Limerence and the ‘love’ stories you tell yourself
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ต.ค. 2024
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#limerence #obsession #heartbreak
Disclaimer: Just my opinions. the internet is not therapy, nuance is everything.
tags: limerence, obsessive love, obsession, love, why can't I stop thinking about them, psychology, personal development, limerence help, limerence cure, limerence vs love, limerence abandonment, limerence addiction, limerence intrusive thoughts
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If you need help with limerence: unfoldinglimerence.com
Do you work with people from other countries?
Yes, all sessions are online.
I appreciate your advice on limerence, particularly the point that it doesn't help those caught in its grip. Instead, it drags us down, potentially leaving us lost in life and unable to find the right person unless we break free from these illusory thoughts. Hopefully, you could create more videos offering guidance to people in a limerence state on how to let go and escape from these illusions.
I was in limerence with someone who lived in Europe. I swore we were soulmates. I barely new him. This was a long time ago. When I divorced he contacted me out of the blue and wanted to get together. I went to Europe with a couple of friends a month later to spend a month in Europe. It was an eyeopening experience! His character was nothing similar to the one I projected onto him. I never want to speak with him again. Block, delete, the end. It was a scary experience.
I wish that was like that with me but the person is a liar, cheater, narcissist but it’s so hard to let go.
Same. I barely know her but a part of me is convinced she is the love of my life. It is scary to realize how my mind has been hijacked.
Thank you for sharing this experience, many have gone through the same and it's important to tell these stories.
Wa-how.
i wish everyone had this chance ! :D
I get over limerence by imagining the object of my "love" in daily human situations, such as going on the toilet etc.
Yes, this is an interesting technique I have heard of before. It does work in the short-term to reduce emotionality. I wonder if long-term it can be used and have a substantial effect.
Doesnt help me. Even on the loo he looks like a greek god to me.
@@lyamorian767😂
@@lyamorian767😂😂😂😂
@@lyamorian767 😂 I get it. The guy I'm thinking of constantly is perfect in my mind even though I know that irl he isn't even good looking by any standard. My friends are all very confused as to what I see in him, but I can't help it. I'm attached 😭
I experience limerence and i swear it feels like a curse i can’t escape 😢
Dont forget the whole twinflame/soulmate „Gurus“ feeding into this even more. Makes it harder to get out of it, because you think this person is truly your soulmate
Actually i was just thinking about that after listening to this video.. Seems like those movies, aware of this kind of psychological trap, were exploiting it, spoon feeding us with false notions about "love". Then came new age bs blossom era of which one part was that tf crap, so it seems to me it was a collective purge of this limerence. I remember some friends as kids had this phase, didn't know the term at that time of course, but it was obvious to me they're delusional. Didn't recognised it when it hit me thou. Seems like that's something better to happen early on, like chicken pox, and you grow out of it. If not, you have 30-40-50 year old ppl falling for tf crap, but i think many ppl are realising the illusion of it now much more than 5-6 years ago.
@@DodirAnelaIntuitivnoOtvaranje You are absolutely right. As teenagers or young people it is all par for the course, but, when you get to middle age and falling into limerence, lives are destroyed. Many lives, families, careers, businesses, etc are destroyed.
I hope you are right about more people being aware of it. I try to support any person who presents in a clear concise way like Marios does.
Or even just readings in general - “what are they thinking now” etc
I agree with you 💯! There is no any soulmates or twinflames, that’s total BS
Omg yesss they drove me crazy i was deluded for more than 2years they suck😢 these people who feed our vulnerable mind this nonsense
Something that bothers me even more than the limerence or the unrequited love is the sense that all of these romantic couples around me were, at one point, limerent for each other and, unlike me, they got to enjoy that euphoric experience of shared limerence.
It sounds like at 11:58 you're saying this fear of mine is unfounded: people in real relationships (the healthy ones at least) do not experience limerence for each other (which I guess means the "honeymoon phase" is something different from limerence?)
@@jason_v12345 It does not produce those extreme lows and highs of limerence, nor the addiction. It leads to acceptance and unconditional love. In limerence, the limerent stays focused on what the LO does for them or makes them feel. In companionate love, there is a desire for both partners to make the other happy. I hope you find companionate love that is healthy for you, just know, it won't feel like the euphoria of limerence so, try not to expect that.
@@brinselyseven5530thanks for explaining this so clearly!
Damn I felt this shit lol ❤
@@dinahn6955 I have gotten with several people I have had limerence for and the relationships were devastating. I was suicidally depressed after I ended up breaking things off due to their emotional unavailability. I think I have a degree of limerence for all the men I've fallen for, but I have yet to be in something truly healthy.
Especially when you have connected on same sense of humour, music, cinema, art, emotional intimacy it makes so much harder. Makes you feel like you really made for each other. Its almost opiate like feeling of being understood and trusted. Later, i understand that in childhood fantasies in form of art always were my escape from dysfunctional reality of my surroundings, and as much as the world praises art in its raw forma, the price of suffering and addiction that is inside for sensitive people is often unbearable and damaging to the point of degradation, although you feel like your story is beyond banal reality of everyday life.
That first sentence really hits hard with me. If they like the same kind of music as me and get those references, that will send me down that spiral at times. It's bittersweet. But about 75% bitter.
I’ve experienced limerance so many times not realizing what it was. Now that I know, I get disgusted in myself and my past actions. Deep down I knew these people didn’t like me, but I persisted. I Didn’t realize I was experiencing depression, addictive personality and sometimes even narcissistic traits. I sometimes feel that one day anything I feel positive about will turn one
Day to be an illusion just like before. I’m so grateful my head is on straighter and I much rather second guess my self then living in a delusion.
Thanks for sharing. Yes being grounded and focusing on your own development is a good way to shield yourself from limerence in the future.
This is my whole life
This resonates with me big time. 😢❤
It's embarrassing
I can relate so much! Now I realize how cringe I was being & am totally embarrassed by my actions/thoughts/words lol I can laugh about it now but at the same time if I ever see them again I’m gonna be like 🫣🥴 I really hope I never do bc now I feel like it was so obvious! No wonder they didn’t like me 🫠
This is incredibly helpful and, unfortunately, it perfectly describes the state I have been in for the past couple of years. I figured that the more content I consume on limerence, the more I convince myself that my thoughts and my behavior are toxic and unhealthy. As soon as I get the urge to indulge in those same old unhealthy scenarios, I watch videos like this one on repeat until I feel the sense of relief. Thank you for this and I would love to see more on the topic of limerence.
I’m in the same boat. I need these videos to be like a kick when in about to message my LO.
Yes knowledge is so powerful, I wish I knew of this term and videos years ago to help me when it was the hardest
Is there a cure for limerence?
@@Deeper_Spiritualitywe're all looking for it mate. Therapy is a cure though
@@Deeper_SpiritualityTherapy, loving yourself and accepting yourself and grounding yourself in the present all the time, being with or without them. See them as thoughts, not actions and do not act on those thoughts. It’s hard but you can do it. Learn not to chase and enjoying your own company and just realize that you’re kinda on drugs and watch out for the words you use, aka: soulmates, twinflames, my other half, I can’t live without them.
