Our world has minimized this issue so much it’s disturbing. Victims are told they’re insecure, jealous, crazy, that they should get mental help, they should be ashamed that the victim betrayed the betrayer (went through the betrayers phone, tablet or family computer etc.) It is unreal.
Gaslighting... victims are always gaslite. No justice, I don't have much faith in the systems of today. But pray, God sees, He knows, He can heal, and He always brings judgement to wicked ppl in his own way and timing.
I couldn't agree more, and it sickens me to my stomach. The only thing we that live with trauma can do is support one another and lift one another up. I do not entertain any sort of relationship with people who have hurt me intentionally... even if they are family. It hurts like no other, but I need to save myself. I'm down to my bro, his family, my mom, and my sister. Some of them need to be left out, too. I'm trying, but it's gut-wrenching to cut out the only family I have left. The last people and things that are familiar to me. It feels so isolating and out of place. To be honest, I don't feel safe unless I'm alone or alone with my boyfriend. Sometimes, he doesn't even get. it. I'm tired of explaining why I am the way I am. The constant hypervigilances drains the fight out of me. I'm exhausted all the time. Being tired pisses people off because I work like crazy, but when I'm home. All I want to do is sleep and not encounter anyone, but my boyfriend. There's not a whole lot I enjoy anymore. I stopped having constant nightmares yrs ago, but every now and then, when something resembles the treatment I went through that caused the trauma (I've even seen it the wrong way and the person was not doing what I thought). It'll cause mightmares again. Not continually nightmares, but I have a little sequence of them. It's affected so many jobs... heck, it's affected every aspect of my life. I have bad days and good days. Today's not been such a good day. Emotions out of wack. The smallest thing that upsets me... causes me to feel like I can't breathe. I know this is a long comment. I needed to vent with words and tears. I'm tired as usual. So I'm going to wish for everyone to attain healing that last for the rest of your lifetime. I hope I get there. I'm going to need a lot of sleep, time to cry, and a lot of cognitive behavioral therapy sessions. I hope that God will bless all of us with enough healing that we can all enjoy life for once. Night all!
I still struggle horribly with complex betrayal trauma that was left unhealed from 25 years ago. No apologies, I was blamed, gaslighted. Descended into a hell on earth that led to alcoholism. My spouse told me just “to get over it”. “It” was 15 long years of intermittent disclosure (constant re-traumatization) and continued contact my husband never thought would come to light. I stayed to raise young children; that was a mistake. I’m a 66 year old highly educated woman who found the courage to leave and live separate and apart (since 2019). This has destroyed me; I will never be the lively, courageous, outgoing, passionate lady with such shine ever again. I feel so broken, so hollow and I do think about ending my life. Have been under consistent trauma therapy, have a life coach and psychiatrist. The physical manifestations of this trauma are there too: metastatic cancer, high blood pressure, depression, anxiety, digestion, sleep and focus problems. I decided to try new skills and hobbies- learning to sail, yoga, mosaics which help, but the deepest ugliest pain of unresolved betrayal, and the deeper hurt that my husband failed to work on himself and would not continue counseling showed me how terribly selfish he really is. The “bottom” for me was a complete mental breakdown. I was taken by ambulance to our local ER and admitted to the ER’s Behavioral Health Unit suicide watch. I’ve decided to author a book about the horror of infidelity trauma; it’s aptly titled “Madwoman”. Hoping to finish it this winter. This trauma is living in hell on earth.
I am sorry you've experienced this, and you are not alone. I think writing is wonderfully healing and that is my hope for you with you're book. I'd love to read it! With warm best wishes - russ
I relate to this so much, but I know your story is so unique from my own & any others. I've never wanted to read a book so badly so I hope I can purchase it soon. If your comment is any indication, I'm sure you're a FANTASTIC writer. Thank you so much for sharing. Sending you light & love.
Exactly. 20 yrs of marriage, I was totally blindsided. 18 yrs later, I’m surviving. However, it amazes me how people don’t want you to stay single. It’s not allowed. 😮
My betrayal trauma is from my mother. She was a good supportive mother most of my life. There were hints of her narcissism but they were few and far between. Then after she retired from working and lost feeling important and status and I got a chronic illness that made me physically less available to her, her narcissism became full blown. 13 years ago at the age of 76 she began to have vicious rages at me, gaslighting, crying and turning it around that she was the victim, all classic narcissistic behaviors. I had a nervous breakdown and went no contact 3 months ago. My pain is the pain of being betrayed by a mother I felt safe with and trusted all my life and she crushed my soul. There was no way to stand up for myself or have her hear me. I tried and was met with “I never said that. I don’t get enraged at you.” It’s been mind boggling frustrating and painful. Now when she is 89 she doesn’t have the support of her precious daughter. And no she is not demented. Her mind is perfectly sound. She doesn’t treat anyone else the way she treats me.
I’ll never forget how the marriage counselor told me I had a part to play in the betrayal! WHAT A LIE!!! It’s like telling a murder victim “Well you had a part to play in your murder.” 🤦 It’s unbelievable!
Hnag in there and definitely get help. A good counselor can be very helpful in these situations. Although terribly traumatic, it's all too common...you're not alone...and time does eventually heal. peace.
I hear you. Going through it now myself. Please hang in there. Don’t give that horrible person the satisfaction they will get from knowing that they destroyed you. Their heinous treatment toward you defines them, not you. You are valuable, you are precious, you are worthy of true love. It is out there for you. Drop that bag of you know what and get the help you need to stop letting that person impact how you see yourself. Start loving yourself, and live for yourself. I am working on doing that. I believe you can too. What is happening to us will pass, with the support of a good therapist and the realization that you deserve to and must love yourself and put yourself first. You did not do anything to deserve what they have done to you. Not anything. Believe it because it is true. ❤️
@@bevb752 I’m praying for you right now. I know God can heal your heart. Betrayal is the most devastating pain that destroys your life as you’ve known it. Now that the enemy has emptied you, please turn and look towards God. He will fill you back up. You can rise up and above it all. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. Please don’t let the enemy rule in your life. The demons of lust seek to steal kill and destroy. Do not give the enemy their ultimate prize, which is your life. You deserve better than a lying, backstabbing, adulterous betrayer. That’s not what you want. Nobody wants a backstabber. You deserve so much better. May God pour out His peace and love over you and heal your heart and make you whole again. ☮️🙏🏼♥️
@@irinaivanovic9792 I feel your pain, know that you are not alone in this world, there are many of us that are suffering silently, because with the way the culture is, sin is not called out the way it should be, and betrayal is ultimately just like the sin that eve committed in the garden, its deception of one human being by another, and the deceitful human being carnally enjoys it until they are found out, and then, all of sudden, they are sorry, but then they find any way possible to avoid accountability, just know, that ultimately while it seems there is nothing that the deceptive person suffers no consequences, they will have to answer for it
When a partner minimizes the impact of betrayal trauma, that really can affect the person as well. Especially if they believe what they did wasn't full-blown "cheating" or damaging. Makes it very hard to heal with that person...
That’s why it’s so important to just move on. I had to understand that the absolute devastation I’ve experienced will never be validated. I grew up with people never taking accountability for what they’ve done and I don’t need it as an adult. I want love and romance, to get flowers and all that cheesy stuff. Someone who can get through all the mess and truly focuses on me because I’d do the same for them. Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve 😊
They minimize it, or if they’re caught in more lies down the road they minimize those too and call you crazy or jealous etc. I ended up divorcing because there was not enough effort, certainly no remorse.
@@officerfarva3666 they minimize their actions, minimize their lies, try to put the blame on you, lie some more, gaslight and refuse to take accountability then look at you like, "why cant you just be happy"... 😔 and they will try to be more upset at you than you are at them.
It takes thousands of lies to have an affair. From little white lies to big ones. It changed my life to learn that someone so "close" to someone else could do that. Everyone lies at times, but not like that. It shook me to my core when I found out.
Someone in whom you had implicit trust is betraying you, stealing, manipulating, and so many more. She lost her mother and daughter for a philanderer. She found out he was having parallel affairs. She confessed to my sister!!! who thought it better I didn't know!
CW: trauma dumping I was betrayed by an important circle of friends a couple of years ago and it has changed me to my core. I used to be extroverted and a social butterfly and today I struggle with crippling social anxiety, shame and guilt. I’ve just recently started to name what I went through as a betrayal and it still feels like too dramatic of a word for it. I never got an explanation as to what I had done but can still feel like I deserved what I got, like I’m a rotten person, inherently bad. Through extensive therapy I have been able to accept that they chose a path, a course of action, that they shortsightedly felt gave them what they wanted, and when I was wounded in the process they felt that my pain was worth their gain. Naming it a betrayal was a big step for me, but I’m still far from fully healed. I really appreciate betrayal being categorized with other major traumas. I’ve been through some shit in my life, but nothing comes close to the impact this had on me and it feels good to have the severity of my pain recognized. Like I’m actually allowed to feel these feelings and to be broken.
I found out 3 days after my husband passed away that he had a girlfriend 25 years younger, and that she may have been pregnant. 6 months later I found out everything he told me about his life was a lie (second marriage for both of us), and about 6 months after that I found out he had been having sexual relations with men since he was in his early 20s. It's been 2.5 years and I'm just starting to come out of this now. The manipulation was off the charts. Thank you for posting this video. Very informative.
@mr fantastic I know there are. Many of my friends are male and I have always loved having male friends. My husband had a whole slew of issues which unfortunately did not show themselves until after he died. Thanks for responding to my comment!
That’s some messed up crap.. I’m a betrayal victim with lots of unanswered questions..you’re not alone sista.. but we are stronger than we know. Can’t let them define our lives. We just REINVENT ourselves and make a wonderful 2nd half..❤️❤️
It’s clear to me this is what I’m going through. I knew the change in me was because of the betrayal, but I didn’t know it was an actual thing. I’ve never struggled like this before and it sucks because I feel I have no control over it, though I try my best to. I actually had a seizure in my sleep a month ago- never had a seizure before in my life. I honestly feel it came from the stress and constant worry
I am sorry you're going through this. Do be sure to a medical evaluation and know that a good counselor can be of benefit as well. Sending good wishes to you.
You are absolutely right - the constant stress has terrible effects on the body. As I mentioned in my reply above I’m being treated for many things. All I want to do is crawl into someone’s arms and be held for the rest of my life.
I've experienced betrayal trauma several times over my 60+ years and now understand clearly what happened and what I can do to heal. I've carried the traumas within as my fault. I'm deeply grateful for your video.
You do die, psychologically, and your belief system. But you can recreate your life if you work hard and accepting new beliefs about who you are going to be and what you want in your future.
I was betrayed by my parents when young. Abuse (physical, mental and emotional) and abandonment. I picked a husband I believed would never betray me based on his family and religious background and for 20 of our 25 years he had built my trust up with him with a loving marriage then BAM @ 25 years he obliterated it all. Even my sister couldn’t believe it and she distrusts everyone.
This guy cheated on me for 5 years. It didn't even know betrayal trauma was a thing. 20 years later I am sorting through the damage. Thanks for spotlighting this.
My ex friend co conspired with my sons dad so that I would lose custody. It humiliated me to the core because I found out during the court hearing. If you think parents can’t lose custody based on lies they can. I’m so beyond grief. I have done nothing wrong and made out to be unfit. The justice system has winners and losers whoever has the most money wins.
