they behave badly on purpose to make you snap. They feed off of unnecessary drama (it's a form of control/power/manipulation in order for them to feel less inferior). VERY negative energy. When you finally leave them, you feel a huge sense of relief and peace, even though you might go through a difficult time
@What i want? same. I'm on my 14th year in a relationship I never thought I could make last 2 months! Plenty of trial and error in the beginning as my partner has quiet BPD and didn't tell me until a few years in. We have never even broken up once. It's about communication and being with the right person. Idk why so many people play victim in these comments while putting us down for being actual victims ourselves. It's sick around here. 🤮
@What i want? I can identify with much of what you've shared. Mostly about refusing to be controlled and using withdrawal as a technique. Effectively kept us in almost perfectly balanced approach-avoidance cycles whenever activated. I'd feel drained, not fulfilled enough, unknowingly resentful and pathetic, then withdraw. That triggered abandonment fears in my wife, causing her to notice me and cling to me and fill me me up again, then I'd 'accidentally' bother her somewhat or piss her off (she's adorable when she's heated lol) and the cycle would end only to begin again maybe even years later, maybe months. We quit drinking alcohol years ago and have spent the last 4 years working on ourselves and luckily still want to be together even without all the excitement of 2 untreated personality disordered women's love 🔥❤️
@@kme3894 exactly what I thought straight away. About what you said... I honestly do not know anyone, that might go thru a difficult time, everyone I believe that has dealt or dealing with a narcissist will be effected either mentally or physically, or both. It can cause such mental disorders, it can seem like the onset of dementia in some cases, some long term, can cause chronic fatigue syndrome etc... Thank you for sharing your awareness, and they do enjoy us snapping, evil creatures. Hugs
Two things you forgot to mention on your profile. The vulnerable narcissist is extremely manipulative and often performs these manipulations in small ways and indicative of them playing the long game. They are harder to detect because of how they often plan and execute according to some internal blueprint or flowchart. They will seem to always be thinking of what they want from you and finding ways to get you to comply.
Yes! VERY insidious and they don't happen all that often - until they do. It's like they turn up the heat when they think you have one foot out the door and the behavior intensifies.
Most places I have looked are in agreeance that the majority of those with vulnerable or covert narcissism aren't aware that they're doing what they're doing.
@@catalystcomet, suggesting that it's a knee jerk reaction. I'm sure there is some element of that involved, but lying to your face is usually deliberate (a key part of gaslighting is lying). I can see the need to protect ego as an unconscious driver for their behavior, but how they torture their supply is crafted according to the situation and that takes awareness.
The disproportionate revenge always speaks volumes of the level of insanity they're at. These people are nuts, fact. They DON'T enjoy life, they AREN'T normal, and they waste their energy so that's why they drain everyone else's. Their fun is your misery. So you know what I do? Be happy or be blank. I'm convinced they can't stand either.
You’re right they’re very miserable they’re never happy they only pretend to be they don’t know what the term means there an empty vessel running from place to place to be filled yet coming with the same problem as I had last time blaming everybody else for the empty hole within!!! I agree with your assessment as I was married to one
I started the video telling myself, "no way." I mean I know for sure this person has a personality disorder, but wasn't sure about vulnerable NPD. This person checked every single trait you listed here. No kidding, each one of them, and easily, without any stretch. Thanks for this informative video.
I thought that same way too - took me about a week to do the deep dive - and WOW. I was sick to my stomach! I'm like - nah, that's not it - but it was. The boxes that were checked!
@@MissSandyC I was first sick to my stomach too when I heard a description that seemed as if the therapist had been sitting in MY home observing my marriage! It was a list of 10 or 12 behaviors and my husband (now ex) fulfilled all but one! Well, that was until a few months ago when I learned, yes, that one too. (He wasn’t in therapy as he said, he was having an affair).
Narcissists with callous-unemotional traits can be some of the most insidious, dangerous people to be around. If you don’t catch that you’re being manipulated, they’ll wreak havoc on your life, leaving you with the perpetual feeling that you’re deserving of whatever punishments they decide to push onto you. Stay safe out there ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for this!! I'll be watching this video with my daughter. She's highly empathic and compassionate. She's wanting to get into social work. She's living with her boyfriend who checks off every one of these behaviors. I can't send her this video because, like you mentioned, he checks her text messages/communication with her family and friends. I have to bookmark it to show her next time I get to see her. The mindf*ing is what really has her trapped. She's constantly worried she's overreacting to "the normal relationship ups-and-downs that every couple deals with." She's only 21 but has spent 4 years in this relationship already. She's been trying to take responsibility for 'her part' in the relationship. She's not perfect, of course, but his vulnerable narcissistic behaviors have exacerbated her own anxieties and personal insecurities. The pandemic didn't help anyone's mental health but the past two years her personal goals-- and emotional and physical health have really suffered. It's one thing hearing mama bear say "The problem is him, not you." But hopefully seeing you break it down in this format will help her see his behavior for what it is. And maybe, just maybe, she won't spend any more years of her life trying to empathize with him (and conform herself) to find the supposed "healthy relationship" she thinks it's at the end of this rainbow.
I’m so sorry that your daughter thinks that she’s capable of “working through” HIS issues! I hope that she’s already found her freedom!! PLEASE warn her that these behaviours only get worse with time!! In my experience, they are most destructive when they feel shame for their own actions. SHAME is their most dangerous emotion! When you ‘remind’ them of their own bad acts they erupt in rage, when you just want to talk about the pain that they have caused you! Their resentment is traumatic! Yup, they resent YOU for ‘making’ them act out in a way that causes them shame! I’m an empathic person. It’s torture!
Great post. I was seeing a therapist when I was dating my husband (now married for 30+ years) and she practically begged me NOT to stop therapy. She felt there was a lot for me to explore. I quit anyway. But she was right. And so were my parents about my boyfriend. But I didn’t listen and now here I am in a marriage that is slowly sucking me dry.
I am narcissstic victim too.. Even I thought like your daughter and ultimately spoiled my health and life... I deeply believe that your daughter would understand what you are trying to tell her and be free of that relationship.. god bless you
I think I may be a vulnerable narcissist 😩. All my life I knew there was something wrong with me but I could never put my finger on it. Throughout the years I've been misdiagnosed. The range went from depression, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, but vulnerable narcissism sounds like me down to a T. I am just so terrified. I will bring this topic up with my therapist next time I see her. But I always knew that there was a reason why none of my interpersonal relationships ever worked out. It's all starting to make sense
Narcissism seems to have become synonymous with 'ogre' in common parlance. You are not an ogre or a monster. You have recognised that you have patterns in the way you act in relationships that cause people pain, and that prolong your own pain. With this knowledge you can correct them with guidance, and if you want it enough and can be patient enough with the process and trust the therapist enough, you can discover ways of changing the patterns of your thoughts and feelings that make you want to say or do this or that. I'm in the process right now. Sorting out my relationship to the therapy, has been part of the therapy!!
It took me till after I was 50 years old to realize that I am targeted by these people. First, my father. Then, a girlfriend. And then, a supervisor. It finally dawned on me that I "attract" these people for some reason. And now I know why. I'm not attracting them; they are finding and targeting me. Snooping was a HUGE thing with the girlfriend.
I believe when the DSM gets updated in about a decade, Avoidant Personality Disorder and Vulnerable Narcissism will be closer together instead of being in different clusters
I’m dating a Dismissive Avoidant. She had gone into all the behaviors of a covert narcissist in service to her Dismissive Avoidance. It’s as horrible as it sounds.
All narcs are attracted to people who have the traits they wish they had w the goal of taking you down and trading places w u in the eyes of others. I've been related to dozens of these creatures for 6 decades. Breaking them into categories overcomplicates their simple playbook.
I was afraid of being a vulnerable narc but Im diagnosed with depression and anxiety and all these videos remind me of my symptoms so thank you for clarifying !
That thing about making you angry just to later look like the victims themselves… it was so confusing to me. I knew something was off but I couldn’t figure out what it was. I took me nine years of my life. I felt like I was given a second chance at life once he left. But I lost so much precious time. I’m almost 38 now and I wanted kids of my own… and it’s just me.
I’m middle-aged I spent way too much time in hell and we have children and I’m trying he’s trying to drag me back there and it will not happen he may be there but he’s not bringing me in with him! 😂❤🥂
I’ve been confused whether I’m an Empath or not. But your video does it for me. I didn’t want to declare myself an Empath because it seems to be the opposite of a narcissist and I would want to be on the good side of things. But after so many videos and yours in particular, I’m concluding that I am. I cringe at how inconsiderate, thoughtless, and careless some people are towards others. Ex girlfriends, male friends, etc. I seem to always find myself in relationship with this type of individuals. At one point, I thought that there must be something wrong with me to keep gravitating towards these people. Omg, these people have no empathy & consideration for others. And they resent me for doing so. They get really vicious when they realize that I’ve pricked up on their weaknesses, carelessness, and imperfections. They hit with massive blows. When they wake up, I have to wake up cause they make mad noise. They do so to make me as tired as they are so I take a nap during the day like they do because they feel like if I don’t take a nap, I’m superior to them. If we’re out and they know I may have things to do at home, they keep coming up with other things to do to keep us on the road longer. They turn the AC/HEAT all the way up to the temp that they know I’m uncomfortable with. They slam doors, turn music all the way up, leave lights on when I’m sleeping, leave the bedroom door open when I’m sleeping and they jump on the phone on speaker phone. Oh my gosh! They cherish me most when they need to manipulate me for something they need. They enjoy debating my ideas just for fun or to get me confused and disoriented. They advise me to try out drugs and to do something less legal or moral. They advise me to go to the dmv, for example, at 3pm. Huh? They’ll always close by then. All so that I run late and don’t accomplish my goals. They call me to hang out when they know it’s around the time that I go live and stream. They call me amidst live streaming. They’ve reported videos they’ve willingly participated in as inappropriate so YT take it down. They’re always seeking ways to make me go astray off my path and goals and to do try out illegal or immoral stuff. They’re always probing me for the least noble past experiences of my life, always offering me to talk if I needed to. Always reading my journal and loose notes on my desk. If we go out and I’m having too much fun meeting people and being the social butterfly that I am, they’re ready to go home now. Whaaat? They hate people. They see others as judging them and lookin down upon them. They see me as superior to them and so they must take me down a notch and more….Smh… Oh my gosh, these people are pure evil. I still feel empathy for my ex and want to reach out to check on her. Maybe this is one way I keep them in my life. Thanks man!
The interrupting is on point.. He would frequently interrupt me while talking, for example I would be talking about my day at work and he would be like ‘oh look at how red that car is, I always wanted a red car!’ After which I would feel disheartened and not feel like continuing anymore.. then when we were arguing I would say something and he would twist what I said, so I would interrupt him to correct as that’s not what I said/did then the whole argument/conversation from then onwards would be based on how I need to stop interrupting him and I never listen to him and he can’t even get a word out… The small inconsiderate actions too, he would pick on the fact that I leave one pot in the sink and how I need to put it away and wash it or put my shampoo bottles in a certain way in the shower but yet when he was getting ready he would leave open jars of cream / liquid, would leave plates on the table and clothes all over the floor.. Constantly used my car and put two bumps in it, brushed it off that there’s nothing he could do as he had to drive into the hedge as there was no space for him and the other car Would brake last second, and frequently drove super fast making me uncomfortable specially it being my car Would take my things like my laptop without asking then would get annoyed when I asked him why do you need it? Snooped through my phone, laptop, and tried to tell me what I should and shouldn’t say when texting my friends Would call me an angry person, and that I can’t control my emotions then would slam doors and punch walls.. One time we were visiting my parents and I had to go somewhere with my mum, and left him there with my mums laptop to watch some Netflix while I was gone, came back he was in a mood, then after 5 minutes of asking turned out he went through my mums pictures because ‘he thought we were talking about him’ and didn’t like a picture he saw, then got angry at me for getting upset at him for snooping through my mums laptop 😂😂 99.9% of the time we were out to have a good time, (especially if other people were there) he would get in a mood over something trivial and the night would be ruined I find with these types of people the thing that stood out for me is the obvious double standards and inconsistency with their words and actions. And when you call them out on it they lose their shit 🙃 also for the first time ever, numerous times had this overwhelming feeling that this person was lying to me or not being sincere.
You just described my mom as if you've lived with her for 40+ years. Especially the snooping and mind fudging. She made me look like a raving lunatic and she the helpless old lady just this Easter 6 days ago in front of a large crowd.
@@ruckerbrady8342sorry for that. We live in the last days so just wanted to stop and say that Christmas and Easter have pagan roots and customs, real holidays are found in the Scripture. Be blessed, peace be with you!
The leaving cabinet doors open and not putting lids on….🤯🤯🤯An issue I’ve always had with my husband. Leaving lights on is another one too. It never stopped, so I stopped asking him to correct it
Yes!!! 💯 Not reacting and ignoring makes them stop their shady behaviors. 🤦♀️ Plus, we’re giving them a taste of their own medicine by not giving them what they want! 😉💪💯
Putting dishes in the wrong cabinet after TEN YEARS IN THE SAME PLACE and then grinning really big when I get annoyed. "I just did it to troll you." WHY DID YOU THINK THAT WAS NECESSARY? Why did you take time out of your day just to annoy me so you could have a laugh?
@@spacegirl226 I know right! Cuz’ that’s the only source of happiness they have. Getting on people’s nerves is their addiction and medication. That’s why they always need a supply. They’re MONSTERS in a human body! 🤢👹🤮🤒
My super vulnerable narc mother is the ultimate snooper. Looks up people she knows or meets. Looks at there mortgages and any info she can find. She's proud of it too. Wants to know who is with who at church. It's all a game, everything is a game.
They always cheat because this type of personality is always unfulfilled they have a hole within and they can never find a way to fulfill it even with the most perfect partners. Again this is a lack and a hole that will never be filled until they come to grips with past traumas. Good luck Getting them to see that anything is wrong with them because it’s always somebody else and my ex always said therapist weren’t worth a crap because they couldn’t fix me as what he would say
You brought up closing cabinet doors…. I didn’t close cabinet doors because I don’t like the sound of them shutting. I’m hyper sensitive to sounds. My mother used to slam things like cabinet doors or dishes.
These are excellent categories and specific examples of the behaviors to note. One of the best videos I've seen on the vulnerable narc. It was very affirming to my assessment of those in my past. I was recalling explicit scenarios clearly, as the video went along. Will take a while for the hair on the back of my neck to go down : ) Been free for some time, its been quite painful. I'm a highly sensitive type, empath, my whole life. Taught myself how to discern, vital aspect to moving forward. Thanks for the great video.
the interruptions thing is so spot on. I got to the point of giving up trying to convey any information that isnt a yes or no as the second I start to say anything that is not in direct response to her, I am interrupted immediately. Any excuse to cut off what I am saying or communication is disrupted as soon as possible, and conversely anything she has to say she will convey 5-10 different pieces of information, not even leaving a pause or allowing any interruption to get out what she has to say. And I dont dare even question or ask for clarification of what is being said without it taken as a direct personal attack. Even now that we are separated and going through mediation, even the mediation sessions were like that, not to mention the unbased or completely untrue accusations and if I even try to dispute or suggest it is not true I was being highlighted as angry, abusive and toxic. For disagreeing on what was being said about me. And they lie. Lie, lie, lie, lie and then lie some more and will react with a view to destroying the other person for even suggesting what they are saying is clearly untrue even if it is completely obvious without any doubt.
@@teresarenee3829 eventually that is the dream, at the moment she is withholding my child without any consent or court orders and doing everything to take me for all I have and lying to everyone in her path to get what she wants and destroy me in the process.
@@teresarenee3829 yes, I don't have any other choice. In talks with a lawyer right now, but I am absolutely dreading the whole thing. Her emotional charm and storytelling is generally more convincing to people she encounters than the facts or actual evidence, so its going to be a rough ride.
@@lukesheehy126 trust and believe the courts have seen it all...they will see thru her bull...just be honest and straightforward, you will get your rights.