My whole romantic life has been limerance
I'm sorry for that
Ok so it’s not just me 😫
@@NeeseeEl no
Me too
I had this with a work colleague, I was obsessed with him. It all started when we spoke and nearly went out for dinner, but we were disrupted, long story short, he ended up going out with someone else. I played this scene over and over in my mind for years. I tried so hard for him to notice me and constantly romanticised a life with him. It was purely fictional and when we did spend time together we were polar opposite. Did I see it, no! Because I didn’t want to accept it. You are right, it is an incredibly selfish emotional torture that you inflict on the desired object and the people around you. It was accepting that allowed me to heal. The problem was never with him, it was with me. I was creating this total fantasy that even if it were to come true, would be a total disaster. I have total avoidant personality disorder, this guy lived in Germany and I in the UK so it was perfect for this waste of time. The best healing comes from understanding why you are going through this, it usually stems from childhood and abuse/neglect where as a child you created fantasies where you could escape in. It allows you to colour your otherwise grey world. It’s all about the lack of self love and self neglect. Self love is so important, because if you do not love yourself you would never accept it from someone who gives it willingly. When you love yourself, take care of yourself both physically and emotionally the limmerance fades! Go out, meet people, you will see how many people would love to be with you once that little child in you has healed 🙏
Well said. I particularly relate to the bit about the distance making it all possible. For me it was an elite athlete at my running club, they have their own clique, so we were running on the same track & frequently running past each other, but never able to talk. The distance mixed with the physical closeness gave my brain fuel & space for total fantasy. Now she lives on the opposite side of the country, so the fantasy doesn't even make logical sense. It is just a waste of time, if I wasn't her it would be someone else. I guess my brain needs the fantasy to channel a lot of my negative energy or trauma, I'd like to think it at least has a function!
Thank you for sharing and I absolutely agree with your conclusion when it comes to working through limerence.
Gosh, I’ve just realised I’ve experienced limerence practically all my life but one particular period comes to mind where it lasted for over two years and once I had figured out it was rlly unhealthy for me, I ended up having a depressive episode for a month or two afterwards (to me it almost felt a drug that was being taken away from me). I never knew there was a word to this feeling and stumbling across your video gives me hope that I will be able to overcome it. I still experience the falling into the fantasy part occasionally but when I catch myself I try to ignore it (there’s probably better solutions for it but It’ll do for now). Anyways I just wanted to express my experience and thank you for your very informative and helpful video 😊
Thank you for sharing!
PS. Limerence is awful situation (?) condition (?). The intrusive “does she, does she not” unknowns drove me to attempted suicide. Obsessive compulsive thought process developed . I went to therapy and the provider (nurse practitioner) had never heard of it. One thing is important. NEVER give the hope of there ever being something between the limerant and the limerant object. It will only cause more heartache and obsession.
I feel you> I have been limerant with someone for 15 years. No therapist heard of it. Had it since I was 13 but thought they were normal crushes.
I also attempted suicide 10 yrs ago.
Hey there were times I felt suicidal over my now 7 month period of limerence. Thanks for the advice..so do not ever entertain the hope of one day they come around and like us back. Well the guy I had liked I had 1 date with. He liked me at first but then after the date I sent some off texts and he lost any feeling he may have had for me. The thing I see is once I felt my mind went back to normal I was all to text him again asking if we could hang out. So it's a terrible cycle of despair and hope. It's hard for me to think even though he has told me more than once that he has no interest at all, that it will be this way life long. But that shred of hope is false and it takes you right back into the darkest tunnel
The thing is, if you did get together with the LO, and lived with them/married them, the Limerance would soon disappear as reality creeps in. Once things become humdrum the shine would wear off pretty quickly and you fall out of love.
@@angelaleishman1570 this is why me and my LO agreed that it would make no sense to actually be together. it would very quickly get boring and frustrating
Limerence destroyed my life. I obsessed over a guy during the very foundational years of my education. I was a good student and wanted to do research. But due to this obsession, I am now stuck in a boring and backbreaking 9 to 5 which was my last rescue. I think about my life everyday, I have a job that I hate and I have never really been in a real relationship in my life😢.
It interefered with my concentration and ability to focus😢😢😢😢😢
Thanks for sharing. Yes, limerence can be all-consuming and distracting to the point of ruin parts of your life. I offer support and blog posts on the topic here: unfoldinglimerence.com/
This video almost brings me to tears because it pretty much sums up what I've been going through these past few weeks. Regarding the stories and fantasies, I would like to add that there is also, in my case, a tendency to magnify any action that the LO does to convince me that it is in some way a sign of interest in me (for example, they greeted me in a friendly manner or made small talk with me which must mean they like me and are flirting). It really is a painful and uncomfortable state, I thank you for this video that opened my eyes with many things.
Oh boy no I feel that so hard 😭. I don’t know your age, so I’ll just speak for me, but a lot of people don’t discover they even have trauma and trauma responses till their 60s (like my dad). The best time to plant a tree was yesterday but todays not a bad second
this was a really good explanation of limerance, I wonder how much Disney and other Hollywood ideals feed into this. I find listening to limerance based music can def fuel these fantasies.
They know this, it’s to keep everyone distracted in a constant magical state.
Omg never realized this about the Music its soo true , music played a hugee part to me
Unfortunate for me, my limerent husband ad his LO are both singer/musicians. So more limerent crap will be put to song.🤦♀
@@brinselyseven5530aren't you mad that your husband is limerent to someone? How did you know he is limerant?
I stopped listening to the sad music with any form of romantic lyrics, it’s like a form of hypnosis. Instrumentals are the best.
Limerence can be a dangerous thing I swear… I went through periods in my teen and early young adult life with different “subjects” that I was obsessed with to the point of stalkers creepy vibe now that I think back….. yikes. Now that I’m older, and healing from traumas, it realllllyyyy eye opening to finally realize that alll of my fantasies was just that, fantasies. I got so good at projecting them onto whoever I was obsessed with even though I don’t know a thing about them, my last episode lasted 4 years before I finally was able to close it. Now I’m finding myself shimmying up another limerence tree again. Like it’s insane! But it’s okay, all that matters is awareness and efforts to change and be better everyday right?
You said the magic word: awareness
I use limerence with celebrities as a survival mechanism. I am a "traumasexual," meaning that I am too traumatized to be touched by an actual person. Creating mental fantasies allows me to fill the void of loneliness that comes from PTSD isolation. I am growing through therapy, so hopefully one I'll no longer need it, but I'm thankful for it now.
❤
I find myself doing this because 1) Life is hard and rejection hurts so it’s easier to have a fantasy relationship with someone who isn’t available or who is below or above my standards 2) I can check out if life and forget my failures and pain for a little while. I know this is NOT a healthy coping mechanism and I end up getting hurt anyway. But at least I know the pain is coming instead of loving someone and then being cheated on or abused. Am I completely beyond help?
