Post Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): Symptoms of the Betrayed
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 พ.ค. 2019
- Read our 2021 journal article: Counseling Clients Who Have Experienced Undisclosed Infidelity e-copy is available at journals.sagepub.com/eprint/F...
Russ Curtis, Ph.D., LCMHC is a professor of counseling at Western Carolina University. Prior to becoming a counselor educator, Russ worked in a clinical mental health center where he coordinated with medical providers to ensure optimal care for at-risk clients with co-morbid mental and physical illnesses. Dr. Curtis’s co-edited textbook, Integrated Care: Applying Theory to Practice (Curtis & Christian, 2012) was selected by The Council on Social Work Education in collaboration with SAMHSA as one of two recommended textbooks for training behavioral health professionals. He has produced two commercial counseling instructional videos, one of which, Positive Psychotherapy: Helping People Thrive (Curtis & Goetz, 2013) was selected as an Editor’s Choice by Microtraining Incorporated. For the past 20 years, Russ has taught and supervised both school and clinical counselors at WCU, and has researched and published in areas related to Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports in schools, treating adolescent anxiety, and increasing growth mindset in students.
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I kinda love that it spells out PISD.
Me too!
That’s funny 😂
Lol
Pissed off
🤩
I feel like I have had the life literally sucked out of me from my current relationship...it is really painful. What makes the betrayal traumatic is because being sexually intimate with someone that I have discovered is a lying cheating piece of shit feels traumatizing to have let a sick lying person inside of my body.
This is glorious, I have been researching "healing from an affair a cheater's guide" for a while now, and I think this has helped. Have you heard people talk about - Qenamilla Strayer Magnet - (just google it ) ? Ive heard some pretty good things about it and my neighbour got amazing success with it.
I know how you feel...it’s been 5 yrs and I’m still dealing with the pain of betrayal...the sex I had with my ex was almost spiritual, I knew her body by heart...to me it was a soul connection...now it’s constant emptiness even if I meet other women...I’ve tried to deal with the pain by myself until I recently realized I was deeply traumatized...
Exactly
I'm so sorry and hope you're doing so much better, I'm recently am dealing with this trauma and betrayal currently, the pain is immense but I'm trying to stay focused and true to who I am, I forgave them for doing that to me more then once, you know we just get stuck on the idea that we can try to help a depressed person to get out of thier dying hole, just to end up broken inside..
Wow I'm sorry this happen the worse thing about cheating to me is the emotional.... Sexual it's temporary but the time they took to make dates, lie in yo face and doing all the things they don't to u... Thay shit really hurts
Always trust your gut.. if you get that feeling something is happening it probably is happening....
As someone who was betrayed, by my wife of 17 years... I am blown away by how accurate this is. It explainsy experience %100. Right down to the intuition, and the lying and eventual admission. Also the intrusive images, I'll just be having normal day, then I'll see a random thing that might trigger a thought of my ex and thesuddenly I'm slammed with the intrusive images playing like a reel in my head, then I'm messed up for days. I'm so glad I found this... I feel like it validates how I've been feeling and makes me realize maybe I'm not just broken. Thanks.
Yes, randomly seeing images in my head of her indiscretions really messes with me. Hope you find peace, stranger.
If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been dealing with the triggers? Does it still happen years later, or is this fresh?
@@calebcaraway9463 This is a great question, and also something that I am wondering. One of the worst thoughts is that I'll have triggers forever. Maybe that's just reality, though.
@@calebcaraway9463 it's been 3 years. The reactions from the trigger aren't as severe as they used to be, but still indeed there. Almost every day I have a grey cloud over head for a few minutes if my mind wanders to far off. MY main problem is that we have kids together so we have interactions almost daily. It makes it hard to forget her. If I could I would never see or speak to her ever again but it's not possible.
Comments like this are why I create these videos. Thank you and wish you all the best.
Betrayers lie. Yeah, even when they admit something they will only admit what they have to and know cannot be proven.
Many thanks, I have been researching "restoring relationships after cheating" for a while now, and I think this has helped. You ever tried - Qenamilla Strayer Magnet - (do a google search ) ? Ive heard some incredible things about it and my buddy got excellent results with it.
#infidelity stages of recovery
This was great, thanks, I have been researching "how to gain trust back after lying and cheating" for a while now, and I think this has helped. Ever heard of - Qenamilla Strayer Magnet - (should be on google have a look ) ? Ive heard some pretty good things about it and my neighbour got amazing success with it.
This is one thing that keeps going through my mind. I can’t help but think I won’t be satisfied until
I have all the truth and all the facts. It only makes sense to try to sugar coat and leave out things.
@@MaynardOwns That is 100% normal. Any trickle truth at all, which is typical, and you are left in a state of never being able to know what's real. I cannot live like that. That's why out for me is always the best option...I'm not going to wake up every morning thinking I'm living a lie.
In short, if something happened that they suspect or know is a deal-breaker for you, and cannot be proven...most will not tell you. Why would they? Internally they will justify this to themselves as they are protecting you fromadditionalpain....but really they are protecting themselves and manipulating the outcome they desire. Completel honesty and transparency is never in their best interest.
Its been 5 years since I discovered my wife’s infidelity and I still struggle with deep depression, intrusive thoughts, rage, disassociation
so sad hope you will get over it
hey, im sorry that you are going through this honestly. I just got out of a relationship where I was struggling with it too. No matter what they did to try and convince me they were not like that, it just never went away. I would advise you to do what's right for you and look out for your mental health because in the end its affecting you and it can possibly affect your partner too.
