Wow, this is super helpful. I'm single and celibate, and growing in Christ now... but my past was pretty rough. One day, I look forward to having a relationship with a man who's completely dedicated to Jesus! Sometimes it's intimidating to think that might mean he is a virgin... In my experience, that might scare a man away, or embarrass him 😬 neither of which is ideal. I wish I didn't have to talk about it at all, but I don't think that's very honoring *sigh* I appreciate your encouragement to at least be upfront about it. I also like your suggestion to leave the conversation alone once it's settled... This is possible! I can do this! I'm a new creation, and God has someone awesome for me!!!! 😊❤👏👏👏
This is a very old comment so I’m just hoping that others may see this in the future. But virgins should stay with virgins. I think it’s wrong for someone who indulged in sexual activity before coming to Christ to take away the beauty of two virgins experiencing the gift of sex together for the very first time. If you’ve committed sexual sin in the past, you should look for someone who has done the same and is turning over a new way of life, rather than stealing a “perfect” partner from a true virgin
@@peaceoftarayou're wrong virgins should stay with virgins cause I promise majority of virgin men will be repulsed by her past. Men love virtue, we're all wired that. Ofcourse if a men has past, he should extend some grace.. but it doesn't and will never change the fact of the matter. And hey, we all get to choose. Nothing wrong with leaving someone because of their past, even as a Christian.
@@petemuganeafrica7312 2 Corinthians 5:14-21 | Live Biblically. There isn't a single scripture alluding to "virgins stay with virgins". To submit to and to subscribe judgement on our brothers and sisters for their worldly pasts is not Biblical. If our Heavenly Father forgave us for our sins, and we accept this forgiveness freely, who are we to hold an account on each other before Christ? | Matthew 7
Wow, this is the most helpful video or advice I've receive on this particular topic. I dated a Christian guy a few years ago who was dead-set on knowing EVERY detail of my past due to the indiscretions of his ex. He couldn't handle some of the information divulged and started being verbally abusive. This helped A LOT to not make the same mistake again!
Just saw this 4 years later... I'm going through the same situation with my partner.. He knows my past life and couldn't handle it. Started to condemn me on my sexual sins, or even would call me the S word. Despite he was also sleeping around before he met Christ but he told me that he wasn't in the sin as deep as me... We've been together for 4 years but it seems like he's always holding grudges against me according to my past. And now that leads to his hesitatation to the marriage.
Yes 100% a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Christ's love for the church is a sacrificial love, the greatest kind of love that exists. One that is patient, kind, that keep no records of wrong and so much more🥰
Thank you, I really needed to hear this right now. Your posting of this was perfect timing, God has used so many of your videos to help and guide me, He is using you in so many amazing ways!! Getting things done in God's kingdom, all glory to God!!!
I’m young, I’m a guy, and I’m a virgin (and will be until I’m married) and honestly the thought of marrying a woman who isn’t is one of the most painful thoughts to me. It’s a scenario I’m trying to wrap my head around because I don’t expect many people to care about purity anymore, and it hurts. It hurts deeply in ways and places I can’t explain well. And I don’t know why.
Storyman I'm praying for you young man, if I may I would suggest and consider dating and seeking out another virgin like yourself if possible maybe that can help ease your pain a little. All in all stay prayerful God bless you!🙂
Eva Kelley thank you for praying. That means a lot to me. And I would prefer to if I could, I would prefer it be that way, but it’s not like I’m going around asking everyone whether they’re a virgin or not. :/ And I have the dreadful feeling that I’m going to face a girlfriend giving me this kind of conversation one day. I have the dreadful feeling that one day I’ll be called or asked to respond in a Christ-like way, whatever that would be in this kind of situation. Mark wasn’t so clear on what that would look like in the receiver in this scenario. Honestly, I wish this wasn’t something that hurt to think about, I wish I didn’t care.
Storyman You are welcome. I forgot to say that I commend you wholeheartedly, you are doing a great thing and God is going to bless you tremendously! Don't worry or try your best not to anyways, just rest in his promise and love he will take care of you my friend. Stay focused on your growth with him because he knows your heart so everything will fall in place just trust in him. Know that your purity is not in vain ( meaning of not going unnoticed by God) stay strong in the Lord and continue to be encouraged have a wonderful day and God bless you!😇🌺
Eva Kelley may God bless you as well, and bless you abundantly. I really needed that encouragement, so thank you again. I can’t express how much that means to me.
i need prayer right now.. my girlfriend told me about her past sexual sin and i got so upset cuz she had sexual stuff with other guys before me and i am trying to get over her past but jealousy gets the best of me
I totally understand your feelings. However, jealousy is clearly stated by Paul on numerous occasions as something people who live by the flesh or people who live in the word feel. For those living by the Spirit, we should avoid the vice of jealousy at all costs - to supress it
I struggled with this too man. There’s some good videos by a guy (not sure if he’s Christian) but I’ve watched him and it’s helped. They call it retroactive jealousy. I’m also going to be discussing this with a Christian counselor. I want freed from this as well :)
At the end of the day you shouldn’t put too much stock in the advice and doctrines of man. You have a relationship with Jesus directly and He understands you better than any of us can. That said, your sentiments sound legitimate and it’s up to you. Don’t let others project their regrets and desires onto you and pressure you to, in this case, be with someone who you’d be uncomfortable with. You want to be with someone who you can feel comfortable enough with to be vulnerable and trust and not fear being judged. I think one of the things you may fear is being compared to prior partners or perhaps her making light of you, possibly, not having prior experiences. Idk. In any event, follow your gut and go to Jesus as He will not steer you wrong. Man will but not Him. God bless and peace.
Moving forward... learning what that means. God allows your brokeness to glorify Him. It is because you understand being on both sides of this hurt (sin) that you can learn to move forward. Without it then the chance of understanding, relating and/or being present through the healing of your loved one is that we glorify God through our weakness.