I have been to war in iraq, i have lost all of my friends with the last one taking his own life last june but out of everything in my life that has hurt all of the pain of 53 years doesn't come close to how much finding out what my spouse of 17 years has done and continues to do to my heart and mind. Its torture nothing less
You are so right, nothing hurts as much as sexual betrayal trauma. I'm about to leave my 25 year marriage where I have been betrayed and lied to repeatedly, first by drugs, then alcohol, constant lying about any and everything. I stuck by him through it all but the betrayal of catching your husband using porn, I couldn't take it any more. I'm out.
@@jessiesheldon-huffey1824 75% of married men look at porn, according to a quick google search on the scholarly literature. You might be better off staying away from men entirely if that's a dealbreaker
I think the reality is that someone who is in a “poly” or “open” relationship (at their partners request) and even pretends to be okay with it will probably experience betrayal trauma too…..I think this is why many people don’t like these relationships in the first place
Yes, open relationships work when there is honesty and communication. There are boundaries just like in a monogamous relationship. You have to have an immense trust in your partner and, as I've experienced, the betrayal trauma is pretty rough when that trust is broken. My partner would say that our relationship was open, so it wasn't cheating. It's really quite chilling.
for me being in poly relationships “significantly reduces” the damage of betrayal and allows me more stability and flexibility and, most importantly, more opportunities to experience healing connection i will never be monogamous and risk giving myself to 1 person. no one on earth deserves that much control over one’s life…
The only thing we that live with trauma can do is support one another and lift one another up. I do not entertain any sort of relationship with people who have hurt me intentionally... even if they are family. It hurts like no other, but I need to save myself. I'm down to my bro, his family, my mom, and my sister. Some of them need to be left out, too. I'm trying, but it's gut-wrenching to cut out the only family I have left. The last people and things that are familiar to me. It feels so isolating and out of place. To be honest, I don't feel safe unless I'm alone or alone with my boyfriend. Sometimes, he doesn't even get. it. I'm tired of explaining why I am the way I am. The constant hypervigilances drains the fight out of me. I'm exhausted all the time. Being tired pisses people off because I work like crazy, but when I'm home. All I want to do is sleep and not encounter anyone, but my boyfriend. There's not a whole lot I enjoy anymore. I stopped having constant nightmares yrs ago, but every now and then, when something resembles the treatment I went through that caused the trauma (I've even seen it the wrong way and the person was not doing what I thought). It'll cause mightmares again. Not continually nightmares, but I have a little sequence of them. It's affected so many jobs... heck, it's affected every aspect of my life. I have bad days and good days. Today's not been such a good day. Emotions out of wack. The smallest thing that upsets me... causes me to feel like I can't breathe. I know this is a long comment. I needed to vent with words and tears. I'm tired as usual. So I'm going to wish for everyone to attain healing that last for the rest of your lifetime. I hope I get there. I'm going to need a lot of sleep, time to cry, and a lot of cognitive behavioral therapy sessions. I hope that God will bless all of us with enough healing that we can all enjoy life for once. Night all!
My now ex loved and waited for his ex for 5 years in our relationship, and lied to me in my face! Used me for the love, money, and safety I provided, he used me as a bandage….. gave me breadcrumbs…. and I ended up in a severe betrayal trauma… weve been apart for a time now but im still traumatized….cant get over the betrayal….. that he used me… soo deeply… and lied to me and gaslighted me…. I dont know how to heal my nervous system… 😢
@@rhondaheithaus200 I dont believe in a God that let you go through this kind of thing, and then help you out of it. It doesnt make sense at all. Thanks for your kind answer and try to help though. But, no, our creator does not help you out of something that he clearly put you into! This God…. sounds more like my ex: throws you to the water and then gives you the helping hand… and then you should worship him for saving you.
After a relationship of lies alcoholism caretaking gaslighting shift blaming, accus, and abuse. I found out that he had been cheating since the very very start, he entered our relationship or ready cheating and told me that person was a friend, who was shockingly messed up in the head enough to go with it and hang out with me because he demanded we all spend time together. Genuinely it is so sickening and I am so so traumatized. The things he did to hide the truth from me, I fought so hard when I had suspicions. He had other people lie for him and did the craziest things to get the attention and blame off of him and put on to me. When I found out he had been cheating the whole time, and I had the proof because the people finally told me the truth after I asked, I was so heartbroken I felt as if a portion of me died. To abuse someone else, destroy their confidence and sense of self, just projecting all of your actions onto them and punishing them for your own actions, while using them for their love, genuinely evil. I don’t think my heart will ever heal from this. I’m not close to the person I used to be. I used to be so confident. Thanks to him I no longer walk with my head up. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Being betrayed is horrible in and of itself, but having been punished the whole time for his betrayal, is another level of evil. And I can’t begin to except the fact that he have been cheating since the very start of the relationship. That honestly breaks me so much that I can’t even process it
I am so sorry. But remember, this was done onto you but it is NOT about you! You have nothing to do with his evil choices. You are a wonderful human being. Don’t let this destroy you.
Absolutely. It's unbelievably cruel & there is no justification for doing something like that to another human being who you claim to love. I've gone through this in every single adult relationship I have had & am going through it now & this one is by far the worst of all. I'm in the process of hiring a private investigator to obtain the proof I need so I can end this once & for all & eliminate his ability to play the victim when it's done. Never again will I put myself in this situation again. I'd much rather be by myself than to take a chance on having this done to me again. I just can't
I was betrayed by my ex wife 3 months ago. I can already tell it's something I will eventually heal from, but never forget or not feel it. I remember the date and time when it was revealed and she fled like it was yesterday.
Be glad of the fact that she fled. Mine has left & come home twice just to continue to lie to my face & continue his shit behind my back & then gaslights me when I tell him I know where he's been. I get retraumatized daily. For Valentine's Day I got gaslit when I saw his truck in her driveway & he tells me he doesn't know what I saw but it wasn't him. If he had just stayed gone when he left the first time, it would've spared me a lot of the damage he's done to me that I don't think I even have enough years left on this earth to undo. I'm so sorry for what your ex wife put you through but I'm glad you were spared death by a thousand cuts if she had stayed & continued to emotionally & mentally abuse you. I wish you all the best & that you end up with someone who would never do such a thing.
Does a sexless marriage cause relational/betrayal trauma? What would be the best approach to resolve the trauma if the partner does not want to change?
My husband cheated on me last year. Lies piled up, even he said sorry. I just caught him keeping unhonest about his affairs leading my broken-hearted. I don't know how to trust him again. Every his explain I doubt, every smile he might plot. The best part is he blames the betray on me.
This is me since 2009. Found out my wife betrayed me with more than one man. One she lied about all this time and just recently admitted to and then tried to lie about the other one smh. Ive been broken for all of these years from the betrayal, but more so the fact that I knew she was lying. Now it's even worse. This is the first I've heard of ptbs. This is me. Now I am starting to go thru it again with this latest revelation that she can still lie to me. I'm fking hurting man.
2009 was the worst year of my life. I have been traumatized for 13 years. She had sex with 4 men in 3 days. And that's what I know about; she might be hiding more. She met a 21 year old at a stoplight and gave him her number. He called and after 6 minutes of talking she went to his house and sucked him off and swallowed his semen. She continued having sex with him and one day he brought a friend who she also sucked and swallowed. After doing all this, she tattooed INNOCENCE on her side.
That’s a horrible feeling. If you can summon the energy to save yourself and create boundaries to make yourself feel safe, it can help you heal. It can be really hard to mourn the loss of a relationship you think you had.
Soul-crushing. My grandmother betrayed me in the worst way. After I lost both my parents at 8, she hurt me so bad by mistreating me, she was unsafe and physically abusive and played it down. I got abused by friends, intimate partners and colleagues are just so toxic to me. I'm so done with always being the bad guy when people keep mistreating me. 💔
I had an internship in an emergency psych facility once. We had a few patients who were brought in by paramedics right after discovering infidelity from their partners. I will never forget the shell-shocked looks on their faces. Or how one of them completely questioned his own name and identity whenever we asked to confirm medical info. Some people do minimize the severity of the impact of this type of trauma when they say "get over it." You simply can't get over having something so fundamental as their trust violated.
My ex wife was letting another man be daddy to my daughter while I was out of town working then be normal when I come home. Took almost a year to find out they had been doing that and my daughter wasn't mine. I went insane and almost killed a couple dudes and almost killed myself over the following few months and ended up going to prison for what I did to them guys. I tried and tried to get that dude even kicked in his back door and ran up in the house only to have those two dudes get in my way trying to get away and dude ran out the front door and gone. I went back in and did what I did trying to make them scream loud enough he'd come back to help them. I was even hollerin out the door asking if he's gonna let me keep going or come stop me. Even told him I'd stop if he came back. He never came back and I didn't stop. I'm not proud of that and wish I'd done something different and got him instead of them too but I don't feel bad neither because they had been helping him hide from me and felt like they needed to see what happens when the games they play and laugh about aren't games at all and have very serious consiquences. I ended up in ICU for 7 days because I had some kind of psychotic break down that shut my whole body down and started having seizures, hallucinations and beyond extreme anger that I couldn't begin to start to control. Still to this day I struggle with things and unfortunately probably always will. I didn't kill her because I didn't want to hurt my kids losing their mom. They had no understanding of what all was going on all they knew was that was their mom and I'm dad and naturally they loved both of us like any toddler and 3 yr old would. Me losing it was funny to her and make comments to provoke me AFTER what I had done and knowing what happened. I think she was trying to get me to kill her to be completely honest. I was never like that before, not even close. I was easy to get along with and didn't have a violent nature to me at all before then but it never went away once it got in me. It's like I'm not even me anymore.
I discovered my rage by the time a betrayal and requested divorce were revealed to me. If I had a gun -- there were two weeks there where I was in the deepest, most profound rage -- I could have killed both of them. I remember this guttural evil laugh that came from the deepest part of me ... I NEVER knew I could be so angry ... the first few years after that, I suffered such intense disturbing emotions: fear, sadness, blaming myself, disappointment, loneliness, confusion ... feelings totally off the Richter scale. My lawyer said to me, you can understand why there's such a thing called "passion murder." Yes, I can. I hope I never feel that ever again. I doubt I will trust anyone else the same as I did my husband, my first love, of 34 years. Just tragic, and the healing journey is long, there are triggers and some sad moments even to this day 17 years later. Divorce care and grief share are two groups that really helped me through the very worst of it, and one on one counseling too.
@laurawalker546 I'm very sorry you had to go through all that! You are strong as hell not giving into your emotions and let rage take over and I respect you for that! Not many really understand the wars folks fight in themselves under those circumstances. When you truly love someone and gave them your whole mind, body and spirit only for them to rip it all to shreds then dance on it is a pain like no other and it brings out a side in folks nobody is gonna be laughing at if they cut loose. I hate them folks ĝot to know what it's like to have a real and solid person by their side and folks like us will never get to know what it's like.
What if it’s your whole family that’s betrayed, mentally, emotionally and physically abused you? The abuse is still happening and I feel completely broken. I do not trust or care what happens, I’m just too tired too.
