted me to him. 😅So smile and be a gentleman ❤❤
I'm sure you're faithful to him and the kids are his but if I was him I would definetly get a paternity test. I found out my dad was not my biological father on accident when I was 15 and the sucker that thought he was my dad was out on deployment all the time.
Sorry to hear that, hope you and he were able to heal !! And yes, to answer your question, I was faithful. It may have helped that I live in America and as an Asian woman I find only Asian men attractive (
@@ElwynnForest I never liked the guy so luckily I have noting to heal and the day I found out was the happiest was the happiest day of my live. The sucker also has nothing to heal because he doesnt have a backbone.
“The purpose of psychoanalysis is to teach people how to work and how to love- if you learn how to work and love , you can be a very successful human being” 20:43
psychoanalysis BS the mind is limited the issue, can't fix something with that what broke it in the first place
The first time that I heard someone talk so honestly about what relashionships are about. Thank you, Dr. Orion Taraban, for such straightforward messages!
Another job? no minimum wage? Do I have to put effort time and money on top of it? It sounds like a MLM.
What an brutally honest and spectacular episode,I highly recommend everyone to watch it ،and I hope to see Dr again 😊😊
No matter how many “friends” we have on social media, many of us feel lonely and alienated. That’s because online relationships are only skin-deep, unable to provide us with a true sense of intimacy and bonding. Text messages can’t substitute for in-person conversations, emoticons can’t substitute for body language expression, and cybersex can’t substitute for physical contact.
And with women, even real life "friends" are usually just allies. Women generally hate each other deep down.
better than nothing
@@bro918cs is siamping unless its free.
This man saying : “They know their addiction is killing them and they also can’t stop. There’s something really deep & dark about that addiction, they want to stop and often don’t. They need help , they certainly don’t need shame & judgement.”
Is such an incredible & true & compassionate statement. I’m here for it ✌︎&♡
Strongly disagree with your position here. Women take enormous risk engaging in sex with men, and we don’t yet have income equity in most parts of the world, let alone full reproductive rights. Men don’t need compassion, they need a wake up call and new LAWS to keep them from abusing females.
I think this mindset of looking at relationships from only a transactional lens in how you can isolate yourself, especially friendships.
Sure, even being pleasant company can be a want, but it’s achievable by anyone and everyone.
A lot of people are transactional, but not everyone
not everyone is able to recognize or acknowledge it
I used to have your opinion when I was younger, so I understand where you're coming from, but as I've gotten older I've realized the necessity of evaluating value and value exchange before entering into a relationship (or any other kind of commitment) so that there can be stability, fairness, and accountability in the relationship itself. Someone who values the commitment and the connection will do whatever it takes to ensure it lasts if they truly care. If there isn't some kind of understanding of what each person actually brings to the table in the relationship, how is there supposed to be a stable structure to the commitment itself? Love and devotion alone do not guarantee a relationship will stand the test of time, and in a perfect world they would, but we are not perfect as humans and we do not live in such a world, so that is hedged with a fair exchange of value in case of periods of long term emotional turbulence. This acts as the glue that holds a relationship together and it is historically how that has been done to prevent impulsive emotional decisions that might be regretted later from destroying it. It's an ugly topic to discuss, but it is necessary.
Also, what one person values, another might not value as much, which could lead to a perceived mismatch in fairness/effort when one might not truly exist but is seen as being present anyway. If there's no common understanding of the value and efforts brought to the equation, then one person could encroach over time by asking for more and more while slowly turning down the benefits they provide (so as to achieve what they perceive as fair) which builds resentment and can do so over an interval so slow that it may not be obvious where it started which could spell disaster long down the road when the stakes are higher and both have more to lose. It's better to discuss this before becoming entangled with someone else's life for the sake of both. This does not mean they are ontologically transactional, but the exchange of value needs still to be discussed sooner rather than later so they do not become purely transactional or fall apart.
edit: I'm referring to long term commitments not friendships; they are not like terms and it is not intellectually honest to treat them as such
@@Nickel_Coin I’m with you on romantic partnerships.
The guest made a point about how an 18 year old man with average looks has nothing to offer, so they’re overlooked. I’m not on board with that take.
There’s more to people than just looks, money, and connections.
Being pleasant to be around, charismatic, funny, virtuous, other oriented; none of these qualities cost a thing and will for sure attract good people to you.
I think it’s harmful to only view people as something to gain something else from
What relationship isn't transactional?
Dating apps are like online grocery shopping, which is never a great start to finding organic relationships
One of my friends got 2 long term realtionships before his marriage, both started offline and both ended after 2-3 years. He met his wife on tinder, they have been together for 6 years now, they are in a balanced, healthy relationship and they have a 2 year old daughter. Yes, maybe not the best way, but it definitely CAN happen...
@@staLkerhuyou’re talking about the outlier again…
@@eliza6722 what that means is you don't need to neglect it, especially if you have no luck offline for a long time.
Steven, I love how you genuinely giggle! 😂 it’s infectious!
We need dating/relationship teaching.. how to treat others, why cheating is bad, stop being abusive, no gold digging, no trad wives, no alpha men... just how to b good 2 each other. The return of real romance...
@@eva-mariaroessler3636 social media consumption of mysogony, men hear this every day, all of the time. "Women aren't shiit, they are morally bankrupt predators wanting only to take advantage of your wallet. They are beneath you, and worth less than nothing." While also hearing, " go out and get those women, get as many as you can or you aren't worth shiit. Don't worry about your personality, only work on your physical looks. Get lots of money, as much as you can, use it as carrot to attract all of the gold diggers who want to take advantage of you. Get as many of these morally bankrupt, corrupt creatures as you can! If you can't do it, you will never measure up in life, and you will always be sub human. " play it on repeat on a daily basis, and you get our western dating pool
I agree. A man like this only confuses men more.
Almost as if religion was doing just that 🤔
You mean manners? Sadly they were raised to not have manners. Or they think it is ok. Just block them and move on.
@@eva-mariaroessler3636In Brazil, women experienced relentless pursue from men that they find attractive.
Your whole point makes no sense except comforting women in doing nothing but existing and enjoying the relentless pursuit of men complementing them.
Western men had enough - male advocacy
Western women had enough - feminism.
1:10:29 this segment is gold, if you care to pay real attention to what’s being communicated…
Listening this conversation made me a bit sad and less wanting to go dating. Relationships is a market, everybody selling smth they have for smth they need.
Oh. I quit my job and enjoy life without selling my life time. If relationships are another job, then thanks but I’m happy without it. What’s the point if there are no love, friendship, devotion, acceptance, support? And what else we share with each other (offer)? Money, sex, housekeeping? I thought both in couple can bring smth to the table.
So if I am a woman and love sex more than my partner I should pay more bills? 😅 I really don’t get probably how does it work
You don't get it. That isn't whats being said
Thanks for introducing me to Dr. Taraban. Really like his perspective, looking forward to reading his book.
@47:10 You know, if you're just your honest self from the get go, then you don't need to go through a crisis of disappointment because people will actually like you for you.