What you said is so relevant to my experiences I had in the datings. There were many men approached by telling me, we should know each other’s past for the datings. They didn’t take the datings with me to any further to ultimately build a Christian marriage. They only wanted to have free counseling session with me... 😔
I have a work relationship that has brought this conversation into the course of our job. My married co-worker one evening began telling me about an incident in his life where he had been raped by someone. His telling me this opened the door for me to finally share about myself having been raped. It was just a natural flow since this co-worker is like a younger brother to me. When he tried to get me to share other aspects of my "Bad" old days. I told him that I don't talk about those things because I am not the same person I was back then an I really don't want the people I associate with now to only be able to look at me and see the person I used to be. He accepted my reasoning and dropped the subject. I actually get uncomfortable now when others openly speak about their own past sexual indiscretions with a filter.
I feel bad, pastor. I am celibate. In fact, I have never been with a man, and whenever I find out that a guy has past sexual sins, it makes me lose interest in him. I am aware that if a man already asks for forgiveness from God, and repented, I should already move on, yet I just cannot help it. I want a man who is celibate for years, or since birth himself. I wonder if it has something to do with my calling from God. 😔
It's okayyy don't worry if a man wants to be with you nothing can be better than you to him that's a fact okay. And remember a sin is a sin to no degree is a sin greater than another, a sin is a sin God bless you in your future relationship ❤️
It is your prerogative. The Bible never promotes virginity or bans pre-marital sex. It might help to identify the source of the discomfort, it could be a difference of experience that causes it, or a lack of shared values, jealousy or the desire for shared experience. Knowing why you feel the way you do might help you going forward.
What advice do you have for the virgin who may be entering a relationship with someone who isn't? How does one know the past is truly the past? Yes I know Christ makes us new, but I also personally have witnessed many "Christians" bragging about past sexual behavior. For that reason I have wondered if I could know a man truly sees his past the way God does. I've even thought maybe I couldn't deal unless I actually heard the words, "If I had to do over I would have waited." but I'm trying to get past that.
I don't desire a virgin. A virgin can be a horrible person in other ways. I want the man God has for me even if they sinned sexually before getting right with God. My question was simply how to be certain it really was their PAST instead a sin they would still be carrying into our relationship. I'd rather have a redeemed non virgin than a virgin messed up in numerous other possible ways.
I personally am someone who wanted to be a virgin until marriage but caved to societal pressures. I would certainly wait if I could have a do-over, but I know God has His plan. I definitely learned a lot from it. They might not need to say those exact words to reveal a similar sentiment to you, in face a man's behavior will often reveal more than his words. I know I'm not the only one, just stay patient. If they are bragging about past sexual behavior, they certainly aren't in the right headspace to be continuing in a Christian relationship.
Peyton Swartzell I admit if I had been in certain situations I might not still be a virgin. I know there are others like you and want to believe if my man has a past I'll have the Lord's peace. I get to that mindset though then something comes up to make wonder.
Well... Sex is enjoyable, but soul ties aren't. So, they might not wish they never had sex before, but they might wish they hadn't done it outside of marriage. The hard part is, once you know, you cant un-know 😬 the more partners, the more complicated it gets too. I DO think it's possible to re-dedicate your body and relationships to Christ though! At least, when it's time to love your spouse, they will get 100% of your new passion, commitment, and energy... true love is not the same as "hooking up". Don't worry, a good guy will know this and wait for you and properly dispel any fear you might have about his past.
ApplyGodsWord.com/Mark Ballenger. Yes its a hard topic when i was younger n engaged my fiance at the time told me about his ex wife n i told him about my ex but not detail after i though we had closer but he keep bringing up my ex n in consequence the relationship ended he was a pastors son so maybe that pressured him to be perfectionist idk am just little sad that i was able to understand him but he would condemn me in return instead am just glad its over
Yes, I think men on average struggle in that area more bc they often idolize sex more. It sounds like he was idolizing sexual purity....this video covers that topic th-cam.com/video/z6GQVj09Uec/w-d-xo.html
Hi Mark! Thank you for this video. I haven’t committed any significant past sexual sins, but after a couple of months of dating my boyfriend, he hasn’t initiated this conversation either, so is it okay to ask him? Because certain addictions have a tendency to reoccur later in life, my parents would prefer me not to marry a man with any past serious addictions-whether that be sexual, alcoholism, or a drug addiction. They think it’s important to ask my significant other about this before the relationship becomes more serious so that I can decide if this is a relationship I want to stay in. I agree, but do you think this would be pushy or out of place for me to ask him about his past? Thank you so much! I appreciate you and your encouraging videos!
There's this female friend who did openly talked about her past relationships except one only after her boyfriend asked if those past 2 intimate were the last and that she was upset about, don't know why but like that was the turning point for breaking up but thanks for your informations,vital
What about the idea that what's under the blood is under the blood? God does not remember our sins and neither should we. We have been made righteous by our faith in Jesus Christ. Any of us are going to have sexual sins in our past. But they are gone. In a committed relationship we just need to know that, deal with it, and forget about it. What's important, truly important, is having all your sex with the one you are marrying and holding that bond sacred. Any thoughts?
Yes, that's the goal but it's a process in real relationships. It doesn't happen so simply and requires real work to heal when a wound has occurred. So I agree w your general point it's just too idealistic and quick in my opinion. People would like to forget but it's not that simple. Forgiveness is a choice but forgetting is a process
I think if you forget your past mistakes you're in danger of repeating them. It's good to remember what you've learned so you don't fall into it again. Just not to live under condemnation. And it's not good to withhold that info from a spouse because then you're not fully known. Jesus fully knows all our failures and weaknesses and loves us any way and helps us through them. You might risk hiding any weaknesses from your spouse when they could be there to support you and hold you accountable. I know this is also idealistic and it's scary because what if they reject you for your past. But it's better to expose sin to the light that's where it loses its power.