I am in the same situation. The pain and suffering, the absolute sheer terror which I can still recall over 50 years later and have been betrayed or my kindness been taken advantage of. The most recent betrayal has been the most painful that I really just want to cease to exist. Each morning I wake up angry and never refreshed, with feelings of dread because I have another day feeling depths of anguish which is so beyond my ability to articulate correctly it really feels like living hell. Every morning I cry for at least two hours, and mostly cannot even get out of bed, completely unable to clean my house, so much washing piling up and my bedroom is not the safe refuge and pretty one I used to have. I have nothing to live for. This being intentionally befriended me and was so kind and seemed loving - but this was just to get me to work for them for free 7 days a week and having to ask for money was always a shame filled and humiliating experience. I did all the work no one else would do. Then after 8 years I trained someone new only to find out that he had gotten a paid position doing what I had been doing for years without pay. Then when others joined, I was no longer needed and after years of loyal service without any acknowledgement or thanks, I was insulted and treated with absolute hatred and contempt, all my best work and time, energy and commitment dismissed as 'a joke'. I only recently found out that this was a deliberate plan and the one I trusted and put my faith in, he let me know all the awful experiences I have had were all deliberately planned, even training someone else to do my job and finding out they were given a job title and put on salary for the same work I did for years without payment or recognition, dismissed as a fool. Only when all my energy was used up and I had burnout and keep getting really awful digestive system problems which activates a deep misery and depression and lasts about 10 days. When this happens I only have the energy to go from bed to couch. The past three days have been the worst and nothing can describe the depth of pain and the shock that this was planned and I was used for its own purposes whilst he secretly was attacking me and was the hidden enemy who deliberately befriended me, already having plans to inflict so many different types of awful things, the only one I truly believed in and was assured by others would never hurt me. Sorry for rambling on, I just don't know how I can go on from here.
This is hard, a friend conspired with his family to remove from a joint project and I had invested years in this venture. It has been a struggle to forgive myself but I will do everything to heal and move on.
I have a friend that slept with my girlfriend at the time and to this day he hides it from me and my other friends are helping him hide it. Sometimes the topic comes up mistakenly and they always hide it. It's been years and to this day I still find it hard to trust not just him but all of them. Its also painful whenever I remember that they're hiding something like that from me and also gossiping about it when I'm not there. Am I wrong in any way?
It’s been six years this month. I was stalked by one of the women. I was a cutter as a teenager. It came back with a vengeance. I ended up in the hospital psych ward. I laid there for a week just wanting to die. Years later I have PTSD and still struggle every day. I chose to stay. Something I said I would NEVER do. I still don’t know if it was the right or wrong decision. I feel frozen in time.
when you think your partner ended the affair only to find out multiple times she never did i mean my wife is 100% a mid range narcissist type B she was the perpetual victim the smear campaign was horrible by the time i knew what was going on she had isolated everyone from me our inner circle of friends our family coworkers were all told that im a abusive husband psychologically abuse and emotionally abuse her... that im a alcoholic and a dead beat dad.... let me assure you NOTHING could be further from the truth but this is the malice you will witness when you are either disengaged from (discarded) or if you manage to escape she is using my kids as pawns in the courts right now i havent seen my children in a month at this point and she knows its the LAST line of control she has over me insidious evil fucking people
John, you must be a genuine good hearted person. Those are the ones these people target. My heart goes out to you as I have experienced so much of this for my whole life. I'm so weary at this point as these kinds of people are rampant. I just said a prayer for you.
Can what I’m feeling be betrayal trauma - even when the person who betrayed a trust isn’t narcissistic and no doubt thought they were doing the right thing? My adult daughter has betrayed a trust, in a number of ways, and it’s hurt so much. I think about it all the time, feel incredibly sad and cry a lot - for about a year.
They say for every four years you were married, you need 1 year of grief... so you need to give yourself more time. You're in the middle of healing... it takes a long time. I was married 30, still have sad moments after 17 years since the shock divorce, although I feel stable now and i still have bad moments and triggers that come up.
@@laurawalker546this scares me. I was betrayed by my husband using porn and then lying about it. I am leaving my 25 year marriage ( i have 2 adult children) and it pains me to think of the number of years it will take me to recover from this, if I ever recover. I used to be confident about my looks and sexuality, now that is destroyed.
Fortunately, I believe the opposite. Great hurt I believe is an awakening, Forgiveness is weakness. Forgiveness makes it alright to be hurt over and over again. @@russcurtis1
@@lionheart3074 Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Saint Augustine Remember the lesson learned, establish good boundaries, forgive them and yourself(believing the lies)for your own health reasons but stay away from your betrayer and others with similar narcissistic qualities. The abuser is usually doing just fine, so don't let the abuser set the course of your future except for the fact that you now immediately recognize the betrayer's gaslighting in others.
I developed an anxiety disorder when my Dad succumbed to late onset Alzeimer's and was assigned to a psychiatrist and was stupid enough to tell my sister her name. She made an independent appointment with this doctor to tell her all about me (she fucked off when our parents fell ill btw so her motives were ... pure malice). The doctor called me and lent me Without Conscience by Robert Hare explaining psycopathy. I am sorry that there is a void in my sister's brain and for many years kept trying to fix something that could not be fixed. A minor betrayal was a man who said he loved me, I had known him for 16 years, and abruptly disappeared. That for me was a kind of grief for a well loved person who was going through his own stuff at the time. So for me it's context.
let me save you all some time.....they will never admit it and they sure as shit won't apologize. If you can accept these 2 things I think it will help. Took me 8 years to learn that. They will however blame you. enjoy
Hi! I follow you because you provide some really great information that has been useful to me in my life. I’d love to read this article but I can’t seem to be able to access it unless I’m a therapist also? I’d love to read it if possible.
Betrayal shreds you. But a good remedy is WEB research into the emotional incapacity of the betrayer(s). When you reach a position of utter contempt for their weakness, it re-establishes sanity and ennables your life to go forward. Bon courage, mes amis!
I have been lied about sent to jail on a lie cheated on in horrible ways and still lied too. As this has damaged me others claim they are the victim as they lie more and I truly think it’s insane. Someday I wake up I am ok others l wake up and I can trust no people at all and every one is a cheating lier 100% even if I meet someone new. I couldn’t even answer my phone for therapy yesterday because I didn’t trust my therapist
My mother betrayed mine and my siblings safety over and over again with abusive step fathers. Who yes, all abused us aswell. Each with a different *flavor* let's say.
I had to listen to this again. Since I first heard this message, something happened. I made an enemy in my recovery group because I wasn't interested in sex with this girl and her boyfriend the girl became extremely angry with me and began to tell lies about me and finally isolated me from all of my friends in the group, male and female. Then the climax came when this new girl sat next to me at a meeting and thought I was funny, so we laughed. At the end of the meeting three people spoke up and accused me of being a predator. There was no fighting back the liars as the whole group were mad as hell at me and just knew my intentions. For my sanity I left those people, a person can't protest his innocence because as soon as you state your case the crowd only hears the word "Predator". And that's what they again accuse you of. My best defense is to shut up and stay away, but it's a small mountain town.
I am 37 mother of 3 in a relationship for 12 years. About 7 years ago was when my younger sister started coming around more. I was happy to feel loved. That's when she told my partner of 4 years and we had just had our son and I had my tubes tied. Well she told my partner that i cheated (this never happened) (this is also not the first time she had tried to ruin my life intentionally. ) FF 5 years and she finally told my partner whom things have now gotten pretty rough between. That she had lied to him about me cheating on him. But when he would leave my sister would drug me and was allowing a bunch of men brutally rape me she had been drugging me with ghb and heroine. No I do not do drugs or drink. Well I did noticed different things that were just not right I ignored it she's my sister I should have been safe. This went on for 5 years. Now FF 3 more years to now. And well I just found out. C3ybui7tx??? WTF?????
Danielle I’m sorry!! Give it to God to fight your sister, get far away from her. You need to be there for your babies so those babies can care for you and love you. I’m sending you love. All of what I have to you ❤❤❤
There is betrayal and there is betrayal. How it hits you, scars you, quakes or changes your inner identity a little, maybe we are all different. As a child I was told our world (the family's essentially) relied on nobody knowing I had been assaulted. Things were tricky, Mum had been away but suffered from residual post natal depression, with psychosis (Inc harming her children). That had settled but she was fragile. So, with nobody realising I had injuries, I started a life sentence of secrecy. I had PTSD from early childhood, so this tagged on. Things got much worse when the school said something was wrong. They had asked for explanations in each school year, this time it was an ultimatum 'take her to a doctor or we will'. I was warned again about silence but in the end the doctor noticed how quiet I was. He looked across at me. He knew. We were still not at disaster. That came days later. We were visiting a lady in our town hospital. He found me and off we went. Still okay. My dress unbuttoned at the back to the waist, a common kid's style back then. He unbuttoned it a little to look for bruises. Wrong area. I started to weep a little. Hell walked into the room. A new doctor, he terrorised me so effectively that I had a massive seizure that evening. My speech went for weeks. The senior doctor was being asked for financial favours by the junior doctor. I had become a cash card, and I had to be left with lifelong injuries. Everyone attended to me at home, my Mum as nurse. The psychosis started to stir. I had to recover and fast. My DIY repair was troublesome but yet again the school, mystified but not fooled, stepped in. Mending a child took resources, and class participation. But the fear was eased by all the love. It took 18 months but I left for senior school well patched. The first suicide, a young friend, came six years later. Full of guilt (he had been entangled in a posh, toxic home), a female family member refused help for treatable cancer. Just pain relief. Gone. I entered a numb phase and my career blossomed. My job involved visiting people. A couple had a difficulty but needed to see me. The difficulty was a family suicide and suddenly I woke up. I knew how they felt, how they struggled to do routine things. I washed up, he dried and the lady talked. Despair should be released not borne at its height. No platitudes, no mask. Just 'It will ease, I promise. Try to remember him gently smiling, not sad. We owe him that". The pain would not go, it would change. It flares up but in time it becomes a gentle sadness. I left having helped a little. Their son had simply been overwhelmed by despair. They were changed but went forward. I married, had a child. That concealed injury but back. The birth left me disabled. My son was fine but the disability increased, as predicted. My spinal cord had been injured. Now, forward many years. With minimal walking, I was okay but could not feel a pain in my lower body. I survived peritonitis, with surgery. Sepsis struck a year later. But heartbreak was approaching. My sibling wanted our parents to favour her in their will. They declined. She became more & more angry. I happily agreed to less, I was worn beyond caring. As a child my sister was adored. But Dad picked up his other little girl and that closeness remained. We were treated equally but loved differently by Dad. A boundary was smudged, worryingly. This annoyed Mum (correctly) but it went unaddressed. I kept a distance, I had to, the past was seeping into my life. The injuries were now known to my doctors. The bad one had wrought hell, the year before the peritonitis. But I had sent the Police, for irregularities. They went, uninterested. They were to go back. Death number three came out of the blue. He was finished but the price was dreadful. The betrayal: Dad would not be pushed. He left the money 50/50. Angry, my existence was obscured by my sister at first. My reason for my absence was never mentioned. 99% stuck at home, susceptible to repeat sepsis, not mentioned. Helping a little, grateful & happy to change the share, not mentioned. Instead 'a thief, a parent abuser, a sibling abuser' and more, the list put me into shock. A tearfilled apology followed. But gossip spread, I was a little seen, probable bad lot. At least I have quiet. But too much damage I think. This betrayal was the second to scar my soul. The first, My effective mother had seen every injury and doubled up covering up. She had left a child in great pain for weeks, occasionally unknowingly blacking out momentarily into adulthood. And chose to die, as if more heartbreak would help. Or overwhelmed. I never see my sister, I did not respond. Skirting a nervous breakdown, I am now simply too worn down with it all. My son lives happily married, many miles away. This branch of a House of Usher ends with me. They are safe. That feeling has gone for me but despair is out of luck. I am simply worn out. I stayed 'clean'. That is true survival. My sibling succumbed to how we were treated. That heartbreak, finally inescapable, was too much for words.
