Dating Games: Just when you feel safe, they pull away
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ม.ค. 2018
- Why does your partner pull away the minute you finally relax? Learn the shocking reason for this dating game and regain your serenity with calm and confidence.
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The Dating Games Guide: You know you're being played, but what's the game?
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“Why am I chasing this thing that doesn’t have much content?” Susan, you nailed it.
“Omg he really likes me 🥰”
Him: *and scene*
Right loool
She really likes me........
😂 that was funny
I'm coming from a 7 months relationship with someone like that. I ended up having anxiety and depression. That's how sick and toxic was the relationship.
“That’s it? That’s all there is??”. 😆😆
So funny. This line alone gave me my power back because sometimes I asked myself “what the hell do you see in him anyway??”. Thank you. Really gave me a laugh...
😂😊
love is like a Butterfly, if you Chase it, it will elude you, though if you stand Still, it can land on your shoulder..
True
I will try that..
OnlyFromAbove JP - I don’t believe that at all. You can chase love and find it.
ew a bug 🐛
Lol
This is a classic narcissist. All I can say pleading anyone who sees these red flags is RUN. The charm at first was even suspicious. They love bomb you and come on strong, but you’re flattered. They eventually pull you in and become a completely different person and slide in hurtful/obscene remarks as “jokes” and love to talk about themselves. When you stand up for yourself or confront them for their behavior, they gaslight you and say your reaction to their abuse was the problem. It never gets better. I just dealt with this first hand for 4 months, way too long honestly. I would be so done with him and his psychosis, but he always lured me back in with a fake apology or “I love you”. He’d look through my phone but the second I tried he said “you’re just gonna have to trust me”. Trust me, there’s better out there and there’s someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. They know this, they just don’t want you to know. If you have the feeling like you’re losing your sanity when you’re with them, you probably are. And they know exactly what they’re doing. Don’t question your gut
The first half hit a little too close to home
There is better out there and will treat you the way that you deserve
exactly my experience.
Very good ! Touche' !
I dealt with this too, it was a b*tch to recover from. I’m still recovering. These people shouldn’t date.
I used to ‘pursue’ because I thought I had said or done something wrong Until I realized it was more about What was going on inside of them than it was about me. I like your open and honest approaches. Just a matter of fact honesty no drama
"The only time they look good to you is when they're running away from you" SO TRUE, guys can be like that a lot. I have no time for that, I want someone who Wants me for Real.
Thank you Susan, I needed this.
I have already kind of made my mind up to stop chasing someone I've come to care about very much, because they started displaying this exact pattern of behavior - your perspective on the issue just reinforced my conviction in staying true to that decision.
The "hot and cold" behavior pattern is apparently also quite common to people with legit personality disorders (specifically NPD, BPD and HPD), so... yeah. You'll really want to be careful when pursuing someone, who does this to you.
Letting go still hurts a lot though... :(
Kristian Jensen Avoidant personality disorder also
@Kristian Jensen i wish i could do the same and stop myself like you but every time i try to, i get pulled right back in. same hot and cold behavior pattern again and again. i've been absolutely in love with this girl for years who displays many of the characteristics of all three personality disorders you listed. i keep thinking i can "fix" her and that maybe one day we'll be together but the cycle just keeps on repeating itself. it's driving me crazy!
@@SuperTigerFoxUltra Delete all her social media. Her number? Eradicate it from your phone book. (if you memorised it, then that is unfortunate, but you still have a thing we call choice)
Don't meet up with her, ever.
You can think about her, until time makes you forget that is.
But never act on these thoughts.
The only treatment these people deserve is not being treated at all, unless you are a masochist and you find pleasure in pain, then by all means, don't let anyone stop you.
@Karen Alden You are welcome, it came from the heart 🕊️💮❄️
Wow this just happened to me last month but I told him I’m not with the games you want build or not? He chose to walk away and I didn’t stop him. 🤷🏾♀️.
Christie Weber good for you!
Christie Weber ,me too n now I tried trying, I will still single
Bravo...best wishes
That is much better than loosing time with someone who not deserve you.
@@samoja4681 Losing. For the love of God! Losing!!
“That’s it? That’s all there is??”
That's exactly how I feel
EXCELLENT VIDEO SUSAN! The typical person (codependent) will ask themselves 'why are they doing this to me' but you're absolutely right, the question to be asked is WHY AM I ALLOWING IT? It probably goes back to programming you received in childhood where you were taught you had to work for love (uugghhh). There has to be more conversation focused on us and why we tolerate what we do because it's the only thing we can control (and heal) and hopefully as a result, attract a person who values us.
BAM 💥
Ask yourself Why am I Allowing this ?!?
instead of why is he doing tbis, that and the other ....