I agree in the sense that Jesus forgave them. However, it doesn’t mean that the actual events didn’t take place nor what followed. As I noted to a few others here, it’s right to let the partner know. Largely because a strong relationship is built on trust and truth. Omitting certain truths will not make that unionship strong and long lasting as it’s rooted in fear and/or selfishness. With that, sexual choices come with many potential consequences such as STD’s/STI’s. Not to say all have them but all one has to do is look at the stats to understand that being sexually loose, let alone active, is a dice roll in today’s world. These are facts. What’s better, letting your partner know the truth and getting tested together or hiding things and you potentially infect your parent with a life altering disease due to your selfishness and/or fear? I know in this day and time this can be deemed as “judgmental” and “unrealistic” and may make some upset but hey, it is what it is. The truth is the truth no matter who it may offend. What say you?
Mark!! Thank you so much for your videos! I have been wondering about this and it's really helpful!!! God bless and continue your ministry...It's a God send!
Hi Mark, I love your insights and your practical applications of the bible. If possible, I would like to suggest that you make a video about "what is kindness being defined by God?". What is kindness? Is it the act, the intention, the delivery, the perception others have of your act? What is the balance between grace (kindness) and truth? Kindness is not mutually exclusive with other morals such as honesty, justice etc. How do we strike a balance?
I think in an ideal world the church you attend would help prepare the couple for marriage. So I would say yes it is a good idea to have premarital counseling.
just curious, say one partner is a virgin and the other says something about a past sexual history (doesn't matter if it's extensive or just once), would it be rude or something to ask them to get tested for STD's?
MaddRabbitx no it’s totally fine. You have the right to know, especially if it leads to marriage. I Actually recommend it, just find a really gentle way of approaching the topic.
Regarding the video, it is very good indeed. However, one point that caught my attention is regarding the proposal of leaving it up to the person himself/herself to decide whether to tell only what they think is "relevant". Well, as sinners that we are, most of us will hide information that we know deep down IS relevant to the other person, based on the self excuse that "I didn't think it was relevant, so I didn't tell". For example: For men, if their girlfriend had casual sex (one night stands etc.) with one or two guys in the past whose names she doesn't even remember, IT IS EXTREMELY RELEVANT information. For women, on the other hand, if their boyfriend or husband had casual sex without any emotional involvement in the past with one or two girls, that is not good, but not that relevant. All in all, the best thing is ALWAYS to be HONEST and tell the truth. And contrary to what is proposed in the video, BODY COUNT do matter and is relevant. Hey, two past relationships is not the same as 10 past relationships which is not the same as 50! The general situation is also relevant (when it happened and with whom). In my own experience, the only thing that should be really left out from this conversation are the details about what was done in bed, how, etc. And YES, the truth will hurt at first, and may cause you a headache. But then it will pass. Healthy relationships, especially Christian ones, MUST be based on truth and trust AT ALL COSTS. And there will NEVER be real trust and spiritual peace as long as one of the parties is still hiding relevant information about their past from his/her partner. Be fair! Be honest! Be a true Christian! God bless you.
Good video. Question: If one is a virgin and the other is not, though I agree not bringing up the issue again, following your advise of talking about it before the turn to the most serious stages of considering a future, do you think it's fair to ask you a STD test? I find that reasonable. I guess during engagement stage would be ideal? When is a good time to ask for that, first convo or have a second only for this?
So I recently found a girl and have been on 3 dates with her were she revealed her sexual past with me. She mentioned how she has hooked up with so many random guys that she lost count of them. I know I can't fault her for her past, but it is still tough to deal with as I am trying to wait for marriage. And having a few here and there is one thing; however, this is concerning for me. She is now saying she is serious about finding someone to marry and I am trying to focus on this, but it is still really tough to hear and deal with. Do you have any advice on how to work through this or a video concerning this? I appreciate her telling me this, but it is still difficult and not one of those things I can just "suck up" and move on. Also, we are both in our 20s
I would look for the godly qualities you desire in her now. If she doesn't possess these qualities currently then it's probably a sign to breakup. This may help th-cam.com/video/zKLpUfLtaKk/w-d-xo.html
You should not date a girl that has ridden the CC, she's lost her ability to pair bond. The divorce rate for women with a high number of sexual partners is extremely high. The right thing to do is to get out of there. Men are the victims in divorce cases.
but if you did waited too long?.... what if she is already so connected to you and you have made plans together, and memories together but she still doesn't know about this? i have waited way too long and it's horrible she will feel so much pain..
Hlo sir i did sex in my past but now I'm in christ and i told everything to my spouse to be and he is ready to accept me on for my biblical qualities cuz i want to be a good Christian apologist and wana do evengelism in my future life with my spouse to be but please i just want to know one thing Has God forgiven me 😢? Or Am i able to get marry in christ? Please sir answer I'm going through suffering with broken heart that Has God forgiven me cuz of my past sextual sin even i made serious repentence? Please answer
Yes sister it seems you have genuine sorrow over your past sin, it still haunts us right! Even me too it still haunts me sometimes and i would pray to it that God forgives me whenever it cam up, if you have repented and confess of your sin to God, he is faithful and just to forgive your sins. Even though i am not a pastor, i would encourage you to read psalm 51 its a psalm of repentance. If you had still doubt about it i would encourage you to approach your local pastor on this subject. Hope it helps sister!
Omg. Boundaries! You don’t have to share all your past. And if your partner obsesses over it or is jealous, he has a problem. Good Lord! Love your partner and don’t blab about your previous sex/love life. Gah!
From a health context as well as character measurement I’d say it should and it’s the right thing to do. You don’t have the right to possibly infect your partner with an STD/STI because you’re afraid to share the truth and afraid of how they may respond. That’s not cool.