Thank you for sharing. You are not completely beyond help! Definitely seek it if it’s affecting your life quality.
I wish I could find that help, believe me I have been looking for years! It’s so hard to find a good therapist and then just when I do they leave the practice! Ughhhh! I’m just recently becoming aware of some of my issues so I guess I start over from here. I have a therapist currently who is a very nice man, but he talks about himself a lot and doesn’t seem to have any advice to offer. I don’t know how to tell the therapist that I’m looking for a new one. ????
@@DJElectraFry moving on from a therapist is normal, and if he’s professional it should not be a problem for you to bring this up. He should support you. If you’re looking for a new therapist, you could check out my counsellor profile on the Private Therapy Clinic’s website. Just Google search my name and the clinic. Either way wishing you luck and look after yourself.
@@DJElectraFry Most have never heard of limerence.
@@DJElectraFry I completely understand. I’ve been trying to find healing and help for about ten years. The therapists I’ve talked to have suggested books to read and validate me but I need direct teaching and things to be pointed out to me so I haven’t improved after almost a decade of trying. I hope you find help. I’m considering doing the crappy childhood fairy’s programs, feeling a little hopeless so I’m hesitant on spending so much money on something that may not help me.
I dealt with limerence I would say most of my life. I fantasized about love and over my crushes from grade school on. I’m 35 now.
I never knew it had a name. This is a long post, but I wanted to share my story.
My limerence was a way to satisfy the need to be needed… while waiting impatiently on someone to need me.
I would create these scenarios where the desired person (or really just anyone) would potentially glance over at me at just the right moment and realize they wanted me in their life in some capacity. I spent almost every moment while out around people, trying to position myself in an activity, a pose or a location that would ‘entice’ them to deem me worthy of pursuit or even feel sorry for me and come over. ‘Yes.. I’m confident and funny.. so lovable.. everyone loves my eyes (casual glance in their direction).. OR .. ‘I look so depressed.. I’m all alone.. look at me all alone.. you can save me..’
YEARS of this.
So exhausting!
But I justified it as necessary if I was ever going to receive the love I wanted. Not once did I see it as manipulative. It was merely a means to an end. They would be happy with me in their life. They just needed to realize it. 🙄
I spent so much time in front of the mirror dialoguing with myself, having conversations with “people”. Most of the time it was them flirting back, confessing their love or breaking my heart in some way.
I WAS TALKING TO MYSELF! Yet so many times I really blushed or sobbed, genuinely reacting to the dialogue as if these people had actually said these things.
But then, I had it in my head that I had a conversation that never happened. You can only imagine how many times I was ‘in a relationship’ with someone or they ‘broke my heart’ without even knowing I existed in reality. Why did I do this to myself? Since I was a kid! So much self inflicted pain..
Then there was the promiscuity. I allowed myself to be in unsafe situations for 2 reasons: 1 I believed that the right person would save me in the end. OR 2 I genuinely believed the person taking advantage of me actually did love me, just in a different way. I merely had to tap into it. So many regrets. 😑
Fast forward a bit.
What finally broke this manipulative and damaging streak for me was two fold:
Firstly, it was me finally getting honest with God. True confession about what I was thinking and feeling. Of what was keeping me from trusting Him fully. What was stunting my faith and growth.
By getting honest, it allowed Him to reveal the roadblocks keeping me stuck.
This was hard work by the way. I had some forgiveness to give and lots to give up control of.
Secondly, I started writing out the stories in my head. I just needed them out of my brain so the ruminating would stop. By doing this, I was able to revisit the stories at a time of my own choosing rather than involuntarily. It also allowed me to put the stories into perspective and see the ‘hopeless romantic’ manipulative script I was creating.
I am pleased to say I no longer struggle with mirror dialogues, promiscuity or limerence.
I hope someone out there can benefit from this. There is hope and true genuine love out there that doesn’t rely on you creating it.
God bless.
I’m a person super prone to limerence but now I recognise how lucky I’ve been that my previous LOs reciprocated at some point which led to end the fantasy rumination. But the last episode, which hasn’t evolved into a relationship despite mutual attraction, has shaken myself to the point of thinking I was going mad with obsession. Thanks for all the expertise you share. I’d love to be in therapy but alas I can’t afford it. This is an amazing gift to many of us struggling out there 🙏
It hurts how much i can relate to this. I also have OCD & (no not the cleaning kind). I have been obsessed over the same guy for a long time. We kept talking randomly over time and its been year now. I feel like it just made it worse to talk bc then when we quit talking its horrible and i have to pull myself out of the rabbit hole again. OCD is rough and i feel like i have limerence as well.
The exact thing is happening to me. A friend emails me, now and then. I want to believe that he contacts me because he has feelings for me but he never expressed any. I am looking for love and I believe that once I meet someone I will no longer get hopeful when he contacts me.
I’ve had a very similar experience.. we talked for a year online, those were always very deep conversations and he never once was inappropriate or was it ever sexual. We had truly a connection and he told me he felt it too. We wanted to meet at some point, but we broke it off later and contact got less. We did have contact again 2 weeks ago and I’m off balance ever since. This is the worst “obsession” ive ever experienced, ive never experienced this before . . I don’t tell anyone bc I carry shame and no one will understand. If someone would like to talk about it/ need someone to talk about your experience, please shoot me a message. I think it’ll help with recovery. ❤
@@reginapolo3357 same, a lot of it is an underlying loneliness isn’t it. And a longing for a deep, real connection.
@@dominique7269 It is an addiction, is what I understand. The same type of addiction people get with drugs, food etc. So maybe if we handle it as such, the we can manage it better. But, lets hope that we meet that wholesome person soon, the one that is not going to be wishiwashi about the whole thing.
A key thing to ending limerence, aside from NC is you have to stop ruminating. Ruminating causes the connection between the logical side of your brain and the "Flight or Flight side of your brain (where limerence resides) to become stronger. You have to actively stop that thought, fantasy, daydream about your LO and change the thought. You also have to picture them being absolutely gone from your life, never to return, and you have to cope with the feeling it gives you. Recognize that feeling, sit with it a moment, and then send it off. This whole thing is a process.
Now if you have OCD and are in limerence, I would consider Lexipro if you are not already on it. I've heard it helps some people.
As a trauma response I used to have issues with maladaptive day dreaming. I would escape reality into fantasy thinking patterns sometimes for 2-3 hours at a time and did it a lot. after many years I realized how unhealthy & harmful it was. I had PTSD & sought out therapy and I was able to stop the maladaptive day dreaming but then after about three relationships over a few years not working out & me being hurt it seems that I transitioned into limerence type thinking patterns that were very intrusive lasting a long time for a LO - there were two instances both married men who paid a lot of attention to me at work but I kept all interest secret because I didn’t want to be in an affair - but it didn’t stop the limerence - ie the fantasies would be that they’ll leave their wife for me (which is ridiculous). Limerence is so similar to maladaptive day dreaming - it seems the same and very addictive & hard to stop. It’s been years since I had this issue but I feel it creeping in a bit now again with a guy I work with (who may become my boss one day). I periodically have limerant thoughts and I want to avoid this getting out of control because it is horrible. I know limerence has to do with not feeling good enough for real love (at least in my experience), it is the fantasy of meeting the dream man & falling in love - but the painful part is not having any reciprocation from the LO and knowing you can’t be with them . The only thing to stop it is to not allow the thoughts to go further, snap out of the fantasy, be in the present moment, reminding myself that I am just being limerant or maladaptive and trying to stop the behaviour. I’m convinced it is a coping mechanism.