@@ibm7607 how long did you try to stay and push through til you realized you can’t?
It's not always men that do it. It is ptsd.Call it pisd if you want but let's call it what it is ptsd.flashbacks and feeling of losing your mind constantly.The triggers and reminders that never end!.Avoiding anything that reminds you of it,and constant state of arousal to where you can't relax.yes definitely health problems and heart issues.I have super high blood pressure that doesn't come down.If the mind suffers the body will follow.You literally kill yourself and destroy your health for them hoping they will change but they never do.The feeling of never being good enough!. It's one thing to be betrayed once but to endure it for almost a decade and a half can only be understood by few people.I am broken like I have no idea who I am for years.I Don't want to leave my children in this world alone but feel nothing will change for me..My body has literally suffered with severe chronic pain for years and years.It has aged years ahead of what it should have.I have had imaging from many parts of my body are that are destroyed .I can't say it all too much to say.I never would have believed it if I didn't go through it myself.
It's been a year and insomnia still gets me by surprise. I am getting some labs to consider hormone replacement therapy and continue with counseling and NA group sessions.
I am writing as I lie beside my 3-year-old daughter. It's just heartbreaking...
I am with you, Brother.
My wife cheated on me 5 months ago and it's been an emotional rollercoaster. It's tough because we have two young kids and she messed everything up and blames me. Some days are OK and others I'm deeply depressed and think there is no hope for the future. Being betrayed is a terrible feeling and really hard to conquer, but I know one day I will. I'll look back and be in a better place with someone who truly loves me.
It's hard but give yourself time
I'm sorry you have to suffer. I'm suffering too. I want to kill myself.
Same here. Three kids, my youngest was 2 at the time. Ripped me apart and she blamed me. 20 years later and i still have PISD and yes she's still my wife.
Me too. 20 years wasted. Thank God no kids. I pray that I xan at least get a good night's sleep soon.
My ex husband cheated on me and got the other woman pregnant then lied about it and blamed me for the fallout and blamed and burdened me with a lot of other things too. He actually never told me the truth, I had to find out through a third party.
He died October 10th of this year from cancer. We had long been separated and divorced by that time. He got what he deserved. He was a sick man.
I've lost my apetite for life because of this.
I see you buddy... I am going through the same.... I hope you have healed...
Same
I was totally blindsided. I was sent photos from someone I knew and dug deeper to find out the lies had been going on for quite sometime. I knew something was wrong with me but I just couldn't put a finger on it. Looked up PTSD after cheating and found this. now I know I'm not alone and I can actually move forward with healing.
How?
Thank you, to many marriage counselors try to comfort the betrayer and ask the victim how they contributed to the resulting infidelity. I find this very bizarre
I could not agree more. You really want to do your research and find a good marriage counselor. BTW, the betrayed can be re-traumatized by being told they were a part of the problem. It can complicated, though, so find someone good to talk with.
"What your mind blots out, your heart knows...and so does EVERYONE else." --Choquette
I cannot understand this at all! My betrayer is considered the good guy and continues to manipulate and lie about it daily. So @*#%! insidious.
@@BlueLatte-f3f give him the ultimate boundary and end the relationship. He is abusing you. My divorce was traumatic and it took me a very long time to heal. But a cheating spouse does more harm on you
@@BlueLatte-f3f You may be dealing with a narcissist. Lying, manipulating, gaslighting (making you doubt what you know), triangulation (involving others to take sides), love bombing, hoovering, name calling, “rinse & repeat” the cycle are the tactics of a narcissist! There are many good analysts on TH-cam to research on this type of creature. Check out Dr. Ramani.
This is exactly how I have been feeling... My spouse had a 10yr affair. He lied denied till confronted with evidence. He just said sorry and moved on but I am stuck in a pathetic cycle alternating between feeling ok for a week or 2 to feeling deeply stressed and betrayed for a couple of weeks. I am struggling to find a solution which works for me to calm and de-stress
I was living the same way. What i found best is to accept that the trust is gone and start developing your own adventures. Divorce and live together if need be. The emotional relationship is dead. Make the best of life now.
@@leoesparza7905 This is good information.
@@leoesparza7905 the loves not dead. The actions of one night can't destroy the years of memories but something is destroyed, and its a wound rarely recovered from.
Yes it’s not treated seriously enough as how traumatised someone can feel after betrayal
This is eerily accurate. I lived all of this for several years. This is no joke and I'm here for anyone who's currently going through this.
Does it even end.
I mean this is a very shitty life I am living. As a broken person. The intrusive images. Thinking everyone is lying to me. All beautiful memories I had were tarnished when I see the lies I was told. I mean. I really do just want to no longer be here. I'm just tired.
@@kennkamau5464 I feel the same way.
@@kennkamau5464 does it get better? I’m currently on week 4 of finding out my husband of 23 yrs had affairs with 5 was ken over 8 months of working out of town. He wants to make it work and seems genuine and he’s doing all the right things but my imagination won’t stop for me to move on.
Spot on...haven't slept a full night since finding out about wife's affair I sit and stare at work computer screen all day w/o doing anything.
It’s a class A trauma make no mistake about. Counseling can help but it will take time. Sending you good thoughts.
I feel you... Going through the same
Bye bye humanity.It is a horrible feeling being cheated on like a dark wave of depression sitting inside your brain you can’t get rid of no matter what and it takes a year while the cheater does not feel a thing,they actually get satisfaction from it.
Horrible. It's been a year for me.
@@DhikaRizkySumanto Time heals all wounds brother.
@@Jellybeantiger time won't heals if I do nothing
@@DhikaRizkySumanto I just enjoy doing my own thing.