@@watitduful Of course! If one has an STD , the only ethical thing to do is to disclose that with any potential partner. That’s a given because it affects others. Barring the presence of disease, or even a dangerous ex, it’s okay to keep some things to yourself. I don’t know your age, but when I was in my twenties, I did feel obligated to share everything. Lots of people do things in one phase of life that they grow out of later. People change and grow and that’s a good thing. A person can be one way in their younger years and grow into a completely different person later. I say let people be who they are now. Usually, emotionally healthy people don’t get extremely jealous, possessive, or controlling. Those are red flags of a potentially abusive person.
@@user-bd4bo4tb8u Apparently, given many of these comments, that's not a given which is pretty concerning to say the least. As for my age, lets just say that I'm not a new jack to the game and have been on the scene long enough to call a spade a spade. While people do change, that doesn't mean that others have to accept them as such. This is important to understand because at the end of the day we cannot change people and make them do things they don't want to do. In this regard, people have the right to have concern about a person's sexual history for their particular reasons. For those that see this as minuscule, why worry what these folks think? Why does their personal views bother those with a "past?" All that is is just an opportunity to meet someone else who may not care. Trying to guilt trip, using Scripture, and cajoling people into being with someone whom they wouldn't feel comfortable with screams manipulative, desperate, and a sense of selfishness. Let them be, move on and live life. Find someone who doesn't care and respect other people's boundaries. Me personally, I don't blame those with this concern given how reckless many are sexually in today's society. While one may change, and its good if they do, there can and often are many ramifications to this kind of life choice. This very discussion in how ones sexual past can affect their partner is one of those ramifications hence the topic being so controversial. Clearly, this has more of a negative affect on people's lives than a positive one. Life is about choices at the end of the day. Life is not easy but it is very simple. Can you feel me?
Revealing your past is a relationship by relationship thing. All sexual relationships steal a bit of your soul and it’s important for the innocent partner to know how much is left.
I don't agree that you should have to tell you your husband about your past for forgiveness because other God has forgiven it . Don't go to another human for that. Especially if it wasn't a direct sin towards them. I think maybe recent past but everything?? Mmmmm...
Nah. I think everything should be told. Not details and context but the truth is, if your husband had real horrible secrets that could come back, you have the right to know to guard your life and heart.
I agree about the forgiveness piece but disagree with your overall intent as this really has nothing to do with forgiveness. I think it’s a legitimate concern for that partner. Some of the biggest reasons being health concerns as well as a measure of character. For example, it’d be important to know berlvause what if the partner with the past is not aware of their status? What if they decide to actually get tested and find out they have HIV or AIDS or some other type of STD/STI? That alone is a game changer on whether a relationship will be made or broke. What if a pregnancy takes place and the baby gets infected in the womb? See what I mean? I think it’s honorable to be accountable and do the right thing by letting the other person know the truth as it gives them room to make their decision. Trying to cuff someone out of fear of being alone is selfish. Wouldn’t you agree?
Also a Man/Woman saving for marriage and strong with their morals, do not deserve to be betrayed and robbed. So If a guy knows everything no matter how frequent the sin was, it is up to him to be with the other person or leave. We Christians should forgive, but when it comes to sharing a life together in one flesh, we should ask question for ourselves. "specially if it wasn't a direct sin towards them". Everything you do in your life has effects, good deeds good, bad deeds bad. Your life becomes one with your partner. Your or his past definitely has effects. So therefore we say, our life is not ours alone, our loved ones matter. What we do will hurt if it's a someone who loves us.
Hiding this information is very, very unfair and selfish from your side. You are literally robbing him of his right to make his choice based on his full knowledge of the situation. Very sad and certainly won't work. At least you regretted it and that's a big step.
Bad advice within proper context. Sexual sin is different from other ones. What if you discover you have an STD/STI? Then what? Should that be left behind too & hidden from your partner?
After my divorce, I met a new woman. Even before our first kiss, I told her I was bi and have known it since I was about 19 (now I'm 49). I told her not because I think it is a sin (from my point of view it is not), but to tell her: that we will have a lot of fun in bed! And yes, we two Catholics have a lot of fun in pairs or even in threes... My goodness: God gave you the desire so that it goes well with you. So let it go well, when and with whom you want!
I'm sorry you've fallen into this deception of yourself. But that is not a biblical model of relationship. Sex is between a man and wife. That's crystal clear.
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Thank you! If any man be in Christ he is a new creation old things have passed away and behold all things have become NEW!
Amen!
Wonderful
Yes, I’ve seen it happen. And I’m not very religious.
Wow, this is super helpful. I'm single and celibate, and growing in Christ now... but my past was pretty rough. One day, I look forward to having a relationship with a man who's completely dedicated to Jesus! Sometimes it's intimidating to think that might mean he is a virgin... In my experience, that might scare a man away, or embarrass him 😬 neither of which is ideal. I wish I didn't have to talk about it at all, but I don't think that's very honoring *sigh*
I appreciate your encouragement to at least be upfront about it. I also like your suggestion to leave the conversation alone once it's settled... This is possible! I can do this! I'm a new creation, and God has someone awesome for me!!!! 😊❤👏👏👏
This is a very old comment so I’m just hoping that others may see this in the future. But virgins should stay with virgins. I think it’s wrong for someone who indulged in sexual activity before coming to Christ to take away the beauty of two virgins experiencing the gift of sex together for the very first time. If you’ve committed sexual sin in the past, you should look for someone who has done the same and is turning over a new way of life, rather than stealing a “perfect” partner from a true virgin
@@namenotfound6881 Yeah.. I 100% disagree. "Stealing" a "perfect" virgin partner is extremely creepy language.
💕 Amen! I completely understand. I hope you've been having a wonderfully fruitful journey with God
@@peaceoftarayou're wrong virgins should stay with virgins cause I promise majority of virgin men will be repulsed by her past. Men love virtue, we're all wired that. Ofcourse if a men has past, he should extend some grace.. but it doesn't and will never change the fact of the matter. And hey, we all get to choose. Nothing wrong with leaving someone because of their past, even as a Christian.
@@petemuganeafrica7312 2 Corinthians 5:14-21 | Live Biblically. There isn't a single scripture alluding to "virgins stay with virgins".