What are you talking about,... that betral is high in narsissum?? Not everyone that lies is a narcissist. 3:11 If my partner used drugs and porn, , it was a lie by omission.
My narcissist daughter has used and betrayed me and the family that was there when her loser father wasn't(which was all of her life, pretty much) But now he can't do ANY wrong and we are now the enemy. The worst betrayal
I have been there. Loyalty and honesty were the the main thing I taught my children growing up. I didn’t destroy or vilify their lazy, selfish dad because my mom didn’t do that with me growing up. The problem with that though is that in never disclosing to me what a piece of crap my dad was as a husband, father and overall human being, Without the nurturing act of speaking the truth in love so that I understood he was flawed not me I internalized that I was inadequate when it was him. In trying to protect us she inadvertently allowed us to form an idealized romantic view of him and his aloofness and neglect; which just made us crave attention and expressions of value we would never have validated. My kids dad wasn’t like my dad, but the small spoken messages opting out, cause deep, deep wounds, and I made sure that they understood that I worked my ass off to provide for them and it was the privilege and honor in my life to do so, they were not burdens- but they needed to understand there is a price for sacrifice of that level and that price was their unyielding loyalty to me, so he could not downplay and pollute that truth. I made up for the lack of him in our lives wand made sure it not impact them and their upbringing. They needed to understand gratitude as much as they needed to understand that one sacrifices for their children. And their father’s refusal to do so created an expectation of loyalty to me in my opinion, which simply stated was, “you don’t spread my business to your dad”. My daughter is not a narcissist; she was profoundly hurt and wounded by my trying to save my marriage to a physically and emotionally abusive husband that I was completely trauma bonded to. I had wounded and betrayed her and my son every time I went back, every-time I prioritized him over them and repeatedly put myself in danger. It was killing them, and I was too sick to understand what I was doing, but she betrayed my confidence is to her father and his new wife on levels that I had always told her were never going to be OK and I thought she understood. But at the end of the day, I don’t get to dictate how my daughter chose to deal with the trauma that I inflicted on her through my poor choices and I try and remember that. She saw her little brother hurting and still so much younger than her, and she felt that I was no longer competent and trustworthy to see to his emotional safety and so she took it upon herself to try and intervene . I don’t know if I’m ever going to get over the grief, regret, and the loss that I suffer as a result of my decisions to try and heal, my toxic husband and marriage, I was naïve, I was selfish, but I was also compassionate, truly wanted to try and help my husband heal, and didn’t understand the complexity of how truly ill I had come over the years. I try and tell myself that both she and I made the best decisions we knew how to make with the information that we had at the time that we had it still the pain and agony of that, betrayal and trying to find a way to forgive it was one of the most difficult journey with my life and I sympathize with you.
Married over thirty years, husband played text games with a younger divorced woman at church. She baited him constantly if they hadn’t communicated in a while and then he started baiting her. I read them all, kept a few. This went on for at least 7 years. Just found out in 2022. What this means in terms of betrayal trauma- it’s devastating. The last seven years feel like two worlds colliding. One I knew and one I didn’t know was happening behind my back. Don’t make any judgements on the severity of this trauma until you experience it to the point everything you thought you knew has become an obsessive question of what the hell was really going on? You spend days and hours back tracking in a fog of confusion, trying to fugue out how you were so dumb, blind and trusting? Then you realize what a selfish person it takes to do this for their own cheap thrill while humiliating the betrayed spouse to this other woman. This is evil, that’s why it hurts so bad. Marriage is a spiritual bond and when people are selfish like this and have caused a spiritual break between each other, the pain is intense. All trust is gone. They say you can rebuild it. I don’t believe that after 9 months I can’t see how ever again I will trust him.
@@UnderstandingLimerence I have an unwanted stalker, over 10 years now I have ignored him. IF he is still married, and if I take him to court, his wife will have to realize her life with him was a lie, because he had lust for some weird fetish about me for 40 years, and possibly other women as well. I only found out much later, was curious at first because my marriage was bad. But I realize now he was grooming me. I backed away, but he won't let it go. It's driving me crazy, and fills me with fear, because he had violent fantasies about me, and apparently stalking is leading up to a sexual assault crime. He has weapons.
When those in authority abuse their power to obfuscate their own mistakes to steal from and persecute a disabled person they themselves have made homeless- yeah it’s traumatic but the worst bit is no one believes you.
It’s addressing the same issue in a different way lol. It’s for people that are into that, you gotta be able to get your point across to as many minds as possible.
I know, right. How many of the perps had a Kundalini awakening and ended up being demon clown cars. The thing no pastors talk about is that it seems like saved people are far less likely to dissociate from being sneaky and evil (aka human) because they believe that even if they mess up Christ has already forgiven them! You also have a guard at the door.
my betrayal trauma almost cost me my life now a guy lets me know he wants to kiss me and i have like a weird ptsd episode i want to be invisible and load my truck up and dissapear. Yup that is a weird ptsd episode. And now i at least understand why. Now working towards healing.
Like many, you also confuse 'Betrayal trauma' with common infidelity or being set-up and taken advantage from by a Nascissitic/Sociopathic,, or even a regular person. We all get those betrayals from time to time. This is sad but not the definition of 'Betrayal Trauma'. You can not call every betrayal causing a trauma. The word 'trauma' is easily used these days. 'Betrayal Trauma' mostly referres to extreem childhood abuse. Read Jennifer Freyd. Your garden-variety of cheaters and manipulators also cause traumatic reactions but on another level of severity. They are mostly temporarilly in time. While the effects of severe childhood abuse are often live lasting by their impact. Children who endured this extreme abusive treatment of caregivers develope a 'Betrayal Trauma'. That's the real meaning of the concept. Not your version/interpretation of the concept. You take it much too wide which many 'therapists' do here on TH-cam. To catch as many fish as possible?
There is no confusion here, sorry. You clearly do not understand the topic or condition which is fine, but there is no need to gaslight people with betrayal trauma. Children are not the only ones who can experience this. That’s actually a different kind of betrayal experience (obviously). Actually, partner betrayal trauma causes an extreme form of c-ptsd often times with an endless list of triggers and onsets of health issues. Their experience and pain is valid and real and recognized among certified therapists and the field.
@@Heyitsbonny Before again commenting like this first read Bessel van der Kolk; 'The body keeps the score' on CPTSD. Then read Jenifer Freyd; 'Betrayal Trauma'. Partner betrayal can sure cause severe PTSD-symptoms but not CPTSD. Their experience and pain is surely valid. I completely agree (been there myself). But we should get clear on using diagnostics. A single partner betrayal trauma is definitly not causing CPTSD. This is mostly a one-time traumatic experience with one partner over a specific time, causing PTSD-symptoms. CPTSD is about ongoing betrayal by (several) primary 'caregivers' over many years. Mostly starting in childhood. To accuse someone of 'gaslighting' is just an easy way of avoiding critics on your own narritive. You better dive in to this deeper to learn. This will maybe also help to overcome your partner betrayal trauma. Maybe you have a pattern from severe childhood betrayal which contributed to you ending up in a abusive/betrayal relationship. If that's the case you might be suffering CPTSD instead of only one-off PTSD symptoms after an abusive/betrayal relationship. Goodluck.
@@greintje6941 wow!!! Is victim-blaming in one of the books you recommend??? You're recommending books that are extremely popular in partner betrayal circles. 😑 not to mention, with long-term, ongoing betrayal, there usually are several, if not many, people involved in the betrayal. My spouse I've been with for 13 yrs (married for 10) has admitted to cheating for 7 years with strippers (who knows the real number). I am INCREDIBLY traumatized by this. In 2017, I was diagnosed with PTSD after trying to keep my baby alive through a high risk pregnancy. In 2019, my oldest son was kidnapped by his biological father! THIS what I am going through now is the absolute worst thing I've ever EVER experienced. My whole life is completely spiraling.
Our world has minimized this issue so much it’s disturbing. Victims are told they’re insecure, jealous, crazy, that they should get mental help, they should be ashamed that the victim betrayed the betrayer (went through the betrayers phone, tablet or family computer etc.) It is unreal.
Facts! I found out about her infidelity just that way it was mind blowing 😮🎉
Gaslighting... victims are always gaslite.
No justice, I don't have much faith in the systems of today.
But pray, God sees, He knows, He can heal, and He always brings judgement to wicked ppl in his own way and timing.
Facts
Exactly say
I couldn't agree more, and it sickens me to my stomach. The only thing we that live with trauma can do is support one another and lift one another up. I do not entertain any sort of relationship with people who have hurt me intentionally... even if they are family. It hurts like no other, but I need to save myself. I'm down to my bro, his family, my mom, and my sister. Some of them need to be left out, too. I'm trying, but it's gut-wrenching to cut out the only family I have left. The last people and things that are familiar to me. It feels so isolating and out of place. To be honest, I don't feel safe unless I'm alone or alone with my boyfriend. Sometimes, he doesn't even get. it. I'm tired of explaining why I am the way I am. The constant hypervigilances drains the fight out of me. I'm exhausted all the time. Being tired pisses people off because I work like crazy, but when I'm home. All I want to do is sleep and not encounter anyone, but my boyfriend. There's not a whole lot I enjoy anymore. I stopped having constant nightmares yrs ago, but every now and then, when something resembles the treatment I went through that caused the trauma (I've even seen it the wrong way and the person was not doing what I thought). It'll cause mightmares again. Not continually nightmares, but I have a little sequence of them. It's affected so many jobs... heck, it's affected every aspect of my life. I have bad days and good days. Today's not been such a good day. Emotions out of wack. The smallest thing that upsets me... causes me to feel like I can't breathe. I know this is a long comment. I needed to vent with words and tears. I'm tired as usual. So I'm going to wish for everyone to attain healing that last for the rest of your lifetime. I hope I get there. I'm going to need a lot of sleep, time to cry, and a lot of cognitive behavioral therapy sessions. I hope that God will bless all of us with enough healing that we can all enjoy life for once. Night all!
I still struggle horribly with complex betrayal trauma that was left unhealed from 25 years ago. No apologies, I was blamed, gaslighted. Descended into a hell on earth that led to alcoholism. My spouse told me just “to get over it”. “It” was 15 long years of intermittent disclosure (constant re-traumatization) and continued contact my husband never thought would come to light. I stayed to raise young children; that was a mistake. I’m a 66 year old highly educated woman who found the courage to leave and live separate and apart (since 2019). This has destroyed me; I will never be the lively, courageous, outgoing, passionate lady with such shine ever again. I feel so broken, so hollow and I do think about ending my life.
Have been under consistent trauma therapy, have a life coach and psychiatrist. The physical manifestations of this trauma are there too: metastatic cancer, high blood pressure, depression, anxiety, digestion, sleep and focus problems.
I decided to try new skills and hobbies- learning to sail, yoga, mosaics which help, but the deepest ugliest pain of unresolved betrayal, and the deeper hurt that my husband failed to work on himself and would not continue counseling showed me how terribly selfish he really is.