My ex was cheating on me and I suspect it was about for two years tops. I was extremely shocked when she told me. It hurt me really bad. I slowly started to believe I was recovering but suddenly, thoughts of a person I’m not attracted to in a romantic way began to take hold of me and every time I try to reject it, it keeps coming back. It’s like a brain stamp and I can’t stop this form of intrusive thought. My ex got away and I’ve been suffering for about 6 months with anxiety, the images and depression with no escape.
I’ve been called crazy, psycho. It hurts but time heals all wounds. After a while it’s just not worth it and you can’t be in love w someone who hurt you.
I can relate to this. The multiple cheating was bad. I kept taking him back for years. It has been a couple of days now since I left him, but I just could not get past it. I was starting over time to get sick, and I could not sleep. Next thing you know, I stopped eating. Every minute we were together, I got backflashes of him kissing or holding another. So the intimacy from my side stopped functioning as well. Then all of a sudden something drastically changed inside me. I became cold. I stopped talking to people. Its like a flight or fight reflux. My emotions overall are still non existent and I know within myself, I will not be the same person ever again. So, I left him. These type of people wants you to not mention their deeds, wants you to act as if nothing happened and seems not to have a real care of what you going through. And wants you to forget about it within a day.
I have this. I’ve suffered for over 1 1/2 decades with a husband who has been regularly unfaithful and after 5 years I developed panic attacks that has progressed to full ptsd
How are you doing?
I’m going through this too😢😢 I feel so bad, it’s like I caused it to happen because of my flaws
Mercadez Ochanda don’t blame you your partner made a bad choice which causes damning effects
I recently learned of my husband's infidelity and this is spot on with everything I'm going through. EVERYTHING! The only thing I don't see here is my inability to eat. I've lost so much weight, can't sleep, can't focus/function in my job. I've never in my life experienced this kind of trauma before. Betrayal was always something that happened to other people. I had no clue what they were going through....None. This is completely new territory for me and I'm not navigating it well at all. I'm so incredibly hurt and angry.
it will get better.
im 10 months out. im in own place, i cry everyday. But I rather be alone then have that in my house. 36 year marriage, Over.
Pray .. you will get thru this.
peace
@@dpalmer1557 I'm so so sorry. Thank you for your prayers. I'm 8 months out and things have gotten better. I'm in such a different place now, mentally and emotionally. Prayers and peace for you as well! 🙏❤🙏
The intrusive images is extremely relatable
Lies , deceit and betrayal all from the beginning why did I let it happen that’s my question all my intuitions are so accurate
I’m glad I came across this Video. I felt like I was being dramatic and extra going thorough all these feelings here. It’s been over a year since I found his infidelity. And I just can’t seem to forgive how he came home to me and had me sleep with him after he slept with another woman for weeks, and risked giving me some kind of STD. He didn’t care about me then. Why do they care so much after they get caught? Anyway, now I know that what I feel is valid and actually happens to a lot of people out there. It’s comforting knowing I’m not alone…..
I am truly sorry. You are indeed not alone but I know it does little to assuage the pain. Get help, if needed, and take good care of yourself. You deserve better.
I broke up with my ex of 3 years because I found out she was talking to other guys and sending nudes and kept lying about it. Before I could talk and forgive her, I found out she cheated on my physically multiple times. Including with my roommate/a best friend.
I focused on my internship and work, got hired full time, started working a third job. But I’m slowly realizing that all of that work does not fill the emptiness left behind from being cheated on and leaving the girl you thought you loved.
Shit just hurts brother
Thank you very much I've been cheated on and I feel like I have seen something in a war
CHRIS STERMAN it is a class A trauma. Honor your experience and get the help you need.
It’s been 9 years and I still feel so much pain, he’s done many other little things along the way, but I am jealous and it’s eating me alive.
I am so sorry. Do your research, but if you can find a good counselor with experience in this area, someone you connect with, I'd recommend seeking help.
Your gut don't lie. I was with a live in girlfriend. For 2 years I tried to make it work. Relationships take work, but this type of misery is 24 hour hell.
After 20 years it still hurts like hell
it's not jealousy it's resentment from the unfairness of it all
@@handleisGG truthfully .
Thank you Russ. I ended my marriage in early 2019 as my partner was absolutely shut off and cold. I then found out just before lockdown she was having an affair with a married man (he was always "just a friend"). I've experienced all of these things and I feel a lot more normal for knowing this.
G Bans I am sorry to hear this. And I appreciate your courage to move on. Hang in there, and all best wishes for your future.
Honestly, I don't trust any counselor to help. I'm tired of being blamed for what my narcissist ex husband did. I only found 1 counselor that believed me & was beneficial. The rest were completely inadequate with dealing with narcissist & infidelity abuse. I've pretty much lost hope in general.
25 years. Blindsided, he half told me half not. Hard to explain. He refused to leave the house and went into spare bedroom. Gave me stupid lies when he was going out. The pain and suffering was unreal .
I dealt with this 4 years ago and it was a life changing experience. As much as it helped harden me to understand our nature better, I’m not sure if I’d wish it on anybody. I still come back to the trauma from time to time not to relive the pain but to see how far I’ve come. I hope I can invest my emotions like that again and buy in. We’ll see….
Spot on. Insidious persistent trauma. I still live with her and have constant triggers. It’s been a year since I found out and trying to deal with it
Look up the word "Limerence" It might help you process what happened and why it happened. I went through hell with my wife when she had a limerent affair. Very painful moment in my life. Still is today.
Thank you for this. I could hardly breathe and watching this made me feel so much more sane.