Keep the focus on YOU not them
Hello, fellow codependent (probably empath too). Please calm, meditate, do put yourself on warm water, then have a cold shower, might help repulse the question, "why did they do this to me".
Proceed to exercise routinely, if not daily. Open up to fams or friends, take few months to forget and forgive, love them from afar, like you always do. You thought you found a unicorn, but you're not, they're just a dual horned baphomet.
Fasting helps too. Eat salad, participate social gatherings. Hope you find another empath who you attracted to.
Omg!!! This is GENIUS!!! Speaking of no more sleepless nights, it's literally almost 2am and I can't sleep again bc of this guy. He does this exact thing, will let me get close but then pulls away for reasons he doesn't give. I literally just said to myself well, I can't sleep again let me atleast see what's new on TH-cam and up pops your video!!!😁
The Universe always provides what we need at the Divine moment and this my lovely has been a God sent for me.🙏🏻
Perfect for the start of this new year and one of my resolutions. From this point on I will only invest to the degree that someone invests in me.
I so appreciate you and cannot THANK U enough for this video, insight, clarity!!!
YOU ROCK SUSAN!!!!💐
With So much Gratitude~😘
He could be a narcissist thats what they do, look it up on u tube about them.
Been through that myself. Many sleepless nights, heartbreaks and eyebags. :') Not worth it. You'll get over it.
Whispering Wind this is indeed God sent. It's almost 3am here. I found her channel today, and subscribed immediately. God bless you Susan for this strong words of advice to help retain my inner peace and self worth 😘
Whispering Wind Amen!!
I feel sorry for your sleep. I am dealing with the same lack of sleep and depression for the same reason. Manipulation. Mind games. Hot and cold. Stay well.
Either that or ‘you’re not the One’. They like you, but once you get close and move towards to a more committed relationship, they distance themselves.
Did that for 3-4 yrs. What a waste of emotional energy & time. Never again.
"They are more shiny at a distance" wise words!
You're always on point
Thanks Nina
Hands down this has been the best video ever made from a chaser/runner perspective you said this so beautifully. I wish I found this in 2015 lol. Thanks Susan❤️👌🏽
Thank you thank you starlight starbright.
Thank you Susan for being a constant inspiration to us all. You have made my life so much easier and with so much clarity. Even since I was a little boy I never got the concept of 'Hot & Cold' and was driving myself CRAZY as to why the guys I dated did that. I even tortured myself even further, as if I needed more suffering, to figure out WHY psychologically they did what they did. Now, at 40 years old, I know to step back and not be involved in this toxic dynamic. And you are 1,000% right about the fear they have that they are NOT all that. Every man I dated who played me hot and cold, was boring, not all that, incompetent, limited and insecure. It ALL makes sense. You are a genius, Susan!!!
Susan, I think you just confirmed what I felt in my gut for some time now. He is not a drama person but he pulls away whenever we are taking a little step forward. Its a confusing thing because he is the one approaching me every day for the last 8 months. He is a nice guy but we live apart in two different countries and .. I think I will just move on.
Omg.. I gave years of long distance. Separated for 9m0 n he came looking again. Back and forth for another 2 YEARS. When I gave up he offers a closer relationship. I move to his place.. in another state. And I can't relax.. he changed his "conflixt" constantly. I'm done.. I wish you the best. Namaste
Mimi Mendez thank you 😀
Same here. It took me way too long to realize this, but I'm ready to find someone who truly wants to be with me.
There should be another button called "in love with Susan".
Hey Andrew-that's awesome! Thank you!
Here here. Best content I have found. Right to the point and she
Makes it so easy to understand.
awwww agree!!
On point as always! Thank you. Let go of the need to chase and the wrong person will move away making room for the right person to get close.
You are so so right Susan. Watching them get a bit drunk and seeing what pops out of their mouth is also quite revealing, as they are off their game and the push and pull mode really comes out. These are the relationships that hurt. They feel amazing, and then, there is this hurt again and it's like little stuff, but really it's huge.
Jodie Fleming this is exactly my situ atm. Everytime she drinks she starts excusing me of cheating, getting angry at perceived lack of effort about something small on my part (eg gets angry i dont pour her drink for her), but then 5 secs later is saying im '2 steps ahead of where things are in the relationship' and yells at me saying "she doesnt like me because i dont give enough compliments". And then when i reacted by getting annoyed and looking down she stormed out
Always on time, always hits home. Thank you Susan and Happy New Year 🎉
Thanks Kathryn!
Susan you are just incredible to listen to. I am blessed to have found you. Thank you for your devoted attention and expertise to all of us who are “stuck” in the dating world!