This is very new to me. I have walked on eggshells around my wife for 30yrs. I have to be careful how I start conversations for fear of her misinterpreting what I say and getting angry. She WILL NOT close doors or drawers or put away anything she uses. She turns words around almost as soon as there spoken and remembers things differently than they happened. In all cases its becomes I've said or done something that was negative towards her. She portrays herself as a victim in a marriage she cant get out of. She seems most happy when I'm miserable. She is exactly as described in this including the affairs. She has me convinced that I am mentality abusive to her, I was looking for self help when I stumbled on this. Thank You
I know a guy that reaches out to me every few months to several years. I have known him since before highschool and we were supposedly friends from back then over twenty years ago. The contact ends every single time once things get to the point where I confront him about his passive aggressive abuse, out right verbal abuse, unethical behavior and abandonment of those closest to him. He has done this to every single member in his family, every lady he has ever dated and every person he has supposedly been friends with. When he first makes contact he acts as if nothing negative ever happened. As if he didn't dissaper or react like a toddler to being challenged. I am an empath and through experience and study of informational videos like this one, I have figured out that he contacts me basically like an emotional vampire that drops in to get his fill then move on when it no longer serves him. Interestingly enough he and his brothers ALL exhibit these narcissistic traits to varying degrees. They grew up being pampered to the max while being taught that they are superior to others and while being filled with psuedo religious fear. They were and are allowed to get away with ANYTHING within the family except for questioning the status quo. In their forties all of them will at times just move into their parents house rent free for months or years with basically no notice and then act cold, distant and obstinate toward their parents. In my own weakness I have not always been honest with myself about this persons intentions and have let him back in again and again. I've done this to avoid feeling lonely, wanting to believe someone from my highschool years is actually ready to make good decisions and to simply enjoy sharing old stories and having a laugh. But much like the bottle for someone who struggles with drinking, it takes more than it gives. Ive reached the point where I have simply deleted this persons contact info. I have reached the point where I do not desire further contact with this person all while no longer being angry or upset with him about the way he has treated me. I am a Christian and I pray for this person in mention. However I realize that enough is enough. Infact allowing anymore contact other than swiftly and immedietly spelling out the truth the next time he drops in would just be enablement.
My ex best friend is a covert/vulnerable narcissist. The first time I moved away from her I didn’t understand what a covert narc was so I couldn’t put my finger on it but I just knew I felt drained every time I had a conversation with her. We didn’t speak for 2 years then I gave the friendship another chance because I thought she may have been in a bad place in her life at the time… BIG MISTAKE. The covert friend began to grill me with a lot of personal questions to try and use against me at a later date in a narcissistic rage. She would ask me questions then a few days later ask me the same question to see if I gave the same answer…I guess this was her building her case against me lol. I began working out really hard in the gym she hated it because she is very overweight and would try from every angle to place negativity on the gym I went to, the food I was eating how often I trained. Even Jlo who I aspired to look like as I have a similar body shape…I mean come on who hates on jlos body lol. She seemed fixated on the past and an ex boyfriend she hadn’t seen in over a decade she even said she had piled on the weight so she wouldn’t appear attractive to other men because she felt like she was betraying her ex that she hadn’t seen in over a decade. (The guy is also married has 3 children and lives in France and we live in the U.K) After trying to help her move on numerous times I told her it’s not healthy to be talking about a guy from 11 years ago. A few days later she went into a narcissistic rage and tried to tear down my character and twist truths through all those questions she had been asking me she did this through a 12 paragraph message. Her craziness was shocking and the hate she spewed towards me made me close that door for good. She the. 10 days later bombarded me with another 6 paragraphs of utter rammel she sent the messages one by one over a period of 2 hours . The messages didn’t even make sense she even cancelled her own argument through her raging 😡 txts. 🤷🏽♀️. She had a problem when I spent time with family She tried to shame me if I met up with other friends She would indirectly insult the gifts my boyfriend bought which were Gucci and designer perfumes lol She tried to act as if she had an emergency every time I had a happy event such as family party or baby shower She said I had no morals because I’m a friendly person and know men from my gym 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 She had a problem with me learning online I guess because videos like this help me understand what a narcissist is lol. She even had the audacity to message me a few days later like nothing had happened and how I was the bad guy for not wishing her a happy birthday 😮😮😮😮 these people are sick we have to understand this BLOCK and get on with your life 🥰
Thank you so much for this. Everything I’ve been trying to point out to him was EVERYTHING in this video. I didn’t know there was a specific term for it!
You're playing with fire. You aren't supposed to tell then they have this disorder. They are completely incapable of self reflection and lack empathy and mindfulness. They'll likely flip out and tell you that it's YOU that are the narc, not THEM. I let mine know anyway though as well. If nobody tells then it keeps getting worse.
I mean you can tell them, but keep in mind when someone has a personality disorder they have a huge perspective problem that will make them shift the blame back on you. You just have to set boundaries. Boundaries, boundaries. Clear and defined, and they never move.
A lot of these fit my mother, but they often only apply to me. For example, my mom is generally considerate but when it comes to me, she is not. Messaging me at times that will create anxiety. Expecting me to take time off work for them. All through my childhood, I'd remind her of something about me (such as a food preference) and she would always respond with "since when???".
I didn't realize he was a 'narcissist' until it was too late! I was able to get out of the relationship but it cost me. He was very religious, passive-aggressive, and would anger at any 'confrontation' that was just my attempt to talk about something important. He would talk over me, finish my sentences, lecture with a pointed finger. I should have noticed the flashes of anger as a red flag which happened early on. Had a routine that he would not change and just didn't try to get to know me. The real 'tell' was how he villainized me behind my back to family and friends. Once I heard that I knew he was not the person he portrayed to everyone. I am an empath.
I understand. My ex would accuse me of starting an argument if I tried to have a more serious conversation or had reservations about the relationship. He would react verbally aggressively which would just shut me down. Recently I told a friend how he had told me while we were dating, ‘Not many other men would date you’. I told my friend, ‘I did not respond. What do you say to that!’ She responded, ‘Bye!’ Yes! I wish I had then, would have spared myself so much pain and trauma.
Thank you. I’m living with a covert and…it’s not easy! Your videos are so good at putting into layman’s terms. This helping me to piece matters together! Thank you again!
Yep 💯…. My ex of 2/12 years. There is an underlying feeling of passive aggressive dislike. They can’t be happy for you! They play the victim!! They don’t like anyone who takes attention attention. They are sneaky!! They criticize and if you interrupt they will tell you they don’t like it! I could go on snd on!!! Etc… they ruin holidays by the way!!! Btw they can go between vulnerable and grandiose! It depends on the situation!!! Gaslighting!!!! I have learned so much!! I am a people pleaser and empathic. No more!! I watch now for red flags!!
Interrupting is the way to change to focus on them. You may be talking about something and they shift it to themselves. Develop mechanisms of distraction like leaving the area only to continue conversation there and be talking through walls or closed doors so that everyone has to strain to hear them. How about this one...."sorry to interrupt but" and keep going...
I wasn’t convinced my ex was a narcissist, he did LOVE attention, but I just thought the subtleties were annoying little personality traits(making sure everyone knows he left a big tip, did a favor for someone, very paranoid about people “replacing” him at work, constantly fishing for accolades or reassurance about work, flirting a little too much) but I now know for certain he was indeed a narcissist. He cheated on his ex with me(i was completely unaware they were still together), their break up went EXACTLY like ours(she moved out, he was still giving her money, still hanging out, step by step exactly like our breakup!) I got messaged by a girl when we first got together, saying they’d had sex. He denied sleeping with her but did admit to going over there, only because she sent me the “I’m here” text screenshot. For 2 years we argued about this SAME girl, he punched holes in walls, said I was delusional for believing her or my friends, called me crazy, and denied it with his whole being. We separated to try & work thru things & I had this gut wrenching feeling that he was up to no good. Turns out I was right & after 2 long years of constant crying, arguing & gaslighting he admitted to sleeping with her. He was also sleeping with a girl at work(he’s her damn boss) and denied that as well, until she sent out a mass text to all of my friends saying she’s “head over heels”. I blocked him & have gone no contact since. All of the signs point to covert narcissism!!! I was in denial but there’s are just far too many coincidences for it to be anything else!! When I asked him why he did it to his ex he said “I was so unhappy that I told myself ‘I deserve this’ “, I should’ve ran for the hills then!
Thank you for this video and recognizing that therapist should be aware of this type of narcissist. I've recently realized that my husband is a narcissist, covert/vulnerable type. I3 years thinking it was me. We have been to marriage counseling, where I left feeling invalidated and he was viewed as a victim. (BTW, my narcissist spouse is a mental health professional! And it makes sense now, guaranteed (supply) weekly praise and admiration with scheduled empathy.) I can't trust anyone to help me, because I watch this man dedicate education and career just to receive supply. Unbelievable 😥😢
Pro tip: if romantically engaged by these folks, they will use the word, “intrigued” when referring to you during the idealization phase. I have sparred with many of these folks and everyone of them used that word in the beginning. No shit. It’s hard to explain but they all have “dead eyes”, something is just missing.
The thoughtless things: order food from a place that is closing in 15 minutes and then make them wait for 30 min after they close for you to pick your food up... Don’t turn on indicator lights when turning; not tipping when going out to a restaurant, not thanking someone for their service to you (food service or other things such as massage, barber, etc). Those are just some of the things that REALLY eat me up inside. The inconsiderate behaviors just eat my lunch. Not to mention: don’t expect a birthday gift, Christmas gift or valentine gift. It may happen but it more than likely won’t.
I've watched many videos on vulnerable narcissism over the past several weeks after learning I've spent over 20 years of my life with one. This video should have a picture of my narc as it's thumbnail as it describes his behaviours to a T. Especially when Dr. Curtis said he'll do little things that are inconsiderate. I've not seen any other video that covers this very irritating behaviour. I realize now that my narc did those little things, such as loose lids so when I take a jar or container of milk from the fridge, it drops to the floor and splashes everywhere. When I flip out, I look like the nut case and he puts the victim face on as though he made a small mistake and I'm overreacting. These "small" mistakes happen daily for many years. He'll also leave the bread bag open, use the same knife in the butter dish that he used in the peanut butter jar, then leave them both open on the counter. Use my dish towels when he showers once per month. "Forgets" to flush the toilet, and refuses to use a fan. The list could go on forever, ugh. Thank you, Dr. Curtis, for showing me that this behaviour is part of his narcissistic revenge. I always knew he did it intentionally, because he'd be sure to watch for the "accidental" spill to happen, so he could replenish his supply at my expense, especially in front of the children. This video brought me comfort, knowledge is key.
Update: I got out yesterday, in my new place but not sure I can do it though. How does one put up with all the peace, comfort, relaxation and total phuking eutopian bliss? 😄 Best mother's day gift ever! Praying for all survivors who are living with a partner who has APD, aka malignant narcissism, to find the strength and resources to get out as quickly as possible and never look back. Good luck.
@@mkmekamk Thank you for your kind words. My narc-free healing has begun, and it will take some time. Some time in the future I plan to write a book about my experiences with the malignant narc who went from gaslighting to several "accidental" attempts on my life. We survivors need to get our stories out to help others who are completely oblivious to the extent by which a narcissists/psychopath will go to protect his fake image/reputation from getting to his outside supply of fake friends/flying monkeys. Also, to educate others so they know that more time and/or hope will ever change these sick predators. They need to run while they still can. Godspeed.
My father has done all these things snooping , being a control freak , loves interupting , gaslighting, playing mind games, never apologizes , never admits any wrong doing , blame shifts , cheats , very secretive, double standard on everything, inconsiderate, says I'm your father so I can never do you wrong , sleeping around with my friends , going through my personal info , etc .
This IS a very good listing of how it shows up in a relationship. I would add shape shifting and future faking (but you only really see these in hindsight). If you’ve read this far, I want to encourage you to continue your search to understand what the heck you’re living through (or have lived through!). Understanding is key to healing!!!!! Healing comes in layers. The same as peeling back the layers of what behaviors you just endured as well as who you became while living with it! And it’s not always evident in the beginning…. Mine did a lot of shape shifting. Echoing my values, my vision of future, even my preference of music. He held it together for a couple of years until we married. And then, holy sh/t!!!!! The provocations that came my way were intense, horrible, NOTHING like who I said “I do” with!!!!! I finally divorce him. He told lies about me in the mutual professional community we share, I was horrified (I did not say a word to others 😢) AND THEN…. Others began to see how sick he really is and reach out to me in wonderful supportive ways! Please keep going! Please keep growing! Please be kind to yourself!!!! You will heal too, later by later. ✨✨💖✨✨
They will definitely give you gifts but it comes from a place where they will use it against you it's not because they want to. It's because they can use it to make you owe them.
There was some great stuff in this video but to tell counsellors and therapists to beware because they might be a target is unfair. As someone who has just realized I might have vulnerable narcissism, I found personally that I clicked best with therapists and counsellors because they were able to best understand the back and forth, give and take and balance. We aren’t trying to target anyone we just want to be seen and heard and feel worthy.
i could fill a book with stories and events in my family of narcissists. i think i am just lucky. Ha. learning about this ‘vulnerable’ narc its becoming clear that my last remaining brother is one of these. he has many comorbidities - OCD, Hoarding, ADHD and things i cannot fully identify. i would need two Phd’s to figure all the mental disturbances he has. and has always had. these creatures are not human.
Omg!! You just described my boyfriend to a tee. It's mind numbing to try to get anywhere in a situation of any kind. It's also not possible to be in a relationship that is anything but one sided. So ironic, if they wanted to be adored so badly just be the one they pretended to be in the early days. Right? But NO! Nothing honest, real, valid or uplifting happening anywhere near them! I call narcissism the opposite syndrome. They do, say, react, feel, see and think the opposite of what healthy people do.
I have a question: If they take your hands and tell you straight in the eye they dont want a relationship with you, find you ugly and liked their ex and wanted one with her/him but not you, and when you answer -Okay..Thats cool. They get upset and say "Dont you care at all?!" Bc they wanted a reaction. Is that narcissism?
That's more like grandiose narcissism. Not vulnerable narcissism. Maybe even a mental illness on top of a personality disorder such a sociopathic or psychopathic. If you aren't subscribed to Dr. Ramani, subscribe to her on TH-cam. She breaks it down beautifully. I know one thing...if I were you I'd never go near that guy ever again. What an a**hole.
@@vincec.202 He's definitely not a grandiose by any means, hes supershy, very ashamed of himself and has basically NO selfesteem. Theres so much else to tell within this, he also does drugs and landed in a drug psychosis last summer hes recovering from but I spoke to a friend whos a psychology student and he said the same thing you do: kluster B; autism, psychopathy and narcissism. Dr. Ramani explains it too complicated, I dont like her videos though but Grannons are great and many others, its just..he doesnt fit within anything but autism.
@@Vixinaful Antisocial personality disorder, possibly complex PTSD, psycho or sociopathic, strong narcissistic traits, and substance abuse. Could be borderline personality disorder too. You make a soup of that in a person and it's a walking nightmare for anyone that they bump shoulders with. My ex also had a mental breakdown and an either drug induced or bipolar induced psychosis event the first night she spent away from me in years. I'd get into all the things that happened during the 3 cycles of love bombing, manipulating, devaluing, abusing, and discarding over the last 6 years, but it would take all day. The point is I loved her so much I'd have layed down my life without a second thought for her if she asked. I was even told I "loved her like a fairytale". In the end, because of covid, I slept in my car I'm January outside the hospital I was so worried about her after she was brought in. 1 month in she went from sad and confused to SILENCE. 4 months later, I have lost 40 lbs. I'm seeing a psychotherapist and a psychologist EXTENSIVELY because I've attempted suicide 3 times now, and I was left discarded and completely destroyed. No closure. No answers. Just another discard. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM unless you'd like to be where I am. I'm coping with a near death experience on top of it after ALMOST succeeding in my plan to check out. It'll be YEARS before I'll function normally again.