Oh my same with me. Wow this was hard.
I’ve been experiencing the physical symptoms of pisd and I tried a self administered version where you hug yourself and tap left right left right while taking deep breathes d it brought me back down quite a lot. If yr like me, the physical symptoms seize you up throughout the day. Sometimes I wake up in a panic attack and feel claustrophobic in the world like I need to run far away or throw open a window and breath fresh air. The emdr has a really helping so far. Just wanted to share😊
Sarah K i have felt the same way. Sometimes I find myself in a bubble where I can’t breathe in a world I don’t belong in and just that feeling where I wanna run far far away.
Thank you all for responding. I have to trying the hug and tapping technique I’ve heard about that, however I agree EMDR was a life changer. God bless you guys for responding to me. I feel so much less alone if alone you knew
@@AK-gk6sd thank you for this. I really despise any one who stays in a marriage or relationship after being betrayed. In my case, what I went through, has left so many issues that are being resolved at my now healthy relationship. I have SUCH a hard time trusting ANYONE and no matter what I do or no matter how much time passes, i never seem to fix this issue, i never seem to feel enough
Waking up drenched in sweat for the first month after finding out, cant eat, cant sleep, depression, anger, rage, shock, sadness, disbelief, turned off completely by sex followed by a complete turn on by the partners cheating, using cheating fantasies to cope with the pain. Its great.
Same boat. You gotta let a hoe be a hoe. Thats it.
I’ve been doing the last part as well thought I was crazy😓
I thought I was the only one , I feel like it’s driven me crazy and that’s why I do it . 😞
The worst feeling in the world. Your reality follows you into your dreams and you wake up with rage. You literally go crazy, and then they pin it on you for not moving forward. You know from that day what the inevitable outcome is and that's what hurts the most. You can't view things the same, the games changed. Game over..
Im crying in laughter and pain because i was doing the exact same thing.. felt so painful internally yet i kept wanting to finish. It really can drive a human to insanity. Especially once you try to convince yourself maybe being cucked is not so bad.. holy smokes..
I just found out. I feel like a bomb was thrown at me and I was blown into tiny pieces. I can’t get myself together. I can’t sleep,I can’t eat, I can’t think. Everything hurts and hurts all the time. I’m in a constant panic state. I feel so many conflicting emotions. We are going to talk to a counselor today. I’m broken and my husband did it.
...wow everything he said about betrayal and cheating! I relate to it all, so hard to rebuild when your in pieces.
Very confusing time especially since I have bpd. I would love to see some self help videos about this betrayal for people with bpd
man this shit has been making me think i’m overreacting. i can’t sleep cause i dream about it and wake up in a panic. i think about it constantly throughout the day. i alr have an emotional stomach and this ordeal completely destroyed it even more. 👍👍
I feel so ashamed of myself for not seeing the red flags in the beginning.He is a liar refuses to disclose the truth, the thoughts of what could've happened just goes through my head and I can't stop it because I don't know.Havent slept in months cant get house work done because im emotionally and physically running on empty.He just wants to act like he did nothing and just move on.He wasn't betrayed like I was and I already struggle with depression some days especially because quarantine I feel alone and isolated sometimes suicidal its effecting my health
Do be sure to find a good counselor and hopefully family and or a friends can help provide support as well.
I suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app +19087998357 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together ...it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger
I am so sorry you are feeling this way~ I can relate to you.
The not know 100% when your 98% but the unlikely story keeps getting told makes you feel crazy. I genuinely hope things are better for you now.
Glad to have a name to what im feeling. I wish family and friends could truly understand how deep this goes. It doesnt go away, Im 2 years counting from the separation, divorced after 25 yrs. I tried dating, this last man sweet but it has thrown me into a tailspin, I keep telling him slow. He gets it but hes still pushing. I just feel worse.
I can hardly function at work and I’m physically ill everyday. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m losing it. 3 wks after I gave birth to our son I found out my partner of 8 yrs cheated on me for a yr and a half and had gotten the other woman pregnant too. Our sons are 6 months apart. He wants to save our relationship now but I don’t know if I can live with this. If we didn’t have a child I would be long gone, but I swore I would never raise my child in a broken home like I had been. I’m so devastated and angry and everyone, including our MC told me I need to put it behind me to move forward in the relationship but I just can’t. We have good days and they make me the angriest because there was no reason to ever do this to me. To us. He said I did nothing wrong and he doesn’t even really know (or will admit) to why he did this. He was my best friend and I’m so hurt he could lie to my face everyday, and cheat, especially while I was pregnant with the baby we had wanted for years. I don’t see any way past this and I feel like I’m drowning. My son is 8 months now and if it wasn’t for his little smile everyday I don’t think I could even get out of bed.
Trust me if they cheat once they will cheat again, going through it now..
I kept calling out of work, I had to take a break from school, I couldn’t get out of bed.
I feel your pain. I'm so sorry, it must be hard to hold it together with a small child.
@Sarah Witherell - My heart breaks for you. 😔
Update: It got worse before it got better. He was still lying and cheating with AP even while telling he me wanted to work it out. I caught them one last time at MY house, I left. I lost everything. Completely started over with nothing but my son. But now, we are both doing well and I’m so much happier… there is hope after the end. Hang in there everybody…
I’m experiencing intrusive images, it’s so bad I want to shut off my mind. There’s some comfort in knowing I’m not alone though. I’m glad I watched this. Now I’m also paranoid I was exposed to an STD. 😢
I am so sorry. Intrusive images are very common and keep reminding yourself that you are not alone. Hang in there.