You are my favorite. This is SO real. The last two times I have gone out with my “situationship” partner - I felt I was starting to realize these things. That he isn’t even all that great, etc. Then somehow he still manages to get me hooked back on again by being distant, playing games, trying to make me jealous. My gut has been feeling he does this stuff on purpose but I didn’t quite understand why. I needed to hear this! Thank you! I am breaking it off for good
Valuing yourself and be straight and true on what we want is the best thing that works out, it eliminates all the dramas and play that can occur in relationships, thanks for the talk, I'm so glad to hear it
Thank you Susan..just when i made up my mind today to end this unhealthy dynamic that has trapped me for 12 months, i heard this now from you. You have reinforced my decision so strongly, i needed this so much to shut this door for good, and that awareness is very self empowering. Thank you so much..God bless you!!
This perfectly describe my ex-boyfriend...thanks God he is now only in my past
Priceless information. Never heard this explained so well before. I'm in shock or disbelief that I didn't understand this before. You just really specified everything. This has helped me to understand a big part of why I was
doing this for the past year. I like to understand my behavior as well. Thanks Sue
Thank you Susan! You are so beautiful and wise! I gain strength by watching your video and internalizing all the wisdom you share!
Yes, unfortunately it happened so often to me. I learned to keep my feet on the ground and watch the situation and actions before I allow myself to get romantic to avoid becoming dependent and trusting the wrong person. Thanks Susan. I wish you a wonderful New Year! 💮🐝
Love this! So simple, it’s what we don’t say that hurts us the most.
thank you susan, your channel is the other side of the coin that we need. you talk about the whys and depths of human behavior instead of telling us how to do things. you dissect the human mind in a motherly way and im glad i found this channel.
Susan this is one of the best videos of all time. You are really getting things to the deepest level. You are helping ppl to get closer to enlightment. Thank you.
Oh God, I had such a girl two years ago. It was a nightmare. A week of feeling secure, then she started an argument, I had to chase her; she was running away. Then she came back, and all the same. I opened my eyes when I accidentially noticed that I wasn't the only one in her life.
Thank you, Susan, for another amazing video that has opened my eyes and, equally important, taken the frustration and pain away.
Am considering switching from two legged guys to a 4 legged species. Unconditional love. What a breath of fresh air
I beat myself very hard over this just last year. What you said made so much sense. I was looking back and thought to myself, just what was I obsessing so much over him. So glad I am over that. And I hope everyone here gets over it as well. We all deserve better. :) Thank you, Susan. *love and hugs
Hey lady. I just love your channel. You just made me see so much in just the length of this video. What you are trying to say is that we glamorize these people, put them on pedestals and in the meanwhile we are demeaning ourselves, by taking their bs. We do deserve so much better treatment. Thank you so much.
Susan, you’re amazing! I love your work and videos! I admire how you specifically articulate the exact point, so much so that it makes me question whether I’ve also been playing the dating game and whether I’ve been the deflector. Your videos are so great, and looking forward to more 😄
Very interesting video. Thanks.
Susan you have just stopped me from being a depressive mess thank you!
" Everything looks more interesting when it's running away from us". This is me. I can't ever let a man catch me. I can't allow it. I don't throw fits but I pull away...100% aloof.My Mama always told me " be mysterious to a man...if you are one dimensional or " real", you will bore him and he will leave you." The problem with that way of life is it spills over into your entire life. The man who was the love of my life stopped my drama by never letting our feet touch the ground with passion, lovely homes and travel....until finally, he let go and let me crash to earth. I was no longer mysterious. I wasn't sure who I was without him. Perhaps my Mama was right. I let him catch me and he let go. I love you madly Susan....always will. xxoo Happy New Year
This *was* me too. Susan is 100% right in that ultimately it's about control and insecurity (at least for me it was). I had to do a *lot* of introspection and it always goes down to childhood (my mom gave me these 'women should be like this or that' speech too). Sorry to hear what happened with your ex. If you're watching this, I think you're on the right path. :)
Thank you Tina......love is the most fascinating thing on earth....
I can understand doing this dance in the honeymoon phase of the relationship but to do it for the length of the relationship is neither healthy or rooted in reality. Ur beau sounds like he was delusional to think any relationship will stay perpetually new without any monotony. I think this is the result of media
you sound like an avoidant type..keeping them at arms length and witholding
You are the type of women I will avoid at all cost.. Never ending chasing.A worthless chasing
WOW! My eyes are now opened!
Susan, that was a very well reasoned and well explained discussion on why the turmoil is created by some people. They are as you point out, very unhappy inside and insecure. It is almost impossible to get beyond this situation and it will definitely make you crazy trying.