I’ll give example of interruptions with vulnerable narcissist people you try to have a conversation about something that hurts you or something that upset you they will not focus on your hurts and how to fix them they will shift the focus to make a fight about it in order to interrupt you and distract you from their toxic behavior and interrupt to not take accountability. When you try to stand up more and more they will confuse you and love bomb you to make you feel like this was a normal fight when in reality this was not a normal fight you just had a fight with someone who gets a high pleasure reaction from making you feel bad and triggering you on purpose. I had very hard time with believing that there are people who actually get pleasure from this but there are..
Yes, they are crazy shit, i once met a guy who just want to provoke and make a fight me, it just I don't want to fight because my mood was pretty ugly so i avoid them....
Love is blind so no empathetic person would dare doubt their own judgment, and their narcissistic love interest (before marriage, or some other legally binding arrangement) has not yet shown their true colours. So, as much as the narcissist checklist may well prove to be insightful after the event, it’s pretty much useless before the s#@t hits the fan. Doting family members and friends who recognise the warning signs in the early stages can only try to make their observations and concerns known but that will more likely than not push their loved-one into the arms of their abuser quicker, and with greater determination and gusto than you thought possible. It’s a no-win situation 😢💔
My mother is very COVERT as a narcissist. This vulnerable thing has painted me (effectively) as the PROBLEM child of WHOM mother has ALWAYS done their best for me. When love could have really be nice instead of the Cliff I'm pushed off from their false lift (parents).
Well this is her for sure😥. Innapropriate RAGE, however, is VERY present. It's soul crushing to know I spent 6 years loving her with everything I had and she never loved me back. I still love her. I should hate her, but I don't at all. I'm on the 2nd/3rd discard. I can't really count the second one. All I feel is an emotion like heartbreak, but much more intense. I really can't understand these folks. It makes NO LOGICAL SENSE.😭
@@russcurtis1 I think it's a combination of things. It's really difficult to watch a person you've genuinely loved for 6 years repeat the same destructive cycle over and over expecting a different result. It's the definition of insanity. Who just decides to go no contact with the person they've lived with for 6 years? Normal people don't do that. She had a psychotic episode of sorts but I believe it to be more than that. I think there's some darkness at work here. I'm almost sure there is. It's destroying me physically. Mentally, and emotionally. I'm really starting to doubt me being able to survive it.
After 4 months I've pretty much earned my honorary PhD in Cluster B personality disorders and Narcissistic traits. Do you often find Borderline Personality Disorder in women with highly narcissistic traits looking a lot like vulnerable narcissism?
@@vincec.202 You are trauma bonded to her. Look into trauma bonds - lots of videos. The relationship won't get better. They can't love us. I left a 7 year, on and off most of the time. We hang on due to our own childhood attachment issues. Focus on building up yourself.
I am in exactly the same position. I have always known she didn't love me, but she swears she does. I mean if gaslighting, manipulating and zero emotion is Love then yeah she's right
Interrupting me multiple times in single conversation, trying to predict what I was going to say, he was always wrong. Ridiculing the way I walked when my spinal arthritis was causing me pain, thinking it was funny. Has thrown full blown tantrums when I chose to do something in opposition to what he wanted. I told him to leave and don't come back until you can behave like an adult. He is in his 70's.
Oh god... Wish I saw this before... My girlfriend is like this. "Don't interrupt me while I'm writing" she yells. Yet she interrupts me every time she is not interested. "You should be considerate with your words and actions, cause they can hurt people", yet she screams, insults, threatens to leave you... She gets angry if she sees you've been online because she thinks you are cheating but does her best to make you jealous talking about other men. She always has to win, even when she makes a question she thinks I don't know the answer to, if it is correct, she will change the answer, no matter what Google or everyone else says, that's not the correct answer. Always testing me, I have to be a mind reader and always should know what to do or say so she doesn't get upset. Do something that's "wrong" or "unacceptable" and you are the bad guy. And you better not stand up for yourself or shut her down when she is in a tantrum yelling and screaming at you incessantly, or it's your fault because you just don't know when to shut your mouth. It's a living hell, for real...
my mum is one of them for sure,she´s always poor me,and copies every ailment of anyone around her ,so I tend to be a cold asshole when she announces that she is unwell,and does a big show staring at me whilst taking paracetamol.And it makes me wonder if I´m also a narcissist,or if I´m just trying to survive.Added to that I have high functioning autism,and people tend to be assholes towards me,so now I think how do I get out of the victim role because I don´t want to be anything like a narcissist,I´m judgmental and interupt a lot because I just don´t jnow when it´s my turn to talk,I´m also self critical and hate myself,but I feel happy for others when they do well,until recently ,I get envious of everyone who just know what to do,people who get education and jobs,I also start feeling angry and not sorry when karma hits assholes who don´t care.....idk...i don´t want to be a narcissist too,I´ll ask the psychiatrist how to avoid it.I noticed that just like mentioned empaths attract narcissist ,so do autistic people.Oh,my mum tried to catch autism too,but I just told her,nope that isn´t what you have.
My former boss who is NPD had a tech guy from her husband’s company try to hack my personal Google calendar. She showed all of the traits on this list.
Didn’t know I was an “empath” and yes I was entrapped in a relationship with this type. Threw me under the bus a number of times and I turned the other cheek. He died recently and the final discard is upon me. Having lived together 20 years he left our home to a distant niece. I’m now homeless.
I most definitely agree with the Narc being drawn to an Empath as I am one. Honestly I wish it hadn’t taken me soo many years to realize that this in fact was our reality & I was his Narc energy supply. He’s constantly looking through my things? Every single item on your list him. Everything! Too many years!
Please, please give a relationship time and get marriage counseling no matter how “in love” you are with someone. My own naive and impulsive nature landed me married 30 years now to the person described on your list. I have cried everyday as they destroyed my love, my health, our children, ran off friends and family...blamed it all on me and my angry responses when all pleas for civil mature behavior are scoffed at. How can they think our problems are my “hysterias” when at every job they have ever held at least on coworker asks me how I live with them? I try leaving but the abuse gets worse and they take it out on our now adult children using them as weapons. The stress has become too much. I am ready for one of us to die and I don’t care which one .
this is really heartbreaking to read. You don't have to have one of you die to be free of the torment. You can make different choices which empower you and set you free Get some counselling with a therapist who understands narcissistic behaviour.
they typically use children as a means of controlling their partner. Sadly I have no advice, but I would not recommend counselling as your partner can fake it or make you look bad if your counselor can not spot narcissism.
There is coming in the very near future conditions in the world that will fully reveal people for who they are. There will be no room for deception or tricks. People will be forced to face themselves.
When they can’t audibly Interrupt because you cornered them with inescapable truth…they will walk out. I’ll never forget the first time that happened. She walked out and went to laundry room. I stayed thinking she would be right back. When I asked her what happened… “I don’t have time to just stand around and talk. I’ve got too much going on. someone has to do the laundry around here”.
I've always found it sad (in a way) that people may possess these traits, it is tiring. They seem to allow (sometimes unwillingly) you to see good aspects of their psyche, but deftly "switch" to the clever ploys to pull energy from you. I believe many are learning or being conditioned with behaviors from parents with issues similar to narcissism. I always see the good parts of the person - but again, this usually only comes at a somewhat high price of emotional involvement. It's as if the person wants help, but can't be genuinely vulnerable with you because they "know" you will hurt or betray them. I worked with one guy who so obviously acted out angrily to force a reaction. I tried to be as calm as possible, knowing from past experience that this was a game to acquire energy from me. It's bewildering why these people can't assimilate the behaviors of a normal person, sometimes all you can do is leave to keep yourself safe. I found this narcissism more abundant in the military where integrity isn't necessary to make rank, and finding many character faults in people is almost to be expected. We should ask ourselves why this profound sense of entitlement and bloated sense of self seems to be common in our culture. It is especially evident with the figures like Jeffrey Epstein, Bill Clinton, Harvey Wienstein. How did these people develop these traits and why?
I fucked up bad. I’m 21 and I spent maybe the first 17-18 years of my life being incredibly narcissistic, no holds barred. I became aware of my behavior late when I was 17. I was in a relationship at the time and ultimately what was guised as me “trying to change” broke us up. This began a long period of self reflection and I grew to hate the narcissistic aspects of myself. I have gotten better at suppressing them somewhat, but I still fuck up alot. I find myself interrupting my roommates, one in particular. I do apologize every time immediately but the interruption comes out before I even think about it, and an apology is simply not enough. I am good at organizing and executing group tasks for my own gain but also for others to. I have decided to make SURE to never do something at a deficit to someone else and I stress fairness to not let greed take over. I have had blunt conversations with my closest friends, which I admittedly don’t have many of, about my self awareness to my problems. I genuinely do not want to hurt anyone, and I want to expel every piece of myself that thinks negative or manipulative thoughts. I want to take care of the people who support me, because they have been kind and respectful to me and my feelings. I admit I let myself slide with selfishness sometimes, like taking the extra cookie if there’s an odd number or finessing my way out of some trivial task. Again, not “harmful” to anyone, but still dirty and backhanded and in periods of reflection I feel extreme guilt. Sometimes I’m passive aggressive but I always try to resolve something I’m frustrated about openly and no bs from me. There’s no excuses for my bad behavior, I know that and it is hard to fully accept. I am okay with being wrong. I admit frequently when I’m wrong, which is often. I do believe I have made serious strides in making myself a better person. But when I see videos like this, I lose a slight bit of hope. I want to clarify that I don’t want any sympathy or anything like that. I hope that people can come along and criticize my thought processes so I can root this shit out and fix my behavior. This is quite a rant, but I don’t want to be a burden to anyone around me anymore. I want to be free of this fucked up condition that I developed through childhood, my environment AND my own bad decisions. Someone please just tell me if I’m a bad person and if so I will find a way to continue and overcome. At the end of the day I’m not diagnosed, however my dad is a very clear narcissist and that alone is enough evidence. Is there a “somewhere in the middle version?” Is there any chance I can fully change?
Also I find myself thinking often that I’m better than some other people at a lot of stuff. I can admit when I’m wrong (again this happens a lot and I’ve become very good with handling humility in a healthy way) but I hold closely onto what I’m good at and find it hard to give those things up. The point is that I still hate pieces of myself and that I’m not done yet. If anyone decides to read this, please don’t respond rather judge in silence and do not give me any validation. This is how some young narcissists think, and it can be difficult at times. I like to think I’m not all bad but the power is in the eye of the beholder. Or something like that. Anyways, have a good night. I feel much better now and I will first eliminate interruption from my behavior.
Can not having respect for others time be considered "thoughtless"? For example, expecting everything to run on their time or continuously keep people waiting or expecting them to keep waiting until they're ready?
Yes, thank you for not saying us people who are laymen are crazy! Yes, these are the traits that people report, from what I've read. Subtle but aggressive at the same time. Like the parking example and the other example you provided about being inconsiderate and then if ever called out, being defensive, angry even, that is what I have heard a lot. You are very good at explaining this! Especially in a way that doesn't possibly result in people getting confused about what this looks like as much. Thank you, good job.
Oh man sounds like my sibling, factor in his abandonment, dependency and eating disorder (he doesn't chew only gulps his food and take in about 1000-1500 extra calories per day) it gets to be a real daily grind. As an empathy I'm far to patience he's alway circling back to blame me for everything including his weight gains, office problems now lack of employment. The snooping and jealousy tricky thing to manage anytime I start to see a girl he get wildly controlling and more or less drives them off. If packages arrive he demands to know what in them get angry if I get anything he doesn't approve of. Anyway I guess just venting, today I finally confronted him on the fact that he's never cooked a meal in his life (mid 40's) for anyone and whole situation just goes sideways when him grandstanding now how altruistic his is.
I've been trying like heck to figure out what's up with a friend and roommate of mine, who I thought was just very ruminative depressive, and occasionally panic anxiety prone. I'm the same way, except more on the anxiety side, but in comparison I'm hyperconsiderate and she is just NOT. An example: she tried to get the apartment maid fired for using her tweezers to clean out the drain in her bathroom. The tweezers was sitting out on the counter, there was no indication this tweezers deserved special treatment, but she woke us all up pounding on our doors after she discovered this, screaming. I thought: surely she will be embarrassed and conciliatory in half an hour, after she has calmed down. And all will be forgiven and forgotten. Nope. She asked for the tweezers to be paid for, and hates that maid to this day, and is incredibly rude to her. She told us she was moving out over the incident, but then did not, and we just avoid her as hard as we can now. I think this diagnosis might be the one, I've heard it can be caused by childhood abuse, and her mother was very abusive, something she reminds us of constantly. I found this odd, because while I myself experienced violent sexual abuse in childhood, I never bring it up unless I absolutely have to, because I don't like to think of it, and certainly would never bring it up in a conversation about like... water conservation when we wash the dishes? She will not adjust her behavior in any way for you. She wouldn't let me change the thermostat setting by one degree when everyone else she shares the room with agrees it is too cold and we got a $300 dollar electricity bill. Any attempt to compromise for everyone in the house, like that, she has an insane over reaction to, and will not give up doing it her way. I don't want to just give up on her, but she is incredibly treatment resistant. I try to be kind, but she lashes out constantly now, after the mere suggestion that she try therapy again.
I feel it important to address the remarks made about, “thoughtless-inconsiderate” actions of another person. There are people, such as myself, who don’t purposely leave cabinet doors open to irritate another. It is just a personal quirk, if you will, that I have. The minute I sit down and I look towards the kitchen I realize I’ve left them open. I either get up and close them immediately or after eating. I am not at all angry that you have made this, “subjective opinion” of others. I just wanted to clear the air and hope to give understanding that some “quirks” people have aren’t intentional. I cannot explain why I leave cupboard/cabinet doors open. I chalk it up to absent-mindedness. I no other explanation. However, to reiterate, it isn’t done on purpose to irritate others. That I can say with absolute certainty. Furthermore, I suspect many other people have their own unique “quirks” they cannot explain. Unintentional, what you might see as, “inconsiderate or thoughtless” example: perhaps men leaving the toilet seat up. People are people and have habits and quirks. “Not everybody is out to get you.”
I think the tell-tale sign of whether it's a quirk or not, as you put it, is how you feel when someone complains about it. Do you feel like, "hey you should have to put up with this..." or "hey, sorry, just forgetful,..." The former would be narcissistic.
Thank you. Thank you. I have the same quirk, unintentionally leaving cabinets open. My husband has mentioned it and I laugh about. I definitely work hard to not do it, when I realize I have, I sometimes beat myself up. It is not an intentional act that I leave the cabinets open but sometimes I still feel so bad, like I want to cry because I fear he will see the act as idiotic. Thanks for normalizing the behavior as quirkiness.
When I get interrupted I immediately call it out but while I am like “wait a minute let me finish then you can speak” this person will continue to speak and finish their point. Very inconsiderate. This person also learns a lot about transmutation and transmuting negative emotions so this person knows how to kind of not show anger. And this person perceives it as staying cool and collected but when you’re also being condescending then it shows your feelings in the heat of the moment even if you do it in a “bad ass” way. I can’t believe what mistake I’ve made opening myself to this person.
If you are sure you got a sword dangling above your head, is one of the give a ways you might be dealing with them, and by the way you don't have to be an insecure person for that. They just find a way to get it above your head. And you will not see it coming is the cue. Another give away their consistent inconsistency's will make them look or talk the way as if they do not know what they are doing but I’m sure it's done deliberate. Deliberately forcing to act helpless.
After 4 months I've pretty much earned my honorary PhD in Cluster B personality disorders and Narcissistic traits. Do you often find Borderline Personality Disorder in women with highly narcissistic traits looking a lot like vulnerable narcissism?
Yes, (I) can see why a person would wonder about that. Well, fear of abandonment and process of elimination can be helpful. There are some great videos on how to differentiate between the two. People sometimes get it confused with anti social personality disorder too, from what I've read.
