The Price of Staying Silent About Your Feelings
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 พ.ค. 2018
- We’re all afraid of being hurt. But the unbelievable remorse of staying silent is to miss the opportunity to experience love with the person who also loves you. Here’s how to speak your truth and embrace the love that is awaiting you.
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Communication was killed with the age of social media and texting! Everyone hides behind these things and we are losing the art of actually "TALKING"! It's truly sad
WELL PUT SOCIAL MEDIA CAUSES MORE TROUBLE THAN IT IS WORTH. EXCELLENT POINT OF VIEW 👍
It killed all...
And the worst part of it is that they'll go on social media and communicate their problems and concerns to complete strangers yet will never tell their partner how they feel!
As someone who's put myself out there for a man who I believe(d) felt the same way, but then got rejected, there is a certain amount of empowerment in knowing that I SHOWED UP! Clearly, I can't keep trying to persuade someone who's closed off, but there is comfort in knowing I won't be holding regrets five, ten, years down the line. Thank you, Susan, for another spectacular video!
I feel the same way about someone who rejected me. I’m glad that I spoke up and told them exactly how I felt about them, and even though nothing further came of it, I feel no regret.
@@silvermine2033 I'm proud of you! Some people let life pass by them. Now go out and have some fun! Nothing makes someone regret passing a person up then seeing how okay they are without them and what a joyful person that person is.
Vulnerability is also strength. There is nothing more true and seductive.
In the game of love, sometimes you win, somtimes you lose.
Don't let foolish pride turn into regrets.
It's amazing how your videos come right on time.❤
true
I agree with you 200% Ms. Winter. It is important to let someone know how you feel about them. If the feeling isn't mutual accept it, deal with it but don't necessarily run away. The possibilities are endless. Example, I grew to really like and appreciate a co-worker. There is a attraction. I told her I am really feeling her and asked her out. She declined my invitations time and again. I respected her position but continued to interact with her respectfully and sincerely. Five months passed and just three days ago I happen to show her photos of a restaurant/lounge that is recently built. She loved it and said she would like to go there with me. We went out and had a wonderful time. This weekend she is traveling with me to Atlanta to a wedding. I am not stressing where this will lead. She knows how I feel and I am just riding this wave without expectations. Just enjoying a lady's company. Express your feelings they are important enough to be heard. Sharing my few cents. Cheers
ow Andy...inspiring...
Andy Dragon: I wont date someone I work with they dont work out plus no one qant to see their love everyday on the same job..boring! she wasnt interested in you in the beginning she prolly felt bad thats why shes hanging with u for the wknd.. anyway good luck
Andy Dragon ❤️
Wow that's fantastic. Happy for you!
@AndyDragon thank you for sharing your story. Wow. I feel encouraged to speak up too
Fear should never drive our decisions. Whenever I’ve let fear motivate my decisions I’ve had regret.
I agree with that statement 200%. I let fear drive my decisions this year that I definitely regret. 😭
i don’t think her point is that fear should rule these decisions but rather avoiding regrets. it’s true that she says we should dare to make choices that would lead to something fearful but making the choice itself is to avoid regret for not saying anything at all. You could also argue that not doing anything because you are afraid is REALLY allowing fear to drive decisions.
One important thing to note is that there's no such thing as a secret love; the only love there is is the love that's shown. If someone has a cold, say, and you care for the person, you may call or bring chicken soup. You express concern and then maybe cook a nice meal or buy medicine for him/her. You don't remain silent or do nothing. Silence means you don't care, even if you have feelings. Feelings don't amount to care or love. To care, to love IS TO ACT.
One unfortunate tendency many people have is to be more concerned with their pride than the prospect of love. Put in another way: many people would rather be miserable (retaining their sense of pride and independence) than expose themselves to possible humiliation and harm. The sense of control and empowerment is far more important to them than love.
I'm happy I told her how I felt. Although she didn't give me a clear answer, I at least know I showed up and voiced my genuine desire for her. I can now continue life without feeling that I left a stone unturned. Susan is right; the pain of rejection is nothing compared to lifelong pain of pondering on "what if?".
It seems to me that 90% of Life is showing up and telling/representing the Truth. I'm a cancer survivor, and it taught me some valuable lessons. Yes, tell those you love (and who love you) - NOW - how you feel, how you appreciate them, what you admire in them, etc. Be kind. Forgive quickly (grudges become awfully heavy to carry). Courage doesn't mean being "fearless"; it means moving forward in spite of your fears. Live your life to the fullest, for we're not even promised tomorrow. You don't want to end up in your rocking chair, mumbling, "Well....I could've...!!"