To submit to and to subscribe judgement on our brothers and sisters for their worldly pasts is not Biblical. If our Heavenly Father forgave us for our sins, and we accept this forgiveness freely, who are we to hold an account on each other before Christ? | Matthew 7
Wow, this is the most helpful video or advice I've receive on this particular topic. I dated a Christian guy a few years ago who was dead-set on knowing EVERY detail of my past due to the indiscretions of his ex. He couldn't handle some of the information divulged and started being verbally abusive. This helped A LOT to not make the same mistake again!
Exactly! Your experiences are yours-not his.
@@user-bd4bo4tb8u it marriage there is no mine or yours
Just saw this 4 years later... I'm going through the same situation with my partner.. He knows my past life and couldn't handle it. Started to condemn me on my sexual sins, or even would call me the S word. Despite he was also sleeping around before he met Christ but he told me that he wasn't in the sin as deep as me...
We've been together for 4 years but it seems like he's always holding grudges against me according to my past. And now that leads to his hesitatation to the marriage.
I'm glad I stumbled upon this site..As a man who just recently went through a divorce I love reading on things such as this..
Praying my husband will show up soon. God knows the man I need and he will be a man who loves me like Christ loves the church.
Yes 100% a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Christ's love for the church is a sacrificial love, the greatest kind of love that exists. One that is patient, kind, that keep no records of wrong and so much more🥰
Thank you, I really needed to hear this right now. Your posting of this was perfect timing, God has used so many of your videos to help and guide me, He is using you in so many amazing ways!! Getting things done in God's kingdom, all glory to God!!!
So glad to hear this sherlock inapot, amen, all glory to God!
I’m young, I’m a guy, and I’m a virgin (and will be until I’m married) and honestly the thought of marrying a woman who isn’t is one of the most painful thoughts to me. It’s a scenario I’m trying to wrap my head around because I don’t expect many people to care about purity anymore, and it hurts. It hurts deeply in ways and places I can’t explain well. And I don’t know why.
Storyman I'm praying for you young man, if I may I would suggest and consider dating and seeking out another virgin like yourself if possible maybe that can help ease your pain a little. All in all stay prayerful God bless you!🙂
Eva Kelley thank you for praying. That means a lot to me.
And I would prefer to if I could, I would prefer it be that way, but it’s not like I’m going around asking everyone whether they’re a virgin or not. :/ And I have the dreadful feeling that I’m going to face a girlfriend giving me this kind of conversation one day. I have the dreadful feeling that one day I’ll be called or asked to respond in a Christ-like way, whatever that would be in this kind of situation. Mark wasn’t so clear on what that would look like in the receiver in this scenario.
Honestly, I wish this wasn’t something that hurt to think about, I wish I didn’t care.
Storyman You are welcome. I forgot to say that I commend you wholeheartedly, you are doing a great thing and God is going to bless you tremendously! Don't worry or try your best not to anyways, just rest in his promise and love he will take care of you my friend. Stay focused on your growth with him because he knows your heart so everything will fall in place just trust in him. Know that your purity is not in vain ( meaning of not going unnoticed by God) stay strong in the Lord and continue to be encouraged have a wonderful day and God bless you!😇🌺
Eva Kelley may God bless you as well, and bless you abundantly. I really needed that encouragement, so thank you again. I can’t express how much that means to me.
Storyman You are so welcome!🌼 God's plan for your life will manifest itself just continue to allow him to lead you. Stay blessed my friend!🤗
i need prayer right now.. my girlfriend told me about her past sexual sin and i got so upset cuz she had sexual stuff with other guys before me and i am trying to get over her past but jealousy gets the best of me
I totally understand your feelings. However, jealousy is clearly stated by Paul on numerous occasions as something people who live by the flesh or people who live in the word feel. For those living by the Spirit, we should avoid the vice of jealousy at all costs - to supress it
I struggled with this too man. There’s some good videos by a guy (not sure if he’s Christian) but I’ve watched him and it’s helped. They call it retroactive jealousy. I’m also going to be discussing this with a Christian counselor. I want freed from this as well :)
Its your self respect telling you to walk away, God wants you to respect yourself
This is a natural response. Nothing wrong with you. A lot of people will shame you for feeling this dread, but any guy can relate
At the end of the day you shouldn’t put too much stock in the advice and doctrines of man. You have a relationship with Jesus directly and He understands you better than any of us can.
That said, your sentiments sound legitimate and it’s up to you. Don’t let others project their regrets and desires onto you and pressure you to, in this case, be with someone who you’d be uncomfortable with. You want to be with someone who you can feel comfortable enough with to be vulnerable and trust and not fear being judged. I think one of the things you may fear is being compared to prior partners or perhaps her making light of you, possibly, not having prior experiences. Idk.
In any event, follow your gut and go to Jesus as He will not steer you wrong. Man will but not Him. God bless and peace.
I think about this a lot. Hopefully that person will be able to forgive me.
Moving forward... learning what that means. God allows your brokeness to glorify Him. It is because you understand being on both sides of this hurt (sin) that you can learn to move forward. Without it then the chance of understanding, relating and/or being present through the healing of your loved one is that we glorify God through our weakness.
Yeah
What you said is so relevant to my experiences I had in the datings. There were many men approached by telling me, we should know each other’s past for the datings. They didn’t take the datings with me to any further to ultimately build a Christian marriage. They only wanted to have free counseling session with me... 😔
I have a work relationship that has brought this conversation into the course of our job. My married co-worker one evening began telling me about an incident in his life where he had been raped by someone. His telling me this opened the door for me to finally share about myself having been raped. It was just a natural flow since this co-worker is like a younger brother to me. When he tried to get me to share other aspects of my "Bad" old days. I told him that I don't talk about those things because I am not the same person I was back then an I really don't want the people I associate with now to only be able to look at me and see the person I used to be. He accepted my reasoning and dropped the subject. I actually get uncomfortable now when others openly speak about their own past sexual indiscretions with a filter.