The “bottom” for me was a complete mental breakdown. I was taken by ambulance to our local ER and admitted to the ER’s Behavioral Health Unit suicide watch.
I’ve decided to author a book about the horror of infidelity trauma; it’s aptly titled “Madwoman”. Hoping to finish it this winter.
This trauma is living in hell on earth.
I am sorry you've experienced this, and you are not alone. I think writing is wonderfully healing and that is my hope for you with you're book. I'd love to read it! With warm best wishes - russ
This describes me 100% its hell.
you WILL Shine again.
you gotta take life and MAKE it.
shine on gurl!
PS, I have a Chapter for you! Heart attacks, put in danger, talked to like a dog.
whew!
I relate to this so much, but I know your story is so unique from my own & any others. I've never wanted to read a book so badly so I hope I can purchase it soon. If your comment is any indication, I'm sure you're a FANTASTIC writer. Thank you so much for sharing. Sending you light & love.
It's been 30 years after the betrayal. And I still feel it.
I'm sorry.
Dam... it's only been a couple years. I was hoping for better results. 😢
@@marksage5722 Mine was 30 years ago and I still feel it.
Exactly. 20 yrs of marriage, I was totally blindsided. 18 yrs later, I’m surviving. However, it amazes me how people don’t want you to stay single. It’s not allowed. 😮
hah, got that beat with 40
My betrayal trauma is from my mother. She was a good supportive mother most of my life. There were hints of her narcissism but they were few and far between. Then after she retired from working and lost feeling important and status and I got a chronic illness that made me physically less available to her, her narcissism became full blown. 13 years ago at the age of 76 she began to have vicious rages at me, gaslighting, crying and turning it around that she was the victim, all classic narcissistic behaviors. I had a nervous breakdown and went no contact 3 months ago. My pain is the pain of being betrayed by a mother I felt safe with and trusted all my life and she crushed my soul. There was no way to stand up for myself or have her hear me. I tried and was met with “I never said that. I don’t get enraged at you.”
It’s been mind boggling frustrating and painful. Now when she is 89 she doesn’t have the support of her precious daughter. And no she is not demented. Her mind is perfectly sound. She doesn’t treat anyone else the way she treats me.
I’ll never forget how the marriage counselor told me I had a part to play in the betrayal! WHAT A LIE!!! It’s like telling a murder victim “Well you had a part to play in your murder.” 🤦 It’s unbelievable!
You were a target, unfair, unjust, unkind...inhumane.
Yup. I'm always blamed for my response to his emotional infidelity...
Yep. I’ve been told that. That I must not have been a good wife or he would not have strayed.
@@causticchameleon7861 no amount of performance on our part can undo the lack of morality inside someone else
I had the same experience.
From someone that is dealing with this immense problem that almost cost me my life, thank you.
Hnag in there and definitely get help. A good counselor can be very helpful in these situations. Although terribly traumatic, it's all too common...you're not alone...and time does eventually heal. peace.
I hear you. Going through it now myself. Please hang in there. Don’t give that horrible person the satisfaction they will get from knowing that they destroyed you. Their heinous treatment toward you defines them, not you. You are valuable, you are precious, you are worthy of true love. It is out there for you. Drop that bag of you know what and get the help you need to stop letting that person impact how you see yourself. Start loving yourself, and live for yourself. I am working on doing that. I believe you can too. What is happening to us will pass, with the support of a good therapist and the realization that you deserve to and must love yourself and put yourself first. You did not do anything to deserve what they have done to you. Not anything. Believe it because it is true. ❤️
Exactly..I've been betrayed in the WORST possible ways..The aftermath is no joke.
@Shakinbake I know right? My ex boyfriend was like “it was two years ago, get over it”. Ridiculous
@@Machelle3200me too
Why is infidelity worse than murder? With infidelity, you leave your victim alive
Isn’t that the truth! Alive but totally dead inside. It’s like an a-bomb went off inside you.
I’ve been betrayed and sometimes I would rather be dead.
@@bevb752 I’m praying for you right now. I know God can heal your heart. Betrayal is the most devastating pain that destroys your life as you’ve known it. Now that the enemy has emptied you, please turn and look towards God. He will fill you back up. You can rise up and above it all. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. Please don’t let the enemy rule in your life. The demons of lust seek to steal kill and destroy. Do not give the enemy their ultimate prize, which is your life. You deserve better than a lying, backstabbing, adulterous betrayer. That’s not what you want. Nobody wants a backstabber. You deserve so much better. May God pour out His peace and love over you and heal your heart and make you whole again. ☮️🙏🏼♥️
I know for a fact, I would MUCH rather be dead than alive today. The betrayal trauma is horrendous.
@@irinaivanovic9792 I feel your pain, know that you are not alone in this world, there are many of us that are suffering silently, because with the way the culture is, sin is not called out the way it should be, and betrayal is ultimately just like the sin that eve committed in the garden, its deception of one human being by another, and the deceitful human being carnally enjoys it until they are found out, and then, all of sudden, they are sorry, but then they find any way possible to avoid accountability, just know, that ultimately while it seems there is nothing that the deceptive person suffers no consequences, they will have to answer for it
Still feel it 36 years after, unbelievable pain
When a partner minimizes the impact of betrayal trauma, that really can affect the person as well. Especially if they believe what they did wasn't full-blown "cheating" or damaging. Makes it very hard to heal with that person...
You are so right. What doesn’t someone (who is “normal”) understand about what is damaging to another person??
That’s why it’s so important to just move on. I had to understand that the absolute devastation I’ve experienced will never be validated. I grew up with people never taking accountability for what they’ve done and I don’t need it as an adult. I want love and romance, to get flowers and all that cheesy stuff. Someone who can get through all the mess and truly focuses on me because I’d do the same for them. Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve 😊
They minimize it, or if they’re caught in more lies down the road they minimize those too and call you crazy or jealous etc. I ended up divorcing because there was not enough effort, certainly no remorse.
@@officerfarva3666 they minimize their actions, minimize their lies, try to put the blame on you, lie some more, gaslight and refuse to take accountability then look at you like, "why cant you just be happy"... 😔 and they will try to be more upset at you than you are at them.
They just don’t want to face it . They are happy in their new relationship that they started w that person. It’s not about you.
It takes thousands of lies to have an affair. From little white lies to big ones. It changed my life to learn that someone so "close" to someone else could do that. Everyone lies at times, but not like that. It shook me to my core when I found out.
yes yes yes. I understand the feeling
Married for 32 years and her affair was 28 of them! Well hidden. 16 years on it still haunts me daily.
Someone in whom you had implicit trust is betraying you, stealing, manipulating, and so many more. She lost her mother and daughter for a philanderer. She found out he was having parallel affairs. She confessed to my sister!!! who thought it better I didn't know!
@@alanmansell4297 man im so sorry your sister withheld that information from you,too
you deserved so much better
CW: trauma dumping
I was betrayed by an important circle of friends a couple of years ago and it has changed me to my core. I used to be extroverted and a social butterfly and today I struggle with crippling social anxiety, shame and guilt. I’ve just recently started to name what I went through as a betrayal and it still feels like too dramatic of a word for it. I never got an explanation as to what I had done but can still feel like I deserved what I got, like I’m a rotten person, inherently bad. Through extensive therapy I have been able to accept that they chose a path, a course of action, that they shortsightedly felt gave them what they wanted, and when I was wounded in the process they felt that my pain was worth their gain. Naming it a betrayal was a big step for me, but I’m still far from fully healed.
I really appreciate betrayal being categorized with other major traumas. I’ve been through some shit in my life, but nothing comes close to the impact this had on me and it feels good to have the severity of my pain recognized. Like I’m actually allowed to feel these feelings and to be broken.
It's soul destroying. It's ruining me.
My behavior has severly went from normal to psychosis after dealing with this. I am out of trust at this point.
What happened?
I relate 150% with you Ross, what an incredibly accurate statement friend.
yeah same i am so violent now
I found out 3 days after my husband passed away that he had a girlfriend 25 years younger, and that she may have been pregnant. 6 months later I found out everything he told me about his life was a lie (second marriage for both of us), and about 6 months after that I found out he had been having sexual relations with men since he was in his early 20s. It's been 2.5 years and I'm just starting to come out of this now. The manipulation was off the charts. Thank you for posting this video. Very informative.
@mr fantastic I know there are. Many of my friends are male and I have always loved having male friends. My husband had a whole slew of issues which unfortunately did not show themselves until after he died. Thanks for responding to my comment!
These people are sick. I hate to sound evil but I wish my spouse was ☠️
That’s horrific. I’m so sorry. Sending you lots of love.
Peace to you.
That’s some messed up crap.. I’m a betrayal victim with lots of unanswered questions..you’re not alone sista.. but we are stronger than we know. Can’t let them define our lives. We just REINVENT ourselves and make a wonderful 2nd half..❤️❤️
It’s clear to me this is what I’m going through. I knew the change in me was because of the betrayal, but I didn’t know it was an actual thing. I’ve never struggled like this before and it sucks because I feel I have no control over it, though I try my best to. I actually had a seizure in my sleep a month ago- never had a seizure before in my life. I honestly feel it came from the stress and constant worry
I am sorry you're going through this. Do be sure to a medical evaluation and know that a good counselor can be of benefit as well. Sending good wishes to you.
You are absolutely right - the constant stress has terrible effects on the body. As I mentioned in my reply above I’m being treated for many things. All I want to do is crawl into someone’s arms and be held for the rest of my life.
@@lesliemontagne6797 how are you now I just caught him 3 days ago again
I've experienced betrayal trauma several times over my 60+ years and now understand clearly what happened and what I can do to heal. I've carried the traumas within as my fault. I'm deeply grateful for your video.
Thanks for sharing!
when your spouse betrays you after 11 years when you find out you literally die your soul is mortally wounded
I think mine was poisoning or drugging my coffee at the end
You do die, psychologically, and your belief system. But you can recreate your life if you work hard and accepting new beliefs about who you are going to be and what you want in your future.
@@Grundalizeromgod that’s insane. These people are sick
I was betrayed by my parents when young. Abuse (physical, mental and emotional) and abandonment. I picked a husband I believed would never betray me based on his family and religious background and for 20 of our 25 years he had built my trust up with him with a loving marriage then BAM @ 25 years he obliterated it all. Even my sister couldn’t believe it and she distrusts everyone.
This guy cheated on me for 5 years. It didn't even know betrayal trauma was a thing. 20 years later I am sorting through the damage. Thanks for spotlighting this.
My ex friend co conspired with my sons dad so that I would lose custody. It humiliated me to the core because I found out during the court hearing. If you think parents can’t lose custody based on lies they can. I’m so beyond grief. I have done nothing wrong and made out to be unfit. The justice system has winners and losers whoever has the most money wins.
I have been to war in iraq, i have lost all of my friends with the last one taking his own life last june but out of everything in my life that has hurt all of the pain of 53 years doesn't come close to how much finding out what my spouse of 17 years has done and continues to do to my heart and mind. Its torture nothing less
sorry
You are so right, nothing hurts as much as sexual betrayal trauma. I'm about to leave my 25 year marriage where I have been betrayed and lied to repeatedly, first by drugs, then alcohol, constant lying about any and everything. I stuck by him through it all but the betrayal of catching your husband using porn, I couldn't take it any more. I'm out.
I felt that. Its in a whole other category of pain... this betyral sits all alone by itself and only suffers of it truly understand.
