I ended my "friendship" or whatever I thought it was just the other day and then I see this video ( it is definitely not a coincidence) It validates that I made the right decision I was very obsessive and the "friendship" was an attempt at meeting some needs while others remained unmet from the beginning. It was very confusing and painful for me and the other party
Excellent. This makes so much sense. Different files. Different hormones. Never thought of it this way. Really makes sense. Excellent example. Files!!! Love the black cat in the background. And the plant leaf over your head. Stunning outfit. Wrong file. My bad.
In my experience, you can but it takes a lot of work of focusing and working on yourself. Limerance isn't uncommon in adult children of alcoholics, such as myself. So I joined a 12-step program for friends and families of alcoholics. Once I started to unravel why I felt and thought this way, I was able to talk about it in the fellowship and work through it by working the program. I suffered with limerance for 6 months. The constant and compulsive thoughts were unbearable. Now, I rarely think of him at all and we're friends. Do I want more from the relationship? Sure. But even those feelings have waned over the past month. So, I think it can be done, but it's not easy. However, once you start seeing the progress in your self-improvement journey, it makes it all worth it.
Thank ypu for sharing this! For most people it's just not worth the struggle though, learning to leave and say goodbye when it's time to say goodbye is a healthy skill especially when lo is not that nice to them, I'm happy to read that you managed but it's not my advice for most clients.
@followingfenna leaving isn't an option for me. I'd have to move and change jobs and I love both my work and home. I'm not turning my life upside-down over a guy because he doesn't feel the same about me. There's no instant fix, but for me, it's been worthwhile to join a 12-step program.
My LO made me feel to be in many different files. Problem is, she was my therapist. So I became absolutely, totally confused who or what I am for her. It takes endless to sort things out. But yes, the file thing makes sense! I am happy that you have posted a video today and that you haven't forgotten about us😊
I was always bad at filing. This is a great analogy and makes sense. I do plan to put you in the blue file, FYI since blue looks good on you. Really, thanks. You make sense.
Is it possible to reclassify a file type? We started as coworkers, hung out and I honestly just want to be friends. Is there a way to cognitively reframe limmerent feelings over time to put someone back in the right file?
I'm getting over my LO as the months go by. I think sexual feelings for this person are fading too. So I think I could be friends with this person eventually. It might not be soon, but much later I might be able to enjoy the things we really do have in common and just be basic friends without much expectations of anything more. And the friendship might be a very casual one, not super close or tight. Once you accept what it really is, then maybe it can be "it is what it is." I am starting to see this person as an opportunist who goes from person to person, and is just in it for them self, not contributing very much. So maybe I'm being wiser now???
@@followingfenna See, I don't have many friends. I'm an introvert with specialized interests on the art and tech side of things. So I rarely find anyone very interesting to hang out with. The nice short simple (and common) small talk does not bother me. But I prefer deeper conversations, and subjects most people do not want to bother talking about. So when I finally make a new friend that has some similarities in this regard, it is hard to not want it to be somewhat deeper. And if I gain an attraction to this person, it's that much more intense. It becomes very difficult to tell yourself that they are not really interesting, or worth the effort. Because they do make you feel that you've (finally) found someone who is good for you. When they are not good for you. It's tough because there is no drink or drugs or anything unhealthy in this, except they are not going to reciprocate the attraction to your satisfaction. That is the only think missing (laugh). Very tough to throw away a potential friendship. "Toss the baby out with the bathwater" because it's no good for you. (laugh)
@@lyamorian767 You are probably correct. While I have been away from my LO for some time now, I have not been around anyone else either. Completely alone and lonely. I have seen no other friends in a few months now. Oh I did get together for beers with some folks I am working on a creative project with. But none of them have ever seen me anywhere else or visited my home, nor have any plans to. This is why I want to salvage something like a friend out of the LO.
@@rockrecordreport7136 please do not concentrate on the LO like that. I know how hard it is, I have been experiencing limerence for years. You only put yourself up for more hurt. I know it is difficult to find friends these days, but if you continue trying you WILL succeed. And even if you could be friends with LO someday (which I doubt, and I habe the same problem), you would start from a much more stable base if you already have other friends. Dont give up, you are not alone!
I have an ex who I have been friends with for 15 years. I'm friends with her husband, her kids love me and I usually go to Family X-Mas. She is the family I never had growing up. Started having an LO episode a couple years after my dad passed and I feel horrible and hate myself because I've messed up friendship with my Sister, Ex-Girlfriend, Friends wife etc..... She's a lot of files for me.
Yes, of course it's possible to be really good friends with an ex, my video's is more about when you are still in love (in limerence) then it becomes really hard.