I feel bad, pastor. I am celibate. In fact, I have never been with a man, and whenever I find out that a guy has past sexual sins, it makes me lose interest in him. I am aware that if a man already asks for forgiveness from God, and repented, I should already move on, yet I just cannot help it. I want a man who is celibate for years, or since birth himself. I wonder if it has something to do with my calling from God. 😔
It's okayyy don't worry if a man wants to be with you nothing can be better than you to him that's a fact okay. And remember a sin is a sin to no degree is a sin greater than another, a sin is a sin God bless you in your future relationship ❤️
Why do you feel bad that alone is satan entering your mind telling you that
But that is a perfectly reasonable and godly thing to wish for!
If you've never been with anyone you're a virgin. Celibate is a different thing.
It is your prerogative. The Bible never promotes virginity or bans pre-marital sex.
It might help to identify the source of the discomfort, it could be a difference of experience that causes it, or a lack of shared values, jealousy or the desire for shared experience. Knowing why you feel the way you do might help you going forward.
This was enlightening to me.. I never thought about this. Hope I remember if he comes around.
What advice do you have for the virgin who may be entering a relationship with someone who isn't? How does one know the past is truly the past? Yes I know Christ makes us new, but I also personally have witnessed many "Christians" bragging about past sexual behavior. For that reason I have wondered if I could know a man truly sees his past the way God does. I've even thought maybe I couldn't deal unless I actually heard the words, "If I had to do over I would have waited." but I'm trying to get past that.
I don't desire a virgin. A virgin can be a horrible person in other ways. I want the man God has for me even if they sinned sexually before getting right with God. My question was simply how to be certain it really was their PAST instead a sin they would still be carrying into our relationship. I'd rather have a redeemed non virgin than a virgin messed up in numerous other possible ways.
I personally am someone who wanted to be a virgin until marriage but caved to societal pressures.
I would certainly wait if I could have a do-over, but I know God has His plan. I definitely learned a lot from it. They might not need to say those exact words to reveal a similar sentiment to you, in face a man's behavior will often reveal more than his words.
I know I'm not the only one, just stay patient. If they are bragging about past sexual behavior, they certainly aren't in the right headspace to be continuing in a Christian relationship.
Peyton Swartzell I admit if I had been in certain situations I might not still be a virgin. I know there are others like you and want to believe if my man has a past I'll have the Lord's peace. I get to that mindset though then something comes up to make wonder.
Well... Sex is enjoyable, but soul ties aren't. So, they might not wish they never had sex before, but they might wish they hadn't done it outside of marriage. The hard part is, once you know, you cant un-know 😬 the more partners, the more complicated it gets too.
I DO think it's possible to re-dedicate your body and relationships to Christ though! At least, when it's time to love your spouse, they will get 100% of your new passion, commitment, and energy... true love is not the same as "hooking up". Don't worry, a good guy will know this and wait for you and properly dispel any fear you might have about his past.
Your advice is so good, I wish that I knew all these things a lot sooner, thank you Mark!
Amen thank you for this video it helped alot God bless !
You are welcome Sirena Montreal, it was a difficult topic so I'm glad it was helpful :)
ApplyGodsWord.com/Mark Ballenger. Yes its a hard topic when i was younger n engaged my fiance at the time told me about his ex wife n i told him about my ex but not detail after i though we had closer but he keep bringing up my ex n in consequence the relationship ended he was a pastors son so maybe that pressured him to be perfectionist idk am just little sad that i was able to understand him but he would condemn me in return instead am just glad its over
Yes, I think men on average struggle in that area more bc they often idolize sex more. It sounds like he was idolizing sexual purity....this video covers that topic th-cam.com/video/z6GQVj09Uec/w-d-xo.html
ApplyGodsWord.com/Mark Ballenger yeah am glad that at least now i know when to talk about the topic thank you again for this video God bless
👍
Hi Mark! Thank you for this video. I haven’t committed any significant past sexual sins, but after a couple of months of dating my boyfriend, he hasn’t initiated this conversation either, so is it okay to ask him? Because certain addictions have a tendency to reoccur later in life, my parents would prefer me not to marry a man with any past serious addictions-whether that be sexual, alcoholism, or a drug addiction. They think it’s important to ask my significant other about this before the relationship becomes more serious so that I can decide if this is a relationship I want to stay in. I agree, but do you think this would be pushy or out of place for me to ask him about his past? Thank you so much! I appreciate you and your encouraging videos!
ANOTHER AWESOME MESSAGE!🙏🏼🙌🏼☝🏼💪🏼
Thank you for all the work you put into TRYING to help us “WALK THE WALK”, and not just “TALK THE TALK!”
God Bless!
There's this female friend who did openly talked about her past relationships except one only after her boyfriend asked if those past 2 intimate were the last and that she was upset about, don't know why but like that was the turning point for breaking up but thanks for your informations,vital
This is very helpful
Amen!
What about the idea that what's under the blood is under the blood? God does not remember our sins and neither should we. We have been made righteous by our faith in Jesus Christ. Any of us are going to have sexual sins in our past. But they are gone. In a committed relationship we just need to know that, deal with it, and forget about it. What's important, truly important, is having all your sex with the one you are marrying and holding that bond sacred. Any thoughts?
Yes, that's the goal but it's a process in real relationships. It doesn't happen so simply and requires real work to heal when a wound has occurred. So I agree w your general point it's just too idealistic and quick in my opinion. People would like to forget but it's not that simple. Forgiveness is a choice but forgetting is a process
I think if you forget your past mistakes you're in danger of repeating them. It's good to remember what you've learned so you don't fall into it again. Just not to live under condemnation. And it's not good to withhold that info from a spouse because then you're not fully known. Jesus fully knows all our failures and weaknesses and loves us any way and helps us through them. You might risk hiding any weaknesses from your spouse when they could be there to support you and hold you accountable. I know this is also idealistic and it's scary because what if they reject you for your past. But it's better to expose sin to the light that's where it loses its power.