It is proven to be a coping mechanism from early childhood. If you wanna stop faking your life when it comes down to relationships you have to face the truth about your father. That is where limerence actually starts. pls ask yourself: what is it, that you do not want to see about your father and your relationship to him.
Man, I have been in a very limerent state for the last two weeks. It triggered after my manager started to flirt with me and we had a very excellent conversation, and my crush on her turned into obsession. I didn't do anything stupid and thankfully it was all in my head. It also helped immensely that I shared this with my brother. Sharing this phase of vulnerability with someone I could trust helped in realising that it was an obsession. When in any state of obsession (limerence or otherwise), it helps to share with family or close friends as you really need that objectivity. Also, it's really important to eat, drink water, take your supplements, sleep. And maybe even write your thoughts out in a journal. Poetry helped a bit for me. Also, refocusing on my other outlets like photography. And go for a walk and smile at the next person of the desired sex. If you get a smile back, you'll most likely start to fantasise about them lmao.
Im laughing and crying at the same time
the ending got me lmao
😂 lmao
That's actually helpful, to find someone else who gives you the attention that you need, and who you don't feel limerence for, but just genuine attraction
Thanks for sharing. I like that you mentioned poetry as creative outputs are underrated as a form of expression that can be healing.
A common fantasy for me would be the opposite of the hero trope: I mostly find myself fantasizing about a situation where I am vulnerable and the limerent object finds it endearing. A classic ‘damsel in distress’ scenario. I clearly see this isn’t going to happen but the obsessive fantasizing is bothering me. I wish I could figure out the core problem that makes me want this to happen.
Look into inner-child work to see if there was something that happened (not saying abuse) in your development, that is causing you to look for a savior. It could be that you saw your mother looking for someone to help her or an absent parent. Once you recognize it and work on it, you may not seek that type of relationship.
Wow- This example from childhood realy open up my eyes about the real cause of my limerence…hopefuly I will not repeate this mistake again;Thank you!
Usually men will have the “hero” role archetype, and women have the “damsel in distress” archetype.
@@insightfrequency7 can you have both?
Knowing the definition of Limerence and knowing how to recognize when I was in it had been one of the most important experiences of my life. I wish I had been taught years and years ago, but it is what it is, now. I remind myself when I begin to fantasize about a situation, and I can 'cool down' and stay in truth/facts/current situation. There is a feeling of trust and safety when I am not in Limerence.
I just a 17 yr old teenage girl😒. Why is this happening to me I need my peace broo💀
Limerence is very normal at your age.Dont worry to much.😊
Woohoo! I finally decided to do me and LIVE focused on my own life. With that solid decision, my antenna that sought wholeness from another have disappeared, and I find I love myself so much better than the wrong person ever could.
Open to a loving partner, but not searching.
It’s amazing to live without emotional pain. I wouldn’t trade this freedom for another go at an unattainable object of longing, not no way, not no how :) 🎉
Whenever a limerent thought enters your mind tell it 'you can pass through but you cannot stay'. The reason limerence stays so long is because we keep it a secretive obsession in our heads. The more you talk to people about it, the more you realise it's nothing but grandiose projection.
The love story I tell myself is he is the one who can understand me, hear me, feel me thoroughly because I understand and sense him and his needs like no one else could.
But do you have an actual relationship with him? Or is it all just a fantasy in your mind?
It is exactly the other way around: You do not see yourself but need to see yourself, love yourself, understand yourself. You do not know the other person at all but put everything you wish for into the LO. They are in fact a mirror that shows us what we don't want to see about ourselves and the relationship with our father/mother, depending which sex you are.
My limerence came about when I was led on, lied to, came across narc, and just being a Libra. I had to wake up and use logic over love. I have prepared to live the rest of my ife single. Love just doesn't love me. As stupid as this sound, I still love this person.
Real love is possible. I am where you’re at too. But one thing that I know helps is being around people that love you and respect you unconditionally.. ie your family..and close friends if you have them. Bless you
Ive been dealing with limerence for a year now.
There is this boy that goes to my highschool that really caught my attention due to the fact that he reminded me of a fictional character that i used to have a crush on. He even looked like him! Which made it all worse.I would constantly be staring at him,even though I knew it made him uncomfortable, and whenever I did talk to him i would say complete nonense and show somebody that I wasnt .
Some time after the fantazies would begin.I had DOZENS of photos about him which my friend would send me and i would watch them for hours a day,it was horrifying.It wasnt until recently that i decided to delete all of the photos about him to try and get out of this state.And for some odd reason I cant stop having dreams about him,it feels like being in a loop that i cant get out of.
I also began to try and copy him to get his attention,something wich made him even more weirded out. Another thing that i used to do is that i would calculate at what time to get out of my house so i could coincide with him on the way to school,which would also be uncomfortable staring.
Now I have a problem about fantacising with him,I make him out to be someone who i dont even know well.
All so true. Me to a “T”. It took me so long to find the word and an explanation to the craziness I felt.
4:56 This hit pretty close to home for me. This has happened to me once before. It awakened a level of bitterness and jealousy in me that I hope I can never experience again. It's terrifying, heart aching, and even more torturous than just the limerence itself. The unknowns of limerence become that much greater, and you start to worry and overthink yourself into oblivion.
For me personally this fed right back into my depression and extreme self esteem issues, getting to a point where I would hate myself because I'm not that person. Because I was me and not literally anyone else.
Those problems and feelings all fed off of one another which then amplified them further. This whole situation became a line of dominoes that led into bigger and worse problems and feelings, to the point where that last 'domino' was so big, it hit the ground and left a permanent crater in the foundation of my livelihood.
Ever since then I feel like some part of me hasn't ever felt right again. I haven't been able to look at relationships the same and I fear I'm only getting worse. Any time I'm remotely interested in someone I'm reminded of this pain when said person simply talks to someone else a lot. And thus this cycle of dominoes begins again. Albeit on a smaller scale, but it hurts all the same. I know these feelings are wrong, but I don't know how to become right.
If you read this far I appreciate you hearing me out.
Thank you for this.
I've been trying to escape this limerence for 8 months. I feel like I'm being possessed and can't seem to control it. This is the best explanation for limerence I could find. I've been in therapy for it and still can't seem to get away from it. Ugh! I just want to be "normal" again. I have OCD and it kicked in fully. I became obsessessive and experienced all forms of limerence, light stalking too. In my defence we were in a honeymoon faze of the relationship, he lured me in, put me on a pedestal and then cut me off completely.