This is beautiful
I almost cried watching this. Because of what you said, when I was 19 and met an incredible person... both of us were so young and inexperienced that we completely blew it. It's been more than 22 years now and you have no idea about the regret we feel about it. But it's too late. Now I'm happy with my life and he is married and in love. All we can do is stay friends and realize how stupid we were :) Such is life.
Do both of your spouses know your history and that you remain in communication?
@@user-yv1fh3fc8y of course! I'm actually getting married in one month and he knows and my fiancee knows.
Your video hurt so much because it is me. I let the love of my life walk away from me. I was young, in a love triangle (my best friends gf), and she was leaving him. I was too young (20), too shy and not equipped. She died at 45. It still hurts and I'm 66. She was one in a million to me.
My advice to my grandchildren and anyone reading; Take the chance. You need closure one way or the other.
We must always show our feelings, and speak the truth of our feelings in every life situation, not just in romantic relationships, but in every situation and human interaction. We need to say no when we mean no, and yes when we mean yes, and let our feelings be known for good or bad. Never pretend to be happy with a situation if you are not. This video deals mostly with the situation where we are attracted to someone or love someone but we don’t express it. So, if you do love someone let them know. But in any situation, whether your feelings be good or bad, express them. Let them be known. Let people know how you feel.
I do agree Susan... but, they have to be attracted to you first before you tell them. I’m speaking from a male perspective. I do agree in having no fear absolutely.
Alex Flips true!
This saved my relationship.. I'm noe more open with her and we're good now. Thank you.
Don't miss the moon while you watching the stars.
😍😍😍😍😍🌙⭐🌝🌜
One of the popular excuses, "I don't want to ruin our friendship"... sigh people...
And they end-up losing the friendship anyway as the rejected, romantically interested one, won't settle for friendzone.
Unbelievable. I was struggling with this today and then I get this video in my recommendations.
I finally learned to start being courageous in love and share my truth and it is so rewarding and beautiful each time. When I broke through and was authentic, he met me right there and even further. I was so scared at first to share my truth but I realized that I knew what I wanted and if he didn't feel the same way, I would want to move on and be with someone who did anyways and so the risk to stay silent was really more painful. This was 3 years ago and that was when I first started to experience true intimacy, which is incredibly beautiful and even more importantly as I learn to be courageous and share my truth I am creating intimacy with myself.
Totally agree. I recently started being honest about my feelings, it's so much better than being silent. I am happy I made this change.
Good that you mentioned the qualifier "someone who is also interested in you", to avoid any misunderstanding lol.
Yes 🙂
If the messages are 'coded' then how can a person even know. If your obsessed with someone you tend to read into every little detail.
@Keep Rocking! It not always that simple though, I've had people change their mind every 5 minutes and sometimes their body language suggests otherwise and they say they don't want a relationship then will talk to you for 5 hours everyday and be weirdly romantic then suddenly go ice cold other times and try or do things any sane person would know would make anyone in love jealous. They basically say they don't want a relationship everytime you do something that annoys or upsets them without actually talking to you about what you did so you can make sure you don't do it again.
@Keep Rocking! lol must be nice getting butt flashed but not followed by that statement
@@gabrielmaximus6447, these mixed signals are frustrating and time wasting. Believe me I've been there.
This brought tears to my eyes. Such a powerful message. Thank you Susan. I have been subscribed and watching your videos for about 6 months, and I just want to tell you I really appreciate you.
Right!!! I feel like she was speaking my life!!!!
10th grade
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.
OMG that sounds terrible ;-(
What a sad story...that brought me to tears.
G Glow 👍 things like this happen. They happen, but very seldom. You, as well as I, are some of the few "seldom times guys" wbo have lived and gone through that. Let's congratulate each other for having the guts, wish us luck each other, and pray for our each other's lives. Wish you blessings, from this unconditional guy.
Y'all do know that this is just a story right? Lol
Beautifully written- gave me goosebumps. I’m sorry you never revealed your true feelings and neither did she. Regret is one of the worst feelings I’ve ever known. We have to learn from the past to help with the sting- next time we’ll be different. Next time we’ll share our feelings openly without fear keeping us silent. I hope you are now happy and can find some peace knowing she felt the same 💗
Thank you Susan, this video gave me peace about telling my lady friend of over a year how I felt about her recently. Unfortunately she did not feel the same way about me. She said shaking her head " I wish that you did not tell me that"..twice.. You could just hear that stylist drag across the record album of your favorite love song by Lobo or Bread.. I responded with a " Gulp". " Okay, well I could not keep it inside me anymore and I felt compelled to share how I feel about you". Still I believe not telling her would have been much worse. Life is too short. Now I can move on with my beautiful life.