I care very much about this person. My limerance towards her isn't even romantic or sexual but definitely grief driven. Its caused me a LOT of anxiety and even depression. Was diagnosed recently with Relationship OCD but your videos really help me understand the limerant aspect of my OCD. the Grief and hormone videos were especially helpful. THANK YOU! Please keep up the good work.
During the 12 months of marriage counseling my wife did everything possible to convince her coworker Limerence partner to be her forever man. The last thing she wanted was to come back to me, I was nothing but her 2nd choice. She fell into depression when both her & her Limerence man were laid off & he moved to another state to find work. I moved out for 4 years but returned because the kids were having emotional problems without dad in the house. As a girlfriend my wife was amazing, as a wife she turned into a burden, & without trust she is a burden that I have to monitor 24/7.
Do these comments from my wife mean she was/is suffering from limerense. " If I was to have an affair it would be with someone better than #-':+¢^®%". (Girlfriends name). Followed maybe an hour later with. " It would be with a man". I'm very confused as several months later I dropped her off at a meeting point for lunch with two work colleagues. ( Male/ female) As soon as she stepped out of the car, she immediately went across and gave the male colleague a big lingering hug. ( This guy I have never met and wasn't introduced to on the day and he's supposed to be gay!!!!???). I left very confused wtf. The two episodes the excuse I got were; 1st, We're just friends. 2nd, he's gay. What am I missing here?
![ไข้ขึ้นเลย! เมื่อแฝดโดนจัดเต็มวัคซีนครบ2เดือน🤒 [cc] แดนแพทตี้ SS2 | EP.54 |](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/z2VHItnyyvY/mqdefault.jpg)
This is all so very helpful and spot on. THANK YOU, Fenna.
I ended my "friendship" or whatever I thought it was just the other day
and then I see this video ( it is definitely not a coincidence)
It validates that I made the right decision
I was very obsessive and the "friendship" was an attempt at meeting some needs while others remained unmet from the beginning. It was very confusing and painful for me and the other party
She's back!!
Your explanations are excellent and clarifying. Thank you so much 👍🏽
"Hey I'm in the wrong file!!"😂😂
I love the support and the little black cat 🐈⬛ in th background so peaceful.
You look so beautiful! I love your eye makeup and tanned glow!
Beautiful analogy with the file system - throws so much light on disturbing experiences that are difficult to explain - so helpful 👍
Thank you again Fenna
Indeed, I always feel like I need to thank you.
Excellent. This makes so much sense. Different files. Different hormones. Never thought of it this way. Really makes sense. Excellent example. Files!!!
Love the black cat in the background. And the plant leaf over your head. Stunning outfit. Wrong file. My bad.
I emailed you I am in desperate need of coaching/counseling!
The file analogy is brilliant.
Thank you Fenna.
In my experience, you can but it takes a lot of work of focusing and working on yourself. Limerance isn't uncommon in adult children of alcoholics, such as myself. So I joined a 12-step program for friends and families of alcoholics. Once I started to unravel why I felt and thought this way, I was able to talk about it in the fellowship and work through it by working the program.
I suffered with limerance for 6 months. The constant and compulsive thoughts were unbearable. Now, I rarely think of him at all and we're friends.
Do I want more from the relationship? Sure. But even those feelings have waned over the past month.
So, I think it can be done, but it's not easy. However, once you start seeing the progress in your self-improvement journey, it makes it all worth it.
Thank ypu for sharing this! For most people it's just not worth the struggle though, learning to leave and say goodbye when it's time to say goodbye is a healthy skill especially when lo is not that nice to them, I'm happy to read that you managed but it's not my advice for most clients.
@followingfenna leaving isn't an option for me. I'd have to move and change jobs and I love both my work and home. I'm not turning my life upside-down over a guy because he doesn't feel the same about me.
There's no instant fix, but for me, it's been worthwhile to join a 12-step program.
Love the blue look. Cool. Eye shadow looks cool. Good video.
All of your videos are so helpful. Just to make sense of this madness
Thank you lorcanfeely 😀
My LO made me feel to be in many different files. Problem is, she was my therapist. So I became absolutely, totally confused who or what I am for her. It takes endless to sort things out. But yes, the file thing makes sense! I am happy that you have posted a video today and that you haven't forgotten about us😊
@@followingfenna 😊😊😊
@@BuddhaofBlackpool You missed the first sentence.
Thank you. This helps
Thank you Fenna for the very practical advice ❤
Well, now I'm more depressed than ever. I can't have her, I don't get to see her or talk to her and she is constantly in my mind.
Endure the pain, once you are out, you don't even want to be with her anymore.
Glad you're back. Hope all is well!?