@@sarahmk2966 The disorder got it's name from the fact it "Borders" on every personality disorder in Cluster B. It's so complex that no 2 present exactly the same. The only consulation I have after 7 years enduring 3 narcissistic abuse cycles from the Borderline I fell in love with is that she didn't set out to destroy me like someone with NPD does. She was raised by a grandiose Narcissist...the grand queen of matriarch complex in fact...so those traits are learned. Her father is a severe alcoholic, much like mine, and extremely codependent, much like myself. It's left me with a real alphabet soup of disorders I didn't have going into this and 1 or 2 exponentially worse. Especially my PTSD. Borderlines seem to have this habit of minimizing(if not justifying) the sociopathic behavior and psychopathic ability to turn emotions like empathy, compassion, and remorse on and off. Her father in fact encouraged this behavior in her as if it was some kind of "strength". It's destroyed me and everyone that's ever tried to love her. After almost 7 years of believing I was just too defective to love the “soul mate" or "Twin Flame" God gave me and that's why she discarded me every 2 years, I found out what “it"(Narcissistic Abuse) was…too late. Since my 3rd discard in the relationship(you can call it splitting if you prefer, it doesn't change the pain it causes though) by the person I'd do anything for and love more than life itself in February after she had a psychotic break and obviously lost part of her soul, I am now in psychotherapy 2 to 3 days a week. I'm recovering from my SECOND stress induced cardiomyopathy in the relationship with the person I love most in this world from the heartbreak. It's a type of heart attack brought in by sudden severe emotional trauma. My heart is probably malformed for life. I'm still at risk for cardiac arrest. I have NAS(NarcissisticAbuseSyndrome), severe depression with CONSTANT suicidal ideation...I've attempted suicide 4 times, actually being successful on the second but lived ultimately, and that's where I had a near/post death experience that will shape the rest of my life, for however long that may be. I'm now diagnosed with CPTSD and generalized anxiety disorder as well. I lost 44 lbs in 4 months. People with BPD are VERY COMMONLY misdiagnosed and treated(with catastrophic consequences) as "Bipolar". HIGHLY narcissistic traits and the pattern of narcissistic abuse in their Unstable relationships is also not uncommon. You might be dealing with ANY...OR MORE THAN ONE...Cluster B Personality Disorders in these people who inflict this kind of abuse on the people who love them most. Her response to learning of my second suicide attempt was that she's the happiest she's been in YEARS. Whether it's the depression and heartbreak that kills me or the actual damage to my PHYSICAL HEART makes little difference to me. The fact remains that the person I have loved and adored more than anyone in my lifetime has ZERO empathy, compassion, or remorse after nearly 7 years together. I was thrown away in the blink of an eye like an old gum wrapper on the floorboard of a used car, with no explanation at all...let alone closure. I'm a pretty tough guy. Played hockey for 9 years. I've taken a 7.62X39 through the shin and out my calf and kept moving. I've broken a femur, had my lower row of teeth knocked out in a hockey game and kept playing the game b4 going to the hospital...had my sciatic nerve nearly severed...and never shed a tear. I have cried from the moment I opened up my eyes in the morning until I go to sleep for 7 months. Nothing is helping. I honestly cant live like this.. Whether it's "BPD SPLITTING" or "NARCISSISTIC DISCARDING" doesn't change the impact it has on a person who did nothing more than commit the awful crime of loving them. I'm LITERALLY just another a living corpse under her feet. All for the crime of Loving her like a fairytale. Her words, not mine. If anyone ever tells you that you should have empathy for, and tolerate an abusive borderline, or doesn't believe you can die from a broken heart, FEEL FREE to copy and paste any of this if you like. I was in the best shape of my life entering this relationship.
@@coreyanderson1457The disorder got it's name from the fact it "Borders" on every personality disorder in Cluster B. It's so complex that no 2 present exactly the same. They often DO have both narcissistic and Psychopathic traits. The only consulation I have after 7 years enduring 3 narcissistic abuse cycles from the Borderline I fell in love with is that she didn't set out to destroy me like someone with NPD does. She was raised by a grandiose Narcissist...the grand queen of matriarch complex in fact...so those traits are learned. Her father is a severe alcoholic, much like mine, and extremely codependent, much like myself. It's left me with a real alphabet soup of disorders I didn't have going into this and 1 or 2 exponentially worse. Especially my PTSD. Borderlines seem to have this habit of minimizing(if not justifying) the sociopathic behavior and psychopathic ability to turn emotions like empathy, compassion, and remorse on and off. Her father in fact encouraged this behavior in her as if it was some kind of "strength". It's destroyed me and everyone that's ever tried to love her. After almost 7 years of believing I was just too defective to love the “soul mate" or "Twin Flame" God gave me and that's why she discarded me every 2 years, I found out what “it"(Narcissistic Abuse) was…too late. Since my 3rd discard in the relationship(you can call it splitting if you prefer, it doesn't change the pain it causes though) by the person I'd do anything for and love more than life itself in February after she had a psychotic break and obviously lost part of her soul, I am now in psychotherapy 2 to 3 days a week. I'm recovering from my SECOND stress induced cardiomyopathy in the relationship with the person I love most in this world from the heartbreak. It's a type of heart attack brought in by sudden severe emotional trauma. My heart is probably malformed for life. I'm still at risk for cardiac arrest. I have NAS(NarcissisticAbuseSyndrome), severe depression with CONSTANT suicidal ideation...I've attempted suicide 4 times, actually being successful on the second but lived ultimately, and that's where I had a near/post death experience that will shape the rest of my life, for however long that may be. I'm now diagnosed with CPTSD and generalized anxiety disorder as well. I lost 44 lbs in 4 months. People with BPD are VERY COMMONLY misdiagnosed and treated(with catastrophic consequences) as "Bipolar". HIGHLY narcissistic traits and the pattern of narcissistic abuse in their Unstable relationships is also not uncommon. You might be dealing with ANY...OR MORE THAN ONE...Cluster B Personality Disorders in these people who inflict this kind of abuse on the people who love them most. Her response to learning of my second suicide attempt was that she's the happiest she's been in YEARS. Whether it's the depression and heartbreak that kills me or the actual damage to my PHYSICAL HEART makes little difference to me. The fact remains that the person I have loved and adored more than anyone in my lifetime has ZERO empathy, compassion, or remorse after nearly 7 years together. I was thrown away in the blink of an eye like an old gum wrapper on the floorboard of a used car, with no explanation at all...let alone closure. I'm a pretty tough guy. Played hockey for 9 years. I've taken a 7.62X39 through the shin and out my calf and kept moving. I've broken a femur, had my lower row of teeth knocked out in a hockey game and kept playing the game b4 going to the hospital...had my sciatic nerve nearly severed...and never shed a tear. I have cried from the moment I opened up my eyes in the morning until I go to sleep for 7 months. Nothing is helping. I honestly cant live like this.. Whether it's "BPD SPLITTING" or "NARCISSISTIC DISCARDING" doesn't change the impact it has on a person who did nothing more than commit the awful crime of loving them. I'm LITERALLY just another a living corpse under her feet. All for the crime of Loving her like a fairytale. Her words, not mine. If anyone ever tells you that you should have empathy for, and tolerate an abusive borderline, or doesn't believe you can die from a broken heart, FEEL FREE to copy and paste any of this if you like. I was in the best shape of my life entering this relationship.
People rarely apply commonsense if their aim is to have a partner above all else. They live in a fairytale reality that rejects thinking about consequences. Fairytales don't point to the wicked stepmother as an example of lack of caution by the father in whom he married.
I’m not too snoopy… but I think I suffer from this, but I have observed that I mirror people and I’ve had three signifigant relationships with abusive narcissists that I recall mirroring and part of me feels I would not have behaved like that otherwise. I’m finding biblical teachings to be quite instructive. Thanks to God! I still have a lot of work to do.
Yeah, not a romantic relationship so didn't "leave" per se, but this sounds a lot like my father who I worked with for 25 years. Had to get away in the end (and of course got sent a huge email detailing all my faults and every single thing I owe him in his eyes etc. etc.), along with messing with my pay, my visa and all sorts. Night and day difference in my mood, sense of peace, relaxation and just general happiness. It's a shame, but glad to be away, although always aware he may decide to "punish" me further
They are the most victimized people on the earth. They are tiedd to the train tracks and their partner did it. Anger just below the surface. When they feel shame the manipulated others or gaslight or rage. Counselors should know this . They will devalue their partner and it's not a communication problem. The will punish their partner so a family therapist needs to put a stop to their inconsiderate or rude actions and tell them they can talk when it's their turn but tight now they have to let their partner speak.
This is such a good video but I think it should primarily be used for self assessment. I can see it in my loved one. But I want to make sure I don't have any of them myself
Just came back to watch this video for the second time, and wrote some of the information. Yup, my narc's picture should've been taped onto those pages Dr. Curtis is reading from. And, wow, the Dr., when he said, "quietly unstable emotions," I remembered last summer, I went to the patio doors to see how the weather was so I could do my gardening. As I looked onto the patio, narc was sitting in his chair, but he didn't see me. His face was red, red, red. His mouth was mouthing words, spit was coming from his mouth, he was so angry. His arms were flailing as though he was coming up on someone. Initially, I was going to start laughing as I thought it was a joke, but then I realized he never jokes. The monster in the chair was unintentionally revealing himself to me. I could finally see it, I've already heard it, felt it, and tasted it, but now, in front of my own eyes, it was him, the true, real him! I moved out yesterday, nice, peaceful house, all by myself. Any victims reading this message, take note that several weeks ago that monster on the patio tried to kill me, so please run, call a shelter if need be, save yourself and your children. The horror stories I could tell you about my 25 years with him would make you cry for days. God speed.
I'm sorry you had to experience what you did. Many people are souls that come into life and are carrying memories and damage from previous lives. Our current society does not address these issues in people - criminals and "bad-behaviorals" are put in jail, as if that solves anything. We are pushed to "achieve" in a debt-based system that does not reward good behaviors in the expected way (even though they are eventually rewarded). My father was angry much of the time, and would blame my brother, sisters, and myself. This particularly rankled me, but you could tell he didn't really wish to be angry, you knew he'd regret it later. I grew up being picked at by my older siblings and mother, I recall during fourth grade walking home mad, thinking about having to put up with all this, on top of a teacher who displayed fairly poor behavior. I try to see the person BEHIND the behavior, and why they act as they do. It helps knowing that there's really an insecure, helpless "child" there usually. A lot of the fear and misery in the world could be alleviated if we really could see the world in this way. Imagine how different it could be if people knew and demanded that others act in a kind and considerate way. Would we have the same difficulties?
Ok why does it feel like there are only videos to help people get away from narcissists but none to help them. I am pretty sure I'm a vulnerable narcissist and have NPD but all these videos do is help reassure I'm bad and everyone else is good. You want to know why narcissists like this feel like victims? Because I don't get empathy. I just don't is it like a 6th sense. I'm always accused of not caring, but if I could consciously feel so ones emotions I would care because I could relate. I believe that this is overlooked to the point that people look at lack of empathy as evil when in fact it should be a disability that should be treated. It is soo frustrating to me that typical brained people can't point this out when we (the narcissist / ASD/ an personality disorder) know the problem but most of us won't say anything because we are afraid of being persecuted by the majority. I know someone will say "oh there's the narcissist acting the victim again" but I know my faults and I know i do that. But I believe that it is wrong to put people down who lack empathy same as it would be to put someone down for physical traits. It's not right. Can't you (TH-cam docs) help us or are you just trying to sell something. And yes i happen to be very frustrated and angry. Not even sure if I will post this or just type it out and try to feel better about myself. Looking for help someone send me in the right direction please.
Totally agree w u Matthew. If society is suppose to be moving towards more understanding and acceptance of people with MH issues (like being a vulnerable narcissistic) then why do we have professional, educated individuals...treating them like villains? Its like "get away from them!" but how do you get away from yourself? So little compassion and educated people wonder why stigmatism continues. You are prepetuating it with this kind of nasty overview. Also keep in mind that Vul Nar most likely developed in early childhood as a coping mechanism to neglect and/or abuse. So baby was neglected/abused; learned how to cope (VN or other) and now as an adult have to understand that most of society hates them. Nice. Thank you.
It's just annoying when people's only advice is to see a counselor, like if you don't think I'm doing that then what would u even be looking up these videos or commenting. I'm not exactly sure what I have i fell like I have Co morbid asd without intellectual impairment and Val nar possibly. We are still working it out. And on top of that I have a memory problem. Which either could be memory or because I have a hard time retaining what people say or ask of me. Which make relationships very difficult with my children and wife and with a full time job on top of it it is extremely stressful. I might not be doing alot to people who can handle that no problem, but to me I'm a super star for being able to do as much as I can without losing sanity. I'm told I still slack or am lazy at times. But not coping out or making excuses, because there is no excuse for being overly selfish. But just and explanation would be I think I deserve it. Noone can decide what is too little or too much for someone else. Or at least that's what most people would say about other disabilities. It's hard it really is and having asd on top of that makes it soo hard to connect to people even the ones I know and love. Because I can't pickup on there emotional cues. And there is no "cure" or medicine. Most nars don't even know they really have a problem. I know a nar when I meet them because they like me more than others. Even tho they most likely talk crap behind my back. It's a very confusing world for people with personality disorders.
There was no "typical" snooping from my covert Narc ex. The problem with people like him is, that the victim displays many or even all of these traits due to the abuse
they behave badly on purpose to make you snap. They feed off of unnecessary drama (it's a form of control/power/manipulation in order for them to feel less inferior). VERY negative energy. When you finally leave them, you feel a huge sense of relief and peace, even though you might go through a difficult time
@What i want? this sounds exactly like the kind of comment a narc would make. It's called projection
@What i want? same. I'm on my 14th year in a relationship I never thought I could make last 2 months! Plenty of trial and error in the beginning as my partner has quiet BPD and didn't tell me until a few years in. We have never even broken up once. It's about communication and being with the right person. Idk why so many people play victim in these comments while putting us down for being actual victims ourselves. It's sick around here. 🤮
@What i want? I can identify with much of what you've shared. Mostly about refusing to be controlled and using withdrawal as a technique. Effectively kept us in almost perfectly balanced approach-avoidance cycles whenever activated. I'd feel drained, not fulfilled enough, unknowingly resentful and pathetic, then withdraw. That triggered abandonment fears in my wife, causing her to notice me and cling to me and fill me me up again, then I'd 'accidentally' bother her somewhat or piss her off (she's adorable when she's heated lol) and the cycle would end only to begin again maybe even years later, maybe months. We quit drinking alcohol years ago and have spent the last 4 years working on ourselves and luckily still want to be together even without all the excitement of 2 untreated personality disordered women's love 🔥❤️
@@kme3894 exactly what I thought straight away.
About what you said... I honestly do not know anyone, that might go thru a difficult time, everyone I believe that has dealt or dealing with a narcissist will be effected either mentally or physically, or both. It can cause such mental disorders, it can seem like the onset of dementia in some cases, some long term, can cause chronic fatigue syndrome etc... Thank you for sharing your awareness, and they do enjoy us snapping, evil creatures. Hugs
Like you do?
Two things you forgot to mention on your profile. The vulnerable narcissist is extremely manipulative and often performs these manipulations in small ways and indicative of them playing the long game. They are harder to detect because of how they often plan and execute according to some internal blueprint or flowchart. They will seem to always be thinking of what they want from you and finding ways to get you to comply.
Vry tru,hav gone thru it
Yes! VERY insidious and they don't happen all that often - until they do. It's like they turn up the heat when they think you have one foot out the door and the behavior intensifies.
Most places I have looked are in agreeance that the majority of those with vulnerable or covert narcissism aren't aware that they're doing what they're doing.
@@catalystcomet, suggesting that it's a knee jerk reaction. I'm sure there is some element of that involved, but lying to your face is usually deliberate (a key part of gaslighting is lying). I can see the need to protect ego as an unconscious driver for their behavior, but how they torture their supply is crafted according to the situation and that takes awareness.
The disproportionate revenge always speaks volumes of the level of insanity they're at. These people are nuts, fact. They DON'T enjoy life, they AREN'T normal, and they waste their energy so that's why they drain everyone else's. Their fun is your misery. So you know what I do? Be happy or be blank. I'm convinced they can't stand either.