@@jessiesheldon-huffey1824 75% of married men look at porn, according to a quick google search on the scholarly literature. You might be better off staying away from men entirely if that's a dealbreaker
I think the reality is that someone who is in a “poly” or “open” relationship (at their partners request) and even pretends to be okay with it will probably experience betrayal trauma too…..I think this is why many people don’t like these relationships in the first place
I agree.
Yes, open relationships work when there is honesty and communication. There are boundaries just like in a monogamous relationship. You have to have an immense trust in your partner and, as I've experienced, the betrayal trauma is pretty rough when that trust is broken. My partner would say that our relationship was open, so it wasn't cheating. It's really quite chilling.
for me being in poly relationships “significantly reduces” the damage of betrayal and allows me more stability and flexibility and, most importantly, more opportunities to experience healing connection
i will never be monogamous and risk giving myself to 1 person. no one on earth deserves that much control over one’s life…
This why I wish I would win the lottery and I wouldn't have to ever worry about this ever.
The only thing we that live with trauma can do is support one another and lift one another up. I do not entertain any sort of relationship with people who have hurt me intentionally... even if they are family. It hurts like no other, but I need to save myself. I'm down to my bro, his family, my mom, and my sister. Some of them need to be left out, too. I'm trying, but it's gut-wrenching to cut out the only family I have left. The last people and things that are familiar to me. It feels so isolating and out of place. To be honest, I don't feel safe unless I'm alone or alone with my boyfriend. Sometimes, he doesn't even get. it. I'm tired of explaining why I am the way I am. The constant hypervigilances drains the fight out of me. I'm exhausted all the time. Being tired pisses people off because I work like crazy, but when I'm home. All I want to do is sleep and not encounter anyone, but my boyfriend. There's not a whole lot I enjoy anymore. I stopped having constant nightmares yrs ago, but every now and then, when something resembles the treatment I went through that caused the trauma (I've even seen it the wrong way and the person was not doing what I thought). It'll cause mightmares again. Not continually nightmares, but I have a little sequence of them. It's affected so many jobs... heck, it's affected every aspect of my life. I have bad days and good days. Today's not been such a good day. Emotions out of wack. The smallest thing that upsets me... causes me to feel like I can't breathe. I know this is a long comment. I needed to vent with words and tears. I'm tired as usual. So I'm going to wish for everyone to attain healing that last for the rest of your lifetime. I hope I get there. I'm going to need a lot of sleep, time to cry, and a lot of cognitive behavioral therapy sessions. I hope that God will bless all of us with enough healing that we can all enjoy life for once. Night all!
My now ex loved and waited for his ex for 5 years in our relationship, and lied to me in my face! Used me for the love, money, and safety I provided, he used me as a bandage….. gave me breadcrumbs…. and I ended up in a severe betrayal trauma… weve been apart for a time now but im still traumatized….cant get over the betrayal….. that he used me… soo deeply… and lied to me and gaslighted me…. I dont know how to heal my nervous system… 😢
Pray for God to heal your brokenheart. Our Creator will put people in your path to help you heal.
@@rhondaheithaus200 I dont believe in a God that let you go through this kind of thing, and then help you out of it. It doesnt make sense at all. Thanks for your kind answer and try to help though. But, no, our creator does not help you out of something that he clearly put you into! This God…. sounds more like my ex: throws you to the water and then gives you the helping hand… and then you should worship him for saving you.
After a relationship of lies alcoholism caretaking gaslighting shift blaming, accus, and abuse. I found out that he had been cheating since the very very start, he entered our relationship or ready cheating and told me that person was a friend, who was shockingly messed up in the head enough to go with it and hang out with me because he demanded we all spend time together. Genuinely it is so sickening and I am so so traumatized. The things he did to hide the truth from me, I fought so hard when I had suspicions. He had other people lie for him and did the craziest things to get the attention and blame off of him and put on to me. When I found out he had been cheating the whole time, and I had the proof because the people finally told me the truth after I asked, I was so heartbroken I felt as if a portion of me died. To abuse someone else, destroy their confidence and sense of self, just projecting all of your actions onto them and punishing them for your own actions, while using them for their love, genuinely evil. I don’t think my heart will ever heal from this. I’m not close to the person I used to be. I used to be so confident. Thanks to him I no longer walk with my head up. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Being betrayed is horrible in and of itself, but having been punished the whole time for his betrayal, is another level of evil. And I can’t begin to except the fact that he have been cheating since the very start of the relationship. That honestly breaks me so much that I can’t even process it
I so understand Abby... I'm right there w you to the smallest detail and I feel like my life has been hijacked. God bless us both Girl ❤️🩹
Same for me
What a devil. At least they’re exposed and out of your life.
I am so sorry. But remember, this was done onto you but it is NOT about you! You have nothing to do with his evil choices. You are a wonderful human being. Don’t let this destroy you.
I understand why in some countries they stone cheaters to death. I think anyone involved in the process should be punished
Absolutely. It's unbelievably cruel & there is no justification for doing something like that to another human being who you claim to love. I've gone through this in every single adult relationship I have had & am going through it now & this one is by far the worst of all. I'm in the process of hiring a private investigator to obtain the proof I need so I can end this once & for all & eliminate his ability to play the victim when it's done. Never again will I put myself in this situation again. I'd much rather be by myself than to take a chance on having this done to me again. I just can't
FACTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I said the same thing. I see why they are stoned.
I was betrayed by my ex wife 3 months ago. I can already tell it's something I will eventually heal from, but never forget or not feel it. I remember the date and time when it was revealed and she fled like it was yesterday.
Be glad of the fact that she fled. Mine has left & come home twice just to continue to lie to my face & continue his shit behind my back & then gaslights me when I tell him I know where he's been. I get retraumatized daily. For Valentine's Day I got gaslit when I saw his truck in her driveway & he tells me he doesn't know what I saw but it wasn't him. If he had just stayed gone when he left the first time, it would've spared me a lot of the damage he's done to me that I don't think I even have enough years left on this earth to undo. I'm so sorry for what your ex wife put you through but I'm glad you were spared death by a thousand cuts if she had stayed & continued to emotionally & mentally abuse you. I wish you all the best & that you end up with someone who would never do such a thing.
@lightnindawn7710 are you out of the relationship now? I am getting out within the next 6 months. The gaslighting is the worst part.😢
Does a sexless marriage cause relational/betrayal trauma? What would be the best approach to resolve the trauma if the partner does not want to change?
My husband cheated on me last year. Lies piled up, even he said sorry. I just caught him keeping unhonest about his affairs leading my broken-hearted. I don't know how to trust him again. Every his explain I doubt, every smile he might plot. The best part is he blames the betray on me.
This is me since 2009. Found out my wife betrayed me with more than one man. One she lied about all this time and just recently admitted to and then tried to lie about the other one smh. Ive been broken for all of these years from the betrayal, but more so the fact that I knew she was lying. Now it's even worse. This is the first I've heard of ptbs. This is me. Now I am starting to go thru it again with this latest revelation that she can still lie to me. I'm fking hurting man.
2009 was the worst year of my life. I have been traumatized for 13 years. She had sex with 4 men in 3 days. And that's what I know about; she might be hiding more. She met a 21 year old at a stoplight and gave him her number. He called and after 6 minutes of talking she went to his house and sucked him off and swallowed his semen. She continued having sex with him and one day he brought a friend who she also sucked and swallowed. After doing all this, she tattooed INNOCENCE on her side.
That’s a horrible feeling. If you can summon the energy to save yourself and create boundaries to make yourself feel safe, it can help you heal. It can be really hard to mourn the loss of a relationship you think you had.
Leave the dirty slut
@@jessebastide38 perfectly stated🙏
Soul-crushing. My grandmother betrayed me in the worst way. After I lost both my parents at 8, she hurt me so bad by mistreating me, she was unsafe and physically abusive and played it down. I got abused by friends, intimate partners and colleagues are just so toxic to me. I'm so done with always being the bad guy when people keep mistreating me. 💔
Sounds like the exact same story of my life... To add to the equation my mother was leading the pack.
I had an internship in an emergency psych facility once. We had a few patients who were brought in by paramedics right after discovering infidelity from their partners. I will never forget the shell-shocked looks on their faces. Or how one of them completely questioned his own name and identity whenever we asked to confirm medical info. Some people do minimize the severity of the impact of this type of trauma when they say "get over it." You simply can't get over having something so fundamental as their trust violated.
Thanks for sharing this. Agreed, and we need to start talking more about it.
Movies are what they are. This unfortunately happens daily in church and families and is devastating 💔
thank you for this information
My first impression was to think you pegged Trump very well. For myself, this video has been a gift. Thx!
My ex wife was letting another man be daddy to my daughter while I was out of town working then be normal when I come home. Took almost a year to find out they had been doing that and my daughter wasn't mine. I went insane and almost killed a couple dudes and almost killed myself over the following few months and ended up going to prison for what I did to them guys. I tried and tried to get that dude even kicked in his back door and ran up in the house only to have those two dudes get in my way trying to get away and dude ran out the front door and gone. I went back in and did what I did trying to make them scream loud enough he'd come back to help them. I was even hollerin out the door asking if he's gonna let me keep going or come stop me. Even told him I'd stop if he came back. He never came back and I didn't stop. I'm not proud of that and wish I'd done something different and got him instead of them too but I don't feel bad neither because they had been helping him hide from me and felt like they needed to see what happens when the games they play and laugh about aren't games at all and have very serious consiquences. I ended up in ICU for 7 days because I had some kind of psychotic break down that shut my whole body down and started having seizures, hallucinations and beyond extreme anger that I couldn't begin to start to control. Still to this day I struggle with things and unfortunately probably always will. I didn't kill her because I didn't want to hurt my kids losing their mom. They had no understanding of what all was going on all they knew was that was their mom and I'm dad and naturally they loved both of us like any toddler and 3 yr old would. Me losing it was funny to her and make comments to provoke me AFTER what I had done and knowing what happened. I think she was trying to get me to kill her to be completely honest. I was never like that before, not even close. I was easy to get along with and didn't have a violent nature to me at all before then but it never went away once it got in me. It's like I'm not even me anymore.
I discovered my rage by the time a betrayal and requested divorce were revealed to me. If I had a gun -- there were two weeks there where I was in the deepest, most profound rage -- I could have killed both of them. I remember this guttural evil laugh that came from the deepest part of me ... I NEVER knew I could be so angry ... the first few years after that, I suffered such intense disturbing emotions: fear, sadness, blaming myself, disappointment, loneliness, confusion ... feelings totally off the Richter scale. My lawyer said to me, you can understand why there's such a thing called "passion murder." Yes, I can. I hope I never feel that ever again. I doubt I will trust anyone else the same as I did my husband, my first love, of 34 years. Just tragic, and the healing journey is long, there are triggers and some sad moments even to this day 17 years later. Divorce care and grief share are two groups that really helped me through the very worst of it, and one on one counseling too.
@laurawalker546 I'm very sorry you had to go through all that! You are strong as hell not giving into your emotions and let rage take over and I respect you for that! Not many really understand the wars folks fight in themselves under those circumstances. When you truly love someone and gave them your whole mind, body and spirit only for them to rip it all to shreds then dance on it is a pain like no other and it brings out a side in folks nobody is gonna be laughing at if they cut loose. I hate them folks ĝot to know what it's like to have a real and solid person by their side and folks like us will never get to know what it's like.