When people be transparent with u or the truth especially when it comes to feelings. Life goes on
It might hurt temporary but good to let go 😊
You courageously spoke truth and incidentally called her bluff and outed her as a breadcrumber for attention.
This video speaks to me. Thank you. I only speak my truth. My ex admitted she has pride and doesn’t know what she wants so I finalllllly threw up my arms (after a year) told her This past weekend she can enjoy her pride, her resentment, her bitterness and all her mixed signals and have a nice life. I finally walked away!!
Ces Hello can we know each other
This video is one of my favorites.
Susan...this video hit home. Im 26...I saw this girl for 8 months, never asked her out but we were seeing each other. We've known each other for 5. We've had many memories...I never made the move. I was away on vacation, got back and she said she wanted to move on. I told her how I really felt, she said that's all she's ever wanted to hear, but its just a fraction too late. She had already committed to another guy 5 days after saying shes given up. I saw her at a bar with him and friends, we had a conversation outside...that's when I told her how I felt. We met at a bar the next day and she said she wasn't sure what she wanted....but shed sleep on it. I never got a response the next day but saw her commenting on the guys facebook and flirting with him......I took that as my answer. All in all...Im heartbroken with never telling her how I felt sooner, now I'm broken. Someone else is living and doing what I wanted the entire time. Im broken as a person....Its my own hell I've created.
Something that helped me with the pain of regret and inaction (specifically actions taken too ‘late’) is that I did the best I could with the knowledge, fears, and understanding I had at the time. I did the best I could in that moment, and that’s all I could ever do. The benefit of hindsight is what makes the past decisions we make look silly, inferior, wrong etc, but how could we ever know what the future would look like with outcomes of those results? Wallowing in the what if’s and regrets does nothing for yourself or your future. The best we can do is learn, reflect in the lessons here and try and incorporate those in our future. And I like to drill into my mind the affirmation ‘what belongs to me won’t miss me’ and that brings a certain level of comfort too, so I long as I don’t repeat the same patterns I know that these experiences will help me grow and become more resilient and better prepared for the right person in the future.
The qualifier being they have to return your affection 🔑
Glad I found this. Im a 29 year old man, who has done all I could do for a woman...her ego and sense of her perceived 'stability' with someone will not allow her to confess to me, and I'm making that transition to move on. W/O judgement, she is an immature 40 year old woman. Something about watching this today made me feel powerful, and Im happy someone understand this concept. I Love your glow, and thank you *Subscribed*
Oh yes. Move on
I was trying to transition to LDR with a guy. Now he is playing games. So I told him to let me know if LDR is manageable or local dating is his path. So far he been drifting and putting on an act.
He was taken back yesterday when I send him that text. I told him no peer pressure. Do what’s suitable for u , we were just talking to know more of each other and if not progressing. Do what’s best for u. 😂 he haven’t reply yet. End of this week if he doesn’t , then I know he was never serious truly. That’s his loss.
Close the chapter peacefully
I’m someone living with the remorse described in this video and it’s something I fear at the very least I’ll take to the grave and worst, kill me. Thank you for your videos Susan, they have helped me a lot. The pain and emptiness is just part of who I am now. I know TH-cam clips won’t take them away but yours have helped me learn to live with them.
John 10:10
I needed this video today. 2 years of heartache I need to do this now. I can't take it anymore x
Reminds me of a guy I was seeing. He'd actively evade me for months but would also get upset about me seeing other guys while he twiddled his thumbs. Once he randomly asked me if he'd ever get to meet my parents. Ugh..... not if I only see you twice a year you won't! What is wrong with you boy?? If you want it come get it.
dogsarebetter can you teach me how to be strong and like myself like u ? Please?
@@tarashan5465 it's easy, just do it
This is one of your most profound messages! Thank you!
Omg 😯 this is huge.......... Im in tears. Susan is a genius hands down!!!!
Amen sister. The mind can lead people in to insanity if they let it lead them.
That's for DAMN sure. I heard this saying recently: "You can get lost in the hallways of your mind."
I have experienced some of these things, it does hurt, when you are interested in a person, but they don't know you are, and if they did know you were interested, they would either ignore you, or "play with" you knowing you are interested.
And it's also good to have these thoughts, feelings, wants, desires and yearnings.
It just goes to show you, you're not dead. BEEN THERE
If u don’t take a risk. U will never know. Please don’t fear rejection.