Just made me realize that I'm not the problem and I've always known this but somehow I keep chasing and seeking her approval and validation. I know she loves me but actions are very questionable sometimes
Susan, you are a genius. I can listen to you all day. Thank you for all your insight.
You are always spot on, Susan. Bravo. I have such an understanding and appreciation of how you express yourself that I can almost guess the words you're about to say. It's really cool to be on the same wavelength as someone. I love your work.
U ARE SOOOO SPOT ON...THX
BRILLIANT! Thank you
Very eye-opening. Thank you.
Another great lesson Susan....thanks for the video :)
Thank you Susan! EXCELLENT insight!
Susan this video absolutely put everything in perspective that I was going thru! This was such a huge help you have no idea!!! Thank you!
This was eye-opening. Thank you.
This video Is like Victory To me! Thankyou So much Susan For your Insight! 💌
Hi Leo Lady. So happy you've liked this one.
Thank you Susan I wish I would have watched this a long time ago. I spent too many years chasing the runners as I call them. Finally I told her I am not going to be a part of the drama and said goodbye. What you said helped me understand myself a little better and give me more to work on.
This answered everything, thank you. You are amazing.
Susan your are too good! brilliant insight!
Brilliant Advice, Thank You
Wow! You are genuine and Geniuse!
I will always love people who make things clear that other want to keep obscure. Bless your heart:)
Makes so much sense! Thank you!
Thank you Susan, I thought I was going mad spun around in the insecurity cycle. Call them out, they may apologise but this type of person will repeate over and over. Feel your worth & walk away 🐇
A great topic. I understand now.
Not in any kind of relationship. But, I love your brilliance, Susan. Your teaching is invaluable. I digest every word just to learn people in general. Love you logic, keen sharpness for the usage of words. Very smart lady you are. God bless you and happy New Year.
Ohh thank you so much !!!!
I have been struggling trying to figure this out. I have asked everyone I know about it. I was super mentally obsessed thinking this person has narcissistic behaviours, because they really enjoyed my confusion too. Glad I know now, my thesis is at stake.
Wow; I watched so many videos over a year and a half and I never had anyone explaining it like you do!! Wow 🙏 I never had anyone like this and everything was so unusual & not clear!! But I did left it cause I respect myself and didn’t go along with the game!! You nailed it!!
Oh my God you are amazing! Thank you! Please start videos on the initial dating / “getting to know them” phase, tips to help get on the same page or discern If the guy has potential, how to navigate early dates. Keep up the AMAZING work
Hey Susan, thanks for your help on the contribution of my personal development. Hope you had a good new years! Looking forward to all the amazing videos this year. Keep up the hard work! 😄
thank you!!
Thank you for this video!!! Excellent and helpful information.
Susan make point for men and women! Shes the best
Hello Susan. Thank you so much for your lovely videos and messages. You have truly helped with my relationships. You are so inspirational and I can sense that you really care about your followers. Thank you so much for your wise words. You are truly a woman of quality and substance. Everything you say is eloquently delivered. X
Thank you for your videos-I find them to be very helpful!
Thank you
You are fantastic. Your message is refreshingly uplifting.
Great video Susan!!! I learned a lot. Now I have some homework to do. Thank you so much!!!
Omg! You really know your stuff! This makes so much sense. Thank you so much!
Awesome information thank you 😊 truly appreciate it
Thank you so much Susan for this wonderful video
Very informative. Thank you!
You don't know how helpful this video has been.i really needed this.
Love your content. Going through this now 😫
Excellent advice. Straight no chaser!
Susan Thank You so much 🙏🏻❤️
Wow, thanks for this valuable information.
So much clarity!! I love it!
Amazing advice. You are the best
Wonderfullll!!!! Susan...this talk is for life!
This is exactly what the guy I’ve been dating a year and a half is doing. Hot and Cold, Mixed Messages, Game Board moves, pulling back, etc.
Its exhausting trying to keep up with his next move. I’m shocked that this is happening after all this time. He is saying he loves me and yet pulling every immature and cold move possible. I’m about out of patience for all this crazy making behavior! Thanks for this video. It’s helping me today. This and a few other of your classic videos like, Hot and Cold.
Thanks so much Susan!!
Thank you. Another awesome video.
Brilliant explanation.
So interesting,thank you Susan and Happy New Year!💞🍀
happy New Year to you, Luna. Thanks!
Incredible schooling. Thank you very much from the bottom of my heart!! Xx
Beautiful! Thank you!!
GREAT!!!!!!!!! Video! Wow you explained a lot! Thank you! Thank you!
You are welcome!! Thanks for your comment, brown
I don’t know what to say but THANK YOU SO MUCH for your precious advices.
Thank you!!!!!!!
Perfect thing I needed to hear. Thank you!
Thanks !!