You’re right they’re very miserable they’re never happy they only pretend to be they don’t know what the term means there an empty vessel running from place to place to be filled yet coming with the same problem as I had last time blaming everybody else for the empty hole within!!! I agree with your assessment as I was married to one
Well said! 👏
I started the video telling myself, "no way." I mean I know for sure this person has a personality disorder, but wasn't sure about vulnerable NPD. This person checked every single trait you listed here. No kidding, each one of them, and easily, without any stretch. Thanks for this informative video.
Kat K,You look gorgeous 🌷,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
I thought that same way too - took me about a week to do the deep dive - and WOW. I was sick to my stomach! I'm like - nah, that's not it - but it was. The boxes that were checked!
If you're diagnosing others, u probably have some personality disorder too.
You shouldn't even diagnose yourself.
@@MissSandyC I was first sick to my stomach too when I heard a description that seemed as if the therapist had been sitting in MY home observing my marriage!
It was a list of 10 or 12 behaviors and my husband (now ex) fulfilled all but one!
Well, that was until a few months ago when I learned, yes, that one too.
(He wasn’t in therapy as he said, he was having an affair).
Narcissists with callous-unemotional traits can be some of the most insidious, dangerous people to be around. If you don’t catch that you’re being manipulated, they’ll wreak havoc on your life, leaving you with the perpetual feeling that you’re deserving of whatever punishments they decide to push onto you. Stay safe out there ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for this!! I'll be watching this video with my daughter. She's highly empathic and compassionate. She's wanting to get into social work. She's living with her boyfriend who checks off every one of these behaviors. I can't send her this video because, like you mentioned, he checks her text messages/communication with her family and friends. I have to bookmark it to show her next time I get to see her.
The mindf*ing is what really has her trapped. She's constantly worried she's overreacting to "the normal relationship ups-and-downs that every couple deals with." She's only 21 but has spent 4 years in this relationship already.
She's been trying to take responsibility for 'her part' in the relationship. She's not perfect, of course, but his vulnerable narcissistic behaviors have exacerbated her own anxieties and personal insecurities. The pandemic didn't help anyone's mental health but the past two years her personal goals-- and emotional and physical health have really suffered.
It's one thing hearing mama bear say "The problem is him, not you." But hopefully seeing you break it down in this format will help her see his behavior for what it is. And maybe, just maybe, she won't spend any more years of her life trying to empathize with him (and conform herself) to find the supposed "healthy relationship" she thinks it's at the end of this rainbow.
I’m so sorry that your daughter thinks that she’s capable of “working through” HIS issues! I hope that she’s already found her freedom!! PLEASE warn her that these behaviours only get worse with time!!
In my experience, they are most destructive when they feel shame for their own actions. SHAME is their most dangerous emotion! When you ‘remind’ them of their own bad acts they erupt in rage, when you just want to talk about the pain that they have caused you! Their resentment is traumatic!
Yup, they resent YOU for ‘making’ them act out in a way that causes them shame!
I’m an empathic person. It’s torture!
Great post. I was seeing a therapist when I was dating my husband (now married for 30+ years) and she practically begged me NOT to stop therapy. She felt there was a lot for me to explore. I quit anyway. But she was right. And so were my parents about my boyfriend. But I didn’t listen and now here I am in a marriage that is slowly sucking me dry.
I am narcissstic victim too.. Even I thought like your daughter and ultimately spoiled my health and life... I deeply believe that your daughter would understand what you are trying to tell her and be free of that relationship.. god bless you
All the above points are true .. they do check our belongings in our absence and also create unnecessary drama
I hope she listens. I wasted 9 years with a Narcissist.
I think I may be a vulnerable narcissist 😩. All my life I knew there was something wrong with me but I could never put my finger on it. Throughout the years I've been misdiagnosed. The range went from depression, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, but vulnerable narcissism sounds like me down to a T. I am just so terrified. I will bring this topic up with my therapist next time I see her. But I always knew that there was a reason why none of my interpersonal relationships ever worked out. It's all starting to make sense
You are not alone! I’m frightened myself. I hope you’ve had relief since you wrote this.
Narcissism seems to have become synonymous with 'ogre' in common parlance. You are not an ogre or a monster. You have recognised that you have patterns in the way you act in relationships that cause people pain, and that prolong your own pain. With this knowledge you can correct them with guidance, and if you want it enough and can be patient enough with the process and trust the therapist enough, you can discover ways of changing the patterns of your thoughts and feelings that make you want to say or do this or that. I'm in the process right now. Sorting out my relationship to the therapy, has been part of the therapy!!
Your dad left right ?
I feel the same. 100%.
Same
It took me till after I was 50 years old to realize that I am targeted by these people.
First, my father. Then, a girlfriend. And then, a supervisor. It finally dawned on me that I "attract" these people for some reason. And now I know why. I'm not attracting them; they are finding and targeting me.
Snooping was a HUGE thing with the girlfriend.
Finally some actual helpful youtube videos on narcissism . Love this channel. Thank you
You are so welcome
I believe when the DSM gets updated in about a decade, Avoidant Personality Disorder and Vulnerable Narcissism will be closer together instead of being in different clusters
I’m dating a Dismissive Avoidant.
She had gone into all the behaviors of a covert narcissist in service to her Dismissive Avoidance.
It’s as horrible as it sounds.
All narcs are attracted to people who have the traits they wish they had w the goal of taking you down and trading places w u in the eyes of others. I've been related to dozens of these creatures for 6 decades. Breaking them into categories overcomplicates their simple playbook.
I was afraid of being a vulnerable narc but Im diagnosed with depression and anxiety and all these videos remind me of my symptoms so thank you for clarifying !
That thing about making you angry just to later look like the victims themselves… it was so confusing to me. I knew something was off but I couldn’t figure out what it was. I took me nine years of my life. I felt like I was given a second chance at life once he left. But I lost so much precious time. I’m almost 38 now and I wanted kids of my own… and it’s just me.
I went through similar. Took 17 years of my life but I walked away 1.5 years ago. So relieved!
I went through similar. Took 17 years of my life but I walked away 1.5 years ago. So relieved!
@@georginafronda496 I’m so glad you’re free now. Life does feel better. Blessings!
It’s not the end it was a lesson that made you stronger and you will have a family with plenty of time.
I’m middle-aged I spent way too much time in hell and we have children and I’m trying he’s trying to drag me back there and it will not happen he may be there but he’s not bringing me in with him! 😂❤🥂
This is extremely helpful. Not enough people explain this one well. Thank you.
I agree.
Fully agree. I was looking for this kind of list and comparison to other similar things like borderline or depression. This is really good thing.
I’ve been confused whether I’m an Empath or not. But your video does it for me. I didn’t want to declare myself an Empath because it seems to be the opposite of a narcissist and I would want to be on the good side of things. But after so many videos and yours in particular, I’m concluding that I am. I cringe at how inconsiderate, thoughtless, and careless some people are towards others. Ex girlfriends, male friends, etc. I seem to always find myself in relationship with this type of individuals.
At one point, I thought that there must be something wrong with me to keep gravitating towards these people. Omg, these people have no empathy & consideration for others. And they resent me for doing so. They get really vicious when they realize that I’ve pricked up on their weaknesses, carelessness, and imperfections. They hit with massive blows.
When they wake up, I have to wake up cause they make mad noise. They do so to make me as tired as they are so I take a nap during the day like they do because they feel like if I don’t take a nap, I’m superior to them. If we’re out and they know I may have things to do at home, they keep coming up with other things to do to keep us on the road longer. They turn the AC/HEAT all the way up to the temp that they know I’m uncomfortable with. They slam doors, turn music all the way up, leave lights on when I’m sleeping, leave the bedroom door open when I’m sleeping and they jump on the phone on speaker phone. Oh my gosh! They cherish me most when they need to manipulate me for something they need.
They enjoy debating my ideas just for fun or to get me confused and disoriented. They advise me to try out drugs and to do something less legal or moral. They advise me to go to the dmv, for example, at 3pm. Huh? They’ll always close by then. All so that I run late and don’t accomplish my goals. They call me to hang out when they know it’s around the time that I go live and stream. They call me amidst live streaming. They’ve reported videos they’ve willingly participated in as inappropriate so YT take it down.
They’re always seeking ways to make me go astray off my path and goals and to do try out illegal or immoral stuff. They’re always probing me for the least noble past experiences of my life, always offering me to talk if I needed to. Always reading my journal and loose notes on my desk. If we go out and I’m having too much fun meeting people and being the social butterfly that I am, they’re ready to go home now. Whaaat? They hate people. They see others as judging them and lookin down upon them. They see me as superior to them and so they must take me down a notch and more….Smh…
Oh my gosh, these people are pure evil. I still feel empathy for my ex and want to reach out to check on her. Maybe this is one way I keep them in my life. Thanks man!
Many great points and example here. I would only substitute the word "unevolved" with "evil."
Wow that sounds miserable, like a constant mental battle. I’m sorry you had to live through that. Glad you are doing better!
The interrupting is on point.. He would frequently interrupt me while talking, for example I would be talking about my day at work and he would be like ‘oh look at how red that car is, I always wanted a red car!’ After which I would feel disheartened and not feel like continuing anymore.. then when we were arguing I would say something and he would twist what I said, so I would interrupt him to correct as that’s not what I said/did then the whole argument/conversation from then onwards would be based on how I need to stop interrupting him and I never listen to him and he can’t even get a word out…
The small inconsiderate actions too, he would pick on the fact that I leave one pot in the sink and how I need to put it away and wash it or put my shampoo bottles in a certain way in the shower but yet when he was getting ready he would leave open jars of cream / liquid, would leave plates on the table and clothes all over the floor..
Constantly used my car and put two bumps in it, brushed it off that there’s nothing he could do as he had to drive into the hedge as there was no space for him and the other car
Would brake last second, and frequently drove super fast making me uncomfortable specially it being my car
Would take my things like my laptop without asking then would get annoyed when I asked him why do you need it?
Snooped through my phone, laptop, and tried to tell me what I should and shouldn’t say when texting my friends
Would call me an angry person, and that I can’t control my emotions then would slam doors and punch walls..
One time we were visiting my parents and I had to go somewhere with my mum, and left him there with my mums laptop to watch some Netflix while I was gone, came back he was in a mood, then after 5 minutes of asking turned out he went through my mums pictures because ‘he thought we were talking about him’ and didn’t like a picture he saw, then got angry at me for getting upset at him for snooping through my mums laptop 😂😂
99.9% of the time we were out to have a good time, (especially if other people were there) he would get in a mood over something trivial and the night would be ruined
I find with these types of people the thing that stood out for me is the obvious double standards and inconsistency with their words and actions. And when you call them out on it they lose their shit 🙃 also for the first time ever, numerous times had this overwhelming feeling that this person was lying to me or not being sincere.
I’m not kidding, this information is life changing. Thank you for the video.
Thank you!
You just described my mom as if you've lived with her for 40+ years. Especially the snooping and mind fudging. She made me look like a raving lunatic and she the helpless old lady just this Easter 6 days ago in front of a large crowd.
Hang in there Carla. Integrity shines bright. People know it.
Hugs Carla, my sister did that to me for years. She turned many people against me with her lies also. I wish you peace.
Yup my mother did the old bait and switch last Christmas day. Everything to them is a game, EVERYTHING.
True story for my highly religious mother that so dearly EVIL!
@@ruckerbrady8342sorry for that. We live in the last days so just wanted to stop and say that Christmas and Easter have pagan roots and customs, real holidays are found in the Scripture. Be blessed, peace be with you!
The leaving cabinet doors open and not putting lids on….🤯🤯🤯An issue I’ve always had with my husband. Leaving lights on is another one too. It never stopped, so I stopped asking him to correct it
Yes!!! 💯 Not reacting and ignoring makes them stop their shady behaviors. 🤦♀️ Plus, we’re giving them a taste of their own medicine by not giving them what they want! 😉💪💯
Putting dishes in the wrong cabinet after TEN YEARS IN THE SAME PLACE and then grinning really big when I get annoyed. "I just did it to troll you."
WHY DID YOU THINK THAT WAS NECESSARY? Why did you take time out of your day just to annoy me so you could have a laugh?
@@spacegirl226 I know right! Cuz’ that’s the only source of happiness they have. Getting on people’s nerves is their addiction and medication. That’s why they always need a supply. They’re MONSTERS in a human body! 🤢👹🤮🤒
My super vulnerable narc mother is the ultimate snooper. Looks up people she knows or meets. Looks at there mortgages and any info she can find. She's proud of it too. Wants to know who is with who at church. It's all a game, everything is a game.
Hard to spot until you realize they have been cheating in some way like either physical, emotional or have a porn addiction
They ALL CHEAT, HAVE ADDICTION AND DENY IT EVEN JUSTIFY IT
They always cheat because this type of personality is always unfulfilled they have a hole within and they can never find a way to fulfill it even with the most perfect partners. Again this is a lack and a hole that will never be filled until they come to grips with past traumas. Good luck Getting them to see that anything is wrong with them because it’s always somebody else and my ex always said therapist weren’t worth a crap because they couldn’t fix me as what he would say
So true
They are the best at leading double lives
You brought up closing cabinet doors…. I didn’t close cabinet doors because I don’t like the sound of them shutting. I’m hyper sensitive to sounds. My mother used to slam things like cabinet doors or dishes.
These are excellent categories and specific examples of the behaviors to note. One of the best videos I've seen on the vulnerable narc. It was very affirming to my assessment of those in my past. I was recalling explicit scenarios clearly, as the video went along. Will take a while for the hair on the back of my neck to go down : )
Been free for some time, its been quite painful. I'm a highly sensitive type, empath, my whole life. Taught myself how to discern, vital aspect to moving forward.
Thanks for the great video.
I'm experiencing narcissistic induced psychosis. A matrix. It's like being locked in a flight simulator controlled by a real asshole for 11 years.
the interruptions thing is so spot on. I got to the point of giving up trying to convey any information that isnt a yes or no as the second I start to say anything that is not in direct response to her, I am interrupted immediately. Any excuse to cut off what I am saying or communication is disrupted as soon as possible, and conversely anything she has to say she will convey 5-10 different pieces of information, not even leaving a pause or allowing any interruption to get out what she has to say. And I dont dare even question or ask for clarification of what is being said without it taken as a direct personal attack. Even now that we are separated and going through mediation, even the mediation sessions were like that, not to mention the unbased or completely untrue accusations and if I even try to dispute or suggest it is not true I was being highlighted as angry, abusive and toxic. For disagreeing on what was being said about me. And they lie. Lie, lie, lie, lie and then lie some more and will react with a view to destroying the other person for even suggesting what they are saying is clearly untrue even if it is completely obvious without any doubt.
Be thankful you are being set free....
@@teresarenee3829 eventually that is the dream, at the moment she is withholding my child without any consent or court orders and doing everything to take me for all I have and lying to everyone in her path to get what she wants and destroy me in the process.
@@lukesheehy126 take her to court, you have rights.
@@teresarenee3829 yes, I don't have any other choice. In talks with a lawyer right now, but I am absolutely dreading the whole thing. Her emotional charm and storytelling is generally more convincing to people she encounters than the facts or actual evidence, so its going to be a rough ride.
@@lukesheehy126 trust and believe the courts have seen it all...they will see thru her bull...just be honest and straightforward, you will get your rights.
This is very new to me. I have walked on eggshells around my wife for 30yrs. I have to be careful how I start conversations for fear of her misinterpreting what I say and getting angry. She WILL NOT close doors or drawers or put away anything she uses. She turns words around almost as soon as there spoken and remembers things differently than they happened. In all cases its becomes I've said or done something that was negative towards her. She portrays herself as a victim in a marriage she cant get out of. She seems most happy when I'm miserable. She is exactly as described in this including the affairs. She has me convinced that I am mentality abusive to her, I was looking for self help when I stumbled on this. Thank You
If you read others comments you will start to realize they all do the same things, including the habits you mentioned...
You're spot on Doc with the hyper sensitive empath stuff ...