What if it’s your whole family that’s betrayed, mentally, emotionally and physically abused you? The abuse is still happening and I feel completely broken. I do not trust or care what happens, I’m just too tired too.
I am in the same situation. The pain and suffering, the absolute sheer terror which I can still recall over 50 years later and have been betrayed or my kindness been taken advantage of. The most recent betrayal has been the most painful that I really just want to cease to exist. Each morning I wake up angry and never refreshed, with feelings of dread because I have another day feeling depths of anguish which is so beyond my ability to articulate correctly it really feels like living hell. Every morning I cry for at least two hours, and mostly cannot even get out of bed, completely unable to clean my house, so much washing piling up and my bedroom is not the safe refuge and pretty one I used to have. I have nothing to live for. This being intentionally befriended me and was so kind and seemed loving - but this was just to get me to work for them for free 7 days a week and having to ask for money was always a shame filled and humiliating experience. I did all the work no one else would do. Then after 8 years I trained someone new only to find out that he had gotten a paid position doing what I had been doing for years without pay. Then when others joined, I was no longer needed and after years of loyal service without any acknowledgement or thanks, I was insulted and treated with absolute hatred and contempt, all my best work and time, energy and commitment dismissed as 'a joke'. I only recently found out that this was a deliberate plan and the one I trusted and put my faith in, he let me know all the awful experiences I have had were all deliberately planned, even training someone else to do my job and finding out they were given a job title and put on salary for the same work I did for years without payment or recognition, dismissed as a fool. Only when all my energy was used up and I had burnout and keep getting really awful digestive system problems which activates a deep misery and depression and lasts about 10 days. When this happens I only have the energy to go from bed to couch. The past three days have been the worst and nothing can describe the depth of pain and the shock that this was planned and I was used for its own purposes whilst he secretly was attacking me and was the hidden enemy who deliberately befriended me, already having plans to inflict so many different types of awful things, the only one I truly believed in and was assured by others would never hurt me. Sorry for rambling on, I just don't know how I can go on from here.
This is hard, a friend conspired with his family to remove from a joint project and I had invested years in this venture. It has been a struggle to forgive myself but I will do everything to heal and move on.
I wrote a poem on all the forms of betrayal i experienced. People will NOT believe it.
Which types of betrayal?
Never let anyone in.
I have a friend that slept with my girlfriend at the time and to this day he hides it from me and my other friends are helping him hide it. Sometimes the topic comes up mistakenly and they always hide it. It's been years and to this day I still find it hard to trust not just him but all of them. Its also painful whenever I remember that they're hiding something like that from me and also gossiping about it when I'm not there. Am I wrong in any way?
I’m starting therapy for this.
Wishing you all the luck. It’s starting to help me.
did it work?
me too!!! we will be back we will be victorious!
Dang this does make a lot of sense.
It’s been six years this month. I was stalked by one of the women. I was a cutter as a teenager. It came back with a vengeance. I ended up in the hospital psych ward. I laid there for a week just wanting to die. Years later I have PTSD and still struggle every day. I chose to stay. Something I said I would NEVER do.
I still don’t know if it was the right or wrong decision. I feel frozen in time.
when you think your partner ended the affair only to find out multiple times she never did i mean my wife is 100% a mid range narcissist type B she was the perpetual victim the smear campaign was horrible by the time i knew what was going on she had isolated everyone from me our inner circle of friends our family coworkers were all told that im a abusive husband psychologically abuse and emotionally abuse her... that im a alcoholic and a dead beat dad.... let me assure you NOTHING could be further from the truth but this is the malice you will witness when you are either disengaged from (discarded) or if you manage to escape she is using my kids as pawns in the courts right now i havent seen my children in a month at this point and she knows its the LAST line of control she has over me insidious evil fucking people
John, you must be a genuine good hearted person. Those are the ones these people target. My heart goes out to you as I have experienced so much of this for my whole life. I'm so weary at this point as these kinds of people are rampant. I just said a prayer for you.
It should be classified as a crime. I went through this years ago and don't wish that pain on anybody.
Can what I’m feeling be betrayal trauma - even when the person who betrayed a trust isn’t narcissistic and no doubt thought they were doing the right thing? My adult daughter has betrayed a trust, in a number of ways, and it’s hurt so much. I think about it all the time, feel incredibly sad and cry a lot - for about a year.
My ex wife of 22 years and three children had cheated on me it's been 2 years since and I fine it's still hard too get over it time to time
They say for every four years you were married, you need 1 year of grief... so you need to give yourself more time. You're in the middle of healing... it takes a long time. I was married 30, still have sad moments after 17 years since the shock divorce, although I feel stable now and i still have bad moments and triggers that come up.
@@laurawalker546this scares me. I was betrayed by my husband using porn and then lying about it. I am leaving my 25 year marriage ( i have 2 adult children) and it pains me to think of the number of years it will take me to recover from this, if I ever recover. I used to be confident about my looks and sexuality, now that is destroyed.
I experienced workplace betrayal from colleagues few times and I m so afraid after years still
Forgiveness Undermind's knowledge and understanding. Forgiveness should be used like sacrifice, very sparingly.
Forgive everything and everyone, BUT maintain your boundaries. Forgiveness is for you to let go of hurt so you can thrive.
Fortunately, I believe the opposite. Great hurt I believe is an awakening, Forgiveness is weakness. Forgiveness makes it alright to be hurt over and over again. @@russcurtis1
@@lionheart3074 Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
Saint Augustine
Remember the lesson learned, establish good boundaries, forgive them and yourself(believing the lies)for your own health reasons but stay away from your betrayer and others with similar narcissistic qualities. The abuser is usually doing just fine, so don't let the abuser set the course of your future except for the fact that you now immediately recognize the betrayer's gaslighting in others.
@@rhondaheithaus200 🥺Unfortunately, You're Right! She got her $MONEY$. FORGIVENESS is SO HARD.😢😭
First time I have listened to you and you differentiate polyamory! Hitting subscribe! Then you also bring up chakras!
2 1/2 years later and I still break down regularly.
don’t waste another moment on them after the first hint of anything like this
I developed an anxiety disorder when my Dad succumbed to late onset Alzeimer's and was assigned to a psychiatrist and was stupid enough to tell my sister her name. She made an independent appointment with this doctor to tell her all about me (she fucked off when our parents fell ill btw so her motives were ... pure malice). The doctor called me and lent me Without Conscience by Robert Hare explaining psycopathy. I am sorry that there is a void in my sister's brain and for many years kept trying to fix something that could not be fixed. A minor betrayal was a man who said he loved me, I had known him for 16 years, and abruptly disappeared. That for me was a kind of grief for a well loved person who was going through his own stuff at the time. So for me it's context.
let me save you all some time.....they will never admit it and they sure as shit won't apologize. If you can accept these 2 things I think it will help. Took me 8 years to learn that. They will however blame you. enjoy
Hi! I follow you because you provide some really great information that has been useful to me in my life. I’d love to read this article but I can’t seem to be able to access it unless I’m a therapist also? I’d love to read it if possible.
email curtis@wcu.edu and I'll send a copy.
@@russcurtis1 hello I would also love the to read this article. Thank you!
email me at curtis@wcu.edu and I'll send it.
@@russcurtis1 every time I try to open this link it tells me it’s not available.
@@colenewaltersmusicandother9330 I'll check it. email me at curtis@wcu.edu and I'll send it.
Betrayal shreds you. But a good remedy is WEB research into the emotional incapacity of the betrayer(s). When you reach a position of utter contempt for their weakness, it re-establishes sanity and ennables your life to go forward. Bon courage, mes amis!
I have been lied about sent to jail on a lie cheated on in horrible ways and still lied too. As this has damaged me others claim they are the victim as they lie more and I truly think it’s insane. Someday I wake up I am ok others l wake up and I can trust no people at all and every one is a cheating lier 100% even if I meet someone new. I couldn’t even answer my phone for therapy yesterday because I didn’t trust my therapist
My mother betrayed mine and my siblings safety over and over again with abusive step fathers. Who yes, all abused us aswell. Each with a different *flavor* let's say.
I had to listen to this again. Since I first heard this message, something happened. I made an enemy in my recovery group because I wasn't interested in sex with this girl and her boyfriend the girl became extremely angry with me and began to tell lies about me and finally isolated me from all of my friends in the group, male and female.
Then the climax came when this new girl sat next to me at a meeting and thought I was funny, so we laughed. At the end of the meeting three people spoke up and accused me of being a predator. There was no fighting back the liars as the whole group were mad as hell at me and just knew my intentions.
For my sanity I left those people, a person can't protest his innocence because as soon as you state your case the crowd only hears the word "Predator". And that's what they again accuse you of. My best defense is to shut up and stay away, but it's a small mountain town.
I am 37 mother of 3 in a relationship for 12 years. About 7 years ago was when my younger sister started coming around more. I was happy to feel loved. That's when she told my partner of 4 years and we had just had our son and I had my tubes tied. Well she told my partner that i cheated (this never happened) (this is also not the first time she had tried to ruin my life intentionally. ) FF 5 years and she finally told my partner whom things have now gotten pretty rough between. That she had lied to him about me cheating on him. But when he would leave my sister would drug me and was allowing a bunch of men brutally rape me she had been drugging me with ghb and heroine. No I do not do drugs or drink. Well I did noticed different things that were just not right I ignored it she's my sister I should have been safe. This went on for 5 years. Now FF 3 more years to now. And well I just found out. C3ybui7tx??? WTF?????
Danielle I’m sorry!! Give it to God to fight your sister, get far away from her. You need to be there for your babies so those babies can care for you and love you. I’m sending you love. All of what I have to you ❤❤❤
When you suffer from it at the hands of a mental health worker it's not recognized.
There is betrayal and there is betrayal. How it hits you, scars you, quakes or changes your inner identity a little, maybe we are all different. As a child I was told our world (the family's essentially) relied on nobody knowing I had been assaulted. Things were tricky, Mum had been away but suffered from residual post natal depression, with psychosis (Inc harming her children). That had settled but she was fragile. So, with nobody realising I had injuries, I started a life sentence of secrecy. I had PTSD from early childhood, so this tagged on. Things got much worse when the school said something was wrong. They had asked for explanations in each school year, this time it was an ultimatum 'take her to a doctor or we will'. I was warned again about silence but in the end the doctor noticed how quiet I was. He looked across at me. He knew.
We were still not at disaster. That came days later. We were visiting a lady in our town hospital. He found me and off we went. Still okay. My dress unbuttoned at the back to the waist, a common kid's style back then. He unbuttoned it a little to look for bruises. Wrong area. I started to weep a little. Hell walked into the room.
A new doctor, he terrorised me so effectively that I had a massive seizure that evening. My speech went for weeks. The senior doctor was being asked for financial favours by the junior doctor. I had become a cash card, and I had to be left with lifelong injuries. Everyone attended to me at home, my Mum as nurse. The psychosis started to stir. I had to recover and fast. My DIY repair was troublesome but yet again the school, mystified but not fooled, stepped in. Mending a child took resources, and class participation. But the fear was eased by all the love. It took 18 months but I left for senior school well patched.