Thank you for sharing. It’s important to get the appropriate help with this, I offer appointments but also blog posts on limerence here: www.unfoldinglimerence.com
I'm in a similar situation.
This is the only time I have experienced limerence.
Actual potential relationships that fail to work out.
This one was due to a third-party (likely a narcissist).
It's harder to let go of (for me anyway) because it's not actually that impossible that they have a falling out, and she talks to me again.
But it's been months and nothing has moved.
I have shaken the hope a few times, but sometimes it creeps back in.
"we were in a honeymoon faze of the relationship, he lured me in, put me on a pedestal and then cut me off completely" ---sounds like he planed on this and did it on purpose which he did not do. pls be realistic about that. Sounds like the 2 of you were limerent and that truly has so nothing to do with any kind of real love or reality in itself. Being limerent is the mere core definition of not seing the other person, but imagining how they are. Facing reality always hits one way or the other...some run and cut of contact. Got nothing to do with you but with the imagination of the other person.
Very informative and clear the way you describe it, especially following on from the previous video about limerence. I have had this affliction since early childhood to the present day with many different individuals. My mother died when I was 4. I did not receive the emotional support I needed.
I'm becoming more aware of why I likely have this affliction. I'm now 46. Thank you for these videos Marios 🙏
You’re welcome Miranda and I hope you can work through any issues you may still be having with this. Acknowledging there is a problem is an important start!
I’ve just recently learned about limerence and that I’ve engaged in the fantasy relationships all my life and it’s causing me a lot of frustration and I’m feeling low and depressed and hopeless. Are you available to talk somewhere?
Yes please see the links in the description box.
It’s so painful. I have a technique to help myself stop falling into fantasizing: As soon as I realize I’m doing it, I start singing a song in my head. I make myself sing it all the way through. Right now the song is Radiohead “Karma Police.” If I bring the person up in conversation with a friend, I make myself stop & ask the friend an unrelated question. The hardest thing to do is stop the thoughts about the limerent object. In the past, I could only stop if I had a new LO to latch onto.
Interesting techniques there, thanks for sharing.
24 hours ago I first learned this word. Wish I knew it earlier since I have had it several times. Most of the time it wears off on it's own but until it does life can be chaotic. So now that I know what it is I will be watching videos like this one to help maintain my sanity. Many thanks
Thanks for your comment and for watching.
I've had this for someone for over 4 years now. The first couple of years were very destructive & I eventually went on medication to get the thought-loops to stop, which did get me on the road to recovering somewhat. I'm angry at myself now because I thought for the last 18 months it had hugely lessened. I still had almost constant thoughts about her, but the emotional charge had gone & it was just more of a annoyance. But the last month it's come back worse than ever. It's frustrating because I thought I was nearly over it & now I'm wondering will I have to live with this for the rest of my life!
I’m sorry to hear you are going through this, and thank you for sharing. It is not going to last for the rest of your life most likely, but it does need attention. Often there are a lot of other issues that contribute to the maintenance of limerence. I do recommend you see a therapist you can trust to start working on your healing. All the best.
You're amazing, I've never heard anyone else describe the loss aversion and manipulation tactic. It is one of the last pieces of the limerence puzzle I haven't quite figured out yet. Thank you for being objective and clear about it all. So grateful to feel seen.
Tarot readings and twin flame journeys Randy’s have this running theme.
To get through this I found that you need the following: realism, discipline, distraction, the willingness to look at yourself and your own life (and make changes if necessary) and a strong moral compass.
This 100% explains what I am going through. Everything you mention in the video is what I experience. The jealousy thing is a real issue and I hate it. People getting close to them. Feeling of being replaced and not as special to them. etc. Trying to read into every word, trying to be a hero.
I was obsessed over this person at work for almost 2 years. The lockdown took away the obsession. Now that I'm back at work.. Its back to square one.
You can't feel limerence towards the same person after the limerence episode ends. It means it never ended. Maybe you should find a new job somewhere else.
@@zolongOne yeah .. The thoughts didn't totally go away.. However I wasn't obsessed with the person during the no contact period..
I have same issue with someone from work, but even if we both work remotely it's hard, because sometimes he just can't shut up.
Add some weird instances when he's texting me at 1am and sending photos of himself for no reason. But when we meet nothing goes forward, I feel lied to lmao.
It's been around 8 months, need to move out from this. And I don't want to quit the job because of him. I love that job too much.
@@jasondsouza6588 my limerence episode ends after there's a long period when my "object" won't text me (vacations, holidays). Then I see his message or see him in person and it starts all over again. Your limerence episode never really ended imo
@@chlebek2958 same situation here.My job is very dear to me. Now that I'm aware what this is..I've started reading books on this and it has helped me a great deal in understanding my mind.
Oh gawd, guilty as charged. I needed this. Thank you so much. Now for the real work and the undoing 🙏🏻
Same here!
You're very welcome.
The accuracy is amazing
So accurate I am now interested in finding out my issues that need addressing.
Ego is definitely one issue.
I need to love myself
Absolutely.
Interesting...I don't idealize him at all. I don't see him as anything great in particular, actually. I just have very strong feelings for him in such a short period of time (1 month) and I keep thinking of him all day long. We've just started dating and he's shown some strange character problems and temper issues. Yet here I am, still wishing to see him. I know I'm not thinking clearly. I know it's limerence, and I miss how I feel just being next to him. I miss myself with him but it's not him per se. Can anyone relate?
Its completely normal to feel like that in early stage of relationship. Limerance is not about real relationship but fantasies we created on our head for months or years.
@@thepointlesswords290 Haha, I ended that relationship once I realized he's an abuser.
I am a guy in late 20s and I am experiencing this mow. I ruled out being in a romantic relationship for most of my life due to health issues I started having from teenage. In the back of mind I always wanted to experience romantic relationship and now that’s coming in form of Limerence.
How can I get rid of romantic limrance? I'm obsessed with romantic novels, k drama n shows which has intimacy n stuff. I tend to ignore my work for that or keeps my mind occupied till midnight
This sounds like something else as you haven't mentioned a limerent object. Perhaps a preoccupation with romantic themes. I'll make a note to do a video on this topic.
awesome vid! i feel like you did an amazing job at taking something complex and delivering it in a very friendly and easy to understand way. i’d love it if you could post other, similar videos, like this one but on other topics. of course i’d love to hear more about limerence
Thank you for commenting! What are the topics are you interested in hearing about? I am open to ideas
An idea for video would be how to have a conversation with somebody who is in Limerence. My friend who I adore for 35 years has always had Limerence towards who she was attracted to at the moment. She has never had a true relationship with a boyfriend mostly because she is very awkward. However, this last person she really attached herself to because he would help her. She was getting older and unable to do things around her house or her car would break and he would be kind enough to come help her. This ended up wearing on him and his relationship with his wife and one day he just called her and said I can’t do this anymore don’t call me I don’t wanna ever speak to you again. It has been well over a year and she obsessively talks about how hurt she is about what he did/said. It has gotten to the point where I could no longer be gentle in telling her he just doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. She makes excuses for him, she tells me I’m a bad friend because I tell her she needs to face reality that he’s not going to come back. She has gone as far as calling his family, his job (that is at his wife’s family company), and to having police welfare checks done on him. Lately her depression and her obsession/Limerence for him has made her so irrational that she is lashing out at those were trying to help her. Is there anything I can do? I care about her and I don’t wanna lose her friendship but I’m afraid she’s the one that’s gonna cut me off because I cannot support this anymore.