And the snooping, insecurity, entitlement of the narc.
I appreciate your understanding 🙏
Weird how you mentioned the not putting lids on properly, brings back memories of my ex
I know a guy that reaches out to me every few months to several years. I have known him since before highschool and we were supposedly friends from back then over twenty years ago. The contact ends every single time once things get to the point where I confront him about his passive aggressive abuse, out right verbal abuse, unethical behavior and abandonment of those closest to him. He has done this to every single member in his family, every lady he has ever dated and every person he has supposedly been friends with. When he first makes contact he acts as if nothing negative ever happened. As if he didn't dissaper or react like a toddler to being challenged. I am an empath and through experience and study of informational videos like this one, I have figured out that he contacts me basically like an emotional vampire that drops in to get his fill then move on when it no longer serves him. Interestingly enough he and his brothers ALL exhibit these narcissistic traits to varying degrees. They grew up being pampered to the max while being taught that they are superior to others and while being filled with psuedo religious fear. They were and are allowed to get away with ANYTHING within the family except for questioning the status quo. In their forties all of them will at times just move into their parents house rent free for months or years with basically no notice and then act cold, distant and obstinate toward their parents. In my own weakness I have not always been honest with myself about this persons intentions and have let him back in again and again. I've done this to avoid feeling lonely, wanting to believe someone from my highschool years is actually ready to make good decisions and to simply enjoy sharing old stories and having a laugh. But much like the bottle for someone who struggles with drinking, it takes more than it gives. Ive reached the point where I have simply deleted this persons contact info. I have reached the point where I do not desire further contact with this person all while no longer being angry or upset with him about the way he has treated me. I am a Christian and I pray for this person in mention. However I realize that enough is enough. Infact allowing anymore contact other than swiftly and immedietly spelling out the truth the next time he drops in would just be enablement.
My ex best friend is a covert/vulnerable narcissist. The first time I moved away from her I didn’t understand what a covert narc was so I couldn’t put my finger on it but I just knew I felt drained every time I had a conversation with her.
We didn’t speak for 2 years then I gave the friendship another chance because I thought she may have been in a bad place in her life at the time… BIG MISTAKE. The covert friend began to grill me with a lot of personal questions to try and use against me at a later date in a narcissistic rage. She would ask me questions then a few days later ask me the same question to see if I gave the same answer…I guess this was her building her case against me lol.
I began working out really hard in the gym she hated it because she is very overweight and would try from every angle to place negativity on the gym I went to, the food I was eating how often I trained. Even Jlo who I aspired to look like as I have a similar body shape…I mean come on who hates on jlos body lol.
She seemed fixated on the past and an ex boyfriend she hadn’t seen in over a decade she even said she had piled on the weight so she wouldn’t appear attractive to other men because she felt like she was betraying her ex that she hadn’t seen in over a decade. (The guy is also married has 3 children and lives in France and we live in the U.K) After trying to help her move on numerous times I told her it’s not healthy to be talking about a guy from 11 years ago.
A few days later she went into a narcissistic rage and tried to tear down my character and twist truths through all those questions she had been asking me she did this through a 12 paragraph message. Her craziness was shocking and the hate she spewed towards me made me close that door for good. She the. 10 days later bombarded me with another 6 paragraphs of utter rammel she sent the messages one by one over a period of 2 hours . The messages didn’t even make sense she even cancelled her own argument through her raging 😡 txts. 🤷🏽♀️.
She had a problem when I spent time with family
She tried to shame me if I met up with other friends
She would indirectly insult the gifts my boyfriend bought which were Gucci and designer perfumes lol
She tried to act as if she had an emergency every time I had a happy event such as family party or baby shower
She said I had no morals because I’m a friendly person and know men from my gym 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
She had a problem with me learning online I guess because videos like this help me understand what a narcissist is lol.
She even had the audacity to message me a few days later like nothing had happened and how I was the bad guy for not wishing her a happy birthday 😮😮😮😮 these people are sick we have to understand this BLOCK and get on with your life 🥰
Thank you so much for this. Everything I’ve been trying to point out to him was EVERYTHING in this video. I didn’t know there was a specific term for it!
You're playing with fire. You aren't supposed to tell then they have this disorder. They are completely incapable of self reflection and lack empathy and mindfulness. They'll likely flip out and tell you that it's YOU that are the narc, not THEM. I let mine know anyway though as well. If nobody tells then it keeps getting worse.
I mean you can tell them, but keep in mind when someone has a personality disorder they have a huge perspective problem that will make them shift the blame back on you. You just have to set boundaries. Boundaries, boundaries. Clear and defined, and they never move.
A lot of these fit my mother, but they often only apply to me. For example, my mom is generally considerate but when it comes to me, she is not. Messaging me at times that will create anxiety. Expecting me to take time off work for them. All through my childhood, I'd remind her of something about me (such as a food preference) and she would always respond with "since when???".
I didn't realize he was a 'narcissist' until it was too late! I was able to get out of the relationship but it cost me. He was very religious, passive-aggressive, and would anger at any 'confrontation' that was just my attempt to talk about something important. He would talk over me, finish my sentences, lecture with a pointed finger. I should have noticed the flashes of anger as a red flag which happened early on. Had a routine that he would not change and just didn't try to get to know me. The real 'tell' was how he villainized me behind my back to family and friends. Once I heard that I knew he was not the person he portrayed to everyone. I am an empath.
I understand. My ex would accuse me of starting an argument if I tried to have a more serious conversation or had reservations about the relationship. He would react verbally aggressively which would just shut me down. Recently I told a friend how he had told me while we were dating, ‘Not many other men would date you’. I told my friend, ‘I did not respond. What do you say to that!’
She responded, ‘Bye!’
Yes!
I wish I had then, would have spared myself so much pain and trauma.
Religious? What’s that got to do with it depending on religion especially Christianity teaches totally the opposite of narcissism.
Thank you. I’m living with a covert and…it’s not easy! Your videos are so good at putting into layman’s terms. This helping me to piece matters together! Thank you again!
Get out get out get out!
Yep 💯…. My ex of 2/12 years. There is an underlying feeling of passive aggressive dislike. They can’t be happy for you! They play the victim!! They don’t like anyone who takes attention attention. They are sneaky!! They criticize and if you interrupt they will tell you they don’t like it! I could go on snd on!!! Etc… they ruin holidays by the way!!!
Btw they can go between vulnerable and grandiose! It depends on the situation!!! Gaslighting!!!! I have learned so much!! I am a people pleaser and empathic. No more!! I watch now for red flags!!
Interrupting is the way to change to focus on them. You may be talking about something and they shift it to themselves. Develop mechanisms of distraction like leaving the area only to continue conversation there and be talking through walls or closed doors so that everyone has to strain to hear them. How about this one...."sorry to interrupt but" and keep going...
I wasn’t convinced my ex was a narcissist, he did LOVE attention, but I just thought the subtleties were annoying little personality traits(making sure everyone knows he left a big tip, did a favor for someone, very paranoid about people “replacing” him at work, constantly fishing for accolades or reassurance about work, flirting a little too much) but I now know for certain he was indeed a narcissist. He cheated on his ex with me(i was completely unaware they were still together), their break up went EXACTLY like ours(she moved out, he was still giving her money, still hanging out, step by step exactly like our breakup!) I got messaged by a girl when we first got together, saying they’d had sex. He denied sleeping with her but did admit to going over there, only because she sent me the “I’m here” text screenshot. For 2 years we argued about this SAME girl, he punched holes in walls, said I was delusional for believing her or my friends, called me crazy, and denied it with his whole being. We separated to try & work thru things & I had this gut wrenching feeling that he was up to no good. Turns out I was right & after 2 long years of constant crying, arguing & gaslighting he admitted to sleeping with her. He was also sleeping with a girl at work(he’s her damn boss) and denied that as well, until she sent out a mass text to all of my friends saying she’s “head over heels”. I blocked him & have gone no contact since. All of the signs point to covert narcissism!!! I was in denial but there’s are just far too many coincidences for it to be anything else!! When I asked him why he did it to his ex he said “I was so unhappy that I told myself ‘I deserve this’ “, I should’ve ran for the hills then!
Thank you for this video and recognizing that therapist should be aware of this type of narcissist. I've recently realized that my husband is a narcissist, covert/vulnerable type. I3 years thinking it was me. We have been to marriage counseling, where I left feeling invalidated and he was viewed as a victim. (BTW, my narcissist spouse is a mental health professional! And it makes sense now, guaranteed (supply) weekly praise and admiration with scheduled empathy.) I can't trust anyone to help me, because I watch this man dedicate education and career just to receive supply. Unbelievable 😥😢
So spot on. Great insight on this topic when dealing with the Covert Narcissist.
Pro tip: if romantically engaged by these folks, they will use the word, “intrigued” when referring to you during the idealization phase. I have sparred with many of these folks and everyone of them used that word in the beginning. No shit. It’s hard to explain but they all have “dead eyes”, something is just missing.
The thoughtless things: order food from a place that is closing in 15 minutes and then make them wait for 30 min after they close for you to pick your food up... Don’t turn on indicator lights when turning; not tipping when going out to a restaurant, not thanking someone for their service to you (food service or other things such as massage, barber, etc). Those are just some of the things that REALLY eat me up inside. The inconsiderate behaviors just eat my lunch. Not to mention: don’t expect a birthday gift, Christmas gift or valentine gift. It may happen but it more than likely won’t.
If it does it was a gift for themselves.. you are 100 percent correct.
over spicing or underspicing food..controlling meal times and whats eaten.
They dont get u gifts unless you in the love bombing stage.
Yes .. neither a gift nor a wish
I've watched many videos on vulnerable narcissism over the past several weeks after learning I've spent over 20 years of my life with one. This video should have a picture of my narc as it's thumbnail as it describes his behaviours to a T. Especially when Dr. Curtis said he'll do little things that are inconsiderate. I've not seen any other video that covers this very irritating behaviour. I realize now that my narc did those little things, such as loose lids so when I take a jar or container of milk from the fridge, it drops to the floor and splashes everywhere. When I flip out, I look like the nut case and he puts the victim face on as though he made a small mistake and I'm overreacting. These "small" mistakes happen daily for many years. He'll also leave the bread bag open, use the same knife in the butter dish that he used in the peanut butter jar, then leave them both open on the counter. Use my dish towels when he showers once per month. "Forgets" to flush the toilet, and refuses to use a fan. The list could go on forever, ugh. Thank you, Dr. Curtis, for showing me that this behaviour is part of his narcissistic revenge. I always knew he did it intentionally, because he'd be sure to watch for the "accidental" spill to happen, so he could replenish his supply at my expense, especially in front of the children. This video brought me comfort, knowledge is key.
Refuses to put down the toilet seat..
Nevermind the piss all over the bathroom.. not him
Update: I got out yesterday, in my new place but not sure I can do it though. How does one put up with all the peace, comfort, relaxation and total phuking eutopian bliss? 😄
Best mother's day gift ever! Praying for all survivors who are living with a partner who has APD, aka malignant narcissism, to find the strength and resources to get out as quickly as possible and never look back. Good luck.
@@estherc.536 Very happy to hear that. You are a strong woman!!!!!!
@@mkmekamk Thank you for your kind words. My narc-free healing has begun, and it will take some time. Some time in the future I plan to write a book about my experiences with the malignant narc who went from gaslighting to several "accidental" attempts on my life. We survivors need to get our stories out to help others who are completely oblivious to the extent by which a narcissists/psychopath will go to protect his fake image/reputation from getting to his outside supply of fake friends/flying monkeys. Also, to educate others so they know that more time and/or hope will ever change these sick predators. They need to run while they still can. Godspeed.
My father has done all these things snooping , being a control freak , loves interupting , gaslighting, playing mind games, never apologizes , never admits any wrong doing , blame shifts , cheats , very secretive, double standard on everything, inconsiderate, says I'm your father so I can never do you wrong , sleeping around with my friends , going through my personal info , etc .
A vulnerable narcissist is NEVER a match for anyone. 13 years of Hell with my now ex husband. Free at last.
They are absolute cowards.
This IS a very good listing of how it shows up in a relationship. I would add shape shifting and future faking (but you only really see these in hindsight).
If you’ve read this far, I want to encourage you to continue your search to understand what the heck you’re living through (or have lived through!).
Understanding is key to healing!!!!!
Healing comes in layers.
The same as peeling back the layers of what behaviors you just endured as well as who you became while living with it!
And it’s not always evident in the beginning….
Mine did a lot of shape shifting. Echoing my values, my vision of future, even my preference of music.
He held it together for a couple of years until we married. And then,
holy sh/t!!!!!
The provocations that came my way were intense, horrible, NOTHING like who I said “I do” with!!!!!
I finally divorce him.
He told lies about me in the mutual professional community we share, I was horrified (I did not say a word to others 😢) AND THEN….
Others began to see how sick he really is and reach out to me in wonderful supportive ways!
Please keep going!
Please keep growing!
Please be kind to yourself!!!!
You will heal too, later by later.
✨✨💖✨✨
The surveillance and GPS and snooping and phone hacking with spyware, my intuition tells me everything.
They will definitely give you gifts but it comes from a place where they will use it against you it's not because they want to. It's because they can use it to make you owe them.
Actually a great video. I’ve experienced all of these behaviors
My 21 y/o daughter is a vulnerable narcissist. It's exhausting, and she hates me.
There was some great stuff in this video but to tell counsellors and therapists to beware because they might be a target is unfair. As someone who has just realized I might have vulnerable narcissism, I found personally that I clicked best with therapists and counsellors because they were able to best understand the back and forth, give and take and balance. We aren’t trying to target anyone we just want to be seen and heard and feel worthy.
That's a fair point. Thank you.
mind fudge aka reactive abuse every person has their limit
i could fill a book with stories and events in my family of narcissists. i think i am just lucky. Ha.
learning about this ‘vulnerable’ narc its becoming clear that my last remaining brother is one of these. he has many comorbidities - OCD, Hoarding, ADHD and things i cannot fully identify. i would need two Phd’s to figure all the mental disturbances he has. and has always had.
these creatures are not human.
I feel you! 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ It’s so sickening 🤢🤮🤒 Yet it’s so freeing at the same time. I’m rooting for you! 🙂💪💯
Omg!! You just described my boyfriend to a tee. It's mind numbing to try to get anywhere in a situation of any kind. It's also not possible to be in a relationship that is anything but one sided. So ironic, if they wanted to be adored so badly just be the one they pretended to be in the early days. Right? But NO! Nothing honest, real, valid or uplifting happening anywhere near them! I call narcissism the opposite syndrome. They do, say, react, feel, see and think the opposite of what healthy people do.
I have a question: If they take your hands and tell you straight in the eye they dont want a relationship with you, find you ugly and liked their ex and wanted one with her/him but not you, and when you answer -Okay..Thats cool. They get upset and say "Dont you care at all?!" Bc they wanted a reaction. Is that narcissism?
That's more like grandiose narcissism. Not vulnerable narcissism. Maybe even a mental illness on top of a personality disorder such a sociopathic or psychopathic. If you aren't subscribed to Dr. Ramani, subscribe to her on TH-cam. She breaks it down beautifully. I know one thing...if I were you I'd never go near that guy ever again. What an a**hole.
@@vincec.202 He's definitely not a grandiose by any means, hes supershy, very ashamed of himself and has basically NO selfesteem. Theres so much else to tell within this, he also does drugs and landed in a drug psychosis last summer hes recovering from but I spoke to a friend whos a psychology student and he said the same thing you do: kluster B; autism, psychopathy and narcissism. Dr. Ramani explains it too complicated, I dont like her videos though but Grannons are great and many others, its just..he doesnt fit within anything but autism.
@@Vixinaful Cluster B for sure, but what about asperger's syndrome?