If u express urself and they play funny games. That’s fine. Learn to be OKAY with that 😊
Oh susan you always say the right thing 💔😭 I was in the other side i was the one who was trying to show him am interested in him for too long then I told him how I felt about him he ignored me then I stopped trying. Am thankful not going to regret on anything I wish him the best I loved him but it’s time to move on. Thx for making this video it’s made me feel better ❤️ keep blessing us 🙏🏼
I'm thinking of doing this myself. If he leaves me on read, I can officially move on.
Thank you susan , it is the truth , you make me cry being in this situation.
This is one of my favorite videos of yours. At some point, love is a leap of faith but you can't get it if you don't take that leap.
Your words are very powerful! It hit me when you said 'be consistent with your heart!'I have been struggling to do that for most of my life out of fear. After hearing this I think it's time to speak my truth even if that other person has been inconsistent! Just me being consistent I guess would give me the peace of mind I am true to my self!
Thank you so much, Susan. I think, it's the only way to be authentic.
Otherwise I'm living in a dream, and who knows, what really happens, when saying the truth, it's all in our mind.
A year ago I talked about my feelings with my best friend and I got “half-rejected“. Since than he opened up to me more and more, but I was afraid to talk about it again.
But now, listening to your video, I decided to do it a second time. Thank you, now I feel, I have the strength to do it, I have nothing to loose but myself, when going on like before.
Great advice and beautifully put! Life is short, love for as long as you can! Thank you so much Susan !! 😊😊😊
Thank you so much Susan
Susan you are simply the best!!!!
- I can't believe I'm in this conditions to watch this kinda videos. Thank You Susan for trying to help us.
This Woman, and all of her channel, is Treasure! Happy to find You, Susan! Thank you for sharing your Wisdom!
Thank you for speaking from your heart, Susan.
You are so amazing. I really adore you! So wise and brace and honest. Totally ethical
1 minute in, such beautiful words. Powerful message in this simple video. Thank you!
Whenever I said I love you to a girl I liked, it didn't go out well... Just to clarify, it happened to me 3 times and mistly I liked their character. Most of the women that I catch staring at me when I go out for a walk, are much prettier than them, but I have never met one of these since I can't help thinking that most of the girls just want attention and not love nowadays... Greetings from Greece.
*living fully in the moment*
*speaking your truth*
sounds just like the way I live
...you feel all intensely...
...but it is all worth it...
Thank you Susan...I expressed how I felt about him and he ran away...my instinct told me he felt the same way about me...but I am not willing to run after him...I am proud of myself for being my true self.
Much love from Rome 💗
Brava, Susan, brava!! Beautiful.
Thank you Susan...
This video was at the top of my feed just now. This might be the most important TH-cam video I’ve ever seen in my life.
Powerful so true! Thank you Susan for sharing this message!
Thank you so much for this!! I have always been a straight shooter when it comes to sharing and acting on my strong like/love/admiration for the guy--once I am really into him. And I will never regret it from now on, regardless of how many times the relationship went cool/cold/ghosted on me. I will forge on with my truth, my honest feelings. Some day there will be a man that I love dearly that can take it as it is, without doubts, fears, and negative memories from his past.
There are many coaches on TH-cam, but you are the best Susan!
I just recently did this. the sentiment was not exactly reciprocated but I am SO glad I did it. now I can move on and fully accept whoever is meant to be in my life ❤️❤️ love this!!
WOW! Absolute tough love and words of wisdom. It's like I'm being called out. What an amazing video and message. Thank you, Susan.
Preach! Wonderful vid!.
Three different times this has happened to me. Once with a man who did this 3-4 times over 5 years!
I keep attracting scared overly-vulnerable guys. The odd thing is that they seem pretty confident in other areas of their life.
I can only surmise that they wouldn’t be great partners because as you hinted, how can I trust that they won’t run away again?
Build up your confidence gentlemen, get help, or don’t bother coming into a woman’s lane.
Life is short.
Take a chance.
“But not a half-ass chance”
Not only do you hurt yourself, you end up hurting and affecting us as well.
I've never had issues with sharing my feelings, although it's scary and never ended well. But after the last such case I thought maybe I shouldn't have done it since it only brings hurt. Now after I saw your video I feel a lot better - I don't regret it as much as a big mistake. Thank you! Some of your videos speak directly to the soul - so much truth and understanding.