There’s only so much you can do as an individual, even as a friend. It sounds like she needs a mental health professional.
Scenario 1 “Hero syndrome” already had a name that existed before the emergence of the “limerence” concept . It’s called “White Knight Syndrome"
Good to know thanks for sharing. To be honest these were just my observations, I didn’t read the hero stuff from limerence literature.
In 2003 i met a guy who flirted with me in a club took him home, and slept with him we dated for two weeks and he dumped me, i swear to God I was in a state of limerence for seven years obsessed and had suicidal thoughts, I used to hangout at supermarkets hoping to Bump into him spent hundreds on Psychic's telling me garbage we were twin flames. in 2014 he friend requested me on Facebook and asked me to meet him on a date. So I went and met him within two hours of chatting and getting to know him again all my feelings died, my LO was no longer. I feel I wasted so many years on this person it really is not worth your time, take Marios words and run with it you are worth more than than this BS. Be open and have the balls to confront your LO with your objectives and what you want out of a relationship. Or move on. This is the way I go now after the nightmare I went through if I like somebody I tell them. Rejection stings but you move on and no living in the fantasy world.
Hello Marios,
I am limerant in two other situations than the love infatuation. I create stories with a person that I will call my persecutor when I role model the victim and I am also my own limerant objet when I enact my own savior. In my limerant time,
I often exchange places with either the victim, the savior or the persecutor. I've come to understand that state recently. Have a good day!
Thank you for sharing!
This is really interesting, I’d never seen the connection between limerance and maladaptive day dreaming. Thank you for this.
My trauma therapist with a master's degree had never heard the term limmerence. I dont think she had ever counselled a client with obsessive live disorder. Mind you I think she only about 6 yrs or so into her career
My therapist is 20 years in and never heard of it.
It's not a very well known term and it's not in the diagnostic manual for mental disorders. Interestingly we're still learning a lot about it! I think the many communities being created online show how powerful this force is.
So I met a girl during my trip to Europe. We interacted/talked in person for a couple of days. I then fell for her. She’s in my Social media and we have interacted few times on it. I came back home from the trip and simply can’t stop thinking abt her. I keep fantasizing /visualising stuff/life scenarios with her. Is this Love or Limerence?! Part of me feels this is Love, other part feels this is Limerence. If I get an opportunity though,I will definitely profess my feelings for her.
I had this 35 years ago when I was 18. The infatuation was off the scale, and I couldn't eat or sleep. I used to have the fantasy stories playing out in my head, but interestingly the threat of separation one was not so much a fantasy story but rather planning how to actually do something to force their hand. Choose me or loose me. That didn't work initially, but the loss affected them to where they came back a year later wanting to be with me, and then again three years later. Too late.
I have had platonic limerence over a work colleague who was almost 40 years my senior. I thought he was a pal but now I look back on it, he did not see it the same way. He was once jealous when I got a temporary promotion, and could dish out jokes but hated getting any jokes back at him, he got quite nasty. And when he retired he said he would stay in touch as he had my number but he never did.
I enjoy your format and clarity. Can you make videos on improving your self-esteem? I believe a part of me is still healing from childhood bullying and I didn’t really notice that it has been affecting me until I started to seriously date. I am working a lot on improving myself but would love some more guidance when it comes to self-esteem, setting boundaries and maintaining them and communicating needs without the fear of losing the person you are communicating them to.
Thank you!
Yes I can do videos on self-esteem. Currently videos are a lot of work and cost a lot for editing, but if you subscribe that definitely encourages me to make more ;)
Can you be in limerence with someone that was an ex partner? Where you actually had the things you obsess over in the past?
That can happen yes. If you’re interested read “Love and Limerence” by Dr Dorothy Tonnov
Your're doing God's work lol (coming from an atheist) literally so fucking useful
Thank you for breaking this topic down. At first when I was learning about this I was really overwhelmed. Now I feel like I want to make a video talking about it lol!
Tenov's reasearch seems to suggest that there is a higher (or at least significant trend for) limerent tendencies among creatives. And I suppose the questions this brings up are closely related to how displaced or integrated healthy creativity is in the current culture. I love the idea Martin Shaw has about 'bad stories' being a bit like evil spells and good stories actually breaking spells. I think it would be an interesting discussion to have here 😊
I felt this in an online romance with a man I never met. I went to another content to spend two weeks with a total stranger. We enjoyed each other's company, and I had a great time. Before my visit he talked to me every day and night and during the day for three on ths. When I returned home, he" ghosted" me . Three months later he sent me a text "You must really hate me". I learned what a narcissist was and all about their Idealize, devalue and discard cycles. Painful experience but I learned from it. I let him have in in a letter , I felt better he was just trash .
Literally my story too. We live and we learn lol
I wrote a 700 page novel on my celebrity limerence object. It was so consuming. I couldn't stop. Instagram made it easy to see him two or three times a day.
Such a great video. You made it very simple. It’s relieving knowing there is a name for this. Even just learning about this has made my limerent thoughts easier to overcome.
Holly shit I've been through many of these types of limerance.
This just mademe teary..linerating oversomeone..hurtingmyself in the process by their lack of attention
. Secrelty thinkkng if they notice then i m good enough. This has opened set of wounds
Yes was really very informative I’ve watched quite a few other videos on it when I realize that my former who I’ve known for 32 years but we were just platonic in the first eight years of our relations than estranged for 25 years was having the same issue he had with me back in the early eight years of our relations with another woman who he also befriended and stayed Loyal to for eight years a lot of these dynamics are there like they were there when he and I were friends cause I was back-and-forth with my children’s father and she was back-and-forth with someone she had been with for a decade but he kept insisting when we talked about these people in his past that he couldn’t understand why I or they could not see him for his true value and he continually compared himself to the people that we were with at that time as being better then
His behavior was so repulsive what he had become in the last 25 years was not what I expected it was far worse
But then as the universe works things out it send you information without you even being where that that’s meant for you were your eyes
So I came across Limerence and I had to look into it and when I realized what I was looking at I realized I was dealing with someone who has had this issue since his early 20s and he’s now 54
A lot of mental and emotional problems completely detached emotionally which is really strange considering what we’re talking about he can connect to his own feelings mostly negative but he cannot connect to another individual no matter how much they give him he can’t see it can’t feel it and he’ll even go as far as to tell you that feelings are not facts so for him feelings are almost a negative especially if another person has feelings he doesn’t want to deal with those feelings
theyre inconvenient
I find it fascinating that a person can live their entire adult life this way and never really have a real relationship
Outside of their own imagination imagine if they use their imagination which is obviously powerful enough what type of a life they could actually create
I have struggled with limerence most of my life, it really puts my emotions on a roller coster ride and makes me focus more on the other person than on myself. I recently became limerent with someone I met online and even after we have begun to date it's not going away, in fact it is making me feel crazier.