@@Vixinaful Antisocial personality disorder, possibly complex PTSD, psycho or sociopathic, strong narcissistic traits, and substance abuse. Could be borderline personality disorder too. You make a soup of that in a person and it's a walking nightmare for anyone that they bump shoulders with. My ex also had a mental breakdown and an either drug induced or bipolar induced psychosis event the first night she spent away from me in years. I'd get into all the things that happened during the 3 cycles of love bombing, manipulating, devaluing, abusing, and discarding over the last 6 years, but it would take all day. The point is I loved her so much I'd have layed down my life without a second thought for her if she asked. I was even told I "loved her like a fairytale". In the end, because of covid, I slept in my car I'm January outside the hospital I was so worried about her after she was brought in. 1 month in she went from sad and confused to SILENCE. 4 months later, I have lost 40 lbs. I'm seeing a psychotherapist and a psychologist EXTENSIVELY because I've attempted suicide 3 times now, and I was left discarded and completely destroyed. No closure. No answers. Just another discard. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM unless you'd like to be where I am. I'm coping with a near death experience on top of it after ALMOST succeeding in my plan to check out. It'll be YEARS before I'll function normally again.
@@vincec.202 YES! Im suspecting and seeing signs of aspergers ineed! THE strangest person Ive ever met.
I’ll give example of interruptions with vulnerable narcissist people you try to have a conversation about something that hurts you or something that upset you they will not focus on your hurts and how to fix them they will shift the focus to make a fight about it in order to interrupt you and distract you from their toxic behavior and interrupt to not take accountability. When you try to stand up more and more they will confuse you and love bomb you to make you feel like this was a normal fight when in reality this was not a normal fight you just had a fight with someone who gets a high pleasure reaction from making you feel bad and triggering you on purpose. I had very hard time with believing that there are people who actually get pleasure from this but there are..
Yes, they are crazy shit, i once met a guy who just want to provoke and make a fight me, it just I don't want to fight because my mood was pretty ugly so i avoid them....
You must have dated my partner too, with such an accurate description like that! 🤣🤣🤣
They are great at deflection.
Love is blind so no empathetic person would dare doubt their own judgment, and their narcissistic love interest (before marriage, or some other legally binding arrangement) has not yet shown their true colours. So, as much as the narcissist checklist may well prove to be insightful after the event, it’s pretty much useless before the s#@t hits the fan. Doting family members and friends who recognise the warning signs in the early stages can only try to make their observations and concerns known but that will more likely than not push their loved-one into the arms of their abuser quicker, and with greater determination and gusto than you thought possible. It’s a no-win situation 😢💔
My mother is very COVERT as a narcissist. This vulnerable thing has painted me (effectively) as the PROBLEM child of WHOM mother has ALWAYS done their best for me. When love could have really be nice instead of the Cliff I'm pushed off from their false lift (parents).
Well this is her for sure😥. Innapropriate RAGE, however, is VERY present. It's soul crushing to know I spent 6 years loving her with everything I had and she never loved me back. I still love her. I should hate her, but I don't at all. I'm on the 2nd/3rd discard. I can't really count the second one. All I feel is an emotion like heartbreak, but much more intense. I really can't understand these folks. It makes NO LOGICAL SENSE.😭
They are “wired” differently.
@@russcurtis1 I think it's a combination of things. It's really difficult to watch a person you've genuinely loved for 6 years repeat the same destructive cycle over and over expecting a different result. It's the definition of insanity. Who just decides to go no contact with the person they've lived with for 6 years? Normal people don't do that. She had a psychotic episode of sorts but I believe it to be more than that. I think there's some darkness at work here. I'm almost sure there is. It's destroying me physically. Mentally, and emotionally. I'm really starting to doubt me being able to survive it.
After 4 months I've pretty much earned my honorary PhD in Cluster B personality disorders and Narcissistic traits. Do you often find Borderline Personality Disorder in women with highly narcissistic traits looking a lot like vulnerable narcissism?
@@vincec.202 You are trauma bonded to her. Look into trauma bonds - lots of videos. The relationship won't get better. They can't love us. I left a 7 year, on and off most of the time. We hang on due to our own childhood attachment issues. Focus on building up yourself.
I am in exactly the same position. I have always known she didn't love me, but she swears she does. I mean if gaslighting, manipulating and zero emotion is Love then yeah she's right
Interrupting me multiple times in single conversation, trying to predict what I was going to say, he was always wrong. Ridiculing the way I walked when my spinal arthritis was causing me pain, thinking it was funny. Has thrown full blown tantrums when I chose to do something in opposition to what he wanted. I told him to leave and don't come back until you can behave like an adult. He is in his 70's.
Oh god... Wish I saw this before... My girlfriend is like this. "Don't interrupt me while I'm writing" she yells. Yet she interrupts me every time she is not interested. "You should be considerate with your words and actions, cause they can hurt people", yet she screams, insults, threatens to leave you... She gets angry if she sees you've been online because she thinks you are cheating but does her best to make you jealous talking about other men. She always has to win, even when she makes a question she thinks I don't know the answer to, if it is correct, she will change the answer, no matter what Google or everyone else says, that's not the correct answer. Always testing me, I have to be a mind reader and always should know what to do or say so she doesn't get upset. Do something that's "wrong" or "unacceptable" and you are the bad guy. And you better not stand up for yourself or shut her down when she is in a tantrum yelling and screaming at you incessantly, or it's your fault because you just don't know when to shut your mouth.
It's a living hell, for real...
Get out, please. She is not going to change.
I got the same thing. I'm usually just interjecting in the conversation. It's impossible to deal with.
my mum is one of them for sure,she´s always poor me,and copies every ailment of anyone around her ,so I tend to be a cold asshole when she announces that she is unwell,and does a big show staring at me whilst taking paracetamol.And it makes me wonder if I´m also a narcissist,or if I´m just trying to survive.Added to that I have high functioning autism,and people tend to be assholes towards me,so now I think how do I get out of the victim role because I don´t want to be anything like a narcissist,I´m judgmental and interupt a lot because I just don´t jnow when it´s my turn to talk,I´m also self critical and hate myself,but I feel happy for others when they do well,until recently ,I get envious of everyone who just know what to do,people who get education and jobs,I also start feeling angry and not sorry when karma hits assholes who don´t care.....idk...i don´t want to be a narcissist too,I´ll ask the psychiatrist how to avoid it.I noticed that just like mentioned empaths attract narcissist ,so do autistic people.Oh,my mum tried to catch autism too,but I just told her,nope that isn´t what you have.
My former boss who is NPD had a tech guy from her husband’s company try to hack my personal Google calendar. She showed all of the traits on this list.
I have had such husband for almost 18 years. What is more everything is boring for him- cinema, restaurants, exhibitions and sex as well...
Interesting...and I'm sorry.
@@russcurtis1
I am sorry too 🤣
Mine is constantly bored too. He's really only interested in things that revolves around his interests.
@@L.RaeHoldt Maybe he has Asperger syndrome...
Didn’t know I was an “empath” and yes I was entrapped in a relationship with this type. Threw me under the bus a number of times and I turned the other cheek. He died recently and the final discard is upon me. Having lived together 20 years he left our home to a distant niece. I’m now homeless.
thankyou so much ! I finally got an answer
Tighten lids so tight no one else can open them.
🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤣🤣🤣 I can’t even…
This is 💯!!! Lol
I most definitely agree with the Narc being drawn to an Empath as I am one. Honestly I wish it hadn’t taken me soo many years to realize that this in fact was our reality & I was his Narc energy supply. He’s constantly looking through my things? Every single item on your list him. Everything! Too many years!
Please, please give a relationship time and get marriage counseling no matter how “in love” you are with someone. My own naive and impulsive nature landed me married 30 years now to the person described on your list. I have cried everyday as they destroyed my love, my health, our children, ran off friends and family...blamed it all on me and my angry responses when all pleas for civil mature behavior are scoffed at. How can they think our problems are my “hysterias” when at every job they have ever held at least on coworker asks me how I live with them? I try leaving but the abuse gets worse and they take it out on our now adult children using them as weapons. The stress has become too much. I am ready for one of us to die and I don’t care which one .
this is really heartbreaking to read. You don't have to have one of you die to be free of the torment. You can make different choices which empower you and set you free Get some counselling with a therapist who understands narcissistic behaviour.
they typically use children as a means of controlling their partner. Sadly I have no advice, but I would not recommend counselling as your partner can fake it or make you look bad if your counselor can not spot narcissism.
There is coming in the very near future conditions in the world that will fully reveal people for who they are. There will be no room for deception or tricks. People will be forced to face themselves.
When they can’t audibly Interrupt because you cornered them with inescapable truth…they will walk out. I’ll never forget the first time that happened. She walked out and went to laundry room. I stayed thinking she would be right back. When I asked her what happened…
“I don’t have time to just stand around and talk. I’ve got too much going on. someone has to do the laundry around here”.
Very inconsiderate people who will rage and can't process emotions.
Thank you, very helpful!
Glad to hear that!
I've always found it sad (in a way) that people may possess these traits, it is tiring. They seem to allow (sometimes unwillingly) you to see good aspects of their psyche, but deftly "switch" to the clever ploys to pull energy from you. I believe many are learning or being conditioned with behaviors from parents with issues similar to narcissism. I always see the good parts of the person - but again, this usually only comes at a somewhat high price of emotional involvement. It's as if the person wants help, but can't be genuinely vulnerable with you because they "know" you will hurt or betray them. I worked with one guy who so obviously acted out angrily to force a reaction. I tried to be as calm as possible, knowing from past experience that this was a game to acquire energy from me. It's bewildering why these people can't assimilate the behaviors of a normal person, sometimes all you can do is leave to keep yourself safe. I found this narcissism more abundant in the military where integrity isn't necessary to make rank, and finding many character faults in people is almost to be expected. We should ask ourselves why this profound sense of entitlement and bloated sense of self seems to be common in our culture. It is especially evident with the figures like Jeffrey Epstein, Bill Clinton, Harvey Wienstein. How did these people develop these traits and why?
I fucked up bad. I’m 21 and I spent maybe the first 17-18 years of my life being incredibly narcissistic, no holds barred. I became aware of my behavior late when I was 17. I was in a relationship at the time and ultimately what was guised as me “trying to change” broke us up. This began a long period of self reflection and I grew to hate the narcissistic aspects of myself. I have gotten better at suppressing them somewhat, but I still fuck up alot. I find myself interrupting my roommates, one in particular. I do apologize every time immediately but the interruption comes out before I even think about it, and an apology is simply not enough. I am good at organizing and executing group tasks for my own gain but also for others to. I have decided to make SURE to never do something at a deficit to someone else and I stress fairness to not let greed take over. I have had blunt conversations with my closest friends, which I admittedly don’t have many of, about my self awareness to my problems. I genuinely do not want to hurt anyone, and I want to expel every piece of myself that thinks negative or manipulative thoughts. I want to take care of the people who support me, because they have been kind and respectful to me and my feelings. I admit I let myself slide with selfishness sometimes, like taking the extra cookie if there’s an odd number or finessing my way out of some trivial task. Again, not “harmful” to anyone, but still dirty and backhanded and in periods of reflection I feel extreme guilt. Sometimes I’m passive aggressive but I always try to resolve something I’m frustrated about openly and no bs from me. There’s no excuses for my bad behavior, I know that and it is hard to fully accept. I am okay with being wrong. I admit frequently when I’m wrong, which is often. I do believe I have made serious strides in making myself a better person. But when I see videos like this, I lose a slight bit of hope. I want to clarify that I don’t want any sympathy or anything like that. I hope that people can come along and criticize my thought processes so I can root this shit out and fix my behavior.
This is quite a rant, but I don’t want to be a burden to anyone around me anymore. I want to be free of this fucked up condition that I developed through childhood, my environment AND my own bad decisions. Someone please just tell me if I’m a bad person and if so I will find a way to continue and overcome. At the end of the day I’m not diagnosed, however my dad is a very clear narcissist and that alone is enough evidence. Is there a “somewhere in the middle version?” Is there any chance I can fully change?
Also I find myself thinking often that I’m better than some other people at a lot of stuff. I can admit when I’m wrong (again this happens a lot and I’ve become very good with handling humility in a healthy way) but I hold closely onto what I’m good at and find it hard to give those things up.
The point is that I still hate pieces of myself and that I’m not done yet. If anyone decides to read this, please don’t respond rather judge in silence and do not give me any validation. This is how some young narcissists think, and it can be difficult at times. I like to think I’m not all bad but the power is in the eye of the beholder. Or something like that. Anyways, have a good night. I feel much better now and I will first eliminate interruption from my behavior.
Can not having respect for others time be considered "thoughtless"? For example, expecting everything to run on their time or continuously keep people waiting or expecting them to keep waiting until they're ready?
Yes, thank you for not saying us people who are laymen are crazy! Yes, these are the traits that people report, from what I've read. Subtle but aggressive at the same time. Like the parking example and the other example you provided about being inconsiderate and then if ever called out, being defensive, angry even, that is what I have heard a lot. You are very good at explaining this! Especially in a way that doesn't possibly result in people getting confused about what this looks like as much. Thank you, good job.
Thank you!
@@russcurtis1 Sure! Thank you, have a great day : )
Oh man sounds like my sibling, factor in his abandonment, dependency and eating disorder (he doesn't chew only gulps his food and take in about 1000-1500 extra calories per day) it gets to be a real daily grind. As an empathy I'm far to patience he's alway circling back to blame me for everything including his weight gains, office problems now lack of employment. The snooping and jealousy tricky thing to manage anytime I start to see a girl he get wildly controlling and more or less drives them off. If packages arrive he demands to know what in them get angry if I get anything he doesn't approve of. Anyway I guess just venting, today I finally confronted him on the fact that he's never cooked a meal in his life (mid 40's) for anyone and whole situation just goes sideways when him grandstanding now how altruistic his is.
Leaving trash out for you to throw away....
I've been trying like heck to figure out what's up with a friend and roommate of mine, who I thought was just very ruminative depressive, and occasionally panic anxiety prone. I'm the same way, except more on the anxiety side, but in comparison I'm hyperconsiderate and she is just NOT.
An example: she tried to get the apartment maid fired for using her tweezers to clean out the drain in her bathroom. The tweezers was sitting out on the counter, there was no indication this tweezers deserved special treatment, but she woke us all up pounding on our doors after she discovered this, screaming. I thought: surely she will be embarrassed and conciliatory in half an hour, after she has calmed down. And all will be forgiven and forgotten. Nope. She asked for the tweezers to be paid for, and hates that maid to this day, and is incredibly rude to her. She told us she was moving out over the incident, but then did not, and we just avoid her as hard as we can now.
I think this diagnosis might be the one, I've heard it can be caused by childhood abuse, and her mother was very abusive, something she reminds us of constantly. I found this odd, because while I myself experienced violent sexual abuse in childhood, I never bring it up unless I absolutely have to, because I don't like to think of it, and certainly would never bring it up in a conversation about like... water conservation when we wash the dishes?
She will not adjust her behavior in any way for you. She wouldn't let me change the thermostat setting by one degree when everyone else she shares the room with agrees it is too cold and we got a $300 dollar electricity bill. Any attempt to compromise for everyone in the house, like that, she has an insane over reaction to, and will not give up doing it her way.
I don't want to just give up on her, but she is incredibly treatment resistant. I try to be kind, but she lashes out constantly now, after the mere suggestion that she try therapy again.
You deserve to protect your boundaries...and I hope your friend finds the help they need, when ready.
what can i do to change myself ? 🥺
Counseling.
I feel it important to address the remarks made about, “thoughtless-inconsiderate” actions of another person. There are people, such as myself, who don’t purposely leave cabinet doors open to irritate another. It is just a personal quirk, if you will, that I have. The minute I sit down and I look towards the kitchen I realize I’ve left them open. I either get up and close them immediately or after eating. I am not at all angry that you have made this, “subjective opinion” of others. I just wanted to clear the air and hope to give understanding that some “quirks” people have aren’t intentional. I cannot explain why I leave cupboard/cabinet doors open. I chalk it up to absent-mindedness. I no other explanation. However, to reiterate, it isn’t done on purpose to irritate others. That I can say with absolute certainty. Furthermore, I suspect many other people have their own unique “quirks” they cannot explain. Unintentional, what you might see as, “inconsiderate or thoughtless” example: perhaps men leaving the toilet seat up. People are people and have habits and quirks. “Not everybody is out to get you.”