The first suicide, a young friend, came six years later. Full of guilt (he had been entangled in a posh, toxic home), a female family member refused help for treatable cancer. Just pain relief. Gone. I entered a numb phase and my career blossomed. My job involved visiting people. A couple had a difficulty but needed to see me. The difficulty was a family suicide and suddenly I woke up. I knew how they felt, how they struggled to do routine things. I washed up, he dried and the lady talked. Despair should be released not borne at its height. No platitudes, no mask. Just 'It will ease, I promise. Try to remember him gently smiling, not sad. We owe him that". The pain would not go, it would change. It flares up but in time it becomes a gentle sadness. I left having helped a little. Their son had simply been overwhelmed by despair. They were changed but went forward. I married, had a child. That concealed injury but back. The birth left me disabled. My son was fine but the disability increased, as predicted. My spinal cord had been injured.
Now, forward many years. With minimal walking, I was okay but could not feel a pain in my lower body. I survived peritonitis, with surgery. Sepsis struck a year later. But heartbreak was approaching.
My sibling wanted our parents to favour her in their will. They declined. She became more & more angry. I happily agreed to less, I was worn beyond caring. As a child my sister was adored. But Dad picked up his other little girl and that closeness remained. We were treated equally but loved differently by Dad. A boundary was smudged, worryingly. This annoyed Mum (correctly) but it went unaddressed. I kept a distance, I had to, the past was seeping into my life. The injuries were now known to my doctors. The bad one had wrought hell, the year before the peritonitis. But I had sent the Police, for irregularities. They went, uninterested. They were to go back. Death number three came out of the blue. He was finished but the price was dreadful.
The betrayal: Dad would not be pushed. He left the money 50/50. Angry, my existence was obscured by my sister at first. My reason for my absence was never mentioned. 99% stuck at home, susceptible to repeat sepsis, not mentioned. Helping a little, grateful & happy to change the share, not mentioned. Instead 'a thief, a parent abuser, a sibling abuser' and more, the list put me into shock. A tearfilled apology followed. But gossip spread, I was a little seen, probable bad lot. At least I have quiet. But too much damage I think. This betrayal was the second to scar my soul. The first, My effective mother had seen every injury and doubled up covering up. She had left a child in great pain for weeks, occasionally unknowingly blacking out momentarily into adulthood. And chose to die, as if more heartbreak would help. Or overwhelmed.
I never see my sister, I did not respond. Skirting a nervous breakdown, I am now simply too worn down with it all. My son lives happily married, many miles away. This branch of a House of Usher ends with me. They are safe. That feeling has gone for me but despair is out of luck. I am simply worn out. I stayed 'clean'. That is true survival. My sibling succumbed to how we were treated. That heartbreak, finally inescapable, was too much for words.
Huh???????!!!!!!!!
What kind of therapy would help in this area.
What are you talking about,... that betral is high in narsissum?? Not everyone that lies is a narcissist. 3:11 If my partner used drugs and porn, , it was a lie by omission.
it is one of the 10 commandments,
it is effing serious
Thanks
There are no societal implications. Thats why this is so rampant.
There's a good reason why traitors are executed during times of war, a battle may be lost, people hurt and killed. etc.
Vibration is the answer
My narcissist daughter has used and betrayed me and the family that was there when her loser father wasn't(which was all of her life, pretty much) But now he can't do ANY wrong and we are now the enemy. The worst betrayal
I have been there. Loyalty and honesty were the the main thing I taught my children growing up. I didn’t destroy or vilify their lazy, selfish dad because my mom didn’t do that with me growing up. The problem with that though is that in never disclosing to me what a piece of crap my dad was as a husband, father and overall human being, Without the nurturing act of speaking the truth in love so that I understood he was flawed not me I internalized that I was inadequate when it was him. In trying to protect us she inadvertently allowed us to form an idealized romantic view of him and his aloofness and neglect; which just made us crave attention and expressions of value we would never have validated. My kids dad wasn’t like my dad, but the small spoken messages opting out, cause deep, deep wounds, and I made sure that they understood that I worked my ass off to provide for them and it was the privilege and honor in my life to do so, they were not burdens- but they needed to understand there is a price for sacrifice of that level and that price was their unyielding loyalty to me, so he could not downplay and pollute that truth. I made up for the lack of him in our lives wand made sure it not impact them and their upbringing. They needed to understand gratitude as much as they needed to understand that one sacrifices for their children. And their father’s refusal to do so created an expectation of loyalty to me in my opinion, which simply stated was, “you don’t spread my business to your dad”.
My daughter is not a narcissist; she was profoundly hurt and wounded by my trying to save my marriage to a physically and emotionally abusive husband that I was completely trauma bonded to. I had wounded and betrayed her and my son every time I went back, every-time I prioritized him over them and repeatedly put myself in danger. It was killing them, and I was too sick to understand what I was doing, but she betrayed my confidence is to her father and his new wife on levels that I had always told her were never going to be OK and I thought she understood. But at the end of the day, I don’t get to dictate how my daughter chose to deal with the trauma that I inflicted on her through my poor choices and I try and remember that. She saw her little brother hurting and still so much younger than her, and she felt that I was no longer competent and trustworthy to see to his emotional safety and so she took it upon herself to try and intervene . I don’t know if I’m ever going to get over the grief, regret, and the loss that I suffer as a result of my decisions to try and heal, my toxic husband and marriage, I was naïve, I was selfish, but I was also compassionate, truly wanted to try and help my husband heal, and didn’t understand the complexity of how truly ill I had come over the years. I try and tell myself that both she and I made the best decisions we knew how to make with the information that we had at the time that we had it still the pain and agony of that, betrayal and trying to find a way to forgive it was one of the most difficult journey with my life and I sympathize with you.
Nice
I do not see the article
Ck description
Married over thirty years, husband played text games with a younger divorced woman at church. She baited him constantly if they hadn’t communicated in a while and then he started baiting her. I read them all, kept a few. This went on for at least 7 years. Just found out in 2022. What this means in terms of betrayal trauma- it’s devastating. The last seven years feel like two worlds colliding. One I knew and one I didn’t know was happening behind my back. Don’t make any judgements on the severity of this trauma until you experience it to the point everything you thought you knew has become an obsessive question of what the hell was really going on? You spend days and hours back tracking in a fog of confusion, trying to fugue out how you were so dumb, blind and trusting? Then you realize what a selfish person it takes to do this for their own cheap thrill while humiliating the betrayed spouse to this other woman. This is evil, that’s why it hurts so bad. Marriage is a spiritual bond and when people are selfish like this and have caused a spiritual break between each other, the pain is intense. All trust is gone. They say you can rebuild it. I don’t believe that after 9 months I can’t see how ever again I will trust him.
@@UnderstandingLimerence I have an unwanted stalker, over 10 years now I have ignored him. IF he is still married, and if I take him to court, his wife will have to realize her life with him was a lie, because he had lust for some weird fetish about me for 40 years, and possibly other women as well. I only found out much later, was curious at first because my marriage was bad. But I realize now he was grooming me. I backed away, but he won't let it go. It's driving me crazy, and fills me with fear, because he had violent fantasies about me, and apparently stalking is leading up to a sexual assault crime. He has weapons.
When those in authority abuse their power to obfuscate their own mistakes to steal from and persecute a disabled person they themselves have made homeless- yeah it’s traumatic but the worst bit is no one believes you.
Reopening up the wound just so I can let the pain out, but it still hurts so much.
Stings so goddam much
you lost me and a bunch of others with "chakras"
It’s addressing the same issue in a different way lol. It’s for people that are into that, you gotta be able to get your point across to as many minds as possible.
I know, right. How many of the perps had a Kundalini awakening and ended up being demon clown cars.
The thing no pastors talk about is that it seems like saved people are far less likely to dissociate from being sneaky and evil (aka human) because they believe that even if they mess up Christ has already forgiven them! You also have a guard at the door.
Line up ,,,victims...
Try using a pop filter.
my betrayal trauma almost cost me my life now a guy lets me know he wants to kiss me and i have like a weird ptsd episode i want to be invisible and load my truck up and dissapear. Yup that is a weird ptsd episode. And now i at least understand why. Now working towards healing.
Please keep politics out of this topic! Those of us dealing with betrayal needn't hear the read-between-the-lines on your political views
Like many, you also confuse 'Betrayal trauma' with common infidelity or being set-up and taken advantage from by a Nascissitic/Sociopathic,, or even a regular person.
We all get those betrayals from time to time. This is sad but not the definition of 'Betrayal Trauma'.
You can not call every betrayal causing a trauma. The word 'trauma' is easily used these days.
'Betrayal Trauma' mostly referres to extreem childhood abuse. Read Jennifer Freyd.
Your garden-variety of cheaters and manipulators also cause traumatic reactions but on another level of severity. They are mostly temporarilly in time.
While the effects of severe childhood abuse are often live lasting by their impact.
Children who endured this extreme abusive treatment of caregivers develope a 'Betrayal Trauma'.
That's the real meaning of the concept.
Not your version/interpretation of the concept.
You take it much too wide which many 'therapists' do here on TH-cam.
To catch as many fish as possible?
There is no confusion here, sorry. You clearly do not understand the topic or condition which is fine, but there is no need to gaslight people with betrayal trauma. Children are not the only ones who can experience this. That’s actually a different kind of betrayal experience (obviously). Actually, partner betrayal trauma causes an extreme form of c-ptsd often times with an endless list of triggers and onsets of health issues. Their experience and pain is valid and real and recognized among certified therapists and the field.
@@Heyitsbonny Before again commenting like this first read Bessel van der Kolk; 'The body keeps the score' on CPTSD. Then read Jenifer Freyd; 'Betrayal Trauma'.
Partner betrayal can sure cause severe PTSD-symptoms but not CPTSD.
Their experience and pain is surely valid. I completely agree (been there myself).
But we should get clear on using diagnostics.
A single partner betrayal trauma is definitly not causing CPTSD. This is mostly a one-time traumatic experience with one partner over a specific time, causing PTSD-symptoms.
CPTSD is about ongoing betrayal by (several) primary 'caregivers' over many years. Mostly starting in childhood.
To accuse someone of 'gaslighting' is just an easy way of avoiding critics on your own narritive. You better dive in to this deeper to learn.
This will maybe also help to overcome your partner betrayal trauma.
Maybe you have a pattern from severe childhood betrayal which contributed to you ending up in a abusive/betrayal relationship.
If that's the case you might be suffering CPTSD instead of only one-off PTSD symptoms after an abusive/betrayal relationship.
Goodluck.
th-cam.com/video/Jf2CC73eKqk/w-d-xo.html
@@greintje6941 wow!!! Is victim-blaming in one of the books you recommend???
You're recommending books that are extremely popular in partner betrayal circles. 😑 not to mention, with long-term, ongoing betrayal, there usually are several, if not many, people involved in the betrayal. My spouse I've been with for 13 yrs (married for 10) has admitted to cheating for 7 years with strippers (who knows the real number). I am INCREDIBLY traumatized by this. In 2017, I was diagnosed with PTSD after trying to keep my baby alive through a high risk pregnancy. In 2019, my oldest son was kidnapped by his biological father! THIS what I am going through now is the absolute worst thing I've ever EVER experienced. My whole life is completely spiraling.
You are not correct so I’m hoping you’ve leaned better since it plan to do more research. Ps - I have both. Thank you!
Don't put more fuel and blow it wild. 2 or 3 generations before all our ancestors had polygamy relationship they enjoyed it happily 😋.
Doubtful that many of the “enjoyed it”.
You must be kidding
Russ. Thank you. I need this. Grateful. Wendy👑🇨🇦👁️👁️🥲🥲🥹🥹😭😭