Stop all contact
thank you thank you and THANK YOU! I've been obsessed with a boy I barely knew for exactly 2 years now. I went to therapy about my obsession, watched multiple videos on limerence and I knew what I was doing. I knew the patterns of limerence. But your way of explaining it, even though I know most of these things about limerence, made me realize for the first time that I am not alone and that I don't have a problem. This happens to people. Everything you said about people going through limerence, I lived all of them. I can relate to each and everything you said. And for some reason, you made me feel much more better about myself. Thank you so much for this video Marios.
boy did you hit the nail on the head! I was obsessed I mean I was obsessed with this guy,I've never met him, he is in the music business,.I,m fine now.
Glad to hear you're well now!
Good video. 🙏 This obsession can last a long time. So when others keep saying it is short lived, they are not seeing the whole of the trama. I see this a lot when I coach.
16 years for me. I had no idea why I was feeling the way I did until I discovered limerence for the first time a few months ago.
@@silvermine2033 Yes, it can feel like you are tied to the person. Are you able to pull your energy back, to give it to someone that really cares for you?
@@kyrareneeLOA Just only recently. For many years I was unable to. Pushed away a lot of people who truly cared about me along the way. I feel awful about that now realizing exactly why I was doing that.
@@silvermine2033 No point in feeling bad,... you are going to pull to you those that are a match to who you now re, wit the new level of awareness.
I went through it for 7 years! and went to therapy the whole time and the word was never brought up!
Yes then it becomes as an maladaptive day dreaming of romantic things
Can I have your teeth please? They’re gorgeous
Thank you!
Hi Marios this is why hate fairytales so much. They almost teach girls Limerence. I am actively discouraging my daughter from fairytales as I know those story lines you are describing from experience.
I disagree: limerence does NOT only manifest as a fantasy obsession. It can also be the family man with a solid, pretty good, if unexciting marriage that madkly falls into love and within a few weeks decides to upend his life for the new love. (Spoiler alert: those relationships rarely end with a happy second marriage / relationship). So he does have a real affair, he does leave wife and kids, and accepts all the financial disadvantages, and the censure of communiy or church (whereas a "cheater" would like to have a sidepiece AND the family, and try to have it botht wayx - the limerent wants to live with the limerent object and the infatuations helps him to discard his former life).
Limerence _may_ show as infatuation with a person that is not available at all (like a star, or a married neighbour that for sure will not cheat on his spouse). But there are "real" relationships that result from limerence. But the magic (and the relationships) will not last.
Having a real relationship ENDS limerence. (the obsession, idealizing, The longing the contributes to the "person-addiction").
So getting the man or woman ends the magic, the longing. When the obsessed person can have him or her in REAL LIFE (with everyday nuisances) it often turns out they are not "soulmates" after all. Most relationships based on limerence end after 3 years.
Agree with a lot of what you said here, don’t think I’ve said otherwise but perhaps I can be clearer in future videos.
Wow …my whole life is based on this
Same!
I am a 64 year old male who has fallen into limerent infatuation with a 32 year old woman at work. I've been married 35 years and there is nothing going on with the young woman. She is lovely and has a flirtatious nature with all the men at work. I know there is nothing real going on. However, I can't get her out of my head, she is top of mind ... I wake up in the night thinking of her. Since learning of limerence, I have been trying to back off, but I have to work with her and bump into her all the time. On top of that, she lives literally around the corner from me and my wife and I keep seeing her around the neighborhood. I have a knot in my gut all of the time and just want this delusion to stop! It's so easy to keep getting drawn back into this (as we work together several times a week).
Brilliant info!
I love that you’re brutally but also compassionately, honest.
That, is the key to advising. Thank you
I appreciate that! Thank you
This is why getting rejection matters, its the cure for Limerence. Stop fantasizing and try again. Talk to them somehow.
Rejection from the limerent object isn’t necessarily a fix I’ve come across much. In fact anything that makes the unattainability or distance greater can be more stimulating to limerence
Your very voice soothes me. Great video, straight up talk. Subbed.
I suffered from this years ago, it can be so debilitating and stressful. The period in which my limerence began was very stressful as it was the start of my university and he was in the same course as I. I fell for him because of how he was around others, but I finally had the chance to speak to him, he was very rude and patronising.
I struggle with this so much. The main fantasy is them saving me. I thought I got over it, but then life became more tough and this limerence and the fantasies came back even stronger. These thoughts bother me so much. To the point that I wish I have never met this person. However, I do understand that it is not about them at all. I pray to get relieved from it.
Same to me. I love when I’m not feeling that for anyone but I know deep inside that it is just a matter of time until someone else appears and that starting all over again.
I’m 27 years old now and finally recognized the pattern, found validation, which is necessary sometimes, for me it is good to shine some light on those unconscious patterns.
I have to say that I knew that there was a dynamic playing a role in here but I was too lost and confused floating in open sea: “is that real though?” “But how the heck else am I supposed to find a partner?” Like there was no other way to find a partner without losing myself, and that was one of the things I was more afraid of, losing myself once again.
Which I think adds up to the whole dynamic and goes together with my current avoidant personality that thank god is getting better.
So it is kind of like I’m trying to make my moves but in a very subtle way, fantasizing that that day he really sent me a sign with whatever they said and one day we will finally click (in my head it is always them coming to me and saying, let’s do it) kind of like that would be the day where someone would finally “choose me”.
I have to also say that I was a very imaginative child.
A lot of traumas, and no friends.
No TV, nor anything, which on one hand was good, but on the other I was left too much in my head all the time without knowledge, information not support. I was finding ways to get out of these scenarios, but with the mindset of a child, that also on one hand is very powerful, but on the other will come up with defensive mechanisms that are not actually very efficient and obviously more avoidant and passive as a child’s behavior naturally is.
I used to play that I was a ninja, or a king, or a builder, whatever could transport me from my current reality at that time that was very scary and uncertain.
I also realized that all the people I felt limerance towards were in a way emotional available to me, specifically.
I say that because I’m gay and they were all into girls.
I’d have fantasies, stalk their social media, see their pictures with their families and wonder if one day maybe his mom would like me.
Whenever I would see them dating a girl my world would fall apart.
I’d feel the withdrawals, of course, because the movie playing in my head wasn’t going according the script that I’ve created.
Fast forward to today. The last way I felt this way was very tough to heal, and only now I feel I’ve been getting out of this hole.
This guy went back to his country and with distance the fantasy started to fade away.
Nowadays I can barely keep a conversation with him, first because of the things he had done to me as in like attitudes that weren’t nice at all, but as I was experiencing limerance towards him I probably couldn’t see it, or even thought that at some stage we could work on that together.