I think the tell-tale sign of whether it's a quirk or not, as you put it, is how you feel when someone complains about it. Do you feel like, "hey you should have to put up with this..." or "hey, sorry, just forgetful,..." The former would be narcissistic.
Thank you. Thank you. I have the same quirk, unintentionally leaving cabinets open. My husband has mentioned it and I laugh about. I definitely work hard to not do it, when I realize I have, I sometimes beat myself up. It is not an intentional act that I leave the cabinets open but sometimes I still feel so bad, like I want to cry because I fear he will see the act as idiotic. Thanks for normalizing the behavior as quirkiness.
When I get interrupted I immediately call it out but while I am like “wait a minute let me finish then you can speak” this person will continue to speak and finish their point. Very inconsiderate. This person also learns a lot about transmutation and transmuting negative emotions so this person knows how to kind of not show anger. And this person perceives it as staying cool and collected but when you’re also being condescending then it shows your feelings in the heat of the moment even if you do it in a “bad ass” way. I can’t believe what mistake I’ve made opening myself to this person.
If you are sure you got a sword dangling above your head, is one of the give a ways you might be dealing with them, and by the way you don't have to be an insecure person for that. They just find a way to get it above your head. And you will not see it coming is the cue. Another give away their consistent inconsistency's will make them look or talk the way as if they do not know what they are doing but I’m sure it's done deliberate. Deliberately forcing to act helpless.
Spot on
After 4 months I've pretty much earned my honorary PhD in Cluster B personality disorders and Narcissistic traits. Do you often find Borderline Personality Disorder in women with highly narcissistic traits looking a lot like vulnerable narcissism?
Yes border lines are categorized as having covert narcissism and secondary psychopathy.
Yes, (I) can see why a person would wonder about that. Well, fear of abandonment and process of elimination can be helpful. There are some great videos on how to differentiate between the two. People sometimes get it confused with anti social personality disorder too, from what I've read.
@@sarahmk2966 The disorder got it's name from the fact it "Borders" on every personality disorder in Cluster B. It's so complex that no 2 present exactly the same. The only consulation I have after 7 years enduring 3 narcissistic abuse cycles from the Borderline I fell in love with is that she didn't set out to destroy me like someone with NPD does. She was raised by a grandiose Narcissist...the grand queen of matriarch complex in fact...so those traits are learned. Her father is a severe alcoholic, much like mine, and extremely codependent, much like myself. It's left me with a real alphabet soup of disorders I didn't have going into this and 1 or 2 exponentially worse. Especially my PTSD. Borderlines seem to have this habit of minimizing(if not justifying) the sociopathic behavior and psychopathic ability to turn emotions like empathy, compassion, and remorse on and off. Her father in fact encouraged this behavior in her as if it was some kind of "strength". It's destroyed me and everyone that's ever tried to love her. After almost 7 years of believing I was just too defective to love the “soul mate" or "Twin Flame" God gave me and that's why she discarded me every 2 years, I found out what “it"(Narcissistic Abuse) was…too late. Since my 3rd discard in the relationship(you can call it splitting if you prefer, it doesn't change the pain it causes though) by the person I'd do anything for and love more than life itself in February after she had a psychotic break and obviously lost part of her soul, I am now in psychotherapy 2 to 3 days a week. I'm recovering from my SECOND stress induced cardiomyopathy in the relationship with the person I love most in this world from the heartbreak. It's a type of heart attack brought in by sudden severe emotional trauma. My heart is probably malformed for life. I'm still at risk for cardiac arrest. I have NAS(NarcissisticAbuseSyndrome), severe depression with CONSTANT suicidal ideation...I've attempted suicide 4 times, actually being successful on the second but lived ultimately, and that's where I had a near/post death experience that will shape the rest of my life, for however long that may be. I'm now diagnosed with CPTSD and generalized anxiety disorder as well. I lost 44 lbs in 4 months. People with BPD are VERY COMMONLY misdiagnosed and treated(with catastrophic consequences) as "Bipolar". HIGHLY narcissistic traits and the pattern of narcissistic abuse in their Unstable relationships is also not uncommon. You might be dealing with ANY...OR MORE THAN ONE...Cluster B Personality Disorders in these people who inflict this kind of abuse on the people who love them most. Her response to learning of my second suicide attempt was that she's the happiest she's been in YEARS. Whether it's the depression and heartbreak that kills me or the actual damage to my PHYSICAL HEART makes little difference to me. The fact remains that the person I have loved and adored more than anyone in my lifetime has ZERO empathy, compassion, or remorse after nearly 7 years together. I was thrown away in the blink of an eye like an old gum wrapper on the floorboard of a used car, with no explanation at all...let alone closure. I'm a pretty tough guy. Played hockey for 9 years. I've taken a 7.62X39 through the shin and out my calf and kept moving. I've broken a femur, had my lower row of teeth knocked out in a hockey game and kept playing the game b4 going to the hospital...had my sciatic nerve nearly severed...and never shed a tear. I have cried from the moment I opened up my eyes in the morning until I go to sleep for 7 months. Nothing is helping. I honestly cant live like this.. Whether it's "BPD SPLITTING" or "NARCISSISTIC DISCARDING" doesn't change the impact it has on a person who did nothing more than commit the awful crime of loving them. I'm LITERALLY just another a living corpse under her feet. All for the crime of Loving her like a fairytale. Her words, not mine.
If anyone ever tells you that you should have empathy for, and tolerate an abusive borderline, or doesn't believe you can die from a broken heart, FEEL FREE to copy and paste any of this if you like. I was in the best shape of my life entering this relationship.
@@coreyanderson1457The disorder got it's name from the fact it "Borders" on every personality disorder in Cluster B. It's so complex that no 2 present exactly the same. They often DO have both narcissistic and Psychopathic traits. The only consulation I have after 7 years enduring 3 narcissistic abuse cycles from the Borderline I fell in love with is that she didn't set out to destroy me like someone with NPD does. She was raised by a grandiose Narcissist...the grand queen of matriarch complex in fact...so those traits are learned. Her father is a severe alcoholic, much like mine, and extremely codependent, much like myself. It's left me with a real alphabet soup of disorders I didn't have going into this and 1 or 2 exponentially worse. Especially my PTSD. Borderlines seem to have this habit of minimizing(if not justifying) the sociopathic behavior and psychopathic ability to turn emotions like empathy, compassion, and remorse on and off. Her father in fact encouraged this behavior in her as if it was some kind of "strength". It's destroyed me and everyone that's ever tried to love her. After almost 7 years of believing I was just too defective to love the “soul mate" or "Twin Flame" God gave me and that's why she discarded me every 2 years, I found out what “it"(Narcissistic Abuse) was…too late. Since my 3rd discard in the relationship(you can call it splitting if you prefer, it doesn't change the pain it causes though) by the person I'd do anything for and love more than life itself in February after she had a psychotic break and obviously lost part of her soul, I am now in psychotherapy 2 to 3 days a week. I'm recovering from my SECOND stress induced cardiomyopathy in the relationship with the person I love most in this world from the heartbreak. It's a type of heart attack brought in by sudden severe emotional trauma. My heart is probably malformed for life. I'm still at risk for cardiac arrest. I have NAS(NarcissisticAbuseSyndrome), severe depression with CONSTANT suicidal ideation...I've attempted suicide 4 times, actually being successful on the second but lived ultimately, and that's where I had a near/post death experience that will shape the rest of my life, for however long that may be. I'm now diagnosed with CPTSD and generalized anxiety disorder as well. I lost 44 lbs in 4 months. People with BPD are VERY COMMONLY misdiagnosed and treated(with catastrophic consequences) as "Bipolar". HIGHLY narcissistic traits and the pattern of narcissistic abuse in their Unstable relationships is also not uncommon. You might be dealing with ANY...OR MORE THAN ONE...Cluster B Personality Disorders in these people who inflict this kind of abuse on the people who love them most. Her response to learning of my second suicide attempt was that she's the happiest she's been in YEARS. Whether it's the depression and heartbreak that kills me or the actual damage to my PHYSICAL HEART makes little difference to me. The fact remains that the person I have loved and adored more than anyone in my lifetime has ZERO empathy, compassion, or remorse after nearly 7 years together. I was thrown away in the blink of an eye like an old gum wrapper on the floorboard of a used car, with no explanation at all...let alone closure. I'm a pretty tough guy. Played hockey for 9 years. I've taken a 7.62X39 through the shin and out my calf and kept moving. I've broken a femur, had my lower row of teeth knocked out in a hockey game and kept playing the game b4 going to the hospital...had my sciatic nerve nearly severed...and never shed a tear. I have cried from the moment I opened up my eyes in the morning until I go to sleep for 7 months. Nothing is helping. I honestly cant live like this.. Whether it's "BPD SPLITTING" or "NARCISSISTIC DISCARDING" doesn't change the impact it has on a person who did nothing more than commit the awful crime of loving them. I'm LITERALLY just another a living corpse under her feet. All for the crime of Loving her like a fairytale. Her words, not mine.
If anyone ever tells you that you should have empathy for, and tolerate an abusive borderline, or doesn't believe you can die from a broken heart, FEEL FREE to copy and paste any of this if you like. I was in the best shape of my life entering this relationship.
I have some traits of this, God forgive me. How can I change this? Any advice
People rarely apply commonsense if their aim is to have a partner above all else. They live in a fairytale reality that rejects thinking about consequences. Fairytales don't point to the wicked stepmother as an example of lack of caution by the father in whom he married.
I’m not too snoopy… but I think I suffer from this, but I have observed that I mirror people and I’ve had three signifigant relationships with abusive narcissists that I recall mirroring and part of me feels I would not have behaved like that otherwise. I’m finding biblical teachings to be quite instructive. Thanks to God! I still have a lot of work to do.
This was my ex completely. I kept saying she was a narcissist but couldn't figure it out for sure till now
I'm glad the video helped.
The disproportionate revenge part, like the exact scenario you used literally happened to me... what a mind fuck 😆
Yeah, not a romantic relationship so didn't "leave" per se, but this sounds a lot like my father who I worked with for 25 years. Had to get away in the end (and of course got sent a huge email detailing all my faults and every single thing I owe him in his eyes etc. etc.), along with messing with my pay, my visa and all sorts.
Night and day difference in my mood, sense of peace, relaxation and just general happiness.
It's a shame, but glad to be away, although always aware he may decide to "punish" me further
They are the most victimized people on the earth. They are tiedd to the train tracks and their partner did it. Anger just below the surface. When they feel shame the manipulated others or gaslight or rage. Counselors should know this . They will devalue their partner and it's not a communication problem. The will punish their partner so a family therapist needs to put a stop to their inconsiderate or rude actions and tell them they can talk when it's their turn but tight now they have to let their partner speak.
This is such a good video but I think it should primarily be used for self assessment. I can see it in my loved one. But I want to make sure I don't have any of them myself
Thank you!
Just came back to watch this video for the second time, and wrote some of the information. Yup, my narc's picture should've been taped onto those pages Dr. Curtis is reading from. And, wow, the Dr., when he said, "quietly unstable emotions," I remembered last summer, I went to the patio doors to see how the weather was so I could do my gardening. As I looked onto the patio, narc was sitting in his chair, but he didn't see me. His face was red, red, red. His mouth was mouthing words, spit was coming from his mouth, he was so angry. His arms were flailing as though he was coming up on someone. Initially, I was going to start laughing as I thought it was a joke, but then I realized he never jokes. The monster in the chair was unintentionally revealing himself to me. I could finally see it, I've already heard it, felt it, and tasted it, but now, in front of my own eyes, it was him, the true, real him! I moved out yesterday, nice, peaceful house, all by myself. Any victims reading this message, take note that several weeks ago that monster on the patio tried to kill me, so please run, call a shelter if need be, save yourself and your children. The horror stories I could tell you about my 25 years with him would make you cry for days. God speed.
I'm sorry you had to experience what you did. Many people are souls that come into life and are carrying memories and damage from previous lives. Our current society does not address these issues in people - criminals and "bad-behaviorals" are put in jail, as if that solves anything. We are pushed to "achieve" in a debt-based system that does not reward good behaviors in the expected way (even though they are eventually rewarded). My father was angry much of the time, and would blame my brother, sisters, and myself. This particularly rankled me, but you could tell he didn't really wish to be angry, you knew he'd regret it later. I grew up being picked at by my older siblings and mother, I recall during fourth grade walking home mad, thinking about having to put up with all this, on top of a teacher who displayed fairly poor behavior. I try to see the person BEHIND the behavior, and why they act as they do. It helps knowing that there's really an insecure, helpless "child" there usually. A lot of the fear and misery in the world could be alleviated if we really could see the world in this way. Imagine how different it could be if people knew and demanded that others act in a kind and considerate way. Would we have the same difficulties?
They will also say you are snooping.
Amber Heard trial brought me here, my ex kept me here
Ok why does it feel like there are only videos to help people get away from narcissists but none to help them. I am pretty sure I'm a vulnerable narcissist and have NPD but all these videos do is help reassure I'm bad and everyone else is good. You want to know why narcissists like this feel like victims? Because I don't get empathy. I just don't is it like a 6th sense. I'm always accused of not caring, but if I could consciously feel so ones emotions I would care because I could relate. I believe that this is overlooked to the point that people look at lack of empathy as evil when in fact it should be a disability that should be treated. It is soo frustrating to me that typical brained people can't point this out when we (the narcissist / ASD/ an personality disorder) know the problem but most of us won't say anything because we are afraid of being persecuted by the majority. I know someone will say "oh there's the narcissist acting the victim again" but I know my faults and I know i do that. But I believe that it is wrong to put people down who lack empathy same as it would be to put someone down for physical traits. It's not right. Can't you (TH-cam docs) help us or are you just trying to sell something. And yes i happen to be very frustrated and angry. Not even sure if I will post this or just type it out and try to feel better about myself. Looking for help someone send me in the right direction please.
See a counselor
Thanks😑 really helps.
Totally agree w u Matthew. If society is suppose to be moving towards more understanding and acceptance of people with MH issues (like being a vulnerable narcissistic) then why do we have professional, educated individuals...treating them like villains? Its like "get away from them!" but how do you get away from yourself? So little compassion and educated people wonder why stigmatism continues. You are prepetuating it with this kind of nasty overview. Also keep in mind that Vul Nar most likely developed in early childhood as a coping mechanism to neglect and/or abuse. So baby was neglected/abused; learned how to cope (VN or other) and now as an adult have to understand that most of society hates them. Nice. Thank you.
It's just annoying when people's only advice is to see a counselor, like if you don't think I'm doing that then what would u even be looking up these videos or commenting. I'm not exactly sure what I have i fell like I have Co morbid asd without intellectual impairment and Val nar possibly. We are still working it out. And on top of that I have a memory problem. Which either could be memory or because I have a hard time retaining what people say or ask of me. Which make relationships very difficult with my children and wife and with a full time job on top of it it is extremely stressful. I might not be doing alot to people who can handle that no problem, but to me I'm a super star for being able to do as much as I can without losing sanity. I'm told I still slack or am lazy at times. But not coping out or making excuses, because there is no excuse for being overly selfish. But just and explanation would be I think I deserve it. Noone can decide what is too little or too much for someone else. Or at least that's what most people would say about other disabilities. It's hard it really is and having asd on top of that makes it soo hard to connect to people even the ones I know and love. Because I can't pickup on there emotional cues. And there is no "cure" or medicine. Most nars don't even know they really have a problem. I know a nar when I meet them because they like me more than others. Even tho they most likely talk crap behind my back. It's a very confusing world for people with personality disorders.
@@mpaige8425 so unhelpful. You’re making the assumption that he doesn’t already.
This guy nails it! Everything single point he makes is my wife to a tee! Seriously...
There was no "typical" snooping from my covert Narc ex. The problem with people like him is, that the victim displays many or even all of these traits due to the abuse
Super helpful! Thank you!
I'm glad it was helpful Gabby!