It breaks your heart, especially if you haven't suspected anything. I thought my marriage was fine, so his infidelity came as a traumatic punch in the guts. I waited until our daughter was 18 and then divorced him. I had forgiven him but I had no trust or respect for him anymore.
Life's a bitch and then we die! 🙄😖🇬🇧
My husband did not have an affair but he betrays my confidence. It seems like every time we have an argument the quiet guy that everybody thinks is a saint turns into a monster, he starts screaming these awful names to me telling me that I'm a psycho that I'm crazy I'm a nut job I'm paranoid I mean it goes on and on and on, this hurts very much and it's like an open wound that you keep on throwing salt into every time there's an argument he turns around and calls me these horrible names.
I'm looking for a therapist that knows about betrayal he didn't cheat on me but it's the same feeling of when you trust someone especially your spouse and everything you tell them inconfidence they use it against you in an argument this is very hurtful and damaging to my spirit
thank you.😢
I was dating this girl, we had a big fight, but I was trying to do my best to fix everything. Weeks later it wasn't the same anymore, she kept getting angry, blaming me for a lot of things, gaslighting me blaming me that Im the gaslighter, not messaging as she used to, I no longer felt my worth and value.
I kept telling her about that, but she keeps telling me everything is my fault, it was breakup get back breakup getback. Then I saw her tweet something that described about a guy, and I texted her have you found happiness in someone else? She lashed out, got angry. But the day after she said she already loves someone else, while being with me. And that made me think, she kept flipping things at me that its all my fault to hide her guilt to make me look like Im in the wrong.
Its my fault for getting in the situation, knowing how she is, because her words didnt match her actions. I got caught in the trap.
Now I'm questioning myself, my self-worth, my value. It feels so heavy. Its so traumatizing, that I cant sleep and I keep overthinking. It hurts real bad 😔
So sorry that happened. I think maybe everyone watching this video is hurting! My ex cheated with multiple people and I am just heartbroken! It is not our fault! It is not your fault buddy! And you are not alone! We deserve better!
I'm up right now because I can't stop picturing it in my mind. I love my family so much . I need my partner
I’m just recovering from a suicide attempt due to this betrayal. Therapy isn’t helping, medication and time aren’t helping. Even after years of abuse, and sexual assault, this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I genuinely hate living each day.
I’m so sorry. This comment made me cry because I fucking get it. It hurts so much and living does fucking hurt. I pray you have a swift healing journey.
I’m so sorry. I’m going through something similar and i really hope you hang in there. sending you positive and healing energy.
So sorry. My heart breaks for you.....I completely understand. The pain can be unbearable but I pray you find your inner strength and are able to heal.
Thank you for this video in particular.
I've gotten to the point of being on the edge of panic attack whenever we go to the grocery store. My husband of nearly twenty five years has made every attractive woman my enemy from his lifelong porn addiction.
Props to Miss Katherine for pointing out it spells pisd.
Thank you for making this video~
You are very, very wise. No one is talking about this.
Thanks for talking about this topic. Seems a lot of people dont, or their approach to helping is basically, "walk it off, you're great, someone for everyone". And none of that helps btw. I've been dealing with these symptoms for the past few years and theres no sign of things ever improving. I've been a changed person (term used loosely. I "jokingly" refer to myself as a monster or demon) from the instant my experience began. And even though there's a high chance that I'll never find my right state of mind again, I'm accepting of that. I'm just glad that a conversation on this topic is beginning and its it's something we can hopefully see people able to find help with in the future.
It's probably 2-3 years before you start to feel like yourself again, but don't hesitate to ask for help form a professional, and make sure you vet them well. But this is a trauma and it will definitely inform how you interact in future relationships. My hope for you is that it has demonstrated what you don't want in a future partner. All best wishes to you.
Tuxedo Dan - for me it’s been 5 years and, even that I’m feeling “better” I accepted that I will never be the same and I never going to trust him as before. He knows that and he accepted it. I lost interest in many things I liked before. Now I think that true love is a very rare thing so I’m focusing in finding tranquility (it’s seems more realistic to achieve)
@@CaToRi- , sorry to hear that, if you need to talk, i am here
Daniel Gutierrez - thanks for the support. Dios te bendiga
@@CaToRi- it makes you bitter and jaded and wanting to stay away from most people, which makes you feel even more unloveable
I found out 2 weeks ago about my husband’s affair. He broke it off and tells me he chooses me like it’s something I should be thankful for. He was having an emotional long distance affair just before we moved to a new country. Phoning her, voice chatting with her while I was dealing with the tough reality of moving with three young kids. The irony is I’ve gotten attention from men, I know I am attractive but I didn’t give in to temptation like he did. He is now on a work trip to our home country and admitted he would’ve slept with her if I didn’t stop it in time. I really don’t know how to get over this. For a whole year I could sense he was comparing me with her but I was too trusting of him to really comprehend that he was cheating on me.
Counseling is an absolute, don't try to "fix" this on your own. Also, you will never get the full truth or the real answers you need. Let go. Let go of the life you imagined, the person you thought you loved. Their cheating is about selfishness, not about you. The trust is broken, rebuild your life elsewhere. It's absolutely possible, BUT it does take hard work, leaning into your grief, and accepting that the unknown future CAN be better. Speaking from experience, speaking from my heart to all of those who didn't ask for or deserve this. Trust YOURSELF. ❤
My betrayer started sleeping with another man to deal with the fact that her parents were not on board with our relationship (typical of south asian culture). When caught she cried about it being the biggest mistake of her life and that she loved me and that I am and always will be 'her person'. I 'understood' and forgave her almost instantly because 'people make mistakes'. Her behaviour had however been quite different and it was always pegged down to that she was living with the lie but now that she had admitted it, things would be different.