Hi Susan.. thank you so much for this video. I told someone who has been in my life for 4 years exactly how I feel. I just got to the point where I felt that I had been under valuing myself. We have something very special and I know there is a mutual connection, he has just had a huge block on relationships in general. I have actually been lying to him and myself by accepting less than what I deserve. I told him this and so much more. He affirmed how special I am. Then I actually asked him if we could give it a try, that what I am asking for is recognition. I told him to give it some thought. It was extremely empowering. The worst that can happen is that he isn't up for it, in which case he no longer has the right to my bed and I free myself for something else. The best case is that he is and I would be the happiest women alive. But by being completely vulnerable and open, this is what he loves about me. Thank you once again for this clip, it just reiterates that I am starting to truly value myself and stopping others from merely using me.
Thank you for this video Susan. Again...you made me remember that: Being brave about feelings is stronger and more rewarding than being silent out of fear of getting too close to someone you want. Bravery with your feelings as a man or woman leads to growth. And I can’t imagine what it feels like to have a life long remorse for not speaking up and being brave with someone you want. I love the line: This is someone that likes you, what are you doing with your life anyway? You are such a beautiful person with amazing words.
Susan, You ROCK!! What you said there is a great motivator for me! Bravo and thanks!!
I guess its all about fears and that deep feeling of security and freedom at the same time... Dont know why sometimes we are afraid to love deeply. I loved this. And Susan you look super beautiful in this video.
Great point, Ma'am
You are 100% right!!! Beautiful message💜💜
Try texting as the only form of communication no calls no real life time its. Hurtful being ignored instead of resolving issues thanks Susan you have a gift of helping others with sound empathic advice
Thank you so much Susan this helped alot.
You are spot on as always. You are the mother and “girlfriend” I dream of. Love you Susan :
Great empowerment. Thanks, Susan
You are such a healthy intelligent and loving human
As always, the lady speaks the truth. Better to speak and know than always be wondering.
Great , true and deep words to be followed. Thanks for sharing. Wish I had heard this 30 years ago.
Thank you Susan there is someone that I have feelings for.Ive known him for many years and I’ve loved him off and on.For the last 3 years those feelings have come back I’ve been afraid to tell him how I feel.Because I’m afraid because we are friends.But I’m sitting writing him a letter and confess and see what happens then and just be ready for whatever should come.
The very Best Advice of any Video
on Learning to Love.
I am going to Try my Best to have this Video go Viral!!!
You are fantastic a gift to us with all your true advice much love to you peace and light💜🙏
Your most powerful message, Susan. This, right here. Susan, you are so different, it is like as if the Lord God was all behind you, inspiring you.
Great advice. Totally agree.
My Ex was this way, she would never discuss relationship issues with me, never opened up emotionally, she was so closed up, and I stuck with it over 2 years, in retrospect I guess it would've never worked.
Thank you for this.
YOu too, Zan
You are just amazing... I wish I could have watched this before long before.... at least I wouldn't have to pay those pains to learn this lesson by myself...
Very True. Thank you Susan!
Yes I think this is true!!!
Lovely 💕its just life we all know how it ends ! Take risks and Love...thank u for ur wonderful videos 👍
Wow, this video just appeared in my recommendations at the moment I needed it. Wow, so powerful. I am very shy when it comes to men and have been single for many years. You are so right: now, I will be courageous for once. Thank you so much for your message.
Thanks...its a great realization..,hopefully i do have the courage to get what i want. , and be forever happy..💜
You're right...I will show up this year, even if it costs me everything, it's worth a try. Not like my job isn't replaceable anyway, I've had plenty of jobs in my life, so I'll just get another one, I've had plenty of interests in my life yet somehow new ones show up and it wasn't the end of loving ever. Thank you!!
Not to post too many comments, but this was a very emotional message for you, Susan!
I SO needed to hear this.
This is a beautiful message, its what I needed to hear.
In watched this. Laughed and cried💜
Powerful. And so true.
Don't know how I found you.,,, so glad I did
Your intro an smile is sooo inviting to your channel , love your wisdom much appreciated ❤️
Amazing, beautifully said
I wish I had heard this advice years ago! I now live with this regret and remorse. I have started to find a way forward for myself, and I feel that my ex has found her way forward - there is no way for us to move forward together as anything other than "co-parents". If you are just hearing this for the first time, and it feels that there is hope for you and another, do not wait to find out for sure the other is feeling the same way! Take this advice and find you path forward TOGETHER!
Thank you very much for such a great video Susan !!
It’s so motivating and so encouraging. Thanks a lot again for taking time to make this video for us.
We 💗love 💗 you Susan !!
I am so guilty of not owning up to my feelings and the regret i will always carry. But changing is very hard. I liked someone, i still think about him
Susan you’re so great. 🙂 Alex
Thank you for your honesty and wisdom!