I agree in the sense that Jesus forgave them. However, it doesn’t mean that the actual events didn’t take place nor what followed. As I noted to a few others here, it’s right to let the partner know. Largely because a strong relationship is built on trust and truth. Omitting certain truths will not make that unionship strong and long lasting as it’s rooted in fear and/or selfishness.
With that, sexual choices come with many potential consequences such as STD’s/STI’s. Not to say all have them but all one has to do is look at the stats to understand that being sexually loose, let alone active, is a dice roll in today’s world. These are facts.
What’s better, letting your partner know the truth and getting tested together or hiding things and you potentially infect your parent with a life altering disease due to your selfishness and/or fear? I know in this day and time this can be deemed as “judgmental” and “unrealistic” and may make some upset but hey, it is what it is. The truth is the truth no matter who it may offend. What say you?
Very helpful!
Mark!! Thank you so much for your videos! I have been wondering about this and it's really helpful!!! God bless and continue your ministry...It's a God send!
Hi Mark, I love your insights and your practical applications of the bible. If possible, I would like to suggest that you make a video about "what is kindness being defined by God?". What is kindness? Is it the act, the intention, the delivery, the perception others have of your act? What is the balance between grace (kindness) and truth? Kindness is not mutually exclusive with other morals such as honesty, justice etc. How do we strike a balance?
Fair enough! Mark, do you think all engaged Christian couples should have pre-marital counseling? Even if all seems well?
Rose Morales hi I know Mark hasn’t answered yet, but as a Christian counselor myself I would say yes.
I think in an ideal world the church you attend would help prepare the couple for marriage. So I would say yes it is a good idea to have premarital counseling.
just curious, say one partner is a virgin and the other says something about a past sexual history (doesn't matter if it's extensive or just once), would it be rude or something to ask them to get tested for STD's?
MaddRabbitx no it’s totally fine. You have the right to know, especially if it leads to marriage. I Actually recommend it, just find a really gentle way of approaching the topic.
I think going to get tested together will make it less rude even if the other person is a virgin.
As a virgin you have an absolute right to demand this.
Regarding the video, it is very good indeed. However, one point that caught my attention is regarding the proposal of leaving it up to the person himself/herself to decide whether to tell only what they think is "relevant". Well, as sinners that we are, most of us will hide information that we know deep down IS relevant to the other person, based on the self excuse that "I didn't think it was relevant, so I didn't tell". For example: For men, if their girlfriend had casual sex (one night stands etc.) with one or two guys in the past whose names she doesn't even remember, IT IS EXTREMELY RELEVANT information. For women, on the other hand, if their boyfriend or husband had casual sex without any emotional involvement in the past with one or two girls, that is not good, but not that relevant. All in all, the best thing is ALWAYS to be HONEST and tell the truth. And contrary to what is proposed in the video, BODY COUNT do matter and is relevant. Hey, two past relationships is not the same as 10 past relationships which is not the same as 50! The general situation is also relevant (when it happened and with whom). In my own experience, the only thing that should be really left out from this conversation are the details about what was done in bed, how, etc. And YES, the truth will hurt at first, and may cause you a headache. But then it will pass. Healthy relationships, especially Christian ones, MUST be based on truth and trust AT ALL COSTS. And there will NEVER be real trust and spiritual peace as long as one of the parties is still hiding relevant information about their past from his/her partner. Be fair! Be honest! Be a true Christian! God bless you.
Good video and advice
Good stuff straight to the point I love it!!💙 wished I'd known this in my past but glad I know it today, God bless you Mark!
God bless you too Eva
ApplyGodsWord.com/Mark Ballenger Thank you Mark.😄
Good video. Question: If one is a virgin and the other is not, though I agree not bringing up the issue again, following your advise of talking about it before the turn to the most serious stages of considering a future, do you think it's fair to ask you a STD test? I find that reasonable. I guess during engagement stage would be ideal? When is a good time to ask for that, first convo or have a second only for this?
So I recently found a girl and have been on 3 dates with her were she revealed her sexual past with me. She mentioned how she has hooked up with so many random guys that she lost count of them. I know I can't fault her for her past, but it is still tough to deal with as I am trying to wait for marriage. And having a few here and there is one thing; however, this is concerning for me. She is now saying she is serious about finding someone to marry and I am trying to focus on this, but it is still really tough to hear and deal with. Do you have any advice on how to work through this or a video concerning this? I appreciate her telling me this, but it is still difficult and not one of those things I can just "suck up" and move on.
Also, we are both in our 20s
I would look for the godly qualities you desire in her now. If she doesn't possess these qualities currently then it's probably a sign to breakup. This may help th-cam.com/video/zKLpUfLtaKk/w-d-xo.html
Alpha fucks beta bucks
You should not date a girl that has ridden the CC, she's lost her ability to pair bond. The divorce rate for women with a high number of sexual partners is extremely high.
The right thing to do is to get out of there. Men are the victims in divorce cases.
@@josephbrandenburg4373 succinct and life saving advice.
Press the button and leave that bus. You will not be able to accept it.
What if they ask "how many?"
Be honest or leave
This question is my biggest fear.
@Gabo H that info is highly useful, tell it if asked and let other decide
As Thomas said, be honest or just tip out.
Love your videos. They've helped me tremendously
but if you did waited too long?.... what if she is already so connected to you and you have made plans together, and memories together but she still doesn't know about this? i have waited way too long and it's horrible she will feel so much pain..