Anyways, now, after a year without feeling that, and fighting other kind of addictions like social media, smoking, coca-cola etc…
I realized that my monkey mind has been jumping from vine to vine, reexperiencing certain dynamics that I actually don’t feel like fits myself anymore.
Kind of like “yeah, it is over my man, there’s nothing else for you in here”
Recently I started feeling that for a new guy hired at work, god I didn’t even notice until I was already playing the dynamic once again.
Living in the future, how would I present myself when we would see each other, when we would be working together, when we would talk. In my mind that could be the last week we could be working together, so something had to happen, so there was this rush and fear of losing them always present.
Kind of like if they go away without something happen, I’d lose the game.
I caught myself stuck in the dynamic almost 2 months after the cycle have started.
When I start to get to far away from my center and get completely lost in the other person now I’m saying on repeat “break the cycle, break the cycle, break the cycle”
It can be really hard if you live with them or work with them, and there is when meditation helps you to manage your thoughts in a more efficient and assertive way, giving you more control to decide whether you’re going to play that game (dynamics) or not.
I’m always choosing myself, my center.
(I made him a better man
but he didn't make me a better woman! 💯)
EXCRUCIATING DEBILITATING
TRAUMATIZING
EMOTIONAL PAIN.
Submerged in darkness.
Paralyzed with panic.
He raped my soul with the way he threw me away.
Absolutely raped my soul.
I MISS HIM
AND OUR CONNECTION
AND OUR CONVERSATIONS,
WITH ALL MY SOUL.
HE REPLACED ME.
Abandoned and betrayed.
Discarded like trash.
Grief consumes me.
I am traumatized and terrorized.
I have nobody, I'm all alone, and the suffering is immense and intense.
He - the man I called my best friend - gave me PTSD.
Severe PTSD. He left me in February. Discarded me like garbage.
The grief is unbearable.
He left me. Replaced me. My "best friend".
The only friend I had. The ultimate betrayal.
How the actual fuck could he do this to me?
We went from speaking every single day
about every damn thing,
and now we're strangers!
I AM TORMENTED AND TORTURED AND HAUNTED.
AND SO FUCKING DESPERATELY ALL ALONE.
The pain and the panic and the terror are truly unbearable.
REMINDER TO SELF:
Focus on what you're moving on to,
not what you're moving on from! 💯
I remove all unhealthy attachments
blocking my divine path
and I release all lower vibrational energies
creating anxiety fear and depression!
I call back all my power! 🙏🏾
Can you consider limerence even if you are having physical relations with the person? Thanks
Yes. There is still usually some obstacle or lack of acceptance from them that is keeping the limerence alive though.
Wow, I’ve literally had all of these storylines with my limmerent object. All of these patterns repeat themselves, I thought I was a narcissist for the longest time but it’s comforting to know that it’s really my need for love and adoration from a specific person in my life, thank you for your work.
Damn so I think I was like this since I was 11 probably 💀😭 bc idk I- I get it completely but I still feel confused or iffy abt the connections I’ve had with others bc it seems like it but not really bc I also have different reactions from these things in limerence..
This was a great video. Thank you! You gave an example of wanting to be special and the hero in someones life. That sounds to me as having its root in not being given positive attention in childhood by the parents which causes the person to feel they need to be a hero to earn love and positive attention as an adult.
This is horrific to have 😢
Anyone out here who has limerence over your dentist(s)? Those are the only people I easily obsess over. They are young like me, and I think it's the care and calmness that draws me to them. How friendly, precise and handsome they are in my eyes. Thinking about my dentist, creating scenarios that will never become my reality, being extremely at bliss whenever I have a visit and I can spend 1/2 hours on their seat. Did anyone out here had that and got over it? SHARE ME YOUR STORY, Please.
Lol that’s kinda cute. I kinda feel that way with my dentist because I am putting my trust in him too. I think that’s why we feel that way
@@Natttttttttt I would like to know why it makes me feel this way. I remember I had a few visits for 3 months straight, because we were doing root canal and a crown, so a long process. The first time I schedule the visit, I saw his picture on the website, but I had no idea what influence he would put on me after the first visit. I was shaking and just being scared before the root canal, he told me some awful things that I had to know before we start the process, but during it, the way he was handling everything, how calm and focused he were, how deoicate and kind he was.. It struck me. The next visits went very similar, I was happy to see him, always making lil chitchat, and he had those gorgeous dark eyes. I don't feel this way towards old (men) dentists, I just think it's the way you described it - I felt this way around him because I had to trust him, and once I did it just happened to be a really strong feeling, maybe of something more. Well, 7 days should that was my last visit and I don't about him anymore. But I can't shake off the feeling when after every visit with him, I was leaving the clinc totally at bliss, somehow jumpy and full of energy. That's how he made me feel...
@@justynak5870 I’m a codependent so that feeling is what I get when I throw myself at someone and give them all my trust, I make myself completely vulnerable. But I have come to understand that in turn it activates paternal instincts from the other person. And all of this creates a bond. Probably something to do with that, I don’t know if it was Vaknin or someone else who did a video on it
@@Natttttttttt can you explain it further?
@@Natttttttttt I wouldn't call it paternal instincts.. At least not in this case for me. I think it creates a bubble of trust, care and the awakens something in me, but for sure it isn't paternal instinct. I think it all comes down to the fact that i have some issues about that, and no wonder I was feeling this way.
Love your videos and I love your low key voice which is easy to listen to
Can you have limerence with someone you used to be in a relationship with
Yes you can, check out Dorothy Tennov’s book “Love and Limerence”
In my case my LO has moved out of the area we both live in. So I have been forced to let go of them and it really has felt like mourning a death of a loved one. It makes no sense to me and I often feel guilty for grieving as there are people out there who've genuinely lost loved ones. As time has passed and I'm learning more about limerence, I find myself not as sad but I still miss them...or should I say, I miss the hope I had for something to develop between us. So in a way I guess I am grieving the hope I once had and has now died. Watching material like this on limerence is definitely helping me through this.
But how do you get rid of it? I don’t know what love is then bc I felt this a few times in my life where I get obsessed or attached after a few weeks of knowing a guy online?
Releasing a video on this soon :)
I found this helpful, thank you for taking the time to share.
"I hope nothing i say in this video comes across judemental" sir you made a whole video about me
This has happened to me with varying degrees of severity. It’s either a classmate or a coworker. Thankfully, it seems to wear off almost instantly once I am no longer around the person on a regular basis.
True, but when working with someone together it's difficult. Not everyone can afford to quit his job.
That's fortunate that distance can relieve you of limerence, not everyone is that lucky!
Whenever there's a women that shows the slightest interest in me I get severe limerence. I become obsessed and pour myself out to her. I fantasize 20 years into the future about me and her being happily married. Imagining family gatherings and dates with her. Of course they get weirded out and just cut me off. Everytime it happens I feel a deep heartbreak that I never truly get over. I understand it isnt "Love" I understand it isnt real. But the pain still feels as if it were real and the pain sticks with me forever