One of the things that stood out though was that the person she had the 'strictly physical' affair with seemed to be affecting her and finally when she bumped into him one night...she couldn't get him off her mind.
She STILL wouldn't let me go fully till I made her admit that she wanted him and that's when I had to keep my dignity and let go.
There are still so many questions but I don't think I can deal with the answers and so I won't ask.
I feel like I've been punched in the guts, crushed inside and left to rot because 'I'm sorry, it just happened'. Also, 'you are the best thing that happened to me and you deserve better than me'. Really?!
I KNOW time heals wounds and that I will come out stronger but right now, I feel SO LOST.
@@MrDheerG Hi. Are you doing better? Just had something very similar happen to me and everything sucks right now. Just wondering if it does get better (?)
Interesting topic of discussion and very informative, definitely shed some light on my own personal experience with a past relationship where I was getting rid of some old videos with an ex when I realised that she was being intimate with someone unknowing to me while on FaceTime. Now albeit I only realised this after a gut feeling and intrusive habits of searching for answers regarding the downfall of the relationship. Lessons learned at the end of the day
If you are feeling your partner might be cheating on you, but there's no definite evidence. You're faced with two alternatives seek out the facts, or to turn a blind eye. Selecting the first choice, although often suitable in the short term, is incredibly damaging for you personally, But for your children and family, not only in the long run too. Seeking the truth out isn't simple either as I mentioned before, technology had made infidelity much easier to conceal than in the past, however it also provides opportunities for revealing getting the evidence needed to establish them & affairs. I hate cheaters, my husband never gave me a reason to be suspicious until I found him and her colleague at a romantic restaurant. They told me it was work stuff but something wasn't right. I was worried until I was introduced to darkebprohack who offer Remote Installation to the his device, They build a web Dashboard for monitoring, 24x7 monitoring (Live GPS), They also gave me full access into the Social apps (Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp, etc. Their service is 100 % Anonymous, SHA-256 Encrypted Data, They also recover all Deleted Messages and Data you can contact via gmail darkwebprohack@gmail com or whatsapp +16614855860 wishing you the best.
It’s life altering devastation
I felt it.actually heard a bell ring when I saw the person he was seeing.a voice said watch out for her.
It's been 4 months since he admitted and discarded me even though every thing was right there it was hard to believe he literally ripped my heart out and caused me to bleed. I feel really lonely and every once in a while I loose controll and I cry I feel hurt and indescribable pain while he remains ineffected .....
Ayaz Ali I am very sorry. You are going through one of the toughest times we ever encounter in life. Journal, exercise and find a good counselor. Hang in there.
Embrace the emotions and get a therapist
Thanks for the info.
So recognisable !!!!!
I was stressed with working 24/7 and my ex wife was cheating on me.
She always was making a problem there was not enough income.
Narcissism on top of that.
After divorce then I found out she was cheating.
Then I found out why the relationship went wrong.
She took everything, House savings cars and even the inheritance of my parents.
Don't believe in fairy tales, marriage with cold exclusion.
Never do without this prenuptial agreements.
Or you end on the street.
Remember this,
They come with nothing and leave you ending broke and broken.
I am very sorry. And I agree 100% that everyone needs a prenuptial. Hang in there.
Perfectly accurate ! So how to solve the trauma ? I have slept in years 😪 and I'm transferring this trauma to any other relationship I find myself in.
I often think why is that, the betrayed spouse has to deal with all this shit. While the betrayer can go on with their Life as like nothing has happened.
My boyfriend was sending sex videos and pictures to another female and talking to her whilst i was in the same room for a few months, he said it wasnt cheating as he hadnt actually slept with her. I knew and i asked him and he said i was paranoid and crazy and carried on i checked his phone and found everything. He still denied it I felt all this and still do. Its a horrible feeling and hard to get over
I am so sorry...and unfortunately, you're not alone, so let that be touchstone for the fact that you will make it. But do get help. Best wishes.
I call my abuser crazy all the time the gaslighting he did? it's INSANE the way he has his family WRAPPED around his fingers doing his enabling it's SCARY
Thanks for your videos on PISD. Have you considered also doing videos on the psychology of the betrayer? The betrayer could also be very disturbed from what they did, especially when they didnt mean causing so much harm.
Great point. Anyone can make a bad mistake, I tend to focus on serial offenders - bunch of videos about them.
Im glad you are sharing this. I even had heart problems for almost 2 years after. I still have some big trust issues. Plus, of course, everything you said. I would take 4 melatonin in the middle of the day and go to sleep. So you can see why I was pretty pissed off when the counselor we went to see scoffed at me when I said it was a traumatic experience. If only I had the heart to return the favor, maybe perhaps it would be felt and then understood. But I wont return the favor.
I get it. The main thing is not to be the enabler. And I'm not broken up with the man that asked me to marry him. It makes me sick to think of the guy betraying my trust. Trust is going to be hard to rebuild with this person. I begged him for premarital counseling. I just want things to get better, and to get back together because I still love this person. And I don't want either of us to get hurt in the process of rebuilding our relationship. Being with this man is entering a second marriage for both of us. I can't say for sure if he did actually cheat, either, but I have had more than one woman come up to me and apologize for being with him intimately. Makes me sad.
Being betrayed twice.. both of them involved with my best friend at one point at the other... it's not easy trusting
"With counseling and help you can get there." And they say money can't buy happiness
$ can't buy happiness...but check out the latest video on research related to counseling and healthcare cost.