Hlo sir i did sex in my past but now I'm in christ and i told everything to my spouse to be and he is ready to accept me on for my biblical qualities cuz i want to be a good Christian apologist and wana do evengelism in my future life with my spouse to be but please i just want to know one thing Has God forgiven me 😢? Or Am i able to get marry in christ? Please sir answer I'm going through suffering with broken heart that Has God forgiven me cuz of my past sextual sin even i made serious repentence? Please answer
Yes sister it seems you have genuine sorrow over your past sin, it still haunts us right! Even me too it still haunts me sometimes and i would pray to it that God forgives me whenever it cam up, if you have repented and confess of your sin to God, he is faithful and just to forgive your sins. Even though i am not a pastor, i would encourage you to read psalm 51 its a psalm of repentance. If you had still doubt about it i would encourage you to approach your local pastor on this subject. Hope it helps sister!
Will you please find out about when one of the person you are with can not have children
How do you know that unless you're already married?
Omg. Boundaries! You don’t have to share all your past. And if your partner obsesses over it or is jealous, he has a problem. Good Lord! Love your partner and don’t blab about your previous sex/love life. Gah!
From a health context as well as character measurement I’d say it should and it’s the right thing to do. You don’t have the right to possibly infect your partner with an STD/STI because you’re afraid to share the truth and afraid of how they may respond. That’s not cool.
@@watitduful Of course! If one has an STD , the only ethical thing to do is to disclose that with any potential partner. That’s a given because it affects others.
Barring the presence of disease, or even a dangerous ex, it’s okay to keep some things to yourself.
I don’t know your age, but when I was in my twenties, I did feel obligated to share everything.
Lots of people do things in one phase of life that they grow out of later. People change and grow and that’s a good thing. A person can be one way in their younger years and grow into a completely different person later.
I say let people be who they are now.
Usually, emotionally healthy people don’t get extremely jealous, possessive, or controlling. Those are red flags of a potentially abusive person.
@@user-bd4bo4tb8u Apparently, given many of these comments, that's not a given which is pretty concerning to say the least.
As for my age, lets just say that I'm not a new jack to the game and have been on the scene long enough to call a spade a spade.
While people do change, that doesn't mean that others have to accept them as such. This is important to understand because at the end of the day we cannot change people and make them do things they don't want to do. In this regard, people have the right to have concern about a person's sexual history for their particular reasons. For those that see this as minuscule, why worry what these folks think? Why does their personal views bother those with a "past?"
All that is is just an opportunity to meet someone else who may not care. Trying to guilt trip, using Scripture, and cajoling people into being with someone whom they wouldn't feel comfortable with screams manipulative, desperate, and a sense of selfishness. Let them be, move on and live life. Find someone who doesn't care and respect other people's boundaries.
Me personally, I don't blame those with this concern given how reckless many are sexually in today's society. While one may change, and its good if they do, there can and often are many ramifications to this kind of life choice. This very discussion in how ones sexual past can affect their partner is one of those ramifications hence the topic being so controversial. Clearly, this has more of a negative affect on people's lives than a positive one. Life is about choices at the end of the day.
Life is not easy but it is very simple. Can you feel me?
So according to this I don't have to tell my future wife that I am gay thank you so much because that is what I want
Revealing your past is a relationship by relationship thing. All sexual relationships steal a bit of your soul and it’s important for the innocent partner to know how much is left.
It’s biblical to be equally yoked. You should both have a similar past, else move on.
This makes alot of sense.
Sin , error or mistake ? Just because talking about of the sin In the 21st century it’s out fashion .
I don't agree that you should have to tell you your husband about your past for forgiveness because other God has forgiven it . Don't go to another human for that. Especially if it wasn't a direct sin towards them. I think maybe recent past but everything?? Mmmmm...
Nah. I think everything should be told. Not details and context but the truth is, if your husband had real horrible secrets that could come back, you have the right to know to guard your life and heart.
I agree about the forgiveness piece but disagree with your overall intent as this really has nothing to do with forgiveness. I think it’s a legitimate concern for that partner. Some of the biggest reasons being health concerns as well as a measure of character. For example, it’d be important to know berlvause what if the partner with the past is not aware of their status? What if they decide to actually get tested and find out they have HIV or AIDS or some other type of STD/STI? That alone is a game changer on whether a relationship will be made or broke. What if a pregnancy takes place and the baby gets infected in the womb? See what I mean?
I think it’s honorable to be accountable and do the right thing by letting the other person know the truth as it gives them room to make their decision. Trying to cuff someone out of fear of being alone is selfish. Wouldn’t you agree?
Also a Man/Woman saving for marriage and strong with their morals, do not deserve to be betrayed and robbed. So If a guy knows everything no matter how frequent the sin was, it is up to him to be with the other person or leave. We Christians should forgive, but when it comes to sharing a life together in one flesh, we should ask question for ourselves. "specially if it wasn't a direct sin towards them". Everything you do in your life has effects, good deeds good, bad deeds bad. Your life becomes one with your partner. Your or his past definitely has effects. So therefore we say, our life is not ours alone, our loved ones matter. What we do will hurt if it's a someone who loves us.
If they will hide secrets before the marriage also they will after the marriage what if they had a past of having an affair??
Hiding this information is very, very unfair and selfish from your side. You are literally robbing him of his right to make his choice based on his full knowledge of the situation. Very sad and certainly won't work. At least you regretted it and that's a big step.
Never bring you're past. It's forgiven and buried, that's why we're called new creation when we come to Christ.
Bad advice within proper context. Sexual sin is different from other ones. What if you discover you have an STD/STI? Then what? Should that be left behind too & hidden from your partner?
Porn, Same Sex Relationship, Masturbation and that's it! The rest....irrelevant
After my divorce, I met a new woman. Even before our first kiss, I told her I was bi and have known it since I was about 19 (now I'm 49). I told her not because I think it is a sin (from my point of view it is not), but to tell her: that we will have a lot of fun in bed! And yes, we two Catholics have a lot of fun in pairs or even in threes...
My goodness: God gave you the desire so that it goes well with you. So let it go well, when and with whom you want!
I'm sorry you've fallen into this deception of yourself. But that is not a biblical model of relationship. Sex is between a man and wife. That's crystal clear.