I was always bad at filing. This is a great analogy and makes sense.
I do plan to put you in the blue file, FYI since blue looks good on you.
Really, thanks. You make sense.
As always Sir.... thank you
Is it possible to reclassify a file type? We started as coworkers, hung out and I honestly just want to be friends. Is there a way to cognitively reframe limmerent feelings over time to put someone back in the right file?
I'm getting over my LO as the months go by. I think sexual feelings for this person are fading too. So I think I could be friends with this person eventually. It might not be soon, but much later I might be able to enjoy the things we really do have in common and just be basic friends without much expectations of anything more. And the friendship might be a very casual one, not super close or tight. Once you accept what it really is, then maybe it can be "it is what it is." I am starting to see this person as an opportunist who goes from person to person, and is just in it for them self, not contributing very much. So maybe I'm being wiser now???
@@followingfenna See, I don't have many friends. I'm an introvert with specialized interests on the art and tech side of things. So I rarely find anyone very interesting to hang out with. The nice short simple (and common) small talk does not bother me. But I prefer deeper conversations, and subjects most people do not want to bother talking about. So when I finally make a new friend that has some similarities in this regard, it is hard to not want it to be somewhat deeper. And if I gain an attraction to this person, it's that much more intense.
It becomes very difficult to tell yourself that they are not really interesting, or worth the effort. Because they do make you feel that you've (finally) found someone who is good for you. When they are not good for you. It's tough because there is no drink or drugs or anything unhealthy in this, except they are not going to reciprocate the attraction to your satisfaction. That is the only think missing (laugh). Very tough to throw away a potential friendship. "Toss the baby out with the bathwater" because it's no good for you. (laugh)
I like to tell myself that, too, but I guess we are still bullshitting ourselves with that.
@@lyamorian767 You are probably correct. While I have been away from my LO for some time now, I have not been around anyone else either. Completely alone and lonely. I have seen no other friends in a few months now. Oh I did get together for beers with some folks I am working on a creative project with. But none of them have ever seen me anywhere else or visited my home, nor have any plans to. This is why I want to salvage something like a friend out of the LO.
@@rockrecordreport7136 please do not concentrate on the LO like that. I know how hard it is, I have been experiencing limerence for years. You only put yourself up for more hurt. I know it is difficult to find friends these days, but if you continue trying you WILL succeed. And even if you could be friends with LO someday (which I doubt, and I habe the same problem), you would start from a much more stable base if you already have other friends. Dont give up, you are not alone!
You look so beautiful in this video. Blue is your colour. ❤
Thank you Fenna. Very helpful :)
Thanks this was excellent
Thank YOU
I have an ex who I have been friends with for 15 years. I'm friends with her husband, her kids love me and I usually go to Family X-Mas. She is the family I never had growing up. Started having an LO episode a couple years after my dad passed and I feel horrible and hate myself because I've messed up friendship with my Sister, Ex-Girlfriend, Friends wife etc..... She's a lot of files for me.
Yes, of course it's possible to be really good friends with an ex, my video's is more about when you are still in love (in limerence) then it becomes really hard.
I care very much about this person. My limerance towards her isn't even romantic or sexual but definitely grief driven. Its caused me a LOT of anxiety and even depression. Was diagnosed recently with Relationship OCD but your videos really help me understand the limerant aspect of my OCD. the Grief and hormone videos were especially helpful. THANK YOU! Please keep up the good work.
You are so glamorous. Plus intelligent. Super. Love the blue. So good on you.
During the 12 months of marriage counseling my wife did everything possible to convince her coworker Limerence partner to be her forever man. The last thing she wanted was to come back to me, I was nothing but her 2nd choice. She fell into depression when both her & her Limerence man were laid off & he moved to another state to find work. I moved out for 4 years but returned because the kids were having emotional problems without dad in the house. As a girlfriend my wife was amazing, as a wife she turned into a burden, & without trust she is a burden that I have to monitor 24/7.
Limerence is a deep, dark hole
So true
Do these comments from my wife mean she was/is suffering from limerense.
" If I was to have an affair it would be with someone better than #-':+¢^®%". (Girlfriends name).
Followed maybe an hour later with.
" It would be with a man".
I'm very confused as several months later I dropped her off at a meeting point for lunch with two work colleagues. ( Male/ female) As soon as she stepped out of the car, she immediately went across and gave the male colleague a big lingering hug. ( This guy I have never met and wasn't introduced to on the day and he's supposed to be gay!!!!???). I left very confused wtf.
The two episodes the excuse I got were; 1st, We're just friends. 2nd, he's gay.
What am I missing here?
No Fench kiss. Got it
1:52 suffering
Yep!