@@russcurtis1 That still sounds like you need $ to buy happiness
@@user-ly3li3ex8c exactly what I was thinking.
Also when I'm out and about,, I catch myself wondering who all cheated with him and is she watching me. 👀 It's awful.
It's a type of post-infidelity social anxiety. It's a real thing...and I'm sorry you're experiencing that, but you're not alone.
My PTSD stems largely from a fear of me recognizing other attractive females be it irl or on tv. The first 2 serious partners I had cheated on me so many times. One time I caught one in the very beginning of the action. I think a fear of being alone kept me trying to stay.. a lot of denial.
Fast-forward to my current marriage of 15 yrs, the PTSD is still hard. It's an emotion of fear that can render me in fight or flight mode. Yet, my current husband has never cheated, wouldn't.. I don't think he could physically do it. So I feel a double dose of shit when my PTSD goes off and he catches attitude for actions he's never thought of or done. Thankfully he's a very kind and loving person who's been cheated on in his past and he does understand the emotional brutality.. but his trauma wasn't quite as extensive.. his words-
I realize now I was NEVER deficient as a partner. Not to either of them. Clingy & progressively possessive, damn straight. I do wish I had seen my worth & their abhorrent lack of deserving of my loyalty and left those situations much sooner but I was young, a young mom, Catholicism had taught some shat ideals about tolerance.. I've forgiven them now bc I learned valuable lessons about myself.
Could I forgive my husband if he did cheat on me.. I really don't know. My first thought is what is mentally unstable about him to allow him such an action? I'd be seriously concerned. Yet, he knows I've said I couldn't forgive even one trespassing bc of my past & especially after the depth of friendship we've cultivated.. how could he & why should I.. hopefully, we'll never encounter that realm. Not in this life at least.
This video makes me feel normal. Been 3 years since I've cut ties with my betrayer, stayed with her for 2 years after I found out. I still have trust issues with my current, otherwise healthy relationship, but she is working with me as much as possible.
Is it possible to be diagnosed with PTSD through the symptoms of this disorder? I am looking to get a medical marijuana card to help with the duress it causes me, and help me sleep/eat better.
can this impact people who have been betrayed w/o involving sexual infidelity? for example, telling a friend a personal secret and the friend promptly shouting it from the nearest rooftop. or, similarly, confessing an abusive experience and the listener victim blaming/ abuser-advocating.
I relate to this so much
Aaron Hopkins I am sorry. Hang in there and get help if needed.
My husband slept with a woman at work in 2008. I only found out about her when I looked at his phone and saw messages. He had her under a mans name but my gut told me something wasn’t right. He always denied sleeping with her and eventually admitted it in 2017. In 2019 I lost my youngest son to suicide and 5 months later I discovered he had been talking to his ex. I never read the messages but my friend and my daughter did. Both of them told me to never read them as they were very loving ect. To this day I still haven’t read them but I feel I should. I do know that he told her he doesn’t want to be with me but would feel guilty in leaving me. We are still together and trying to figure things out but I’ll be honest the trust has gone. I really want to read them to know if I should stay but I’m scared to.
Cmon lady take what’s left of your self respect and leave especially when the guy has clearly said he doesn’t want you. There will NEVER be trust in the marriage again and he’s going to keep seeking the next one. There are plenty of gentlemen out there who will cherish you. Why settle for less?
Hate to say it but I was in the same boat after 14 years. I’ve left the marriage because I realize that I would never have trust again and I deserve better!
Yup, amazing analysis - exact my case- emotional betrayal , lying and manipulaing for months , emotionally destroyed needed to move out away from her to save myself. It all after 6 years of marriage, like the other person, totally disconnected , cold and cruel...
Sounds like a narcissist. I married one too. That's why I'm watching this, dealing with the fallout of years of lying and cheating. Research "narcissistic abuse" too, it may help. ❤
@@nicolemarie7684 Hi Nicole, exactly.... thank for your comment and I wish you all the best.
Betrayers don't want to talk about it so it's very seldom studied in a statistic report. Just my experience.
I am being betrayed by my soul mate of 5 years... little hope that it will end... discovered the shocking truth 4 months ago ...he became cruel...I had to confront him with truth...no apology... I am alone...no place to go but homeless with my fur baby ...chronic health problems... I already had PTSD ... and trauma from parental abandonment ... panic attacks...suicidal thoughts...no xanax.
Thank you. I knew I wasn't crazy. It is real.
People say it takes time but it’s been nine years and I still hurt every day. She’s married now and I just want to die. It’s hard for me to care about anything and dating or sex has only made
It worse so I’ve stopped doing that. I love her.
Hey there, sorry to hear you're going through this. I'm in a similar situation and everything hurts like hell. From what I'm learning is to forgive yourself, forgive her and move on and love yourself. Seems your still keeping tabs on her, not sure if you have kids. But either way she deserves to be happy and so do you. You say you love her and the best way to love someone is to "let them go" and be happy. It's hard when you pictured your life with her and all the memories you've had. But you can't live in the past, only in the present. Easier said than done but definitely seek counseling if your mental health is suffering.
Lmao. I dumped my cheating ex husband and it was a perfect cure of my pisd.
Yep... One can be seriously PISD!
My wife had an affair over two years ago and it’s still something that stays on my mind day after day. We have got back together and are trying to make things work. I can’t quit thinking about What she did. I have so much anger and rage towards her partner. I don’t think I can deal with this much longer. I just want to be back to the way I was before. The jealousy and pain is eating me alive. I don’t know what to do. She acts like she’s really sorry and swears that nothing else will ever happen again. I Love her but I don’t feel the same trust. I have nightmares about what they did almost nightly . I don’t think she realizes how much it is really eating at me. When I have sex with her I get images of them and sometimes it messes me up from functioning. I don’t know what to do.
James Kenomis this wont be helpful James, but please know that what you’re experiencing is unfortunately normal. It is trauma and I highly recommend you get help, just for you, at this time. Sending you good energy and please know you’re not alone.
Russ Curtis, PhD, LCMHC Thank you very much.
Im experiencing this right now and Ive lost my libido, now she is leaving me
@@Aquaboogie68 I know it hurts but maybe you’re better off without her. If she did that to you and then now she is leaving you because of what she did maybe she’s not a good person
@@Jameskenomis3 You are right, She is not bad necessarily in its self. She is bad for not seeking professional help stemming from childhood sexual abuse and has cheated on me several times , which has made me a victim Ive now lost my libido thinking about her with other men. Now she wants to leave me because of that. Hopefully your situation is better!
We don't need more psychiatric labels. What we need is better understanding of betrayal trauma.
He never admits it but I know he cheated on me with someone who is more talented than I am. Whenever I bring up the topic he blocks me and tells me he'll leave me if I bring up the topic again. It's been more than one year and I still haven't gotten over it and maybe I never will.
Sameha R be careful and get help. I’m sorry you’ve experienced this.
Don’t say “someone more talented than me “ 😭. It took me a while but it’s them with the issue not you, they have something within them that is feeling wrong and they cheat to try and fill that void thinking it will help. You are the good honest person here not them, stick up for yourself more ❤️
Questions to people who got cheated
Would you cheat or cheated after you got cheated on??
No, never.
I do think I HV significant lost my ability to compete w/ peers in school since my dad's cheating followed w/ violence toward my mom happened
It happened 4 years ago, and I have worked through a lot of issues with my therapist since. However, nightmares started again 2 weeks ago, very intense and very emotional u charged.
Just when I thought i moved on. Does it ever end?
You'll never forget and intrusive images will happen periodically but over time, with help, they can subside. I am sorry you're experiencing this now, again, but be sure to journal and get good counseling...and take care of yourself. You deserve it.
It’s been 2 years for me with no counselling just myself going insane myself.. that’s my question as well does it end
Ce Mol what you and so many others is trauma and with proper help you heal gradually. But healing is like a roller coaster with ups and downs. You will never forget, but let this remind you of what you deserve in a relationship. I’m send you good thoughts. And be sure to journal even while getting help. All best wishes to you.
I have every one of these symptoms. 5 years later I’m still struggling with it. I don’t know how to get passed it even now that we are divorced.
I am sorry to hear this...for some 5 years can be a turning point when they feel fewer symptoms. Both journaling your thoughts and counseling can be helpful as well. Hang in there...sending good energy.
How can I get in contact with you over the phone
My girlfriend has this and felt the need to take a break and I wanna do all I can to help her she tells me it’s not my fault and I know it’s not but my insecurities can’t help it I wanna educate myself with her illness and assist in any way I can I hope I can win her back from this :(
Dear Osvaldo,
give her time and comprension, that might be all she needs for now. Don't feel offended when she wants to do things alone or with friends or when she can't let you in as close as before. She needs time. Suggest her to go to therapy with her or to a counselor.
Anytime a woman tells you that she needs a "break", 9 times out of 10 she's screwing someone else. Let her go. she belongs to the streets now. Donttake her back. Focus on yourself.
@@christhomas6199 not true
@@TheRaptureIsComingSoon definitely true..Nine times out of 10,. Always exceptions to the rule but most of the time that’s exactly what it is
This is my everyday life since October 2021 and then again finding more on my bday feb 2022 but I’m told I’m crazy get over it already I struggle daily
I been accused but have been faithful and still to this day any little event can turn into a claim that I’m fooling around. Probably stems from before we were committed. But sometimes jealous people are so insecure And that is the reason why there is so much denial. I say this to you because it is unfair to assume that all persons accused are guilty.
he broke me since I was 16 till 22 I'm 26 and can't even get over it
You've got this. Get good help and take care of yourself.
It's like the very foundation upon which i made sense of reality was a lie and i'm unsure about any and everything, i see the deceit and manipulation everywhere and i feel dissociated from it and deprealzing or something.
It's worse than death you still have to interact with them if you have children.
I just read the book, Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder by Dr. Dennis Ortman (2017) i'm assuming this is the same Ortman referenced in the video.
That sounds awesome! Thanks for making me aware...I'd also assume it's the same person.
my spouse is using that word on me "crazy" , "your sick" , "you have mental problems" refuse to admit anything despite i saw some intimate message and always blaming me for everything
googlestopspying be cautious. Could be gaslighting. Find a good counselor. Sending good energy your way!
Yes. That's what they do. It's called gas lighting
How do you get helpe I feel like I wanna take myself out it’s ruining my life seriously I don’t trust anyone like I can’t pretend anymore
been there, n still they even though it's been years back.. now trust is my biggest problem, no matter what... been in therapy for years i suffer severe anxiety, depression.. panic attacks .. I'm drained mentally n healrhwise.. n my other biggest problem I'm a loner now.. not sociable at all.. i think i have real love infront of me now, but I'm too damaged to trust😩
What kind of therapist do I need sr
They call you crazy bc they know they are CAUGHT and want to TRICK YOU.
Profound loss. eish... thats the killer for me. I'm still dealing with trying to build trust..., particularly SELF TRUST.